Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 3, Episode 2 - Small Claims Court - full transcript

After Arnold buys a toy train that doesn't work, he takes the owner of the store, who refuses to refund his money, to small claims court.

♪ NOW, THE WORLD DON'T MOVE ♪

♪ TO THE BEAT OF JUST ONE DRUM ♪

♪ WHAT MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR YOU ♪

♪ MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR SOME ♪

♪ A MAN IS BORN ♪

♪ HE'S A MAN OF MEANS ♪

♪ THEN ALONG COME TWO ♪

♪ THEY GOT NOTHIN'
BUT THEIR JEANS ♪

♪ BUT THEY GOT
DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪

♪ IT TAKES DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪

♪ IT TAKES DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪



♪ TO MOVE THE WORLD ♪

♪ EVERYBODY'S GOT ♪

♪ A SPECIAL KIND OF STORY ♪

♪ EVERYBODY FINDS
A WAY TO SHINE ♪

♪ IT DON'T MATTER THAT YOU GOT ♪

♪ NOT A LOT... SO WHAT? ♪

♪ THEY'LL HAVE THEIRS ♪

♪ AND YOU'LL HAVE
YOURS, AND I'LL HAVE MINE ♪

♪ AND TOGETHER WE'LL BE FINE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE IT TAKES
DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪

♪ TO MOVE THE
WORLD, YES, IT DOES ♪

♪ IT TAKES DIFF'RENT
STROKES TO MOVE THE WORLD ♪

DOES ANYBODY
NOTICE HOW QUIET IT IS

WHEN ARNOLD'S NOT
HERE FOR BREAKFAST?



YEAH. I CAN'T STAND THE SILENCE.

ALL I KNOW IS WHEN
ARNOLD'S NOT AROUND,

THE REST OF US GET A CHANCE

TO BE EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EATERS.

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY
PROUD OF ARNOLD

FOR GETTING UP EARLY AND
GOING OUT AND WALKING DOGS

TO TRY AND MAKE A LITTLE
EXTRA MONEY IN THE MORNINGS.

YEAH.

OH, BOY. WHAT A MORNING.

I REALLY WORKED HARD.

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

SO MUCH FOR QUIET.

WELL, HOW DID THE
DOG-WALKING BUSINESS

GO THIS MORNING, ARNOLD?

OH, TERRIFIC. I'M HUNGRY.

PASS EVERYTHING.

I WALKED 3 DOGS TODAY.

WHAT KIND OF DOGS WERE THEY?

AT A DOLLAR A DOG, WHO CARES?

ARNOLD, THERE'S A LAW

ABOUT DOGS DOING THEIR... THING.

HOW COULD YOU
HANDLE 3 DOGS AT ONCE?

WELL, IT'S NOT EASY. MY
RIGHT ARM'S GOT A BAD CASE

OF POOPER-SCOOPER DROOP.

DO YOU GUYS MIND? WE'RE
HAVING BREAKFAST HERE, HUH?

HOW MUCH MONEY
HAVE YOU MADE SO FAR?

WELL, WITH TODAY'S
TAKE, I GOT $29.

WELL, YOU'RE WELL ON YOUR
WAY TO YOUR FIRST MILLION.

NO, I'M NOT. I JUST RETIRED.

YOU'VE ONLY BEEN
WORKING 3 WEEKS.

WHEN DID YOU DECIDE TO RETIRE?

WHEN I STARTED WORKING.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT, DAD?

HE'S RETIRING AFTER 3 WEEKS

AND YOU'RE STILL PLUGGING AWAY

AFTER 30 YEARS.

WELL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO RUB IT IN.

ARNOLD, WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

WELL, THE SECRET
IS DON'T BE GREEDY.

MAKE YOUR PILE, THEN SPLIT.

IN YOUR CASE, CLEAN
UP YOUR PILE, THEN SPLIT.

WILLIS!

HA HA! TELL US, MR. TYCOON,

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WITH YOUR $29 PILE?

WELL, I'M GONNA BUY A PRESENT

FOR MY FAVORITE PERSON.

YOU. YOU. YOU.

RIGHT!

I'M GONNA BUY A DIESEL
ENGINE FOR MY TRAIN SET.

THEY'RE ON SALE AT
HASKELL'S HOBBY SHOP.

THAT'S WHY I STARTED
WORKING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WELL, YOU DESERVE THAT
DIESEL ENGINE, ARNOLD.

YOU'LL HAVE A LOT OF
FUN BUYING SOMETHING

WITH YOUR OWN MONEY.

HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALMOST AS
MUCH FUN AS BUYING SOMETHING

WITH SOMEBODY ELSE'S MONEY.

YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU LAY
SOME GREEN ON US, DAD?

GREEN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

BREAD? LOOT? LETTUCE? GELD?

YUP. NEVER HEARD OF IT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, ARNOLD,

I'LL COME HOME EARLY TONIGHT,

AND I'LL GO WITH YOU
TO THE HOBBY SHOP.

OH, THANKS, DAD. BUT I
EARNED THE MONEY MYSELF.

I THINK I'M BIG ENOUGH
TO SPEND IT MYSELF.

WELL, THAT'S A POINT.

BUT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
A VERY BIG INVESTMENT.

YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING,

2 HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE.

YEAH, BUT ONLY
ONE OF THOSE HEADS

BELONGS TO THE KID
THAT EARNED THE MONEY.

OK. YOU'RE GETTING TO
BE A VERY BIG BOY NOW.

I GUESS WE BETTER JUST
TREAT YOU THAT WAY.

EH, THANKS, DAD. YOU
HEAR THAT, WILLIS?

NO MORE LITTLE "A."

FROM NOW ON, I'M MR. BIG.

I HEAR YOU, MR. BIG.

BUT YOU JUST BE CAREFUL

YOU DON'T FALL
ON YOUR LITTLE "A."

AH, COME ON, ARNOLD,

WE CAN'T WAIT ALL
AFTERNOON FOR YOU TO TRY OUT

YOUR ENGINE.

ARNOLD IF YOU WANT US TO WATCH

THEN GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE.

OKAY, HERE I COME.

DO I LOOK OKAY?

YOU LOOK REALLY CUTE, ARNOLD.

CUTE? I WAS TRYING FOR MACHO.

HEY, UH, BRO.

THESE OVERALLS ARE A
LITTLE LOOSE IN THE CABOOSE.

YEAH.

THINK YOU'RE GOING TO NEED
A LITTLE PLEAT IN YOUR SEAT.

YOU GUYS...

BOY, THAT IS SOME
KIND OF ENGINE, HUH?

AMTRAK, EAT YOUR HEART OUT.

I GOT A GOOD DEAL ON IT, TOO.

IT WAS $42.50,

BUT HASKELL'S HAD
IT ON SALE FOR $29.95.

THAT'S TERRIFIC, ARNOLD,

BUT CAN YOU GET IT GOING?

YEAH, COME ON, MAN. GET
THIS THING ON THE ROAD.

WE GOT THINGS TO DO.

OK, BUT FIRST, WE HAVE
TO HAVE THE CEREMONY.

WHAT CEREMONY?

YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN
THEY LAUNCH A NEW SHIP.

THEY ALWAYS NAME IT,
THEN THEY CLOBBER IT

WITH A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.

USE DAD'S CHAMPAGNE,
AND HE'LL CLOBBER YOU.

HOW ABOUT A CAN OF DIET COLA?

OK, WE CAN SKIP THAT PART,

BUT WE HAVE TO GIVE
THE ENGINE A NAME.

AW, COME ON, ARNOLD.

LET'S SEE.

IT HAS TO BE
SOMETHING CLASSY LIKE...

THE JACKSON EXPRESS

OR THE JACKSON ROCKET.

LET'S GO, WILLIS.

OK, OK, COME BACK,
COME BACK, COME BACK.

UM...

ALL ABOARD FOR THE
JACKSON EXPRESS

NOW LEAVING ON TRACK 9
WITH STOPS AT 125th STREET.

ARNOLD, WILL YOU START IT?

OK. I'M STARTING.

HMM.

WHAT HAPPENED?

MAYBE ONE OF THE WHEELS
ISN'T MAKING CONTACT.

OH.

THERE. THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

OH.

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S BEEN
MESSIN' WITH MY ENGINE?

ARE YOU KIDDIN'?

YOU TOOK IT OUT
THE BOX YOURSELF.

BOY, SOME CHOO-CHOO.

I DIDN'T GET ONE
"CHOO" OUT OF IT.

LOOKS LIKE YOU BLEW IT, ARNOLD.

YOU SHOULD HAVE
LET DAD GO WITH YOU.

WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT HAVE DONE?

ARNOLD, YOU GOT TAKEN
'CAUSE YOU'RE JUST A KID.

HEY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE
IT BACK TO THE HOBBY SHOP

AND EXCHANGE IT
FOR ONE THAT WORKS?

THEY'RE STILL OPEN.

HEY, YEAH, AND
WE'LL GO WITH YOU.

OH, NO WAY.

I WAS BIG ENOUGH TO BLOW IT,

AND I'M BIG ENOUGH TO UNBLOW IT.

HEY, WILLIS, THERE'S
SOMETHING IN MY

CHEMISTRY LESSONS
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT NITRATES?

SURE DO. WHAT?

NITRATES ARE CHEAPER
THAN DAY RATES.

WILLIS, THAT ONE'S NOT
EVEN WORTH IGNORING.

BOY, I'M MAD!

I'M STEAMIN'!

WHY ARNOLD?

3 WEEKS OF WALKIN' DOGS,
WORKIN' MY TAIL TO THE BONE,

AND FOR WHAT?

THE JACKSON EXPRESS

TURNS OUT TO BE THE
GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY.

THEY WOULDN'T GIVE YOU
ANOTHER ENGINE, ARNOLD?

NO. MR. HASKELL SAID
IT WAS ON SALE AS IS.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT
MEANT "AS IS BUSTED."

WOW, ARNOLD, THAT'S A RIP-OFF.

YEAH, AND HE SAID HE COULDN'T
EVEN GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE

BECAUSE IT'S A
DISCONTINUED MODEL.

THEY'RE MAKING A NEW KIND.

THE KIND THAT RUN.

BOY, DAD'S SURE GONNA
BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

AW, ARNOLD, IT
WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

YES, IT IS.

DAD WANTED TO HELP ME,
AND I WOULDN'T LET HIM.

HI, KIDS.

HI, DAD. HI, DAD.

WELL, ARNOLD, DID YOU
GET YOUR NEW TRAIN ENGINE?

UH, YEAH, DAD LET'S TALK
ABOUT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS.

HOW ARE THINGS GOING IN IRAN?

IRAN?

WHAT MADE YOU THINK OF THAT?

WELL, MY TEACHER SAID WE SHOULD
TALK ABOUT MORE CURRENT EVENTS.

OH, FINE. LET'S TALK
ABOUT INFLATION.

HOW MUCH DID THEY SOAK
YOU FOR THE NEW TRAIN ENGINE?

DAD, FORGET THE TRAIN ENGINE.

UH, HOW'D THINGS GO
AT THE OFFICE TODAY?

I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THE OFFICE.

I WANT TO SEE YOUR TRAIN.

YOU MIGHT SAY I HAVE
A ONE-TRACK MIND.

ARNOLD, YOU BETTER
HURRY UP AND SHOW HIM

BEFORE HE MAKES ANOTHER JOKE.

WELL, THERE IT IS.

YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER WHEN MY
FATHER BOUGHT ME MY FIRST SET OF TRAINS.

YOUR FATHER WAS RICH.

I BET IT CAME WITH TUNNELS,
SIGNALS, AND EVERYTHING.

IT SURE DID.

IT WAS THE LONG ISLAND RAILROAD.

I TOLD YOU TO HURRY.

THIS IS A BEAUTY!

OH, WOW, I'D LIKE
TO SEE THAT RUN.

WE ALL WOULD.

WELL, THEN LET'S MAKE IT RUN.

IT DOESN'T RUN.

IT'S AN "AS IS."

IT DOESN'T RUN, A
BRAND-NEW ENGINE?

HERE, LET ME TRY IT.

OK, WE'LL JUST SET...

NOW.

SEE?

I'LL BET I KNOW WHAT'S
WRONG WITH THIS.

I'M VERY GOOD WITH
ELECTRICAL THINGS.

NOW, LET'S TRY IT NOW.

OK...

FORGET IT, DAD.

IT'S LEMON CITY.

WELL, THE FIRST
THING WE'RE GONNA DO

IS TAKE THAT BACK
TO THE HOBBY SHOP.

WHAT'S THE SECOND THING?

I ALREADY DID THE FIRST THING.

MR. HASKELL WOULDN'T EXCHANGE
IT OR GIVE HIM HIS MONEY BACK.

I REALLY TRIED, DAD.
I STOOD UP TO HIM.

I EVEN GAVE HIM MY SAD FACE.

WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?

NOTHIN'. HE GAVE
ME HIS SAD FACE.

WE LOOKED LIKE 2 BASSETT HOUNDS.

IS THIS THE RECEIPT?

MAYBE I CAN GET MR. HASKELL
TO CHANGE HIS MIND, HUH?

I'LL GIVE HIM MY SAD VOICE.

OK, WATCH THIS.

HELLO?

MR. HASKELL?

MY NAME'S DRUMMOND.

MY SON ARNOLD WAS IN
YOUR SHOP THIS MORNING,

AND YOU SOLD HIM AN
ENGINE THAT DOESN'T WORK.

MM-HMM. YEAH, THAT'S HIM.

WELL, I'D LIKE TO COME RIGHT
DOWN AND REPLACE THE ENGINE.

WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH A BROKEN ENGINE?

SAME TO YOU, FELLA!

LISTEN, YOU'RE GONNA
HEAR FROM... HELLO?

HELLO?

HE'S A VERY RUDE MAN.

MIGHT AS WELL FORGET IT, DAD.

WE'RE STUCK WITH IT.

HEY, BUT IT'S NOT FAIR.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
ARNOLD COULD DO, DAD?

WELL, SURE. WE COULD
REPORT MR. HASKELL

TO THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU.

YOU MEAN THE ROTTEN
BUSINESS BUREAU.

HEY, KNOW WHAT ELSE
EVEN BETTER STILL?

WE COULD TAKE HIM
TO SMALL CLAIMS COURT.

YOU MEAN THEY HAVE A SPECIAL
COURT FOR PEOPLE MY SIZE?

NO, ARNOLD, IT'S
FOR LITTLE CLAIMS,

NOT LITTLE GUYS.

ANYTHING UNDER $1,000.

HEY, THAT'S COOL, ARNOLD.

SUE THE PANTS OFF THAT GUY
AND GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

YEAH, WE CAN BE YOUR WITNESSES

THAT THE ENGINE DIDN'T WORK.

YEAH!

YEAH!

WAIT TILL WE GET
THAT GUY IN COURT.

WE'LL GIVE HIM THE THIRD
DEGREE AND MAKE HIM SWEAT.

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK,

WE'LL GIVE HIM THE
FOURTH DEGREE!

AND YOU'LL GET ME A REAL
GOOD LAWYER, RIGHT, DAD?

WELL, IT DOESN'T WORK
THAT WAY, ARNOLD.

IN SMALL CLAIMS COURT, YOU
HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN LAWYER.

WHAT YOU TALKI" 'BOUT, DAD?

WELL, THAT'S THE
WAY IT WORKS, ARNOLD.

LISTEN, YOU COULD DO IT.

YEAH, I BET YOU'D GET
YOUR MONEY BACK, ARNOLD.

BUT, YOU KNOW, GETTIN' UP IN
FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE,

THE JUDGE, THE REPORTERS...

DAVID BRINKLEY.

ARNOLD, I DON'T
THINK DAVID BRINKLEY'S

GOING TO COVER YOUR TRIAL.

YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO
SETTLE FOR JOHN CHANCELLOR.

DAD, DO I REALLY HAVE
TO BE MY OWN LAWYER?

I'M AFRAID YOU DO, SON.

YOU SEE IN SMALL CLAIMS COURT,

THE LITIGANTS SPEAK
FOR THEMSELVES.

BUT IF I CAN'T BUY
AN ENGINE BY MYSELF,

HOW AM I GOING TO
BE MY OWN LIGAMENT?

BIG DAY IN COURT
TOMORROW, ARNOLD.

TURN OUT THE LIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.

GOOD NIGHT, WILLIS.

OH...

ARNOLD, I SAID
TURN OUT THE LIGHT.

I DID TURN IT OUT.

WELL, WHY YOU TURN
IT BACK ON AGAIN?

I JUST WANT TO
SEE WHAT TIME IT IS.

IN 2 MINUTES, IT'LL BE 10:00.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TIME IT'LL BE IN 2 MINUTES.

I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS NOW.

ARNOLD, IT'S TIME
THAT YOU WERE ASLEEP.

NOW TURN OUT THE LIGHT.

OK.

GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.

GOOD NIGHT, WILLIS.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, BROTHER?!

I CAN'T SLEEP, WILLIS.

AS SOON AS I FALL
ASLEEP, THEY START.

WHAT STARTS?

BAD DREAMS.

I JUST HAD A NIGHTMARE
WHILE YOU WERE IN THE JOHN.

OK, ARNOLD, I WON'T GO
TO THE JOHN ANYMORE.

I'M NOT KIDDING, WILLIS.

IT WAS A REAL SCARY DREAM.

I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

GOOD. NOW TURN
OUT THE LIGHT. OK.

GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.

GOOD NIGHT, WILLIS.

IT WAS WEIRD, WILLIS.

I DREAMED I WAS IN COURT
BEING MY OWN LAWYER,

AND I SAID EVERYTHING WRONG,

AND THE JUDGE SENTENCED
ME TO WALK DOGS

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

AND YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN THE SIZE OF THOSE DOGS.

I COULDN'T EVEN LIFT
THE POOPER-SCOOPER.

HEY, YOU GUYS, I'M
TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP.

WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN HERE, HUH?

ARNOLD'S WORRIED ABOUT
GOING TO COURT TOMORROW.

BUT YOU'VE KNOWN
ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS.

WHY ARE YOU UPSET NOW?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT WEEKS ANYMORE.

IT'S TOMORROW, AND I GOT TO SWEAR
ON THE BIBLE TO TELL THE TRUTH.

SO?

SO WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY
TELL A LIE 'CAUSE I'M NERVOUS?

I DON'T WANT GOD GOING
AROUND BAD-MOUTHING ME.

ARNOLD, I THINK
GOD'LL UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT, ARNOLD.

YOU'VE SEEN A HUNDRED
COURTROOM SHOWS ON TV.

HEY, WHAT KIND OF
A MEETING IS THIS?

HOW IS IT ALL OF
YOU ARE NOT ASLEEP?

I WAS HAVING BAD DREAMS ABOUT
GOING TO COURT TOMORROW.

BUT WILLIS AND KIMBERLY SAY
IT'S JUST LIKE WHAT I SEE ON TV.

WELL... IN A WAY.

MAYBE I SHOULD PRACTICE
BEFORE TOMORROW.

ARNOLD!

DAD, IT'D MAKE ME
FEEL A LOT BETTER.

YEAH?

OK, LISTEN, KIDS, LET'S
HAVE A TRIAL. OH, ALL RIGHT.

YOU TWO BE WITNESSES.

THERE'S THE WITNESS
TABLE OVER THERE.

Arnold: THANKS, DAD.

I'LL BE THE JUDGE.

I CALL THE CASE OF
JACKSON VS. HASKELL.

ARE YOU READY, MR. JACKSON?

YES, SIR, AND I WOULD...

ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT
AND I'LL CLEAR THE COURTROOM.

DAD, NOBODY SAID ANYTHING.

I KNOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO SAY THAT.

GO AHEAD, MR. JACKSON.

YES, SIR.

UH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, OF THE JURY...

OH, OH, OH. ARNOLD,
THERE WON'T BE ANY JURY.

BOY, I'M SURE HAVIN' TROUBLE
GETTIN' THIS CASE OFF THE GROUND.

HEY, DAD, I THOUGHT
EVERYBODY HAD A RIGHT

TO A TRIAL BY JURY.

THERE'S NO JURY IN
SMALL CLAIMS COURT.

THE JUDGE DECIDES.

ALL RIGHT, PROCEED, MR. JACKSON.

MR. HASKELL! WHERE WERE YOU
ON THE AFTERNOON OF WEDNESDAY

RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL 2 WEEKS AGO?

ISN'T IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE A
GROWNUP WITH BEADY EYES

WHO HATES KIDS?

I WANT THE TRUTH,
THE WHOLE TRUTH,

AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH,

SO HELP YOU THURGOOD MARSHALL.

THAT'S IT, JUDGE.
I REST MY CASE.

SPEAKING OF REST,

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR THE
LEARNED ATTORNEY TO GO TO BED.

BUT, DAD, I GOTTA PRACTICE.

WELL, I DON'T WANT
YOU TO PEAK TOO SOON.

NOW STOP WORRYING.

JUST TAKE IT EASY.

LISTEN, TOMORROW IN
COURT, JUST STAND UP,

TELL THE TRUTH, AND
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

COME ON, UP YOU GO.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, KIMBERLY.

NOW, LISTEN, ARNOLD.

HEY.

THERE'S NOTHIN' TO WORRY ABOUT.

GOOD NIGHT, WILLIS.
GOOD NIGHT, DAD.

NIGHT, DAD.

GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.

GOOD NIGHT, WILLIS.

AW, NOT AGAIN!

WILLIS, DO YOU
THINK IT'S POSSIBLE

TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN?

NOW I REVEALED THIS CONTRACT,

AND IT SEEMS TO BE IN ORDER.

NOW THEN, MR. NEWHOUSE,

DID YOU PROMISE TO CARPET
HER ENTIRE HOUSE FOR $500?

NOT HER ENTIRE
HOUSE, YOUR HONOR.

ONLY UP TO 300 SQUARE FEET.

IT'S RIGHT THERE
IN THE CONTRACT.

YOUR HONOR, WHO CAN
READ THAT TINY PRINT?

AND WHO LIVES IN ONLY 300 FEET?

PEOPLE WITH ONLY $500.

AND I'M SORRY MRS. FINDLER,

BUT YOU OWE THAT MONEY.

THIS IS A LEGAL CONTRACT.

NOW I FIND IN FAVOR
OF MR. NEWHOUSE.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

I'M DEAD. THE JUDGE
HATES CUSTOMERS.

ARNOLD, TAKE IT EASY.

THAT MAN HAD A
TOTALLY DIFFERENT CASES.

YEAH, BUT WE GOT THE
TOTALLY SAME JUDGE.

AND HE'S WEARING BLACK.

AND THE GUARD BACK
THERE IS PACKING A GUN.

ARNOLD, IT'LL BE FINE.

YEAH, SURE, STOP WORRYING.

JACKSON VS. HASKELL.

THAT'S US, ARNOLD.

ARE YOU MR. HASKELL.

YES, SIR.

AND ARE YOU MR. JACKSON?

Arnold: NO, I AM!

WHO SAID THAT?

I DID!

OH! THERE YOU ARE.

UH, YOU'RE MR. JACKSON?

YES, YOUR HIGHNESS.

YOU CAN CALL ME "YOUR HONOR."

AND YOU CAN CALL
ME "YOUR ARNOLD."

AND, UH, WHO ARE YOU, SIR?

MY NAME IS PHILIP DRUMMOND.

I'M ARNOLD'S FATHER.

I ADOPTED HIM.

I MEAN, HE ADOPTED ME.

I UNDERSTAND.

UM, ARNOLD, WOULD
YOU MIND STEPPING BACK

A FEW PACES, PLEASE?

I WOULDN'T MIND STEPPIN'
ALL THE WAY BACK HOME.

WELL, NOW, THERE'S
NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.

SPEAK RIGHT UP.

NOW, YOU ARE THE PLAINTIFF.

NO, I'M THE GUY
THAT GOT RIPPED OFF.

YEAH, HE'S JUST A LITTLE KID!

THAT'S TELLIN' 'EM, YEAH!

QUIET. ANOTHER
OUTBURST LIKE THAT,

AND I'LL CLEAR THIS COURTROOM.

MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART.

NOW, YOU MAY PROCEED, ARNOLD.

YES, SIR. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I INTEND TO DO.

DAD?

YES?

EXACTLY WHAT DO I INTEND TO DO?

JUST TELL YOUR STORY
TO THE COURT. YOU GOT IT?

GOT IT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
OF THE COURT...

NO, NO, ARNOLD, PLEASE ADDRESS
YOUR REMARKS TO THE BENCH.

BENCH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW THIS IS WHAT
HAPPENED, BENCH.

THE JUDGE IS THE BENCH.

OH! OH!

SORRY, YOUR BENCHSHIP.

HE'S A LITTLE
NERVOUS, YOUR HONOR.

I UNDERSTAND.

UM, ARNOLD, TELL ME YOUR STORY

AND TRY TO BE
FAIR, HMM? UH, YES.

I BOUGHT THIS BUSTED TRAIN
ENGINE FROM THIS CROOK.

I OBJECT, YOUR
HONOR. THAT'S NOT FAIR.

NO, BUT IT'S ACCURATE.

WAY TO GO, DAD!

SOCK IT TO HIM, POP!

QUIET NOW! I WARNED
YOU ABOUT THAT!

WHO ARE THOSE CHILDREN?

WELL, THAT'S MY FATHER AND
MY BROTHER, YOUR HONOR, SIR.

AND I'M ADOPTED, TOO.

I WAS AN ORPHAN, YOUR HONOR.

IF WE'RE ALL FINISHED
WITH OUR FAMILY TREES,

MAY WE PROCEED
WITH THE CASE, PLEASE?

I'M SORRY FOR THE
INTERRUPTION, YOUR HONOR.

GO AHEAD, ARNOLD.

WELL, WHEN THE
ENGINE DIDN'T WORK,

I BROUGHT IT BACK
TO MR. HASKELL,

BUT HE WOULDN'T EXCHANGE
IT OR GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK.

IS THAT TRUE, MR. HASKELL?

WELL, I COULDN'T
REPLACE IT, YOUR HONOR.

IT WAS A DISCONTINUED MODEL,

AND IT WAS ON SALE AS IS.

ARNOLD, DID MR. HASKELL TELL
YOU THAT THERE WERE NO REFUNDS?

NO, SIR, I SWEAR HE DIDN'T.

CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE.

IF I'M LYIN', MAY I FLY.

THERE'S A SIGN IN MY
SHOP THAT CLEARLY SAYS

THAT MERCHANDISE ON
SALE IS NOT RETURNABLE.

NOW, THAT SIGN IS AS GOOD
AS A BINDING CONTRACT.

I LOOKED IT UP IN THE LAW.

WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT IS INDEED THE LAW.

WELL, THEN IT SHOULD BE CHANGED.

WHEN A KID SPENDS HIS
HARD-EARNED MONEY FOR AN ENGINE,

HE SHOULD GET THE
ENGINE, NOT THE SHAFT.

YEAH, DAD! SOCK IT TO HIM!

YOUR HONOR, THIS
HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

THE KID BRINGS A TOY HOME,

HE PLAYS WITH IT AND BREAKS IT,

THEN THEY BRING IT
BACK AND COMPLAIN.

HE DIDN'T BREAK IT.

WE WERE RIGHT THERE
WHEN HE FIRST TRIED IT OUT.

RIGHT, AND ARNOLD HAD ON THAT
DARLING LITTLE ENGINEER OUTFIT,

AND A LITTLE RED
BANDANA AROUND HIS NECK

AND A HAT THAT CAME OVER
AND COVERED HIS SAD LITTLE FACE.

YOU WANT TO SEE IT, YOUR HONOR?

IT'LL BREAK YOUR HEART.

MR. DRUMMOND, ARE YOUR CHILDREN

TRYING TO INFLUENCE THE BENCH?

ABSOLUTELY.

YOUR HONOR, ALL ARNOLD DID

WAS TAKE THE TRAIN OUT
OF THE BOX AND TRY IT OUT.

AHA! YOU HEAR THAT, YOUR HONOR?

HE ADMITS HE PLAYED WITH IT.

THAT'S WHEN HE
PROBABLY BROKE IT!

I DIDN'T BREAK IT!
HONEST, JUDGE!

AND I DIDN'T SEE THAT SIGN
HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT, EITHER.

WHO DON'T YOU PUT UP A
SIGN FOR PEOPLE MY SIZE

THAT SAYS LOOK
FOR THE OTHER SIGN?

YOUR HONOR, MAY I SAY A WORD

ABOUT THE LAW OF
MERCHANTABILITY?

ARE YOU A LAWYER, MR. DRUMMOND?

OH, NO, BUT I'VE
BEEN SUED A LOT.

AS I WAS SAYING,

IT IS MY UNDERSTANDING
THAT ANY ITEM SOLD

CARRIES AN IMPLIED CONTRACT

THAT THE MERCHANDISE
WILL BE USEABLE,

UNLESS OF COURSE, THERE'S A
NOTIFICATION THAT IT'S DEFECTIVE.

WELL YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT, MR. DRUMMOND.

THAT'S OUR DAD.

HE'S SUCH A BRAIN.

OUR DAD KNOWS EVERYTHING.

HOWEVER, MR. DRUMMOND THAT
LAW DOESN'T APPLY IN THIS CASE.

WELL HE KNOWS ALMOST EVERYTHING.

MR. HASKELL, WAS THE TRAIN EVER
OUT OF THE BOX IN YOUR STORE?

NEVER! AS A MATTER OF FACT,

THE BOX WAS STILL SEALED
WHEN I SOLD IT TO THE KID.

THEN WITHOUT PRIOR
KNOWLEDGE OF ITS CONDITION,

YOU OBVIOUSLY HAD NO
INTENTION OF DEFRAUDING THIS BOY.

DAD, LOOKS LIKE WE
GOT A HANGIN' JUDGE.

HOWEVER, MR. HASKELL,

THOUGH YOU HAD NO
INTENTION TO DEFRAUD,

THERE CERTAINLY
IS THE POSSIBILITY

THAT THE TRAIN WAS DEFECTIVE.

NOW, I BELIEVE THE
SINCERITY OF THIS YOUNG MAN,

NOT TO MENTION HIS OVER
EXUBERANT BROTHER AND SISTER.

DON'T FORGET THEIR
PUSHY FATHER, YOUR HONOR.

AH, YES.

WELL, THE COURT RULES
THAT THE FAIREST SOLUTION

WOULD BE FOR MR. JACKSON
TO RETURN THE TRAIN

AND FOR MR. HASKELL
TO REFUND HIS MONEY.

ALL RIGHT!

AND, UH, MR. HASKELL,

THE COURT STRONGLY
SUGGESTS THAT IN THE FUTURE

YOU BE MORE AWARE OF YOUR
RESPONSIBILITY TO THE CONSUMER,

ESPECIALLY CHILDREN.

I'LL WORK ON IT.

Willis: ALL RIGHT!

I WON! I WON! I WON!

YOU WON! YEAH!

HEY, ARNOLD, THIS SMALL CLAIMS
COURT IS A TERRIFIC THING, HUH?

YEAH, YOU REALLY
PUT MR. HASKELL AWAY.

I HATED TO DESTROY
HIM LIKE THAT,

BUT SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT.

ARNOLD, YOU DID JUST FINE.

AND WHEN YOU'RE READY TO
BUY YOUR NEW TRAIN ENGINE,

I'LL GO WITH YOU
IF YOU WANT ME TO.

OH, NO. I STILL
WANT TO GO ALONE,

BUT THIS TIME, I'M GONNA
ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS,

AND THE FIRST QUESTION
I'M GONNA ASK IS,

MISTER, ARE YOU A CROOK OR NOT?

AND THEN I'M GONNA ASK,

IS THIS AS IS OR AS WAS?

DO YOU OWN THIS STORE?

DO YOU LIKE YOUR MOTHER?

♪ NOW THE WORLD DON'T MOVE ♪

♪ TO THE BEAT OF JUST ONE DRUM ♪

♪ WHAT MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR YOU ♪

♪ MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR SOME ♪

♪ A MAN IS BORN ♪

♪ HE'S A MAN OF MEANS ♪

♪ THEN ALONG COME TWO ♪

♪ THEY GOT NOTHIN'
BUT THEIR JEANS ♪

♪ BUT THEY GOT
DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪

♪ IT TAKES DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪

♪ IT TAKES DIFF'RENT STROKES ♪

♪ TO MOVE THE
WORLD, YES, IT DOES ♪

♪ IT TAKES DIFF'RENT
STROKES TO MOVE THE WORLD ♪