Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 2, Episode 7 - When Food Goes Bad - full transcript
Fran and Earl go out to dinner, leaving Robbie and Charlene alone to watch Baby. However, that's the perfect opportunity for a group of oppressed food items to revolt by kidnapping the youths!
Honey, I'm home.
[male on TV] One gun, one badge...
So, Earl, how was your day?
- Yes, dear. Whatever you say.
- [male on TV]...but he's sensitive...
So, kids, what's new in school?
- Sure, Mom.
- I'll get to it.
[sighs]
What's new with you?
Shh! Move.
Welcome back to Pangaea's
Funniest Home Injuries.
[all laughing]
And now here's a father
and son playing catch
a little too near an active volcano
and giving new meaning to
the expression, "go deep.”
Go deep! I can reach you. Go deep!
I got it! I got it!
I got it! I got... Aah!
You know, Earl, I had something
funny happen to me today.
On video?
In my life.
I want to talk at the dinner table.
We don't see each other all day,
and I think we should talk
to each other at the dinner table.
Mom, we can talk anytime.
Pangaea's Funniest Home Injuries
is only on right now!
Then you'll watch
whatever show comes on next.
But that's a totally different show.
- What is it?
- Second Funniest Home Injuries.
I actually like that one much better.
We don't get that much
time together as a family...
Ma, you're thinking too hard.
Relax. Look at the bright colors.
It's... nice.
[grunting]
Come on, honey, turn that thing off!
J Pangaea, Pangaea, it's good to see you
I Get hurt}
- [all gasping]
- Oops!
- Aw, jeez.
- [song on TV]
Fine.
You and I will eat dinner together
like a civilized family.
[Baby grunting]
We interrupt Pangaea's Second Funniest
Home Injuries for this news bulletin.
[Earl] Jeez, hurry up.
Now, here's DNN correspondent,
Howard Handupme.
A meteor watch has been put into effect
throughout the Pangaean panhandle.
Scientists have specifically
pinpointed this particular house
as the point of probable impact.
Come on, come on!
What does this have to do with me?
Uh, Dad, uh...
What?
I think that's our house.
Nah!
Yeah, I think so.
Na...
Na...
Not the mama.
Na...
Huh? Yeah, look!
[laughs] Huh? Huh?
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, Fran, come here, come here!
Look at this. I'm on TV.
Hey, everybody, it's The Earl Show!
[Earl humming]
J There are chicks
3 Just ripe for some kissin'
3 And I mean
J To kiss me a few
- Ohh!
- & Oh, those chicks
[screaming]
J Don't know what they're missin'
J I've got a lot of livin'
♪ Todo ♪
[screaming]
- Again!
- [gasps]
We've been canceled.
We now return you
to our regularly scheduled program.
[screaming]
OK, well, I've finished my preliminary
claim inspection, Mr. Sinclair,
and I would appraise
the damages sustained here...
Don't try and cheat me on this!
'Cause I know you insurance guys,
you have absolutely no ethics!
How much would you say
your television set was worth?
Ten thousand dollars.
Hmm? Good thing I popped
for that extra meteor coverage, huh?
For us, yes, but if you refer to that
large bound volume we sent you,
labeled "exclusions,”
you'll find that a meteor
is only a meteor until it enters
the Earth's atmosphere,
at which time
it becomes a meteorite.
We're not gonna get any money, are we?
Not unless your house
was hovering in space
at the time it was struck.
It was, it was. You could
ask anybody! I swear!
I don't see this as a loss at all.
I see this as our chance
to spend time talking to each other.
I see this as a blessing in disguise!
[yawns]
[yawning]
What exactly is this blessing
disguised as, Fran?
Misery? Awkwardness?
Oh, I know!
It's disguised as mind-numbing boredom!
Look, we're not used to communicating.
We've lost the art of conversation.
Earl, tell me about your day.
I don't wanna.
At least ask your children
what happened in school today.
What happened in school today, Robbie?
Uh, may I be excused?
- I don't see why not.
- Oh, thanks.
Don't you get out of that chair!
No one gets out of their chair until
we talk to each other like a family.
Oh, this is vicious!
Fine, Charlene, you can go first.
Tell us about your day.
OK. Well, I went to school.
Nothing's going on there.
There was a... book or something.
Then I went to the mall.
This is good. They had a booth,
and they analyzed my skin.
And it turns out
I have combination scales!
Some are oily, and some are dry,
and some are in between.
Here's where
it gets really interesting.
They blended me
2 custom scale moisturizer, emolient,
lusterizer, conditioner mousse
with a pH balance
and a sun-protection factor,
which, coincidentally, matches
the combination body splash gel,
and came in a free
carrying case with a loofa!
Uh...
Robbie! Imagine running into you here.
Tell me all about you.
Let's get to know each other.
Gee, Mom, I'm not that interesting.
Don't fight it. The more you struggle,
the more painful it will be.
OK. There is something
I've been thinking about.
I wouldn't mind hearing
what the family thinks.
I'm a little confused
about the nature of reality.
No kidding?
Like if a tree falls in the forest
and nobody's around
to see it or hear it,
did it actually fall?
Ooh! Now, that is intriguing!
Who can build on that?
Where are you going?
I'm going to see if the tree fell.
I'll be back in a couple of days.
If you leave this house,
I will never talk to you again!
Throw in the rest of the family,
then you got yourself a deal!
Free, with your paid subscription
to Dinosaur Sports...
- [phone ringing]
- Hmm?
What? The rock is ringing!
Wow! it's a phone!
It's a rock! It's a Rok-Fone!
[laughing]
Hello? Yeah?
- Sounds great.
- Hello, the TV. I missed you.
Did you miss me?
Tough day without the TV, pally boy?
Oh, yeah. Did I miss anything?
You kidding?
First of all, on Oh, Those Becklesons,
Arnie's son, Mikey,
got picked on by a bully at school.
And Arnie had to teach him
a valuable lesson about life.
Ooh. I've never seen anything like that.
Yeah, well, those guys
are breaking new ground every week.
Jeez! What else did I miss?
Oh, wait.
Then on We're Not Even Related,
But Somehow We're All Living Together...
That's a great show!
...when Delores and Stan
go out for the evening,
teenaged Billy throws a party,
and trouble erupts.
Did it turn out all right?
Everyone learned
a valuable lesson about life.
[sighs] And I was wasting
these precious hours with my family.
- Yeah.
- I got to get a new TV!
Yeah.
How much does one like that cost now?
Oh, 700 or 800 bucks.
Oh, I could never afford that.
And those Becklesons will learn more
and more valuable lessons about life,
and I'm gonna get left behind!
What am I gonna do?
[male announcer]
Would you like to own
this gorgeous 90-inch stereophonic,
- surround-sound, big tube television?
- Yes!
You could, if you and your entire
family appear as contestants
on television's favorite family
game show, the Family Challenge!
Hey! I got a family.
Of course, I'd have
to split the TV with them.
Aw, what the heck?
Now the most important thing
is always save your double coupons
for the more expensive items.
Is that my wonderful family?
I'm not talking to you.
Fran, I thought long and hard,
and I think you're right.
We should do more things
together as a family.
Like what?
Something that will
teach us to nurture, share
and improve our general
knowledge of trivia.
What are you talking about?
Well, hey, I don't know.
Nothing planned, no agenda.
Off the top of my head...
...a game show, the Family Challenge.
Want to go on it with the family?
ATV game show?
I don't know.
Come on, come on. It'll be great.
What do you think, kids?
All in favor, sit there motionless.
It's unanimous, Fran.
- Seen this one.
- [Robbie humming]
Seen this one.
Ah! Seen this one too!
As you know, we have been
accepted as contestants
on the Family Challenge,
which leaves us 30 days
to absorb all the knowledge
in the world.
Now, some of us might not make it.
How are we supposed
to get so smart so fast?
No problem.
As you can see,
I have separated all known
dinosaur wisdom
into three categories:
"Animal, vegetable, rocks."
Well, what about fire?
Vegetable.
What about water?
Water is the opposite of fire,
which we have previously
established as a vegetable.
What's the opposite
of a vegetable? Fruit.
So water is a fruit.
Fruit is not a vegetable,
so it has to be either
an animal or a rock.
We know it's not an animal.
Therefore, fruit is a rock.
Daddy, I asked you about water.
Could we hold all questions
until the end of the lecture, please?
Not the TV!
I don't want to do this.
- Charlene!
- Why not?
I'm used to being embarrassed
by you guys on a local level.
I don't know how I feel
about being humiliated nationally.
Oh, Charlene, your father's just
trying to organize a family activity.
That's right.
When you're older, Charlene,
perhaps you'll realize family
is all you have in the world
and all you really need.
I've come to be on the game show.
Who needs you?
Grandma Ethyl is part of the family.
She's the annoying part
of the family, Fran.
I guess you won't need any help
with the ancient history questions.
And what makes you
the ancient history expert?
I was there.
Mom, welcome to the team.
[laughs]
Yutz.
Robbie, ask me another one.
Dad, you haven't gotten one right yet.
I'm finding my rhythm. Ask me, ask me.
OK, OK. "What can fish do
underwater that dinosaurs can't?"
Sing!
Wrong. Breathe.
- We can't breathe underwater?
- Nope.
That stinks. Oh, why don't
we know any of this stuff?
Why aren't we smarter?
Why haven't we reached
our full potential?
What has held us back?
Don't touch that dial.
We'll be right back.
Your mileage may differ.
Tell him what he's won, Bob.
How hot was it?
This concludes our broadcast day.
You think it could be television?
Oh, Fran, what if you're right?
We've done nothing
but watch television our whole lives.
And now we know nothing.
Now we're suffering the consequences.
[bell chiming]
Now we're missing
The Winkie the Moose Show.
And they said if you only
see one Winkie this season,
tonight's the one.
We can change what we've
become, starting right now.
When you first came up with the idea
of us going on a game show,
I thought there must be
some ulterior motive.
Motive? You thought that?
[laughs] Well...
But now I see it for what it is.
It's exactly what you said.
It's our chance to learn together
and grow closer as a family.
I know.
Cumulus.
Yes! Right on!
[laughing]
[all] Yay!
[Earl] All right.
Here is the concept of gravity.
Now watch closely.
[all] Mmm.
Aah!
[laughing]
[laughing]
[laughing]
[all laughing]
I never realized how lovely it could be,
sitting here with my family,
sharing these lovely moments.
[male announcer]
It's time once again
to play the world's first
and most popular game show,
the Family Challenge.
[crowd cheering]
Here's Mr. Family Challenge
himself, Buddy Glimmer.
[cheering continues]
Hey, thank you.
Thank you. Ha-ha!
OK, now let's meet our families.
First, our challengers.
Let's hear it for the Sinclairs.
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
Hi. Hi, Buddy. I'm Earl.
Ladies, ladies.
Just like to meet the ladies.
And this delightful lovely is?
Oh, Charlene Sinclair.
Of course you are.
Who's this vision of loveliness?
Well, I'm Fran Sinclair,
homemaker and proud mother of three.
Ohh.
Fran! Ha-ha! Yes!
Give me a big wet one.
[kissing noises]
And let's say hello
to our returning champions,
the Nielson family!
So, Nielsons, so, what have
you been up to since last time?
Just sitting around the house
watching television, I guess.
Television's our life.
[laughing]
Any favorite shows?
Just about every one of them,
Buddy. [laughing]
Well, introduce us
to your family, would you?
Sure, Buddy. This is my wife, Gladys.
- Hello.
- She handles the remote.
- My son, he brings me chips.
- Hi!
- What's his name, dear?
- Chip.
- My daughter Sally on the end.
- Hi, Buddy.
[laughing]
Fran, I forgot how much
I used to enjoy the TV.
I haven't seen television
in a month now.
It doesn't seem
so important to me anymore.
And here are today's categories.
"TV Last Week,
TV Last Night,
TV,
TV,
TV Potpourri,
- and Families..."
- [both] Oh.
"...on TV."
Ohh. What an unpleasant coincidence.
Champions, select.
TV Last Night, Buddy.
On last night's episode
of Where's My Trousers?,
what did Bernie find
hanging in his closet?
- [buzzing]
- Ah, Sinclairs.
[all gasping]
I'll take the curtain, Bob.
- No, no, no, sweetheart.
- Why?
Come on, Dad, we can figure this out.
Yeah, we used to watch TV.
OK. Um, um...
Ah... it's hanging in his closet.
So then it would have to be...
- [buzzer beeping]
- ...an isosceles triangle!
[all cheering]
[buzzer]
[all groaning]
[all laughing]
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
And that ends round two,
with the Nielsons leading at 3,460
and the Sinclairs at... five.
- [all groan]
- [Baby laughs]
Well, Earl Sinclair,
it looks like you've lost
that beautiful grand prize
90-inch color television set.
Television set?
Is that the reason you wanted
to be on this show?
That's what you had in mind all along?
No, no, no! No!
Yes! But only at first.
That was before we spent those weeks
learning together as a family.
I loved that.
I would never trade that
for some big TV set.
That's easy to say now
that there's no chance of winning.
I mean it. If he offered me one more
chance to win that set right now,
I wouldn't take it.
Well, Sinclairs,
you've got one more chance
to win this 90-inch surround-sound,
really, really big tube television
in our sudden-death playoff round.
And since you're behind, Sinclairs,
way behind,
it's your choice.
You can either test your knowledge
with one more TV question
you have almost
no chance of getting right,
OI'...
...square off
for an exciting winner-take-all
fight to the death with Mr. Nielson
in our patented Cage of Doom.
It's your choice, Earl Sinclair.
In our sudden-death round.
Ah.
Well, Earl, what will it be?
Ah...Oh...
Kill him, Daddy.
Eat his head, fat boy.
- We'll bet it all, Bob.
- [audience] Cage of Doom!
Well, Earl Sinclair, what will it be?
The cage or the question?
Uh...
[audience] Cage of Doom! Cage of Doom!
I'll take the question, Buddy.
- You will?
- What?
- [both] What?
- Maybe I didn't explain this.
I understood. Give it to me.
Bring it up.
[Nielsons cheering]
Tuesday night was
a very special episode
of Oh, Those Becklesons.
For the big-screen TV and the game,
what very valuable lesson
did Benji Beckleson learn about life?
Uh...
Huh?
Daddy.
Well, Buddy,
he learned
that television shows come and go
and sometimes you feel attached
to the characters on TV,
but what life really
comes down to isn't TV.
It's the love between your family...
[buzzer]
Boy, are you way off!
He learned never to give
the lowest species
the keys to the father's car.
Well, that's valuable too.
And the Nielsons are our winners again!
[all cheering]
Well, Sinclairs, we always like to say
here on the Family Challenge,
"There are no losers."
But let's face it, you stink!
Hey, we may stink,
but at least we stink as a family.
But nobody leaves
the Family Challenge empty-handed.
Even though you didn't
win our grand prize 90-inch TV,
you go home with this
perfectly lovely 13-inch portable set.
- Whoa!
- [Baby] Yay!
And, Robbie, I saw your teacher
at the supermarket.
He told me how much fun it was
seeing you on television last night.
And he said you've been doing
much better in school lately.
By the way, Charlene,
everybody I run into
tells me how attractive you looked.
Some dinosaurs
are just naturally photogenic.
[crowd laughing on TV]
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Blah, blah, blah.
- [crowd laughing]
[male on TV] One gun, one badge...
So, Earl, how was your day?
- Yes, dear. Whatever you say.
- [male on TV]...but he's sensitive...
So, kids, what's new in school?
- Sure, Mom.
- I'll get to it.
[sighs]
What's new with you?
Shh! Move.
Welcome back to Pangaea's
Funniest Home Injuries.
[all laughing]
And now here's a father
and son playing catch
a little too near an active volcano
and giving new meaning to
the expression, "go deep.”
Go deep! I can reach you. Go deep!
I got it! I got it!
I got it! I got... Aah!
You know, Earl, I had something
funny happen to me today.
On video?
In my life.
I want to talk at the dinner table.
We don't see each other all day,
and I think we should talk
to each other at the dinner table.
Mom, we can talk anytime.
Pangaea's Funniest Home Injuries
is only on right now!
Then you'll watch
whatever show comes on next.
But that's a totally different show.
- What is it?
- Second Funniest Home Injuries.
I actually like that one much better.
We don't get that much
time together as a family...
Ma, you're thinking too hard.
Relax. Look at the bright colors.
It's... nice.
[grunting]
Come on, honey, turn that thing off!
J Pangaea, Pangaea, it's good to see you
I Get hurt}
- [all gasping]
- Oops!
- Aw, jeez.
- [song on TV]
Fine.
You and I will eat dinner together
like a civilized family.
[Baby grunting]
We interrupt Pangaea's Second Funniest
Home Injuries for this news bulletin.
[Earl] Jeez, hurry up.
Now, here's DNN correspondent,
Howard Handupme.
A meteor watch has been put into effect
throughout the Pangaean panhandle.
Scientists have specifically
pinpointed this particular house
as the point of probable impact.
Come on, come on!
What does this have to do with me?
Uh, Dad, uh...
What?
I think that's our house.
Nah!
Yeah, I think so.
Na...
Na...
Not the mama.
Na...
Huh? Yeah, look!
[laughs] Huh? Huh?
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, Fran, come here, come here!
Look at this. I'm on TV.
Hey, everybody, it's The Earl Show!
[Earl humming]
J There are chicks
3 Just ripe for some kissin'
3 And I mean
J To kiss me a few
- Ohh!
- & Oh, those chicks
[screaming]
J Don't know what they're missin'
J I've got a lot of livin'
♪ Todo ♪
[screaming]
- Again!
- [gasps]
We've been canceled.
We now return you
to our regularly scheduled program.
[screaming]
OK, well, I've finished my preliminary
claim inspection, Mr. Sinclair,
and I would appraise
the damages sustained here...
Don't try and cheat me on this!
'Cause I know you insurance guys,
you have absolutely no ethics!
How much would you say
your television set was worth?
Ten thousand dollars.
Hmm? Good thing I popped
for that extra meteor coverage, huh?
For us, yes, but if you refer to that
large bound volume we sent you,
labeled "exclusions,”
you'll find that a meteor
is only a meteor until it enters
the Earth's atmosphere,
at which time
it becomes a meteorite.
We're not gonna get any money, are we?
Not unless your house
was hovering in space
at the time it was struck.
It was, it was. You could
ask anybody! I swear!
I don't see this as a loss at all.
I see this as our chance
to spend time talking to each other.
I see this as a blessing in disguise!
[yawns]
[yawning]
What exactly is this blessing
disguised as, Fran?
Misery? Awkwardness?
Oh, I know!
It's disguised as mind-numbing boredom!
Look, we're not used to communicating.
We've lost the art of conversation.
Earl, tell me about your day.
I don't wanna.
At least ask your children
what happened in school today.
What happened in school today, Robbie?
Uh, may I be excused?
- I don't see why not.
- Oh, thanks.
Don't you get out of that chair!
No one gets out of their chair until
we talk to each other like a family.
Oh, this is vicious!
Fine, Charlene, you can go first.
Tell us about your day.
OK. Well, I went to school.
Nothing's going on there.
There was a... book or something.
Then I went to the mall.
This is good. They had a booth,
and they analyzed my skin.
And it turns out
I have combination scales!
Some are oily, and some are dry,
and some are in between.
Here's where
it gets really interesting.
They blended me
2 custom scale moisturizer, emolient,
lusterizer, conditioner mousse
with a pH balance
and a sun-protection factor,
which, coincidentally, matches
the combination body splash gel,
and came in a free
carrying case with a loofa!
Uh...
Robbie! Imagine running into you here.
Tell me all about you.
Let's get to know each other.
Gee, Mom, I'm not that interesting.
Don't fight it. The more you struggle,
the more painful it will be.
OK. There is something
I've been thinking about.
I wouldn't mind hearing
what the family thinks.
I'm a little confused
about the nature of reality.
No kidding?
Like if a tree falls in the forest
and nobody's around
to see it or hear it,
did it actually fall?
Ooh! Now, that is intriguing!
Who can build on that?
Where are you going?
I'm going to see if the tree fell.
I'll be back in a couple of days.
If you leave this house,
I will never talk to you again!
Throw in the rest of the family,
then you got yourself a deal!
Free, with your paid subscription
to Dinosaur Sports...
- [phone ringing]
- Hmm?
What? The rock is ringing!
Wow! it's a phone!
It's a rock! It's a Rok-Fone!
[laughing]
Hello? Yeah?
- Sounds great.
- Hello, the TV. I missed you.
Did you miss me?
Tough day without the TV, pally boy?
Oh, yeah. Did I miss anything?
You kidding?
First of all, on Oh, Those Becklesons,
Arnie's son, Mikey,
got picked on by a bully at school.
And Arnie had to teach him
a valuable lesson about life.
Ooh. I've never seen anything like that.
Yeah, well, those guys
are breaking new ground every week.
Jeez! What else did I miss?
Oh, wait.
Then on We're Not Even Related,
But Somehow We're All Living Together...
That's a great show!
...when Delores and Stan
go out for the evening,
teenaged Billy throws a party,
and trouble erupts.
Did it turn out all right?
Everyone learned
a valuable lesson about life.
[sighs] And I was wasting
these precious hours with my family.
- Yeah.
- I got to get a new TV!
Yeah.
How much does one like that cost now?
Oh, 700 or 800 bucks.
Oh, I could never afford that.
And those Becklesons will learn more
and more valuable lessons about life,
and I'm gonna get left behind!
What am I gonna do?
[male announcer]
Would you like to own
this gorgeous 90-inch stereophonic,
- surround-sound, big tube television?
- Yes!
You could, if you and your entire
family appear as contestants
on television's favorite family
game show, the Family Challenge!
Hey! I got a family.
Of course, I'd have
to split the TV with them.
Aw, what the heck?
Now the most important thing
is always save your double coupons
for the more expensive items.
Is that my wonderful family?
I'm not talking to you.
Fran, I thought long and hard,
and I think you're right.
We should do more things
together as a family.
Like what?
Something that will
teach us to nurture, share
and improve our general
knowledge of trivia.
What are you talking about?
Well, hey, I don't know.
Nothing planned, no agenda.
Off the top of my head...
...a game show, the Family Challenge.
Want to go on it with the family?
ATV game show?
I don't know.
Come on, come on. It'll be great.
What do you think, kids?
All in favor, sit there motionless.
It's unanimous, Fran.
- Seen this one.
- [Robbie humming]
Seen this one.
Ah! Seen this one too!
As you know, we have been
accepted as contestants
on the Family Challenge,
which leaves us 30 days
to absorb all the knowledge
in the world.
Now, some of us might not make it.
How are we supposed
to get so smart so fast?
No problem.
As you can see,
I have separated all known
dinosaur wisdom
into three categories:
"Animal, vegetable, rocks."
Well, what about fire?
Vegetable.
What about water?
Water is the opposite of fire,
which we have previously
established as a vegetable.
What's the opposite
of a vegetable? Fruit.
So water is a fruit.
Fruit is not a vegetable,
so it has to be either
an animal or a rock.
We know it's not an animal.
Therefore, fruit is a rock.
Daddy, I asked you about water.
Could we hold all questions
until the end of the lecture, please?
Not the TV!
I don't want to do this.
- Charlene!
- Why not?
I'm used to being embarrassed
by you guys on a local level.
I don't know how I feel
about being humiliated nationally.
Oh, Charlene, your father's just
trying to organize a family activity.
That's right.
When you're older, Charlene,
perhaps you'll realize family
is all you have in the world
and all you really need.
I've come to be on the game show.
Who needs you?
Grandma Ethyl is part of the family.
She's the annoying part
of the family, Fran.
I guess you won't need any help
with the ancient history questions.
And what makes you
the ancient history expert?
I was there.
Mom, welcome to the team.
[laughs]
Yutz.
Robbie, ask me another one.
Dad, you haven't gotten one right yet.
I'm finding my rhythm. Ask me, ask me.
OK, OK. "What can fish do
underwater that dinosaurs can't?"
Sing!
Wrong. Breathe.
- We can't breathe underwater?
- Nope.
That stinks. Oh, why don't
we know any of this stuff?
Why aren't we smarter?
Why haven't we reached
our full potential?
What has held us back?
Don't touch that dial.
We'll be right back.
Your mileage may differ.
Tell him what he's won, Bob.
How hot was it?
This concludes our broadcast day.
You think it could be television?
Oh, Fran, what if you're right?
We've done nothing
but watch television our whole lives.
And now we know nothing.
Now we're suffering the consequences.
[bell chiming]
Now we're missing
The Winkie the Moose Show.
And they said if you only
see one Winkie this season,
tonight's the one.
We can change what we've
become, starting right now.
When you first came up with the idea
of us going on a game show,
I thought there must be
some ulterior motive.
Motive? You thought that?
[laughs] Well...
But now I see it for what it is.
It's exactly what you said.
It's our chance to learn together
and grow closer as a family.
I know.
Cumulus.
Yes! Right on!
[laughing]
[all] Yay!
[Earl] All right.
Here is the concept of gravity.
Now watch closely.
[all] Mmm.
Aah!
[laughing]
[laughing]
[laughing]
[all laughing]
I never realized how lovely it could be,
sitting here with my family,
sharing these lovely moments.
[male announcer]
It's time once again
to play the world's first
and most popular game show,
the Family Challenge.
[crowd cheering]
Here's Mr. Family Challenge
himself, Buddy Glimmer.
[cheering continues]
Hey, thank you.
Thank you. Ha-ha!
OK, now let's meet our families.
First, our challengers.
Let's hear it for the Sinclairs.
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
Hi. Hi, Buddy. I'm Earl.
Ladies, ladies.
Just like to meet the ladies.
And this delightful lovely is?
Oh, Charlene Sinclair.
Of course you are.
Who's this vision of loveliness?
Well, I'm Fran Sinclair,
homemaker and proud mother of three.
Ohh.
Fran! Ha-ha! Yes!
Give me a big wet one.
[kissing noises]
And let's say hello
to our returning champions,
the Nielson family!
So, Nielsons, so, what have
you been up to since last time?
Just sitting around the house
watching television, I guess.
Television's our life.
[laughing]
Any favorite shows?
Just about every one of them,
Buddy. [laughing]
Well, introduce us
to your family, would you?
Sure, Buddy. This is my wife, Gladys.
- Hello.
- She handles the remote.
- My son, he brings me chips.
- Hi!
- What's his name, dear?
- Chip.
- My daughter Sally on the end.
- Hi, Buddy.
[laughing]
Fran, I forgot how much
I used to enjoy the TV.
I haven't seen television
in a month now.
It doesn't seem
so important to me anymore.
And here are today's categories.
"TV Last Week,
TV Last Night,
TV,
TV,
TV Potpourri,
- and Families..."
- [both] Oh.
"...on TV."
Ohh. What an unpleasant coincidence.
Champions, select.
TV Last Night, Buddy.
On last night's episode
of Where's My Trousers?,
what did Bernie find
hanging in his closet?
- [buzzing]
- Ah, Sinclairs.
[all gasping]
I'll take the curtain, Bob.
- No, no, no, sweetheart.
- Why?
Come on, Dad, we can figure this out.
Yeah, we used to watch TV.
OK. Um, um...
Ah... it's hanging in his closet.
So then it would have to be...
- [buzzer beeping]
- ...an isosceles triangle!
[all cheering]
[buzzer]
[all groaning]
[all laughing]
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
And that ends round two,
with the Nielsons leading at 3,460
and the Sinclairs at... five.
- [all groan]
- [Baby laughs]
Well, Earl Sinclair,
it looks like you've lost
that beautiful grand prize
90-inch color television set.
Television set?
Is that the reason you wanted
to be on this show?
That's what you had in mind all along?
No, no, no! No!
Yes! But only at first.
That was before we spent those weeks
learning together as a family.
I loved that.
I would never trade that
for some big TV set.
That's easy to say now
that there's no chance of winning.
I mean it. If he offered me one more
chance to win that set right now,
I wouldn't take it.
Well, Sinclairs,
you've got one more chance
to win this 90-inch surround-sound,
really, really big tube television
in our sudden-death playoff round.
And since you're behind, Sinclairs,
way behind,
it's your choice.
You can either test your knowledge
with one more TV question
you have almost
no chance of getting right,
OI'...
...square off
for an exciting winner-take-all
fight to the death with Mr. Nielson
in our patented Cage of Doom.
It's your choice, Earl Sinclair.
In our sudden-death round.
Ah.
Well, Earl, what will it be?
Ah...Oh...
Kill him, Daddy.
Eat his head, fat boy.
- We'll bet it all, Bob.
- [audience] Cage of Doom!
Well, Earl Sinclair, what will it be?
The cage or the question?
Uh...
[audience] Cage of Doom! Cage of Doom!
I'll take the question, Buddy.
- You will?
- What?
- [both] What?
- Maybe I didn't explain this.
I understood. Give it to me.
Bring it up.
[Nielsons cheering]
Tuesday night was
a very special episode
of Oh, Those Becklesons.
For the big-screen TV and the game,
what very valuable lesson
did Benji Beckleson learn about life?
Uh...
Huh?
Daddy.
Well, Buddy,
he learned
that television shows come and go
and sometimes you feel attached
to the characters on TV,
but what life really
comes down to isn't TV.
It's the love between your family...
[buzzer]
Boy, are you way off!
He learned never to give
the lowest species
the keys to the father's car.
Well, that's valuable too.
And the Nielsons are our winners again!
[all cheering]
Well, Sinclairs, we always like to say
here on the Family Challenge,
"There are no losers."
But let's face it, you stink!
Hey, we may stink,
but at least we stink as a family.
But nobody leaves
the Family Challenge empty-handed.
Even though you didn't
win our grand prize 90-inch TV,
you go home with this
perfectly lovely 13-inch portable set.
- Whoa!
- [Baby] Yay!
And, Robbie, I saw your teacher
at the supermarket.
He told me how much fun it was
seeing you on television last night.
And he said you've been doing
much better in school lately.
By the way, Charlene,
everybody I run into
tells me how attractive you looked.
Some dinosaurs
are just naturally photogenic.
[crowd laughing on TV]
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Blah, blah, blah.
- [crowd laughing]