Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 6, Episode 11 - The Senior Class Queen - full transcript

Kimberly wants to force the school to admit girls into the Letterman's club. Willis opposes this idea, so he enters the school's beauty pageant to prove his point.

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
strokes to move the world



♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot

♪ So what?

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

- Hold still, I don't
want to stick you.

- Okay.

- Ah, I didn't hold still.

- Pearl have you ever
considered hemming dresses



at the blood bank?

- Well it's worth all the pain

if this dress helps you win
Senior Class Queen next week.

Think of the honor.

- Think of the prizes,
a new set of luggage,

a whole new wardrobe,
and an intimate dinner for two

at the Melody Lanes.

- Ooh that sounds like
a very romantic place.

- Not really, it's
a bowling alley.

But I hear the Gutter
Ball Souffle is excellent.

- Ha, can't wait to try it.

- Well the only reason
I'm in the contest

is because all the
proceeds go to charity.

- I know, I already
got my ticket.

- Oh you did?

- Hey look
everybody, we found it!

Dad's chess set was
downstairs in the basement.

- It's very old.

I'm afraid it's
missing a few pieces.

It belonged to my
great grandfather,

who I'm afraid was also
missing a few pieces.

- Dad, if it's missing pieces,

how are you gonna
teach me to play?

- I'll improvise.

We'll fill in with the
salt and pepper shakers.

You'll be a
well-seasoned player.

How are the alterations
coming, Pearl?

- Oh so-so.

- Boy, it's the epidemic
of bad jokes around here.

I think you both need
a shot of pun-icillin.

Now you got me doing it.

- Well what do
you think, fellas?

- Oh you look
absolutely beautiful.

You've come a long way, baby.

Oh Willis, woo!

- Look at this, my
son, the head waiter.

- Come on seriously,
how do I look?

- Rented.

- Well I think he
looks gorgeous.

- Oh thank you, Pearl.

Obviously your good
taste hasn't been affected

by a family of crumb bums.

- Willis, I have a
nice little boutonniere

that will look perfect
on this tuxedo.

- Oh I'm gonna go
and get my camera,

I would love to take a picture
of my two beautiful children.

- As long as you're at it,

why don't you take
one of Willis too?

- Willis, how come
you need a tux

to go to the Lettermen's
Club banquet?

- Oh because it's a big deal.

I mean they invited guys
from every Lettermen's Club

in the city.

Speakers are gonna be
Doctor J., Joe Theismann,

Arthur Ash, and Steve Garvey.

- Steve Garvey, he can
throw a pass at me anytime.

- Pass? He's a baseball player.

- I know that, he can
still throw a pass at me.

- Hey Willis, this Lettermen's
Club sounds like a big deal.

- Oh yeah, and besides
all the banquets and parties,

you get into some
of the pro games free,

and you get to make great
connections for college

that can even help
you get a scholarship.

- And I thought all you
guys did was sit around

and tell dirty jokes
and snap each other

in the butt with towels.

- I resent that.

We don't tell dirty jokes.

- You know Willis, I didn't
realize the Lettermen's Club

had all those
great fringe benefits

or I would have
joined a long time ago.

- You join?

Kimberley, you've
got to be kidding.

- Why?

I'm on the swim team,
I've earned a letter.

- Kimberley, Kimberley,
my dear silly little sister.

In case you haven't
noticed, the name of the club

is Letter-men, not Letter-women.

- In other words, I can't
join because I'm a girl.

- She catches on
quick, she's no dummy.

- You know Willis,
I'm sick and tired

of you and your friends'
patronizing attitude

about girls and sports.

It's stupid,
chauvinistic, and unfair.

- And not by accident.

- Oh Willis, come on!

- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Please, would you just
stand right over here?

And if you don't mind, I
would like to get a picture

of you with smiles
on your faces.

- Uh Dad, I think you
better take that picture now

and have it touched up later.

- Alright, come on
now, try to look loving.

- In other words, fake it.

- Look Kimberley, the
club is for guys only.

Those are the rules,
so get off my back.

- Well they're dumb rules

and so are the jerks
who made them up.

- Come on, let's
have a big smile,

put your arms around each other.

- Smile bad loser.

- I'll get in that
club, wise guy.

- No way, goldilocks.

- Thanks for the pictures.

They're gonna look great
on the Christmas card,

two scrooges.

- Willis why do you
have to be so stubborn?

Why shouldn't there
be girls in the club?

- Because they don't belong.

You girls have your own
things, like for instance

the Senior Class Queen Contest.

The club is for
jocks, not jockettes.

- That is the most
ridiculous, insensitive attitude

I've ever heard,
isn't it Arnold?

- Not necessarily.

I mean like when us
menfolk get together

we always talk about things
that don't interest women.

- Like what?

- Women.

Now I think I got it, Dad.

King, queen, bishop,
knight, salt, pepper.

- Very good.

Except the salt is
gonna be the white rook

and the pepper is
gonna be the black knight.

Now, the king can only
move one space at a time,

but the queen can move
any place she wants to.

- That's a woman for you.

- Dad, would you guys mind
playing somewhere else?

The president and
the vice president

from the Lettermen's Club
are coming over to see me

and they said it's
really important.

- Oh, what's up?

- You know, I'm not sure.

But let's face it Dad,

I'm pretty popular in
the Lettermen's Club,

they probably wanna
make me an officer.

- Or you're behind on your dues.

- Yeah I guess we can
accommodate you, Willis.

Arnold, why don't we
go up to your room?

- Couldn't I learn to play
chess some other time, Dad?

I'd kinda like to stick around

and watch these macho
clowns bury each other in bull.

- Arnold, I think we'd
better get out of the pasture

before we need hip boots.

- Thanks, Dad.

That's probably the guys.

Hey, come on in!

It's great to see
you guys, alright!

How ya doing?

- Not too good.

- Oh really?

Well what's the matter?

- We got a big problem.

The Lettermen's
Club is in real trouble.

- Oh you're kidding.

- No, you may be the
only one who can save us.

- Hey, me?

Well alright, sure
man, I'm your man.

What's your problem?

- Your sister.

- Maybe I'm not your man.

- You better be, Jackson.

We've got a real crisis here.

Your sister's got a
lot of girls all stirred up

about joining our club.

She even went to
the principal today.

- The principal?

- Yeah, she's a
troublemaker, remember?

Last year she got
girls on the swim team.

What are you gonna
do about it, Jackson?

- Okay, okay.

I mean, I'm just her
brother, not her keeper.

- Well you better
straighten her out

before we get stuck with
a bunch of girls in our club.

- Next thing you know,

we're gonna be wearing
our letters on pantyhose.

- Okay, just take it easy.

Don't worry about it man,
I've already talked to her

and really laid down the law.

- Hi guys.

How do I look?

- Kimberley!

What are you doing wearing
my Lettermen's sweater?

- Oh I just wanted to see
what it was like to wear one,

you know, for
when the girls are in

the Letter-person's Club.

- You laid down the law, huh?

- Oh, I didn't
mean to interrupt,

but I left my
magazine down here.

- What magazine,
Weight Lifters Weekly?

- No Women In Sports,
you oughta read it sometime.

That is, if you can read.

- She saying I can't
read or something?

- Jackson, you better
hurry up and do something

about her, and fast.

- Okay, okay, don't
worry, take it easy.

I'll talk to her.

Just stay rad, be right back.

- Now Arnold remember,
chess is a psychological game

and it's important that
you take a very long time

before you make each move.

- What for?

- To make your opponent think
you know what you're doing.

- I'll get right
out of your way,

I just wanted to
return Willis's sweater.

- Sure.

- Dad, I don't know about chess.

I like checkers.

I mean, all you have to
know is red and black,

at least you have a 50/50
chance of being right.

- Kimberley, we've gotta talk.

- There's nothing to discuss.

- There is too

- Hold it, hold it,
count me out kids.

I'm busy with chess now.

Arnold, let's go down to
the kitchen where it's quiet.

- Yeah let's get away from
these quibbling siblings.

- Alright, resume
battle stations.

Fire at will,
will fire and kill.

- Kimberley, why did you
have to go to the principal?

Now you've got me in trouble
with the Lettermen's Club.

- I'm just doing
whatever it takes to get in.

- Why do you
wanna join so badly?

- It's a matter of justice.

We have got a right
to join if we want to.

- Kimberley, do you love me?

- Of course I do.

- Then bug off!

Because if you don't,
I'll really pay for this.

Kimberley, I'll be the laughing
stock of the whole school.

- Sounds good to me.

- Okay Pearl, it's okay.

- Sorry to evacuate
you Mr. Drummond,

but I can't wax the floor
with you two in the kitchen.

- It's perfectly alright, Pearl.

It was presumptuous
of me to think that I could

go into just any
room in my own home.

Arnold, why don't we go into
my den, see who's in there?

- Okay, and if that doesn't work

there's always another
room, but the only thing is

we'll get interrupted
by the flushing.

- Hello there, fellas.

I'm Willis's father,
this is his brother.

- Hi, nice to meet ya.

- We'll get right
out of your way.

- Bad news, guys.

I couldn't do a thing
with Kimberley, sorry.

- You don't know
what sorry is, Jackson.

- Hey come on, it bugs
me as much as it does you.

Girls sure wouldn't
like it if we tried to get

into one of their clubs.

- Yeah, they'd really trip.

- Hey, wait a minute,
maybe that's it.

- What's it?

- What I just said.

What if we try to get
in one of their clubs?

See when they see
how ridiculous it is,

they'll stop trying
to get into our club.

- That's a great idea.

- Sounds good.

- Wouldn't it be funny

if a guy entered the contest
for Senior Class Queen?

- That would be hysterical.

We just have to
find a guy to do it.

Who could we get?

- Yeah, who could we get?

Oh no, no way.

- Jackson, you're gonna
do it for two reasons.

- I don't care what
the reasons are,

I'm not shaving my
legs for anybody.

- Number one, you thought of it.

And number two, if you don't,

you're out of the
Lettermen's Club.

- Good reasons.

- Look at it this way, you're
gonna be the biggest thing

that ever happened
around school.

You're gonna be famous!

- I will?

- Sure they'll be talking
about you forever.

You'll be a legend
in your own time.

- Yeah and I know why,

I'll be the only one in
the contest who's topless.

- Dinner's ready gang.

- You just made my stomach
an offer it can't refuse.

- What'd you make, Pearl?

- Salad and my
special lobster surprise.

- Lobster?

You must have blown the
food budget for a whole week.

- Nope, the
surprise is it's tuna.

- Let me help you with
your chair Kimberley.

- Thanks but I don't
wanna wind up on the floor.

- No, I'm not mad
at you anymore.

Dad, I thought it over
and she was right,

this is a free country

and she can join
any club she wants to.

- Well that's very sensible.

- I smell a rat.

- Yeah, a rat in a short afro.

- Kimberley, you could
at least give your brother

the benefit of the doubt.

- Yeah, don't be so suspicious.

Would you like
some salad, Arnold?

- Yes.

- Sure, here you go.

Say, have you heard?

There's a new contestant
running for the Senior Class Queen.

- Really? Who?

- Me.

- What you talkin'
about, Willis?

- Very funny, Willis.

- I'm serious.

The Lettermen's
Club is sponsoring me.

- Looks like Pearl's
gonna have to hem a dress

for Willis too.

- What in the world
would prompt you

to do something like that?

That's ridiculous.

- Yeah, but it's
no more ridiculous

than Kimberley trying to
get into our Lettermen's Club.

If she'll back down,
we'll back down.

- Oh, so that's your game.

- I knew you had
something up your girdle.

- Willis, when the
principal of your school

finds out about this,
he'll have a thing or two

to say to you.

- Oh no, we already
checked it out with him,

and there's nothing
in the rules that says

a guy can't enter the contest.

- You think you're
gonna make a shambles

out of this whole
thing, but you're the one

who's gonna look like a fool.

- She has a point Willis.

You're gonna look
rather silly up on the stage

in a pair of high heels, and
an off-the-shoulder gown.

- What are you gonna
do, wear false eyelashes

and stuff sweat
socks in your bra?

- No I don't wanna
overdo it, Arnold.

I'll just borrow one
of Kimberley's bras.

- Oh Pearl, as long as you're
sewing Kimberley's gown,

do you think you could
fix this sweater for me?

I've worn another
hole in the elbow.

- I've fixed that sweater
five times already.

Mr. Drummond, you
have a few bucks,

why don't you give that
sweater to the Good Will?

- I don't think they'd take it.

I'll buy a new sweater, I'll
give that to the Good Will.

Couldn't you do
something about it, please?

It's my favorite, it's
my security sweater.

- Well I'll tell you Linus,

how would you like a
nice sleeveless model?

- Well that's a thought.

I don't want to put you to
too much trouble though.

- Oh no trouble at all.

- I'm glad I didn't
ask you to fix a hole

in the seat of my pants.

- Don't worry, it'll look
real preppy when I'm done,

and these will be
great leg warmers.

- Man, what a day.

Hi Dad.

- Oh hi, Arnold.

What's the problem?

- Willis, that's the problem.

Dad, can't you talk him
out of this senior class thing?

- Well, what's that
got to do with you?

- Well one blabbermouth
at school has a brother

that goes to school with Willis.

So now everybody
knows he's running

for Senior Class Queen
and I'm taking all the heat.

- Well what are they saying?

- Well they're calling Willis
a sissy and me Arnelda.

- Well now, they're
only teasing you Arnold.

Rise above it.

- This is as far as I rise.

- Oh come on, Arnold,

I'm sure you can
take a little ribbing.

It can't be all that bad.

- Are you kidding?

Today at school a guy asked
if he could carry my books.

He was bigger
than me, so I let him.

- Well if it's any
consolation to you,

Willis tells me that
they've been needling him

at his school too.

- Dad, wouldn't it be
a lot easier if he just

dropped out of the contest?

Talk to him.

- I already have,
his mind is made up.

Look, I don't know
whether he's right or wrong,

but if he goes
through with this,

he's got incredible guts.

Of course his legs
are another story.

- Oh let's get out of here
before these two turkeys

get their feathers in an uproar.

- We're not fighting anymore.

In fact, we're being
very civil to each other.

- Right.

If this jerk wants to make
a fool out of himself, let him.

- Hey get ready for dinner kids.

Pearl's made a
delicious lasagna.

- Mmm that's for me.

- Not for me, I'll
just have salad.

Gotta watch my
waistline for the contest.

- I think he's going upstairs
to pluck his eyebrows.

- Thank you, Miss Grover.

Miss Grover...

Thank you, Miss Grover.

We're ready.

And now...

for the final judging,

the bathing suit competition.

Since I'm head of
the math department,

it makes sense that I
should make this introduction.

I've always been
good at figures.

- I'm funnier than he is.

- Better laugh it up kids,

remember I'm the guy who
hands out the report cards.

That's better.

Now, let's meet
our five finalists.

First, Miss Vicky James.

Thank you Vicky.

Next, Miss Irma Elsy.

Very nice.

And next, Miss Kitty Lee

Lovely.

Next, Miss Kimberley Drummond.

- That's my daughter.

- And now the last contestant,

and one who gives a new
meaning to the word curvaceous,

Mr. Willis Jackson.

- That's his other daughter.

- Before our senior class votes,

let's get to know
a little bit more

about our contestants, huh?

- Vicky, what's
your goal in life?

- Well I'd like to get
married and have kids

and be the best darn
housewife I can be.

- Oh that's very admirable.

Boring, but admirable.

What about you, Irma?

- I want to be a career officer

in the United States Marines.

- Huh?

- Anything wrong with that?

- No.

What about you, Kitty?

What do you want
to accomplish in life?

- I would like to end world
hunger and get a jacuzzi.

- What about you, Kimberley?

- I'd like to make the
world a better place

by killing my brother.

- Touching sentiment.

And what about you?

Willis, what's
your goal in life?

- To be what no man has ever
been before, Miss Universe.

- And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the moment we've
all been waiting for.

Who will be this year's
Senior Class Queen?

Well, seniors have
cast their ballots,

and may I have the
envelopes please?

Thank you.

The second runner
up is Miss Kitty Lee!

The first runner up is
Miss Kimberley Drummond!

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield High's
new senior queen,

and she is Willis Jackson?

- I don't believe this,
my son the queen.

- Congratulations, Mr. Drummond.

- Thank you.

♪ And here she, he is

♪ Mister Garfield High

♪ Here he is, your ideal

♪ With so many beauties

♪ He took the town by surprise

♪ With his all
American face and eyes

♪ And here he is walking on air

♪ The fairest of the fair

♪ He is Mister Garfield High

- I couldn't believe it.

- Willis this is ridiculous.

How could you possibly have won?

- Simple, I got
all the guy's votes

and you girls split
the rest four ways.

Oh now, don't be
bitter Kimberley.

You were first runner up.

Should I be unable to
fulfill my duties as queen,

the crown shall
be passed to you.

- I'd like to crown you!

You ruined the whole pagaent.

- Yeah.

- Kids, that was
quite an experience.

You looked absolutely
beautiful, honey.

I don't quite know
what to say to you, son.

This is one occasion Hallmark
doesn't have a card for.

- Well Dad, I did
what I set out to do.

- Yeah, you made a
complete fool of yourself.

- No Arnold, I
proved that it was silly

for me to be in this contest

and that there's some territory

that still belongs to men only

and some that belong to women.

- Not anymore, Willis.

- Say what?

- Well I just talked
to the principal

and well he informs
me that since Willis

has broken the sex barrier,

from now on all school
activities will be open

to both boys and girls.

- Alright!

Does that include the
Lettermen's Club, Mr. Havemeyer?

- I don't see why not.

- Man you mean I went through
all this trouble for nothing?

- It's not for nothing, Willis.

You won a subscription
to Glamour Magazine

and a date with the
captain of the football team.

- Oh and there's
one thing more, Willis.

- What's that, Dad?

- I want that young man to
have you home by midnight.

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ 'Cause they
got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world