Dimension 20 (2018-…): Season 15, Episode 4 - Seaside Teatime - full transcript

Andhera and Hob spar. A new guest arrives. And tea is served.

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(elegant classical music)

- To the churlish Captain K.P. Hob,

venerated soldier of the Goblin Court.

To the master of ceremonies,
Delloso de la Rue,

pride of the Court of Wonder.

To the illustrious Gwyndolin Thistle-hop

of the Court of Wonder.

To the tenebrous Prince Andhera,

scion of the Unseelie Court.

And to the notorious Lords of the Wing,

Lady Chirp Featherfowl,
Countess of Cluckingham,

and Lord Squak Airavis,
Earl of Peckersberg.

Honored archfey, we are delighted

to welcome you to A
Court of Fey & Flowers.

Greetings, and welcome

to Dimension 20's A
Court of Fey & Flowers.

I am your happy hostess and
Dungeon Master, Aabria Iyengar,

and with me, sipping on
that good, good brew,

are my pack of pixies.

Say hi, pack of pixies.
- Hi, pack of pixies.

- In our previous chapter,
the courtless cousins

held court in their nest,

Gwyndolin privately revealed her truth

as Binx the warlock patron

and loyal Wuvvy challenged Hob to a duel

that was interrupted by Andhera.

And that's all the recap I wrote.

- Everybody wants a piece.

- So before we get into the game,

we've got some things to talk about,

because we have an
interesting board state now.

Our delightful Lords of the Wing

have maxed out their reputation, so.

- As Grandfather said.
- I mean, exactly.

- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.

- He's definitely alive.

I need both of you to come up
with a positive reputation tag

that will now be sort of
carried along with your name.

- Oh.
- Throughout the Bloom.

So, like, charitable or gracious

or good in bed, holds their liquor.

- That's already out there.
- That's known.

- God, I want to use it for ill so badly.

- Do it!
- I'll think on it.

- [Aabria] Okay.

- Yeah, I'm gonna simmer for just a bit.

- [Emily] Yeah.

- Well, along with that,
we have our first ding

into a negative reputation track, so Binx.

- Mm-hm.
- Gwyndolin, whatever you are.

Why not both?

You have a bit of a stir around
you, but it's not bad yet.

You have a bit of a stir around
you, but it's not bad yet.

But people are oh so happy
to sort of forget about you

in a room, so for now,
anytime you would roll

a stealth check, you will
add a d10 to the roll.

- Ooh.
- Oh.

- As you are now falling below
the notice of polite society.

- What?
- Great.

- Gosh.
- Whoa.

- Not all of the stuff is bad.

It can be good, especially for the rogue.

- What?

- What? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what?

Okay, any thoughts on your tags?

- No.

- I wrote down two words,
and I don't like either one.

- I'm in a similar boat.
- Okay.

- My god. I'll just talk it out, why not?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- There's a part of me
that wants to use this

to court the sort of useful things,

so almost something like
useful or trustworthy

seems as though it would
put me in others' paths.

- Mm.
- What were yours?

- Oh, mine, one of them truly is bad.

If I said the partnered, it's
like, no, that doesn't count.

I'm thinking welcoming was the only one

based on our courtly
gestures in the morning.

Oh, somebody give me one
word for well-connected.

- Well-connected is a hyphenate word.

- [Aabria] Yeah, well-connected is good.

- Oh, will you let me have well-connected?
- Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

- Well, we have to fall
in love for love. Fuck.

- Just remember, this is also not a thing

that your characters
are directly choosing.

- Got it.

- This is just sort of based on the things

that have happened that
have led to this bump,

what are people now adding
as an appellation to you.

- What would people actually say?

- [Aabria] Yeah.

- Hospitable.
- Yes.

- That's true.
- Hospitable, yeah.

- If the rumor is that
we hosted this duel.

- Yes, that's what's going around.

- Yeah, I love it.

- And I think I'm gonna...

I want to put the matured.
- Ooh.

- That's very good.
- That's very good.

- The hospitable and the
matured, I mean, come on.

- [Aabria] Hospitable and matured.

- Who doesn't want to be in this nest?

- I mean, we've literally hosted
several people at our nest.

- Several! I mean, truly,
most of this table.

Only one left.
- Amazing.

- [Lou] And he just
won the duel we hosted.

- Amazing, just remember,
now that you have this tag,

whenever you lean into it,
it will provide you advantage

in situations where
you're talking to people.

- Great, so if I say we
turned the other beak,

that's gonna be my catchphrase.

- Goddammit.
- Becoming my catchphrase.

- No! Yeah, that's-
- Becoming?


- Beak-coming, beak-coming.
- Beak-coming!

(all groaning)

(Brennan makes noises like he's being hit)

- Grandfather! We're
beak-coming, Grandfather!

- We're beak-coming!

- The Bloom has expanded.

The gardens that you move
through, the plant life,

the vegetation, everything is greener,

creeping, encroaching, and all of you,

as you move through this beautiful world

that unfolds itself for you,

can feel that surge of
power and prosperity

that comes with it,

and you move to a new day,

so those of you that have taken damage,

go ahead and mark your long rest.

- What about emotional damage?

- That stays with you forever.
- Oh.

- It is a new, bright, shining morning,

and each of you wakes
up to a little teapot

(Brennan gasps)

in front of your door, tent,
wherever you were sleeping.

A formal invitation that, when
you pour it out into a cup,

what comes out is a
jeweled sort of jasmine tea

that's flecked with
diamonds, and as they hit

whatever vessel you're pouring them into,

the chimes of it actually speak to you,

inviting you to a formal tea party

at the usual time, elevenses,

down at the beach at the far end

of the strip of sand that you would take

to get to the tidal island,

so you're gonna have to exit this place,

the main source of the Bloom,

and head out for a day
of polite conversation,

polite snacks, and
frolicking on the beach.

So, it's a new day.

You know what's coming.
What do you want to do?

- Are we doing rumors or
letters before the day starts?

- No to rumors, but you know what?

I'll allow a letter portion.

- Oh.
- We love a letter.

- They won't take long.
- Okay.

- I'm going to send a brief letter

to Prince Andhera of the Unseelie Court.

Your majesty, your words yesterday

rang more true than you know.

A rematch of our first meeting
at the Battle of Briar Falls

is called for, and like our first match,

I feel it should be done in private.

Care for some sparring?

Yours faithfully, Captain K.P. Hob.

- I respond in turn.
- Mm-hm.

- Dear Captain, what a
frightening experience it is

to face off against you,
and what an honor it is

to attend the Bloom at
the same time as you.

I accept your invitation vehemently,

and I hope you accept my gift
back, a collection of trash.

And there is a bundle of assorted trash.

- My god. Immaculate.

(Brennan munching ferociously)
We don't need to run it,

but I would love to have a
sparring match with Andhera.

- [Aabria] We're not not running it.

Are you kidding me? What?

- And I also wanted to send,

while I'm waiting for Andhera to show up,

I also wanted to send a letter

to a member of the Lords of the Wing.

- Oh, please do.

- To the honorable and
estimable Earl of Peckersberg.

- That's me.
- Oh!

- I find myself bereft
amongst my own court

of those possessed either
of the requisite height

or inclination towards formal rules

to engage in the
gentleman's game of croquet,

which I believe may occur
later on during the tea party.

Would you care to partner?

Yours faithfully, Captain K.P. Hob.

- I think I share the
letter with my cousin.

- Yes, cousin.
- Cousin.

- Yes, cousin?
- Yes, cousin.

Hob is asking to partner with me

at a possible croquet match later today.

- That's very interesting information,

especially considering I believe

we've burned our bridges with Rue.

- It does seem that way.

- And Hob does seem to be

potentially a very interesting connection.

- Definitely has the eyes
of the Bloom right now.

- I think that sounds
like a wonderful idea.

- I just wanted to make
sure you wouldn't be upset,

because I know you're
incredible at croquet.

- Yes, but I'm also
excellent at spectating.

- Mm. I like that.

I write back, a delightful idea.

Let us walk together to the party.

Please, join us at our nest beforehand

for a bit of tea and a nice walk.

- Knowing that this is happening,

I think I say to my cousin,

if we find ourselves in
a position that we need

to massage Hob,

it may do us-
- And you mean?

(all laugh)

- Like, emotionally.

I'm just saying maybe,

now that you are
beginning this connection,

I will collect some information

that could be used if we need it,

and I think I'm going to write
a letter to Blemish and Boil.

- Ooh!

- I'll be transparent with you guys.

My intention is to
learn their handwriting,

because I am a kenku and
I am a master forger.

- Oh!

- So I'm going to write a
letter to Blemish and Boil

and just say, dearest Blemish and Boil,

I've been so swept up in the Bloom

I've yet to interact with you.

I hope your trash is stinky.

I wanted to congratulate
you on a fantastic duel.

The Goblin Court was certainly
putting on a good show.

I will see you at tea.

Yours in wing and sky,

Lady Chirp Featherfowl.

- You get a response very quickly,

carried by three or four salt goblins

who are just kind of
scrambling up together

and fighting over, like, the
edges are kind of torn and bent

because they were fighting
over who got to give it to you.

- Squak, I've never told you
this, but I love salt goblins!

- Oh, they are adorable.
- I love them! I love them!

- Do not faint!

- Get my fainting couch,
quickly! Quickly, I'm falling!

- Peacocks, quickly! The fainting couch!

- The peacocks spread out and catch you.

- And then I just kind of take it

and study the script and memorize it.

- You get a very kind, very bland reply,

something to the effect of, like,

thank you kindly for your remarks.

Thank you for whatever part
you may or may not have played

in the orchestration of this duel,

and were it to please you, we would love

to have a moment together

to speak and walk and talk.

Please enjoy these squirrel
innards, fresh and steaming.

And one of the salt
goblins is waiting, like,

okay, and now! (retches)

And just barfs out

a bunch of hot squirrel
intestines for you.

- Only because I love
salt goblins so much.

(Emily munching ferociously)

- Cousin!
- Cousin, tell me I'm not-

- The goblins are screaming and crying

and fainting and replicating your thing-

- Quick, small fainting couches for them!

- Smaller peacocks, now!

Miniature peacocks!

- So, you know, we have
that in our back pocket.

- Cousin, that brain of yours, I swear.

- Does anyone else want to send a letter

before Andhera arrives to Captain Hob?

Okay, let's run it. I mean, do you arrive?

- Yes.
- Do you go in the morning?


- Before Andhera gets there,

I think I would just want
to check in with, oh,

Blemish and Boil are awake at this-

- Yes.

- I would want to check in with them.

The two things I'm waiting
on for mission reasons

are anything that the Sea
Foam Court has delivered

about the Court of
Wonder, I will look into

as soon as it arrives, and
I've informed my salt goblins

to alert me the moment that that happens.

- Yes.

- And on top of that,
I want to be available

and let the Lord Blemish
and Lady Boil know

that if they want any further information

about what I observed
about the Lady Gwyndolin,

I am happy to make that
report more in full

when I am not walking on
my way to an imminent duel.

- Okay, Lord Blemish is actually the one

that's writing the note and is
kind of deep in their letters

as he's going and sending them off

with groups of salt goblins
to respond to correspondences,

and Lady Boil will kind of sidle up to you

and pats the ground

for you to sit beside her.

(Brennan makes a thumping sound)

She whistles and wakes up a
couple of sleeping hobgoblins,

tells them to come over,
and she sits on top of them

so she can look at you eye to eye.

- What I would say that
I was unable to say

more plainly yesterday, before the duel,

in waiting and hiding during
the hunt of the wild hart,

I beheld through the fog
that parted in the absence

of the Lords of the Wing and
Prince Andhera of the Unseelie

a departure of one young Miss
Gwyndolin Thistle-spring.

- Thistle-hop, but keep going.

- Oh, sorry, different, different.

One young Miss Gwyndolin
Thistle-hop of the Court of Wonder.

- They say she's an assassin.

- And I believe they may be right.

I beheld her disguised self
pass where my eyes could see

through the thick of the forest,

but my, wiggle wiggle
wiggle, ears could not be

so easily manipulated by her trickery.

She spoke in a different voice.

Not only a different voice,

but a different manner altogether.

She seemed brusque,

somehow prepossessed of some urgency

in her communique with
whomever had joined her

there in the forest, either in person

or through means magical in nature.

- Hm.


- And then I slunk
backwards through the trees.

- Okay, okay. I'm processing
now, but thank you.

- I can climb backwards.

- I think we are at a point,

my dear Captain,

to intervene

and get some straight answers from her.

- Very well.

There may be an opportunity
at today's tea party.

If I see an opportunity,
do you wish for me

to collect yourself and Lord Blemish

or to take matters into my own hands?

- I would love for you to take
matters into your own hands.

- Very well.
- Remember who you are.

- Captain K.P., ooh, you mean
in a bigger sort of sense.

Yes. I will do this.

- Remember, we are, what's the word?

Because I know it's not
trash and squirrel goo.

We're the carrot. Carrot.

- Hm!

- You're the stick.

- Very well.

There are some points of intelligence

that I may be collecting
in the very near future

from our friends in the Court of Sea Foam.

Hopefully these will
aid in my interrogation,

by which I mean gentle conversation

with young Miss Thistle-hop.

- While I have you here, I do have to ask,

what is your relationship with

the Court of Wonder and Rue?

We were all there,

but she never said why we were all there.

- As you may be well aware, your ladyship,

I saw an opportunity to
strike, and I took it.

Insinuating that the duel

was due to the dishonor

felt by Delloso de la Rue

at a rejected marriage proposal

by the Viscountess Grabalba,

thus to place the Court of Wonder

at a disadvantageous position.

The truth, my lady, that I
tell to you now in all honesty,

I've got no idea what the duel
was about, I really don't.

I have no clue. I
straight-up have no clue.

- What? What do you mean?

- Well, there was a moment in the woods

that I shared with Rue
where I invited them

to come into a hiding space
with me, and they declined,

and I worried that I
had hurt their feelings,

and they left abruptly,
and they commanded me

to continue in the hunt, and
as the master of ceremonies,

I dared not deny their request.

The following morning, I had apparently...

My understanding, based on context alone,

is that an attempt at
kindness and civility from me

was so odious

to Delloso de la Rue

that it moved them to tears,

and rather than having the courage

to explain to me

why my affections would be so onerous,

I suppose I was so far beneath them

that they saw fit that their assistant

would be enough to
reclaim their lost honor.

- Oof.
- Oh shit!

- My dear,

sick, twisted little Hob.

And she pats your cheek.

They'll never understand.

It's what they do.

They twist intentions,

and I'm so sorry that
they did that to you,

but I hope you remember this.

Remember this slight, remember
the choice that they made,

that their court always makes.

You are best as a blunt instrument,

and ought not to get caught up

in the machinations of people

who know only how to speak.

- You're quite right, your ladyship.

I will endeavor to remember this,

as I do all of the wise
words you have deemed fit

to share with your
humble servant in myself.

I am to have a short
sparring match before teatime

with the Prince Andhera
of the Unseelie Court.

There will be a period of
time where I have his ear.

I would ask you, Lady Boil,

are the intentions of the Goblin Court

herein limited to
recovering our lost honor

from the alleged engagement

between our court and the Court of Wonder,

or, if I should talk to the
young prince of the Unseelie

and find him amenable to a dalliance

with the viscountess of our own court,

would that be untoward of me to suggest

in the pique of our brotherly thrustings

with various weaponry?

- Hm.

And she gets lost in
thought for a little bit.

Can you make an insight check for me?

- Sure, I can do that.

Not great, that's only an eight.

- Even with an eight,

there was something in
the way she spoke to you

about the Court of Wonder and Rue

that felt like a little bit of a reach,

and even you noticed that.

And now that you've
sort of supplicated her

for advice on this, you see her

grow more comfortable and more confident.

How about this? I'll sit
in and watch you spar.

Have whatever conversation you need,

and if you get lost with
words as you are wont to do,

my good solider, I'll be happy

to step in and progress things.

- Very well, Lady Boil. Of course.

- Good lad.

And she crawls down off of the hobgoblin

and goes back to Lord Blemish,

and they continue to
confer amongst one another.

Every now and then,

you catch them looking up and over at you.

- Very well.

I'll go over to the sparring field

and I'll take my military coat off.

- You're just full nakey?
- No, now I put on pants.

- Always one.
- Sparring pants! Yep!

I'm only naked if one of
the halves is uncovered.

- It's cartoon laws.
- Cartoon laws, yeah.

- [Aabria] Love that, love that.

- You're either a Donald
Duck or a Mickey Mouse.

- Yeah. Hey!
- There you go, exactly.

- Nude animals are rude animals.

- Amazing. Andhera, do
you head straight over?

Is there any reason to delay?

- No, I head straight over.

- Then you reach a little sparring field.

It's a cleared bit of grass that,

even despite the grown over,
hyper verdant greenery,

even despite the grown over,
hyper verdant greenery,

is a bit downtrodden and
yellowing and patchy,

just because this is also
the goblin pee pee field.

- Mm.
- Oh yeah, that's right.

- Great, I very trepidatiously step

over a lot of the pee pees
that are growing there, and

Wave from afar.

- Your majesty! What-ho!

- My fair Captain.

I hope you don't mind, I
brought my strange dog.

(Brennan chortles)

- I think your faithful hound
shall fit in quite well.

Many of our goblins
also have grandpa face.

- Well, that's rather perfect, I suppose.

Go, hey, look at me.
Look, look, look at me.

No eyes, but look at me. Look at...

Look at me. Go have fun.

Go have fun. Go.

- He lays down.
- Okay, great.

Captain, good morning. Good morning.

It's good to see you.

- Good morning to you. You
look rested and well today.

And I'm going to toss
a wooden quarterstaff,

quite long, I'll toss it over to you.

Spin one around me.

I must say, you are a prodigious talent,

the way you executed that maneuver,

so deft in the dueling lane there.

(Omar laughs)

- You're making me blush.

If I may be candid.
- Mm.

- I was completely scared shitless,

because last time we fought,
you knocked me off my steed,

my Nightmare, and nearly killed me.

- Oh.

Ha ha.

- Which was good. It was battle.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Forgive me for taking an avuncular role.

You are yourself a prince, and I am sure

if you had some older brothers or uncles

or those around, you don't have to talk

about one of your most
shameful moments of your life

right as we get started
with a sort of fun...

You can rib me if you want.

You could say, ha!

You don't have to sort
of share your failures

so aloud in front of everyone.

- I see. In fact, I take it back.

Instead, I will share one
of my greatest achievements.

One time, I folded 100 paper bats.

- Sorry, bags?
- Oh, if only.

Those are tough, because you
have to get the sides as well.

No, bats. Bats.

- You folded 100 paper bats.
- Yes.

Well, they weren't bats before,

but once I folded them,
they became bats, so.

- All right, well, the quarterstaff
is a remarkable weapon.

- We will wrap it there.

Talk to me, Gwyn.

What are you doing this fine morning?

- Well, Gwyndolin,
understanding that yesterday

she had a bad day as far as
talking to people about stuff,

so in lieu of being more
of the Court of Wonder,

more wonderful,

I am deciding to wear a large hat,

a very fancy hat, and
getting as gussied up

as someone

who has only been

around the Court of Wonder
for a short amount of time,

so it's not as glorious as Rue,

but she's trying.

She's doing the thing. She
has a train and a cape.

- A train and a cape?
- Yes.

- That's a lot of draggage.

- Gwyndolin is positively dragging mud!

- Has a large hat that has
a bird-like stuffed animal

that she has crocheted to the top.

- It's like everything
shouldn't be working,

and yet it does.

- That crow is not
anatomically correct at all.

- No, one wing is way
bigger than the other.

- She gracefully enters
wherever she, like,

where the breakfast is, right?

Because if it's a big event,

there's probably communal brunch-y things.

- Yeah.
- We're at a Marriott, right?

- That's what I thought you might find.

I see myself in a hotel room.

- It's a Residence Inn.
- They got a toaster there.

- You could fuck around
a little bit in there.

Yes, as you head to one
of these little gatherings

for brunch, you see
that there are actually

several members of the Sea Foam Court,

sort of late risers
hanging about and talking,

and they look up and over at you.

- I curtsy.

- Make a persuasion check for me.

- That's a nat 20.
(all cheering)

These dice are magic.

- Put it out on the new moon for you.

- And you see a look cross their faces

of just acknowledgement and then dismissal

and then some conference, and
then they look at you again,

and you see them considering you,

and then a sort of small smile

erupts from one of their lips.

Why don't you come and join us?

- Oh. I would love to.
- Yes, come.

- Kind of scoot on in.

- You can go...

You know, we'll have some
food brought for you.

Don't worry about it.

- Oh, yes, I was going to eat.

So, thank you so much
for inviting me over.

You are throwing honestly
such a beautiful event.

- Thank you for saying that.

You know, there are some here

who believe that the
Court of Wonder is taking

a disproportionate amount
of credit for this Bloom.

- Oh, that's terrible.

I mean, we're at your home.

You should be having all of the credit.

In fact, you can have mine.

If anyone thinks that
I have anything to do

with the wonderfulness that is this event,

then I'll absolutely tell them it was you.

What is your name?

- You are so sweet.

I am Ephendra.

- Ephendra.
- Yes.

- Gwyndolin.
- So lovely to meet you.

This is Alvin and Kiri.

We can speak plainly, though.
- Okay.

- We hear things and know things,

and know that you're not
necessarily on the up and up

with people or your court or whatever.

We're not judging. We like you.

- Well, you know, our
court is so big, you know?

- Mm-hm.

- And I'm sure that with a
court of your size as well,

there are differing opinions

about things that are important,

and that's what makes good decisions.

If we all had the same
thoughts and the same opinions,

then we would never
get anywhere, would we?

- You.

You're not like the other ones. Huh.

There's one more coming, if
you want to stay and hang out.

We have a treasured
guest. There's a human.

- There's a human? I love humans!

I mean, they're fine.

I mean, I'm actually really
excited, if I'm gonna be honest.

- Right? Oh my goodness.

- So, do you see a lot of humans?

- No, she was just sort
of presented to us,

and we've been showing her a lovely time.

Oh, there she is. Wannessa, come over.

And you see this study in human averages-

(all laughing)

- Not what I thought you were gonna say.

- Call me out over here.

- No, she's got just sort
of a medium tan skin,

mousy, brown hair that's a
little curled and pulled back,

like, it's well done, but just
pulled back into a ponytail.

She's like 5'7" and her face
is plain but symmetrical,

and she comes over-
(Emily laughing)

- Plain but symmetrical?
Scathing, I love it.

- Damned by faint praise.

In comparison to any fey ever,

how does a normal face do anything?

And she walks over to you and looks at you

and kind of takes you in, too,

and gives a deep curtsy,
well executed, well balanced,

and you can see that her head
is just sort of on a swivel

as she looks around with
wide eyes, just fully dazzled

by everything she sees
and everyone she meets.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Hi.

- Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you as well.

What was your name?

- Wannessa.
- Wannessa, that's right.

So, Wannessa, how are you...

How are you adjusting? Welcome.

- Thank you.

I'm good.

Everything's just so grand.

It really is breathtaking.

You are lovely. Wow.

- You are so weird.
(Brennan laughing)

I like it, no, it's a compliment.

I really enjoy it.

- How am I weird? I don't-

- Well, you have, like, these hands,

but I feel like you
should have more thumbs,

because the thumb is the
most useful finger on a hand,

and you only have one,

and you can't get more thumbs, you know?

- Yeah, you're right, I...

How many thumbs do you have?

- I can have as many as I want.

Right now I have one,
but I could have three.

I just want one right now.

- Oh. That is magical.

- It is, it's very magical.
- I have so much to learn

about everything here.
- Uh-huh.

- I...

What is it that you do?

I've only really met
people from this court,

but I see so many other fey.

But everyone here has been
telling me to be careful,

because fey from other
courts are dangerous

and they'll eat a human
as soon as look at them.

- Mm.

- That is true.
- It is?

- But, I mean, not everyone. You're safe.

You're fine. Listen, I'm
gonna watch out for you.

You're gonna be fine,

and you have such honored
guests guarding you.

You're perfectly safe.
- Thank you.

And she immediately reaches
out and grabs your hands.

- Oh!

- It's so nice to have a friend here.

- It's incredible to meet you, Wannessa,

and I do hope you enjoy the Bloom,

and what do humans eat?

You eat stuff.

- I mean, like-

- No, I know what you eat. You like bacon.

That's a thing you like.
- Do you not?

- No, I do, but I know that you love it.

Or a muffin. Would you like a muffin?

- Are there muffins here?
- Yes.

- I get so nervous, because I know

that there's so many rules
about what I can and can't eat,

and then I came, and I'm
running out of trail mix.

I've been here for weeks.
(Brennan and Emily laugh)

I'm so hungry.

- Have you only been eating trail mix?

- I brought a lot.

- Well, Ephendra?

- Yes?

- Can we get a large tray
of chocolate chip muffins?

Is that a thing-
- For the human.

- For the human, and I-
- Because they have to eat?

How often do they eat?

- I think they eat every
three to four hours,

and they have to be watered, as well.

- What?
- They stay hydra-

they're mostly water.

(Aabria scoffs)

- Look, we're from this court,

and I still find that disgusting.

- Honestly, Ephendra,

if you need help with Wannessa at all,

let me know.

- Would you like to take her for the day?

She's delightful, but cries frequently.

- Oh, that is a sign of sadness, yes.

- Thank you so much.
- Whoa.

- And you actually see
that a little ribbon

is put into your hand.
- Okay.

- It's not tied to anything,

it's just a little blueish purple ribbon

tied in a very ornate bow.

Just return her at the end of
the day, whenever you're done.

Thank you so much, you're so sweet.

What was your name? Gwyn.
- Gwyndolin, yeah.

You can call me Gwyn.
- Mm-hm, thank you.

We're gonna, we got to go.

And they quickly get up and evacuate,

and it's just sort of you
and Wannessa sitting there,

and you see it's actually
Alvin that kind of leans over

and flags a server and
points in your direction,

and just a little sort of
catfish reverse mermaid

looking server looks over
at you from far away,

and is just sort of waiting for a signal.

- Reverse mermaid?
- All the way over?

- Oh, do you want me to come to you?

- No. Okay.

- I don't know what you want from me.

- Walks over.

Sorry, mostly people will just sort of,

they flag what they want

and I just kind of do my best
to read lips and bring it.

- I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.

- I would like a dozen of
chocolate chip muffins.

I can help you bake them, if you'd like.

Would, I mean, that-
- No, we're good at baking.

- You are incredibly good at baking.

- Not me personally, I just bring muffins.

- Yes, and I would never overstep,

because I don't do that,
because I'm wonderful, anyway.

- Mm-hm, wonderful, because you're from-

- Yes, mm-hm, I am.
- That's very good and funny.

- I'm rich. Anyway.


- Muffins.
- Yes please, thank you.

- Okay, all right.

And they come back in 10 minutes

with a bunch of sort of not freshly baked,

but sort of freshly warmed
up chocolate chip muffins.

- Ooh!

- Get placed in front of
both you and Wannessa.

- So, Wannessa.
- Mm.

- You can eat those.

They are safe, and not poisonous,

because we would never do that.

- When you...

I'm so hungry.

(Aabria chewing passionately)

She dives on and starts devouring them.

- Ephendra said you've been upset.

Leaking water, fluid from your eyes.

- We call it crying.

- Yes, that is the word.

- Mm-hm.
- I know. Are you okay?

Were you, is this...

How are you here?

- Hm?
- Hm?

- (Aabria blows air out) Uh...

- If you don't know, it's okay.

- I don't want to talk about it right now.

- It's okay. We're new friends.

You don't have to tell me everything.

- Really?
- Yeah, of course.

You can only tell me what you
feel comfortable telling me.

Why would I make you say anything

that you don't want to
say? That's ridiculous.

- She sort of regards
you, confused and worried

that this is some sort of trick.

- Mm-hm.
- Okay.

- Well, you're hanging out with me today.

- I'm just gonna eat my muffins.

- Okay. Enjoy.

I'll eat a muffin as well.

This is a really good day.

- And we kind of move on from there.

Rue, what are you doing?

- I'm still in my quarters.
- Mm-hm.

- Wearing my bedtime sort of regalia,

a gossamer wing, shining rainbow moment.

- Yes, a moment.

- And to be honest, I know
there's duties I have to do

and I have to be out and
about, but I'm not doing them.

Yesterday was a huge blow.

It just shook Rue to their very core,

and usually their sort of
bedchamber is lit by candles.

and usually their sort of
bedchamber is lit by candles.

It has a very sort of calming presence,

but Rue is sitting at
the edge of their bed

in darkness,

contemplating even to step outside.

They're thinking about
the duel that happened,

they're thinking about
the choice that they made,

the look that Hob gave them,

the hurt of the Lords of the Wing,

all of that stuff was, I
mean, they didn't sleep.

It was so intense.

But they have a job to do,
and they are going to do it,

so within seconds, they step outside,

and okay, so this is
the moment, this is the-

- Yes, yes.

- So it is a sort of
nod to Marie Antoinette.

- Yes.

- The wig, the powdered up wig.

- Yes.
- It starts off with hair,

but then it sort of ends
up with a stack of teacups

on top of each other.

- Yes.
- Sort of stacked up,

and then when they walk,

the teacups also sort of teeter-totter.

- Oh, it's cute.
- As you pan down,

you see their face is
giving you Marie Antoinette,

powdered white moment.
- Yeah yeah yeah.

- Then they're wearing a massive ball gown

in the style of the French Revolution,

except that the outfit is
made out of actual teacups,

so there's a corseted moment

that's just little bits of teacups

sort of acting as a bustier moment.

- Oh, we love it.
- And then the bottom,

the dress part of the gown,
is a giant glass teacup,

the dress part of the gown,
is a giant glass teacup,

as they glide around.
- Incredible.

- I think Rue should get new
art every time they change.

- Every time.

- I will sacrifice my
character portrait for another-

- No NPCs, only Rue fits.

- Somewhere off in the world,

David Kerns just went... (grunts)

- As you are getting
ready, this is an outfit

that requires some effort to get into,

your checklist for today's
event is sort of spread out

in front of you on some
very fine parchment,

and you see that just
throughout the morning,

even when you were in
darkness, every now and then,

a check gets marked as Wuvvy,

who has not seen or spoken
to you since the duel,

is running around trying
to take care of everything,

and the last thing you see

as the final check is marked off

and everything is prepared,

not that she's trying to take your job,

but you laid the foundation

and she's simply following through.

You see in a cursive
script, her handwriting,

that just says, I hope I see you.

- Hm.

I've been sort of dreading this,

because I have been
avoiding Wuvvy, as well.

I think in order

for me to continue about my day,

I will summon Wuvvy now.
- Oh.

- To get it out of the way.
- What do you do?

- Wuvvy!

- And it takes just a half a second longer

than it normally does.
- That's unsettling.

I'm unsettled.
- You know she hesitated

just a second, and had to
process her own emotions

before showing up.


And she looks like herself again,

a small satyr with
curly hair and big eyes.

Eyes that are shining just a little bit.

She's holding back some unspoken emotion.

- I read today's list of
things that must be done,

and I must commend you
for doing a great job,

as you always do, Wuvvy.

I also noticed the handwritten
note at the end of the list

saying that you would like to see me.

- I didn't mean that in an ordering way.

I just, it was just a hope.
But I understand if you-

- No, no, I...

I apologize, I've also been

avoiding this moment,

but I realize it must be done,

not just for the sake
of the Bloom turning out

exactly the way that the Sea
Foam Court orders it to be,

but also, well, because I feel

like something is different between us.

And it makes me sad.

I have so many questions to ask you,

and I don't even know where to start.

- I would hold nothing back from you.

- Why did you do it?

- You wrote such a beautiful letter,

and you were so open in that moment,

and you didn't trust yourself to send it,

and you didn't trust me,

and anyone or anything

that could make you doubt
yourself like that...

I'm sorry.

- I can't.

I can't.

I have organized the Bloom for millennia.

I don't have time

for my heart

to be the center of anything.

Do you not understand

that my job is to make other people happy?

I come last, always.

I always have, and I always will.

That is my job as a Bloom master.

I understand that you
want the very best for me,

I really do, but I'm
afraid that if I confess

my feelings to Hob, the
Bloom will fall apart,

and if what they say is
true, this is the last Bloom.

How can we end it this way?

How can I think of myself

before anyone else for the first time?

- What do you have to lose?

- Everything, Wuvvy. Everything.

- No.

You have everything to gain.

- How so?

- If this is the last one,

you've already put all the plans in place.

It's gonna be incredible,

and if the Bloom stops,

then something's deeply wrong

with fairy, with the Fey Realms,

and no one will think about
this kind of celebration again,

and maybe that means war,

and you know what that means for him.

So if it's all going to end here,

it might as well go
off with a bang, right?

- I'm so scared.

- Is it okay if I hug you?

- I would like that very much.

- And she steps forward

and takes on her feral form

just to be a bit bigger so
she can kind of wrap you up,

and you can kind of feel
the little bit of tears

running down the fur of her muzzle

as it gets a little longer and
falling into that very edge

of your very tall, beautiful hair.

You can't be afraid.

In my time as a champion,
fear is the thing.

That's when it all falls apart.

If it doesn't work out, who cares?

You're still yourself,
and we're still here,

and I will never leave you.

And if he breaks your
heart, I'll break his neck.

- Don't.
- I would.

- Please don't.
- Yeah, I know.

- Don't do it.
- Look, I'm gonna-

- I like him, don't break his neck.
- I'm just saying,

- Please don't break his neck.
- I only got one good hit in.

- [Oscar] I don't want
you to break his neck.

- I would fucking kill him.
- It won't be pretty.

It would be hard to do.
- Says you.

- Have you seen his neck?

- Excuse me?
- It's thick.

- This isn't about me in
this moment, and that's okay.

- Everything I've done is through fear.

I shall arrive to the tea ceremony

as my authentic self.

It scares me to do,

but if what you say is true,

that this is the last Bloom
and that we must do things

and not regret them,

then I need to do that
exact thing at this moment.

But you'll stay by my side,
despite what they say,

despite how they feel and the
names that they will call me,

you'll still be by my side.

- I will never leave you.

- Thank you, Wuvvy.
- You know I love you, right?

- I love you, too.

- She just gives you one more
big squeeze, and separates.

- Well, then. Let us be off.
- Okay.

She offers her arm.
- And I gladly take it.

- And you head down
towards the tea ceremony.

Okay, cousins, what the fuck is up?

What're you doing? How you living?

- Good, yeah.

I was like, is this an NPC that we-

- Nope, no, I'm just changing the energy

because I'm literally crying a little bit.

- Oh, I don't want to
approach her separately,

I think I'm going to find her

at the tea ceremony
down the road, I think.

If that is coming up soon,
I think any plans or things,

anyone I need to talk
to, I'll do so in public.

- Okay.

- Personally I think that the word matured

is being associated with my name,

that's probably gotten back to me,

and I'm having a rather delightful morning

reveling in my new position and status,

or just the fact that things
are, at least on one side,

going according to plan.

- Amazing, then we're
just going to move forward

and reconvene as everyone
moves down from the city,

exits the front gates of the tidal island,

moves across that narrow strip
of overgrown, verdant land

that takes you back to the shoreline

that is the proper court of those

who associate with sea
foam, and across the beach,

there are scores and scores

of beautiful little tables,

each with precious,
delicate porcelain teapots

in high service of cakes and cookies.

Fey are mixing and walking and stopping by

and saying hello to friends.

- Oh.
- Ooh!

- Nice.
- Mm-hm.

- And enjoying the sunshine.

You actually see, out in
the shallow surf itself,

there are fey riding hippocampi.


- Like the little horse dolphins?

- Yeah, they're like little horse dolphins

that are sort of frolicking in the waves

and then galloping up onshore
and then bouncing back

into the water, and people
are taking little rides

out together for up to a
mile and then coming back.

- As we approach, I'd like
to turn to Andhera and go,

oh, by the way, your
majesty, I am possessed,

I am afraid, of dueling
obligations, no pun intended.

I owe the pleasure of my chaperoneship

to, of course, the goblin
viscountess Grabalba,

daughter of the Goblin
King, but I am afraid

I have foolishly also
seen myself partnered

with Lord Airavis, the
Earl of Peckersberg,

for a croquet match.

I don't suppose you'll be
in want of taking my place

just to escort the viscountess
throughout the tea party?

I would consider it an honest favor.

- A favor to you is a favor
that I would like to do.

I didn't want it to rhyme,
and then it did, and-

- Rhyming is actually
good. It's good to rhyme.

- I was afraid you would do
one, and then you didn't.

- No, no, I was just speaking.

- Yes, I would be happy to.

- Ah, an honor.

Thank you very much

for escorting the
viscountess, your majesty.

- Absolutely. Before you
go and join Lord Squak...

- Yes.
- Lord Squak?

- Airavis.

I hear that on the wind.

- A bird whispers in your ear.

- He called me what?
- Many spies.

Yesterday, am I mistaken in saying

that you were injured
and poisoned, perhaps?

- Yes, I believe that Wuvvy's blades

may have been coated in
some form of venom, but...

Oh, sorry.

- Well, if you don't mind,

it would be my honor to cast
Lesser Restoration on you.

- Very kind. I would be
more than happy for you to.

I at this point have
metabolized much of the poison.

- Oh!

- But that's a quick eye and a sharp wit

to think of helping me,

and I deeply appreciate the
kindness you've shown me.

If you want to do it just for...

Oh, is this, sorry, is
this for appearances?

Do you want to be seen healing me?

- Absolutely not, I would not,

and in fact, we would do it in privacy.

I wouldn't want people to witness

any sort of exterior duel,
after duel situations.

No no no, instead I simply
want to offer to you

an offer without expiration.

If you're ever to need healing
from poison, let me know,

whether that happens to be from
a fight, on the battlefield,

or of a personal nature,
it would be wonderful

to just talk sometimes.

- I'm going to hold your eye
contact for a moment and say,

your majesty, in the halls of the fey,

many doors remain closed.

The door to my honest council,

you may consider fully off
its hinges and stowed away

in the dark recesses of
the goblin castle forever.

- That's a moment. Hold on.

This is for you.
- What?

Oh my god.

Years ago, when you were
coaching me in improv,

did you ever think this would happen?

- Look at that.

I think that there's no deception in Hob.

One of the strengths Hob leans into

is a known weakness in deception

means that he's known to be honest,

and so I think that he
looks at you and sees

you are not a noble, you are fey royalty,

and you are walking over

to go arm in arm with
our goblin viscountess.

In this moment, not even this
morning, but in this moment,

I meet your eyes as a peer.

Thank you, your majesty.

- Enjoy the rest of the tea ceremony,

and let Sir Squak, or Airavis-

- He called me what?

- Shit! And I wave at, like, seagulls.

- Out of here, you birds! Out of here!

- Fuck it. Have a great day.

- You too, buddy.

(everyone laughs)

- Amazing, as you move into the space

and you see all of these
delicate little tables

and people pairing off and
breaking into threes and fours,

you also see a long
banquet table, but on it

isn't any sort of food
service, just countless rows

of small vials of liquid
in a rainbow of colors.

No one explains any of it,

and you are truly left to your own devices

to play croquet or frolic in the surf

or sit and spill tea while drinking tea.

So what do you do? Who do you seek out?

- Well, I think since our
reputation is on the rise,

I think we should do another entrance.

- Oh, definitely. About time.

- I conjure my ostrich,
I conjure the doves.

- Yes.
- Of course, we enter on that.

- Big energy.

I think I'm standing on
it this time. Just this.

- A bird standing on a
bird being pulled by birds.

- I stand on Squak's shoulders.

- Honestly, at the beach,

it's kind of like those 1950s
beach movies where, like-

human pyramid, like yay!
- Yeah!

(Omar imitates 1950s beach music)

You're like surfing in against
a really bad green screen

with some splashing water.

- Pelicans, sing louder!

- Pelicans going... (squawks)

- Harmonize!

- Give me a performance
check with advantage.

- Oh, both of us?
- Both of us, of course.

- No no no, just you.

You're providing the advantage here.
- Okay, cool.

- Give me one of your dice.
- Mm, okay.

Actually, all of these have
been rolling nonstop ones.

- A 19 plus eight,

for 27.

- Oh my god, yes.

This aggressive and
ostentatious display is received

with oohs and ahs and people
kind of waving and cheering

and lifting their teacups to you.

- Can we get some of the ravens and crows

that can kind of mimic
speech to be just whispering,

"Mature, hospitable, mature, hospitable."

- Mature, hospitable!
Mature, hospitable, mature!

- Sounds just like that

- Half of the fey are like, "I know!"

- See, but we can still be fun!

As, I think, I step on pelican
after pelican, pelican.

- A pelican staircase! Incredible.

- Still with Chirp on my shoulders.

- It feels like a Mr. Magoo style

where it's like they're not going

in the direction you
are, they're flying in

from the sides as you're
like... (grunting)

- They're trying to save you!

If they're a little bit
late, you're fucked.

- But with a 27, everybody's on time.

- There's just so many cutaways

to those birds being
like, "It's a living."

- It's just a bunch of
birds in an alley smoking.

Is it my shift? Okay, here we go.

- Amazing. What about Rue?

- Oh yeah, oh,

so they also make an entrance as well.

Yes, they walk in.
- Mm-hm.

- With Wuvvy at their side, they walk in,

and this is sort of happening

right after everyone sort
of is like... (claps)

- As an olive branch,
can I send a literal,

literal doves holding olive branches

to make your

entrance more glamorous?
- Oh, that's fun, yeah,

so you see-

- Doves, go, go!
- What? Okay.

Don't tell me what to do.

- So I guess, yeah, so the eye
can follow the olive branch

as it lands on Rue's head.

- Direct all of the eyesight to Rue.

- Yes, perfect.

- And as I'm walking, it's very
similar to a wedding march.

As I walk closer to the table,

my glamor starts to disappear,

and the tea wig moment

sort of melts away,

the white dress sort of fades away,

and then my real form appears to all,

and before you stands

a seven foot tall owlbear

(Emily gasps)

wearing a beautiful, Regency era gown

in a soft, pink taffeta,

but this is a hulking, giant monster

standing before you

wearing a very pretty dress.

Its eyes are large like an owlbear's eyes,

but there's kindness behind them.

Their beak is quivering a bit,

they cannot hide their nervousness,

and on their, you know, owls have little-

- Little tufts? Yeah.
- Little tufts.

On the right side of the tuft
is a collection of peonies,

which is their flower.

- You mean like the
flower right behind you?

- Yes, very much that, yeah.

So it's that sort of flower.

And so they walk in, still gliding,

still, you know, beautiful.
- [Aabria] Of course.

- But it is not the elf fey

that has been presented to you

from the beginning of the Bloom,

but it is, in fact, (laughs) an owlbear.

- Wuvvy gives your hand
and arm a little squeeze,

not letting go, not changing anything,

but just looking at
you with pride and joy,

and then out at the crowd,

daring anyone to do differently.

But we'll give the social
roll, the reaction,

we'll put it in your hands.

I want just a flat d20.

Or, you can burn your token,

and their reaction will be
whatever you say it is, Oscar.

- I'll leave it to the die.
- Woo!

- Love it.

- I am actually very nervous.

- Key change in the music.

- A 13.

- 13 is pretty good,

and there are people that gasp,

because a transformation,
even amongst fey,

for whom glamor is a way of life,

this feels different, this
feels like a revelation,

and that is always met with surprise.

So you hear oohs and faces
that are a little startled,

lost in processing and
not immediately smoothed

into a bland countenance,

but no one

looks scornfully at you,

and if there are whispers,
they are from those

who are smart enough to
save that for another time.

And you know better than most,

after countless Blooms,

that this is at the worst
of times a den of vipers,

but the ones with the most
poison will wait for later.

So the reaction is positive.

- My eyes dart around for Captain Hob.

- Oh!

- Where do they find you?

- Can I make a stealth check?

- Yes, please!

I would love that.

- That's only, that's a three
plus six. That's a nine.

It's very sunny, and I'm out
and about, and I'm very big.

I'm walking towards the Lords of the Wing

as you make your entrance,
and as I see the glamor fade,

my eyes go wide in surprise

as I did not believe you
to be wearing a glamor.

Can I make a deception roll?
- Yes, please.

(Brennan laughs)

Oh, is that Emily's good die

that you were talking so
much shit about earlier?

- You're retired!
- The dice want the truth.

- Hey!

- I think it's good story rolls,

so thank you to the new moon.

(everyone laughs)

- On a nine deception.
- Oh my god.

- I think that it's three stumbling steps

that literally accompany
me stumbling in the sand

as I walk to where I'm going.

The glamor starts to fade.

Shock first,

a deep admiration of a bravery

that Hob recognizes in you
that he does not possess,

followed by a very clockable moment

of marveling at the
splendor of your true form.

And I stumble and swivel my
head, and continue walking.

- Can I see this?
- Perception check.

- Oh.

- You just got to beat a nine.

- That's a four and a five,

which, plus six, is a 10.

- With a 10, I'll give you the back half.

You see Captain Hob stagger

and then look pointedly
away and continue to walk,

but you didn't catch

the sort of cycle of
emotions across his face.

- I would like to approach Rue.

- Do you have Viscountess
Grabalba on your arm?

- I do, and I turn to the viscountess.

- She's been talking nonstop.

(everyone laughs)

I was with a prince once. We were engaged.

- Even with all the bird display?

- 100% did not pay attention
to the birds, to the bear.

- She had her back.
- 100%.

No, she was in the direction,

but she's just looking out.

I was engaged to a prince once.

It was so nice, but it just didn't-

- Viscountess, the master
of ceremonies has arrived,

and I am to pay a quick respect.

Have you met my good friend?

And I turn to just whoever is near me.

- Roll a d20.

- Grabalba, you've got to close! Close!

We can only push so far!

- Did we ever stop to think
that maybe she was the problem?

- We know she's a problem,
okay? We're working on it!

- It's an afternoon of nines, nine.

- [Aabria] Oh my god,
really? Another nine?

- Yeah.

- Okay, let me just go in my pile.

My pile of people.
- I rolled my diplomatic die.

- You're good.

You turn and you see in front of you,

we talked about it before
but never really have said it

out loud, the leaders,
the premiere members,

the stewards of these courts
go by titles and not names,

except that one overexposed
court, the Seelie Court,

except that one overexposed
court, the Seelie Court,

and their whole fucky celebrity culture.

You turn, and you are staring
King Oberon in the face.

- Have you met my friend, King Oberon?

(everyone laughs)

Viscountess, I'll leave you to it.

- We are gonna go to war.

(everyone laughs, Omar laughs awkwardly)

- There's no roll.

The hot, weird energy that that,

Oberon has no time to react,
doesn't know what to do,

and let's be honest, the
viscountess just needs an ear,

and she turns and effortlessly
detaches from you,

grabs Oberon by the arm, and is like,

so I was gonna marry a prince.

He would've been the king, like you.

It kind of fell apart.

I know I'm not supposed to talk about it.

And just immediately
starts talking his ear off,

and he looks like he just found a growth.

Like, I got to get this looked at.

- I can figure, I'll see to this later,

and then Oberon will think I
did him a favor. Okay, great.

And I head up to Rue, and
I just take your paws.

- Oh!

- So great of you to
join us at the tea party.

(Oscar clearing throat)

- Why, thank you very much.

I'm at a loss for words.
You just grabbed my...

- And I go to give you a
hug, and I want to be clear,

this is in the most, I'm
trying to think of a way

to say this without just
making a nerd reference,

but it's the most Gen Z of my old friends

kind of like not, without
flinching at all or, like,

there's no patronizing
tone or anything in it

in any way, it's just a hug, and just,

I'm sorry that you felt

that you had to do that to begin with.

And I lean back and just give you a smile.

- Can I make an insight check?
- Please do.

Against your persuasion.

- A dirty 20.
- Amazing. Seven.

- An open book.
- Ah.

To be honest, I'm taken aback.

This is not what I was expecting at all.

Thank you. This means a lot to me.

- I understand what it's like
to hide aspects of yourself.

So, I'm sorry. But
let's not focus on that.

Instead, let's bookend this
with, welcome to the party.

- Suddenly, Rue just thought

of literally hiding behind
pillars as Pillar Boy,

but then is like, wait a second,

I have never seen this
person like that before.

You're totally right. I don't know.

I'm very intrigued where
I was never intrigued

or even interested in you before.

Suddenly, this moment of vulnerability,

I'm like, oh my gosh,

you have been hiding.

You understand me in a
way most people don't.

I mean, I don't say this out loud.

- Mm-hm.
- This is all in my thoughts.

And I blink,

and my big owl eyes look softly onto you

and, I mean, I can't really
smile because I have a beak,

but you can tell that I'm smiling.

- Your eyes smile.
- Mm-hm.

- Great, well, if you'll excuse me,

things are about to get
very fucky very quickly.

I need to solve a problem I created.

I'll see you in a second. And
I rush back to King Oberon.

- There's just a little clearing of throat

as Wuvvy, who has been on
their arm the entire time,

kind of gives you a look,
gives you a little nod.

- Are you hitting on me?
- What?

- Shit, I'm...

Have a great day! Have a great day, god!

I turn around and I hustle down the beach.

Your highness!

And I quickly grab the
viscountess by the arm.

- She does not let go easily.

She has traded up.

(laughs and oohs)

- She's making a move on
the married King Oberon?

- They are fey.
- Yeah.

- Let her shoot her little shot.

- Okay, well in that case,

as I tug on the viscountess's arm-

- What are you doing?

- I realize I have-
- What are you doing?

- No idea what to do,
and a little storm cloud

forms over my head, and I'm
happy to leave it there.

- Don't rain on my parade.

She does her best to kick you.

- I'm sure the highness is quite busy.

- We're having a lovely conversation!

- Okay, one second, King Oberon-

- Go away!
- Fuck!

- I will eat your face off!

- I'm positive you will!

And I detach, and then
look at King Oberon.

What is King Oberon's face going like?

I did not mean to take up this much time.

- No, it's all good.

He is still confused
about how this happened,

and all of his sense of propriety,

he doesn't know how to
extricate himself cleanly,

and he's just like,

this is a lovely
conversation between royals.

- In that case, I will stick
around as a royal as well

just to continue the conversation.

- That would be great, thank you.

How are you? How's your mother?

(Omar laughs grandly)

- Breezy.

- He laughs way too hard at that.

(Omar and Aabria laugh
normally then awkwardly)

I'm sweaty. Where's my wife?

- You laugh or you cry, you know?

- And they have a little royal huddle.

- Do I look over and see
the prince of the Unseelie

and the king of the Seelie

on either side of the
viscountess of the goblins?

- Yes.
- Come on, Grabalba!

Let's go, goblins!

- I make an announcement and say,

all archfey, please,

teatime has officially begun.

(all applauding politely)

- And you see, with that,

that long table that was covered
with little rainbow vials,

a rainbow assortment in
ombre of tiny potion bottles

appear at every tea station
as well as people start moving

towards tables and finding
their new little cohorts

for this moment and taking a seat

and just beginning some polite
conversation in the sun.

- Peckersberg, Cluckingham.

- I'm still on his shoulders.

- Hello!

- Your entrance has been going
on for a good 40 minutes.

- Well, we've still got 20
minutes on some of the spells.

- All right, well, it's
wonderful to see you.

I feel like the Bloom's been

so hot and heavy, fast and furious.

- Of course, well, shall
we find a seat and vibe?

- Please!

- Dismount!
- Ooh!

- Acrobatics check, give it to me.

Come on, flip wizard.

- That's a nat one, baby.

- You have inspiration.
- Oh!

- And I'm gonna give the
help action to Peckersberg.

- [Aabria] All right.

- I think a nat one is just a failure.

I got to just accept it.

- Oh, I thought you meant
inspiration inspiration.

I can give the help action
to you with the nat one

to give you advantage.

- I kind of want to fail.
- All right, cool.

- I love that for you.

- I got a 12.

We are ending it 20 minutes early, okay?

- Amazing. I'm so sorry,
you absolutely biff it.

- Ah! Beak first, beak in the dirt!

Well, it would seem as though you take

yet another swing at my reputation.

- Oh.
- Ooh!

- I beg your pardon, Lady Cluckingham.

- That's right, we read the periodicals.

We saw what you said about
the Lords of the Wing.

- Your words about the military prowess

of the Lords of the Wing
have not gone unnoticed.

- Yes, we read what you said.

- I remove my officer's hat
and put it under my arm.

I owe you the gravest
and most sincere apology.

If my words gave you any indication

that I think little

of the fine military ability
of the Lords of the Wing,

then I have spoken
clumsily in this instance.

My words were meant to
convey that your military

possesses capabilities which
factor into our assessment

of what the Seelie already have.

You don't possess any meaningful abilities

that interact with nighttime or shadow,

briars, blood, things of that nature,

merely that there is a
dovetailing, as it were,

between your capabilities
as fey of the sky

and that which we expect
from any possible conflict

with the Seelie Court, not
that any is forthcoming.

- By the way, Wannessa is
wandering closer to this,

drawn in by the gravitational
well of this fucked up energy.

- Cool cool cool, I am right on her heels.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- What is this?
- This is regular.

This is a normal thing that happens.

- Are they gonna fight?
- They might.

- She hides behind you.

- [Emily] Cousin, did you
understand a word of that?

- I got the general sense.
- Okay.

- And it feels like an
appropriate apology.

- You are forgiven.

- Appreciated, and it speaks very highly

of your mature and hospitable nature.

- Oh!
- Did we hear that?

- Birds, spread the word!
- Yeah, it fits!

- Yeah.
- This is amazing.

- That you would, even having reason

to hold offense,

have cheered me on at yesterday's duel,

means a great deal, Lord Airavis.

- Of course.
- There was a duel?

- There was a duel yesterday,
yeah. It was a lot.

- How do people know? No one told me.

- You know, sorry-
- How close-

(Aabria screams)

- Gwyndolin!
- Oh, hello, hi!

(Aabria screams)

- Hi, Gwyndolin.
- And...

- This is-
- Human?

- Wannessa.
- [Brennan] My my my my my my my my.

- Wannessa. They're my guest.

- I'm gonna put my hand on its face.

- As soon as you put
your hand on her face,

I slap it away real fast, reflexively.

I'm so sorry!

- Was he taking my soul?
What was happening?

- No, I don't know.

- My wound!
- Cousin, cousin!

- Are you a human being?
(Aabria screeching)

You wouldn't say! Well!

- Ah, ah!

- Theodore, he is injured!

- Extraordinary! (cackles)

- She is now crawling over you

trying to get away from Captain Hob.

- I'm trying to block as much as I can.

Yes, it is a human! A regular human!

- Do you know of the New York Times?

- Yes!

- Max Treadmills, John Ford.

- What? No.

What's John Ford? What?

- Hands you a Kleenex.

- Thank you. Blood, blood blood blood.

- Fascinating.

- Have you never seen a human before?

- Oh no, I've seen humans before.

(Brennan chortling darkly)

(Aabria weeping)

- He's gonna eat me.
- He's not gonna eat you.

- [Lou] It's crying!
- Yes, when the liquid

falls from their eyes,
that is fear or sadness.

- Your tears, are they crystals?

- Do you not cry?
- Are they quartz?

- No, they're water!

- They've had a very long, this is a lot.

- Would it be best to remove them?

(Aabria screams)

- I'd like to reach for some tears.

- A tongue and a hand, she's just like-

- Salty!
- So salty, like blood!

(Brennan cackling)

- Gwyndolin's voice changes
for a second, and it gets deep,

and it says, if any of you touch her,

I will end you here and now.

- Wannessa's just ducking behind you.

- I would like to not.

- My apologies, Lady Gwyndolin.

Or should I say, Miss Gwyndolin.

- Mm-hm.

- Your guest, unusual as she might be

here at a gathering of
the fey, at the Bloom,

after all, I've forgotten my manners.

Good day to you.
- Yes.

- She gets back up.

- Yes, this is Wannessa.
She is my guest here.

She was brought here

from the Court of Sea Foam

as their guest, and she is with me today.

So, let's show her fey hospitality.

- Well, Wannessa, Gwyndolin,

we were just about to sit down and imbibe.

As an apology, why don't
you come and join us?

My name is Lord Squak
Airavis, Earl of Peckersberg,

one of the Lords of the Wing.

I know, it's a lot.
I'll explain as we sip.

- Are you okay?
- What's happening there?

- Oh, my wrist is injured.

- May I see it?
- [Emily] Very fragile bones.

- What?
- I can help.

- She can help.

Please, work your strange, human...

What do they have?

- Hands.
- Hands on me.

- And she's just sort of
rubbing the point at your wrist

where you're injured, and you watch,

and I need all of you
to make arcana checks.

(Brennan gasps)

- Me too?
- Natural-

- Yeah, well, I mean,

would you consider yourself roughly there?

You can kind of be poofed in

if you were walking in this direction.

- Natural 20.
- 22.

- That's a cool four. Hurt a lot.

- 11, I'm fully focused on Squak's wrist.

- A six.
- Yeah.

She grabs your wrist and begins to work,

and with a 22?
- Mm-hm.

- On a natural 20, you both
see as her fingers work,

there are light colored,

almost iridescent green trails

over where she's touching his wrist,

and there's just a little bit of a sparkle

as you see what you could
best describe as osmosis

as she pulls the magic of
the Bloom from out of the air

and into her hands and casts Cure Wounds.

- Extraordinary.
- I hope that wasn't...

Do I owe you a debt or something?

- No.
- Absolutely not.

Only your company.
- Do you owe me a debt?

- What?
- Hm?

- What?
- Nothing.

- No, I would only ask that you allow me

to make it up to you by
introducing you around.

Please, Gwyndolin, Wanetta?

- Wannessa.
- Wannessa.

Please, please, we've been
standing for much too long.

It's about time we enjoyed
some of these treats.

- I wander over to find out
what all the commotion is.

- Ah! A cloud!

- What the fuck are you?
(Aabria yelps)

- Don't touch its face, it hurts.

- What's going on with your face?

- What's going on with yours?

- Holy shit, you're human?

- She's a Wannessa.

- My-
- I'm a human, yes.

- My eternal apologies.

Wonderful to meet you, Wannessa human.

(Omar chuckles awkwardly)

What the, and I turn
directly to you, Squak,

because I know you'll be honest with me,

what the shit is going on?

- It seems to be some sort of,

(Lou grasps for words)

like a menagerie, you know?

It seems to be some kind of
interesting and unique thing

meant to impress.

- I take an aside to Wannessa.
- Yes.

- And I say, I am so
sorry if I made you feel

like you couldn't have
your own agency, and-

- No, no.

- I want you to feel comfortable, and-

- I'm deeply uncomfortable.
- I know, it's probably a lot.

- You're a balm in a...

This is all beautiful, but terrifying.

- That is the way of
everything that we are.

I don't know why you're
here, but I'm glad,

because if you haven't noticed,

it is harder for me to make friends,

and I feel like,

I feel like I am more
comfortable around you

than a lot

of attendees here,

so know that I do not own you

in this day.

I understand that you are my guest.

- I get it.
- Okay.

- We're good.

- Because I know with us,
it can be kind of strange.

- I am not super sure about
the terms with which I arrived

- I am not super sure about
the terms with which I arrived

or remain here, but I
understand what you're saying.

- Yeah, so in that spirit,

I hope that you can feel
like you can reach out to me

if you need anything,

if you feel alone,

if you feel

like you miss your home,

because I know what that's like.

- She just grabs you and
hugs you immediately,

and you've formed a bond.

- Aw.
- With Wannessa the human.

- A bunch of hair.

- A lock of hair. It's so upsetting.

Are you okay?
- I'm okay.

- And she reaches to wipe your tears.

Is this gonna burn my hand?

- No, no, it's okay.

And as she wipes a tear,

you see a little flicker
of gold crackling.

- And she wipes it, and then keeps wiping,

trying to- not trying to uncover it,

but to put whatever it is back.

- Okay.

- Can I make you a cup of tea?

- I would love that.
- Okay.

Everyone here is very scary, but not you.

- Andhera just suddenly
appears behind you.

- Why?

- So you die, right?
- What?

- What's that like?
- What?

- She's not a ghost.

- No, I suppose not, yet.

My apologies.

When you do die, though,

I would love to know what it's like.

- Do you not ever die?

- No. Well, yes, sort of.

There's a lot of environmental
things that have to happen.

- Okay.

- I want to insight check
Gwyn really quickly.

- [Surena] Mm-hm.

- You have to roll with disadvantage,

as the moment you kind of
start to stare Gwyndolin down,

Wannessa interposes herself.

- Oh, wow. That is going
to be a total of six.

- Against your deception.

- That is a 12.

- What were you looking for?

- I wanted to see if I could notice

that Gwyndolin was upset.

- How quickly do you
regain your composure?

- As soon as he pops up.
- Yeah.

- They just... (slurps)

- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.

- Can I help you with something?

- I have such a bad read on everybody.

- That's okay.
- So I'm not gonna ask

the questions on the tip of
my tongue, I'm not going to.

- Thank you so much

for the shell, by the way.
- No, hold on.

And she raises her hand to quiet you.

Ask your question.

- I'm getting the reading already.

It's already answered for me,
the thing I was going to say.

I would look ridiculous if
I were to ask the question,

and the moment's passed.

It wasn't even a moment to begin with,

so, you know, don't worry.

Tea, are we getting tea? Are we?

- Yes!
- Roll an insight check.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

- Amazing, doing so great today.

Oh my gosh, that's going to be 13.

- It's not bad.
- Thank you, okay.

- What you see in that moment

reminds you of yourself earlier, days ago,

when you were too consumed
with other thoughts

to remember to fumble and bumble,

that you had your true bearing.

In this moment, she's done the same thing

and looked at you not with fear or awe,

but as a peer, and she knows your title.

That's all.

- So, tea.

- Mm. I would love to pour.

Let's pour tea.
- Let's have tea.

- And she walks over to Rue's table.

What are you doing, in this moment?

- I'm actually with Wuvvy,

and Wuvvy's been sort of coaxing
me to be like, it's okay.

Or I'm getting that vibe, at least.

- No, 100%, she's doing
that, and you can hear her

mumbling under her breath,
sending off Sending spells

and coordinating without
having to leave your side.

If she had a walkie talkie,

she would be all in it right now,

but the human comes over,
gives you a little curtsy.

I'm serving tea, would you like some?

- Oh. A human.

Could I make a history roll?
- Yes, please do.

- In terms of, like,
is this the first human

that's ever appeared at the Bloom?

- Give it with advantage.
- Okay.

- Oh, must be nice.
- Imagine.

- It's a 14.

- With a 14,

occasionally fey drag or cajole

or trick or steal humans into their realm.

When they come in, there's
usually no leaving for the human,

and you actually had heard some talk,

the Court of Sea Foam was quite
proud of their little prize,

though they were extremely reticent to say

how they acquired the human,

but she's been mostly kept away

and talked about and
pointed out in windows.

This is her first real walkabout.

- Okay, oh, you must belong
to the Sea Foam Court, yes?

- Well.
- Oh!

- Today, she is my guest.

- Gwyndolin, oh, how did that come about?

- Well, I made friends with, you know,

the whole Sea Foam Court.

We're pals now.
- Huh.

- By the way, you look stunning.

- I'd like to roll an insight check

to see if that's true or not.
- Yeah.

- 18.

- I mean, I rolled a 13,

but I'm as completely honest as possible.

- Completely honest as possible.

- I am genuine. That's a better way.

I said it kind of confusing, yes.

- Thank you, Gwyndolin.
- Yes.

- That does mean a lot.

- We were gonna sit with you,
if that's to your liking.

- Oh, please do, and please,
imbibe on the beautiful teas.

- She's already poured tea for all of you,

and is just sort of
staring at the vials like,

I don't know this part.

- No, please, take a vial of your choosing

and pour a little droplet
on each one of us.

Whatever vial you wish.
- Whichever one I want?

- Yeah, whichever one you want,

unless you have a preference, Gwyndolin,

which vial you would like to choose.

- Well, why don't, we can,

it's one vial per person, or?

- Yeah, it's about enough to throw

a little shot of something
inside a cup of tea,

but none of them are labeled.

- Okay, and are they set up like this?

How are we, or are there just colors?

- Yeah, they're just lined
up as a little rainbow.

- Okay.
- There's 12 of them.

- Let me look at you.

And I'm going to try to roll arcana

to see if I can see her aura, her energy.

I want to find her color.

- Okay, yeah, for sure.
- Okay.

That is a dirty 20.
- Oh my gosh.

She is absolutely giving purple.

- Great. You are this purple here.

- Am I gonna die?
- You're not gonna die.

I will sip it first.
- Oh.

- I will sip it first, and yes.

- That is a grand gesture
among the fey, child,

for someone to offer a drink first.

- Thank you.
- It's a high honor.

- I sip the purple.
- Okay.

The moment it touches your lips,

the entire vial disappears
and the effect takes hold.

That was a Potion of Detect Thoughts.

- Ooh!
- Okay.

- So everyone in this group,

is there anyone whose mind
you would like to press into?

- Not knowing anything that's happening,

I would kind of press into
Rue, because I'm right here.

- Okay, what are your surface
thoughts in this moment?

- Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

This is my real self. Oh my gosh.

I can't believe people are,
like, digging it, maybe?

That's crazy.
- Yes.

- I should've done this forever ago.

What the heck was I so nervous
about? I can't believe it.

I feel exhilarated, but
terrified at the same time.

Are people having a good time?

I hope they're having a good time.

Oh, I really like everyone
now all of a sudden.

- Everyone's fine.
- Ah! What?

- Nothing.

- If you want to push in-
(all laughing)

If you want to push in farther.

- Mm-hm?
- It's a wisdom saving throw.

- I just see a wall of
anxiety. I think we're good.

I'm going to give this, because I also,

I think it's very useful
for Wannessa to drink this.

- It's gone.
- Great.

- Can I just have normal tea?

That would be actually very good for me.

- All right, but, I mean,

you wouldn't be participating
in the fairy teatime.

Wouldn't that be fun for someone like you?

- Persuasion or intimidation.
- Ooh.

You know, fey can be really,
I'll do intimidation,

and I'm a fucking owlbear right now.

- Let's do it!

- Don't you roll intimidation
with advantage or something?

Didn't that happen?

- Oh, last session, with the quills.

- Oh, with the quills.
- [Lou] Battle fit.

- So that is a 16.
- Oh my god, that'll still do.

She goes... (squeaks)
- Don't you want to drink?

- And she reaches to the one
next to where the purple was

and grabs a pink vial,

dumps it in her tea, takes a sip.

Oh boy.
- Oh no.

- Well, she's looking at you,

and she goes from terrified in her eyes,

slack, and relax,

and she kind of just leans forward

as a Philter of Love takes effect.

- Oh shit!

(everyone laughs)

- She is charmed by you for the next hour.

- Ooh!
- Wait.

- Who isn't, though?

- How close is she standing to me?

- I'm assuming you're all in
close proximity at this table.

- If she's within 10 feet, she can't be.

- Oh.

- But for the fun
storytelling element of it,

I will get distracted by something and go,

would you excuse me a moment?

I'm going to go say a quick
hello to the table over there,

and I'll be right back.

- Before you go,

I want you to take a sip of
the tea, please, my dear.

- I can take a sip now.

In 30 seconds I'll be back
and I'll take a sip, Rue.

- As you wish.

- They said to take a
sip. You should do it now.

- I'll do it in a second, goddamn.

Get off my ass, everybody, geez.

And I get out of the 10 feet,

so now you are no longer
protected from being charmed.

- Amazing, yeah, she just falls more.

(Aabria sighs dreamily)

What's your whole deal?

- I'm sorry?

May I please have the green vial?

- Oh yeah, called shot? I love this.

Do you just drink it?
- Mm-hm.

- Or do you put it in your tea?

- Oh no, I put it in the tea, yes.

- You put it in your
tea, and you take a sip,

and you feel a Potion of
Plant Affinity take hold.

- Oh.

- And for the next hour,
any plant that you choose

to interact with will, to
the best of its ability,

and remember that these
are fey plants and have

different abilities and
priorities, are friendly to you.

- I instinctively grab the peony

resting on top of my head.

- And you feel its petals
sort of ruffle and bloom

a little bit more, and get a
little whiter and prettier.

- I wander back,

and now you're within 10
feet, so the charm drops.

- What's happening? Hi, what?

- How's it going? So, now
I'm going to have some tea.

Shit, I forgot my thing.
I'll be right back.

I walk out of the 10 feet.
(Aabria sighs)

Come back. Sorry, I forgot, I got it.

It's in my pocket now.

- I'm feeling a lot of big emotions.

- Are fey aware of the
effects of these drinks or no?

- Once you sip it, you
are aware of what effect

is taking hold, but you can
see countenance changes.

None of them seem too terrible thus far,

and they're kind of just
a weird, dumb party trick.

- Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

So it wouldn't occur to
me to pick up a purple one

on the way over there and drink it?

- You absolutely could.
There are other tables.

- Begging your pardon, thank you.

(Brennan slurps down the
potion and crunches the bottle)

- And as you walk

towards Gwyn and the table,

you actually see, and everyone can hear,

a loud rustling as a massive set of hedges

begin to sprout up deeper inland,

probably 150 feet behind you.

They are clean and precise,
a massive hedge maze

springing suddenly into being.

- Oh, now that's actual fun.

- Now, it looks like either a labyrinth

or a maze has popped up.

Once we discover which one it is,

we'll figure out how much fun we'll have,

'cause one of them is just a hallway.

Do you know what I mean? Do you
know what I'm talking about?

- What's the difference?
What's the difference?

- A labyrinth can go on and on
and on and on and on forever.

Forever, truly forever.

But a maze often has a center
point, an end point to a maze.

- Yes, my friend Dale
one time got mad at me

for not knowing that, so
now, every time it comes up,

I have to bring it up.
- Huh.

- Which one do you think it is, human?

I'm sorry, what's your
name again? Wah-nehss-ah?

- Put a little more mustard on that, yeah.

- Wow, the vanity muscles
really worked on that one..

- I grab a cup of tea
and just stress drink it.

- Do you add any vial to it?

- Not that one, but then
I'll grab another cup of tea.

Captain Hob, will you join us?

Would you care for a fun potion
tea that we're all drinking?

I'm about to drink one of these colors.

- I'm going to look at Rue for a moment.

- I look down a little and slowly look up.

- A magnificent entrance, Rue.

And I'm gonna turn to look at Gwyndolin,

and I'll have drank that
purple boy on the way over.

- What is foremost on
your mind in this moment?

- Foremost on my mind
upon seeing Captain Hob

is guard Wannessa, make sure
they don't harm Wannessa.

Wannessa's fine.

They seem to be staring at Rue,

which honestly seems
safe at this juncture.

No sudden movements.

Everything's great.
What are your thoughts?

- My thoughts in this moment are,

you're not who you say you are.

What do you think of when I think that?

- That's gonna require a wisdom save.

- If she can read my mind thinking that,

does that not move the thought
to the front of her mind?

- Interesting.
- I would say that first,

it's the first blush is
the surface thoughts,

and that's what you got when you asked

what her priorities were as
you were kind of walking up.

- So you have to dig deeper.
- [Brennan] Cool.

- We're making it a die
roll, but I respect the drip.

- You can't knock the hustle, you know?

- I have a die roll now, too.

- The DC for this is
17 in both directions.

- Oh!

- Made it.

- I did not make it. I made 11.

- Okay.

- So you say she's not
who she thinks she is.

- No, you are not who you say you are.

- Right, you are not who you say you are,

and it's a different voice.

What does that mean, not who I say I am?

- I'll push right to the front of my mind

as I pull a seat out to sit at the table

and go, well, the funny
thing about tables and seats

is when you sit in a seat,

and just is blathering mindlessly
as I'm thinking at you.

I'm going to think to myself, real name.

- I won't tell you.

- When you say, I'm not
gonna tell you, you hear,

so you admit it is not Gwyndolin?

- Oof.

- [Aabria] What are the rest of you doing?

- I'd like to move toward the baroness.

Is she headed towards the hedge maze?

- Yeah, she's been over
here, and is kind of looking

towards the hedge maze and
had stepped off to the side.

- I kind of meet her steps

as we move towards the hedge maze.


- My betrothed.

- A quick perception check.
- Yeah.

- To make sure that we're-

- What?
- 100%.

- That's gonna be-
- Damn, that was a delight.

- It was a delight for me, too.

- What?

- That's gonna be a 17.

- What are you looking for, yeah?

- Anyone within earshot of that moment.

- No, she definitely would've
said that quietly enough.

- Okay, great.
- She is discreet.

- I take her hand in
mine, and for a moment,

make apparent the invisible ring

that I have on my left ring
finger, and I say to her,

my apologies that I've been away

for as long as I have, but-
- I understand.

And she gives your hand
just a little squeeze.

- Of course, but perhaps
this night we might adjourn

for a stroll under the stars.

- Nothing could make me happier.

- You are mine, and I am yours.

- What the fuck?

- And we end with just
a little joyful tear

getting lost across the
iridescent scales on her cheeks.

- I give her a quick wink. But
now, there's a party to save.

Everyone, to the damn hedge maze!

- So thank you so much for
joining us for episode four.

We'll see you next time for episode five.

- [All] Yah!

- This is our time, our gift to you.

We are presenting as the prize
at the center of the maze,

the crystal heart.
- Ooh!

- Find me in the maze.

I have something to talk to you about,

something very, very important.

I don't think I can talk to
you about it here, but I-

- Well, of course. I will
find you in the maze.

- What are you looking for in here?

- I'm not sure.

I'm competing for the sake
of being a part of the event.

- We could use this hedge maze experience

to maybe start some rumors
about Prince Apollo.

- Oh, I mean, everyone enters
the hedge maze alone, so-

- All my goblins are done!

I'm like, at times, it is
hard to work with this court!

- Several of you are lined up,

and you pass through the same
wall at roughly the same time,

and as you move through
this two foot thick hedge

and come to the other side, you are alone.