Dimension 20 (2018-…): Season 8, Episode 7 - Parade of Peril - full transcript

The gang attends a holiday parade, but someone has sent in the clowns.

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- Content warning:

This episode contains visual
and verbal depictions of clowns

in the context of supernatural horror.

(tape scratching)

(dramatic eerie music)

Hello, one and all,

and welcome to another thrilling episode

of "Dimension 20: The
Unsleeping City," season two.

I'm your humble dungeon
master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.

With me as always are our intrepid heroes.

Say hi, intrepid heroes.

- [Group] Hi, intrepid heroes.

- Oh gosh, lordy, lordy.

Well, last we left our heroes,

the champions of New York
were busy in preparation,

both with the Gramercy Occult Society

and the Order of the Concrete Fist,

pooling resources for a
possible expedition into Nod

to see if the source could not be found

of the appearance of raw
umbra in New York City,

the material that composes
the Umbral Arcana.

The substance from the dreaming

that prevents people from
seeing or noticing magic

had been showing up in the
city and bringing with it

a wash of things from the dreaming realm,

antipopuli, raw misery, misanthropy,

hatred of New York's customs and norms,

aboard the subway train,

veins and currents of the stuff

connecting other nodes of magic,

including the now-defeated Jersey Devil,

and strange forces
appearing around the city,

including beings that had been noticed

by Pete, Vox Phantasma,

in a harrowing confrontation.

Our last episode left
off with getting ready

for the Macy's Day Parade,

where Wally Klaus is gonna
be on the last float,

wavin' hi to all the kids.

He wants to say hi to everybody.

And you guys all wanted to go see Wally,

but also that morning,

Sofia Lee tailing Tony Simos,

original First Fist of the
Monastery of the Midnight Sun,

having a tense confrontation

in which Sofia's criticism
of her order's mantra,

saying it is not what it
is, it is what it could be,

was recorded by Tony Simos

in this stark confrontation.

So we pick up where we left off,

but we're actually gonna cut over

to Pete sleepin' in that morning.

Pete, you are in deep REM.

You haven't physically
been to Nod in a while.

You've been workin' at the bookstore,

going to meetings with Dr. Lugash.

You know, you don't make
that much money these days,

so you have to work a lot of shifts

just to kind of clear rent,
even in this new spot.

But you have been visiting in your dreams.

We see a starry sky swirling all over

with smoke and leaves made of mist

and the beginnings a little flakes of snow

as we head towards winter.

Pete, you are in Nod in
your dreaming state, flying.

The full moon swirls and smiles at you,

and the Woman in the Moon

with her incredible
eyeshadow and lipstick goes,

"Well, hello there, Vox Phantasma.

There are some people who
have been waiting for you,"

and gestures over to a
puffy little lavender cloud

in the eternal nighttime of Nod,

where you can see an
old turn of the century,

turn of the last century four-poster bed

that has The Gray Orphan sleeping in it

in recovery from sort
of wounds and injuries

that they suffered.

Give me a perception check as well,

if you'd be so kind right now.

- Ooh, yes.

(dice rattling)

That is

a 13.

- You're flying high
above Manhattan right now

towards Brooklyn, which is actually

where this sort of four-poster bed is.

And what did you roll again? Sorry.

- 13.

- 13, yeah, your eyes avoid looking

down towards the theater district,

because you can see sort
of bubbling away from Nod

is the gateways from Glamour,

that sort of dream tavern
up near Central Park.

You see the doors of
Faerie, 'cause in fact,

the Faeries that live in New
York now no longer have to live

as renegades, kind of stranded
in the Unsleeping City,

between dreaming and the waking world.

But you see Rowan Berry's new Fae court,

which is no longer...

It is powerful enough and
established enough on its own

that it kind of now exists
as its own pocket realm

throughout the Theater District,

going into Central Park and the Ramble.

So Pete kind of clocks that
out of the corner of his eyes

as he's flying.

- I just start kind of
rehearsing something out loud,

where I'm like, I was
in a really bad place.

And I just, that wasn't really me,

and I just really wanna
formally apologize.

No, no, I won't start it that way.

I'll say, (vocalizes awkwardly)

how are you?
(group laughing)

Hey, how are you?

- As you are-
- How are you?

- As you are flying,

a screeching shape comes
out of the starry sky going,

(screeches) which is

that owl-monkey-angel thing

that first appeared to you
on your first time here.

You now know this being very
well. This is The Night Owl.

The Night Owl (screeches)
flies around and says,

"Oh, Pete, so good to see you. (gasps)

Nod's been waiting." (screeches)

(imitates creature whooshing) Flies off

and lands perched like a gargoyle,
'cause they're kind of...

They have sort of an owl-like face

but in this large, baboon kind of body,

but with sort of baboon-like hands,

and then owl's talons for
feet, long prehensile tail,

and huge wings spreading
off of their back,

kind of like an angel.

(screeches) Sort of perched
down, clacks their beak.

And you look and see Pizza Rat

with the little pizza tied to his back,

looking at Nod as they sort of slumber

in this old Victorian bed.

And Pizza Rat looks up and says,

"Well, hey there, Pete. Good
to see you, bud. (squeaks)

Thank you so much for savin' Nod.

They're not lookin' too good,

but I think they're gettin' better."

- I ask Pizza Rat what
happened and what they noticed,

and tell me everything.

- Pizza Rat looks up,
looks up at The Night Owl.

The Night Owl looks a little bit sad.

You see these entities,
sort of dream beings,

look like they've been kind
of lessened or weakened

because The Gray Orphan
themselves was sort of harmed.

Pizza Rat goes, "Well, you know,

we wasn't sure.

And it seems like a couple
months ago or somethin' like that

that Nod started makin' plans

to go out into the deeper dreaming.

One of their siblings was
in trouble, way out there."

You see that The Night
Owl nods and goes, (caws)

"We didn't know, but Nod,

Nod has lots of siblings out
there from the dawn of time,

deep, deep out there in the dreaming,

in other spots like this.

And so they said needed to go

and try to save someone.

And they left for a little while.

And then, well, they came
back for a little while,

but they were scared,

like they had gone
somewhere and come back,

but it was a dangerous
journey to get there

and that something had followed them back

or noticed them while they were traveling

in the deeper dreaming."

You see Pizza Rat looks
up at you and says,

"Yeah, they were only back for a few days

or somethin' like that, and then,

and then they were gone,
and it was dangerous,

and some of us started to disappear.

It was like something was
here in the Sixth Borough,

but we couldn't see it.

We couldn't find it.

It was harder to see kind of anything.

And yeah, like we could
tell there was something."

And you see that

nothing happens in Nod,

but the stars overhead ripple

(Brennan imitates low thrumming)

as though there is something

circling the edges of this realm.

- Whoa.

- Go ahead and give me an Arcana check.

- Oh great.

(Ally vocalizes rhythmically)

Oh, that's a nat one.

Oh, can I get the Help action from Luna?

- From Luna? I love it.

Yes. Go ahead and roll with advantage.

- Cool.

Hell yeah, that's way better. That's a 26.

- Cool.
(dice rattling)

With that Arcana check, Pete,

you're here in your dream state right now.

You think in order for you to

heal Nod,

you're gonna have to physically
travel to Nod yourself.

- Okay. Got it.

Is there a way to wake Nod up,

or does it seem like they're too sick,

or they really need the rest?

- With that high Arcana
roll, I think they can,

you can wake them up a little bit.

They kind of need bedrest right now.

And you can actually
see, as they are resting,

that little shaky Zs in a
row are forming psychically,

like Z, Z, Z, and they vanish,

Z, Z, Z, and they vanish.

- (laughs) Cute.

- You could potentially put
a hand on their shoulder

and see if you could wake them up.

- Yeah, I kind of rustle them a little bit

and ask how they're feeling.

How are you, Nod?

- (sighs) I'm okay.

I'm okay now.

It would be good...

It would be good to see you again.

And maybe...


(Brennan groans softly)

You see that Nod sort of falters
a little bit and look sick.

And I think on that high Arcana check,

Nod needs your physical presence.

And I think, weirdly, you also see

that Nod feels...

The Sixth Borough feels
flattened or compressed somewhat,

like there's the force
outside of it pushing on it,

which is weirdly pushing it
closer to the waking world.

And as you look at the
sort of bedridden sickness,

you're like, oh, that's the pressure.

Like, that's what's pushing the raw umbra

into the waking world.

And as you see that, you see
that Nod not only looks sick

because of whatever was
sort of feeding on them,

but they also look sick

because of that pressure putting them

into closer proximity
with the waking world,

almost like they just
have a cold or something.

You think that a visit from a real doctor

or a real medical professional

might actually help Nod in this instance.

- Whoa.

Okay, cool. Yeah, good to know.

Can I ask Nod, like,

I heard that you were
visiting a sibling of yours?

Where were they, and who are they?

What was going on there?

- Nod looks up at you and says,

"One of my little siblings,

(Lou chuckles)

they were...

Their name is Nuria.

And they,

they live far west from here,

west in the waking world.

The directions don't
really work like that here

in the dreaming.

They're gone now."

- What do you mean they're gone?

- "I tried to get to them in time,

but they're gone now.

My oldest, the oldest of
our family found them,

got in,"

and you see that Nod falls back to sleep.

- Oh, oh no.
- (groans) Shit.

I make a mental note to bring
a little BabyBjorn with me

when we come back (laughs)

so that I can swaddle Nod.

Holy shit. Okay.

Can I go back to where I found
Nod on top of that building

and just look around and see
if there's anything there

while I'm at the kind
of tail end of my dream.

- Yes, go ahead and
give me an Arcana check,

and give me a Perception check as well.

- Okay.

Perception is gonna be

14 Perception.

26 Arcana.

- You got 26 Arcana.

There is a hole

here in Nod,

and you can see raw umbra leaking in.

You are not directly facing the hole.

It is like a weird,

truly like a weird,
shimmering, hazy planar rift.

You can walk around to face it.

You'd be standing right
in the stream of raw umbra

that you don't think would
be that harmful to you.

But if you want to go look out

into where this is coming from,

you're gonna have to move
into the direct line of sight

of this rift in Nod.

- I already feel extremely
lucky to be alive,

so I'm probably gonna save that

for when I come back
(group laughing)

with all my friends.

So I'm just gonna also
make a note of that.

This is on top of the
building, right, this hole?

- Yeah, this is on top of
the Empire State Building.

- Okay, so cool.

Anything new with the signs
that were kind of shifting

with Gladiator shit?

- You still see those two Gladiator signs

down in Times Square.

- They're still there.

- They're still there. Yes, yes, yes.

- Okay, great.

- I love to see Lou shaking
over there. (laughs)

- It's scary.

This is all scary.
- It's scary.

- Yeah.
- Ooh.

- I have things to do.
- Especially that

gentle child's voice.

- The sweet little child, cool.

Pete, you wake up.

It's the morning of the Macy's Day Parade.

You have this new information,

but you know where all your
friends are going to be.

We cut to Manhattan, baby.
- Wow.

- Huge roaring crowds, the
Macy's Day Parade is starting.

Kingston and Ricky, you're there.

Cheering people, balloons, hot nut stands.

People bum-ba-duh.

See up there, you know,
there's two sort of prime,

like daytime news, like
"Good Morning America,"

being like, "Jane at a wonderful
day out here at the parade.

Look at these coats. We love these coats."

You see that huge balloons are coming by.

Iga, up to you whether,

what state of mind Iga would be in.

Your husband, Oskar,

has a bizarre fascination with, like,

big celebration days like these

and has indoctrinated your children

into doing these horrifying,
touristy activities.

- Uh-huh, I think she's into it.

I think that it's like
one of the things maybe

when she first moved to New York

that was a thing that they did together,

'cause it was so novel.

I mean, parades and festivals

are a very Polish and German thing,

but this is on such a bigger scale.

- Yes.

So, and Cody, (laughs)

all you know is that your
crew of people is coming here

to meet Santa Claus, who
they apparently know.

- Yeah, I think Cody is...

I think Cody definitely hates parades

but is gonna go to complain.

(Brennan laughs)

- Hell yes. Amazing.

- There better be a fucking
Jack Skellington balloon,

or else I'm gonna freak out.

- I mean, there probably...

I mean, who knows?

I mean, that's the fun of
it, right, is every year

it's like, who gets a ballon?
- Do you think there would be?

- Could be.
- We've got a Pikachu

and a Sonic coming up.

- I also-
- Oh, sick.

- Crazy, I was also picturing,

like, Lou, the player,

also picturing a Pikachu
and a Sonic balloon.

(group laughing)
Those are the exact two

I would have picked.

- I would say Peanuts-
- I prefer Shadow-

- and Garfield.
- the Hedgehog.

(group laughing)

- Iga, you look, see your 14-year-old son

is there with your dad.

He's gettin' to an age where he's...

This is not necessarily
the most impressive thing.

But Jessica still has a little
bit of childlike wonder.

You see she's got a book under her arm,

a notebook with a bunch
of loose pieces of paper.

And you see that she casts

a little sort of divinatory cantrip,

is looking around at stuff.

And she's going like, wow.
- Be careful doing that in...

Be careful.

- She looks up at you, "Got it.

Sorry, mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah."

- No, it's okay. Just be careful.

- It's just really cool, there's...

She looks up and says,

"I was wondering, too, if
we can get home after today,

I would actually love to look at the box,

'cause I was texting Ana and Amelia,

and they were telling me some stuff

about different divinations
and basically, like,

learning a bunch of the
Arcana around this stuff.

And it feels like it might be interesting

to go and explore the
castle together someday,

'cause I feel like
there's a lot of questions

about the castle's relationship to the box

and sort of how it works

that I think could be
really cool to do together,

if you wanted to."

- I would love to do that.

You know, there's a lot of it

I haven't even looked at for years.

'Cause it's like, I dunno, I...

How often you go into the basement?

It's just like a bunch of trash in there.

I'm sure there's some good stuff in there,

but it's like a lot of trash.

Maybe we can do it together.

It's like, it's a group
project. We can go through.

- She smiles up at you

and looks again out at
the crowd, and you...

There's this moment of
looking at your daughter

just taking initiative.

12 is a hard age.

And you see her having this
sudden moment of passion

and sincerity about something,

and I think even the ways

in which Iga doesn't
recognize her daughter,

who after all is a full
New Yorker, you know,

that there is a moment of connection here.

You guys look out and say,
"Uh-oh, look out here.

New and improved, but get ready
to see them around the city,

the Gladiator float,

along with our new and improved Sparties."

You guys see-

- I hawk just a soda, just
a full soda into the parade.

- Into the Sparty party.
- Just a Big Gulp,

just fully, just-

- Yeah, a full Big Gulp smashes

right behind you.
- Oh, Cody!

Cody, whoa!
- Yeah, right behind you,

Cody, you just hear-
- Fuck you!

- You just hear, right behind you, Cody,

you hear (imitates siren
whooping), and the cop from Queens

is like, "Hey man, I'm here

off duty."
- Can I pay him off?

- Yeah.

- Hey, sir, what's your name?

- Oh, oh, Officer Brunson.

- Oh, Brunson, nice to meet
you. I'm Kingston Brown.

I'm a community liaison up in Harlem.

Cody is one of my, is
a new friend of mine.

And I understand

that he has possibly a bad,
hard past relationship,

but we're workin' through that.

And so I hope that maybe you
can take it easy on him today.

You know, this is a lot goin' on.

- They took my sword.
They took my buster sword.

Give it back.
- Hey, hey.

Hey, we'll get that. Baby
steps, baby steps, all right.

- Hey, man, you can't smoke in the crowd.

There's kids everywhere.

(group laughing)

- It's open air.

- Cody, you watch Kingston.

Just around you in a circle,
a bunch of New Yorkers...

As Kingston speaks to this dude,

a bunch of New Yorkers
turn to look at Kingston.

You immediately get the sensation

that everybody is watching.

Kingston's attention directs
all of their attention

at this plain-clothes
cop, who immediately sees

the focus of all these New
Yorkers funneled by Kingston.

The cop says, "Mr. Brown, my apologies.

Enjoy the rest of your parade,"

and slinks off into the
shadows and is gone.

- Holy shit.

- Don't do that again.
- It's like the whole city

is your mall, man.

(Brennan laughs)

- You know, Cody, I don't
think you're wrong on that one.

(group laughing)
- Kingston Brown, mall cop.

- I'm sorry. Sorry,
Cody, I overheard that.

So when you go to the mall
and you talk to people,

they react like that or...

(group laughing)

- Pretty much, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, okay.

- Good thing the mall will never be back

so that Cody never has to
prove that true. (laughs)

- If you were there, you would know,

but unfortunately, Josh, I
think my roommate's busy.

So you probably can't
talk to him about that.

- Right. Okay.
- Yeah.

- So what you guys see
right now is that a...

This Gladiator float that just
had a Big Gulp thrown at it

is surrounded by these
really kind of skinny,

plastic-casing delivery drones.

Gladiator's been using
delivery drones before,

but these are like a new...

Like, you've seen advertisements
for them around the city.

They are kind of like
skinny, human-shaped robots,

with these smiling faces,
that are waving at the crowd.

They have these little portable cases,

and they're throwing Cipher energy fluid

out to the crowd, like-
- I'm sorry. What?

- Sorry. What is happening?

(group laughing)
- I absolutely catch

one of those-
- What is

Cipher energy fluid?
- if it's an energy drink.

- It's an energy drink, I'm assuming.

- Skinny robots are throwing-
- It's an energy drink.

- energy fluid at us?

- Nobody drink this garbage!

There's quality products like
Monster, Rockstar, Gamer Fuel.

We could even do Mountain Dew.

Just, there's a lot of
alternatives to this.

- As a medical professional,

none of those are good alternatives.

Let's just not drink any of these things.

- There's things with quality ingredients.

Okay, okay.
- Like Monster Khaos.

- Taurine is not a quality ingredient.

- You guys see that the-
- What's that?

- So yeah, it's fuckin' creepy.

You guys have seen ads
for these guys around.

This is the first time

you're actually seeing them in person.

It's been one of those things...

Like, you guys know ASIMO,
the little helper robot that,

it's like, these are
like a prototype of that.

They're gonna deploy a
fleet of these in New York

as delivery drones.

(Lou laughs)
- Absolutely, we're have to

fight these someday.
- Can I do a Perception check

to see how skinny they are?

- Yeah, can I do a Perception
check for their AC?

Can I just catch that right now?

Just real quick.
- I feel like

they're never gonna come back.

I feel like these guys are never-

- I actually would love
do an Arcana check on them

to see if there's something
magical about them.

- Go ahead and do an Arcana check.

- Great.


- Ooh.

- 19? No, there they
are extremely unmagical.

- All right. Okay.

- If you say so.

- So that was energy drink,
right? It wasn't loose fluid?

- It is, it is energy drink.
- Hose.

- Just cans of or-

- Cans of, well, actually-
- Lighter fluid.

- little plastic bottles.
- Can I try to catch one?

- Yeah, me too.
- These are the same things

that was in the branded
post that Priya's fiance

on Instagram was hawking.
- Ew.

- I absolutely smack one out
of my 14-year-old son's hand.

- He says, "Ugh, what the hell?"

- Guys, the Red Bull, the
Red Bull truck is got...

It's gotta be somewhere, okay.

There are three quality
energy drinks around.

- Dude.

- But you see the little,

this little contingent of
Sparties walking around waving,

walks off with the Gladiator float.

(Brennan imitates machinery whirring)

Hi, I'm Sparty. I'm here
to give you what you need!

- I'll give you what you need.
Eat my fuckin' ass, dude!

- Oh no, god damnit.
- Hey, hey, Cody, Cody,

Cody, Cody.
- What?

- Cody.
- I'm so angry

by seeing this energy drink
again, I'm fully with Cody.

Yeah, eat his fucking ass, man!

- Pete!
- Eat my fucking ass.

- Yeah!
- Hey!

Please stop screamin'
about doin' such things.

- I throw one of the cans as hard as I can

at a robot's head.
- I cast Hold Person

on Pete and Cody.

- Then this scuffle
breaks out for a second.

Cody, you feel your chest tattoo get hot,

and Bazathrax is like, "Yeah,
dude, let's throw down.

Let's fuckin' ruin the
parade, guys. Come on!"

- Let's ruin the parade.

I love ruining parades.
- I'm gonna cast

Calm Emotions.

- I was about to ask.

I was literally about to ask Ricky.

I just see Ricky, yeah,
yeah, that feels right.

That feels right right now.

- Well, you guys see that the...

The end of the parade is coming up.

There's a bunch of dancers and
marching bands, cheerleaders.

It's a bunch of clowns walkin' out

and juggling and laughing.

You guys see some of
the last parade floats

are coming by you right now.

You see that Oskar looks up and he goes,

"Iga, look, look at this, it is...

Oh look, Bruina Bearheart is here

and the Chompsky's outfielder."

You see this big, floating
baseball player float.

There's a big Nutcracker,

like sort of classic Nutcracker, floating.

He goes, "Look at that!

It is the caterpillar
who became an astronaut

but didn't know how or why,

the classic children's book character."

(group laughing)

- Inspiring.

- It's a good one.

- Everyone here make a Perception check.

- Nat 20.

(Ally gasps)

- There ya go.
- Damn, good.

- There we go.

- Second nat 20.
- There she is.

- Wow.
- I got a 12.

- Ooh-hoo-hoo.
- I have advantage.

- It's weird.
- And I got a 12.

- Cool, two nat 20s.

- What's up, dude?

Us older folk, you know.

- Yes, we see things.
- We know to keep

our eyes peeled.

- We're aware.

- Iga, you, with that Perception,

feel (imitates booming)
your chest in your bag

is fighting again and fighting
hard against being erased.

Like, (imitates chest thumping).

Everyone else, you see the last float.

It's Santa Claus's sleigh,
and you see Wally Claus,

who's waving at all of you going,

"Hi, everybody! It's
my friends from before.

You were all friends
with my dad, Rat Jesus,

Bruce Kugrich Kugrash.

- [Group] Uh.

- I fill Cody in on everything
that he needs to know

to make sense of that.

I think Ricky's crying-
- What's up, Santa? Hey.

- and just waving at Wally.

- Yeah, you see, Cody, Santa
Claus looks right at you

and goes, "Hey, little
boy, you're actually 27,

but you were 47 for a minute.

I know everything! I'm Santa Claus."

- Holy shit.

Yeah, no, you're spot on.

Yeah, I was 47 for a minute there.

- With those nat 20s, Iga,
the box is fighting hard.

You get a sense of

your chest, and for the first time,

you feel two sources of magic.

There's your chest and
the spirits of the chest

and then the thing deep within

that the chest was made to hold.

Because that's the thing about a chest

or a goblet or a decanter
or anything like that:

there are things that are magic,

but they're made to
hold things themselves.

And you feel that your chest

is both containing and trying to protect

something powerful yet
vulnerable deep within,

on a nat 20,

something at the heart of the chest

that has been there for a long, long time.

You also look out and see menacing things.

Kingston, you feel
another pain in your chest

like you did at the subway.

You look out

and see the clowns marching in the parade

looking at you and smiling,
going, (chuckles maniacally)

and you

understand within an instant.

I'm gonna say that you
know some dream shit

is happening here.

All I can say is these
clowns look exactly like

the clowns surrounding
the Central Park carousel,

which you've been to many
times, a New York institution,

but they're here.

They're real, and you know
that Pete would like...

There's something, there's something here

that you could draw
Pete's attention to it,

because this is some horrifying
dream magic going on.

- Yeah, I think I immediately
check in with Pete

and am like, Pete,

it seems that Nod is here
or Nod is bleeding again.

- Huh.

- Do you have any sense of
what's goin' on right now?

And I think I'm now looking
for, beyond the clowns,

if there are any other
influences that I see.

- You start looking.

And Pete, give me an Arcana check.

- Yeah, for sure.

That is a 21.

- 21, you see, yeah,

Nod is bubbling through like it did

during the subway fight again.

- From where?

- It looks like from up
where the parade started,

closer to Central Park.

But these clowns,

Pete would understand that
clowns in the waking world...

There are clowns that are
just people dressed as clowns,

and then there are true clowns,

which only exist in dreaming.

- I love this.

- The parade is-
- True clowns.

- True clowns.

These are not people wearing a costume.

These are true clowns,

horrifying visions from the dreaming.

And you see some of the clowns
are making balloon animals.

Some are making balloon swords.

Some are making balloon bows and arrows.

Wally goes, "Hey, merry Christmas later,

about a month from now, to everyone."

And one of the clowns goes,
(chuckles maniacally).

- No.
- No!

- Draws a balloon, fires a balloon

that hits Wally Claus in the head.

And it goes thump, harmlessly,

and Wally Claus goes unconscious.

And you see that these
clowns start slashing

the lines of the giant floats.

They really cut them, grab Wally,

and on four of the largest balloons

begin to sail away up into the sky.

What do you all do?

- Can we get on a float and-
- (indistinct) them.

- cut it and follow.
- Rush towards the balloon.

- You guys just rush-
- I rush-

- You rush the parade?
- I rush towards Wally Claus.

- Incredible, I'm gonna-
- Am I there?

- Oh, sorry. Fuck, yes.

Pete has just introduced you.

Sofia, you are rushing here

directly from your
confrontation with Tony.

That happened earlier this morning.

- Okay.

- So you guys, as that's happening,

Sofia, you break into the ring

just as you guys are seeing
these clowns about to act.

Sofia, you see all your friends.

- Okay, cool.

Hey, everyone, I think I fucked up.

What's going on?

What did I miss?
- What's up?

- Did I miss Sonic?

(group laughing)
- Sonic went by earlier,

but there's more to talk about.

It's okay, there was no-
- Charlie Brown

was coming.
- Shadow the Hedgehog.

- I don't know who that is either.

Let's do something.

- Incredible. Everybody roll initiative.

- I hate this.
- I got 20 on my initiative.

(Lou rolls tongue)
- I'm having a Murph day-

- 17 on my initiative.
- of rolls.

My god.
- Oh no.

- This is crazy, I didn't see any of this,

but I'm gonna act first. (laughs)

- I love it, perfect for Sofia.

- Just like, show up and just punch clowns

in the face.
- Oh, we're fighting? Okay!

- Missed all of this, show up
with a 25 initiative. (laughs)

- Incredible.

- Oh wow.

- You start attacking Wally. (laughs)

- He's possessed, right?

- Let me go down and get initiative

from everybody real quick.

And you guys can also boot up roll 20 now.

What did Sofia get?

- 25.

- My god. Iga?

- 17.

- 17. What did Cody get?

- A four.

- Great. What did Pete get?

- 20, not nat.

- 20, not nat. What did Ricky get?

- 19.

- 19, and what did Kingston get?

- Lucky number sleven.

- Hell yeah, that's great.
- A seven?

- A seven, it's a seven.

(group gasping)
(group exclaiming)

- [Ally] Whoa!

- Isn't that fuckin' cool?

- The airplane is so cute.

- Love that.
- Cody doesn't think so,

but Murph does.

- Sorry, where's Pikachu? Where's Sonic?

- Hey, where all these famous-

- Ah, the Chompsky's-
- copyrighted characters?

- outfielder is so funny.

- Isn't the Chompsky's outfielder great?

- Whoa. This is so cool.

- This is honestly incredible.

- Yeah.

- So we're on a balloon, too, right,

that we chopped and hopped on?

- Chopped and hopped, dude.

- Chop and hop.

- Chop and hop.

- We did a C and H. (chuckles)

- Classic C and H.
- Classic parade C and H,

dude, ya know?

(Siobhan laughs)

- A little chop and hop, baby.

- True clown is so funny.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, the best part is-
- the true clown.

- when you said that like it
was something we should...

Like, you were like,
there are true clowns,

and it was like-
- These aren't clowns.

These are true clowns.
- These are true clowns.

- The fact that there
isn't a standup show in LA

called True Clown already-
- True Clown.

- Ew
- is shocking.

(group laughing)
- Ew.

- Welcome to True Clown.

- True Clown hour-
- Get ready to get

some shit thrown on you.
- at Zebulon.

Yeah, exactly.

- True Clown.
- I fuckin' love it.

- Do you know about the True Clown?

- Okay, so what I'm gonna
need from everybody here,

before we begin the battle,

is I'm gonna need Athletics checks.

If you have no means of flying,

I'm gonna need Athletics
checks to see how far up the...

Athletics or Acrobatics

to see how far up the ropes you can get.

It's a DC 10 Athletics

to get on a rope, period.

And DC 15 is like halfway up the rope.

DC 20 means you get to start
on one of the runaway balloons.

As you can see,

there is a difference in
altitude between all of this.

All of this is obviously
difficult terrain.

There are clowns

that are sort of spider-climb
crawling on all fours,

holding balloon swords.

There are also clowns

that are holding handfuls
of their own balloons,

one-armed shooting short bows

that are flying under their own power,

and a bunch of these
massive balloon beasts.

- These clowns are so sick.

I want a t-shirt with these all over them.

(group laughing)

- Whoa, that'd be really cool.
- I'm gonna be honest.

I don't want that.

- I want-
- Like a little button up,

and they're all little and everything.

- Oh, honey.
- To have a pattern of it?

- Yeah.
- A long sleeve

that just has the clown in weird places.

- Ooh.

- Just an armpit clown.

- Yeah, Kendra really
went all out on this one.

(Emily laughs)

Wally Claus is on the top-
- God, this is so cool.

- of the highest altitude balloon.

This is all difficult terrain.

The balloons themselves
are not perfectly stable.

They're balloons.

Also these,

the golden stars are giant,

but you can see other smaller,
just handheld balloons

floating around as well.

Not only is it difficult
terrain just to run on,

but obviously if these balloons
are damaged in any way,

you guys are well above
200 feet in the air.

- Okay.

- And are these...

Some of these true clowns

are just kind of floating in the air.

Are the true clowns flying, or are they...

Do they require the balloons as well?

- It looks like the true clowns

are not flying under their own power,

meaning that they're not like
Peter Pan or Superman flying,

but you have a feeling
that if you were to drop

one of those flying clowns
with the short bows,

they might be able to just
make a sword for themself

and jump to one of the
nearby balloons, potentially.

You're not certain.

- But the ones with swords
on the balloons, though-

- Are not flying.

- Are not flying, okay.

- Can you...

Just because I wanna, like, not be wrong,

can you confirm the order of
altitudes between balloons?

Like which is the...

The bear is the highest.
Who is the lowest?

- Outfielder is the lowest,

then Caterpillar, then Nutcracker,

then that is Bruina Bearheart.

- Great.
- Oh no.

Oh no.

- Kingston is terrified.

This is not ideal.

- So first off, Athletics
checks, did anybody...

- And again you don't have to-
- Oh, I haven't rolled that.

- roll that if you have a means of flying.

But go ahead and give-
- I got a 32.

- Jesus, Sofia, with a-
- I'm using

my Elemental Gift to fly.

- Cool.

- Can I-
- I got a six.

- Can my butterfly familiar
fly out of my sleeve

and give me the Help action for this?

- Yes, absolutely.

- I got a 23.

- 23? Hell yeah.

- I can send Misiek to
give Cody the Help action.


Cody, go ahead and roll with advantage.

(dice rattling)

- 14.

- Or, wait, sorry, 16.

- 16, cool.

So if you beat a 10,

if you're between 10 and 20,

place yourself somewhere

like halfway up one of the ropes

to either the outfielder
or the caterpillar.

- What if I got a 32?
Can I start on Bearina?

(group laughing)

- I'm going to say, Sofia,

you can absolutely start on
the caterpillar if you want to.

- The caterpillar, okay.

- Yeah, if you've got over
a 20, where can you start?

- 20? Ricky, you can put
yourself on the outfielder.

- Okay, so I got a 16.

That means

I need to-
- That means you're on a rope.

- Okay, I'll just be with-
- And I assume Ox

can't really help in this
situation, just 'cause

we're (indistinct).
- Yeah, I think, probably

we lose Ox for this one.

- [Zac] Cool.

- And how about-
- And my moped, I assume.

- What's that?

- [Murph] And my moped.

- Moped we probably lose as well.

- Ox is gonna stay with
the children, (laughs)

with Iga's kids.

- Yeah. How about Iga?

Where can Iga go?
- Iga's flying.

So Iga can start wherever you want.

- Hell yeah.

Can I actually start on the bear?

Is that...

- I'm gonna say you should
start lower altitude.

- Okay.

- So I would start-
- Maybe I'll start near Sofia.

- Yeah.

- [Siobhan] Great.

And then Misiek is with Cody, who is here.

- I love my little butterfly.

- I love my little butterfly.
- Pretty cute.

- It's my green butterfly named Luna.

- Yes.

- So just think about that.
- Wow, you came up

with that yourself?

- Oh, so that's what you-

- Pretty cool.
- When you asked for

the Help action.
- I thought you were taking

a Help action from the moon.

- I also thought you were-
- Oh, no.

- taking a Help action
directly from the big,

the eyeshadow-wearing moon.
- I forgot.

- I pictured, I thought-
- Can the moon give me

a Help action.
- You just ask it, please,

do something to help me.
- Is Brennan gonna narrate it?

(group laughing)
- Okay.

Ricky's on the outfielder.

Kingston's got the rope.

Cody's on some rope as well.

Pete, are you on that rope too?

- Yeah.

- Hell yeah.

Iga is flying.
- Bros helpin' bros.

- Iga is flying over the caterpillar.

And Sofia's up on the
caterpillar. Hell yeah.

- Let me make sure this is...

- And remember, Sofia, that
some of these distances

will be adjusted due to altitude as well.

So like, that's 35 feet away horizontally,

but it might be farther away

when you factor in how
much higher it is as well.

(someone whistles)

Hell yes, gang.

We're gonna jump right
into combat, and Sofia...

So, whoosh, some of you are holding ropes.

These balloons streak off into the sky.

You can hear screams from the crowd below.

You're all hanging on for dear life.

Sofia, you get up onto the balloon

and are running in a pair of Louboutins

on top of a giant helium balloon.

- Hey, everyone was just...

I don't know what's goin' on,

but everyone was just jumpin'
on balloons, so I don't know.

I fit in if I can.

Can I do...

I wanna know if I could...

I think that since Sofia, all
Sofia sees is Wally's down,

she'll probably just try
to go to protect Wally.

However, there is a curiosity
if I could jump down

and swing from one of these severed cords

and kick through the window
of a building, and fuck...

And basically, that Nutcracker,

if I could jump down, swing
from its severed cord,

kick through the window of a building,

and then essentially keep
that balloon from rising

and hopefully, maybe, just
stabilize the people on it.

- Hell yeah, if you wanted to try

to attach one of the major
balloons to a building,

absolutely go for it.

- Okay, I'm trying to think if
that's the right thing to do.

And I feel like...

(groans) I feel like I should
probably just go help Wally,

but I am curious about that.

Okay, you know what, I'll
know that I can do that later.

I'm going to just jump from here to...

I would like to jump
onto the bear before I-

- Hell yes. Let's see here.

Sofia has not cast Jump but has the boots.

Are you doing Step of the Wind?

- If I need to.

- Cool.

What's your Strength
score again? Just asking.

- My strength score is 13.

So I guess my jump is 39, right?

'Cause it's three times.

- Cool.
- Can you trampoline jump

on the balloon?

(Emily and Brennan laugh)

- I'm gonna say this...

So your high jump, you can reach up

and grab something 20.2
feet off the ground.

This is 30 feet up above you.

Like, the bottom of the bear float

is 30 feet away from the
top of the caterpillar one.

So you're either gonna
have to do Step of the Wind

or cast Jump to get that next boost

to clear that.
- I'll cast Jump,

because I might as well.
- Cool.

- So yeah, I guess I just cast Jump.

If I'm gonna fuckin' cast Jump,

maybe I should just try to...

Nah, okay. I'll just do that.

I can't Jump on myself, and
I jump up onto the bear.

- La Gran Gata swirls
around you, goes, (snorts)

"Ah, look, these are true clowns

from the Sixth Borough.

They do not belong here."

- True clowns? I'm sorry, what's that?

I missed all this context.

What's a true clown?
- Oh, sorry.

There's true clowns.

Oh look, it's the big, it's the Garfield.

And you see La Gran Gata looks
at the Garfield, and he says-

- Okay, we know you got a crush.

- What? I just approve of his lifestyle.

He hates Mondays, and he love lasagna.

- I know. I know.

- A crush on Garfield?
- And I want it for you.

I know you've got that crush.

(group laughing)

- Sex symbol Garfield the Cat.

We all know.
- Sex symbol Garfield.

So you use your action to
cast Jump, spring across.

You have a bonus action
left, but you've used...

- Yeah, I can't use bonus.

I think I'll take a bonus.

(groans) I think I'm-
- You've used 40 feet

of movement to clear...

You're now on the yellow
propeller of Bearheart.

- Yeah, so I'm on the yellow
propeller, I think that...

Is there any clown that
looks particularly powerful,

or do all these true
clowns seem to be the same?

- You get the feeling that the true clowns

are pretty similar all across the board,

and that their fighting styles differ,

but they're pretty similar.

- All right, fuck it,
I'm just gonna hex...

I'll Hexblade Curse the clown

that's nearest to Wally.

- [Brennan] Cool.

- Just in case I need it,
to get that out of the way.

- Hell yeah.

Moving down the initiative
order, that's gonna be Pete.

Pete, these true clowns laugh

and giggle, and I'm going to need you...

Pete, your calmness in your life

and your mental health
have been so good recently,

your control over and
relationship to your magic

has been so positive.

Your life is a lot more stable.

I'm gonna...

The presence of clowns ripples into you

with pure dream and chaos magic.

I'm gonna need three
wild magic rolls in a row

from the three spells you cast
at the Holland Tunnel fight,

that none of which...

You were so in control of yourself

that this wild magic
comes roiling back in.

So this first roll is a
surge on a one, two, three.

Give me the roll.

- Oh my god.

It's a four.
(Emily gasps)

- This next roll is a
one, two, three, four.

Go ahead and give it to me.

(dice rattling)

- It's a five. I'm not kidding

(group gasping)
(Emily laughing)

Oh my god. Yes.

- You get, like whoever's...

Cody, you see Pete.

You have a dark Infernal thing.

You see Pete's face is rippling

like he's in a wind tunnel,
like (imitates flesh quavering)

But he's full Akira, or like,

you know, just like, (growls)

like rippling muscles.
- This is awesome.

Pete, this is awesome. Give in or don't.

I don't know, whichever one's more rad.

- Thanks, man. Thanks, man.

- No problem.
- Pete, this is one,

two, three, four, or
five triggers the surge.

(dice clunks)

- That's a five.

- [Group] Oh!

- Brutal.

- But sometimes it might
just cast Fly on you, right?

- That would be great.

Please cast Fly.
- I'm just sayin'-

- Maybe you just get Fly.
- Look, it's probably Fly.

- And you get two, right, you get-

- Yeah, you get to choose.
- You get to roll it twice.

- So roll, roll a d100,

which is, again, just...

You should have the
percentile 10-sided dice

and then the singles 10-sided dice.

Go ahead and roll that.

Roll a d100 twice. Give me both rolls.

- Okay, 24,

- Cool.

- Ooh, then all zeros, I
don't know what that means.

- Is that a 100?
- That's a 100.

(Siobhan gasps)

- Oh, whoa.
- Okay.

- No, oh no.

- You could either give in to...

There is something

that will have a very
tangible, physical effect

that you don't know will be
expressly harmful or helpful,

and there's a thing that has a
very powerful ethereal effect

that you're not sure

if it will be particularly
harmful or helpful.

(tense music)

- I'm gonna go ethereal,

just because we're literally on balloons,

and I don't wanna become
really heavy or like...

- Hell yeah.

- Like, spiky.

(Siobhan laughs)

- So Wild Magic Surge is
actually going to manifest

at the end of this turn.

You are going to regain
all expended sorcery points

at the end of this turn.

So you feel, (imitates energy quavering)

and Pete, you are trained.

It's been three years, baby.

You are not the fuckin' rookie anymore.

Cody's the fuckin' rookie. (laughs)

- Fuck that guy!

- Fuck that guy, you're actually...

Pete and Cody are like
true buds. It's great.

- Oh yeah, definitely.

- True class, true buds.

- Pete, you reach into Nod.

Feel the Wild Magic Surge,

control it, (imitates energy thrumming)

but also embrace it
and allow it to happen,

are gonna pull in any
expended sorcery points

at the end of turn.
(Ally whistles)

Go ahead and take your turn.

- Go to town.
- Okay.

- So many sorcery points.
- So you can just use

a bunch of sorcery points right now?

- Yep.
- Pete, just absolutely-

- Sounds like.
- freak out, dude.

Just freak out.

- Okay, I am going to cast a...

I'm trying to figure out if...

Can I do some sort of a roll to see

if I have to avoid piercing
any of these balloons?

- I think you would know the
balloons are not dream realm.

So if you pierce these
balloons, they're gonna pop.

- But can I do a Careful
spell and count the balloon as

something that isn't affected?
- Shit. Absolutely, you can.

Yes, you can.
- Hell yes.

All right, honey,

then you know I'm casting
a fifth-level Fireball.

(Brennan and Siobhan laugh)

So that is gonna be 10 d6.

I'm gonna cast it on...

Let's see, Fireball,
we're gonna go ahead, 150,

20-foot radius where Wally is.

So I think that...

I can't click.

Okay, I'm gonna try to get the two clowns

that are next to Wally.

They're 20 feet apart.

- Hell yeah, you can
absolutely grab both of them

and Careful Wally,

Bruina Bearheart, the balloon, and Sofia.

And you'll be good to go.

- Can I actually center it
on the clown next to Sofia

so that I can get both clowns?

There's one 15 feet away, hanging beneath.

- It's a 20-foot radius, right?

- Yeah.

- Let me just check the measurements.

So that's 40. It's 40 feet.

You know what?

Yes. You can absolutely grab
all three of them, absolutely.

- Incredible.
- Sweet.

- Okay.

Then I'm just gonna roll.
- Oh, I can't wait

to be surrounded by flames. (laughs)

- Yeah.
- And get hurt by it.

- Get ready.

- Cody's so jealous.

- Yeah, I think Cody thinks
that Pete is gonna explode,

and we're both gonna be a fireball.

Do it. Give in.

Surrender to the flames, Pete. Fuck.

- I cast Ice Feast.

(group laughing)

- [Brennan] Yes.

- Oh, those are good numbers.
- Oh, nice.

- Woo-hoo.
- Wow.

- Bam.
- Look at that.

- Damn!
- That's a lot of sixes.

- [Brennan] Oh my god.

- Ooh, three sixes.

Six, six, six. Sick.

(group chuckling)

- So I am going to...

Yes, and then...


- Immediately give me
another Wild Magic check.

- Interesting.

So just not a nat one.
- Now it's back down to one.

- 15.

- Cool. Now it's one and two.

- Okay.

Great, so that's 45 to those three.

- Hell yeah.

- And you know what, I'm actually gonna...

I'm gonna make that use
two more sorcery points

to have made that a bonus action.

- Cool.

- And then I'm just gonna take out my gun

and shoot the Nutcracker balloon

and try to sink all those guys.

(Brennan laughs)

- Jesus.
- Whoa.

- Holy shit, Pete, you have a fuckin' gun.

(group laughing)
- Yes.

Hey, sorry, everyone.
(imitates gun banging)

- Hell yeah, go ahead
and make an attack roll

with your pistol.

- Great. Okay.

(dice rattling)

Nat 20!

(Emily laughs)

- Are you fucking for real right now?

(Emily squeals)
(Murph laughs)

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Please, sir, please,
sir, look at my die.


- Oh my god.

- Fuck off, balloon.

- You rolled a 100 on a d100 and-

- [Murph And Brennan] A nat 20.

- Go ahead and roll double
damage for that attack.

- Fuck yes.

Okay. Amazing.

So that is going to be...

So double is just two d6's

plus three plus six.

Oh, hell yeah, eight.

14 damage to the Nutcracker.

I saved the bear, but I
attacked the Nutcracker.

- Incredible, Pete, you
pull out this vintage...

So Pete, you, (imitates
whooshing) your arm splits.

You're roiling with wild
magic. (imitates whooshing)

Bruina Bearheart, Sofia,

you see this fireball coming.
(imitates fire roaring)

It licks all over you.
- I trust you, Pete.

I trust you, Pete. (laughs)

- Yeah, you see it La Gran
Gata full (screeches) rears up

on your shoulders, arches.
- Go get Garfield.

- The fire spans all of them.

And while Pete is doing
that, through the flame,

you just fire this pistol in
this perfect grazing shot to...

'Cause you know that one small puncture

won't get the job done.

So you go across the crest
of the Nutcracker's hat

and just (imitates bullet whizzing)

rip a seam open with your bullet.

- Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.

- It will take a while

for the balloon to lose a lot of helium,

but the main thing is
it doesn't matter if...

Because this thing has
more than 14 hit points,

but it immediately loses speed.

It's not rising as high
as the other balloons.

So unless those clowns can
jump off, they are going to...

Like, those clowns have to
basically run and sprint,

because the tear you created means

that the rise of the
Nutcracker rapidly slows

as it starts to lose helium.

- Sick.

- How do the guys look
after that Fireball?

- Here's the deal.
- Since I'm standing

face-to-face with that true clown.

- Pete, all three of those
clowns Wild Magic Surge

(Siobhan gasps)
in response to your spell,

I'm gonna roll three
saving throws right now.

If these saving throws
beat your DC, which has 17,

it's some bad news for Pete.

- Can you bend Bend Luck?
- Wait.

My magic triggered
their Wild Magic Surges?

- These things are...

True clowns are something
that you remember

from the Metropolitan Museum of Memories,

but it's intense, what's going on here.

These things are like

reflections of the force of
Vox Phantasma in the past.

They are like beings of chaos and comedy

and laughter and trickery.

So they have their own Wild Magic Surge

in response to yours.

But I'll say you can tell
they're using this as a reaction.

This is not something that
is effortless for them to do.

They can't do it infinitely,
but they're doing it right now.

- Can I, before you do this,

say that I'd like to use
Bend Luck potentially?

- Cool.

They're gonna make three rolls.

You'll see what the rolls are.

I'm not going to announce
what their bonus is.

So you'll have to just decide,

based on the rolls flat on the die,

whether you wanna use them or not.

- Okay.

- Here comes three d20 right now.

(suspenseful music)

(dice rattling)
(someone sighs)

- Okay.
- That's a 10,

an 11, and a 3.

- And they're trying to beat 17?

- They're trying to beat 17.

Yeah. I mean, I get these
sorcery points back.

So I'm absolutely just going
to use Bend Luck on that 11.

- Hell yeah. Go ahead and roll your d4.

- Three.

So you subtract three from that roll.

- Holy shit.

Here's the deal. Those
rolls weren't great.

Pete's damage rolls were amazing.

They had this very cool power

that only works if they make they're save,

and they don't.

I know that we just started this fight.

Pete, all three clowns are
fully incinerated. (laughs)

(group exclaiming)
- Holy shit!

- Fully fucking gone.
- Yes.

(Brennan roars)
- Fuck yeah.

- Get outta here,

you dang clowns.

- Sick, sick, sick.

- Holy shit, Pete is the Vox Phantasma

and is very good at this.

- Hell yeah.

- Hell yeah, you got 45 damage,

and no one makes the save
for half is bad fuckin' news.

Okay. Any movement from Pete that turn?

- Would love to get up on
the balloon if possible.

- Cool, you can take a
Help action from Luna,

but give me an Athletics
DC 10 to get up there.

- You got it.

(dice rattling)

Yeah, great, 13.

- So Vox Phantasma, swinging on the rope,

hurls that fireball from the
underside of the caterpillar,

fires your gun, boom,

and just (imitates whomping).

Pete is fit. He's been
cycling around the city.

- Yeah.

- You hop up onto the caterpillar.

You're in your fuckin' domain, baby.

Let's protect New York.

- Hell yeah.

- Incredible. Ricky
Matsui, that's you, baby.

- Okay, Ricky looks to where Wally is

but then also tries to look
to see the lay of the land

and sees Kingston hanging from the rope-

- Kingston does not look confident.

- and is gonna run...

I think he's gonna take his
movement to get to the rope

where Kingston's hanging from

and just try to make some
kind of Athletics check

to pull Kingston up.

- Hell yeah.

You're gonna get an attack of opportunity

from that one balloon beast there.

Is that okay?

- Can I go fully around it?

I'm trying to decide if...

- Let me see here.

So that'd be 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.

30 would get you to the ankle
of the Chompsky's outfielder.

- Okay.

- If you want it, you'd
have to cut right past it

to get to Kingston in a single movement.

- Okay. I'll do that.

That's all right.

- Okay.

Thing's gonna take a swing.

The balloon beast hits Ricky

and deals you one...

Ricky takes 11 points

of piercing damage

as this squishy balloon fangs

sort of lightly press into your leg,

don't feel like they're piercing,

but your leg just explodes
in blood as it bites you,

just (imitates blood spurting).

- Ow.
- Ugh.

- It seemed so safe. (laughs)

- (chuckles) You make
it to next to Kingston.

Go ahead and make your Athletics check

to pull Kingston up.
- Okay.

- Oh shit. I just realized something.

The balloons are difficult terrain.

I'm gonna say, in this instance,

that you can make that Athletics check

as your free object interaction,

but to get to Kingston in that
single turn is like a move

and another move-
- Gotcha.

- on top of it.
- Sheesh. Okay.

- But go ahead and give me that.

Give me that Athletics check.

(suspenseful music)

(dice thuds)

- Athletics? Oh, okay, it's 24.

- Oh, damn, Kingston, you're
holding on, and Ricky...

So running here is hard,

'cause you're stepping on
balloon to get over here.

You arrive, and one-arm hoist Kingston

up onto the (indistinct).
- Can I put him

on my shoulders? (laughs)

- Yes, you can put Kingston
on your shoulders. Absolutely.

- Finally.

- I put my hands,

truly in, like, classic
terrified child way,

hold Ricky's hand with both of my hands.

- I got you.

- You promise? You promise?

- I don't know, this
feels a little unsafe,

and I put him down.
- Okay. Okay.

I hate this. I hate this a lot.

But thank you, Mr. March.

You're my hero.

- I'll let you know what the
status of the new calendar is

when it happens.

(group laughing)

- Incredible.
- Great.

- Sofia put in a pre-order.

- You can pre-order if you want.

I can also just, I'll
probably give you guys copies.

- No, we'll pay.
- If you wanna support, great.

- I got money. No, I'm happy to pay.

I'm assuming the money goes
to Helping Hands, so you know.

- Yeah, yeah, 100% of some proceeds, yeah.

- Incredible, so Ricky,
Ricky and Kingston are now

over on the right foot of
the Chompsky's outfielder.

(Lou chuckles)

And oh boy.


One sword, balloon sword clown,

rushes to close with Pete.

Another has to make an Athletics check

to get up to Bruina Bearheart.

I'm gonna roll in front,
'cause this is huge.

On a one through five, if
this clown rolls low enough,

because Pete shot the Nutcracker,

it will miss the cord and
fall on a one through five.

And then it needs a...

Hold on, it needs a 12 or higher

to actually make it to the wing.

Anything between that 12 and that 5,

it is going to just grab onto the cord.

Here comes its d20.

(suspenseful music)

(Siobhan inhales sharply)
Nat 20.

- Okay.

(group groaning)

- Damn.
- Damn.

- [Brennan] The clown leaps to the wing

and closes with Sofia.

- I could take a little damage.

(Brennan and Ally laugh)

- [Brennan] Okay.

- This absolute masochist.

- (laughs) Just sayin',

it kinda makes me stronger, you know?

(Ally chuckles)

- Absolutely misses Sofia,
(laughs) 100% misses.

Oh my god. I just rolled two twos.

You can't have three of
you die and then roll bad.

(group laughing)

Guys, come on, get it together.

Yeah, that's the melee clowns' turn.

- These clowns are clowns.

- These clowns are clowns.
- True clowns, dude.

- True clowns.
- These are true clowns.

- Okay, we're going to roll
a death save for Santa Claus.

- Oh no.
- What?

- What?
- Wow.

- Here we go, rolling the d20

in front of the board.
- Okay, I got a plan

to get him to you.

- I also have

a plan to get him.
- That's a natural one.

Two failed death saves for Santa. (laughs)

(Brennan claps hands)

- Don't fuckin' clap, you fuckin' monster.

- Put your damn-
- Oh no.

- Put your hands together,

and lean back.
- Slam your head

into your desk.

- Wally Claus is goin',
"Ah, I don't feel too good."

- No!
- Up on top

of Bruina and perilously
sort of rolls around

on the flying balloon.

Wow. What were the odds?

I guess one in 20.

(Lou sighs)

- Stop. Stop this.

Your tone is clear.
- Yeah, let's just talk about

the odds. (chuckles)

- Iga, that is your turn.

- Okay.

Let me know if you will let me do this,

because there's some language
that's a little unclear.

So Sanctuary Vessel,
when I enter the chest,

I can bring five willing
creatures with me.

- Okay.

- But can I leave them in the chest?

- Can you bring-
- Or do I have to...

I think that there's a
way for me to actually...

Kingston's on the
Chompsky's thing now, right?

- Correct. Yes.
- Oh, yes, apology.

- Okay. This is, I think, what I wanna do.

Tell me if it will look.

- Okay.
- So I'd like to fly up to

like here.

So I'll take the opportunity attack.

- Awesome.

- I'd like to Galder's Speedy Courier.

- Okay.

- Put the chest into
Galder's Speedy Courier,

so I summon an air elemental
that will transport the chest.

And in that, as a bonus action,

pull me and Wally into the
chest and send it to Kingston.

- Oh shit. Okay.

Yes. This is all doable.

Hold on. So you fly.

Who are you getting

the attack of opportunity
from, real quick?

- [Siobhan] There's this
clown between me and Pete.

- Oh gosh.
- This freaking clown

between me and Pete.
- That clown's attacking me.

- Yes, so it's gonna get a swing on you.

(tense music)
(dice rattling)

That is a hit.

- Okay.

- I am going to need...

We're gonna roll real quick to see here.

Ooh, some goofy stuff's about to happen.

- [Ally] Oh no.

- Iga, you take

11 points of chaos damage,

and I'm gonna need a Charisma
saving throw from you.

- Okay.

- Motherfucker, did you just say

chaos damage?
- Yeah, exactly.

- I got a 24.
- Chaos damage.

- Whoa.
- 24.

Iga, Pete, you see that this...

As Iga turns to leave,
this clown whips round,

hits Iga with this balloon sword,

same thing of, it doesn't..

It goes like, thump.

And as it thumps harmlessly into Iga,

that part of her body just
explodes and ruptures with blood,

just, (imitates blood spurting)

the clown goes-
- Hey, what do you think

you're doing?

Don't you can touch me.

- And Iga resists

a Wild Magic Surge that
she would have undergone,

rolling twice and taking
the less favorable result.

- Woof. Okay.

- Whoa.
- Awesome.

So Iga, looking at this ability,

as an action, you can magically
vanish into your vessel,

which remains in the
space you left, and yeah.

And then I'm trying to see...

- So, I mean-
- Sanctuary Vessel-

- I can just be in there
with Wally. It's fine.

I can just go over to Kingston as well.

- I'm actually down with
this shenanigans. I dig it.

So you cast Speedy Courier.
- Great.

- And do you need to be near people?

- It's within 30 feet, which I am,

if I move up to where Sofia is.

- Okay. Rad.

So you cast the Courier spell.

Look up the speed of
an air elemental for me

to see how much movement
this thing is gonna have.

- Okay.
- So on your turn,

you and Wally can both disappear

into the chest.

- I could also, I mean, I'm very, very...

I have really good movement.

So if your air elemental
isn't fast enough,

then I could-
- Oh yeah, then I could just-

- transport you both.
- give you the chest.

- [Emily And Siobhan] Yeah.

- And then you could maybe-
- Incredible.

- save that spell slot

if you want.
- So I'll say, also,

Iga, your turn is gonna
be going into this...

Is it a bonus action for you
to summon that elemental?

- No, the spell is an action,

and the going into the
box is bonus action.

- Cool, so I'm gonna say this,

go ahead, look up the stats
for your air elemental,

and roll.
- Yeah, I mean, air elementals

have a 90-foot flying sphere.
- Oh, 90-foot, yeah.

That's really fast.

- That's fast as hell.

So Iga, go ahead and be
so kind to roll initiative

for the air elemental that
will now enter initiative.

- Okay.
- Whoa.

- But you and Wally both vanish.

- I rolled a five,

and their Dex is plus five, so 10.

- 10, cool. We are not at 10 yet.

Iga and Wally Claus both vanish.

(energy whooshing)

Moving down the initiative order,

now these bow-and-arrow
clowns are gonna go.

Well, they can't kill Santa
Claus 'cause Santa Claus

is in a magic box.
- Great job, Siobhan. Jesus.

(Siobhan exhales deeply)
- What's up, dude?

- I cannot have Santa Claus
die in front of my children.

I know they're a little bit old,

but still, I can no, no, absolutely not.

- Amazing.

Okay. Let's see here.

One, two.

- [Lou] What are you doing?

- Stop, dude.

- What are you doing?

- He's fuckin' at it.
- What are you fuckin' doin',

- Tell us.

Tell us what you're doing.
- What's up, dude?

You made up chaos damage,
and now you're just mad

'cause we're fuckin' gonna

save Santa Claus.
- He's fuckin'

makin' this whole shit up, dude.

None of this is real.

You're just makin' it up.
- More fuckin' homebrew shit.

- This is all made up.

Brennan's just a liar.
- Here we go again, dude.

- It's fake, bros.
- You're just fuckin'

makin' shit up, dude.
- It's fuckin' fake.

- If there was gonna be a cast tattoo,

it would be the words true clown.

(group laughing)
I mean,

we all know that.
- And it would all be chest.

It would all be one of those

Harley chest ones.
- This absolute nightmare,

just on the neck.
- We're all just juggalos.

- True clown.
- True clown.

(group laughing)

- Amazing. Amazing.
- Yeah, that was good.

- And Siobhan, go ahead
and tell me the range

on Speedy Courier, like
where can you create it?

- I mean,

it's a 20 by 20 foot chest,

but I don't know.

Let me see, sorry.
- Oh, no.

Where can you summon that air
elemental is what I'm asking.

- Oh, okay let me...

Sorry, I was just...

I didn't write the whole thing on my card

'cause it's like eight paragraphs.

Oh, it's a 10-foot range.

- 10-foot, okay, so within 10 feet of you

is where that air elemental appears.

Awesome, so Pete, I am going to need

the following saving throws from you.

I'm going to need a
Constitution saving throw,

two Wisdom saving throws, and
three Charisma saving throws.

- What?

- All of the clowns flying

with their own little groups of balloons

one-handed fire short bows with
this crazy sleight of hand.

Pete gets hit with six different

brightly-colored balloon arrows.

So go ahead and give me the
Constitution throw first, Pete.

- Okay, really quick,

I think I have advantage
against one of these.

- Yeah, you have advantage on
the two Wisdom saving throws.

- Okay, so I'm rolling you a
Con save, two Wisdom saves,

and what else?

- And three Charisma, so go
ahead and roll the Con first.

- Christ. I guess I'll just
do these all on the board.

- Hell yeah.

- Okay, here is

my Con save.

(group groaning)

- Interesting.
- Interesting, interesting.

- Interesting.

So that's-

- Don't you have luck points though?

- That's a 10.

- Oh, no, you have Bend Luck.

- Pete, you take 21 points of chaos damage

(Brennan imitates explosion booming)

as one of the arrows just
blows up a chunk of your...

Like, skin and flesh from your...

Your ribs are exposed through.
(imitates explosion booming)

21 points of damage.

Go ahead and roll your first
Wisdom saving throw for me.

And this one you roll with advantage.

- Okay, so here's Wisdom.

(tense music)

Ayy. Okay.

And my Wisdom is just
a plus one, so it's 16.

- That is a success.

Go ahead and roll your
next Wisdom saving throws,

this one with advantage as well.

- Yes.

Nat 20.

- Hell yeah, now I'm gonna need...

These are not with advantage.

I'm gonna need three
Charisma saving throws.

(suspenseful music)

- Oh.

Okay, and then my Charisma is plus nine.

So that's 21.
- So the lowest-

- Nat 20.

The lowest is a 16.
- 16?

- Yeah.

- Three of the bright red
arrows that they fire,

you guys see, are them trying to create

a Wild Magic Surge within Pete.

Pete, three attempts
were made to blow you up

and rip a portal open between
dream and the waking world.

- They can use me to create a portal?

- Yeah, they're trying to
have you surge so powerfully

that you just rip a hole,
and the world's open.

- Okay, interesting.
- But you hold on to it.

Those are Charisma saving
throws, which you're good at.

I mean, it's the same muscle that you use

to deal with wild magic in general.

- Cool.

- That is the ranged clowns.

Kingston, that is your turn.

- Oh, wow.

There's a lot goin' on.

(Ally and Lou laugh)

- So tired.

- I mean, I would-
- Whew, I'm on this balloon.

- I'm just an old man on a balloon.

Like, truly, I don't think
I've let go of Ricky yet.

I think I'm still like...

There's one hand just on his bicep,

just for balance.
- I got you.

- Thank you. Hey, Ricky,
are we gonna move?

Or are we just gonna...

Are we stayin' here on
the Chompsky balloon?

- I was about to vault
into the next balloon, but

whatever makes sense to you.
(Lou moans)

- Okay.
- Kingston, I think

you can stay there, and
we can try and find a way

to stabilize that balloon for you.

- Okay, great, great. I love that.


(Emily laughs)

I am going to...

Yeah. Yeah.

- Are they coming here?

Can we hold our turns for the...

I don't know if that makes sense, but-

- I think there's one thing I wanna do.

How far is Pete away from me,

given everything, Brennan?

According to the ruler, he's 30 feet,

but I don't know if that,
with regard to altitude-

- So he's about, that would
put him about 45 feet away.

- Okay.

Oh, is there any way for me to get...

Is there any way for me to get
closer that doesn't involve

me walking off of this
fuckin' Chompsky balloon?

- You know, it's funny
you mention it, Lou.

There is no way for you to
get closer without jumping.

You see that there is
that big gold star balloon

that is in between the
Chompsky's outfielder

and the tail of the caterpillar.

If you wanted to make a
jump for it, you could.

- Oh my god, Kingston.
- Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm.

- Is that just an Athletics check or-

- It's just a raw Athletics check.

And honestly, because of its
altitude and where it's at,

it's only a DC 10 Athletics check.

- Yeah, but I only get
a plus one to the roll.

So of miss, I fall.

- If you go before me, I could probably,

I could try something with you.

- Okay, I wanna bless Pete
is the thing, but I...

It's just, it just feels too dangerous.

Okay, Kingston is straight-up
too scared to jump.

And instead I'm gonna cast a
third-level Enhance Ability

on me and Ricky.
(mystical tones chiming)

- Ooh.
- To give us advantage on...

We'll take Cat's Grace today.

That's the flavor of the day.
- Cool.

- We'll take a little
Cat's Grace, or no, Ricky,

you use Strength, right?
- The grace of Garfield.

- I use Strength.
- Is that Garfield?

- Okay, great.
- Mostly.

- Then it's gonna be, we'll
do Bull's Strength instead.

So, I mean, unless Brennan...

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

- Beautiful.
- We'll do third-level

Bull's Strength.

Yeah, just, I put my hands on Ricky,

and I'm just like, okay,
we're gonna be okay, right?

- Nothing will ever
happen to you, Kingston.

- (roars) And with that,

I cast third-level Bull's Endurance.

So we both have advantage
on Strength checks.

And if you would like to, Mr. March,

your carrying capacity has doubled.

So I don't wanna ask to be carried,

but you theoretically do now
have the strength to do so.

- You see Kingston extends
his hand, and Ricky,

you feel the strength of all
the New Yorkers screaming

down below at the escaping
balloons, pointing up.

All of them that are wishing and hoping

that they could lend their strength

to the people that have gotten
carried off into the sky

through Kingston are able to.

When I say that you have
the strength of 10 men,

you and Kingston truly have the strength

of like 10 people down
on the ground right now,

lending you their strength.

- Thank you.

(Brennan laughs)

I guess Ricky just feels

the strength of these New
Yorkers coursing through him.

- Cool. Anything else from Kingston?

- Nah, just the knowledge that nothing bad

is ever gonna happen to us.

- Incredible. Iga, now
your air elemental goes.

- The air elemental

will just use their full movement

to get to Kingston.

I mean, that's-

- 180 feet.
- Hang on.

Yeah, it's like...

So the air elemental would
be where I placed it,

not where Wally was.
- Cool.

- Because it's 10 feet of
me, not 10 feet of Wally.

- Copy that.

- So it's 90 feet,

but I'll just go in between Pete and Cody

to avoid that opportunity attack.

- [Brennan] Cool.

- So like a little-

- Yeah, the air elemental takes a double,

takes a move and a Dash action,

but ends its turn.
- And then

ends by Kingston and just
spits out this box at him.

- So Kingston, you are
now holding the box.

And actually, I'm just
realizing, would it...

'Cause I believe, actually, I am wrong.

The air elemental does go before Kingston.

If you had had the box,

would you have done your turn differently?

- Probably, because I would have...

Yeah, I probably would've
have done something with them.

I would have assumed the box
was a more pressing priority

than getting anywhere else.

- Okay, in that case,

I'm gonna say that you
cast Bull's Strength,

and because that was an
initiative slip-up on my part,

you have a bonus action,
holding the box right now,

with your free object interaction left.

- Okay, I can't go into
it without Iga, right?

- No.
- Correct.

- Okay, but I know that
Iga and Wally are in here,

So I just...

Okay, Ricky, go on without me.

I'm gonna stay here and wait for Iga

to do whatever she wants to do next.

- Okay. I don't know what to do. (laughs)

- Me neither.

I would like to...

I can't ready a bonus
action, right? Or can I?

- Give me a Medicine check.

Great, great, great.
- Call it a

DC 20 Medicine check.

- That won't do it. That's gonna be a 14.

- Brutal.

Yeah, you're looking at a
little magic box in your hand

that an air elemental
just dropped off here.

(Ally laughs)

- Great, then I just take
a knee and be at the ready.

- Cool, cool.

Cody, that is your turn.

- Sweet.

Do I have to properly climb the rope

all the way up these little things?

Or can I go straight up?

Like, can I go up one if I do my thing?

Or do I have to go like, boop, boop, boop?

- So this is all difficult terrain, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- But you still need to
give me an Athletics check

to get up onto the caterpillar.

- Can I get help from Misiek, Iga?

- Sure. Yeah.

- Thank you. I built
Cody to be a shithead.

(group laughing)
And he's not an athlete.

Sweet. That's an 18.

- You get up there, no worries.

- Sweet. Can I go straight up, like that?

- Yes, you can.

- Okay, great.

Oh boy, and then this is
all difficult terrain,

so I can really only move like 15 feet,

but I can go one, two, yeah, okay.

I can go one, and then go diagonally,

and then go up here.
- Cool.

So I'm gonna go up here.


I think Cody is juggalo adjacent.

So he is horrified that these false clowns

are calling themselves true clowns.

They're not actually down with the clown.

(Brennan laughs)

And it's gonna go ahead and let's...

(laughs) I'm gonna go
all out, just this once.

I'm gonna do Thunderous
Smite as a bonus action,

and then we'll go ahead
and make an attack.

- Hell yeah.

(dice rattling)

- That is a

17 to hit.

- A 17 hits.

- Sweet.

And then I will go all out,

just this once.
(Ally laughs)

I'm gonna do-
- Just this once.

- a third-level,

or actually, I guess I'll
do a second level twice,

but always just this once.

(Ally laughs)

Okay, so a second-level would be four d8?

Three d8?

- Second level is three d8.
- Three d8.

Sword art, juggalo style.

(Brennan laughs)

- Because of everything happening,

Ricky really wishes he
couldn't have heard that,

but he did hear that.

- (laughs) I scream it directly at Ricky

'cause I know we're sword buddies.

37 damage.

- 37 Damage?

- Yeah.

(Ally whistles)

- You lay into this clown.
It is massively injured.

- Okay.

(Brennan exhales forcefully)
(sword thudding)

Once again, gonna go
all out just this once.

- Oh yeah?
- Sword art.

- Once again?
- Juggalo style two.

(dice rattling)

That's a 26.

- Hell yeah.
(Lou rolls tongue)

- And-
- Nice.

- Just to make sure it dies,

I'll do a first-level Divine Smite.

- Cool, cool.

- We see you take out a little Faygo.

(group laughing)

- That's how I know
they're not true clowns.

- Where's your Faygo?

- Where is your Faygo now?

(group laughing)

- That would actually
be a great alternative

to this Gladiator
bullshit that's going on.

- That would be a sick
mug to drink Faygo out of.

- [Ally] Yeah, dude.

- Woo!

- 26.

- You decimate this clown here.

Go ahead and give me a
DC five Acrobatics check.

(Murph snorts)

- (laughs) Okay.
- Five?

- I got a, da-da da, 15.

- 15, great.
- Thank god, Murph.

- You do not slice the balloon you are on

with your massive omnislashes.

(Murph imitates blade whooshing)

(Brennan laughs)

- The blade is controlled.

Sword art, careful blade.

- Oh my gosh.

(Murph laughs)

- [Brennan] Incredible.


- This is a horrible dog.

Kill this dog, this dog.

- Also, Pete just has a big
chunk missing out of him.

- (groans) My chest.

Yeah, I've been cut

in the chest before.
- No!

Don't worry. I healed up.

I still have plenty of
Arnica left at my house.

- We're gonna make a similar roll

for this other balloon beast here.

(Ally whistles)

Needs a six or higher.

That's a four.

- Hell yeah.

- This balloon beast goes
to leap off the Nutcracker,

but the Nutcracker has descended enough.

The balloon beast, (squeals)

but because these are blown up with breath

and not helium-
- Oh no.

- the balloon beast just
slowly starts descending

to the ground.

- No!

(Brennan barks)

Yeah, good lookin' out on that Nutcracker.

That balloon beast can't get
up to the rest of the fight.

The rest will be-
- Hell yeah.

- taking their attacks, however.

Okay, one attacking Ricky is
gonna roll with advantage.

Natural two and a natural one.

Guys, when you're on the ropes,

ya need to be rolling better than this.

Cody, you haven't taken any damage, right?

- No.

- Okay, that's still gonna be a hit.

This one's gonna roll
for Pete, nat 20 on Pete.

- [Siobhan] Oof.

- Boo!
- Bend that luck.

- Is that one the one above
him or the one below him

that got the nat 20?

- One below him.

Cody, you take 18 points of chaos damage.

- I am chaos.

(Brennan laughs)

And for dear Pete, the plug...

Hold on one second.

Pete, you take

10, 16.

You take 20 points of chaos
damage, Pete. (snarls)

- For the one that hit Cody,

even though I kind of don't want to,

I will use my Channel
Divinity to Rebuke the Violent

and make it take that same
amount of radiant damage

if it fails to save.
- Hell yeah.

- Nice one, Ricky, sword art, combo blade.

- It's not exactly a sword art.

- (laughs) True.

- It's a DC 16 Wisdom save.

On a fail, they take half.

- Oh, on a fail, they take half.

Or, no, on a success,
they take half, right?

And then on-

- Oh yeah, on a fail, they
take equal to the damage.

On a success, they take half.

Yeah, I flipped it.
- A full 20 points

of radiant damage to that
balloon beast. (screeches)

What does Ricky say to rebuke
this violent balloon beast?

- Simmer down, dog.

(Brennan laughs)

(Brennan barks)
(Brennan snarls)

Light gleams in its eyes.
It deflates a little bit.

That's going to be back
to the top, Sofia Lee.

- Okay, where are the three...

So when the other creatures attack,

they don't force the Wild Magic Surge,

but these ones with the arrows do.

Are there still three of them?

I'm trying to find the third one.

- It's off to the right of
the Chompsky's, I think. Yeah.

- [Brennan] There's a flying one

to the right of the Chompsky's outfielder.

There's one way up above the caterpillar.

- Are they all within range of Pete still?

- They are all,

they all appear to have a
long range with those bows.

- [Emily] Okay, then you know what,

Kingston, are you cool if I
stabilize your balloon later?

- Yeah. Nothin' bad's
ever gonna happen to us.

- Oh, okay. That's a good motto.

I think I'm gonna just-
- He's screaming

at new octave.

- I think I'm gonna-
- (laughs) Yeah, nothing's-

- dive off and attack

one of these bow-and-arrow guys.

- Holy shit. Okay, this
one's way up there.

I'm gonna say that this is a...

Go ahead.
- Since I have my...

I'm 35 feet from here.

I'm jumping, I have Jump
on me, my jump is crazy.

Do I still need, like,
a Step of the Wind or-

- You have Jump active on
you, so it's within range.

I'm gonna need an Acrobatics check.

Yeah, because even though
it's within your jump,

you have to nail it just
right to hit these clowns.

So this is gonna be a
DC 20 Acrobatics check.

- DC 20 Acrobatics.
- Let's go.

- Okay.

- Let's go.

(dice rattling)

- Yes, bitch, 26!

- (laughs) Sofia, you do
the full, like this...

Are you going to disengage from
the melee clown next to you,

by the way?

- No, I'm gonna let
him hit me if he wants.

- Okie dokie.

So let's resolve that first.

Let's see if this bozo,
no pun intended, hits.

- Boo.

- Freakin' bozo over here.
- I just feel like

it was intended.
- Come on, bozo, just try

to hit me.

- Sofia, you take 15,

you take 20 points of chaos damage.

- Shield.
(energy reverberating)

- Well, you don't,
nothin' fuckin' happens.

(group laughing)

So you-
- I want the damage,

but the Wild Magic Surge
could complicate things,

so I'm gonna be responsible.
- Yes.

Good call. You throw the shield up.

This guy comes,

and the neon cat paws of La Gran Gata

surround your fists.

- Swat right.
- Boom.

Block the balloon sword.

You backflip, like go cannonball

to hit your butt into the
balloon and, boom, soar off.

And you see this clown,
(chuckles maniacally) uh-oh,

as you, bam, slam it perfectly
into this flying clown.

Go ahead and take your
actions and bonus actions.

- Okay.

My first attack on him is going to be

a 21 to hit

Does it?
- 21 hits. Yes, absolutely.

- Okay.
- Yep.

- Only rolled a one,
but that's six damage,

and I'm gonna Stunning Strike.

- Hell yeah. Let's see
if this dude is stunned.

Completely stunned, yep.

- Great, so then now I'm
going to Step of the Wind

to get to the other one.

- Woo.
- Whoa.

- To get to the other one.
- Doctor.

- Oh my fucking god.
- Wow.

- So you dealt six damage to that clown.

- Uh-huh, six damage and
stunned 'em, and then I'm...

- Bonus action-
- I wanna Step of the Wind.

- Step of the Wind.

- Yeah, bonus action Dash.

- Bonus action Dash.
- Incredible.

- Does that cover it, 'cause
how much movement is that?

It's 30-
- My movement?

I'm 90 feet of movement.

- So a Dash is just your movement, right?

- Right.
- 'Cause a Dash

and a movement-

- Oh, I thought a Dash was double your-

- It effectively doubles
by adding just another 45.

So like, with your movement
and a Dash, you can go 90.

- Oh, okay, well, can I...

So Step of the Wind wouldn't get me there

with my triple jump or anything like?

- Step of the Wind, let
me double-check here,

I think, is only gonna make
you have 90 feet of movement

to work with in the round.

I think that's correct.

- I think that sounds right to me.

- Yeah, this-
- Okay.

Then I guess I'll use
the rest of my movement.

So that guy's stunned now,

and I guess I'll just jump down
to attack one of these dogs

that's in the fray.

'Cause it looks like,

I don't think I could get to
any of the other archers then

with my movement.

- Cool. Awesome.

- And then use...

And now I'm not using Step of
the Wind, so I could actually-

- Get another attack.
- I could actually

get my other attack on this guy.

Does a 17 hit the dog?

- A 17 does, yes.

- Okay, again I rolled a
one, so that's six damage.

I'm gonna try to Stunning Strike the dog.

(dice rattles)

- Dog is stunned.

- Okay, and then I'm
going to Flurry of Blows

on this other dog.

(Brennan laughs)

- Stop (indistinct) the dogs.
- That's definitely gonna hit.

That's a 26. Hit him for eight.

Gonna try to Stunning Strike him.

- Stunned.

- Okay. Now I have one more hit.

Can I hit the one I stunned,
just 'cause why not?

- Why not?
- The top one's

pretty damaged, I think.
- The top?

Okay, so I'll go back to the top one then.

That is a 21 to hit.

So I'll hit him for another eight damage.

So now both those dogs and
the other guy are stunned

till the end of my next turn.

- What a fuckin' turn.
- How much damage did you do

to which dog on that last attack?

- So the top dog, (laughs)

I did eight damage and six damage.

The bottom dog, I did eight damage.

- You killed him.
- The archer,

I did six damage,

but more importantly-
- And all three of them-

- I stunned all three.
- are stunned until the end

of your next turn.

- Yeah.
- That's some (indistinct).

- I did use four ki points, but-

- Absolutely.
- That's the most successful

Stunning Strike turn I've ever seen.

- Yes.
- That's incredible.

- Yes.
- I was thinking these,

they're balloon animals.

I was like, they can't
have good constitution.

- Yeah.

- You guys see Sofia...

This fight was made for Sofia,
who's just, (grunts) bam.

In your kick to stun that archer,

it is a perfectly executed
kick to also be you jumping.

It's just like, bam,

and you're already sailing
to the caterpillar,

moving in between the dogs. (rolls tongue)


- If she stunned that archer
who's kind of just in mid air,

does that mean, like-
- Yeah.

- They can't-
- I was kind of wondering.

- You see that his fist is still wrapped

around those balloons,

but he's hanging there limply in the air.

- Okay, okay.

But he won't be able to use this movement,

so he might get out of range though.

- Absolutely. He might get out of range.

- Also, he's stunned anyways.

- Yes, he is stunned.
- So he can't hit you.

- Pete, that is gonna be your turn.

- Okay.

I would like to try to
get to the propeller

of bear Amelia Earhart.

- Hell yeah.

(Zac laughs)

- Why?

- It's 15, (laughs) I just wanna...

It looks cool.

No. It's 15 feet away.

Can I make that jump?

Is that something that Pete can do?

- That's a 30-foot jump.

It's something that's Sofia can do.

Pete would need some form
of magic to get up there.

- Oh, that's a 30-foot jump. Fuck.

- Yeah, 'cause I know it...

But the altitude puts that
bear way the hell up there.

- Yeah, for sure. Dang.

I was trying to get in a spot to cast

a really good cone spell.

- [Brennan] Copy that.

- But, so instead, these
two dogs are stunned, right?

- Yeah.
- Yes, that is correct.

- So you do have advantage
on any kind of attack

that you would do on them,

but that doesn't affect
area of effect though.

- Okay.

Yeah, okay, then I am going to just move

to other side of these dogs,
- Cool.

- And they don't get attack
opportunities, right?

- Nope.
- Right.

- They're fully stunned.
- 'Cause they're stunned.

- Cool, so I'm just gonna turn that way

and cast Cone of Cold

on both of them-
- Hell yeah.

- and use Careful Spell
to not hit, you know,

Cody or Sofia.
- Cody or Sofia

or the balloons.

- Or the balloon, yeah,
or my sweet butterfly.

- Hell yes.

- Oh, my sweet butterfly.

- Luna, who we just now-
- Luna.

- how many episodes in-
- Luna, the moon?

- learn is named Luna. (laughs)

- Hell yes. Go ahead and roll your damage.

- Hell yeah. All right.

42, baby.

- These would still be
alive if they had each...

I rolled two 12s. They needed two 13s.

So both of these beasts are dead.

Oh my god.
- Yes!

- Cleaning up, bam.
(imitates explosion booming)

- Hell yeah.

- You see that the magic
of Santa Claus suffused

in this place.

This Cone of Cold is
pure, giant snowflakes.

It's like, (imitates wind whooshing).

It's just all snowflake patterns,
(imitates spell whizzing)

comes out of Pete's hands.

- Can I send Luna?

I don't know how the
magic of the box works,

and I don't really know
what's up with Wally,

but can I send Luna to go land on the box

and try to give Wally a Help action

in his death saving throws?

- Hell yes, you may.
- Oh.

- I think Luna just perfectly...

You are the Vox Phantasma.
This is your city.

Extra-dimensional spaces within
this place are open to you.

Luna flits in through the...

By the way, part of the reason Luna

has such an easy time getting
into this heavily warded box

is because of the raw umbra
that already leaked in there

and corroded a hole.
(imitates air whooshing)

- Oh shit.
- Luna gets in.

And Wally will roll the
next save with advantage.

- Awesome. Cool.

- Incredible.

That is Pete's turn.
(Lou sighs)

Ricky, that's you.

I think you are also aware
that you are the last person

in an initiative to go before Wally.

- Oh, sick.

- I am?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Oh, I totally forgot,
but during my turn,

when I'm killing those
two dogs, I turn to Cody,

and I just have so many shitty tattoos

that I show him I have a hatchet tattoo.

(Ally and Brennan laugh)
- Whoa.

- I'm like, hocus-pocus.
- Just a hatchet.

- Brother.
- Hell yeah.

(group laughing)

- Do we have to roll wild magic?

I shouldn't have fuckin' said it.

- Oh, do it. Yeah.

Give me a wild magic.
This one's one or two.

- I appreciate your honesty.

- And this is for-

- 15.
- For showing the hatchet.

(group laughing)

- Now it's one, two, three.
- This is pure juggalo power.

- Any time we talk juggalo,
I have to roll wild magic.

- Hell yeah. Now it is
one, two, and three.

Hell yeah.
- (whistles) All right.

- I can't get into that
box, though, right?

Can I make some kind of
check to see if I could?

- You cannot get into the box,

but it's possible that
some of your magic could.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

- In that case, could I just Lay on Hands

through the box?

(Emily laughs)

- Give me a...

I'm gonna make this...

This is a hard thing to do

because you don't have
actual contact with the body.

Ricky is in a rockier place

than I think he's ever been before.

And even though Kingston's
kind of out of his element

here on the balloons,

the truth is that every
one of your companions

is kind of doing better
than you right now,

which is not the speed that
Ricky has ever been in.

Ricky's gonna try to do something
impressive with his magic

that he's having these
conflicting feelings about.

What skill do you think
Ricky would associate

with him working an act
of magic in this moment?

What's the skill Ricky would go to here?

Like, for Pete, it's our Arcana.

For different people, it might be Religion

or History or Medicine or whatever.

What's the skill that Ricky goes to here

to try to tap into his magic?

- I think it is Medicine, you know.

This is a check that's for
helping people, and that's...

For his training, he can snap back

to that Medicine kind of world

to just try-
- I love that.

- Chest compressions.

- Hell yeah.
- Whoa!

- Pretty good name.
- And I'm actually gonna say

that Luna, I think,

is actually gonna give
Ricky a Help action here.

- Ooh.
- Go ahead and give me

a Medicine check with advantage, Ricky.

- Okay.

This is cocked.

- Okay.

Does a 24 do it?
(Siobhan gasps)

- Holy shit.

Ricky, you look at the box
as Kingston is holding it.

Lou, go ahead and give me an
insight check for Kingston.

- Oh boy.

- And you see this little
butterfly dancing around.

And Ricky, you know this butterfly
can make it into the box.

You hold out your hand,

and this pure, radiant, and again,

it's not that old brash,
glorious firefighter magic.

It is this softer healing,

more understanding, more empathetic light.

You understand, seeing the
injuries, how Wally's been hurt,

and you give this gift,

and literally this magic
of this helping hand

surrounds Luna's green light

with your own radiant healing light,

and the butterfly flies into the box.

Iga, standing on the balcony of the castle

with a dying Santa Claus,

you see a green butterfly enters,

alights on Santa Claus's
chest, glows with light,

and a perfectly healed
Santa Claus goes, (gasps)

"Wow, a helping hand of magic

from good, good boy Ricky Matsui.

We're not in New York. We're in a castle.

My name is Santa Claus,

but it used to be-"
- Santa Claus,

- Hey.
- It so nice to meet you.

I also go by a different name for work.

- Oh, we're lying.

Yes, yes, yes, okay.
- We're lying, yes.

- And Ricky, you use your action.

You have saved Wally

from near certain death.
- Cool.

I gave him 20 points of health,

for the record.
- Hell yeah.

- Wow.

- Cool, you know, looks up
at the stars or the sky,

it's for you, Kugrash. (laughs)

- Aww.

- I still have my
movement and bonus action?

- Yeah.

- (sighs) Could I leap from here

to the gold star and up to Pete?

I don't know. I have
Bull's Strength going.

- Give me an Athletics check.

These are within your jumping distance,

but you're also carrying Kingston.

So I'm gonna-
- I'm putting Kingston down.

- Oh, you're putting Kingston down. Okay.

So in that case, go ahead and
give me two Athletics checks.

You're rolling with advantage.

- Yeah, Kingston, are you
cool over here if I help-

- Nothin' bad's ever gonna happen to me.

Nothing bad is ever
gonna happen to me, so-

- Hold on to that idea.
- You're good, I am-

- I do wanna be clear that-
- It's the only thing

I'm thinking.
- Okay.

I think Ricky tries to decide

if it's worth clarifying what
he meant by that. (laughs)

- Nothin' bad's gonna happen to me.

- Never mind, never mind.
- Come on, come on now.

- Yeah, awesome, awesome.
- Nothin' bad's gonna happen

to me, nothin' bad's gonna happen to me.

- Wow, he really took to that, huh?

- And I'll make those Athletic checks.

So the first one,

oof, a four and a two.

But I'm gonna use a luck point here.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

- And I don't make those with
advantage, right, if I just-

- No.
- Okay.

- You just reroll one of them.

- That's cocked, but it
was going to be a 15.

That's a 16.

So 16 plus 9.
- Cool.

You make it to the gold star, no problem.

- Okay, now I'm gonna
make the other check.

(suspenseful music)
(dice rattling)

Natural 20.

- Hell yes, Ricky, you can bound up

right up into the fray
with everybody, boom,

bouncing off the gold star.

Bam, you land on the caterpillar.

- Cool, and then with my bonus action,

I'm gonna cast Sanctuary on Pete.

- Hell yes.
- Yeah.

- Which means that
they'll have to, you know,

take a Wisdom save throw
before they target 'em.

- Amazing turn from Ricky.
- Hell yeah.

- Also, again, a completely
non-violent turn,

just embracing this new magic.

You, boom, heal Santa Claus,
leap across, protect Pete.

Kingston, what'd you get
to that insight check?

- Oh, nat one.

- Cool, great.
(Emily laughs)

- You don't know what the-
- Too busy thinkin'

nothin' bad's ever gonna happen to me.

- Cool.
- Really holdin' onto that.

- Amazing.

We scoot along now in
the initiative order.

Are there any melee clowns
left? Yes, there are.

- [Emily] There's one,
but he's a way far up.

- He's way far up, but
he's gonna take a giant...

You guys hear, (chuckles maniacally)

"Oh, time to make you
weird," and leaps off.

- What?

- And (screams)
- He said,

"Let's get weird, Austin."
- dropping from the sky.

- I was just gonna say. (laughs)

- Double-handed-
- Keep Austin weird.

(group laughing)

- You see this clown

is going to leap with advantage to...

Oh, we have to make

a Wisdom save-
- Has to do a Wisdom save.

- against Ricky's-
- DC 16 Wisdom save.

- Oh, these guys are not
that wise, believe it or not.

So it's gonna be, he's
gotta roll a 14 or higher.

We're gonna roll this
in front of the board,

'cause he's gonna have
advantage on this attack

if he succeeds.

(tense music)

Natural three, fails this.
- Aw yeah!

- Sorry, bro.

- But he can choose to
attack something else also.

It doesn't (indistinct).
- Okay, so,

I think the way this is
gonna work is Ricky steps in

to defend Pete, and so Ricky literally,

like, body, gets himself
in to protect Pete.

(dice clatters)

That is going to be a hit.

With advantage, that's
gonna hit Ricky Matsui.

You take 13 points of chaos damage,

and I'm gonna need a...

Oh, you don't even need
to roll a saving throw,

because a fear effect takes place,

and you are totally immune.

Or no, are you immune to fear?

- I should be immune, I think.
- Yeah.

- I'm sorry, I-
- Yes, yes, yes, that's right.

That's not Devotion.

That's just paladins as in general, right?

Aura of Courage?

- Yes, Aura of Courage I have.
- Yeah, cool.

You cannot be frightened,
so the effect does not work.

But you do take that damage.

Wally's in the box.
- Oh, I just realized,

Pete being near us is gonna help Pete

with saving throws as well.

- Ooh.
- Hell yeah.

- Great.
- Oh, right.

- What do you mean?
- You add four

to saving throws.
- Flanked by paladins.

- Auras, yeah.
- They're all gonna have auras

that give you bonuses to saving throws.

- Can those stack?
- Oh shit.

- If there's two paladins,

do you get plus eight?
- No.

I would doubt it.
- No.

- No, they do not stack.
- I would think...

Really, why wouldn't it?

- I, for some reason,
thought it would just be

whoever has the better-

- It's whoever has the
better saving throw bonus,

because otherwise, if you
had a party of six paladins-

- True.
- you would be like,

oh, we all have plus 30 or whatever.

- Yeah, seems reasonable to
me, Brennan, I don't know

why you have to be like that.
- Oh, why don't we do that?

- I don't think-
- We should all be paladins.

- I will say this,

if I'm wrong about this, rules as written,

I'm gonna homebrew it different,
because I want to, baby.

(group laughing)

That don't make no sense.

Every party should just be
six Paladins traveling around.

(Siobhan laughs)

Iga, you are healed
for 18 points of damage

as Wally Claus looks over

and comes up to you and goes,

"Oh look, those dang clown hurt you.

That's not nice at all.

If they were people, they'd
be on the naughty list."

- Thank you, Santa.

Do you wanna come out and fight, or do you

wanna stay in the box?
- Sure.

Whatever you think is right.

- Are you gonna get hurt again?
I don't wanna hurt Santa.

- Ah, now that they don't
have the jump on me,

I'm really gonna destroy
them if I get a chance.

- Okay. Okay.

- Iga, it is your turn.

- Great, so can I step out of the...

Stepping, mm...

Okay, I'll step out of the box with Wally.

So me, Wally, and
Kingston are on this foot.

And I can fly, so if there's
not enough space on the foot,

I can just hover next to it.

- Hover off the next thing?

Yeah, hold on.

- I think we gotta-
(Brennan whooping)

- Great, and you're
hovering right next to him.

Is it a bonus action to come out?

- It's a bonus action to come out.

- Cool.

- And then I think what I'm gonna do

is I'm going to use Misiek

to cast Greater Invisibility on Pete.

- Hell yeah.
- Whoa.

- So it's a touch spell, so
you can use your familiar

as long as they're within 100 feet of you

to cast a spell that's touch-based

on somebody else.
- Whoa.

- [Brennan] Cool.

- I did not know that.

- And so that means that Pete

will no longer have opportunity
attacks against them,

and all of the other attacks
will be done with disadvantage.

- Hell yeah. Misiek casts
greater invisibility on Pete.

(mystical tones chiming)
Pete vanishes.

Your air elemental goes next.

- Oh, the air elemental is done.

- Okay, cool.
- After they delivered

the chest, they poof.

- Okay. That one is still stunned.

The other two see

- I have a question.

Would that one who isn't stunned,

would he have line of sight on Pete still,

since me and Cody are
standing in front of Pete?

- Well, he doesn't have line
of sight on Pete at all,

'cause Pete's invisible.

- Right. Cool.

- So you see, they, (chuckles maniacally)

screaming and upset that
they can't see Pete anymore.

One of them, I think, is
gonna take a shot at Iga.

And can the other one hit Iga?

No, so it's gonna actually go for Cody.

(Zac groans)

- Fuck.

- So for Iga, I'm gonna need
two saving throws from you.

I will first need a Wisdom

and then a Constitution saving throw.

- Okay.

(dice rattling)

Mm, Wisdom, I rolled a six.
I'm gonna use a luck point.

Okay, that's 21.

- Cool.
- And then Constitution,

(groans) I'm gonna use another luck point.

That was another six.

Mm, a 10.

- Okay.

So you're out of luck points and you-

- I have one more luck
point, but I'll save it.

- Okay, gotcha.

- 'Cause I'm at full health.

- Gotcha, gotcha.

You take 21 points of chaos damage.

(Brennan imitates magic whizzing)

But you succeed on your
Wisdom saving throw.

Cody, I am gonna need...

Oh, are you also immune to fear effects?

- Yes.

- And he's also within 10 feet of me too.

- Hell yeah.

So I'm gonna need a Wisdom
saving throw from Cody.

- Okay, luckily I'm proficient in them,

because Cody's not wise.

(Zac and Ally chuckle)

(Murph sighs)

(dice rattling)

Ooh, natural 19, that is a 25.

- Oh yeah.
- You pass all of the effects

of these various arrows.

That moves on from the clowns.

Kingston, that's you.

- Iga, what are you at?

- Oh, I'm good. I'm at 66 out of 87.

- Great.

Kingston's gonna cast
a second-level Command.

Is the second archer clown
within 60 feet of me?

- Let me check, bearing for altitude.

Yes, even with altitude,
right within 60 feet.

- Great, I'm gonna look
at the balloon beast

and the archer clown to just say, "Down,"

and cast a DC 17.

- And those are both Wisdom saves?

- Mm-hmm.

- Ooh.


(tense music)
(dice rattling)

That is a failure.

That is a failure. Both of them fail.

- Hell yeah.

- I'm gonna roll a Luck check.

'Cause down could be interpreted

in a couple of different ways.

Kingston, you want an 11 or higher here.

- Okay.

- [Ally] God damnit.

- I'll take it, I'll take it.
- 13.

- As you say down,

the clown's own sense of humor betrays it,

and it goes, (chuckles maniacally)

lets go of its own balloons
and plummets to the earth

at your down command.
- Ooh.

But the other dog just heels.

- Okay.

All right.
- Incredible.

Cody, that is gonna be your turn.

- Sweet.

This dude up here

that is stunned-
- Stunned.

- Is that one...

That one does not appear
to be flying on its own,

appears to be hanging onto the balloon.

- Yes.

- Okay.

Cody pulls out his ninja stars,
(imitates stars whooshing)

and then is going to...

Can I try to throw and hit the string

so that the stunned creature falls?

- Yes, you can.

I'm gonna say your throw...

First of all, what is
the range on your stars?

- So it would just be hand axe stats, so,

(Zac laughs)
let me see.

- String is the new rope.
- Oh, it's

weirdly not in here,
let me look up hand axe.

- Oh, I have it, I have
it right here in your...

You just needed to equip it.

So these are, they need
to be within 60 feet.

Are you right now within
60 feet? Yes, you are.

So you're gonna have disadvantage,

and the string has an AC of 22.

It's a tiny little string in the air.

However, the string,
this bundle of strings

only has eight hit points.

So you only need to hit, really, like once

and do enough damage.

Go ahead and make your attack
rolls with disadvantage.

- Okay.

(Emily laughs)

Star style, cutting cord.

(dice rattling)
(suspenseful music)

No, no fucking way.

(group laughing)

Disadvantage, that's 20.

20's not gonna do it.

- Wow, even with a 20?
- Okay, I'll throw

another star.

(dice rattling)


- (laughs) You're honest
though. I respect your honesty.

- Another 20, two 20s.

- Cody, you fling-
- Wow.

- a fistful of these ninja stars.

- So close.
- They fly off into the sky

and begin to fall, and you
hear people below saying,

"Look out! Look out!"

(group laughing)

- Cody, stop.

- Yeah, Cody, you might
wanna cut that out.

- I'm fuckin' sorry. (laughs)

- (laughs) As raining
shuriken can begin to-

- How sick would it have been though?

(Brennan laughs)

- You hear me.
- How sick would it

have been if I-
- You don't see me.

You just hear, "So sick, dude."

- Amazing.

Balloon beast is going to go for Kingston,

misses terribly.

(someone whistles)

Going back to the top of the
order, Sofia, that's you.

- Okay, hmm.

- Oh, did you command
that balloon beast too?

- [Emily] Yeah.

- Oh shit, yeah, misses it,

that would have been nixed anyway.

That just stays down. It
doesn't do anything on its turn.

- Okay, because of that,

I think that the balloon
beast is not a threat,

and therefore the only threats
on the board are these two.

Yeah, you know what, I
think what I'm gonna do

is I think that...

Eh, that guy's gonna come
out of being stunned.

So I think I'm just gonna jump over

and just go to town on this guy.

- Let's go to town.

- Let's go to town.
- Hell yes.

- I'm gonna, to borrow my friend, Cody,

I'm gonna freak out on this guy,

'cause I'll have advantage on everything.

- For once?
- Oh, just this once?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Just this once, I'm gonna freak out.

That's gonna hit. That's a 22.

(dice rattling)

I keep rolling ones on my fucking d8.

That's six hit points.

Can I use one of my attacks

just to wrestle the balloon away from him

and watch him plummet?

- Yeah, well, okay, you can
substitute one of your attacks

for a Shove action if you want.

It'll be Athletics versus Athletics.

- Athletics versus Athletics,
yeah, I mean, he's stunned.

Does he have disadvantage on
Strength checks or something?

- Yeah, I'll say that he
has disadvantage for sure.

- Okay, yeah, let's go
Athletics versus Athletics.

- Okay.

(dice clattering)
- Whoop.

- Plus two to this

lower of the two-
- Okay.

I got a 25.

- Yeah, he ain't gonna cut it.
- That beats an 11.

Sofia, you rush up,

kick this dude so hard in the chest

that he releases his grip on the balloons.

You snag the balloons.

You now have a fly speed of 60,

holding onto this bunch of balloons.

- Hell yeah.

- Then can I...

What I wanna do is I
wanna get to Kingston,

just to be there to steady
the balloon eventually.

Can I delay my bonus action?

I basically wanna use
the fly speed of this

to get closer to Kingston,

and then if I need to Step of
the Wind the rest of the way

to get to Kingston.

- Cool.

I'm gonna say-

- There's only one dude left, right?

- [Siobhan] There's the
guy next to you, right,

this guy next to Ricky?
- Oh yeah.

- And then there's this guy-
- I see.

- way out the way.
- And then there's also

the archer.
- Sofia, you've-

- Oh, the guy next to Ricky,
I hadn't even seen that.

You know what, fuck it then.

I'm just gonna fly back

and Flurry of Blows on this guy.

- [Brennan] Hell yeah, go
for it. Give me your attacks.

- Okay.

(tense music)
(dice rattling)

First attack is, I
think it's going to hit.

First attack is 9 plus 12, 21.

- 21 hits.

- Okay.

Finally I rolled a fucking eight, so 13.

- Hell yeah.
- Oh wait, oh no.

It's not my d8, fucking motherfucker.

(group laughing)
It's actually my...

I rolled a five, okay, so 10.

And then I'll attack again with my...

Oh, and I'll try and Stunning Strike.

- Cool.

Stunned, he is stunned.

- Oh, okay.
- Hell yeah.

- Then I actually get
advantage on my final attack.

I just got a 24, so I hit
him for another eight.

- Hell yeah.

Bam, bam, bam!

Just roundhouse kicks
into the back of the head

as you're holding onto this
giant bunch of balloons.

And then that is Sofia Lee.

Moving on from Sofia
Lee, Pete, that is you.

You are invisible.

(Lou chuckles)

- Awesome.

Then I guess I'm just
gonna attack this guy

right in front of me.

- [Brennan] Cool.

- I'll do another Fire Bolt.

This one, oh wait, sorry,
not Fire Bolt, Fireball.

- Cool, go for it.

I'm gonna roll that saving throw again.

On a 15 or higher, this is bad for Pete.

Here we go.

(suspenseful music)

- Okay.
- No!


- Hell yeah.

- Go for it.

- All right, we're gonna do...

Let's see. (vocalizes rhythmically)

So that's eight d6.

And they can try to save for half damage.

- He has already, his
saving throw is the thing

he tries to use his reaction with.

So go ahead and roll eight d6.

- Gorgeous.


- 27? You incinerate this clown.

- Yes.

- (imitates air whooshing) Gone, baby.

That is Pete's turn.
- Uh.

- Oh, sorry, anything else?
- Am I wild magic?

- Yeah, go ahead and give
me, now it's one, two, three.

- Okay.

(dice clattering)

Went off the table. (laughs)


- 10, now one, two, three, four.


That's going to be Ricky.

- Okay.

So the only thing left is the
flying guy over there, right?

- Flying guy on the left
and dog over on the right.

- And the dog has been commanded.

I will try, what's the distance from here?

Okay, that flying thing's 80 feet,

but I don't know how far
it is without altitude.

- I do have that balloon,
that's 60 feet of movement.

- Oh.
- I don't know.

Maybe you could...

- I think I'm okay right now,

but maybe-
- Okay.

- I was gonna do something
else, but maybe later.

Can I use Hypnotic Pattern on that guy?

Any creature who sees the pattern

must make a Wisdom saving throw.

On a failed save, they become
charmed for the duration.

- Hell yeah.
- They're incapacitated

with a speed of zero, so just maybe,

I don't know, maybe that's something.

- Roll a save it in front of the board.

Fails, the clown fails.

It is charmed by the Hypnotic Pattern.

What does Ricky put in front of this?

- Ricky sees all these clowns,

and he tries to come up with something

that a clown would be hypnotized by

and creates a, like,

one of those fun house
mirror boxes around the clown

so that it just sees
itself over and over again.

- Oh, awesome, who goes,
(chuckles maniacally)

and starts trying, just
takes pies out of nowhere,

and is trying to pie itself in the face.

- Pretty bad, huh, this is what you are.

(Brennan laughs)

- You guys see Wally Claus.

After Ricky casts that, Wally
Claus leaps into action,

just lays a finger aside
of his nose, flies up,

and quickly attaches

the cord of the Chompsky's outfielder

to one of the cords of the caterpillar

and begins to fly them both towards the...

You're now reaching the
top of this skyscraper

to kind of tie those balloons off

to the top of the skyscraper.

Iga, that is your turn.

- Great. Kingston, can you do damage?

Is that a thing you can do?

Can you hit these little-
- Of course I can do damage,

all right.

(Emily laughs)

- Okay, I just-
- You know, people first.

- You're like a nice guy.
- Damage second.

- I don't know, maybe you're like,

I don't like hitting people.
- Okay, Iga.

I can handle myself, all right.

- Okay, okay.

So I can reach this clown,

and I feel like with damage,

and I feel like maybe other people can't

'cause it's very far away.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

- So I'm gonna Eldritch Blast.

- Ooh.
- He is hypnotized,

and he'll come out when you hit him.

- So you'll actually have-
- Oh, really?

- You will actually have advantage

on this first roll,

because the clown's incapacitated.

- Mm.

This guy has not been hit at all, right?

- Correct.

- (clicks tongue) And the dog
has been hit a little bit?

- Yes.

- I'm gonna cast Toll the Dead on the dog.

- Hell yeah, go ahead and roll damage.

- So it's two d12.

- It's a Wisdom saving
throw, and then it's two d12.

(dice clacking)

- The dog is succeeds on its saving throw.

- Okay.

So that's nine

necrotic damage plus
four bludgeoning damage.

- Whoa.

- 'Cause I have, my elemental
gift gives me four for every.

- Gotcha, I think

if it succeeds, it actually-
- Wait, no.

It's not full bludgeoning damage,

because it's only when
I roll an attack roll.

Never mind.
- Gotcha.

- So it's just nothing.
- I think Toll the Dead

doesn't deal damage on a successful save.

So I think this, the beast-
- You're right.

- fully saves against it.
- Well,

fuck me, what a waste of a turn.

- (laughs) Oh no.

Any bonus actions or anything else?

- No.

- Cool.

We scoot along.

Ranged clown, with
Hypnotic Pattern, Ricky,

I don't think it makes
any other saves, right?

- I'll look at it again,
I think it's just...

- It's just fucked.

And the duration is one minute.

That's going to be...

Kingston, that's you.

- Third-level Guiding Bolt
directly into the dog.

(group laughing)

- Go ahead and make your attack roll.

- Can I do damage?

- Can I do damage,

come on now.
- Hey, I don't know.

You're just a nice man.
- You were at the front

of the train when I was
doin' all my cool stuff

for Cody and Pete.
- Oh, no, I believe you.

I believe you.

- Well, now you'll know.

Okay, here we go.

That's gonna be, god, please
tell me this hits, 16.

- 16 hits. That is correct.

- Oh, thank god.

Okay, one, two, three, four, five, six.

Okay, we'll take that.

10, oh, we'll take that, 22.

That's gonna be 29 points of damage

directly into this dog,

which is five feet away from me.

- Incredible.

You deal 29 points of damage,
the dog is badly hurt,

and the next person that
attacks it will have advantage.

(Brennan imitates explosion booming)

(screeches) Screams, and
immediately after you,

you see it rears up like it's going to...

It sees that they are losing the battle,

and it wants to charge and
take you off the balloon

(Emily gasps)
on its turn.

- Well, I have Bull's
Endurance, so let's go.

- Yeah!
- Incredible.

Cody, that is your turn.

- Okay, no more ninja stars, is that,

have we agreed on that?
- No, no more.

- Okay, cool.

- I mean, you'd probably have-
- It was really sick though.

- a better chance hitting
the dog with a ninja star.

You were trying, you just...

It was such a high AC
'cause you were trying to

slice it.
- You were just throwin' them

off into the sky.
- Hit a piece of string.

- People were concerned
about me throwing ninja stars

off of a balloon in the sky

over the city.
- I have to admit that was me.

I felt that way strongly.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, you weren't alone.
- I'm pretty concerned.

My children are down there.

I'm pretty concerned about it.
- Cool.

I don't know if I totally have a way

to do damage from far away

without endangering everyone.

So I am going to...

I don't even think I can really
get to Kingston here, can I?

- Difficult terrain, you might
be waitin' for Santa Claus

to just tie up these balloons.

- Okay.

- Do I go-
- Cody is gonna-

- before the dog?

I do go before the dog, right?

- Sweet.
- You do, mm-hmm.

- I'll just hold my turn.

Cody will take a readied action.

- Cool, you hold your...

You have a readied action.

Kingston, this balloon beast is gonna go.

It's going to give itself advantage

by committing to going off
the edge of the balloon.

It's just charging.

This balloon beast has

a plus four-
- So you both are rolling

with advantage.
- to its Strength.

- Great. I have a plus one.

- Two d20.

(tense music)

Okay, you need to beat a 20.

You need to beat a 20 with advantage.

- Well, here's the thing
that you don't know, Brennan.

That's that nothing bad is
ever gonna happen to me, okay.

(Emily laughs)

- Ricky is just sweating bullets.

- [Brennan] That's a 10.

- Did you guys-
- Aww.

- Okay, yeah. Okay, here we go.

Nothing bad is ever going to happen

to me!

(Lou groans)

(group laughing)
- Oh no!

- Oh no!
- No!

- Ally, can you Bend Luck?
- You guys see

the last minutes of the fight.

- It's too much, never mind.

- The max I could add to it is four.

- Yep, no, we can't.

- If I have readied action,

Sofie's balloons are here, right?

- That's correct.

- Sofie, can I borrow these?

Can I grab the balloons

and try to grab Kingston?
- Ask nicely, young man.

- Yes, you are gonna roll with advantage,

'cause you're flying.

You need to beat that balloon
beast's Athletics check.

So give me an Athletics
check with advantage.

- I'm not, I don't-
- It's okay.

- I have good Strength,
but I don't have Athletics.

Oh my god, I'm sweating.

Okay, I will roll it
in front of the board.

d20 plus my Strength is

- You need a 16 or higher.

- Nothin' bad's ever gonna happen to us.

Nothin' bad's ever gonna happen to us.

Nothin' bad's ever gonna happen.

(tense music)

- Can you do the Bend Luck?
- Nine.

No, you have advantage on this.
You have advantage on this.

- Oh, sorry.

- Exactly, nothin' bad's
ever gonna happen to us.

Come on now.

Come on now.
- Come on now.

- Just 'cause we roll...

(group laughing)
Okay, wasn't the 19

I was hopin' for.
- Oh my god.

- Okay, okay, it's okay.
- Wasn't the 19

I was hopin' for.
- It's okay.

- You zoom down.
- I can handle this.

- You're within range of Kingston.

That's your readied action.

Kingston, the balloon beast hits you.

You go off the edge of the balloon

and begin to sail out into space,

hundreds of feet up in the air.

The next person to act, on
Kingston's turn, he will fall.

Sofia, it is your turn.

- Okay, I have Jump on me.

I have Step of the Wind if I need it.

I would like to tackle Kingston

through a window of a building.

(group laughing)
- Oh my god!

- Go ahead, give me an Acrobatics check.

It's still that DC is 20.

- Okay.
- Come on.

(Emily sighs)

- Nothin' bad's ever gonna
happen to us. Come on now.

- Okay.

(tense music)

(dice rattling)

10 plus 13.

- 23.
(Lou groans)

- 23!

- Kingston, this dog-

- Oh, I saw the 10, and I was like,

I didn't do it, I didn't do it.

- Kingston, this dog hits
you in the chest (barks)

and begins to float.

It had so much strength when it hit you

and then just sort of starts
floating off into space.

The incapacitated clown archer

just begins to sail off into the sky.

You guys will have so many
rounds while it's incapacitated

to take that archer out.

Santa Claus ties up the balloons.

But as Kingston falls,
you see swinging on the...

No longer with the balloons
in your hands, Sofia,

swinging on the longest
cord from the caterpillar,

like Spider-Man, just,
(imitates body whooshing)

bam, wrap your arm around
Kingston, twirl him in the air,

hit your back into the plate
glass of the skyscraper,

and tumble into an abandoned office.

(Brennan imitates bodies thudding)

I'm gonna say, Iga, you just
blast, with Eldritch Blast,

that archer out of the air.

The dogs float away,

and with shurikens and whatever else, pop.

You guys are victorious.
Santa saves the balloons.

Sofia and Kingston stand up

in this dark office
with all the lights out

and see you are in the headquarters

of Excelsior Dynamic Homes.

(bell tolls)

And that's where we're
gonna end our episode.

- No way.
- Oh no.

- Tune in next week

for another thrilling episode
of "The Unsleeping City."

- Later.
- Nothing bad

is ever gonna happen to us!

(group laughing)

- Oh my god.

(stirring music)