Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 3, Episode 12 - Getting to Know You - full transcript

[sniffling] Ah-choo!

[coughing]

[groaning]

- [sneezes]
- [glass breaks]

[moaning]

- [sniffling]
- Hi. Look, Frannie.

- 1 did the shopping.
- That's nice, Earl.

Yeah. And I found the market
all by myself.

I'm very proud of you.

Well, I just feel that marriage
is an equal partnership.

And since you've been
so sick with the flu,



I thought I'd take up the slack
and do my 50 percent.

I appreciate that, Earl.

If you want, I'll make a list of the
other things that need to be done.

I've already found your list
and taken care of everything.

1 did the shopping, I planned
a wonderful birthday party for Charlene,

1, uh, picked up the dry cleaning,
and I had a bikini wax.

Ooh. Boy, am I tender.

- [groans]
- Now, why don't you get back into bed

- and get some sleep.
- [moans]

What time's Charlene's party?

In about an hour.

- Sure you don't need any help?
- Are you kidding?

I've got this place
running like clockwork.

You could lapse into a coma
and no one would notice.



- [groaning]
- Bye.

- A surprise party?
- Yeah, but you didn't hear it from me.

You figured it out on your own.
Like anyone's gonna believe that.

Oh, is Mindy gonna be there,
and Denise, and Amy...?

Look, all I know is I'm supposed
to keep you out for another hour.

Oh, hey, Rob.
Thanks for doing your part in this.

Yeah, well, it's in lieu
of a present, OK.

I've been dropping hints to Mom
and Dad about this slinky,

black, off-the-shoulder sweater
I saw at the mall.

I'd like to hear all about it, but
we have more important business.

I don't wanna get in trouble
for telling you about it.

- Check.
- Let's see your surprise face.

OK. How's this?

Ah!

I said surprise, not psychotic.

- Try again.
- Oh, OK. Here we go.

Ah.

[snickers] Here they come.
Everybody get ready.

[giggles]

Well, I wonder what's gonna happen.

[Earl] Surprise!

- Yeah.
- Oh, surprise.

- Surprise, yeah, yeah.
- That's great.

[gasps]

Three queens.
Gotta love 'em.

[grumbling]

- Wha...?
- Now, that's a surprise face.

Honey, I'm home.

Aaah!

- Ohh!
- Ow!

- Ow!
- Ooh!

[chuckling] Aah!

- Uh...
- know you won't believe this,

but I put this party together
all by myself.

Uh, Dad...

- Where are all my friends?
- I don't know. Where are they usually?

It's everything you dreamed
it would be, huh?

- Well, party hearty!
- Well...

Come on, Charlene,
we saved you a chair.

Poker? That's so boring.

Hey, not so. Deuces are wild.

[all chuckling]

Are you in, or what?

[grunts] I can't believe
that's all you planned for my party.

To sit around and play cards?

Hey, poker is just the beginning.

Once the bucket of ribs gets here,

we're all gonna sit around and watch
this video your Uncle Roy brought.

"Wrestling's greatest
bloopers and blunders."

- Yeah!
- Yeah, happy birthday.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [laughing]

[sobbing] This is a nightmare!

Now, now, sweetheart.

This may not be every
little girl's fantasy party,

but wait till you open
your presents.

- [sighs]
- There, uh, here you go, Charlene.

- 1, uh, picked it out myself.
- Um, uh...

- It's soup.
- [Baby laughing]

- What? Everybody likes soup.
- [all] Yeah.

- I didn't have time to get anything.
- I like soup.

Tell ya what, sit down here,
and I'll cover your ante.

- [Baby laughs]
- Hey, that's not much of a gift.

This is my daughter here.

All right, then, uh... The keg's on me.

- Yeah!
- Now, that's grand!

This... This is the worst birthday ever!

You... You didn't think
about my feelings at all!

It's like you don't even know me!

- Oh? I don't know you?
- Uh-uh.

Well, then, I guess it's just
pure luck that I got you

the one gift you had
your little heart set on.

- [Charlene] Huh?
- This variable-speed belt sander!

- [Earl laughing]
- [men clamoring]

- [buzzing]
- [sobbing, crying]

- Mom.
- There's my birthday girl.

I bet this is what
you've been waiting for.

Oh! Oh, finally,
something decent.

You dropped enough hints
about wanting a sweater.

Thanks, Mom.
I figured since you had the flu,

you wouldn't have a chance
to go to the mall...

- I made it myself.
- Uh...

I was afraid I wouldn't be able
to finish it because I was so feverish.

- It's hideous! Oh!
- Then it was worth the extra effort.

Oh, I hate this family!
Nobody understands me!

- Honey.
- [crying]

- [Fran] Earl!
- [all laughing]

- Yay!
- [Fran] Earl!

What are the guys from work doing here?

This is not a party for a teenage girl.

What makes you say that?

Hey, Earl, the stripper's here.

[all cheering]

[groans]

[bell ringing]

So, how come I wasn't
invited to your party?

Because you don't work with my dad.

Oh, Mindy, you didn't miss anything.
It was awful.

Yeah, well, our parents
will never understand us.

You're right.

My dad was in charge.
Dads never seem to have a clue.

Yeah, tell me about it.
I never got along with mine,

until he started
taking me to the ballet.

Now we see each other,
like, every Sunday.

And he bought me this locket
with our pictures in it.

- Ever buy you a belt sander?
- A what?

Never mind.

It's official.
I have the worst family in the world.

[sighs]

You know, I'd run away
if it wasn't so inconvenient.

- But, where would you go?
- 1 don't know.

Someplace far away.

A foreign land,
or I could live with a new family.

- Oh, dream on.
- Yeah. Hmm...

[gasps]

Oh...

[door opens]

[door closes]

[Earl] Fran.

If I'm ever gonna get
a full day's work done,

you'll have to stop calling me home
for every miniscule domestic incident.

- What is it this time?
- Charlene's moving to a foreign land.

And what land is that,
pouting little girl tantrum land?

She's serious, Earl.
Her bags are packed.

She volunteered for some sort
of exchange program at school.

She's very upset.
She says we don't know her.

If you knew Charlene like I do,

you'd know there's nothing
in this suitcase

except a lot of clothes
and other daily necessities.

Our baby's going away.
You've got to talk to her.

It's a bluff.

What possible reasons
would she have for leaving?

Lack of privacy, for starters.

Hey, that's a serious
accusation, young lady.

Hmm.

- Promise you'll write every day?
- Oh, [ will.

Well, I guess I'd better be going.

- [chuckling]
- [Charlene hums]

[grunts]

- Ah.
- Here's your purse.

[muffled] Thank you.

Oh, you are very convincing.
Very convincing.

[giggling]

- [bus hydraulics hissing]
- Bon voyage.

Well, there she goes, right down
the block. Oh, isn't she cute?

- Come on, Fran. Let's wave.
- Huh?

Bye-bye, honey!

Oh, look, she's getting on the bus.

- Oh, she's really selling it.
- [bus hydraulics hissing]

She'll be getting off any second
and trudging home.

[bus engine revving]

Oh! Look, the bus
is turning the corner.

[snickers] Nice touch, dear!

[chuckling]

[crickets chirping]

Oh, wait. There she is.

- No, no, that's a lamppost.
- She wasn't bluffing, Earl.

- Duh, Fran.
- You want dinner, come to the table.

I'm not feeding you
in the doorway again.

Geez. [groaning]

[groaning]

So, with this exchange program,
what exactly do we get for Charlene?

I hope it's a barbecue.

It's the teenage boy
from the family Charlene's with.

Oh, that stinks.

Dad, the whole purpose of the program
is to dissolve the stereotypes

and misunderstandings
between the species.

He can live out in the yard.
Those foreigners don't bathe.

I wanna be a foreigner.

Maybe we should look at this
as an opportunity

to learn about another culture,

to get a new perspective
on our own lives.

[French accent] You want perspective?
You are rude and ill-mannered pig dogs.

- [squawking]
- [sighs]

- Shoo. Shoo! Shoo!
- [squawking continues]

How dare you "shoo" me
with that bristled cleaning implement,

you large reptilian fish wife!

- I am your exchange student! Hmph.
- [gasps]

Oh, I'm so sorry.
We didn't realize who you were.

Yes, yes. Now take my valise,
and get me some food,

you waddling, prattling shrew!

I am starving.

Oh. Oh, of course.

[clears throat]

So... [slowly] How are you doing?

- [sighing]
- I am Earl Sinclair.

- This is my son, Robbie.
- Hello.

And this is the baby.

Hello.

"The baby?"

What kind of imbecilic name
is "the baby"?

What's your name?

Francois Jean-Marie Poupon.

You win.

Here's a little home-style cooking
from our neck of the woods.

[chomping]

[spitting] This is swill!
You are trying to poison me!

- [squawking loudly]
- [groaning]

- Quiet!
- Geez!

Well, Fran, I don't know
where Charlene is now,

but at least she doesn't have to put up
with a horrible squawking monster.

- Yeah.
- Oh, geez.

[Jerry Lewis voice on TV] Hey, lady!
Don't hurt a person!

Mr. Blaven... Rosen, haven, flaven.

- Flaven Ro... Row, pro, fish roe? Ah!
- [laughing hysterically]

They'll be waiting. Hey, lady...!

- Do you see? Do you see?
- What?

Yes, yes. All right, already.
I give up!

- He is a genius.
- Brilliant! Such nuance!

Watch, watch! Next is the scene
where he puts a cigarette in his nose.

- [cackling]
- His humor works on so many levels.

Ma chérie, turn off the TV.
It's time for supper.

- Yum, yum, yum.
- Oh, that's good.

I'm really hungry.

Mm. Open wide, Charlene.

[male] Fresh worms.
The worms are so plump tonight.

[gagging]

[squawking] Well, today was a vast
expanse of unrelenting tedium.

So, where will you take me
tomorrow, huh?

To the park? The museum?

You don't normally sit around here
all day, now, do you?

- Well, pretty much.
- [squawking loudly]

That is why you are
fat and stupid. Ha!

Well, it has been a while
since we got out the badminton set.

Ha! I laugh with unbridled contempt

at your pathetic lawn activities. Ha!

Entertain me! Entertain me!
[squawking loudly]

- [Earl] Oh! Is there no respite?
- ♪ La la la la

I'll tell you what. Fran and I
will work up a skit or something.

- You play with the baby.
- [Fran groans]

Come on, Fran.

- [squawking]
- [groaning]

- Jlalalalalala
- [squawking loudly]

Got a present for you.

Ah. And where would I find that?

In my diaper. [chuckling]

Yuck! You are disgusting. Ack!

- Shut up!
- Awk!

- Shut up!
- Awk!

- Shut up!
- Awk!

- Shut up, shut up, shut up!
- [squawking]

- [screaming]
- [squawking]

You know, Earl, I'm actually learning
a lot about the cultural differences

- between us and Francois' species.
- [Francois squawking]

We may be different on the outside,
but underneath it all,

- I really want to kill them.
- [baby screaming]

I want to kill every single one of them.

[screams continue]

Fran, this is a side of you
I've never seen before.

I want to take it hunting.

[growls, chuckles]

- Hey, listen.
- Hmm?

I guess even Francois couldn't resist
the charms of our little guy.

Come on.

[humming]

[giggles]

Honey, where's Francois?

- [clicks tongue, burps]
- Huh?

[giggling]

[gasping]

[laughs, burps]

Very naughty baby.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Yummy!

So, he ate one small
foreign exchange student.

Earl!

Well, Francois did come to this part
of the world to see new things.

[burps] Ta-da!

- [Baby giggling]
- Granted, it's no trip to the museum.

We've got to call
his parents right away.

And say what?

"Hey, there, Poupon.

Can you recommend a good wine
to serve with your son?"

It's our duty to let them know
what happened.

When they find out, what do you think
they'll do with Charlene?

These foreigners are capable
of unspeakable savagery.

[Baby burps] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Earl, we've got to tell them.
It's the honest, decent thing to do.

Like I'm gonna pin my hopes on that.

[Baby giggling]

- [yawning]
- Good night, Henri.

Good night, Simone.

[shuddering]

[Henri mumbling]

Um, excuse me please,
exchange papa and mama.

- [groaning]
- What is it now, Charlene?

Can it not wait till morning?

Do I have to sleep
sitting up again tonight?

- [groaning]
- Is she whining again?

It's just that I'm really, really tired.

Fine! Anything to stop
your cacophonous mewling!

You may use Francois' room.

[stammering] But... Ah...

I'm not sure that's a real good idea.

Get up there, you spoiled,
irritating child! Now!

But... [grunts]

- [grunts]
- [squawking loudly]

Look what you have done,
you bloated biped!

How could your parents
have let you get so fat?

But they don't think I'm fat.

Then they are more
imbecilic than you are.

[gasps] You know,
you are very impolite.

- [squawking loudly]
- Oh! Oh! Ow!

[Earl] There you go, little fella.
You look just like Francois.

Yeah. Hm. [humming]

This is crazy, Earl. Parents
recognize their own children.

That's a gross generalization, Fran.

You know these foreigners
all look the same.

[humming La Marseillaise]

You know, Earl, I don't think the
foreign food agreed with the baby.

Bonjour!

- He's been acting very strangely.
- Let's have a look at the little fella.

- [grunts] Not la mere! Not la mere!
- Oh! Ow!

- [chuckling]
- Looks OK to me.

[French accent] I'm the baby.
You must love me, no?

- [kiss]
- Oh.

I'll just go and pick up Charlene.
I'll be back in a jiff.

Earl, maybe we should
talk about this some more.

He just doesn't look
very authentic to me.

Oh, no? Listen to this.

Go.

[low monotone] You are stupid.
You are fat. I will not eat your swill.

Now, that's a foreigner.

[panting] Frannie? Honey?

What did I tell you?
It worked like a charm.

Dropped off the fake bird,
picked up our pride and joy.

- Where is Charlene? Is she OK?
- Yeah. She's picking up her stuff.

Like I said, those foreigners
didn't have a clue.

They're not as close
to their children as us.

They don't have the same affection
and devotion we have for Charlene.

[low monotone] Hi, Mom. It's good
to be home. May I have a dollar? La, la.

Earl, this is not Charlene.

Uh, sweetheart, your mother's
been under a lot of stress lately.

Earl, this is an imposter.
You've been tricked.

Let's take a look.

You're right!

- [deep sigh]
- You lied to me! Go to your room!

[groans]

Sheesh!

Oh, come on, Fran! You gotta admit
it's a pretty uncanny likeness.

You don't even know
your own daughter.

Yes, I do.

Come on, ask me something
about Charlene. Ask me anything.

Where is she now?

Ask me something about Robbie.

- [sighs]
- [phone rings]

- Hello?
- [Henri] Madame Sinclair?

- Yes.
- [Henri squawking loudly]

It's the Poupons.

What have you done with our son?

What have you done
with our daughter?

She was rude and ungrateful.

She destroyed our home
like a rampaging bison.

- Where is she?
- I do not know. Nor do I care.

She ran away, if anything that fat
could be said to run.

[smacking lips]

Why is your baby staring at me?

- Bon appétit.
- [gasps]

You already had one,
you'll ruin your dinner.

Oh...

What about Francois?
Did he also run away?

Well, he tried
but he didn't get very far.

- Earl! Um...
- [Baby chuckles]

We have terrible, terrible news.

Oh, no, no.
She's being melodramatic.

- You know how females are.
- Earl...

You see, Francois
and our baby got to playing.

And you know youngsters, there's
always some kind of little accident.

A bumped head here,
a scraped knee there...

...one kid swallows another.
[chuckles]

Kids will be kids.

- [gasps]
- [groans]

Well, I'd be lying if I said
I wasn't disappointed.

I don't know how we can
ever make this up to you.

- That would be some trick, yes.
- Oui.

Francois' departure has left
an emptiness in our lives.

A void which can never be filled.

But, perhaps you can help
the healing process begin by...

loading your TV set into our car.

Yeah... What? No! Not the TV!

Earl, give them the TV.

To us it would be
a virtual big-screen, huh?

Come on, Fran.
He can make other kids.

I have no clue
how to make another TV.

- [disgusted sigh]
- [groans]

Please, accept it
with our condolences.

I just had it serviced!

- [door closes]
- [Charlene] Hello?

I'm ho me!

- Look, Fran!
- [gasps]

- I'm pretty sure it's Charlene.
- Oh, my baby, are you OK?

Oh, let me hug you,
my daughter, Charlene,

who I recognized
almost immediately.

You know, the last two days
have made me realize something.

Even though my family doesn't always
understand me or appreciate me,

it's still better than having to sleep
on a stick and eat worms.

- [chuckles] I missed you too.
- Yeah.

And, I guess...

...you and I both have a lot of
feelings and emotions to sort out.

Fran, you're up.

You all go ahead.
I'm going to see the Poupons out.

- But, uh... Um...
- Fran, you...

- [nervous chuckle]
- Well...

...So...

Look...

- I'm sorry about your birthday party.
- Yeah.

And the last 14 years and everything.

Me too.

Maybe the problem is...
we don't spend much time together.

Just the two of us.

- We used to.
- That's true.

[snickers] Remember
when you were five?

I'd buy you something shiny,
and you'd say "ooh!"

And we understood each other.

But the things
you're interested in now...

Oh, you mean like my friends
and what they think of me,

and relationships, and what kind
of boy I'm gonna marry and...

[groans] You have no idea
how scary that sounds to a father.

Well, I guess it's really
not the kind of thing

a girl wants to talk about
with her dad, anyway.

So, we're agreed.

Actual conversation
is too ambitious at this point.

- Yeah.
- So, we start by, uh...

Just hanging out together?

Well, you know...

I had my heart set
on going down to the mall,

and seeing what was new
in the teenage girls' sweater section.

And maybe seeing if one particular
sweater caught my fancy.

I was gonna go with some of the guys
from work, but if you're free...

That's a pretty pathetic lie.

Yeah.

And I accept.

.