Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 4, Episode 4 - Driving Miss Ethyl - full transcript

Tomorrow, Fran.

Good morning, Earl. There are pancakes.

No time for breakfast.
I'm already late.

You do not have to work.

- What?
- You do not have to go to work.

Go Go. Tell me why.

It is weekend.
8th

Hey! Is not that great?

I like to lodge myself like this.

- Let's do it again.
- Earl.

- Earl.
- Tomorrow, Fran.



I have no time for that.
I have a million things to do.

Like me. I have a full one
Schedule of strenuous sports.

Mountain biking, fly fishing,
a little bit of volleyball,

a bit of cross-country skiing.

I better start going.

Hey!

Ok. And now back
to exciting mountain biking.

There comes a big hill.
I need carbohydrates.

Bring the pancakes.

- Good Morning.
- Tomorrow.

Mother! The dress is beautiful.

Does not she look adorable, Earl?

Yes, very lifelike.

I did not hear that



because today is
a very special day for me

and nobody can mine
dampen exuberant good mood,

not even you,
you walking compost pile.

A special day, ethyl?

You got your bit
on the first try?

Mother is leaving today
to her 60th class reunion.

And the best part is

that's a whole weekend
without you, fat mops.

I offer more.

This is a whole weekend without you.

And how do you get there?

Send a taxi or a hearse?

I wanted that
just talking to you, Earl.

Mother's class reunion
is too far away for a taxi

and I have so much to do today
that I can not drive it.

And since you have the whole weekend free,

I thought you could do that.

No! Absolutely no way! Nothing
in the world and that is final!

That is too fast. You are driving too fast.

I do not like it so fast.

Can I finally
out of the driveway? Sky!

Honey I'm home.

Do you think that's a good idea?

Dad and grandma for six hours
together in a limited space?

Yes. Alone ventilation technology
that could be problematic.

I am sure that will be fine.
We have important things to do today.

Right. Mindy and me
go rollerblading on the beach.

I'm going to the 11th graders car washing.

And I have to crawl around on the floor
and put things in your mouth.

- See you. Have to go. Strolling.
- See you.

Stop! Nobody goes anywhere here.

I am your father
got rid of for a reason.

We move without him?

No. Next month is his birthday.

I thought,
a portrait of his loving family

from all of us
would be a nice surprise gift.

Gifts! What do I get?

You all get the satisfaction,
to do something special for your dad.

This is a joke, right?

No. We have to get ready.
The photographer comes every moment.

Forget it. At the beach
is a new lifeguard.

Mindy and I have to go to him
chatter and giggle.

We can not fail.

Yes. And I have to car wash.

I'm in charge, by accident
To spray water on the girls.

- Which honour.
- You're damn right.

Bad luck. After all,
what your father did for us,

is a simple family portrait
the least.

No, Mom, we can do less.

- We can not do anything.
- Yes.

We will do that.

You're going upstairs right now
and dress up nicely.

Not the woolen blazer.

Not that stupid blouse with puffed sleeves.

Not the sailor suit!

Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak

It has been three long years

Do you still want me?

I can not stand it.

I see no tie around the old oak

I'm staying in the bus
Forget us.

And blame myself

I do not see a band

To the old oak

And that's the end of the song.

- Hey, that goes further.
- No it does not.

- Yes, it does.
- The radio is on strike.

- Do not do it.
- It does.

No it does not. What...

And if you do not shut up,
will you fly out next?

Oh yes?

You old bat. Give me the crutch.

How can you do your hand
to stand up against a defenseless lady?

Watch where you're going!

That was too tight, too short.

You idiot! You're drunk?

That's enough.

Ok, ethyl,

we are stuck
stuck in this car for a long time.

The most sensible thing for us is,
to make a clean sweep.

- I hate you.
- What?

I hate to be related to you

and you to your macabre,
to ride terrible class reunions.

Well, I did not ask you for it.

The only reason I'm ready

to sit here for eight hours
to stare at your fat neck,

is that this class reunion
is important to me.

These are my oldest
and dearest friends.

You are my true family.

They worry about me.

Oh yes? Why are you pulling then
not to them?

Good idea!

My old girlfriends Dorothy,
Rose and Blanche

have been asking me for years,
to move in with them

and I'm almost there.

Then I'll bring you
get there as fast as possible.

If I imagine,
that I could go home alone.

- Flap.
- Shut up.

Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak

I do not listen, I do not listen.

I do not listen, I do not listen.

We have a few
Photo backgrounds ready.

This one is very popular.
The fair.

Voilà!

Understand.

Is not that something full?

Will cotton candy, ride carousel,
throw up.

What a cute guy.

Here, sonny.
Do not eat, that's a prop.

Delicious! I want more props!

Jeez.

There they are.
You look so grown up.

Mom, I'm dressed
like a four-year-old.

The jacket has become a bit tight.

This one fits. You look very good.

But my fingers fall asleep.

Ok, that's the right background
for the Sinclair family.

A day at the beach.

Feel better.

- I do not know.
- That will be perfect.

- So then.
- You wanted to go to the beach.

Yes!

This is a portrait.

Sorry, but why am I wearing this
a wool jacket on the beach?

I do not understand why we do it anyway
have to do this stupid portrait.

We do it to show your father
how much we love each other.

You mean the deep love we have
generally have for each other?

Or the overwhelming affection,
which we feel for each other right now?

Let's just put it behind us.

- Flap, blazer boy!
- I'm hungry!

Maybe I do not want to...

Ok, we'll be there soon.
Keep everything quiet

and "cheese".

Cheese. I want cheese right now.

Excuse me, that's for me.

- Come back immediately.
- Come on. Give me cheese right away.

- Get it me!
- Get it yourself.

- Give me the shovel.
- Robbie, stop that.

- He hit me in the face.
- I'm sorry. It was for you, Robbie.

Some girl.
I told her you are on the beach.

You have something?

I said you had
should turn five miles before.

- Now we are lost.
- We did not get lost.

According to this map

we are far from any civilization.

We passed the mysterious
Canyon and the blood flow

and now we are in the heart of...

Tals of the taps.

What?

You turn. Give me the card.

Valley of the taps.

We are here,
and it is not the Valley of the Roosters.

It's called Valley of the Monsters. Monster.

Does not sound like taps.

Do you see any cocks here?

No. Just a terrible,
inky black void.

- Maybe we should turn around.
- Good idea.

Yes.

Kikeriki?

Ethyl, that's a delicate situation
but we'll get it,

if we stay calm
and work together.

- Take her!
- Take him!

There's more meat on it.

You should turn the window down.

Are you crazy! He will tear us to pieces.
Do not touch the window!

Hello Hello.

Hi.

Sky. What is his problem?

Do not ask.

Need directions?

Yes. We probably came from the highway.

We are looking for Highway 7.

There you are completely wrong.
It is about 14 miles back.

Let's see, the best way for you is...

Drive back as you came here

and turn right at Waffelhaus,

then at the third traffic light turn left.
Not to be missed.

- Thanks.
- No cause, ma'am.

- Is he ok?
- Yes, just a bit sick.

OK. Drive carefully.

Such a nice young man.

So polite.

Earl, are you ok?

Earl? Wake up!

There is a waffle house?

Yes, you are ok. Come on.

Mom, that does not make sense.

Why am I wearing this?
The stupid Blazer for skiing?

I want to go back to the beach.

Can you just do it?
To stay in your place?

Why do I have to stand next to him?

You can do the place
next to the diaper boy.

The fresh mountain breeze
gets so spicy.

- Will cheese fondue!
- Keep your mouth shut!

I want you all to stop,
stands still and smiles.

- Why?
- Because I say so!

- That is a good reason.
- "Because I say so."

Come on, Mom, this one
stupid wallpapers and skis?

The whole thing is a joke.

Happy family, that's the joke.

I just wanted something nice
to make your father's birthday.

Is that so terrible?

I'm sorry. I heard enough.

It is obvious,
that thorny family problems

Stop them from getting close.

At least close enough
for a family photo.

I think the best thing is

to put us all together
and to discuss that

if only one chance
want to have a glossy photo.

- Why should we listen to you?
- Yes.

Because I'm a professional besides

trained family photographer

also licensed
I am a family therapist.

- What?
- Sun.

Who has something to say?

Can the old rattle box
not drive faster?

But if I throw you out.

We would not be that late
if you had not lost yourself.

You had the card.

That's all your fault.

I will miss the class reunion,
do not see all my friends.

We will not miss anything.
I drive 90.

55, 56 maybe.

They drove 96 miles an hour, sir.

Did you hear, ethyl?

96. Pretty good for a rattle box.

I mean, too fast

and does not guarantee for sure

if there were no mitigating circumstances.

And that would be?

I bring the mother-in-law
to the clinic.

In the mental hospital.

She is dangerous to her.

Oh yes?

Does not look dangerous, sir.

Do not lie to the policeman, Earl.

We both know that

I am pregnant
and get triplets right away.

Three wonderful bowling balls,
everything girl.

My God!

Yes, some days
are worse than others.

I drive better
to the clinic, Mr. policeman.

- I give you escort.
- No no. Not necessary.

Merry Christmas, Mr. President.

See you on Mars.

Hurry up.

Ethyl, you are good.

Hey, I know
how to deal with police.

Yes, we are a good team, Ethyl.

No, you are all alone
a team, fat mops.

Hey, here comes our exit.

Fresh your make-up better.

Drive better around the block.
It will take a while.

You complain,
we are not responsible,

but you do not give us any responsibility.

- Very positive, Charlene. Fran.
- Thanks.

I'm used to it,
that you are little children

and do me hard, you as
to see independent teenagers.

I think Fran looked in the mirror

and saw something less pretty.

She is too dominant.
I want to put on a dress.

Let's do a role play and see,

like Fran's family portrait
family friendly

could have started.
Charlene, you play Fran.

- Robbie plays Charlene.
- OK.

And I am the cheese.

"WELCOME CLASS OF
60,000,062 V. CHR."

Heaven, after all, it looks like
as if we were the first here.

- I'm so excited.
- Yes.

How do I look?

Oh well...

As nice as you can

can reasonably expect it

considering... We know...

- You are too nice.
- Thanks.

Hey, class of 62.

I am Barry Maloney
from the company Frohe Klassentreffen

and we organize
Your gala tonight.

Then we carry you
and your husband once.

He is not my husband.

Understand. Do not judge.

Obviously, it works
whatever you do.

Surname?

Ethyl Phillips.

I mean, Ethyl Hinkelman,

that was my name before my marriage.

Ok, let's see on the list here.

Hinkelman, Hinkelman...

There they are. OK.

Then we go over here

and look for your name tag,
then you can go to the buffet.

- Okay? Right this way.
- OK.

Why do I only have a name tag?
Where are all my friends?

Let's take a look, ok?

Understand.

They are all dead.

According to my documents

are you the only survivor
the class of '62.

Hey, look at it positively,
no hiring at the buffet.

But what about my girlfriends,
Dorothy, Rose and Blanche?

They were my best friends.

We wanted to live together.

Hey, I'm crazy

or should not that be a party?

Let's bring
this class reunion in swing, ok.

They are all dead.

Now I am alone in the world.

Listen, ethyl,

I am sorry
because of your girlfriends and stuff.

Should I get you some punch or something?

No. Just take me home.

Ok, guys, time for the prizes.

Classmate
with the longest journey.

Ethyl Hinkelman!
A round of applause. Wonderful.

Classmate with the shortest journey,
Ethyl Hinkelman.

Biggest weight gain, Ethyl Hinkelman!

Oh, tie a yellow ribbon
around the old oak

It has been three long years

Do you still want me?

Always

OK Good.

That could work now.
Everyone looks.

Licking lips. Friendly smile,

and...

We are at home.

Earl, why are you back so early?

The class reunion had died quickly

one could say.

Fran, what's going on here?

That should be a surprise
to be for Earl's birthday.

We wanted you
give a family portrait.

How are you?

- What?
- My family?

But...

This is not a picture of my whole family.

No?

There is a family member

that is very important to me,
that is missing.

What?

Heavens, Aunt Pearl
lives terribly far away.

- Not Aunt Pearl.
- Cousin Gus is dead.

- Grandpa Louie too.
- We do not have a pet.

Does he mean the TV?

This is me.
He talks about me, you idiot.

I am an important family member.

I am loved.

Right, fat mops?

Hey, Mom, we are friends now.

I try to be nice to you.

You want to be nice? Stand still.

Sky!

To hit you
is the last joy of my life.

Treat an old lady
but a simple pleasure.

It's so nice to see
that you agree.

- Yes.
- Yes, heartwarming.

- Are you finally taking the picture?
- What?

Ok, people. Smile.

You too, grandma. Pretty friendly, go ahead.

Heaven, I believe
you cracked a rib.

Now I can smile.