Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Howling - full transcript

Honey, I'm home.

[Earl] There are many customs

which The Sacred Book of Dinosaur
commands us to obey.

But none is as important
as the howling.

Each month, on the evening
of the full moon,

every male dinosaur
who has come of age

climbs to the top of the mountain

- and howls his mightiest how!.
- [howling]

- [Robbie] Why?
- [Earl] Why what?

[Robbie] Why do we do this?

[Earl] We've done it
for a million years.



[Robbie] Why?

[Earl] It's written in
The Sacred Book of Dinosaur.

- [Robbie] Who wrote it there?
- [Earl] Some sacred guy.

I don't know, Dad.
I just don't see it.

What does this have to do with my life?

It says right here,

"Only by the howling
do we defeat the dark spirit

which would turn dinosaur
against dinosaur

and bring an end to our days on Earth."

And you buy that?

Hey, this book's been around
a million years.

You've been around what, 15 years?
Guess who wins?

But it just doesn't make sense.
Today, I'm just a kid.

But tomorrow I climb up the
mountain and yell at the moon,



and that makes me a grown-up?

Why?

Because your mother
sent out 150 invitations,

and we got a dead rhino
and 10 tons of potato salad downstairs.

So tomorrow night you are
gonna scamper your scaly butt

up that hill and howl like a banshee!

Uh, uh... a-ooh!

You haven't been practicing.

Have you been using those
eight-track tapes I got you?

All the time, Dad.

Look, I'm going downstairs.

I don't want to hear any silence
coming out of this room.

All right.

Ah. Oh, boy.

[male] Howling at the Moon.
Tape one: Howling for Beginners.

Let's start with this simple phrase:

OK.

A-ooh.

A-ooh.

- Very good.
- Thanks.

Now try again, with more expression.

A-oooohhhh!

A-ooh.

Very good.

Well, we can't broil it.

$4.95 a ton, and it isn't
even disemboweled yet.

I'm not cleaning this.

What do you think, Mom?
28 hours at 3507

Ooh. Are you dead?

Hello!

In my day it was a solemn occasion.

We didn't have all this
fanfare and rhinoceros.

"Mr. and Mrs. Earl Sinclair..."

And baby!

"...cordially invite you
to join them..."

And baby!

"...as their son Robert Mark Sinclair

is called up the mountain
for his howling,

with reception to follow."

Oh, my little baby!

Hey, I'm your little baby!

I'm your little baby!

Waal!

[rock music plays]

[Charlene gasp, laughs]

[mimics electric guitar sound]

Hello? Practicing hard?

Out of my room, Charlene.

- Come on, let's hear one.
- No!

- Why not?
- Because I said no.

Because you have a wussy howl.

- 1 do not!
- Wussy howl.

How'd you like me
to bite your head off?!

Oh, I'm so scared, Mr. Big Adult Male.

Oh, yeah? Well, check this out.

A-ooh.

- Hmm.
- [exhales]

You gotta commit to it, Rob.

I can't commit to it
because I don't get it.

I can only commit to things
that make sense to me.

Oh, give me a break.

A dinosaur's howl
is a very personal thing.

You can't howl your mightiest
howl for no reason.

Oh? [clears throat]

A-ooh!

[howl continues]

[howl continues]

That's my boy!

- Uh...
- Uh... come on.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah! That's lunch!

Oh, boy.

Well, pally boy,
seems like only yesterday

that Robbie shed
his first skin. [chuckling]

It's hard to believe he's
going up the hill tonight.

Yeah. Wait till you hear
the howl on this kid.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, uh... hey, Roy,

there's something I gotta ask you.

I guess it's no secret
that you're my best friend.

Yeah, back at ya, pally boy.

Tonight, up on the hill,

Robbie's gonna need someone special

to present him at his first howling.

Yeah.

Well, Roy, you wanna do it?

[belch]

Oh, I'm visibly moved.

Pally boy, this is such an honor

that words escape me.

Roy, can you hold that in?

No! The feelings are pouring out
that you should pick me.

Do you have to do that?

You've known me a long time.

I don't usually go in
for that sensitivity stuff,

but at the risk of starting a rumor,

I, uh... l feel very close
to you right now.

Please don't say anymore.

Huh?

You're disgusting me with the way
you chew with your mouth open.

I'm telling you, I can see your lunch,

and your lunch can see me!

- Nah.
- How you doing?

Will you tell him it's disgusting?

Hey, listen, I hate to be
critical, but I have to agree.

And let me tell you, you got one
major plaque buildup back here.

Huh?

Oh, jeez. Swallow it,
spit it out, do something!

[creature] Yeah, make up your mind.

Whoa! Man, do I need a shower.

Earl, you hurt my feelings

and embarrassed me
in front of my lunch.

Would it be so hard to close
your mouth while you're eating?

Would it be so hard to close
your eyes while I'm eating?

Just get your open mouth
out of my line of vision.

- Well, shut your eyes.
- Shut your head!

- Shut your eyes!
- Shut your head!

Earl, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey there, pally boy,

this is not a time for petty bickering,

with young Robbie boy
going up the hill tonight.

Yeah, you're right.
I don't know what I was thinking.

So see you tonight at seven, huh?

Make it a quarter to seven.
You're always late.

And wear something nice.

Hey, you don't like the way I dress?

[humming]

Oh. This one for me?

No, no, dear, that's not for you.

Ooh, this for me?

No, no, dear, all of these
are Robbie's howling gifts.

None of these are for you.

Ooh! This for me!

[Earl] Fran, I'm home,

I'm hungry, and I hate everything.

- Not the mama.
- Aw, neither are you.

Robbie got lots of new gifts today.

Ooh! More $4 pen and pencil sets?

Big whoop!

Earl, it's traditional.

It's cheap. You'd think on this,

the most important night
of my son's life,

my friends could do a little better

than a lousy pen and pencil set.

Is something bothering you?

Bothering me? No!

After 27 years of friendship,
you'd think I could tell a guy

he eats like a pig
and dresses like a slob

without him getting all uppity about it.

But I'm not gonna let it bother me.

I got a family that loves me,

and that is what's important.

- Who do you love?
- Mama.

- Who do you love second best?
- Mama.

All right, who is talking
to you right now?

Not the mama.

[groans] I'm going upstairs.

Ma, is it me, or is Daddy
in a really bad mood?

No, your father just gets cranky
like this before a howling.

They all do, every month.

It's pre-howling syndrome, P.H.S.

I'm so glad I'm a girl.

JLalalt

[tape] Congratulations.

You are now ready
to how! with confidence,

knowing that you will not
only make your family proud

but keep our civilization
from coming to an end.

Um, a... a-ooh.

A-ooh.

Oh, God, who am I kidding?

OK, kid, it's showtime!

Dad, I got a real problem with this.

Hey, my little howler is nervous?

Come here.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna tell you a little
something my dad told me

just before I went up the hill.

Great.

He said, "Earl, unlock
that bathroom door."

Of course, that doesn't apply here,

but you get the gist.

Uh, yeah.

[dinosaurs chatting]

Dad, we've gotta talk about this.

No, no, no. First we all howl,

then we all talk.

We've been doing it that way
for a million years.

- Stop it!
- Come on!

Hey, guys!

- Hi, hi.
- Yeah, hi.

Let's howl and get on
to the settlement of grievances.

Good, 'cause I want an apology
for that turtiehead remark.

No way.

- Hi there, Robbie.
- Hi.

Uh, here's just a little something

to help usher you in to adult malehood.

Wow. Huh?

Well, lookie here, a pen and pencil set

from my oldest and dearest friend.

What a wonderful, highly original,

well-thought-out gift.

Ah, thank you. [clears throat] Well,

tonight is a very special night

for a young dinosaur
I've known for many years.

That's fine. I'll take it from here.

I thought you wanted me to introduce...

- I changed my mind.
- Jeez.

All right, everybody,
you know my son Robbie.

[all] Yeah.

There's the moon. Hit it.

Um...

[stammering] I've been giving
this a lot of thought,

and... and this howling thing...

...well, I don't believe in it.

[all gasp]

Robbie!

Everybody's looking!

I mean, think about it
logically. The book says,

"Dinosaur will turn against dinosaur

and bring an end to our days on Earth."

How would not howling at the moon

bring an end to our days on Earth?

Because if you don't howl,
I'll kill you.

What could possibly happen?

- Earthquake!
- Flood!

- Plagues!
- This isn't the Dark Ages.

This is 60 million BC!

Why don't we try not howling one time?

Nothing's gonna happen!

- [all gasp]
- Look!

Huh?

[Roy] Where's the moon? Where'd it go?

It's gone!

It's the end of the world!

- [screaming]
- Wait.

Wait!

Hang on! Wait!

[Earl] Oh, Robbie!

[rumbling]

Do you hear something?

No. What?

- [rumbling]
- Shh!

A low rumbling,
like the Earth is getting ready

to open up and swallow us.
Don't you hear it?

- It's the icemaker.
- Quiet!

You've brought a cataclysm
against all life on earth.

I don't wanna hear any more out of you!

OK.

Are we dead yet?

No, dear.

Hmm.

When are we gonna be dead?

Very soon, dear.

My flashlight went out.

I think the batteries are dead.

D-d-d-dead? It's starting!

The batteries are always
the first to go.

Earl, come here.
Let me tell you something.

What? What?

- Ooh!
- Get ahold of yourself!

Thank you. You're right, Ethyl.

I am the guardian
and protector of this family,

and it's my job to be
a calming influence

while we huddle together
hopelessly in the dark.

Dad, why don't we
just keep the lights on.

- The lights work?
- Yep.

Hey! Al am trying
10 do is create a mood here.

- Earl?
- What?

I'm going to be very
disappointed if this world ends

and you and Robbie
are still angry at each other.

He destroyed the universe!

Any parent can forgive
the little things, Earl.

It's these big things that test us.

All right, all right. I forgive you.

So you brought about the end
of everything. So what?

Uh, sorry, Dad.

Yeah, it's all part of growing up.

OK. Now, these are
our last few hours on Earth.

I want us to spend them being together

and loving each other and realizing

that the most important
thing in the world

is being a family.

[all] Ahh. Mmm.

Should I turn on the TV?

- [all] Yes!
- Good.

As you know,

the end of the world
is upon us, and that means

you'll save big! Values galore
here at Discount Charlie's!

We're slashing high prices.

This refrigerator/freezer, $1,399.95,

now two for a dollar!

So come on down!

We're dealing like there's no tomorrow!

[laughing]

- [snoring]
- [broadcast tone on TV]

- [Earl yawning]
- Ahh.

- Rrrr.
- Ahh.

Ah.

Look at that!

Oh!

The sun came up.

It's another day! Wow!

Are we dead?

No.

You promised!

Look.

See, Dad, the world
didn't come to an end.

Give me that.

Maybe we should look
at this as a new beginning.

You know, the entire dinosaur
community has been reborn.

Maybe nothing will ever
be the same again.

The Antediluvian Broadcasting Company

now begins its broadcast day.

[crowd] Wheel of...

[clearing throat]
Hello there, Fran.

Hello, Roy.

Isn't it wonderful,
the world not ending and all?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Something I can do for you?

Earl, if the world had ended last night,
I could've overlooked certain things,

but unfortunately it didn't,
so I've come for my beach thongs

and that hammer you borrowed.

I'd ask you to return
the food you've eaten here,

but most of it fell out
of your mouth before you left.

[growling]

Hey, Roy.

Huh? Oh, hi, Robbie.

Don't you talk to my kid like that.

Huh? I'll talk to your kid
anyway I want.

- Hi, Robbie! Hi, Robbie!
- [growling]

Hey, you guys, come on. Dad.

[both growling]

Uncle Roy!

Guys, what's happening?

You've been best friends
since before I was born.

- Can't you talk it out?
- [crunch]

I'll take that as a "no".

[Fran] Earl!

Get your head
out of his mouth right now!

He started it!

Uh-uh.

Look at him, talking
with his mouth full again.

If you bite
my husband's head off...

[growls]

[screaming]

[Earl] You ever come
near my house again,

I'll feed you to my family!

[Roy] Yeah, then I won't!

- [Earl] Good!
- [Roy] Fine!

- [Earl] Fine!
- [Roy] Good.

[door slams]

"Only by howling do we
defeat the dark spirit

which would turn dinosaur
against dinosaur."

Oh.

[male on TV] Many wonder
if these incidents are connected

to last night's missed howling?

In the meantime, There seems
to be no end in sight

to the violence and general
crankiness among males.

Now here's Dwayne with sports.

Oh, great.

Throw it to me
with 30 seconds left, huh!

[both growling]

[newscaster]
I'll bite your little leg off!

Hey, Dad, Roy just called.

There is no Roy.

He wants to return all the stuff
he borrowed over the years

but he won't set foot in our house.

So where does he want to meet?

[Earl] Well, right away, I see
my barbecue apron is missing.

I thought the barbecue apron was a gift.

It was a gift for a friend,

so I want it back from you.

- [Roy, Earl growling]
- [Robbie] Hey, hey, Roy,

Dad, come on, stop it.

Well, he's the one
who called me up here.

1 did not. You called me.

Uh... Look, I had to call you up here.

You have to howl.

I wouldn't howl with him if he
was the last dinosaur on Earth.

Besides, there's no reason
to howl anymore?

Yes, there is.
I didn't understand it before,

but if you don't howl,
terrible things happen.

No, they don't. The world
didn't come to an end.

Nothing bad happened at all.

You're not friends anymore.

A lifelong friendship is about
to end. Isn't that bad?

- Uh-uh. I'm glad.
- No. I's good.

OK, fine. Maybe I was wrong.

After all, Dad,

a best friend wouldn't say
you had a wussy howl.

Did you say that I had a wussy howl?

I don't know. Did 1?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Well, then, I stand by it. Wussy howl!

Oh, yeah?

I can howl you under the table

any moonlit night of the week!

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

Well, you're on!

All right!

[both howling]

[Earl gasping]

And after the howling,
we settle our grievances.

You two best friends for 27 years

got anything you want
to say to each other?

[both panting]

Listen, all this stuff you borrowed...

You can hang on to it for a while.

Thanks 'cause
there's really nothing left

in my apartment now anyway,

except for your barbecue apron.

I'm sorry I gave you a hard time
about the pen and pencil set.

I know that wasn't too original,

but I don't have any kids of my own,

so I wanted Robbie to have
the pen and pencil set

my dad gave me on my howling day.

Roy, your dad gave you this?

Yeah.

It's the one his dad gave
to him on his howling day.

Aw, jeez. Aw!

[both crying]

You're my best friend.

Buddy, come on over for dinner.

- OK.
- Come on.

Yeah.

- Oh, uh, Robbie?
- Yeah, Dad?

You did a good thing here.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

You know, sometimes it's not important

to understand why you do something.

I howl because I believe in it.

[chuckles]

I don't know why I believe in it,

I just do.

I understand, Dad, yeah.

OK, I'll see you at home.

OK. Bye.

[Roy] Hey, Earl, what about my stuff?

[Earl] The kid'll get it.
That's why you have kids.

[Roy] Hmm. Maybe I should get one.

[chuckles] Ahh...

[wind blows]

"Only by howling do
we defeat the dark spirit

which would turn
dinosaur against dinosaur

and bring an end to our days on Earth.”

A-ooooh!

A-ooh...

[howl continues]