Divorce (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Weekend Plans - full transcript
Frances learns that Robert had been misleading about their finances; Robert tries to start dating again.
It's not the easiest thing to explain,
but it's as if something
you've seen a million times
and yet you've never
really seen it, you know?
You've never really seen
the beauty that you know...
No, no, no, I get it.
It's like that wispy orange mist
in the background in the jungle
when they first arrive at Kurtz's compound.
Before the Blu-Ray,
all I ever saw were, you
know, dead dogs and shit.
You know? I never knew it was there.
Right, right. I mean, one
might ask why was it there?
Orange mist in the jungle?
Maybe it's just pretentious.
Superior format, that's all I'm saying.
Anyhoo, you know, Kathy, my
wife and I are splitting up.
We're getting a divorce, so...
- God.
- Perhaps it's why I tend to analyze things
a bit more deeply these days.
Oh, gosh.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.
It's been tough, not gonna lie.
But, you know, trying to
get back in the groove,
trying to get back in
the saddle, as they say.
Which leads me to all of this.
All of what?
You and I.
Maybe we left a few cards on the table.
Maybe a beautiful hand was left unplayed.
Jesus Christ, Robert.
- Are you actually...
- I never stopped thinking about you, Kathy.
Never.
Not that tragic day.
Our near miss.
9-fucking-11?
That tragic day?
I mean, is this why
you invited me to lunch,
because you're getting a divorce?
And you actually thought...
- (speaking Spanish)
- What?
It means "We're here, right?" in Spanish.
Do you realize I never even
told my therapist about us?
I tell my therapist every
humiliating thing about my life,
but never in a million years
could I bring myself to tell him
about you and that disgusting,
shameful day 14 years ago
on which nothing happened.
Okay, you invited me to your hotel.
We both knew what that meant.
Okay, you know what?
I came here to make
peace with what happened
and to say that people make
mistakes and then they move on
and they try to do better.
But you... you are just
a tremendous fucking asshole.
All right, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
Seriously, any big plans for the weekend?
(music playing)
(chatter)
Woman: Is that all for you today?
- Man: Who's next?
- Robert: Oh, yeah, you can go ahead.
- Thanks.
- I'm just looking at all this shit.
- Next.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, Robert.
- What can I get for you today?
- The usual for me, Sheila.
Sure.
Yep.
Life before Sharpies.
How did our species survive?
So, any big plans for the weekend?
Yeah, actually. I'm going skiing
with some friends at Camelback.
Camelback? Ah, those
hills are just monsters.
You know, the farther you get upstate,
the topography just goes batshit.
But, hey, isn't Camelback in the Poconos?
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, no, I was thinking
of the other, you know,
- up there upstate...
- Here you go.
...you know, where it's real hilly.
My boyfriend will not
shut up about Camelback.
Got yourself one of those, huh?
- How long have you guys been together?
- Well...
- (squeals)
- Oh.
Well, okay.
- Good luck with that.
- Next.
- Yeah.
- Hi. What can I get for you?
- I'd love a banana muffin.
- Sure.
- Excuse me.
- What?
So, what was that all about every morning?
What was all what about?
The big smiles and giggles.
The "Hi, Roberts." The extra shots.
The time that you obviously
bent over to pick up a dime
that you had dropped for my benefit.
Where was your fancy boyfriend then?
You know, the love of your life?
I don't... I don't really know...
Yeah, go cook some milk.
- Fuck it.
- Hi.
Grande skinny cappuccino for Robert.
- (door opens)
- Robert!
I'm sorry. Can I get you some water?
No, no, no. I'm fine, thank you.
We can... we can just... we can jump in.
Well, for starters...
Robert's company
is essentially worth nothing.
Nothing?
How can that be?
You should really have water for this.
- He'll sell the houses.
- He bought too many houses.
And all at the peak of market.
And he put too much money into renovations,
and then the market, you know,
did what it did.
There's no other way to say it, really.
He has left you both deeply in debt.
Wait, wait, wait. Deeply
in debt or cash poor?
Deeply the former, but both.
My esophagus feels like it's on fire.
- And he also took out some loans.
- What?
And he remortgaged your house,
- and then, for reasons that are unclear...
- He remortgaged the house?
- ...he took out some more loans.
- He took out more loans?!
Two weeks before interest rates, you know,
did what they did as
everyone was predicting.
No!
It's a trick!
He's hiding money. It's strategic.
No, it's not a trick, Frances.
This is all from a simple
title and assets search.
No, no. People hide money, don't they?
He worked on Wall Street for 10 years.
Trust me, he knows how
to set up shell fronts
and funnel things offshore
to the Turks and Caymans
or one of those other islands
that you see on "60 Minutes,"
you know, that are somehow beyond
the purview of the federal regulators.
Frances, sit.
Please.
(sighs, groans)
(stammering) Oh, what about if we just...
just liquidate all of everything right now,
and then we split the property
50-50? Would that work?
Quite frankly, that is the
last thing you'd wanna do.
See, you've been the primary wage earner,
and that makes you responsible
for Robert's debt.
I don't deserve this.
I mean, maybe I deserve
something, but not this.
Do I deserve this?
Look, is it ideal? No.
But we still have a
few cards up our sleeve.
Trust me.
I've been in worse situations.
We're just getting started.
Now, the main thing I need
from you is a cool head.
Try not to get emotional, because
that's where mistakes begin.
Hmm?
All right, off you go now.
(dog barking)
You wanna destroy things, Robert?
I'll freaking destroy things.
You wanna mess around with me, Robert?
Oh, shit!
- No agua.
- What? What?
- That pipe's no good.
- Oh, okay.
I'll... I'll let them know.
Damn it!
(sighs)
(groaning)
(speaking Spanish)
That's a $350 window.
- Lunch is on me today, boys.
- (speaking Spanish)
Si. Coño.
(chatter)
Does this come in a large?
That is the large size.
It's Euro cut. It's a more narrow profile.
Are you sure it's for a dude?
- I promise.
- Huh.
Look, I haven't done any shopping
in a while for some nice clothes,
so, you know, I don't...
I don't really know.
But, I mean, would a woman go for this,
you know, on a guy in a bar?
I suppose it would depend
on the woman and the bar.
Hmm.
Ugh.
- All right, will you hang onto that?
- Sure.
I gotta go deal with this shit.
Treasure, why don't you try these on?
And I wanna see the purple
one, see if it fits or not.
- Hello, Robert.
- Hello, Dallas.
What are you doing here?
Did John Deere start a line of denim suits?
I'm peacefully trying to expand my
wardrobe in this men's department,
which you've apparently invaded
like it's your own fucking Ukraine.
I'm with Cole, my son,
from whom I am not estranged
because I am home to
tuck him in every night.
He looks like he's old
enough to do his own shopping.
So, that makes you, I don't know,
his creepy, old personal stylist?
Well, thanks for the advice, asshole.
Why don't you use some of that
brain power to save your marriage?
Let me tell you how this is gonna play out.
If you keep treating Cole like a French
poodle that you take to the groomers,
one day, he's gonna borrow the
car to get the fuck away from you
and he's gonna start
driving and keep driving
until he's knee-deep in
the asshole of Mexico.
And you will be all alone.
(sighs)
Shit.
I didn't mean any of
that, Dallas. I'm sorry.
I'm just fucking lonely.
Join the club.
- Mom?
- Yeah?
Can we get out of here, please?
I look like fucking Judd Hirsch.
No.
Wow, it's really coming along, finally.
Yeah, I've been planning
this in my head for so long,
the original color I wanted,
they don't even have it anymore.
What, they don't have white anymore?
Have you given any more thought
to knocking down this wall
and slapping in a coffee
bar like we discussed?
I don't want a coffee bar, Diane.
Sometimes, I feel like
you don't listen to me.
Yeah, a coffee bar
probably won't work anyway.
This block is such a notorious
boneyard for small businesses.
Oh, but it's perfect for a gallery.
Can you please try not to freak me out?
I've got enough on my mind
with banks and lawyers.
- Banks?
- I can't go into it.
Oh, is this about Robert hitting Nick up
for money for that stupid
fun house idea of his?
What is all that about? Suddenly,
he thinks he's Willy fucking Wonka?
Build what?
- Fun what?
- Oh, you don't know about this?
Well, it's like a bowling alley
with swinging ropes and ball pits
that serves tacos.
Are you keeping on top of all this?
Why did you keep buying all those houses
when you knew nothing was selling?
Do you know how deep in debt we are?
Residential real estate by definition
is when opportunity meets
risk meets ebb meets flow.
No, that's not the definition.
That's barely a sentence.
You bought two houses... two houses...
that abut a working landfill, yes or no?
Yes, because I paid
practically nothing for them.
Because they're worth
nothing, so you overpaid.
Aha! Those two houses
happen to be sitting
next to the future home
of an 18-hole golf course,
which they're gonna move forward with
as soon as they do their
methane off-gassing system.
Do you know what that
means? Of course you do not.
Okay, you purchased a
two-bedroom split-level
that was the site of a triple homicide.
- Yes or no, Robert?
- Allegedly.
- Allegedly.
- Just answer the goddamn question!
Jesus Christ! Yes or no?!
The young man's attorneys
are moving forward.
Just give me a straight answer.
I deserve one straight answer.
Okay.
Here it is.
- We are one deal away from seeing...
- Oh, my God.
I feel like I'm going insane, I really do.
You remortgaged our house
without asking or telling me.
- That is my money you're squandering.
- Your money?
I bought that house
with money that I earned.
Yes, and I have been single-handedly
paying the mortgage on that house
for the last eight years.
I put opening my gallery
on hold for eight years,
waiting and waiting while you
indulged this... this folly.
Folly, you say?
Those two golf course houses alone
are gonna net us three million in profit.
That is a 66% ROI... return on investment.
- We have nothing!
- We are going to see returns.
On what? On this jumpy space
thing you've got going with Nick?
- First of all, it's called FunSpace...
- Or the nine...
nine homes we own, none
of which can be lived in?
You know what? I am through
feeling guilty about you-know-what.
- Julian.
- And frankly,
I am through feeling
guilty about everything.
What about my wants? What
about the kids' wants?
Our wants don't exist
for you. They never have.
It's... it's always been
about what does Robert want?
Always about Robert and
never about you or the kids.
That is a bunch of bullshit!
Oh, my God, I just wish
we'd done this sooner.
And it's not just about your
massive financial fraud, Robert.
It's about everything.
It's about... it's about
you brushing your teeth
while you're taking a piss
and spitting into the toilet.
It's about the fact that you
gambled your kids' futures!
It's about that ridiculous mustache.
And it is about your moronic
farting robot routine.
It didn't amuse me when we were dating
and it's even more infantile now.
(monotone) Security alert.
- I will punch you out!
- Back away from robot.
- I swear to God.
- Back away from robot.
- (imitates farting)
- Time for cake.
- Hey!
- Oh!
- Yippee.
- I was just doing your mom's favorite robot thing.
- Oh, look at the cake.
- Yeah.
♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
- (seagulls cawing)
- (boat horn blares)
You know, obviously
whenever FunSpace gets going,
uh, you know, it's gonna make
up for everything financially
- and then some.
- Uh-huh.
And then, you know, it's
happy days are here again
and strike up the band, all
that kind of happy horse shit.
- Yeah, right.
- But conversely,
I also feel like I wanna
blow my fucking head off.
- Really?
- I mean, I just feel like a fraud and a failure.
- (scoffs) Yeah, well...
- There's a really good argument to be made
that everything I touch turns to dog shit.
- Don't beat yourself up.
- And maybe this is the paranoia speaking, Tony,
but lately I get the sense
that my kids think I'm a massive douchebag.
Therein lies the paradox.
Hey, look, it's perfectly
natural to feel confused, right?
This is the phase in every man's life
when he's trying to get out from under
the thumb of a man-devouring bitch.
Oh, hey, you know, Tony, the language.
- It's still my kids' mom.
- Fuck that.
Toughen up a little bit. Look,
I need you to go out there.
I need you to be strong.
And the first thing I need you to do?
I need you to go out and slay
some serious pussy, all right?
- Come on, buck up.
- I've been trying.
It's not as easy as it used to be.
You know, it's like what I read
in "Men's Health," you know,
about "act cas and get vag."
Fuck "Men's Health." Here, check this out.
Tanning salon, all right? Get
that nice coco color going on.
CrossFit... tighten up a little bit.
Call my guy at Paul Smith, get you
out of those bullshit dirty rags.
Call Dr. Pankhurst for some
Viagra and help with your low T.
And look at me. Call Josh here
about the support group, all right?
"Men's Rights as They
Apply to Life and Law."
Do me a fucking favor.
- Get a goddamn haircut, please?
- Oh, right, yeah.
- I should probably get rid of the mustache, too, huh?
- What, are you kidding me?
That bitch magnet's the only thing
you got working for you right now.
Keep it. I'll grow one with you, hmm?
Ah.
Afternoon on this chilly day.
Sorry I'm a little "lake."
- Give me a moment here.
- Sure.
I'm sorry, what's the
name of your bank again?
- Yours and Richard's?
- Robert's. It's Chase.
Robert Chase?
- No. No, no.
- Chase! (laughs)
Chase Manhattan.
Sorry, my mind was up there in the...
with the crows for a second.
Run, damn you.
No, it's 'cause...
I think the cap is still on.
Ha!
♪ The old gray mare, she
ain't what she used to be. ♪
Oh, incidentally, regarding
Richard's landfill property,
there's no golf course there.
I had a boy run out. All he's got is a pit,
so whatever he's been telling you...
No, no, no, no, no, he
didn't say golf course.
He... he owns the property next to the land
- that abuts the...
- (phone ringing)
Yes?
No, reschedule.
I'm going home for a nap.
Well, then we'll just file for an
extension and hope for the best.
Easy peasy.
Ma... Max, is everything okay?
- As far as I know.
- (disconnect tone beeping)
Oh, here.
Just gonna...
It's just that you put
the cap back on the pen.
You're not writing anything.
Sorry. Full disclosure.
I've had a small medical emergency.
What? I'm so sorry.
Did... was it something
that just came on suddenly?
Quite literally it came on
suddenly. It was a stroke.
Uh, just a ministroke, thank God.
Oh, jeez, wow. That's... a stroke.
Mini.
And you're okay...
physically and, you know...
everything... everything else?
Not to worry. The doctors
told me to stick to my routine.
Keeping active is the key to
a full recovery, they told me.
Do you think maybe we should, um,
postpone the meeting with
Robert and his lawyer?
Frances, please relax.
We are gonna get through this.
Now, back to Ronald and
his goddamn golf course.
(phone ringing)
Uh, so, look, before we start,
apparently there was
an incident of vandalism
at one of Mr. DuFresne's
properties the other day.
Does your client know anything about this?
- Mm-mm.
- First off,
- I'll kindly ask you to rein in the profanity.
- Excuse me?
Secondly, this sounds like a matter
that Mr. "DuFrench" could take
up with the local authorities.
Can we move on, Tony?
- (whispers)
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, sure, Max.
Why don't we move on?
Look, despite three requests,
I've still not received
any copies of Mrs. DuFresne's
credit card statements
nor have I received any copies
of Mrs. DuFresne's pay stubs.
Now, regarding the
latter, I'm more than happy
to subpoena them from her employer.
No, wait.
Max, I thought I gave you all those things.
Yes, yes, yes. No, I got it.
- I got it.
- Okay.
I got it. (chuckles)
The damn thing's alive.
Soon, I'll be playing the Milwaukee Polka.
(chuckles) Whoops.
Ah! Seek and ye shall find.
(clears throat) Yeah, no, this is
the... this is not the right documents.
- Are you sure?
- Uh-huh, yeah, pretty sure.
Something about a car wash in bankruptcy.
You're half right.
Correct document, different case.
I apologize.
You'll have everything you
need by the end of the week.
(whispering)
You don't need to bother. It's okay.
- I'll hold it for you. I got it.
- Got it?
- You all right?
- Yep, yep, yep. We're good.
Max, I know you're really trying your best,
but you seem to be struggling a little.
Maybe the... you know, your stroke...
- Mini.
- ...mini... your ministroke
might be affecting your ability to work
at your highest possible level right now.
You're referring to my
little performance in there?
That was a strategy, my dear.
A mirage.
Really?
Let's just say I played things up a smidge.
I didn't want them to
have the paperwork yet.
- Oh!
- This stroke, mini as it may be,
might just allow us to get some
delays if we need them later on.
Oh, my God, Max.
You scared me! You really worried me!
Oh, my God!
I mean, I really thought I
was screwed in there, you know?
I mean, my hands...
look, I'm still shaking.
- I'm like a wreck.
- What did I tell you?
- You have to let me do the worrying.
- I know, I know.
You stay tuned. I have a
few more rabbits in my hat.
- I'm never gonna doubt that.
- All right, off you go now.
- Enjoy the rest of your day.
- Okay. Ah, I most certainly will.
Get some fresh air and
buy yourself a snappy hat.
- Well, I would like to...
- Two doors down, Max.
Right. Sorry.
They keep moving things around here.
They... they moved the elevator banks?
- Hey, Katie.
- Oh, hey!
Oh, I put the sign-up sheets
for basketball in the hallway,
- so sign up.
- Thanks, Mr. D.
- Hey, Robert.
- Hey, Janice.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
I don't see you at drop-off very often.
I thought that Tom and
Lila take the bus, usually.
They do whenever they stay with their mom,
but, uh, when I have
them, I like to drive them.
Little extra quality time in the morning.
- That's really sweet.
- Thank you.
You're looking good. Looks
like you lost some weight.
Trying to stay on top of it.
So, Robert, big plans for the weekend?
What?
- (moaning)
- ♪ Do that to me one more time... ♪
You're gonna come? Are you gonna come?
Oh, come on. Come on.
Robert, come on. (moaning)
- You're good.
- Yeah, I'm good?
Okay, so I have to run to the dentist.
If you're hungry, there's some
leftover pizza in the refrigerator.
Oh, and when you're leaving,
go out the side door
because it locks by itself, okay?
Oh, and if you heat up the pizza,
use the microwave, not the oven.
- See ya!
- You got it!
I love pizza.
You're sexy and you can cook.
- You're really the whole package, man.
- (door closes)
In dance class, the
teacher, he was walking in
and he basically just
yelled at this girl...
- Hi!
- ...because she wasn't pointing her foot...
- I'm great, Mom.
- ...she wasn't pointing her foot hard enough.
- Hi! Chatty, chatty, chatty.
- And then the girl started crying.
- Good times.
- Lila: Bye, Dad!
- See you guys.
- Tom: Night!
So, I'll have them ready Saturday at 9:00.
Okay.
Look, do... do you mind if I talk to you
about something that happened today?
You slept with someone, didn't you?
It's official.
This relationship is no
longer monogamous on my side.
Cat's in the bag, bag's in the river.
It wasn't Janice from school, was it?
Doesn't matter, okay?
I just... I'm giving you the briefing
because we said that we'd
be honest with each other,
you know, about this kind of thing.
We literally never said that.
So, are you telling me this to hurt me?
Probably, but I knew that it wouldn't.
And that's the worst part.
I mean,
I was inside another woman today, Frances,
and it wasn't you.
- It was so intimate.
- Honestly,
there was a time we could've
had this conversation, Robert,
but you squandered that when
you squandered our life savings.
- Just hear me out, okay?
- I don't want to anymore, and I don't have to.
And worst of all, I can't afford to.
How could you do that 34 times with him?
34! And then come home to me,
and... and fake your
way through conversation,
through dinner with the
kids, through sex with me?
It was 32 times.
I never saw one sign of it.
I never saw anything in your eyes.
I was never suspicious of you.
And I was never suspicious of you.
I can still smell her on me.
Then go take a bath.
(lock clicks)
I took three baths at her house.
(music playing)
♪ I never knew how
complete love could be ♪
♪ Till she kissed me and
said, "Baby, please ♪
♪ Go all the way ♪
- ♪ It feels so right ♪
- ♪ Feels so right ♪
♪ Being with you here tonight ♪
♪ Please, go all the way ♪
- ♪ Just hold me close ♪
- ♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ Don't ever let me go" ♪
♪ I couldn't say what
I wanted to say ♪
♪ Till she whispered,
"I love you ♪
♪ So, please, go all the way ♪
- ♪ It feels so right ♪
- ♪ Feels so right ♪
♪ Being with you here tonight ♪
♪ Please, go all the way ♪
- ♪ Just hold me close ♪
- ♪ Hold me close ♪
- ♪ Don't ever let me go, oh, no ♪
- ♪ Don't let me go" ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo-ooh! ♪
but it's as if something
you've seen a million times
and yet you've never
really seen it, you know?
You've never really seen
the beauty that you know...
No, no, no, I get it.
It's like that wispy orange mist
in the background in the jungle
when they first arrive at Kurtz's compound.
Before the Blu-Ray,
all I ever saw were, you
know, dead dogs and shit.
You know? I never knew it was there.
Right, right. I mean, one
might ask why was it there?
Orange mist in the jungle?
Maybe it's just pretentious.
Superior format, that's all I'm saying.
Anyhoo, you know, Kathy, my
wife and I are splitting up.
We're getting a divorce, so...
- God.
- Perhaps it's why I tend to analyze things
a bit more deeply these days.
Oh, gosh.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.
It's been tough, not gonna lie.
But, you know, trying to
get back in the groove,
trying to get back in
the saddle, as they say.
Which leads me to all of this.
All of what?
You and I.
Maybe we left a few cards on the table.
Maybe a beautiful hand was left unplayed.
Jesus Christ, Robert.
- Are you actually...
- I never stopped thinking about you, Kathy.
Never.
Not that tragic day.
Our near miss.
9-fucking-11?
That tragic day?
I mean, is this why
you invited me to lunch,
because you're getting a divorce?
And you actually thought...
- (speaking Spanish)
- What?
It means "We're here, right?" in Spanish.
Do you realize I never even
told my therapist about us?
I tell my therapist every
humiliating thing about my life,
but never in a million years
could I bring myself to tell him
about you and that disgusting,
shameful day 14 years ago
on which nothing happened.
Okay, you invited me to your hotel.
We both knew what that meant.
Okay, you know what?
I came here to make
peace with what happened
and to say that people make
mistakes and then they move on
and they try to do better.
But you... you are just
a tremendous fucking asshole.
All right, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
Seriously, any big plans for the weekend?
(music playing)
(chatter)
Woman: Is that all for you today?
- Man: Who's next?
- Robert: Oh, yeah, you can go ahead.
- Thanks.
- I'm just looking at all this shit.
- Next.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, Robert.
- What can I get for you today?
- The usual for me, Sheila.
Sure.
Yep.
Life before Sharpies.
How did our species survive?
So, any big plans for the weekend?
Yeah, actually. I'm going skiing
with some friends at Camelback.
Camelback? Ah, those
hills are just monsters.
You know, the farther you get upstate,
the topography just goes batshit.
But, hey, isn't Camelback in the Poconos?
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Yeah, no, I was thinking
of the other, you know,
- up there upstate...
- Here you go.
...you know, where it's real hilly.
My boyfriend will not
shut up about Camelback.
Got yourself one of those, huh?
- How long have you guys been together?
- Well...
- (squeals)
- Oh.
Well, okay.
- Good luck with that.
- Next.
- Yeah.
- Hi. What can I get for you?
- I'd love a banana muffin.
- Sure.
- Excuse me.
- What?
So, what was that all about every morning?
What was all what about?
The big smiles and giggles.
The "Hi, Roberts." The extra shots.
The time that you obviously
bent over to pick up a dime
that you had dropped for my benefit.
Where was your fancy boyfriend then?
You know, the love of your life?
I don't... I don't really know...
Yeah, go cook some milk.
- Fuck it.
- Hi.
Grande skinny cappuccino for Robert.
- (door opens)
- Robert!
I'm sorry. Can I get you some water?
No, no, no. I'm fine, thank you.
We can... we can just... we can jump in.
Well, for starters...
Robert's company
is essentially worth nothing.
Nothing?
How can that be?
You should really have water for this.
- He'll sell the houses.
- He bought too many houses.
And all at the peak of market.
And he put too much money into renovations,
and then the market, you know,
did what it did.
There's no other way to say it, really.
He has left you both deeply in debt.
Wait, wait, wait. Deeply
in debt or cash poor?
Deeply the former, but both.
My esophagus feels like it's on fire.
- And he also took out some loans.
- What?
And he remortgaged your house,
- and then, for reasons that are unclear...
- He remortgaged the house?
- ...he took out some more loans.
- He took out more loans?!
Two weeks before interest rates, you know,
did what they did as
everyone was predicting.
No!
It's a trick!
He's hiding money. It's strategic.
No, it's not a trick, Frances.
This is all from a simple
title and assets search.
No, no. People hide money, don't they?
He worked on Wall Street for 10 years.
Trust me, he knows how
to set up shell fronts
and funnel things offshore
to the Turks and Caymans
or one of those other islands
that you see on "60 Minutes,"
you know, that are somehow beyond
the purview of the federal regulators.
Frances, sit.
Please.
(sighs, groans)
(stammering) Oh, what about if we just...
just liquidate all of everything right now,
and then we split the property
50-50? Would that work?
Quite frankly, that is the
last thing you'd wanna do.
See, you've been the primary wage earner,
and that makes you responsible
for Robert's debt.
I don't deserve this.
I mean, maybe I deserve
something, but not this.
Do I deserve this?
Look, is it ideal? No.
But we still have a
few cards up our sleeve.
Trust me.
I've been in worse situations.
We're just getting started.
Now, the main thing I need
from you is a cool head.
Try not to get emotional, because
that's where mistakes begin.
Hmm?
All right, off you go now.
(dog barking)
You wanna destroy things, Robert?
I'll freaking destroy things.
You wanna mess around with me, Robert?
Oh, shit!
- No agua.
- What? What?
- That pipe's no good.
- Oh, okay.
I'll... I'll let them know.
Damn it!
(sighs)
(groaning)
(speaking Spanish)
That's a $350 window.
- Lunch is on me today, boys.
- (speaking Spanish)
Si. Coño.
(chatter)
Does this come in a large?
That is the large size.
It's Euro cut. It's a more narrow profile.
Are you sure it's for a dude?
- I promise.
- Huh.
Look, I haven't done any shopping
in a while for some nice clothes,
so, you know, I don't...
I don't really know.
But, I mean, would a woman go for this,
you know, on a guy in a bar?
I suppose it would depend
on the woman and the bar.
Hmm.
Ugh.
- All right, will you hang onto that?
- Sure.
I gotta go deal with this shit.
Treasure, why don't you try these on?
And I wanna see the purple
one, see if it fits or not.
- Hello, Robert.
- Hello, Dallas.
What are you doing here?
Did John Deere start a line of denim suits?
I'm peacefully trying to expand my
wardrobe in this men's department,
which you've apparently invaded
like it's your own fucking Ukraine.
I'm with Cole, my son,
from whom I am not estranged
because I am home to
tuck him in every night.
He looks like he's old
enough to do his own shopping.
So, that makes you, I don't know,
his creepy, old personal stylist?
Well, thanks for the advice, asshole.
Why don't you use some of that
brain power to save your marriage?
Let me tell you how this is gonna play out.
If you keep treating Cole like a French
poodle that you take to the groomers,
one day, he's gonna borrow the
car to get the fuck away from you
and he's gonna start
driving and keep driving
until he's knee-deep in
the asshole of Mexico.
And you will be all alone.
(sighs)
Shit.
I didn't mean any of
that, Dallas. I'm sorry.
I'm just fucking lonely.
Join the club.
- Mom?
- Yeah?
Can we get out of here, please?
I look like fucking Judd Hirsch.
No.
Wow, it's really coming along, finally.
Yeah, I've been planning
this in my head for so long,
the original color I wanted,
they don't even have it anymore.
What, they don't have white anymore?
Have you given any more thought
to knocking down this wall
and slapping in a coffee
bar like we discussed?
I don't want a coffee bar, Diane.
Sometimes, I feel like
you don't listen to me.
Yeah, a coffee bar
probably won't work anyway.
This block is such a notorious
boneyard for small businesses.
Oh, but it's perfect for a gallery.
Can you please try not to freak me out?
I've got enough on my mind
with banks and lawyers.
- Banks?
- I can't go into it.
Oh, is this about Robert hitting Nick up
for money for that stupid
fun house idea of his?
What is all that about? Suddenly,
he thinks he's Willy fucking Wonka?
Build what?
- Fun what?
- Oh, you don't know about this?
Well, it's like a bowling alley
with swinging ropes and ball pits
that serves tacos.
Are you keeping on top of all this?
Why did you keep buying all those houses
when you knew nothing was selling?
Do you know how deep in debt we are?
Residential real estate by definition
is when opportunity meets
risk meets ebb meets flow.
No, that's not the definition.
That's barely a sentence.
You bought two houses... two houses...
that abut a working landfill, yes or no?
Yes, because I paid
practically nothing for them.
Because they're worth
nothing, so you overpaid.
Aha! Those two houses
happen to be sitting
next to the future home
of an 18-hole golf course,
which they're gonna move forward with
as soon as they do their
methane off-gassing system.
Do you know what that
means? Of course you do not.
Okay, you purchased a
two-bedroom split-level
that was the site of a triple homicide.
- Yes or no, Robert?
- Allegedly.
- Allegedly.
- Just answer the goddamn question!
Jesus Christ! Yes or no?!
The young man's attorneys
are moving forward.
Just give me a straight answer.
I deserve one straight answer.
Okay.
Here it is.
- We are one deal away from seeing...
- Oh, my God.
I feel like I'm going insane, I really do.
You remortgaged our house
without asking or telling me.
- That is my money you're squandering.
- Your money?
I bought that house
with money that I earned.
Yes, and I have been single-handedly
paying the mortgage on that house
for the last eight years.
I put opening my gallery
on hold for eight years,
waiting and waiting while you
indulged this... this folly.
Folly, you say?
Those two golf course houses alone
are gonna net us three million in profit.
That is a 66% ROI... return on investment.
- We have nothing!
- We are going to see returns.
On what? On this jumpy space
thing you've got going with Nick?
- First of all, it's called FunSpace...
- Or the nine...
nine homes we own, none
of which can be lived in?
You know what? I am through
feeling guilty about you-know-what.
- Julian.
- And frankly,
I am through feeling
guilty about everything.
What about my wants? What
about the kids' wants?
Our wants don't exist
for you. They never have.
It's... it's always been
about what does Robert want?
Always about Robert and
never about you or the kids.
That is a bunch of bullshit!
Oh, my God, I just wish
we'd done this sooner.
And it's not just about your
massive financial fraud, Robert.
It's about everything.
It's about... it's about
you brushing your teeth
while you're taking a piss
and spitting into the toilet.
It's about the fact that you
gambled your kids' futures!
It's about that ridiculous mustache.
And it is about your moronic
farting robot routine.
It didn't amuse me when we were dating
and it's even more infantile now.
(monotone) Security alert.
- I will punch you out!
- Back away from robot.
- I swear to God.
- Back away from robot.
- (imitates farting)
- Time for cake.
- Hey!
- Oh!
- Yippee.
- I was just doing your mom's favorite robot thing.
- Oh, look at the cake.
- Yeah.
♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
- (seagulls cawing)
- (boat horn blares)
You know, obviously
whenever FunSpace gets going,
uh, you know, it's gonna make
up for everything financially
- and then some.
- Uh-huh.
And then, you know, it's
happy days are here again
and strike up the band, all
that kind of happy horse shit.
- Yeah, right.
- But conversely,
I also feel like I wanna
blow my fucking head off.
- Really?
- I mean, I just feel like a fraud and a failure.
- (scoffs) Yeah, well...
- There's a really good argument to be made
that everything I touch turns to dog shit.
- Don't beat yourself up.
- And maybe this is the paranoia speaking, Tony,
but lately I get the sense
that my kids think I'm a massive douchebag.
Therein lies the paradox.
Hey, look, it's perfectly
natural to feel confused, right?
This is the phase in every man's life
when he's trying to get out from under
the thumb of a man-devouring bitch.
Oh, hey, you know, Tony, the language.
- It's still my kids' mom.
- Fuck that.
Toughen up a little bit. Look,
I need you to go out there.
I need you to be strong.
And the first thing I need you to do?
I need you to go out and slay
some serious pussy, all right?
- Come on, buck up.
- I've been trying.
It's not as easy as it used to be.
You know, it's like what I read
in "Men's Health," you know,
about "act cas and get vag."
Fuck "Men's Health." Here, check this out.
Tanning salon, all right? Get
that nice coco color going on.
CrossFit... tighten up a little bit.
Call my guy at Paul Smith, get you
out of those bullshit dirty rags.
Call Dr. Pankhurst for some
Viagra and help with your low T.
And look at me. Call Josh here
about the support group, all right?
"Men's Rights as They
Apply to Life and Law."
Do me a fucking favor.
- Get a goddamn haircut, please?
- Oh, right, yeah.
- I should probably get rid of the mustache, too, huh?
- What, are you kidding me?
That bitch magnet's the only thing
you got working for you right now.
Keep it. I'll grow one with you, hmm?
Ah.
Afternoon on this chilly day.
Sorry I'm a little "lake."
- Give me a moment here.
- Sure.
I'm sorry, what's the
name of your bank again?
- Yours and Richard's?
- Robert's. It's Chase.
Robert Chase?
- No. No, no.
- Chase! (laughs)
Chase Manhattan.
Sorry, my mind was up there in the...
with the crows for a second.
Run, damn you.
No, it's 'cause...
I think the cap is still on.
Ha!
♪ The old gray mare, she
ain't what she used to be. ♪
Oh, incidentally, regarding
Richard's landfill property,
there's no golf course there.
I had a boy run out. All he's got is a pit,
so whatever he's been telling you...
No, no, no, no, no, he
didn't say golf course.
He... he owns the property next to the land
- that abuts the...
- (phone ringing)
Yes?
No, reschedule.
I'm going home for a nap.
Well, then we'll just file for an
extension and hope for the best.
Easy peasy.
Ma... Max, is everything okay?
- As far as I know.
- (disconnect tone beeping)
Oh, here.
Just gonna...
It's just that you put
the cap back on the pen.
You're not writing anything.
Sorry. Full disclosure.
I've had a small medical emergency.
What? I'm so sorry.
Did... was it something
that just came on suddenly?
Quite literally it came on
suddenly. It was a stroke.
Uh, just a ministroke, thank God.
Oh, jeez, wow. That's... a stroke.
Mini.
And you're okay...
physically and, you know...
everything... everything else?
Not to worry. The doctors
told me to stick to my routine.
Keeping active is the key to
a full recovery, they told me.
Do you think maybe we should, um,
postpone the meeting with
Robert and his lawyer?
Frances, please relax.
We are gonna get through this.
Now, back to Ronald and
his goddamn golf course.
(phone ringing)
Uh, so, look, before we start,
apparently there was
an incident of vandalism
at one of Mr. DuFresne's
properties the other day.
Does your client know anything about this?
- Mm-mm.
- First off,
- I'll kindly ask you to rein in the profanity.
- Excuse me?
Secondly, this sounds like a matter
that Mr. "DuFrench" could take
up with the local authorities.
Can we move on, Tony?
- (whispers)
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, sure, Max.
Why don't we move on?
Look, despite three requests,
I've still not received
any copies of Mrs. DuFresne's
credit card statements
nor have I received any copies
of Mrs. DuFresne's pay stubs.
Now, regarding the
latter, I'm more than happy
to subpoena them from her employer.
No, wait.
Max, I thought I gave you all those things.
Yes, yes, yes. No, I got it.
- I got it.
- Okay.
I got it. (chuckles)
The damn thing's alive.
Soon, I'll be playing the Milwaukee Polka.
(chuckles) Whoops.
Ah! Seek and ye shall find.
(clears throat) Yeah, no, this is
the... this is not the right documents.
- Are you sure?
- Uh-huh, yeah, pretty sure.
Something about a car wash in bankruptcy.
You're half right.
Correct document, different case.
I apologize.
You'll have everything you
need by the end of the week.
(whispering)
You don't need to bother. It's okay.
- I'll hold it for you. I got it.
- Got it?
- You all right?
- Yep, yep, yep. We're good.
Max, I know you're really trying your best,
but you seem to be struggling a little.
Maybe the... you know, your stroke...
- Mini.
- ...mini... your ministroke
might be affecting your ability to work
at your highest possible level right now.
You're referring to my
little performance in there?
That was a strategy, my dear.
A mirage.
Really?
Let's just say I played things up a smidge.
I didn't want them to
have the paperwork yet.
- Oh!
- This stroke, mini as it may be,
might just allow us to get some
delays if we need them later on.
Oh, my God, Max.
You scared me! You really worried me!
Oh, my God!
I mean, I really thought I
was screwed in there, you know?
I mean, my hands...
look, I'm still shaking.
- I'm like a wreck.
- What did I tell you?
- You have to let me do the worrying.
- I know, I know.
You stay tuned. I have a
few more rabbits in my hat.
- I'm never gonna doubt that.
- All right, off you go now.
- Enjoy the rest of your day.
- Okay. Ah, I most certainly will.
Get some fresh air and
buy yourself a snappy hat.
- Well, I would like to...
- Two doors down, Max.
Right. Sorry.
They keep moving things around here.
They... they moved the elevator banks?
- Hey, Katie.
- Oh, hey!
Oh, I put the sign-up sheets
for basketball in the hallway,
- so sign up.
- Thanks, Mr. D.
- Hey, Robert.
- Hey, Janice.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
I don't see you at drop-off very often.
I thought that Tom and
Lila take the bus, usually.
They do whenever they stay with their mom,
but, uh, when I have
them, I like to drive them.
Little extra quality time in the morning.
- That's really sweet.
- Thank you.
You're looking good. Looks
like you lost some weight.
Trying to stay on top of it.
So, Robert, big plans for the weekend?
What?
- (moaning)
- ♪ Do that to me one more time... ♪
You're gonna come? Are you gonna come?
Oh, come on. Come on.
Robert, come on. (moaning)
- You're good.
- Yeah, I'm good?
Okay, so I have to run to the dentist.
If you're hungry, there's some
leftover pizza in the refrigerator.
Oh, and when you're leaving,
go out the side door
because it locks by itself, okay?
Oh, and if you heat up the pizza,
use the microwave, not the oven.
- See ya!
- You got it!
I love pizza.
You're sexy and you can cook.
- You're really the whole package, man.
- (door closes)
In dance class, the
teacher, he was walking in
and he basically just
yelled at this girl...
- Hi!
- ...because she wasn't pointing her foot...
- I'm great, Mom.
- ...she wasn't pointing her foot hard enough.
- Hi! Chatty, chatty, chatty.
- And then the girl started crying.
- Good times.
- Lila: Bye, Dad!
- See you guys.
- Tom: Night!
So, I'll have them ready Saturday at 9:00.
Okay.
Look, do... do you mind if I talk to you
about something that happened today?
You slept with someone, didn't you?
It's official.
This relationship is no
longer monogamous on my side.
Cat's in the bag, bag's in the river.
It wasn't Janice from school, was it?
Doesn't matter, okay?
I just... I'm giving you the briefing
because we said that we'd
be honest with each other,
you know, about this kind of thing.
We literally never said that.
So, are you telling me this to hurt me?
Probably, but I knew that it wouldn't.
And that's the worst part.
I mean,
I was inside another woman today, Frances,
and it wasn't you.
- It was so intimate.
- Honestly,
there was a time we could've
had this conversation, Robert,
but you squandered that when
you squandered our life savings.
- Just hear me out, okay?
- I don't want to anymore, and I don't have to.
And worst of all, I can't afford to.
How could you do that 34 times with him?
34! And then come home to me,
and... and fake your
way through conversation,
through dinner with the
kids, through sex with me?
It was 32 times.
I never saw one sign of it.
I never saw anything in your eyes.
I was never suspicious of you.
And I was never suspicious of you.
I can still smell her on me.
Then go take a bath.
(lock clicks)
I took three baths at her house.
(music playing)
♪ I never knew how
complete love could be ♪
♪ Till she kissed me and
said, "Baby, please ♪
♪ Go all the way ♪
- ♪ It feels so right ♪
- ♪ Feels so right ♪
♪ Being with you here tonight ♪
♪ Please, go all the way ♪
- ♪ Just hold me close ♪
- ♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ Don't ever let me go" ♪
♪ I couldn't say what
I wanted to say ♪
♪ Till she whispered,
"I love you ♪
♪ So, please, go all the way ♪
- ♪ It feels so right ♪
- ♪ Feels so right ♪
♪ Being with you here tonight ♪
♪ Please, go all the way ♪
- ♪ Just hold me close ♪
- ♪ Hold me close ♪
- ♪ Don't ever let me go, oh, no ♪
- ♪ Don't let me go" ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo-ooh! ♪