Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 2, Episode 3 - I Never Ate for My Father - full transcript

Earl insists Robbie isn't acting carnivorous enough, so the teen stages a protest by becoming-- gasp!-- a vegetarian.

Honey, I'm home.

- More.
- You've finished your bottle, dear.

- You're full now.
- Not full. Empty. Fill me up.

Honey, that was dinner.
Next bottle's at bedtime.

Tired. Sleepy. Night-night.

- No night-night.
- Night-night!

- No night-night.
- Bottle!

Not till night-night.

This stinks.

Come here. Come here. Come here.

Mmm.



[screams]

[screams]

Ha-ha!

[laughs]

[screams]

Ma, can we please have dinner?

I'm wasting away.
My thighs are hardly touching.

Don't exaggerate, dear.

- I heard you coming.
- Ow!

I don't see why the whole family
has to wait

for Robbie to get home
from the stupid YMCA.

Hey! We don't talk that way about
the Young Males' Carnivore Association.

[Charlene groans]

I remember the day when
I was initiated down at the Y.



Made quite a meat eater of me.

Do they really make you rip open
a live mastodon with your teeth?

That's right, little girl. It's a good,
wholesome tradition for a young boy.

It'll keep your brother off the streets

and teach him
his place in the food chain.

Won't be long before you get the urge
to rip into some flesh yourself.

- Huh, Junior?
- [both laugh]

- My old man's gonna kill me.
- It's no big deal, dude.

Everyone was tearing open
their mastodon.

I looked at mine, showed my teeth,
ralphed on my shoes.

Hey, you spewed a little lava.
It happens.

Some carnivore I turned out to be.

Well, maybe the YMCA
just isn't right for you.

Tell that to my Dad.
He'll never let me live this down.

Well, not everybody's
cut out to be a carnivore, Rob.

Did you ever think
that maybe you're a...

A herbivore?

- No way!
- It's possible.

Not for me. My dad's a carnivore,
my mom's a carnivore, my sister...

- Boy, is she a carnivore.
- Yeah.

- I've gotta be a carnivore.
- It's not necessarily hereditary.

A lot of dinosaurs eat vegetables.

- Yeah.
- Including me.

[gasp] You... you're one of them?

Are you sure? I mean...
How long have you known?

I always kind of suspected.

Since ll was 12,
when I ever see vegetables,

- Yeah.
- I feel kinda... hungry.

- Jeez, Dave! I never woulda guessed.
- I sneak outta the house on weekends.

I go to this veggie place across town.

- Mm-hm.
- Why not check it out with me?

No thanks.

- I'm not looking to munch on greens.
- You don't have to eat.

You just hang out and meet
some of the herbivore girls.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Hey, is it true what they say?
- Oh, yeah, about chlorophyll?

- Yeah.
- Hah! Makes 'em wild!

Ow!

- I'm going tonight.
- Huh?

Wanna meet me there?

Uh... Hmm...

I see you.

[screams]

[Baby] Again!

Hi, everybody. I'm sorry I'm late.

Hey! There's my carnivore!

Oh, Dad. Dad! Dad!

[Earl growls]

Dad, Dad! Come on, cut it out!

OK, everyone. We can eat now.

Charlene!

Son, you and I have had
our differences in the past,

but as of today
you're on the right track.

And I'm glad I had you.

Ah, jeez.

I just got off the phone
with Emily Stavis.

Not now, Charlene.
Dinner's getting cold.

She said that Peter said that Diana said

that Robbie coughed up
critters at his initiation. [laughs]

Charlene,
I'm going to bite your head off!

Ooh! He's not a carnivore,
he's a cannibal.

- Hey, come here!
- Robert, is this true?

The whole thing was stupid anyway.

Why should I rip apart some poor
mastodon? What did he ever do to me?

He was smaller, that's what he did.

Bigger eats smaller in the carnivore
kingdom. That's the way it is.

That's the way it's always been.
It's the food chain.

Love it or leave it.

Some dinosaurs reject the food chain.

You know what we call them.

Earl, not at the table.

Herbo! Herbo!

- Where did you learn that language?
- It's television.

They say whatever they want.

Television is responsible for
the utter degradation of our society.

We should write letters.

- Mom.
- What?

Get a life.

- I don't feel very hungry.
- Hey, sit down.

If your mother can take
time to kill this dinner,

you can take time to eat it.

Why do we eat animals every night?

It's possible to get
nutrition from vegetables.

Uh-oh. [laughs nervously]

Well, it's happened, Franny.

The green menace has
crept into our very home.

Robbie isn't one of those radicals.

There's one hiding under every bed.

Robbie, I'm gonna ask you
something straight out.

Are you now or have you
ever been an herbivore?

This is nuts.
I don't have to answer this.

Either answer me or go to your room.

Fine! Ugh!

[sighs] That kid has defied me
at every turn, Fran.

Little by little, he's eating
away at my heart and soul.

Well, at least
he's interested in something.

I'm carnivorous, Daddy.
I'll eat anything that moves.

It's Charlene.

[screaming]

[Earl chuckles]

- See?
- Charlene, you are now my son.

Thanks, Daddy.
Can I have money for lipstick?

- Of course, Son.
- Oh!

I'm not letting you give up on Robbie.

I want you to go upstairs
and talk to him.

Oh, that's what you want?

Well, here's what I want.

I want to sit here and enjoy
my dinner and not go upstairs

and that's what I want! [thumps table]

But the hell with me.

[knocking]

[Fran]
Robbie, your father wants to talk.

[Earl] Do not.

Robbie?

Robbie!

See this, Fran?
He's gone, skipped out. Gee!

I come up here on my own for a little
heart-to-heart with my boy,

and how does that
little lizard repay me?

He leaves. He doesn't stay.

He doesn't trust.

He doesn't trust his own parents.

- I'm going to search his room.
- Earl, stop it.

I want to know how far
this thing has gone.

[gasps]

[gasps]

Broccoli!

I could have understood a carrot
or a little lettuce maybe,

but right to broccoli?

No! My son is an herbivore.

Someone at school
must have given it to him.

- I'm sure he doesn't know what it is.
- He gets it from your side.

- What?
- Your uncle Elmo.

The one they never talk about.
He ate off the wrong side of the plate.

[sobs] If only my cooking had been
better, he wouldn't have turned to this!

Franny. Come on, honey.
Now don't blame yourself.

I should have taken him hunting
when he was a kid.

I shoulda shown him
the beauty of killing small things.

[both sob]

No. A tangelo's an orange and a peach.

No, man, it's an apricot and a plum.

So, then...
what's a tomato and an onion?

- Salsa!
- [both laugh]

[mimics Bob Dylan]
J Has anybody here

J Seen my old friend Bambi's mother?

J Can you tell me where she's gone?

J She fed a lot of people

7 But the tasty, they die young

J Just like antelope, mutton

J And Bambi's mom

Ah. Cukes. Check it out.

Uh...

Uh...

I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

Uh...

Agh!

Ugh! Gah! Burgh!

- [Robbie] Hmm.
- Hi there.

Uh... Hi.

I haven't seen you here before.

Yeah, yeah. Well...

I was carnivorous until a few days ago.

I still might be. I'm deciding.

Mmm!

3 This lamb is your lamb

J This lamb is my lamb

J So have a salad

J With Thousand Island J

Yeah.

I love the smell of lettuce
on a dinosaur's lips.

Huh?

Uh...

Uh...

[Dave] Yeah. Go, dude.

[Dave] All right. All right.

[Robbie] Mmm!

- Robert Mark Sinclair!
- Huh?

Uh, Dad! Uh...

Uh, let me explain.

Not another word!
We are gettin' out of here.

- But...
- Whoa!

The old dinosaur's like
totally herbiphobic.

- Dad, you're embarrassing me!
- I'm embarrassing you?

I just thank God your grandfather's
not alive to see this.

You're a carnivore.

- You belong with your own kind.
- OK.

Now, come on!

What's it gonna be, Robbie?

Are you carnivore, herbivore, or what?

Well, why do I have to be anything?

I have a dream

that someday a dinosaur will be judged
not by the content of his lunch box,

but by the quality of his character.

- All right!
- Yeah. Right on.

- Ooh! You're such a radical!
- Yeah.

Let go of my son, you pea pusher.

Dad, so what if they eat a few peas?
They're proud of it.

[customers]
J All we are saying...

[Robbie] Come on! Hey! Aah!

7 Is give peas a chance

Everybody's talking 'bout radishes...

3 All we are saying...

[Earl] Yeah, I should have dragged you
out here a long time ago, Robert.

Look, Dad, I don't want to go hunting.

I just don't like killing things,
all right?

Robert, listen to me,
you're not a kid anymore.

OK, now, look.

No one knows this.

1 didn't even tell your mother this.

When I was 14, 1...

I experimented with some lettuce.

But, those were my salad days
and you're too old for that, Rob.

We're dinosaurs. We're ferocious.

- Yeah, yeah.
- We got a reputation, Son.

Shh!

That's it. I hear our prey.

Now watch me, Son.

OK? First we start to salivate.

Yeah! Then we approach with stealth.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Raah!

- [Earl chuckles]
- Ooh! Ooh!

This is it, boy. Bon appétit.

- I don't wanna.
- Eat him!

I'm not even hungry.

Put him in your mouth and chew.

You can't make me.

Hey. What's with the kid?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong with my kid.

- He's a veg-o, isn't he?
- [Earl] Hey!

Will you just eat him,
and let's go home, Robbie?

No.

My son tried the same thing at his age.

"Why do I have to eat other creatures?
What's important about the food chain?"

- What did you do?
- I ate him.

- 1 like it.
- I'm tough, but fair.

The little snack is making sense.

The food chain is what we live by.

It's what we've always lived by.

Bigger eats smaller. It's sacred,

the one thing that
gives order to our world.

- [growling]
- [Robbie] Huh?

What's that?

Oh. Swamp monster.

Don't worry,
he never comes out unless he's hungry.

[both whine]

[roaring]

- [Earl whimpers]
- [Robbie] Dad! Dad!

Phew! That was a close one.

Robbie!

[Earl whimpers]

Incoming!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Where am I?

Don't they teach you
anything in biology?

Whoa. You mean...

Yeah. We got eaten. I was the appetizer.
You were the main course.

- We're in a stomach?
- Yeah.

I wouldn't worry. A guy your size could
sit here for days before heading south.

- [belching]
- Incoming!

[jabbering]

Fast food. Shoots right through.

How can you just sit here
waiting to be digested?

That's not gonna happen to me.
I'm a dinosaur! Whoa!

Listen to mister big shot,
fancy pants, top of the food chain.

- Let me tell you.
- Huh?

We're all the same in the stomach.

[Robbie sighs]

Fran. Franny? [sobs]

Fran. Fran.

Where's Robbie?

Franny...

Did you find Robbie?

I found him, Fran.

Did you teach him about the food chain?

He knows everything there is
to know about the food chain.

- [Earl sobs]
- Then we can have dinner.

He's eaten, Fran.

Earl, what is wrong with you?

- Fran.
- What?

- Fran!
- What?

- Fran!
- What?

- Fran!
- What?

What's missing? [sobbing]

Earl, did Robbie get eaten?

[wailing]

Swamp... Swamp...
Oh! Swamp! Big monster!

Swamp monster!
Teeth! Teeth! So many teeth!

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
Big teeth! Little teeth!

Rows and rows and rows!

All right. We'll go and get him.

What's going on?

Oh! Charlene! Charlene! No. No.

There are just some things
too horrible for you to know.

Who ate Robbie?

I don't know! I don't know!

What do you think?
I asked him for his card?

- You must have gotten a look at him.
- Oh, he was big, Fran.

He was big and mean and hungry.

Oh, that could be
almost anybody out there.

I don't believe it.

Robbie, my brother, eaten.

[sobbing]

Earl, we have to do something!

How about if we turn his room into,
like, a memorial walk-in closet?

[wailing]

- OK.
- OK, Earl, listen.

Swamp monsters take days
to digest a big meal like Robbie.

We have got to save him!

What do you want me to do, Franny?

The laws of nature clearly state
that bigger eats smaller.

I mean, the swamp monster
is within his rights.

The laws of nature also state that we
protect our young, no matter what.

Oh, jeez, they get you coming and going!

Oh, Robbie, Robbie, Robbie...

Well, uh... guess...

it was somewhere right around here.

Uh, yeah, that tree.

- Here?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Where?
- Down there.

There's the leaf I remember.

Yeah. There's the place.

Fine. You wade in there,
and don't come back without our son.

This is a big swamp.

[sighs] There's probably
two dozen swamp monsters

that look exactly alike,
with the same big teeth.

How am I supposed to know
which one ate Robbie?

[roaring]

That's him.

Two pair. Ha-ha-ha!

Ha! Full house. Ha-ha-ha!

- What a day I'm having.
- [belching]

Incoming!

Aaah! Jeez! Ow! Ooh!

Huh?

- Bleurgh! Yuck! Yow!
- Dad!

Dad, you came in after me!

Your mother made me.

I really appreciate it, Dad.

Don't you make nice with me.

You who spit on the food chain.

Well, it's the food chain
that got us into this mess.

Spit, spit, spit.

We're about to be digested.

- Do you wanna cut me some slack?
- You want me to cut you some slack?

Well, all you got to do is eat him.

Uh, could you wait a minute?

Heh! Full house. Heh-heh-heh.

Straight flush.

Eat me.

What difference does it make what I eat?

This is not about eating.

This is about...

It's about defiance.

You defy me every chance you get.

You don't eat what I want you to eat,

you don't think
what I want you to think,

and you don't do what I want you to do.

Tell me what it is
that you have against me,

and I will happily jump
down this guy's intestines.

I don't have anything against you, Dad.
It's just...

...don't agree
with anything you've ever said.

All I ever wanted was for you
to live your life exactly like me.

Is that too much to ask?

Come on! Didn't you ever
disagree with your father?

- No! Never!
- [Robbie sighs]

Almost always.

But what's your point?

You and Grandpa used to fight
like you and me?

Yeah, but that was different.

He was always wrong.

Your grandpa was less evolved.

He was a wild dinosaur.

He expected me to live in the woods,
have kids in the mud,

eat my mate, and die in pieces.

And you know? That was OK for him.

But I wanted better.

Maybe it's OK if sons have different
ideas than their fathers.

Maybe it's how we evolve as dinosaurs.

Yeah. Well,
maybe that's the law of nature.

Like the food chain.

How did you get so smart?

[laughs] I don't know.

From Mom, I guess.

[Earl chuckles]

[Robbie laughs]

I'm sorry we're going to be digested.

You won't have a son who irritates you
as much as you irritate me.

Aw, Dad.

My son.

- Heh-heh.
- My son.

[swamp monster] Cut it out.
You're making me sick to my stomach.

- Huh?
- What?

That mushy stuff makes me nauseous.

- Cut it out.
- Aah.

[gasps]

[chuckles]

[cackles]

[clearing throat]

Uh, Robbie, you're the best son
a dad could ever have!

I just want you to be proud of me, Dad.

Every single day!

Son, you are just
a little ball of goodness.

Oh, I love you, Daddy-wuddy-wuddy!

[Earl chuckles]

Hey! We're hugging down here!

We're hugging.

- [belching]
- [all] Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

[roaring]

- Another shower, Dad?
- Yeah. Ten more ought to do it.

- You got spit up, too?
- Yep.

Did you bring me a present?

Meat and vegetables.
Everyone can pick what they want.

[Earl] Hear that?

Your mother and I aren't too old
to learn a thing or two.

I learned that my kids are smart enough
to eat what they want.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Dad.

[gasps]

[screams]