Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 8, Episode 9 - Arnold's Bad Rep - full transcript

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot ♪

♪ So what ♪



♪ They'll have theirs,
you'll have yours ♪

♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cuz it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

- I'd love to stay but some
of us have homework, Arnold.

- Vicky's a big scholar.

She's majoring in gorgeous.

(laughing)

Hey cuteness.

Your money's no
good around here.

Hey, see you tonight?

- Goodnight Arnold.



- So, big spender,

you two are obviously
running in the fast lane.

Just exactly how
fast have you gone?

- What?

- You know,

how many times have you
broken the sounds barrier?

- Ricky.

- Come on Arnold.

You know I got up to
Mach One months ago.

- Really?

Man, I can't handle this.

- Come on Arnold.

Don't keep us in suspense.

Charlie and I are in the club.

Aren't you?

- Look guys,

it happens to be a very
personal thing you're talking about.

- Yeah, he he, personal if
you haven't done anything.

- You mean you've been
going out with that fox

for three weeks and
you're still in neutral?

- Look, I'm in love
with her, all right?

And there's more to love
than just that physical stuff.

- Sounds like you've been
watching the health channel again.

- Yesterday they had a great
show on medical problems

caused by tight underwear.

- Charlie, do you
think maybe Arnold's

not man enough for her?

- [Charlie] Yeah.

(laughing)

- Hold it right there.

Arnold Jackson's man
enough for the Pointer Sisters.

- Arnold, you're not even man
enough for the Lennon sisters.

- Arnold, the point is there's
a humongous party Saturday.

The coolest guys in
the school are going.

- I won't be there.

- Yeah, but
Charlie and I will be.

- Oh, I see.

- And we were gonna
ask you to join us

but if you're not
part of the in crowd

it would really be embarrassing
to be seen with you.

- Bottom line Arnold,

we're leaving you behind.

Let's face it, you don't
fit with us anymore.

- You turkeys
think you're so cool.

Well I tell you, I can
travel in the fast lane too.

And when I break the sound
barrier they're gonna call me

the Chuckie Edgar of love.

- When Arnold?

The day we colonize the moon?

- Tonight, that's when.

- Great, then I guess
we'll see you after the date.

- After the date?

- Right, we'll see
you right here.

- And we'll see if you
broke the sound barrier.

- Huh, I'll break it so bad

they won't be able to
put it back together again.

- I'll bet three peanuts.

- [Arnold] All right.

- I see your three peanuts
and raise you a pretzel.

- Goodnight everyone.

The dishes are done
and I'm off to Roseland.

It's rumba night.

- Oh, that explains it.

I thought you were
practicing for the roller derby.

- I hope Roseland doesn't
wax the floors again.

Last time I slid
into the orchestra,

I still got bassoon scars.

Bye.

- Have fun.
- Bye.

Well, what do you got Vicky?

- Read 'em and weep.

- Mr. D, we better
get to the video store

or the only tape
they'll have left

is the one with President
Reagan and the monkey.

- He was good in that.

- So was the President.

- We'll see you a little later.

- [Arnold And Vicky] Bye.

- You have a great family.

- And you have great eyes.

- You know something?

These three weeks
have been wonderful.

You're everything
a girl could want.

Funny, smart, good looking.

- Don't stop now.

But Vicky, all those
things cover only half

of what I like about you.

- Oh, Arnold.

You're so sweet.

- Hey, didn't I tell you
about the house rules?

When you win in a poker
game in the Drummond house

you're supposed to kiss
the best looking loser.

- Yeah but, Sam left already.

So is it okay if I kiss you?

This is very very nice.

- We could make
it very very nicer.

- You know Arnold...

I like you a lot.

- A lot a lot?

- Yes, a lot.

Because...

You make me feel so safe.

- Safe?

- Sure.

You're not like the other guys.

I mean, some of those guys

have only one
thing on their mind.

But you're different.

- I am?

Ah, I am.

- Did you know that some
of those cavemen at school

call it breaking
the sound barrier?

- No.

I don't believe that.

Those guys must be barbarians.

- Well, at least I don't have
to worry about you using me

to make your
reputation as a lady killer.

- Your deal.

- Hey, there he is.

Hey Arnold we want details.

- [Boys] (chanting)
Details, details, details.

- Wait a minute.

Don't you clowns have
something better to do

besides prying
in my private life?

- I don't.

- He's shy guys.

I think he needs a little help.

Now you're sitting on the
sofa next to your dream girl,

you got on your cool
new suit, a little musk,

and you're even
wearing clean socks.

Soft music plays.

♪ Doo wop ♪

- Lights dim, her eyes sparkle.

♪ Doo wop ♪

- Perfume fills the air.

♪ Doo wop ♪

- Okay Jackson, spill your guts.

- We started off slowly and
I took a hold of her hand.

- And then?

- She put her arm around me.

- And then?

- She said, Arnold,
Arnold, Arnold.

- And then?

- She said, Jackson,
Jackson, Jackson.

- I'm getting weak.

- The rest is written
in the book of love.

- Well Arnold, I didn't
think you had the nerve.

Hey, welcome to the club.

(boys cheering Arnold on)

(upbeat music)

- [Boy] Arnold.

(boys cheering Arnold on)

- [Arnold] How are you?

- Hi Arnold.

Can I sit with you?

- Sure, hey Robbie, my
main man, my cruel dude.

- Leaky pen.

- So, what's been happening?

- Oh, nothing much.

But I was kind of wondering
now that you're on the fast lane

how about a few driving lessons?

- Robbie.

- Please Arnold.

I've been driving in reverse
for quite a few years now.

- Okay Robbie.

If you need advice,
the love doctor is in.

- Great.

Mind if I take notes?

- Tell me your
biggest fear of girls.

- That they're girls.

- Uh Robbie, that is supposed
to be part of their appeal.

Look, first of all, you don't
have to be afraid of girls.

Just think of them
as strange boys.

Look, listen to me.

You'll have lots of girls

eating out of the
palm of your hand.

- Is that so?

(clears throat)

- Excuse me.

I was just talking to Robbie

about the care and
feeding of gerbils.

- Arnold, I want to talk to you.

- Of course she does.

I mean, I'm her main squeeze.

I couldn't po...

- Arnold, you kissed and told.

- Me?

- No, Rona Barrett.

I heard my name was written
all over the bathroom wall

in purple ink.

- Wow, look at this.

I gotta see a skin
doctor about this.

- Arnold, I thought we really
had something special going.

How could you?

- I'm sorry.

I did something terrible.

I never should
have lied to the guys.

I feel lower than the
flies on those pickles.

- But why?

- I'm not sure you
can understand.

All the guys brag
about their luck with girls

and they all had a story but me.

So I let the pressure
get to me and I lied.

- Arnold,

I know what you're
going through.

My girlfriends dump the
same pressure on me.

Ever since I got
into high school

that's all my
friends talk about.

- You mean girls talk
about that stuff too?

- Sure.

I have to admit,

I've been really curious
about this fast lane.

I guess I'd like to know
a little more for myself.

- Yeah, I guess I would too.

- We will Arnold.

Together.

Tonight.

- [Sam] Boy Arnold,

I could really use some
of this stinky cologne.

It'll really keep
the girls away.

- Going for the sound barrier
dressed as an undertaker.

(knocking)

- What is that smell?

Oh thank heaven.

I thought a mouse
had died in the wall.

Arnold can I speak
to you for a minute?

- I can read between
the lines Mr. D

so I'll leave you two alone.

- Sam, I haven't
said anything yet.

- I meant the lines on
your forehead Mr. D.

- Right, Sam.

Arnold, I would like to
know why you've been acting

so strangely all day.

- I act strangely every day.

- That's true but it isn't every
day that you come home,

pack your book sin the freezer,
and make yourself a bologna,

lettuce, and milk dud sandwich.

- It actually
tasted pretty good.

- Okay, Arnold.

There's only one
reason why a young man

would use that much cologne.

You want to tell me about it?

- No.

- Arnold.

- Okay Dad.

I have this problem.

The problem's
got beautiful eyes,

an incredible personality,

this talent for poker.

- That's the kind of
problem that makes life fun.

- But my crazy friends
think that me and my problem

have done more
than we really have.

- How much more?

- A lot more.

- Crazy or true Arnold?

- Not true, Dad.

- You didn't spread
this rumor did you?

- No, I didn't, honest.

I started it.

But I didn't spread it.

- Arnold how could you?

That's not like you.

- I know, Dad.

But I was under a lot of
pressure from my friends.

And then Vicky.

That's why she's
coming over tonight.

- You know, I don't
approve of this.

Not at your age.

You couldn't possibly
be ready for this.

- I agree, Dad.

- [Dad] Well, then
what is the problem?

- The thing is
Dad, she wonderful.

We get along great together

but I'm happy just cruising
along in the slow lane.

You think something's
wrong with me?

- No son, of course not.

There's nothing wrong with you.

I don't think any
15 year old is ready.

You both are much too young

to be pressured
into anything like this.

- Right.

But, I have a
reputation to protect.

- Let me tell you something.

There are some things
that we just do for ourselves.

Not for our friends and not
for some so called reputation.

Listen, Maggie and Sam

and I were gonna
go to a movie tonight.

Now, if you want
me to I'll stay home.

- Okay Dad, thanks.

It'd make me feel better
knowing you were close by.

But...

In a few years if I wanted
you to leave, would you?

- Probably not.

- Hey babe, my body
belongs to no woman.

Too macho.

Vicky, you're a gorgeous,
desirable young creature.

But I'm your brother.

Too Dynasty.

Maybe she won't
want to do anything.

(doorbell rings)

- What's cooking good looking?

- I'm dead.

Come on in Vicky.

Oh no, no, no wait.

Everything's getting dark.

Vicky, this happened
to me before.

It's an old pee
wee league injury.

- Oh Arnold, you're
such a kidder.

Ooh, you look so nice.

- Thanks.

I was at a funeral
earlier this afternoon.

- Oh, that's too bad.

Who's funeral was it?

(stammering)

- It was a group.

Too many to name.

Enough about my day.

- Well, this is it.

Our special night.

- Yeah, let's sit down.

- Correct me if I'm
wrong but aren't we

supposed to be sitting
a little closer together?

- Closer together?

Sure.

- This is a very
very special night

and I want everything
to be perfect.

I'm glad you're so relaxed.

(screams)

What's the matter?

(stammering)

- I forgot the music.

The music.

- What a romantic idea.

(band music)

- Arnold.

We want to get romantic
not invade Belgium.

- Oh, sorry, right.

(music cuts off)

(screams)

My back.

It's such a terrible
pain in my back.

Oh.

- Arnold, is there
something I can do?

- No.

Forget it Vicky.

When the pain gets this
bad I'm in bed for a week.

- Hey, sounds good to me.

But remember, I have
to be home by 11:00.

Here, let me try something.

- I'm late for the symphony!

- What?

- Who are you?

Where am I?

Where's Maid Marion?

Where's Friar Tuck.

On Donner, on Blitzen.

- Arnold, what's
the matter with you?

- I'm not sure.

I think it's amnesia
but I don't remember.

Um...

Sit down.

Vicky, I got
something to tell you.

I can't go through with this.

- What are you talking about?

- In all honesty,

you're the nicest girl
and I like you a lot.

I'm just not ready for this.

- You aren't? Really?

- No.

I hope you're not too
disappointed in me.

Please don't cry.

I can't stand to see a girl cry.

Why aren't you crying?

- Arnold, I'm not ready
to go through this either.

I guess I wasn't as
curious as I thought.

- Vicky wait.

The way you were
acting tonight...

- Look, Arnold.

I was just scared.

I was covering up.

- You were scared?

Me too, Vicky.

- Boy, I'm glad you were
brave enough to say no.

- I'm glad of two things.

One, that you're
so understanding,

and two, that you're
not given to violence.

- Yeah, but tomorrow's
gonna be tough.

All my friends think
tonight's my big night.

It's not gonna be easy
telling them the truth.

- Ah, let them hear the
truth through the grapevine.

In about two or three years?

- Arnold.

- Two or three months?

- No.

- Okay.

Okay.

I'll tell my friends
the truth too.

But there is one thing
we can still do tonight.

- What's that?

- Finish the back rub.

I can't tell the truth
on a half rubbed back.

Hi guys.

- [Robbie] What's up?

- Big weekend, we got
invited to three parties.

- Big weekend for me too.

I didn't get invited to five.

And one of them
is my dad's birthday.

- Well the parties we're
invited to are awesome.

- Yeah, and you're going too.

(sighs)

- Look, guys.

I have something to tell you.

It's about me and Vicky.

- Take notes Robbie.

- We did something
tonight, uh, experimental.

- Do you have photos?

- No.

Look,

we decided to tell
our friends the truth.

Nothing happened between us.

Not ever.

Vicky and I we didn't
break the sound barrier.

I'm talking slow
lane all the way.

- I don't believe this.

You lied to us.

- Thanks Arnold.

No wonder when
I took your advice

that girl spit on my pencil box.

- And we told the
rest of the school.

- Thanks a lot Arnold.

If word of this gets
out we'll look like fools.

- Come on guys, let's
ditch this Sunday driver.

Hi Arnold.

- Oh, look who's here.

Are you two recruiting
for the slow lane club?

- Arnold,

Charlie has
something to tell you.

- Arnold, Ricky has
something to tell you.

- Are you two speedsters
just gonna rub it in?

- Arnold,

Ricky lied.

Ricky hasn't gotten
into the fast lane a lot.

- In fact, Ricky hasn't
gotten into the fast lane at all.

- Neither has Charlie.

You can kind of say we're
both still in the garage.

In fact, Rick here
is still on his bike.

- Are you two
telling me the truth?

- [Both] Yeah.

- And you put me
through all of this.

- Arnold, we're sorry.

We really are.

Actually, this is a relief.

I should tell the
truth more often.

- And we don't care if
we're not with the fast crowd.

Our friendship is too important.

- We don't know why.

But it is important.

That is, if we're
still friends, Arnold.

- You two are slime buckets.

But you're my slime buckets.

- [Ricky] All right, yeah.

(theme music)