Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 6, Episode 23 - The Boyfriend - full transcript
Kimberly lies to Drummond about moving in with her boyfriend whom he is not very fond of to begin with.
♪ Now the world don't move
♪ To the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born
♪ He's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothing
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot
♪ So what, they'll have theirs
♪ And you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cuz it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
- Hey, here's something
interesting, Arnold.
- What's that?
- It says in my biology book
that the average human
brain weighs three pounds.
- Hey, that's
great news, Willis.
Two more pounds and
yours will be average.
(audience laughing)
- You believe this?
It is ten o'clock and
your sister's not home yet.
- What's the big deal, Dad?
She's just a few minutes late.
- Yeah.
She's probably
downstairs in a taxi
slobbering all over her date.
(audience laughing)
- That's not funny, Arnold.
I don't like her
seeing that guy David.
- What's wrong with him?
- He's too old for her
and he's too arrogant
and cocky for me.
- Mr. Drummond do you
need anything before I turn in?
- No thank you, Pearl.
We'll all be turning
in pretty soon.
- Yeah.
We're just going to
spend a few more minutes
ripping Kimberly's date
to shreds behind his back.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, is she out
with David again?
- Yes.
There's something
about that boy I don't like
and I think I've narrowed
it down to what it is.
Everything.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I know just
how Kimberly feels.
When I was a young girl I
had exactly the same problem.
- Really?
An obnoxious boyfriend?
- No, an impossible father.
(audience laughing)
No offense.
- I just don't think
David is the kind of boy
that Kimberly
ought to be seeing.
You know, he's
a college dropout.
- Oh no, a college dropout!
You mean they let him
still run loose on the streets?
(audience laughing)
- Willis, go to your room.
- Yeah, when Dad wants
your opinion he'll give you one.
(audience laughing)
- Goodnight boys.
- Goodnight, Dad.
- I don't mean to butt
in, Mr. Drummond.
- But you will.
- Of course.
I really don't think that
you should worry about it.
You know how teenagers are,
one week they like one fella,
the next they like
a different one.
- I sure hope you're right.
- I don't think there's
anything to worry about
with Kimberly and that David.
(audience laughing)
- Goodnight, David.
- Goodnight, Kimberly.
- Goodnight, David.
- Goodnight, Kimberly.
(audience exclaiming)
Goodnight, David.
Oh this isn't working,
I think we should try
a different approach.
- It won't work,
we've tried them all.
I just hate to leave you.
- I hate to leave you too.
- Then why do we
torture ourselves?
I love you.
You love me.
We should be living together.
- Oh, David.
We've talked about
this a hundred times.
What are you trying
to do, wear me down?
- You bet.
Come on, what's the
difference, Kimberly?
We're going to be
married one day anyhow.
- Shh, not so loud.
My father doesn't even
know we date this much.
He thinks I see a lot of guys.
He'd never let me
move in with you.
- I've got an idea,
and your father wouldn't
even have to know.
- What do you mean?
- I mean just tell
him you're moving in
with my sister, Michelle.
What could be simpler?
- David, he wouldn't even
let me move in with her.
I'm still in high
school, remember?
Besides, as much as I'm tempted,
I wouldn't feel right
lying to my father.
So could we please
just drop the subject?
- Okay.
Consider it dropped.
Period, finito,
end of discussion.
- Thank you.
- Did I mention I
do the laundry?
(audience laughing)
I just want to be
with you all the time.
- We can have
another 10 minutes.
Come on in.
- No.
Well, your father's probably up
and in case you haven't noticed
the man is not my biggest fan.
I mean I'm about as
welcome as a case of swine flu.
"Hello David, so
nice to see you."
- (laughing) Come on,
Daddy's not that bad.
Come on in.
Besides, the only way
he's gonna get to like you
is if he knows you better.
- Okay, I'll give
it another shot.
- That's the spirit,
but remember,
no nuzzling or holding hands.
Try to control yourself!
- I'll try but your
dad is so cute.
(audience laughing)
- Well it looks like your
dad's not even here.
- Oh yes he is.
- Oh Daddy, you remember David?
- Hello David, so
nice to see you.
(audience laughing)
- Well, here we all are.
Daddy, can I get you something?
- A couple of aspirin.
I suddenly have a headache.
(audience laughing)
- Sure, right away.
David sit and talk to Daddy.
He's in pain.
- Oh, I know that feeling.
(audience laughing)
(David sighs)
- So.
- So.
- How's business, Mr. Drummond?
- Can't complain.
How are things in the
world of computer software?
I hear that a lot of little
companies like yours
have been going bankrupt lately.
- Well, not mine.
Things have never been better.
- Oh really?
- Yes.
Sales are up, I'm expanding.
- Expanding?
- Mm-hm.
- What did you
do, buy a stapler?
(audience laughing)
- Well, we all have to start
somewhere, Mr. Drummond.
We can't all inherit
it like you did.
(audience exclaiming)
- It happens that I have
always worked very
hard for my money.
- I know.
In fact I read a very
impressive article about you.
- Oh really?
- Yes.
A real rags to riches story.
It said you started
out a poor millionaire
and you ended up a rich one.
(audience laughing)
- That's true but it's
not as easy as it sounds.
Now if you want some
good business advice...
- Thanks, but if I
make any mistakes
I'd like 'em to be my own.
- You know, you're like
a lot of the kids today.
You think you know it all.
Instead of staying in college
and getting a good education
you were in such a hurry
to make it big overnight
that you dropped out, right?
- No.
My parents were going into
hock to send me through school.
I started working nights
to get my business going
and it suddenly
started doing great.
Is there anything wrong
with being a self-made man?
- Where are those aspirin?
(audience laughing)
- Here you go, Daddy.
- Thank you.
- Well,
I think I should be going.
Kimberly, I'll
speak to you soon?
- Mm-hm.
- Goodnight, Mr. Drummond.
- Goodnight, uh, David.
(audience laughing)
- Bye.
So, did you and David
have a nice little talk?
- Well, I'll tell you.
When I first met David, I
didn't like him very much.
But now that I've gotten to
know him, I can't stand him!
(audience laughing)
- Kimberly, it's very nice to
respect your parents' wishes
but if there's one
thing I've learned
it's that you've got
to live your own life.
- Michelle, I just cannot
move in with David.
My father would disown me.
Right after he killed me.
- I just don't understand this.
You're always complaining
that you don't have
any privacy around here
and that you're tired of being
cross-examined by your father.
- I know.
- Well then do
something about it.
You're an adult.
You're 18 years old.
- Practically an old maid.
(audience laughing)
Michelle, it would be
dishonest to try and fool Daddy.
- Well you're being
dishonest now,
sneaking around with David
and making your father
think you're dating other guys.
- You got a point there.
- Just move in
with him for awhile.
Long enough to find out if
that's what you really want.
Trust me.
The plan is going to work
and you will be my
roommate before you know it.
- Roommate?
You moving out, Kimberly?
- Hello, Arnold.
- Hi!
We were just saying
how nice it would be
if your dad would let
Kimberly move in with me.
- Nice?
It would be Heaven!
(audience laughing)
I would get Kimberly's room
and I wouldn't
have to watch Willis
flex his puny muscles in
the mirror every morning.
- Well let's just hope
we can convince Daddy.
- You'll convince him all right,
that you're moving out so
you can see more of David.
- Gee, I never thought of that.
- I have the advantage
of an uncluttered mind.
(audience laughing)
- Seeing David's got
nothing to do with it, Arnold.
I need a little privacy
at this point in my life.
- And maybe you
could be helpful, Arnold.
- I'll do anything to get
Kimberly outta the house.
- Well, Kimberly does
date other guys, Arnold.
When your father gets home,
maybe you could go up to
your room and phone down here,
you know, like you
were one of the guys
asking Kimberly for a date.
- That's a great idea.
Would you do that, Arnold?
- Of course, it's sneaky!
(audience laughing)
But I won't use my normal voice.
I'll use something even sexier.
- You're a love, Arnold.
- Please, no
kisses, I chap easily.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi!
- Oh hi, Michelle.
- Hello, Michelle.
- Hi.
- How was your game guys?
- Aw, terrific, you
should have seen me.
I was doing some new moves,
I'm talkin' smooth, right Dad?
- Right.
Then the girls left and we
played some basketball.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I'm gonna go upstairs
and pick out my
socks for tomorrow.
- What's the hurry?
- If you keep puttin'
these things off
they'll just pile up on you.
- That kid lives in
his own little world.
- How's it going, Michelle?
- Oh, not too good.
I've got a real problem.
- Oh, what's the matter?
Maybe we can be helpful.
- Well I just don't know
what I'm going to do.
My roommate suddenly moved out
and I can't afford my
apartment by myself.
I guess I'll have to move
and you know how
impossible it is to find
a decent, reasonable
apartment in New York.
- Well can't you find
another roommate?
- Well I've tried!
But it's not easy
to find someone
that you can get along
with and like and trust.
- There must be
someone you know.
- Well, as a matter
of fact, there is,
but I'm sure you wouldn't
approve, Mr. Drummond.
- I wouldn't approve?
Why not?
- Because it's Kimberly.
- You're right, I
wouldn't approve.
(audience laughing)
- Oh please, Daddy.
It would really
help out Michelle
and I'll be going away
to college anyway, soon.
You could think of it as
kind of like a dress rehearsal
for me being on my own.
- Yeah, Dad, I'd finally
have a room to myself.
You don't know what it's like
sleeping in the
bunk below Arnold.
Every night I hear the patter
of his little feet on my face.
(audience laughing)
(phone rings)
- I'll get it.
Hello?
- Is this my little coochie-coo?
(audience laughing)
- Who's this?
- It's Brad, baby.
(audience laughing)
- Hello, Brad.
How are you?
- Lonesome.
I count every minute
I'm away from my
fragrant flower of femininity.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, Brad.
You sweet talker, you.
- Listen, how about you
and me splittin' a kool-aid
and slow-dancing
'til dawn, liver-legs.
- I'm sorry, but I'm
seeing Ron on Friday
and oh, I'm afraid
Saturday's out too.
Steve's got a football game.
- Well, maybe some
other time, pussycat.
(audience laughing)
Meanwhile, keep
your whiskers dry.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, I will.
Thanks for calling, Brad.
- Check ya later, freckle head.
(audience laughing)
- Boy Kimberly, you sure
do have a lot of dates.
- Oh yeah, well, I
know a lot of nice guys.
I wouldn't want to get serious
about anyone in particular.
- Keep up the good work.
(audience laughing)
- Well, how about
it, Mr. Drummond?
Can Kimberly move in with me?
- Oh, please, Daddy,
it's not forever.
Just 'til Michelle finds
another roommate.
- Yeah, say yes.
Do us all a favor.
(audience laughing)
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
First of all I would like to go
and check out
Michelle's apartment.
- Oh, thanks Daddy!
Does that mean yes?
- Well think of it
as a definite maybe.
As a matter of fact
I have some time this
afternoon, Michelle.
- This afternoon?
- Yeah.
- Oh, I mean, that'd be great!
That'll give me a little
time to get over there
and straighten things
up. (laughs nervously)
You know, pantyhose
drying on the radiator. (laughs)
See ya later!
(phone rings)
- Hello?
- Sorry, honey, wrong number!
(audience laughing)
- Well, I think we
did a pretty good job.
We got rid of every sign
that a man lives here.
- Not quite.
- Sorry Kristy, but it's
over between us anyway.
- Listen, you better
get out of here, too.
- Right. (doorbell buzzes)
Oh no!
- Quick, you have to hide!
- Where?
- The fire escape.
- No way, it's raining outside.
- Do you want
Mr. Drummond to see you?
♪ I'm singin' in the rain
♪ I'm singin' in the rain
♪ What a glorious
(head bangs) (David grunts)
♪ Feeling, I'm happy
(doorbell buzzes)
- Be right there!
(window slams)
(curtain swooshes)
One, two, three.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Here we are!
- Sorry to keep you waiting,
I was in the east wing.
- It's all right.
Oh hey, this is a
charming little apartment.
- Oh thank you, Mr. Drummond.
Let me give you the grand tour.
This is the living
room, that's the kitchen,
that's a bedroom, that's a
bathroom, that's a closet.
(audience laughing)
- Are you sure that
wasn't the economy tour?
I'm gonna have a little
look around, all right?
- Daddy, wait 'til you see this
gorgeous view of the skyline.
On a good day, you can see
all the way down to (gasps).
(audience laughing)
- What's the matter
with the view?
- Oh, nothing.
You can't see much
in weather like this.
- Oh, and it is really
blowing out there.
I heard a report on the radio
that some poor devil was
blown right off his balcony.
(audience laughing)
And he wasn't up
any higher than this.
Oh, hey look!
I bet that on a clear day
you can see my office
building from here.
I'll be able to wave
to you two at work
and you can wave back at me.
(audience laughing)
I like the apartment very much.
I think you make a good
roommate for Kimberly.
- Does that mean she
can move in with me?
- Well, we'll give it a try if
that's what you really want?
- I want, I want.
- You got, you got.
(audience laughing)
- Daddy, you're terrific.
- I am, aren't I?
Well, I gotta be going.
- Okay.
- Now remember, honey.
When you get moved in,
look through that peephole
before you let anybody in.
Turn off all the appliances
before you go to bed,
and call the police right away
if you hear a heavy
breather on the phone.
(audience laughing)
- Daddy are you sure
you don't want me
to chain a killer dog
outside the door?
- No that won't be necessary.
(audience laughing)
Bye now!
- Bye!
- David!
(audience laughing)
(David wails)
- Are you all right, honey?
- Oh, fine.
15 minutes in the spin
cycle, I'll be as good as new.
What happened in here?
- Kimberly gets to
move in with you.
She really fooled her father.
He didn't suspect a thing.
- Fantastic!
- Hug called off
on account of rain.
- I can still try my curve ball.
(Kimberly gasps)
- See ya!
(Kimberly laughs)
- Kimberly, how can one
person accumulate so much junk?
- Junk?
Some of these things
have been handed down
from generation to generation.
- I can see why, they
were trying to get rid of 'em.
(audience laughing)
- Go ahead, keep it up wiseguy,
because after today you
won't have Kimberly Drummond
to kick around anymore.
- I was just tryin' to lighten
the sad moment
of your departure.
(audience laughing)
- Why, Arnold.
You've actually got
a tear in your eye.
You're really gonna miss me.
- No it's the fumes
from these mothballs.
(audience laughing)
- Kimberly, I put together
a little care package
so you won't have to
bother about cooking
while you're unpacking tonight.
- Great, thanks Pearl,
was very thoughtful of you.
- Yes, it was.
And be sure that
you and Michelle
eat good, nourishing meals.
I know what happens when
you're living on your own.
You get too busy
and you eat like a bird
and first thing you know
you're as skinny as a rail.
Do you have room for
one more over there?
(audience laughing)
- Willis, you carry
this box of sweaters
and I'll carry
this box of books.
- Arnold, that's
too heavy for you.
Kim has got every book
she ever read in there.
- That's my point.
How heavy could it be?
(audience laughing)
- Now come on, guys, let's
get those boxes downstairs.
The limo's waiting.
- Okay.
Here Arnold, I'll
take the box of books
and you take this box.
- Okay, thanks.
- Kimberly?
- Mm?
- I have a little going
away present for you.
Here.
(audience laughing)
- Gee, Daddy,
you shouldn't have.
I really mean it.
- Well, it is kinda fitting.
I mean after all
you're moving out.
You could say that
you're taking the plunge.
(audience laughing)
- Oh Daddy, I'm gonna
miss those bad jokes.
- Well it'll come in handy.
You won't have your father
or your brothers
around to fix things.
There'll be no man in the house.
- Yeah, right.
No man in the house.
It was nice of David to get
these things for the apartment.
- Yeah, you've got him
housebroken already.
- Uh, Kimberly.
This is the last of the boxes.
- Yeah, where do you
want these sweaters?
- Oh, just set 'em
down anywhere.
I'll put 'em away later.
- She's got a lot to do,
I'll put them away in
the bedroom for her.
- Okay.
Kimberly, how 'bout
somethin' cold to drink?
- No thanks.
- I meant me.
(audience laughing)
Got a soft drink?
- Yes.
- No.
- Oh look, here's one.
Right here in the
groceries I just bought.
Michelle, you know
where everything is,
why don't you get
Arnold a glass?
- Right.
- Oops, silly me.
- Oh Michelle,
remember you told me
that you moved the glasses.
- Oh, right!
Did I tell you where
I moved them to?
(audience laughing)
- Try that cupboard.
- Voila!
- I'd like some ice in it.
Do you happen to remember
where you keep the refrigerator?
(audience laughing)
Macho shave.
For stubborn stubble?
(audience laughing)
- Oh, the clerk must have
put this in my bag by mistake.
- You girls don't have
to be embarrassed
because you have porcupine legs.
(audience laughing)
- Porcupine legs, yep.
- Oh, Michelle, could
you give me some advice
on some new fashions?
- If I can, Willis.
What is it?
- Are women starting to
wear men's underwear?
(audience laughing)
- Gee, Willis.
Where'd you get those?
- Well I thought
I'd do you a favor
and put your sweaters away.
There's a dresser
drawer full of these.
And men's socks, too.
- Oh, well, there's
a reason for that.
Right, Kimberly?
- Right.
Tell him.
- Yeah, I know the reason.
There's also a closet full of
men's clothes in there, too.
This isn't your
apartment, Michelle.
This is David's.
- What you talkin'
about, Willis?
(audience laughing)
- Willis!
I'm shocked you'd
even think such a thing.
(phone rings)
- [David] Hi, this is David.
I'm not home right now,
but if you leave a message,
I'll get back to you
as soon as I can.
(beep)
Hey Kimberly, it's David.
I'm at the office.
Give me a call when
it's safe to come home.
Okay, cutie?
(dial tone ringing)
- Willis I'm shocked you'd
even think such a thing!
(audience laughing)
- Guys, please don't tell Daddy.
- We won't, but your brain
must be made out of silly putty.
- Yeah, sure gonna hurt
dad if he ever finds out.
- I guess I cooked a
little too much dinner.
I've gotta get used to
Kimberly not being here.
- It does seem
strange without her.
- And she's only
been away four hours.
- Well, it's what Kimberly wants
and I guess it'll be
a good experience.
- Oh she's gonna get
some experience all right.
(audience laughing)
- I think she'll be just fine.
That Michelle seems like she'd
make a very nice roommate.
- Yeah, for somebody else.
(audience laughing)
- What's that, Arnold?
- Oh I just said Michelle
is something else.
- Well, look who's here.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- Daddy, you remember David?
- Hello David, it's
so nice to see you.
- Hello, Mr. Drummond.
- Daddy I've got to talk
to you about something.
Guys, would you mind
leaving the room please?
- No, not at all.
- Me neither.
I don't want to be near ground
zero when the bomb goes off.
(audience laughing)
- Something is going on
that I don't know about.
- Well, Daddy,
as a matter of fact,
I'm afraid I've done
something I'm not very proud of.
- Oh?
What was that?
- Mr. Drummond, it's
not Michelle's apartment
that Kimberly moved into.
It's mine.
We were going to
be living together...
- What?
Living together?
- Yes.
- Daddy,
I know it was
wrong to lie to you,
but David and I
discussed it and we agreed
we couldn't go through with it.
- Living together?
- Mr. Drummond it
was my stupid idea.
I couldn't let Kimberly
be in any situation
where she was this unhappy...
- In the same apartment?
My daughter and you?
(audience laughing)
- Well anyway, Daddy,
here I am if you want me.
- Well of course I want you.
How could you possibly
consider such thing?
I mean when you stop...
Living together?
(audience laughing)
- Well Daddy, at least I
wound up doing the right thing.
- Yes, you did.
But don't deny me
my parental right
to be angry at
what you almost did.
- Daddy, I'm gonna go about
this the way you'd want me to.
- Oh, good, good.
- But David and I have
decided to get engaged.
- Engaged?
Well that could
lead to marriage!
- Daddy I just know
that as the years go by
you're gonna
learn to love David.
(audience laughing)
- Daddy, say something.
- Get me some aspirin.
(audience laughing and clapping)
♪ Now the world don't move
♪ To the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born
♪ He's a man of means
♪ And along come two
♪ They got nothing
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
(Sony jingle)
♪ To the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born
♪ He's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
♪ They got nothing
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot
♪ So what, they'll have theirs
♪ And you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cuz it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
- Hey, here's something
interesting, Arnold.
- What's that?
- It says in my biology book
that the average human
brain weighs three pounds.
- Hey, that's
great news, Willis.
Two more pounds and
yours will be average.
(audience laughing)
- You believe this?
It is ten o'clock and
your sister's not home yet.
- What's the big deal, Dad?
She's just a few minutes late.
- Yeah.
She's probably
downstairs in a taxi
slobbering all over her date.
(audience laughing)
- That's not funny, Arnold.
I don't like her
seeing that guy David.
- What's wrong with him?
- He's too old for her
and he's too arrogant
and cocky for me.
- Mr. Drummond do you
need anything before I turn in?
- No thank you, Pearl.
We'll all be turning
in pretty soon.
- Yeah.
We're just going to
spend a few more minutes
ripping Kimberly's date
to shreds behind his back.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, is she out
with David again?
- Yes.
There's something
about that boy I don't like
and I think I've narrowed
it down to what it is.
Everything.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I know just
how Kimberly feels.
When I was a young girl I
had exactly the same problem.
- Really?
An obnoxious boyfriend?
- No, an impossible father.
(audience laughing)
No offense.
- I just don't think
David is the kind of boy
that Kimberly
ought to be seeing.
You know, he's
a college dropout.
- Oh no, a college dropout!
You mean they let him
still run loose on the streets?
(audience laughing)
- Willis, go to your room.
- Yeah, when Dad wants
your opinion he'll give you one.
(audience laughing)
- Goodnight boys.
- Goodnight, Dad.
- I don't mean to butt
in, Mr. Drummond.
- But you will.
- Of course.
I really don't think that
you should worry about it.
You know how teenagers are,
one week they like one fella,
the next they like
a different one.
- I sure hope you're right.
- I don't think there's
anything to worry about
with Kimberly and that David.
(audience laughing)
- Goodnight, David.
- Goodnight, Kimberly.
- Goodnight, David.
- Goodnight, Kimberly.
(audience exclaiming)
Goodnight, David.
Oh this isn't working,
I think we should try
a different approach.
- It won't work,
we've tried them all.
I just hate to leave you.
- I hate to leave you too.
- Then why do we
torture ourselves?
I love you.
You love me.
We should be living together.
- Oh, David.
We've talked about
this a hundred times.
What are you trying
to do, wear me down?
- You bet.
Come on, what's the
difference, Kimberly?
We're going to be
married one day anyhow.
- Shh, not so loud.
My father doesn't even
know we date this much.
He thinks I see a lot of guys.
He'd never let me
move in with you.
- I've got an idea,
and your father wouldn't
even have to know.
- What do you mean?
- I mean just tell
him you're moving in
with my sister, Michelle.
What could be simpler?
- David, he wouldn't even
let me move in with her.
I'm still in high
school, remember?
Besides, as much as I'm tempted,
I wouldn't feel right
lying to my father.
So could we please
just drop the subject?
- Okay.
Consider it dropped.
Period, finito,
end of discussion.
- Thank you.
- Did I mention I
do the laundry?
(audience laughing)
I just want to be
with you all the time.
- We can have
another 10 minutes.
Come on in.
- No.
Well, your father's probably up
and in case you haven't noticed
the man is not my biggest fan.
I mean I'm about as
welcome as a case of swine flu.
"Hello David, so
nice to see you."
- (laughing) Come on,
Daddy's not that bad.
Come on in.
Besides, the only way
he's gonna get to like you
is if he knows you better.
- Okay, I'll give
it another shot.
- That's the spirit,
but remember,
no nuzzling or holding hands.
Try to control yourself!
- I'll try but your
dad is so cute.
(audience laughing)
- Well it looks like your
dad's not even here.
- Oh yes he is.
- Oh Daddy, you remember David?
- Hello David, so
nice to see you.
(audience laughing)
- Well, here we all are.
Daddy, can I get you something?
- A couple of aspirin.
I suddenly have a headache.
(audience laughing)
- Sure, right away.
David sit and talk to Daddy.
He's in pain.
- Oh, I know that feeling.
(audience laughing)
(David sighs)
- So.
- So.
- How's business, Mr. Drummond?
- Can't complain.
How are things in the
world of computer software?
I hear that a lot of little
companies like yours
have been going bankrupt lately.
- Well, not mine.
Things have never been better.
- Oh really?
- Yes.
Sales are up, I'm expanding.
- Expanding?
- Mm-hm.
- What did you
do, buy a stapler?
(audience laughing)
- Well, we all have to start
somewhere, Mr. Drummond.
We can't all inherit
it like you did.
(audience exclaiming)
- It happens that I have
always worked very
hard for my money.
- I know.
In fact I read a very
impressive article about you.
- Oh really?
- Yes.
A real rags to riches story.
It said you started
out a poor millionaire
and you ended up a rich one.
(audience laughing)
- That's true but it's
not as easy as it sounds.
Now if you want some
good business advice...
- Thanks, but if I
make any mistakes
I'd like 'em to be my own.
- You know, you're like
a lot of the kids today.
You think you know it all.
Instead of staying in college
and getting a good education
you were in such a hurry
to make it big overnight
that you dropped out, right?
- No.
My parents were going into
hock to send me through school.
I started working nights
to get my business going
and it suddenly
started doing great.
Is there anything wrong
with being a self-made man?
- Where are those aspirin?
(audience laughing)
- Here you go, Daddy.
- Thank you.
- Well,
I think I should be going.
Kimberly, I'll
speak to you soon?
- Mm-hm.
- Goodnight, Mr. Drummond.
- Goodnight, uh, David.
(audience laughing)
- Bye.
So, did you and David
have a nice little talk?
- Well, I'll tell you.
When I first met David, I
didn't like him very much.
But now that I've gotten to
know him, I can't stand him!
(audience laughing)
- Kimberly, it's very nice to
respect your parents' wishes
but if there's one
thing I've learned
it's that you've got
to live your own life.
- Michelle, I just cannot
move in with David.
My father would disown me.
Right after he killed me.
- I just don't understand this.
You're always complaining
that you don't have
any privacy around here
and that you're tired of being
cross-examined by your father.
- I know.
- Well then do
something about it.
You're an adult.
You're 18 years old.
- Practically an old maid.
(audience laughing)
Michelle, it would be
dishonest to try and fool Daddy.
- Well you're being
dishonest now,
sneaking around with David
and making your father
think you're dating other guys.
- You got a point there.
- Just move in
with him for awhile.
Long enough to find out if
that's what you really want.
Trust me.
The plan is going to work
and you will be my
roommate before you know it.
- Roommate?
You moving out, Kimberly?
- Hello, Arnold.
- Hi!
We were just saying
how nice it would be
if your dad would let
Kimberly move in with me.
- Nice?
It would be Heaven!
(audience laughing)
I would get Kimberly's room
and I wouldn't
have to watch Willis
flex his puny muscles in
the mirror every morning.
- Well let's just hope
we can convince Daddy.
- You'll convince him all right,
that you're moving out so
you can see more of David.
- Gee, I never thought of that.
- I have the advantage
of an uncluttered mind.
(audience laughing)
- Seeing David's got
nothing to do with it, Arnold.
I need a little privacy
at this point in my life.
- And maybe you
could be helpful, Arnold.
- I'll do anything to get
Kimberly outta the house.
- Well, Kimberly does
date other guys, Arnold.
When your father gets home,
maybe you could go up to
your room and phone down here,
you know, like you
were one of the guys
asking Kimberly for a date.
- That's a great idea.
Would you do that, Arnold?
- Of course, it's sneaky!
(audience laughing)
But I won't use my normal voice.
I'll use something even sexier.
- You're a love, Arnold.
- Please, no
kisses, I chap easily.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi!
- Oh hi, Michelle.
- Hello, Michelle.
- Hi.
- How was your game guys?
- Aw, terrific, you
should have seen me.
I was doing some new moves,
I'm talkin' smooth, right Dad?
- Right.
Then the girls left and we
played some basketball.
(audience laughing)
- Well, I'm gonna go upstairs
and pick out my
socks for tomorrow.
- What's the hurry?
- If you keep puttin'
these things off
they'll just pile up on you.
- That kid lives in
his own little world.
- How's it going, Michelle?
- Oh, not too good.
I've got a real problem.
- Oh, what's the matter?
Maybe we can be helpful.
- Well I just don't know
what I'm going to do.
My roommate suddenly moved out
and I can't afford my
apartment by myself.
I guess I'll have to move
and you know how
impossible it is to find
a decent, reasonable
apartment in New York.
- Well can't you find
another roommate?
- Well I've tried!
But it's not easy
to find someone
that you can get along
with and like and trust.
- There must be
someone you know.
- Well, as a matter
of fact, there is,
but I'm sure you wouldn't
approve, Mr. Drummond.
- I wouldn't approve?
Why not?
- Because it's Kimberly.
- You're right, I
wouldn't approve.
(audience laughing)
- Oh please, Daddy.
It would really
help out Michelle
and I'll be going away
to college anyway, soon.
You could think of it as
kind of like a dress rehearsal
for me being on my own.
- Yeah, Dad, I'd finally
have a room to myself.
You don't know what it's like
sleeping in the
bunk below Arnold.
Every night I hear the patter
of his little feet on my face.
(audience laughing)
(phone rings)
- I'll get it.
Hello?
- Is this my little coochie-coo?
(audience laughing)
- Who's this?
- It's Brad, baby.
(audience laughing)
- Hello, Brad.
How are you?
- Lonesome.
I count every minute
I'm away from my
fragrant flower of femininity.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, Brad.
You sweet talker, you.
- Listen, how about you
and me splittin' a kool-aid
and slow-dancing
'til dawn, liver-legs.
- I'm sorry, but I'm
seeing Ron on Friday
and oh, I'm afraid
Saturday's out too.
Steve's got a football game.
- Well, maybe some
other time, pussycat.
(audience laughing)
Meanwhile, keep
your whiskers dry.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, I will.
Thanks for calling, Brad.
- Check ya later, freckle head.
(audience laughing)
- Boy Kimberly, you sure
do have a lot of dates.
- Oh yeah, well, I
know a lot of nice guys.
I wouldn't want to get serious
about anyone in particular.
- Keep up the good work.
(audience laughing)
- Well, how about
it, Mr. Drummond?
Can Kimberly move in with me?
- Oh, please, Daddy,
it's not forever.
Just 'til Michelle finds
another roommate.
- Yeah, say yes.
Do us all a favor.
(audience laughing)
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
First of all I would like to go
and check out
Michelle's apartment.
- Oh, thanks Daddy!
Does that mean yes?
- Well think of it
as a definite maybe.
As a matter of fact
I have some time this
afternoon, Michelle.
- This afternoon?
- Yeah.
- Oh, I mean, that'd be great!
That'll give me a little
time to get over there
and straighten things
up. (laughs nervously)
You know, pantyhose
drying on the radiator. (laughs)
See ya later!
(phone rings)
- Hello?
- Sorry, honey, wrong number!
(audience laughing)
- Well, I think we
did a pretty good job.
We got rid of every sign
that a man lives here.
- Not quite.
- Sorry Kristy, but it's
over between us anyway.
- Listen, you better
get out of here, too.
- Right. (doorbell buzzes)
Oh no!
- Quick, you have to hide!
- Where?
- The fire escape.
- No way, it's raining outside.
- Do you want
Mr. Drummond to see you?
♪ I'm singin' in the rain
♪ I'm singin' in the rain
♪ What a glorious
(head bangs) (David grunts)
♪ Feeling, I'm happy
(doorbell buzzes)
- Be right there!
(window slams)
(curtain swooshes)
One, two, three.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Here we are!
- Sorry to keep you waiting,
I was in the east wing.
- It's all right.
Oh hey, this is a
charming little apartment.
- Oh thank you, Mr. Drummond.
Let me give you the grand tour.
This is the living
room, that's the kitchen,
that's a bedroom, that's a
bathroom, that's a closet.
(audience laughing)
- Are you sure that
wasn't the economy tour?
I'm gonna have a little
look around, all right?
- Daddy, wait 'til you see this
gorgeous view of the skyline.
On a good day, you can see
all the way down to (gasps).
(audience laughing)
- What's the matter
with the view?
- Oh, nothing.
You can't see much
in weather like this.
- Oh, and it is really
blowing out there.
I heard a report on the radio
that some poor devil was
blown right off his balcony.
(audience laughing)
And he wasn't up
any higher than this.
Oh, hey look!
I bet that on a clear day
you can see my office
building from here.
I'll be able to wave
to you two at work
and you can wave back at me.
(audience laughing)
I like the apartment very much.
I think you make a good
roommate for Kimberly.
- Does that mean she
can move in with me?
- Well, we'll give it a try if
that's what you really want?
- I want, I want.
- You got, you got.
(audience laughing)
- Daddy, you're terrific.
- I am, aren't I?
Well, I gotta be going.
- Okay.
- Now remember, honey.
When you get moved in,
look through that peephole
before you let anybody in.
Turn off all the appliances
before you go to bed,
and call the police right away
if you hear a heavy
breather on the phone.
(audience laughing)
- Daddy are you sure
you don't want me
to chain a killer dog
outside the door?
- No that won't be necessary.
(audience laughing)
Bye now!
- Bye!
- David!
(audience laughing)
(David wails)
- Are you all right, honey?
- Oh, fine.
15 minutes in the spin
cycle, I'll be as good as new.
What happened in here?
- Kimberly gets to
move in with you.
She really fooled her father.
He didn't suspect a thing.
- Fantastic!
- Hug called off
on account of rain.
- I can still try my curve ball.
(Kimberly gasps)
- See ya!
(Kimberly laughs)
- Kimberly, how can one
person accumulate so much junk?
- Junk?
Some of these things
have been handed down
from generation to generation.
- I can see why, they
were trying to get rid of 'em.
(audience laughing)
- Go ahead, keep it up wiseguy,
because after today you
won't have Kimberly Drummond
to kick around anymore.
- I was just tryin' to lighten
the sad moment
of your departure.
(audience laughing)
- Why, Arnold.
You've actually got
a tear in your eye.
You're really gonna miss me.
- No it's the fumes
from these mothballs.
(audience laughing)
- Kimberly, I put together
a little care package
so you won't have to
bother about cooking
while you're unpacking tonight.
- Great, thanks Pearl,
was very thoughtful of you.
- Yes, it was.
And be sure that
you and Michelle
eat good, nourishing meals.
I know what happens when
you're living on your own.
You get too busy
and you eat like a bird
and first thing you know
you're as skinny as a rail.
Do you have room for
one more over there?
(audience laughing)
- Willis, you carry
this box of sweaters
and I'll carry
this box of books.
- Arnold, that's
too heavy for you.
Kim has got every book
she ever read in there.
- That's my point.
How heavy could it be?
(audience laughing)
- Now come on, guys, let's
get those boxes downstairs.
The limo's waiting.
- Okay.
Here Arnold, I'll
take the box of books
and you take this box.
- Okay, thanks.
- Kimberly?
- Mm?
- I have a little going
away present for you.
Here.
(audience laughing)
- Gee, Daddy,
you shouldn't have.
I really mean it.
- Well, it is kinda fitting.
I mean after all
you're moving out.
You could say that
you're taking the plunge.
(audience laughing)
- Oh Daddy, I'm gonna
miss those bad jokes.
- Well it'll come in handy.
You won't have your father
or your brothers
around to fix things.
There'll be no man in the house.
- Yeah, right.
No man in the house.
It was nice of David to get
these things for the apartment.
- Yeah, you've got him
housebroken already.
- Uh, Kimberly.
This is the last of the boxes.
- Yeah, where do you
want these sweaters?
- Oh, just set 'em
down anywhere.
I'll put 'em away later.
- She's got a lot to do,
I'll put them away in
the bedroom for her.
- Okay.
Kimberly, how 'bout
somethin' cold to drink?
- No thanks.
- I meant me.
(audience laughing)
Got a soft drink?
- Yes.
- No.
- Oh look, here's one.
Right here in the
groceries I just bought.
Michelle, you know
where everything is,
why don't you get
Arnold a glass?
- Right.
- Oops, silly me.
- Oh Michelle,
remember you told me
that you moved the glasses.
- Oh, right!
Did I tell you where
I moved them to?
(audience laughing)
- Try that cupboard.
- Voila!
- I'd like some ice in it.
Do you happen to remember
where you keep the refrigerator?
(audience laughing)
Macho shave.
For stubborn stubble?
(audience laughing)
- Oh, the clerk must have
put this in my bag by mistake.
- You girls don't have
to be embarrassed
because you have porcupine legs.
(audience laughing)
- Porcupine legs, yep.
- Oh, Michelle, could
you give me some advice
on some new fashions?
- If I can, Willis.
What is it?
- Are women starting to
wear men's underwear?
(audience laughing)
- Gee, Willis.
Where'd you get those?
- Well I thought
I'd do you a favor
and put your sweaters away.
There's a dresser
drawer full of these.
And men's socks, too.
- Oh, well, there's
a reason for that.
Right, Kimberly?
- Right.
Tell him.
- Yeah, I know the reason.
There's also a closet full of
men's clothes in there, too.
This isn't your
apartment, Michelle.
This is David's.
- What you talkin'
about, Willis?
(audience laughing)
- Willis!
I'm shocked you'd
even think such a thing.
(phone rings)
- [David] Hi, this is David.
I'm not home right now,
but if you leave a message,
I'll get back to you
as soon as I can.
(beep)
Hey Kimberly, it's David.
I'm at the office.
Give me a call when
it's safe to come home.
Okay, cutie?
(dial tone ringing)
- Willis I'm shocked you'd
even think such a thing!
(audience laughing)
- Guys, please don't tell Daddy.
- We won't, but your brain
must be made out of silly putty.
- Yeah, sure gonna hurt
dad if he ever finds out.
- I guess I cooked a
little too much dinner.
I've gotta get used to
Kimberly not being here.
- It does seem
strange without her.
- And she's only
been away four hours.
- Well, it's what Kimberly wants
and I guess it'll be
a good experience.
- Oh she's gonna get
some experience all right.
(audience laughing)
- I think she'll be just fine.
That Michelle seems like she'd
make a very nice roommate.
- Yeah, for somebody else.
(audience laughing)
- What's that, Arnold?
- Oh I just said Michelle
is something else.
- Well, look who's here.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- Daddy, you remember David?
- Hello David, it's
so nice to see you.
- Hello, Mr. Drummond.
- Daddy I've got to talk
to you about something.
Guys, would you mind
leaving the room please?
- No, not at all.
- Me neither.
I don't want to be near ground
zero when the bomb goes off.
(audience laughing)
- Something is going on
that I don't know about.
- Well, Daddy,
as a matter of fact,
I'm afraid I've done
something I'm not very proud of.
- Oh?
What was that?
- Mr. Drummond, it's
not Michelle's apartment
that Kimberly moved into.
It's mine.
We were going to
be living together...
- What?
Living together?
- Yes.
- Daddy,
I know it was
wrong to lie to you,
but David and I
discussed it and we agreed
we couldn't go through with it.
- Living together?
- Mr. Drummond it
was my stupid idea.
I couldn't let Kimberly
be in any situation
where she was this unhappy...
- In the same apartment?
My daughter and you?
(audience laughing)
- Well anyway, Daddy,
here I am if you want me.
- Well of course I want you.
How could you possibly
consider such thing?
I mean when you stop...
Living together?
(audience laughing)
- Well Daddy, at least I
wound up doing the right thing.
- Yes, you did.
But don't deny me
my parental right
to be angry at
what you almost did.
- Daddy, I'm gonna go about
this the way you'd want me to.
- Oh, good, good.
- But David and I have
decided to get engaged.
- Engaged?
Well that could
lead to marriage!
- Daddy I just know
that as the years go by
you're gonna
learn to love David.
(audience laughing)
- Daddy, say something.
- Get me some aspirin.
(audience laughing and clapping)
♪ Now the world don't move
♪ To the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born
♪ He's a man of means
♪ And along come two
♪ They got nothing
but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
(Sony jingle)