Dimension 20 (2018-…): Season 15, Episode 9 - Theater of War - full transcript

The pack of pixies conspired to stop the machinations that threaten magic throughout the realms.

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(elegant classical music)

- To the churlish Captain K.P. Hob,

venerated soldier of the Goblin Court.

To the Master of Ceremonies,
Delloso de la Rue,

pride of the Court of Wonder.

To BINX Choppley, sole
survivor of the Court of Craft.

To the tenebrous Prince Andhera,

scion of the Unseelie Court.

And to the notorious Lords of the Wing,

Lady Chirp Featherfowl,
Countess of Cluckingham,

and Lord Squak Airavis,
Earl of Peckersberg.

Honored archfey, we are
delighted to welcome you

to "A Court of Fey & Flowers".

Greetings, and welcome

to Dimension 20's "A
Court of Fey & Flowers".

I am your Dungeon Master, Aabria Iyengar,

and with me, taking center
stage, are my pack of pixies.

Say hi, pack of pixies.
- Hi, pack of pixies.

- So, before we get started,

we have a little bit of housekeeping,

because both of our Lords of the Wing

dinged their second
positive reputation tag.

- Jesus, how?

- [Aabria] They do be staying good, yes.

- [Lou] Thank you.

- Thank you, thank you so much.

- So start pondering and
praying on those tags

and let me know if and when you have them,

and while you think,
I'll do a little recap.

- [Lou] Oh, perfect.
- So we just keep on moving.

In our previous chapter,
the drama within the Bloom

reached an all time high.

The Lords of the Wing, Lord
Airavis and Lady Featherfowl,

were kicked out of the nest
by their nasty grandfather,

who knows nothing of
their secret families,

secret engagements, and secret authorship.

Retiring Master of Ceremonies

Delloso de la Rue's
trusted assistant Wuvvy

failed to deliver a love
note to Major K.P. Hob,

even as he was being made
aware of an arranged engagement

between himself and a
lady of the Seelie Court.

Prince Andhera faced
down his terrible mother,

the Queen of Air and Darkness, and won.

And BINX, last and leader
of the Court of Craft,

shared both a lovely bonding
moment with Lady Chirp

and a little bit of a plot with Major Hob,

and all of that ended

with Prince Apollo of the Court of Wonder-

- Boo.
- Boo!

- He's great, and it's fine,

ambushing our favorite goblin
soldier alone in the woods.

But we're going to start off
tonight with a proper prologue.

(In iambic pentameter) Amidst
the feral beauty of the Bloom

and surging fairy magic flowing forth,

will duty or will love soon meet its doom,

as our fey grapple with
each value's worth?

We find ourselves here
standing on the stage,

our actors set and every piece in place.

One final war now, ready to be waged,

to save the mortal world or save face.

There's no one who can
tell you what to choose,

for that's the trap of good society.

Only your hearts know
what you dare to lose

or sacrifice to slake propriety.

So step we all into this final game,

as hunt and hunter take their careful aim.

(players applauding)

Oh, thank you.

- I'm so jazzed from a poem!

- I'm excited!

- So, we begin in a fight without honor.

- Mm.
- Mm.

- Major Hob, you are
walking through the woods

on your way to the encampment
of the Seelie Court

to visit Lady Sylmenar, your
intended, when you were stopped

by Prince Apollo himself,
who's cornered you.

Now, there's no one around.

The rules of a duel don't apply here,

and as you see him sort
of smirking at you,

what are you thinking?

What are you doing? What are you feeling?

- Do I gather from his countenance

that he means to harm me here?

- I'm not going to make you roll for this,

because I know you know.

Fey are fickle and mercurial and mean,

but they so rarely strike
to do more than wound.

But you, in your time as a
soldier and as a warrior,

have met death and dealt it,
so you can feel it on the wind.

You see his intent to murder you here.

- That's not good.

- It's bad.

- Even as he begins to
unfurl himself at you.

- Good day!

And I run as far away,
and I sprint away from him

as fast as my legs can carry me, yes.

- Interesting. Okay.

- In other words, no
glove touched my face.

Nothing happened here, right?

So he just intended to murder me.

I exist within the laws of propriety,

and I wish you a good
day, sir, good day to you!

And I sling my halberd on my
back and drop to all fours

and am just...
- Scamper.

But you turn your back on him.

- I do turn my back on him.
- Okay.

- But I do a bonus action disengage.

- [Aabria] Interesting, interesting.

I need you to make a dex save.
- [Omar] Oh gosh.

- Oh, did you think we were
just going to end this-?

- Aabria out here calling
your run "a scamper."

The shade, the shade!
- That was editorializing.

- You can tell we're in the
forest. It's quite shady.

All right.

(Lou laughing in anticipation)

- [Omar] Oh no.

- That's a five.
- Oh, beautiful.

- Oh my god, did you put your
dice out in the full moon

like I told you to?

- Also, what do you have
to roll to get a five?

- A two.

- You're going to take 11
points of piercing damage.

- No!

- Right between the shoulder blades

as a golden arrow finds
its mark as you run,

and what's your movement speed?

- 30.
- Okay.

- So I'm 60 feet from where I started.

- Sure, and he's in pursuit,

so we're going to roll initiative.

- Cool. Okay.
(die drops loudly)

- I dropped that die.

That was the loudest thing I've
ever done in my entire life.

But that's why you leave, yeah.

- Oh gosh.

- This is lighting to kill you by.

- But you look really good in it, though.

- Oh my god, thank you.

Inspiration. I love a compliment.

I got to keep the rest
of the table on my side,

'cause Brennan's about to go home.

- That is a nine on my initiative.

- Do you look back over your shoulder

or are you just running?

- I am going at top
speed and trying to keep

as much of an awareness about
where he is and his position

as going at top speed will allow me.

- Okay, let me just get

a general direction in
which you're running.

He got an 18 on his initiative,

so he's going to act before you,

but I just want to have a
sense of where you're going.

- I am going towards the most
populated area that I can,

that will have non Court of Wonder

and non Unseelie fairies at it,

but I'm not going straight
to the goblin pagoda.

I'm going to where as many
different courts of fairies

can see what is happening.

- Okay, I think you
were already on your way

to the Seelie Court, so
you know if you go deeper

into the woods, if you can get
to them you'll get to them,

but that is a more secluded
trip, or you can try

to double back the direction
from which you came

and head back to sort of
the highly populated area,

where just more fey will be,

and you would probably
encounter one sooner.

- I'll prioritize sooner.
- Okay, cool, then yeah,

you would not want to
get deeper into the woods

and possibly get lost and
not find your way to them.

- Yeah, if he's close enough to hit me

with some kind of spell
or something like that,

then I have to stop, yeah.

- Listen for the sound of
a roller bag on the grass.

- Gravel.

- On gravel, and know
you will find sanctuary.

- Bleeding out from arrows. What's that?

(Lou mimicking a rickety roller bag)

- Going up some stairs.

(Emily mimicking a roller
bag going up stairs)

- Amazing, so he's going
to take his full movement

and pursue you, and because you're 60 feet

and now a little less so away,

I need you to make a wisdom
saving throw as you hear, fight!

As he casts Command at you.
(players groaning)

- Goddammit, that is so fucking good.

I don't want you to fail.
- That's the opposite

of how anyone has ever used Command ever.

- Yeah.
- [Emily] I know.

- To stop a fight.
- Uh-uh, don't flee.

- Fuck, that's so fun.

- Okay, we're going wisdom?
- [Aabria] Yep.

- Not my best.
- [Oscar] Come on, big money.

- [Surena] You got it, you got it.
- [Oscar] This is what we want.

- But that is going to be an 18.

- Hey!
- You beat his DC.

- That's on an Emily Axford dice,

just for everyone here to know.

(cast applauds for moon-blessed dice)

- Thanks, moon.
- [Surena] Thanks, moon.

- Thank you, moon. Thank you, the moon.

- You feel this ripple
move across your mind

and kind of grab you in
the pit of your stomach,

and you feel yourself
trip for just a second,

and then you're able to keep going.

- That was a cool move, though.

- Incredible. Okay.

He's 30 feet behind me.
- Yeah.

- So now that I've gotten
some distance from him,

gonna object interaction
get my halberd back out,

and I'm going to keep the
point behind me as I'm running,

and I'm going to move, action dash,

bonus action dash, 90 feet of movement.

- All right, so just hauling, I guess.

That's fine. Sure, sure sure sure.

- Yes, yes, yes! All the shade!

- Cool, cool cool cool.

Give me just a general,

give me a survival check for
you to navigate the woods.

- (kisses dice) Okay.
- [Aabria] Roll bad.

- I did. That's an eight.

- You're good.

I think you realize pretty quickly

that your best course of action

was definitely to get out of the woods,

because you feel yourself,
as you begin to panic,

this is unfamiliar territory to you.

- Yeah.
- And that deeper

would have been more dangerous,

so getting out into the
clearing, being able to open up

and run more, is absolutely
the right course of action.

So you are now far, far away,
but not farther than a bow.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

- He's going to take his action,

run, and fire an arrow at you.

What's your armor class?

- 17.
- Okay. First one is a miss.

- Mm! But what about the second one?

- Second one just hits with a 17.

You're going to take 10
points of piercing damage

as he continues to just
yell and berate you.

Where are you going? I
thought you were a warrior.

Stay and fight.

- Don't listen to him.

Don't do it.
- Don't listen.

- We're back to you, but he will yell,

you've been snooping around my court.

You can ask me whatever you want.

- Perhaps another time, your highness!

- You just fully run?

- A true goblin never does what gets seen

when he might to have
done it where it wouldn't!

More secrets is more better to goblins!

And I invoke the goblin virtue
of sneakery, and I hide!

I run away.

I think that K.P.
understands that his honor

is being besmirched,
but he also understands

that his honor's being besmirched

by someone who's shot
him in the back twice.

- [Aabria] Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

- I know of combat through war,

not whatever the hell this is,

so I'm out of here.
- [Aabria] Amazing,

go ahead and give me a stealth check

if you want to try to
get out of his eye line

and not skulk away, 'cause
you're still sprinting,

but just make it a little
harder for him to pursue you

as you're increasing the
distance between the two of you.

- Yeah, I'll definitely
duck for as much cover.

- [Aabria] For sure.
- As that bow comes out,

I'm like, yeah, let's go

towards where there is
cover and obstruction.

Stealth? That's a 12.

- It's okay, you're able to kind of see

that if you break off, there's
a little bit of a downhill,

and you're going to drop
out of his eye line,

so he's going to make

this one last round of
attacks with disadvantage.

- [Brennan] Cool.
- Actually, no.

He's not even going to...

You hear him stop running,

and you never really
looked over your shoulder,

but you heard the
difference in his footsteps.

They got heavier, and
though you didn't hear

the clank of heavy plate, you
understand the weightiness

of a fully kitted soldier
in full pursuit of you,

but you hear the footsteps slow down.

Now I need you to make one more,

let's call it a dex save against an 18.

- Come on, K.P.

- Come on, Knickolas Pnackleless.

- 19.
- [Lou] Oh, thank god.

(players applauding)


- Pnackleless.
- Pnackleless.

- You put the Pnackleless
in Knickolas Pnackleless.

That was the name, right?
- Knickolas Pnackleless, yeah.

- As you are running, and
you get down and away,

you hear a little (clicks tongue)

as the arrows snap across
your back and separate,

and you're able to get low and away

as they come away from the main shaft

that's still buried in
your back, and detonate.

- [Omar] What?
- [Lou] Nasty.

- Ooh!

- Nasty.

- Excuse me?
- [Brennan] Wow.

- Oh my god. Aabria, this is really sick.

- [Aabria] Thank you so much.
- [Surena] So cool and sick.

- That would be 14 points
of damage, if it had hit.

You're a rogue now.

- I am, but I'm not that good a rogue.

- So you take half damage.
- [Brennan] Cool.

- So you're going to take
seven points of fire damage.

- Mm.
- [Emily] Oh.

- [Lou] How doth Pnackleless stand?

- Pnackleless is good.

- This could've been different.

- Yeah, don't let the
rogue-y stuff fool you,

I am seven levels of
fighter and barbarian,

so I am largely uninjured.

I have 66 of 94 hit points.
I'm at 2/3 of my health.

There is no swagger to that,
it is just that my body,

there's so much meat in
my torso that the arrows

are just sort of sitting in there,

but I am deeply rattled and
not in a comfortable, like,

there is no swagger to, like, ha ha,

you've only done 31
points of damage to me!

It's like, oh, I'm being murdered.

I need to run as fast as I can.

Although, I think if Captain Hob gets away

and feels that he has left
the range of the arrows

or feels that he is outside of long-

- The moment you heard him stop running,

you know that was his
last sort of, like, F you.

- I think literally the pace of my running

is so uniform that it's like, 80, 90,

100, 110, 120,

and I know I'm outside of
the long range of a longbow.

- Yeah.
- I'll chance one last glance

behind me to see what he's
doing as I'm escaping.

- You see him kind of high up,

because you were able to go
down a little bit of a decline,

and you see the bottom

of what looks more like
the statue of an Adonis

than a person, just burnished gold,

that's just sort of
standing and looking out.

You just see his right calf,

and he turns and walks
back into the woods.

- I will just sprint as fast as I can,

and I'm literally still
going for a populated area.

- Cool.
- You know, just like,

and I think panicked,

just still trying to find other people.

- In an uncanny turn of events,

because we did sort of leave
with the Lords of the Wing

pulling their luggage across a lawn

with the rest of the group,

I will have you happily
run into the full cohort.

Rue, were you with them?

- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm, yeah.

- I was with the gang.
- We were all together.

- Sweet, well then,
you're all together, gang.

- [Lou] With the gang!
- [Omar] The little gang.

- And you all see, just
sort of on all fours,

sprinting out of these sparse woods

at the edge of this beautiful,
well-manicured lawn,

Captain Hob, looking worse
for wear and panicked.

- Can we tell he's bleeding,

or can I make a perception
check to see if he's bleeding?

- [Aabria] Yes, please
give me a perception check.

- Ooh!

- I'm going to do it with disadvantage,

because I'm really thinking
about my own problems right now.

- [Aabria] I love that for you.

- Don't make me look selfish like that.

Don't make me look selfish like that.

- Wait, no, I'm the selfish one.

- No, but I, oh, and I
have all the space...

No, I'm going through shit as well, okay?

- Okay, you can be selfish with me.

- No, I'll also make it with
disadvantage, okay? Okay.

- I still rolled really well.

- Thank god, and I rolled
poorly. I got a 10.

- I'm not gonna say what I got.

- No, say it.
- You have to say it now.

- Oh, actually, only a 13.

- Okay, how obvious is
it that you are hurt?

- As I approach, I will stand up,

and all the injuries are on my back,

so I'm not sure if it's super clear.

- Squak is going to try
and walk a little faster.

Ooh. Oh, okay, all right.

(Brennan imitates heavy
breathed running of K.P.)

- Stop, stop, stop!

- Oh, sorry, begging your pardon, hello.

Lords of the Wing, pleasure
to see you once more.

- Yes.

- Captain Hob.
- [Emily] Captain Hob.

- You seem out of sorts.
- Yes, in fact,

of all of us, you seem to
be the most out of sorts.

- Yes, let us refocus on K.P. Hob.

- Yes, why, K.P. Hob seems
to be in dire distress.

- [Lou] Exactly!
- Everyone,

avert your gaze!
- Well, well, well,

we don't have to focus completely on me.

- We should all go back to Andhera's,

and we should focus on Captain Hob.

- And I'll bring up the
rear, so no one sees this.

- Do you require any assistance

with your considerable luggage?

- I mean.
- I mean, yeah.

I'm not used to-

- My wrists already hurt.

I'm not used to carrying this much stuff.

- If you could.
- Very well.

- I didn't know what to bring.

I packed really quickly,
so it's mostly silverware.

- It's incredibly heavy.

- Mine is just a cape. Please
don't get any blood on it.

- Very well, my lord.

And I'm going to put it
over and I'm going to lift,

and as I do, I go...
(grunts in pain) as I like-

Because the lats and the
back muscles I'm using

to partially lift this up, I'm like...

(Brennan grunting in pain)

Deeper, deeper the arrow
goes, and I'm going to-

- That must have been a metaphor.

- A metaphor or something.

- How does the afternoon
find you? Looking for new-

- Hold on really quick. Andhera?

- I did get an 18 on perception.

- [Aabria] Yeah, and you've
been in theaters of war before.

You absolutely-
- Yeah, specifically with you.

- [Aabria] Yeah.
- Yeah.

- So, you see half of long range

arrows buried in his back,

and with an 18, I'm going to give you

that even as he's walking now,

you see that just the
very last inch and a half

seems to be going from a shade of gold

and sort of dulling to wood.

- Oh. Oh, okay.

In that case, as much as I would prefer

to have this conversation with you,

since we're surrounded by folks,

instead I will clap my hand
gently on your shoulder.

(sound effect of wound squelching)

So good to...

(Omar stammering nervously)

- Did anyone just hear
the squelch of a wound?

- Squelch! A squelch!

- Cousin, you remembered to
put the jam in the jar, right?

You didn't just leave it out?

- I thought that the jar
needed to stay in the nest.

- No!
- I emptied all the jam.

That suitcase is full of jam!
- Cousin!

- Silverware and loose jam?

- I'm lost without coterie of

people to take care of me!
- I'm so sorry,

is there a more water resistant
portion of the luggage?

I appear to be losing
some of your fine jam.

Sorry, sorry. Maybe if I keep reorienting.

- Yes, just keep it rolling,

because it's the soaking,
that's the problem.

- Centripetal force will keep-
- [Lou] Yes.

- Keep the jam.

(sound of jam sloshing inside luggage)

- You all are going to
be so glad we did this

when you taste this jam.

- Hob, you've got to give me a con check

just to see how you're
doing actively juggling

with wounds in your back.
- Keep that jam moving.

- [Emily] Keep that jam a-moving.
- That's only a six.

I'm rolling so bad.

- Why don't you go ahead
and roll me a d6 then?

- Okay.

- [Lou] Is this for how much jam he lost?

- Six!
- Six points of jam.

- You lose six points of jam
from the bag and your back

as those arrows work in a
little bit deeper, (Sound
of wound and jam squelching)

and you continue.
- So sorry. Hold on.

- Faster, faster!
- I have a roll of gauze.

I'm going to use it to soak up the jam.

- Good, good, yes.
- Good, very good.

- Andhera, get in here, please.

- Andhera, help me. Help me.
- [Oscar] Squelch. Another squelch.

- Help me collect the jam.
- Yes, of course, yes.

The jam is quite, the thing about the jam,

the thing about the...

And I'm going to Dispel Magic.

- Okay.
- Is that allowed

in this game?
- Yeah, of course.

What are you targeting specifically?

- Those arrows that are
going from gold to wood.

I would just speed up that
transformation process.

- Okay, copy.

- [Omar] I want them to
just be little arrows.

- Copy.
- Do I see you interacting

with the arrows in this
moment, or focusing on them?

- I'm trying to hide it from everyone,

and that would probably
include you as well.

- Give me a deception
check against your insight.

- Great.
- Hell yeah, here we go.

That is a six.

- I only got a dirty 20.

- You don't notice anything.

- I think the nature of the boysenberry

is such that it's less
viscous, so it's not-

- It's not just boysenberry,
all right? There are spices.

If anything, it's more of a chutney.

- Yes, we like it salty.
- I know.

- Savory, rather.

- There are some small
seeds that seem to be doing-

- Fennel!

- As we're dissecting-
- Fennel and boysenberry chutney.

Are we sure we need to
save as much of this?

- Bird delicacy.

Once you try it, you'll never
want to eat anything else.

- Yes, a boysenberry with
a nice licorice taste.

- Yes, a little annise under kick.

(Cast losing it over the jam bit)

- Jesus.

- I will 100% be distracted for a second

by trying to understand the
flavor profile of this chutney.

- [Aabria] Yes, of course.

- But after that, I would
like to cast Cure Wounds.

- Okay.
- At level two.

- I'm going to say there
is no check for it.

You can absolutely do it. Go
ahead and roll your healing.

- Okay.

- But to everyone else, it is very obvious

that Andhera is casting
something on Hob right now.

- Okay, I think it's clear that

some spells are being cast,

and I can only assume it's Message,

and you're talking bad about us,

which makes me just
feel really hurt, right?

Because we all just met up.

Some of us are at the worst
place that they've ever been

in their life, and some of us

are just badmouthing each
other in their heads.

- I mean, I didn't get a message,

if it makes you feel better.
- I didn't get a message.

- I didn't get a message, yeah.

- Well, that's what you would
say if you got the message-

- No no no, I didn't get a message!

- Lords of the Wing, I
assure you, the only...

Only message I received
was the message that...

- I want to take a luggage,
the unjammed luggage,

and I want to put it in my wing.

- And you cast Cure Wounds?

- Yeah, 10 points of HP goes back to you.

- Awesome.

Oh, thank you. Are they still in there?

Look, I've been shot.
- What?

- By who?
- You've been shot?

- I've been shot. Are the arrows still-

- Yes.
- All right.

- Do you want me to-
- No no no no no!

I am a walking crime scene.

We must not interact. Do
not pull the arrows out.

This is proof!
- Okay, okay.

Maybe we should all go somewhere safe,

where no one can see us.
- Yes.

- And you can tell us more,
and we won't be seen together,

and no one will be wondering

whether or not we got
kicked out of our nest.

- You got kicked out of your nest?

- We did not get kicked out of our nest.
- Oh my god!

- It's just logical that if
we were outside of the nest,

people would start to wonder,

did they get kicked out of the nest?

- Right, what did you
do to get kicked out?

- But of course, if you hadn't
been kicked out of the nest,

you would've packed more
than jam and spoons.

- Right, that's true, that's true.

- Well, you need the
spoons to eat the jam.

- So you did get kicked out of your house.

- Yes.

- Now can we stop dwelling
on the worst thing

that's literally ever happened to us ever?

- And by us, we mean all of us.

- All of us, and go eat
jam at Andhera's place.

- I'm going to head off
to Andhera's place, yeah.

- Can I sidle up to Hob
real quick on the walk over?

Did you say you got shot with an arrow?

- Two.

- You'll have to describe
that to me later,

for something I'm working on.

- Well, certainly, I can describe that.

I've been injured before
in combat, so if you-

- Specifically by a bow?

Any chance the person you were fighting

was a hunter of sorts?

- Bow and arrow is the weapon of a hunter,

certainly, I assume,

and in this manner, yes,

the person that was arching at me,

certainly we were not engaged in combat.

It was more, to be truthful,

it was like I was being hunted, certainly.

- You know what, I can't have
this conversation anymore.

- As you walk, I do need
you to roll another d6.

You dispelled that sort of
part of that transformation,

but there are other effects in that arrow.

- Two.
- Two more points of damage,

and you see that you're
losing inches of that arrow.

It's working itself farther into his back.

- I'm looking around and being like,

we must quickly call a
summit of the courts of fairy

and show them and say, hey,

honorable members of the fey courts,

the Prince Apollo of the Court of Wonder

shot me twice in the back!

- Apollo shot you?
- Was it Prince Apollo?

- Two times in the back.

- Captain, also, on
top of that, the arrows

are slowly making their
way deeper into your body.

I don't know how long we
have to gather everybody.

- Do you think if we take 45
minutes to sort of circle up

with everybody, that it will be okay, or-

- Maybe they'll come out the
other side by that point,

and then, voila.

- Does it seem they are traveling

towards a center, or
is it just directional?

If I kind of orient my organs such that-

- Can you orient organs?

- I certainly can.
- Well!

I believe if we were in
more ribald circumstances,

the orienting of organs...
(chortling heartily)

- I missed you.
- I missed you as well!

If we are lucky and I survive
the day, there will be...

How are we all doing
right now? Is everyone...

- I certainly think that if we were able

to go to Andhera's, I'd love to-

- I'm assuming you're
all on your way, yeah.

- We're there.
- Fantastic.

- Yeah yeah yeah.
- Okay.

- So I was walking through the forest,

and I was approached by Prince
Apollo of the Court of Wonder

and he came up to me and he said

some threatening sort of banter,

the types of which, no
offense to your highness,

but princes are often wont to say

to sort of establish his
superiority over me socially,

as though that is any indication

of what would happen if
we were actually to scrap!

But, his station being what it was,

there was no chance for me
to remain in the forest.

Had I successfully
managed to defend myself,

I would be discovered
over the prostrate body

of a prince of the Court of
Wonder, and that would be

the end of my either life
or freedom, I assume,

and so I did what made the most
sense to do, which was run.

- Are you hurt? How are you feeling?

- Oh.

- You seem very casual after being shot.

- Well, the prince's aim, let's just say

that he was relying much too
much on the draw of the bow,

and so the arrows were coming straight.

He did not arc. If he
had been a better archer-

- How are you feeling?

Are you hurt?

- It does hurt.

But I dare not...

I dare not move the arrows,

lest we lose our proof
that this has been done.

I do not understand the
politics of what this means.

If they can be removed,
and it is on the good word

of these fairies herein assembled

that we may make this accusation
against the Prince Apollo,

then that is all well and good,
but if words are not enough,

then I am happy to keep these wounds,

that they may prove what we understand.

- Let's go ahead and say

that you were able to very
quickly get back to Andhera's,

so you guys are now sort of-

- [Surena] Safe.
- Safe and alone and secure.

But I do need you to
roll two more d6 for me.

- Also, suitcase is open,
spoons are laid out.

If anyone wants.
- We're passing out-

- I return the luggage from my wing, yeah.

- It's not that bad.
- Oh, it's nice, it's nice.

- Oh, all right.
- You've been bit by the bird.

- It's like a little
herbal thing going on.

- Yes.
- [Surena] I like it.

- So, Captain Hob, I don't know

what Prince Apollo's
intentions with you were

and how they fit into
his other machinations,

but I believe that reporting
Prince Apollo's deeds

to some other authority,

I don't think would resolve
in his chastisement,

and in fact I think he is engaged

in more grave deeds.

- The Court of Wonder
and the Seelie Court,

from my understanding,
they're consolidating power.

They're closing portals.

They're shutting off the
access to the mortal realm.

That's why we're so few,
because we straddle the line

between the mortal
realm and the fey realm,

and if that access is closed,
the magic also closes.

But I think that if Alven knew,

if Alven or the Court of Sea
Foam knew what happened here,

I do not believe they are
aligned with the Court of Wonder.

- Andhera, it's come to
my knowledge through a

betrothal to your sister that
she is also pursuing this end.

- I have it on good
authority from my mother,

the Queen of Air and Darkness,

that my sister Suntar sucks.

- Your mother said that?
- [Oscar] Your mother said that.

- Not in those exact words, but, like-

- Can I just ask how that relates to this?

- I mean, good for you, you know.

- Never above a good dig.

- She is acting outside of
the specific jurisdiction

of our court.
- Oh, okay. Wonderful, then.

I thought I was breaking
something terrible to you.

- No, in fact, if anything,
that completely checks out.

- Okay.
- It would be in my interests

as a representative of the Unseelie Court

to actually forgo her plans

and see what we could do to stop my sister

from achieving what she's doing,

especially if what you're saying is true,

that they're trying to
block off magic and hold it.

- Portals have been closing.

I-um, Gwyndolin-

Gwyndolin's on the other side right now,

in the mortal realm, and she's-

- What is she doing over there?

- Well, oh boy.

So, you know, when...

She's sort of dating my warlock.

- Mm.

- Fun.
- [Lou] Messy.

- Yeah, I mean, and here's
the thing with that, though.

- Why do you say my warlock, huh?

Am I sensing a love triangle?

- No!
- [Lou] Yes.

- Oh, okay, sorry, sorry.

- No, no no no, no worries.
You know, they're my family.

Scratch, Mika, and
Gwyndolin, they're my family,

and they're over there,
and they're reporting

that portals are closing,
and if they close

and we're not able to come back,

or if they're not able to come back,

that's when we fade.

We fade. We turn into ideas.

We turn into a feeling,
the feeling you get

when you go into an abandoned place,

that tingle on your spine,
that's what we become,

and the more portals close,
the more likely that is

to spread to everyone else, I'm assuming.

But the thing is, Apollo hurt
you, and you're my family.

So we need to figure this out.

- Hob, I need you to give me
a constitution saving throw.

Anyone looking at his back,

the arrows are no longer visible.

- That's going to be a 13.

- That's actually a 15, you're
standing right next to me.

- And I'm gonna give you
a bardic inspiration,

because the jam is just that damn good.

- Can I also do an arcana check

to try and see what the heck is going on?

- Please do.

- 12.

- The best you can figure,
there is some lingering effect

on those arrows where it's
not any factor of his moving,

because now you're all inside,
but they are just creeping

into his body and looking
to pierce something.

- Oh, seeking arrows.
- [Lou] Probably his heart.

- With the inspiration, with the aura, 24.

- Okay, the thing you
feel on the inside of you

is an arrow, a blade,
meeting something important.

- All right, I wanted to
preserve this evidence.

If someone could dig these
arrows out of my back,

I would deeply appreciate it.

- I'll do it.

- Sorry, is that your sword?

- How else do I dig? What, get a shovel?

- Get a jam knife, at least. Here.

- Can I get with a spoon?
- That's a silver jam knife.

You will not, you will not.
- A grapefruit spoon!

- All right, yes, a
runcible spoon shall do.

- Okay, you're just digging
it out with a spoon?

- Oh my god.

- I just need you to tell me
to my face. - I'm going to give
you another bardic inspiration

as I get behind my cousin.
- [Aabria] Yeah.

- Cousin, you've got this. You've done

way more impressive things with a
spoon. - [Aabria] You're digging
out a magical arrow with a spoon.

I want that on the record.
That's what you're doing.

- I have zero medicine.
- I want you to know something.

- I have plus four medicine.

Give me the spoon! Give me the spoon!

- Cousin, you know more about
doctors that I do. I wink.

- Lord Airavis, I want you to know that-

- Yes.

- I have utter confidence
in your medical ability.

- Please, believe me, I
know a lot about EMTs.

All right, here we go.

Rue, would you mind giving me
just a bit of help on this?

- Of course! And then I'm
rubbing your shoulders.

- Great.
- You got this.

- Do you want to give a bardic?

- [Emily] I'm braiding Rue's hair.
- Yes, absolutely.

- Would it be helpful
for research purposes

if I describe the feeling

as you were doing it for the movie?

- The movie?
- What?

- Motherfucker, do you know?

Who the fuck told you?

Who the fuck told you I was Airry Pearry?

- Get him, cousin, get him!
- Who the fuck told you?

Who squealed?

Who the fuck squealed?
(sound of wound squelching)

- Cousin, get his other lung!

(all shouting over each other)

(Brennan panting)

- No, BINX is right, we're around family.

Everyone should know.

Before I begin, I'm Airry Pearry,

author of "The Green Hunter".

- Take it out!
- Okay, jam spoon.

- [Surena] Jam spoon!
- Shoulder rubs.

Let's do this. Just commit it to memory.

All right, yeah, I get
a plus four on medicine.

- Yeah, give me a medicine check.

- Wait, can I give him one of my Lucky?

- I'll happily allow
you to give him Lucky.

You're going to have to
burn one of your tokens

to move your magical effect
over to someone else.

- Okay, we'll see how you do.

- Oh, no no no, you decide now.

- [Surena] Okay, fuck, all right.

I'm going to give you this,

because I don't need to hide anymore.

- [Brennan] Beautiful.
- [Omar] Aw.

- Hey, we're all out in the open now.

You're truly BINX. I'm also Airry Pearry.

- Airry Pearry, yes.

- Just so we can make this
totally a medical scene,

can I cast Arcane Eye
and send it into his body

and be describing?

That's how I'm giving him the help action.

- [Aabria] Oh my god.

- Okay, right now the spoon
is, okay, a little to the left.

- All right, all right.
- A little to the left.

- Yes, okay.

- I come over with a bowl of water

to be helpful that I purified.

- [Aabria] Yes!
- Sterile.

- [Aabria] Everyone's doing good stuff.

- I whisk the spoon around in that.

- I think sterile
doesn't mean disinfected.

- I put away the really dirty
bowl of water we were using.

- Oh no, okay, all right, here we go.

- Okay, cousin?

- Just so you know, you're
rolling with advantage,

you have bardic inspiration,

and the DC for this is now
halved thanks to Lucky.

- Okay, incredible, so I
got a six on the first one,

but I'm going to do better
on the second one, hi-ya!

Nat 20!
(cast cheering)

- [Brennan] Yes!
- Amazing.

- Oh, the sequel is writing itself!

- So I want you to describe what it's like

for Lord Airavis to get in there

and grab both of those arrows,

and I'm going to add a
little bit at the end.

- I think Lord Airavis, the reputation tag

I'd like to give myself,
if you'll give it to me,

and it's a lot, but I
would like to add "Icon".

- Yes! Absolutely.
- [Surena] Oh my god!

- I think with the associations
with Prince Apollo,

with the fact that everyone is reading

"The Green Hunter," a
recommendation he keeps giving,

I think people are really
looking to Squak now

as a tone setter, as a taste maker,

and I think that truly with that comes

an unreal sense of confidence

that's just like, well, of
course I can do medicine.

I wrote a poor EMT scene, of
course I can use this jam spoon

to remove two deeply embedded arrows

that have punctured your left lung,

and I just jam it in there.
- [Aabria] Ha, jam.

- Incredibly delicate movements, sharp,

and I think it's just a feeling,

hearing where it needs to go from Chirp.

- A little to the left.

Ooh, nice touch. Wow.
- Yes, yes, yes.

There it is, there it is.

- Oh, that spoon was made for your hand.

- Well, it literally was.

- That's true. That's very true.

- It's got my monogram on the
back, so this is one of mine.

- [Emily] Yes, and your baby thumbprint.

- Oh god, yes, I forget. What
a nice touch Grandfather-

- Just get to it!
- Sorry.

I think I'm hitting it.
That's it right there?

- That's it, yeah, perfect.
- All right.

I'm going to scoop it out.
- Yeah, scoop it.

- I think you go to scoop it,
and you realize very quickly,

especially with a nat
20, you feel your hand

moving towards something deeply arcane.

- Yeah.
- So you kind of forego

the spoon in that moment.

- Okay.
- And move your grip

to grab both the spoon handle

and the shaft of the arrow simultaneously.

- Got it.
- And you feel it pull back,

and even as you pull
it free from his flesh,

you feel that last bit of magic
sort of disapparate from it

as it knows it's no longer
able to fulfill its job,

and you see, as you're the only
one that can kind of see it

before everyone else is able to,

that there were tiny little feet

on the edge of the arrowhead
that were clawing forward

like a millipede where it was crawling in.

- Disgusting.

- And with a natural 20, I'm giving you

that you can sort of smell and feel

and you're deeply aware of
the magical signature on that.

You know that that was
Prince Apollo's arrow.

You already believed him,

but you kind of have the only proof of it

as these arrows go inert
when they come free.

- But they are inert now.
- [Aabria] Yes.

- So that's now just knowledge,

this is no longer true.
- [Aabria] Yes.

- Those look like two
completely normal arrowheads.

- Yeah, these bear Prince
Apollo's signature.

Dammit, I guess we're
never going to have sex.

- What?
- Oh, was that a thing?

- Cousin, you can have sex with people

that you hate and disagree with.

- You're right, I've
done it so many times.

- And also, so many people
have done it with us.

- Yes, true.

But no, Prince Apollo has
done you wrong, Captain Hob.

- Captain, I'm sorry that you thought

that you had to bear those
wounds and burdens yourself.

It seems that we are all aligned
in all of our motivations

to unseat this plan that
seems to be hatching

between the Court of Wonder and my sister.

- And you didn't know anything about it?

You're learning all of this with us?

You didn't know that your
sister was closing portals?

- No, and quite frankly, I'm not shocked,

but I'm incredibly offended,
and it would be my honor

to not just restore your health,

and I would like to hold out my hand

and actually Lay on Hands as
much as you need, up to 40.

- I second winded privately to myself,

so I'm actually looking
a little bit better

than I was when I first showed up.

- There's something so weird about saying

I privately second winded.

- I didn't want to make
a whole deal about it.

- Second winded.

- I feel like you doing
that surgery and me having

a higher hit point total than
when I showed up is like,

I think there was some old
shrapnel in my lung as well.

- The Arcane Eye saw that there were

a couple of things wrong,
so I just kind of nudged

a couple organs into alignment.

- Yeah, there was also a
chiropractic adjustment.

- Yeah, yeah.
- I feel incredible.

If you have 21 to spare, I'll take that.

- That's yours.

- A healing wrist grab, a beautiful thing.

- Your highness.

I thank you.

I think we are all of a like mind here,

with the exception of the
estimable Delloso de la Rue.

I wish only to ask

because you remain,

of those assembled here, a
member of the Court of Wonder.

I know your relationship to
that court is a complicated one.

However, this goes beyond
simple investigation or rumor.

We bring great charges against
the prince of that court.

This will tremble the
foundations of fairy society,

not only to accuse the
prince of what he has done,

but also to attempt to undo

the plot of which we are now aware.

- I understand your concern.

I was earlier approached

by the Court of Wonder,

and asked to be in a seat of power,

to be a part of the Chorus.

- What?

- Yes, it seems like they want me in power

so they can silence me.
- [Lou] Mm.

- You hear a knock at the door.

- Ooh.
- Are you expecting visitors?

Do you have friends?

- You're my friends.
- [Surena] Oh.

- I look under the door to
see what shoes are there.

- They're orthopedic, old
looking, boring shoes.

- I relay this to the group.

- Orthopedic, old looking, boring shoes?

- Is it Grandfather? (gasps)
- [Oscar] Do you know any...

- I feel like we would've
heard or felt his presence.

- Yes.
- Young master.

- That's Advisor. Excuse me.
- Oh, okay.

- We have guests and chutney,

so please, Advisor, please come in.

- Well, is it a chutney, exactly?

- It defies labels.
- [Lou] Not exactly.

- What's the difference
between a chutney and a jelly?

- Vinegar!

It is!

- You just screamed vinegar.
- [Emily] Vinegar!

- Well, someone asked what the difference

between a jam and a chutney
is, and it's vinegar!

- You don't pack a suitcase full of

- chutney jam-
- So sorry, so this has

- And not know the difference.
- Boysenberry, fennel, and vinegar.

- Apple cider, it's slightly sweet,

and you cook off the acid.

- Apple cider vinegar-
- God, you people are so poor!

- Advisor, while shocked by
the raucousness of this group,

you see, he's kind of nodding along.

He's like, yeah, that's right.

- Oh, is it actually vinegar?
- What, you didn't believe me?

- I'm going to leave this with you.

And he hands a very fancy envelope.

You see an invitation to the theater,

the last big event of the Bloom,

that's going to be this evening.

- I just received an invitation.

I imagine the rest of us did, as well.

- Yes, so I would suggest
we believe that something

is going to go down at
the theater that affects

the closing of the portals,
so as much as I love

the idea of bringing
charges against Apollo,

we may want more secretive behavior.

- Yes.
- That's so interesting.

I was looking for both of
you at the gala recently

to gift something to the both of you,

in particular.
- Oh.

- But before I do that and present that.

- Oh?

- Might I just say,

this is not the Unseelie's plan.

This is strictly my sister's,

and it seems that we're
all being divided up

in the opposite way that the magic

is being gathered and controlled,
but the goal is the same.

So at this moment, as the not just heir

to the Unseelie throne, but
someone who actually, deeply,

really considers my position seriously,

I would like to extend an invitation

for all of you to join my court

in whatever position you seek,

not through marriage or familial relation,

but it is my right to do so,

and I think truly we
are stronger together.

Whatever resources I have at my disposal,

they are now yours.

I'm sorry, Lord Airavis, are you crying?

- It's very sweet.

- Andhera, I need you to essentially make

a spell attack for me.
- Okay, yeah.

- So roll plus your
charisma and proficiency.

- Great.

That is going to be a 12.

- Okay, extremely low DC.

As you all feel this little
pulse move through the room

and it touches each of you
very lightly at the foot

as the gravity of the
words and the strength

with which he speaks on
behalf of his court meets you,

that an agreement to this is
something true and binding.

There's a lot of lip service
that passes between fey,

but he is speaking a deep and
changing truth to all of you.

- The way my magic works
is when you're close to me,

you can't get poisoned, charmed.

You have strength against specific tests,

and I don't think that's a mistake.

I think that magic is
an extension of the love

that we have for ourselves, each other,

and the world around us,
and the idea of someone

hoarding that and cutting that
off from different realms,

that offends me on a very deep level.

And I speak as the prince
of the Unseelie Court,

welcome, in whatever capacity you'd like.

- And as much as I would love to accept,

I am the last of my court,

and being so, my court would die with me.

I will decline, but in
turn, would of course offer

the same, as well, if
anyone would want to join

the Court of Craft here and now.

If you find, even you,
that the machinations

of your own court become too
much and you want a warm fire

and you want to be swept away in stories

and visit the mortal
realm as much as you want,

I would be so honored to have any of you.

- [Aabria] Same. Give
me a spell attack roll.

- 11. 11.

- Okay, again, this is a very low DC.

- Yeah.
- The same thing.

But this one doesn't feel
like a pulse or an aura.

This is more the feeling
of remembering something

as you smell something
that triggers a memory.

None of you smell anything in particular,

but you get that sudden connection

between a thing you've forgotten

and a thing you are
currently experiencing,

and that is the pulse of her
magic as, in the same way,

a true offer is being presented to you.

- Hm?
- I would like to say this.

- Oh, another invitation.

- I just need to set up that
I don't have the authority

to invite anybody to the Goblin- - Hob,
you're next, you're next, you're next!

- I will get in a lot of trouble

if I invite-
- I want to catch a feeling, all right?

I want you to put a feeling out there.

There's kind of a trend going on.

- If you want to come to the
goblin pagoda and hang out,

you are welcome to do
that, but I am not the guy.

I'm not the guy.

- [Lou] Okay.
- K.P.

- Well, you figure that out. Rue.

- I must make it very clear,

we must all be on the same page here.

What are we setting out to do, exactly?

- The problem that I'm personally facing

is that we are trying to keep all portals

to the material plane
open, because some of us

have vested interests there,
and we know that something

is being set in motion tonight
to permanently close them.

However, I have- we have
struggled to find out the details.

- Though we have, me and my cousin.

- Yep.

- Have been invited to sit
alongside Apollo and Suntar

at the event this evening.
- Yes.

- Quite interesting.
- So we will have access.

- Quite fortuitous, yes.
- Quite an advantageous invitation.

- Well, we earned it.

- No, we did. We're really hot.

- Yeah, absolutely, and I hope...


(Lou and Brennan stammering at each other)

I get it.

- We earned it, you
know? We worked for it.

- We did earn it, yes.
- For sure, yeah.

That announcement came in
response to sort of not-

- The general, kind of the plan.
Sorry, I took it selfishly.

I was like, well, what,

does he think I didn't work for this?

- I just said advantageous, which is-

- I really went into it, all right?

I'm not used to doing a group thing, okay?

It's normally just me and my cousin.

- No one's attacking you, Lord Airavis.

- I didn't even take it personally,

but I thought it was so fun.

- In the past 10 minutes,

you've stabbed two members
of the august council!

- Put the spoon down!
- Goddammit.

- [Emily] Everyone, get
away from my cousin!

- [Brennan] Ah! Full swords!

- We push out from this
craziness and look at the window

as the sun drops over the
horizon, and we approach

our evening and the last
big event of the Bloom.

Before we get to the
theater, is there anything

anyone would want to prepare or do

in advance of arriving there?

- I definitely cast Mage Armor.

Right before we get
there, I'm going to cast,

not ritual, regular cast
Phantom Steed, but before we go,

I do want to ritual cast
Rary's Telepathic Bond.

- Nice.

- So instead of a Bluetooth,
it's a bluebird tooth.

I'll just make all these little bluebirds

that can kind of tuck into our ears,

and it's basically so
that we can communicate

when we get to the theater.

- There is a phantasmal
bird inside everyone's ear?

- Yeah, mm-hm. It's uncomfortable.

- It doesn't hurt the bird.

- It doesn't hurt the
bird, it just hurts you.

- Really jam him in there, though.

- Make sure he doesn't nest there.

- So just a quick housekeeping,
that's up to eight people.

Is there anyone else

you would want to loop
in beyond these six?

- Is there anyone else?

- Any other allies we'd like to pile on?

- Do you have an
especially small bluebird?

- If it's for a salt goblin,
absolutely. Absolutely.

- Lieutenant Gorebladder.

- Yes?


- Wonderful news, you are
being promoted to captain.

- The first captain in my family.

- How big of a bird could
you fit in your ear?

- Big as you got.

- Now, that's not true.
So, now say something true.

- He holds up his little fingies,

and it's like half a centimeter.

- I try to get it into his
ear without him eating it.

Come on, no no no, no no no, no no!

- [Brennan] Gorebladder!

- Is it the worst if he eats it?

What if it's in his stomach?

- Oh, that's true. You can eat it.

He licks your finger a little,
and it's weird. I'm sorry.

- Ooh, salty. I've been
kissed by the ocean.

- Anyone else got something to do?

- Before we begin tonight's festivities,

I had these made for the two of you.

- That's right, the gift
that you didn't give us

that you then withheld, yes.
- Yes!

- With the intention the entire
time of giving it to you.

- Of course.
- This is the exact event,

though, that I think this will be useful.

Lady Chirp, I believe
you were saying earlier

that we need to create
some sense of sort of chaos

in order to get to the
bottom of this plot,

and you two embody what I believe to be

the best parts of magic,
which is the chaos.

And as the fey try to control that,

you two are the ones who
are constantly enjoying

the true benefits of magic,
to the point where here,

everybody is vying for power.

I think, in my opinion,

as someone who's watched you
from behind many a pillar...

- Oh, pillar boy.

- I loved watching you grow, kind of.

Just a little wider on the other side.

- And then I shot up in
between the last, yeah.

- Broad shoulders, broad.

- Thank you, oh my god. Thank you.

No one carries more fear at these events

than the two of you,
because no one's quite sure

what the two of you are going to do.

So I bestow to you each

one Wand of Wonder

that I asked the Court of
Tricksters to make for you.

- Oh!
- Okay.

- All right.

- It's difficult to say

what will happen when
you cast this, of course.

It's a bit of a roll of the die.

But I assure you

that your two are the best wings

to command these with.

- How does it work?

I'm going to cast it on Andhera.

- Me, me!
- No, on Andhera.

Yeah, I'm just going to
point it and flick it.

Yeah, what happens?

- There's so many ways to
find out what a thing does,

and I appreciate your
naturalistic approach.

One of your seven
charges leaves this wand.

- Great.

- I thought we were sort of setting up

a Chekhov's gun kind of situation.

- I'm going to need a d100
roll, please and thank you.

- You got it.
- Show them a gun in act one,

they have to take it off right
away and fire it in act one.

- God, it's taking everything in me

not to be like, "Cousin, don't!"

And accidentally trigger it.

- 91.

- All right.
- Dang.

- A burst of colorful, shimmering light

extends from you in a 30 foot radius.

Oh, well, that's going to catch everyone.

I know you were aiming it at Andhera.

All of you need to make a DC 15 con save.

- Oh, Andhera, that's so kind! Fwah!

- I got an 11.

- Technically you got a 13,
because you're standing near me.

- Oh! I got a 13.

- Technically, I got an 18.

- Okay, you're okay.

- 16.
- You're fine.

- 18.
- You're good.

- 16.
- You're good.

- Oh, do I have to do it as well?

- Each creature.

- That's a natural 19 on the dice.

- So literally just your loving cousin

gets blinded for the next minute.

- Ah!

- Oh, that was delightful, Andhera!

- What? What happened, what happened?

- Cousin, didn't you see?

It was a beautiful, colorful spectacle.

- I think I got jam in my eyes.

- Oh, cousin!
- Delightful,

in a very sort of bright,
disorienting sort of way.

- This is very sweet of you, thank you.

- Yes, thank you so
much, wherever you are.

- Turn around, you're facing the wall.

- Chirp, turn around!
- Ooh, okay.

- You do remember it was me.

- Sorry, I'm blinded.

- Right. Right, but...

- I hug Hob.

- It's all right.

You know in a bird, when you
put a blanket over the cage,

and they really-

- It's nighttime. It's time to sleep.

- She doesn't remember
it was you, because-

- Chirp, Chirp!

- Ah! Ah! Ah!

- Chirp, you're not alone.
I know, I know, it's dark.

This is normally how
we fall asleep, but no.

- Is there anything else
anyone else wants to prepare

in advance of going to the theater?

- I will just walk alongside
Delloso de la Rue and say,

multiple offers to join courts.

After your rebuffing of the Chorus,

do you imagine that you will
remain in the Court of Wonder,

or do you think one of the offers

of the leaders of Craft and Unseelie-

- Major Hob, I don't...

I've already refused a seating
with the Court of Wonder,

and I was faced with what
appeared to be a threat on my end.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm
an orphan in the fairy world,

which is not unfamiliar to me.

All this talk about courts and belonging,

I feel torn, to be honest with you.

There was a part of me that
wanted to dismantle all courts.

- That would be chaos.

- Would it?

- Well, if there weren't courts,

then how would you know what to do,

or how to, you know...

You wouldn't...

Where would orders come from

if not from one's obligations

to court and kin?

- And for what? Why?

I'm starting to realize something,

that you and I are very different.

I have done very brash things

governed by my heart

while you have done things

based on your court and your obligation.

Ultimately, where does
obligation land you?

Are you truly happy with
the things that you've done

for the name of other people,
for the wellbeing of others?

- We all act in the interest
of others. It is not wrong.

It is the basis of honor,

and to act on one's self interest alone

is to lead an empty life, I think.

I can only say that the other
night, at the masquerade ball,

you certainly acted in
the interest of others.

You showed me incredible
kindness and made me forget

the blundering of earlier in the Bloom.

You took pity on someone

whose clumsiness had earned
them scorn and reprisal, and-

- What made you think that
was in the name of others?

And what happens when
doing something for others

comes in direct conflict

with the things that you want to do?

- I can see no alternative.

Honor, responsibility,

duty to one's court and kin has led...

I would never have come here.

I would never have met
all these fine people

if I had not acted on
behalf and in service

of a cause greater than myself.

I became captain thanks
to the actions I took

on behalf of the Goblin Court,

and I became Major only this morning

when I agreed once again
to serve the Goblin King.

- Well, I hope you find
happiness in that. I really do.

And I turn and walk away.

- [Emily] Cousin.
- Yes?

- I think Hob's been stabbed
again. He looks so hurt!

- I've been stabbed in the
corners of my eyes. Clear blood!

- I rush over. I can Lay on Hands again.

- Just hold me. Just fucking hold me.

Just fucking hold me.

- I'm doing it, but it's bouncing back.

I've never had this before.
(Brennan wailing)

What are you, wait!
- It's still stabbing me!


- Is it deep in your heart still?

It seems to be coming from your heart.

- Yes, an arrow went straight
to my freaking heart!

- I think while we're going in,

I also, for my Phantom Steed,
the reputation tag I want

after everything he just said is fearsome.

- Let's go!
- [Surena] Yes.

- And I'm going to, for my steed,

I'm going to conjure a raven

the size and shape of a flamingo.

So, like, a long-legged raven.
- [Surena] A long raven. Long boy.

- And I'm going to fucking side saddle.

- [Surena] That is a long boy.
- [Oscar] Yes!

- [Aabria] Incredible.

- If someone described
the Lords of the Wing,

I would assume that something
was wrong with them.

The mature and iconic Airavis,

hospitable and fearsome Featherfowl.

Sit down. Are you okay?

Who are you describing?
- Your forehead is warm.

- I keep blacking out between
all these descriptors.

Well then, we sort of follow the camera

along this long boy as she sort of crests.

- Goes up a raven leg.

- It's so bad to think about.
- It just keeps going.

- And you reach another one

of these beautiful place between places,

where you're very clearly
no longer on the island

that you've called home
for the last few weeks.

You see rolling hills
and the beautiful ruins

of an ancient Greek
amphitheater, and attached to it,

strung up and held by vines
and orchids and flowers,

are curtains of a red so piercing

that it seems to desaturate
the world around it,

and as you move down,

there's beautiful, cracked,
ruined stone seating

for everyone to sit and find
their places facing the stage.

Maybe 70% of the fey
courts are already here,

and as you move to wherever
you all choose to sit,

alliances new and old,
you see that despite

the mild, night-blooming
jasmine scented air,

suddenly the curtains begin to whip.

With a sudden snap, they
go from that beautiful red

to a deep and piercing hunter green,

and in the sky overhead,

you see the stars begin
to twinkle brighter,

and then silvery light connects them

in constellations that read
out, "The Green Hunter."

The play for the night.
- It's a sponsored post.

- Did you do that, cousin?
- Did I do that?

- No.
- I did not do it.

- And even as you're whispering,

something appears in your hand.

- [Omar] (gasp) What?
- Is this being passed to me?

- Yes, I'm not going to reach up and over.

- The Daily.

- The rushes, the rushes!

- The hell?
- It's well-wrapped.

- Cousin, use your beak.
- Yeah, of course.

- [Brennan] How cool
must it be to get gifts

from someone who works
in the art department?

- [Aabria] Right?
- [Brennan] Beautiful, unbelievable.

- That paper alone.

- They wrapped it twice.

They really want to tease. - [Emily]
So nice, you got to wrap it twice.

- So nice.

Oh wow!

- Oh my god!
- Wow!

- Oh my god!
- It's a real copy.

Wow, incredible.
- [Surena] It's gorgeous.

- God, I'm sending this
straight to Jeremy.

There's no way he doesn't
do it after he sees this.

- You can open it, it's
actually, no no no,

this is not a token, that's
just a functional dice box.

- Oh my god!
- [Emily] Oh my god!

- [Oscar] No way!
- [Brennan] Incredible!

- Wow.

- In this moment, are
you all sitting together?

- Absolutely not.

- We're all tele-communicating.

- All via bluebird tooth.

- I think we had a very fun,
cool, "Ocean's 11" moment

as we all walked in of us
all having weird eye contact

up in the balcony, down,

as we probably went to sit
with Suntar and Apollo,

I think we made winks and
then spoke telepathically

as we moved to our spot.

- Is this working? Can everyone hear me?

- Yes, we can hear you.
- Yes, we can all hear.

- Great, good, good.

- You don't need to move your
lips, you can kind of think,

but you do need to move your
teeth, if that makes sense.

It's just how the spell works.

- Really quick, Lady Chrip,
a quick followup question.

- Yes, yeah.
- When I move my teeth,

do I have to move it
in the speech pattern,

or is it just sort of a general
chatter that I have to do?

- Chatter like a cartoon skeleton.

It's nonsense. Go on,
what were you saying?

- That's pretty much it.

Yeah, so both of you are
going up with Apollo.

- [Emily and Lou] Yeah.
- [Omar] Okay.

- I will be escorting Lady Sylmenar.

- Yes.
- To the Seelie box.

- Those of you that didn't
break off right away

will absolutely see that she,
along with a Seelie retinue,

is waiting for you and
absolutely is expectantly waiting

to take your arm, and then.

- Can I just do an insight
check on her as I approach?

- [Aabria] Yeah, please do.

- I just want to see what the deal is.

I don't know what the deal is.

That's going to be a four.

- [Aabria] Oh my god.

Yeah, you see

very specifically a set of emotions run

and are quickly schooled by
someone who has been raised

in a court and is absolutely
a courtier that's like, no,

you don't get to know my
mind, and it washes over

to something neutral and
pleasant, and she takes your arm.

- I'd like to do an insight check on Hob,

when he- Okay.
- Yes, please.

Against your deception?
- Deception. Let's see.

- It's a 10.

- I don't think I'm rolling
deception in this moment.

I rolled a 12, but I'm also down to fail.

- All right, I will let
you know that failing this

means that Lady Sylmenar will also see.

- [Omar] Ooo [Emily] Hmm
- So, what do you do?

- I'll hold it together for the Lady Sy.

My lady, it is an honor and a pleasure

to make your acquaintance.

I hope that in this evening,

as in all the long days to come,

I can forever be of service.

- Thank you, Major.

- Of course.

I live in a bog. Where do you live?

- In a very nice house overlooking a lake.

- Well.

Matters of war often see
me far away from home.

I see no reason that upon our
wedding, you should not dwell

in the home to which you are accustomed.

If you are all right with me
having some of my belongings

moved to a small chamber
or room on your premises,

I would not seek to trouble you

to leave your ancestral domain.

- Give me just a general charisma check.

- Can I add one of my
commanding presence die to this?

- Yes, please.
- I'll do that.

That's a nat 20.

I actually will not be
using commanding presence.

- Yeah, don't do it, don't
do it. You save that.

- I'll hold onto this.

- You see her receive
your words very neutrally,

and then, sort of starting
from the inside of her eyes,

everything softens, and
she actually holds your arm

a little tighter and is just
giving you a reassuring pat.

We can talk about all of that later.

But I know this is...

- Brides, husbands, spouses, all

must find their first words
to each other at some point,

and I only wished to reassure you,

I cannot imagine

that every fairy princess or lady

has dreamed of watching me approach,

so I only meant to reassure.

- I know I can't hear it,
because they're walking up,

but I definitely do,

do I clock the...

- Give me the insight check.
- [Oscar] Okay, okay.

Well, that's an eight.

- Something's going on with Rue tonight!

- It's the dice! It's the moon!

Moon, what is your wish?
- The Moon!

- If you want to burn one of your tokens,

I will allow you to overhear.
- Yeah, I'm gonna.

- [Aabria] And have just a
preternatural understanding

of what's going on in this moment.

♪ Burn, burn, burn ♪
- Absolutely.

- Yes, give me all your sweet trinkets.

- May I also make a small request?

We just haven't gotten a
Rue outfit for this event.

- [Surena] Yeah.
- [Aabria] Oh my god.

- Did I have enough time to change?

- Yes, everyone can change, oh my god.

- Okay.

- Give me a Rue fit, and then I will-

- [Oscar] Yeah, yeah, okay, yes yes.

- Inspiration.

- They show up in a beautiful ball gown.

It has gold lace coming up,

and it's red, ruby red,

with tons of rubies just
decorated around it.

It falls sort of like a
rose, a downturned rose,

and it's got little layers over it,

very much like this, actually,

just sort of scalloping
around the ball gown,

and their peonies is stacked up high

so it looks like it's
a delicious little fro

around their owlbear head.

- See, I think that the heartbreak

is going to be way more beautiful now.

- Thank you.

- That softens the blow, you're right.

- [Aabria] You're out here
doing the Lord's work.

- Or does it deepen it?

(Cast ooohs over the drama of it all)

- How good you could have it.

- What you're missing out.

- So you focus.

You burn something important
deep within yourself

to attune to this moment,

and you can see everything between them.

You can hear the gentleness

and practiced calm and care in her voice,

and you can see the
little squeeze on his arm

as she just sort of...

This is hard, and it
doesn't have to be bad.

I don't want to make anything
more difficult for you,

and I promise, I am a
good companion, Major.

- To good companionship,
and the mutual admiration

of each other's duties and
responsibilities, my lady.

- And she gives a little
curtsy, and that's for you,

as you have very quickly
won over Lady Sylmenar.

- The time has come!

- And a beautiful moment

was ruined.
- [Emily] Are you gonna eat it?

- This is too much for me,
and I sort of excuse myself

and just go where the beat doesn't reach.

- So that's where BINX likely
is. We're surrounded by water?

- No.
- Is there water?

There's not water?

Because I was looking at
that, that looks ocean-y.

- I'm gonna walk that back.

Sure, there's water.
You're surrounded by water.

- BINX is where the beat doesn't reach.

If you decide to go
there, you see her staring

out at the waves and drop
a letter into the water.

- Amazing.


- Oh, hi, hi, hello, hi.

- I didn't know you were
here. I'm sorry, BINX.

- I'm always here, away
from the loud, you know?

- Of course.
- Why are you here?

Are you okay? You look
really, I mean, you look...

What's going on?
- No, it's quite fine.

I actually wanted to
take a moment to myself.

- Oh. Oh, is it about...

Okay, so you know how we're friends?

- Yes.

- You know how in friendships,
there's this loyalty

where I don't reveal things about you,

even if they might be
in your best interest?

Because it's a secret, and
the loyalty that I have

for you is really deep,
you know what I mean?

And so, if given the
opportunity to say something

that might benefit something
that you want, I would...

You know that...

Have you talked to Hob lately?

- Major Hob?

- Yes, Major Hob, which,
when did that happen?

- I don't know, he said it.

- I heard it, but I didn't think to ask.

- It was an official thing.
- Yeah yeah yeah.

- It doesn't matter, he
tends to do that sometimes.

He's quite impulsive that way, sometimes.

On our way here,

I had a conversation
with him, and I think-

- Did he tell you how he felt about you?

- About me? No, no no no.

I think he's quite clear
about his intentions with me,

and I'm fine.

- So you don't like him anymore.

You're fine with the way
that he feels about you?

- BINX, what do you mean?

He has no attraction to me whatsoever.

- The tide's beginning
to rise, by the way,

and the water is churning.

- Well.

- BINX, what do you know?

- Listen, you know, someone
told me if on the battlefield,

if you have your chance, take a shot,

you better not miss, and
as the new Weaver of Fate,

I feel like I have to intervene here,

because I don't think that you're...

He has deep feelings for you, Rue.

He has deep feelings for you,
and if I didn't say anything,

and if you continued not knowing,

then I'm not living up to being the Weaver

that I am now, the Weaver of Fate.

- BINX, how much of this
is your obligation to me

as a friend, and how much
of this is actual truth?

- Why would I lie to you about that?

- I don't know, I-
- What do I have to gain?

Fighting for other
people's love is what I do.

It's what I'm doing now.

It's what I'm doing with
Gwyndolin and Scratch.

It's what I'm good for, and
so it is my obligation to you

as my friend to also fight
for your love, if it's true.

If you care about him,
you have to tell him,

because he doesn't know.

- I did tell him.

I wrote him a letter,
and he never responded.

BINX, what you are doing is very kind.

- I don't understand what you
think I'm doing right now.

- You are trying to make me happy.

- No, I'm just telling you the truth.

- Does he love me

more than he loves his
standing at the court?

Does he love me more
than appeasing the people

that are superior than him?

Does he love me more than
he loves being Major?

- Yes! I'm sorry.
- Oh my god.

- We're all just going to be out here.

A'ight, a'ight, tight.

We're going to cut away from this and move

back towards the theater as
those of you that are sitting

and in attendance with
your respective groups

see blossoms coming up through the cracks

where soil and stone split, and they open

into these blood red trumpets
of flowers called 'datura'

that are, for those of you

that know anything about flowers at all,

deeply poisonous and a
bit of a hallucinogen.

- Mm.
- Cool.

- But you hear small
murmurings as messages

are being passed back and
forth as the production begins.

The stage is set, with trash overflowing?

- Sewage.

- [Aabria] Sewage overflowing
on the streets of Boston.

- [Emily And Oscar] This is the play!

- As actual Jeremy Renner walks out.

- Actual Jeremy Renner?
- Jeremy Renner?

- [Aabria] Walks out onstage.

- You're fainting, you're fainting!

- I'm going in with an open mind,

I'm going in with an open mind!

- All the blood is rushing to my penis.

- Cousin!

- Down, down!

I don't get an erection.

But I do go, oh, I need to
speak to the director afterward.

Prince Apollo, Suntar,
whoever directed this,

they understood my work.

- Your work?

(players screaming)

Do you mean to tell me
that you are Airry Pearry?

- Prince Apollo, you and
Suntar once entrusted us

with a rather delicious secret,

and I guess this is
one we offer in return.

Yes, that's right, you
are sitting next to,

and I slide my hand up onto his thigh,

the Airry Pearry.

- And he puts his hand sort of over yours,

and it's warm and soft, and he says,

I've read very few books in my time.

- As is the fey way.

- Yours is by far my favorite.

- Charmed.

- And then little trumpet flower

reaches up towards him,
and as he leans down to it,

noise begins to issue from
it, but if you try to listen

to a message that's not from you,

it feels like the sort of pressure thump

of someone flicking
directly on your eardrum

that blocks sound, and only the pressure

of the words being passed
back and forth can be heard.

And he looks over at
you and says, excuse me.

I'll be right back.

And he removes his hand slowly.

- Got it.
- And gets up and moves away.

Captain Hob,

Major Hob,

as you are sitting with Lady Sylmenar,

a small blossom emerges in front of you.

- I'm openly weeping, going, they did it.

They got Renner.

I can't believe it.

- Actual Jeremy Renner!

- But your bloom, Hob,

you hear low and, distinct
from the waves around you

in this area, the sound of the shore,

and you know this is a message
from the Court of Sea Foam,

and you hear a voice that says,

we found one more scrap of something.

The best we could make out
was, whatever their reason

for sabotaging the enga-,

and then it is burnt away.

You may seem accustomed to acting solo

And one last bit that says,

they have always enjoyed
the trust of the Chorus.

- They have always enjoyed
the trust of the Chorus.


Lady Sylmenar, you must
excuse me for a moment.

I am away to the loo.

- Deception check.

- I rolled a natural one.

- You feel her hand

kind of grabs yours a little
bit and just squeezes.

Is everything okay?

- No, I'm doing secret goblin things.

I have secret goblin
business to attend to.

However, hopefully it will be brief.

Would you like any concessions?

- I have a fondness for sweets.

- Then you shall have them
tout suite. (chortles)

Goodbye. And I'm going
to leap into the shadows.

- Amazing.

- I think I'm going to rush
out of the theater to go find

someone in the Court of Sea Foam.

- Yeah.
- But I'm going to be

very respectful, because
the play has started,

and I give one last, Renner!

On my way out of the-

- You want to give me a perception check

as you pass the main cohort?

- Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

Woo, that's going to
be a little bit better.

My perception check is going to be a 21,

and I think as I'm leaving,

we still have our little
gate with each other, right?

I'm going to say to the Lords
of the Wing telepathically

on my way out, be like, I must
excuse myself for a moment.

You are closest to the
conspirators that we seek.

I would say I wait on your command

if anything need to be resolved

with great force or swiftness.

- Understood.
- As you relay that message,

you make direct eye contact

with one of the members
of the Court of Sea Foam,

someone whose name has
never been important enough

for you to garner, and
as they make eye contact,

there's a little point,
and you see them mutter

under their breath as they
hit you with a Sending spell,

and they say, that could
only be one person.

I'm sorry.

- Delloso de la Rue?

- And they break eye contact with you

and nod and look back at the stage.

- Do I know if that means

that everything we feared

about the Court of Wonder,
the breaking of the marriage

to the viscountess, all that stuff,

that seems to be confirming
that they found something

to suggest it was Rue the whole time?

- Yeah, that would be the implication.

There's nothing to roll there.

- I'm going to look around for Rue.

We have the-
- Mm-hm.

- I'm going to contact
BINX and Andhera and say,

hello, do either of you have
eyes on Delloso de la Rue?

- Yeah, yeah, right now.
- My teeth chatter.

- Yeah, my teeth are chattering.

- Sort of where are you?

- We're by the cliff side.
- What's happening?

- Hold onto them for one second.

- You see us just chattering.

- Who are you talking to? Are
you talking to each other?

- Does it feel like all of our
friends have left the theater

and no one is appreciating
that they got Renner?

Renner's in a small sailboat-

- Your honor has been besmirched!

- With a little red cross
on it, sailing on the sewage

through the streets of
Los Angeles in a city-

- I get so mad I enact my Bladesong.

- Should we step out and
have words with them?

- Yes, I think we should, cousin.

- Even as your Bladesong
begins, I will say,

a bloom opens in front of you.

This one actually has

just a very small fey person inside it.

- A small person?

- Just a little fey creature
with dragonfly wings

that kind of flips to a new
page and goes, excuse me!

Sorry, hi.

I heard some rumors that
you were going to place

a bet against yourself in the wager.

I just wanted to confirm.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Okay, how much gold are you
putting on the line, sweetie?

Right now, the odds are
11 to 1, so, you know.

- I'm sorry, I'm so rich,

I have no concept of
how much money I have.

That's kind of a rich person thing.

- Okay, I totally understand.
- Yeah, yeah, so just-

- You have to give me a number,
and then we kind of make

a fey bargain about it,
so we would have to-

- Yeah, I know, it's just when
you're so rich, like I am,

I don't know if $100 is a lot or a little.

- What the fuck is a dollar?

- Sorry, I'm in the material plane.

I was just reading "The Green Hunter".

- You know what? I didn't care for it.

There, I said it. I'm hoping the film-

- You take that back!
(Aabria screams)

Take it back! Take it back!
- She just starts walking

on the end of the blade like, okay,

you're going to cut a
bumblebee in half or whatever.

- I will bet 5.000 eggs.

- Thank you.

That's all I needed, was
just a sense of currency.

Okay, 5.000 eggs.
- 5.000 eggs.

- You're about to have 55.000 eggs.

- So many eggs.
- It's actually...

Yeah, anyway, and she kind of goes up

and she's going to touch
where you're holding it.

She says, okay,

so you understand this
is a fey bargain, right?

If you welch on your bet, it's
going to be a whole thing,

and I do have to give a little insignia

that you've entered into the wager.

You can cover it up with a glamor or magic

as you are wont to do, but hold still.

And she kind of touches,

and these sort of lurid
pink, flamingo-y, prawn-y

feathers spring up around your wrist.

- Gorgeous.

I wouldn't have picked it out for myself,

but I love what you did.
- Sorry. Trickster Court.

- Great. Oh, big fan.
- Thanks.

- Wonderful, well,

it's been fantastic
doing business with you.

You're very small.

- I know.
- Yes, but I love that.

- Thank you. Oh my god.

Are we having a moment right now?

- I think we are.

- This is so nice.

- I'm kidding.

- She starts running

and then gets tired halfway up your arm.

Like, no no no.

I'm going to go back in
the little flower now, but-

- Over our bluebirds, I'm like,
there's a very small person?

I just wanted to say, Gorebladder's single

and only has a few hours to...

- Ah. That's right.

I totally upload her on
everything Gorebladder.

I pitch her on Gorebladder.

- Oh my god, a salt goblin? Interesting.

I love taller men.
- They have such short lives

that they just live so big.

- Thank you so much. You're so kind.

Hm. Make a persuasion check for me.

- Nat 20.
- No, shut up!

- [Surena] So good.
- [Aabria] Incredible.

- Gorebladder's about to get hooked up!

- All right, all right.

You actually get a little favor.

(players oohing)

She goes, thanks for the hookup!

And she runs back across your sword

and hops into the flower.
- Okay.

Cousin, I just leveraged against us,

so we need to do this in fantastic style.

- I mean, everyone is watching,

though it'll kill me to upstage Renner.

- This is a big moment for you.

- Yes, it's going to
take everything I've got.

- So are you two going to
get up and go somewhere also?

- I think we should probably
stay with them, right?

- Apollo took off. Suntar is still-

- Should I have gone after
Apollo? I should, right?

It's just, Renner's here.
- I know, I know.

- Here, I'll go put eyes on Apollo.

- Yeah, go put eyes, and
whatever else you want.

- All these fairies have so
much shenanigans and espionage

that there's just going
to be an empty theater

with Jeremy Renner onstage by himself.

- The show of his life.

- You actually see, yeah,
there's lots of people

getting messages and receiving
messages and moving places.

Some people are just huffing the flower

and then kind of laying back

and being like, "I like
this more now, tight,"

as everyone gets up, and
we're going to cut back

to this moment as Major Hob arrives.

- We're going to give them a
little bit of privacy, right?

- Yes.
- Because I have a thing.

- You have your thing,
and I have to make sure

that the thing doesn't get out of hand.

- Yes, because it's so wild and messy.

- It's wild and we're messy!
- Oh god, let's just run.

Grab your hand and run.

- Well. (clears throat)

Delloso de la Rue.

- Ah. I was wondering where your...

- I just received a missive
from the Court of Sea Foam,

our benevolent hosts here at
this, perhaps the final, Bloom.

I instructed some members
of that court to align

with some subordinates of
mine in the goblin military

to collect information from
the detritus and refuse

of the court's functioning
during this Bloom.

Long have I been searching
for the agent saboteur

within the inner workings
of the Court of Wonder

that destroyed the marriage

of the Prince Apollo to
the Viscountess Grabalba,

and I have been wracking my brain-

- I thought this was going to
be a different conversation.

How silly of me. How
absolutely silly of me.

What was I thinking? What was I thinking?

Major Hob, I would like

to excuse myself from this conversation.

I think I've had enough.

- I'm certain that you would
like to excuse yourself,

Delloso de la Rue.

I have seen many cruelties
in my time in Faerie,

but none quite so cutting as to take

a hapless, unsophisticated goblin

and bamboozle his mind

with... (stammering) distracting things

such that the caper

which he is attempting
to solve eludes him.

My court's honor was maligned.

You are the one who maligned it,

and I finally have to proof I
needed that you were the one-

- What did I do to malign the court?

- Our political future rested

on the marriage of Grabalba
to the Prince Apollo,

and it was on its way to happening

until the very final moment.

- I can't have this
conversation with you, not now!

Because now I understand
where your priorities lie.

BINX assured me that you, hm.

I thought you were
different, I really did.

I allowed myself to think
you were a different person,

but you're still the same goblin,

thinking about your court before you.

I was wrong, and I feel so foolish.

Understand that everything I have done

was for love.

- For love of your court?
For love of your prince?

- For love. Do you know what that means?

Do you think Apollo loved Grabalba?

Do you think Grabalba loved Apollo?

Sickening, the things people do for power.

The things people do for honor.

And for what? Ultimately, for what?

I couldn't allow it to happen.

- So you admit it.

- Yes, I ended the marriage.
(Surena gasps)

It had to be done.

- So, you saw me tromping in,

a roughshod, muddy-booted oaf,

and you thought, I'll make this idiot

feel that there is something here,

that he might lose track and lose focus.

You, more than anyone else,
I thought would understand.

All of these lords and ladies and nobles

cavort around hither and yon.

You understood service.

You made sure that everyone
else could feel something.

That night at the masquerade
ball, I was miserable,

and you saw a figure that...

That could've used a night of feeling

that magic was real and
that anything was possible.

That was honor, wasn't
it? That was service.

I thought it service to the Bloom itself,

but now I understand it was
service to the Court of Wonder,

to keep me off my balance.

- I love you.

I love you intensely and fiercely.

I love you in a way

that I've never loved
anything before in my life.

I've professed all these things to you,

and you did not reciprocate a response.

You thought that was obligation?

I did it because I cared for you.

The moment we were together
after the Hart Hunt,

when you grabbed my wrist, I pulled away.

I was not being myself.
I was someone else.

I pulled away because I
didn't want you to know

that I had claws,

I had fur,

that I was seven feet tall and
not a slender, beautiful elf.

I've shown myself because of you.

I did it out of love for myself.

In the last Blooms, I
tried to be someone else

because I thought that was the way

the fey were going to accept me,

and I met you, and I thought,

no, I need to accept myself first.

- In this heavy moment,

I need both of you to
make a perception check.

(Oscar titters)

- Dirty 20.
- Nine.

- You are in the middle of speaking,

but you hear just a little dig in

as Rue bares their soul to you,

a scrape of a hoof against stone,

and you see, off behind a pillar,

the silhouette of Wuvvy standing by,

watching and listening
but not intervening.

We're going to cut away from
that really quickly, yeah,

and move to Andhera and BINX.

- I think when I grabbed
Andhera's hand, before,

the first time I grabbed your hand,

it was innocent friendship, right?

I had that impulse to grab
your hand again, and I do,

and we run, and I'm trying
to stay by the shoreline

because I'm subtly waiting for,

because I'm seeing the waves
and all of that ripple,

but I drop your hand, and am
suddenly a little self conscious.

What a wild evening.

- Are you okay?

- Oh yeah, I'm fine. It's fine.

Are you okay? How are you?

- Me?
- Yeah, how are you doing?

- And I kind of glance, I'm wearing a suit

that is cave-dark granite

with veins of gold that
kind of cross through,

and my double-bladed
scimitar is in halves,

and it looks like bat wings on my back,

and I kind of just look up.

- That's good.

BINX is wearing a capelet that
has kind of bigger shoulders.

- Ooh, okay.
- Yeah, right?

And her branch marks that are golden,

they're very pronounced.

I don't think that she's
ever shown them before.

- Oh my god, they match.

- They're just veins of gold on her.

- Okay!
- Okay, okay.

- My branch marks, baby.

- As you ask that question, I'm fine!

And I kind of collect some thoughts,

and I put a hand
innocently on your shoulder

just to kind of lean in to speak with you.

Earlier today, when you offered everyone

a position in your court.
- Yeah.

- Considering that you're
the last, essentially,

of your kind, in a way,

I want to let you know I accept.

I think perhaps not in retaliation

or betrayal of my own court.

I don't see why we can
only have one allegiance.

Allegiance isn't the right thing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

I would like to, I think, we could-

- I would very much-

- You kind of get what I'm, a little bit-

- Yes, yeah, no, I know
what you're saying.

- Hold on. Do you mean that?
- Yeah.

- Give me a charisma saving throw.

- Oh, let me do it with the other die.

Okay, that is going to be a 17.

- You feel something inside
you get pulled extremely taut

as you accept that offer

without casting away your
extant allegiance and alliance,

and it feels like there's
not room for both,

but you push to hold both simultaneously,

and you feel the bits of
arcane between your cells

are beginning to shake,

and something feels very
unstable within you.

But for now, you hold,

and we'll decide what that
means in a bit, but continue.

- My court is unlike most of the courts.

We don't do the formalities,

the structure, the
secrets, the subterfuge.

We say what we mean,
and we mean what we say,

and I'm so happy to
accept you into my court.

I do have a request of you.
- Yes, of course.

- In my court, we do not exert control

in the way that other
courts do, and in that,

I would like it if,

and if you're okay with
me removing your shard,

as that dampens

the fullness of who you are.

That shard is in direct opposition

to my court.

- Two surgeries, one episode.
- Hell yeah!

- Spoons out, let's go.

- As you make that offer, a
small bloom springs into being,

and a blood red trumpet flower faces you,

and you hear muffled sounds of speech,

but it's a foot and a half off the ground,

so you can't quite make it out.

- One moment, please.
- Of course, yeah.

- I'm going to kind of lay
down and kind of look at it.

- As you lay down and
make contact with it,

it seems to open up a
little bit more towards you.

- Hello?

- And you see just a little puff

of red pollen gets exhaled out,

and I need you to make a
constitution saving throw.

- Poison flower, oh god.
- Is that flower not nice?

- I thought it was maybe a friend flower.

- I thought it was a friend flower too.

- A constitution saving throw?

- [Lou] Or it's trying to get you high.

- That is a four, baby.

I'm gonna get high.

- You take 19 points of poison damage.

And your aura prevents other people

from taking the poisoned
condition, correct?

- Yes.

- You feel something enter into your lungs

and try to grab hold.
(Surena gasps)

The damage persists, but the
poisoned condition does not.

And now I need you to make
a dexterity saving throw

with disadvantage as vines
shoot up from the ground.

You see this happening, and
you're already laying down

as they attempt to wrap and grapple you.

- Take a plus two, because-
- Dexterity saving throw?

- Yeah.
- Oh god, baby.

That is a 15 plus 8.
- Woo!

- Rogue shit.
- We good, we good.

- You feel these vines wrap around you.

You describe to me how
you're able to evade them.

- So I see the vines
start to move, and I roll,

and I spring up, so it's very martial art,

where I spin my legs and then I'm up.

- Hell yeah.
- And I'm like, look out!

- And as you make eye
contact, you see other vines

beginning to spring up, shooting
very specifically for BINX,

but that's where we're
going to pick up next time.

- Oh, come on.
(players screaming)

- Let's go!

We got to do some cool rogue,
I was gonna fuck you up.

Good job, rogue.

So, we'll see you next time

for the second half of our finale.

- Wow.
- Bye.

That is a despicable roll, but you know-

- You know what, why don't
I, I got all these things.

Why don't I burn something?
(players cheering)

- Burn one, burn one, burn one!

- Jeremy Renner will be stuck here forever

and can act out "The Green
Hunter" as much as he wants.

- Yeah, but that's...

All right, Apollo, sure.

We're all on board.

- So we're doing this?
- Yes.

- Okay, little brother.

- Lord Airavis, you don't mind, do you?

- Don't, please!
(bell dings)

- Kill them all.

- You've got it.

- I love you.

- I know.

- And I hope you can forgive me.

- I'm coming for you, but first,

I have to absolutely fucking
destroy my reputation.

- Once this is shut,

the magic that we generate
stays here, with us.

Are you ready?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Can I hear the sound
effects that we hear?

- Of course.

(Lou's lips smacking passionately)

(no audio)