Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 6, Episode 20 - The Bar Mitzvah Boy - full transcript
Arnold thinks of converting to Judaism when he sees how many presents and checks his friend Robbie collects for his Bar Mitzvah.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot
♪ So what
♪ They'll have theirs you'll
have yours and I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes Different
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
(tapping)
- Arnold, did you say I need
three cards of the same suit?
- I said three or four.
Sam, if you wanna
play Gin Rummy with me
you're gonna have to
start learning the game.
- Okay.
Gin! (laughing)
- I think you're learning.
- Hey, time to
hit the sack guys!
- [Arnold] Okay Dad.
- Gotta get up early,
tomorrow's church.
- Church?
- Church?
(laughing)
You know, that large building
where we go to worship God.
- Oh, right, you mean
church. (laughing)
- Somehow, I get
the feeling this family
is not in the habit of going.
- We used to be in the
habit, but we kicked it.
(laughing)
- You mean you
never go to church?
- Oh, of course we so Sam.
- When was the last time Philip?
- It wasn't that long ago.
We went to church,
let's, a, we, it was a,
that's a good
question. (laughing)
- Wasn't it when Jimmy
Carter was president?
(laughing)
- Oh, right.
- Philip, you ought to
be ashamed of yourself.
- Why, I didn't vote
for him. (laughing)
Okay, okay, I'm ashamed.
- It's real important
to go to church.
I forget why, but I
know it's important.
- It certainly is Sam,
and this is one
family that is not
gonna neglect
their spiritual life.
We'll all be going from
now on every Sunday.
Starting tomorrow, right Philip?
- Hallelujah Sister
Maggie! (laughing)
Now, she's right Arnold.
We have been a little bit
neglectful about going to church.
- Dad, that's gonna ruin my
big plan I've got for tomorrow.
- What's that?
- Sleeping. (laughing)
- Arnold, honey,
Sunday is a sacred day.
- Sunday is a sacred
day. (laughing)
- But Robbie and Dudley
are coming over for lunch,
and then we're
gonna go to that horror
festival at the movies.
- If Arnold's not
going to church
then I don't wanna go either.
- Now, you see, you're being
a very bad influence on Sam.
Now, we are all going
to go to church tomorrow,
whether we want to or not.
But of course, we all want to.
(laughing)
- Of course.
- Now, don't worry Arnold,
you'll be back in plenty of
time for Dudley and Robbie.
Now, it's time to go to bed.
- Okay.
- Night Mom.
- Goodnight.
- Sweet dream you two.
- [Sam] Arnold, do
you think we should
say our prayers tonight?
- Good idea.
We can pray Maggie
oversleeps tomorrow.
(laughing)
- I really enjoyed
going to your church
this morning Maggie.
The minister was very young,
but very intelligent.
- And also good looking.
- Now, now, now,
you're not supposed
to notice that in the clergy,
they're man of God.
- God did a nice job
on him. (laughing)
- Personally, I thought he
gave a very moving service.
- It was so moving
Arnold nearly woke up.
(laughing)
- I heard the sermon wise guy.
I only nodded off
during the bible reading.
There's something about
people doing all that begetting,
it makes me sleepy. (laughing)
- It sure does.
You were really
sawing logs there.
(laughing)
- I can't help it, church
has that effect on me.
Willis said I even fell
asleep during my christening.
(laughing)
- Not all of it.
When the preacher said, "I
christen the Arnold Jackson,"
he spit up on him. (laughing)
- Arnold, maybe you
got bored because
you don't particularly
care for my church.
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable in another one.
- Maggie has a point there son.
I'm a Presbyterian,
Maggie's a Methodist.
I guess you're old enough now
to start exploring
religion on your own,
and making a choice of your own.
- You mean I get to
pick my own religion?
- That's right.
- Anyone I want?
I could even shave my head,
and hang out at the
airport with some flowers.
(laughing)
- Arnold, you better give
it some more thought,
and we can talk
about it again later.
- We better get lunch ready.
Arnold's friends
will be here soon,
then they'll be off to
their festival of horrors.
- Right, isn't there
some other film
you fellas would rather see?
I mean, worship in the morning,
warlocks in the
afternoon. (laughing)
- It's perfect Mama,
our souls are at peace,
so we can afford to have
the pants scared off of us.
(laughing)
- Well, I'll drop the kids off,
and go to my own festival
of horrors at the health club
where my body will
be viscously attacked
by a Nautilus
machine. (laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- Oh, I got it Dad.
- Hey!
- Hi!
- Hey fellas! Come on in!
The hamburgers will
be ready in a little while.
Hey, why you
guys all dressed up.
- We went to church.
- But don't worry, we're
gonna change clothes.
I mean, I wouldn't
be caught dead
at the movies lookin' nice.
I'd much rather
look like you guys.
(laughing)
- Thanks a lot.
- Hey, I went to
church this morning too.
I find it spiritually uplifting.
Especially when I
get to confess my sins.
- What sins?
- Well, once I coveted
my neighbors skateboard.
(laughing)
That cost me 10 Hail Mary's.
- I think you were overcharged.
(laughing)
- What's a Hail Mary?
Is that like a
hail-a-cab? (laughing)
- No Sam, Hail
Mary's are prayers
that we Catholics say
in order to be forgiven.
- Boy, you sure
know a lot about it.
- Hey, maybe you'll
be the first black pope.
(laughing)
- Why not? There's
already a blue nun.
(laughing)
- Come on, get serious.
I'm really just
getting into religion.
You guys ever wondered
what God looks like?
- I always think of
him with a long beard.
- I saw a picture of him once.
He looks like Charlton Heston.
(laughing)
- There's a lot
of different ideas
about what God looks like.
- Hey, maybe he's a woman.
And instead of a beard,
he'll have a
ponytail. (laughing)
Maybe God's black too.
A black woman! (laughing)
- That's ridiculous!
Unless of course he
looks like Diana Ross.
(laughing)
- Arnold, what religion are you?
- When I was
little I always went
to my Mama's church in Harlem.
And then Dad adopted us,
and I went to his
church a few times.
I guess you can say
I'm somewhere between
a Baptist and a Presbyterian.
- What's the difference?
- About 40 blocks. (laughing)
What religion are you Robbie?
- I'm Jewish.
- What's that like?
- Well, I guess it's a
lot like other religions
only I go to a special
school to learn Hebrew,
and then after that you
get to have a Bar Mitzva.
- A Bar whatsva? (laughing)
- A Bar Mitzva, that's a
ceremony when you turn 13.
It's great because
they treat you
with new respect
and dignity because
that's when you become a man.
- They treat you like a
man when you turn 13?
That's a great
religion! (laughing)
You can get into X-rated
movies at kids prices.
(laughing)
- Arnold, that's not
what it's all about.
- I know, but that's just
one of the friend's benefits.
(laughing)
What's great is that
treating you like a man stuff.
- Hey, my brother is being
Bar Mitzvahed next Saturday.
Why don't you guys come?
You too Dudley.
- Yeah!
- Hey, that's gonna be fun,
let's give it a try.
- I think we'll have to chip
in and get him a present.
- Oh, that's not necessary,
you guys don't
know him that well,
and he wouldn't expect it,
and I wouldn't wanna
see you spend your money.
- Good, neither
would I. (laughing)
Let's see if lunch is ready.
Come on fellas, I'm hungry.
Oh boy, hamburgers.
- [Man Over TV] He's
got Johnson on the ropes,
a left to the
head, another left.
Johnson's in trouble,
a right cross, look out,
Johnson's eye is bleeding.
- Hit the bum in the la banza!
(laughing)
- Your guys a bum.
Knock his block off...
- Tear his head off!
Kiss the canvas you turkey!
- Maggie!
I can't believe this,
you watching two
men pound each other
like a couple of savages?
This is a side of you
I've never seen before.
- I get rid of all my
hostilities this way,
so I won't take 'em
out on you sweetheart.
- Keep watching. (laughing)
- Do you know how much
money these guys are making?
A couple of million
dollars a piece.
I wonder if I should
go in for boxing.
Think I'll look like Sugar Ray?
- No, but if they
knock all your teeth out
you'll look like Martha Ray.
(laughing)
- Hi everybody!
- Here they are!
Hi guys, how was
the Bar Mitzvah?
- Fantastic!
- I never saw so
much food in my life.
(laughing)
- Is that why you
stayed so long?
- We didn't wanna gorge and run.
(laughing)
- What'd you like best Sam?
- They had some great
stuff I never tasted before.
It was called a knish,
that's Jewish taco.
(laughing)
- And Robbie's brother
Steven was terrific.
He raddled off a whole
speech in Hebrew,
and his voice didn't crack once.
(laughing)
Then everybody thanked
him and congratulated him,
and kissed him
and shook his hand.
It was sort of like a
Jewish Academy Awards.
(laughing)
- Well, sounds like quite
an impressive occasion.
- It was.
I've never seen so much
love, and warmth, and affection.
It was fun too.
- You should've seen
all the presents he got.
A camera, a tape recorder,
not to mention all the money.
- He's talking mucho
dinero. (laughing)
Look, we got
souvenirs to take home.
- Yeah, the rabbi let
us keep these Yamahas.
(laughing)
- That's Yamaka.
That was very nice of him.
- Rabbi Morris is a great guy.
We had a nice conversation
over pickled herring.
(laughing)
- Ah.
Is that what that is? (laughing)
Well, I'm sure you two
had a terrific experience.
Don't you think so Philip?
- Oh I agree, they opened
their minds to something new,
not to mention their
mouths. (laughing)
- And I owe it all to you Dad.
Remember last week
when you told me
to start thinking about
different religions?
- I certainly do.
- Well, I thought about it,
and I've made a decision.
You don't have to take
me to church anymore.
I'm going to be
Jewish. (laughing)
- What?
- Yep! I want a Bar Mitzvah.
You walk in a boy
and come out a man.
(laughing) And that's for me!
Shalom! (laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- I'll get it honey.
I'll get it.
- Mr. Drummond. (laughing)
(cheering and clapping)
I'm Rabbi Herbert Morris.
- Please come in,
very nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
- This is my wife, Maggie.
- Hello, Mrs.
Drummond, how are you?
- How do you do?
- [Rabbi Morris]
Glad to see you.
- Thank you for coming.
- Please, have a seat.
- Thank you very much.
- Rabbi, can we
get you something,
a cup of tea, a coffee,
or a little bite to eat.
- Oh please, Mrs.
Drummond, don't mention food.
I'm still getting
over my heartburn
from yesterday's Bar Mitzvah.
(laughing)
- So, is Arnold.
- Arnold, say that young
fella can really put it away.
He made a doggie
bag out of his Yamaka.
(laughing)
- Well, you excuse me.
I'm gonna go get the
little fiddler on the roof.
(laughing)
- Rabbi, the reason
that I called you is this.
We've been encouraging
Arnold to think
more about his
religious training,
but you can imagine
how surprised we were
when he announced that
he wanted to be Jewish.
- Well, actually Mr. Drummond,
blacks of the Jewish
faith are not unusual.
I even have a few of
them in my congregation.
- Oh really?
Well, I'm afraid we know
very little about Judaism.
I just though if you
would speak to Arnold,
maybe we could find out
whether he's as serious
about this as he says he is.
- I'd be very happy
to Mr. Drummond.
You know, many
children of Arnold's age
become intrigued with
something that seems different.
In fact, there was a time
when I had some children...
(shuffling)
- Hi Rabbi Morris!
- Hello!
How are you Arnold?
- Man, that was one wild
Bar Mitzvah yesterday.
- Yeah, how's my little
comrade in Kanisius?
(laughing)
- Great! I love that deli food.
(laughing)
- I think his stomach
is already Jewish.
(laughing)
- Really?
- I know that you two
have a lot to talk about,
so we're gonna leave you alone.
I suddenly have a craving
for a hot pastrami on rye.
- Would you settle
for a ham on white,
and we'll get the
rabbi to bless it.
(laughing)
- Well, holler if you need us.
- Okay.
- Have a seat Rabbi.
- I'm sure glad
that you came over.
- So am I.
Arnold, if you're going to make
an important
commitment like this,
it should be for
the right reasons.
Not just because
you can stay home
from school on Jewish holidays.
(laughing)
- I never thought of that.
That's another good reason!
(laughing)
- Sorry, I brought
it up. (laughing)
- When can I start
preparing for my Bar Mitzvah.
I'm primed and ready
to become a man.
- Before you become a man,
the boy has a lot
of catching up to do.
You have to start going to
Hebrew school six days a week.
- Run that by me
again. (laughing)
- That's right, and there's a
lot of Torah and bible study.
You also got to
learn the traditions,
and the significance
of our different holidays,
and you've only got a short time
before you're
13 to learn it all.
- Isn't there a crash
course? (laughing)
- Maybe Evelyn Wood does Hebrew.
(laughing)
No, no Arnold, there
are no shortcuts.
Boy, this isn't gonna be easy.
- It's a lot of work alright,
but if you want this badly
enough you'll have to do it.
- Well, I guess I can try.
But there must be some relief.
What about all those holidays?
- Holidays?
Oh, they're wonderful,
but they're also a lot of work.
At the Passover Dinner
you have to familiar
with the entire service,
which takes about three hours,
and that's before
you even eat the meal.
- Three hours before
you eat? (laughing)
- That's not so bad.
On Yom Kippur,
you don't eat it all.
(laughing)
- What you talkin' about Rabbi?
(laughing)
I'm talking about Yom Kippur.
You see, on that holy day,
you must fast for 24
hours to atone for your sins.
Of course, at your age, I don't
imagine you have too many.
If you do, you oughta
be ashamed of yourself.
(laughing)
Don't they even allow you
religious foods like a bagel?
- Not even one chicken noodle.
(laughing)
- Hey what about that
holiday when you do eat a lot,
and you get all those
presents for eight straight days?
- You mean Hanukkah.
It's lovely, but don't
forget you have to give
a lot of presents too.
- Well, let's see, eight
times Dad, Maggie,
Kimberly, Willis, Pearl, Sam.
That's 48 presents,
but then on the other hand
I'll get 48 presents back.
(laughing)
- I doubt that.
You're the one who's
Jewish, not them.
(laughing)
You know, Arnold, at
the Bar Mitzvah yesterday,
you saw a lot of the
joy of being Jewish.
But what you haven't
experienced yet is the commitment.
I really think you should
give it a little more thought.
- I think you're right.
- Now, if you'll
excuse me Arnold,
I've gotta go and
conduct a ceremony.
- Another Bar Mitzvah?
- Oh no, this is not a
Bar Mitzvah, this is a Bris.
- A what?
- A Bris.
How can I explain?
A Bris is a medical
function that my people
turned into a catered
affair. (laughing)
- Oh, I know!
Isn't that where they?
- Yes, that's it!
(laughing) That's
it Arnold, that's it.
And after that, the
entire family celebrates.
- Sounds like everybody's
got something to celebrate
except the baby. (laughing)
Well, I appreciate you
telling it like it is Rabbi.
- Well, thank you very much,
and I'm very glad
that I came over.
- Rabbi, our little chat
was very informative.
- You're right.
I learned a lot. (laughing)
I'll tell you this, if I
had known at your age
how tough it is to be Jewish,
I'm not sure that I would have
gone through with it myself.
(laughing)
- [Sam] Hi Arnold!
- Hi Sam.
- Are you Jewish yet? (laughing)
- Not yet Sam,
I'll let you know.
- Okay, because I
don't wanna miss
when you start
celebrating Harmonica.
(laughing)
- That's Hanukkah. (laughing)
- Hey Arnold, you
got an extra notebook?
I'm studying for a math test,
and I ran out of paper.
- Oh yeah, sure.
Here you go, use this.
- Ah, thanks.
- Oh Willis.
Sam, I have to talk to Willis.
Would you excuse us please?
- Sure thing.
Besides, I've gotta go
to the bathroom anyway.
(laughing)
- Willis, I got a problem.
- What's the trouble little bro?
- Well, I like the
idea of being Jewish,
but it's such a big deal
I'm not sure it's for me.
- Well, you're just a little
confused about religion.
It's not as complicated
as you think.
- It's not?
- No.
Hey say, how about
going to visit the church
we used to go to with
Mom when we were kids.
- I don't remember much
about our old church.
- That's because you
were only five years old
when we moved away.
How about we go and take a look?
What do you say?
- Okay why not?
I wonder if the same
reverend is preaching
that I spit up on him
at my christening.
(laughing)
- Just in case, I
better phone ahead,
and tell him to
wear a rubber apron.
(laughing)
- Yeah, I remember this now.
The old place hasn't
changed much.
- Yeah.
Hey, excuse me, Reverend Thomas.
- Yes.
- We phoned you this afternoon.
- Don't tell me that you're
Willis and Arnold Jackson.
- Yep, he's still Willis,
and I'm still the
good lookin' one.
(laughing)
- I can't tell you how
good it is to see you.
Welcome back.
- Thank you.
- Well, you remember
your old church?
- I sure do.
- Yeah.
It's all coming back to me.
Mama used to sit right here.
I remember how good she looked,
and how pretty she used to
smell on Sunday mornings.
And we used to sit
right next to her Willis.
I was too little
to see the choir,
so I sat on a bunch of
bibles you piled us for me.
(laughing)
- I guess I shouldn't
have done that
with the bibles Reverend.
- Oh, nothing wrong
with that at all Willis.
Bibles should be
uplifted at both ends.
(laughing)
- Would it be alright
if I sat in my old seat?
- Of course.
- Oh thank you.
- I think I'll go take a
look around Reverend.
- Mmm-hmm.
Well, Arnold, when
Willis phoned he said
that you've been having
quite a time figuring out
which church you should join.
- It's a toss up between
Methodist, Catholic,
Presbyterian,
Baptist, or Jewish.
I guess you could
say I've prayed around.
(laughing)
Well, don't you
feel bad about it.
When I was about your age,
I thought of
becoming a Buddhist.
(laughing)
- Religion sure is
confusing Reverend.
- I know.
I know it seems like that,
but you know it really
isn't at all Arnold.
You see all religions aspire
towards the same goal,
like different paths to
the same destination.
You just have to decide
which path is right for you.
- How do I do that?
- By continuing what
you've already started.
By asking questions,
exploring all the avenues.
You know, I am very
proud of you Arnold.
- You are?
Why?
- There's something very
beautiful about going to church.
But most people now a days,
they use the excuse
of being too busy.
But not you Arnold.
No, you know that there
is a wonderful feeling
of fulfillment in worship.
And I would be very
pleased to have you back
as a member of my congregation.
- I think Mama
would like that too.
I really feel comfortable here.
- Well, why don't you,
and Willis, and your family
drop by this Sunday and
enjoy one of our services.
- I'd really like that.
I'm gonna ask Dad.
- Good.
Good, always happy
to have somebody
from Park Avenue
drop by. (laughing)
It warms the cockles
of my collection plate.
(laughing)
♪ At the cross
♪ At the cross
♪ Where I first
♪ Saw the light
♪ And the burdens of my heart
♪ Rolled away
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my signs
♪ And now I am happy
♪ All the day
♪ At the cross at the cross
♪ Where I first saw the light
♪ And the burden of my heart
♪ Rolled away
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my faith
♪ And now I am happy all the day
- Philip, isn't this beautiful?
- Yes, tell you one
thing that I'm sure of.
Arnold will never fall
asleep in this church.
(laughing)
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my faith
♪ And now I am happy all the day
♪ At the cross at the cross
♪ Where I first saw the light
♪ And the burden of
my heart rolled away
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my strength
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
(bright instrumental music)
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot
♪ So what
♪ They'll have theirs you'll
have yours and I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes Different
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
(tapping)
- Arnold, did you say I need
three cards of the same suit?
- I said three or four.
Sam, if you wanna
play Gin Rummy with me
you're gonna have to
start learning the game.
- Okay.
Gin! (laughing)
- I think you're learning.
- Hey, time to
hit the sack guys!
- [Arnold] Okay Dad.
- Gotta get up early,
tomorrow's church.
- Church?
- Church?
(laughing)
You know, that large building
where we go to worship God.
- Oh, right, you mean
church. (laughing)
- Somehow, I get
the feeling this family
is not in the habit of going.
- We used to be in the
habit, but we kicked it.
(laughing)
- You mean you
never go to church?
- Oh, of course we so Sam.
- When was the last time Philip?
- It wasn't that long ago.
We went to church,
let's, a, we, it was a,
that's a good
question. (laughing)
- Wasn't it when Jimmy
Carter was president?
(laughing)
- Oh, right.
- Philip, you ought to
be ashamed of yourself.
- Why, I didn't vote
for him. (laughing)
Okay, okay, I'm ashamed.
- It's real important
to go to church.
I forget why, but I
know it's important.
- It certainly is Sam,
and this is one
family that is not
gonna neglect
their spiritual life.
We'll all be going from
now on every Sunday.
Starting tomorrow, right Philip?
- Hallelujah Sister
Maggie! (laughing)
Now, she's right Arnold.
We have been a little bit
neglectful about going to church.
- Dad, that's gonna ruin my
big plan I've got for tomorrow.
- What's that?
- Sleeping. (laughing)
- Arnold, honey,
Sunday is a sacred day.
- Sunday is a sacred
day. (laughing)
- But Robbie and Dudley
are coming over for lunch,
and then we're
gonna go to that horror
festival at the movies.
- If Arnold's not
going to church
then I don't wanna go either.
- Now, you see, you're being
a very bad influence on Sam.
Now, we are all going
to go to church tomorrow,
whether we want to or not.
But of course, we all want to.
(laughing)
- Of course.
- Now, don't worry Arnold,
you'll be back in plenty of
time for Dudley and Robbie.
Now, it's time to go to bed.
- Okay.
- Night Mom.
- Goodnight.
- Sweet dream you two.
- [Sam] Arnold, do
you think we should
say our prayers tonight?
- Good idea.
We can pray Maggie
oversleeps tomorrow.
(laughing)
- I really enjoyed
going to your church
this morning Maggie.
The minister was very young,
but very intelligent.
- And also good looking.
- Now, now, now,
you're not supposed
to notice that in the clergy,
they're man of God.
- God did a nice job
on him. (laughing)
- Personally, I thought he
gave a very moving service.
- It was so moving
Arnold nearly woke up.
(laughing)
- I heard the sermon wise guy.
I only nodded off
during the bible reading.
There's something about
people doing all that begetting,
it makes me sleepy. (laughing)
- It sure does.
You were really
sawing logs there.
(laughing)
- I can't help it, church
has that effect on me.
Willis said I even fell
asleep during my christening.
(laughing)
- Not all of it.
When the preacher said, "I
christen the Arnold Jackson,"
he spit up on him. (laughing)
- Arnold, maybe you
got bored because
you don't particularly
care for my church.
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable in another one.
- Maggie has a point there son.
I'm a Presbyterian,
Maggie's a Methodist.
I guess you're old enough now
to start exploring
religion on your own,
and making a choice of your own.
- You mean I get to
pick my own religion?
- That's right.
- Anyone I want?
I could even shave my head,
and hang out at the
airport with some flowers.
(laughing)
- Arnold, you better give
it some more thought,
and we can talk
about it again later.
- We better get lunch ready.
Arnold's friends
will be here soon,
then they'll be off to
their festival of horrors.
- Right, isn't there
some other film
you fellas would rather see?
I mean, worship in the morning,
warlocks in the
afternoon. (laughing)
- It's perfect Mama,
our souls are at peace,
so we can afford to have
the pants scared off of us.
(laughing)
- Well, I'll drop the kids off,
and go to my own festival
of horrors at the health club
where my body will
be viscously attacked
by a Nautilus
machine. (laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- Oh, I got it Dad.
- Hey!
- Hi!
- Hey fellas! Come on in!
The hamburgers will
be ready in a little while.
Hey, why you
guys all dressed up.
- We went to church.
- But don't worry, we're
gonna change clothes.
I mean, I wouldn't
be caught dead
at the movies lookin' nice.
I'd much rather
look like you guys.
(laughing)
- Thanks a lot.
- Hey, I went to
church this morning too.
I find it spiritually uplifting.
Especially when I
get to confess my sins.
- What sins?
- Well, once I coveted
my neighbors skateboard.
(laughing)
That cost me 10 Hail Mary's.
- I think you were overcharged.
(laughing)
- What's a Hail Mary?
Is that like a
hail-a-cab? (laughing)
- No Sam, Hail
Mary's are prayers
that we Catholics say
in order to be forgiven.
- Boy, you sure
know a lot about it.
- Hey, maybe you'll
be the first black pope.
(laughing)
- Why not? There's
already a blue nun.
(laughing)
- Come on, get serious.
I'm really just
getting into religion.
You guys ever wondered
what God looks like?
- I always think of
him with a long beard.
- I saw a picture of him once.
He looks like Charlton Heston.
(laughing)
- There's a lot
of different ideas
about what God looks like.
- Hey, maybe he's a woman.
And instead of a beard,
he'll have a
ponytail. (laughing)
Maybe God's black too.
A black woman! (laughing)
- That's ridiculous!
Unless of course he
looks like Diana Ross.
(laughing)
- Arnold, what religion are you?
- When I was
little I always went
to my Mama's church in Harlem.
And then Dad adopted us,
and I went to his
church a few times.
I guess you can say
I'm somewhere between
a Baptist and a Presbyterian.
- What's the difference?
- About 40 blocks. (laughing)
What religion are you Robbie?
- I'm Jewish.
- What's that like?
- Well, I guess it's a
lot like other religions
only I go to a special
school to learn Hebrew,
and then after that you
get to have a Bar Mitzva.
- A Bar whatsva? (laughing)
- A Bar Mitzva, that's a
ceremony when you turn 13.
It's great because
they treat you
with new respect
and dignity because
that's when you become a man.
- They treat you like a
man when you turn 13?
That's a great
religion! (laughing)
You can get into X-rated
movies at kids prices.
(laughing)
- Arnold, that's not
what it's all about.
- I know, but that's just
one of the friend's benefits.
(laughing)
What's great is that
treating you like a man stuff.
- Hey, my brother is being
Bar Mitzvahed next Saturday.
Why don't you guys come?
You too Dudley.
- Yeah!
- Hey, that's gonna be fun,
let's give it a try.
- I think we'll have to chip
in and get him a present.
- Oh, that's not necessary,
you guys don't
know him that well,
and he wouldn't expect it,
and I wouldn't wanna
see you spend your money.
- Good, neither
would I. (laughing)
Let's see if lunch is ready.
Come on fellas, I'm hungry.
Oh boy, hamburgers.
- [Man Over TV] He's
got Johnson on the ropes,
a left to the
head, another left.
Johnson's in trouble,
a right cross, look out,
Johnson's eye is bleeding.
- Hit the bum in the la banza!
(laughing)
- Your guys a bum.
Knock his block off...
- Tear his head off!
Kiss the canvas you turkey!
- Maggie!
I can't believe this,
you watching two
men pound each other
like a couple of savages?
This is a side of you
I've never seen before.
- I get rid of all my
hostilities this way,
so I won't take 'em
out on you sweetheart.
- Keep watching. (laughing)
- Do you know how much
money these guys are making?
A couple of million
dollars a piece.
I wonder if I should
go in for boxing.
Think I'll look like Sugar Ray?
- No, but if they
knock all your teeth out
you'll look like Martha Ray.
(laughing)
- Hi everybody!
- Here they are!
Hi guys, how was
the Bar Mitzvah?
- Fantastic!
- I never saw so
much food in my life.
(laughing)
- Is that why you
stayed so long?
- We didn't wanna gorge and run.
(laughing)
- What'd you like best Sam?
- They had some great
stuff I never tasted before.
It was called a knish,
that's Jewish taco.
(laughing)
- And Robbie's brother
Steven was terrific.
He raddled off a whole
speech in Hebrew,
and his voice didn't crack once.
(laughing)
Then everybody thanked
him and congratulated him,
and kissed him
and shook his hand.
It was sort of like a
Jewish Academy Awards.
(laughing)
- Well, sounds like quite
an impressive occasion.
- It was.
I've never seen so much
love, and warmth, and affection.
It was fun too.
- You should've seen
all the presents he got.
A camera, a tape recorder,
not to mention all the money.
- He's talking mucho
dinero. (laughing)
Look, we got
souvenirs to take home.
- Yeah, the rabbi let
us keep these Yamahas.
(laughing)
- That's Yamaka.
That was very nice of him.
- Rabbi Morris is a great guy.
We had a nice conversation
over pickled herring.
(laughing)
- Ah.
Is that what that is? (laughing)
Well, I'm sure you two
had a terrific experience.
Don't you think so Philip?
- Oh I agree, they opened
their minds to something new,
not to mention their
mouths. (laughing)
- And I owe it all to you Dad.
Remember last week
when you told me
to start thinking about
different religions?
- I certainly do.
- Well, I thought about it,
and I've made a decision.
You don't have to take
me to church anymore.
I'm going to be
Jewish. (laughing)
- What?
- Yep! I want a Bar Mitzvah.
You walk in a boy
and come out a man.
(laughing) And that's for me!
Shalom! (laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
- I'll get it honey.
I'll get it.
- Mr. Drummond. (laughing)
(cheering and clapping)
I'm Rabbi Herbert Morris.
- Please come in,
very nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
- This is my wife, Maggie.
- Hello, Mrs.
Drummond, how are you?
- How do you do?
- [Rabbi Morris]
Glad to see you.
- Thank you for coming.
- Please, have a seat.
- Thank you very much.
- Rabbi, can we
get you something,
a cup of tea, a coffee,
or a little bite to eat.
- Oh please, Mrs.
Drummond, don't mention food.
I'm still getting
over my heartburn
from yesterday's Bar Mitzvah.
(laughing)
- So, is Arnold.
- Arnold, say that young
fella can really put it away.
He made a doggie
bag out of his Yamaka.
(laughing)
- Well, you excuse me.
I'm gonna go get the
little fiddler on the roof.
(laughing)
- Rabbi, the reason
that I called you is this.
We've been encouraging
Arnold to think
more about his
religious training,
but you can imagine
how surprised we were
when he announced that
he wanted to be Jewish.
- Well, actually Mr. Drummond,
blacks of the Jewish
faith are not unusual.
I even have a few of
them in my congregation.
- Oh really?
Well, I'm afraid we know
very little about Judaism.
I just though if you
would speak to Arnold,
maybe we could find out
whether he's as serious
about this as he says he is.
- I'd be very happy
to Mr. Drummond.
You know, many
children of Arnold's age
become intrigued with
something that seems different.
In fact, there was a time
when I had some children...
(shuffling)
- Hi Rabbi Morris!
- Hello!
How are you Arnold?
- Man, that was one wild
Bar Mitzvah yesterday.
- Yeah, how's my little
comrade in Kanisius?
(laughing)
- Great! I love that deli food.
(laughing)
- I think his stomach
is already Jewish.
(laughing)
- Really?
- I know that you two
have a lot to talk about,
so we're gonna leave you alone.
I suddenly have a craving
for a hot pastrami on rye.
- Would you settle
for a ham on white,
and we'll get the
rabbi to bless it.
(laughing)
- Well, holler if you need us.
- Okay.
- Have a seat Rabbi.
- I'm sure glad
that you came over.
- So am I.
Arnold, if you're going to make
an important
commitment like this,
it should be for
the right reasons.
Not just because
you can stay home
from school on Jewish holidays.
(laughing)
- I never thought of that.
That's another good reason!
(laughing)
- Sorry, I brought
it up. (laughing)
- When can I start
preparing for my Bar Mitzvah.
I'm primed and ready
to become a man.
- Before you become a man,
the boy has a lot
of catching up to do.
You have to start going to
Hebrew school six days a week.
- Run that by me
again. (laughing)
- That's right, and there's a
lot of Torah and bible study.
You also got to
learn the traditions,
and the significance
of our different holidays,
and you've only got a short time
before you're
13 to learn it all.
- Isn't there a crash
course? (laughing)
- Maybe Evelyn Wood does Hebrew.
(laughing)
No, no Arnold, there
are no shortcuts.
Boy, this isn't gonna be easy.
- It's a lot of work alright,
but if you want this badly
enough you'll have to do it.
- Well, I guess I can try.
But there must be some relief.
What about all those holidays?
- Holidays?
Oh, they're wonderful,
but they're also a lot of work.
At the Passover Dinner
you have to familiar
with the entire service,
which takes about three hours,
and that's before
you even eat the meal.
- Three hours before
you eat? (laughing)
- That's not so bad.
On Yom Kippur,
you don't eat it all.
(laughing)
- What you talkin' about Rabbi?
(laughing)
I'm talking about Yom Kippur.
You see, on that holy day,
you must fast for 24
hours to atone for your sins.
Of course, at your age, I don't
imagine you have too many.
If you do, you oughta
be ashamed of yourself.
(laughing)
Don't they even allow you
religious foods like a bagel?
- Not even one chicken noodle.
(laughing)
- Hey what about that
holiday when you do eat a lot,
and you get all those
presents for eight straight days?
- You mean Hanukkah.
It's lovely, but don't
forget you have to give
a lot of presents too.
- Well, let's see, eight
times Dad, Maggie,
Kimberly, Willis, Pearl, Sam.
That's 48 presents,
but then on the other hand
I'll get 48 presents back.
(laughing)
- I doubt that.
You're the one who's
Jewish, not them.
(laughing)
You know, Arnold, at
the Bar Mitzvah yesterday,
you saw a lot of the
joy of being Jewish.
But what you haven't
experienced yet is the commitment.
I really think you should
give it a little more thought.
- I think you're right.
- Now, if you'll
excuse me Arnold,
I've gotta go and
conduct a ceremony.
- Another Bar Mitzvah?
- Oh no, this is not a
Bar Mitzvah, this is a Bris.
- A what?
- A Bris.
How can I explain?
A Bris is a medical
function that my people
turned into a catered
affair. (laughing)
- Oh, I know!
Isn't that where they?
- Yes, that's it!
(laughing) That's
it Arnold, that's it.
And after that, the
entire family celebrates.
- Sounds like everybody's
got something to celebrate
except the baby. (laughing)
Well, I appreciate you
telling it like it is Rabbi.
- Well, thank you very much,
and I'm very glad
that I came over.
- Rabbi, our little chat
was very informative.
- You're right.
I learned a lot. (laughing)
I'll tell you this, if I
had known at your age
how tough it is to be Jewish,
I'm not sure that I would have
gone through with it myself.
(laughing)
- [Sam] Hi Arnold!
- Hi Sam.
- Are you Jewish yet? (laughing)
- Not yet Sam,
I'll let you know.
- Okay, because I
don't wanna miss
when you start
celebrating Harmonica.
(laughing)
- That's Hanukkah. (laughing)
- Hey Arnold, you
got an extra notebook?
I'm studying for a math test,
and I ran out of paper.
- Oh yeah, sure.
Here you go, use this.
- Ah, thanks.
- Oh Willis.
Sam, I have to talk to Willis.
Would you excuse us please?
- Sure thing.
Besides, I've gotta go
to the bathroom anyway.
(laughing)
- Willis, I got a problem.
- What's the trouble little bro?
- Well, I like the
idea of being Jewish,
but it's such a big deal
I'm not sure it's for me.
- Well, you're just a little
confused about religion.
It's not as complicated
as you think.
- It's not?
- No.
Hey say, how about
going to visit the church
we used to go to with
Mom when we were kids.
- I don't remember much
about our old church.
- That's because you
were only five years old
when we moved away.
How about we go and take a look?
What do you say?
- Okay why not?
I wonder if the same
reverend is preaching
that I spit up on him
at my christening.
(laughing)
- Just in case, I
better phone ahead,
and tell him to
wear a rubber apron.
(laughing)
- Yeah, I remember this now.
The old place hasn't
changed much.
- Yeah.
Hey, excuse me, Reverend Thomas.
- Yes.
- We phoned you this afternoon.
- Don't tell me that you're
Willis and Arnold Jackson.
- Yep, he's still Willis,
and I'm still the
good lookin' one.
(laughing)
- I can't tell you how
good it is to see you.
Welcome back.
- Thank you.
- Well, you remember
your old church?
- I sure do.
- Yeah.
It's all coming back to me.
Mama used to sit right here.
I remember how good she looked,
and how pretty she used to
smell on Sunday mornings.
And we used to sit
right next to her Willis.
I was too little
to see the choir,
so I sat on a bunch of
bibles you piled us for me.
(laughing)
- I guess I shouldn't
have done that
with the bibles Reverend.
- Oh, nothing wrong
with that at all Willis.
Bibles should be
uplifted at both ends.
(laughing)
- Would it be alright
if I sat in my old seat?
- Of course.
- Oh thank you.
- I think I'll go take a
look around Reverend.
- Mmm-hmm.
Well, Arnold, when
Willis phoned he said
that you've been having
quite a time figuring out
which church you should join.
- It's a toss up between
Methodist, Catholic,
Presbyterian,
Baptist, or Jewish.
I guess you could
say I've prayed around.
(laughing)
Well, don't you
feel bad about it.
When I was about your age,
I thought of
becoming a Buddhist.
(laughing)
- Religion sure is
confusing Reverend.
- I know.
I know it seems like that,
but you know it really
isn't at all Arnold.
You see all religions aspire
towards the same goal,
like different paths to
the same destination.
You just have to decide
which path is right for you.
- How do I do that?
- By continuing what
you've already started.
By asking questions,
exploring all the avenues.
You know, I am very
proud of you Arnold.
- You are?
Why?
- There's something very
beautiful about going to church.
But most people now a days,
they use the excuse
of being too busy.
But not you Arnold.
No, you know that there
is a wonderful feeling
of fulfillment in worship.
And I would be very
pleased to have you back
as a member of my congregation.
- I think Mama
would like that too.
I really feel comfortable here.
- Well, why don't you,
and Willis, and your family
drop by this Sunday and
enjoy one of our services.
- I'd really like that.
I'm gonna ask Dad.
- Good.
Good, always happy
to have somebody
from Park Avenue
drop by. (laughing)
It warms the cockles
of my collection plate.
(laughing)
♪ At the cross
♪ At the cross
♪ Where I first
♪ Saw the light
♪ And the burdens of my heart
♪ Rolled away
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my signs
♪ And now I am happy
♪ All the day
♪ At the cross at the cross
♪ Where I first saw the light
♪ And the burden of my heart
♪ Rolled away
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my faith
♪ And now I am happy all the day
- Philip, isn't this beautiful?
- Yes, tell you one
thing that I'm sure of.
Arnold will never fall
asleep in this church.
(laughing)
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my faith
♪ And now I am happy all the day
♪ At the cross at the cross
♪ Where I first saw the light
♪ And the burden of
my heart rolled away
♪ It was there by faith
♪ I received my strength
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some
♪ A man is born
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different Strokes
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Different
Strokes to move the world
(bright instrumental music)