Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 2, Episode 22 - Slave to Fashion - full transcript

Honey, I'm home.

[Robbie] What are you doing
with scissors?

[Earl] I just want to talk to you.

Get away from me.

I just want
to take a little off the top.

They're my spikes, Dad.
I like 'em this way.

They're in your eyes.
How can you see?

I like the way they look.

You look like a girl, or a bum.

You look like a girl bum.

Fran, am I alone on this one?



- Well...
- That's right! Undermine my authority.

A lot of boys are wearing
their spikes longer.

- Jeez, cripple me.
- Could we discuss this after dinner?

He's not eating dinner
in my house with those spikes.

Obviously,
I can't do anything right, Dad.

My room is a mess, my spikes
are too long, my posture stinks.

Why is it that
everything I do is so wrong?

I was gonna ask you the same thing.

You know, I didn't ask
to get hatched into this family.

Oh, well, nobody's keeping you here.

- Fine!
- Fine!

Don't you walk away from me.

Hey, you did the right thing, Sinclair.

If you let him clip your spikes, who
knows what he'll want to cut off next.



He's always on my tail.

Yeah, well, like I told you,
it was better in the old days.

When the male came of age,
he challenged his father for supremacy.

Really? Like a fight?

- To the death.
- Cool.

- You could kick your dad's butt...
- Yeah?

- ...take his territory...
- Right.

...marry his wife.

Wouldn't that be my mom?

[both] Eww!

Ugh!

I'm telling you, I'm never going back.

Hey, no need to.
We got everything you need out here.

You want dinner? We'll catch it.

- Yeah, that's right. We're dinosaurs.
- Top of the food chain.

[grunting]

- [gasps] Dinner!
- Dinner!

Aah!

No...

Ohh. Well, maybe some salad first.

Yeah, plants are slow.

Hmm... Mm-hmm.

Hey, what about this?

Oh, definitely a plant.

Looks kinda weird.
You think it's poisonous?

Yum. Yum.

Doesn't taste poisonous.

Huh. I wonder what it is.

Yeah...

[both laughing]

[stammering] What are we laughing about?

[laughing]

You know what's weird?

When we first got here,
I felt really bummed.

But now I feel really good.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know, Scooter.
Your guess is as good as mine.

Hey, pass me some more of that plant.

Sure. [laughing]

Ahh...

- Ahh...
- There you go.

- [chuckles]
- [munching]

Know what would
make this moment perfect?

- What?
- If my dad was here.

I love my dad.

Yeah, I love your dad too.

I love everybody's dad.

I love the word "dad."

You know what?
I'm gonna go tell him right now.

Whoa.

[door opens and closes]

Hi.

Aha!

- Dad...
- The prodigal son returns.

Couldn't cut it out there
in the cold world.

Want to be back under Daddy's roof,
eating Daddy's food.

That's gonna take an attitude
adjustment from you, sonny boy.

I love you, Dad, more than life itself.

Oh, Dad!

Love? Well, that's a start.

I realized that I was completely wrong
and you were completely right.

Not just now, but always.

Hold it right there.

Are we having a touching moment,

or are you teasing me?

I mean it. I was just out in the woods
eating this plant with Spike,

I felt so happy I came right home
to share it with my dad.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me
this plant made you happy?

- Yeah.
- That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Ah, Dad. Just try it.

Plants don't make you happy.

Look, I'll prove it to you.

See? Nothing.

- [happy tune begins]
- [crowd cheers]

Titsa

J Most unusual day

3 It's like catching the bridal bouquet

[both] I It's like reaching the moon

J Or composing a tune

3 It's a most unusual day

Titsa

J Most unusual time

3 I keep feeling my temperature climb

[both] I If my heart's not
behaving the usual way

J Then there's only one thing to say

J It's a most unusual

J Most unusual

[both] & Most unusual

J Day

[both laughing]

Oh! Whoa, whoa!

Whoo-hoo!

Dad, Dad...

Oh, Dad, I can't believe
we've known each other for so long,

and we've never danced together.

Oh, we won't make
that mistake again, son.

Yeah...

Come on. Get up, big guy.

- Happy to.
- I'm happy you're happy.

Oh, it's plant time.

Here. Have some of this.

Plant time, plant time, plant time...

[chuckling] Here you are.

Are you two still fighting?

Oh, look, it's Charlene!

[both] Hi, Charlene. How are you?

- [chuckling]
- You guys have changed.

Wow. Look, she's talking.

Wow...

- Plant time...
- Give me that.

- So should we tell her?
- [Earl] Absolutely.

- [sniffs]
- This is our special happy food.

Mmm, this is good.

Well, I guess I'm the last one up.

Oh, good morning, perfect wife.

Good morning, Earl.

What are you eating?

It's a plant Robbie found in the forest.

It's made us very happy.

A plant that makes you happy?
Oh, that's nice.

Earl, shouldn't you
be getting ready for work?

I'm happy right here.

[stammers] Hey, look! It's Mom!

[cackling]

Are you happy, Fran?

I'd be happier
if you were on your way to work.

Then I'm on my way.

- Bye, Dad. You're great. Love you.
- Bye.

[stifling laughter]

[both laughing]

What's so funny?

I just realized

I don't wear any pants.

[worker 1] Falling trees!

- [worker 2] Watch it, idiot!
- Get your helmet on!

There you go. That oughta get it.

Hey.

Huh?

What? Oh, happy morning, guys.

Hey, where you been, pally boy?

Richfield's been looking
for you all morning.

Oh, really? It is so nice
of him to be concerned.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

No, wait.

This is.

No, wait.

This is.

Oh, life just keeps
getting better and better.

Hey, maybe it's just me,

but I think Earl seems
unusually happy this morning.

Hey, Earl, uh, you havin'
some kind of brain problem there?

Guys, I have discovered
the key to eternal bliss.

- Huh?
- Lunchbox?

- Hmm.
- Ooh.

It's in this simple plant,

and I want to share it with you.

Thanks. I'm touched.

And you...

Sinclair, in here now!

[all screaming]

Doesn't he have the neatest yell?

[chuckles] Oh, presents.

Coming.

Coming.

Hoo-hoo!

Hello, my special friend.

- Sinclair, you were late this morning.
- Oh, you notice everything.

Boss, I want you to accept this

as my special love-gift

from me to you from me.

[groaning]

[chuckling]

Four hours late, Sinclair!

I'm trying to think of one good reason

not to tear your head off
and spit down your throat!

You don't fool me, Mr. Richfield.

You may play the grouchy grump,
but I know the real you.

You want to run through a meadow.

You want to sing a song,

you want to feel the warm summer sun
on your freckled face.

- Aah!
- I know that deep inside you,

there's a frightened little boy
yearning to be set free.

Set him free, BP.

J Let him come out and pla-ay !

[roars] The only frightened
little boy inside of me

is the one I had for breakfast!

And I'm having his sister for lunch!

[chuckles] You are
a witty wordsmith, sir.

Sinclair, I ought to kill you
and your whole family,

but I'd probably get
in trouble with the union.

As it is there's only
one thing I can do to you.

You're fired, Sinclair!

Fired, fired, fired!

Fired? That means I don't
have to come to work anymore.

Oh, this is the best day ever!
Oh, thank you!

[kisses]

[laughing]

- Oh, thank you, sir.
- Blah!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[chuckling] Oh, joy! Oh, joy!

[rock music playing]

Ahh...

Colors.

All done. One more.

Wow.

Wow.

Baby making a mess.

Baby on fire!

Hello?

Hello?!

Did you guys ever think
that maybe we're being watched?

What do you mean, son?

Well, I mean, like, all the time,

by secret cameras hidden in the walls,

like... like, there!

- Or there! Or there!
- [Charlene] Huh?

[stammering] Uh... Uh...

And that maybe our
whole lives are on TV

in some other universe somewhere.

Yeah. Yeah, and if
they stopped watching us,

we'd cease to exist.

[gasps]

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

[Charlene] Oh. Oh.

Hey, why is our numerical
system based on 10

when we only have
eight fingers?

Hey, yeah. We've got eight.

[Baby] Hello?

Father? Father?

Hmm?

- Sister?
- Hey. Hi.

- Look, it's a baby.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Want more juice!

Yes, I know.

It's so funny the way
his arms and legs move.

Want more juice!

Oh, I could stand here
and watch him all day.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

- I want...
- Ooh.

...more... juice!

[all] Again!

- [all chuckling]
- What are you all doing home?

It's the middle of the day.

- Where is Mother?
- Look, everybody, it's Fran.

- Hi, Fran.
- Hi, Fran.

Why aren't you in school?

Oh, I knew we were
supposed to be someplace.

Hey, Charlene,
we're always someplace.

- Whoa...
- Whoa...

Mama bring me food?

No, Mama couldn't buy
any groceries at the market

because they refused
to take our check.

There's no money in the account.

How could there be? I haven't
been to work in the longest time.

- What are you saying?
- I got fired a week ago.

Oh, It was the happiest
moment of my life.

No, wait, this is.
No, wait...

Stop that! You've been leaving
the house every morning.

Where have you been going?

For the first couple of days
I stood in the driveway,

but after a while that stopped
being fulfilling,

so I decided to improve myself.

I've been going back to school.

You mean high school?

Well, I started off in high school,

but I got sent back to junior high.

It wasn't so much the academics.

I just had trouble socially.

This is crazy.

No, no, no, it's OK.

Now I'm past my awkward phase,
I'm making friends.

Hey, I'm even going out for cheerleader.
Fight 'em! Fight 'em!

Earl, this has got to stop.
Our family is coming apart!

And I'm beginning to think
this happy plant is a bad thing.

Hey, Mom, what could be bad about
something that makes you feel good?

Don't you guys feel good?

I feel good.

Gimme a G!

Give me some food!

Oh, I'll get you some food, sweetheart.

[Baby] It's about time!

All these jars are empty!
Who ate all the food?

We finished off everything
in the refrigerator.

You ate all the food?

Uh-huh. We even finished
the baking soda in the back.

We have no food,
we have no money!

- We'll live on love.
- Earl, that's it!

We are going right down
to Mr. Richfield's office,

and you are going to beg him
to give you your job back!

- But I'll miss my pep rally!
- You are not taking this with you.

You need to get as far from this
as possible,

back to a normal,
healthy working environment.

[humming The Bunny Hop]

Hey, Eddie boy, join the party.

You guys are making fun of me,
aren't you?

No, we're just happy.

Here, have some more of the plant.

No, no, no, I don't like
the happy plant.

I used to like the happy plant.
Now it just makes me paranoid.

At least I think it makes me paranoid.

You all think I'm paranoid, don't you?!

Hey, steady there, Eduardo.

We're here for you.

We'll ride this out together.

Hey there, guys.

Huh?

It's Earl!

Hey, there, pally boy.

Come to join us for a little nibble?

No, he hasn't. I'd appreciate it

if you keep that stuff
away from my husband.

Whoa! Looks like somebody didn't eat
her happy plant this morning.

[ Purple Haze]

[Fran] Did you give Mr. Richfield
some of that plant?

[Richfield] } Wow, purple haze

3 All through my brain

J Lately things don't seem the same

3 Actin' funny, and I don't know why

Mr. Richfield?

J 'Scuse me while I kiss the sky &

[imitating electric guitar]

Yeah! Ha-ha!

What's shaking, ba-aa-aa-by?

Mr. Richfield, Earl is very sorry
he offended you,

and wants to know if he
can have his job...

You're talking about me in here,
aren't you?

No, Ed. Please, leave us alone.

OK. After I go,
you'll talk about me, won't you?

No, man. Be cool!

[chuckling]

We're sorry, Mr. Richfield.
It's just that we're out of money...

Sinclair, my eyes have opened
in the last few days.

I've seen the future of this company,

and it's a gas, gas, gas! [laughs]

From now on,
nobody has to work around here.

We can sit around all day
and eat the happy plant.

Can you dig it?

Yeah, daddy-0!

I knew you could!

And I want you by my side
as my assistant!

No, my partner. Yeah!

You and me, Sinclair,

doing absolutely nothing
and getting paid for it!

- Ooh. Well...
- [telephone rings]

Chill. Uh... ahem.

B.P. here. If you got the dime,

I got the time. [chuckling]

Oh, hello, sir.
What's happening?

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

Crazy! Dig it! I'm there!
Out of sight! We gone!

Well, I've been fired.

- [gasps]
- Huh?

Bummer.

J Wow, yeah

J Actin' funny, but I don't know why

J Is it tomorrow
or just the end of time? J

[imitating electric guitar]

[ Purple Haze]

[Richfield] Thank you!

[moaning]

Ohh. Oh, my head.

My body has this... feeling.

Uhh...

Oh, it's like...

Oh, it's like unhappiness.

Uhh. I forgot how bad this felt.

What time is it?

Um... it's noon.

- What? Noon?
- [Robbie] Dad, shh!

I slept through the big game!

The girls were counting on me
to be the bottom of the pyramid.

Oh! I need some more plant.
I got to get happy.

[grunting] Come on, come on.

[Earl] Search. Got to find.

There's nothing left
but seeds and stems.

I need some, I need some,
I need some.

Oh, look. There's one left.

[Earl] I got it! I'm the daddy!

That's mine! I'm eating it!

- No!
- It's mine!

Oh, no. It's mine!

[Robbie straining]

- [Fran] Stop it!
- What?

Look at yourselves!

Sleeping on the floor!

Half-eaten food everywhere!

Is this what our family has come to?

Ha-ha, you guys got in trouble!

Cut it out.

If you three want to ruin your lives
with that plant,

I'm not gonna stay here and watch it.
We're leaving,

and we're not coming back
until you clean yourselves up.

I know the place is a little messy,

but it's filled with happiness.

Hee-hee!

Uh...

Hi, I'm Earl.

This is your brain.

This is your brain on the plant.

Ohh!

Uh...

Any questions?

We'll be at Monica's.

Hmmph!

Look what I've come down to.

No wife, no baby, no food,
no money, no job.

My life has hit rock bottom.

I know what I have to do now.

There's got to be more
of that plant here somewhere!

We better find it soon.

I'm starting to feel frowny.

Who's there? Spike?

[Spike] Help me. I've fallen,
and I can't get up. Hey...

[Robbie] Spike!

Hey, Sinclair, listen.

"Mom" spelled upside down is "wow."

You've been lying in this spot all week?

No, a week? Wow!

Hey, wait, that's another one.

"Wow" spelled backwards is, uh...

Um...

I had it.

Look at you. You're sitting in dirt.

You smell. You're disgusting.

Yeah, but I'm happy 'cause I got this.

Here, pass it around.

- [Charlene] Mmm.
- Wow.

Huh?

[sniffs] Ahh... Oh.

What?

Is that how we look?

Head, elbow...

Kids, I'm having a thought.

Go, Dad.

Maybe Mom's got a point.

Maybe throwing away everything
real and lasting in our lives

for a cheap high has a downside.

Yeah.

So we agree?

No more plant?

- No more plant.
- No more plant.

No more throwing our lives away?

Well...

[both] No more throwing our lives away.

Good. Now let's go home and
tell your mother the good news.

But first we have to destroy the plant

so we won't ever be tempted
to use it again.

No, son. To destroy the plant
would be an act of weakness.

We must be stronger than the plant.

We must leave it here to remind us

that there is always temptation
in the world

and that we must always be strong!

Of course, burning it's
a good idea too,

right, sweetheart?

Uh-huh.

[Director] Cut. That's a wrap!

Hey, great job, guys.

See you next week. Towel, please.

- [woman] OK, R.S.
- Yeah, thanks.

Hi, I'm Robert Sinclair,

but you know me as Robbie Sinclair

on the adult-themed mega-hit Dinosaurs.

- Hey, great show, Robbie!
- Thanks, Dimitri.

But it got a little preachy
toward the end.

Indeed, it did. You see, folks,

drugs are a major problem
in our society. Thanks.

Drugs ruin lives, divide families

and lead to heavy-handed,
preachy sitcom episodes like this one.

Of course, we manage to keep it
delightfully funny and upbeat,

but other shows aren't so lucky.

There's an epidemic in television today

that threatens the very fiber
of the comedy we hold so dear.

When one show does
an anti-drug episode,

other shows feel pressured
to do one too.

Now they're even going
after the younger shows.

We've only been on for a year,

and here I am talking to the camera.

So come on, say no to drugs.

Help put a stop to preachy
sitcom endings like this one.

It's up to you to make a difference.