Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 5, Episode 16 - The Bicycle Man: Part 1 - full transcript
Arnold and Dudley become friends with the owner of a local bicycle shop named Henry, unaware that he is a pedophile looking for his next victim.
- Hello, I'm Conrad Bain.
Tonight on Diff'rent Strokes,
we're starting a special
two part show on a very
sensitive and important subject.
Now we urge families,
children and parents alike
to watch both of these
informative episodes
and then to discuss
the problem presented
which is of deep
concern to all of us.
♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got,
diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes, diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes, diff'rent
strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot so what
♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ Because it takes, diff'rent
strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does, it takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world
All right, here we go.
That's wonderful,
that was a lot of fun.
Hey, Mr. Bicycle Man.
Hey, Mr. Bicycle Man.
- Arnold, the man's
name is Mr. Horton.
- Right.
- Hey Mr. Bicycle Man.
- You know, Daddy,
I just feel wonderful.
I love these Sunday
afternoon bike rides.
- Yep, it's great exercise
riding through Central Park.
Down the lanes,
across the little ridges,
around the reservoir
and over the winos.
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- You know I used
to do that with knives
until I cut myself
out of the act.
- Another great
entrance, Mr. Horton.
- Hey were you in the circus?
- As a matter of fact I was.
They used to bill me
as the human cannonball
until the ball got too
big for the cannon.
- Well we've brought
your bikes back
in good shape, Mr. Horton.
- Which is more than
I can say for myself.
I got knots where I
don't even have muscles.
- Dad, you're in great shape.
I mean you're lean and thin.
- And they can't even see
where the thin is, on top.
- Glad you noticed that, Arnold.
How much can I pay
for the bicycle rental?
- Well let's see,
that's four bicycles,
two hours, that's $28.
- There you are.
- Oh I just love taking your
money this wage weekly, Mr. D.
But I hate to see
ya blow it on rentals.
Why don't you buy
bikes for the family?
- We discussed it,
Mr. Horton, but we decided
we don't need our own bikes.
- Wait a minute, hold the phone.
You may have decided but
nobody checked with the kid
whose feet barely
touch the pedals.
- Forget it, Arnold, we
don't even have a place
to store bikes.
- Well not only that but there
are a lot of strange people
out there and I just
don't like the idea
of you riding in
the park all alone.
- Well then get me
a bicycle built for two
and I'll have a
chauffeur pedal me.
- Drop it, Arnold,
we can rent bikes.
- Dad it's normal for a
kid to get his own bike
at my age, do you want
me to grow up with a twisted
mind and a warped personality?
- Too late, you
already got them.
- I don't wanna be in
the middle of this drama
but this would be a
great time to buy a bicycle
and I can make
ya a terrific deal
on this little red
one right here.
In fact it's 1/3 off.
Do you like this one, Arnold?
- Wow, man, do I?
Dad, look at this.
- Yeah, it's a beauty all right.
- Dad, I'd really be safe on it.
I'd wear a red hat,
red sweater, red socks.
If I blink my eyes, people'll
think I'm a stop light.
What do you say, Dad?
- Well I don't know, Arnold.
I've got mixed
emotions about this.
- Aw, Dad, please, give
me a bike, please, please.
Don't just stand
there, help me grovel.
- Well Daddy, I guess he
could keep his bike downstairs
in the garage.
- Yeah Dad and there's
plenty of safe places
to ride in the park and as
far as strange people go,
I mean they're everywhere.
We've got one living
in our apartment.
Dad, I'd really
be careful on it.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm gonna be 12 next month.
In just 13 years, I
can run for Congress.
- And it's 1/3 off.
- I definitely think you
should have a bicycle
before you leave for Washington.
Okay, Arnold, you can
have it for your birthday.
- Oh thank you, Dad!
Thanks, Mr. Horton.
- I got a terrific idea.
You know I gotta
get the word out
on this special sale I'm having.
I thought you could pass
these flyers out for me
next week at school.
I'd give you this handle
bar radio for your bicycle.
- Give, as in hand
over, no strings,
compliments of the house?
- You got it, that is, if
it's all right with your dad.
- Oh it's fine with me,
I think you're very
generous, Mr. Horton.
- Oh he's doing me
a favor too, you know.
What's the old saying?
You scratch my
back, I'll scratch yours?
- You keep coming
up with these presents,
you can scratch me all over.
Here ye, here ye, buy a bicycle
and help Arnold
Jackson get a free radio.
Here's your chance to
help your class president
put a little music in his life.
Hey, how about
helping a deserving boy
get something for nothing?
Take it all or I'll
punch your lights out.
Just kidding.
- How you doin' Arnold?
- Terrible.
I'll never get that
free radio for my bike.
- That's because you're
using the wrong approach.
- I used every
approach I can think of
except a cattle prod.
- Let me show you what I mean.
Hey everybody, listen
up, come here, come here.
I'm gonna do you a big favor.
Now Mr. Horton is
having a terrific sale
over at the bicycle shop.
Now you can have a
bicycle that's fancier
and better than the
one your best friend has.
This is your chance
to stick his nose in.
Don't be shut out the
sale won't last long.
The bikes are so cheap
you could really make
your parents feel guilty.
Give this out to
all your friends.
- Okay.
- There, see what I mean?
You got to appeal to a
kids' natural born greed.
- Man, Dudley, when
it comes to sneaky,
you're the greatest.
You're right up there
with the politicians.
- Thank you, I do my best.
- Look I'll pay you
back for this some day.
- I know how you can
pay me back right now.
- I hadn't counted
on doing it so soon.
- Just ask Mr. Horton
if I can pass out flyers.
I'd like a free radio
for my bike too.
- You wouldn't wanna cut
in on my deal, would you?
- Absolutely.
- Better not tell your folks
I gave you all that candy.
Matter of fact, why
don't you just make it
our little secret that
you was even here.
That a boy.
- Hi, Mr. Horton.
- Hi, Arnold.
- Well I gave out all the
flyers just like you said
and I'm back for another load.
- That is great, Arnold,
you're sure some
terrific passer outer.
- I have a way with words
when I put my mouth to it.
- That's really great,
Arnold, I can see it now.
Hundreds of kids
stampeding into my shop.
They're buying
everything in sight.
They're buying the bicycles,
they're buying the posters,
they can't stop buying.
Now they're buying my clothes,
they're buying my socks,
they're buying my shirt,
they're buying my pants.
- You better buy a barrel
before they buy your underwear.
- You know this
calls for a celebration.
What's your favorite ice cream?
Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry?
- Yeah, them.
- This sounds like a job
for Captain Banana Split.
- That's my kind of
captain, let's split.
- Follow me.
- Hey, this is like a house.
- Sure, I live here.
- Boy, you sure got a lot
of great games and stuff.
- Oh you like games?
- Yeah that's what I
live for next to food.
Oh I almost forgot.
I have this friend named
Dudley in my class
who'd like to earn
a free radio too.
- Oh really, is he as good
a salesman as you are?
- I guarantee it, I taught
him everything he knows.
- Well it sounds
like it might work out.
Now if he's as good
a guy as you are,
why don't you
bring him on in here.
We'll talk it over.
You like the bananas, don't you?
- Yeah.
- Okay, lots of ice cream?
- Yeah.
- Hey listen, we'll make
this a three dipper job here.
- Yeah.
- Chocolate sauce.
- Yeah.
- Yeah that looks good.
I bet you're a whipped
cream man too.
- Yeah.
- All right, we'll pile that
whipped cream up there,
boy look at that.
- Yeah.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
And I just know you're
not gonna be satisfied
until you got a cherry
right on top there.
- Yeah.
- Arnold this is the
tallest, the sweetest,
the gooiest, the stickiest,
the most disgusting banana
split I think I've ever made.
- I think I'm gonna cry.
- There's plenty more
where that came from.
You'd better eat
it before it melts.
- Don't worry, the way I eat it,
it won't have a chance to melt.
My tongue's faster than
a hummingbird's wings.
- A hummingbird's wing.
Have a spoon.
- All right.
- You know, Arnold,
I've been thinking
about that bicycle of yours.
- Me too.
- It just seems a shame
that you have to wait
until your birthday to enjoy it.
Maybe you and I
can figure out a way
you can have it
before your birthday.
- How, my dad won't
get it for me until then.
- Well no but if he's going to,
maybe you can
slip by after school
and I can let you ride it.
- Wow, Mr. Horton,
what a terrific thing to do.
You sure understand kids.
And you sure
know how to pig out.
I really like you.
- I like you too Arnold.
You know there's
just one thing though.
Maybe we'd better not let
your dad know about the bike.
- Why not, I tell
Dad everything.
- That's great, I mean,
that's exactly what
you should do but in this
case, it just might spoil his fun.
See if he found
out that you had it
before he had a
chance to give to you.
Not to mention that I
could get in trouble too,
you know, for
letting you have it.
- Oh I never thought of that.
I wouldn't wanna
get you in trouble.
- In fact, maybe
it would be best
if you didn't even mention
you know that you came
back here and I gave you all
this ice cream before dinner.
Why don't we just
make it our little secret?
- You know
something, Mr. Horton?
You're sneaky.
- Sneaky?
- Yeah, I'm getting a whole
new respect for sneaky.
- You know something
Arnold, I really like you.
I really like you.
You and I are gonna have
a lot of good times together.
- Look all I asked
for was a lube job
and an oil change for my
car and I got a bill for $112.
103 of it was just for labor.
Who'd you have working
on my car, Lee Iacocca?
Well you're not gonna get
anymore of my business.
If I wanna get robbed, I'll
take a ride on the subway.
You too Charlie.
Hi, Arnold.
- Hi, Dad.
- That's a pretty good hug.
- That's a pretty
good bike you got me.
- Listen aren't
you a little late
getting home this afternoon?
- Oh, ah, I was at Dudley's.
- Dudley's, but he called to
say he was coming over here.
- Oh, that's probably
why he wasn't home
when I got there.
- Where have you been?
I mean do you know that
it's almost time for dinner?
- Well I was just
strolling down the avenue
and found my way to the
pet shop and I was gonna
come home but there was
a lonesome parrot there
that talked me out of it.
- Next time I think you
should give him an argument.
- Hey where you've been, Arnold?
Man, you missed
your after school snack
and your before
dinner stomach starter.
- That's okay, I'm not hungry.
- You not hungry?
What did you do at the pet shop?
Load up on Kibble?
- I'm just trying to cut down.
Either I'm gaining
weight or the laundry
is shrinking my shorts.
- Don't give us that, Arnold.
I bet you stopped by that
stand on the way home
and had a few hot pretzels.
- Pretzels?
- P-R-E-T-Z-E-L-S.
- Oh, those.
- So that's what
you did, Arnold.
- Yeah, I guess you got me.
- I'll get that.
- See ya later.
- Hi, Mr. Drummonds.
- Hi, Dudley, come on in.
How's it going, my man?
- Oh I'm hanging in there.
- Good, keep hangin'.
- Hi, Arnold, did you ask...
- Shh.
- Oh I'll get out of your way.
I know you guys got
some heavy talking to do.
- What'd you shush me for?
- I didn't want Dad
to know I was down
at the bicycle shop today.
- Why not?
- Because Mr. Horton and I
loaded up on banana splits.
I had bananas
coming out of my ears.
- He sounds like he has a
big a greedy gut as you, Arnold.
- Yeah but he sure
knows how to treat a kid.
He's got this back
room with toys and trains
and video games.
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
I mean it's like you
just died and went
to that big
Disneyland in the sky.
- Well did you talk
to him about me?
- Yeah, he didn't
wanna go for it at first,
but I gave him my hard sell.
- Aw man, you're
a real pal, Arnold.
I owe you a lot.
- And don't ever forget it.
Come on, man,
let's go to my room.
- Let's see.
- What a drag.
Man if it wasn't
raining outside,
I could be riding my new bike.
- It sure is a beauty.
Great day for ducks, Arnold.
- Yeah a quack, quack.
I was gonna ride
my new bicycle today.
- Oh forget about the rain.
♪ Because you're my sunshine
♪ My only sunshine
♪ Hey you make me
happy when skies are grey
You know I started out
to be a great singing star
then I had a little bad luck.
Some people heard me sing.
- Oh this is my friend Dudley
that I was telling you about.
- Hi Dudley.
- Hi Mr. Horton.
- Listen my friend
Arnold here tells me
you wanna help
pass out my flyers.
- Will I get a radio too?
- Well if you can pass out
those flyers like Arnold does,
I don't see why you shouldn't.
He tells me he taught
you everything he knows.
- Oh he did, huh?
- Well not everything.
- Oh you smell that?
- No.
- No?
- No nothing.
- I smell it, I bet it's pizza.
- Hey you got a
great smeller, feller.
- Yeah, now I smell it too.
- Well let's not just
stand here, men,
let's track it down.
- Ah it's that way.
They don't call me old
pizza nose for nothin'.
- Follow our nose, we'll
go where the nose goes
because the nose knows
and where the nose, oh, oh.
I'll tell ya guys, that
pizza's in the oven.
I got some new comic books here,
so look 'em over,
maybe we can play
a little video game later on.
Say fellas, why don't you
just make yourselves at home.
'Cause I got a couple of
things to check in out front.
Okay.
All right.
- Boy, this place
is something else.
- Yeah, it sure is.
You know what I
like about Mr. Horton?
He's just an all
around great guy.
- Yeah, you'd never
know he was a grown up.
Man he sure has a
lot of comic books.
- Yeah.
You think we should
look at this one?
- Of course.
The ladies are naked.
- Except for the leather boots.
- Holy smoke!
- Speaking of smoke,
there's some coming out
of your ears.
- Boy, they ought to give you
a diagram with these things.
- Say, look at this.
Cuties of the Circus.
Hey this guy must
be afraid of that girl.
He's holding her off
with a whip and chair.
- Hey look at that circus girl.
Now I know why
they call it the big top.
- Okay guys, let's see
how our pizza's going over.
- Hi.
- What's going on here, fellas?
- Oh, nothing
much, is it, Dudley?
- Hardly anything at all.
- We were just sitting here
waiting for the pizza to pizz.
- I think I see what's going on.
You guys were
looking at this, huh?
- No we weren't,
well Arnold was.
- Me, you were the one
with the dangling eyeballs.
- Guys, there's nothing to
feel guilty about, it's okay.
There is nothing wrong
with looking at ladies.
- Even when there's
that much lady to look at?
- There's nothing
wrong with being naked.
Especially if you've got
nothing to be ashamed of.
Haven't your folks ever
taken you to a museum?
You know most of the
famous statues are naked.
- Yeah but at least
they had fake leaves.
The one in the
magazine didn't even have
a piece of parsley.
- The point is Arnold,
that there's a good reason
for looking at the human
body and admiring it.
It's a work of art, it's
a magnificent thing.
- That one in the
magazine sure was.
- Now you see
Dudley understands.
Now here fellas here's
a little pepperoni pizza.
That is hot stuff too.
You know guys, you can
just have an awful lot of fun
with your clothes off.
Unless of course you
live at the North Pole
and gonna freeze your tush off.
- What kind of fun?
- Well for instance
there's skinny dipping.
Either of you guys
go skinny dipping?
- Nah, I never done that.
- Me neither, unless
you wanna count the time
when the fire hydrant
blew my pants off.
- Is skinny dipping fun?
- Fun, listen guys, if you
have not gone skinny dipping,
you have missed one of
the great joys in this life.
I think I got some
pictures around here
of a bunch of us skinny dipping.
You guys are gonna love them.
Let's see if I can find them.
Here they are right here.
Here we are down
at the old water hole.
- Hey you don't have
any clothes on either.
- Well of course not.
You don't think I'm
gonna let them kids
have all the fun, do ya?
Look everybody's laughing
and horsing around,
and having a good time.
We had a great,
great old time that day.
- Looks like fun to me.
- Yeah.
- I don't know, I don't
think I'd like the idea
of running around and
everybody staring at my bare butt.
It lacks a certain dignity.
- If you ask me, there
are too many uptight
dignified people in the
world today anyway.
It's time we all let our
hair down a little bit.
- In that case, you
let everything down.
- You know that pizza
would taste a whole lot better
with a glass of wine.
You guys care for a sip?
- No thanks, we're too young.
- Too young, huh.
Do you realize that in France,
everybody drinks wine including
kids much younger than you.
- Yeah, Arnold, don't
you know anything?
- I'll bet Dudley there takes
a sip every now and then.
- Me?
Ah yeah, right,
as a matter of fact,
my dad lets me have a
little sip on special occasions.
- Well guys this is
a special occasion.
We're in the bicycle business
together, let's celebrate.
- Sure I'll have some.
Come on, Arnold, don't
act like a premature kid.
- Oh okay, I'll have just a sip.
I hate to see my
friends drink alone.
- That's better, here.
All right, gentlemen.
To our new partnership.
- Down the hatch.
Down the hatch.
- That stuff really
burns your hatch.
- It certainly warms your
tummy on a cold rainy day
like today, huh?
You know we ought to
be playing some games.
I know a neat
game with a camera.
You guys like to take pictures?
- Yeah, we love it.
- See if I got my, yeah, here's
my trusty camera right here.
Okay here we go.
- What kind of pictures
should we take?
- Why I got a great idea.
Let's play Tarzan.
I think you would make
a terrific Tarzan, Dudley.
- Ain't no way I'm
gonna play Jane.
- All right we'll make
you the fearless leader
of the safari, here you go.
- All right.
Just call me Bowana.
- Okay Bowana, why
don't you stand over there
in front of that man
eating plant thing huh?
All right.
- And you pretend Dudley
here is saving you from it.
You can do that,
can't you, Arnold?
Okay now stay right there.
Now pretend like it's
got you in its clutches.
Let's make this more authentic.
Tarzan never had a shirt on.
Dudley take your shirt off.
Okay.
- Let me help you with that.
Oh that's nice, oh boy,
he's got a great physique.
- I think he's built more like
a pipe cleaner than Tarzan.
- Okay now tell you what, let's
show those muscles, Dudley.
That's good, fine, now we're
gonna take some pictures
and we're gonna have
another sip of wine
and we're gonna take
some more pictures.
Strike a pose for me there.
Let's see what you did.
Hey that's great, guys.
Guys, we're just
gonna have a great
time together this afternoon.
All right, let's see
those poses some more,
that's the way to go.
All right, that's good.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world, yes it does
♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world
Trailers.to: Watch Full HD Movies & TV Shows
Premium Platform
Tonight on Diff'rent Strokes,
we're starting a special
two part show on a very
sensitive and important subject.
Now we urge families,
children and parents alike
to watch both of these
informative episodes
and then to discuss
the problem presented
which is of deep
concern to all of us.
♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got,
diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes, diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes, diff'rent
strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot so what
♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours
♪ And I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ Because it takes, diff'rent
strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does, it takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world
All right, here we go.
That's wonderful,
that was a lot of fun.
Hey, Mr. Bicycle Man.
Hey, Mr. Bicycle Man.
- Arnold, the man's
name is Mr. Horton.
- Right.
- Hey Mr. Bicycle Man.
- You know, Daddy,
I just feel wonderful.
I love these Sunday
afternoon bike rides.
- Yep, it's great exercise
riding through Central Park.
Down the lanes,
across the little ridges,
around the reservoir
and over the winos.
Trailers.to: Watch Full HD Movies & TV Shows
Premium Platform
- You know I used
to do that with knives
until I cut myself
out of the act.
- Another great
entrance, Mr. Horton.
- Hey were you in the circus?
- As a matter of fact I was.
They used to bill me
as the human cannonball
until the ball got too
big for the cannon.
- Well we've brought
your bikes back
in good shape, Mr. Horton.
- Which is more than
I can say for myself.
I got knots where I
don't even have muscles.
- Dad, you're in great shape.
I mean you're lean and thin.
- And they can't even see
where the thin is, on top.
- Glad you noticed that, Arnold.
How much can I pay
for the bicycle rental?
- Well let's see,
that's four bicycles,
two hours, that's $28.
- There you are.
- Oh I just love taking your
money this wage weekly, Mr. D.
But I hate to see
ya blow it on rentals.
Why don't you buy
bikes for the family?
- We discussed it,
Mr. Horton, but we decided
we don't need our own bikes.
- Wait a minute, hold the phone.
You may have decided but
nobody checked with the kid
whose feet barely
touch the pedals.
- Forget it, Arnold, we
don't even have a place
to store bikes.
- Well not only that but there
are a lot of strange people
out there and I just
don't like the idea
of you riding in
the park all alone.
- Well then get me
a bicycle built for two
and I'll have a
chauffeur pedal me.
- Drop it, Arnold,
we can rent bikes.
- Dad it's normal for a
kid to get his own bike
at my age, do you want
me to grow up with a twisted
mind and a warped personality?
- Too late, you
already got them.
- I don't wanna be in
the middle of this drama
but this would be a
great time to buy a bicycle
and I can make
ya a terrific deal
on this little red
one right here.
In fact it's 1/3 off.
Do you like this one, Arnold?
- Wow, man, do I?
Dad, look at this.
- Yeah, it's a beauty all right.
- Dad, I'd really be safe on it.
I'd wear a red hat,
red sweater, red socks.
If I blink my eyes, people'll
think I'm a stop light.
What do you say, Dad?
- Well I don't know, Arnold.
I've got mixed
emotions about this.
- Aw, Dad, please, give
me a bike, please, please.
Don't just stand
there, help me grovel.
- Well Daddy, I guess he
could keep his bike downstairs
in the garage.
- Yeah Dad and there's
plenty of safe places
to ride in the park and as
far as strange people go,
I mean they're everywhere.
We've got one living
in our apartment.
Dad, I'd really
be careful on it.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm gonna be 12 next month.
In just 13 years, I
can run for Congress.
- And it's 1/3 off.
- I definitely think you
should have a bicycle
before you leave for Washington.
Okay, Arnold, you can
have it for your birthday.
- Oh thank you, Dad!
Thanks, Mr. Horton.
- I got a terrific idea.
You know I gotta
get the word out
on this special sale I'm having.
I thought you could pass
these flyers out for me
next week at school.
I'd give you this handle
bar radio for your bicycle.
- Give, as in hand
over, no strings,
compliments of the house?
- You got it, that is, if
it's all right with your dad.
- Oh it's fine with me,
I think you're very
generous, Mr. Horton.
- Oh he's doing me
a favor too, you know.
What's the old saying?
You scratch my
back, I'll scratch yours?
- You keep coming
up with these presents,
you can scratch me all over.
Here ye, here ye, buy a bicycle
and help Arnold
Jackson get a free radio.
Here's your chance to
help your class president
put a little music in his life.
Hey, how about
helping a deserving boy
get something for nothing?
Take it all or I'll
punch your lights out.
Just kidding.
- How you doin' Arnold?
- Terrible.
I'll never get that
free radio for my bike.
- That's because you're
using the wrong approach.
- I used every
approach I can think of
except a cattle prod.
- Let me show you what I mean.
Hey everybody, listen
up, come here, come here.
I'm gonna do you a big favor.
Now Mr. Horton is
having a terrific sale
over at the bicycle shop.
Now you can have a
bicycle that's fancier
and better than the
one your best friend has.
This is your chance
to stick his nose in.
Don't be shut out the
sale won't last long.
The bikes are so cheap
you could really make
your parents feel guilty.
Give this out to
all your friends.
- Okay.
- There, see what I mean?
You got to appeal to a
kids' natural born greed.
- Man, Dudley, when
it comes to sneaky,
you're the greatest.
You're right up there
with the politicians.
- Thank you, I do my best.
- Look I'll pay you
back for this some day.
- I know how you can
pay me back right now.
- I hadn't counted
on doing it so soon.
- Just ask Mr. Horton
if I can pass out flyers.
I'd like a free radio
for my bike too.
- You wouldn't wanna cut
in on my deal, would you?
- Absolutely.
- Better not tell your folks
I gave you all that candy.
Matter of fact, why
don't you just make it
our little secret that
you was even here.
That a boy.
- Hi, Mr. Horton.
- Hi, Arnold.
- Well I gave out all the
flyers just like you said
and I'm back for another load.
- That is great, Arnold,
you're sure some
terrific passer outer.
- I have a way with words
when I put my mouth to it.
- That's really great,
Arnold, I can see it now.
Hundreds of kids
stampeding into my shop.
They're buying
everything in sight.
They're buying the bicycles,
they're buying the posters,
they can't stop buying.
Now they're buying my clothes,
they're buying my socks,
they're buying my shirt,
they're buying my pants.
- You better buy a barrel
before they buy your underwear.
- You know this
calls for a celebration.
What's your favorite ice cream?
Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry?
- Yeah, them.
- This sounds like a job
for Captain Banana Split.
- That's my kind of
captain, let's split.
- Follow me.
- Hey, this is like a house.
- Sure, I live here.
- Boy, you sure got a lot
of great games and stuff.
- Oh you like games?
- Yeah that's what I
live for next to food.
Oh I almost forgot.
I have this friend named
Dudley in my class
who'd like to earn
a free radio too.
- Oh really, is he as good
a salesman as you are?
- I guarantee it, I taught
him everything he knows.
- Well it sounds
like it might work out.
Now if he's as good
a guy as you are,
why don't you
bring him on in here.
We'll talk it over.
You like the bananas, don't you?
- Yeah.
- Okay, lots of ice cream?
- Yeah.
- Hey listen, we'll make
this a three dipper job here.
- Yeah.
- Chocolate sauce.
- Yeah.
- Yeah that looks good.
I bet you're a whipped
cream man too.
- Yeah.
- All right, we'll pile that
whipped cream up there,
boy look at that.
- Yeah.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
And I just know you're
not gonna be satisfied
until you got a cherry
right on top there.
- Yeah.
- Arnold this is the
tallest, the sweetest,
the gooiest, the stickiest,
the most disgusting banana
split I think I've ever made.
- I think I'm gonna cry.
- There's plenty more
where that came from.
You'd better eat
it before it melts.
- Don't worry, the way I eat it,
it won't have a chance to melt.
My tongue's faster than
a hummingbird's wings.
- A hummingbird's wing.
Have a spoon.
- All right.
- You know, Arnold,
I've been thinking
about that bicycle of yours.
- Me too.
- It just seems a shame
that you have to wait
until your birthday to enjoy it.
Maybe you and I
can figure out a way
you can have it
before your birthday.
- How, my dad won't
get it for me until then.
- Well no but if he's going to,
maybe you can
slip by after school
and I can let you ride it.
- Wow, Mr. Horton,
what a terrific thing to do.
You sure understand kids.
And you sure
know how to pig out.
I really like you.
- I like you too Arnold.
You know there's
just one thing though.
Maybe we'd better not let
your dad know about the bike.
- Why not, I tell
Dad everything.
- That's great, I mean,
that's exactly what
you should do but in this
case, it just might spoil his fun.
See if he found
out that you had it
before he had a
chance to give to you.
Not to mention that I
could get in trouble too,
you know, for
letting you have it.
- Oh I never thought of that.
I wouldn't wanna
get you in trouble.
- In fact, maybe
it would be best
if you didn't even mention
you know that you came
back here and I gave you all
this ice cream before dinner.
Why don't we just
make it our little secret?
- You know
something, Mr. Horton?
You're sneaky.
- Sneaky?
- Yeah, I'm getting a whole
new respect for sneaky.
- You know something
Arnold, I really like you.
I really like you.
You and I are gonna have
a lot of good times together.
- Look all I asked
for was a lube job
and an oil change for my
car and I got a bill for $112.
103 of it was just for labor.
Who'd you have working
on my car, Lee Iacocca?
Well you're not gonna get
anymore of my business.
If I wanna get robbed, I'll
take a ride on the subway.
You too Charlie.
Hi, Arnold.
- Hi, Dad.
- That's a pretty good hug.
- That's a pretty
good bike you got me.
- Listen aren't
you a little late
getting home this afternoon?
- Oh, ah, I was at Dudley's.
- Dudley's, but he called to
say he was coming over here.
- Oh, that's probably
why he wasn't home
when I got there.
- Where have you been?
I mean do you know that
it's almost time for dinner?
- Well I was just
strolling down the avenue
and found my way to the
pet shop and I was gonna
come home but there was
a lonesome parrot there
that talked me out of it.
- Next time I think you
should give him an argument.
- Hey where you've been, Arnold?
Man, you missed
your after school snack
and your before
dinner stomach starter.
- That's okay, I'm not hungry.
- You not hungry?
What did you do at the pet shop?
Load up on Kibble?
- I'm just trying to cut down.
Either I'm gaining
weight or the laundry
is shrinking my shorts.
- Don't give us that, Arnold.
I bet you stopped by that
stand on the way home
and had a few hot pretzels.
- Pretzels?
- P-R-E-T-Z-E-L-S.
- Oh, those.
- So that's what
you did, Arnold.
- Yeah, I guess you got me.
- I'll get that.
- See ya later.
- Hi, Mr. Drummonds.
- Hi, Dudley, come on in.
How's it going, my man?
- Oh I'm hanging in there.
- Good, keep hangin'.
- Hi, Arnold, did you ask...
- Shh.
- Oh I'll get out of your way.
I know you guys got
some heavy talking to do.
- What'd you shush me for?
- I didn't want Dad
to know I was down
at the bicycle shop today.
- Why not?
- Because Mr. Horton and I
loaded up on banana splits.
I had bananas
coming out of my ears.
- He sounds like he has a
big a greedy gut as you, Arnold.
- Yeah but he sure
knows how to treat a kid.
He's got this back
room with toys and trains
and video games.
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
I mean it's like you
just died and went
to that big
Disneyland in the sky.
- Well did you talk
to him about me?
- Yeah, he didn't
wanna go for it at first,
but I gave him my hard sell.
- Aw man, you're
a real pal, Arnold.
I owe you a lot.
- And don't ever forget it.
Come on, man,
let's go to my room.
- Let's see.
- What a drag.
Man if it wasn't
raining outside,
I could be riding my new bike.
- It sure is a beauty.
Great day for ducks, Arnold.
- Yeah a quack, quack.
I was gonna ride
my new bicycle today.
- Oh forget about the rain.
♪ Because you're my sunshine
♪ My only sunshine
♪ Hey you make me
happy when skies are grey
You know I started out
to be a great singing star
then I had a little bad luck.
Some people heard me sing.
- Oh this is my friend Dudley
that I was telling you about.
- Hi Dudley.
- Hi Mr. Horton.
- Listen my friend
Arnold here tells me
you wanna help
pass out my flyers.
- Will I get a radio too?
- Well if you can pass out
those flyers like Arnold does,
I don't see why you shouldn't.
He tells me he taught
you everything he knows.
- Oh he did, huh?
- Well not everything.
- Oh you smell that?
- No.
- No?
- No nothing.
- I smell it, I bet it's pizza.
- Hey you got a
great smeller, feller.
- Yeah, now I smell it too.
- Well let's not just
stand here, men,
let's track it down.
- Ah it's that way.
They don't call me old
pizza nose for nothin'.
- Follow our nose, we'll
go where the nose goes
because the nose knows
and where the nose, oh, oh.
I'll tell ya guys, that
pizza's in the oven.
I got some new comic books here,
so look 'em over,
maybe we can play
a little video game later on.
Say fellas, why don't you
just make yourselves at home.
'Cause I got a couple of
things to check in out front.
Okay.
All right.
- Boy, this place
is something else.
- Yeah, it sure is.
You know what I
like about Mr. Horton?
He's just an all
around great guy.
- Yeah, you'd never
know he was a grown up.
Man he sure has a
lot of comic books.
- Yeah.
You think we should
look at this one?
- Of course.
The ladies are naked.
- Except for the leather boots.
- Holy smoke!
- Speaking of smoke,
there's some coming out
of your ears.
- Boy, they ought to give you
a diagram with these things.
- Say, look at this.
Cuties of the Circus.
Hey this guy must
be afraid of that girl.
He's holding her off
with a whip and chair.
- Hey look at that circus girl.
Now I know why
they call it the big top.
- Okay guys, let's see
how our pizza's going over.
- Hi.
- What's going on here, fellas?
- Oh, nothing
much, is it, Dudley?
- Hardly anything at all.
- We were just sitting here
waiting for the pizza to pizz.
- I think I see what's going on.
You guys were
looking at this, huh?
- No we weren't,
well Arnold was.
- Me, you were the one
with the dangling eyeballs.
- Guys, there's nothing to
feel guilty about, it's okay.
There is nothing wrong
with looking at ladies.
- Even when there's
that much lady to look at?
- There's nothing
wrong with being naked.
Especially if you've got
nothing to be ashamed of.
Haven't your folks ever
taken you to a museum?
You know most of the
famous statues are naked.
- Yeah but at least
they had fake leaves.
The one in the
magazine didn't even have
a piece of parsley.
- The point is Arnold,
that there's a good reason
for looking at the human
body and admiring it.
It's a work of art, it's
a magnificent thing.
- That one in the
magazine sure was.
- Now you see
Dudley understands.
Now here fellas here's
a little pepperoni pizza.
That is hot stuff too.
You know guys, you can
just have an awful lot of fun
with your clothes off.
Unless of course you
live at the North Pole
and gonna freeze your tush off.
- What kind of fun?
- Well for instance
there's skinny dipping.
Either of you guys
go skinny dipping?
- Nah, I never done that.
- Me neither, unless
you wanna count the time
when the fire hydrant
blew my pants off.
- Is skinny dipping fun?
- Fun, listen guys, if you
have not gone skinny dipping,
you have missed one of
the great joys in this life.
I think I got some
pictures around here
of a bunch of us skinny dipping.
You guys are gonna love them.
Let's see if I can find them.
Here they are right here.
Here we are down
at the old water hole.
- Hey you don't have
any clothes on either.
- Well of course not.
You don't think I'm
gonna let them kids
have all the fun, do ya?
Look everybody's laughing
and horsing around,
and having a good time.
We had a great,
great old time that day.
- Looks like fun to me.
- Yeah.
- I don't know, I don't
think I'd like the idea
of running around and
everybody staring at my bare butt.
It lacks a certain dignity.
- If you ask me, there
are too many uptight
dignified people in the
world today anyway.
It's time we all let our
hair down a little bit.
- In that case, you
let everything down.
- You know that pizza
would taste a whole lot better
with a glass of wine.
You guys care for a sip?
- No thanks, we're too young.
- Too young, huh.
Do you realize that in France,
everybody drinks wine including
kids much younger than you.
- Yeah, Arnold, don't
you know anything?
- I'll bet Dudley there takes
a sip every now and then.
- Me?
Ah yeah, right,
as a matter of fact,
my dad lets me have a
little sip on special occasions.
- Well guys this is
a special occasion.
We're in the bicycle business
together, let's celebrate.
- Sure I'll have some.
Come on, Arnold, don't
act like a premature kid.
- Oh okay, I'll have just a sip.
I hate to see my
friends drink alone.
- That's better, here.
All right, gentlemen.
To our new partnership.
- Down the hatch.
Down the hatch.
- That stuff really
burns your hatch.
- It certainly warms your
tummy on a cold rainy day
like today, huh?
You know we ought to
be playing some games.
I know a neat
game with a camera.
You guys like to take pictures?
- Yeah, we love it.
- See if I got my, yeah, here's
my trusty camera right here.
Okay here we go.
- What kind of pictures
should we take?
- Why I got a great idea.
Let's play Tarzan.
I think you would make
a terrific Tarzan, Dudley.
- Ain't no way I'm
gonna play Jane.
- All right we'll make
you the fearless leader
of the safari, here you go.
- All right.
Just call me Bowana.
- Okay Bowana, why
don't you stand over there
in front of that man
eating plant thing huh?
All right.
- And you pretend Dudley
here is saving you from it.
You can do that,
can't you, Arnold?
Okay now stay right there.
Now pretend like it's
got you in its clutches.
Let's make this more authentic.
Tarzan never had a shirt on.
Dudley take your shirt off.
Okay.
- Let me help you with that.
Oh that's nice, oh boy,
he's got a great physique.
- I think he's built more like
a pipe cleaner than Tarzan.
- Okay now tell you what, let's
show those muscles, Dudley.
That's good, fine, now we're
gonna take some pictures
and we're gonna have
another sip of wine
and we're gonna take
some more pictures.
Strike a pose for me there.
Let's see what you did.
Hey that's great, guys.
Guys, we're just
gonna have a great
time together this afternoon.
All right, let's see
those poses some more,
that's the way to go.
All right, that's good.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for you
♪ May not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world, yes it does
♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world
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