Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 5, Episode 20 - The Cricket - full transcript

Arnold becomes attached to a cricket that he believes is bringing him luck. Unfortunately, Drummond and Willis do not share the same warm feelings toward the cricket, which keeps them up at night.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two
they've got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes it takes

♪ Diff'rent strokes it takes

♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody
finds as way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot

♪ So what, they'll have
yours and you'll have yours



♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent strokes to
move the world, yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

- Look at Arnold.

I've never seen him this down.

- Come on, let's see if
we can go cheer him up.

Hi, Arnold!
- Hi.

- Man, is it good to see you!

- You just saw
me in the hallway.

- Sure, but that was
inside, now we're outside!

- Look, Arnold, the sun is
shining, the birds are singing,

there's not a cloud in the sky.



- Yeah, another rotten day!

- Arnold, what's wrong?

- We're your friends,
we wanna help.

- Nobody can
help, it's incurable.

- You have a disease?

- Yeah, terminal bad luck.

I'm jinxed!

Everything I do goes wrong.

My life's in the toilet
and I'm going down

for the third flush.

- Come on, Arnold,
it can't be that bad.

- Oh, no?

I lost my favorite
baseball card,

I turned in the wrong
homework assignment,

I caught my toe
in the locker door,

and I stapled my sleeve
to the bulletin board.

- Sounds like you've
had a rotten week.

- What week, that
was this morning!

You won't believe what
happened to me in the cafeteria,

the worst thing of all!

- You ate the food?

- Even worse, I sat
in the wrong chair.

The one Thelma always sits in.

- You mean Two-Ton
Thelma, the Gooch's sister?

- Arnold, nobody does that.

The Gooch breaks kneecaps
just for looking at his sister

the wrong way.

- What did she do to you?

- She really got me steamed.

She called me a frog-faced
lame-brained yellow-bellied runt.

- What did you do?

- I told her she was a
good judge of character.

- Smart move, you don't
wanna get on the wrong side

of the Gooch.

- Yeah, the Gooch and
Thelma are like two peas

in an ugly pod.

- Yeah, if I wasn't
such a coward,

I woulda called her
a puff-bellied porker.

You know, she is so fat
that she has to take a shower

in the car wash?

That Thelma is so ugly that
on garbage collection day

she can't walk to school,
somebody would stuff her

in a Hefty bag!

I'm talking three-ply
industrial strength!

Yeah, now see,
if I wasn't careful,

with my bad luck, I woulda
got spritzed in the face.

- Hello?

Oh no, Kimberley's
not home right now.

Okay, Ron, 'bye.

I'm here, I'm here,
don't hang up, please!

- Aw sorry about that Kimberley.

I didn't know you
were home, it was Ron.

- Oh, darn!

I really woulda liked to talk
to him, he's so gorgeous.

- Call him back.

- Oh, I can't do that,
he'll think I'm being pushy,

and I might scare him away.

- Kimberley, I thought
you were supposed to be

a liberated woman.

Just tell him you don't
feel like waiting for him

to call back.

You'll impress him
with your honesty.

- Willis, you're
absolutely right.

- Or, you'll scare him away.

- Thanks a lot for
your help, Ann Landers!

Hi!

- Hey, Arnold.

- You won't believe
what happened to me.

- What happened?

- Don't ask!

- Is Lady Luck still
slapping you around?

- She's working overtime.

It wasn't enough that I
had a rotten day at school.

On the way home I met up
with the world's dumbest pigeon.

It mistook me for a statue.

Poor baby.

Freeze, it's probably Ron!

Hi, Ron.

Oh, just a minute.

Someone snarling on
the phone for you, Arnold.

- Uh oh.

There's only one
person that could be.

The Gooch!

- Is that bully still in school?

I thought he got expelled
for nailing the principal's tires

to the parking lot.

- Nah, he said it
was an accident.

- You better take it, Arnold.

I think I hear him
chewing up the phone!

- Right.

Okay.

Hey, Gooch, how ya doing?

Yeah!

What?

Oh come on, Gooch,
would I call your sister

a puff-bellied porker?

Yeah, right, Gooch, who
are you gonna believe,

me or 12 witnesses?

Aw, come on, Gooch,
can't we talk it over?

Gooch, but I...

- What'd he say?

- Something about sweeping
up the playground with my lips.

- Daddy's home!

- Hi, Daddy!
- Hey, Dad!

- Hi, Dad.

- How you doing, son?

- Awful.

Now on top of
everything, I got the Gooch

breathing down my neck
with his terrible tuna breath.

- Well, maybe this'll
change things for you.

- What is it?

- That's a gift from a Japanese
business associate of mine.

I happened to mention
to him that you were

having a run of bad luck
and so he sent that for you.

- A bug?

- Oh that's no
ordinary bug, Arnold.

That is a Japanese cricket.

They're supposed to
bring you good luck.

- Hey, it's got a pretty
big voice for a little bug.

- It's not his voice, Willis.

It makes that noise by
rubbing its legs together.

It's also the way
it attracts females.

- Wonder if that
would work for me?

- Hi, Mr. Drummond.

- Hi, Pearl.

- Arnold, you've been
into the guacamole again.

- How did you know?

- I found your lost
baseball card in it.

Reggie Jackson, I
thought it was gone forever!

- Well, luckily I found him
in time, he was sinking fast!

- Hey, Arnold, look at that,
looks like your lucky cricket's

working already.

- Yeah!

Maybe it'll help me get
the Gooch off my back.

Oh, thanks, Dad,
and thank your friend!

- Okay.

- Maybe I'll call him Lucky.

Unless it's a female.

I guess it doesn't
matter, 'cause I don't know

if I can tell the
difference anyway.

- I think that's the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.

- I hope it works!

- Mr. Drummond, do you
really believe in a lucky cricket?

I mean, if it's true
you could use it to get

money, friends, a husband...

Would you happen
to have another one?

- Oh, I don't really
believe the cricket'll

bring him luck, Pearl, but
if Arnold believes that it will,

that could give him a
more positive attitude.

That could help anybody's luck!

- That's right!

I have a positive
attitude about girls.

Need I say more?

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- Good morning!

My, aren't we a cheery
group this morning?

- Who can be cheery
on 11 minutes' sleep?

That cricket sounded
like it was in bed with me.

- That darn kept
me up half the night.

- It kept me up the other half.

Didn't you hear it, Pearl?

- No, from where my
room is, all I can hear

is the 5AM milk truck
crashing into the garbage truck!

- Hi, everybody!

My, it's such a lovely morning.

Makes you feel
happy just to be alive!

- If I was awake, I'd kill him.

- Arnold, how can
you be so cheery?

Didn't the cricket
keep you awake?

- Heck, no!

Lucky's little chirp made
me sleep like a baby!

And he's really
bringing me good luck!

I haven't tripped over
anything, nothing's fallen on me,

and for the first
time in my life

I've gotten to the
bathroom before Kimberley!

- I'm very happy for you.

- Yeah, with Lucky in my corner,

I'm not even worried about
that big history test tomorrow.

I don't even have to study!

- Arnold, don't put too
much faith in Lucky.

He's a Japanese cricket, he
probably doesn't know very much

about American history.

- Well I trust Lucky.

He may even figure out a way
to keep the Gooch off my back.

Well, I'd better go get
him something to eat.

Oh, oh, could you guys
keep it down a little bit?

Lucky sleeps during
the day, you know.

Step right up, step right up!

Rub my cricket and
change your luck!

And all for the low, low
price of 25 cents a rub!

- What a rip-off.

Arnold, there's no such
thing as a lucky cricket.

- Young lady, that's
exactly what I thought

before I personally
experienced the benefits

of this amazing insect.

- The things that
have happened to me,

you will not believe.

You're right.

- Well, you don't have to.

Cast your eyes on the
young man to my left.

Why, just yesterday this
young boy was a hopeless nerd.

- That's true!

- But now after just one
rub of my lucky cricket,

all of that's changed.

Tell the people, Dudley.

- Well, after I
rubbed the cricket,

I asked Laura Givens to
go to the movies with me.

She said maybe!

- For Dudley, that's a miracle!

Step right up, rub my
cricket and change your luck!

Thank you, give me the
money and run, thank you.

Thank you, don't
crowd, don't crowd.

Rub and begone with
you, thank you, thank you.

All right.

- Arnold, how could you
exploit your fellow students

like this?

You're so uncouth.

- I got as much couth as you do!

- So how much did we make?

- Uh, let's see.

I've made a dollar
and you made 25 cents.

- How come I only get a quarter?

- I guess you're
not as lucky as I am.

Anyway, I had a talk with
the, uh, Gooch this morning.

Man to beast.

- And he didn't rip your
tongue out of your head?

- Well, he did try to make
me swallow a catcher's mitt.

- What stopped him?

- Lucky here gave
me a great idea.

I told the Gooch if
he didn't beat me up,

I'd let him keep
Lucky on his desk

for the history test tomorrow.

- I can't believe it worked.

- Well, it did.

See if the Gooch
fails that test,

he'll get held back again.

And he already holds the
Guinness Book of World Records

for most years in sixth grade.

- Yeah, he'll be the only kid

who went right from grammar
school to social security.

- You can't sleep either, huh?

- No.

- What are we going
to do about this cricket?

- Hey, I got an idea.

Don't fish like crickets?

Abraham, how would you like
a nice little cricket sandwich?

- Willis!

- Wait, I got another idea.

That oughta hold
the little bugger.

- Willis, he could
suffocate in here!

- I know!

- It annoys me too, but
we don't wanna hurt him.

Let's take him downstairs,
I think he's cute.

Oh!

- Yeah, how can Dad
sleep through this racket?

- Oh no, it followed
me down here!

- Dad!

- Oh, oh, it's you!

That thing is
really getting to me.

- It's really getting
to us too, Daddy.

- I just had the
most awful dream.

I dreamed I was in my
office, the phone rang,

I picked it up,

and someone was chirping!

I switched on the radio
and someone was chirping!

Everywhere I turned,
someone was chirping.

And then my secretary walked in.

- Don't tell me,
she was chirping.

- No, she said there
were three crickets

waiting to see me.

- Oh, I thought I
heard voices out here.

- Sorry Pearl, we didn't
mean to wake you up.

- Oh, that's okay, is
something the matter?

- That cricket is
driving us nuts.

- Oh, you mean the
cricket's bugging you?

That's a joke!

Don't you get it?

Bug, cricket?

Cricket, bug?

Uh, I'll go back to bed!

- Why don't we
all go back to bed?

We'll leave the
cricket down here.

- Oh, Arnold wouldn't
like that, he doesn't like

to be separated
from that cricket.

- Then why don't we ship
them both back to Japan?

- Oh, I think Arnold
will survive one night

without his cricket.

Come on, let's go back to bed.

- I can't sleep now,
I'm wide awake.

- Uh, maybe I'll make some
hot milk, that might help.

- Good idea, we'll
drop the cricket into it.

- Daddy, that's not nice,
how can you even think

of drowning a living
creature just to keep it quiet?

- You're right, we'll
tie his legs together.

- I'm with you, Dad, how
can we get rid of this thing?

- Why are men so insensitive?

Willis, give me that,
you're just gonna hurt it, no!

No!

- Oh!

- Oh no, oh no!

He got away, nobody move,
we don't wanna step on him.

- Speak for yourself!

- What's the matter?

- There it is!

- It, since when am I an it?

- No no, not you, Pearl!

The cricket got loose,
it's right down by your feet.

- Pearl, it's only
a little cricket.

- But I'm a very big coward!

- Hey, there, he's over there!

- I don't see it.
- Where'd it go?

No it's over

by the television.
- Man!

- Where, Daddy,
I still don't see it!

- Where'd it go, thing is...

- Oh, it's by the patio door!

- That thing is...
- Where?

- Right here, no, wait, it's...
- I don't see it, where is it?

- Wait, wait, I...
- Aw, man!

- I don't see it, I don't know.

- Hey, it must have
crawled outside!

- Yeah.
- I'll go look for it

in my bedroom!

- Where are you?
- He's out here somewhere!

- It's stopped.

- Oh, I think it
must have jumped!

Well, it's only 30 stories.

- Oh, the poor thing!

You drove it to a
horrible death, Willis,

it committed suicide!

- No, honey, it didn't,
it committed pesticide.

Sorry, I couldn't resist it.

- This is no joke.

Poor Arnold, how
are we gonna tell him

that his good luck splattered
all over Park Avenue?

Poor Arnold.

When he finds out
about his cricket,

he's gonna be devastated.

- Well, we don't have
to tell him till morning.

At least he'll get a
good night's sleep,

which is something
I would love to have.

- Where's my cricket?
- Uh oh!

- Arnold, what are you doing up?

- I couldn't sleep
without Lucky's chirping.

Where is he?

What are all you guys doing up?

- Arnold, come here, please.

There's something
that I have to tell you.

Have a seat.

You see, son,

there's been a little accident.

- An accident?

- Yes.

I'm afraid it's your cricket.

- Something's happened to Lucky?

- Arnold,

he jumped off the balcony.

- What you talkin' about, Dad?

- I'm sorry, son, it's
just one of those things.

The cage dropped, he got loose.

- Oh no!

Who dropped it?

- He did!
- She did!

- Look, son, I know
you think that that cricket

brought you good luck
but it really didn't, you know.

You made your own good luck,

and I'm sure if you think
about it very carefully,

you'll agree with
me that that is true.

- No it's not, no way,
not in a million years.

- I don't think he's buying it.

- Look, son, I'm sure my friend
can get you another cricket.

Maybe even a luckier one!

- But I need it fast, I
promised the Gooch

he could have it on his desk

for the big history
test tomorrow.

If it's not there,
that cricket won't be

the only one who's squashed.

Well, I thought I could
find another cricket

on the way to
school, but I didn't.

What am I gonna do?

- Maybe there's something
else you can give the Gooch

to make him feel lucky.

Like a rabbit's foot,
or a four-leaf clover.

- Or a horseshoe!

- That's even better,
I can hit him with that.

- Hey, I got an idea!

Why don't you show the
Gooch the empty cage

and tell him it's
a magic cricket

and it turned himself invisible!

- Nobody's dumb
enough to fall for that.

- Robbie, we're talking
about the Gooch!

- It just might work!

- No way, uh uh.

I'm not gonna gamble
my face on his stupidity.

- Well, maybe we can
find another cricket here

in the schoolyard.

- It's worth a try.

Hey, Robbie, you're
always in there thinking.

- Yeah, my looks
are very deceiving.

- Well, what are we
standing around yakking for?

Let's find another cricket!

There must be
something around here.

- Hey, cricket,
chirp, chirp, chirp!

- Hey, here's something!

- What, what?
- How about this?

- Oh, no, dummy,
that's a cockroach!

- Cricket, cockroach,
the Gooch'll

never know the difference!

Yeah, I'm a desperate
man, I have no choice.

- But your cricket was
green, this is brown.

- Well, I'll tell the
Gooch it just flew in

from Palm Springs and got a tan.

- Arnold, if this doesn't work,

the Gooch is gonna kill you.

- Yeah, and then
he'll probably stomp

on your penmanship hand.

- Pearl?

Pearl, I'm trying
to concentrate,

do you have to
do that right now?

- Yes, I do.

- Why?

- Why?

Why?

Because it's in my blood.

It's my destiny!

I was put on this earth to
vacuum and vacuum I must!

- Sorry I asked!

- Is Arnold home yet?

- No.

- Have you heard anything?

- No.

- How can you sit
there and be so calm

when your little
brother just might be

getting his face smashed?

- He won't.

- Why are you so sure?

- Because Dad went to
pick him up right from school.

Now why couldn't
you just tell me that

instead of making
me sweat it out?

- Sweating's good for
you, clears the pores.

- Pearl, you've got my
permission to vacuum his face.

- Here we are!

- What happened with the Gooch?

- The Cricket Caper
has a happy ending.

- Yup!

I put a cockroach in
the cage and the Gooch

didn't know the difference.

He actually passed the test!

Now he'll get out
of the sixth grade

and he'll be the dumbest
kid in the seventh grade.

- What's that chirping?

Cockroaches don't chirp.

Uh oh.

- It's gotta be
my cricket, Lucky.

He's not dead, after all!

Where's it coming from?

- Over there!
- It's over this way.

- Hey, it's in the
vacuum cleaner!

- Oh no!

- Pearl must have
vacuumed him up.

Oh!

- Then how could
he still be alive?

- Don't forget,
his name is Lucky.

- Let's get him out!

- Oh, hold it, Mr. Dummond!

Okay, let him out!

- Here, Dad.
- Are you ready, Arnold?

- Yeah, I'm ready, I'm ready.

- Okay, get ready,
Arnold, here he...

- Oh, oh, I got
it, I got it, yeah!

- You better rename him Dusty.

- Well his face may be full
of dust, but his chirp is okay.

- Boy, are we lucky.

- Man, I really missed you.

Hey, Dad, maybe that's why
we had such good luck today.

My cricket's still alive.

- Arnold, you should
know by now that

a cricket can't
bring you good luck,

that's superstition.

- No it's not,
crickets are lucky.

Everything's going my way!

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Gooch.

Yeah, uh,

what?

Run that by me again?

Okay, Gooch, there's
nothing I'd like better.

You're right, Dad,
crickets aren't lucky.

- Well, what happened?

- That was the Gooch.

He likes me so much
now he made me promise

to take his sister
Thelma out on a date.

- Is that bad?

- You don't know Thelma.

How would you like
to be seen in public

with a girl who's shaped
like a hairy avocado?

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing but
their jeans, but they got

♪ Diff'rent strokes, it
takes diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does, it takes

♪ Diff'rent strokes
to move the world

♪ Mmm ♪