Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 8, Episode 17 - The Photo Club - full transcript

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪

♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours ♪



♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together, we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cause it takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes, it does ♪

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

- Love is in the air.

Now, class, this
will be our theme

for our photojournalism
projects.

- All right!

My love life can make
journalistic history.

Ha!

Your love life wouldn't
even make the funny papers.

- You should talk, Lisa.

Yours should be the cover
story for Bovine News.



- And remember, do your best

because these
projects will determine

who's gonna be
on the school paper.

- Boy, Arnold, I just
gotta get on the Beacon.

- Since when are you
interested in journalism?

- I heard it's a great
way to meet girls.

- Your only hope is with
an arranged marriage.

- Worked for my father.

I don't see what's
wrong, Arnold.

Girls just don't seem
to be interested in me.

The most I'm
interested in is Susan.

Isn't she something?

- Yeah, she's
something all right.

- There.

Now, any questions?

Lisa.

- I would just like to share
with you the enthusiasm

which I approach this project,

and with your guidance,

I'm confident this will be a
most invaluable experience.

- Sit down.
- Please.

- And by the way, Arnold
Jackson hasn't copied down

any of the information
off the board

'cause he's too busy
visiting with his neighbors.

- Thank you, Lisa.

Arnold, I expect
professionalism in here.

After all, you do
wanna make your mark

on the world of
photojournalism, don't you?

- Yes, Mrs. Walters, I
do wanna make my mark.

On Lisa's face.

- Now, I have five pairs
of numbers in this hat,

so come on up and
draw for partners.

- Susan got a two.

Come on, two.

Rats, I got a four.

- I got a two.

- Trade with me, please?

- You bet!

- Thanks, what a pal, Arnold.

I hope you get a partner
just as cute as Susan.

- No thanks.

All I care about is
getting on the newspaper.

I don't need to be distracted
by some gorgeous girl.

- I do!

Man, Susan's a real fox, huh?

- She's certainly
in the animal family.

- Thanks, Arnold, it's the
happiest moment of my life.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Save it for Susan.

Next, I'll teach you

what every good
photojournalist must know:

How to trap a girl in
the darkroom with you.

- Oh, really?

Great, all right, see
you later, Arnold.

Hi, how you doing?

- Who's got number four?

- Oh, no.

- Now, find your partner and
take a good hard look at them

because for the
rest of the semester,

you're gonna be practically
living and breathing together.

- Hey, you know something?

It's time that we finally made
use of our video camera.

I don't want one
more day to go by

without capturing this
wonderful family on tape.

- Oh, boy, can I
star in it, Mr. D?

I can look just like
Sylvester Stallone.

See?

Yo, Adrian!

- Everybody will
star in it, Sam.

I think we'll
call our first epic

A Day in the Life
of the Drummonds.

- And I can see the sequel,
The Drummonds Strike Back.

- I just wanna
capture the fun-loving,

happy family that we all are.

Well, most of us.

- Boy, does that girl bug me!

- I gather things haven't
improved with her.

- Only if you consider miserable

an improvement over horrible.

- Arnold, she sounds
like a real pain.

Of course, what
girl isn't a pain?

- Sam, would you excuse us?

Arnold and I need
to have a little talk.

- But Arnold already knows
about the birds and the bees.

- Sam.

- I'm going.

- Sit down, son.

Now, if you wanna become
a professional photographer,

you will have to learn
to deal with all kinds.

I mean, snarly politicians,
temperamental actresses,

even maybe vicious criminals.

- That'll be a
breeze after Lisa.

- I'm not saying you
have to be friends,

but your career's
not gonna go very far

if you can't cope with
Lisa and Photo One.

- I know, Dad, but what
am I supposed to do?

- Be bigger than her.

You catch more flies with honey.

- What do you use
to catch mutants?

- Look, the next
time she upsets you,

instead of snapping at her,
think of something calming,

like a gentle, flowing,
peaceful brook.

- Yeah, right.

I could just picture it:

a gentle, flowing,
peaceful brook

with Lisa out in
the middle of it,

going down for the third time.

- Arnold.

- Okay, Dad, okay.

I'll give it a try.

Hi there, Lisa, old buddy.

Ready for another great
day in the darkroom?

- What are you up to, Arnold?

- Up to?

- Yeah, what's with
this "old buddy" stuff

and why haven't
you insulted me yet?

- Why haven't I
insulted you yet?

You know, I think that's
what I like about you, Lisa,

it's your great sense of humor.

Or is it, no, you're
congenial manner,

or maybe it's your gentle...

- Knock it off, Arnold.

What happened?

Someone tell you can
catch more flies with honey?

- Uh, no.

Look, I know we had
a blowup the other day

and we got a little
carried away...

- No, we didn't
get carried away.

Your big mouth did.

- Right.

It's quite insightful
on your part.

- Why, thank you.

But it doesn't take much insight

to spot a stupid jerk like you.

- All right, that does it.

You're impossible.

I've had it!

I give up!

- Well, I give up too.

I can't work with you.

- Well, good then.

Then it's all over.

Goodbye!

Happy trails, dumb-O!

Arrivederci, crustacean face.

Uh, adios, jerkina.

Oh, no.

- What's the matter?

Can't even open the door
without messing that up too?

What a loser.

Look out.

- No, Lisa, just forget it.

Charlie jammed the lock to
trap Susan in here with him.

We're locked in here.

- Locked in?

With you?

I can't think of the
worst torture than that.

- I can, being locked
in here with you.

Hey!

Herb, help!
- Arnold, Arnold, forget it.

The building's empty and
the janitor doesn't get here

until 10 o'clock at night.

Just try the door again.

- Ah, forget it.

The lock's jammed permanently.

Charlie's method is foolproof.

- How do you know?

- I taught it to him.

- Wait till Mrs. Walters
hears about this one.

- There you go again.

Why are you always trying
to get people in trouble?

- I don't get people in trouble.

I only report what I see.

- That's what makes
you rotten, Lisa.

- Well, a policeman
does the same thing

and it doesn't make him rotten.

- Why have you chosen to
be a policeman at age 15?

- Well, someone's gotta
keep people like you in line.

- I can take care of myself.

- Obviously not.

You got us locked
in here, didn't you?

And it was because
you're leading poor Charlie

off the old beaten path.

- Can I help it if I'm a
natural-born leader?

- Yeah, but look
at your following.

Robbie, Dudley,
Charlie, and Ricky?

You're the Pied
Piper of the nerds!

- They're not nerds.

They may not be the
coolest guys in school,

but they're not, I
mean, at least they're...

- They're nerds.

- Well, I'd rather
have them for friends

than be like you
with no friends at all.

- Look, I may not be popular,

but at least I can admit
it, so why don't you?

I mean, you and me, we're
not exactly a part of the A crowd.

- Don't put me in the
same category as you.

Matter of fact,
don't even put me

in the same species as you.

- Face it, Arnold, I'll
never be a cheerleader

and you'll never be
captain of the football team.

- See, that's the
way you see things.

No hopes, no
dreams, your life's over.

You have absolutely
nothing to look forward to.

- And what do you
have to look forward to?

- For starters,
getting outta here.

- Arnold, face it, the truth
is you're no more popular,

no cooler, and no better than me

and it kills you to know that.

- Well, at least I try.

You make no effort at all.

- And that's what
really kills you.

You try and you try
and you still aren't cool.

I never try and I'm
no worse off than you.

Admit it, Arnold, you're the
crown prince of Loserville.

- That's a lie!

- Truth hurts, huh, Arnold?

- Just shut up!

We're gonna be stuck in here,

so let's just print
this roll of film.

At least that'll keep us from
having to talk to each other.

- Oh, don't,
Mr. Drummond, please.

I'm really very camera shy.

- No, Pearl.

- Uh, I think I hear
my pot roast ringing.

- Darn it.

Sam?

It's time to get you on tape.

- Oh, boy, Mr. D!

What should I do?

Get my guitar?

My harmonica?

- Oh, no, no, no, no, I just
want you to be yourself.

Just sit down there and
do what you were doing.

- Mr. D, I was
doing my homework.

- Well, that's perfect.

See, I wanna capture you on
tape doing some normal activity.

- Then you want me
not doing my homework.

- Sam, look, what I'm
doing is called cinema verite,

which means
filming real life as it is.

And you can help me by
forgetting about the camera

and just sitting back down there

and doing your
homework, you understand?

- Okay, Mr. D.

- All right, now, remember,

just behave naturally and
forget about the camera.

Action!

Ta-da!

- We'll try this
some other time.

- Ah, here.

These are dry.

Hey, what are you doing?

It's mine.

- Must be yours, it's blank.

- It's not blank.

It's the sky.

I've entitled this picture

It's Better to Have
Loved Than Lost.

Think it's very romantic.

- What do you know?

Velcro's more
romantic than you are.

- You'll eat those
words, Arnold Jackson.

Someday, I'll fall in love and
get married and everything,

just like in the movies.

- Yeah, right, I saw that one.

Bride of Frankenstein.

- Oh, that's my favorite.

That beautiful
woman loves that man,

even though he's
so ordinary looking.

I call it Beauty's in
the Eye of Beholder.

- Yeah, I saw that one.

I got a better name for it.

Ugly Man with Potbelly
and Lots of Books Looks Out

and Gets Hot-looking Chick.

- Arnold, you're so cynical.

Think it's great they're able
to look below the surface.

- To get below his surface,
she'd need a blubber drill.

- You have such an
immature view of love.

- Well, at least it's a
real life view of love

and not a bunch of old
lines from books and movies.

- Well, I'd rather get it
from a book or movies

rather than the
real life experiences

you've had with the
groundhogs you've dated.

- We're still not
using your picture,

and you don't know
a thing about my life.

- I don't?

Well, does the name Mary Ellen
Winston mean anything to you?

- Oh, gee, this is a
really nice picture.

What do you know
about Mary Ellen Winston?

- Well, the other day some
girls were comparing notes.

They were trying to figure out

who had the worst time with you.

Of course, Mary
Ellen won by default.

The other girls were too
grossed out to tell their stories.

Arnold, you are
the laughingstock

of the girls' locker room.

- All right, all right.

At least my name came up.

The only time any boy in the
boys' locker room thinks of you

is when they smell
their dirty socks.

- Knock it off, Arnold.

- Remember, it's better
to have love than lost.

You don't do either.

How often do you get a date?

Every bicentennial?

- I said, knock it off, Arnold.

- Well, I guess actions
speaks louder than words.

It's been pretty quiet in
your neck of the woods.

- I could have a date if wanted.

- Oh, sure, if it was
legal to date dead people.

- No, wise guy, just
waiting for Mr. Right

to sweep me off my feet.

- How could he?

You're always flying
around on your broomstick.

Listen, that Mr. Right
stuff is just an excuse,

so just remember, when
you're a pathetic lonely old lady

telling yourself you're
waiting for Mr. Right,

just remember, he's not coming.

- Well, do you think
I'd like it this way?

- Lisa.

Hey, Lisa.
- Arnold, leave me alone.

- Oh, come on, Lisa, I
didn't mean it, honest.

- Well, whether you
meant or not, it's the truth.

- Hey, we're all in the same
boat waiting for Mr. Right.

- You too?

- Yeah, sure.

I mean, not Mr. Right,
but Miss Right.

Ah, you know what I mean.

- I don't believe you, Arnold.

Are you really?

- You know how I
have this reputation,

everybody thinks
I'm such a ladies man.

- They do?

- Well, some people do.

- They do?

- Charlie does.

Look, the point is,

maybe there is a Miss
right or a Mr. Right,

but there's a lot of
great people out there,

and you just have
to make an effort

to get involved with them.

It's got to be a lot
nicer hanging on

to real people than just dreams.

Well, now, what's
the matter, Lisa?

- I don't know.

All that stuff I said before
about people looking

below the surface
and everything,

I'm just afraid no
one will with me.

- Can I be honest with you?

- Yes, but not too honest.

- I really don't
want to tell you this

because, well, it's kind of
a compliment, you know?

But when I first saw you,

I really didn't think
you were the horse face

I think you are now.

- That's quite a
compliment, Arnold.

- Well, I thought
you were kinda foxy.

I can't believe
I just said that.

- Can't believe
you said it either.

I thought the same thing
about you too at first.

- Oh, you mean you
couldn't stand me.

- No, that was after I met you.

I thought you
were kinda cute too.

- Kinda cute a real cute?

- I can't remember.

- You can lie.

- Real cute, but that
doesn't mean that I like you.

So, uh, thought I
was kinda foxy, huh?

- Only from a distance.

- But the closer I got,
the less attractive I got.

Was it because of my
looks of my personality?

- Like I said, it's
your personality.

It's what's on the inside
that's putting people off.

- They've never seen
you what's on the inside.

- They see what you show them.

It's too bad they don't see

what you're showing
me right now.

- Does that make
me more attractive,

like when you first saw me?

- When I first saw you,

you know, you
were a little different.

You had your hair
down and stuff.

- Would you like
me to let it down?

- Sure.

- Well?

You know, I'm
tired and I'm hungry.

Bet I must look terrible.

- Ah, you look fine.

- Arnold, this is a first.

You had a perfect
opportunity to insult me

with one of your dumb
jokes and you didn't.

- I know.

- Arnold, why is this happening?

- I don't know.

Maybe the fumes in
here are getting to us.

- I don't think it's
the fumes, do you?

- Nah.

Are you as confused
as I am right now?

- Yeah.

Are we gonna end up
boyfriend and girlfriend?

- I don't know.

- I can't believe what
we're talking about.

- Neither can I.

What's everyone at
school gonna think Monday?

- What do you think?

- I think it's good.

- Mr. Drummond.

- Oh, come on, Pearl.

I've been trying
to tape you all day

and you've been avoiding me.

- Please, Mr. Drummond,
I'm really very camera shy.

- Now, Pearl, there's a
secret part of everybody

that likes to be in
front of the camera.

- Not me.

- Pearl.

Pearl, come on,
ham it up a little.

- Ham it.

♪ Some of these days,
you're gonna miss me, honey ♪

♪ Some of these days,
you're gonna feel so lonely ♪

♪ You're gonna miss my loving ♪

♪ You're gonna miss
my, muah, kisses ♪

♪ You're gonna miss me, baby ♪

♪ When you go away ♪

♪ I feel so lonely
just for you only ♪

♪ For you know, honey ♪

♪ You had your way ♪

♪ And when you leave me ♪

♪ You know it's
gonna grieve me ♪

♪ You're gonna miss
your little mama ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ You're gonna miss
your little mama ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ You're gonna miss
your little mama ♪

♪ Some of these days ♪

Well, um, how was
that, Mr. Drummond?

- Uh, perfectly natural, Pearl.

- Well, Herb should be
here any minute now.

There you go.

Boy, I am so hungry I could eat

that picture of that
wedding cake you took.

- You know, now I
kinda hate to leave.

Don't you wish we
were staying in here

another hour together?

- Sure, but once
we get outta here,

we could be
together all the time.

- Yeah, you're right.

Hey, are you busy
Saturday night?

- Saturday?

No, Saturday's free.

- Great, I've
tickets to the opera.

- Wait, did you say Saturday?

- Is that a problem?

- No, no, no.

Saturday's great.

Any night's great, just
as long as we're together.

- Arnold, I just love
your new attitude.

I'll change mine for you too.

- Oh, that'll be weird.

Everyone's gonna be so
shocked seeing you acting normal.

- What do you mean by that?

- Well, you know, just
acting like everyone else.

You know, loosening
up a little bit,

hanging out at
Hamburger Hangar with us.

- Arnold, the food
there is terrible.

And besides, you
just can't expect me

to start going to places
like that, can you?

- Sure, just as much as you
expect me to go to the opera.

- That's a little different.

The opera's good for you.

- So is loosening up.

Besides, everybody goes
to Hamburger Hangar.

- Well, it's just that,

well, it sounds like you're
saying normal to you

is hanging out at places just
'cause everybody else does.

I mean, I thought
you said you're more

of an individual than that.

Remember all that stuff you said

about being leader of the nerds?

- Lisa, you said that.

- So you're not an individual?

- I am and they're not nerds.

- Anyway, Arnold, you
obviously don't like the opera,

so let's just forget about it.

You know it would've
been good for you.

- Oh, Lisa, you're not
concerned about my good.

You wanted to go to opera
because you'd enjoy it.

- No, I thought we'd enjoy it,

but you're not
even willing to try.

- Oh, and you are?

- Arnold, things were
just starting to work out

and now you're blowing it.

- Hey, don't blame me.

It's your mouth that's doing it.

- So you're starting
it with me again, huh?

Well, as far as I'm concerned,

the only wrong thing my
mouth did was to kiss you.

- Which reminds me,
when we get outta here,

I'm gonna have
my lips amputated.

- You are stuffed...
- Hey, hey, who's in there?

- Oh, thank goodness.

It's Arnold Jackson
and Lisa Hayes.

What are you doing in
there, necking or something?

No!

Lisa.

- What?

- I just wanted to say it
was nice being friends

or whatever for a little while.

- Yeah.

- It sure is good to be
fighting again though, isn't it?

- You said it.

- I'll see you Monday?