Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 5, Episode 12 - Santa's Helper - full transcript

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing but the genes

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine



♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ Not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes

♪ Different strokes
to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

- Looking good.

Looking good.

Oh yeah, that's terrific.

Now look over to me and smile.

Come on, look at me.



Have a big smile.

Wait a minute.

Arnold, would you
please come out here?

- I finally got the
lights working, dad.

- Hey dad, we don't
need a Christmas tree.

We can hang the
ornaments from Arnold's ears

and put some
presents around his feet.

- Watch it Willis.

Or I'll stick your
finger in the wall socket

and your nose'll light up.

- Are you ready for the
star, Mr. Drummond?

I have it out.

Oh.

Am I on camera?

I hope I'm not too wide
for your wide angle lens.

♪ A pretty girl

♪ A melody

Here's your silver star.

- Now Kimberly, you be
very careful with that star.

It's an antique.

It's been in our
family for years.

- Just like daddy.

- You better be careful.

I haven't got your present yet.

Hey listen, I've
run out of tape.

I've gotta get some more.

I'll be right back.

- Hey Willis, will you
give me a hand please?

- Sure.

- Hey, speaking of presents,
what about that Christmas bonus

we're supposed to get?

- What bonus?

- You know.

The one we're gonna
get from dad for working

at his company.

All employees get
bonuses at Christmas.

- Arnold, you've only been
an employee for one week.

- Yeah, but I been a
relative for five years.

- You can forget it, Arnold.

We're not getting any bonuses.

- But I was counting on it
to buy Christmas presents.

I'm broke.

My piggy bank's
down to its last oink.

- What happened to
the money you made

working for dad last week?

- I spent it.

I never had that much
money all at once before.

I couldn't control myself.

I was like a crazy person.

It was great.

- What dumb thing
did you blow it on?

- Dumb?

Dumb?

You call a statue of E.T. with
a clock in his stomach dumb?

And when the alarm
goes off, his finger lights up

and his neck stretches.

- You ought to have
your neck stretched

for spending all your money.

Now what are you gonna do?

- The only sensible
thing I can do.

Hit you guys up for a loan.

- Sorry, Arnold.

Not me.

I've already spent all my
money on Christmas presents.

- Yeah, me too.

I'm tapped city.

♪ Don we now our gay apparel

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la

♪ Toll the ancient
Yuletide carol

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la

- Ho ho ho, merry
Christmas, merry Christmas.

- Here you go, Santa.

- Well thanks kid.

You can rest assured
it'll go to someone needy.

- Thanks, but
you're not gonna find

anyone needier than me.

But a quarter's not
gonna help my problem.

- You been down
on your luck, huh kid?

I've kinda been stepping
in reindeer fertilizer myself.

- I even tried to get
a loan at the bank.

I told the bank manager I
was a small business man.

They only bought the small part.

- Well cheer up kid.

Things'll get better.

You from Harlem?

- No, Park Avenue.

- Things just got better.

What seems to be the problem?

- Well, I spent all
the money I made

working at my dad's corporation.

- Wait, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

Your dad has a corporation
and you live on Park Avenue?

Now you aren't pulling on
Santa's beard now are you?

- No.

What's so strange about that?

- Well there aren't
a lot of brothers

living up on Park Avenue.

- Oh, well two of us are
brothers, and two of us aren't.

My dad and my sister are white.

- White?

You know I think
I like this story

better than the
little drummer boy.

Pray go on.

- Well now I don't have no
money left to buy Christmas

presents for my family or our
housekeeper or our chauffer.

- I didn't know things
were so tough up there

on Park Avenue.

- I just gotta find a job.

There must be something I
can do to earn some money.

Have you got any ideas, Santa?

I'll do anything, just anything.

♪ The everlasting light

♪ The hopes and
fears of all the years

♪ Are met in thee tonight

- Ho ho ho, merry Christmas!

Lay a little something
on the orphan angels.

- Mr. Jones, I really appreciate
you giving me this job.

- Oh, that's okay, Arnold.

You're helping me too.

You see I'm betting
that you're gonna attract

a little more attention,
then we'll start making

some real money around here.

- Oh, I meant to ask
you, how do we get paid?

- Well, I'm allowed to
keep a small percentage

of what I take in for
my time and effort.

- Well how much
do I get to keep?

- A somewhat smaller percentage.

It goes according to height.

- Oh, well let's get
that money rolling in.

- Wait, wait, hold it,
hold it, hold it, kid, hold it.

See you don't
just ring the bell.

See there's an art to this.

- There is?

- Sure.

Now first, let's
start with the basics.

Give me a ho.

- Ho?

- Arnold, you call that a ho?

I wouldn't use that
hoe in my garden.

Look a ho is supposed
to start from here

and work its way up.

Like this, ho!

Got it?

- Got it.

Ho!

- That's better.

- I felt that one come all
the way up from my knees

and ricochet off my shorts.

- Now another thing,
see you don't just say

ho ho ho and ring the bell.

You got to look hungry.

Can you do that?

- Can I?

That's my specialty.

- Well let me see
your hungry face.

- How's this?

- That's what I call hungry.

That'll take you to the
head of any bread line.

- Thanks!

- Well let's go to work.

Ho ho ho!

- Help the Orphan Angels.

- Ho ho ho!

- Give til it hurts.

- Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas.

God bless you, sir.

That will buy an orphan
a bowl of hot soup.

- How 'bout throwing in a
little something for dessert?

Hallelujah, brother.

♪ Jingle bells

♪ Jingle bells

♪ Jingle all the way

♪ Oh what fun it is to ride

- Merry Christmas.

- Thank you brother.

- That's the shortest
Santa I've ever seen.

Arnold!

- Hi dad.

- What in the world are
you doing in that outfit?

- Santa here hired me.

See I needed some extra
money for Christmas presents,

so in the spirit of
the holiday season,

I decided not to
stick it to you again.

- Very considerate of you.

- Thanks dad.

Santa, this is my
dad, Mr. Drummond.

- Oh, of the Park
Avenue Drummonds.

- You must be Mr. Claus
of the North Pole Clauses.

- Actually, the name is Jones
of the park bench Joneses.

- Well, thank you very
much for helping my son.

That was a very nice gesture.

- Oh he's helping me too.

You see things have been
kind of slow this season, man.

But it's already picking
up since Arnold signed on.

- Hey, that gives me an idea.

Since you were kind
enough to help Arnold,

maybe there's something
I can do for you, Santa.

- Well Santa is all ears.

- Thank you brother.

Bless you neighbor.

Give til it hurts for
the homeless squirts.

- Simmer down everybody.

Attention please.

Is everybody ready?

- Yeah.

- Yes, daddy, we're ready.

- Arnold!

Are you ready?

- Yeah, dad.

I been ready for 20 minutes!

- Okay, gang, you
know what to do.

Just act natural.

- Yes, dad.

- Come on Arnold.

Action!

- How many more
steps to the bottom, dad?

- Just four more
steps and hang a right,

and go right to
the Christmas tree.

- He looks like a care
package with legs.

- I want to see
reaction to Arnold's gifts.

Now put the gifts
under the tree.

Put them under the tree.

Okay, cut.

Great.

Christmas Eve at the
Drummond's has been

immortalized on tape.

It goes straight from here
to the Smithsonian Institute.

Thanks guys.

- Now wait a minute dad.

- What's the matter Arnold?

- Well under the tree, I
see gifts from me to them,

and I see gifts from them to me,

and I see gifts from us to you,

but I don't see
anything from you to us.

- Oh, that.

- I don't have to remind you
that tomorrow is Christmas day.

I don't want you to get
shut out of the joy of giving.

- Arnold, I do appreciate
the fact that you're always

interested in my happiness.

- Now Arnold, I'm sure
daddy has something in mind.

He's got that
twinkle in his eye.

You do have that
twinkle, don't you daddy.

- Has my twinkle
ever let you down?

That could be my
twinkle right now.

- I'll get it Mr. Drummond.

- Merry Christmas.

Ho ho ho!

- Well ho ho ho to you.

- Come on in Santa Claus.

- Merry Christmas everybody.

- Hey, it's Mr. Jones.

The guy I told you
I was working for.

Hey Mr. Jones.

- Hi Arnold.

My, what a beautiful tree.

- Thank you.

We're very proud of it.

- Yeah, the star
is sterling silver,

and so are most
of the ornaments.

- Sterling silver, huh?

My, my, my.

- What have you
got in the bag, Santa?

- Oh the bag, the
bag, yeah, yeah, oh.

I have a lot of nice
gifts for everybody.

Let me see here.

It say from dad to Kimberly.

- Thanks daddy.

- And I have another one here.

Hm.

It says from dad to Willis.

- All right!

Thanks pop.

- And I have another one.

From dad to Pearl.

- Oh, thanks dad.

- Here comes mine.

- Uh oh.

That's all.

Nothing left in my bag.

- What you talking about Santa?

- Oh, I think I made a mistake.

I do have one
little bitty one left.

And it says from dad, to Arnold.

- All right.

- Now you're cooking Santa.

- Well that was
just super, Santa.

Thank you.

You helped give us
a perfect Christmas.

- My pleasure Mr. Drummond.

Uh, Arnold, now don't forget
to show up for work tomorrow.

- Yeah, Christmas day is our
last chance to shame people

into opening up their
hearts and their wallets.

- Please accept this, Santa.

And have a merry,
merry Christmas.

- Thank you Mr. Drummond.

Oh, there really
is a Santa Claus.

Well, I'll be running along.

Thanks a lot.

No, I'll show myself out.

- Oh.

- Oh, I got to say
something here.

In this sacred season, I
want to wish you all the richest,

and fullest blessings of life.

But there's more to life than
mere material possession.

And it's heartwarming
to see love just oozing

out of your smiling faces.

- Yeah, we ooze
all over each other.

- Well merry Christmas,
and a ho ho ho.

Ho ho ho!

- What a charming man.

- He's the kind of guy who
can just steal your heart away.

- Willis.

Willis, get up man.

It's time.

- Arnold.

- Willis, get up.

It's time to open our gifts.

- Arnold, we've gotta wait
until dad and Kimberly wake up.

- All right.

Dad!

Kimberly!

Are you guys awake?

- They are now.

- Come on Willis, man.

Shake a leg.

Come on, get with it.

- Go back to bed.

The presents aren't
going any where.

- Well I am.

I'm gonna go start
ripping that wrapping.

- What's going on in here?

- Arnold, do you know that it
is six o'clock in the morning.

- Yeah, I thought I'd
let everybody sleep in

for an extra hour.

- Dad, Arnold can't wait
to open his presents.

- Let me look at you Arnold.

Yup, you got all the signs.

Blood shot eyes.

Quivering nostrils.

We'd better get
this kid to a present

before he goes
into gift withdrawal.

- Oh no!

The tree's gone!

- And the presents.

- This is Christmas!

- Take it easy, take it easy.

We have been burglarized.

- What was that?

- They're still
here in the kitchen.

- Dad, let me at 'em.

I'll gift wrap their lips.

- Oh, Mr. Drummond.

I thought you were the robbers.

- Well that's what
we thought about you.

- Oh no, the tree's gone too.

- And the presents!

- What do you mean "too"?

- Oh, well I came
down early to fix a nice

Christmas breakfast,
and I went to the drawer

to get the good silver.

The drawer was there,
but the silver wasn't.

- How do you like that?

Somebody did their Christmas
shopping in our living room.

- Hey, dad, the
antique vase is gone.

- And the paintings!

- And the stereo.

- And the good China.

- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Now listen everyone.

It is a terrible thing.

But after all, we're insured.

Now don't panic.

Just stay calm.

- Dad, they took
your camera too!

- Those dirty crooks!

I'll kill them!

- Thank you, thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, ho ho ho.

Thank you, thank you.

May the good Lord
bless and keep you.

I wish I could afford to.

Merry Christmas,
merry Christmas.

Ho ho ho.

Ho ho ho.

Hiya, kid.

How's it going?

- Terrible.

I showed up for work
today because I promised,

but my heart's not in it.

- What's the
problem little buddy?

- We got ripped off last night.

Someone broke in and
took all our presents.

- Oh no, that's terrible.

- Some spirit of brotherly love.

Stealing on Christmas Eve.

Can you believe it?

- Yes.

But I guess there's some
people who can't afford

Christmas presents, Arnold.

So in order to get them,
they just have to take them.

- Ah snowballs.

Stealing is no
answer to being poor.

- Well now what
would a rich kid like you

know about being poor?

- Plenty.

Before I was adopted and
living in the lap of luxury,

I was living on the
armpit of poverty.

- Really?

Well you never mentioned that.

- Yeah, yeah.

We were poor all right.

In our neighborhood,
the hobby was collecting

rare food stamps.

If we didn't have
something, we didn't steal it.

We just did without.

- Well, Arnold, I guess
the guy who took your stuff,

he was really desperate.

- Desperate?

The guy who did it
had no self respect.

He was nothing but a
skunk, a sleazo, a rat fink,

and a crumb bum.

- Well nobody's perfect.

- Well my mama and my papa were.

They didn't have any of
the advantages that I have,

but that didn't want to
make them rip people off.

They just did without.

- Sound like you had some
pretty great parents, Arnold.

But not everybody's that lucky.

- Yeah and the worst
part of it is I can't even

give my dad the
special gift I got for him.

- Which one was it?

I mean what'd you buy him?

- I got him a pair of
beautiful green cuff links.

- Is that his favorite color?

- No, but the cheap gold ones
would've turned green any way.

I even had them engraved.

- That's some pretty
heavy stuff, Arnold.

- The only gift
they didn't steal was

this gift I got for you.

- For, for me?

A green tie clip.

- What's the matter?

Don't you like it?

- I love it Arnold.

It's the nicest
present I ever got.

- Oh that was really a delicious
Christmas dinner, Pearl.

Wasn't it gang?

Wasn't it gang?

- Oh yeah.

- Come on, cheer up guys.

Look on the bright side.

At least none of us got hurt
and we still have each other.

- That's right.

They couldn't steal
our Christmas spirit.

I don't even care
about the gifts.

We're here in this
nice warm home

with plenty of food and love.

I can't stand it.

What'd everybody get me?

- Hey listen.

Pearl's got a great idea.

It'll be fun.

We don't have any
presents to open,

so why don't we just tell
each other what we got

for each other?

- Yeah, I'd like to know.

- Yeah, me too daddy.

- What did you get for me, dad?

- Well Arnold, I went
into this toy store

and I saw something that
was sleek, streamlined,

and beautiful.

So I let them sell
me a train set.

- You got me a train set?

- That's right.

- Dad, that's the
nicest gift I never got.

- Oh, Kimberly, I got
that ski outfit you wanted.

- Oh you did?

Oh thank you daddy.

I hope you don't mind if I
exchange it for another color.

- How about me dad?

- Willis, I got you
an electric razor,

so you won't have
to borrow mine.

- Aw, thanks dad.

Arnold, don't let
me catch you using it

to defuzz tennis balls.

- Oh Pearl, you're always
saying it's cold in your room,

so I got you a beautiful, a
beautiful electric blanket.

- Oh, thank you Mr. Drummond.

That's the next best
thing to a husband.

- I just supply the blankets.

You've got to
fill them yourself.

- Well thanks daddy.

These are all such lovely gifts.

- Yeah, thanks a lot dad.

- Thanks Mr. Drummond.

- Now listen.

I don't want to seem pushy,

but what did everybody
get for dear old dad?

To be continued.

But listen, I wanna find out
what I would have been given.

- Look!

It's our Christmas tree!

- And our gifts.

- Hey, dad, there's a
note attached to the tree.

- Yeah so there is.

- Well read it dad.

- Well it's addressed
to the Drummond family.

Says, your stereo,
silver, and other things

are in a garage at the
corner of Lexington and 103rd.

And you'd better hurry.

There are a lot of burglaries
in that neighborhood.

- I don't get it.

Why would they
bring everything back?

- Well maybe the crooks
had a change of heart.

I guess the spirit of
Christmas isn't dead after all.

- But what kind of weirdo
would steal your stuff

and then return it.

♪ Noel noel

♪ Noel noel

♪ Born is the king of Israel

- Well hello Mr. Drummond.

What brings you out
on this Christmas night?

- A rather strange mission,
but in the best holiday spirit

to say merry
Christmas to somebody

who has just ripped me off.

- Well I sure hope you find him.

- Don't play games
with me Santa.

When the policemen showed
me that putty in my door latch,

it wasn't hard for
me to figure out

that it was an inside job.

- Come to think of it,
your housekeeper looked

suspicious to me too.

Beady little eyes.

- Baloney!

We both know who did it.

- No we don't.

Besides, I brought
all your stuff back.

- I'll tell you what
I'm gonna do.

My Christmas present
to you will be this.

I have decided not to
turn you and your phoney

orphan charity
over to the police.

- Oh, it's not phoney.

I just happen to be
a very tall orphan.

- Now look, if you
don't go straight,

I will take it upon myself
to see that you end up

in the slammer,

and you will be there so
long that your real beard

will be as white
as this one here.

- Thank you Mr. Drummond.

I swear.

I'm gonna walk the straight
and the narrow from now on.

- Tell me something.

Why did you return
all of our things

and run the risk
of getting caught?

- Let's just say
that your son Arnold

is one terrific kid.

- Well I can't argue with that.

Well, good bye Mr. Jones.

I just hope I won't regret
letting you off the hook.

- Oh you won't.

I promise.

Oh Mr. Drummond.

- That's my watch!

- Well I didn't have time to
buy you a Christmas present.

- Merry Christmas.

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ And a happy new year

♪ Good tidings to
you where ever you are

♪ Good tiding for Christmas
and a happy new year

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ And a happy new year

♪ Good tidings we
bring to you and your kin

♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a happy new year

♪ So bring us a figgy pudding

♪ So bring us a figgy pudding

♪ So bring us a figgy pudding

♪ And bring it right here

♪ Good tidings we
bring to you and your kin

♪ Good tidings for