Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 3, Episode 4 - The Discovery - full transcript
The search for a missing golf ball leads Earl into a new world that he proclaims as his own territory; but Robbie suspects that the land really belongs to the cavemen who inhabit it.
[applause]
[over PA] Now approaching the 18th tee,
tournament leader Earl Sinclair.
Hey, listen there. Bet you never
thought you'd hear those words together.
Sinclair and leader? Heh?
I've been waiting
a long time for this, Roy.
I always lived with the secret fear
that my life had no meaning.
But if I par this hole,
I become Earl Sinclair,
Wesayso Employee Tournament champ,
Southeastern Division, 35 and over.
That's not a life lived in vain.
All' I have to do to ensure my time
on this earth has meant something,
is not to choke.
- He's gonna choke.
- Big time.
[shuddering, whimpering]
Ah! Jeez!
Hey, relax there, pally-boy.
All you gotta do is steer clear
of those trees on the left, uh...
If you hit it over there,
it's the end of the world.
Hey, hey! I got enough pressure here.
No, uh, I mean those trees actually mark
the end of the known world.
Your ball goes over them,
it sails off the edge
into a huge cauldron
of fire-breathing dragons.
And they call this a par three?
Yo, Earl, you gonna swing
during this epoch?
- [chuckling]
- [Earl] All right, all right.
- Ah!
- Oh!
- [all gasping]
- [Earl] Come on, come on...
- Oh...
- [grunts]
- [laughs] Oh, my. Over the trees.
- What a surprise.
Hey, don't sweat it, Earl.
It could happen to anybody.
- [coughing]
- What's the penalty
for hitting the ball
off the end of the world?
- [laughing]
- It's two strokes, I think.
I'm not taking the penalty.
I'll play where it lies.
- What?
- Hey, whoa!
Hey, you can't do that, pally-boy.
No dinosaur's ever
gone past those trees.
- You'll fall off the end of the world!
- [Earl] I'm not losing this tournament!
Rats!
I knew I shouldn't use the range ball.
I wonder where it went.
Huh? What's this?
"Unspeakable horrors."
That would have to be it.
That's the way my life works.
Maybe I should drop some breadcrumbs.
Honey, I'm home!
[coughing] Oh, my allergies.
[grunting]
What's this?
[Roy] Earl. Hey, Earl!
[sighs] Wait up!
Hey, Roy, you came after me.
Now that's a true friend.
Ah, Sid sent me to make sure
you didn't cheat. [panting]
Jeez!
[grunts]
[Roy] Oh! Oh, boy, that smarts.
- Hey.
- Bah!
[grumbling]
- Uh, Roy.
- Yeah?
In the event that I actually fall off
the edge of the known world,
make sure you get
the deposit back on the golf cart.
Oh, sure thing. OK.
[Earl grunting]
[straining]
- Roy! You're not gonna believe this.
- Huh?
Hmm? Ohhh!
[Roy] We'll never find your ball now.
It's not the edge of the world.
It's a vast, uncharted new land!
- Yeah.
- And I discovered it!
- Yeah?
- Hey, I better make my claim official.
Yeah. Yo. Yo, yo, yo!
Quick, yell "dibs."
I hereby claim this land
in the name of Earl Sneed Sinclair.
Yeah.
[grunting]
[chuckles] There. It is done.
Yep, my name's gonna
go down in history, Roy.
Earl Sneed Sinclair,
famous discovery guy.
Uh, what about me?
- Oh! Well, you'll be there too.
- Yeah?
Not based on your own merit, but, uh...
...simply by being close to me
in my hour of extreme greatness.
Yeah. Roy Hess,
passive observer to history.
Uh... Ooh!
Ah! We'll get at the scene. [moans]
[thudding]
- [grunts]
- Whoa!
Ow! Oh!
Cavemen?
What are they doing here?
[groaning] Trespassing, I'd say.
Oh, boy. For some reason,
they don't seem to know it's your land.
[laughing]
- Oh, well, then let me inform them.
- Yeah.
[growling]
[roaring] Ah!
[screaming]
Yeah.
- Yuck, they're hairy little savages.
- Ain't they.
They'll have to go. Nothing drives down
the value of real estate like humans.
- Right, right.
- Well, come, Roy.
History awaits our biased recounting
of this momentous event.
- Oh!
- [laughing]
Yeah, we could
significantly embellish...
I don't believe this!
I discover a whole new world,
and no one cares!
Yay!
Well, there you go.
See? He cares.
Mama discovered new world!
No, not Mama. Daddy.
Daddy discovered a new world.
- What did Mama do?
- Mama did nothing.
Nothing! Yay!
[chanting] Mama did nothing!
I'm sure it's a very nice world,
but I don't know what you're gonna do
with a million acres when you barely
have the energy to mow the front yard.
Robbie, will you please explain to your
mother the significance of my discovery?
Well, a find like this is followed
by an expansion of the dinosaur empire.
Which, ruthlessly and mercilessly,
crushes any life standing in its path.
Listen here, Mr. Knee-Jerk Leftwing
World Domination Poo-poo-er.
It so happens that there's
nothing out there to ruin.
Just some rocks
and shrubs and cavemen.
Cavemen? There's cavemen living there?
They're not living there,
they're just there.
Like the rocks and dirt.
Are the rocks and dirt living there?
Dad, some anthropologists believe that
the cavemen have an agrarian culture
with rudimentary spiritual awareness
and a close-knit family structure.
So do rocks!
It's their land.
They were there first.
[phone rings]
They're animals. They may be smaller
than us, but I can't think of a creature
- more blood-thirsty and savage.
- It's Mr. Richfield.
- OK, that's one.
- Yeah.
[clears throat] Um, hello.
Congratulations, Sinclair.
I heard about your historic discovery.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I knew somebody'd be impressed.
Well, that's an awful lot
of land you just got there.
Have you thought how
you might rape and denude it?
Rape and denude it, sir?
Forgive me... [clears throat]
industry jargon. [laughs]
I meant develop it for the public good.
- Well, actually, no.
- Yeah!
Good! Because the Wesayso Corporation
is in the unique position
to convert that tree-choked jungle
- into a thriving metropolis!
- [Earl] Oh, I don't know, sir.
In the past, you've used and degraded me
in cruel and sadistic ways.
When you suggest you know
what's best for the land,
I can't help but suspect
you're trying to manipulate me.
Hmm. Have I mentioned
we're gonna call it Sinclair City?
- Start paving, bud.
- [both laughing]
[grunts]
Hey, how's it going, bud?
What's that?
- We found some spotted owl.
- Lunch!
OK. [laughs]
The Earl Sinclair International
Airport will be over there.
Another monument to your ego?
No, the monument to my ego
will be in front of the Galleria Earl.
[Charlene] More stores?
Did you have
to name everything after yourself?
No. And if you'd just open your eyes,
Mrs. Spoke Too Soon,
you'd see see that
I named the city library after you.
- [Fran] I'm honored.
- Hey, Dad, look at this.
You keep saying cavemen are just
animals. I think they must be smart
if they made this.
It's obviously a spearhead.
- It's a rock.
- Oh. All right.
What about this?
This is clearly a cutting tool.
- Clearly another rock.
- [groans]
What about this?
It's some kind of salad shooter.
The savages!
They use vegetables as weapons!
But they're not savages!
Look, I'm telling you.
You're destroying
an entire civilization.
If there was a civilization here,
we'd see some signs of it.
[Robbie] Like what?
[Earl] Like billboards,
tract homes, strip malls.
Those drive-through huts
where you can drop off your film.
Cookie!
I'm telling you, cavemen have been here
for years and haven't done a thing.
Maybe they like it this way.
And they like waiting two weeks
to get their film back?
- But...
- You're making the case for me.
Robbie's just expressing his opinion.
You don't have to be so hard on him.
[Earl] Hard on him? He's been raining
on my parade since I found this place.
Look! Cookie!
Cookie for me! [laughs]
Why can't he just be happy for me?
I mean, finally, I'm gonna be somebody.
I'm gonna be remembered.
It's all I ever wanted.
Everybody wants to be remembered.
See? She gets it and she's only ten.
- Fourteen.
- Whatever.
- Earl, where's the baby?
- I'll find him.
There's no point
in me sticking around here. Jeez.
Oh, Rob's a big boy.
He'll get over it.
I'll name a bridge after him.
[laughing]
I'm rich!
- Hey, get back here.
- No!
- Where'd you get those cookies?
- Found 'em.
Right. I suppose they
were lying on the ground.
That's right.
One there, one there, one there.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Why would there be a trail
of cookies leading to this very spot?
- I don't know, but they're mine.
- Hey!
[both shouting]
- Mama!
- Help!
- Help! Help!
- Mommy!
- Help!
- 1 told him they had spearheads.
- Hey! Ow!
- [grunting]
Help, help, help!
Robbie! Baby!
- They're not in their rooms.
- Then search somewhere else.
Right, I'll check the mall.
I knew they didn't
come home by themselves.
We should've stayed in the forest
and kept looking.
- We did look. They weren't there.
- [sighs]
Come on,
you saw the mood Robbie was in.
He's found the Baby and he's taking his
own sweet time coming home to annoy me.
Watch, I bet the two of them come
waltzing through that door any second.
- Hi. It's me.
- [both groan]
- Ah, thanks.
- Roy, this is a bad time.
- Robbie and the Baby are missing!
- Oh, then I guess
how I found his shoe
would stir up unpleasant memories.
- Where did you find Robbie's shoe?
- Uh, oh, in the forest,
next to a bunch of caveman tracks.
Cavemen? With Robbie and the Baby?
What if they've been carried off?
- Earl, I'm calling the police.
- Uh, Frannie.
Frannie, my wife, my love.
My partner in a certain
multi-million-dollar
real estate venture.
I understand your concern
about your offspring.
But let's not start a panic here
with irresponsible, unsubstantiated
rumors of savages carrying off children.
Our babies are out there, Earl.
I'm calling the police.
Frannie, come on!
This is my one chance to be important.
It happened by accident,
and it's not gonna happen again.
- Don't blow this for me.
- We've gotta do something.
And we will!
But let me handle it my way.
Besides,
I'm sure they're perfectly safe.
[whimpering] Mama!
[grunting, growling]
- Huh?
- [speaking caveman language]
[both] Huh?
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Your language is very crude.
I imagine you're trying to
communicate in your primitive way.
Don't get offended, I just don't
understand... Blah, blah blah.
- Blah, blah, blah, blah...
- [speaking caveman language]
- What the...?
- [speaking caveman language]
- Uh...
- Whoa!
Uh, please forgive me.
Many eggs hatch since I speak
to another of my kind.
You're a dinosaur.
Yes. Cavepeople
call me Wahatchi Muychacha.
- Muychacha.
- It means "Thighs of Thunder."
They ask me, speak with you now.
- How are you called??
- 1... I'm Robbie Sinclair.
- Robbie.
- I'm the Baby. Uh, gotta love me?
- Cute.
- Why are you living with the cavemen?
Oh, well, when I was small,
like, uh, Baby Gotta Love Me,
my parents, uh, [speaks caveman]...
...dinosaur, like you,
bring me to forest for picnic.
But soon, I am alone.
Parents no more.
Oh, they died, huh?
No, two-career couple.
No time for kids.
They leave me, drive away fast.
- That stinks!
- [Thighs of Thunder] Oh, no.
Cavepeople find me.
Raise as one of them.
Live here many years. Very happy.
- [caveman grunts]
- Until dinosaur come.
Rape and denude our land.
- Make cavepeople angry.
- [cavepeople shout]
- That is why they bring you here.
- Um...
Well, boys, as you might have heard,
we've had some caveman trouble.
[all] Cavemen?
They're nothing but murderous varmints!
- [all] Yeah!
- The only good caveman
- is a dead caveman!
- [cheering]
Well said. That's why I want you all
to be part of my posse.
- [groaning]
- Posse?
Gee, Earl, isn't that, basically,
some sort of vigilante group?
Ha! Better believe it.
- Sounds kinda dangerous.
- Yeah, well,
with a posse, we can act quickly
and do things our own way.
What you're saying is this posse would
operate, essentially, outside the law.
Well, technically, yeah.
And in doing so, wouldn't we be running
roughshod over rights of the individual
- and due process?
- Yeah!
In a fit of self-righteous vigilantism,
we could break the law ourselves.
- Couldn't we?
- Huh? Theoretically, but...
If we were perceived as criminals,
what would keep a posse coming after us?
- And another after them.
- [all] Yeah!
We could be opening
the floodgates to anarchy.
- That's right.
- [Roy] Bringing about the demise
- of the family and other family...
- [Fran] Earl? A word, please?
Huh?
Charlene and I are going.
- Where?
- To get our boys.
- Are you staying or coming with us?
- [groans]
I hear ya, I got more kids than
you could shake a rat on a stick at.
...carry over to a
posse-related injury? Huh?
- Let's go.
- Good. Come on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Come, the time is short.
- She talks funny.
- Shush.
- You shush.
- Behold.
- Cartoons!
- Quiet.
For many years, cavepeople live
in harmony with trees and creatures.
Preserve land so all can live together.
Then dinosaur come.
Push down trees.
Pour black rock over land.
Pave paradise, put up parking lot.
Dinosaur own land,
but dinosaur not love land.
And this...
...uh, pretty much brings us up to date.
Well, what is it you want us to do?
[speaks caveman]
You must go now.
Tell dinosaur what you have seen.
Tell them cavepeople want only
to preserve what is already here.
- Tell them...
- [Earl] Robbie! Baby!
- Not the Mama!
- [sighs]
The dinosaur have come.
Now it is up to you.
- There's their filthy rat hole.
- Yeah.
OK. Now there's only three of us,
so look fierce.
- Right.
- [roaring]
Now listen, you slimy hairballs!
You hurt one scale on my boy's...
- It's OK, Dad.
- Robbie!
- Dad, Dad!
- Not the Mama!
It's OK. We're fine.
- Oh!
- My babies!
- Mama!
- Baby!
Get back! They're coming out.
Oh! Take your brother home
where it's safe.
Dad. Easy, Dad,
they're not gonna hurt us.
Well, lookie here.
A dinosaur gone caveman.
What's the matter, honey?
Couldn't cut it in the civilized world?
There is little civilized about a world
that treats land as you do.
This is my land,
and I've got the deed to prove it.
But that's just a piece of paper, Dad.
They were here first.
But I discovered it.
This is my chance to be part of history.
To be somebody.
- To have dinosaurs know who I am.
- You're Earl Sinclair, aren't you?
- You see?
- [muttering indistinctly]
- Who are you?
- Walter Sternhagen of Tax Assessment.
This is for you.
Oh, fame now has
a double-edged sword.
Now that this area
has been officially discovered,
it can be officially taxed.
And, according to our assessments,
the taxes on this little slice of heaven
come to exactly...
...$11,280,000.
That's insane!
I don't have that kind of money.
Well, as we say
in the tax assessment office, tough!
If it's your land,
you gotta pay for it.
And if I don't?
Our collection department
bites your face off.
- [mumbling]
- Oh! Aw, jeez!
Who'd have thought making your mark
on history could be so hard?
- Uh, Mr. Sternhagen?
- Uh-huh?
Hypothetically speaking, if this land
belonged to, say, cavepeople...
- Yeah.
- ...since they're not citizens,
and they don't legally exist,
you couldn't tax them, could you?
- Well, actually... no.
- Yes! [laughs]
Dad, Dad, look.
They're decent creatures.
If you let them keep their land,
you'd give them the chance to live
with dignity and harmony with nature
for generations to come!
That's really being somebody, Dad.
Plus, that's 11 million dollars
the government will never see.
[moaning]
[groaning]
[grunts]
I guess... this belongs to you.
- [gasping]
- [speaking caveman]
Today, he says,
you have done a noble thing.
He says,
today will always be remembered
for the generosity
of the large plaid one.
[laughs]
We remember...
...Earl!
- Huh. [groans]
- Well, what do you know, Earl?
I think it looks like you are
going to be remembered, after all.
- [laughs]
- I'm proud of you, Dad.
And so it was that a group
of savage cavemen
came to own a million acres
of prime real estate.
An hour later, representatives
of the government met with the cavemen
and after several hours
of delicate negotiations,
swindled... purchased the land
from the cavemen
in exchange for $24
and some shiny beads.
Those noble,
but financially naive, savages
will be relocated to a remote corner
of northwest Pangaea,
but they won't soon be forgotten.
A brand-new baseball stadium
will be built on the cavemen's
sacred burial grounds
and will serve as the home for
a new franchise, named appropriately,
the Central Pangaea Cavemen.
The team's owners unveiled
their new logo earlier today,
saying, "We'll miss
those lovable fuzzballs, but hey",
it's a great day for baseball.”
.
[over PA] Now approaching the 18th tee,
tournament leader Earl Sinclair.
Hey, listen there. Bet you never
thought you'd hear those words together.
Sinclair and leader? Heh?
I've been waiting
a long time for this, Roy.
I always lived with the secret fear
that my life had no meaning.
But if I par this hole,
I become Earl Sinclair,
Wesayso Employee Tournament champ,
Southeastern Division, 35 and over.
That's not a life lived in vain.
All' I have to do to ensure my time
on this earth has meant something,
is not to choke.
- He's gonna choke.
- Big time.
[shuddering, whimpering]
Ah! Jeez!
Hey, relax there, pally-boy.
All you gotta do is steer clear
of those trees on the left, uh...
If you hit it over there,
it's the end of the world.
Hey, hey! I got enough pressure here.
No, uh, I mean those trees actually mark
the end of the known world.
Your ball goes over them,
it sails off the edge
into a huge cauldron
of fire-breathing dragons.
And they call this a par three?
Yo, Earl, you gonna swing
during this epoch?
- [chuckling]
- [Earl] All right, all right.
- Ah!
- Oh!
- [all gasping]
- [Earl] Come on, come on...
- Oh...
- [grunts]
- [laughs] Oh, my. Over the trees.
- What a surprise.
Hey, don't sweat it, Earl.
It could happen to anybody.
- [coughing]
- What's the penalty
for hitting the ball
off the end of the world?
- [laughing]
- It's two strokes, I think.
I'm not taking the penalty.
I'll play where it lies.
- What?
- Hey, whoa!
Hey, you can't do that, pally-boy.
No dinosaur's ever
gone past those trees.
- You'll fall off the end of the world!
- [Earl] I'm not losing this tournament!
Rats!
I knew I shouldn't use the range ball.
I wonder where it went.
Huh? What's this?
"Unspeakable horrors."
That would have to be it.
That's the way my life works.
Maybe I should drop some breadcrumbs.
Honey, I'm home!
[coughing] Oh, my allergies.
[grunting]
What's this?
[Roy] Earl. Hey, Earl!
[sighs] Wait up!
Hey, Roy, you came after me.
Now that's a true friend.
Ah, Sid sent me to make sure
you didn't cheat. [panting]
Jeez!
[grunts]
[Roy] Oh! Oh, boy, that smarts.
- Hey.
- Bah!
[grumbling]
- Uh, Roy.
- Yeah?
In the event that I actually fall off
the edge of the known world,
make sure you get
the deposit back on the golf cart.
Oh, sure thing. OK.
[Earl grunting]
[straining]
- Roy! You're not gonna believe this.
- Huh?
Hmm? Ohhh!
[Roy] We'll never find your ball now.
It's not the edge of the world.
It's a vast, uncharted new land!
- Yeah.
- And I discovered it!
- Yeah?
- Hey, I better make my claim official.
Yeah. Yo. Yo, yo, yo!
Quick, yell "dibs."
I hereby claim this land
in the name of Earl Sneed Sinclair.
Yeah.
[grunting]
[chuckles] There. It is done.
Yep, my name's gonna
go down in history, Roy.
Earl Sneed Sinclair,
famous discovery guy.
Uh, what about me?
- Oh! Well, you'll be there too.
- Yeah?
Not based on your own merit, but, uh...
...simply by being close to me
in my hour of extreme greatness.
Yeah. Roy Hess,
passive observer to history.
Uh... Ooh!
Ah! We'll get at the scene. [moans]
[thudding]
- [grunts]
- Whoa!
Ow! Oh!
Cavemen?
What are they doing here?
[groaning] Trespassing, I'd say.
Oh, boy. For some reason,
they don't seem to know it's your land.
[laughing]
- Oh, well, then let me inform them.
- Yeah.
[growling]
[roaring] Ah!
[screaming]
Yeah.
- Yuck, they're hairy little savages.
- Ain't they.
They'll have to go. Nothing drives down
the value of real estate like humans.
- Right, right.
- Well, come, Roy.
History awaits our biased recounting
of this momentous event.
- Oh!
- [laughing]
Yeah, we could
significantly embellish...
I don't believe this!
I discover a whole new world,
and no one cares!
Yay!
Well, there you go.
See? He cares.
Mama discovered new world!
No, not Mama. Daddy.
Daddy discovered a new world.
- What did Mama do?
- Mama did nothing.
Nothing! Yay!
[chanting] Mama did nothing!
I'm sure it's a very nice world,
but I don't know what you're gonna do
with a million acres when you barely
have the energy to mow the front yard.
Robbie, will you please explain to your
mother the significance of my discovery?
Well, a find like this is followed
by an expansion of the dinosaur empire.
Which, ruthlessly and mercilessly,
crushes any life standing in its path.
Listen here, Mr. Knee-Jerk Leftwing
World Domination Poo-poo-er.
It so happens that there's
nothing out there to ruin.
Just some rocks
and shrubs and cavemen.
Cavemen? There's cavemen living there?
They're not living there,
they're just there.
Like the rocks and dirt.
Are the rocks and dirt living there?
Dad, some anthropologists believe that
the cavemen have an agrarian culture
with rudimentary spiritual awareness
and a close-knit family structure.
So do rocks!
It's their land.
They were there first.
[phone rings]
They're animals. They may be smaller
than us, but I can't think of a creature
- more blood-thirsty and savage.
- It's Mr. Richfield.
- OK, that's one.
- Yeah.
[clears throat] Um, hello.
Congratulations, Sinclair.
I heard about your historic discovery.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I knew somebody'd be impressed.
Well, that's an awful lot
of land you just got there.
Have you thought how
you might rape and denude it?
Rape and denude it, sir?
Forgive me... [clears throat]
industry jargon. [laughs]
I meant develop it for the public good.
- Well, actually, no.
- Yeah!
Good! Because the Wesayso Corporation
is in the unique position
to convert that tree-choked jungle
- into a thriving metropolis!
- [Earl] Oh, I don't know, sir.
In the past, you've used and degraded me
in cruel and sadistic ways.
When you suggest you know
what's best for the land,
I can't help but suspect
you're trying to manipulate me.
Hmm. Have I mentioned
we're gonna call it Sinclair City?
- Start paving, bud.
- [both laughing]
[grunts]
Hey, how's it going, bud?
What's that?
- We found some spotted owl.
- Lunch!
OK. [laughs]
The Earl Sinclair International
Airport will be over there.
Another monument to your ego?
No, the monument to my ego
will be in front of the Galleria Earl.
[Charlene] More stores?
Did you have
to name everything after yourself?
No. And if you'd just open your eyes,
Mrs. Spoke Too Soon,
you'd see see that
I named the city library after you.
- [Fran] I'm honored.
- Hey, Dad, look at this.
You keep saying cavemen are just
animals. I think they must be smart
if they made this.
It's obviously a spearhead.
- It's a rock.
- Oh. All right.
What about this?
This is clearly a cutting tool.
- Clearly another rock.
- [groans]
What about this?
It's some kind of salad shooter.
The savages!
They use vegetables as weapons!
But they're not savages!
Look, I'm telling you.
You're destroying
an entire civilization.
If there was a civilization here,
we'd see some signs of it.
[Robbie] Like what?
[Earl] Like billboards,
tract homes, strip malls.
Those drive-through huts
where you can drop off your film.
Cookie!
I'm telling you, cavemen have been here
for years and haven't done a thing.
Maybe they like it this way.
And they like waiting two weeks
to get their film back?
- But...
- You're making the case for me.
Robbie's just expressing his opinion.
You don't have to be so hard on him.
[Earl] Hard on him? He's been raining
on my parade since I found this place.
Look! Cookie!
Cookie for me! [laughs]
Why can't he just be happy for me?
I mean, finally, I'm gonna be somebody.
I'm gonna be remembered.
It's all I ever wanted.
Everybody wants to be remembered.
See? She gets it and she's only ten.
- Fourteen.
- Whatever.
- Earl, where's the baby?
- I'll find him.
There's no point
in me sticking around here. Jeez.
Oh, Rob's a big boy.
He'll get over it.
I'll name a bridge after him.
[laughing]
I'm rich!
- Hey, get back here.
- No!
- Where'd you get those cookies?
- Found 'em.
Right. I suppose they
were lying on the ground.
That's right.
One there, one there, one there.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Why would there be a trail
of cookies leading to this very spot?
- I don't know, but they're mine.
- Hey!
[both shouting]
- Mama!
- Help!
- Help! Help!
- Mommy!
- Help!
- 1 told him they had spearheads.
- Hey! Ow!
- [grunting]
Help, help, help!
Robbie! Baby!
- They're not in their rooms.
- Then search somewhere else.
Right, I'll check the mall.
I knew they didn't
come home by themselves.
We should've stayed in the forest
and kept looking.
- We did look. They weren't there.
- [sighs]
Come on,
you saw the mood Robbie was in.
He's found the Baby and he's taking his
own sweet time coming home to annoy me.
Watch, I bet the two of them come
waltzing through that door any second.
- Hi. It's me.
- [both groan]
- Ah, thanks.
- Roy, this is a bad time.
- Robbie and the Baby are missing!
- Oh, then I guess
how I found his shoe
would stir up unpleasant memories.
- Where did you find Robbie's shoe?
- Uh, oh, in the forest,
next to a bunch of caveman tracks.
Cavemen? With Robbie and the Baby?
What if they've been carried off?
- Earl, I'm calling the police.
- Uh, Frannie.
Frannie, my wife, my love.
My partner in a certain
multi-million-dollar
real estate venture.
I understand your concern
about your offspring.
But let's not start a panic here
with irresponsible, unsubstantiated
rumors of savages carrying off children.
Our babies are out there, Earl.
I'm calling the police.
Frannie, come on!
This is my one chance to be important.
It happened by accident,
and it's not gonna happen again.
- Don't blow this for me.
- We've gotta do something.
And we will!
But let me handle it my way.
Besides,
I'm sure they're perfectly safe.
[whimpering] Mama!
[grunting, growling]
- Huh?
- [speaking caveman language]
[both] Huh?
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Your language is very crude.
I imagine you're trying to
communicate in your primitive way.
Don't get offended, I just don't
understand... Blah, blah blah.
- Blah, blah, blah, blah...
- [speaking caveman language]
- What the...?
- [speaking caveman language]
- Uh...
- Whoa!
Uh, please forgive me.
Many eggs hatch since I speak
to another of my kind.
You're a dinosaur.
Yes. Cavepeople
call me Wahatchi Muychacha.
- Muychacha.
- It means "Thighs of Thunder."
They ask me, speak with you now.
- How are you called??
- 1... I'm Robbie Sinclair.
- Robbie.
- I'm the Baby. Uh, gotta love me?
- Cute.
- Why are you living with the cavemen?
Oh, well, when I was small,
like, uh, Baby Gotta Love Me,
my parents, uh, [speaks caveman]...
...dinosaur, like you,
bring me to forest for picnic.
But soon, I am alone.
Parents no more.
Oh, they died, huh?
No, two-career couple.
No time for kids.
They leave me, drive away fast.
- That stinks!
- [Thighs of Thunder] Oh, no.
Cavepeople find me.
Raise as one of them.
Live here many years. Very happy.
- [caveman grunts]
- Until dinosaur come.
Rape and denude our land.
- Make cavepeople angry.
- [cavepeople shout]
- That is why they bring you here.
- Um...
Well, boys, as you might have heard,
we've had some caveman trouble.
[all] Cavemen?
They're nothing but murderous varmints!
- [all] Yeah!
- The only good caveman
- is a dead caveman!
- [cheering]
Well said. That's why I want you all
to be part of my posse.
- [groaning]
- Posse?
Gee, Earl, isn't that, basically,
some sort of vigilante group?
Ha! Better believe it.
- Sounds kinda dangerous.
- Yeah, well,
with a posse, we can act quickly
and do things our own way.
What you're saying is this posse would
operate, essentially, outside the law.
Well, technically, yeah.
And in doing so, wouldn't we be running
roughshod over rights of the individual
- and due process?
- Yeah!
In a fit of self-righteous vigilantism,
we could break the law ourselves.
- Couldn't we?
- Huh? Theoretically, but...
If we were perceived as criminals,
what would keep a posse coming after us?
- And another after them.
- [all] Yeah!
We could be opening
the floodgates to anarchy.
- That's right.
- [Roy] Bringing about the demise
- of the family and other family...
- [Fran] Earl? A word, please?
Huh?
Charlene and I are going.
- Where?
- To get our boys.
- Are you staying or coming with us?
- [groans]
I hear ya, I got more kids than
you could shake a rat on a stick at.
...carry over to a
posse-related injury? Huh?
- Let's go.
- Good. Come on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Come, the time is short.
- She talks funny.
- Shush.
- You shush.
- Behold.
- Cartoons!
- Quiet.
For many years, cavepeople live
in harmony with trees and creatures.
Preserve land so all can live together.
Then dinosaur come.
Push down trees.
Pour black rock over land.
Pave paradise, put up parking lot.
Dinosaur own land,
but dinosaur not love land.
And this...
...uh, pretty much brings us up to date.
Well, what is it you want us to do?
[speaks caveman]
You must go now.
Tell dinosaur what you have seen.
Tell them cavepeople want only
to preserve what is already here.
- Tell them...
- [Earl] Robbie! Baby!
- Not the Mama!
- [sighs]
The dinosaur have come.
Now it is up to you.
- There's their filthy rat hole.
- Yeah.
OK. Now there's only three of us,
so look fierce.
- Right.
- [roaring]
Now listen, you slimy hairballs!
You hurt one scale on my boy's...
- It's OK, Dad.
- Robbie!
- Dad, Dad!
- Not the Mama!
It's OK. We're fine.
- Oh!
- My babies!
- Mama!
- Baby!
Get back! They're coming out.
Oh! Take your brother home
where it's safe.
Dad. Easy, Dad,
they're not gonna hurt us.
Well, lookie here.
A dinosaur gone caveman.
What's the matter, honey?
Couldn't cut it in the civilized world?
There is little civilized about a world
that treats land as you do.
This is my land,
and I've got the deed to prove it.
But that's just a piece of paper, Dad.
They were here first.
But I discovered it.
This is my chance to be part of history.
To be somebody.
- To have dinosaurs know who I am.
- You're Earl Sinclair, aren't you?
- You see?
- [muttering indistinctly]
- Who are you?
- Walter Sternhagen of Tax Assessment.
This is for you.
Oh, fame now has
a double-edged sword.
Now that this area
has been officially discovered,
it can be officially taxed.
And, according to our assessments,
the taxes on this little slice of heaven
come to exactly...
...$11,280,000.
That's insane!
I don't have that kind of money.
Well, as we say
in the tax assessment office, tough!
If it's your land,
you gotta pay for it.
And if I don't?
Our collection department
bites your face off.
- [mumbling]
- Oh! Aw, jeez!
Who'd have thought making your mark
on history could be so hard?
- Uh, Mr. Sternhagen?
- Uh-huh?
Hypothetically speaking, if this land
belonged to, say, cavepeople...
- Yeah.
- ...since they're not citizens,
and they don't legally exist,
you couldn't tax them, could you?
- Well, actually... no.
- Yes! [laughs]
Dad, Dad, look.
They're decent creatures.
If you let them keep their land,
you'd give them the chance to live
with dignity and harmony with nature
for generations to come!
That's really being somebody, Dad.
Plus, that's 11 million dollars
the government will never see.
[moaning]
[groaning]
[grunts]
I guess... this belongs to you.
- [gasping]
- [speaking caveman]
Today, he says,
you have done a noble thing.
He says,
today will always be remembered
for the generosity
of the large plaid one.
[laughs]
We remember...
...Earl!
- Huh. [groans]
- Well, what do you know, Earl?
I think it looks like you are
going to be remembered, after all.
- [laughs]
- I'm proud of you, Dad.
And so it was that a group
of savage cavemen
came to own a million acres
of prime real estate.
An hour later, representatives
of the government met with the cavemen
and after several hours
of delicate negotiations,
swindled... purchased the land
from the cavemen
in exchange for $24
and some shiny beads.
Those noble,
but financially naive, savages
will be relocated to a remote corner
of northwest Pangaea,
but they won't soon be forgotten.
A brand-new baseball stadium
will be built on the cavemen's
sacred burial grounds
and will serve as the home for
a new franchise, named appropriately,
the Central Pangaea Cavemen.
The team's owners unveiled
their new logo earlier today,
saying, "We'll miss
those lovable fuzzballs, but hey",
it's a great day for baseball.”
.