Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 7, Episode 20 - A Camping We Will Go - full transcript

Drummond takes Arnold and Sam camping to strengthen the bonds. But this bonding session is seriously hampered when Sam's father shows up.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born he's
a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two they
got nothing but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot ♪

♪ So what ♪



♪ They'll have theirs you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

- You still got
that tickle belly?

- What tickle belly?

- That one. (laughs)

- [Sam] Daddy!

- Wait a minute, wait
let me see something.

What is this?
- What?

(grunts)

- Gotcha. (laughs)

- Gee Daddy, this was
really a neat surprise.



- His eyes just sparkled
when you showed up

out of the blue.

- Well your Daddy
will see you again

real soon little partner.

- When Daddy? When?

- Well I can't say
son, but you know me.

I've already surprised
you four times this year.

- Five!

(audience laughs)

Wes are you sure you can't
stay and have dinner with us?

- Phil I'd love to, but if I
don't get on the road soon

I'll never make it to that
recording session in Nashville.

- Wes if you stay I'll fix
fried okra and possum pie.

(audience laughs)

- You fix that, and
I'm going to Nashville.

(audience laughs)

- Phil that's one funny
wrangler you got there.

(slaps back) (audience laughs)

Come here Sam.

Tell you what little buddy,

next time I come through here,

you and me are
gonna do some campin'.

- Campin'! Wow!

I can't wait Daddy!

- That's terrific.

What a great way for you guys
to spend some time together.

- It sure is.

Well, I guess it's about
time for me to get to gettin'.

Come on you two, give
Wes a good old bear hug.

Sure was good
seein' you both again.

- We enjoyed it too.

- Yeah, I would've
enjoyed it more

if you weren't crushing my ribs.

(audience laughs)

- Now I know where Arnold
gets his sense of humor.

- Wes! Please, one more
slap and Phillip's shoulders

will be on the same side.

- I read you Maggie.

Well, gotta be moving on.

- Well, alright Wes.

And as my old Pappy used to say,

"Y'all come back now ya here?"

- Arnold, where'd you
learn to talk like that?

- Beverly Hillbillies.

(audience laughs)

- You keep watchin' Arnold.

It's always good to
learn a second language.

(audience laughs)

Well little buddy,
I'll see you soon.

Remember, keep your cup a
shining and your canteen clean.

- I will Daddy.

- Adios.

- [Sam] Bye Daddy!

- Hurry back.

- [Maggie] Bye!

Phew, that man
comes and goes faster

than the price of a stamp.

(audience laughs)

- Well I really enjoy him,

but I hope he doesn't come
back until my ribs uncrinkle.

(audience laughs)

- Guess I'll go upstairs now.

- Hey Sam, you
seem a little down.

- Naw, I just want to
finish my homework.

- That's now down, that's nuts.

(audience laughs)

- Hey Sam honey,
come here a second.

- Yes Mama.

- Your Daddy'll be
blowin' back through here

before you know it.

- And just when you
least expect it too.

- I guess I just miss him
'cause he's so much fun.

- Oh Sam sweetheart,

don't forget Mr. D
is here all the time.

He's lots of fun too.

- Mr. D is fun?

(audience laughs)

- You don't have
to act so surprised.

- I'm sorry Mr. D, it's
just that my Daddy,

he's a different kind of fun.

He is a roll around
in the mud kind of fun.

(audience laughs)

- That's okay Sam,

Dad's just a roll around
in the money kind of fun.

(audience laughs)

- Sam trust me,
Mr. D is a lot of fun.

- That's okay Mama,
I love Mr. D anyways.

- Aw, thanks Sam it's mutual.

- Poor Sam.

- Yup, the boy looks
like a frayed frog

hair split four ways and sandy.

From Hee-Haw.

(audience laughs)

- Didn't sound like
masterpiece theater.

- Hey, you know Dad,

I just thought of
something you could do

for the little red-headed
peanut to cheer him up.

You take him camping.

- Camping? Me?

- Sure!

You and Sam out on the
prairies or in the mountains,

or in the ocean's white foam.

(audience laughs)

- Thanks for that
bicentennial moment.

But my idea of an outing
is more along the lines

of taking Sam on a tour
of the stock exchange.

- Aw Phillip, I think
camping is a great idea.

It'll be wonderful
for you and Sam.

You'll be surprised
how much better

you'll get to know each other.

- Yeah!
- Alright Maggie I'll do it.

- Think of the fun, the
excitement, the adventure.

You won't be sorry.

- Arnold if it's gonna
be that exciting

then you'll enjoy
coming along with us.

- I'll be in
Cleveland that week.

(audience laughs)

- Arnold, you will have fun.

Don't forget all the
beautiful wildlife you'll see.

- But Maggie I'm a city boy,

I'm just getting used to
the wildlife on the subway.

(audience laughs)

- Come on Arnold, be a sport.

Hey, I need all
the help I can get.

- Alright Dad, I'll go
camping with you.

I just hope we can find a
forest with room service.

(audience laughs)

- Look!

(audience laughs)

- My stars and gardens.

- It looks like a sporting
goods store exploded.

(audience laughs)

- Phillip!

- Welcome to the great outdoors!

- [Arnold] I love that outfit.

- [Sam] Wow!

- What is the great
outdoors doing indoors?

- Well, I was having so much fun

trying out all the new equipment

I guess I got a little
bit carried away.

- Oh right Dad,
everybody goes camping

with a solar powered
stock analyzer.

(audience laughs)

- Now excuse me Phillip,

but I thought the fun of
camping was roughing it.

- Oh we are gonna rough it.

I'm not gonna take Pearl.

(audience laughs)

Well maybe one or
two of these items

are a little unnecessary but,

the rest of this stuff is
gonna come in very handy.

For instance, electric socks.

(audience laughs)

- Electric socks?

What do they do,
walk by themselves?

(audience laughs)

- No Sam, when it's cold,

put the socks on, you just
drop batteries right in here.

Very cozy.

- Electric socks!

What will they think of next?

- Electric underwear.

(audience laughs)

Even cozier.

- Nice dad.

Sort of a human bun warmer.

(audience laughs)

Wow, it looks as though
you have everything.

Except bear repellent.

(audience laughs)

- Arnold there aren't any
bears where we're going.

- Yes there are.

- I'll write you from Cleveland.

(audience laughs)

- Don't worry Arnold it's
their hibernating season.

- Be just my luck, I got
a bear with insomnia.

(audience laughs)

(doorbell rings)

- I'll get it.

- Howdy folks.

- Daddy!

You surprised us again!

- Hey Wes, how ya doin'?

- Hi Wes!

- Wes, we thought
you were in Nashville.

- Well I was, but they
canceled the recording session

and I figured I'd drop in since
I was only 900 miles away.

- Sure, as long as you're
in the neighborhood.

(audience laughs)

- Ooh-ee, what's
going on here Phil?

- Sam and Arnold and I
are going on a camping trip.

- How long are you
going for? Two years?

(slaps back) (audience laughs)

I'm just kiddin' Phil.

But let's face it,

you do have an awful
lot of equipment here.

- Just the basics.

- Freeze-dried
fettuccine Alfredo?

(audience laughs)

- Hey, that's good stuff.

- Look I don't mean
to poke fun at you Phil,

it's just that you and I
have two different ways

of going about these things.

- Right, when my
Daddy goes camping

all he takes is a
sleeping bag and a guitar.

- Well it is nice
to travel light,

but I have this peculiar habit.

Every few days
or so, I like to eat.

(audience laughs)

- I like to eat too, but I
let the woods feed me.

- The woods?

I can't wait to have my first
hot bowl of pine sap soup.

(audience laughs)

- We always have it cold.

(audience laughs)

- Actually Arnold,

with a little know-how
you can live off the woods

for a long time.

You know I've got an idea Phil,

if you don't mind, I could go
with you and show you how.

- Really?

Boy that'd be great Daddy!

Wouldn't it Mr. D?

- Well...

- Gee, I don't know Wes.

You see Phillip and
Sam were gonna

use this time to get closer.

- That's right.

But hey, listen,

as long as you two guys were
planning a camping trip anyway

why don't you come along?

The more the merrier!

- Right, and there's
always safety in numbers.

(audience laughs)

- That's mighty
nice of you Phil.

We'll have a good time.

(audience laughs)

- Right.

- Alright, this looks like a
perfect spot to make camp men.

- You sure it's safe?

- Sure it's safe.

- That's easy for you to say,

if a bear attacks
you it'll be a fair fight.

(audience laughs)

- Look Daddy, we're
right next to the lake.

- That's right little buddy.

We'll drag the
lake after a while

and have us some
crawdads for breakfast.

- Can we drag the
lake for french toast?

(audience laughs)

- Hey Phil, you comin'?

- Yeah!

- You look a
little tuckered out.

- Oh me, no I'm fine,
couldn't be better.

We're not going
any further are we?

(audience laughs)

- I told you not to
bring all that equipment.

I got everything
I need right here.

- What is that thing anyway?

- Well it's a little
something I invented.

Sort of a survival stick.

- Survival stick?

What does it do?

Harpoon rescue planes?

(audience laughs)

- Arnold I'll show you.

These sections are all
hollow and they unscrew.

I got maps in here, compass,

snake bite kit,
fishing hooks, flares.

Everything you need for a
two week stay in the woods.

- Impressive, very impressive.

- Yup, my Daddy's the
greatest camper in the world.

- Well thanks Sam, not
the world, America maybe.

(audience laughs)

I'm sure glad you're out
here with me little partner.

Well let's get out here,

unpack and get settled
in before sundown.

- What do we do now Wes?

- Well first thing's first,

it's gonna be
easy to build a fire.

Some thoughtful
people left us a log.

- Arnold and I will
gather up some wood.

- I'll supervise.

- I'll get the fire started.

Oh darn it, I forgot
to bring matches.

I suppose a guy like you would
just rub two sticks together.

- That's right Phil,

as long at the two
sticks are matchsticks.

- Oh, thanks. (audience laughs)

- Look Daddy, look
at all the wood we got.

- Good job boys.

You have fun Arnold?

- It was terrible.

I was attacked by
a poisonous snake.

- Arnold that was only a twig.

- It could've been
a poisonous twig.

(audience laughs)

- Hey look, Mr. D
got the fire started.

I guess you know a
lot about camping too.

- Oh hey, that's just a fire.

Wait until you see
me put up a tent.

- I can't wait.

(audience laughs)

Come on you guys,

let's go down to the lake
and get us some grub.

- Grub, that doesn't
sound too bad.

- Okay, why don't you
boys go dig up some worms.

- That sounds bad.

(audience laughs)

- Come on Arnold,
let's go get some wiggly,

slimy, gooey ones.

- Couldn't we just spray
paint some spaghetti?

(audience laughs)

- Hey actually, where
do you think a good place

to put this tent
up would be Wes?

- Don't ask me, I
never put one up.

- You are kidding.

Don't tell me I've finally
discovered something

about camping you don't know.

- I know all about tents,
I just never use one.

A real outdoorsman sleeps
outside underneath the stars.

- Well this outdoorsman's
gonna be inside

underneath the canvas.

(audience laughs)

- Alright Phil, I just hope the
raccoons don't laugh at ya.

- Look Daddy, worms.

- Oh boy, some of these look
big enough to chase the fish.

- They are, two
of 'em chased me.

(audience laughs)

- Come on Arnold, Sam,

get your fishin' poles,
let's go catch some.

I'll show you boys
how to cook up a trout

that tastes so good,

it'll make you wanna
slap your granny.

(audience laughs)

- Slap your granny?

(audience laughs)

- Okay, now let's see how
this thing's gonna go here.

Right, put this in here.

Get inside it like this.

(audience laughs)

Ta-da, oh this roughin'
it is kind of easy.

(audience laughs)

Okay.

This is going to be
very, very comfortable.

(audience laughs)

Oh my God!

(audience laughs)

(screams)

He just walked into
the tent and sprayed me.

(audience laughs)

- Well, you're
gonna have to forget

about that tent and
the sleeping bag.

We'll have to bury 'em.

- Can we bury Dad too?

(audience laughs)

- Sit down Phil, by the
fire, let it warm you up.

Come on Sam let's get
Phil some dry clothes.

(audience laughs)

- Arnold I'm sorry I forced
you to come along on this trip.

- Actually Dad, Wes was
showing me how to fish,

and I'm having a good time.

I guess you're not.

- Oh no Arnold.

Actually, I'm having a ball.

(sneezes)

(audience laughs)

(gentle harmonica music)

(audience laughs)

- Dad!

- What?

- [Arnold] Get off of me.

Dad wake up.

- Oh, good morning.

- Morning Dad.

- Good morning.

- [Sam] Morning.

- I slept like a log.

- I feel like I
slept with a log.

(audience laughs)

- Silk pajamas?

(audience laughs)

- What's wrong with that?

I read somewhere that Davy
Crockett wore silk pajamas.

(audience laughs)

- That was Mrs. Crockett.

(audience laughs)

- Daddy I'm hungry.

- Hey Wes, do you
have any of that food left

in your survival stick?

- A good camper
always has plenty

of backup provisions Arnold.

How about some beef jerky?

- No thanks I'd rather
chew on a shoe.

(audience laughs)

- Say Arnold, that lake
should be de-skunked by now.

Let's you and I go
catch us some breakfast,

while Sam and Phil build a fire.

- Hey, you know, I think I
was getting a nibble yesterday.

It was this big.

- I saw it.

(audience laughs)

- Right.

- Alright, this should
give us enough wood

to make a fire to last all day.

Now, you got a good
hold on that Sam?

- Yes Mr. D, but I
feel like a beaver.

(audience laughs)

- Okay, let's go back to camp.

- Oh, right.

- Mr. D, where are you going?

Camp's like this way.

- Are you sure?

No, I think it's this way Sam.

- No I'm sure it's this way.

I can hear Arnold's
stomach rumbling.

(audience laughs)

- Now listen Sam, I've never
spent any time in the woods,

but I know that you have to
learn to trust your instincts.

Now I trust mine,

and my instinct's telling
me to follow you, let's go.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. D can we rest
again for a few minutes?

- Oh, sure Sam.

- We're lost, aren't we Mr. D?

- Lost, no.

We're not lost Sam.

We're just taking
the scenic route.

(audience laughs)

- Does the scenic
route go in circles?

(audience laughs)

- No, of course not.

- Well then we're in trouble,

'cause this is the third
time we've passed this rock.

- No it isn't Sam.

It just seems like that,

all these rocks look the same.

- You can say that again.

Look.

- What?

"Help, we're lost."

Signed Sam McKinney.

(audience laughs)

- I wrote that on the rock
last time we passed it.

My Daddy always makes
me carry a piece of chalk.

- Now don't panic Sam.

We'll get outta this.

Maybe the best
thing for us to do now

is just to stay put.

Instead of trying to find our
way back to the campsite,

we'll let Wes and
Arnold find us.

- Good idea.

My Daddy will be able
to track us down easy.

- Oh really, you think so?

- Sure, you still
smell like skunk.

(audience laughs)

- You did real good
out there Arnold.

- Thanks, I had a good teacher.

These are the first
two fish I ever caught.

You know, I think I'll name
them Ronnie and Nancy.

(audience laughs)

- You're gettin' to be a
regular outdoorsman son.

Now all you have
to do is clean them.

- Uh, they just came
out of the water,

they're already clean.

(audience laughs)

- I wonder where
Sam and your Dad are.

They should be back by now.

- They're probably hiding

so they don't have
to clean the fish.

(audience laughs)

- I think that we better
go have a look for 'em.

- You think they're lost?

- I don't know, maybe.

- Wouldn't you know it? Lost!

That little red-headed
peanut waited until the woods

to do what I've been
telling him to do for months.

(audience laughs)

- [Wes] Sam! Phil!

(sneezes)

- Bless you.

- Thank you.

I wonder what time it is.

- Oh, it's about 4:30.

- That's pretty good Sam.

Did Wes teach you
how to tell the time

by looking at the
position of the sun?

- No, I just looked
at my watch. See?

(audience laughs)

- Yeah, right.

(sneezes)

- Bless you.

You caught a cold when
you jumped into the lake

didn't you Mr. D?

Boy that sure
was funny (laughs).

(audience laughs)

Not surprised you have a cold.

Brr, it's freezing out here.

- Hey listen Sam, you
better take my coat.

- No, won't you get cold now?

- I'll tell you
what Sam, listen.

Why don't you sit
here in front of me,

I'll put my arms around you,

and that way we'll
both stay warm.

- Good idea.

- How's that?

- Terrific.

You're sorta like an
electric blanket with arms.

(audience laughs)

- That's right.

Would you turn my
nose up to number six?

(audience laughs)

- Mr. D?

- Yes Sam.

I'm sorry for getting us lost.

- Oh, what are you
talking about Sam?

You didn't get us lost.

- Yes I did.

I told us to go the wrong way.

I guess Arnold's right about me.

I'm just a red-headed doofus.

(audience laughs)

- Sam, you are an
outstanding camper.

- Mr. D, can you keep a secret?

- If you want me to.

- I hate camping.

- What?

I thought you loved
to go camping.

- No way, every time I
get home from camping

I have nightmares
about beef jerky.

(audience laughs)

- Why did you pretend
that you loved it?

- 'Cause my dad
loves it so much,

and I don't want
to hurt his feelings.

- Well that is very
nice of you Sam.

- Thanks Mr. D,

and I figure it'll help
me get into heaven too.

(audience laughs)

- What is this?

Oh, the Wall Street Journal.

Well, might as well
have a look at it.

Something to do
while we're waiting.

- I see AT&T is up a point.

(audience laughs)

- Sam, how do you know
about the stock market?

- Pearl follows the stock
market, and she taught me.

- Oh, I think I'm
paying her too much.

(audience laughs)

- Boy, are those
high tick stocks high.

(audience laughs)

- Oh yeah, but you
have to be careful.

Some of those companies are...

Sam McKinney you're alright.

- And you're alright too Mr. D.

(bushes shake)

What was that?

- Don't know Sam.

- I'm scared Mr. D.

- Alright Sam, I'm here.

- Oh, Wes they're over here.

- [Wes] Alright.

Hi you guys.

- Oh Sam, Dad.

We thought you guys ended
up as breakfast for Bigfoot.

(audience laughs)

- No we didn't, we knew
you guys would find us.

- We're okay Daddy.

We thought Arnold
was a wild animal,

and Mr. D was gettin'
ready to fight him.

- Well thanks Phil,
you've got true grit.

(audience laughs)

- And when I was cold,
and Mr. D kept me warm.

- Thanks Phil, you took
good care of the boy.

Oh, here we go.

- Listen, what
happened to you guys?

How did you get lost?

- Daddy...

- It was me, I got us lost.

Sam kept telling me we were
going in the wrong direction.

I wouldn't listen to him.

But what do you
expect from a guy

that wears electric socks?

- Well it was a
good idea to stay put

and let us find you.

- Well, you can
thank Sam for that.

That was his idea.

- Well little partner,

it looks like you're
gonna follow

in your Daddy's footsteps.

You're gonna be a
regular outdoorsman.

- Right Daddy.

(sneezes)

- [All] Bless you.
(audience laughs)

♪ I like runnin' down
those old dirt country road ♪

♪ I like listenin'
to the sound ♪

♪ Of the crickets
on my back porch ♪

♪ I like catchin'
fish on a cane pole ♪

♪ Just about sundown time ♪

♪ My kind of action
is country relaxin' ♪

(applause)

- Alright, way to go Sam.

Sounded good.

- That was dedicated
to you Daddy.

Even the flat notes.

(audience laughs)

- Maybe you should
dedicate it to your other Daddy.

He was pretty terrific
to bring you out here.

- Thanks Wes.

- Right, I've got the two best
Daddies in the whole world.

Right Arnold?

- Right Sam.

Hey you know, I really
had a great time out here.

I want to go camping again.

(howling in the distance)

(audience laughs)

But next time it'll
be in Central Park.

(audience laughs)

- Relax Arnold
and listen to this.

♪ Dixie was a lady
and a rodeo queen ♪

♪ Billy was her lover, oh
you know what I mean ♪

♪ Billy the rode the
bulls in the big rodeo ♪

♪ Dixie loved her man
and she told him so ♪

♪ Dixie lover her
man, she told him so ♪

♪ Yeah they brought a
bad bull to the big rodeo ♪

♪ Said he killed a man
out of New Mexico ♪

♪ Dixie said, Billy
please don't go ♪

♪ Don't ride that
killer in the rodeo ♪

♪ You're the only man I love ♪

♪ Need you so ♪

♪ Billy looked at Dixie ♪

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes, Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes, Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does ♪

♪ It takes, Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪