Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 8, Episode 8 - Speak No Evil - full transcript
Arnold and Drummond have a difference of opinion when Arnold and his friends consider throwing fruit to protest a local civic group that is against black people.
♪ Now the world don't move ♪
♪ To the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for you ♪
♪ May not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you got ♪
♪ Not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll be fine ♪
♪ Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
- Come on, Arnold,
snap out of it.
When the going gets
tough, the tough play soccer.
- Charlie, I'm not in
a soccer mood today.
- Well, at least
get in your uniform.
We're planning on
using you as a goalpost.
(audience laughing)
- Charlie, I can't play
soccer for Mr. Lopez.
Not after the way I
flunked his civics test.
(audience laughing)
- Okay let's get this over with.
Go ahead, make
fun of my new pants.
(audience laughing)
- I'm satisfied as long as
they're not on backwards again.
(audience laughing)
- Come on, Arnold,
take your best shot.
I prepared all morning
for your insults.
I had breakfast with my father.
(audience laughing)
- Nice pants, Dudley.
- "Nice pants, Dudley"?
- He's just got the blues
cause he got his
government test back
and he set a new personal worst.
- Hey lighten up.
- Hey!
- You know, how bad could it be?
Oh.
(audience laughing)
A 20?
(audience laughing)
- He actually
wrote that the cause
of the Great Depression
was that lots of people
were depressed?
(audience laughing)
- I was desperate.
I forgot about this
reading assignment.
The one time the
Loper throws a pop quiz.
Guess I can kiss my
B average goodbye.
- I'll take it.
(audience laughing)
- Well, did you ask the
Loper if you could do
some extra credit work
to get your grade up?
- Yeah, I checked with
him, he said the only thing
I could do is some
practical exercise in civics,
but I don't know diddly
about any of that stuff.
- Hey, why don't
you run for mayor?
(audience laughing)
My dad says they always
pick a jerk for that job.
(audience laughing)
- Then you oughta
win in a landslide.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, cheer up, Arnold.
Hey, you know, sometimes
they list civic events up here.
- "Lonely?
"Tell your problems to Danielle,
"trained in psychology
and massage."
(audience laughing)
That doesn't sound
like civics to me.
- Gosh, she could
massage your bad grade.
(audience laughing)
(audience laughing)
- Ah, what's this?
"League for Social Responsibility
meeting here Monday."
Hey, now this sounds civic!
- Yeah.
- See, I told you.
- Hey, this is perfect.
(audience laughing)
Dudley, are those your pants?
What did your shirt throw up?
(audience laughing)
- Hey Dudley, you
really did cheer him up!
- Hey this is perfect.
Oh, Mr. Lopez.
- Hi guys!
How's your practice?
- Oh yeah.
- Even more important than that,
I got something here
that's gonna get me
some extra credit.
I'm going to the meeting
of the League for
Social Responsibility.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, they're my main man.
- Since when?
- Since as long
as I can remember.
- Probably even longer.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, you realize of
course that the League
has very strong
racial positions.
- Racial, I know,
hey I'm even thinkin'
about joining the brothers.
(audience laughing)
- Is that so?
- Yeah, right on!
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, they
hate black people.
- But Nashville's a
terrific city for our vacation.
They've got great old
buildings and neat parks.
- It is a lovely spot, sure,
but you've been to Nashville
so many times.
Paris has great old
buildings and neat parks too.
Hey, you know what?
We could take a
side trip to Germany.
That's where Elvis was
stationed when he was in the Army.
- That's true.
But forget it.
That's where he met that
icky girl and they got married.
(audience laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- I'll get that.
Ah, Mrs. Gordon.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- I'm so glad you could come.
- It was not trouble at all.
- Sam, this is Mrs. Gordon,
she's our travel agent.
- Oh, please, Mr. Drummond,
I am not a travel agent.
I'm a leisure time
placement engineer.
(audience laughing).
- Right, sorry.
Well, maybe you could
engineer us some suggestions.
Sam and I are having
a little trouble deciding
on where to go.
- Yeah, can you believe
Mr. D. wants to go to Paris
instead of Nashville?
(audience laughing)
- It's imperative that
you not go to Nashville.
I fear the little boy's accent
is in the critical
stage already.
(audience laughing)
Perhaps you're unaware,
but it's the custom in Paris
to serve chocolates
for breakfast.
- Well, in Nashville
it's a custom
to sleep through breakfast
cause you're up so late
at the country music clubs.
(audience laughing)
- How quaint.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Gordon.
I'd love to stay and
chat about our vacation,
but I'm off to Philadelphia.
- Philadelphia?
- Oh, my wife is not going
to Philadelphia on pleasure.
- No one ever has.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I happen to
love Philadelphia.
And besides, they're
honoring me by making me
a judge in the Ms.
Cheesesteak Contest.
- They do love their hoagies.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I will see you
tomorrow, sweetheart.
(kissing)
Have a good time, Mama.
- Oh, thank you, love.
Oh and Phillip, don't
forget to tell Pearl
to make up Willis'
room, I'm picking him up
on the way back tomorrow.
- Bye bye, sweetheart.
- Goodbye, you
good-looking devil.
(audience laughing)
- How is Willis, anyway?
- Oh, he's terrific.
He's coming home
for the weekend.
I'm so proud of him.
He's only been at
college a couple of months
and he hasn't rejected us yet.
- He will.
My son rejected me
in his sophomore year.
(audience laughing).
Scooter changed his
name to Mohammed.
(audience laughing)
- Feel about this.
Now I think...
- Hi boys.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- Arnold.
You know Mrs. Gordon.
She's trying to help us decide
between Paris and Nashville.
- Any place in
Japan is fine with me.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, but guys, you can
only fling a tomato so far.
What else can we use
to bean these bigots?
- Hey, my mother's got
a zucchini that's been
in our refrigerator
so long it walked
from one shelf to the other.
(audience laughing)
- Perfect.
A zucchini is just perfect,
you can use it like a dart.
It's perfect for
distance and accuracy.
(audience laughing)
- But you gotta be
careful with zucchinis.
If they're too gushy, they'll
come apart in your hand.
And if they're
not rotten enough,
they won't squash
when you hit a girl.
(audience laughing).
- Hey!
- That's true!
- And she'll have a chance
to throw it back at you.
- Exactly.
Now Sam, if you were
throwing fruit, at girls,
what would you use?
- Well, my friends
prefer ripe cantaloupes.
Seasonal, but effective.
(audience laughing) They
maintain their trajectory
and when they hit, they
go (mimics splattering).
(audience laughing)
All over the place.
- Hey, that's good.
- Perfect, cantaloupe,
that's perfect.
- Cantalope.
- Boy, I just love
regular guy talk.
(audience laughing)
- Excuse me, fellas.
Sam, can I speak
to you for a minute?
Listen, now I've
made a decision.
We're gonna go to France.
But we'll be able to see
the countryside from a boat.
They have these tours they call
Barging Your Way Through France.
(audience laughing)
- Don't they have a tour called
Skateboarding Through Nashville?
(audience laughing)
- I'll ask Mrs. Gordon.
What's goin' on, fellas?
- We're just discussing
flying zucchinis.
- Oh yeah.
I saw the Flying Zucchinis
at Madison Square Garden.
(audience laughing)
They were marvelous!
- Not those kind of zucchinis.
The kind that
you throw at girls.
(audience laughing)
- Aren't you guys
a little old for that?
- Oh, you're never
to old for that, Mr. D.
You remember that
movie where Jimmy Cagney
squashes the grapefruit
in that girl's face?
(audience laughing)
That was my favorite.
(audience laughing)
- Well Sam, I think that was
before we had electric juicers.
(audience laughing)
Now what's this
all about, Arnold?
- Dad, have you heard of
the League for
Social Responsibility?
- Yeah, the hate group.
- Yeah, well, they hate black
people and other minorities.
- Isn't that league
having a rally?
Oh, yes.
Now I understand the
reference to flying fruit.
- Flying rotten fruit.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah, we're gonna shut
'em down, it's gonna be great.
- Right, right, yeah,
well, now look fellas.
Actually, I came up
here to talk to Arnold
about some pressing
family business.
Why don't you guys go
downstairs and raid the refrigerator?
- Last one down has
to eat the vegetables!
(audience laughing)
- Why do I think this is not
about pressing family business?
- Look, Arnold, you don't
have to be a mind reader
to realize that I do not approve
of what you are planning to do.
- But what about what the
League is planning to do?
They're sleazeballs.
- Sleazeballs definitely,
but that does not give you
the right to throw fruit
at them to keep them
from speaking.
- You're right, vegetables
would be better.
(audience laughing)
- You're not gonna
throw anything at them.
- Dad, how am I supposed
to disrupt the meeting?
- You're not!
- Why not?
Do you know these
people are planning
to ship blacks out of
the country or worse?
- Look, I know that this
bunch are despicable,
but the Constitution
guarantees their right to speak.
That's part of the
First Amendment.
It's one of the things that
makes America so special.
- First Amendment,
they don't believe
in that First Amendment
or any of the others.
- That doesn't matter.
Look, if we're allowed
to take away their rights,
who's to say that some
other group can't come along
and just take away ours?
These people have
a right to speak.
- But they hate me just
for the color of my skin!
- Look, Arnold, I can't
pretend that I would feel
exactly the way you do,
but there are other things
at stake here.
Now Arnold, I'm telling
you as your father...
- My father would be out
there throwing fruit with me
and wouldn't bother
taking it out of the can.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold.
- I don't have to listen to you,
you're not my
real father anyway.
(audience oohing)
(door closing)
(clapping) Boys, I'm gonna
make some lunch.
What would you like to have?
- Eh, nothing.
- But Arnold, you didn't
even eat your breakfast.
- I ate, I just
didn't have it here
at the Ku Klux Coffee Shop.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, I know you
don't really mean that.
- I wouldn'ta said...
- Come on, Arnold!
Have lunch with me.
It's no fun eating a
grilled cheese, onion,
sardine sandwich alone.
(audience laughing)
It's the kind of experience
you wanna share with a friend.
(audience laughing)
- I'm sorry Sam, but
you'll just have to share it
with someone else.
I've got a lot of
reading to do, upstairs.
- Hi everybody, I'm home.
- Hi, Maggie.
- Hello, my love.
(kissing)
Willis will be right up.
- Good.
- Oh, thank you.
Boys, I sure do
hope you're hungry.
- Well, Sam is, but
I'm afraid that Arnold
has lost his appetite.
- Well, he'll get it right back
when he sees what I brought.
- The biggest, the
juiciest, the sloppiest
cheesesteak in all of
Philadelphia and it is only
two hours old.
- Wow, that's perfectly aged!
(audience laughing)
- Doesn't that look delicious?
- Well, it was very
nice of you, Maggie,
but I lost my appetite,
thanks to Dad.
- Why do I get the
feeling that I've walked
smack dab into the
middle of something here?
- Because you have, Maggie.
Arnold wanted to try to stop
the League for Social
Responsibility people
from speaking by
throwing fruit at them.
I told him he couldn't do it.
- Well, I see can see how
you would feel that way.
- Yes, but I can't seem to
make Arnold understand
why that is wrong.
Maybe you could talk
some sense into him.
- Arnold, Arnold,
this does not require
a whole lot of talking.
Throwing fruit is dead wrong.
- Big surprise, Mrs. Drummond
is siding with Mr. Drummond.
- Arnold, Arnold come here.
Listen, if it were me, I
would raise such a ruckus
that the League would be sorry
they'd ever set
foot in this town
and let me tell you something,
if there is anything you can do,
show up with the biggest and...
- Maggie, hold it, hold it,
what are you saying?
- Dad, let her finish!
(audience laughing)
- Phillip, what I am saying is
that we have to rid ourselves
of these social vermin!
- Hey Mom, who won
the cheesesteak contest?
- Look, if you deny
these people their rights,
you are simply
stooping to their level.
- Phillip, the Nazis took
advantage of free speech
to gain power!
And then they abolished it.
We would have been better off
if someone had
stooped to their level
and tried to stop them!
- Hi everybody!
- Hi Willis.
Maggie, I can't believe
that I just heard you say that.
- Well, Phillip, I'm sorry
you don't agree with me,
but this is the way I feel!
- Well, it's nice comin'
home to such family harmony!
(audience laughing)
I guess you guys just
couldn't get along without me.
(laughing)
Arnold, what's going on here?
- Oh, nothing much bro,
we're just having a friendly chat
about the League for
Social Responsibility.
- There's nothing
friendly about those guys.
- I know it!
That's what I was
telling Dad, but he thinks
I should let 'em speak.
Listen, what do you think?
My main man, my
righteous relative?
- I say let them speak.
- Exactly!
Now you hear, that, he...
(audience laughing)
Willis!
They're against our people!
- I know that.
- Willis, I used to kid about
you having half a brain,
but now you're giving
me scientific evidence.
(audience laughing)
- Look, Arnold, history
proves you wrong.
Now the First Amendment
protected Martin Luther King
when advocating civil
rights sounded revolutionary.
Now what would you had said
if they tried to stop
him from speaking?
- Right.
But the League is racist...
- Right and I
despise them for that.
But we have to
protect our free speech.
Look it's better for
these guys to be speaking
at a public place
than doing it in secret.
- Well, Arnold, don't
you think your big brother
makes sense?
- Not to me.
- Wait a minute.
Willis.
You are absolutely right,
but what you're forgetting
is that very same First
Amendment gives me the right
to let those creeps
know exactly how I feel.
- Tell 'em, Maggie!
- Look Arnold.
Throwing food is an assault.
That's against the law.
I'm not gonna allow
you to break the law.
- Dad, I now you
think you're right
and so do I and
whatever I decide,
I have to decide it on my own.
- Hey Dad, gotta
get to the store
and get some more detergent.
Pearl ran out.
- Willis.
- Yeah?
- Uh.
How do I understand
why you have to do
all your laundry here?
- Well, it's either that
or I beat it on a rock
along the East River.
(audience laughing)
- No.
That's okay.
I'll see you later.
- Okay, Dad.
- Willis.
- Yeah, Dad?
- No, that's okay,
nevermind, go ahead.
- Dad, is there something
you wanna talk about?
- Well, it's just the usual
thing, should I retool
my plants in Delaware now
or should I wait until next year
and take advantage of
the new tax incentives?
- You retooled last month.
- I know.
I just wanted to
fill you in on all this.
- Alright, Dad, come on,
what's really on your mind?
- It's about that fight with
Arnold and Maggie, isn't it?
- Maggie's no
problem, she's an adult,
we've had a lot of
disagreements together,
but it's Arnold that
has me worried.
I've never seen him so upset.
- I've never seen you so upset.
Not even when we painted
your bathtub our school colors.
(audience laughing)
- Thanks for the memory.
(audience laughing)
Willis, you wouldn't believe
what Arnold said
to me yesterday.
He said,
I'm not his father
and his real father
would understand.
- Ah, yeah, Dad,
well he's just a kid,
you know, they say things
they really don't mean.
- Yeah, but I
think he was right.
I was so quick to read
him the Bill of Rights
that I didn't stop to
realize how personally
this was affecting him.
I'm sure it would
be different if I was...
- Black?
- I thought those problems
were all in the past
for this family, but I
guess they're still here.
- Not in any way that counts.
And don't be so sure
that our real father
would've been any different.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, Papa used to talk
about what was important to him.
But I don't think he
woulda been so quick
to throw garbage at people.
(audience laughing)
I mean, he was a custodian,
he mighta had to clean it up.
(audience laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
I'll get that, Dad.
- Thanks.
- Hey Willis.
- Hey Willis.
- Hey guys.
- Is Arnold home?
- Yeah, he's upstairs.
- Ah, great.
- [Mr. Drummond] Hi guys.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- Hold it.
What's in the bag?
- Uh, our library books.
- Yeah, well your Grapes
of Wrath must leaking.
(audience laughing).
- Oh, hey, you're right,
we'll have to get it fixed.
- Hold it, Fruit Boots.
(audience laughing)
- Let me see.
Ugh.
Your books are a little overdue.
(audience laughing)
- Good gravy, somebody
stole our books!
And left us with this old fruit!
(audience laughing)
- Charlie, Dudley.
- We're leaving, right Mr...
- Right.
- Nickel forget we
were ever here.
- I'm sure gonna try.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, just because we
disagree on this one thing
doesn't mean we
stop being brothers.
Come on, let's talk it out.
- I can't, not just now.
- Alright, well when
you're ready, just holler.
Or throw something at me.
(door closing)
(door opening)
- Hey Arnold.
I left you some of
my cheesesteak.
- Thanks, kid, but I don't
have the stomach for it now.
- But Arnold, I left you
the part where the sauce
and the onion juice have
worked their way so far down
in the roll that every
bite squirts flavors
all over your mouth.
(audience laughing)
and it's really great for
you because a lot of it'll
get stuck in your
braces and last for days.
(audience laughing)
- Thanks, kid, it
sound real tempting,
but I got other
things on my mind.
- Well Arnold, if
you're worried about
the vacation, don't.
It's all settled.
I agreed to go to France.
- I thought you were
holding out for Nashville.
- I was, but Mr. D's
been so upset lately.
And besides, in
France it'll be really fun
to play the Out-of-State
License game.
(audience laughing)
- I can't go on a vacation
with Dad right now.
- But Arnold, who am I gonna
terrorize belt captains with?
And who's gonna help me
get kicked out of museums?
(audience laughing)
- Look, Sam, I can't go
anywhere with Dad right now,
we're in a big hassle and
I just can't be around him.
- But I don't
understand, Arnold.
Why do you and
Mr. D. have to fight?
What difference does it
make if those guys talk or not?
- Sam, Sam, come here, sit down.
Look.
This has to do with prejudice.
You know, people of different
races and different colors
not getting along.
- But the blacks and whites
and all the other colors
in my class get along.
And you and me get along.
And that's not easy
with your personality.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, the rest of the
world isn't like you or me
or your class.
There're people out
there who hate you
just because of the
color of your skin.
- Yeah, the teacher
talked to us about that
the other day.
It didn't make too much sense.
- Alright.
What if they said little
redheaded kids with freckles
couldn't go in the
cafeteria anymore?
- That'd be fine with me.
Hamburger Hangar
has much better food.
(audience laughing)
- Alright, what if you
went there and they said
you couldn't go in there either?
- I'd go there anyway.
- What if there were six
bullies there with baseball bats
waiting to tell you to
go somewhere else?
- But they can't do that!
I'm allowed to eat
their as long as I don't
spoil my appetite for dinner.
(audience laughing)
Did you say six bullies?
(audience laughing)
- Sam, I'm trying to stop a
whole bunch of these bullies
from telling people
where they can live,
where to go to school and
where to eat hamburgers.
But my Dad thinks I
should let 'em speak.
- Does that mean you
don't love Mr. D. anymore?
- I love Mr. D.
Dad.
It's just that,
I think he's dead
wrong about this.
- But what kind of
family are we gonna be
if we can't hang around
each other anymore?
- Ah, don't worry
about that, Sam.
No matter what happens,
this family will
always stick together.
Who else would want us?
(audience laughing)
(angry chattering)
- Hey Arnold did
you bring the melons?
- Uh, no, my melon
man sold out early today.
(audience laughing)
- That's okay.
We brought plenty of
zucchini and tomatoes.
- I say we grab a good seat.
These speeches don't
have the same impact
from the back of the room,
if you know what I mean.
- Uh, you guys go ahead
and grab a seat for me.
I'll just wash my hands.
My mother always taught
me to wash my hands
before handling food.
(audience laughing)
- Hey Arnold, what's
going on here?
- Guys, I don't know
about this anymore.
There's something wrong here.
- Yeah, it's called the League
for Social Responsibility.
- I know, but I'm starting
to think that throwing things
is not such a good idea.
- You mean that's
what your father thinks.
Dudley?
(sniffing)
Do you smell a wimp?
- Yes.
(sniffing)
I call it Essence of Wimp.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, I'm no wimp and
leave my father out of this.
He has as much a
right to his opinion
as I do to mine.
- Yeah, but it looks
like his opinion is yours.
- Come on, Arnold, do
you hate those guys or not?
Are you with us or against us?
- I'm with you, but I don't
think I can throw fruit.
- Then you're against us.
- No.
I just wanna do what's right.
- Then join us.
Come on, Charlie,
let's just get started.
- Yes.
- Hey.
What're you guys doing here?
- Picketing.
I don't believe
in throwing fruit,
but I'm certainly going
to let those thugs know
how I feel.
- Arnold, this is the
right way to protest.
- What, you think picketing
is gonna do any good?
- It did for Martin Luther
King and Cesar Chavez
and lots of other
people too, right?
- Yeah, and remember
what they say, Arnold:
The family that pickets
together stickets together."
(audience laughing)
- I brought a few extra signs
in case you and your friends
might be interested.
What do you say, Arnold?
- I'm gonna go for it.
- [ Mr. Drummond] Okay.
- You know, Dad, you're right.
If they have a right to
speak, then we have a right
to speak back.
- You've got it, sport.
- Hey, fellas.
Drop that, take
this, you take that.
We're gonna let these
bums know how we feel
and we're gonna
get some extra credit
for government class too.
Come on!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
(clapping)
(instrumental of
Diff'rent Strokes theme)
(Embassy Television jingle)
(Sony Pictures Television theme)
♪ To the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for you ♪
♪ May not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you got ♪
♪ Not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll be fine ♪
♪ Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
- Come on, Arnold,
snap out of it.
When the going gets
tough, the tough play soccer.
- Charlie, I'm not in
a soccer mood today.
- Well, at least
get in your uniform.
We're planning on
using you as a goalpost.
(audience laughing)
- Charlie, I can't play
soccer for Mr. Lopez.
Not after the way I
flunked his civics test.
(audience laughing)
- Okay let's get this over with.
Go ahead, make
fun of my new pants.
(audience laughing)
- I'm satisfied as long as
they're not on backwards again.
(audience laughing)
- Come on, Arnold,
take your best shot.
I prepared all morning
for your insults.
I had breakfast with my father.
(audience laughing)
- Nice pants, Dudley.
- "Nice pants, Dudley"?
- He's just got the blues
cause he got his
government test back
and he set a new personal worst.
- Hey lighten up.
- Hey!
- You know, how bad could it be?
Oh.
(audience laughing)
A 20?
(audience laughing)
- He actually
wrote that the cause
of the Great Depression
was that lots of people
were depressed?
(audience laughing)
- I was desperate.
I forgot about this
reading assignment.
The one time the
Loper throws a pop quiz.
Guess I can kiss my
B average goodbye.
- I'll take it.
(audience laughing)
- Well, did you ask the
Loper if you could do
some extra credit work
to get your grade up?
- Yeah, I checked with
him, he said the only thing
I could do is some
practical exercise in civics,
but I don't know diddly
about any of that stuff.
- Hey, why don't
you run for mayor?
(audience laughing)
My dad says they always
pick a jerk for that job.
(audience laughing)
- Then you oughta
win in a landslide.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, cheer up, Arnold.
Hey, you know, sometimes
they list civic events up here.
- "Lonely?
"Tell your problems to Danielle,
"trained in psychology
and massage."
(audience laughing)
That doesn't sound
like civics to me.
- Gosh, she could
massage your bad grade.
(audience laughing)
(audience laughing)
- Ah, what's this?
"League for Social Responsibility
meeting here Monday."
Hey, now this sounds civic!
- Yeah.
- See, I told you.
- Hey, this is perfect.
(audience laughing)
Dudley, are those your pants?
What did your shirt throw up?
(audience laughing)
- Hey Dudley, you
really did cheer him up!
- Hey this is perfect.
Oh, Mr. Lopez.
- Hi guys!
How's your practice?
- Oh yeah.
- Even more important than that,
I got something here
that's gonna get me
some extra credit.
I'm going to the meeting
of the League for
Social Responsibility.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, they're my main man.
- Since when?
- Since as long
as I can remember.
- Probably even longer.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, you realize of
course that the League
has very strong
racial positions.
- Racial, I know,
hey I'm even thinkin'
about joining the brothers.
(audience laughing)
- Is that so?
- Yeah, right on!
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, they
hate black people.
- But Nashville's a
terrific city for our vacation.
They've got great old
buildings and neat parks.
- It is a lovely spot, sure,
but you've been to Nashville
so many times.
Paris has great old
buildings and neat parks too.
Hey, you know what?
We could take a
side trip to Germany.
That's where Elvis was
stationed when he was in the Army.
- That's true.
But forget it.
That's where he met that
icky girl and they got married.
(audience laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- I'll get that.
Ah, Mrs. Gordon.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- I'm so glad you could come.
- It was not trouble at all.
- Sam, this is Mrs. Gordon,
she's our travel agent.
- Oh, please, Mr. Drummond,
I am not a travel agent.
I'm a leisure time
placement engineer.
(audience laughing).
- Right, sorry.
Well, maybe you could
engineer us some suggestions.
Sam and I are having
a little trouble deciding
on where to go.
- Yeah, can you believe
Mr. D. wants to go to Paris
instead of Nashville?
(audience laughing)
- It's imperative that
you not go to Nashville.
I fear the little boy's accent
is in the critical
stage already.
(audience laughing)
Perhaps you're unaware,
but it's the custom in Paris
to serve chocolates
for breakfast.
- Well, in Nashville
it's a custom
to sleep through breakfast
cause you're up so late
at the country music clubs.
(audience laughing)
- How quaint.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Gordon.
I'd love to stay and
chat about our vacation,
but I'm off to Philadelphia.
- Philadelphia?
- Oh, my wife is not going
to Philadelphia on pleasure.
- No one ever has.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I happen to
love Philadelphia.
And besides, they're
honoring me by making me
a judge in the Ms.
Cheesesteak Contest.
- They do love their hoagies.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I will see you
tomorrow, sweetheart.
(kissing)
Have a good time, Mama.
- Oh, thank you, love.
Oh and Phillip, don't
forget to tell Pearl
to make up Willis'
room, I'm picking him up
on the way back tomorrow.
- Bye bye, sweetheart.
- Goodbye, you
good-looking devil.
(audience laughing)
- How is Willis, anyway?
- Oh, he's terrific.
He's coming home
for the weekend.
I'm so proud of him.
He's only been at
college a couple of months
and he hasn't rejected us yet.
- He will.
My son rejected me
in his sophomore year.
(audience laughing).
Scooter changed his
name to Mohammed.
(audience laughing)
- Feel about this.
Now I think...
- Hi boys.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- Arnold.
You know Mrs. Gordon.
She's trying to help us decide
between Paris and Nashville.
- Any place in
Japan is fine with me.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, but guys, you can
only fling a tomato so far.
What else can we use
to bean these bigots?
- Hey, my mother's got
a zucchini that's been
in our refrigerator
so long it walked
from one shelf to the other.
(audience laughing)
- Perfect.
A zucchini is just perfect,
you can use it like a dart.
It's perfect for
distance and accuracy.
(audience laughing)
- But you gotta be
careful with zucchinis.
If they're too gushy, they'll
come apart in your hand.
And if they're
not rotten enough,
they won't squash
when you hit a girl.
(audience laughing).
- Hey!
- That's true!
- And she'll have a chance
to throw it back at you.
- Exactly.
Now Sam, if you were
throwing fruit, at girls,
what would you use?
- Well, my friends
prefer ripe cantaloupes.
Seasonal, but effective.
(audience laughing) They
maintain their trajectory
and when they hit, they
go (mimics splattering).
(audience laughing)
All over the place.
- Hey, that's good.
- Perfect, cantaloupe,
that's perfect.
- Cantalope.
- Boy, I just love
regular guy talk.
(audience laughing)
- Excuse me, fellas.
Sam, can I speak
to you for a minute?
Listen, now I've
made a decision.
We're gonna go to France.
But we'll be able to see
the countryside from a boat.
They have these tours they call
Barging Your Way Through France.
(audience laughing)
- Don't they have a tour called
Skateboarding Through Nashville?
(audience laughing)
- I'll ask Mrs. Gordon.
What's goin' on, fellas?
- We're just discussing
flying zucchinis.
- Oh yeah.
I saw the Flying Zucchinis
at Madison Square Garden.
(audience laughing)
They were marvelous!
- Not those kind of zucchinis.
The kind that
you throw at girls.
(audience laughing)
- Aren't you guys
a little old for that?
- Oh, you're never
to old for that, Mr. D.
You remember that
movie where Jimmy Cagney
squashes the grapefruit
in that girl's face?
(audience laughing)
That was my favorite.
(audience laughing)
- Well Sam, I think that was
before we had electric juicers.
(audience laughing)
Now what's this
all about, Arnold?
- Dad, have you heard of
the League for
Social Responsibility?
- Yeah, the hate group.
- Yeah, well, they hate black
people and other minorities.
- Isn't that league
having a rally?
Oh, yes.
Now I understand the
reference to flying fruit.
- Flying rotten fruit.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah, we're gonna shut
'em down, it's gonna be great.
- Right, right, yeah,
well, now look fellas.
Actually, I came up
here to talk to Arnold
about some pressing
family business.
Why don't you guys go
downstairs and raid the refrigerator?
- Last one down has
to eat the vegetables!
(audience laughing)
- Why do I think this is not
about pressing family business?
- Look, Arnold, you don't
have to be a mind reader
to realize that I do not approve
of what you are planning to do.
- But what about what the
League is planning to do?
They're sleazeballs.
- Sleazeballs definitely,
but that does not give you
the right to throw fruit
at them to keep them
from speaking.
- You're right, vegetables
would be better.
(audience laughing)
- You're not gonna
throw anything at them.
- Dad, how am I supposed
to disrupt the meeting?
- You're not!
- Why not?
Do you know these
people are planning
to ship blacks out of
the country or worse?
- Look, I know that this
bunch are despicable,
but the Constitution
guarantees their right to speak.
That's part of the
First Amendment.
It's one of the things that
makes America so special.
- First Amendment,
they don't believe
in that First Amendment
or any of the others.
- That doesn't matter.
Look, if we're allowed
to take away their rights,
who's to say that some
other group can't come along
and just take away ours?
These people have
a right to speak.
- But they hate me just
for the color of my skin!
- Look, Arnold, I can't
pretend that I would feel
exactly the way you do,
but there are other things
at stake here.
Now Arnold, I'm telling
you as your father...
- My father would be out
there throwing fruit with me
and wouldn't bother
taking it out of the can.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold.
- I don't have to listen to you,
you're not my
real father anyway.
(audience oohing)
(door closing)
(clapping) Boys, I'm gonna
make some lunch.
What would you like to have?
- Eh, nothing.
- But Arnold, you didn't
even eat your breakfast.
- I ate, I just
didn't have it here
at the Ku Klux Coffee Shop.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, I know you
don't really mean that.
- I wouldn'ta said...
- Come on, Arnold!
Have lunch with me.
It's no fun eating a
grilled cheese, onion,
sardine sandwich alone.
(audience laughing)
It's the kind of experience
you wanna share with a friend.
(audience laughing)
- I'm sorry Sam, but
you'll just have to share it
with someone else.
I've got a lot of
reading to do, upstairs.
- Hi everybody, I'm home.
- Hi, Maggie.
- Hello, my love.
(kissing)
Willis will be right up.
- Good.
- Oh, thank you.
Boys, I sure do
hope you're hungry.
- Well, Sam is, but
I'm afraid that Arnold
has lost his appetite.
- Well, he'll get it right back
when he sees what I brought.
- The biggest, the
juiciest, the sloppiest
cheesesteak in all of
Philadelphia and it is only
two hours old.
- Wow, that's perfectly aged!
(audience laughing)
- Doesn't that look delicious?
- Well, it was very
nice of you, Maggie,
but I lost my appetite,
thanks to Dad.
- Why do I get the
feeling that I've walked
smack dab into the
middle of something here?
- Because you have, Maggie.
Arnold wanted to try to stop
the League for Social
Responsibility people
from speaking by
throwing fruit at them.
I told him he couldn't do it.
- Well, I see can see how
you would feel that way.
- Yes, but I can't seem to
make Arnold understand
why that is wrong.
Maybe you could talk
some sense into him.
- Arnold, Arnold,
this does not require
a whole lot of talking.
Throwing fruit is dead wrong.
- Big surprise, Mrs. Drummond
is siding with Mr. Drummond.
- Arnold, Arnold come here.
Listen, if it were me, I
would raise such a ruckus
that the League would be sorry
they'd ever set
foot in this town
and let me tell you something,
if there is anything you can do,
show up with the biggest and...
- Maggie, hold it, hold it,
what are you saying?
- Dad, let her finish!
(audience laughing)
- Phillip, what I am saying is
that we have to rid ourselves
of these social vermin!
- Hey Mom, who won
the cheesesteak contest?
- Look, if you deny
these people their rights,
you are simply
stooping to their level.
- Phillip, the Nazis took
advantage of free speech
to gain power!
And then they abolished it.
We would have been better off
if someone had
stooped to their level
and tried to stop them!
- Hi everybody!
- Hi Willis.
Maggie, I can't believe
that I just heard you say that.
- Well, Phillip, I'm sorry
you don't agree with me,
but this is the way I feel!
- Well, it's nice comin'
home to such family harmony!
(audience laughing)
I guess you guys just
couldn't get along without me.
(laughing)
Arnold, what's going on here?
- Oh, nothing much bro,
we're just having a friendly chat
about the League for
Social Responsibility.
- There's nothing
friendly about those guys.
- I know it!
That's what I was
telling Dad, but he thinks
I should let 'em speak.
Listen, what do you think?
My main man, my
righteous relative?
- I say let them speak.
- Exactly!
Now you hear, that, he...
(audience laughing)
Willis!
They're against our people!
- I know that.
- Willis, I used to kid about
you having half a brain,
but now you're giving
me scientific evidence.
(audience laughing)
- Look, Arnold, history
proves you wrong.
Now the First Amendment
protected Martin Luther King
when advocating civil
rights sounded revolutionary.
Now what would you had said
if they tried to stop
him from speaking?
- Right.
But the League is racist...
- Right and I
despise them for that.
But we have to
protect our free speech.
Look it's better for
these guys to be speaking
at a public place
than doing it in secret.
- Well, Arnold, don't
you think your big brother
makes sense?
- Not to me.
- Wait a minute.
Willis.
You are absolutely right,
but what you're forgetting
is that very same First
Amendment gives me the right
to let those creeps
know exactly how I feel.
- Tell 'em, Maggie!
- Look Arnold.
Throwing food is an assault.
That's against the law.
I'm not gonna allow
you to break the law.
- Dad, I now you
think you're right
and so do I and
whatever I decide,
I have to decide it on my own.
- Hey Dad, gotta
get to the store
and get some more detergent.
Pearl ran out.
- Willis.
- Yeah?
- Uh.
How do I understand
why you have to do
all your laundry here?
- Well, it's either that
or I beat it on a rock
along the East River.
(audience laughing)
- No.
That's okay.
I'll see you later.
- Okay, Dad.
- Willis.
- Yeah, Dad?
- No, that's okay,
nevermind, go ahead.
- Dad, is there something
you wanna talk about?
- Well, it's just the usual
thing, should I retool
my plants in Delaware now
or should I wait until next year
and take advantage of
the new tax incentives?
- You retooled last month.
- I know.
I just wanted to
fill you in on all this.
- Alright, Dad, come on,
what's really on your mind?
- It's about that fight with
Arnold and Maggie, isn't it?
- Maggie's no
problem, she's an adult,
we've had a lot of
disagreements together,
but it's Arnold that
has me worried.
I've never seen him so upset.
- I've never seen you so upset.
Not even when we painted
your bathtub our school colors.
(audience laughing)
- Thanks for the memory.
(audience laughing)
Willis, you wouldn't believe
what Arnold said
to me yesterday.
He said,
I'm not his father
and his real father
would understand.
- Ah, yeah, Dad,
well he's just a kid,
you know, they say things
they really don't mean.
- Yeah, but I
think he was right.
I was so quick to read
him the Bill of Rights
that I didn't stop to
realize how personally
this was affecting him.
I'm sure it would
be different if I was...
- Black?
- I thought those problems
were all in the past
for this family, but I
guess they're still here.
- Not in any way that counts.
And don't be so sure
that our real father
would've been any different.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, Papa used to talk
about what was important to him.
But I don't think he
woulda been so quick
to throw garbage at people.
(audience laughing)
I mean, he was a custodian,
he mighta had to clean it up.
(audience laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
I'll get that, Dad.
- Thanks.
- Hey Willis.
- Hey Willis.
- Hey guys.
- Is Arnold home?
- Yeah, he's upstairs.
- Ah, great.
- [Mr. Drummond] Hi guys.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- Hi, Mr. Drummond.
- Hold it.
What's in the bag?
- Uh, our library books.
- Yeah, well your Grapes
of Wrath must leaking.
(audience laughing).
- Oh, hey, you're right,
we'll have to get it fixed.
- Hold it, Fruit Boots.
(audience laughing)
- Let me see.
Ugh.
Your books are a little overdue.
(audience laughing)
- Good gravy, somebody
stole our books!
And left us with this old fruit!
(audience laughing)
- Charlie, Dudley.
- We're leaving, right Mr...
- Right.
- Nickel forget we
were ever here.
- I'm sure gonna try.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, just because we
disagree on this one thing
doesn't mean we
stop being brothers.
Come on, let's talk it out.
- I can't, not just now.
- Alright, well when
you're ready, just holler.
Or throw something at me.
(door closing)
(door opening)
- Hey Arnold.
I left you some of
my cheesesteak.
- Thanks, kid, but I don't
have the stomach for it now.
- But Arnold, I left you
the part where the sauce
and the onion juice have
worked their way so far down
in the roll that every
bite squirts flavors
all over your mouth.
(audience laughing)
and it's really great for
you because a lot of it'll
get stuck in your
braces and last for days.
(audience laughing)
- Thanks, kid, it
sound real tempting,
but I got other
things on my mind.
- Well Arnold, if
you're worried about
the vacation, don't.
It's all settled.
I agreed to go to France.
- I thought you were
holding out for Nashville.
- I was, but Mr. D's
been so upset lately.
And besides, in
France it'll be really fun
to play the Out-of-State
License game.
(audience laughing)
- I can't go on a vacation
with Dad right now.
- But Arnold, who am I gonna
terrorize belt captains with?
And who's gonna help me
get kicked out of museums?
(audience laughing)
- Look, Sam, I can't go
anywhere with Dad right now,
we're in a big hassle and
I just can't be around him.
- But I don't
understand, Arnold.
Why do you and
Mr. D. have to fight?
What difference does it
make if those guys talk or not?
- Sam, Sam, come here, sit down.
Look.
This has to do with prejudice.
You know, people of different
races and different colors
not getting along.
- But the blacks and whites
and all the other colors
in my class get along.
And you and me get along.
And that's not easy
with your personality.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, the rest of the
world isn't like you or me
or your class.
There're people out
there who hate you
just because of the
color of your skin.
- Yeah, the teacher
talked to us about that
the other day.
It didn't make too much sense.
- Alright.
What if they said little
redheaded kids with freckles
couldn't go in the
cafeteria anymore?
- That'd be fine with me.
Hamburger Hangar
has much better food.
(audience laughing)
- Alright, what if you
went there and they said
you couldn't go in there either?
- I'd go there anyway.
- What if there were six
bullies there with baseball bats
waiting to tell you to
go somewhere else?
- But they can't do that!
I'm allowed to eat
their as long as I don't
spoil my appetite for dinner.
(audience laughing)
Did you say six bullies?
(audience laughing)
- Sam, I'm trying to stop a
whole bunch of these bullies
from telling people
where they can live,
where to go to school and
where to eat hamburgers.
But my Dad thinks I
should let 'em speak.
- Does that mean you
don't love Mr. D. anymore?
- I love Mr. D.
Dad.
It's just that,
I think he's dead
wrong about this.
- But what kind of
family are we gonna be
if we can't hang around
each other anymore?
- Ah, don't worry
about that, Sam.
No matter what happens,
this family will
always stick together.
Who else would want us?
(audience laughing)
(angry chattering)
- Hey Arnold did
you bring the melons?
- Uh, no, my melon
man sold out early today.
(audience laughing)
- That's okay.
We brought plenty of
zucchini and tomatoes.
- I say we grab a good seat.
These speeches don't
have the same impact
from the back of the room,
if you know what I mean.
- Uh, you guys go ahead
and grab a seat for me.
I'll just wash my hands.
My mother always taught
me to wash my hands
before handling food.
(audience laughing)
- Hey Arnold, what's
going on here?
- Guys, I don't know
about this anymore.
There's something wrong here.
- Yeah, it's called the League
for Social Responsibility.
- I know, but I'm starting
to think that throwing things
is not such a good idea.
- You mean that's
what your father thinks.
Dudley?
(sniffing)
Do you smell a wimp?
- Yes.
(sniffing)
I call it Essence of Wimp.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, I'm no wimp and
leave my father out of this.
He has as much a
right to his opinion
as I do to mine.
- Yeah, but it looks
like his opinion is yours.
- Come on, Arnold, do
you hate those guys or not?
Are you with us or against us?
- I'm with you, but I don't
think I can throw fruit.
- Then you're against us.
- No.
I just wanna do what's right.
- Then join us.
Come on, Charlie,
let's just get started.
- Yes.
- Hey.
What're you guys doing here?
- Picketing.
I don't believe
in throwing fruit,
but I'm certainly going
to let those thugs know
how I feel.
- Arnold, this is the
right way to protest.
- What, you think picketing
is gonna do any good?
- It did for Martin Luther
King and Cesar Chavez
and lots of other
people too, right?
- Yeah, and remember
what they say, Arnold:
The family that pickets
together stickets together."
(audience laughing)
- I brought a few extra signs
in case you and your friends
might be interested.
What do you say, Arnold?
- I'm gonna go for it.
- [ Mr. Drummond] Okay.
- You know, Dad, you're right.
If they have a right to
speak, then we have a right
to speak back.
- You've got it, sport.
- Hey, fellas.
Drop that, take
this, you take that.
We're gonna let these
bums know how we feel
and we're gonna
get some extra credit
for government class too.
Come on!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
(clapping)
(instrumental of
Diff'rent Strokes theme)
(Embassy Television jingle)
(Sony Pictures Television theme)