Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 3, Episode 2 - Baby Talk - full transcript

This is the story of Fluffy.

"Now, Fluffy, the cuddly little lizard"

frolicked through the smiling flowers

"with his mother
singing songs of love and joy."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get to the good part!

"Suddenly, Fluffy's mother collapsed

under the impact of two high-caliber
shells from the happy hunter's gun."

Oh...

"Fluffy was sad. Fluffy was mad."

But what could the little lizard do?

Luckily, his friend Jimmy the weasel



"knew a guy who'd
whack anybody for 50 bucks."

Yay!

Hey, Ethyl, you wanna pipe down?

We're trying to watch TV here.

I love when Grandma reads to me.

Earl, I think Mother's
reading to the baby

is more important
than your watching TV.

Says you. This happens to be
an important TV show.

Yeah.

[male announcer] It's time again,
for Don't Lift That Heavy Object.

I love this show.

Real life dinosaurs caught
in the act of moving heavy things.

Neat.

Our hidden camera was on hand
to catch this father and son



playing a duet we like to call,
Prelude to Pain. Let's watch.

All right, son. Now the key here
is to lift with your knees.

OK, Dad!

One, two, three.

[both straining]

- [bone popping]
- Oh, smoo!

- [all gasp]
- [audience laughs]

Did he say what I think he said?

Dad, you said smoo.

It's not like we're
on television or anything.

- Huh?
- Huh? Holy smoo!

[laughing]

Are they allowed to say that on TV?

No! That's why it's so clever.

Something's funny.

Nothing's funny.
Nothing's funny at all.

Mom, they said a dirty word on TV.

1 will not have that kind
of gutter language in this house.

- Smoo.
- [all gasp]

What'd I say?

Honey, I'm home!

I said something.

Was it... smoo?

- We don't say that word.
- Why?

- Because it's a bad word.
- Why?

- Because it's dirty.
- Why?

- Ask your mother.
- Why?

Uh... It means...
Well, it means...

It means the bottom
of a dinosaur's feet.

And feet touch the ground
and get dirty, so...

...it's a dirty word
and nice dinosaurs don't say it.

- Why?
- Because it's not nice.

- [chuckling]
- And it certainly doesn't belong on TV.

Oh, Fran, lighten up.

You think dinosaurs have
so little going on in their lives,

that they'd really care about one
little word some guy says on TV?

I'll always remember exactly where I was
when that guy said "smoo" on TV.

Yeah, I got it on tape.
I must've watched it a thousand times.

I laughed so hard I thought
I was gonna have to call in sick today.

[all laughing]

- Sinclair, in here now!
- [moaning]

- He heard us laughing.
- He thinks we're happy.

- Yeah, he hates that.
- Yeah.

Yes, my captain?

The company's board of directors
has made a decision that affects you.

Oh, how surprising and unfortunate
that they should notice me.

They decided to offer an incentive
program to get you freeloading,

- lard-filled princesses to work harder.
- Incentives?

I thought holding your head under water
until your eyes bugged out

would be more productive,
but I was overruled.

Oh, shame.

So, somehow,
since this week you've managed

to push over more trees
than your half-dead friends,

you get a little gift from me.

- Ooh.
- [grumbling] Goofball.

Uh... A-ha!

Here. Don't let it go to your head.

Oh, a treasure.
Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Well, my wife and I
have always wanted one of these.

It's just a staple!

Oh, I know, but I choose
to see it as so much more.

It's the, uh, staple of honor.

More than honor, really.
It's a blessing.

A cherished blessing that swells the...

Excuse me,
am I interrupting anything?

Your husband's
trying to form a sentence.

You forgot your lunch this morning, so
we thought we'd come by and drop it off.

Oh, thanks, honey. Hey,
the corporation is honoring me today.

- Oh...
- Isn't that nice of Mr. Richfield?

- Smoo! [laughs]
- [both gasp]

What'd he call me?

- Uh... he said Lou. Yeah, Lou.
- Lou?

You see, he thinks of you
as his sweet Uncle Lou.

- No.
- My name's not Lou!

I know, but don't you find
the uncle part endearing?

- You're a big smoo!
- [all gasp]

Well, we'll just be going.

- No, no, no. A big what?
- A big shoe.

Yeah, yeah.
Shoes are his favorite...

- No.
- ...uh, foot covering.

- It's the ultimate compliment, really.
- Not shoe, smoo!

- A big, fat smooey smoo!
- [chuckling uncomfortably]

- [groaning, straining]
- [Baby laughing]

Not much I can do with that one.

I am so sorry, Mr. Richfield.

It's something he heard
on television last night.

I shower you with presents
and this is the thanks I get?

You bring your child here to abuse me!

I'm gonna rip your head off
and play hacky sack with it!

Well, thanks for stopping by, Fran.
Parts of me will be home later.

- [moaning]
- [Richfield grumbling]

It's not my bath time.
What's going on?

We'll see if we can't wash

those dirty words out of
your mouth with a little soap.

[mumbling] I don't like this.

Now. Any dirty words left in there?

- [bubble popping] Smoo!
- [laughing]

Good work, Mom. I'm sure
we've all learned a valuable lesson.

[hiccupping]

- [bubble popping] Smoo!
- Oh!

- [chuckling]
- [door opening]

- [groaning]
- Hi, honey.

- Are you all right?
- [grumbling]

Hey, Dad, some jerk
put a sign on your back.

It was Mr. Richfield. I think you kids
called him enough names for one day.

You're home.
Don't you think you can take it off?

' Would, but it's covering
an unsightly wound. [groaning]

Oh.

Earl, I've got to make dinner
and Robbie's doing his homework.

- Will you baby-sit for a while?
- Sure, sweetheart. No problem.

- Thanks.
- What are we doing? What now?

[male announcer] The word "smoo"

was uttered for the first time
on network television.

Tonight, on the news, we'll be
saying the word itself. Smoo.

Hey.

I don't think the baby should be
watching television these days.

If he can't watch TV,
what am I supposed to do with him?

- He's your son. Play with him.
- Whoa!

For how long?

Uh... give me an hour.
I'm making dinner.

- An hour!
- [clock ticking]

- Daddy!
- What?

Play a game?

- [grumbling] OK.
- Goody.

Let's play, um...
Where's Daddy?

- [moaning]
- Where's Daddy?

- This game stinks.
- Found me yet?

- Huh?
- Found you!

[sighs] All right, now what?

Make a face.

[laughing]

Again!

[snickering] Again!

Daddy's tired of making faces.

What else you got?

[humming]

More!

Take this! [moaning]

More!

More!

Oh... Oh!

- [dish shattering]
- Oh!

- Oh!
- [dishes shattering]

- All right, that does it.
- What?

- [grunts] You're watching TV.
- Hey!

- Mama said no.
- I don't care.

- Oh...
- How bad can it be?

[man] The Friendly Bunny
will not be seen tonight

so that we may bring you
the following brand-new program

quickly thrown together
in a shameless grab for ratings.

- Oh, this should be good.
- It's The Smoo Show.

Smoo!

[up-tempo music]

J We're saying smoo

J Ooh

J 'Cause it's what we do

- 7 We're saying smoo
- Smoo!

3 And it's just for you

[gasps]

J Smoo, smoo, smoo, Smoo, smoo

- Earl Sneed Sinclair!
- Oops.

I thought I told you
to turn off that TV.

- Smoo!
- Oh!

Fran, how did I know
this was gonna be on?

You never know what
these network guys are gonna do.

That's right. So until we're sure
it's safe, this TV stays off.

- [groans]
- [TV turns off]

You'll just have to spend some more
quality time with your child.

Hello? Is this the network?
Yeah, I wanna talk to somebody

about changing
all your programming, right now.

And don't try to give me the runaround,
'cause I won't take no for an answer.

Yeah, I'll hold.

- [man] Mr. Flearing.
- I'm in a meeting.

I've got some guy on line two
with a complaint.

What? A complaint
about television? Really?

Yellow!

I want to complain
about one of your shows.

You're kidding.
What are you, some kind of nut?

- No.
- Well, you sound like a nut to me,

'cause only a nut would calla TV
station to complain about something.

I'm not a nut.

Oh, sure you are.
Go ahead, say something nutty.

[sighing] I don't think you should be
airing a show that has the word...

...smoo in it. Especially
when children could be watching.

I'm gonna stop you there.

You're a member of a
lunatic fringe group, aren't you?

No, I'm just a guy who thinks
that what you're doing is wrong.

Look, sir... l think we know
a little bit more than you do

about what should
and shouldn't be on television.

And we can't respond to
every whacko out there with a phone.

Hey, buster, I've got a legitimate
gripe here and you're gonna listen.

- No, I'm not.
- [dial tone]

Can we watch TV now?

No, not yet.
Not until my voice is heard.

Not until the arrogant despots
who control television

are brought to their knees
by the righteous indignation

of common, decent folk
with too much time on their hands.

What's all the fuss in there?

Oh, Earl's called a big meeting of the
neighbors about cleaning up television.

You're welcome to join them.

Please, I have a life.

Mom!

- [indistinct chatter]
- Read me a story, Grandma Smoo.

You really think that's funny,
don't you?

What? Smoo? Smoo funny?

Smoo. Smoo!
Yes, smoo funny! [laughing]

Call me when you clean up your act.

Last night the TV was off,
and for the first time ever

I spent two solid hours
playing with my kid.

Yeah, my children and I spent
the whole evening talking to each other.

It was a nightmare.

- I can't live this way.
- No!

- It's the network's fault.
- Uh-huh, exactly!

They've unfairly shifted the burden
of raising our children to us.

And as concerned parents
we have to fight that.

But what should we do?

We're gonna have to force the network

to take all the shows
that use dirty words off television.

- Mm-hmm.
- Good idea.

Yes, exactly.

Maybe we should just stop
watching the shows that bother us.

Maybe we should take responsibility
to control our children's viewing.

- Oh, well...
- Huh?

Frannie, this is a community meeting,

and everyone's entitled
to their opinion.

If you want to have an opinion
that's different from ours,

I suggest you get your own meeting.

- I'm with Earl.
- Me too.

Let's go down to that network and march.

And make a big stink.

The time for
reasonable discussion is gone.

It's time for mindless, reckless action!

[all cheer]

[man] Stay tuned for the new
hit show that's so controversial,

a bunch of nuts are trying to stop it.
The Smoo Show.

Hey, kids. Is it off?
Did they take it off yet?

The Smoo Show,
now on seven nights a week.

[moans]

- Nice day's work.
- Yeah.

Thanks, Mr. Negative.

I'll have you know we were out
planting the seeds of change.

You just wait.
Those seeds are gonna bear fruit.

Then, from the producers
of The Smoo Show,

it's The Flark Show
followed by Kiss My Glick.

Who can say, Dad?
It's probably just a coincidence.

Yeah, you got them on the run.

A couple more protest rallies,
they'll make it into a mini-series.

Ha, ha, ha.
You have anything to say?

Flark, bad. Glick, bad.

There, see? My message got through.

Smoo? That's funny! [laughs]

Oh, this is so discouraging.

TV has become the cesspool of vulgarity.

Then why don't you just turn it off?

Because I shouldn't have to
turn off my TV set, ever!

I worked my whole life,
I raised a family.

I wanna be able to park them in front
of the TV, and know they're gonna watch

good, clean, time-consuming,
energy-sapping entertainment.

So by the time I get home,
they can barely wave hello.

Well, obviously, the TV network
doesn't care how you feel.

Then I'm gonna have to go
over their heads.

And because my appeals to the
cultural elite who run television

were ignored, I appeal to you,

the highest and most revered
authority in the land to take action,

and remove the word "smoo"
from our living rooms.

Put it back in the bars and
construction sites where it belongs.

He's right.

- He has a point.
- I agree.

The word must go.

So be it. The word "smoo"
is stricken from television.

"Smoo" stricken.

- [all cheer]
- Thank you. Thanks.

Wait, wait, wait.
What about "flark” and "glick?"

[indistinct chatter]

[all] Gone!

- Yes!
- Good.

Thank you for demonstrating
that public policy,

affecting the rights of millions, can be
altered by a small but vocal minority.

- Anytime.
- Thank you.

Excuse me,
since we're on the subject,

there's another word that's bothered me.

You know how sometimes on TV
when a kid says, "Da-a-ad."

[all groan]

I hate that
because then my kids do it.

- I agree. I hate that too.
- I think it should be against the law.

Not just on TV, but everywhere!

- Yeah.
- Good idea.

Here's one. I never liked
the word "tush” or "tushie."

And I, for one, don't want my kids
hearing it or saying it.

- Mm-hmm.
- No one may say "tush" anymore.

Kiss "tush" goodbye.

- Hear, hear.
- What a relief.

I thought tushie was quite cute.

I know! Why don't we make a list
of all the words that bother us,

and then... outlaw them!

Why stop at words?
Why not ideas too?

- Hey, hey, wait a minute.
- Huh?

Aren't we, maybe,
going a little too far?

Now lookie here.

Do you want a nation where everybody
has complete freedom of speech,

and you have to spend all your time
supervising your kids, or would you

rather the government handle it?
And you can have more free time.

- Free time?
- Got my vote!

Number 63. "Any words that sound
like 'smoo' are also prohibited."

- What are you, kidding?
- No, no, no. It makes perfect sense.

"The number two will now be
replaced by 'not one'."

Hey, slow down. So that'd be...

One, not one, three, four, five.

- Like that?
- [Earl] There you go. See how easy?

- Il get it.
- Hmm.

"A female with the name Sue
will now be known as Milly."

And cows should not say moo anymore.

They should be encouraged
to speak in complete sentences.”

- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah.

Which brings me to number 64.

"No one's allowed to question,
complain, or even discuss this list."

- Not discuss it?
- Hey!

[indistinct TV chatter]

Grandma won't read to me?
Fine. I'll read myself.

[mumbling] Me va vuaga.

Wow. Harder than it looks.

This is Shouting Match.
A no-holds-barred discussion

of today's hottest issues.

Featuring Pangaea's
most confrontational media pundits.

Today's provocative,
controversial subject is... flowers?

All right, flowers.

- Joe.
- Uh... Well, I like 'em.

Good. OK, now, for the feminine
point of view, Sue! Uh, Milly.

- You wanna know what! think?
- Yeah!

- 1 like 'em too! Yeah.
- Good.

Especially, uh... daisies.

- Daisies?
- Yes!

- Daisies!
- Mm-hmm.

Doesn't anybody have the courage
to say what they think anymore?

Well, they're making
a very controversial gravy

on the Recipe Channel.

- [groans]
- [door slams]

- Honey, I'm home.
- [all gasping]

- [Baby chuckling]
- Earl, what is that on your legs?

Uh, they're called pants.
They're remarkably uncomfortable.

The government said we're
supposed to wear them from now on.

Why?

- I have no idea.
- Grandma.

I'm not gonna wear those things.

Oh, you don't have to.
These are for you.

They're called pantyhose.

You wanna talk about real torture?

- [Earl snickers]
- Grandma!

This has all gone way too far.

But it's what we have to do, if we want
to keep our kids from saying bad words.

Believe me, it's related.

- Grandma!
- What is it?

Read me a story.

Like I said, I'll read to you
when you stop saying that word.

Um...

...OK!

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

- Why?
- My grandma better.

See? You don't have to make
a federal case out of it.

Give me the book, kid.

- We're back in business.
- Yay! [giggling]

[Ethyl] "Now Fluffy,
the cuddly, little lizard..."

What just happened?

Mom figured maybe the best way

to solve a family problem
is to handle it at home.

I guess you think she was right.

- Don't you?
- Oh, all right, yes.

I guess, maybe, I overreacted

when I had the government
abolish all our personal freedoms

just to stop our kid
from saying dirty words.

Well, instead of asking the government
to be the parents for us,

maybe we should just grit our teeth

and put in the hours
with our children ourselves.

But we don't have to anymore.

Now we can just sit them
in front of the TV.

- It's all cleaned up.
- But what's he getting out of TV?

Um... nothing bad.

But nothing as good as
spending time with his father.

[sighing]

- [laughing]
- "Fluffy was still very wise."

But it's just such hard work
being a parent.

Can't society do it for me?

You like wearing those pants?

[grumbling] OK, Ethyl,
hand over the book.

Yeah!

.