Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 2, Episode 11 - Switched at Birth - full transcript

Honey, I'm home.

I assume everybody read the chapter
on dissection last night.

Any questions?

Uh... mine's moving.

[sighs] They're all moving,
Mr. Sinclair.

That's your guarantee of freshness.

I don't understand why we have to kill

-a dumb, defenseless animal.
- Robert,

the miracle of life

is as complex as it is beautiful.

To fully understand it,
we need to rip its guts out.



All right, class,

please uncover
your specimens now.

Uh...uh...

Oh, boy. OK.

Uh...

Aw, jeez.

All right. I'll come around

and put each animal
to sleep painlessly.

Huh?

[boy] Do mine! Do mine!

You know what's
happening, don't you?

[grunting]

- [thump]
- [caveman groans]

OK, think.



Out the window. Yes!

- [thump]
- [cavewoman groans]

OK, come on.
Now's your chance.

Get out of here!

Oh! Oh!

Go. Be free. Come on.

[Robbie] Uh-oh.

Forget the window. Get down.

OK, OK, OK.

Uh...

[whistling]

- Oh, hi.
- Where is your specimen?

Gee, I left the window open,

and mine sort of got away.

Whoops. [chuckling]
I'll be staying after school?

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Sinclair, by allowing
your science project to get away,

you have denied yourself

a valuable learning experience.

It is these experiences
which develop in us

the primary trait
which separates us

from insects and cavemen.

[all] The ability to reason.

[Roy] Well, what do you think it is?

I have no idea.
It says "suggestions."

Well, I could use a suggestion.

What's it saying?

Nothing yet.

Hello? This is Roy.
What do you suggest?

[Richfield] I suggest
that you are a complete idiot!

OK, your turn.

- [grumbles]
- [groans]

Do I have to explain everything?

[both] Yes, sir. Apparently so.

Look, the head office thinks

we can benefit from
listening to our employees.

But we know better, right, sir?

Yeah, we do. Nevertheless,
should the day come

when you actually have
a thought in your head,

put it in the box!

I don't think I can get
my head in that box.

Write the idea
on a piece of paper

and put the paper in the box!

Oh!

Jeez.

Easy for him to say.
He's got the directions.

Well, I suggest a simpler box.

It's a trap, Fran.

It says "suggestions," but
it may as well say "trap."

Aw, Earl, if you came
up with a good suggestion,

maybe you could get a promotion.

Fran, my naive little cupcake,

oblivious to ways of the workplace.

Look, look! Look, look!

- Uh...
- Huh?

Fran, if I put
a suggestion in the box,

it means I had an idea.

If I had an idea, it means
I had to think all day.

If I'm thinking, I'm not working.

If there's a suggestion in the box
with my name on it, they've got proof.

Trap!

I can spot a trap in a second.

Hey, Dad, every kid
should have a pet, right?

Sure.

- [gasps] Get away! get away!
- Shh!

[Fran] Earl, if you want to get
anywhere with the company,

you have to show some initiative.

I'm sure that's how
Mr. Richfield got where he is.

Mr. Richfield got where
he is by eating his boss.

Yoo-hoo, table monster.

The dinosaur I married
was full of ideas.

He'd have no trouble
filling up that suggestion box.

What happened to
the dinosaur I married?

He's dead, Fran. You killed him.

Let him rest in peace
and eat his dinner.

- Look!
- Shh!

[Robbie] uh-oh.

Will you...? Huh?

[Robbie] Um...

Uh... [forced laugh]

And now I must turn
to you and say, "Huh?"

Uh, he followed me home?

Can we keep him?
Please, please, please, please.

This is not a pet. It's a wild animal.

It's dirty, disgusting.
It doesn't know how to live indoors.

Oh, come on, Dad.

See?

We'll wash him, and we'll
feed him and everything!

You won't even know he's here.

No! They breed like rabbits.

If it wasn't for us being around
they'd overrun Earth.

I would worry about the baby
being safe in the house with it.

Baby toy, baby toy, baby toy!

Oh, I like this.

Oh, look. They're playing together.

It's like he's already
part of the family.

I suggest you don't get too attached.

See, Earl? That's a suggestion.

- You make good suggestions.
- Will you get off of that?

I'll just bet if you
put your mind to it

you could come up with a great idea.

I'll take that bet.

Shouldn't we name him?

What makes you sure
it's a him? Maybe it's a her.

[Robbie] Look at it.
How can you tell?

Let's call it Tramp.

How about Sparky?

Yeah. Yeah.

[baby] Sparky!

And if you came up with a good idea,

Mr. Richfield might
finally appreciate you.

I don't want Mr. Richfield
to appreciate me.

I don't want Mr. Richfield
to even know I'm there.

I just want to avoid him
for another 30 years

and drop dead
lifting something heavy.

That is my dream.

Earl Snead Sinclair!

Here it comes.

You can make a suggestion
and have to face Mr. Richfield

or not make a suggestion...

[all] ...and have to face me.

Your wives say that too?

- Oh, yeah.
- Me too.

You don't have a wife.

Uh, my mother called.

[chuckling] Oh, Roy.

So the wives are saying,
"Make a suggestion.”

- "Get a promotion."
- "Put on a sweater."

"Make something of yourself."

- Are we gonna stand for that?
- [all] No!

Are we gonna be
scared of our wives?

[all] No!

[all laughing]

So long, guys.

Back to work. They've gone.

Got a pencil?

- Over there by the box.
- Thanks.

I am not scared of my wife,

but it's best not to antagonize her.

You two!

- Duh?
- Huh?

Are you writing a suggestion?

Get in here!

Suggestions! Want 'em, now!

- Well, I...
- Well, I...

All right.

Let me see which one of you
I want to hear from first!

Please, no, no, no.

Not me, not me.

Please not me, not me, not me.

I think...

...I pick...

...you!

[groans]

Ah! Whoa!

Oh, boy.

I hate it. You better have
something better than that.

Well, I'm not sure that I can...

Now!

[groans]

[clears throat] All right. [exhales]

"I think Friday
should be dress-up day."

[chuckles] Perhaps it's
in need of some fine tuning.

I want a real suggestion now!

[stammering] I..

... I... th-th-think!

Cut it out.

In order to encourage greater
productivity by the employees,

some sort of incentive,

like the guy who does
the best work each month

could be the employee of the month.

His name could go on a nice plaque.

Wait! I'm getting an idea.

An award!

We'll call it "Employee of the Month."

- 1 like it.
- Yeah.

And the winner will
come to my impressive estate

and dine with me on a banquet
fit for... well, for me.

It's a trip to the moon
on gossamer wings, sir.

Yeah, and to save me the trouble
of having to look around,

I'm appointing you the first
employee of the month.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Would you be embarrassed
by a blubbering

and effeminate display of emotions, sir?

All right, now
this dinner at my house...

how about tomorrow?

That's good for me, BP.

It's not good for me!

I'm having my bathroom re-grouted.

So let's do it at your house.

Problem?

No, no, no! [chuckling]

Mi casa es st casa.

Ah. Two colleagues
conferring over dinner,

exchanging ideas like equals,

bonding without touching.

Are you still here?

Oh, yes. Right, sir.

I better get back out there

and keep sort of a supervisory eye

on all those
non-employees of the month.

Yeah, yeah, get out.
Watch out for your, uh...

Whoa!

...friend. Ugh!

Sheesh. Did I actually faint
in front of the big boss?

Something miraculous
has happened to me,

something that will alter
the very course of my life.

Well, at least my bladder held.

After 20 years of knocking down trees,

I'm finally on my way up.

So it's been a good day
for both of us. Yeah.

[male on TV] And here,
we are lucky enough to witness

the rarely seen human mating ritual.

We sought to
gently control the specimen

with a tranquilizer gun.

Hmm! Huh!

Phil tags the ear

and releases the slightly confused biped

back into the wild for future study.

[caveman groaning]

It's almost as if they can think.

They actually have large brains.

It's right here in
the Big Book of Cavemen.

- See?
- [Robbie] Huh.

Yo-ho, yo-ho! The mighty
megalosaurus returns

to home and hearth with news.

Ask me. Ask me.

Yech! Not on the mouth.

Now, Sparky, sit.

[chuckles]

At least somebody knows how to greet

an up-and-coming executive.

Earl, what happened?

What happened?
Gather round, dependents.

I'll tell you what happened to Daddy

that will dramatically alter
our standard of living.

- Upward?
- Through the roof.

Oh, Daddy, Daddy,
let me get your slippers.

Give me those!

Come on. Hurry up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a remarkable moment.

Mr. Richfield and I were in conference,

when I had an idea
of such dazzling brilliance

that I walked out of the meeting...

[clears throat]
...employee of the month.

[all gasp]

Does this mean you'll get a raise?

Salary and perks to be
determined later, Charlene.

[Charlene] Oh.

Like tomorrow night when Mr. Richfield

comes to our house for dinner!

Whoa!

He's coming here?

Tomorrow night?

[panting]

Not now, boy.

I have to come up
with wonderful new ideas

to impress the boss tomorrow night.

You're not gonna turn into
a land-raping executive type?

Ooh, if they'll only
give me the chance.

Oh, and Frannie, I want
your mother here for dinner.

Are you sure, Earl?

Am I sure I want your mother here?

After all these years of
telling me I'm a big nothing,

to witness my ascension into
the stratosphere of business?

Oh, yes, I do think so.

Tell her for dessert
we're having humble pie,

and she doesn't get any.

[all laughing]

Sparky, no!

That pupu platter is for Mr. Richfield.

Don't worry. We didn't forget you.

Mmm. Doesn't this look good?

[sniffs, groans]

Ahh.

[gasps]

- [gobbling]
- [doorbell rings]

Oh! Oh, boy! Oh, that's him!

Everybody, stay calm. Be polite.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

Get down, for God's sake.

Get down! Get down!

Be polite. Don't talk out of turn.

If he bites something off of you,

don't worry, it'll grow back.

Daddy's job won't. [whimpering]

[panting]

Oh, calm down, calm down.

That's it. We're equals.

We're equals.

Thank you for coming.

This is the greatest moment of my life.

Think nothing of it, fat boy.
Which way's the food?

There they are.
There's my beautiful family.

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Fran darling.

Robbie, Charlene, I have
money. Who has kisses?

[both] Grandma!

JILalalalalalt

- Oh, nice hat.
- Hi, Grandma.

[shrieking] There's
a caveman in the house!

No, no, no, no, no!

Call the exterminator.

Grandma, it's OK.
This is Sparky, our pet.

Yeah.

This is man, Robbie. Man's not a pet.

Man's one of nature's mistakes.

- Ethyl...
- Here comes the other one.

Hardee-har-har, Ethyl. Ha, ha, ha.

Get them in while you can
because it all ends tonight.

After 20 years of taking lip from you,

it's payback time. That's right.

Tonight my boss, mi amigo,

is gonna come to my house
to have dinner

and suggestions from
his esteemed colleague, me.

He'll be walking through
that door any second now.

[crickets chirping]

[ Sleigh Ride]

Could I get the ear?

J Michael, row the boat ashore

J Hallelujah

[groaning] I've lost
all feeling in this arm.

Honey, I don't think he's coming.

He's probably stuck
in a meteor shower.

He's trying desperately to get here.

Daddy, is it OK if we go to bed now?

Yeah, go ahead.

I'll wake you up when he gets here.

Come here. [smooch]

Ah, I better put the baby to bed.

Oh! Hey, what's happening?

Shh!

Oh! Something's wrong.
Ooh! Ooh! Baby's moving.

Oh, it's the mama.

I'm all secure.

You'll always be husband of the month

to me, Earl.

Don't make me hate you, Fran.

[sighs]

Well,

his loss, Dad.

We were all rooting for you.

Ahh!

Get away. Get away!

Hey, fat boy, this was
the greatest night of my life.

Ethyl, if I could move my arm,

I'd crack your head like a coconut.

Yeah, but you can't,
and you're too stupid to realize

you got another arm.

[groans]

[groans]

[door shuts]

[groans]

Oh!

[sighs]

[grunting]

Huh?

- [erashing]
- Oh!

Oh!

[cooing]

Oh, you poor guy.

Always waiting around for me to
throw you a crumb of affection.

And you'd wait all night, wouldn't you?

Just like I did.

You're a good boy, Sparky,

and I appreciate your loyalty.

I was loyal, too, for 20 years.

I thought I was going places,

but I guess I'm not.

Well, I'm gonna give you a promotion.

I'm gonna set you free.

[chuckling] That's right.

Robbie!

[grunting]

I still don't understand

why we have to let him go, Dad.

Robbie, it's not natural
to keep one of God's creatures

at the end of a leash,

leading a life of desperation

and zero hope.

But Sparky seemed so happy with us.

I'm not talking about Sparky.

I'm talking about me.

So wait a minute, we're keeping
Sparky and letting you go?

No, son. I'm more highly
evolved than Sparky.

I have a job, a home, a family.

I'm trapped good.

Hmm. Whoa.

But it's not too late for Sparky

to be put back where
he belongs, with his own kind,

where there are no masters
saying "fetch" or "heel"

or "make a suggestion."

[grunting]

Look, Dad, there's one of his kind.

[both grunting]

No, I think Sparky's
found himself a little lady.

Oh. Ohh.

Huh!

Hey, go get her, Sparky.

[grunting]

[sighs] Well, this is it, boy.

You take care of yourself and
stay away from science class, OK?

Aw, bye.

Yech! Not on the mouth!

[sighs] Goodbye, buddy. You're free now.

If anybody gives you any guff,

you tell 'em,
"I'm one of God's creatures,

and I deserve respect.”

Now go.

Goon.

[+ Born Free]

Well, bye, Sparky.

Hey, Dad, isn't that
Mr. Richfield's trailer?

Uh... yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is.

Lucky thing for him he ain't
there, the mood I'm in.

Well, his light's on, Dad.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

Well, lucky for him it's a school night.

Let's go, Robbie. Come on.

Dad, what better opportunity
will you ever have

to show your son
what his father's made of?

Ahh...

[gulps]

All right. Wait here.

This won't be pretty.

What a lousy life I'm having.

I'm proud of you, Dad.

Go get help.

- Aw.
- [door opens]

Uh...excuse me, Mr. Richfield, sir,

but I have something
that needs to be said.

- [Richfield] I'm busy!
- [Earl] You should've called.

[Richfield] Who are you
to tell me what to do?

I demand you treat me with respect.

You've got a lot of nerve, Sinclair!

[imitating Sinclair]
I like nerve! I like you.

I like the way you think,
I like the way you dress.

Has anybody ever told you
you're a good-looking guy?

[Earl] Well, thank you, sir.

Uh... you're not so bad yourself.

[as Richfield] Uh...

So, um... you need a little money?

[as Earl] Nah! Nah, I'm OK.

[as Richfield] Well,
you stop in anytime

because you're
the employee of the month.

And no one can take that away from you.

Yeah! All right!

I hope I wasn't too rough
with you there, B.P.

I just had to get it off my chest.

Well, let's go home, son.

Dad, when someone pushes me around,

I hope I have the guts
to be just like you.

So do I, son, so do l.