Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 2, Episode 24 - Wesayso Knows Best - full transcript
Wesayso attempts to present a positive image of its company to the public with the perfect family, 'The Wesayso Family'. However, the company decides that it would be better if Roy becomes the head of the Sinclair household, and Earl moves out.
Honey, I'm home.
[applause over TV]
The universe for 10, Art.
The universe for 10.
And the question is:
"How many planets
revolve around the Earth?"
- One.
- [bell rings]
Jerry?
None, Art. The Earth
and the other planets
- revolve around the sun.
- [buzzer]
Ooh, I'm sorry.
That's incorrect, and it's heresy.
So we take away all your points
and we burn you at the stake.
Darn.
Boy. They're really strict on this show.
Hey, where are all the pistachio nuts?
Fran, can you bring some
more pistachios in here?
We're all out, Earl.
- [Earl] What?
- That was the last jar.
Fran, I don't ask for much from you,
a clean house, three square meals a day,
gardening, raising the kids,
a little light plumbing,
scheduled maintenance on the car.
So when I ask you to keep
a few pistachios on hand,
I think maybe you could take a little
time to get out of your bubble bath
and get down to the market.
The market didn't have
any pistachio nuts.
I even called three other stores.
They don't have them either.
You expect me to believe
that for some mysterious reason
there's no more pistachio nuts
to be found anywhere?
[announcer] We interrupt our
programming
to bring you this DNN
Special Report.
Pistachios: Why Aren't
There Any To Be Found?
I'm waiting, Fran.
Hello, I'm Howard Handupme.
Today the dinosaurs
who walk on all fours
encroached on the southeast
bank of the great swamp,
which divides our two nations.
This area's home to most
of our pistachio nut trees,
or bushes, or whatever
it is they grow on.
Due to this, our flow of pistachios
has been cut off indefinitely.
A government spokesman
commenting on the situation
told us this is no big deal
and will certainly not
escalate into anything serious.
All right, we'll just
eat pecans for a while.
Pecans? Everyone knows
pecans are a baking nut.
They're hardly suited to snacking.
All right, then cashews.
Cashews come already shelled.
Where's the challenge in that?
Why should I compromise
on my snacking needs?
Dad, Dad, you're talking about nuts.
If you take a minute to think
about it, you'll see it's no big deal.
They are threatening
our very way of life!
It's naked aggression, pure and simple.
Then we got to get naked
right back at 'em.
Yeah.
Now take that,
you four-legged nut grabber!
Wow, I've never seen you
so fired up, Earl.
Yeah, well, no one has ever
cut off my pistachios before.
[roars] Eat bark, you quad-pods!
[growling]
Hey, hey, guys, you know
why four-leggers wear hats?
No. Why?
So their wives know which end to kiss.
[all laughing]
Hey, guys, you know why
four-leggers can't rob a bank?
- Why?
- Because they're unarmed.
[all laughing]
- Hey, you know what the latest news is?
- No, why?
I read pistachios are gonna
be 50 cents more a pound.
[laughing] Fifty cents!
You guys slay me!
- Wake up.
- Roy, it's not a joke.
Fifty cents a pound?
- Well, I won't pay it!
- No.
That's an increase of...
Well, actually, Fran does the shopping.
I also read the elder-in-chief's
considering nationwide nut rationing.
Yeah, he's gonna make
a speech about it at 10:00.
Hey, do you think Mr. Richfield
will let us watch it on his TV?
Come on. In times of crisis like this,
everyone forgets their differences
and comes together.
- Come on, let's go!
- Come on.
- [door opens]
- What's this, a strike?
- No.
- No.
That's it, you lousy
green trash, you're fired!
Uh, sir, we were wondering
if you were gonna watch
the chief elder's speech on the TV.
Well, since this affects your snacks
as much as mine, all right.
It's the least I can do after blowing
your pension fund at the track.
- Hmm?
- Oh!
[announcer] And now a message
from our elder-in-chief.
- Hi.
- Hi.
As you know the dinosaurs
who walk on all fours
have invaded our swamp
and seized our pistachios.
Now, I know a lot of you
are upset about the nuts,
but this is not about nuts.
This is bigger than nuts,
bigger than all snack foods.
- This is about principle...
- Mm-hmm, right.
...about justice, about truth.
It's a complex issue, but luckily,
can be boiled down to a simple slogan:
"We Are Right."
- That's catchy!
- Easy to pronounce.
And comforting too.
The time has come for bold
and decisive action.
And so, today, we launch
Operation "We Are Right.”
Tomorrow we'll select a bunch of big,
strong guys to go down to that swamp
and hiss and spit at those
four-leggers until they go away.
Now, who's with me?
Well, uh... [stammering]
Naturally, I'm not talking about sending
productive members of society.
It'll be mostly teenage boys
and the poor.
Oh, good. This just affects our kids.
- Glad I voted for him.
- Yeah.
Our cause is just,
our duty is clear
and our mouths overflow
with the spittle of righteousness.
Please join me in praying
for the safe and dry return
of our boys. [sighs]
Oh, sure.
Oh, brother.
- Oh, what a leader.
- He's no wimp.
Yeah. What a great distraction
from complicated domestic issues.
Yep.
Gentlemen, today's a day of celebration.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm going to tie one on.
- What a boss!
- Hey!
Your four, get back to work!
Oh, right, right.
I'm going, I'm going.
- Did you finish your juice?
- Uh-huh.
Ah, then you can have a yummy.
Caveman cracker! Yay!
- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
- There.
- Now, what do you say?
- More!
- No, that's not it.
- Um...
[Fran] Come on. You know what to say.
I'm waiting for the magic word.
Gimme!
[gasps]
- [Fran] What's the magic word?
- [Baby] You don't know it either?
[Fran] I know it, and so do you.
[gasps]
Hem
Waah!
No. Crying isn't going to help.
My cookie's gone!
Because you ate it.
No! The cookie creature
took it.
Oh, right. A cookie creature took it.
Don't talk down to me!
This is between you
and the cookie creature,
so you two will have to work it out.
Oh, well, thanks for nothing.
Honey, I'm home.
Oh, Earl, did you hear
the elder's speech?
Hey, what a leader. Did you see
how fast he made up that slogan?
Yes. I think everything's
happening awfully fast.
Robbie's already been called down
to the selective service office.
Soon they'll be shipping him off
to some foreign swamp somewhere.
Sweetheart, don't you think our elder-
in-chief hasn't thought this through?
You think he'd rush headlong into a
flashy and macho display of aggression
in an election year?
Where's the logic in that?
But Earl, you know what happens
when males get together
and start posturing.
I'm just afraid this "We Are Right"
thing could get out of hand.
They're just going to be doing
a little hissing and spitting.
This is our government.
I think our government
knows what it's doing.
Wouldn't it be better if we dressed
like trees and bushes so we blended in?
You're thinking too hard, Scooter.
Let's just get up to the front
and let the loogies fly.
Just look at him.
Ready to strike terror
into the hearts of the enemy.
Dad...
I like the cut of your blouse, soldier.
I look like an idiot.
Son, have some respect.
That uniform was designed
by the elder-in-chief's
unmarried brother Julian.
- Yeah...
- OK. Now...
Everybody say "victory."
Negotiation.
What kind of talk is that?
I'm just asking if anybody's
tried talking to the other side
before we get whipped into hysteria?
Hey, in situations like this, the
only rational response is hysteria.
Now get your green butt down
to the swamp and do your duty.
Ours is not to reason why, Scooter.
Say your goodbyes.
We got to get a move on.
You have to go now?
Sorry. We gotta get out there
and kick some four-footed fanny.
Sorry. We gotta get out there
and kick some four-footed fanny.
That's what I like to hear.
[bugle fanfare]
Well, this is it, boys.
- Now, Robbie,
- Huh?
I don't mind you spitting
for a good cause,
but if they start shoving and using
foul language, I want you to call...
...then go stand in front of the
battlefield and we'll pick you up.
- Oh...
- Oh!
- [groans]
Mom, don't worry. I'll be all right.
Good luck, boys! Give them one for me!
- Will do.
- [Earl] Good lads.
Fran, our cause is just.
No harm can come to him
as long as he wears
our flag on his uniform.
Goodbye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
- Goodbye, son.
- [dinosaur] Come on.
Stay dry!
Make us proud, boys!
[announcer] Here's DNN
correspondent Howard Handupme.
Good evening.
I'm Howard Handupme.
Today our troops saw their first
hissing and spitting action,
turning back an advanced
squad of evil four-leggers,
proving just how right we really are.
We have this videotape
of today's action,
but our friends in the military
thought it might be too disturbing
to show at dinnertime.
Disturbing? What does that mean?
You know what boys are like.
One of them probably mooned the camera.
So instead of actual footage,
we now offer this dramatic recreation.
The day began with intense
saturation spitting,
with the sky sometimes dark from all
the hock-tooeys flying back and forth.
Take that, you four-legged pansy!
Oh, no, I'm a weak sissy
compared to you.
I'll run away to my mommy.
You'd better, because there's
more where that came from!
The battle went a lot like that.
Hmm.
Cookie creature,
I've got something for you.
It's yummy!
I'm not paying attention.
[sniffing]
What's that?
Hot! Don't touch!
Aah!
What are you doing here?
You must want a bath.
No, no, no! No bath, Mama! No bath!
No, no! Oh...
[cackling]
[growls]
He's dead meat.
Mom, Grandma, there's
good news from the front.
Is it something about Robbie?
[groans] Robbie again.
All you're ever interested in
is Robbie. Robbie, Robbie...
- Charlene!
- All right.
They want girls
to go entertain the troops,
and they picked me to be one of them!
We're gonna do a big
musical show at the front.
Isn't that dangerous?
Well, it's true most musicals do fail,
but we've got some great
songs... and costumes.
- See?
- Mmm.
Yeah. What does USO stand for?
The Uninhibited Sisters of Other Guys.
We're going to bring
a little bit of good old home
to a lot of lonely kids out there,
and I get to be out of school!
- Lonely kids.
- [Charlene] La-la!
Those poor boys so far from home.
Don't worry, Frannie.
The whole nation's praying
for their safe return.
[announcer] In these difficult times,
with our sons away
fighting for all we hold sacred,
we here on the home front must
summon our courage, pray for our boys
and through it all
we must stick together.
And when you need things
to stick together,
think of Wacky Glue!
Whether it's wood, plastic,
porcelain or glass,
Wacky Glue bonds instantly
and permanently.
Wacky Glue: the official adhesive
of Operation "We Are Right."
- [grunts]
- I'm Major Savings.
I'm Major Values.
[both] And we both support our troops
by battling high prices
at Stan's House of Stereo.
Remember, no poor son of a gun
ever saved money by buying retail.
He saved money by making
the other poor son of a gun buy retail.
So march on down
to Stan's House of Stereo.
[both] And that's an order!
[grunts]
Mom? Do you ever feel,
you know... not patriotic?
[sighs]
It bothers me that these commercials
are trivializing something so serious.
Hmm. Well, nobody's really stupid enough
to fall for that tacky
commercialization.
Hey, Frannie, look at
all this neat stuff
they're selling on the streets.
Earl, don't you think
that's in poor taste?
What do you mean, poor taste?
This thing lights up. Nice, huh?
[sighs]
[chuckling] Did I miss
the battle highlights?
I hope Robbie's out on the front line
where the cameras are.
Our leaders are extremely optimistic,
as everything proceeds
exactly according to plan.
I've just been handed a battle update.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
[gasps] Oh, no! This can't be.
- Dear God in heaven, say it isn't so!
- [gasps]
Please, no!
It's nothing. Everything's fine.
Now here's Dwayne with sports.
What happened? It was
something bad, wasn't it?
Why aren't they telling us
what's going on?
I tried to enlist, but they wouldn't
take me because I can't salute.
Tough break.
Boy, I'd be there in a second
if I wasn't badly needed
in the civilian sector.
Danish, anyone?
Hey, guys, it's not that
I don't blindly believe
all our government's saying,
but what do you think of
the news blackout all of a sudden?
What are you saying?
I'm saying that
after all the good news,
all of a sudden they're
not telling us anything.
You don't suppose the other side
has hissing and spitting superiority?
What are you saying?
Yeah. I hear our side's
gonna start throwing sticks.
Sticks? Somebody could lose an eye.
What are you saying, Earl?
You got a problem with our
government policies, Sinclair?
- No, no, I was just thinking...
- Thinking?
Hey, if everyone sat around thinking,
we'd never get an operation
like this off the ground.
Of course, maybe you'd
like that, eh, Sinclair?
Yeah, you don't by any chance
walk around on all fours at home?
Let's see your palms.
When you buy socks,
how many are in a pack?
- Answer him.
- Hey, guys, Earl's no quad lover.
He's got a boy at the front.
Tell them, Earl.
You're not thinking things.
There's nothing going on
in that head of yours.
No. Hey, guys, you know me.
I'm the last person to start thinking.
So, you still believe we
are right, don't you, Earl?
Of course I do.
- All right.
- Yeah. Thousand points of light.
So, Earl, Danish,
or not?
Oh...
What's everybody else having?
- Ah!
- Ah!
Good fella.
- There. Perfect.
- Oh.
[sighing]
Ma, I'll be fine.
It's just that first
Robbie goes off, now you.
It's hard for a mother to get used
to her children being spit on.
Fran, I'm sure the girls
will be just fine.
Yeah, yeah.
[Earl] Hey, hold the phone.
What's that four-legger
doing in my house?
I just came in for a cup of coffee.
Oh, a cup of classified
military secrets, more like it.
Hey, Roy, check her
necklace for microphones.
OK.
Hi, Roy.
Uh... heh heh.
Yeah. Uh... uh...
[stammers, chuckles]
Um, this puts me in a bit
of a quandary, pally-boy.
Monica might be an enemy of the state,
- but I got a crush on her big time.
- [groans]
Earl, you're overreacting.
Monica's our friend.
Count her legs, Fran.
They spell enemy-e!
Earl, I have lived on this side
of the swamp since I was 12.
Oh, sure, gathering
intelligence for the enemy.
- You won't find any intelligence here!
- Nope.
I am insulted and offended
that you could even
question my allegiance.
Oh, then I guess you wouldn't
mind taking a little loyalty oath.
- What sort of oath?
- Oh, it's very simple.
Raise your right hand.
I don't have a right hand.
Well, what do you know?
[announcer] And now, a DNN
Special Report, Live: From the Front.
Welcome to the first press briefing
of Operation "We Are Right."
We'll start by opening up the floor to
questions. Feel free to ask anything.
It is important that you feel
there is open and honest communication
- with the military.
- [reporters clamoring]
[General] Yes?
Sir, over here!
How's our side doing, sir?
- That was not on the list!
- [all] Oh!
Oh, sorry, sir. How about,
uh... number three?
Excellent question. Are we pleased
by how well our troops are performing?
The answer: yes!
- Great!
- That's better.
Next question.
Please don't construe this
as being in any way critical,
but is there a way to shorten
the slogan "We Are Right"?
We have to write it down a lot.
Could we just call it W-A-R?
How would you pronounce
a thing like that?
Well, I guess it would be... "whar."
[reporter] No, no, no.
It would be "wayr."
[reporters overlapping] "Whaar."
[arguing]
General, you said there's been
no escalation in the fighting,
yet we have a videotape here
showing the use of dirt clods
on the battlefield!
- Whoa.
- They're throwing dirt clods?
Well, let 'em. Our boys
are going to be throwing sticks.
- [gasps] Sticks?
- Clam up.
Huh? What?
Someone could put out an eye!
This whole thing's
gotten way out of hand.
Earl, I want you to go to the front
and bring Robbie home.
Are you kidding? I can't go up there.
Why not? Our son is in danger.
Frannie, it's a military operation.
No one's allowed up there, no
mommies, no daddies. Just soldiers.
- And USO girls, like me.
- Hmm.
- This is humiliating.
- Well, sure. It's your first time.
[announcer] Next week,
Dinosaurs' epic miniseries continues.
As their lives are plunged even deeper
into the swirling vortex of war,
each member of the Sinclair family
struggles to maintain sanity
in a world gone mad.
[applause over TV]
The universe for 10, Art.
The universe for 10.
And the question is:
"How many planets
revolve around the Earth?"
- One.
- [bell rings]
Jerry?
None, Art. The Earth
and the other planets
- revolve around the sun.
- [buzzer]
Ooh, I'm sorry.
That's incorrect, and it's heresy.
So we take away all your points
and we burn you at the stake.
Darn.
Boy. They're really strict on this show.
Hey, where are all the pistachio nuts?
Fran, can you bring some
more pistachios in here?
We're all out, Earl.
- [Earl] What?
- That was the last jar.
Fran, I don't ask for much from you,
a clean house, three square meals a day,
gardening, raising the kids,
a little light plumbing,
scheduled maintenance on the car.
So when I ask you to keep
a few pistachios on hand,
I think maybe you could take a little
time to get out of your bubble bath
and get down to the market.
The market didn't have
any pistachio nuts.
I even called three other stores.
They don't have them either.
You expect me to believe
that for some mysterious reason
there's no more pistachio nuts
to be found anywhere?
[announcer] We interrupt our
programming
to bring you this DNN
Special Report.
Pistachios: Why Aren't
There Any To Be Found?
I'm waiting, Fran.
Hello, I'm Howard Handupme.
Today the dinosaurs
who walk on all fours
encroached on the southeast
bank of the great swamp,
which divides our two nations.
This area's home to most
of our pistachio nut trees,
or bushes, or whatever
it is they grow on.
Due to this, our flow of pistachios
has been cut off indefinitely.
A government spokesman
commenting on the situation
told us this is no big deal
and will certainly not
escalate into anything serious.
All right, we'll just
eat pecans for a while.
Pecans? Everyone knows
pecans are a baking nut.
They're hardly suited to snacking.
All right, then cashews.
Cashews come already shelled.
Where's the challenge in that?
Why should I compromise
on my snacking needs?
Dad, Dad, you're talking about nuts.
If you take a minute to think
about it, you'll see it's no big deal.
They are threatening
our very way of life!
It's naked aggression, pure and simple.
Then we got to get naked
right back at 'em.
Yeah.
Now take that,
you four-legged nut grabber!
Wow, I've never seen you
so fired up, Earl.
Yeah, well, no one has ever
cut off my pistachios before.
[roars] Eat bark, you quad-pods!
[growling]
Hey, hey, guys, you know
why four-leggers wear hats?
No. Why?
So their wives know which end to kiss.
[all laughing]
Hey, guys, you know why
four-leggers can't rob a bank?
- Why?
- Because they're unarmed.
[all laughing]
- Hey, you know what the latest news is?
- No, why?
I read pistachios are gonna
be 50 cents more a pound.
[laughing] Fifty cents!
You guys slay me!
- Wake up.
- Roy, it's not a joke.
Fifty cents a pound?
- Well, I won't pay it!
- No.
That's an increase of...
Well, actually, Fran does the shopping.
I also read the elder-in-chief's
considering nationwide nut rationing.
Yeah, he's gonna make
a speech about it at 10:00.
Hey, do you think Mr. Richfield
will let us watch it on his TV?
Come on. In times of crisis like this,
everyone forgets their differences
and comes together.
- Come on, let's go!
- Come on.
- [door opens]
- What's this, a strike?
- No.
- No.
That's it, you lousy
green trash, you're fired!
Uh, sir, we were wondering
if you were gonna watch
the chief elder's speech on the TV.
Well, since this affects your snacks
as much as mine, all right.
It's the least I can do after blowing
your pension fund at the track.
- Hmm?
- Oh!
[announcer] And now a message
from our elder-in-chief.
- Hi.
- Hi.
As you know the dinosaurs
who walk on all fours
have invaded our swamp
and seized our pistachios.
Now, I know a lot of you
are upset about the nuts,
but this is not about nuts.
This is bigger than nuts,
bigger than all snack foods.
- This is about principle...
- Mm-hmm, right.
...about justice, about truth.
It's a complex issue, but luckily,
can be boiled down to a simple slogan:
"We Are Right."
- That's catchy!
- Easy to pronounce.
And comforting too.
The time has come for bold
and decisive action.
And so, today, we launch
Operation "We Are Right.”
Tomorrow we'll select a bunch of big,
strong guys to go down to that swamp
and hiss and spit at those
four-leggers until they go away.
Now, who's with me?
Well, uh... [stammering]
Naturally, I'm not talking about sending
productive members of society.
It'll be mostly teenage boys
and the poor.
Oh, good. This just affects our kids.
- Glad I voted for him.
- Yeah.
Our cause is just,
our duty is clear
and our mouths overflow
with the spittle of righteousness.
Please join me in praying
for the safe and dry return
of our boys. [sighs]
Oh, sure.
Oh, brother.
- Oh, what a leader.
- He's no wimp.
Yeah. What a great distraction
from complicated domestic issues.
Yep.
Gentlemen, today's a day of celebration.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm going to tie one on.
- What a boss!
- Hey!
Your four, get back to work!
Oh, right, right.
I'm going, I'm going.
- Did you finish your juice?
- Uh-huh.
Ah, then you can have a yummy.
Caveman cracker! Yay!
- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
- There.
- Now, what do you say?
- More!
- No, that's not it.
- Um...
[Fran] Come on. You know what to say.
I'm waiting for the magic word.
Gimme!
[gasps]
- [Fran] What's the magic word?
- [Baby] You don't know it either?
[Fran] I know it, and so do you.
[gasps]
Hem
Waah!
No. Crying isn't going to help.
My cookie's gone!
Because you ate it.
No! The cookie creature
took it.
Oh, right. A cookie creature took it.
Don't talk down to me!
This is between you
and the cookie creature,
so you two will have to work it out.
Oh, well, thanks for nothing.
Honey, I'm home.
Oh, Earl, did you hear
the elder's speech?
Hey, what a leader. Did you see
how fast he made up that slogan?
Yes. I think everything's
happening awfully fast.
Robbie's already been called down
to the selective service office.
Soon they'll be shipping him off
to some foreign swamp somewhere.
Sweetheart, don't you think our elder-
in-chief hasn't thought this through?
You think he'd rush headlong into a
flashy and macho display of aggression
in an election year?
Where's the logic in that?
But Earl, you know what happens
when males get together
and start posturing.
I'm just afraid this "We Are Right"
thing could get out of hand.
They're just going to be doing
a little hissing and spitting.
This is our government.
I think our government
knows what it's doing.
Wouldn't it be better if we dressed
like trees and bushes so we blended in?
You're thinking too hard, Scooter.
Let's just get up to the front
and let the loogies fly.
Just look at him.
Ready to strike terror
into the hearts of the enemy.
Dad...
I like the cut of your blouse, soldier.
I look like an idiot.
Son, have some respect.
That uniform was designed
by the elder-in-chief's
unmarried brother Julian.
- Yeah...
- OK. Now...
Everybody say "victory."
Negotiation.
What kind of talk is that?
I'm just asking if anybody's
tried talking to the other side
before we get whipped into hysteria?
Hey, in situations like this, the
only rational response is hysteria.
Now get your green butt down
to the swamp and do your duty.
Ours is not to reason why, Scooter.
Say your goodbyes.
We got to get a move on.
You have to go now?
Sorry. We gotta get out there
and kick some four-footed fanny.
Sorry. We gotta get out there
and kick some four-footed fanny.
That's what I like to hear.
[bugle fanfare]
Well, this is it, boys.
- Now, Robbie,
- Huh?
I don't mind you spitting
for a good cause,
but if they start shoving and using
foul language, I want you to call...
...then go stand in front of the
battlefield and we'll pick you up.
- Oh...
- Oh!
- [groans]
Mom, don't worry. I'll be all right.
Good luck, boys! Give them one for me!
- Will do.
- [Earl] Good lads.
Fran, our cause is just.
No harm can come to him
as long as he wears
our flag on his uniform.
Goodbye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
- Goodbye, son.
- [dinosaur] Come on.
Stay dry!
Make us proud, boys!
[announcer] Here's DNN
correspondent Howard Handupme.
Good evening.
I'm Howard Handupme.
Today our troops saw their first
hissing and spitting action,
turning back an advanced
squad of evil four-leggers,
proving just how right we really are.
We have this videotape
of today's action,
but our friends in the military
thought it might be too disturbing
to show at dinnertime.
Disturbing? What does that mean?
You know what boys are like.
One of them probably mooned the camera.
So instead of actual footage,
we now offer this dramatic recreation.
The day began with intense
saturation spitting,
with the sky sometimes dark from all
the hock-tooeys flying back and forth.
Take that, you four-legged pansy!
Oh, no, I'm a weak sissy
compared to you.
I'll run away to my mommy.
You'd better, because there's
more where that came from!
The battle went a lot like that.
Hmm.
Cookie creature,
I've got something for you.
It's yummy!
I'm not paying attention.
[sniffing]
What's that?
Hot! Don't touch!
Aah!
What are you doing here?
You must want a bath.
No, no, no! No bath, Mama! No bath!
No, no! Oh...
[cackling]
[growls]
He's dead meat.
Mom, Grandma, there's
good news from the front.
Is it something about Robbie?
[groans] Robbie again.
All you're ever interested in
is Robbie. Robbie, Robbie...
- Charlene!
- All right.
They want girls
to go entertain the troops,
and they picked me to be one of them!
We're gonna do a big
musical show at the front.
Isn't that dangerous?
Well, it's true most musicals do fail,
but we've got some great
songs... and costumes.
- See?
- Mmm.
Yeah. What does USO stand for?
The Uninhibited Sisters of Other Guys.
We're going to bring
a little bit of good old home
to a lot of lonely kids out there,
and I get to be out of school!
- Lonely kids.
- [Charlene] La-la!
Those poor boys so far from home.
Don't worry, Frannie.
The whole nation's praying
for their safe return.
[announcer] In these difficult times,
with our sons away
fighting for all we hold sacred,
we here on the home front must
summon our courage, pray for our boys
and through it all
we must stick together.
And when you need things
to stick together,
think of Wacky Glue!
Whether it's wood, plastic,
porcelain or glass,
Wacky Glue bonds instantly
and permanently.
Wacky Glue: the official adhesive
of Operation "We Are Right."
- [grunts]
- I'm Major Savings.
I'm Major Values.
[both] And we both support our troops
by battling high prices
at Stan's House of Stereo.
Remember, no poor son of a gun
ever saved money by buying retail.
He saved money by making
the other poor son of a gun buy retail.
So march on down
to Stan's House of Stereo.
[both] And that's an order!
[grunts]
Mom? Do you ever feel,
you know... not patriotic?
[sighs]
It bothers me that these commercials
are trivializing something so serious.
Hmm. Well, nobody's really stupid enough
to fall for that tacky
commercialization.
Hey, Frannie, look at
all this neat stuff
they're selling on the streets.
Earl, don't you think
that's in poor taste?
What do you mean, poor taste?
This thing lights up. Nice, huh?
[sighs]
[chuckling] Did I miss
the battle highlights?
I hope Robbie's out on the front line
where the cameras are.
Our leaders are extremely optimistic,
as everything proceeds
exactly according to plan.
I've just been handed a battle update.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
[gasps] Oh, no! This can't be.
- Dear God in heaven, say it isn't so!
- [gasps]
Please, no!
It's nothing. Everything's fine.
Now here's Dwayne with sports.
What happened? It was
something bad, wasn't it?
Why aren't they telling us
what's going on?
I tried to enlist, but they wouldn't
take me because I can't salute.
Tough break.
Boy, I'd be there in a second
if I wasn't badly needed
in the civilian sector.
Danish, anyone?
Hey, guys, it's not that
I don't blindly believe
all our government's saying,
but what do you think of
the news blackout all of a sudden?
What are you saying?
I'm saying that
after all the good news,
all of a sudden they're
not telling us anything.
You don't suppose the other side
has hissing and spitting superiority?
What are you saying?
Yeah. I hear our side's
gonna start throwing sticks.
Sticks? Somebody could lose an eye.
What are you saying, Earl?
You got a problem with our
government policies, Sinclair?
- No, no, I was just thinking...
- Thinking?
Hey, if everyone sat around thinking,
we'd never get an operation
like this off the ground.
Of course, maybe you'd
like that, eh, Sinclair?
Yeah, you don't by any chance
walk around on all fours at home?
Let's see your palms.
When you buy socks,
how many are in a pack?
- Answer him.
- Hey, guys, Earl's no quad lover.
He's got a boy at the front.
Tell them, Earl.
You're not thinking things.
There's nothing going on
in that head of yours.
No. Hey, guys, you know me.
I'm the last person to start thinking.
So, you still believe we
are right, don't you, Earl?
Of course I do.
- All right.
- Yeah. Thousand points of light.
So, Earl, Danish,
or not?
Oh...
What's everybody else having?
- Ah!
- Ah!
Good fella.
- There. Perfect.
- Oh.
[sighing]
Ma, I'll be fine.
It's just that first
Robbie goes off, now you.
It's hard for a mother to get used
to her children being spit on.
Fran, I'm sure the girls
will be just fine.
Yeah, yeah.
[Earl] Hey, hold the phone.
What's that four-legger
doing in my house?
I just came in for a cup of coffee.
Oh, a cup of classified
military secrets, more like it.
Hey, Roy, check her
necklace for microphones.
OK.
Hi, Roy.
Uh... heh heh.
Yeah. Uh... uh...
[stammers, chuckles]
Um, this puts me in a bit
of a quandary, pally-boy.
Monica might be an enemy of the state,
- but I got a crush on her big time.
- [groans]
Earl, you're overreacting.
Monica's our friend.
Count her legs, Fran.
They spell enemy-e!
Earl, I have lived on this side
of the swamp since I was 12.
Oh, sure, gathering
intelligence for the enemy.
- You won't find any intelligence here!
- Nope.
I am insulted and offended
that you could even
question my allegiance.
Oh, then I guess you wouldn't
mind taking a little loyalty oath.
- What sort of oath?
- Oh, it's very simple.
Raise your right hand.
I don't have a right hand.
Well, what do you know?
[announcer] And now, a DNN
Special Report, Live: From the Front.
Welcome to the first press briefing
of Operation "We Are Right."
We'll start by opening up the floor to
questions. Feel free to ask anything.
It is important that you feel
there is open and honest communication
- with the military.
- [reporters clamoring]
[General] Yes?
Sir, over here!
How's our side doing, sir?
- That was not on the list!
- [all] Oh!
Oh, sorry, sir. How about,
uh... number three?
Excellent question. Are we pleased
by how well our troops are performing?
The answer: yes!
- Great!
- That's better.
Next question.
Please don't construe this
as being in any way critical,
but is there a way to shorten
the slogan "We Are Right"?
We have to write it down a lot.
Could we just call it W-A-R?
How would you pronounce
a thing like that?
Well, I guess it would be... "whar."
[reporter] No, no, no.
It would be "wayr."
[reporters overlapping] "Whaar."
[arguing]
General, you said there's been
no escalation in the fighting,
yet we have a videotape here
showing the use of dirt clods
on the battlefield!
- Whoa.
- They're throwing dirt clods?
Well, let 'em. Our boys
are going to be throwing sticks.
- [gasps] Sticks?
- Clam up.
Huh? What?
Someone could put out an eye!
This whole thing's
gotten way out of hand.
Earl, I want you to go to the front
and bring Robbie home.
Are you kidding? I can't go up there.
Why not? Our son is in danger.
Frannie, it's a military operation.
No one's allowed up there, no
mommies, no daddies. Just soldiers.
- And USO girls, like me.
- Hmm.
- This is humiliating.
- Well, sure. It's your first time.
[announcer] Next week,
Dinosaurs' epic miniseries continues.
As their lives are plunged even deeper
into the swirling vortex of war,
each member of the Sinclair family
struggles to maintain sanity
in a world gone mad.