Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 5, Episode 2 - In the Swim - full transcript
When Kimberly transfers to public school, she causes Willis embarrassment by insulting the class president and trying out for the boy's swim team. Drummond hires a new housekeeper with an impressive resume.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent
Strokes, it takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds
their way to shine
♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot so what
♪ You'll have theirs,
and they'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine,
and together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
- Dad you're turning red.
- No problem,
hanging's good for ya.
It helps circulation, it
stretches out the ol' body.
Good.
Have a go at it, son.
- You time me, okay?
I wanna hang here
for about four inches.
- Well it's very invigorating,
I feel 10 years younger.
31.
- Dad I never argue with a
guy who controls the allowance.
- Good thinking, okay.
- Daddy, I have to talk to you.
I've just made a very
important decision.
One of the most important
decisions of my life.
- Can it wait a minute?
- Sure, I just wanted to tell
you that I'm quitting school.
- Quitting school,
what do ya mean?
Hey!
- I mean I'm quitting my school.
I know you've already
paid this semester's tuition
and all but I'd really like
to change schools, Daddy.
I'd like to go to public school.
- But why a public school?
Hey, Dad!
- You are going
to one of the finest
private schools
on the East coast.
- I know but I feel like
I'm missing something.
I wanna get out
into the real world,
and it'd be fun to go to
the same school as Willis.
Hey, remember me?
- Sorry, are you all right, Son?
- I think I stretched my
armpits out of shape.
- Listen you are doing just
fine at the school you're at.
Now let's just leave
it there, all right?
- Well I know,
Daddy, but I just feel
I've gotten all I can
get from that school.
I don't wanna be
sheltered all my life.
Daddy, I don't wanna
hurt your feelings
but I'm tired of being
a rich man's daughter.
- Don't worry,
Dad, I'm not tired
of being a rich man's son.
- Thanks, Arnold, I knew
you wouldn't let me down.
- Please, you've
gotta listen to me,
this is really important.
At this point in my life, a
girl's school is so limiting.
It has no variety,
it has no scope.
It has no boys.
That too.
- But why public school?
You sure know how
to surprise a father.
You know what public
school can be like.
Crime, drugs, kids
getting ripped off.
- Willis and Arnold
go to public school.
Well that's different,
they're boys.
- You see that? You are
discriminating against me.
- Yeah, why can't she have the
same disadvantages we have?
- Hi, everybody.
- Hi.
- Hi, Charlene; hi, Willis.
- Charlene I'm
really glad to see you.
I was just telling
daddy I wanna go
to the same school as you guys.
- Hey that's great.
- Yeah wow, I mean I
heard you mention it a couple
times but I never thought
you'd go through with it.
- Well I've just made
up my mind, but daddy
doesn't think it's safe for
a girl to go to public school.
Tell him, Charlene.
- Well, Mr. Drummond, I
haven't had any problems.
- Yeah, Dad, now
come on, do you think
I'd let my girl go to a public
school if it wasn't safe?
Come on, nobody's
gonna bother Kimberly.
And besides there's nothing
to fear when Willis is near.
- Yeah they'll
run for their lives
when he flashes those
three hairs on his chest.
- Please, Daddy.
- Now look, Kimberly,
I'm just being
a cautious parent, isn't that
what I'm supposed to be?
- Sure, Dad, but
that would be terrific,
me and Kimberly going to
the same school together.
I'll introduce her
to all my friends.
- We'd really love to
have her, Mr. Drummond.
- Oh please, Daddy, it
really means a lot to me.
- Honey I hate to make a
decision about something
this important in such a hurry.
- But I've gotta
know or else it will
be too late to register.
- Well if it's that
important to you,
maybe we can try it
and see how it goes.
Thanks, Daddy, you're terrific.
- Yeah I'm always
terrific when I cave in.
- That'll be great.
I mean we'll be in the same
classes, we'll study together.
What a team we'll make.
Yeah, beauty and the beast.
- Come on, Kimberly,
you don't wanna be late
for school on your first day.
I'll be right with you,
I'm just fixing my hair.
- She's been doing
that for the last hour.
She's gonna blow
dry her brains out.
- Bang on the
door for me, Arnold.
- Since when am I your banger?
Go bang on the door yourself.
- Can't you see I'm busy?
- Willis, I bet when
you get married
you're gonna carry your
mirror across the threshold.
- Very funny, Arnold.
I thought so.
Hey, guys.
- Kimberly, can't you
see I'm getting dressed?
- Sorry.
What do ya think
about these jeans?
Do they look all right?
- They're fine.
- Are you sure?
First day of school and
all, you wanna make
a good impression.
- Kimberly they look great.
- Well maybe I should wear
a dress instead of jeans,
or maybe this skirt.
- Why don't you take a suit case
and change between classes?
- Come on, Kimberly, we really
gotta make a move already.
- Okay, I'll be right with you.
- Oh no.
Okay, I'm ready.
- What does a guy have
to do to put his pants on
around here, take a hotel room?
Well I'm all set.
- Good morning, kids.
Good morning, Daddy.
- Is that what you're gonna
wear to school, blue jeans?
- That's it, I'm changing.
- Oh no, you're fine.
Dad everyone wears blue
jeans, even the principal.
- Really?
Okay but listen, I want
you to be very careful today.
If Willis isn't there
and you see any
rough looking
characters, you stay inside,
don't go out in the yard.
- Daddy, I'm going to high
school, not San Quintin.
- Dad you're
getting carried away.
Kimberly will be fine.
- I hope so. Be careful.
- We really gotta go, Dad, bye.
- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, Arnold.
- Bye.
- I guess maybe
I am overdoing it,
but you see the news,
you read the papers,
and your imagination goes wild.
- Stop worrying, Dad.
Nothing's ever
happened to me in school.
Except for the time
when those punks
ripped off my lunch,
made me pay them
protection money, threatened
my life and beat up Willis.
- Thanks a lot, Arnold,
that's very reassuring.
Hi.
You're black.
Yeah, all over.
- What I mean is, I didn't
know this was a black family.
- Oh well it is and it isn't.
We go both ways.
My name is Arnold,
may I help you?
- I'm here from the agency
to see Mr. Drummond.
- Oh terrific, come on in.
Hey, Dad, the new
house keeper is here!
Be right down!
- Are you a good cook?
I look little, but I eat big.
- I understand big
eating, and I've gone
to the best schools in Europe.
Oh great, can you
make belch burgers?
- Belch burgers, what
is a belch burger?
- That's a hamburger with chili,
Tabasco sauce, peppers, onions.
Please, you're giving me gas.
- Would you make them
for me, please? Please?
Over my dead body.
They'll be no trashy food
in any house I work in.
What you talking about, lady?
- Hello there.
- Dad get rid of her,
she's a troublemaker.
- Good morning,
I'm Philip Drummond.
You're white.
You're very perceptive.
- What I mean is your kid...
- No it's okay, I understand.
- Any way, I'm Pearl Gallagher.
- How do you do?
Oh excuse my not being dressed,
I slept in, I had kind
of a big night last night.
Please spare me the details.
- No problem, I can't
remember any of them.
- Shall we get on with
it? I brought references.
- Oh very good, would
you like to have a seat?
- Thank you.
- Now about us.
I'm a widower, I have
two adopted sons;
Arnold whom you just
met and his brother Willis.
They're black, and I have a
daughter Kimberly, who's white.
- Well the color
isn't important,
the fact that
they're children is.
- Oh, you have a
problem with children?
- Only if they're
spoiled, which is often
the case in better zip codes.
Besides, the families
that I worked with
didn't have little children,
they were all grown.
- Well I don't wanna
sound like a bragging father,
which I am, but my
three kids are wonderful.
You'll hardly know
they're around.
That's my kind of kids.
- We're very anxious
to find a housekeeper.
May I see the references?
- Oh yes, I only brought a few.
- Thank you.
You worked for Henry Kissinger?
Cyrus Vance.
- Dear Cyrus.
Edmond Muskie.
Alexander Haig.
When he went, I went.
- You worked for four
secretaries of state.
Well you get in a rut.
- Well this is impressive,
very impressive.
Yes it is.
- Well, Ms.
Gallagher, I don't know
that we're up to your standards.
Neither do I.
But you make a
good first impression.
- Thank you, Ms. Gallagher.
- Please, call me
Pearl. Menachem did.
- You know Menachem Begin?
- Who do you think made the
hors devours at Camp David?
- Menachem Begin made the
hors devours at Camp David?
Just joking.
Pearl, let me suggest something.
Why don't you try us for a
week, see how you like us.
- It is a good
address but, well...
- Is there a problem?
- Well let's see,
how can I put this?
- Well, just say it.
- Well you're a single man,
and I'm a single woman,
do you get my drift?
- I'm not sure that I do,
could you drift a little more?
- Let me put it another
way, I don't fool around.
Ah, I just got your drift.
- I like to get that
straightened out up front.
- Oh I'm very glad you did.
Well you'll be
perfectly safe here.
There won't be anything
cooking around here
except in the kitchen.
- Good, but one false
move and I'm out the door.
- I promise, I'll learn
to live with temptation.
- So what's it like
at private school,
I mean compared to here.
- Well in the first place, we
had to wear dumb uniforms.
You couldn't even
tell we were girls.
- There was a couple of them
you could tell that were girls.
- Hey, Willis.
- Oh, well hey I hate to
break this up, Charlene,
but I want Kimberly to meet
someone who's really important.
- Oh we understand, thanks
for spending a few minutes
with the peasants.
- That's okay, I like
to spread it around.
- See ya later.
- Bye, it was nice meeting you.
- Hey, Christopher,
this is my sister
I was telling you about.
Kimberly, this is
Christopher Miles,
president of the student body.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- You've got a great
looking sister, Willis.
- Yeah.
- We've got a great looking
president of the student body.
- Thanks.
- Christopher and I are
on the swim team together.
He's captain.
- Oh swim team, huh?
Captain.
- I was on the swim
team at my old school.
- Great. Maybe we could
swim together some time.
- Oh I'd love it.
- So how do you like
our little school so far?
Well I like what I see.
- Oh well we better get going.
Kimberly, you don't
wanna be late, do you?
- Well yeah, I suppose so.
- Right.
- By the way, when are
try-outs for the swim team?
- Tomorrow, why?
- I'm gonna go out for it.
- I'm afraid we don't
have a girls' team.
- You don't, well why not?
- Not enough interest I guess.
- I'm interested.
- Well, Kimberly, there's
a lot of other girl sports.
I mean there's
badminton, volleyball.
- But I like swimming.
- Well you can always
come to the swim meets
and watch the men in action.
- Oh wow, that's a real treat.
Aren't I a lucky girl?
- Hey, I don't make the rules.
- Well, Kimberly, I think
we really better go now.
I mean, you don't wanna be
late on your first day of school.
- You're the president
of the student body,
you could do
something about this.
If you got a team for the boys,
why can't you have
one for the girls too?
- Because the boys
team is all we need.
- What kind of a stupid
chauvinistic remark was that?
- Who are you calling stupid?
- Kimberly, that's
no way to talk
to the president
of the student body.
He's a jerk.
- Some sister, Willis. You
better have a talk with her.
- Oh yeah well she's nervous,
her first day and everything.
I'll straighten her out.
What are you
doing, little sister?
You just got here and
already you're making waves.
- And it's about time
somebody did, big brother,
and it might as well be me.
I'm a dead man.
- Abraham can you
believe what Pearl
is giving me for
after school snacks?
She stabbed me in the
back with a carrot stick.
Now I know why
they call her Pearl.
After Pearl Harbor.
I don't believe
that sister of yours.
She just gets to our
school and starts trouble.
- What trouble?
Don't try to defend her.
- I'm not defending her.
What's the matter, Willis?
You get a weird
look in your eye.
Like the nut from Friday
The 13th Part Three.
- Well I got a good
reason to look crazy.
Kimberly's out of control.
She's making me
look like a total fool
in front of my friends.
Man she's just a total flake.
- I heard that.
I may be a flake, but you
are an insensitive turkey.
Right, Arnold?
- What can I say? I
agree with both of you.
- Some brother he is.
Instead of sticking up
for me, his own sister,
he takes the side
of a total stranger.
That's not nice, Willis.
- Total stranger?
Well he was almost
a close friend of mine.
He was very nice to her,
and she turned on him, Arnold.
She went right for the jugular.
That's not nice, Kimberly.
- Oh sure, stick
up for your brother.
Blood is thicker than adoption.
You're as bad as he
is, Benedict Arnold.
- I'm kinda proud we're alike.
- Get away from me.
I don't wanna be an
insensitive turkey like you.
- You know something?
Kimberly's right about
you, you are a troublemaker.
- Me, how'd I get
in the middle of this?
I was just sitting here
talking to a goldfish.
- Hi, kids, how'd
school go today?
- It was a disaster.
What happened to Kimberly?
- What happened to Kimberly?
What happened to Willis!
Dad, her first day at
school and she calls
Christopher Miles a jerk.
No.
That's terrible. Who's
Christopher Miles?
- Well, Dad, he's only
president of the student body.
And he's also an air head.
He thinks girls aren't
important enough
to have a swim
team of their own.
So I told him I
thought he was...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa now hold it.
Now I understand
your feelings, Kimberly,
but you're a smart
girl, I'm sure you could
think of something better to
do than to call the guy names.
- You know, Daddy, you're right.
I'll think of another way
to get that blonde weasel.
- You see what I mean?
The girl's impossible.
- Well it's nice to have
one big happy family.
How was your day, Arnold?
- Terrible.
Good, I think we're on a roll.
What's your problem?
- Food.
Dad I study hard at school,
work up a big appetite,
and what do I come home
to, the Scarsdale Diet.
- Listen I'm really sorry about
what happened
yesterday with my sister.
- If you don't mind, I'd
just like to forget about it.
So would I.
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- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm trying out for the team.
- Are you going crazy?
- You can't go out
for the boys' team.
- Just watch me.
- Kimberly, get outta here.
- Not a chance, Willis.
- Oh, man.
- She's got a great body.
Too bad it's attached
to that mouth.
- Okay, you guys,
let's go, come on.
Gather around the
other end of the pool.
Good to see you guys back.
All right now listen
up all you guys.
Wait a minute, one
of you guys isn't a guy.
Excuse me, young lady.
- Yes, coach?
- I guess you didn't realize
that this isn't open swimming.
What we're doing is trying
out for the swim team.
- I know, that's why
I'm here, to try out.
- Yes but this is the
boys' team, can't you tell?
- Of course I know
the difference,
but this school doesn't
have a girls' team
so I'm trying out for
the only team we've got.
- Listen, I don't
wanna embarrass you.
- You're not embarrassing me.
- Well I'm afraid you can't stay
because we wanna
get back to work.
- So do I.
- Now, honey, be reasonable.
- I'm not your honey and I'm
trying out for the swim team.
- There are going to be no
girls on any team that I coach.
This is the boys' team and
there's no more comments.
Now if you wanna get
thrown out, I can oblige you.
- All I want is a chance...
- Okay, that's it, come on.
- Let go of me.
- Kimberly you've gotta
be out of your mind.
- You can't do that to the
coach, you dumb head.
Apologize to him.
You do it for me.
- You see, coach, she's not
my real sister, I'm adopted.
Into the pool, huh?
- Can you believe it?
Shoving the coach, the
captain, and me into the pool.
That's terrible.
- It's not funny.
- That's right.
This is a serious matter.
- I don't believe you guys.
My life is ruined
and you're laughing.
Boy this family's gone wacko.
- That's enough.
Now, Kimberly, this
really is a serious matter.
I mean you have to be careful
doing something like that.
You can be suspended.
- She was suspended.
Thanks, big mouth.
- How come you know
about that and I don't?
- Cause the bathroom
is next to her room.
- So?
- So when she was
talking on the phone,
I was listening on the throne.
- Daddy, it's no big
deal, I only got suspended
for a couple of days.
- Couple years would've
made me very happy.
- Kimberly, to me being
suspended is a big deal.
That goes on your record.
- I know but I didn't
mean to actually shove
the coach into the
pool, I just shoved him.
He went into the pool.
Worked out better
than she thought.
- Nothing but a
spoiled brat who wants
everything her own way.
I wish she'd go back
to her private school.
- You're as bad as
that fool Christopher.
- I am not.
So I'm sorry, Kimberly,
you always do that!
Every time!
Knock it off!
Sorry, but you sounded
like a session of congress.
Besides arguing messes
up the digestive juices.
- Pearl's right.
Kimberly, I really think
you've been pushing too hard.
You can't change things
at school overnight.
First you have to
fit in, make friends,
then you can get your
ideas across gradually.
Don't you agree, Pearl?
- Not at all.
- Who asked you?
- Women never got
any rights by waiting.
Indira and I always
agreed on that.
Men, we've gotta
unite, she's trouble.
- Come on, Kimberly, dad's
right. I mean give me a break.
Take it easy at school, huh?
- What do you say, honey?
Try it my way, you really
don't need to push so hard.
- Well okay.
Thanks, Kimberly.
Company.
During dinner.
A definite no-no.
- Hi.
- Hi, may I help you?
- Oh I'm Charlene,
Willis' girlfriend.
- Oh, I'm Pearl, the
new housekeeper.
- Oh I hope we weren't
interrupting dinner, Pearl.
You can hope, but you are.
Well as long as
you're here, come in.
- Hi.
- Hey, Charlene, what
are you guys doing here?
- Well we came to see Kimberly.
Kimberly we just
want you to know
that we believe in
what you did today.
It's about time somebody
shook up the system.
- Really?
- We've got this petition
here with 40 names on it.
- We're gonna see
to it that either girls
get on that swim team,
or get a team of their own.
- Well why stop with swimming?
Hey why don't you girls
go out for baseball too?
- Hey, great idea,
we'll do that, thanks.
What?
- If Willis keeps
talking, the football
equipment room's gonna
be loaded with brassieres.
- Kimberly there's
a lot of things
that need to be done
for girls at our school,
and we've been waiting for
someone like you to come along.
You'll be our leader.
- You're kidding?
I'd be proud to.
- Oh no, Charlene, how
could you do this to me?
- Willis I may be your girl,
but I'm my own woman.
- All right.
- I heard that.
- Dad? Dad?
Don't just sit there,
Dad, do something.
- What can I do,
lock her in the tower?
- Daddy, I know I promised
I would try it your way,
but I just can't, this
is too important to me.
- Like father, like daughter.
It looks like I've got a
girl with a mind of her own.
- You know it.
- Yeah so does the
whole darn school.
- Well, Willis, I can
only suggest one thing.
Go to a private school,
because public school's
getting too rough for ya.
- No way.
No girl's gonna
make it rough for me.
- That's telling 'em, son.
That's what Sampson
said just before the haircut.
- Okay, team.
Girls, into the pool.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent
Strokes, it takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world, yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
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to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent
Strokes, it takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds
their way to shine
♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot so what
♪ You'll have theirs,
and they'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine,
and together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
- Dad you're turning red.
- No problem,
hanging's good for ya.
It helps circulation, it
stretches out the ol' body.
Good.
Have a go at it, son.
- You time me, okay?
I wanna hang here
for about four inches.
- Well it's very invigorating,
I feel 10 years younger.
31.
- Dad I never argue with a
guy who controls the allowance.
- Good thinking, okay.
- Daddy, I have to talk to you.
I've just made a very
important decision.
One of the most important
decisions of my life.
- Can it wait a minute?
- Sure, I just wanted to tell
you that I'm quitting school.
- Quitting school,
what do ya mean?
Hey!
- I mean I'm quitting my school.
I know you've already
paid this semester's tuition
and all but I'd really like
to change schools, Daddy.
I'd like to go to public school.
- But why a public school?
Hey, Dad!
- You are going
to one of the finest
private schools
on the East coast.
- I know but I feel like
I'm missing something.
I wanna get out
into the real world,
and it'd be fun to go to
the same school as Willis.
Hey, remember me?
- Sorry, are you all right, Son?
- I think I stretched my
armpits out of shape.
- Listen you are doing just
fine at the school you're at.
Now let's just leave
it there, all right?
- Well I know,
Daddy, but I just feel
I've gotten all I can
get from that school.
I don't wanna be
sheltered all my life.
Daddy, I don't wanna
hurt your feelings
but I'm tired of being
a rich man's daughter.
- Don't worry,
Dad, I'm not tired
of being a rich man's son.
- Thanks, Arnold, I knew
you wouldn't let me down.
- Please, you've
gotta listen to me,
this is really important.
At this point in my life, a
girl's school is so limiting.
It has no variety,
it has no scope.
It has no boys.
That too.
- But why public school?
You sure know how
to surprise a father.
You know what public
school can be like.
Crime, drugs, kids
getting ripped off.
- Willis and Arnold
go to public school.
Well that's different,
they're boys.
- You see that? You are
discriminating against me.
- Yeah, why can't she have the
same disadvantages we have?
- Hi, everybody.
- Hi.
- Hi, Charlene; hi, Willis.
- Charlene I'm
really glad to see you.
I was just telling
daddy I wanna go
to the same school as you guys.
- Hey that's great.
- Yeah wow, I mean I
heard you mention it a couple
times but I never thought
you'd go through with it.
- Well I've just made
up my mind, but daddy
doesn't think it's safe for
a girl to go to public school.
Tell him, Charlene.
- Well, Mr. Drummond, I
haven't had any problems.
- Yeah, Dad, now
come on, do you think
I'd let my girl go to a public
school if it wasn't safe?
Come on, nobody's
gonna bother Kimberly.
And besides there's nothing
to fear when Willis is near.
- Yeah they'll
run for their lives
when he flashes those
three hairs on his chest.
- Please, Daddy.
- Now look, Kimberly,
I'm just being
a cautious parent, isn't that
what I'm supposed to be?
- Sure, Dad, but
that would be terrific,
me and Kimberly going to
the same school together.
I'll introduce her
to all my friends.
- We'd really love to
have her, Mr. Drummond.
- Oh please, Daddy, it
really means a lot to me.
- Honey I hate to make a
decision about something
this important in such a hurry.
- But I've gotta
know or else it will
be too late to register.
- Well if it's that
important to you,
maybe we can try it
and see how it goes.
Thanks, Daddy, you're terrific.
- Yeah I'm always
terrific when I cave in.
- That'll be great.
I mean we'll be in the same
classes, we'll study together.
What a team we'll make.
Yeah, beauty and the beast.
- Come on, Kimberly,
you don't wanna be late
for school on your first day.
I'll be right with you,
I'm just fixing my hair.
- She's been doing
that for the last hour.
She's gonna blow
dry her brains out.
- Bang on the
door for me, Arnold.
- Since when am I your banger?
Go bang on the door yourself.
- Can't you see I'm busy?
- Willis, I bet when
you get married
you're gonna carry your
mirror across the threshold.
- Very funny, Arnold.
I thought so.
Hey, guys.
- Kimberly, can't you
see I'm getting dressed?
- Sorry.
What do ya think
about these jeans?
Do they look all right?
- They're fine.
- Are you sure?
First day of school and
all, you wanna make
a good impression.
- Kimberly they look great.
- Well maybe I should wear
a dress instead of jeans,
or maybe this skirt.
- Why don't you take a suit case
and change between classes?
- Come on, Kimberly, we really
gotta make a move already.
- Okay, I'll be right with you.
- Oh no.
Okay, I'm ready.
- What does a guy have
to do to put his pants on
around here, take a hotel room?
Well I'm all set.
- Good morning, kids.
Good morning, Daddy.
- Is that what you're gonna
wear to school, blue jeans?
- That's it, I'm changing.
- Oh no, you're fine.
Dad everyone wears blue
jeans, even the principal.
- Really?
Okay but listen, I want
you to be very careful today.
If Willis isn't there
and you see any
rough looking
characters, you stay inside,
don't go out in the yard.
- Daddy, I'm going to high
school, not San Quintin.
- Dad you're
getting carried away.
Kimberly will be fine.
- I hope so. Be careful.
- We really gotta go, Dad, bye.
- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, Arnold.
- Bye.
- I guess maybe
I am overdoing it,
but you see the news,
you read the papers,
and your imagination goes wild.
- Stop worrying, Dad.
Nothing's ever
happened to me in school.
Except for the time
when those punks
ripped off my lunch,
made me pay them
protection money, threatened
my life and beat up Willis.
- Thanks a lot, Arnold,
that's very reassuring.
Hi.
You're black.
Yeah, all over.
- What I mean is, I didn't
know this was a black family.
- Oh well it is and it isn't.
We go both ways.
My name is Arnold,
may I help you?
- I'm here from the agency
to see Mr. Drummond.
- Oh terrific, come on in.
Hey, Dad, the new
house keeper is here!
Be right down!
- Are you a good cook?
I look little, but I eat big.
- I understand big
eating, and I've gone
to the best schools in Europe.
Oh great, can you
make belch burgers?
- Belch burgers, what
is a belch burger?
- That's a hamburger with chili,
Tabasco sauce, peppers, onions.
Please, you're giving me gas.
- Would you make them
for me, please? Please?
Over my dead body.
They'll be no trashy food
in any house I work in.
What you talking about, lady?
- Hello there.
- Dad get rid of her,
she's a troublemaker.
- Good morning,
I'm Philip Drummond.
You're white.
You're very perceptive.
- What I mean is your kid...
- No it's okay, I understand.
- Any way, I'm Pearl Gallagher.
- How do you do?
Oh excuse my not being dressed,
I slept in, I had kind
of a big night last night.
Please spare me the details.
- No problem, I can't
remember any of them.
- Shall we get on with
it? I brought references.
- Oh very good, would
you like to have a seat?
- Thank you.
- Now about us.
I'm a widower, I have
two adopted sons;
Arnold whom you just
met and his brother Willis.
They're black, and I have a
daughter Kimberly, who's white.
- Well the color
isn't important,
the fact that
they're children is.
- Oh, you have a
problem with children?
- Only if they're
spoiled, which is often
the case in better zip codes.
Besides, the families
that I worked with
didn't have little children,
they were all grown.
- Well I don't wanna
sound like a bragging father,
which I am, but my
three kids are wonderful.
You'll hardly know
they're around.
That's my kind of kids.
- We're very anxious
to find a housekeeper.
May I see the references?
- Oh yes, I only brought a few.
- Thank you.
You worked for Henry Kissinger?
Cyrus Vance.
- Dear Cyrus.
Edmond Muskie.
Alexander Haig.
When he went, I went.
- You worked for four
secretaries of state.
Well you get in a rut.
- Well this is impressive,
very impressive.
Yes it is.
- Well, Ms.
Gallagher, I don't know
that we're up to your standards.
Neither do I.
But you make a
good first impression.
- Thank you, Ms. Gallagher.
- Please, call me
Pearl. Menachem did.
- You know Menachem Begin?
- Who do you think made the
hors devours at Camp David?
- Menachem Begin made the
hors devours at Camp David?
Just joking.
Pearl, let me suggest something.
Why don't you try us for a
week, see how you like us.
- It is a good
address but, well...
- Is there a problem?
- Well let's see,
how can I put this?
- Well, just say it.
- Well you're a single man,
and I'm a single woman,
do you get my drift?
- I'm not sure that I do,
could you drift a little more?
- Let me put it another
way, I don't fool around.
Ah, I just got your drift.
- I like to get that
straightened out up front.
- Oh I'm very glad you did.
Well you'll be
perfectly safe here.
There won't be anything
cooking around here
except in the kitchen.
- Good, but one false
move and I'm out the door.
- I promise, I'll learn
to live with temptation.
- So what's it like
at private school,
I mean compared to here.
- Well in the first place, we
had to wear dumb uniforms.
You couldn't even
tell we were girls.
- There was a couple of them
you could tell that were girls.
- Hey, Willis.
- Oh, well hey I hate to
break this up, Charlene,
but I want Kimberly to meet
someone who's really important.
- Oh we understand, thanks
for spending a few minutes
with the peasants.
- That's okay, I like
to spread it around.
- See ya later.
- Bye, it was nice meeting you.
- Hey, Christopher,
this is my sister
I was telling you about.
Kimberly, this is
Christopher Miles,
president of the student body.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- You've got a great
looking sister, Willis.
- Yeah.
- We've got a great looking
president of the student body.
- Thanks.
- Christopher and I are
on the swim team together.
He's captain.
- Oh swim team, huh?
Captain.
- I was on the swim
team at my old school.
- Great. Maybe we could
swim together some time.
- Oh I'd love it.
- So how do you like
our little school so far?
Well I like what I see.
- Oh well we better get going.
Kimberly, you don't
wanna be late, do you?
- Well yeah, I suppose so.
- Right.
- By the way, when are
try-outs for the swim team?
- Tomorrow, why?
- I'm gonna go out for it.
- I'm afraid we don't
have a girls' team.
- You don't, well why not?
- Not enough interest I guess.
- I'm interested.
- Well, Kimberly, there's
a lot of other girl sports.
I mean there's
badminton, volleyball.
- But I like swimming.
- Well you can always
come to the swim meets
and watch the men in action.
- Oh wow, that's a real treat.
Aren't I a lucky girl?
- Hey, I don't make the rules.
- Well, Kimberly, I think
we really better go now.
I mean, you don't wanna be
late on your first day of school.
- You're the president
of the student body,
you could do
something about this.
If you got a team for the boys,
why can't you have
one for the girls too?
- Because the boys
team is all we need.
- What kind of a stupid
chauvinistic remark was that?
- Who are you calling stupid?
- Kimberly, that's
no way to talk
to the president
of the student body.
He's a jerk.
- Some sister, Willis. You
better have a talk with her.
- Oh yeah well she's nervous,
her first day and everything.
I'll straighten her out.
What are you
doing, little sister?
You just got here and
already you're making waves.
- And it's about time
somebody did, big brother,
and it might as well be me.
I'm a dead man.
- Abraham can you
believe what Pearl
is giving me for
after school snacks?
She stabbed me in the
back with a carrot stick.
Now I know why
they call her Pearl.
After Pearl Harbor.
I don't believe
that sister of yours.
She just gets to our
school and starts trouble.
- What trouble?
Don't try to defend her.
- I'm not defending her.
What's the matter, Willis?
You get a weird
look in your eye.
Like the nut from Friday
The 13th Part Three.
- Well I got a good
reason to look crazy.
Kimberly's out of control.
She's making me
look like a total fool
in front of my friends.
Man she's just a total flake.
- I heard that.
I may be a flake, but you
are an insensitive turkey.
Right, Arnold?
- What can I say? I
agree with both of you.
- Some brother he is.
Instead of sticking up
for me, his own sister,
he takes the side
of a total stranger.
That's not nice, Willis.
- Total stranger?
Well he was almost
a close friend of mine.
He was very nice to her,
and she turned on him, Arnold.
She went right for the jugular.
That's not nice, Kimberly.
- Oh sure, stick
up for your brother.
Blood is thicker than adoption.
You're as bad as he
is, Benedict Arnold.
- I'm kinda proud we're alike.
- Get away from me.
I don't wanna be an
insensitive turkey like you.
- You know something?
Kimberly's right about
you, you are a troublemaker.
- Me, how'd I get
in the middle of this?
I was just sitting here
talking to a goldfish.
- Hi, kids, how'd
school go today?
- It was a disaster.
What happened to Kimberly?
- What happened to Kimberly?
What happened to Willis!
Dad, her first day at
school and she calls
Christopher Miles a jerk.
No.
That's terrible. Who's
Christopher Miles?
- Well, Dad, he's only
president of the student body.
And he's also an air head.
He thinks girls aren't
important enough
to have a swim
team of their own.
So I told him I
thought he was...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa now hold it.
Now I understand
your feelings, Kimberly,
but you're a smart
girl, I'm sure you could
think of something better to
do than to call the guy names.
- You know, Daddy, you're right.
I'll think of another way
to get that blonde weasel.
- You see what I mean?
The girl's impossible.
- Well it's nice to have
one big happy family.
How was your day, Arnold?
- Terrible.
Good, I think we're on a roll.
What's your problem?
- Food.
Dad I study hard at school,
work up a big appetite,
and what do I come home
to, the Scarsdale Diet.
- Listen I'm really sorry about
what happened
yesterday with my sister.
- If you don't mind, I'd
just like to forget about it.
So would I.
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- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm trying out for the team.
- Are you going crazy?
- You can't go out
for the boys' team.
- Just watch me.
- Kimberly, get outta here.
- Not a chance, Willis.
- Oh, man.
- She's got a great body.
Too bad it's attached
to that mouth.
- Okay, you guys,
let's go, come on.
Gather around the
other end of the pool.
Good to see you guys back.
All right now listen
up all you guys.
Wait a minute, one
of you guys isn't a guy.
Excuse me, young lady.
- Yes, coach?
- I guess you didn't realize
that this isn't open swimming.
What we're doing is trying
out for the swim team.
- I know, that's why
I'm here, to try out.
- Yes but this is the
boys' team, can't you tell?
- Of course I know
the difference,
but this school doesn't
have a girls' team
so I'm trying out for
the only team we've got.
- Listen, I don't
wanna embarrass you.
- You're not embarrassing me.
- Well I'm afraid you can't stay
because we wanna
get back to work.
- So do I.
- Now, honey, be reasonable.
- I'm not your honey and I'm
trying out for the swim team.
- There are going to be no
girls on any team that I coach.
This is the boys' team and
there's no more comments.
Now if you wanna get
thrown out, I can oblige you.
- All I want is a chance...
- Okay, that's it, come on.
- Let go of me.
- Kimberly you've gotta
be out of your mind.
- You can't do that to the
coach, you dumb head.
Apologize to him.
You do it for me.
- You see, coach, she's not
my real sister, I'm adopted.
Into the pool, huh?
- Can you believe it?
Shoving the coach, the
captain, and me into the pool.
That's terrible.
- It's not funny.
- That's right.
This is a serious matter.
- I don't believe you guys.
My life is ruined
and you're laughing.
Boy this family's gone wacko.
- That's enough.
Now, Kimberly, this
really is a serious matter.
I mean you have to be careful
doing something like that.
You can be suspended.
- She was suspended.
Thanks, big mouth.
- How come you know
about that and I don't?
- Cause the bathroom
is next to her room.
- So?
- So when she was
talking on the phone,
I was listening on the throne.
- Daddy, it's no big
deal, I only got suspended
for a couple of days.
- Couple years would've
made me very happy.
- Kimberly, to me being
suspended is a big deal.
That goes on your record.
- I know but I didn't
mean to actually shove
the coach into the
pool, I just shoved him.
He went into the pool.
Worked out better
than she thought.
- Nothing but a
spoiled brat who wants
everything her own way.
I wish she'd go back
to her private school.
- You're as bad as
that fool Christopher.
- I am not.
So I'm sorry, Kimberly,
you always do that!
Every time!
Knock it off!
Sorry, but you sounded
like a session of congress.
Besides arguing messes
up the digestive juices.
- Pearl's right.
Kimberly, I really think
you've been pushing too hard.
You can't change things
at school overnight.
First you have to
fit in, make friends,
then you can get your
ideas across gradually.
Don't you agree, Pearl?
- Not at all.
- Who asked you?
- Women never got
any rights by waiting.
Indira and I always
agreed on that.
Men, we've gotta
unite, she's trouble.
- Come on, Kimberly, dad's
right. I mean give me a break.
Take it easy at school, huh?
- What do you say, honey?
Try it my way, you really
don't need to push so hard.
- Well okay.
Thanks, Kimberly.
Company.
During dinner.
A definite no-no.
- Hi.
- Hi, may I help you?
- Oh I'm Charlene,
Willis' girlfriend.
- Oh, I'm Pearl, the
new housekeeper.
- Oh I hope we weren't
interrupting dinner, Pearl.
You can hope, but you are.
Well as long as
you're here, come in.
- Hi.
- Hey, Charlene, what
are you guys doing here?
- Well we came to see Kimberly.
Kimberly we just
want you to know
that we believe in
what you did today.
It's about time somebody
shook up the system.
- Really?
- We've got this petition
here with 40 names on it.
- We're gonna see
to it that either girls
get on that swim team,
or get a team of their own.
- Well why stop with swimming?
Hey why don't you girls
go out for baseball too?
- Hey, great idea,
we'll do that, thanks.
What?
- If Willis keeps
talking, the football
equipment room's gonna
be loaded with brassieres.
- Kimberly there's
a lot of things
that need to be done
for girls at our school,
and we've been waiting for
someone like you to come along.
You'll be our leader.
- You're kidding?
I'd be proud to.
- Oh no, Charlene, how
could you do this to me?
- Willis I may be your girl,
but I'm my own woman.
- All right.
- I heard that.
- Dad? Dad?
Don't just sit there,
Dad, do something.
- What can I do,
lock her in the tower?
- Daddy, I know I promised
I would try it your way,
but I just can't, this
is too important to me.
- Like father, like daughter.
It looks like I've got a
girl with a mind of her own.
- You know it.
- Yeah so does the
whole darn school.
- Well, Willis, I can
only suggest one thing.
Go to a private school,
because public school's
getting too rough for ya.
- No way.
No girl's gonna
make it rough for me.
- That's telling 'em, son.
That's what Sampson
said just before the haircut.
- Okay, team.
Girls, into the pool.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent
Strokes, it takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world, yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
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