Dimension 20 (2018-…): Season 15, Episode 1 - A Bloom to Remember - full transcript

Nobles of the Archfey gather to celebrate a surge of magic - and a surge in intrigue, gossip, and romance.

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(elegant classical music)

- To the churlish Captain K.P. Hob,

venerated soldier of the Goblin Court.

To the master of ceremonies,
Delloso de la Rue,

pride of the Court of Wonder.

To the illustrious Gwyndolin Thistle-hop

of the Court of Wonder.

To the tenebrous Prince Andhera,

scion of the Unseelie Court.

And to the notorious Lords of the Wing,

Lady Chirp Featherfowl,
Countess of Cluckingham,



and Lord Squak Airavis,
Earl of Peckersberg.

Honored archfey, we are delighted

to welcome you to A
Court of Fey & Flowers.

Greetings!

And welcome to a social event

of a season here on Dimension 20.

I am your highbrow Dungeon Master.

This was a lot and I regret it.

- I love it!

- Throw it away. What's up?

- [Aabria] We're good. We're still going.

- Nothing is precious today!
- I love it even more.

- Wow!
- That was powerful.

- Thank you.
- That was great.



- I'm Aabria Iyengar,

and with me inside this decorous dome

are my pack of pixies.

Say hi, pack of pixies.
- Hi, pack of pixies.

- This is going to be a story

about fashions, passions,
and power struggles

of archfey from a variety
of courts and noble houses

all across the fey realms
as they come together

to briefly celebrate a
surge of magical power

in their world known as the Bloom.

If any of this is giving
you Regency vibes,

then yes, you are correct and
you're in the right place.

- Bloom, okay.

- Okay, yeah, it's gonna be really weird

for my barbarian character.

- How do you spell that?
- It's Bloom.

I think, well, how would we?

Is it Blum like Blumhouse?
Is this a horror story?

- [Aabria] Yes, yes. We're
going full "Midsommar."

- Yes, honestly? All right.

I'm sorry.
- No, you're good.

So in order to get the
flavor right for this story,

we had to build upon what
is already in front of us

in 5th edition Dungeons & Dragons.

So I have reached out to
some of my favorite games

that have mechanics specific to driving

interpersonal conflict and
confluence and the pushing

of drama and melodrama.

So when they pop up, you'll see them.

Just know we're playing something
a little hacked together

and a little fun, but
that's the fun of the story.

But why don't I explain the
first one to you right now?

All of you have a chest in front of you,

and though you can't see your own,

you see that there's a row
of seven stones on the front.

These are no mere design.

They're your reputation trackers.

Now, in polite society, your
reputation is everything,

and the way you behave out in the world

will affect how people see you,

how you are able to get the
things you want from others,

and what you think of yourselves

as you move through this
space and make your choices.

So at the end of every
session, we'll assess,

and you'll see at the top of the next game

where your reputation tracker is,

and I encourage all of you
to play with these mechanics.

As people's stars rise, they
are more desirable to you.

They're better connections,
better friends,

more desirable lovers.

- But maybe also someone
we want to take down a peg?

- Also that.
- Emily, what?

- Axford gets the game.

She came in knowing the assignment.

And by that same token,

as people's reputations begin to fade,

that's not just incentive to avoid them,

but they're vulnerable.

Some of you are birds
of prey. Never forget.

- Come on.

- So do what you will.
- Oh my gosh.

- And follow your heart.

And make good choices, or at
least bad ones in private.

Before we begin our tale of
A Court of Fey & Flowers,

I believe some formal
introductions are in order,

so let's begin with Surena.

- Hello, I'm Surena Marie,

and I'll be playing Gwyndolin Thistle-hop.

- Hello, I'm Oscar Montoya,

and my character's Delloso de la Rue,

and my pronouns are they/them.

- Hello.

I'm Lou Wilson and I'll be
playing Lord Squak Airavis

of the Lords of the Wing, pronouns he/him.

- Hi, I'm Emily Axford and I'll be playing

Lady Chirp Featherfowl,
Countess of Cluckingham.

She/her!

- Oh, I forgot. I'm also, come back.

I'm also a thing. I'm
the Earl of Peckersburg.

- Hm, yeah.

It's your turn.

- Hi. I didn't see you come in.

My name's Brennan Lee
Mulligan and I'm playing

Captain K.P. Hob of the
Goblin Court, he/him.

- And I'm Omar Najam.
I have no introduction.

I have no cool thing that I'm doing, so.

- That was nice, though. This is fun.

- This is good.
- So let's just take a second.

- This is great.
- I'm Omar Najam.

I'm playing Andhera, he/they.

- Amazing. So why don't we get into it?

All of this begins with the Bloom.

Since the time before time, the fey realms

have been the wellspring for magic

that suffuses not just
this realm but all others.

The flow of magic is natural
here, and it waxes and wanes

according to its own unknowable clock.

But when magic surges here,
the entire realm reacts

in a riotous celebration of life.

Verdancy, fertility, and
the giddiness of abundance

affect every living thing here,

and the eye of the storm of
fecundity is known as the Bloom.

Fey of all stations have
gathered to the Bloom

to mix and mingle, to move
through courts and spaces,

and celebrate life and join together.

And this is where we find ourselves now.

- The party?
- Before we get there,

I think we need to meet our characters.

So we're going to move
across the fey realm,

not in distance but in timbre,

from the salty Sea Foam Court

that is hosting this year's Bloom

to a place of nigh darkness.

It is, as ever, the Gloaming
here in the Unseelie Court.

You spot a lone figure moving

through a massive, dark, marble loggia

lit by a black fire torch

flickering in the unceasing winds

that both are and are of the
Queen of Air and Darkness,

the ruler here.

Andhera, you are headed to your
apartments within the palace

to finalize your preparations
to head to the Bloom.

You know Advisor, your
chaperone and advisor,

is waiting for you there to lecture you

one last time before you take off

on decorum and expectations

and what will be asked and required of you

during your travels away
from your home court,

the place you stand to inherit.

But you pause and you look out
into the heavy blue twilight

and we see your face for the first time,

so will you please
describe yourself for me?

- Absolutely.

Andhera is a tall,

toned,

young man.

- I just got hungry.

- Fuck, I did too.

- The first thing you
would notice about Andhera

is their sort of tussled, curly hair

that's sort of peppered and salted,

and it falls over a dark purple face

with just these piercing garnet eyes,

and it's hard to read

if it's specifically a scowl or a smile

or somewhere in between, and
their stature is perfect,

absolutely regal looking out the window,

and if you were to have any judgements

about this individual, you
might come to the conclusion

that he definitely has muscle,

but it's not muscle from
actually doing lifting.

It's completely visual.

Completely useless gym muscle.
- Love that, love that.

- Is what he's going for.

He's in a robe that's
sort of open a little bit.

- Ooh!
- And just smolders.

- Yes, good.
- Just constantly smoldering.

- Yes, amazing.

So as you look out, you hear
the beginning of footsteps

coming down this dark hallway,

and you see at the far end the
slender, sort of hunched form

of Advisor coming in. (clears throat)

Young master, are you ill at
ease? What are we looking at?

He comes right over your shoulder

and is just sort of looking.

- Okay, that's very close.

- What, is this uncomfortable for you?

- It is incredibly
uncomfortable, and you know that.

Give me, like, just a couple
feet, please. Thank you.

- Oh, he didn't do it.

He just leans back a little bit.

- Thank you, I will appreciate it

that you give me a couple feet.

- I need you to give
me a persuasion check.

- Right, persuasion. I've
got three different dice.

This will be my diplomacy dice.

All right, here we go.
(players applauding politely)

- [Aabria] First roll!

(Brennan laughing)

- What?
- What is it?

- Yeah, baby!

- Now, total, it's a three.
- Oh no!

- With a plus two, that's a three.

- Yeah, so we started with a one?

- Yo, seriously?
- We're starting off critical.

- If you all applaud
for me, I'll stab you.

I'll stab you on camera.
Do not clap when I roll.

- In defiance of your direct
wishes and truly physics,

somehow, Advisor closes the distance

and is even nearer to you.

You're not in charge of
the Unseelie Court yet,

and I am here specifically
to keep an eye on you,

and that's what I will do.

And you feel just a
little bit of his breath

kind of float across your neck.

- Then I look to him

and just really tense up my
shoulders a bit, square out.

Actually, I wanted you to get closer,

so actually what you did was what I,

I put you into a position

where you'd do exactly
what I did, Advisor.

- Hm.

- So are you not doing
exactly what I said, in a way,

if you think about it?
- If you think about it!

- Because I knew,
because I played against,

the games we play, the
strategy that I learned.

- Yes.
- I used against you.

- I'm just going to jump in right here

and remind you one more time
that you need to double check

all of your preparations,

and if you need me to turn down

any engagements and invitations
that you've been given,

I know you're excited

to frolic in the flowers,

but I would kindly remind
you of who you represent.

You and your sister Suntar

need to do your best,

because the queen herself
will not be debasing her form

with corporeality in order to
make an appearance this Bloom.

- I turn back out and I
clasp my hands behind me,

which takes a second to kind
of shove him out of the way.

- Yeah, for sure.

- 'Cause he's right up in my business.

- You just absolutely,
you kind of sack tap him

and he tilts his head back.

- And I didn't mean to,
and I want to communicate

that a little bit of, like,
just shifting one inch over,

and just kind of look out and laugh.

I assure you, Advisor,

the only thing that will
be debased will be the...

I, the...
- No, say it.

- Expectations.
- Mm-hm?

- It's the...

Staring out.

Will be the low...

The low, yeah. (clears throat)

- This is the most perfect
representation of a nat one.

- Thank you, that was my
nickname back in high school.

The only thing that will
be debased, Advisor,

is your low expectations of me.

My man.

And I turn. So, you know,
put that in your pipe.

- (sighs) Thank you for reminding me

that I need to pack my pipe.

I'm going to go finish getting ready,

and I suggest you do the same.

- Well, I will. Thank you for that advice.

- Will you be bringing
your beastie with you?

- Yes, he has a yeth hound,

which, in case you don't-
- Yeah, for those, yeah.

- For those who don't know, it's a dog

with an old man's face.
- Aw!

- No, I'm sorry, that's inaccurate.

- Omar, why did you introduce this?

- I'm sorry, that's actually inaccurate.

It's a hound with an old man's head,

is probably the better way to put it.

- So the whole head, not just the face.

- But in a cute, fun way?
- Oh.

- Like an adorable, fun way?

- Everything's up for
interpretation, I suppose.

- What's the hair
situation? I need to know.

- Like, a little bit.

- And the ear situation? Human?

- Still a little, we meet in the middle.

- [Oscar] We meet in the middle?

- It's a terrible
compromise on all fronts.

- I don't think this is adorable.

The more he talks, it's not adorable.

- So there's a transition happening.

- It's like an ombre.
- Ombre effect.

- Yeah, so you have a free
photography editing program,

and this was like, oh,
this is how I can, like,

I'll erase half of this.
- Okay.

- And just put it on top.
- You got the free trial.

- The free trial.
- Uh-huh, okay.

- I'm so glad our audience
will have immediately

just gotten a photo of it
and be like, "Oh, we get it."

- We're in the space
figuring out for ourselves.

Yes, Advisor's going to turn
on his heels and walk away,

just sort of nodding as you
mention bringing your hound,

and he leaves you to your own devices

to prepare however you
see fit, but I will note

that you were under the impression before

that you would be the only
one from the Unseelie Court

besides Advisor going, and
to find out that your sister,

that sort of ray of light
in an otherwise dark court,

is going to be there, is new information.

- I wait for the footsteps to echo out.

- Takes, like, a good two minutes.

- And I will wait those,

mostly because it's that in between time

where you're like, but if
I do anything, he'll know,

because he can hear that I waited.

- Yes.

- But he probably also
knows that I'm standing

exactly still, not making a noise,

in order to not indicate
that I am waiting.

So finally, when I'm at my peace.

Damn.

Damn, damn!

Are you serious, man? Are you serious?

She's, dammit! Dammit!

And I kick a piece of luggage. Damn!

- It tumbles into the ether.
- Shit!

- What was in that luggage?
- [Aabria] Yeah?

- Like, my fanciest clothes. Shit!

And I cast Dancing
Lights to try to get it.

- Amazing.
- Yeah.

- What do your Dancing Lights look like?

- Imagine you can see
the inside of a crystal

without the external surface.

- Oh.
- So everything,

when you peer into it, like,

if you've ever done scrying or anything,

that's what you're looking at,
but there's no surface to it.

- Amazing.

So yeah, this beautiful, prismatic light

that is unbounded by
geometry sparkles and shines,

and you see a specific, dark
gust of wind catch your luggage

and sort of drop it back in front of you,

and the scent on that wind lets you know

that again, the Queen of Air and Darkness,

who rarely debases herself

to take a physical form, is here,

and this is one of the kindest gestures

you can imagine or
remember in a long time,

as she presents your luggage back to you.

- Thank you, mum, for that.

- You feel the wind circle around you,

and you're at the center
of this small tornado,

and it is a little suffocating, TBH.

She is tussling your hair.

There's the wind equivalent
of cheeks being pinched,

and all of it happening

a little too close and a little too cold.

- Okay, thank you. Thank you, mum.

Thank you for all this.
Thank you for getting my bag.

I will make you proud, and you will see

that I am the better child

out of the two of us.

- Not better child.

- I will be your best boy, going forth.

- From that, the wind leaves you

and makes a little bit of
a strange howling sound

as it whips through the loggia that sounds

somewhere between a sigh of resignation

and maybe a bit of stifled laughter,

and you're able to continue
towards your apartments

and get ready to leave.

And we move from twilight

to a midnight canopy full of stars.

We move to a world away,
the Court of Wonder.

The Court of Wonder is a
joyous citadel of celebrations

and the home and hub of those magics

that are known by mortals to be miracles,

the kind granted by fairies
over tearful prayers

in the dead of night, and we
find Gwyndolin Thistle-hop.

You are standing in a
courtyard sort of choked

with summer lilac, and you're
watching dozens upon dozens

of small, winged, lesser
fey flitting back and forth,

helping the massive contingent
of the Court of Wonder

prepare to take off and
leave for the Bloom.

And as we see you

in this sort of serene step
away from the busy-ness,

would you please describe yourself?

- Sure.

So Gwyndolin has bright pink, wavy hair

that falls down to her shoulders.

She wears the most ridiculous
blue, flouncy dress

that bobs as she walks.

She has a large dandelion
leaf flipping out of her hair

and a beauty mark on the side of her face

that is in the shape of a flower

that she calls a berry mark.

She probably looks like
a traditional fairy

with her proportions, like
Tinkerbell but in the real world,

so it's kind of weird.

You know what I mean?
- Yeah, it's a little wrong.

- Her eyes are too big,
her face is too wide.

Yeah, it's like that.

- You hold in your hand
sort of your invitation

via the court and the leaders
of the Court of Wonder,

the Chorus, inviting
you and not your sister,

the Blue Fairy,

to this event.

Where is she right now?

- I think Blue would most
likely be in a fainting room

or, you know, like those fancy rooms

where it's a powder room,

but it's just couches,
you know what I mean?

- Yeah yeah yeah.
- That's where she hangs out.

- Amazing.
- Yeah.

- Let's talk a little bit about
how you got your invitation,

because Gwyndolin, who goes by her name

and no official title,
you're part of this court,

though as people sort of walk by,

the lesser fey know

to bow and give deference
to archfey as they walk.

They're not necessarily doing
that with you in this moment.

So how did you get to score
an invitation to the Bloom?

- Well, when you're
friends with the people

delivering invitations,
things can get changed,

and so, in that edit,

my name was put on.

- Amazing.

So we sort of cut from you in this moment

looking down at your
invitation and looking up

at all of the preparations happening,

and we cut back to your sister,
the Blue Fairy of legend

that turned Pinocchio into a real boy,

as she is absolutely
ripping your living room,

your sitting room, to
fucking bits in her fury

at the slight of not being invited.

But that's a problem for another day.

- Mm-hm.

- You're here now, and ready to go.

As you move through the courtyard

towards the next steps to leaving,

you get a little taste.

It starts in the back of your throat

and moves across your
tongue to the very tip.

It tastes like lemon,

and you know what the
taste of lemon means,

and you know who that heralds,

and Mika is reaching out to you,

but is now the time for
you to pick up this call?

You've been tasting lemon
probably once an hour.

- Once an hour?

- Yeah, for the last two or three days.

- I'm going to find a corner somewhere.

There's dark corners places, right?

- Sure.
- The darkest of the corners.

- Give me a stealth check.
- Great.

(players applauding elegantly)

Oh, thank you. Wait, no, guys, don't clap!

- That's right, it's
mean! It's mean to clap!

- Why?
- Because he got a nat one.

- I know.
- That was okay.

A 20, but it's a dirty 20.
- Damn!

- So?
- Thanks!

- With a dirty 20,

your body, your true essence,

knows those liminal spaces
and forgotten places,

and you find one in shadow easily.

- Where the music doesn't play.

- Where the sky's light does not shine.

- He can't reach.

- So in that liminal, dark space,

I open my mind to communicate,

but I don't,

it's just like, you
know the spell Message,

where it can only be,
like, state your sentence?

- Yeah.
- That's what I've opened.

- Okay. You open it.

On top of the lemon flavor
that you've been swallowing,

it was beginning towards the next step

in that reach, that signaling.

You begin to smell
cookies full of cinnamon

just on the edge of burning,
and then it suddenly goes away

as the channels open and you hear, hello?

Hello? Are you there?

Oh no, this is a...

Oh shit, how many, I...

How are you?

Send the spell again. Please?

And it gets cut off.

- I panic, because it seems

like they're having a thing, right?

- Yeah.
- Fully having a thing.

And I say, give me till the next moon.

And it's just text that
they would receive.

They gave me a voicemail and I texted back

is essentially what happens.

- Wow.
- Amazing.

- That's a statement in itself.

- Once you send off
that very brusque text,

you feel across the bond with
Mika disgruntled acceptance,

but no sort of panic
that would let you think

that if you don't
intervene in this moment,

something dire would happen.

And she tends to...

It's obvious that she's in it right now,

but that's kind of her energy.

- Yeah.
- So you're okay.

- Okay.

- And she seems just sated enough

to have heard from you at
all that she lets it go,

and you are left once
again to your own devices.

- I'm going to get my things
together and hurry on board.

- [Aabria] Amazing. You're one
of the first people onboard.

- Yeah, mm-hm.

- You kind of sit in your corner,

your things taken from
you and stored away,

and you're able to watch

the sort of ingress of
all of the other archfey.

You see three

hulking, large, ephemeral,

a little translucent at the
edge figures wearing masks

of theatrical expression
carved from marble

look at you.

These are members of the Chorus,
the leaders of your court,

and they acknowledge
you, give a little nod,

send no energy either of
curiosity or confusion

or acceptance or greeting,
they send you nothing,

but regard you and continue

to move on to their places of honor.

- Kind of a big deal.
- But you're here,

and you're on your way, and from there,

we go darker still.

We move to dense woods,

where the canopy of
ancient, 100-boughed trees

obscure the night sky above

and reflect the orange
glow of a roaring bonfire.

Dancing about it are
countless humanoid figures

of varied heights and builds,
laughing and screaming

and throwing bones from the
feast that they're engaging in

into the fire and squealing with delight

as they burst with a bang.

We cannot see their faces,
though a looming sentinel figure

standing a dozen yards away watching

this dark rumpus of the
Goblin Court can be made out.

Brennan, will you please
describe Captain Hob?

(Audibly snaps to attention)

(all laughing)

- Very good, your ladyship.

- The thigh slap heard around the world.

- Truly.

Truly.

- Captain K.P. Hob
strikes an imposing figure

as he stands watchful guard

over this most sacred and
important of goblin rumpuses.

K.P. Hob is a-
(all laughing)

K.P. Hob is probably by a good measure

the largest goblin here.

For folks at home that
are familiar with D&D,

he's very much a bugbear, but
I think in the Goblin Court,

those kinds of delineations
between bugbears and hobgoblins,

these are more fey goblins
than high fantasy goblins.

So he is very tall,

he has that goblin countenance,

but a little bit more animalistic.

His nose is a sort of
canine or ursine nose.

It looks a little bit more bestial,

but it's pressed into a more
regularly flat, humanoid face.

He's got the wide goblin
mouth, very fangy and toothy,

thick eyebrows,

and incredibly long, furry, tufted ears

that are very expressive
along with his eyebrows,

like, twitch and move and
position as he hears stuff

and also very much do the dog, like,

flatten if I'm sad or
guilty, go up if I'm alert.

He's wearing a black military garb,

epaulets, brocade,

so black with gold
brocade and gold epaulets

and a blood red sash decorated
with medals and emblems.

Under one hand, he's got a
tall cavalry officer's hat

and a tall halberd in the other,

very well-kempt and
polished, and no pants!

He's very furry, he's got a little-

- Porky Pigging it.
- Yeah, he's Porky Pigging it.

So, immaculate military uniform, no pants,

because his legs are
digitigrade like a cat's,

like a cougar's legs, and
he's got a little deer tail

that's white on the underside

to help communicate danger
to my comrades in arms!

And he is rigid, at attention, marching.

It's just between two
trees, so it's four steps

from one tree to the next,
turn around, four steps back.

No interlopers shall harm or besmirch

any members of the goblin

while they do their
important work rumpusing!

- Now, how tall are goblins usually,

and how tall are you?

- I would say the average goblin

is between two and three feet tall,

and I think even with his legs
that are always kind of bent,

K.P. comes in at around seven feet tall.

- What?
- Holy Christ.

- There was a visceral
reaction at the table.

- [Lou] Well, when you were
like, "Two, three feet,"

I was like, "Okay."

- Maybe five.
- Yeah.

- No, he a freak!
- He a freak!

- Is he the only one,

or are there others that are just as tall?

- In the description, I said
they were of varied sizes.

You have to list...

- Yeah, but varied comes within, like-

- Exactly!
- Okay, upper range!

- I think that the Goblin Court,

there are truly some goblins
that are five inches tall

and are stealing salt shakers,
and then there's others-

- Aw, that's so sweet.

- So I think when K.P.,

part of the reason K.P. is marching

is whenever he stands still,

he becomes a platform
for goblin shenanigans.

- 100%.
- Okay.

- As the goblins crawl all over.

- The little fellas.
- The little fellas.

- [Omar] The little salt boys.

- The little salt boys. Yeah, exactly.

- And has he always been tall?
Or did he get a growth spurt?

- I do not remember any
instance of spurting growth.

I assume I have always been this tall,

as this is the height
that I deem necessary

for the completion of my tasks.

- As you say that out
loud to no one asking you,

I need you to make a
dexterity saving throw

as some of the little salt goblins

try to jam chicken wings
into your open mouth.

- [Emily] Oh my god, I'm
obsessed with these salt goblins.

- Trying to get you to...

Oh, do we need to clap?

(players cheering)

- Let's go!

- We didn't even need to applaud!

(Brennan gurgling)

- Like, three little salt goblins

get cooked chicken into your face

and one goblin gets a
small bird, like a quail,

like a whole, live quail in there.

- Okay.
- A live quail!

- I go... (gulps)

(Brennan coughs)

And a little feather comes out.

- Perfect.
- Thank you, your majesty.

I assume this is, like, nobility?

- I mean, a couple of the salt goblins

give a little curtsy and mock you

as they begin to dance down your body

and slide off your tail.
- I love them.

- Because they're not nobility.

But the one that jammed the quail in there

actually is going to hop off
and move to his full height.

He's a little bit shorter
than you at 6 1/2 feet tall,

and this is the Goblin King.
- Ooh!

- Your majesty!

- Is that your salute?
- That's the salute.

Click your heels, smack your
head, clap at the person.

That's the goblin salute.

- He gives you a little
bow and then goes...

(Aabria gibbering shrilly)

Also with you.

- Ha! I see I have been invited to rumpus!

Very well, your majesty!

And I'm going to punch a tree in half.

- Yes, give me an attack roll.

Please kill this tree.

- Nat 20!
(all cheering)

Nat 20!
- Oh my goodness.

- Amazing.
- I love it.

- You punch the center of this tree,

and it kind of crumples
in on itself and buckles,

and then it shatters apart

and sort of rains down wood
chips on everyone around.

- Ooh!
- The Goblin King himself

offers you a polite bow, trying to mirror

your rigid formality for once,

and speaks.

Are you prepared

for your mission at the Bloom?

- Your majesty,

I await the mission with
utmost earnestness and zeal.

It is an honor to serve at
your pleasure, your majesty.

Drop to one knee.

- Oh, oh, you're just
going to keep doing it.

Okay, up. Up, let's go
all the way back up.

- Yes, your majesty.

- I need you to remember,

you are an honored and revered war hero

not just in our court,

but across the realms in general,

and there will be expectations of you.

What you are there to do,

who you are there to protect,

who you are there to...

Well, we don't need to
speak about it here,

but I am trusting you

with Boil and Blemish.

You will guard them with your life.

- As you will it, sire.

It is my fondest hope

that I might die doing as
you have ordered me to do.

- The Goblin King's smile goes feral,

and as the skin sort of splits
away all the way to his ears,

it reveals row after
row of shark-like teeth,

and his eyes go over black,

but not reflecting any
of the glow of the light,

and he reaches behind
him, quick as a flash,

and grabs one of the smaller goblins,

maybe only two feet tall,

pierces through his ribcage,
grabs his very heart,

and rips it out.
- Oh, gosh.

- Crushing it and covering
his hand in green-black blood,

which he decorously, gently wipes

across your face as a blessing.

- Single tear.

You honor me, your majesty.

I speak not only for myself

but for the goblin you have
just mercifully killed.

We are forever in your debt.

- Was that a salt goblin
that y'all killed?

- No no no, they're five inches.

I was watching, five inches.
- Pinch of a heart.

- But there we go, there's
that Blumhouse Blum.

- There you go!
- There's that Blumhouse Blum.

Goddamn!

- He holds your gaze for
a couple long moments,

assessing you and seeing something kindred

in your stillness, but your ferocity.

- Sire, I know that questions

as to my mannerisms

have sometimes floated
about the Goblin Court.

I am perhaps more rigid

in my form and behavior

than it would be right for a goblin to be,

but know that I follow the
code of goblin chivalry

with every fiber of my being,
and have dedicated myself

to mischief, mayhem,

sneakery, rumpus, and ruin.

With all my might, I shall
not fail you in this endeavor.

- He takes a little step away,

sort of leaving his space
interposing you from the bonfire,

and gestures with that still bloody hand.

Prove it.

We leave on the morrow.

- Very well.

Mayhem.

It's time for it.

Here we go.

Remember the code of goblin chivalry.

Mayhem. (clears throat)

A true goblin never does as he's told,

never tells as he's done,

and never follows a rule,
least of all this one.

And he takes his halberd

and just throws it
through a nearby goblin.

- Make an attack roll.
- Oh boy.

- That's going to be a 17.

- Oh yeah, a 17 absolutely catches

a dancing, five foot tall goblin.

- Thank god. He's tall, he's tall!

- It's not a little salt shaker goblin.

- Calm down.
- He's tall!

Don't worry, he's tall!
- The salt boys are safe.

- Salt boys!
- The salt boys are safe.

- Super safe.
- And it pierces

just sort of through
the back of this goblin

with long, shaggy fur
covering their entire body

just above their left hip,
and they wheel around,

actually spinning the handle
of your halberd into the fire,

and wheel and face you.
- Medic!

I leap to help this person

and I pull the halberd
out of them and I say,

brother, I am so sorry.

I am so sorry I have injured you.

I wanted to do it, so it was right!

I do whatever I want! I'm a goblin!

Are you hurt?

- No.
- Oh, good!

And he spits blood in your
face, pushes you away,

lets you take the halberd,
and keeps dancing.

- When I get blood in my mouth,
I go... (Brennan gibbering)

And I wrestle this goblin.

(Brennan snarling)

And I just start biting.
- Amazing.

And sort of as the Goblin King laughs on,

we kind of move out and away,

but I do want to ask one question

sort of once the frenzy
of this moment has passed.

Hob, what is foremost of mind?

You know that your job
here is one of a sentry,

a sentinel watching out,
so you are attenuated

to the truly myriad rumors

that fly about the courts,

and you've had to pay attention

not because you necessarily
find them interesting,

but because they are vital intel

that will keep your charges alive.

What interests you most in this moment?

- Knowing that I will be
accompanying Boil and Blemish,

our most clever goblin
nobility, to the Bloom,

it remains ever on Captain Hob's mind

that the military victories
he won for the Goblin Court

in their battles against the Unseelie

afforded them the ability

to enter into a very
advantageous political marriage,

and everything was set

for the Princess Grabalba
of the Goblin Court

to be wed to Prince Apollo
of the Court of Wonder,

until, on the day of its announcement,

before it was announced,
everything was canceled.

The plug was pulled.

Someone behind the scenes
at the Court of Wonder

ended what would've been
a huge political victory

for the Goblin Court, so Captain Hob

has the names of who
we think is responsible

for taking our hard-won victories,

and specifically my hard-won victories,

and making them fruitless
and having happened in vain.

- Amazing, so as you sort of turn on that

and think about it, and
you wrestle in the frenzy

with this already be-stabbed goblin,

you look up and you see, at
the edge of the firelight,

Viscountess Grabalba herself,

ripping these small, golden
peonies petal by petal

and throwing them in the fire.

She's not running or dancing or laughing,

she's just burning them,

and you know that those were a flower

associated with Prince
Apollo specifically,

and you make a little bit of
eye contact in that moment.

She gives you a nod.

- I will avenge your honor.

- For ruin.
- And rumpus!

(Brennan imitating thudding blows)

Let me smash that barrel!

I'm sorry! No, I wanted to!

- And on and on it goes.

So we move from there now
to the scene of our tale,

a massive tidal island
just off of the coast

of the Sea Foam Court's
seemingly endless, sandy beaches.

It's daytime in a
gorgeously appointed castle

central and topping this
island like the highest tier

of one of the hundreds of cakes

that you, Rue,

are responsible for to
have brought with you.

You are the emissary of joy,

a member of the Court of Wonder,

but somehow separate from it,

a little beyond it.

You've been here for weeks,
not just at the request

of the nobility of the Court of Sea Foam,

but you go where the energy leads you,

and you were the first one

to feel the Bloom coming on years ago,

and you began laying
the preparations down,

putting the right pieces in place,

and now, it's the day.

- It's the day.
- Everything's here.

Everything's exactly the way

you would have it to be,

and therefore, perfect.

Rue.
- Mm!

- So, you are looking out

over this beautiful thing
that you have wrought

via your effort and artistic abilities,

and you see a figure approaching you.

It's a satyr

with a little piebald deer coloration,

almost galloping up to you.

You can see her wide, terrified doe eyes

from yards and yards away.

This is your assistant
Wuvvy, and as she gallops,

her pure white curls bounce and reflect

the beautiful summer sun,
and we sort of follow her

as she comes up to whisper
something in your ear

about something she's panicking
over that is probably fine,

and you take it with
all of that good grace

and we sort of follow the camera
from her lips to your face.

Delloso de la Rue, will you
please describe yourself for us?

- Okay, so Rue, as everyone calls me.

- Of course.

- Is decked out in theme

in honor of the Sea Foam Court.

They're wearing a gorgeous,
light blue sort of bodysuit.

Skintight, very Britney
Spears in the "Toxic" video.

- Yes!
- Literally dazzling.

Also, the ensemble is an
ode to the Birth of Venus.

- Yes, continue. This is good for me.

- You think it's just
a bodysuit, but oh no.

On the bottom, you see that
it is in fact a mermaid dress

that rises up in a beautiful taffeta

in the shape of the shell
from the painting, you know?

- Incredible.

- Their skin is a beautiful
light green color.

- Yes.
- Their hair cascading down.

Sea foam, of course.
- Of course, of course.

- Beautiful elven ears, eyes correct.

- Yes.
- Brows done, you know?

- Look, let me be very clear,

I did say this was a fashion game,

so you are going to be
making all persuasion checks

for the rest of this session at advantage.

- Yeah!
- We love a fit.

Incredible.

So yeah, Rue, Wuvvy is whispering
in your ear and is just,

every archfey that was supposed to be here

from every court worth
knowing has arrived, except...

The Lords of the Wing.
They're not here yet.

- The Lord of the Wings always
like to make an appearance.

- Yes.
- They will be here.

- Right, but we had a place
for them, and they're not here.

- Wuvvy, breathe.
(Aabria wheezing)

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale.

- Again?
- Yes.

And exhale. You're getting
better at these, Wuvvy.

I'm proud of you.

- Thanks.

- They will be here.
- Okay.

- They will be late, and
that is to be expected.

If they arrive later than
expected, go to plan Q.

- Oh.
- Mm-hm.

- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.

- Okay.

Okay.

And you see her little
doe tail is wagging.

She's very excited.

Also, this came for you.

And as she reaches into her little satchel

and offers up a note,

there's no wax seal or colors

to describe on first
glance where it came from,

but the slickness and
fineness of the vellum

would suggest that this
is of archfey origin.

- Okay, but not an official letter.

- No, it's just a little note.

- Wuvvy, would you care
to read it to me, please?

- Oh, I can... You're
gonna let me read it?

- Of course. There's
no secrets between us.

(Lou laughing)

- I love this, and you, so much.

(Aabria clearing throat dramatically)

Your presence is requested

on the northern lawns
for a small gathering.

And she flips it over.

That's the whole note.

- Huh. Hm.
- I'm sorry.

- No, no, it's not, and who
sent you this letter, Wuvvy?

- It was just on the pile
with all the scrolls,

all the courts that were
saying that they've arrived.

- My schedule is quite busy, I'm packed,

but I can't turn down an invitation,

and a mysterious one
at that, I'm intrigued.

- I could take things off your plate.

- Would you?
(Aabria squeaks)

I think I'll see to this meeting.

[excited bleating]

- Thank you.
- No, thank you, Wuvvy.

- She just takes off.

She is at a full gallop,
occasionally stumbling

over big marble stairs

and going on all fours and
sprinting off in a direction.

- I chuckle to myself. That is so Wuvvy.

- I think I'll see to
this meeting. So funny!

- So yeah, this wasn't a
time bounded invitation,

but now that Wuvvy's sort of taking things

off of your plate,

there's nothing really left for Rue to do.

They can sort of-

- May I scope and see what is around me

in terms of, is anything
out of the ordinary?

Is everything perfect?
- Everything is perfect.

The only thing you see, it's not in flux,

it's just being built up,

is that at the southern end of the island,

you see a hole is being
bored into the seawall,

and the tunnel that's going
to lead out to tomorrow's hunt

is being excavated, and
that's right on time

and right in line with your expectations

and what should be happening now.

- Okay, I look at the
scenery and I take it all in.

It's a very big moment for Rue.

- Yeah.
- And I smile,

because it's here, it's happening.

This is the Bloom.

And I find my hands shaking a little.

I get nervous, a little bit,

because I want the Bloom
to be the best there is.

That's what I do. That's what I'm good at.

But this one, there's
something about it that,

slightly, something feels special,

more special than the other Blooms.

And I take a deep breath,

and I exhale like I told Wuvvy to do,

and yeah, I slowly make
my way to the destination.

- Amazing, so we sort of
follow you as you move down

from the sort of edge of this palace

at the top of the tier
cake of this tidal island,

and you pass, and everyone that sees you,

especially everyone that's
putting last touches

on bouquets and ribbons
and lights for later,

give you not just a bow or a curtsy,

but a bright, beaming smile

to have been in your presence
even for a moment, Rue.

And we move across and
around to the northern lawns

in the shadow of this massive palace,

where we actually find all four of you.

Andhera, Hob,

Rue, and Gwyn,

you also received this sort of invitation

that lacked any sort of
signature or designation.

You're not sure if this was an invitation

that was originally meant for your sister,

but you're here now,
and you all are standing

amongst maybe a dozen or so archfey.

They've sort of started clumping together,

and the four of you find
yourselves standing close enough

that the lawn itself begins to sprout,

and it grows these beautifully
ornate, wrought iron chairs,

and it blossoms a massive
mushroom for a table

for you four to sit
and talk to one another

before whatever happens, happens.

- Allow me.

And I'm going to,

my arms go all the way down to my ankles.

My fingers go from my
shoulders to my ankles

when I'm standing straight up,

so I just pull out all three chairs

pretty messily for everyone else.

One falls over. Pick it up.

After you, all three.

You, welcome to- I'm also new here.

- You must be Lieutenant Hobs.

- Yes, that's exactly who you are.

(Brennan clears throat)

- I'm Gwyndolin-
- Captain Hob.

But yes, well met, delegates
of the Court of Wonder.

I see that the decorations
are splendid as ever.

You have truly outdone yourselves.

- Good job.
- Oh, thank you.

- You did this.

- I did. Well, I had a small part.

I have many people helping me
out, but thank you very much.

Please, let us all sit.
- Rue, can you do me a favor

and make a history check for me?

- Mm.

(Oscar cackles)

Oh boy.

That is a five.

- With a five, yeah, that
deserves a bad, sad applause.

With a five, you regard this fey.

You recognize her as a
member of your court,

but you do not recognize her.
- Mm-hm.

My eyes stay on Gwyn as I take my seat.

- My eyes are also locked on
your eyes as I take my seat.

- Our eyes are locked together
as we both take our seats.

- Can I make an insight check?
- Yes, please.

- As to what the hell this is?

- I'll give you advantage
on this because I...

- Insight is my favorite skill in D&D,

and this character has a plus one to it.

- [Aabria] Oh my, no!

- That's an 11.
- Ooh.

What were you looking for in the specific?

- I want to know if Captain Hob can clock

that Rue and Gwyndolin
are regarding each other

having never met before.

- You know what, give me

either deception or performance.

- Mm, okay.
- Both of us?

- No, you're good.
- I'm good, nice.

- You know Rue.
- I do.

- Everyone knows Rue.
- Mm-hm.

- Okay, so that's a two,

but I have a performance bonus of 11.

(all laughing)

- What?

- What?

- The differential on that was buck wild.

Okay, so with a 13, I'm going to say

you catch a glimmer, Hob,

that Rue sort of internally

is moving through and
trying to place a person,

and then sort of puts on

that generalized, like, "Oh, hello."

There's not quite a
glimmer of recognition,

but that kind of generalized kindness.

- Copy.

Oh, your majesty, well met,

and I hope you are enjoying

the early festivities
of the Bloom as well.

- Andhera sits down and
leans the fuck back.

Just one arm up, complete
spread of the legs,

and just smiles.

- Complete.

- Complete, like a full on-
- What a wild detail!

- How much space?

- We're talking obtuse angles!

- What's the pants situation like?

Or are we summer shorts?

- Yeah, what's the deal down there?

- Yeah, what's going on?
- [Lou] How sexy we got?

- I think it is...

- No, 'cause they come from a cave system,

so I think our regal attire

is a full-on shalwar kameez kind of thing,

so it is pantsed up,

with, like, form-fitting cloth.

- [Aabria] Yeah.

- But it is, you know,
attuned to their body.

So it's not being indecent,
is what I'm saying, currently.

- No, yeah, okay.

- I'm not familiar with pants.

- Yeah, how are you sitting?

- It's clear I broke my chair
before you guys got here,

so I have taken

a section of, I guess, just a bush,

and ripped it out of the ground
and put it, and I'm seated.

For a big guy,

it's crazy how much K.P.'s
knees touch while he's sitting.

Knees together, back
straight, arms at the side.

- Clearly in pain. This
is not comfortable.

- I look like I'm inviting people

to sit on the subway next to me.

- Taking up the least amount of space.

- Please, there's clearly space.

- Because he's got big guy body of, like,

oh, I already know that
I'm taking up space.

Here, welcome. Seems comfortable.

- Captain, it's good to see you again.

- It has been some time, I believe,

since last we beheld each other.

(Oman laughs)

- And he laughs out to the air.

Yes, I would agree with that assessment.

- The last time. Care to explain?

- Yeah, tell us.

- I didn't realize they were listening.

- Well, you're very loud.

- Yeah, and we're very close to each
other, as well. - You're a loud speaker.

- It was your fight,
Captain. I'll allow you to...

- Well, as they say,
it takes two to waltz.

But, you know, it was both of our fight.

We met, we traded blows, the prince and I,

during a skirmish at the
Battle of Briar Falls

in the conflict

between the Unseelie and
Goblin Courts some years ago.

But all that has since been settled,

and we've come to diplomatic relations.

A toast! To wine!

- May I have a history check
on that specific battle?

- Yes, absolutely.
- As to what happened?

- Hundo P.

- Please give me a high
number, no more twos!

Ooh, okay.

- Okay, good, 'cause
that's the dice I gave you.

I put that shit out on the new moon,

and it is not delivering.

- No, this time it did. It's a 16.

- Give me the tenor

of your thoughts and
your recollections here,

and I'll give you extra information.

What are you trying to recall?
- Okay, yes.

So I'm trying to recall

if this battle was written in textbooks,

what would they have written about?

- Yes, this was sort of, he downplayed it,

but this was one of the biggest

and most well known skirmishes

between the Unseelie and the goblins.

It is very hard to truly
kill high level fey,

and this was one of those battles

that decimated both courts,

and there are rumors and stirrings

about the fight

between K.P. and Andhera,

and that the young prince
was knocked from his mount

and at Captain Hob's sword point,

and Hob declined to finish him.

- This is a rumor?

- There's no textbooks about this,

just what people hear and what they say,

and as you're recalling
this, all of you would notice

that the other archfey that are here

at their own little tables,

at the beginning of this discussion,

have grown quiet and are
absolutely listening in.

- Yes, I think a toast would
be quite fitting. To...

- New friendships?
- New friendships,

and getting better at a
double bladed scimitar

over time, Captain,
which I will let you know

has been happening quite a bit
in your militaristic absence.

- To new friendships, and to
training with double blade...

- ( Talking over each other)
To training with scimitars.

- [Brennan] Scimitars -

- Sharpening those scimitars.

- In my military absence.

- Considerably have gotten better at it.

- And as you all sip from your glasses,

the reflection of the sun off
of the beautiful cut crystal,

I need everyone to make
a perception check.

- Okay.

- Natural 20.
- Hey! Woo!

- Is that the first crit?
No, you had the first crit.

- First crit's on a tree.

- The first crit belongs to Brennan.

- On the tree, that's right.
- 12.

- Amazing.
- 16.

- 5.

- Oh no. Hob, you never get there.

But it starts with Gwyndolin.

You're sort of sipping in your glass,

and you notice that reflection of the sun,

and you look up towards it,

and you see something shadowed against it,

and your eyes turn up, as do yours,

and finally you follow
it up to perceive...

(Brennan chewing enthusiastically)

- What?

- I tap him.
- Huh? Huh!

- As what is resolving
from a single smudge

on the surface of the sun into movement

as a thousand thousand birds

surround something large and looming.

- Andhera puts their hand over their cup.

- Oh goodness. Well, someone
throw a tarp over the buffet!

- It's fine. I have it handled.

- Hm!

- Once they sort of get into range

and start actually throwing
shadows across the lawn

and block out the sun
properly, you can hear birdsong

as birds that, some of
them shouldn't sing,

and some of them do, gloriously,

are all chiming this
beautiful, lilting melody

in harmony together as
they surround and escort

a massive nest

that is being carried through the sky,

and it's going to take
a good 8 to 12 minutes

for this thing to move all-

- It's close to 12.
- It's closer to 12!

- It's closer to 12.

- We're blocking out the
sun for a full 12 minutes.

That's why we picked the
birds that don't sing.

- A bunch of pelicans doing their damndest

to carry the weight.

(Oscar singing croakily)

- Oh yeah, there's some
weird birds in there

that shouldn't sing.

- As a massive nest that you all know

belongs to the Lords
of the Wing is set down

upon the northern lawn, and immediately,

all the birds go to
roosting over every plant,

over the nest themselves,

Hob, you sit so straight
that four birds are like,

that must be some kind of statue,

and just absolutely post up.

- Goblins do this all the time as well.

- As two figures,

on their own time, at their own schedule-

- I think we're essentially

on a chariot ostrich

that's being carried by doves.

- What?
- What?

- You heard her.

A chariot ostrich that's
being carried by doves.

- So the ostrich isn't
pulling the chariot.

- No!
- The ostrich is the chariot.

- Yes!
- The ostrich is the chariot.

- Let us be clear! Ostrich
chariot, pulled by doves.

- So there's doves in the front

and you're just posted, you're on...

Are you sharing an ostrich, or-

- Of course not! Two ostriches!

Two separate collections of
doves pulling said ostriches!

- Are the doves like sleigh dogs?

- Yeah.

- They've got big husky energy.
They're like... (panting)

- How many doves does it
take to pull one ostrich?

- Roll 3d10.

Roll 3d10.

- If you roll a three
and it's three doves...

- [Lou] I'm assuming we
have different weights, so.

- 18.

- 18 doves on the one on the left.

- Yours only takes 18?
- 18, yeah, from 3d10.

- From 3d10, yours only takes 18?

Mine takes 25.

- Whoa.
- Wow.

- That's so many doves.

- Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
- Hi-yah!

- I know it's a lot of doves,

but it seems like it should
be more doves, frankly.

- And since you are
less obscured by doves,

will you please introduce
yourself to the group?

- Yeah, Lady Chirp Featherfowl,
Countess of Cluckingham.

She's sort of based off of
a Victoria crowned pigeon,

so if anyone were to Google that,

or perhaps post could even
share a picture of one.

- Right here.

- Basically I have kind of pale blue skin,

a fancy crown of feathers,

I've got a cloak of raven's feathers,

a bustier of peacock feathers.

I've got a sleeve tattoo of
birds of paradise flowers.

- Yes.

- And then I've also got a feather sword

that I can kind of whip out like a fan.

- Amazing.
- And then whip back in.

- Like a butterfly knife?

- Like a switchblade situation.

- Yeah, yeah.
- That's so cool.

- And I can also fan myself with it,

and I can also kill people with it.

- Amazing.
- Oh, I also think the bird

has almost, it's like eyeliner, almost.

It almost looks like a masquerade mask.

- Love a description.

Go ahead and take advantage on deception

for the rest of the session.

And beside you, your darling cousin.

- Yes.
- Please introduce yourself.

- There stands Lord Squak
Airavis, Earl of Peckersberg.

If you want to go ahead and track this

and throw a nice little
picture of a bird next to me,

it'll be the secretary bird.

Whip thin, truly 105 pounds wet,

yet six feet tall.

Dark, deep black, high
boots into trousers,

kind of almost an ombre
lightning up gray into white

wearing a kind of rich, green waistcoat

into, is it called a cravat?

Is that what it is?
- Yeah, probably.

- I think, for the
occasion, wearing a cravat

that is like clouds over
ocean and kind of illusory

in that way of just a soft white up top

with a gentle blue underneath
that slightly moves

along with the wind, wearing a giant cape

of black raven's feathers
that kind of extends-

- Cousin, we're wearing the same cape!

- Well, I thought it would be striking.

- You're right, actually. It's fantastic.

- Into just a very sharp,
incredibly sharp features

with kind of around his eyes,
just kind of gilded makeup

that comes out and then in

and then just kind of all the way around

into hair that is pulled
back and sleek on top,

and then kind of poofs out in the back

into a bunch of, again, kind of ombre,

these white tendrils
that end in black tips,

astride his ostrich chariot
pulled by 25 beautiful doves.

- You both come down and as
you sort of land at the bottom

and enter onto the lawn,

you see their retinue.

Dozens of bird-like
humanoids and bird people

sort of file out, and they're
kind of looking around

and talking amongst
themselves and nodding,

and one of them sort of
leans in between you.

A success.

Everyone you wanted to be
here is here for your arrival.

- Fantastic. Cousin, I think
we should do an announcement.

- Of course.
- Okay. (clears throat)

(Emily clearing throat)

I'm making a lot of noises

to make sure everyone shuts the fuck up.

(Lou clearing throat theatrically)

- All of the birds start squawking loudly.

No, you're drawing focus.
- You're drawing focus.

- You're drawing focus.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.

- And they all get quiet.

- Hello. (laughs)

It is I, Lady Featherfowl.

- And I, Lord Airavis.

- Now, I know that perhaps
we have had in the past

a reputation of being rakes and scoundrels

and scamps and rapscallions and-

- We've ruined many a
Bloom for many of you.

- And made some better.
I'm looking at some of you.

This year, however...

Okay, you know what?

I just didn't return the feelings, okay?

(Aabria exhales shakily)

- Starts crying, runs away.

- This year, I just
wanted everyone to know

that the Lords of the Wing

have matured a bit,

and we seek not just carnal pleasures,

but a love match.

- Love match, love match? A love match?

(all whispering over each other)

- Indeed, we are here in
hopes of making amends

as to our past behavior.
- Mm-hm.

- As well as to find someone

who might betroth both me and my cousin.

- Separate people, though.
- Separate people.

- Separate people.

- We have done a lot of that in the past.

- A couple fey look hella disappointed.

- We have, but this time, separate.

- Separate.
- Separate.

- Separate.
- Separate. (laughs)

- And you hear from the back,

I demand satisfaction!

I demand satisfaction.

- Does that mean something to you, cousin?

- I am not sure. Can I make
a perception check to see-

- Yeah, absolutely.

- Who is it that demands satisfaction?

- I mean, satisfying other people

is my kink, as we all know.

- I have satisfied many of you,

yet it does not normally
come in this space.

That is a nine.

So I'm more thinking about,
yeah, who have I satisfied here?

I've satisfied you.

- You, you.
- I've satisfied you.

- You see one person raise their hand.

- Yes, very much so.
- Yeah.

- You know, a lot of bird calls

are actually based off of the sounds

that you all make when you orgasm.

- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.

- Again, just in case you
forgot, our grandfather...

- Invented birds.

So.

- All of the birds that are here

all sing a beautiful trill
together at that announcement,

as they were trained to do.

- Of course.

Grandfather, he is alive,
but also looking down on us.

- So when we look to the sky,
it's not because he passed,

it's because we live in the sky.

- Yes, the Lords of the
Wing are powerful as ever.

Grandfather is very much alive.

- Yes, Grandfather is alive.

- You have got to,

I need an insight check
against your deception.

- Yeah, 100%.
- Everyone.

Please, please make an insight check.

- Ooh, a nat 20, baby.

- I did get a 24 on my deception.

- What's your total even
past once you add your bonus?

- 24.
- Oh, okay, a tie.

- 19.
- 19.

- 18.
- I love your bodysuit.

- I love your cape.
- Oh no!

- Thank you.
- Is it a new sleeve?

- New sleeve? No, it just
keeps getting bigger.

- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.

It started with one
birds of paradise flower,

and then just keep adding them.

- I will add, though,

Andhera goes to cast Zone of Truth

but stops at the last second
and just looks around.

It's not the place.

Wanted to, but not the place.

- You actually see, as
you put your hands down,

at the very edge of this lawn line,

there is a beautiful
marble bust, and you see,

leaning away from it,
is Advisor, who goes...

And then leans back and
disappears behind it.

- He was standing back
there the entire time.

- But I will say, Rue, you're
the only one that clocks,

and it's very faint, they're
so aggressively gregarious

that you're like, oh, there's
something rotten here.

- Hm.
- You can smell it.

- I'm just preening myself
a little too aggressively.

- A little sharply.
- Cousin?

- Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

- The woman that spoke up continues,

and she stands, and you see

this wooden, carved, feminine figure.

She looks like a ballerina
that's been whittled

out of well-lacquered maple

and finished with inlaid mother
of pearl and brass filigree,

and she stomps over to you, and
though your perception check

was low before, as she presents herself,

she is the spitting image of her siblings.

She's one of a set of triplets,

and you know the other two quite
well from a previous party,

and she gets right up in your face,

and I need you to make a dexterity save

as she attempts to slap you.

- Oh!

- How far are we apart at this moment?

- I would say probably
30 feet away from them.

- That's unfortunate.
- Roll low.

- I don't want to get slapped, guys.

- Just roll a low number.

- I secretly want him to get slapped,

because I love starting this out messy.

- Do you want to give her advantage?

I'll allow you, you can make-

- No, because we're turning a new feather.

- It is funny, I do
think there is a moment

in which this person approaching

and the stirring of
shit does excite Squak.

To so quickly, in the
Bloom, be in the shit.

But remembering that we just announced

that we're here to be mature and grown up-

- Cousin, this is three AM behavior!

- Yes, yes.

I got a 15.

- 15. Her 18 is going to beat that.

(Emily cackles)

And she hauls off and slaps you,

and this is Capacea, and she says,

I know what you did

with Leona and Thymor,

and I am here to demand satisfaction

for their honor.

- Okay.

- Is that what you say? Okay?

- No, I don't say that.
- Okay.

- Do I recollect, with that,
what I have been slapped over?

- The hit kind of jogs your memory,

because that's a very specific texture.

You had a one night stand
with two of the three triplets

at the failed engagement party

of Prince Apollo and Viscountess Grabalba.

After everything sort of fell through,

even though there were a
bunch of nobles and fey there,

the party still happened because
it was being thrown by Rue.

- Mm-hm.
- And you fell into your cups

and then fell into bed
and broke their hearts.

- Can I try to take the sound of the slap

and turn it into applause for us,

and be like, (laughs)
all part of the show!

Fantastic work! (laughs)

- Persuasion check.
- Okay.

I think it's time for a crit!

No.

- It could be deception. I'll allow it.

- Okay then, I do it with advantage.

That's a seven twice.

12.
- Okay.

You know what, a couple people

that are near, not this
table specifically,

but the Seelie Court who
are just kind of giving you

a weird look will be the ones
that join in to help you out.

- Hi, no thank you, I'm not
trying to associate with you.

- Is this what you want?
Is this good for you?

- You're, like, the most basic fey.

Thank you but no thank you.

- Oh, are you turning over a new leaf?

We were here to support and
you just immediately spit

on that, and that's interesting.

- Yeah, I am.

- It's an interesting choice for you.

- I can't be seen with you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Y'all showed up late.

- No, we showed up right
when the party started,

'cause us arriving is
when the party starts.

- Mm-hm, and the party
started with a duel.

Or there's gonna be, so.
- Okay.

- Maybe you tighten your ratchet asses up.

- This is really hard for me
because I fucking love a duel,

but I'm turning over a new feather.

- Doubt it.
- So I don't think I'll be...

- Looks like you're
molting in front of me.

- Ooh!

- Okay, are we allowed to duel?

Did Grandfather say we could duel?

- Both dueling and drunken
dueling are off the table.

- What about drugged dueling?

- I believe that is also off the table.

- I'm going to turn the other beak.

- I wasn't challenging you.

That's all Capacea. But good luck.

And they go back to gently
drinking, I guess, mint juleps,

since I made the Seelie Court southern.

- Honestly, I am not
used to the Seelie Court

being that cool, I kind of liked her.

- I just, truly.

- Excuse me, I am in your face right now!

- Yes, yes.
- Engage with this!

- Sorry, you slapped me

in the direction of my
cousin, it just so happened.

- She's gonna haul off and hit you again.

- Okay, now!
- Eyes on me!

- Okay, enough.
- Here you go!

- Thanks. Thank you?
- Enough!

Carpacia. Carpacia?

- Capacea.
- Capacea, great.

I do apologize for my behavior.

It was an emotional time for all,

the undoing of a...

What was to be an exciting bond,

sent us all into a tizzy.

I apologize to your sisters.

I only can promise that my behavior

is more befitting of that of a lord,

and it will be at this Bloom,

and I can only ask that we
set out on this new journey

on a different foot than the last.

- You can give me a persuasion
check with disadvantage.

- Happily.

That'll be an 18.

- I have waited for...

months,

months,

to demand satisfaction from you!

How do I know that you're not
going to just do this again?

Not to my sisters, but anyone else here?

- I can only offer my word,

which in the past has not
meant much, but I promise now,

I am a different bird.

I have turned the other beak.

And I can only offer that.

If I could open up my chest
and show you my heart, I would.

- And you see that something
has turned in her countenance.

It's gone from general rage

to something of an affectation
preserving that anger,

but you know what this look is,

because you saw it in her sisters' eyes.

- That's how you get them.

- I say, I would happily,
once our nest is established,

please come by.

I will show you the many
ways in which I've changed.

- And she goes even more rigid
than a wooden woman could,

and you see just the beginnings
of a blush at her cheeks

as she goes over to mahogany

and sort of pats down the
carved wood that is her hair,

gives you a little curtsy,

and turns and walks away
without another word.

- I give a slight bow, turn to my cousin.

Jesus Christ.
(all laughing)

- I need you to fucking down low me

on what the fuck happened.

- It was, we got buck nasty.
- Okay.

- Because, you know, and
they had all the stuff

for a wedding, and so,
you know, we were talking

about love and kind of
the depth of connection.

- Wait, you had the
accoutrements of a wedding?

- Yes.

- And started having
an encounter with that?

- Well, yeah, it began like
that, and we were like-

- All of you hear this.
Let me be very clear.

- That is the most complicated
shit I can think of.

Cousin, is it just me, or
are we eating a lot of shit?

- We're eating a lot of shit.

- Lords of the-

- Yes!

- Hi-yah, hi-yah!
- Hi-yah, Hi-yah!

- [Brennan] I am going to stand up.

- Ah, Captain Hob.

- Lady Featherfowl, Lord Airavis.

- Captain Hob.

- I've seen your name
in the papers recently.

- Ah.

I wish to convey

the sympathies of the Goblin Court.

The Lady Capacea was clearly

not possessed of reason

in a moment of pique.

Obviously she referred to an
event that never occurred.

As we know, the marriage,

hypothetical though it might be,

of the Viscountess
Grabalba and Prince Apollo

of the Court of Wonder,
was never announced.

It is mere speculation.

- Now now, Captain Hob,
that was in the past.

We do not dwell on the past.

This is a new Bloom. Let
us start anew, please.

- I disagree that it is in the past,

for indeed, it never occurred at all!

And I'd like to make a sort
of outward intimidation check.

- Yes!
- Ooh.

- I need everyone to make,

let's go charisma save.

- Charisma save.
- Everyone gets a plus two

standing near me, I believe.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- I love that.
- Within 10 feet,

just so you know.
- Oh, great.

- And you have to beat his intimidation.

- [Emily] A nine.

- I'll give you advantage on this.

- Ooh!
- 'Cause it's cool.

You did a cool thing.

- That helps.
- Yay!

- And I'm also going to use

a commanding presence
battle master maneuver

to add a d8 to an intimidation check.

That's going to be a 22, plus five is 27.

- Okay guys, you have to
beat a 27 on a charisma save.

- Nope, can't do it.
- I got a 21,

and I thought I hot shit.
- Oh no!

- Yeah! No.

- I got a nine.

- What do we have to beat?
- 27.

- Oh.

Also 25.

- Ah, shit.

- Did you use the plus
two of being near me?

- If I'm near, then yeah, I also hit a 27.

- What's the range?
- 10 feet.

- That wouldn't be close enough
unless you can explain to me

how you would've closed the distance.

- I mean, I think in the
moment where we hi-yahed.

- Hi-yah, hi-yah!

- Up to Rue,

at which point Captain
Hob began speaking to us.

- I'll count it.

- So unless Hob closed a great distance.

- Meets it beats it.

Everyone here, with the
exception of Lord Squak,

is suddenly cowed, and turns to you.

- I only mean to remind
the assembled guests

of this most magnificent Bloom

that no engagement of any kind

between any member of the Goblin Court

nor the Court of Wonder was
ever formally announced,

and therefore all of this speculation

is of a type of rumormongering

most unbecoming of the
archfey herein assembled.

- I am a picture of decorum
this Bloom, so, as you will.

- I mean only to give my sympathies

that you were so rudely challenged

with an accusation that
could not have been true,

because it referenced
events that never happened!

- There's spit on my face now

because Hob has just spat
all over every one of us.

- You're glowing. You're glistening.

- Thank you, thank you.

- It looks so good with
your mermaid outfit.

- [Oscar] Thank you.

- When Hob spoke, Andhera
just sat up properly,

none of that manspread stuff anymore.

He's just like, oh shit.

But then is looking for a pocket.

The second that you finish speaking,

just kind of hops up and goes,

but then again, we're here
for a party, aren't we?

So. (laughs)

- I'm sorry.
- Yes?

- Who are you?

- I am Andhera. We've actually met before.

- Yes.
- You used to be-

- Much smaller, yes?
- Much smaller.

- In the past.

- But you were so weird!

- Well, no!
- You were weird.

- I don't know.

- Yes, you remember him, right?

- [Lou] Constantly hiding!

- [Oscar] Always hiding. Cowering, even.

- Every time I turned
around, you'd be like, ah!

- And now I... (stammering)

(Omar clears throat)

The screams come from when I now fight,

or make love.

- I do see that you've filled out.

A lot of non-functional muscle.

- My lady, you make me blush,

which is difficult for
my particular complexion.

- But you have changed, grown a lot.

- Yes.

- In more ways than one, I assure you.

- Well.

- Anyhow, when I heard that
both of you were arriving,

or were to attend the Bloom,
I wanted to get both of you

something particularly special
to say, sort of, what's up?

- Oh, I love a what's up gift.

- I would, if it's all
right, pull out two crystals

that have sort of a charge,

little red, dancing energy inside.

- Ooh.

- These will get you stoned as shit.

- Okay, again, drugged
dueling might be okay.

- Might be. It wasn't on the list.

- It wasn't on the list. Thank you.

- Thank you.

- I look forward to us partying.

- Yes. I do, as well.
- About that, about that.

We actually really aren't supposed

to be doing that this year.

- Yes, but we do look forward to it

in a moment where it is appropriate.

- Yeah.

- And is controlled and contained.

- Yes, yes.
- Great, great.

Good. I'm very happy to hear that.

- Put it away, cousin!
- I can't stop staring at it.

- Cousin, put it away!
- Okay.

- Put it away, yes.
- In my mouth?

- I'm going to take
Chirp's hand and guide it.

- Do it like in "Lord of the Rings."

- Down, not in your
mouth, not in your mouth!

- Okay, okay.

- Let's use that moment to push through

to the conversation that you had

with the leader of your house.

- Grandfather.
- Not court.

- Okay.

- Because the Lords of the Wing

are the only unincorporated major family

left in the fey realms.

You, your people,

your grandfather,

made a decision centuries ago

to remain above and beyond,

and his disdain and contempt
for those below the branch

was deeply ingrained in you.

And even now,

as your nest is so slowly

being carried across the sky.

- Careful, careful!

- Put it down right there. A little to
the left. - [Aabria] From your homestead.

- Okay.
- A little to the left.

- Now the entrance is
being blocked by a tree.

It's being blocked by a tree.

- Pull it back up, pull it back up!

We're going to do it again.
We're going to do it again.

- We'll get it, everybody. Up, up, up!

- Pelicans, pull your weight!

(Aabria caws)

- And you see one pelican chirps

and a fish jumps out of their mouth.

- Oh, you were eating?

Oh, you were eating? How dare you?

- Even here, you see your grandfather,

a man of countless eons,

and like you, very
birdlike in his appearance,

though birds were modeled
after you and your kin

and took all of the
striking beauty and preening

into account.

Your grandfather is all
the worst parts of birds.

All the nasty shit.

A waddle and a comb,

a fleshy, disgusting comb on a bald pate

with too thin of legs that look rickety,

as though the knees ought
to bend the other way.

- He's so tough to look at.

- I love him, but it's so
hard to look him in the eye.

- I know, I tend to just
do a crossword puzzle

when I have to talk to him.
- Yes.

- He's used to your lack of eye contact

and your lack of rapt attention to him,

but he reclines,

sort of leaning on a
massive peregrine falcon

as he speaks to you sternly,
as you are on your way.

This must go differently.

You understand that, right?

- Yes, Grandfather.
- Of course, Grandfather.

- Absolutely, Grandfather.
- Always, Grandfather.

- Forever, Grandfather.
- Definitely, Grandfather.

- You have to stop saying my fucking name.

I know who I am. But do
you know who you are?

Because I think you
constantly forget yourselves

around those unwinged cretins.

- Hm.

You're not wrong.

We do, we forget ourselves,

and there's a lot of substances imbibed

which are conducive to forgetfulness.

- You're blaming this on the things

you choose to put in your body?

- It wasn't a strong defense, I admit.

- It was not, and I
appreciate your honesty.

- We won't let you down.

Can we ask, though,

why are you coming down so hard this year?

Because usually you just send us

with bags of money and golden eggs.

- All of that has yielded all of this,

and we cannot endure

another season of your misdeeds.

Our ancient and noble house
is crumbling at the foundation

because of your actions,

because of the words that reach even me,

here in my nest

that I so kindly lend to you.

- Grandfather, we promise,

this season we will
soar above the frivolity

and act as is befitting of
you and our great house.

- Yes.
- It is our solemn vow.

- You will settle down.

- Grandfather, may I inquire,

do you have any particular courts

that you think would make
the most profitable alliance?

- Of course you,
Grandfather, would know best

of whom to make a match.
- Yes.

- If you're leaving it to me,

I will be happy to make
the matches on your behalf.

- No, no. We have a few ideas.

- We do, we do.

- We've been batting around a few ideas.

- It would be wonderful to experience you

with half of a fucking idea for once.

- Of course, Grandfather.

- Okay, I laid an egg. I just laid an egg.

- [Lou] Jesus.

- Crack.

- Grandfather, you're absolutely right.

We have been spoiled.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- And frivolous.
- Yes.

- And indecorous.
- Mm.

- And this year,

you are going to see
birds of a new feather.

- [Aabria] I don't like bird puns.

- We're going to turn a new beak.

- Let me be very, no.

I said not to do it, and
then you did it anyway.

- Yes, it kind of doesn't work.

- No, you do it out there.

In here, we just talk normal.
- Okay!

- I said the below the branch thing,

but that was such a long
time ago, I got over it!

- You invented birds! We feel obligated!

- What have you invented?

- Do you think that Henry
Ford doesn't make car puns?

- In the mortal world,

the man who created the motor vehicle!

- Hold on.

And you see your grandfather's
already blustery countenance

grow even darker as you
mentioned the mortal realm

- Not that I-
- The what?

- We-
- No!

What?

- The material plane.

I've heard. I never go.

Never, never, never, never.

When there's so much sky to fly,

who would need to go
to the material plane?

Hooo indeed?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- You need to convince your grandfather

of what you've just said.

Now, if that's a persuasion check-

- Fuck it.
- Or a deception check.

- I'm going to-
- That's on you.

- What I'm going to do, actually,

is I'm going to use my
metamagic adept subtle spell

to cast Gift of Gab so he doesn't
remember that I said that.

- Ooh.
- - [Brennan] System!

- Excuse me?

Do I have any roll to make?

- When you cast this spell,
you skillfully reshape

the memories of listeners
in your immediate area

so that each creature of your
choice within five feet of you

forgets everything you said
within the last six seconds.

Those creatures then
remember you actually said

the words you speak as the
verbal component spell.

Technically because of subtle spell,

I don't need a verbal component,
but I'm going to just say,

I cannot wait to make

the most fantastic match

that will make you so proud.

- Good.

- Yeah, good.

- You will find matches.

If you return from the Bloom

without partners of merit

or with any stain

on your already sullied reputations,

I will deal with you

as I see fit.

Some birds eat their young.

- That's kind of a bird pun, right?

- Yes.
- Isn't it?

- Really?

- In a Regency game, Gift
of Gab is the best spell.

- That's so good.

- Brennan wouldn't let me
take it in Fantasy High,

but it's here, baby!

- That's what I get for getting
caught fucking slippin'.

All right, that's dope and
not a problem for me at all.

- So, no on the drugs, or?

- No, we'll of course take the gift.

- We take the gift.
- We'll hold it,

and at an appropriate
time, we will revel in it.

- Just real quick, is it
something that can be absorbed

through the skin, if I sweat enough?

- Yes.

By holding it, you actually
get stoned as shit.

- I put it in the side bag on my ostrich.

Okay. Save that for later.

- A welcomed gift, Andhera, thank you.

- A welcomed gift, Andhera.

- So good to see you both again, yes.

- So good to see you.
- Yes.

- The Bloom is already off to a hot start.

- It really is.

- Amazing, can I get a
history check, both of you,

as you're sort of
interacting with Andhera?

- Nat 20, baby.
- Shut the fuck up. Amazing.

- And a cool six.

Just a five.

- You're busy doing
something the fuck else.

- Probably just trying to figure
out how the Andhera I knew

got to the Andhera we're
standing in front of.

- If I failed,

I was definitely gonna spend
my turn ogling Andhera.

- Yeah, it's a lot of that.
- Oh, this is about Andhera,

because you are sort of at the point

where you remembered him at
previous Blooms as pillar boy.

- Yes.
- Hiding behind a pillar.

- With no real name
attached to that memory.

But now that you've said his
name and you've heard it,

you can attach it to
the rumors that reached

even you on the way here,

and you know that all of
the mamas of your society

have sort of shouted out that Andhera,

as the prince of the Unseelie Courts

and the one designated
to inherit the throne

when the Queen of Air and
Darkness finally vacates it,

is the most eligible bachelor.

- Okay, I cast Message to Squak,

and I'm just like, Cousin?
- Yes.

- He's, like, the most
eligible bachelor here.

- And so hot.

- I know. It rarely
aligns like that, right?

- Yeah, he used to be
just a weird purple kid.

We called him pillar boy, right?

- We called him pillar boy.
- We called him pillar boy!

- Every pillar!
- This is fucking pillar boy?

Pillar boy is a fucking pillar now!

- Pillar boy is chiseled
from fucking stone now!

- Truly!

- Okay, so yeah, just-
- But he's hot stuff?

- He's hot stuff.
- Mm.

- While this is happening,
they're adjusting their robe

to make sure it looks good.

- Mm, thank you so
much. I do a winged bow.

- Oh, you don't...

I'm not...

We're friends,

so let's just, you know, be cool, I guess.

- Okay.
- Indeed.

Rue, I wanted to speak on
behalf of my cousin as well.

- Hi.

- I know the way and manner
in which we have acted

at past events you've thrown
has been very unbecoming,

and in fact in many ways
I'm sure made you feel

as if we did not respect and
honor the work that you do

in making the events that you do.

We are here on a different foot,

and we are excited

at all that I'm sure you
have in store for us.

- Oh, my dears,

that means so much coming from you two.

I must admit, you have
caused me a lot of trouble

in the past, but that was to be expected,

and I did have various... (stammering)

Backup plans.

- I love it. I think the
word you were looking for

was contingencies, but I love it.

- That's it. AKA backup plans.

- As you say that, you can actually see

kind of tromping up the lane
is Wuvvy, your assistant,

holding a massive confetti cannon

and making eye contact with
you, and then sees the nest

and spots the Lords of
the Wing and is like...

(Aabria sighs)

And then turns around and walks away,

doesn't get to use plan Q.

- But rest assured, if
what you say is true-

- It is.
- It is.

- It is.
- It is.

- This Bloom is one to remember.

- I love that, I do.

- And of course, we're on theme.

I, of course, dressed for the day.

We are so excited to engage

in whatever it is you have planned.

- I must say, I'm a bit sad

that you turned over a new feather,

because I was expecting you

to make some sort of event happen.

I mean, what is a Bloom

without an event from
these two, am I right?

- Yes, of course.

- So I would like to
make a wager this Bloom.

- What?
- Oh! A wager!

- If you make a wager, I'm gonna do it!

- The Seelie are all
perked up like, go on.

Sorry, are we a part of this?

- Yes, everyone!

Everyone in the Bloom is
welcome to participate.

If anyone in this Bloom
believes that these two

will behave in their utmost best selves,

I'm willing to give as much
gold as I possibly can to them.

- Wait, I'm sorry, are you making a bet-

- Yes!

- That entices other people to-

- To attempt to-
- To tempt us?

- To tempt us?

- To lure us away from
our promises to Grandpapa?

- Oh, it's just a fun game that we play.

You can see it that way,

but I see it as a fun
little game for us to play.

Now...

- Squak is going to balance
himself on his cousin.

- Chirp balances herself on her cousin.

- Now if you're able to make the Bloom

throughout the entire occasion

being on your best behavior,
finding a suitable match,

you will be rewarded so greatly.

- [Emily] Ooh.

- What that reward will be,

I will not say at this moment in time.

- Oh god, I love a mystery.

- Of course, why would you ever?

You know, bury the lead, bury it deep!

- But I don't want to start

this game that we play
without your permission,

so do we have your permission

to make this proposition happen?

- I just want to clarify.
- Mm-hm?

- The rules.
- That's true.

- Because we love a game.
- We love a game.

- We love a game.
- Croquet.

- Croquet, something a
little bit more dangerous.

- Badminton, where there's a birdie. Okay.

- But we just want to make sure

that the rules are laid out for all.

- Of course.

- If we are and do the things

that we say we are going to do.

- Shining beacons.
- Yes.

- An example of Bloom behavior, exactly.

- We receive this gift.

- Mm-hm.

- And if we fail,

who wins?
- Who?

- The entire fairy court.

- [Brennan] Hm.

- I think we have to go for it.

- Of course we have to.
We are Lords of the Wing.

- We are.
- We will not fail.

And I think simultaneously, we
stick out our hands and say,

then let it be so, Rue.

- And in your outstretched
hands, I give you a pen.

Wuvvy, is the contract ready?

- You see her just boost
the confetti cannon

over her shoulder and she
just comes charging in.

Contract? Contract?
- Yes, the contract.

- Yes. Oh god, one second.

And you see her reach into
hammerspace, into nothing,

and pulls out two gold, gilt scrolls

that unroll with snap of little
hands and hover before you.

- I think that we should link our hands

like people taking a drink.

- Of course.
- And sign.

- My god, those signatures
are an absolute mess.

- Chicken scrawl, really.

I'm sorry, Grandfather, I'm sorry!

- Ah!
- Grandfather! Grandfather!

Grandfather! He's not
dead, he's just in the sky!

- He's just in the sky.

- Wuvvy snaps the scroll closed,

and you all feel a pulse
of energy out and away,

because fey deals are powerful,

and powerful most here and now,

at the center of a surge of magic

that you're all here to celebrate.

Gwyn, I need you to make

an arcana check for me.

- That is 21.

- Oof.
- Ooh, damn!

- You feel that pulse
just like everyone does,

that everyone here at the Bloom

felt at some level,

but you're in it, you're around it,

you are suffused with
the gravity of the magic

that these fey toss about for fun.

- Mm-hm.

- You've been a member
of the Court of Wonder.

You know

that their sort of rise to prominence

has come with a controlling majority

of the magic that comes
through this world,

that when you all make bets
and deals, it's not for coin.

What is a coin to a fey?

You are the source of magic,

and it's magic that you trade in,

and they bandy it about without a care.

And you think about all of the people

here and other places

that were starved out,
that were choked out,

because they didn't have access to this,

to a fraction of this.

But your princess-like
demeanor is unchanged,

and you watch this exchange happen

as the assembled fey here laugh and drink

and make their merry little plans,

but it's all just beginning
now, and you're in it.

The Bloom has officially begun,

and that's where we're
going to end our episode.

So join us again next
time for chapter two,

The Great Heart Hunt, here at
The Court of Fey & Flowers.

- Woo!
- Ta-da!

I'm gonna be a good boy.

- It would be my absolute honor

to accompany you on this hunt.

- And so-
- As we look-

Oh, sorry.
- No no, go for it.

- As we... (stammering)

Yep.

- Everything's great. I'm gonna go check.

- Mm-hm.
- On the horns,

to make sure they're not
too horny or horny enough.

- I'm sorry?

- In order to get a fey's
attention, we must build a shrine.

We must pay homage to it.

That's what these apples are for.

- Oh yes, that absolutely makes sense.

- What if we just make someone
else fall in love with us?

Or what if we're looking in the mirror?

Self love is so important.
- Absolutely.

- Ah, I need sexy help.

- But of course, he's so injured,

and needs such sexy help.

- Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

- That our duel can wait until afterwards,

once you've done

sex on the injuries?

(Brennan sniffs)

- [Surena] Oh, oh, oh! Oh my god!

- Hm.

- Oh my god!