Dimension 20 (2018-…): Season 15, Episode 3 - Duel on the Southern Lawn - full transcript

Lord Squak seeks discretion. Wuvvy seeks satisfaction. Andhera seeks redemption.

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(whimsical music)

- To the churlish Captain K.P. Hob,

venerated soldier of the Goblin Court,

to the Master of Ceremonies,
Delloso de la Rue,

pride of the Court of Wonder,

to the illustrious Gwyndolin Thistle-hop

of the Court of Wonder,

to the tenebrous Prince Andhera,

Scion of the Unseelie Court,

and to the notorious Lords of the Wing,

Lady Chirp Featherfowl,
Countess of Cluckingham,

and Lord Squak Airavis,
Earl of Peckersburg.

Honored archfey, we are
delighted to welcome you to

"A Court of Fey & Flowers".

(birds chirping)

Greetings and welcome

to Dimension 20's "A
Court of Fey & Flowers."

I am your friendly gossip-monger

and Dungeon Master, Aabria Iyengar,

and with me, taking a
turn on the promenade,

are my Pack of Pixies.

Say hi, Pack of Pixies.

- [Everybody] Hi, Pack of Pixies.

- So in our previous chapter,

the exchange of letters
throughout the night

led to twinned mixed signals,

polite declinations from
the Lord of the Wing,

as well as a well-observed
turn about the grounds

between Captain Hob and
Gwyndolin Thistle-hop,

quickly followed by a
tense, clandestine moment

between Rue and Gwyn.

Eventually, our party made their way

to the Great Hart Hunt,

a delightful romp through
a wooded pocket dimension,

where a champion of the
Court of Hoof and Claw,

named Theodore, played
prey as a White Hart

before turning the tables and
attacking the hunting party.

Private moments were had in the woods,

tenderness between Rue and Captain Hob,

a steeling of nerves with
Andhera and his Advisor,

and finally, a revelation
about Gwyndolin's true nature.

So who heard what?

And where do our feys stand?

Let's find out in chapter three.

- Whoo, whoo!
- Whoo!

- So let's start with reputation,

because your gems have once again moved.

And for the first time in our game,

you all have differing reputation ranks.

- Oof.
- Whoa.

(group laughing nervously)

- What does it all mean?
- Don't know!

- Chirp loves it, Emily hates it.

(group laughing)

We have to all be equal.
(group laughing)

- No.
- (laughing).

Now, no one is in a negative zone yet,

so there's no detriment to being seen

with anyone in this group.

However, those of you

with a greater than two-step difference

over some of the other
players can, if you so desire,

exert that influence in interactions,

and you'll be mechanically
rewarded for doing so.

- So, just to be clear, someone like me-

- Yeah, yeah.
(Emily laughing)

- Who's incredibly-
- Incredibly good.

- Who is just absolutely crushing it-

(group laughing)
Could go up to someone

like Andhera and say, "Do what I want,"

and I'll be rewarded for that?

- I mean, it would be
a slightly softer sell,

but absolutely, yeah.
(group laughing)

(Lou clapping)
- Ow!

(group laughing)

- What's yours?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
(group laughing)

I'm so sorry.
(group laughing)

- A lot of these have changed,

not because of your own actions,

but because of the
perception of your actions,

because as you know, your society has made

an Olympic event out of
jumping to conclusions.

So some of you haven't
done anything wrong,

you were just seen in a negative light

by your societies-
- Oh!

- Your relative courts.
- Did I go down?

- You went down.
- [Emily] Oh-

- Everyone moved.
- Andhera-

- Thanks, Oscar.
- Oops!

- And "Gwyndolin" and myself-
- Gwyndolin.

- All went down.

- Oh!

- Everyone will move,

every session.
- [Emily] What did Andhera do?

- What did I do?

I mean, I know what you did, but-

(group laughing)

I'm kidding.
- [Omar] I cast Darkness.

That's messed up.
(people laughing)

- (whispering) We have to be enemies.
- (laughing) I know.

- It's okay, it's okay.
(somber music)

- So with that in mind,

we're going to move from reputation

to a new rumor phase.

So now, in our session zero,

we discussed a lot of rumors,

things that all of your
characters would know,

and that society would be talking about,

going into the Bloom,

but we're not gonna go back
and talk about those again.

There were a billion of them,

and we don't need to spend
time looking those over.

However, everyone here at
the table, myself included,

will have an opportunity to
either put forth a new rumor

or spread one that you
all remember existed

from our session zero.

So if you choose to spread a
rumor that was already extant,

it will move from rumor to scandal,

and you can describe how
it's suddenly more severe,

worse for whoever's involved.

And now, now that we're
in the game and playing,

I will need you to tell me if you

were a part of spreading or
generating this rumor, too.

- Mm, hmm.
- Mm.

- So is this something that
everyone's talking about,

or is this something
you are talking about?

Does that make sense?

Everyone will have one go, and I'll begin,

as the voice of our society.

So, a new rumor moving about the Bloom

is that Captain K.P. Hob is
actively and overtly courting

Gwyndolin of the Court of Wonder,

to try and salvage the alliance
between your two courts.

And keep in mind, if you don't
wanna generate a new rumor,

you can always accelerate and scandalize

a rumor that's already on the table.

So I will move from here and
put a lot of pressure on Omar.

- Hmm!
- 'Cause I love you.

- Thank you so much, I love you too!

- Yay, I love you!
(group laughing)

- Omar can handle it.

- Yeah.
- Thank you so much.

I'm sorry for what's
about to happen, Emily,

since you were nice to me.
(group laughing)

- In our session zero,
a rumor was solicited

that the Lords of the Wing

can't fight for shit,
(people laughing)

I believe is the exact wording.

- [Aabria] Uh-huh.

- I think after yesterday's events,

considering the cousins could
not, even when teaming up,

take down the one foe without
the assistance of others-

- [Aabria] Oh!

- This becomes a scandal.
(Emily scoffing)

But to be clear, Emily (laughing)

Andhera had nothing to do with that.

- I love it.
(group laughing)

- That is now a scandal,

especially since you are
seen as the official winner

of the Hart Hunt.
(Omar gasps loudly)

That now you've got a little
asterisk by your name,

that there was no way you
could've done this by yourself,

and there was probably some
sort of deal or foul play,

or we all did see Theodore leaving

with your cousin in his arms.

Maybe a deal was made
beforehand to offer you a win.

- Oh, (laughing) crap.
- The crazy thing is,

I wasn't even...

Like, my ego wasn't inflated by winning,

but my pride is hurt by this.
(group laughing)

- You double-scimitar-swinging mother-

(group laughing)

- They're different angles.
- [Aabria] We love it.

- They're at different angles.

(group laughing)

- Brennan, you're next.

- I'm trying to think,
and this is me as Bren...

This is not a rumor that Hob would start.

This is just a rumor-
- You could, if you want to.

- I don't think Hob would start a rumor.

I think that this is...

Or not now, not-
- All right.

- Not in this position.

I think a rumor has started
that the Sea Foam Court,

our current hosts of this event,

feel that the Court of Wonder

has been only too happy to
take the majority of the credit

for the success thus far of the Bloom,

and that all the representatives
of the Court of Wonder

seem very glad, indeed,

to forget the ministrations of our hosts,

here in this tidal island.

- Amazing.

And Hob had nothing to do

with generating or spreading that rumor?

- I think that rumor comes
from Boil and Blemish.

- I think Hob...
- Hmm.

- Hob got told, like, "You
are forgetting your place,"

so I think he's in a very
reserved position now,

where he's like, "I'm here
just to be a soldier,"

but he would not start a rumor.

- But did he help spread it?

- If he was ordered to, yes.

- Was he ordered to?

- It depends on if Boil and Blemish

are still angry in their pit.

If they would've ordered him to, then yes.

If not, then no.
- All right, noted.

Okay, Emily.

- Well, I think Chirp
could easily spread a rumor

that Theodore has been
so taken with Squak,

and Squak let them down
so gentlemanly (laughing).

- Oh, okay.

- That Squak was the embodiment
of kindness and gentleness,

as he offered Theodore some
tea and went to bed early.

- [Aabria] Amazing.
- That's my cousin.

- Wow!
(Emily laughing)

- That's great.
- That's my cousin,

right there.
(group laughing)

- Beautiful.

Okay, Lou.

- I'd like to turn the rumor

of K.P. Hob's defeat of besting of Andhera

into scandal-
- Yes!

- In that Andhera inability to show up

in the Great Hart Hunt
is just further evidence

that it's definitely true,

that his combat prowess is so lacking.

- Oh, snap-
- That of course,

K.P. Hob bested him.
- Oh, think about this.

You really wanna do that?

- Yeah.
(group laughing)

- Incredible.

All right.

- I wanna say that the Sea Foam Court

is starting this rumor,

is that this Bloom is the last Bloom

that will be run this way.

- So you're scandalizing

a previous rumor.
- I am scandalizing it, yes.

- So how is it worse than
the rumor version of it?

- So the scandal is that the Bloom

will cease to exist after this Bloom.

This is the last Bloom-

- [Aabria] Oh my god!
- To ever occur.

- (gasping) Oh!

- It's just the last Bloom.
- Mm-hmm.

- Wild, okay.

And Surena.

- Okay, so my rumor is
gonna be about Andhera-

- Mm-hmm.

- And it is that he has been
brought to the Bloom by force.

He does not wanna be there,

and his helper is making him.

- [Aabria] Wow!

- So, and it is a rumor that
Gwyndolin accidentally spread,

because she was speaking
to one of the helpers,

like the attendants helping,

and it was just something
that she said off the cuff,

like akin to, "Oh, well,

"I just didn't think that...

"I don't think he wants to be here!"

Just very blunt, but has
been construed into a rumor.

(suspenseful music)
- Amazing.

- [Oscar] This is dark-sided right here.

- It's so good.
- [Oscar] This is dark-sided.

- It's crazy, 'cause you roll so well

on stealth and deception

that none of us can
start a rumor about you.

(group laughing)
(group clapping)

- And that's how you do it.
- I've been sitting here,

being like, "I just think
Gwyndolin is normal."

(group laughing)

What can I start about

Gwyndolin: nothing.

(Surena laughing)

- I heard Gwyndolin had
a good time at breakfast.

(people laughing)

Pass it on.

- By the way, Oscar,

I know you said the Sea Foam
Court started the rumor-

- Uh-huh.
- About the last Bloom.

Has Rue said or done anything to pass...

To accelerate the rumor?

- No, Rue is not bothered by those things.

- Now I'll offer you your
first bit of economy here.

Those of you that have treasured tokens,

you can burn a token to take a rumor

or a scandal off the board.

- I think...


- Yes?
(Surena laughing)

- I've been noodling.
(group laughing)

I actually quite like this rumor

about our lack of prowess-
- Mm-hmm.

- Because low expectations

can be just as impairing in a duel.

- Cousin, you've done it again.

(group laughing)

- So I will not take
that rumor off the table.

- Okay.

Captain Hob?

- [Omar] Whoa.


- Am I of the opinion
that it would be pleasing

to the Lord Blemish and Lady Boil,

were the miasma of rumor-mongering

around my faux pas

in promenading with a member
of the Court of Wonder,

would it be prudent for that
to go away, in their eyes?

- I think, in truth,

while they don't enjoy the assertation

that this is overt play,
to reforge the alliance,

they don't hate that people are talking

about the Goblin Court
in a way that implies

gentility and cunning,

because that's never really been a thing

said about you as a
court, so, it's not great,

but it's actually fine press.

- In that case, I will
let that rumor stand,

and I will in fact worsen it,

if I can.
(Omar gasps)

- Let's get nasty!
- Go on.

- Hob will leave a written note

where someone can find it,

of apology from him that casts
him in a humiliating light,

that he was dressed down by his superiors,

because the juiciness of
him being dressed down

will have to accompany the information

that the Goblin Court is not
looking for that alliance.

- [Emily] Mm.
- I love that,

and it's a perfect segue into
our next epistolary phase.

- Mm, I actually would love to go first,

based off of that.
- Please do!

- Cousin, I'm going to
write to Grandfather.

- Oh, I was also going
to write to Grandfather.

(group laughing)
- Were you?

- Yes!
- I thought it was so fun

when Andhera sent us both letters.

Let's just both

send him letters-
- Let's do the same thing

for Grandfather.
(group laughing)

But they're gonna be...

Is it okay if they're different?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
- Oh, great.

- Okay (clears throat).

Dearest Grandfather,

everything fares
spectacularly at the Bloom.

Myself and Squak...

(whisper) That's you...

Have been exemplars of
decorum, Squak especially.

Being here, however, I find
my imagination stimulated

with the opportunities
this setting provides.

Might there be another path

to allay our precarious situation?

I speak, of course, of
the path of intelligence.

The captain of the Goblin Court,

Captain K.P. Hob, is in attendance,

the very same captain who slandered

the military capacity of
the Lords of the Wing.

Rumor has been spread he's
been seen promenading,

unaccompanied by his superiors,

with a woman from the Court of Wonder.

It occurs to me that this captain

may be more impressionable
than we anticipated.

Might fraternity with a man
of such proximity to power

provide valuable information
that could be leveraged

just as effectively as a marriage?

In skies we fly, Chirp.

(group clapping)
- Oh, yes!

(group cheering and laughing)

- Wow, wow.
- That was next level.

- [Aabria] That was so damn good.

- [Omar] Oh my god.
- [Lou] This is crazy.

- [Aabria] Please take inspiration.

- Thank you.
- We can't top that.

- [Aabria] Hold on.
- You said you wanted

to be the first.
- Let's do epistolary round.

(group laughing)

- It was a perfect transition

from him doing-
- [Surena] Oh, yeah.

- When you were gonna take it off,

I was like, fuck, I have this thing,

and then you made it worse
and it played into it.

- So right.
- [Oscar] My goodness.

- Do you wanna come back...

I didn't give you the
option to burn your token.

- I will say this.

Andhera, while growing up as a child,

constantly got in trouble
for making, and I quote,

mouth sounds.
(group laughing)

- Uh-huh, like-
- Who are you quoting from?

(group laughing)

- A story for another time.

(group laughing)

Just little mouth sounds,

deep within the hearts of the caves,

that would echo through and
then voices would carry,

"Shut up!"
(people chuckling)

So the prospect of having a horn...

- Yeah.
- Andhera will be buried

with this fucking thing
before they give it up.

(group laughing)
- Amazing.

Well then, on that note, and again,

time is a little wibbly-wobbly here,

but your grandfather does respond,

(people gasping)
not with a note,

but with a token of his esteem.

(group gasping)

- [Aabria] We gotta reward a dope letter.

- Oh!
- Emily can take

three scandals off the board!?
(group laughing)

- Can I read my bad letter to Grandfather?

(group laughing)

No, your intelligence is four.

Mine is plus one.
(group laughing)

And it shows.
(group laughing)

Most benevolent grandfather
who created birds.

(group cackling)

- Yes.

(group cackling)
- Please continue.

I'm so happy.

- Yes.

- I am pleased to inform
you that this year's Bloom

is already soaring.

We've garnered the
attention of the entirety

of all those in attendance
in the form of a grand wager

with organizer of this year's
Bloom, Delloso de la Rue.

Humorously, the wager's only requirements

are that we follow the
aims you'd already set,

the prosperity of the Lords of the Wing

and the besting of the Court of Wonder,

all at the same time.

Talk about maiming, not killing,

one of your beautiful creations

with a single stone.
(group laughing)


On that note, it delights me to say

that Lady Featherfowl
has already taken steps

to finding a potential suitor

in one Andhera of the Unseelie Court.

The lady was triumphant
in the Great Hart Hunt,

the only person to ever do so,

I must say-
(Emily cackling)

And she generously shared her victory

with the Unseelie Lord,

and in doing so, revealed a pillar

on which we might stabilize

our teetering society.
(group laughing)

This is a pun, Grandfather,

on the fact that the Unseelie Lord

was once known as Pillar Boy,

because at the last Bloom-
(group laughing)

He was but a child that was often found

to be peeking out from behind pillars.

(group laughing)
I believe he was shy,

but I also believe his mother
is just a stern breeze,

and that can't be good for social skills.

Anyway, we will all...

Alas, we will make you proud.

May the wind be ever beneath your wings,

Lord Squak Airavis, Earl of Peckersburg.

(group laughing and applauding)
- [Aabria] Amazing.

(Aabria cheering)

- We all sit in the
green room writing these

before we come down together.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- To be clear,

I haven't written mine.
(group laughing)

- You also receive a response
(group gasping)

from your grandfather-

- Is it a letter?
- In the form of a letter.

(group laughing)

- I don't want his words.
(group cackling)

- You got a letter, oh no!
(group laughing)

- Please let it be notes back.

Like it's the same
letter but with red ink.

- It's just like red-lined.
- It's their, not they're.

(group laughing)

- It's super brief.

It's just, "I may have
underestimated you."

- Well, I think Squak is definitely

a little disappointed when...

- Yes!

(group applauding)

- Oh, that's beautiful!
- Wow.

- Oh, okay, wow.
- Oh my gosh!

- [Aabria] A literal family jewel.

- Oh!
- Ah!

- [Emily] Oh!
- [Oscar] Ah!

- Your first item!
(group clapping)

- Squak is crying.
(group laughing)

Squak retreats to his room to clutch this,

hold it in the fetal
position and just weep.

- Oh.
- And whenever he's done,

I do fill him in on the fact that

maybe there is an intelligence
angle that we can work.

- Oh, okay, I like it.

- Anyone else?

- I have a letter.

So Gwyndolin is sending a letter

to Lady Featherfowl.
(baroque music)

And it reads, Dear Lady Featherfowl,

congratulations on an extraordinary win,

but more than that,

it was inspired to see you
share that win with Andhera,

who was decidedly a big boy.
(group laughing)

Enclosed, you'll find a
basket of artisan breads,

nuts, and candy worms.

Highest regards, Gwyn.

(group gasping)

(people applauding)
- Candy worms!

(Emily clearing throat)

- Birds, birds.
(group laughing)

- And 'cause Gwyn didn't
come with, like...

She doesn't have an assistant.

So in the dead of night,

she delivered the basket and
all of that, and the note,

at your door so that when
you woke the next morning,

you would find it.

- You gotta gimme a stealth check,

- [Surena] Yes!

- We got birds out there.
- Yeah,

we got birds out there, but
we also did go to bed early,

because we're turning a new beak.

(group laughing)

- Okay, that is a 19.

(Omar gasping)
- Okay, with a 19,

you notice as you drop it off,

one little bird kind of
wakes up and sees you,

but no alert is given.

- I wink at the bird and
continue doing my things.

- I think when I-
(group laughing)

When I receive that,
I do not eat the food.

I place it out and then I say, Cousin,

we've hardly had a chance to
meet Gwyndolin Thistle-hop.

who was seen promenading with Captain Hob.

I feel like we should
invite her over tomorrow.

- Mm (chuckling).

I could imagine us having
tea with several persons.

(group laughing)

- The softest no.

(group laughing)

- No, no, no, it's not a...
(group laughing)

I was only making a few plans for tea.

I had the idea-
(group laughing)

- Okay, let's get a...

But is this gonna be a weird thing

where we bring together friends
who don't know each other?

- No, no, we would never...

We're not doing that.
- We're not doing that.

- We'll do separate teas.
- We'll do separate teas.

- Exactly, one with Gwyndolin,

and then another one that's
a bit of a surprise for you.

- (giggling) Okay!

Yes, I respond to Gwyndolin and I say,

Thank you so much for the kind words

and the even kinder gummies.

I would be beside myself

to enjoy your company tomorrow afternoon,

if you saw fit to come by.

I am also open to come to your place

if that is more comfortable for you.

Accommodation is my aim,

and I look forward to
getting to know you more.

P.S., I love your hair.

(group laughing)

- It's like a standing invitation.

You can just, like, show up or something.

- Yes.
- You don't have to respond

to say yes.

- Okay, so this is what happens.

(group laughing)

- [Aabria] Yes!

- Upon receiving your letter,

I'm assuming it is from a bird, right?

- Yeah, I think I'll go penguin.

- [Oscar] Mm!
- Penguin.

- Oh!
- Yeah!

- Great.
- So formal!

- A penguin that's like really hot.

(group laughing)

- Ooo, the hot-
- Like really over...

- No, no, really-
- Really like shit.

- Overheated, overheated.
(group laughing)

- Oh, cool, cool.

- I summon one.

The second I summon him
into this temperate climate,

he looks terrified.
- [Surena] Oh no!

- It will just be a short journey.

It's just a two-mile walk in a climate

you're uncomfortable with.

- He happy-feets his ass on over.

(group laughing)
- Oh, a tap-dancing penguin!

- Yeah, he's giving Savion Glover.

It's great.

- Oh, god, upon seeing this
very overheated penguin...

(Penguin panting from overheating)

Oh, okay!

- He just lays down.
- Oh, it's alright!

Can I pick you up?

So I put this penguin over
my shoulder, like a baby,

and I read the note and then I walk back

to your place, like two miles.
(group laughing)

- Ah, Gwyndolin!

- Oh, yes, I would love to
meet you later this afternoon.

Here's your penguin.

- Oh, thank you so much.

I put him in an ice bath.

(group laughing)

Yes, wonderful, wonderful.

We can meet later.

I'm also available now or-

- Now? Are you sure?

I wouldn't be putting
you out or anything, or-

- Honey, I don't put
out anymore (giggling).

(group laughing)
- Oh tha-, oh, oh!

- I turned a new beak.

- You did.

So I'm not doing anything now,

if you-
- Oh!

- Wanted to hang out?

I mean-
- Uh, birds!

And I think there's like a Cinderella

cleaning up of a parlor room

to get it together.
- It's more penguins.

- Yeah.
(group laughing)

Squak, do you wanna be here?

- Oh, Gwyndolin, yes, of course.

Here, I'll pour tea.

You two, sit down.

- We're gonna cut back to this.

I wanna keep going, letter-wise,

but I love this scene,

and we will be putting a pin
in it and coming back around.

Does anyone have a letter they wanna send?

- I have two.
- Okay.

- So I'll do the first of two,

if that's alright.
- Sure.

- I don't know why I'm flipping open.

I haven't written anything.
(group laughing)

I don't know at which point

in the timeline you would receive this,

but a letter comes to
Gwyndolin Thistle-hop.

(baroque music)
My dearest Gwyn...

Actually, not MY dearest,

and this is all in it.
(group laughing)

- Yes!

- Not my dearest, I wouldn't (chuckling)

I'm not quite sure how to address,

per se, in that regard...

Your dearest Gwyndolin,

I just wanted to say what
an absolute pleasure it was

to join you in the hunt yesterday.

It truly meant quite a bit,

and I wanted to deliver something to you

to embolden, and then
embolden's crossed out,

represent my feelings in a way.

It's true, what I said yesterday,

that I had rock friends
(chuckling) growing up (chuckling),

but I am not a child anymore,

and I should be making
real friends, which I have.

So I-
(group laughing)

- Solid.

- His letters are bumbling.
(group laughing)

- Come to the beach

(people cackling)
in the early hours...

- Come to the beach! Ah, sea for miles.

(group laughing)

- And came upon shells,

two matching, some
unfortunately demised creature,

and I wanted you to have one of them,

and I would have the other.

Apart, they function
obviously as a shell would,

but at the same time, together,

it does make quite a pair.

And so please have this, my shell pal.

And this is written in
like liquid granite.

- Ooh!
- Mm.

- And I wanna say, it
might be hard to tell,

particularly, but if you kept a close eye,

I think you would notice

the second paragraph of
it is in fresher ink,

and there's been a time
period between the two.

And the fresher one says...

And the handwriting's
a little bit different,

a little less regal and
a little more candid.

But also, I do want to reiterate

that it does actually mean a lot to me,

and I do consider us friends now.

And if there's anything you
ever want to talk about,

and I don't mean this
diplomatically, like, legitimately,

if there's just something
on your mind, let me know!

And I'd be happy to join
you in a stroll and a chat.

Enjoy the shell.

- When I get this letter,
I'm in my quarters,

so I'm by myself.

I read all of it, I look at the shell,

and across my face, there's
breaks in the Gwyn glamour.

I start to flicker, and
you see the dark hair,

like the gold branch
marks, the dark makeup.

She smiles and then it flips back.

- Can I add that-
(group laughing)

There is to be any witness to that-

- Mm-mm.
- I didn't send Advisor.

- Okay, uh-
- Instead, I sent my dog.

(Aabria gasping)

- [Oscar] Ooh!
- [Aabria] Ooh!

- Oh!
- [Aabria] Yuck.

- [Oscar] Grandpa Dog.
- [Brennan] Grandpa Dog.

- [Omar] Grandpa Dog.
- [Lou] Grandpa Dog.

- [Emily] Grandpa Dog!

- Would you have allowed
Grandpa Dog into your quarters?

- My room's pretty private,
but I will say that

because my room is so
private, I read it outside,

and so what Grandpa Dog saw was a flicker.

Grandpa Dog.
(group laughing)

Just straight face, Grandpa Dog.

- Grandpa Dog clocks it

and turns his head.

And then without waiting for a response,

turns and trots back to his master.

- I have another letter I'd like to send.

Can I send that?
- Okay.

- Okay.

It feels like it all goes together.

- Yeah!

- So when I go back into my room,

it is dark and it's quiet.

I transform into
(magical music)

my more comfortable self,
and I start this letter.

Dear Gwyn, I hope you're well

and are adjusting to
the mortal realm fine.

Things on my end are also fine.

Your rituals are strange, though,

but it'll all be worth it.

Love and magic are always worth it.

Yours in hospitality, Binx.

(group gasping and writing)
- Ooh!

- We have a name!

- The game's afoot.

- What the heck?
(Omar laughing)

- What the heck?

- I love when people take
notes with these pens

with like a quarter of an inch...

(laughter drowning out Aabria)

(group making 'writing' noises)

(group giggling)

- I have a second letter to send,

but I don't wanna be greedy.

Does anyone-
- I'm gonna jump in here-

- Oh!
- And send a letter.

- [Lou] Ooh!
- Oh.

- This is a letter that
appears to Lord Airavis,

and what appears in front of you,

what's delivered, is this bowl,

shallow and incredibly
wide, full of sea foam,

that takes a very specific shape.

It's an Apollonian gasket,

circles that are tangent to each other

and get into smaller fractal circles,

beautiful and delicate.

And the moment you touch
the bowl, they begin to pop

(bubbles popping)
from smallest to largest.

And you hear a voice you
recognize as Baroness Elven,

and she says, "My darling,
(whimsical music)

"it has been good to
see you, to watch you.

"Your activities and energies

"are a balm to my soul.

"I simply want to reaffirm

"my affections for you

"and my eternal desire
to someday, joyfully,

"make our debut.

"Know that though I hear and see

"everything that happens within my court,

"I do not now, nor have I
ever, passed judgment on you.

"Do what you think is best

"and act in ways that only you can,

"that have endeared me to you,

"from now until the end of time.

"Yours faithfully, Elven."

- I think Squak has a very potent

and emotional moment holding
either side of the bowl,

and then hears Chirp and spills it all.
(water splashes)

(Emily laughing)

Somebody brought us a bowl.

Somebody brought us a
really beautiful bowl.

- The gifts are weird this year.

- They're wild.
- Try some bowls.

- Do you wanna put those candied
worms in here or something?

- Oh, yes, absolutely.

- Noted.

- Anyone else?

- Yeah, I have a letter.

As Rue is in their abode,

deciding on what outfit
to wear the next day-

- Oh my god, tease me.

- They write a letter to-
(group laughing)

Gwyndolin, my dearest,
(baroque music)

loveliest Gwyndolin Thistle-hop,

I must sincerely apologize

for my boorish behavior the other day.

Imagine stealing you from
Captain Hob mid-conversation,

only to bully you about keeping
appearances (posh laugh).

I take full responsibility for my actions.

(group laughing)

To be honest, I have no
idea what has come over me.

You made such a kind gesture

to open up the gates of friendship.

And in my nervousness, I'm
afraid I closed the door shut

and padlocked it, throwing away the key.

Is there any chance for reconciliation?

Please forgive me for
thinking of my status

before thinking of you,
a potential friend.

Even though it would break my heart,

I will completely understand
if you do not write back to me

and keep the gates of friendship closed,

for you see, it appears as if I threw

the key to the padlock on
your side of the fence.

I implore you to use it.

All the best, Rue, with a little heart.

Bink bink.
- Aw.

- Oh, Wuvvy!

- Yes, hi (breathing heavily).

- Hello, my dear Wuvvy.
- Hi.

(whisper) I'm sorry I
couldn't help more with the...

But he had turned.

Anyway, what can I

do for you?
- You did more than enough,

- Thanks.

- And you have been doing

a fantastic job.
- Thank you.

- I don't know what I would do

if you were not by my side.

- That means a lot to me, thank you.

- You mean a lot to me.

I'm trying to add a new
friend at the Bloom.

Please send this to dear
Gwyndolin Thistle-hop.

- Oh, okay.

Do you need,



- It could be-
- And then she's kinda

tossin' her hair, and it changes color.

- Oh, as a matter of fact,

I would love it for it to be you,

and I would also greatly appreciate it

if people saw you send it to Gwyndolin.

- [Emily] Ooh! (claps)
- [Brennan] Ooh, wow, yes!

- Oh my god, totally playing
like you know each other.

(Oscar laughing)

- Totally best friends-

- I would be remiss if I didn't mention.

You know, people are talking
about her right now, right?

- Right, but not in good
standing, of course.

- I'm not questioning your judgment,

just double-checking.
- No, I understand.

I absolutely...

I think for this,

it would be a good thing

for the event organizer of the Bloom

to reach out to everyone involved

to ensure they are having a good time.

Don't you agree, Wuvvy?

- Always.

And for the first time in a long time,

Wuvvy walks slowly and
greets people as she goes,

doing her best impression
of you at your ease,

waving about the note as she goes

and delivers it to you, Gwyn.

Are you-
- (stuttering) One second!

And you hear kind of scuffling sounds.

(objects clunking)

And then opens the door, shuts it.


(group laughing)

- Hi, are you busy?

- Very.
(Oscar giggling)

It's personal stuff.

- You can just see her
ears kind of flicking,

trying to like catch a hear.

She's listening for, I
mean, let's be honest,

a big-ass goblin on the
other side of the door.


Oh, I have a letter for you.

- Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

- And I read it, and are people looking?

Are there people, like...

Great, good.

This is very kind.
- Mm-hmm.

Wuvvy has no idea what it says.

- Give me one moment, okay?

- Mm-hmm.
- Just bear with me a second.

- Mm-hmm!
- Gwyndolin goes inside,

and then there's scuttling sounds.

You hear kind of like, "Shit."

"It's fine, it's fine."

And out of the door
(door creaking)

you see a woven key.

It's very ornate and small,

and it's on like a leather string,

but it's still wondrous, as in like,

it's meticulously crafted.

And I hand it to Wuvvy
with a little tiny note

that says, "I accept."

Here, you can give that to them.

- Okay.
(whimsical music)

- That's all from me.
(Brennan laughing)

- Okay.
(people laughing)

- Mm-hmm.

- Anybody else think she was gonna burn it

for like a half second?
- [Omar] Yea.

(Lou mimics lighting a match)
(group laughing)

- I thought, oh, maybe
that's a status thing, right?

If she were to be,
like, rip up the letter,

then it's like, take Rue down a peg,

increase your status.
- [Omar] Ooh.

- That's what I was thinkin'.

- You have no idea what she's thinking.

- I thought about it.
- Instead, kindness.

- (laughing) Yeah.
- [Emily] It said "kindness,"

- Is it kindness?

- [Brennan] But a very
weird kind of kindess-

- Which can be just as good

for your reputation.
- 'Cause now nobody can see

Wuvvy with a letter walking back.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, oh-

- It's not a letter.

It's a object.
- [Oscar] It's an object, yeah.

- [Emily] Okay...

- It's not what you described,

but I do wanna offer you

a token from one player to another.

- Thank you!
- Oh my God,

incredible, incredible.

- Oh.
- Wow.

- Every other DM at home
should be giving gifts

to their players.
(group laughing)

- I'm gonna adjust your-
- Thank you.

- [Aabria] Yeah, just get a little

tassel on there.
- Set the bar and-

(Emily laughing)

- And you provide the snacks
and you write the campaign.

(group laughing)

- Easy peasy.

We're working on this
angle that's important.

- I'm gonna get it.
(group laughing)

- Yeah, that, oh.

(Aabria laughing)

- [Surena] Oh, yeah that looks good.
- There you go.

That looks good to me.

I enjoyed that.
- That's set dressing

right there.
- [Surena] Nice.

- [Emily] Ooh, Lou!
- [Brennan] Lovely!

- Lovely, lovely!

- Alright, we're good (claps) alright Set.

(group laughing)

Set (claps).

- So yes, Wuvvy comes back
and delivers the key to you.

- Huh, key?

Made my metaphor into an actual thing.

(group laughing)

- [Aabria] I don't get it.

- Hm?
- I don't get it.

- Oh, it's something to do
with the letter that I wrote.

It's a kind gesture.

(group laughing at Rue's loss for words)

- That's exactly what I wanted, baby!


- I think we'll leave it as is.

Oh, while you're here-
- Mm?

- I'd like to write another letter.

- Mm.
- Okay!

And Wuvvy walks into your apartments

and just sits down and she's just kind of

leafing through some of the fabric

and some of the outfits
that you're picking between,

offering no opinions, she wouldn't dare,

but just sort of enjoying her time.

- All of a sudden,

Rue's countenance gets really somber,

from this very uptight to a
very somber sort of state,

(clearing throat) hesitates.
(gentle piano music)

And decides to put pen to parchment.

Captain K.P. Hob.
(group gasping)

- [Emily] Yes!
- Despite my rational brain,

who has been in control of my person

for many a fey millennia,

my heart has taken control of
this chariot I call my body,

and it compels me to
write you this letter.

(Aabria breathing loudly)
You must understand,

I am fighting every instinct
to burn this letter,

because, as the organizer of the Bloom,

this is beyond my station.

I have an event to organize,

and I am afraid I am getting swept up

in the affair of the archfey.

Captain, I see a lot of myself in you,

someone who navigates within a world

that hardly understands,

a fey caught between duty and instinct.

I feel a strong connection
to you, Captain Hob,

and to be quite frank, it
scares me (clearing throat).

I have never been truly
myself with anyone,

and as you grabbed me by the
wrist and looked into my eyes,

I felt something I've never known before.

I don't know what it is,

and against my better judgment,
I am willing to pursue it.

Where stands you?

Delloso de la Rue.
(group cheering)

- [Lou] Wow, wow, wow.
(people finger-snapping)

- I feel so bad for
talking in the green room

while you all were writing these letters.

(group laughing)

- Give me a deception check.

- Mm!

- [Emily] What?
- As Wuvvy looks at you-

- [Emily] Oh, I see.

- As you hand off the letter.
- [Lou] Not Wuvvy!

(Omar laughing)

- 17.

What's wrong, Wuvvy?

- Nothing, you just...

Seemed... different.

Is everything okay?

- Well, you heard me write the letter,

as I often speak-
- Did you write it out loud?

(Brennan laughing)

Wait, so she heard all of that?

- Mm-hmm!
(Aabria gasping)

- Oh, then never mind.

She wouldn't have run insight check.

She's just like (gasping).

- Wuvvy, what's wrong?

It's too much, is it?
- What did I miss?

- I shouldn't do it.

I shouldn't.
- I was out being a deer.

What the fuck did I miss?

- I...

I'm afraid I've caught feelings for Hob.

- Okay, let me be very clear.

He's so tall, his arms are so long.

I get it, I get it.
- Right?

- No, it's good!

- He's a bit dreamy, in his own way!

- Yeah, he's bad at words, but, like,

who needs talkin'?
(group laughing)

- Wuvvy.
(group laughing)

- Damn.

- Damn, Wuvvy

- Am I being too-
- He sent me off

to go fuck Theodore, so
the least I can say is,

you know...

- It feels- it feels wrong.

It feels, in fact-
- Why?

- I shouldn't do this-
- Why?

- Well, especially (sighing)
I just haven't been honest.

He doesn't know me.

- How well do any of the
fey really know anyone else?

We are all a pile of secrets,

and I think you just
have to find the person

you're willing to be
truthful to, or whatever.

- I cannot allow

my feelings to get in the way of my duty.

- And you never would.

- But these feelings are too strong.

- You know I love you, right?

- Of course.

- If it's a matter of
giving me more stuff to do,

to take a little off your
plate, that's not an ask.

Just let me know.

- I'm very scared and I feel like I've

rushed into something that
I've just been introduced to.

Wuvvy, burn the letter.
(people gasping)

- [Emily] Oh!
- [Brennan] Oooooh!

(people groaning from the drama)
- I love it.

God, that's the best move.
- Burn it.

Get rid of it.

(Lou chortling quietly)

(group laughing)

- That's not the letter
I expected to be burned.

(group laughing)

Oh my god.

- Make a persuasion or intimidation check.

- Ooh, all right.

(Oscar laughing)

I rolled a 17, but I'm
gonna use 'Command'.

(Aabria gasps)
- [Emily] Ooh!

- Oh.


What's the spell save DC?

- Oh, 16.

- She fails, and we see her ears flatten.

One word.
- Burn.

- [Lou] Ooh.

- And you see just a little tear

begin to form at the corner of her eye,

and she blinks it away,

as just in her hand where she
was still holding the letter,

she uses just a little cantrip,

and it goes up in a beautiful pink flame,
(fwoosh of fire)

and she doesn't look away from you,

she doesn't look down at the letter.

She just watches you.

What does she see as the letter burns?

- Rue reciprocating those feelings,

tears falling down their face,

not necessarily for the letter,

but because this is the first time

that I have commanded you to do something.

- Oh.
- [Lou] Mm, mm, mm.

- She lets the ash fall out of her hand.

(melancholy music)

- That will be all, Wuvvy.

- You know I love you, right?

- That will be all.
(people exhaling tensely)

- And Wuvvy turns and walks out the door,

and makes a show of walking
slowly around the grounds,

and then speeds up and
heads to the Goblin Pagoda.

(Lou gasping)

She has an excellent memory,

and you didn't tell her
never to spread the message,

just to burn the letter.
- [Emily] Ooh, hoo-hoo!

- You can't be doin' this!
- Wuvvy!

(group laughing)

- Oh no, are you serious?
- [Aabria] Oops.

- [Omar] Oh my god.
- Wuvvy is making a mess!

(Aabria laughing)
- Oh my gosh, I love it.

- We'll come to that in a second,

but I know you have another letter.

- I do, I don't wanna be greedy.

I can wait on the letter.

- I want your letter!

- [Omar] Okay.
(group laughing)

I write the letter.

I finished writing the letter,

and I turn to Advisor,

and for the second time
today, Andhera says,

Advisor, actually, I'll take care of this.

Don't worry about it.

Being introduced to so many people,

I'm realizing I ask so
much of you all the time,

so I'd like to ask you
just something directly.

Not of you, just you.

What do you want to do right now?

(Lou chuckling)

- Go home.
(group laughing)

Oh, I'm sorry, did you
want like a nice answer?

- No!
- Like, I'll go

walk about the gardens?

I hate it here.

It's sunny and it feels bad.

(Emily laughing)
I don't like people.

The lady I serve is a mean gust of air,

and that's great for me.

I'm sorry, go ahead.

- Don't apologize to me.
- You were having

a nice moment.
- No, no, no.

I'm going to go hand-deliver this,

'cause I already sent Dog to
go deliver the other letter.

I'm gonna go see if
possibly I can find a place

that you might feel a
little bit more home,

somewhere dark and damp and horrible,

you know, like where we're from.

(Aabria chuckling)

- Oh, 'kay.

- So I'll go deliver this,

and then let me see what I can do.

I dunno what's happening to me, Advisor,

but I'm beginning to feel friendship.

- With who?
(Omar laughing)

- With so many people, Advisor!

(group laughing)

With so many people,

and as the door open, with so many people.

(Aabria laughing)

And I had the two miles, possibly.

(group laughing)

And I knock upon Lady
Chirp Featherfowl's door.

- Oh!
(tranquil music)

- Cousin (chuckling).

- Yes, I'll get it.
(group laughing)


- How are you doing?

- I'm doing well.

Congratulations on your
shared victory yesterday.

(Omar laughing)

- You saw that, did you?

- Oh, well, yes, I did have
my eyes on something else,

but I did notice, yes.
(group laughing)

- Well, congratulations
on your shared victory,

if you catch my drift.
- Oh, no,

we shared a cup of tea
and I went to bed on time.

(group laughing)

- And I'm reading between those lines.

Hot damn (laughing) do
you know what I mean?

- There's nothing between those lines.

I drank tea and went to bed.
(group laughing)

- Oh, I'm sure there's
something between those lines.

- There is not, I drank
tea and went to bed.

(group cackling)

- Oh, ah, Pillar Boy!

- Yes, it's me (laughing).
(group laughing)

- I'm sorry, we have no pillars in here.

- Oh, I, no...

And I rub the back of my neck.

- If it would make you
feel more comfortable,

if you give my cousin some time,

Oh, she-
- Give it 10 minutes

to concentrate.
(group laughing)

- She can build a pillar
to make you right at home.

- No, I...
(Omar chuckles)

Thank you for the offer.

But instead I came to deliver
a letter that I hand wrote

directed towards you, it's-

- Oh, well, why don't you have a seat?

I'm gonna pour you a cup of tea.

It would be nice for
the two of you to spend

a little bit of time together.

Maybe you can read the letter
and the two of you can chat.

- Sure.
- Yes.

Please sit down, sit down.

- It is a performance parlor,

perhaps you'd like to read it to me.

- Well-
- Unless it is

private in nature.

- It's interesting.

- It's an interesting letter?

Oh, I can't wait.
(group laughing)

- I's just, it's less of
a letter and more of a...

How do I put this?

Since I'm not always the best at speaking,

I took the time,

the better part of this morning,

to put together a
collection of pickup lines-

(Oscar laughing)

Lewd jokes and rude drawings.

- Big boy behavior, indeed.
(group laughing)

- I'm gonna step out of the room,

and let the two of you, I'm
gonna light a few candles.

Maybe close a few blinds.

- I absolutely would like to
hear all of these pickup lines.

(Omar laughing)

- I'm-
- Or I can just read it.

- I'm actually realizing that this

might have been a huge mistake,

and I start, I just kind of-

- Well, no, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah, I'm gonna

block the entry way with my body.


(group laughing)

- With your thin little body?

(group laughing)

There's plenty of space
on either side of me.

(group laughing)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- He plays goalie in our
Lord of the Wings soccer.

- Yes, in our intramural soccer league.

- I would love to know
how that works in the sky.

- Well.
(group laughing)

Very well.

Andhera, I'm actually so glad you're here.

I've been so curious.

I think it's open truth that

the Queen of Air and Darkness

despises us,

and I've sensed such a
different nature from you,

and I've been trying to get a read on you.

Are you a little bit rebellious

or are you perhaps playing a longer con?

- So we're doing the
personality quiz game.

And I sit down...

I've read about these.

(group laughing)

Out of those two options,
fascinating, fascinating.

And Advisor's not there to
point out the glaring red flags.

(Oscar laughing)

I know that mother has
issues with your family.

- Yes, she is made of
air, so her words travel.

- Yes, it's mostly growing up

I heard the issues that
she had was that she thinks

that you all stole the
idea of birds from bats

and that it's not really-

- We've heard-
- Yes.

- We've heard that rumor.
- We've heard that rumor.

- And we think it's quite clear that

wings are kind of...

We are the Lord of the
Wings, it's in the name.

- And some of them don't even fly.

Some of them actually walk.

- Some bats don't even fly?
- No, no, birds.

(Brennan laughs)
- And I personally think

that's a huge, like,

it's always good to have a backup plan.

Like what if your bird doesn't fly?

It can now walk.

I think it's great.
- Do you know one time,

though, I did see an article in

something called the New York Times,

in which a bat ran on a treadmill.

And there was sort of
photographs side by side

of a bat running on a treadmill.

So bats can actually run.

(group laughing)
- Now, I know

you may be confused by a
treadmill, the New York Times,

or any sort of thing.
(group laughing)

But the impressive thing is that...

Oh did you want tissues,
do you have a runny nose?

(Lou mimics sound of handkerchief
being pulled out of pocket)

- Thank you.

I will plug that up.

I'm like a little walrus.

- Anyway,
(Brennan guffaws)

- Well, aren't we getting
on as a few chums?

- Anyways.

I just find myself drawn
to your new energy,

and very, very curious
about your motivations.

- I was sent here to represent
my court in a diplomatic way.

- As was your sister, though.

Am I incorrect in that?

- You know, that's a
big question (laughing)

as to why Sister was sent.
- I'm sorry.

- No, no apologies

amongst friends-
- I just...

We did the whole, what's
your favorite food yesterday,

and you said cave water.

(group laughing)
So I figured,

well, okay, we're ready to get deep.

- And please, do not let that spread.

I don't want people to
know what a glutton I am

when it comes to licking up cave water.

- I take out like a "Game of
Thrones" carafe of cave water

and pour it for you.
- I really...

Not in the morning,

I really should not
get started this early.

- Please, you are a walrus-
(Lou and Omar chuckle)

The blinds are closed,
it's just friends here.

Drink your fill of cave
water, your favorite food.

(group laughing)

- To be a tusked mammal
and treated so well, it's-

(group laughing)

- Forgive me if I'm prying.

- Nope, pry away (chuckle).

But pry as if you're
breaking into a crate,

you know, with a...

- Are you the crate in the situation?

(group laughing)

- You know, I've quite, I've
lost track of the thread.

I'll just be-
- Just started.

(group laughing)

- It's a short, short thread.

It's easy to lose track of a small thread.

(group laughing)

- I'm personally here to

make friends.

And if I might, in
exchange for not reading

the collection of pickup lines-

(Emily laughing)
- Oh you will do,

you'll do that before you leave.

- Yes, you will be doing that.

- And I slide it back.

(Gentle music plays)

I would like to extend my,

I would hope it would be
obvious, but my friendship.

I know that there are quite
a bit of rumors and scandal

that come with being such party animals.


Party birds.

- Party...

I'm sorry, I-
- Well, we've

turned another beak.

- We have turned another beak.

- And I feel like those might be,

and correct me if I'm wrong,

defining features of how
everyone perceives you,

and I personally think that's wrong.

I think that both of you are
full individual creatures

with full lives that no one
seems to ever ask you about

or explore or ask why
you do the things you do.

And it's true, I hid behind pillars.

- But aren't we all, right?

- In our own way, hiding behind a pillar.

- So much fucking smarter
than what I was about to say.

Thank you, yes, that's so great.

(group laughing)
Yes, yes.

In a way, are we not all?

And so your question
does cut deep, but it,

I think it's a wound I needed
in order to bleed afresh

so I could ask myself, why am I here?

- It is-
- But also ask both of you.

Why are you here?

- I would say it is sort
of a curse of this society,

that the things that define
us could be used against us,

and so we have to hold them
very close to our chest,

but I would offer to you
that I think your sister

is entirely overrated.

- Oh.

Oh my god.
(group laughing)

- (Lou mimes pulling
Andhera back onto the chair)

- I sit back up, the chair teeters.

I think I broke it a bit.

- No, it was like that.
(group laughing)

- No, that was like that.
- Oh God.

- We tried to pull a power move,

but Rue is just the mastermind.

- So it was this one particular chair,

not one that you threw out.

- I tried to get the
castawayers to destroy it.

(group laughing)

But it turns out ordering a bunch of birds

to destroy a chair doesn't
always work out so easily.

So we brought it back in.

(Emily laughing)

- All I'm trying to say
is that we could forge

a bit of an alliance because,

you know, Suntar has been at many a Bloom.

And this is your first Bloom.

And perhaps, though I
know you all love shadows,

it's time for you to come out
of it and her to go into it.

- Well done, cousin.

- I rub the back of my neck,

and my hair just gets a little damp.


While stepping out into
the sunlight burns my skin-

- Oh.
- Perhaps it's a good burn.

- I'm really bad at walking.

- I'm sorry?
(group laughing)

- I mean, birds are just better at flying

than walking often, and
I can't fly backwards.

Hummingbirds can.
(Surena laughing)

- Now this is losing the thread.

(group laughing)

I thought we were just saying our flaws.

(group laughing)

- Yes and Lord Squak, your
turn to name your flaws.

- Squak, say a flaw, cousin.

Cousin say a flaw.

- I let my dick take me
wherever it leads me.

I don't know.
(group laughing)

- My Lords of the Wing,

can I get a perception
check from both of you?

- Nat 20.
(group gasping)

- Nice, amazing.

How'd you do?

- I got an eight.

(group laughing)
- You are,

you're deep in the sauce on this.

However, Lord Airavis,

you hear a little warning chirp very low.

One of your birds outside
is letting you know

that someone's approaching.

- Well, my Lord,

we will have more time
to talk about our flaws

in the future, but never forget,

we, the Lords of the Wing,

are more than happy to be your parasol,

and help keep the sun from burning your-

- Skin.
- Purple skin (laughing).

Now, if I might lead you outta the back,

and feel free to leave those pickup lines,

we're gonna read those later.

It'll be fun.
- Yeah, we're gonna

read those later and
have a really good time

with our-
- Great, there's one about

let me hold your hand and
I'll suck my hand, sort of,

I'll go with you.

(group laughing)

- Did you say suck your hand?

- I think Pillar Boy just
asked me to suck his hand.

(group laughing)

Pillar Boy just asked me to suck hand.

- A question for another day.

No, I'm not going to
suck Pillar Boy's hand.

I'd like to take him out of the back way.

I'm assuming we have some-
- Of course you do.

- Our back entrance of the nest,

while just saying this is just a quicker

and little less formal,
between friends, of course.

Have a lovely day.
- Thank you.

And I step backwards into the sun and...

(group laughing)

- And as Andhera exits,

this is actually when
Gwyndolin comes forward.

You move up to the front, penguin in hand.

As you open the door and
kind of usher her in,

the penguin slips down
and goes to the ice bath,

but does leave a feather, golden,

in your hand.
(group gasping)

As a thank you for not making him walk

all the way back over.

- What a friend.

- [Lou] You angel.

- Gwyndolin, I was so
surprised to hear from you,

but very delighted.

- Oh, thank you.

I felt like they didn't
need to walk the entire way.

They don't fly.

You know that.

Your grandfather invented birds.

That's a fact I know about you.

- Thank you for saying that.

That is so nice.

Usually we have to say that.

- Exactly.

It's honestly, it's such a burden

that you relieve us of by
creating the space and knowing.

- Yeah.

- Because it should be said.

It should be said, Grandfather.

It should be said.
- Grandfather.

He's alive.
- He's alive.

- It should be said.
- Alive.

- But tea, yes, of course,

have a seat, Gwyndolin.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

Not that chair.

That one's rickety.

(group laughing)
- Crooked.

- Yes, that, yeah,

that's a chair for a
different day (laughing).

(group laughing)

Can I do like a history check to know

what I know about Gwyndolin Thistle-hop.

- Yes, absolutely.

- Oh, 12.

- With a 12 I will say

other than like the obvious

she is the sister of the blue fairy

and a member of the Court of Wonder,

the only things you really
know about her are the rumors

that have been spread about her.

So everything we talked
about in Session zero

is on the board and you have
access to that knowledge.

- Oh.

- Gwyndolin, I know it's
the middle of the day,

but we've actually been-

- Are you gonna bring out the drugs?

- Are we doing drugs?

No, just a bit of drink,

if you might be interested.
- Sure.

- Spike your tea a little bit.

- That sounds wonderful.

- Okay.
Is that what you

prefer as a host?

- I mean, I want...

It is not about what I prefer as a host.

Just how can I make you feel comfortable?

- Yes.
- Yes, yes, that's-

I also know the rumors about me

are that I get off on
other people's pleasure.

(group laughing)

- But thank you for such short
notice having tea with me.

I have so many questions for both of you.

- Oh, I mean, ask away.

We have questions as
well, but I mean if...

- But you were nice
enough to come to us, so.

- Yes.
- Sure. I...um,

This is my first Bloom.

I'm not sure if you knew that?

You knew that, right?

- Well, you certainly don't act like it.

(Lou chuckling)
(Brennan laughing)

- In being my first Bloom,

I'm still kind of understanding
the ropes a little bit.

And I was wondering if you had,

I don't know, any advice on
proper decorum for these things.

I hear that you both bring the party,

and I too would one day
like to bring the party.

- Oh, well, we did bring the party.

- We did.
- To be fair.

- We brought it hard.

- We brought it really-
- We brought it hard.

- Really fucking hard.
- yeah, that's what I hear.

- It would be two weeks of no sleep.

- Oh god, it was the best.

- But yes, but in terms of decorum,

I find it so interesting
that you would come to ask us

because we actually have
pretty bad reputations.

- Yes.

- Well, I think that

it doesn't make sense that you would have

as bad a reputation as you believe

because you don't belong to
a court, and yet you're here.

- Yes.
- That does mean

that you have a lot of magic.

- We do.
- Yes.

- As does the Court of Wonder.

- Yes, we are wondrous.

- And many dealings with
the material plane as well.

- The court-
- Is what I've heard.

- Yes.

Often creating little miracles for the-

those who frequent that plane.

- Yes.
- [Lou] Yes.

We actually,

since we have the power of flight,

can flit about to the material plane.

- Yes, we've dabbled.
- Here and again.

- Do you...

When's the last time you
went to the material plane?

- Oh, I've-
- When did they put out

that New York Times article-
(group laughing at the callback)

- (clapping) Inspiration.

- I personally enjoy a
place called Hanavan.

- Hanavan?
- Have you ever heard of it?

- I have.

It is beautiful.

- It is very beautiful.

I take every chance I can to go there.

- Do you have a favorite place in Hanavan?

- Can I make it an insight check on this?

- Please do.
(group laughing)

- 'Cause one question is normal.

Two questions-
(group laughing)

Is not okay.
(group laughing)

That'll be a 17.

- That's what you have to beat.

- Okay.
- Ooh.

It's gonna be hard.

- Oh, boy.

Ugh, no.

I already know I didn't beat it.

I think it was like a 12.

(group laughing)

- You know, I think I've forgotten myself.

I must have been thinking
of somewhere else.

I can't recall anything
much about Hanavan, but I-

- I hear that switching
between the mortal plane

and the fey realm does result
in memory loss sometimes,

or the fuzziness of the edges.

- Not for the Lords of the Wing.

- Oh really?
- No.

- You're immune to that?

- Whether or not we are immune,

but it is unbecoming that we
would be forgetful in that way.

- [Emily] Yes.
- That makes sense.

- [Lou] Yes.

- Well, it sounds lovely, Hanavan.

- But might I ask, Gwyndolin?

- Sure.

- And we could discuss decorum all day,

but it is your first Bloom.

- Yes.

- And you're here with
the Court of Wonder,

have you ingratiated yourself to many

of your fellow court members?

- Well, you know,

I have a very large shadow
to fill with my sister,

and all.
- Of course.

- If I were to confide in you,

I do feel that I'm not
sure how certain members

of the Court of Wonder feel about me.

(Lou gasping)
- Why?

- Well, I think that...

- You seem to be

charm personified.
- That's very kind,

but I think that I might
have done something wrong

in talking with Captain K.P. Hob.

It upset Rue quite a bit.

We have since... you know-

I think that the olive of
branch has been extended,

and so we'll see, but,

I apparently,

it was against what the
court would have of me.

- Well, therein is the first lesson.

They're always watching.

Anyone, everyone.

The choices you make, who
you assort yourself with,

who you chat with, who you
walk with, it all matters.

And that's why it's
important to have friends.

- Yes, I agree.

And I think that's why I wanted
to come to see both of you.

I hadn't had the chance to
formally introduce myself

and meet the wondrous
duo that is yourselves.

- You flatter us.
- So flattering.

- And so I'm here to really, I don't know,

understand everyone, and
I guess cast my own light.

- [Lou, Gently] Yes.
Beyond that of my family's.

- Of course.

- [Emily] Why are you here?

- For a love match.
- For a love match.

- Have you been successful?

- There are suitors, of course.

- Yes.

- We are Lords of the Wing, of course.

- Yes.
(Lou chuckling)

- Is there anyone that
has caught your eye?

- Well, not to turn a
question into a question,

but there are many in the Court of Wonder

who I have been interested in.

Anyone especially eligible?

- Rue, perhaps.

(Oscar stifles a laugh)

- Rue.
(group laughing)

Perhaps, indeed.
(group laughing)

(Emily laughing)
- [Surena] Shut it down.

- Was that Featherfowl laughing like that

or was that Emily?

- No, it was Emily.

- Actually, I mean, that
would be very interesting.

Who are the most eligible
of the Court of Wonder?

Of course we are looking for a love match,

but you know, it doesn't hurt.

- Well from my understanding

there's Rue-

- But Rue is-

- Is Rue.
- I mean,

Rue is Rue.

Do you know how many have tried?

- It's true.
- At their feet.

And I mean, we've been
at every single Bloom,

and Rue is often the object

of many people's desire
to no such success.

- Well, as far as the
Court of Wonder goes,



- Devin.

- [Lou] Devin.
- [Surena] Bianca.

- Devin.
- Bianca.

(group laughing)

- May I probe you?

- Mmhmm.

- Do you come seeking
a love match yourself?

- Oh, I mean,

I would never be opposed to a love match,

but I felt that I,

when asking for who the most eligible is,

it would be strange, I
think, to be like me.

(Emily and Surena laughing)

- And what do you seek in a match?

- Oh, goodness.

To be honest, I feel
that the Court of Wonder,

while wonderful,

is boring.

And I feel that-

- Boring, you say?

- Well, I mean, listen.

- Is there mundanety to their magic?

'Cause there are rumors about that.

- Well, it's more of-

things are not always
what they seem, right?.

I always feel the person
laughing loudest in the room

is often the saddest, and
that's sort of the court,

I'd say
- Is there a

specific person in this case who is
laughing? (Mischievous music plays)

- Lords of the Wing, if you are pressing,

you have a two-reputation
advantage on her.

I will give you advantage

on intimidation and persuasion checks-

- Oh snap.
- To get the information

you want.
- I will exercise that.

- I think I will not,

because this is the only,

like one of the only women
I've gotten to hang out with,

and so I think that I'm
like, don't wanna fuck it up.

- Respect.
(Emily laughing)

- I'll happily do that.
(group laughing)

- I love that for you.

- I also feel like Squak
is doing a really good job,

and I maybe spoke a little too far before,

so I'm not in a place to really push it.

- I'd like to push it.

- Good coo, bad coo, love it.

- Would you like me to make an advantage?

- Just whenever, yeah, go ahead.

Is this intimidation, which
is a little more overt

or persuasion?
- [Lou] Oh.

Which is just-
I think it's persuasion.

I think in the spirit of
the tea and the comfort,

I think it just feels,

it's just a little bit more of a lean

and a softness in the voice as...

I mean, are there those
who are particularly sad

in the Court of Wonder?

- Give me that persuasion
check with advantage.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, first one's gonna be 29.

- What?

(Oscar chuckles)

- Jeez, Louis.
- Second one

is not gonna be 29.

- (almost silent) Okay.

- Okay, you see,

like many courts, and again,

I'm not sure how yours works,
'cause it's not a court.

- It is not.
- No.

- There is a level of rigidity

that prevents falling out of line,

and I believe that
creates a lot of pressure,

and in myself feel that

there's just a malice behind the magic

that I do not necessarily abide by.

- Okay, I freely gotta cut the shit,

because I wanna know
more about this malice.

- Well, listen, you know, I feel like I've

overspoke already, but-
- I think we've all

overspoken a little bit today.

And sometimes that forms a bond.

- All I'm saying is
that the Court of Wonder

waves around magic like it's free.

Like it doesn't run out for them.

Like it doesn't run out for us.

And there are courts that may not receive

the same amount of magic

or maybe lost that magic or

courts that weren't invited to this event.

There's a wide world out there,

and the Court of Wonder,

as wonderful as it is, just is pageantry.

And I'm a part of it,

and I condone it and I abide by it.

- Gwyndolin Thistle-hop,

I need you to make a
charisma-saving throw.

- [Aabria] The DC is 20.

- Natural 20.

- Oooh.

- Wooo-ah!

- Incredible.
- [Lou] Scary, scary.

- You feelin' it-
- I can't handle all this.

You feel it beginning under your skin,

that cracking,

that breaking.
- Mmhmm.

- And even as you speak,

you can kind of split your attention,

and that magic part of you
reaches towards it and grabs it

and wrestles it back down, and
they see nothing, no change.

- So that's why I'm here
in lieu of my sister.

- Well, it seems you very much move

to the beat of your own drum.

- Yes.

- I think we should all
have that opportunity.

- Indeed, well-
- [Emily] I would agree.

- You've definitely found
birds of a feather in us.

- I hope so.

- Yes.
- Yes.

(group laughing)

- And then I think I'll
do a little subtle spell

to message Gwyndolin, and just say,

I know you clocked

my familiarity with Hanavan,

and you can hold that
against me as you will.

- Oh, what?

- And on that note, we're gonna kind of

wipe from this scene as

Wuvvy heads to the Goblin Pagoda.

What has K.P. been doing
sort of through the night

and into the early morning the next day?

- Captain Hob would've stayed in that tree

waiting for Wuvvy to appear

until it became clear that
the event had concluded.

I don't know if he would've seen anything

in the woods while he was there.

- We gotta get a perception check.

(Oscar gasping)

- Ooh.
- So it's possible.

I'm gonna set the DC...


- DC's 13, okay.

That's a two.

I will be using my inspiration.

- Good call.

- 13, I have a plus four to this.

This just has to be nine or higher.


That's a dirty 20.

(Emily clapping)

- With a dirty 20,

you saw the darkness form

over Andhera and his advisor.

You heard everything,

but you saw none of it.

With a dirty 20

you saw Gwyndolin move
deeper into the woods

and you heard a different voice.

(Surena groaning)

- Ears swivel as gleaming goblin eyes

look out of the darkness
(snort and growl).

Skulk back through the trees.

- So how did the night find you?

And if Wuvvy headed to the pagoda,

I guess it would be like late morning,

would she find him there?

- (clearing throat) In
behavior that most goblins

would consider freakish,

Captain Hob rises with the
sun early in the morning-

(group laughing)

Engages in arousing belt of calisthenics-

(group laughing)

(Brennan grunting)
(group laughing)

Squat, leap, squat, leap.

(group laughing)

Flipping a tire over going up and down.

That's just CrossFit.
- You're doin' CrossFit, yeah.

(group laughing)
Just doin' CrossFit.

Okay, Captain Hob has so much to do.

I think he arises today and says...

(clearing throat)

Remember today, the law of sneakery.

A true goblin never does what gets seen

when he might to have
done it where it wouldn't.

More secrets is more better to goblins.

(group laughing)

And I think, if there's a period of time

where there's not a lot
of other goblins around-

- Yeah, they're all passed
out till the crack of noon.

- Then I think as the
morning mist is rising

at the edge of the forest,

which is how long I wait
for the deer to appear,

after seeing Gwyndolin,

or hearing that a different voice spoke,

I think I walk to the edge of the woods

and look out at the path that Rue

took from the forest to leave this place.

And there is a moment
of wondering whether,

at this time, when all of
my court will be asleep,

that I might, in the dawn,

find and apologize to Delloso de la Rue.

And instead, I remember
that I have already brought

much shame and dishonor to my court

by my associations with
the Court of Wonder,

and so retreat back to the Goblin Pagoda.

There's a lot that Hob has on his plate

and uses the time that
the goblins are asleep.

He has a tent that has
a sort of map of Fairy

out in front of it.

It's made of liquid ink,

because Fairy is impossible to map,

and it shifts everywhere.

- Oh that's dope.
So I'm constantly

pushing borders back into shape,

get back there, you.

(Aabria laughing)

It's clear this is a
military map for movements,

but the pieces have all
been taken off the map

and are in little boxes
of troops and formations.

Hob is using this map in his own time

to think about reputation,
favor, and alliances,

even though it's normally used for combat,

'cause this is just the way he

has to make it make sense to himself.

I think there's a long moment of him

making his plans for the day,

thinking about his lowered reputation

and the scandal that he's brought.

He creates that note
that says the stuff about

an intercepted apology written-

- Yes.
- Formally to

the Lord Blemish and the Lady Boil,

gives it to assault goblin.

He says, corporal, find this falls

into quick hands and loud mouths and-

(group laughing)


Oh, are you sleepy?
(group laughing)

Are you a sleepy little guy?

Listen, the bosses get to sleep.

- Slaps you.

- And I say, I'd slap
you, but it'll kill you.

So why don't you hustle on outta here?

- Jams it in his mouth.
- Good.

- Walks away.

- The main rumors and
scandals I'm aware of are

what happened between me and Gwyndolin.

- [Aabria] Yes.
And that there

appears to be some like,

people are talking shit
about Prince Andhera

and people are talking shit about-

- Yes.
- The Lords of the Wing.

So I'm writing sort of
to myself being like,

time for sneakery.

Goblins should lie low in this time

when others are being
disparaged more than us.

Just as a little message to myself.

And then with my quill out
as Wuvvy's approaching,

I think Wuvvy can hear me, much like Rue,

narrating my letter out
loud to myself as I-

- Oh my gosh.

- Write it.
- Make a perception check

for me.

She'll make a stealth roll.

- Dirty 20 again.
- Fuck.

- I got a 19.

At some point during this letter,

you will hear a hoof print.

- Cool.

- But get as far into it,
as you feel comfortable.

(Baroque music)

- My dearest Wrackingspelt,

in the execution of one's duties

in service to king and court,

it becomes necessary at times
to place in the confidence

of one's most trusted and
privileged compatriots,

the secret misgivings of tender sentiment

to which even steadiest hearts

may be compelled in the face

of rank uncertainty and tribulation,

defiant of all preparation

in the narrow precognition of their host,

to wit, the burden of execrable misery,

far from waning with the passing hours,

counters all adages and aphorisms,

whose musings on the passing of time

are rendered mendacious.

- Mendacious?
- Like lying, I think.

(group laughing)

- I knew that, I knew that.

- Whose musing are rendered, sorry...

Counters all adages and
aphorisms whose musings

are rendered mendacious
on the passage of time

and its remediation of want or injury.

It instead waxes with all the
venom and ferocity of an asp,

such that your humble servant must fail

in knowing rest or peace or hope.

It is a dull and dreary ache.

The most dispassionate
tempest whose ruinous wake

strands what it cannot destroy.

It has taken me 45 minutes

to write the past four sentences.

(group laughing)

So I shall speak more plainly.

I wish that you were here.

I wish that I could tell you

that everything would be all right.

And most urgently, I wish that you might

one day read...
(stick cracking)

And I'd stop

and hear the hoof.
(Omar gasping)

(Oscar laughing)

- And you hear, as you
stop, the hoof beats freeze,

and then continue again

and stop just outside of your tent door.

There's no knock.

- You may enter.

- Wuvvy steps in.

She's taller than you remember.

This is her third form,

much like the one you saw from Theodore.

And it's feral,


cloven hooves, and a look in her eyes

that is just so the opposite

of every doe-eyed, confused,

excited expression you've ever
caught from her in passing.

She tosses you...

(soft bell ringing)

- [Emily] Oh.

- Did you misplace that?

- Perhaps I did.

- Oh.
- Mmm mmm.

- To what do I owe the
honor of your visit?

- You have wounded me.

(gentle intense music)

- In what manner?

- You have hurt a person I care about.

- If I have given a offense,

then I'm honor bound to amend it.

Let me know the manner of my injury,

and I shall attempt to make it right.

- She's gonna make an
insight check against you.

- I just forgot to breathe for like
a good three minutes. - [Omar] Yeah.

- Me too, I need to take a breath

- It's just a seven.

You really don't know?

- I have offered you my honest reaction

to the news you have brought me.

I am your humble servant,

but I will not be made to feel a fool.

If you know that I've given
injury, I ask that you share it,

that I might correct it, but
no, I speak plain and true.

I do not know what I have done.

- My dearest friend in the world

has shed a tear over you,

and I will not leave without satisfaction.

- Ooh.

- They have shed a tear over me

due to some harm or injury
rather than to sentiment?

- She snorts, and even
though it's the late morning,

cold steam comes out.

Are you playing dumb?

- I am not gifted enough or proficient

in the skill of acting

to be dumb in anything
other than the most honest

and straightforward way.

You have come here seeking satisfaction,

and I stand up to my full
height and get my halberd.

It is yours to seek and
mine to give if you wish it.

- I do.

Pick your weapon.

(group gasping and clapping for the drama)

- We got a duel, it's a duel.

- [Lou] Wuvvy, no.
- It's a duel.

- You have to do it in a
public square so we can watch.

(group laughing)

- Very well, then.

If you refuse on the
third asking to tell me

the manner of my wrong,

then we shall move straight
forward into satisfaction.

Name the place.

- Southern Lawn.

- Very well, having named the place,

I shall name the weapon.

Blades and blades alone.

- Bring your second.

- And you yours.

- She turns, and storms out of your tent.

- Mm mm mm.

(group gasping)

Mm mm mm.
- Cool.

So you've got an hour.

Who do you bring with you?
- Who's your second?

- I think the moment, Wuvvy
leaves, I go, Gorebladder.

(Aabria laughing)

And I reach into my pocket

and pull out a tiny little goblin.

You shall be my second.

- Is it a salt shaker goblin?
- It's a salt shaker goblin.

- [Aabria] Yay.
(group cheering)

- Who has a salty boy?
- Salty boy.

- I'll put it on the ground and say

as my second you will transport
my weapon to the duel.

(group laughing)

- Don't help.

(group laughing)

This is gonna take the full hour.

(Emily laughing)

- Having the duel in an hour,
there's a bunch of stuff

that I want to do in that time-

- [Aabria] 100%.

- But I'm just gonna write
it down and hand it to you.

Does that make sense?
- Love that.

- Cause I'm not...

I think Hob does not make any appearances,

does not go to any events,

not at any brunches or anything like that.

He is truly taking the
thing of the shit talking

that's happening about goblins,

I think in Hob's opinion,

he and Gwyndolin became a thing

because not that much
happened on the first day

and people wanted to talk about some shit.

Juicier shit is in the works.

And if goblins just
don't make an appearance,

that will go away.

And so he's keeping a low
profile, but he's making a...

I'll tell you who he's making a visit to.

He's making a visit to
the Trickster Court,

the Sea Foam Court, and,

ooh, actually the other
one he wanted to talk to

was specifically the
Court of Hoof and Claw,

of which Wuvvy is a member.

So that one he's gonna hold off on.

But he's gonna go to the Trickster court,

and he's gonna go to the Sea Foam Court.

- I mean, we can just run it.

- Sure, I think Hob wants to,

again, staying out of
the mix and being like,

it's not my job to angle for a marriage.

That's what Blemish and Boil are doing.

Like I should stay out of that.

I'm here to get to the
bottom of what happened

with the Court of Wonder.

So I'm actually gonna
tell one of my troops

to see if any clurichauns or other spirits

of drinking and imbibing have
come with the Trickster Court.

And then he's going to make
a stop by the Sea Foam Court

to pay respect in response to the rumor

that the Court of Wonder has overstepped.

And I think Hob is going
to use the kind of fluidity

of his military station
to talk to not any archfey

of the Sea Foam Court,

but to specifically the pettyfey.

To workers, to people that
are of a similar station

to what he would've been born as,

and see if there's any
basically downstairs gossip

about the Court of Wonder

and who was behind the
ending of the engagement.

- Amazing.

I will say that in sort
of defiance of time,

as the Trickster Court
is sort of want to do,

you go and visit, make your inquiries,

and even as you are walking
up to sort of the outskirts

of where the Sea Foam Court has sort of

constrained themselves
in order to make room

for everyone else here,

you feel a sudden bulge
in your uniform pocket,

as like a small bottle
of champagne appears.

- Honored elders of the
Court of Tricksters,

a pleasant gift you have given.

I will pop it and then
eat the whole bottle.

(group laughing)
(Brennan chomping)

- You hear, just on the wind,

an almost burbling like a brook,

which seems like a very
stupid trickster joke,

since you're walking near the sea shore,

a burbling laughter in
affirmation and kindred spirits

in whatever you would ask next.

They're listening and they are curious.

- Court of Tricksters,

long has there been an allegiance
between the Goblin King

and those most gifted in mischief

of your incredible court.

And here I will stand up and say,

for indeed mischief is the first virtue

of the Code of Goblin Chivalry.

A true goblin never truths
when he might trick,

to part the seeing from the being

is the greatest goodness goblins get.

- You feel a little sand
betwixt your cheeks.

These ones?
- Yep.

You're not wearin' pants, dog.

(Brennan laughing)

- You've inserted sand
into the crack of my ass.

(group laughing)
- What?

A most rebelled jape.

And I clap my hands (clapping).

(group laughing)

I was wondering if I might enlist you,

masters of trickery as you are,

in some goblin fun that we would be

remiss to leave you out of.

- In the sand in front of you,

you just see slowly a
question mark is drawn.

- It has come to my attention

that there is a very
generous wager on the books

between the Court of Wonder
and the Lords of the Wing,

such that a great manner
of fame might be enriched

by the failure of Lord
Airavis and Lady Featherfowl

to achieve their aims.

(bells ringing)

- Above you, a seagull flying overhead

is suddenly turned into just
a scattering of feathers,

and they fall gently down around you.

- Holy shit.

(group laughing)

Well, yeah, we could,

that's definitely one route
we could go for the trick,

but there's something a
little bit more devious.

And I was wondering if there
are any spirits of libations

here within your court.

It's come to my attention,

based on the reports of
some of my assault goblins,

that's possible that the Lord Airavis

and Lady Featherfowl might
be running low on tea.

(Emily laughing)

(group laughing)

Now the Sea Foam Court

has been left out of the
picture as the Court of Wonder

has taken command of the
planning of the Bloom.

But I was on my way to the
Sea Foam Court right now

to see that they might
restore those empty larders

at their nearest convenience.

- You are walking and talking,

sort of to nothing at nothing.

And your attention is
pulled towards the shore,

and one of my favorite
descriptions of the sea

is in the Odyssey where
it's describe as wine dark,

and a couple waves roll in,

and then they turn that purpley wine dark.

And that purple flow
follows you for a while.

- Bordeaux.

(group laughing)

And a little bit of salt, not bad.

(group laughing)

- Salty wine.
(group laughing)

- Mmm, salty wine,

just like blood, my favorite wine.

(group laughing)

So just, having communicated that to them,

I just wanna-
- They're absolutely on board.

- Hell yeah.

And I just wanted to rock
up to the Sea Foam Court,

kind of for a dual thing of
getting one operation going

of trying to be like proxy
war with the trickster fey,

who in K.P.'s mind would want
the credit for the best trick

of the Bloom.
- Yes.

- Passing them onto the Sea Foam Court

concerning the Lords of the Wing

who are getting a very good
reputation going for themselves.

And specifically then also seeing about

digging in under the radar
of high borne society

to chase down who in the Court
of Wonder called that shot.

- Give me a persuasion check.

- Hell yeah.

- Or burn a token, and you
just tell me how it goes.

- [Player] Oh.

- Copy that.

- This is for the trick

or is this for the chasing the
Court of Wonder information.

- Chasing the Court of Wonder information.

- Hob would not leave that to chance.

- All right.

- He burns a token and-
- Big toss.

- He burns a token

and has a surprisingly
gentle touch in this regard.

He knows that his size speaks on its own

and does a lot to be the most polite

and deferential he can be,

and I think his line of questioning

is just that the Bloom has been
being planned for some time,

there have been delegates
of the Court of Wonder

here for quite some time,

and some people burn letters,
others throw them away.

I think I've been talking to like one of

the Sea Foam footmen or-
- Yeah, you've-

- Or their housekeepers
or things like that,

being like the garbage at the
Goblin Pagoda is running low,

so our nobility have
nowhere to swim and fart,

I wonder if you might
let us rummage through

any of these scraps, especially from

the west wing of the manor,

where the Court of Wonder has
been staying for some time.

- And you see yeah, just a
valet to one of the archfey,

and you can see that thirsty
look in their eyes of,

oh, this is my chance.

And they know know just
enough to know the rumors

about the Sea Foam Court

not getting enough credit for the Bloom,

and that little,

that beginning of just an
unreasonable amount of bias

against the Court of Wonder.

And then they realize that
they have a friend in you,

specifically as a member
of the Goblin Court,

and you can just read it on their sort of

seahorse-looking face
that this is their chance.

If they can pull this off,

maybe they can move up in
the same way that you have.

Different kinds of battles.

- Captain Hob nods to them and says

as military men exceptional
service under duress

never goes unnoticed or unrewarded.

(Brennan screaming)

(group laughing)

That was a salute, not a magic trick.

(group laughing)

- And the seahorse valet kinda just does

like a weird body roll,
curls their little tail,

and spits up a bunch of bubbles in reply.

- The most beautiful
salute I've ever seen.

(group laughing)

- And as you're looking up,
just turns and moves away.

- I'll give an order for my soldiers to

make sure that when that
material is gathered

to see it invisibly safely escorted

back to the Goblin Pagoda,

and I'll make ready for the duel.

- Copy that.

Wuvvy will be waiting
for you on this sort of

improvised field of honor

with Theodore at her side as her second.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- I have a question for you.
- Yes, of course.

- Did that really end
with just a cuppa tea

and a polite dismissal?

- Not exactly.

(Emily laughing)

- Why do you think I had
to spread it at as a rumor?

- All right, talk to me.
(gentle music)

What happened last night?

- Here's the way I see it.

The two of us journeyed
back toward my nest,

and I turned to Theodore and said


I must say

I am in the works of turning a new beak.

- Mmm.

Everyone has heard you say that.

(group laughing)

- Well-
- It's full on

a hashtag at this point.

- Hashtag turning a new beak.
(group laughing)

Well, and that's the way
I would like it to be,

because it is important for,

of course, you and everyone else knows

about the grand wager.

So, I actually think you should

leave me here this evening

and go on your way.

(gentle music)

- I will leave if you ask.

- Of course.

- But is that what you are asking?

Or are you asking for discretion?

(gentle music)

- (whisper) Oh, Theodore.

(Emily and Lou laughing)

I think Squak is gonna get
down from Theodore's arms.

Can I just make a perception check?

I mean, how much man am I dealing with?

(group laughing)

- Of course.

- Oh, that's a 19.

- Ooh.

Just as like a quick download
on what you're dealing with.

Theodore is known as a champion

of the Court of Hoof and Claw.

He is not quite an archfey,
though he is by all appearance.

Their like social strata
is just a little different.

So this is something closer to
the space that Hob occupies.

- Got it.

- But instead of it being in battle,

it's more just sort of this
exemplar within the society.

- Got it.
- He is a specimen

from this court.

And if you were checking
for any amount of sincerity,

he is sincere.

- I go...

I mean discretion would be essential

if I were not turning
a new beak, though...

Can you turn into a bird?

- I can't.

- You can't?
- I'm sorry.

- Would you allow me to
turn you into a bird?

(Emily laughing)

- Hold on.
- That's not a sexual thing.

That's just a-

- No, he's taking it sexual way.

(group laughing)
- [Lou] Okay.

- How big a bird?

- It's not like that.

It's a matter of discretion.

- Oh, sure.

- I would turn you into a bird.

You flit off, send a
few birds to meet you.

Those birds come back.

No one's the wiser.

You transform.

We are discreet.

And you and flock of
birds disappear yet again.

Is that something you might

be interested in?

(Emily laughing)

- Whatever you want.

- That's what I want.

And I push two of my fingers to his lips

and transform him into a blue jay.

- Ooh.

He lands on your fingers

like where you were touching his lips.

- I say join your friends.

They'll show you where to go.

Throw him up where another
flock of blue jays meet,

and they all go return
to the nest as do I,

slowly but surely unbuttoning.

(Emily laughing)
- Yeah.

- And we fuck hard.

We fuck.
(group laughing)

I fuck the shit outta Theodore.

- Understood.
(group laughing)

And all of that to say, one, it's great.

- It's great.
- Theodore, dope.

He tells you to call
him chooch from now on,

which is a term of endearment,

which is great.
- Chooch.

- You got some chooch.

(group laughing)

- Chooch.

- And it is later in the day, when,

as he's sort of leaving discreetly,

you actually see Wuvvy walking up to

this murmuration of blue...

I learned a thing.

Of blue jays.

That's probably not the right thing.

It's a flock.

It's just a fuckin' flock (laughing).

And Wuvvy immediately stops

and looks up spotting her
friend, even amongst the birds.

And he lands on her shoulder,

and she begins to speak in
that sort of all animals.

So she's not chirping.

She's just murmuring low.

And they're communicating with each other.

- Is there any part of me
that's worried about Wuvvy

understanding what just happened
or what has been happening?

- She came in, in that third feral form,

looks very focused on her own thing.

- Got it.

Oh, well then I think I'm
just intrigued and wait.

I don't want to interrupt.

- Yeah.
- But I will-

I mean, I don't speak,

I don't think I speak that language, so.

I think I just have to
wait until, and just watch.

- Okay, they have a quick communication,

and then she turns off and walks again.

And the bird form of Chooch

kind of looks back at you before-

- Oh, I think I'll dismiss the polymorph.

- Yeah.

- Is something the matter?

- I'm required to be a second for a duel.

If you're interested in
the little afternoon...

- Oh, I'm very interested.

And I would love to send out birds

to as many houses as possible.

- Yeah, there we go.

- A duel on the Southern Lawn.

Do I know who the...

I know there is a duel.

Does Chooch tell me who between?

- Absolutely.

- Oh, a duel between Captain Hob,

and I'd like to present
it as Rue's assistant.

- [Group] Ooh.

- Oh.

- Names in mouths.

- [Aabria] Incredible.
- Birds flitting all about

to all the different courts.

- Incredible.

This reaches all of you in short order,

and it is at your discretion

whether or not you attend the duel.

- This is someone else's mistakes.

I'm absolutely going to spectate.

(group laughing)

I bring a big pot of tea.

- Yes, you do.
(Omar and Oscar laughing)

- That's teamwork.

(group laughing)
- Makes the dream work.

- Yep.

As you sip that tea, it tastes like tea,

but you feel great is the thing.

- Cousin.
- Yes.

- They've brewed a spectacular tea today.

- Well, then pour me a damn glass.

(group laughing)

- Messy homie.


- When the bird lands on the sill

I want to have just initiated
a conversation with Advisor.

Can I have spoken to someone,
the Court of Sea Foam,

to see if there is a library somewhere?

- Oh, yeah, absolutely.

And there absolutely is.

- Actually, I spoke to some of the folks

who are running the entire
event, and it turns out that.

- The Court of Sea Foam?

- Yes.
- Okay, you can just...


- Oh.
- You're good.

- I spoke to the Court
of Sea Foam (laughing)

and there happens to
be a dank dark sea cave

filled with books.

If you might be interested
in spending some time there,

it's not one of our
caves, but it is a cave.

- Hmm.

Make a persuasion check with advantage.

- Okay, let's see.



That's gonna be a total of 17.

(gentle music)

- And he smirks for the first time

that you've seen in years.

You're not tryin' to
get rid of me, are you?

- No, I would actually be in
a lot of trouble if I did.

It's just genuinely, I don't know,

as I'm interacting with more people,

I'm realizing how I treat people.

And I want to treat you
as well as possible,

because for the longest time
you were my only friend.

(gentle music)

- And he gives you a deep bow.

- You don't have to do that to me.

No, no, no, no, no stop.

Or I'll bow to you.

- No, don't.

Don't do it back.
- Okay.

- This is good.

You are good.

- When that happens,

a little cloud forms over Andhera's head,

and it just rains just a tiny bit,

and they quickly reach behind their neck

and the cloud dissipates.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And then the bird appears,
delivers the news.

- Oh.

Well, I'm definitely not going to that,

'cause it's like noon.

- Yes, that's gonna be quite hot,

and I know that it might
cause me some damage.

Although I could find like
a large piece of paper

to hold over my head, but-

(Emily laughing)

Let me run this by-
- A piece of paper.

(group laughing)

- What is Pillar Boy wearing?

(group laughing)

- Seems to be a large piece of paper.

- Hats do exist.
(group laughing)

- I mean, what if we never had those?

I would have no hats.
- You would know.

- Why would we have hats in the caves?

(group laughing)

- Because of bat droppings.

- You'd think so, but-
- But no.

- Advisor, can I run this
by you really quickly?

- Mmm.

- It's unbecoming and uncouth
to interfere with a duel,

but everyone is talking about
how I was bested by Hob.

(Lou laughing)

Would it not be more important-

(group laughing and clapping)
- [Surena] Yes.

- For me to take this as an
opportunity to prove my worth?

- Yes, triple duel.
- What?

- A triple duel.
- Yes, yes, yes.

- A bold suggestion.

- Well, I'm a bold boy.
- Young master.

(group laughing)

- You're only saying
that around me, right?

You don't say that around other people?

- I have never said that I'm
a bold boy around anybody.

- Huh.

I would never presume to tell you

how to comport yourself
in this specific instance.

All other the times, absolutely.

- Yes.

- Do what you think is best.

- Oh my god.

Shit's about to go down.
- Oh my god.

- [Oscar] I can't, I can't-
- [Surena] I caaaan't-

- Possibly the last Bloom.

- Well then it's time to go prove myself.

And I go to grab my
double-bladed scimitar,

and I reach at the exact wrong place

and kinda cut myself a little bit.

(group laughing and clapping)

- Oh my god, he's gonna die.

- Here we go, and I-
- I'm gonna go find a book about

bringing people back from the dead.

(group laughing)

Be careful.

- Oh, I always am.

(Aabria groaning)
(group laughing)

- And he just disappears
in a cloud of concern.

- I mean, I was born a shit, would you-

(group laughing)

- Gwyn?

- [Surena] Yes?
- Do you go to the duel?

- I do.

In hearing about the
duel, I'm in my quarters,

the bird flies away and
I'm by myself in my room.

I am constructing a large umbrella.

I'm fully in my comfortable self.

So my moth wings are kinda rustling

against my very crowded room,

'cause my room has lots of things in it.

And I'm looking for sticks and big leaves

and just whatever I had kind of gathered

to make a large umbrella.

I take the shell that you gave me,

and I kind of jam it into

almost like a large needle with thread,

and I sort of twine it into a bracelet.

And then I'm just making
sure I have everything.

And then I go, oh, oh gosh, okay.

And I grab my magnifying glass,

and I look up, and I go,

paging Mika.

Mika, Mika, hi.

Mika, hi.


- Oh my God, there you are.

Where have you been?

What's going on?

- Don't you remember?

I told you that I was doing like a thing

and that you needed to leave
me alone for like a hot second.

- I have done my best to leave you alone.

Is this enough time?

Are you available?

- I'm available right now.

- Okay.
- Okay.

What what's happening, are you okay?

Are you in danger,

are you hurt?
- I need more spell slots.

(group laughing)

- Okay, oh boy, all right.

- I can do like two cool things,

and then I have to go to bed.

- Right, right.
(Emily laughing)

No, I can't fix that exactly.
- Why not?

- No, no, but I can give you other things

that you can switch out.

So how about this?

What was your last problem?

You needed-
- My son keeps

hurting himself.

- Right, right, right.

- At squire practice.

- So I feel like-
(group laughing)

I feel like you made a babysitter.

- [Brennan] I know that's

not what it's called.
- Right, okay?

- [Brennan] That's not what it's called.

- So, what I'm gonna do for you, alright,

I need you to get a couple items.

Can you do that?

- Are you sending me on a fetch quest?

- Well, I mean, you might have 'em on you.

- It's taken me weeks to fetch you.

- Well, listen-
(group laughing)

- Listen, all right,

I need you to grab some wood and string.

- Just like any wood?

- I mean, it should be like special wood,

but like any string is fine.
- What the fuck is special...

I'm so sorry, what is special wood?

- Like a wood from like
a freshly fallen tree

or wood that you've said

thank you wood-
- Okay, okay.

- For being you.

(player laughing)

- You know what I mean?

- We out here thankin' stumps and stuff?

- You should be.
Okay, okay, you know what, no.

I'm actively listening.

Go on, special wood, string of-

- Any kind.

- Any string, okay.
- Any string.

Plainer the better, honestly.

- Does twine work?

I have twine in my kitchen.

- Nope, has to be string.

Specifically string only.

- Okay, secondary question,

what's the difference
between string and thread?

(group laughing)
- So string is-

- Because I've been
getting into embroidery.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

So embroidery thread is
different than string.

String is like to stitch your clothes.

It's the thickness.

- But I put embroidery
thread in my clothes.

- Yeah, but it's-
- Okay, I understand.

I'll find string, continue.
- All right, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, all right.

And then I need you to tie this string-

- Hold on, what?

(Emily laughing)

Get down.

Get down.

Get down.

- Oh, it's-
- [Aabria] Down.

(Emily laughing)

- Jeff.
(Oscar laughing)

- Is Jeff her child or a dog?

(group laughing)

- Okay, I'm sorry, what, where were we?

- It's fine, you have the wooden string?

- Oh, I'll grab it in a sec.

Do I need to get it right now?

Is this like a thing?

- Well, I was gonna walk you through it,

but you just remember it.

Just remember it, okay?

- I'm just a little busy right now.

You called me, it's-
(group laughing)

- I did, I did call you.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, so touche.
- Look, I'll put it,

I'll go get it now.
- Okay, okay.

I need you to repeat after me
when you do the thing, okay?

- She has left the call,

and you can hear her
walking around the house.

- And it's like when
you put your phone down,

and it's like-
- Yeah, 100%.

You hear her yelling at a small child.

- Perfect, and I'm just like,

the view I have is of her kitchen table

or whatever she's at. Perfect.
- Yes, 100%.

And she comes back like two minutes later.

Okay, I found wood.

I thanked it.

- Yes, good, that's very important.

- And then I pulled
string out of my clothes.

That's string, right?
- Yes.

Like fabric string is string?
- String, string, yes.

- Copy, okay.

What do you need?

- I need you to say fiddly dee.

- Is that the whole thing?
- No, no one, just-

- One at a time?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Fiddly dee.

- Fiddly bean.

- Fiddly bean.

- Requesting help from a friend unseen.

- Requesting help from a friend unseen.

- You can now cast unseen servant.

- Thank you.

How does that work?

How long does that last?

- For a bit.

You'll figure it out.

It'll dissipate.

It's not for a long
time, but for some time.

- Do I get that as a ritual?

Or do I have to burn
another fuckin' spell slot

that I don't have on this?

- You know like the spells
you can cast all the time?

Like willy nilly.
- Yeah, like a cantrip.

- Right.

- This is good for me.
- Yes.

(group laughing)

- Now you have an extra spell slot

that has a spell in it
and that's not cantrip.

- Wait, so this is a spell slot

that's already being taken
by this spell specifically,

and I don't know how good it is?

That's so nice of you.
- Yeah, I mean-

- Thank you, I have to go.
- You have to figure it out.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

- Is Binx a warlock patron?

- Yes.
(group laughing)

- Oh my God, we got an answer.

(group laughing)

- It's crazy that you answer.

I was like, there's no
way she's gonna tell-

- Oh she's-
- I'm like over here like,

not enough spell slots.

Oh, wait a minute, this is a warlock.

(group laughing)
- Wait.

- Shh.

(group laughing)

- Did you say shh?

- Yeah.
(group laughing)

- Inspiration, that's great.

(group laughing)
- Inspiration.

- That's great, that's great.

- Wait, what was I doing?
(group laughing)

- She sets it down.

Binx thinks it went really well.

- Yeah.
- Is as well-

- That's a good interaction.

Mika is a perennially
stressed a dwarven mother.

- So much anxiety.
- Yeah.

- And as she puts it down,
takes a deep breath,.

and as she stands up straight,

she now Gwyndolinifies

and takes the umbrella
and walks out the door.

- Amazing.

And finally, my question before I ask Rue

what they are doing is:

Did Squak send a bird to Rue

to inform them of the duel?


(Aabria gasping)

Rue's assistant to Rue, oh.
- [Oscar] Uh-huh

- So before that moment shows up,

Rue is getting ready for the new event.

- I'm gonna get an outfit.

- Yeah, I know, I know.
(group laughing)

- They're wearing sort
of their evening outfit,

which is just a sort of like beautiful,

delicate nightgown made out of gossamer.

And it shimmers a rainbow hue

without any sort of light source at all.

It just sort of happens.

As they walk down with their nightgown

you can hear a soft harp playing.

It's the sound that the
fabric makes against them.

- Oh my god.
- Beautiful.

- So they're in their nightgown,

and they're deciding what to wear.

And then I guess they receive the message.

- Tap, tap, tap on your window.

- From the bird.

I take in that message.

And I close my eyes,

and they stay shut for a long time.

Tears fall down my face,

and it's a mix of fear,

absolute fear, and anger.

I open them,

I look at my wardrobe,

and then I come out.

I do go to the duel.

- Of course you do.
- But,

I am wearing

a mock snake skin unitard.

(group laughing)

- Yes.

- Who's gonna be watching the duel?

(group laughing)

- I'm wearing combat boots.
- Yes.

- [Oscar] Made out of mock fish scales.

- [Aabria] Ooh.

- I'm wearing gloves
made out of mock cowhide.

And most notably of all, I'm
wearing a oversized coat,

sort of like a oversized military coat,

but it is made out of
giant porcupine quills.

(Emily laughing)
- Amazing.

So approachable.
- They're sort of like-

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Why are they single?

- Like, yeah, flacid porcupine quills

that's sort of just like
move when they walk around.

They're also wearing a
helmet with porcupine quills

sort of creating this mohawk effect.

So it, essentially, it is
sort of like a high fashion

Vogue X Akira collab-
- Yes.

- Made by-

(Surena laughing)

Made by the Animal
Kingdom sort of in support

of Wuvvy,

and that's sort of their intention

of appearing at the duel.

- And so you all...

Yeah, beautiful.

(group clapping)

What do we...


Advantage on intimidation
for the rest of the session.

(players gasping)

- Amazing.

- You all arrive at your time,

on your schedule,

on the dueling ground.

When you walk up, Hob,
you and your second,

you see that Theodore and Wuvvy
are already standing there.

She looks right standing next to him

in that third form, the feral form.

He has also taken it in support of her.

Normally you all have seen Wuvvy

in just sort of breezy, open blouses

in a color that is complementary to you,

but never matching Rue.

But here she is in this
incredibly intricate

platinum gilt armor

with pure white tabard underneath,

and you can see her
physicality through it.

And she has a long sword under her hand,

and she waits still and silent,

and just stares at you as you walk up.

(gentle intense music)

- This being at noon,

I trust that the Lord
Blemish and Lady Boil,

are they present for this?

Or they are still at the Goblin Pagoda?

- They got a bird.

- There they are.

- Then on my way in, I
look at Wuvvy and Theodore,

regard them as a tiny little
goblin drags my halberd

through the grass behind me.

- It takes so long.

- I'm going to turn
from Wuvvy and Theodore

to Lord and Lady Blemish.

Only if I was of the utmost certainty

that I would be unheard if I
whispered something to them,

would I do it.

But are we surrounded
by goblins right now?

Or are we out in public?

- It is in public, but they,

as you approach they
like pretty immediately

come over to you.

- Is Gwyndolin here?

Or is Binx here?

- Gwyndolin.

- Gotcha.
- Who?

- I'm just going to lean in and say,

my lord and lady,

I have attempted to atone for my mistakes

of the first day of the Bloom.

You will find me not lacking
in propriety or vigilance.

Keep your eyes trained on young Gwyndolin

of the Court of Wonder.

She is not who she seems.

- They spit at the ground at
your feet and grin viciously.

- (slurping) You honor me.

(group gasping)

And I will turn to face
Wuvvy and Theodore,

and I look and see Rue dressed as they are

in support of Wuvvy, and,

at an eight on my deception check,

to hide how truly hurt I am.

- Oh my god, make an insight check.

- Okay.
- Roll higher

than an eight, please.
- So, I'm seeing this, yes?

I'm seeing-
- Yeah.

- 'Cause are we making eye contact?

- Yeah, I think we lock eyes
and I see how you are dressed.

- Okay, 13.

- Oh.
- Yeah, clocked.

- Clocked.

- I make eye contact with you

and make that face,

that sort of screwed
up sour face you make,

as you swallow a difficult emotion

and walk towards the dueling field.

- You see my lips tremble

and me lose focus for a
second, eyes watering,

as I make a very obvious
gesture that I am turning,

breaking eye contact from
you, and turning to Wuvvy.

(group gasping)
- For what it's worth,

and this is not disrespect,
and you know that,

because you and Wuvvy have
had so many conversations,

especially when she
moved from her home court

to the Court of Wonder,

you were one of the few
people that knew that

in her time before she
was so enamored with you,

that she forewent her place

in her court as a champion to join you,

that the fact that she
won't turn to face you

is not a thing of disrespect.
- Yeah.

And I get that.
- It's a guard position.

She's in her post herself between you.

- I'm matching Wuvvy's
energy at this moment.

And assuming there's
like a hill somewhere,

and I strategically place myself

at the top of the hill.
- Of course, of course.

- To be seen by all.
- Of course.

There's also like one
beautiful tree overhead.

We have to have the moment.
- And the lighting

is just right.
- Of course it is.

- It's noon, it's beautiful.
- (Emily laughing)

- And yeah, Wuvvy, who,

I think you would notice
that big difference

between the way you see her before

and the way you see her now is her eyes

that were so big and kind of wide set

have gone from a prey animal's
eyes to a predator's eyes,

and she does not blink as
she watches you approach.

- I think it becomes clear to everyone

this is a moment where
Hob seems dissimilar

from other goblins in a big way.

He doesn't lick his lips.

He doesn't bear his fangs.

He's also not a gladiator
or an adventurer.

There's no bravado here.

He walks up rigidly,

waits for his second
to provide the weapon.

In regards, Wuvvy-
(Aabria panting)

- You got this.
- Gorebladder, well done.

- Wait, if you die, do I have to fight?

Oh, fuck.
- Yes, if I die,

you're gonna step in, you're
gonna grab the halberd,

all right?
- Yeah, okay.

- Figure it out.

(group laughing)
And I'm going to turn

to Wuvvy, flip the halberd around,

and bow as a deeply as I can and stand up.

- She like sweeps a leg out in
a very practiced return bow.

Everyone that watches
has a very strong sense

that this is not her first duel.

Where's Andhera in this moment?

- Not there right now,

or not being seen quite yet.
- Okay.

You're all of sufficient station
to know how a duel works.

The most important rule as observers

is that if you are to offer
a boon to a combatant,

you must do it before the duel begins.

Any magic that is cast
by a non-participant

during the duel would have
disastrous repercussions

on your standing within society.

- And the only participants
we know are the two.

- Mmhmm.

- Okay.

- I believe in this moment,

Squak is going to kind of,

still being amongst the crowd, but aloud,

and so that Hob can hear it shout,

there he stands, proud and
true, the hero of Briar Falls.

And I'm gonna give you
a Bardic Inspiration.

- Hob turns to you and looks,

and I think it has actually escaped Hob

that the Lords of the Wing are
mad about the shit he said.

I think he meant it in so little offense,

and it has not gotten back to
him that that was a faux pas,

so I think he looks at you and goes,

(Brennan clapping)

- What do you think he's-
- Cousin, cousin,

what's your play?
(group laughing)

What's your play?

And should I join this?

- I just,

there's something about the
Court of Wonder looking a fool

that just feels right on this day.

- And you think that Hob winning

would make the Court
of Wonder look a fool?

- I mean, it would be a besmirch of Rue

and the company they keep.


- Oh, but I do so dearly love Rue.

- Oh yeah, as do I, but,

I mean.
- Perhaps we should divide.

- Oh.
- And I'll walk over

and I'll stand with Rue.

- Oh wait, this is unprecedented.

(Aabria laughing)

(group laughing)

- I look over at her with them, and I nod.

- Rue, would you like some tea?

- Oh.
(group laughing)

- Yes.
- Oh, no.

- Featherfowl.
- Mmm.

- Sorry, I'm caught in a moment here.

What is it that you ask of me?

- I'm so sorry.

I was offering you tea.

- This is hardly the time for tea.

I'm sorry, I must turn it down.

(Brennan gasping)

- Oh, 'kay.

(Brennan laughing)

- I'm sorry, do you not see the battle

that's about to take place?

I don't think it's time for tea.

This is not tea time
business at this moment.

- So refreshments during dueling

is apparently unprecedented.

- Well maybe

for the Lord of the Wings, but not here.

Not for me.

Not when this is happening.

- Well-
- Wuvvy picks up

her broadsword.

At her full height, this
would be like a two-hander.

She wields it with one arm
and holds it at a point.

Are you ready to begin?

- That I am.

Are you?

- Yes.

- And Hob will wait until whoever,

whichever of our seconds fires off a shot

or makes some noise and then we'll begin.

- Yeah.
- Wait, may I

do something before the

(voice muffling) starts?
- Please do, yeah.

- Pardon me, lady.
- Oh, I,

really didn't mean offense.

I'm just gonna go back to my cousin.

Of course.
- Yeah, bye.

- Thank you.

I walk down from the hill
and walk straight up to you

and say to you, have you
thought this through?

Is this what you really wanna do?

- And for just a moment,
her expression softens,

and her pupils go a little wide,

and then they narrow back to points.


You wouldn't have done

what you thought you needed to do to me

to force my compliance if it weren't

for him.

- Take care.

And I touch your shoulder,

and I give you Bear's endurance.

(bear growling)

- What?

What's that?

You have an advantage
on constitution checks.

Is that even worth it in a battle?

I don't know.
- We'll find out.

- It also gains two D6
temporary hit points,

which are awesome.
- Now that's quite useful

in a battle.

- Roll 2D6 for me.

- Hob sees this and the vibe changes.

- (laughing) Yeah.
- Seven.

- Seven total?

- Mmhmm.

- Look, I'm not one to brag,

but I will say that she's
up to 95 hit points now.

(Lou laughing)
- Copy that.

- Mmhmm.

- After that, I just

went back.
- Yep.

And she turns and faces you.

And the way this kind of
goes is a neutral party,

a beautiful woman with azure skin

and scatterings of iridescent green scales

and a pale mint green
gossamer gown walks forward,

a baroness of the Sea Foam
Court, walks out with a ribbon.

Yeah, that was a good look.

You recognize her.

And she'll drop a ribbon
to initiate the duel.

So here's what we do.

We're both gonna roll initiative.

Whoever wins on initiative
gets the first strike.

- Cool.
- The second person

makes their attack roll disadvantage,

and then we just go round by
round until someone yields.

- How big is the space that we are in?

- This is like a long lane

that is 50 feet wide and 70 feet long.

- If we got a lot of space
Hob's looking happy about that.

- Yeah.

- Cool, I'll roll initiative.

- All right.

Let me roll first to tell
you what you need to beat.

You need to beat a 14.

(Dramatic tense music begins playing)

- I got a 14.

- [Lou] Oh.
(Emily gasping)

- I'll give it to you, meets it beats it.

- Hell yeah.

- So make your attack roll.

- Let's roll up here.

- You underneath that tree.
- I don't like this

(Omar laughing)

- They rush towards each other.

- Bonus action rage.
- Yeah.

- Oh.
- And it's not

a howling frenzied rage.

It is a deep set (growling and
yelling) and rushes forward.

First attack is going to be 23 to hit.

- Hits.

This is going to be a trip attack.

Also, I'm rocking a
15-foot reach right now.

- That's right, okay.

- So it's like-
- Amazing.

- My one arm is like six
and a half feet of reach.

And as I run up two handed, I drop,

let the pole slide so the full extension

of the halberd comes in.

This is going to be a trip attack.

- Amazing.

- So we'll go in.

That's gonna be strength
saving throughout DC15,

on a failure they are knocked prone.

- 16.

- Okay, damage for this is just gonna be

seven plus four, 11 points of damage.

- Oh.

- You want this smoke?

And I'm going to-
(group laughing)

I'll go ahead and attack again.

- Okay.

(intense music)

- Three plus seven is 10.

I think that's, I think I'm
just gonna let that be a miss,

but I will action surge
and attack twice more.

- Okay.

- That's gonna be 15,

and I'll actually go ahead

and use the Bardic Inspiration here.

It's gonna be 22 to hit.
- Hits.

- Another trip attack.

- Okay.

- Natural 17.
- Okay.

Eight and three plus six, it's 14.

Another 17 points of damage.

This is my last of four
attacks right here.

That's gonna be 17 to hit.

- Misses.

- 17 Misses, copy that, cool.

And then I'll stay at a 15 foot remove.

- Okay.

I will make my attacks,

and I'll make mine with disadvantage

'cause you got the drop,

but she does point at you
as she was rushing forward,

says something under her breath,

and you see just a tiny
tendril of white smoke

move from her pupil,

and all of you see that it
moves across yours, too.

She's marked you.
- Copy that.

- That would have been great.

- You doin' okay, Rue?
- Yes.

- With the-
(group laughing)

- Rue, I was just tryin' to stand next to

so you had someone to talk to.

(group laughing)

- 21 to hit.

- 21 hits.
- Okay.

Jesus Christ.

You're going to take 16
points of piercing damage,

as she slides across you,

and I need you to make a
constitution saving throw.

- Is that 16 halved because I'm raging?

- Oh no, I didn't halve
it, I didn't halve it.

- And then a constitution
saving throw, correct?

- Mmhmm.

- That's gonna be 23.

- Damn, yeah, you're fine.

You feel at the point
where her blade slices you,

but doesn't really cut deeply,

it stings more than it should.

You've taken a lot of blade hits before,

and you know there is
something funky to her blade.

That's first attack.

Second one would be a 17 to hit.

- 17 Hits.
- Oh, okay, sweet.

Take another, and I'm not
halving these, 23 points,

and you can halve it to
11 and one more con save.

- You got it.

And she's making these
with disadvantage, right?

- Yeah.
- Oof.

- Okay, that's gonna be 17.

- Okay, you still beat it.

And you feel that same thing again.

And I'll even say on this one,

like as she like hits you and
catches you at the very end,

even as she passes you,

you notice just a little film

and oil slick of color on her blade.

You finish separate from each other.

She is looking much worse
for wear, comparatively,

but she turns and makes no posture

of any sort of resignation or yielding,

and staggering even a little bit,

raises her blade for another round.

- Just then four torch size-

(Emily cheering)

(Surena cheering)

- Dancing lights appear
between the two of you.

- [Oscar] What?
- A little hard to see

in the afternoon.
- It's noon.

(Oscar laughing)

- They are as if you were
looking at a gemstone,

but without the casing on the outside,

and they kind of move and then they move

a little bit more
frantically to get attention

at the best of the ability,

and from 120 feet away you hear,

I demand satisfaction.

(Lou banging)

- Oh, like-
- I demand.

- Squak, what now?

- Yeah, everyone turns to Squak.

(group laughing)

- I'm sorry.

This is not on me.

I don't believe.

- I demand...

Can you hear me?

Can I...

There's nothing I can
cast to make my voice...

As I'm closing in-
- Yeah.

The 120 foot distance

Holding a piece of paper over my head.

I demand satisfaction.

- And Wuvvy's stance immediately changes.

She respects the form of this.

And even in her ferocity

will observe the form,

and she goes back into a neutral pose.

- And I drop the paper-
- From whom?

- Not from you.

- Mmm.

- Hob, you bested me in battle once.

- Lord.

- You bested me in battle just once.

And I wanna drop the robe that I have,

and so I'm just in like cotton pants.

- What?

- (laughing) What?

- [Surena] What? What?
- [Aabria] Yes-suh!

- And on the back of my
neck is an elemental shard.

It's blue and it glows a bit as,

like my skin is sizzling a bit,

but a dark rain cloud
(thunder clapping)

forms over my head and starts to thunder

as I storm onto the battlefield itself

with my double-bladed scimitar in hand.

- So, you're wearing cotton pants,

and it's raining on you.

You're soaking wet.
- And your shirtless.

- Your shirt is off.
- Shirt is off.

- That-
- Cool.

- That would cling, the rain
will make the pants cling,

so we see it all.

(Lou and Omar laughing)

- What are the rules
for casting a spell now?

(group laughing)

- In this moment, Wuvvy
turns and faces you.

This has nothing to do
with our disagreement.

- No, in fact,

I would say the Prince of the
Unseelie Court has just...

I don't know what the
Prince of the Unseelie Court

has just done.
(group laughing)

I'm gonna turn to the Prince
of the Unseelie Court and say,

your majesty, for the respect

I bear your court and your mother,

her Majesty the Queen of Air and Darkness,

I would ask that any medics
here be allowed to inspect

his young majesty to make sure

that he has not been addled
by presence in the sun,

for indeed we understand it-
- [Aabria] Damn.

- To interrupt a duel in progression

besmirches the honor of the interrupter

beyond the point where satisfaction

may indeed be demanded
from those of high society.

- Wuvvy makes eye contact
with you in this moment.

What does she see?

- I think it's not necessarily
what she sees in my eyes.

It's more of the fucking
cloud over my head

grows three sizes
(thunder clapping)

and there are streaks of lightning

going throughout the entire thing.

- She buries her broadsword in the ground.

I'll allow it.

- [Brennan] Oh.

- [Surena] Oh.

- He is my second and will
replace me in the duel.

- This is too much.
- Yeah, this is too much.

- This is too much.

- Gwyndolin is pacing with
her umbrella and her snacks.

(group laughing)

- Okay, so-
- Gwyndolin, tea?

- I'd love tea.
- So I'm gonna look

at Wuvvy and say to be clear, my lady,

you remove yourself from
the request for satisfaction

to be replaced by your second,

who you now name as the Prince Andhera

of the Unseelie Court.

- I do.

- Am I allowed to respond
to this new challenge?

- Yes.

- Very well.

In the manner we are most accustomed to,

I shall choose the weapon.

(intense string music)

- Oh Lord, wet wrestling?
- Wrestling?

(group laughing)
(Aabria clapping)

- [Oscar] Ooh.
- Wha?

- I do not feel it right to
hurt such a young master.

- Oh.
- Although one could argue

that you chose the place
and he had to come,

so perhaps he chooses the weapon.

- That is true.

That does seem like what you said before.

- [Emily] Yeah.

- That's not at all what I said before.

(group laughing)

- This is the biggest stretch
of a fuckin' lifetime.

No, hold on, let's fuckin' examine this.

(group laughing)

Let's turn around.

Listen, I mean, do you wanna warm up

before a stretch this big?

Because I'll tell you right now...

I'll tell you right now,

I'm also fine to choose the place

if we would like to choose...

I'll choose a place or
I'll choose a weapon.

If all of the rules are being cast aside.

- I will set the new terms.

One round.

- Mmhmm.
(intense music)

- Swords.

Just one.

- Do blades count as different swords?

This doesn't come apart, it's just...

- Oh my god.
(group laughing)

- [Omar] It has to, right?

- It's wrestling now, it's wrestling.

No, are you serious?
- Just wrestle.

Yeah, whoever pins, one time to pin.

- [Omar] Shit.


Great, thank you, my lady.

- And she turns and
walks off of the field.

- Oh.

So, Captain, where did we land
on which weapon it would be?

Is it still swords, is my understanding.

- Let me understand, your majesty.

You have come here to interrupt this duel.

The Lady Wuvvy of the
Court of Hoof and Claw

has seen fit to prevent you

from permanently ruining your honor,

by allowing you to serve as her second.

Do I understand that I am allowed as that

who is challenged to decide
the weapon of our duel?

- Captain, I defer to you.

- Very well.

Then we shall respect the
ancient laws of Fairy custom.

I am glad to see.

As I have stated
previously for all to hear,

I choose wrestling.

Name a time and place.

- We can go here,

since you seem to be
so enamored with rules.

- Ooh, ooh.

- Ooh.

- I'm gonna turn to everyone
and say, right here, right now?

- Right here, right now.

- Very well, the Prince of the Unseelie

challenges a wounded
man right here and now.

Drop your weapon.
- He is my second

and is finishing what we have started.

- Very well.

- You could, of course, defer to yours.

(Oscar laughing)

- I say Gorebladder,

to be very clear, would
wipe the floor with you.

And I'm going to drop my
halberd and square up.

- Can I take this moment
of like just absolute-

- [Surena] Chaos?
- Chaos

to do a sending spell to Lady Featherfowl?

- Yes.

You can cast magic to each other.
- Okay.

- Just don't interfere with the duel.

- Great, so I'm sending her a message

that says, in quotes,

"Rue's assistant",
question mark, why do this?

You have hurt me deeply.

Thought I was a friend.

- Lady Featherfowl's not gonna

throw her cousin under the bus.

So I think Lady Featherfowl will just say,

I deeply apologize.

The usual social lubricant of alcohol

has been deprived of us,

and perhaps we are having
to learn new customs.

- Gimme a con save.

- 18.

- Now you don't feel sickened,

but as you say that, you have that,

just that little bit of when you're drunk

and you move a little too much,

and you're like, oh, my brain
had to catch up with me.

- I will retire to my nest.

Good day all.

- And she staggers away.

- One round, same rules.

Is there gonna be an
opposed grappling check,

but you're gonna start
by rolling initiative.

- I am going to look over
to Lord Squak for a moment.

Breathe heavily (sighing).

Thank you for your earlier
commendation, my Lord.

It seems we shall have a short revisit

of the Battle of Briar Falls,

where I will not commit the
same mistake I did last time.

- [Aabria] Ooooh

- Just a silent nod.

(battle music resumes)

- It's gonna be a 19 initiative.

- This is dumb. This is stupid.
- Okay.

It's gonna be plus zero, Four.

(Aabria laughing)

(group laughing)

- No, no, oh no.

- Incredible.

So you are acting first.

This is just an opposed
grapple check, though.

So is there anything you wanna like

add on top of it.
- Yeah, it's gonna be

bonus action rage again.

- [Oscar] I'm so nervous.

- Bonus action rage, and I'm gonna make,

I can do sorta like two
shoves or like two grapples

with an extra attack action.
- [Aabria] Yeah.

- So I'll do that.
- All right,

you just got several chances.

If you can grapple him, the combat's over.

You will pin him.
- Cool.

First roll's gonna come out to a 17.

- Opposed athletics or acrobatics check.

- That's a Nat 20.

(Ooh's of shock from the cast)

- I knew it, I knew.
(group laughing)

- I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

- Describe for me as this like

massive goblin lunges for you

with the most incredible wingspan,

how do you get away?

How do you avoid this?

- There's a fucking
rain cloud over my head.

I grew up in the slimiest

of situations.
(group laughing)

A wrestling match, against me?

The slipperiest boy?
(group laughing)

- The slipperiest-

- He's a slippy boy.

- He's a slippy boy.

- Oh, he's not only big, he's slippy.

(group laughing)

- I just slide out of the way

as the storm above me
(thunder cracking)

crackles a little bit.

- Amazing.

- Oh my God.

- I mean, can we all gasp, audibly?

- Yeah.
- Everyone watching the duel

just like...
- He's like a little pig.

(group laughing)
He's like an oiled up

little pig.

- And I think were it
just a normal victory,

the gathered society
here would laugh it off

as Pillar Boy's a slippy boy.

But what was actually done was deft,

and the way you moved through
the slickness under your cloud

is actually deeply impressive.

And for once you're so focused on yourself

and you're so inside your body right now

that you don't have a chance
to bumble through this

or look uncomfortable or confused,

you just look like yourself.

(bright music)

- This is beautiful.

(group laughing)

- You still have 14 more attacks, yeah?

I have one more attack.
- Yeah, okay.

- But I'm going to, but
Hob is truly shocked

that he did not work.

Here's number two, and
then that's the end of my,

I don't have another action surge.

- [Aabria] Cool.
- So.

Now that's gonna be a 28.

(bright music)

- There's a universe in
which you crit again.

- There is.

And it's this one.

That is gonna be a six plus-

(group laughing)

- Two.

(group laughing)

- You're only 20 away.

(Omar laughing)

Go ahead and describe for me.

- I am really impressed.

I haven't seen Pillar Boy move like this.

I look at you really impressed,

and just grab your cotton pants
and lift you up in the air.

(group laughing)
- Aw, disrespectful.

- Disrespectful.

- I grasp onto your arm to pull myself up,

so it's a momentary
display of being dangled.

- Yeah.
(group laughing)

- I'll allow it.

- And as I look to you,

when you first bested me,
I was but a tiny child.

(Lou and Emily laughing)

(group laughing)

- [Emily] That's canon now.

It's canon.

- And now you best me again,

as you are quite a fighter, in general,

and perhaps I've lost
this particular duel,

but I want to ask you, Captain,

what have you lost that has put you

in this position to begin with?

I'm not angry or upset.

A duel is a duel, and
we both live after this,

but I would like to let you know,

in closing, after the ceremony
of this particular ordeal,

I extend to you a hand of friendship.

- Aw.

- I would love to know
what's upsetting you so.

- I'm going to keep the
Prince of the Unseelie

hoisted up in the air-

- We have to talk about
the fact that you've now

pulled wet cotton pants taut.

And if there was any confusion
about what was going on,

it's gone.

(group laughing)

- We all know.

We all know.
- We all know.

- We all know.
- The Prince is packin'

- I'm gonna give Lord
Blemish and Lady Boil

the Caesar eyes.

You know what I mean?

Do I accept this hand
of friendship or not?

- And you know that any other
goblins would vote for chaos

to disrespect him, to make
a joke or a jape at this,

but they are closer to you than they are

to some of your fellow goblins.

And they just give you a respectful nod

and a gesture to let it be done.

(bright music)

- I'm going to lower you,

bow my head and say,

I think it is obvious that
as the Lady Wuvvy's second,

your honor and the honor of your court

has not been impugned here at all,

as you were acting on behalf
of the Court of Claw and Hoof.

A day will come, perhaps sometime
in the future as friends,

where we may exchange
blows on a dueling field

and see how clearly as
everyone here could see,

you have progressed.

Few warriors could evade my
claws as deftly as you did.

Three cheers for the
Prince of the Unseelie.

- [Group] Hip hip, hooray.

Hip hip hooray.

Hip hip hooray.

- And then I'm gonna look right at Rue.

- Mmm.

- This business having been concluded,

and the duel settled,

I ask the Lady Wuvvy,

having asked before thrice,

what manner of satisfaction was demanded?

If you do not wish to speak
it aloud, then I shall.

(somber music)

(Aabria sighing)

Wuvvy will tank the disrespect

and disreputable behavior

to keep her friend's secret,

throw down her sword,

and walk off the field.

- Then I will turn one
last time to look at Rue

and look at everybody else here.

And I've chosen my words very carefully.

So I will say, in respect
to those herein gathered

if a secret should not be shared willingly

then I shall not be the one to share it.

I ask only this.

If the beautiful Viscountess Gribalba

rejects a proposal of marriage,

I would ask that people handle it

with more grace in the future.

And I walk off the dueling field.

- And that's where we're going to end.

(group cheering, sighing, and laughing)

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh ho ho ho ho.
(group cheering)

- Thank you so much.

- Beautifully done.

And we will see you next
time for chapter four

of "A Court of Fey & Flowers."


Each of you wakes up to a little teapot

inviting you to a formal tea party.

- We have a new guest.

- Yes?
- Let's show them

how a-
- Hospitality.

- Yes.
(group laughing)

- A rematch of our first meeting

at the Battle of Briar
Falls is called for.

- I accept your invitation, vehemently,

and I hope you accept my gift back.

A collection of trash.

- My god, immaculate.

(Brennan snorting and chomping)

- Hob does seem to be potentially

a very interesting connection.

- Definitely has the eyes
of the Bloom right now.

- I'm gonna watch out for you.

You're gonna be fine.

- Thank you.

And she immediately reaches
out and grabs your hands.

- Oh.

- Don't you want to drink?

- Are you a human being?
(Aabria screaming)

You wouldn't say.

- I kinda wanna fail.

(Emily laughing)
I love that for you.

- Everyone, to the damn henchmaids.

- He's going to just think real name.

- I won't tell you.

- So you admit it is not Gwyndolin?

- Oof.
(dramatic music)