Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 6, Episode 2 - The Goat - full transcript

In his first few days at junior high, Arnold has trouble breaking out of Willis's shadow. So he comes up with a plan to kidnap the school mascot and then become a hero by "finding" and returning it.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got,
diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot, so what

♪ They'll have
theirs, you'll have yours



♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world

- Hey, what's happening dude?

Good to see ya.

Nah, hey, what's happening?

Jackson's the name,
cool is my game.

Say momma.

How 'bout, ah,

you and me splitting a
meatball in the cafeteria?

Nah.

- Arnold, what are you doing?



- Oh, just trying to
figure out how to act

with the new kids at
school this morning.

- You don't have to go,
hey what's happening?

How about splitting
a meatball with me?

No, just be yourself.

- Oh, but Dad,
today is my first day.

I've gotta be
better than myself.

- Listen, you will do
just fine, just relax

and go with the flow.

- Maybe no one will
like me at that school.

- Oh come on, all of your
pals, Dudley and Robbie

will be there, and
you know they like you.

- They're my friends,
they have to like me.

- Look at it this way,
it's an opportunity

to make some new friends.

Think of it an an
adventure, it'll be exciting.

- It will?

- Sure, and don't forget
you've got a lot going for you.

You got personality, poise,
a great sense of humor.

That's true.

But you know me, I
don't like to flaunt it.

- Well, when you got
so much, it wouldn't hurt

to let a little leak out.

Don't worry, you get ready,
I'll drop you off at school.

- OK, Dad, thanks.

- Here's your sweater
Arnold, I sewed the button

nice and tight.

- Oh, thanks, Pearl.

Oh, wait a minute Pearl,
I need a woman's opinion

on something.

- What's that?

- Well you know today is
my first day at junior high,

and I want to present a
more sophisticated image.

- Oh, I see.

- I don't want to look
like some hayseed

that just fell off
the turnip truck.

- Well, why don't you
go formal with top hat,

white tie, and lunch pail?

- Come on, Pearl, be serious.

What do you think
of these shirts?

- Eh, stick with the red
one, it matches your tongue.

- Hey Arnold, you
and Kimberly through

with the bathroom yet?

- Oh, no, she is, but I
haven't been in there yet.

I've got a problem.

- Well, if you
don't get in there,

you're gonna have
a bigger problem.

- Come on Willis, help me.

What should I wear today
to make a good impression?

- It doesn't matter what
you wear, little brother,

because at Roosevelt Junior
High, you're automatically in.

You are the fair
haired, dark haired boy.

- How do you mean?

- I mean you's Willis
Jackson's brother.

- I know that, but up
until now, nobody's

exactly given me
the key to the city.

- Arnold, will you get with it?

That's my old junior high.

I was the best that ever
happened to that school.

I was a living legend.

- So?

- So, I paved the way for you.

When people find
out you're my brother,

they're gonna love
you like they love me.

Well, almost as much.

Anyway, don't worry about
it, man, you got it made.

- You really think so.

- Ah, sure, you just mention
the name Willis Jackson

and they'll roll
out the red carpet.

- That's good, it'll
match my tongue.

- You're a weird kid.

But anyway, the girls'll
love you when they find out

you're my brother.

Arnold, you are gonna have
women crawling all over you.

Really?

- And not only that but...

- Hold it Willis.

I'm still thinking about
those crawling women.

- You are one lucky buckaroo.

I wish I had an older
brother as terrific as me.

- Man, junior high is
a lot bigger and scarier

than PS 406.

- Do you see the size
of some of these guys?

They block out the sun.

- Good morning,
fellow seventh graders.

- Hi Arnold, boy it sure is
good to see a familiar face.

- Yeah, I really feel
lost around here.

- Not me, I feel right at home,

like a Hare Krishna
at the airport.

- Are you kidding,

that's not the way you
were talking last night.

- That was last
night, today I realized

I got something
special going for me.

- Blind optimism?

- No, my brother, Willis,
he was a big man here.

He paved the way
for me, and now,

you're looking at the
continuation of the pavement.

- Boy Arnold, you
sure are lucky.

- You guys are lucky,
too, you know me.

Just say you're my friends
and watch the magic.

- Thanks.
- Thanks.

- Hey, what are friends for?

Oh, look, I'll show
you what I mean?

See that teacher over there?

The one with the glasses?

- Yeah?

- That must be Mrs.
Harris, the math teacher.

- How do you know?

- Willis described her to me.

He was in her class, too.

Watch the big reception
when she hears who I am.

Hello, excuse me,
are you Mrs. Harris?

- Yes.

- Did you know Willis Jackson?

- Willis Jackson, oh, yes,

what a fine, well-rounded

young man, outstanding
athlete, and a good student.

He was one of my favorites.

- Well, I'm Arnold, his brother.

Say what?

I mean, so, you're his brother?

How nice, well, welcome

to Roosevelt Junior High.

- Thanks, uh, Mrs. Harris,

I would like for you to
meet a couple of close,

personal friends of mine,
this is Dudley Johnson

and Robbie Jason.

- Oh, hi Dudley, Robbie Jason?

I recognize your name
from your scholastic reports.

You're gonna be my little
genius this year, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

- Well, just keep
up the good work.

It was nice meeting you boys.

- Thanks.
- You, too.

- Man, Arnold, she seemed a
lot more excited about Robbie

than about you.

- Eh, well what's
she supposed to do?

Invite me down to the
teacher's lounge for a martini?

- Morning ladies.

- Good morning, coach.

- Looks like we're gonna
have another all-star

basketball player
here this year.

I understand that
Willis Jackson's brother

is gonna be in your class.

Have you, uh, seen him yet.

- As a matter of
fact, I just met him.

He's over there.

- Oh yeah, I'd
recognize him anywhere.

Arnold, my man.

My main man, hey!

I'm Coach Owen, you
know it's a real pleasure

to have Willis
Jackson's brother here.

- Ahem, excuse me, Coach.

I'm Willis Jackson's brother.

- Say what?

I said, I'm Willis
Jackson's brother, Arnold.

- Don't go away kid, hey.

Nice to meet you.

Any brother of Willis is,

well, you know.

It was nice talking to you.

Can I talk to you?

We're playing two
on two zone defense.

- I'll say one thing,
Arnold, you sure are big

in the say what department.

- Oh.

- You're doing worse than
if Willis wasn't your brother.

- OK, so maybe I'm
not the athletic type

of the brain like you, Robbie.

But I still have one
card I haven't played yet.

- What's that?

Women.

See those girls over there?

When they find out that
I'm Willis Jackson's brother,

I'm gonna have to fight 'em off.

Observe and watch
the Jackson charm ooze

all over those females.

Hello lovely ladies.

How are y'all doing?

- We're holding our own.

- That's good, that's real good.

Do you know a guy by
the name of Willis Jackson?

- Oh sure, he went to school
here with my older sister.

She said he's a real dreamboat.

- Well, I'm Arnold, the
brother of the dreamboat.

You can call me the love boat.

- Love boat?

You look more like a dingy.

Oh hi, Dudley.

- How'd you know my name?

- Oh, a woman has her
ways when she's interested.

- I may throw up.

I can't even beat myself.

- Hi son.

- Hi.

- Pearl said that you
came home from school

very depressed.

- Depressed, we're
talking major misery here.

- Bad first day, huh,
what happened?

- Being Willis' brother,
that's what happened.

- Well, what does
Willis have to do with it?

- That's all everybody
talked about was Willis.

All my life I'll be
Willis' brother.

When I get married,
they'll probably call my wife,

Mrs. Willis' brother.

- Well, it is tough being
compared to an older brother.

You should do
something for yourself.

- What should I do?

- I think you should try to
make a name for yourself.

Do something that'll
impress the kids.

- Like what, blow
up the cafeteria?

- No, but you just
keep your eyes open.

You wait for the opportunity,

and then you take
the bull by the horns.

- You really think I can do it.

- Sure, if anybody
knows about bull, it's you.

- Thanks, Dad, you
know maybe you're right.

Maybe I'm not a
hopeless loser after all.

- Of course not,
you're a big winner.

- Now let's not
get carried away.

- Aren't you Arnold Jackson?

- Yup, that's me, in the flesh.

- I was anxious to talk to you.

- Well, talk your
heart out little momma.

- Can you get me a picture
of your brother, Willis,

for my older sister?

That figures.

You want 8x10
glossies or wallet size?

Both.

- Listen, you wanna
have lunch with me?

No.

- Hi Arnold, how are you doing?

- I'll kill the next person
that mentions Willis.

- Now come on, Arnold, cheer up.

Say, let's go feed
the school mascot.

- OK, I'll spring for a carrot.

- Hey, stay away from the cage.

- Who are you?

- I'm in charge of
the goat, that's who.

- I just wanted to pet him.

- Oh, yeah, how do I know
you're from this school?

Maybe you're a spy from
Lincoln and trying to steak Rudy.

- How do you like that?

Even the goat's more
popular than I am.

- Arnold, you gotta stop
feeling sorry for yourself.

- No way, I just gotta
get used to the fact

that I'm just a nobody
around here and that...

What would happen
in Rudy did get stolen?

- They'd probably
hang the guy who did it.

- Yeah, but what about
the guy who rescued him

and brought him back?

- I guess he'd be a big hero.

- You guessed right.

- But how can anybody
steal it, that's impossible.

- The coast is
clear, OK, come on.

Come on, Rudy.

Rudy.

That's a nice goat.

If you liked your cage, you
gonna love your penthouse.

OK Rudy, all right, great.

- You think Rudy will
be all right out there?

- Sure, he's tied up real good,

and I'm gonna get him some
newspapers and a blanket later.

- What about his dinner?

- That is his dinner.

Goats eat anything, and guys,

thanks for helping me steal it.

Faking that fight really worked.

- Yeah, a perfect distraction,
pretty clever of me.

- Yeah, and I thought
getting him on the subway

was gonna be tough,
but nobody even noticed

the terrible smell.

- I sure did, but the
goat didn't seem to mind.

- For your sake, I hope your
dad doesn't see Rudy out there.

- Nobody's gonna go
out on the balcony tonight,

and tomorrow morning,
I'll get him out of here

before anybody's up.

- Can you imagine how
crazy they're gonna be

with the goat missing?

When you walk
in with it tomorrow,

you'll be the greatest hero
that school has ever had.

- Yup, they'll probably
put a statue of me

in the schoolyard.

And under me, it'll say,
he brought back the goat

and that's all she wrote.

Rudy, get off that ledge.

If you had fallen off of
there, I would have been

bringing a goat
pancake to school.

Then I wouldn't have
been the school hero.

Yeah look, Park
Avenue garbage, eat up.

♪ The minute you
walked in the joint, buh, wah

♪ I could tell you
were a man of distinction

♪ A real big spender

- Hi.
- Ah!

- It's only me, the big spender.

- Oh, Mr. Drummond,
you scared me.

- I'm sorry, Pearl,
sometimes I do that to women.

Have you seen Arnold,
I went into his room

to say goodnight to
him, and he wasn't there.

- No, I haven't seen
him, and I just came

from the most logical
place to look, the refrigerator.

Did you say something,
Mr. Drummond?

- That wasn't me.

- Well it sure as
heck wasn't me.

Arnold.

- Hi.

- Well, that solves the mystery.

- Arnold, what are you doing
out there this time of night?

- Oh, I was just doing some
exercises in the fresh air.

- Did you hear a strange
noise just a minute ago?

- Strange noise?

Oh, I was doing some
stretching exercises.

You know, bah.

Bah.

- I think we better hit the hay.

Uh oh.

Oh.

Rudy, Rudy, where are you?

Ru...

Oh, man.

He chewed his way to freedom.

Come on, I got a delicious
phone book for you.

Where are you, you old goat?

- I'm right here,
and that is no way

to speak to your father.

- Dad, I didn't mean you.

- I don't see any other
old goat around here.

- Dad, what are you doing up?

- I go to work every
morning, remember?

- But not this early.

- No, but I have a
breakfast meeting.

- Oh, well, you
better get going,

you don't want to get
in trouble with the boss.

- Arnold, I am the boss.

- All the more reason
to set a good example.

- All right, I'm
going, I'm going.

What in heaven's name
happened to my jacket?

- I don't know, but the
moths in your closet

must have fangs.

- Hi.
- Hi Willis.

- What are you doing up?

- I gotta get this book
back to the library,

but look at it, it's
all chewed up.

Holy smokes.

- I can't figure out
what happened.

- It could have been bookworms.

- You think that's bad,
have a look at my jacket.

- Ah Dad, something
weird is going on.

Last night I thought
Arnold was licking my face.

It must have been a dream.

Because when I pushed
him away, he had horns

and long floppy ears.

Willis, you're a scream.

- Arnold it's not that funny.

- I guess I'm just
easily amused.

- Willis, will you
please go to the kitchen

ans ask Pearl if she's
seen anything strange.

- Sure Dad.

- Willis!

Your pants!

- Oh my, I thought I
felt a draft back there.

- Pearl, what's the matter?

- There's a goat in the kitchen.

- Terrific, there's
nothing I like better

than fresh goat's milk,
and it's good for you, too.

- I better look into this.

- Oh, wait a
minute Dad, hold it.

I can handle this.

- I hope that I can.

- Uh, everyone, I'd like
for you to meet somebody.

We've met.

- I guess I should be
surprised, but I'm not.

- Hey, I know this goat,
it's Arnold's school's mascot.

- If you'll excuse me, I think
the kitchen needs fumigating.

- Yeah, and I think I'll
go look for a pair of pants

without air conditioning.

- Arnold, why would you
bring the school mascot home?

- Well, remember
when you told me

to grab the bull by the horns?

Well, there wasn't a bull,
but there was a goat available.

- I realize that you have
a problem with school,

but this is no way to handle it.

- Well, nobody was
supposed to find out

about the stealing part,

I was just gonna bring him
back and be a school hero.

- Well, you're gonna
bring him back all right,

but whether or
not you'll be a hero

remains to be seen.

I want you to tell
everyone at school

exactly what you did.

- What you talking about Dad?

- Look, I think it's possible
that you may be able

to trick people into thinking
that you saved the mascot,

but in your heart, you
know that you've stolen him,

and you'll always feel
very badly knowing

that you lied and cheated
in order to get recognition

that you really didn't deserve.

- I could like with that.

- How could Rudy
have gotten out of here?

- Beats me, but whoever
did it must be a genius.

Rudy!

- Hey, look who found the
goat, it's Arnold Jackson.

What a hero he is.

Boy, his brother, Willis,
never did anything this great.

- Hey, where'd you find Rudy?

- Well, that's kind
of a long story.

Right dad?

- Right.

- But if you really
want to know,

I guess I have to tell you.

You see, well,

you see.

- Arnold, aren't you
forgetting our promise?

See kids, we promised
the young fellow

that stole Rudy, that we
wouldn't reveal his name.

- We did?

I mean, we did, we sure did.

Who is it, come on.

Come on tell us!

- Boys and girls, It's
really not necessary

for you to know who stole Rudy.

But I can assure you
that the boy who took him

feels very badly
about it, he knows that

it was the wrong thing
to do, and he'll never do

anything like that
again, so there's no point

in making him suffer any more.

- Right, what are we,
a bunch of savages?

Let's give the dude a break.

Thanks, Dad.

- Sure, kid.

- How about three
cheers for Harold.

- That's Arnold.

Arnold Jackson.

- Yeah, Willis' brother.

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got,
diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world, yes it does

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world, mm