Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 7, Episode 3 - Bed-Wetting - full transcript
When Sam starts wetting the bed, Arnold is anything but sensitive to his problem.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot ♪
♪ So what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll be fine ♪
♪ 'Cause it takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
(audience laughing)
- Oh no, not again.
(alarm ringing)
Oh!
- Okay, Sam, time to get
up, get ready for school.
You don't want to be late.
- Sure I do.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, an education
is important.
Besides, if you're late your
mother's going to nail you.
- Can't wait to hit those books.
Oh hey, Arnold, why don't
you go to the bathroom first.
- You sure?
- Yeah, I can wait.
- Hey thanks, Sam.
Today must be my lucky day.
(audience laughing)
But then, when
you get to be my age
it's the little things
in life that count.
(audience laughing)
- (sniffs) Woo.
- Well now that's all right.
But I just don't understand
why I have to go
into the store with you when
you're buying women's lingerie.
- 'Cause I'm buying it for you.
- Me?
I thought I looked just
silly in that satin nightie.
(audience laughing)
Oh hi, Pearl.
- Oh, I'm so glad you're back.
- Well, well what's
the matter, Pearl?
Is everything all right?
- Well, this is a
little difficult for me.
It's about bedwetting.
- What?
At your age?
(audience laughing)
- No, it's Sam.
He wet his bed.
- Sam?
Wet his bed?
- I noticed the sheets
were missing from his bed
the other day and I
didn't say anything.
Then it happened
again this morning.
I went into the closet and
felt something wet and cold.
I knew it wasn't a dog's nose
'cause we don't have a dog.
- Pearl.
(audience laughing)
- Well, it's not my fault.
I like dogs.
Anyway, the sheets
were rolled up
and hidden behind
some bags in his closet.
I know I should have
told you this the other day.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, Pearl, you
did the right thing.
- Then why do I feel
like such a stoolie?
(audience laughing)
- Oh, Philip, I'm worried.
Sam never wet his bed before.
- Now, now, now,
now, don't panic.
It's no big deal.
In fact I happen to
know somebody else
who wet his bed when
he was about Sam's age.
- Who?
- Oh, somebody
that I'm very close to.
- Arnold?
- No.
Me.
(audience laughing)
Look how I turned out.
- This is embarrassing.
- I think I turned
out all right.
- I'm talking about Sam.
My son should not be wetting
his bed at seven years of age.
- No, he shouldn't.
But please, take it easy
when you talk to him.
- When I talk to him?
Oh Philip, where I come
from bedwetting talks
are a father and son thing.
You know, like duck hunting.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, okay.
I'll talk to him next time
he has a duck in his bed.
- And another thing, Sam.
Why do you always have
to follow me so closely
when I'm walking home
from school with my friends?
- Those were your friends?
I thought those were just girls.
(audience laughing)
- I hope I was never this young.
- Arnold, I wonder if I might
have a word with Sam alone.
- Sure, Maggie.
- Well, I still have some
paperwork to do in the den,
so I'll see you two at dinner.
- Come, sit down over here, son.
- Sure, Mama.
So, what's up?
- Sam McKinney, I'm
a little upset with you.
- How come, Mama?
Report cards don't
come out until next week.
(audience laughing)
- I want to know why I
have to find out from Pearl
that my big grown up boy
has been wetting his bed.
- Oh.
It wasn't me, Mama, honest.
- Now don't you fib too.
You never hide
anything from your mama.
Why didn't you come tell me
what was happening to you?
- 'Cause I was
ashamed of myself.
- Oh well, I can
understand that.
But you're not going
to feel like that anymore
when you stop wetting your bed.
Now Sam, have you
been feeling all right?
- Yes.
- Well what on earth
is wrong with you?
There has to be something wrong.
What do you think it is?
- I don't know, Mama.
(audience laughing)
- I don't understand this.
When I have to
go to the bathroom
I just get up out
of the bed and go.
- Lately when I feel like I
have to go I already went.
(audience laughing)
- Well, we're just
not going to let that
happen anymore, are we?
- If you can stop,
Mama, so can I.
(audience laughing)
- Fair enough.
Now honey, just remember,
everybody has to
get up out of the bed
in the middle of the night
and go to the bathroom.
- Even Mr. T?
- Probably more than once.
(audience laughing)
Now Sam, your
mama's counting on you
to get yourself straightened
out, do you hear?
- Okay, Mama.
- Good boy.
- Mama?
- Mm-hm.
- Please don't tell Arnold.
He'd think I'm just a big baby.
- Don't you worry, sweetheart,
your mama's not going to
let a word of this leak out.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, what's that noise?
- Oh what?
Yeah, it woke me up too.
That Pearl sure snores loud.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, what's
with the hairdryer?
- Oh, my toes were cold.
(audience laughing)
- Give me that.
Well, it's almost time
to get up anyway.
I'm going to go in
and take a shower.
- Hey, that's a
great idea, Arnold.
Why don't you go and do that?
Oh.
(audience laughing)
- I just remembered, I
took a shower last night.
A guy has only so many
showers in a lifetime.
And I don't want to die early.
- Sure, Arnold.
Well, might as well get dressed
and go down for
breakfast, right?
- Nah, since I saved shower time
I'm going to get
some more shuteye.
- No!
(audience laughing)
- Sam, you're too
young to be this weird.
- Sorry.
Sorry, Arnold.
Come on, I'll help
you get dressed.
I'll warm up your socks.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, please, I just want
to catch a few more z's.
- No, Arnold, no.
- Go away, I'm tired.
(audience laughing)
Ah!
Sam.
What the, ew.
- I washed your sheets, Arnold.
They're all clean and fresh now.
- Thanks, Pearl.
- Must have been a
rough morning, huh?
- I always hoped my first
waterbed would be different.
(audience laughing)
- Poor little Sam.
I hope the doctor can
help solve his problem.
- Why don't we just
have him Scotchgarded?
(audience laughing)
- Okay, here we are.
- Hi.
- Hi everyone.
- Hi.
- So, how did it go?
Is everything
going to be all right?
- Everything is
going to be just fine.
Sam, why don't you
take that up to your room,
would you please?
- Okay.
Arnold, I'm really sorry.
- What'd the doctor say?
- Well, Sam does not
have a medical problem.
In fact, he says
most of the time
these things are
all psychological.
- Psychological?
Sam?
- Yeah, apparently that's
not really very unusual
when a child is becoming
part of a new family.
- He's just a little
shaky right now.
He doesn't know
quite where he fits in.
- I think Sam fits in great.
Every family needs
a pain in the neck.
(audience laughing)
- That's right, and
now we've got two.
- What's Willis
got to do with this?
(audience laughing)
- Dr. Glassman says
that we have to show Sam
that we love him and that he's
an important
part of this family.
- And that means
everybody, Arnold.
- Okay.
But if I'm nice to Sam he's
going to know something's wrong.
(audience laughing)
But I'll give it a try.
- Well I just feel awful.
I was so wrong to
scold Sam yesterday.
- No, Maggie, Maggie,
don't be so hard on yourself.
You made a mistake.
Guess what?
You're human.
- Well the doctor said I
made his withdraw even more.
- But he also said
that these things
are almost always temporary.
Sam's going to be okay.
I'll tell you what,
let's all get together
and really make him
feel good about himself?
- I know just the thing.
I'll fix his favorite
dinner tonight.
- Oh great, Southern
fried SpaghettiOs.
(audience laughing)
- You're right.
I'll fix his second
favorite dinner.
- That would be
wonderful, Pearl.
- And I'll whip up
his favorite dessert.
- I hope it's sponge cake.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, honey, would
you like a gullop of milk?
- Yes, please.
- What's a gullop?
- Oh, Arnold, that's just
an old Southern expression.
You want one gullop or two, Sam?
- Three gullops, please.
- Fine.
- [Milk] Gullop, gullop, gullop.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, I'd like a
gullop of milk, too.
- It won't work for you, Arnold.
You're not from the South.
- He's right, Arnold.
Works for Sam
because he's my special
little red-headed peanut.
- Oh, come on.
It'll work for me, too.
I'll prove it to you.
Please pour some
milk in my glass.
- Okay.
(audience laughing)
- Told you.
- How's your steak, Sam?
- Not bad.
But it'll never replace good
old Southern fried SpaghettiOs.
(audience laughing)
- Here, let me
cut it for you, Sam.
- Thank you.
- A little more butter on
your mashed potato, Sam?
- That'd be great.
- How about some gravy, Sam?
- That'd be great.
Thanks, Mr. D.
- Mm-hm.
- Don't mind if I do, Dad.
- There you go, Arnold.
(audience laughing)
Sam, I hear that you're quite
a terror on the soccer field.
- Yeah, I like soccer a lot.
- Oh Dad, rolls.
- Just a minute, Arnold.
What position do
you like to play, Sam?
- Goalie.
Ah Maggie, please.
- Just a minute, honey.
Philip, ask Sam how
far he can kick the ball.
- Sam, how far can
you kick the ball?
- Oh, a long, long way.
I'm pretty strong, you know.
- Oh.
- Here you go, honey.
- Thanks.
(audience laughing)
- What does a guy have to do
to get a roll around
here, wet his chair?
- Arnold, that is the
most inconsiderate thing
I have ever seen you do.
- How could you?
- I sure wish I was a fish too.
That way nobody'd
know if I wet my bed.
(audience laughing)
(door knocking)
Come in.
- Sam, can we speak to
you for a moment please?
- Yes, sir.
- Sam, we're sorry.
We realize that even
though it was wrong
for Arnold to say what he did.
- Yes, it was.
- Very wrong.
- Terribly wrong.
- I get the idea.
(audience laughing)
- It was just as wrong for us
to keep fawning all over you.
- That was the
only part I liked.
(audience laughing)
- We were all making
much too big a deal
of the whole thing, Sam.
- I think it's time for us
to forget the psychological
mumbo jumbo and try
the scientific approach.
- Scientific?
Couldn't you just spread
some newspapers under me?
(audience laughing)
- Now, Sam, you looky here.
This sheet is connected
to this little bell.
As soon as this sheet gets wet,
the bell goes off
and wakes up Sam.
- Won't it wake me up too?
(audience laughing)
- Probably.
Just pretend that you're
sleeping in a firehouse.
- This is really going
to help Sam, Arnold.
- Oh, great, terrific, swell.
Dad, can I speak to
you a moment in private?
(audience laughing)
- Sure.
Why don't you two
see if this special sheet
will fit Sam's bed?
- Come on,
honey, this'll be fun.
- Yeah, fun.
- What is it, Arnold?
- Um, Dad, are you sure that
contraption's going to work?
- Of course.
- Well, you know, I
have to sleep under him.
Get my drift?
I'm talking April showers here.
(audience laughing)
- Nonsense, Arnold.
As soon as one
drop hits the sheet
the bell will go off,
it'll wake Sam up,
and he'll go to the bathroom.
- I got a better idea.
Let him sleep in the tub.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold.
- Then at least let him
switch places with me.
Have him sleep
in the bottom bunk.
- No, Arnold,
that'll make it look
as if you don't trust him.
- I don't.
(audience laughing)
(bell ringing)
- Ah, ah!
(Arnold groaning)
Oh, that's you, Sam.
- Guess I better
go to the bathroom.
Sorry, Arnold.
- No problem, kid.
(audience laughing)
(alarm ringing)
Sam, go to the bathroom.
Oh, it's the alarm clock.
Oh, time to get up,
Sam, go to school.
So how'd it go last night?
Hm, must be in the bathroom.
(audience laughing)
Hey, all right.
Hey Sam, I just
checked your sheets.
They're dry.
I was wrong about you.
I figured that bell wouldn't be
the only thing
tinkling all night.
(audience laughing)
(door knocking)
Sam?
You fall in?
Sam?
Sam?
- Yo.
(audience laughing)
- I'd figured you'd
be down here.
- How'd you know?
- Well, this used to
be my old hangout
when I was upset
about something.
I fell asleep in that sink once
and old Mrs Turner
accidentally dumped
a whole box of starch on me.
(audience laughing)
I had a stiff upper
lip for a week.
- You teasing again?
- No, she had to
hang me out to dry.
Look, see the clothespin marks?
(audience laughing)
- That really didn't happen.
- No, but I made
you laugh, didn't I?
So.
- Right, so.
Arnold, can I talk to you
for a minute man to man?
- Sure, kid.
As you can see, I'm
not too big on small talk.
- You know, I've been
trying real hard to stop
wetting my bed, and I think
I'm going to need your help.
- Anything, shoot.
- No more bad jokes.
- Hey, they all can't be gems.
(audience laughing)
What do you want, Eddie Murphy?
- You shouldn't
have made fun of me.
That's why I left and
came down here last night.
I thought you were my friend.
But those things
you said hurt me a lot.
- Really?
Well Sam, I'm really sorry.
I mean, I was just
kidding around.
I mean, who knew you'd
be such a wet blanket.
(audience laughing)
Bad choice of words.
Sam, please, I really am sorry.
- I don't think you
like me anymore.
You think I'm just a big baby.
- No, I don't.
I like you a whole lot.
- You do?
What about that big baby part?
- You're no baby.
Remember, I've seen how
far you can kick a soccer ball.
- Well, it is pretty awesome.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, all you have to
remember is that everybody
does something embarrassing
when they're a kid.
- [Sam] Really?
- Yeah.
That's half the
fun of being a kid.
- Yeah, so far this
week's been a riot.
(audience laughing)
You ever do anything
embarrassing, Arnold?
- Well, yeah.
- What'd you do?
- Come on, let's go upstairs.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, if you
tell me about you
it'll make me feel a lot better.
- Really?
- Trust me.
(audience laughing)
- This might be a
mistake, but here goes.
Until I was nine I
couldn't get to sleep
until my favorite doll
was under my pillow.
His name was Fofo.
- Fofo?
- Ssh.
(audience laughing)
Not so loud.
Someone might hear you.
- And I thought wetting
my bed was bed.
(audience laughing)
- I knew this was
going to be a mistake.
- (laughs) Fofo.
Well, Abraham, it's
been two Wednesdays
since I had an
accident in my bed.
Pretty good, huh?
Well all right, one
Wednesday and a weekend.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, Sam, you've done
so well the past week
I decided to get you
something really special,
something you've
really been wanting.
- You're kidding,
a baseball bat.
- No.
Something you've
really, really been wanting.
(audience laughing)
- Oh boy, a soccer ball.
- No.
Look.
- A bag of water?
(audience laughing)
- Look what's swimming in it.
- Oh wow, my very own goldfish.
Hi.
Montgomery, say
hello to Abraham.
Thanks, Arnold,
that's really neat.
- Glad to do it, Sam.
Come here, I want to
talk to you for a minute.
- So, what's up?
- Well uh, Sam,
I know it's tough
moving in with a new family.
I had to go through that myself.
What I'm trying to
say is, what I mean is,
even though you're small
you're a very big
part of this family.
And anytime that
you have a problem
you just come and see me
and together we'll work it out.
Got it, little bro?
- Got it, big bro.
- Put her there.
(audience applauding)
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ And along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot ♪
♪ So what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll be fine ♪
♪ 'Cause it takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
(audience laughing)
- Oh no, not again.
(alarm ringing)
Oh!
- Okay, Sam, time to get
up, get ready for school.
You don't want to be late.
- Sure I do.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, an education
is important.
Besides, if you're late your
mother's going to nail you.
- Can't wait to hit those books.
Oh hey, Arnold, why don't
you go to the bathroom first.
- You sure?
- Yeah, I can wait.
- Hey thanks, Sam.
Today must be my lucky day.
(audience laughing)
But then, when
you get to be my age
it's the little things
in life that count.
(audience laughing)
- (sniffs) Woo.
- Well now that's all right.
But I just don't understand
why I have to go
into the store with you when
you're buying women's lingerie.
- 'Cause I'm buying it for you.
- Me?
I thought I looked just
silly in that satin nightie.
(audience laughing)
Oh hi, Pearl.
- Oh, I'm so glad you're back.
- Well, well what's
the matter, Pearl?
Is everything all right?
- Well, this is a
little difficult for me.
It's about bedwetting.
- What?
At your age?
(audience laughing)
- No, it's Sam.
He wet his bed.
- Sam?
Wet his bed?
- I noticed the sheets
were missing from his bed
the other day and I
didn't say anything.
Then it happened
again this morning.
I went into the closet and
felt something wet and cold.
I knew it wasn't a dog's nose
'cause we don't have a dog.
- Pearl.
(audience laughing)
- Well, it's not my fault.
I like dogs.
Anyway, the sheets
were rolled up
and hidden behind
some bags in his closet.
I know I should have
told you this the other day.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, Pearl, you
did the right thing.
- Then why do I feel
like such a stoolie?
(audience laughing)
- Oh, Philip, I'm worried.
Sam never wet his bed before.
- Now, now, now,
now, don't panic.
It's no big deal.
In fact I happen to
know somebody else
who wet his bed when
he was about Sam's age.
- Who?
- Oh, somebody
that I'm very close to.
- Arnold?
- No.
Me.
(audience laughing)
Look how I turned out.
- This is embarrassing.
- I think I turned
out all right.
- I'm talking about Sam.
My son should not be wetting
his bed at seven years of age.
- No, he shouldn't.
But please, take it easy
when you talk to him.
- When I talk to him?
Oh Philip, where I come
from bedwetting talks
are a father and son thing.
You know, like duck hunting.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, okay.
I'll talk to him next time
he has a duck in his bed.
- And another thing, Sam.
Why do you always have
to follow me so closely
when I'm walking home
from school with my friends?
- Those were your friends?
I thought those were just girls.
(audience laughing)
- I hope I was never this young.
- Arnold, I wonder if I might
have a word with Sam alone.
- Sure, Maggie.
- Well, I still have some
paperwork to do in the den,
so I'll see you two at dinner.
- Come, sit down over here, son.
- Sure, Mama.
So, what's up?
- Sam McKinney, I'm
a little upset with you.
- How come, Mama?
Report cards don't
come out until next week.
(audience laughing)
- I want to know why I
have to find out from Pearl
that my big grown up boy
has been wetting his bed.
- Oh.
It wasn't me, Mama, honest.
- Now don't you fib too.
You never hide
anything from your mama.
Why didn't you come tell me
what was happening to you?
- 'Cause I was
ashamed of myself.
- Oh well, I can
understand that.
But you're not going
to feel like that anymore
when you stop wetting your bed.
Now Sam, have you
been feeling all right?
- Yes.
- Well what on earth
is wrong with you?
There has to be something wrong.
What do you think it is?
- I don't know, Mama.
(audience laughing)
- I don't understand this.
When I have to
go to the bathroom
I just get up out
of the bed and go.
- Lately when I feel like I
have to go I already went.
(audience laughing)
- Well, we're just
not going to let that
happen anymore, are we?
- If you can stop,
Mama, so can I.
(audience laughing)
- Fair enough.
Now honey, just remember,
everybody has to
get up out of the bed
in the middle of the night
and go to the bathroom.
- Even Mr. T?
- Probably more than once.
(audience laughing)
Now Sam, your
mama's counting on you
to get yourself straightened
out, do you hear?
- Okay, Mama.
- Good boy.
- Mama?
- Mm-hm.
- Please don't tell Arnold.
He'd think I'm just a big baby.
- Don't you worry, sweetheart,
your mama's not going to
let a word of this leak out.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, what's that noise?
- Oh what?
Yeah, it woke me up too.
That Pearl sure snores loud.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, what's
with the hairdryer?
- Oh, my toes were cold.
(audience laughing)
- Give me that.
Well, it's almost time
to get up anyway.
I'm going to go in
and take a shower.
- Hey, that's a
great idea, Arnold.
Why don't you go and do that?
Oh.
(audience laughing)
- I just remembered, I
took a shower last night.
A guy has only so many
showers in a lifetime.
And I don't want to die early.
- Sure, Arnold.
Well, might as well get dressed
and go down for
breakfast, right?
- Nah, since I saved shower time
I'm going to get
some more shuteye.
- No!
(audience laughing)
- Sam, you're too
young to be this weird.
- Sorry.
Sorry, Arnold.
Come on, I'll help
you get dressed.
I'll warm up your socks.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, please, I just want
to catch a few more z's.
- No, Arnold, no.
- Go away, I'm tired.
(audience laughing)
Ah!
Sam.
What the, ew.
- I washed your sheets, Arnold.
They're all clean and fresh now.
- Thanks, Pearl.
- Must have been a
rough morning, huh?
- I always hoped my first
waterbed would be different.
(audience laughing)
- Poor little Sam.
I hope the doctor can
help solve his problem.
- Why don't we just
have him Scotchgarded?
(audience laughing)
- Okay, here we are.
- Hi.
- Hi everyone.
- Hi.
- So, how did it go?
Is everything
going to be all right?
- Everything is
going to be just fine.
Sam, why don't you
take that up to your room,
would you please?
- Okay.
Arnold, I'm really sorry.
- What'd the doctor say?
- Well, Sam does not
have a medical problem.
In fact, he says
most of the time
these things are
all psychological.
- Psychological?
Sam?
- Yeah, apparently that's
not really very unusual
when a child is becoming
part of a new family.
- He's just a little
shaky right now.
He doesn't know
quite where he fits in.
- I think Sam fits in great.
Every family needs
a pain in the neck.
(audience laughing)
- That's right, and
now we've got two.
- What's Willis
got to do with this?
(audience laughing)
- Dr. Glassman says
that we have to show Sam
that we love him and that he's
an important
part of this family.
- And that means
everybody, Arnold.
- Okay.
But if I'm nice to Sam he's
going to know something's wrong.
(audience laughing)
But I'll give it a try.
- Well I just feel awful.
I was so wrong to
scold Sam yesterday.
- No, Maggie, Maggie,
don't be so hard on yourself.
You made a mistake.
Guess what?
You're human.
- Well the doctor said I
made his withdraw even more.
- But he also said
that these things
are almost always temporary.
Sam's going to be okay.
I'll tell you what,
let's all get together
and really make him
feel good about himself?
- I know just the thing.
I'll fix his favorite
dinner tonight.
- Oh great, Southern
fried SpaghettiOs.
(audience laughing)
- You're right.
I'll fix his second
favorite dinner.
- That would be
wonderful, Pearl.
- And I'll whip up
his favorite dessert.
- I hope it's sponge cake.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, honey, would
you like a gullop of milk?
- Yes, please.
- What's a gullop?
- Oh, Arnold, that's just
an old Southern expression.
You want one gullop or two, Sam?
- Three gullops, please.
- Fine.
- [Milk] Gullop, gullop, gullop.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, I'd like a
gullop of milk, too.
- It won't work for you, Arnold.
You're not from the South.
- He's right, Arnold.
Works for Sam
because he's my special
little red-headed peanut.
- Oh, come on.
It'll work for me, too.
I'll prove it to you.
Please pour some
milk in my glass.
- Okay.
(audience laughing)
- Told you.
- How's your steak, Sam?
- Not bad.
But it'll never replace good
old Southern fried SpaghettiOs.
(audience laughing)
- Here, let me
cut it for you, Sam.
- Thank you.
- A little more butter on
your mashed potato, Sam?
- That'd be great.
- How about some gravy, Sam?
- That'd be great.
Thanks, Mr. D.
- Mm-hm.
- Don't mind if I do, Dad.
- There you go, Arnold.
(audience laughing)
Sam, I hear that you're quite
a terror on the soccer field.
- Yeah, I like soccer a lot.
- Oh Dad, rolls.
- Just a minute, Arnold.
What position do
you like to play, Sam?
- Goalie.
Ah Maggie, please.
- Just a minute, honey.
Philip, ask Sam how
far he can kick the ball.
- Sam, how far can
you kick the ball?
- Oh, a long, long way.
I'm pretty strong, you know.
- Oh.
- Here you go, honey.
- Thanks.
(audience laughing)
- What does a guy have to do
to get a roll around
here, wet his chair?
- Arnold, that is the
most inconsiderate thing
I have ever seen you do.
- How could you?
- I sure wish I was a fish too.
That way nobody'd
know if I wet my bed.
(audience laughing)
(door knocking)
Come in.
- Sam, can we speak to
you for a moment please?
- Yes, sir.
- Sam, we're sorry.
We realize that even
though it was wrong
for Arnold to say what he did.
- Yes, it was.
- Very wrong.
- Terribly wrong.
- I get the idea.
(audience laughing)
- It was just as wrong for us
to keep fawning all over you.
- That was the
only part I liked.
(audience laughing)
- We were all making
much too big a deal
of the whole thing, Sam.
- I think it's time for us
to forget the psychological
mumbo jumbo and try
the scientific approach.
- Scientific?
Couldn't you just spread
some newspapers under me?
(audience laughing)
- Now, Sam, you looky here.
This sheet is connected
to this little bell.
As soon as this sheet gets wet,
the bell goes off
and wakes up Sam.
- Won't it wake me up too?
(audience laughing)
- Probably.
Just pretend that you're
sleeping in a firehouse.
- This is really going
to help Sam, Arnold.
- Oh, great, terrific, swell.
Dad, can I speak to
you a moment in private?
(audience laughing)
- Sure.
Why don't you two
see if this special sheet
will fit Sam's bed?
- Come on,
honey, this'll be fun.
- Yeah, fun.
- What is it, Arnold?
- Um, Dad, are you sure that
contraption's going to work?
- Of course.
- Well, you know, I
have to sleep under him.
Get my drift?
I'm talking April showers here.
(audience laughing)
- Nonsense, Arnold.
As soon as one
drop hits the sheet
the bell will go off,
it'll wake Sam up,
and he'll go to the bathroom.
- I got a better idea.
Let him sleep in the tub.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold.
- Then at least let him
switch places with me.
Have him sleep
in the bottom bunk.
- No, Arnold,
that'll make it look
as if you don't trust him.
- I don't.
(audience laughing)
(bell ringing)
- Ah, ah!
(Arnold groaning)
Oh, that's you, Sam.
- Guess I better
go to the bathroom.
Sorry, Arnold.
- No problem, kid.
(audience laughing)
(alarm ringing)
Sam, go to the bathroom.
Oh, it's the alarm clock.
Oh, time to get up,
Sam, go to school.
So how'd it go last night?
Hm, must be in the bathroom.
(audience laughing)
Hey, all right.
Hey Sam, I just
checked your sheets.
They're dry.
I was wrong about you.
I figured that bell wouldn't be
the only thing
tinkling all night.
(audience laughing)
(door knocking)
Sam?
You fall in?
Sam?
Sam?
- Yo.
(audience laughing)
- I'd figured you'd
be down here.
- How'd you know?
- Well, this used to
be my old hangout
when I was upset
about something.
I fell asleep in that sink once
and old Mrs Turner
accidentally dumped
a whole box of starch on me.
(audience laughing)
I had a stiff upper
lip for a week.
- You teasing again?
- No, she had to
hang me out to dry.
Look, see the clothespin marks?
(audience laughing)
- That really didn't happen.
- No, but I made
you laugh, didn't I?
So.
- Right, so.
Arnold, can I talk to you
for a minute man to man?
- Sure, kid.
As you can see, I'm
not too big on small talk.
- You know, I've been
trying real hard to stop
wetting my bed, and I think
I'm going to need your help.
- Anything, shoot.
- No more bad jokes.
- Hey, they all can't be gems.
(audience laughing)
What do you want, Eddie Murphy?
- You shouldn't
have made fun of me.
That's why I left and
came down here last night.
I thought you were my friend.
But those things
you said hurt me a lot.
- Really?
Well Sam, I'm really sorry.
I mean, I was just
kidding around.
I mean, who knew you'd
be such a wet blanket.
(audience laughing)
Bad choice of words.
Sam, please, I really am sorry.
- I don't think you
like me anymore.
You think I'm just a big baby.
- No, I don't.
I like you a whole lot.
- You do?
What about that big baby part?
- You're no baby.
Remember, I've seen how
far you can kick a soccer ball.
- Well, it is pretty awesome.
(audience laughing)
- Sam, all you have to
remember is that everybody
does something embarrassing
when they're a kid.
- [Sam] Really?
- Yeah.
That's half the
fun of being a kid.
- Yeah, so far this
week's been a riot.
(audience laughing)
You ever do anything
embarrassing, Arnold?
- Well, yeah.
- What'd you do?
- Come on, let's go upstairs.
(audience laughing)
- Arnold, if you
tell me about you
it'll make me feel a lot better.
- Really?
- Trust me.
(audience laughing)
- This might be a
mistake, but here goes.
Until I was nine I
couldn't get to sleep
until my favorite doll
was under my pillow.
His name was Fofo.
- Fofo?
- Ssh.
(audience laughing)
Not so loud.
Someone might hear you.
- And I thought wetting
my bed was bed.
(audience laughing)
- I knew this was
going to be a mistake.
- (laughs) Fofo.
Well, Abraham, it's
been two Wednesdays
since I had an
accident in my bed.
Pretty good, huh?
Well all right, one
Wednesday and a weekend.
(audience laughing)
- Hey, Sam, you've done
so well the past week
I decided to get you
something really special,
something you've
really been wanting.
- You're kidding,
a baseball bat.
- No.
Something you've
really, really been wanting.
(audience laughing)
- Oh boy, a soccer ball.
- No.
Look.
- A bag of water?
(audience laughing)
- Look what's swimming in it.
- Oh wow, my very own goldfish.
Hi.
Montgomery, say
hello to Abraham.
Thanks, Arnold,
that's really neat.
- Glad to do it, Sam.
Come here, I want to
talk to you for a minute.
- So, what's up?
- Well uh, Sam,
I know it's tough
moving in with a new family.
I had to go through that myself.
What I'm trying to
say is, what I mean is,
even though you're small
you're a very big
part of this family.
And anytime that
you have a problem
you just come and see me
and together we'll work it out.
Got it, little bro?
- Got it, big bro.
- Put her there.
(audience applauding)
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ And along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪