Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 7, Episode 8 - Arnold the Entrepreneur - full transcript
Arnold starts up a door-to-door business selling bug spray with Sam as his assistant. When he gets greedy and cuts Sam out of the profits, Sam decides to quit working for him and compete against him.
♪ Now the world don't move ♪
♪ To the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for you ♪
♪ May not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born ♪
♪ He's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two ♪
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you got ♪
♪ Not a lot ♪
♪ So what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
- Pearl?
Do you want to dust this desk?
- No, I don't want
to disturb you.
- Look, Mr. D!
I'm building up my reflexes.
Watch!
- Very good, Sam.
What are you building
your reflexes up for?
- So I can grab my
dessert before Arnold does.
- Dad, Sam!
Look what came for me!
- Wow, Arnold!
Can I give you a hand?
- Sure, Sam.
(Sam yelps)
I hope you didn't
break anything.
- No, I'm fine, Arnold.
- I meant the box.
There's something
really important in here.
- Is it the sneezing
powder and waxed lips?
- No, Sam, I said important.
- Then it must be
the spinning bow tie.
- No, Dad.
It's something that's gonna
make you a happy man.
Roach spray!
- I didn't know I had roaches!
- No, Dad.
Remember that
lecture you gave me
about earning my own money?
Well I'm gonna sell
this door to door.
- I didn't think you were
paying much attention
during that lecture.
- I wasn't.
'Til you mentioned about
cutting out my allowance.
Then I got this sharp
pain in my wallet.
That's when I decided
to go into business.
"Make big bucks
overnight and kill bugs."
- Oh, yes.
The matchbook
millionaire scheme.
- Pretty soon I'll
be able to afford
that Santa Fe Express train set.
- That's great, Arnold.
But if you're gonna be rich,
I guess I won't be able to loan
you my allowance anymore.
Arnold told me that's
a family tradition.
So every week I give him...
- Ah!
Always a kidder.
- Well I'm very
proud of you, Arnold.
I know when Willis
sold door to door
he found it to be
a great experience.
Didn't you, son.
- That's right, Dad.
It helped teach me how
to manage my money.
You know, so far, I've managed
to spend it all on women.
I got the Watson twins
waiting for me now.
- You? Twins?
That's gotta be two,
two, two dogs in one.
Well,
I can't wait to get out there
and start making my fortune.
- You know, Arnold, since
cockroaches bother everybody,
you should do very well.
But I don't want you to
go outside of this building.
- Don't worry, Dad.
I'll be a millionaire
by the time
I work up to the 30th floor.
- Boy, Arnold.
Selling sounds
like a lot of fun.
Can I help?
- Sam, Sam, Sam.
This is not for fun.
This is the start of the
Arnold Jackson empire.
Today it's roach spray.
Tomorrow it's factories.
Conglomerates!
Bankruptcy!
Government bailouts!
- The American dream!
- Please, Arnold,
let me come along.
I promise I won't
get in the way.
- I'm sure you won't.
You're not coming.
- Oh, come on now, Arnold.
Sam's your brother.
You'd be a great team and I
bet you both learn a lot, too.
- I guess that
means I better take
the little red-headed
peanut along or else.
- You got it!
- All right!
Okay, Sam.
But just remember,
I'm the boss.
So when I say jump, you jump.
- Sure, Arnold, I'll
jump, I'll leap, I'll run!
I'll do whatever
you want, anything!
You name it, I'll do it!
- Sam, will you get out here?
- [Sam] No, I feel stupid!
- Now that's
ridiculous, get out here!
I don't understand
why you feel stupid.
- Then why wouldn't you wear it?
- Because I'm the boss.
Did Colonel Sanders ever
dress up like a chicken?
- (laughing) Oh!
Sam, you look so cute!
- I'm a roach.
You call this cute?
- Oh, Sam.
That is really cute!
- I'm not cute!
- Mr. Drummond,
I made that outfit for him
out of that old
brown suit of yours
you were gonna give away.
- I was?
- You weren't?
- I guess I was.
- It's a shame that Maggie
had to go to San Francisco
to that exercise convention.
- Yes, every mother
longs to see her child
in his first roach suit.
- I know how happy
it made my mom.
- Well, Dad,
what do you think
of my sales gimmick?
- Super, Arnold, just super.
I don't think I
could turn it down.
- I expect Sam to do for me
what McNuggets
did for McDonald's.
- I can see it now.
You'll have your own golden
arches and a sign that says,
"Over 45 Billion
Roaches Killed."
- Well, come on, Sam.
It's time to venture
out into that
bug-eat-bug world
of roach spray.
- Go get 'em, guys!
- We will, Dad.
- See you later, Mr. D.
- Bye bye.
(doorbell rings)
Hi, sir, having
trouble with roaches?
- I'll take one can.
- Two dollars, please.
- You're right, Arnold.
There's a sucker
born every minute.
- I didn't mean you, Dad.
Thank you.
There you are.
(doorbell rings)
- Just a moment!
Oh!
Too bad.
You're a little late
for Halloween, Sam.
- No.
I'm Richie the Roach!
(growls)
I'm gonna crawl all over your
food and cabinets and floors!
- Oh, this is awful!
Ooh!
- Don't be afraid.
I'm only pretending.
- Oh, okay.
- I'm gonna move in and
you'll never get rid of me!
- Help, help!
- Having trouble with roaches?
Looking for an effective
way of getting rid of them?
Then try Slam!
The new effective roach
spray that kills bugs on contact!
(hissing)
(Sam coughs)
Slam!
- I can't resist,
I'll take two cans.
(laughs)
- Four dollars, please.
(doorbell rings)
Watch the master at work, Sam.
Hi, ma'am.
We're se...
(stuttering) Hi!
- Hi.
- (growls) I'm Richie the Roach!
- You are?
Well.
You're the first I've ever
seen I didn't want to step on.
- If you wanna do some
grade-A cheek pinching,
then sink your fingers into
one of these chubby champions.
- [Ellen] Here you go.
- Wow!
- Arnold, what
about the bug spray?
- What bug spray?
- Would you like to buy
a can of bug spray, lady?
Only two dollars.
Anything for you, cutie pie.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Did you hear that, Sam?
She said, "Thank you."
(Sam grunts)
(doorbell rings)
- Hey, guys!
Excuse me, little boy,
is your mother home?
- Hey, it's Tattoo
from Fantasy Island!
- No, no, no, no, no.
My name is really
Herve Villechaize.
But you can call me Harvey.
- Nice to meet you, Harvey.
Oh, man, I feel like
Wilt Chamberlain.
- We're selling roach spray.
- That's right.
It's called Slam.
Would you like to buy a can?
- Roach spray?
- No, I don't think so.
- How about half a can?
- I'll take two.
You're enterprising,
and I like that.
You see,
I got all this by
working hard myself.
You're not gonna believe this
but I started small too.
- Boy, I've never
seen this much money.
- Yep.
I think my piggy bank's
off his diet for a while.
- Hey, guys.
I found the money
wrappers that you wanted.
But from the looks of things,
you moguls are
gonna need a vault!
- You know, Mr. D,
pretty soon we'll be so rich
that you can quit your job.
- Thank you, Sam,
but I enjoy working.
It gives me something to
do between tennis games.
Tell me the truth, Arnold.
Don't you get a
great satisfaction
from earning your own money?
- Yep.
And I'm gonna get even
a greater satisfaction
from spending it.
- Well,
that's a start, Arnold.
- This is great, Arnold.
I think I'm gonna
buy one of those
radio-controlled
submarines with my half.
- Your half?
- Yeah.
And then I think I'm
gonna get one of those...
- Uh, wait a minute, Sam.
Don't plan on buying
anything with your half
because there is no "your half."
- But I did half the work!
- It doesn't matter, Sam.
I put up all the money
and took all the risk.
- But I invented the (growls).
- Sorry, Sam.
I'm the boss.
And I get all the profits.
- That's not fair!
The workers should share
the money with the bosses!
- What are you?
A communist?
- Well don't I get anything?
- Well...
Okay.
Here.
- A dollar?
- Too much?
- Arnold, you're not
a very nice person.
Keep your money.
I quit!
I'm gonna start my own
roach spray business
and make lots of money.
Lots!
I'm talking maybe even 20 bucks!
- You up against me?
Don't even try it.
I'll crush you like a bug.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah!
- Well, Sam, I see
that you're all set.
- Yep, I'm gonna sell
tons of roach spray
and pay you back every
cent for helping me get started.
Cross my heart.
- I'm sure that you will, Sam,
but I just wish that you and
Arnold would quit fighting.
- It's too late, Mr. D.
Arnold really hurt me bad.
Do they make a
Band-Aid for feelings?
- No, Sam, but a little
time will take care of that.
- Hey!
Hey!
Take that costume off!
That was my idea.
- Oh yeah?
But your idea is in my size!
- Take it off, you're giving
roaches a bad name.
- Now stop it.
If you two don't stop fighting,
I'm gonna see that
there's a new version
of Death of a Salesman.
- All right, Dad.
But he's not selling on my turf.
The pigeons in this
building are mine.
- Fine, you can
have the pigeons.
I want the people!
- I'll tell you what.
Arnold, you take
the even floors.
Sam, you take the odd ones.
- Odd floors and you, Sam.
Get the connection?
- That's it, put up your dukes!
- Sam.
Put down your dukes.
Sam!
Sam.
Now look, boys,
fighting is not the answer.
You should be
able to work this out
through friendly competition.
Now,
I want you both to
go out there and sell!
And may the best salesman win.
- All right, Dad.
Come on, Sam.
Just remember,
you're odd floors
and I'm even floors.
And the elevator is fair game.
- Fair enough!
- And may the best brother win.
- Fair enough.
- Hey! Look at that roach!
- Where's he at, Arnold?
- Hold that elevator!
(doorbell rings)
Hi, sir!
It's a wonderful day, isn't it?
- Make it snappy, would ya kid?
I'm watching the football game.
- Hey, must be some game!
- Some game?!
What are you crazy?
It stinks!
Those bums can't run, they
can't throw, they can't block!
They can't find the stadium!
- Hey, sir, it's only a game.
- Only a game?!
Only a game.
I lost my shirt
betting on "a game."
Those bums wiped me out!
They're the worst!
I've rooted for 'em for years!
They dropped our quarterback!
They don't know how to draft!
Even the cheerleaders are ugly!
(doorbell rings)
- Good afternoon, sir.
Or madam.
Forget it.
(doorbell rings)
(locks clicking)
- Hello!
Oh!
- Hey, foxy mama!
Is your mother home?
- Buzz off, sonny!
- How'd it go, son?
- Lousy.
I took in one dollar.
And that was from a lady
who paid me to go away.
- Oh, don't worry.
Your luck will turn
around, Arnold.
- Hey, look what I
found in our hallway,
a millionaire bug.
- I sold every can!
Look at all this money!
- So how'd you do, Arnold?
- Pretty good.
- How many did you sell?
- Uh, Sam.
It's the spirit of
the competition
that counts.
- Yeah, the "how
many" doesn't matter.
- It does to me!
How many?
- None.
(laughs hysterically)
Sure, Sam.
Big shot!
You had it easy.
You got to sell
to the odd floors.
- Well listen, you
both worked very hard
and you should both
be proud of yourselves.
- But I did a better job,
so I should be prouder.
Right, Mr. D?
- Well...
- Oh, great, you're on his side.
- No, no, I'm not...
- You mean you're on his side?
- Sam, no.
- They really got you
squirming, huh, Dad?
- I'm not squirming.
And I'm not on anybody's side.
Now, Arnold, you must remember
that you both agreed
to go your separate ways
and you just have to
live with the consequences.
Of course, you could
agree to join forces again.
- Are you kidding?
I love my consequences.
(laughs hysterically)
- Don't worry, Dad.
I'm just in a slump.
Before you know it,
Sam will be eating
Arnold Jackson's dust.
- Well I'm not gonna
tell you what to do
but I think you're both
acting very foolishly.
- At this rate,
if I keep acting foolish,
I'll be a millionaire
before I'm ten!
(laughs hysterically)
- You think the spray for
red ants would work on him?
Got some bad news for you, Sam,
so don't start
crying or anything.
I'm not taking you
to the Jets game.
- No problem.
- Why aren't you crying?
- Because I'm not surprised.
You're broke.
And you haven't taken
me anywhere this week.
Not to the movies,
not to the arcade.
Nowhere.
- Those are small potatoes.
I'm talking the Jets game.
We've been
planning it for months.
Now I want to see some emotion.
- You will.
- You ready to go, Sam?
- I hired Willis to take
me to the Jets game.
- Say what?!
- What, Willis!
You traitor!
How could you?!
- There's your emotion.
- You, you...
- Hey!
Thanks for taking
me to the game, Sam.
- Thanks for going with me.
- Sure.
- Here.
- Hey, a tip?
- Wow, Arnold, what a game!
48 to 45 in overtime!
- You know, you must
have looked real cool
in a stadium of 60,000 people
with your babysitter.
- Well it beats
sitting home all night.
Not counting your money!
- You know,
I'm kinda surprised they
let you in the stadium
without your high chair.
- Take that back!
- Sorry.
I meant your playpen.
- I said take that back!
- I'm not takin' nothin' back.
- You better!
(arguing back and forth)
- Hey!
Hey, you two, now
what's going on here?
- Sam's being a brat.
- Arnold's being a doofus!
- All right.
Now what did I tell you?
This fighting has got to stop.
I thought you'd be able
to settle this between you
but apparently
it's getting worse!
- Well it's all Sam's fault.
He was too greedy.
- Arnold tried to cheat me.
- All right, both of
you sit down over here.
- You're always
getting me into trouble.
- All this talk about
fighting over money
reminds me when I was a young
man starting out in business.
I had a partner once.
And like you guys, we
had a big fight over money.
Neither one of us
would budge an inch
and we argued something awful.
Eventually we split up.
Now,
I didn't realize it at the time,
until later,
but I not only lost a partner,
I lost a pretty good friend.
- Did you ever see him again?
- From time to time.
You see, he was my father.
- Your father?
- Really?
Were you ever friends again?
- Well years later
we patched it up but
it was never really the same.
- Boy, Dad, that's really sad.
- That couldn't happen to
Arnold and me.
Could it?
- It could.
If you let things go too far.
I think you better both
just give that some thought.
- So?
- Yeah.
So.
- Maybe Dad's right.
Maybe fighting over
money is just dumb.
Especially me, I have
nothing to fight over.
- Me too.
That football game
cleaned me out.
Willis ate everything in sight.
- Well,
at least you had a
good time though, right?
- It would have been
better if you were there.
I mean,
no one could holler at the
quarterback like you, Arnold.
- All part of being
a Jet fan, my boy.
But you know what'd be even
better than a football game?
Let's go back into
business together.
What do you say, partner?
- 50-50?
- 20-80.
All right.
60-40.
48-52?
Okay, Sam, okay.
50-50.
- Partner!
(applause)
♪ Now the world don't move ♪
♪ To the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for you ♪
♪ May not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born ♪
♪ He's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two ♪
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ To the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for you ♪
♪ May not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born ♪
♪ He's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two ♪
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you got ♪
♪ Not a lot ♪
♪ So what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
- Pearl?
Do you want to dust this desk?
- No, I don't want
to disturb you.
- Look, Mr. D!
I'm building up my reflexes.
Watch!
- Very good, Sam.
What are you building
your reflexes up for?
- So I can grab my
dessert before Arnold does.
- Dad, Sam!
Look what came for me!
- Wow, Arnold!
Can I give you a hand?
- Sure, Sam.
(Sam yelps)
I hope you didn't
break anything.
- No, I'm fine, Arnold.
- I meant the box.
There's something
really important in here.
- Is it the sneezing
powder and waxed lips?
- No, Sam, I said important.
- Then it must be
the spinning bow tie.
- No, Dad.
It's something that's gonna
make you a happy man.
Roach spray!
- I didn't know I had roaches!
- No, Dad.
Remember that
lecture you gave me
about earning my own money?
Well I'm gonna sell
this door to door.
- I didn't think you were
paying much attention
during that lecture.
- I wasn't.
'Til you mentioned about
cutting out my allowance.
Then I got this sharp
pain in my wallet.
That's when I decided
to go into business.
"Make big bucks
overnight and kill bugs."
- Oh, yes.
The matchbook
millionaire scheme.
- Pretty soon I'll
be able to afford
that Santa Fe Express train set.
- That's great, Arnold.
But if you're gonna be rich,
I guess I won't be able to loan
you my allowance anymore.
Arnold told me that's
a family tradition.
So every week I give him...
- Ah!
Always a kidder.
- Well I'm very
proud of you, Arnold.
I know when Willis
sold door to door
he found it to be
a great experience.
Didn't you, son.
- That's right, Dad.
It helped teach me how
to manage my money.
You know, so far, I've managed
to spend it all on women.
I got the Watson twins
waiting for me now.
- You? Twins?
That's gotta be two,
two, two dogs in one.
Well,
I can't wait to get out there
and start making my fortune.
- You know, Arnold, since
cockroaches bother everybody,
you should do very well.
But I don't want you to
go outside of this building.
- Don't worry, Dad.
I'll be a millionaire
by the time
I work up to the 30th floor.
- Boy, Arnold.
Selling sounds
like a lot of fun.
Can I help?
- Sam, Sam, Sam.
This is not for fun.
This is the start of the
Arnold Jackson empire.
Today it's roach spray.
Tomorrow it's factories.
Conglomerates!
Bankruptcy!
Government bailouts!
- The American dream!
- Please, Arnold,
let me come along.
I promise I won't
get in the way.
- I'm sure you won't.
You're not coming.
- Oh, come on now, Arnold.
Sam's your brother.
You'd be a great team and I
bet you both learn a lot, too.
- I guess that
means I better take
the little red-headed
peanut along or else.
- You got it!
- All right!
Okay, Sam.
But just remember,
I'm the boss.
So when I say jump, you jump.
- Sure, Arnold, I'll
jump, I'll leap, I'll run!
I'll do whatever
you want, anything!
You name it, I'll do it!
- Sam, will you get out here?
- [Sam] No, I feel stupid!
- Now that's
ridiculous, get out here!
I don't understand
why you feel stupid.
- Then why wouldn't you wear it?
- Because I'm the boss.
Did Colonel Sanders ever
dress up like a chicken?
- (laughing) Oh!
Sam, you look so cute!
- I'm a roach.
You call this cute?
- Oh, Sam.
That is really cute!
- I'm not cute!
- Mr. Drummond,
I made that outfit for him
out of that old
brown suit of yours
you were gonna give away.
- I was?
- You weren't?
- I guess I was.
- It's a shame that Maggie
had to go to San Francisco
to that exercise convention.
- Yes, every mother
longs to see her child
in his first roach suit.
- I know how happy
it made my mom.
- Well, Dad,
what do you think
of my sales gimmick?
- Super, Arnold, just super.
I don't think I
could turn it down.
- I expect Sam to do for me
what McNuggets
did for McDonald's.
- I can see it now.
You'll have your own golden
arches and a sign that says,
"Over 45 Billion
Roaches Killed."
- Well, come on, Sam.
It's time to venture
out into that
bug-eat-bug world
of roach spray.
- Go get 'em, guys!
- We will, Dad.
- See you later, Mr. D.
- Bye bye.
(doorbell rings)
Hi, sir, having
trouble with roaches?
- I'll take one can.
- Two dollars, please.
- You're right, Arnold.
There's a sucker
born every minute.
- I didn't mean you, Dad.
Thank you.
There you are.
(doorbell rings)
- Just a moment!
Oh!
Too bad.
You're a little late
for Halloween, Sam.
- No.
I'm Richie the Roach!
(growls)
I'm gonna crawl all over your
food and cabinets and floors!
- Oh, this is awful!
Ooh!
- Don't be afraid.
I'm only pretending.
- Oh, okay.
- I'm gonna move in and
you'll never get rid of me!
- Help, help!
- Having trouble with roaches?
Looking for an effective
way of getting rid of them?
Then try Slam!
The new effective roach
spray that kills bugs on contact!
(hissing)
(Sam coughs)
Slam!
- I can't resist,
I'll take two cans.
(laughs)
- Four dollars, please.
(doorbell rings)
Watch the master at work, Sam.
Hi, ma'am.
We're se...
(stuttering) Hi!
- Hi.
- (growls) I'm Richie the Roach!
- You are?
Well.
You're the first I've ever
seen I didn't want to step on.
- If you wanna do some
grade-A cheek pinching,
then sink your fingers into
one of these chubby champions.
- [Ellen] Here you go.
- Wow!
- Arnold, what
about the bug spray?
- What bug spray?
- Would you like to buy
a can of bug spray, lady?
Only two dollars.
Anything for you, cutie pie.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Did you hear that, Sam?
She said, "Thank you."
(Sam grunts)
(doorbell rings)
- Hey, guys!
Excuse me, little boy,
is your mother home?
- Hey, it's Tattoo
from Fantasy Island!
- No, no, no, no, no.
My name is really
Herve Villechaize.
But you can call me Harvey.
- Nice to meet you, Harvey.
Oh, man, I feel like
Wilt Chamberlain.
- We're selling roach spray.
- That's right.
It's called Slam.
Would you like to buy a can?
- Roach spray?
- No, I don't think so.
- How about half a can?
- I'll take two.
You're enterprising,
and I like that.
You see,
I got all this by
working hard myself.
You're not gonna believe this
but I started small too.
- Boy, I've never
seen this much money.
- Yep.
I think my piggy bank's
off his diet for a while.
- Hey, guys.
I found the money
wrappers that you wanted.
But from the looks of things,
you moguls are
gonna need a vault!
- You know, Mr. D,
pretty soon we'll be so rich
that you can quit your job.
- Thank you, Sam,
but I enjoy working.
It gives me something to
do between tennis games.
Tell me the truth, Arnold.
Don't you get a
great satisfaction
from earning your own money?
- Yep.
And I'm gonna get even
a greater satisfaction
from spending it.
- Well,
that's a start, Arnold.
- This is great, Arnold.
I think I'm gonna
buy one of those
radio-controlled
submarines with my half.
- Your half?
- Yeah.
And then I think I'm
gonna get one of those...
- Uh, wait a minute, Sam.
Don't plan on buying
anything with your half
because there is no "your half."
- But I did half the work!
- It doesn't matter, Sam.
I put up all the money
and took all the risk.
- But I invented the (growls).
- Sorry, Sam.
I'm the boss.
And I get all the profits.
- That's not fair!
The workers should share
the money with the bosses!
- What are you?
A communist?
- Well don't I get anything?
- Well...
Okay.
Here.
- A dollar?
- Too much?
- Arnold, you're not
a very nice person.
Keep your money.
I quit!
I'm gonna start my own
roach spray business
and make lots of money.
Lots!
I'm talking maybe even 20 bucks!
- You up against me?
Don't even try it.
I'll crush you like a bug.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah!
- Well, Sam, I see
that you're all set.
- Yep, I'm gonna sell
tons of roach spray
and pay you back every
cent for helping me get started.
Cross my heart.
- I'm sure that you will, Sam,
but I just wish that you and
Arnold would quit fighting.
- It's too late, Mr. D.
Arnold really hurt me bad.
Do they make a
Band-Aid for feelings?
- No, Sam, but a little
time will take care of that.
- Hey!
Hey!
Take that costume off!
That was my idea.
- Oh yeah?
But your idea is in my size!
- Take it off, you're giving
roaches a bad name.
- Now stop it.
If you two don't stop fighting,
I'm gonna see that
there's a new version
of Death of a Salesman.
- All right, Dad.
But he's not selling on my turf.
The pigeons in this
building are mine.
- Fine, you can
have the pigeons.
I want the people!
- I'll tell you what.
Arnold, you take
the even floors.
Sam, you take the odd ones.
- Odd floors and you, Sam.
Get the connection?
- That's it, put up your dukes!
- Sam.
Put down your dukes.
Sam!
Sam.
Now look, boys,
fighting is not the answer.
You should be
able to work this out
through friendly competition.
Now,
I want you both to
go out there and sell!
And may the best salesman win.
- All right, Dad.
Come on, Sam.
Just remember,
you're odd floors
and I'm even floors.
And the elevator is fair game.
- Fair enough!
- And may the best brother win.
- Fair enough.
- Hey! Look at that roach!
- Where's he at, Arnold?
- Hold that elevator!
(doorbell rings)
Hi, sir!
It's a wonderful day, isn't it?
- Make it snappy, would ya kid?
I'm watching the football game.
- Hey, must be some game!
- Some game?!
What are you crazy?
It stinks!
Those bums can't run, they
can't throw, they can't block!
They can't find the stadium!
- Hey, sir, it's only a game.
- Only a game?!
Only a game.
I lost my shirt
betting on "a game."
Those bums wiped me out!
They're the worst!
I've rooted for 'em for years!
They dropped our quarterback!
They don't know how to draft!
Even the cheerleaders are ugly!
(doorbell rings)
- Good afternoon, sir.
Or madam.
Forget it.
(doorbell rings)
(locks clicking)
- Hello!
Oh!
- Hey, foxy mama!
Is your mother home?
- Buzz off, sonny!
- How'd it go, son?
- Lousy.
I took in one dollar.
And that was from a lady
who paid me to go away.
- Oh, don't worry.
Your luck will turn
around, Arnold.
- Hey, look what I
found in our hallway,
a millionaire bug.
- I sold every can!
Look at all this money!
- So how'd you do, Arnold?
- Pretty good.
- How many did you sell?
- Uh, Sam.
It's the spirit of
the competition
that counts.
- Yeah, the "how
many" doesn't matter.
- It does to me!
How many?
- None.
(laughs hysterically)
Sure, Sam.
Big shot!
You had it easy.
You got to sell
to the odd floors.
- Well listen, you
both worked very hard
and you should both
be proud of yourselves.
- But I did a better job,
so I should be prouder.
Right, Mr. D?
- Well...
- Oh, great, you're on his side.
- No, no, I'm not...
- You mean you're on his side?
- Sam, no.
- They really got you
squirming, huh, Dad?
- I'm not squirming.
And I'm not on anybody's side.
Now, Arnold, you must remember
that you both agreed
to go your separate ways
and you just have to
live with the consequences.
Of course, you could
agree to join forces again.
- Are you kidding?
I love my consequences.
(laughs hysterically)
- Don't worry, Dad.
I'm just in a slump.
Before you know it,
Sam will be eating
Arnold Jackson's dust.
- Well I'm not gonna
tell you what to do
but I think you're both
acting very foolishly.
- At this rate,
if I keep acting foolish,
I'll be a millionaire
before I'm ten!
(laughs hysterically)
- You think the spray for
red ants would work on him?
Got some bad news for you, Sam,
so don't start
crying or anything.
I'm not taking you
to the Jets game.
- No problem.
- Why aren't you crying?
- Because I'm not surprised.
You're broke.
And you haven't taken
me anywhere this week.
Not to the movies,
not to the arcade.
Nowhere.
- Those are small potatoes.
I'm talking the Jets game.
We've been
planning it for months.
Now I want to see some emotion.
- You will.
- You ready to go, Sam?
- I hired Willis to take
me to the Jets game.
- Say what?!
- What, Willis!
You traitor!
How could you?!
- There's your emotion.
- You, you...
- Hey!
Thanks for taking
me to the game, Sam.
- Thanks for going with me.
- Sure.
- Here.
- Hey, a tip?
- Wow, Arnold, what a game!
48 to 45 in overtime!
- You know, you must
have looked real cool
in a stadium of 60,000 people
with your babysitter.
- Well it beats
sitting home all night.
Not counting your money!
- You know,
I'm kinda surprised they
let you in the stadium
without your high chair.
- Take that back!
- Sorry.
I meant your playpen.
- I said take that back!
- I'm not takin' nothin' back.
- You better!
(arguing back and forth)
- Hey!
Hey, you two, now
what's going on here?
- Sam's being a brat.
- Arnold's being a doofus!
- All right.
Now what did I tell you?
This fighting has got to stop.
I thought you'd be able
to settle this between you
but apparently
it's getting worse!
- Well it's all Sam's fault.
He was too greedy.
- Arnold tried to cheat me.
- All right, both of
you sit down over here.
- You're always
getting me into trouble.
- All this talk about
fighting over money
reminds me when I was a young
man starting out in business.
I had a partner once.
And like you guys, we
had a big fight over money.
Neither one of us
would budge an inch
and we argued something awful.
Eventually we split up.
Now,
I didn't realize it at the time,
until later,
but I not only lost a partner,
I lost a pretty good friend.
- Did you ever see him again?
- From time to time.
You see, he was my father.
- Your father?
- Really?
Were you ever friends again?
- Well years later
we patched it up but
it was never really the same.
- Boy, Dad, that's really sad.
- That couldn't happen to
Arnold and me.
Could it?
- It could.
If you let things go too far.
I think you better both
just give that some thought.
- So?
- Yeah.
So.
- Maybe Dad's right.
Maybe fighting over
money is just dumb.
Especially me, I have
nothing to fight over.
- Me too.
That football game
cleaned me out.
Willis ate everything in sight.
- Well,
at least you had a
good time though, right?
- It would have been
better if you were there.
I mean,
no one could holler at the
quarterback like you, Arnold.
- All part of being
a Jet fan, my boy.
But you know what'd be even
better than a football game?
Let's go back into
business together.
What do you say, partner?
- 50-50?
- 20-80.
All right.
60-40.
48-52?
Okay, Sam, okay.
50-50.
- Partner!
(applause)
♪ Now the world don't move ♪
♪ To the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for you ♪
♪ May not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born ♪
♪ He's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two ♪
♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does, it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪