Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Adoption: Part 1 - full transcript
Mr. Drummond's plans to officially adopt Arnold and Willis are delayed when a man claiming to be the boys' cousin claims he was promised custody in their father's will.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
[Snoring]
[Snoring Continues] Willis.
Hey, Willis. [Snorts]
Stop snoring so hard. You're gonna
suck your pillow right up into your nose.
Come on, Willis. Wake up.
You're sleepin' through one of
the most important days of our lives.
Man. [Ringing] [Screams]
Hey! What are you doin'?
Just tryin' to get your attention.
You do that again, I'm
gonna be the only child.
Listen, Willis. We've
got to get ready.
That social worker will be here any
minute to tell Mr. D. if he can adopt us.
What do you think I
set the alarm clock for?
Another five minutes,
it would've gone off.
[Sighs] You wanna
go back to sleep? Nah.
Might as well get dressed
for that social worker.
Yeah. We won't make too much
of an impression in our pajamas.
Speaking of making
an impression, [Groans]
when she gets here, don't do
anything stupid like you did last time.
- What did I do?
- You invited her
to dance with you.
She's a social worker. I
was just trying to be social.
[Grunts]
Kimberly! Are you in
the bathroom again?
She's always in there.
That's where they
deliver her mail.
Morning, guys.
You look like an
antenna for a C.B. radio.
I want my hair to look
nice for the social worker.
I'm so excited. Today, we'll find
out if you get to be my real brothers.
After we're adopted, does
it mean you're gonna...
come in here every morning in
your pajamas and break our necks?
- I might.
- Willis, we got a problem.
She just became our sister,
and we gotta sue her for whiplash.
Now, what could've
happened to that social worker?
Don't worry, Mrs. Garrett.
She'll be here soon.
Mr. Drummond, you're finally...
going to legally adopt
Willis and Arnold.
How can you be so calm?
It's easy. I'm too
numb to be nervous.
Well, I'm in worse
shape than you.
I was trying to cook
and do the laundry,
and I ironed an avocado.
Daddy, that social worker
should've been here by now.
I wonder what's holding her up.
If she came
through Central Park,
I wonder who's holding her up.
Mr. D., I'm so happy you're
gonna become our legitimate father.
Yeah. Up until now,
you've been illegitimate.
I'll feel even better when
that social worker gets here.
- I sure hope
nothin' went wrong.
- Well, what could go wrong?
Mr. Drummond is a responsible,
solid citizen and a wonderful father.
They have to
give their approval.
Yeah, but he's got all the
qualifications except one.
- What's that?
- You ain't black.
You're not even close.
I certainly hope the court
won't hold that against me.
- Hey, guys. Why don't you
show Daddy the declaration?
- What declaration is that?
I figured that now
that Willis and Arnold
are becoming official
members of the family,
they should get a
few extra privileges.
So we came up with the Willis
and Arnold Jackson Bill of Rights.
Bill of rights? All right,
Thomas Jefferson, let's hear it.
"Article number 1.
We want the right to our own
refrigerator loaded with food."
Guess who thought of that one.
I can't imagine.
Could it be that
same little person...
whose hobby is collecting
sandwiches instead of stamps?
When they make stamps
that taste like salami
and cheese, I'll
start collecting them.
"Article number 2.
"Willis and Arnold have the right to an
eight percent cost-of-living increase...
and a pension plan."
Cost-of-living increase? Pension
plan? Where'd you get that idea?
Well, we figured, since
we both ride bicycles,
we're entitled to everything
the Teamsters get.
Okay, Simpson. This load
of junk comes to 65 bucks.
No problem, I'll pay for it on
the "two word" plan. What's that?
Charge it.
I got two words
for you... Stick it.
Simpson, I'm gonna give
you just two days to pay me.
Fine. I'll take the Fourth
of July and Mother's Day.
Two days from now, or I'm
gonna take all of this junk back.
Ah. What an irritable man. Hmm.
Look at that big
hole in that mattress.
Man must've had a
sandpaper behind.
If there's anything alive
in there, just shake hands.
Hey.
Well. Now, what
have we got here?
"Dear Morton, hope things
are going well for you in L.A.
"Keep in touch and remember you've
always got a friend in Lucy Mae and me.
Take care. Your old
friend, Henry Jackson."
Wow. What a thrilling letter.
It's right up there with the one I got
for contributions to the Ku Klux Klan.
Whoa. What is... Hey,
some bank books here.
Yeah.
$32,000!
$24,000!
$41,000!
Seventy-eight dollars?
Well, what else we got here?
Oh-ho.
"Last Will and Testament
of Morton Ridley.
"I, Morton Ridley, leave my
entire fortune to Henry Jackson...
"of 259 East 135th
Street, New York City.
"In the event of
Henry Jackson's death,
"my fortune will be left
to his widow, Lucy Mae,
"or, in the event of her death,
to their two sons,
Willis and Arnold."
Wow. There's a lotta
money involved here.
This calls for a call.
And so, as far as the
welfare board of the
state of New York is
concerned, Mr. Drummond,
we will recommend that
the court grant the adoption.
[Cheering] That's wonderful.
Hey! That's great.
Now you two are gonna be my
brothers for the rest of your life.
Come on, guys. Lay one on me.
Well, I hate mushy kisses,
but go ahead... mush me.
Gang, we're all set. All
we have to do is go to court.
What do we have
to go to court for?
The judge still has to
sign the adoption papers.
Now that's the
kind of judge I like.
He gives you a life
sentence on Park Avenue.
In a maximum-security penthouse.
You know, you are
a perfect example...
of how an ethnically mixed
adoption can work, Mr. Drummond.
Sometimes they get turned down.
I know they do, but, thanks to you, I'm
sure we're not gonna have any trouble.
Oh, my stars. I'd
better get going.
I've got a wife
beater after lunch.
Thank you very much. We
appreciate everything you've done.
That's quite all right.
It was my pleasure.
And, Mr. Drummond, don't forget
your court date... Friday, 10:00.
Yeah. What a day. Not only do we get
adopted, we get to miss a day of school.
Hey, Arnold.
Are you deep in thought or
countin' the flies on the ceiling?
Willis, do you remember how
scared we were when Mama died?
Yeah. And all we
had was each other.
I didn't know what was
gonna happen to us.
I still felt that way when we
first moved in here. You did too.
Not as much as you did.
I guess I'm more
the penthouse type.
Then what are you
looking so sad for?
Oh, I guess 'cause I'm
thinkin' about Mama and Papa.
We're gonna be
somebody else's sons.
Yeah, but that's the
way Mama wanted it.
I'll bet you, right now,
Mama and Papa...
are up in heaven
lookin' down on us,
just as happy as they can be.
You think so? I'm positive.
You know, I think you're right.
I think I hear some
laughin' up there.
You feel better now? Yeah.
Say, Willis, after
we're adopted,
does it mean we become
Willis and Arnold Drummond?
Well, I've been
thinking about that.
I think we ought to keep the
name Willis and Arnold Jackson.
Well, we could be Willis and
Arnold Jackson-Drummond.
You know, like
Farrah Fawcett-Majors.
For Mama and Papa's sake, we
ought to keep the name Jackson.
But won't that hurt
Mr. D.'s feelings?
Nah. I'm sure he'd understand.
Yeah. And that way. I won't have
to carve new initials on my turtle.
You know, now that
Mr. Drummond's gonna be our father,
maybe we shouldn't
call him Mr. D.
How about just calling him Phil?
We can't do that. And we can't call him
Papa, because only our real papa is Papa.
And we can't call him Mama
for a whole lot of other reasons.
You know, why don't
we just call him... Dad?
Dad?
Now, Dad, about my allowance...
"Dad" works just fine.
I'm glad we're gonna call
him Dad, 'cause he's terrific.
Yeah. And who else would
take in two strange kids...
and feed' em and clothe 'em
and give 'em a place to sleep?
Nobody I know except the cops.
Hey. You guys still up?
Hey, Mr. Drummond, we
have something to tell you.
Just come on in here and
take a load off your feet.
Just sit on right
down. Oh, okay.
There you go. Now,
what's up, fellas?
Well, me and
Arnold's been havin'...
a little discussion around
here about our future.
Oh? What about your future?
Well, we think we
should definitely have one.
I'll handle this, Arnold.
You see, we came to a decision.
That is, if it's okay with you.
Well, what's
that, Willis? Well...
When the adoption
becomes final Friday,
if you don't mind,
well, we'd like to call you Dad.
Dad?
You wanna call me Dad?
If it's all right with
you. If it's all right?
If it's all right?
You've made a dream come
true. I've always wanted a boy.
Now I got two of 'em.
And if it's all
right with you, too,
we'd like to keep the name
Jackson for Mama and Papa's sake.
Oh, of course,
Willis. I insist on that.
Holy smoke. "Dad."
[Crying] You guys don't know
how much happiness you bring me.
Hey, Scooter. Yeah, what'd you
find out about that guy Henry Jackson?
Is he still livin' at the
same address I gave you?
Oh, he died, huh?
What about his wife? Is she
lookin' for a new husband?
Oh, she died too.
What about the two boys?
You puttin' me on.
Are they really stayin'
on Park Avenue...
with some rich white
cat named Drummond?
Oh. Well, thanks,
Scooter. I got to go now.
I owe you money?
How can I talk about
money when I'm in mournin'?
Ah. Two little orphan boys...
who don't know they
comin' into all that money.
And they sure need
somebody of their own kind...
to take care of them
and that money.
And I votes for me.
Good. Then we're all set?
Oh, thanks, Tom. I'll see
you here tomorrow morning,
and we'll all go down
to court together.
Right. No, I don't have
time to listen to a joke. Bye.
Why don't you want to
hear a joke, Mr. Drummond?
He's my lawyer. He
charges me by the hour.
- How much does he charge you?
- $100 an hour.
What you talkin' about, Mr. D.?
That's what some lawyers make.
A hundred dollars an hour?
Man! I'm gonna be a lawyer
and stay open all night.
[Doorbell Chimes]
I got it, Mr. Drummond.
Who is it?
[Simpson] Is this the
Drummond residence? Yes.
Well, I'm here to see
Willis and Arnold Jackson.
- Oh? Someone to see the boys.
- Better let him in.
Ah.
You must be Mr. Drummond's
young daughter.
No. I'm Mrs. Garrett,
Mr. Drummond's young housekeeper.
Oh. Well, how about that?
I thought you were a teenage
cheerleader waving your pom-pom.
Come on in. This
is Mr. Drummond.
You say you came
to see the boys?
That's right, Mr. Drummond.
My name is Jethro J.
Simpson, and I'm their cousin.
Cousin? Well, how do you do?
Wow! The only time we ever
saw a cousin dressed that fancy...
was right after they died.
Boys, you never told
me you had a cousin.
The reason why we never told
you is because we didn't know.
Well, this is wonderful.
This calls for a celebration.
How about some champagne?
Okay, but don't be surprised
if yours looks like milk.
Well, it sure is good
to see you boys.
Uh, Arnold and Willis. Right?
No. I'm Willis, and he's Arnold.
It's easy to tell us apart.
One of us is tall and handsome,
and the other one is Willis.
You know, Arnold,
you look just like...
Just like... My mama.
Right.
And, Willis, you look
just like your... Papa.
Right. I'd recognize you
boys anywhere. [Laughing]
We'd recognize you, too,
if we knew who you were.
Well, I've been in South
America for 15 years, boys.
I am your Cousin
Jethro from Brazil.
How about that, Arnold? We found
another relative, just like in Roots.
Yeah. Welcome
home, Kunta Jethro!
Won't you want to sit
down, Mr. Simpson?
Oh. Muchas gracias. De nada.
Oh, You speak Spanish? Un poco.
Oh. Well, I, uh, usually let
my interpreter handle my poco.
My card, Mr. Drummond.
Oh, thank you.
Yes. "Simpson
Limited, South America.
Copper, chinchilla,
coffee and auto parts."
That's quite a variety.
I don't suppose you boys
have ever been to the jungle.
No, but we've been on
the New York subway.
That's close enough.
Boys, I brought
you some presents.
Oh, man!
Nothing I like better than finding
an old cousin with new presents.
This one's for you, Willis.
It's a stuffed crocodile tail.
I captured it myself.
Scratched the hell outta me.
Hey, thanks, Cousin Jethro.
And this is for you, Arnold.
I found that in
the Amazon River.
Gee, thanks! Oh, boy!
This is it? A rock?
Well, it might not
look like much,
but it meant a lot to that
sand crab I took it away from.
I'll bet it didn't put
up much of a fight.
Tell me. How do you happen to
be related to the boys, Mr. Simpson?
On their daddy's
side. I just got back,
and I heard about my dear Cousin
Henry and his wife, Lucy Mae, passing,
so I rushed right over here.
Oh, Cousin Jethro, I'm sorry. I don't
remember Mama or Papa ever mentioning you.
Yeah. They never talked
about a lot of people,
but they never talked
about you the most.
Well, that's all right.
I was always considered
the white sheep of the family.
You sure came at the right time,
Mr. Simpson. Didn't he, boys?
Yeah. Tomorrow,
Mr. Drummond's gonna adopt us.
What you talkin' about, Arnold?
Cousin Jethro is
definitely part of the family.
You mean, adopt them legally,
like in, "I now pronounce
you father and son"?
That's right, Mr. Simpson.
Oh, boy. This
comes as a surprise.
It-It's a nice
surprise, of course.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, it certainly has been
nice meeting all of you.
I think I better be
going now. So soon?
Can't you stay for dinner?
Maybe we can whip
up a crocodile pizza.
Well, no, I'm on a diet.
Cousin Jethro, will we
be seeing you again?
Well, it's up in the
air at the moment.
Comme ci, comme
ça, Arnold. He's Willis.
That's all right. The adoption
will straighten all that out.
I want to thank you for
dropping by to see the boys.
It's really nice to know they
have a relative. It sure is.
Bye, Cousin Jethro.
Nice meeting you.
It's been my pleasure, boys.
And as we say in the jungle,
"May you never find a
tiger in your pajamas."
Oh, Kimberly.
This is my daughter.
This is Mr. Simpson,
Arnold and Willis's cousin.
- Oh, really? Hi.
- Well, Buenos días, señorita.
Buenos días, señor.
¿Cómo está usted?
Oh, I couldn't have
said that better myself.
I guess I'll be goin' now. Drop
by anytime, Cousin Jethro.
I will return. Sayonara.
[Overlapping Good-byes]
Nice meetin' you.
So, this is where he lives, huh?
Yep, but, you know,
it sure is funny...
how Mama and Papa never
mentioned Cousin Jethro.
Maybe not. I don't mention
Donna Summer a lot,
but she can park her
records in my stereo anytime.
I got an idea. Maybe there's a picture
of Cousin Jethro in our old family album.
Hey, good thinking, Willis.
With your brains and my height,
we could make half a detective.
Let's see here. Let's see
what we got in this thing.
Now then. Hey.
You sure were a... a
funny-looking baby, Willis.
[Laughing]
That's not me. That's you.
Oh. Well, I should've known
by those chubby cheeks.
And I don't mean
the ones on my face.
Don't make any
difference anyway.
You look the same
from both ends.
Ah! Here's three of
my favorite pictures:
Papa fishin', Mama dancin'
and you getting sick in the car.
Arnold, I wasn't
getting sick in the car.
Oh, sure. You were just sticking
your head out the window...
because we
couldn't afford a dog.
Hmm. Hey.
Here's a picture of Mama
and Papa at the circus.
Hey. Doesn't that look like Cousin
Jethro standing behind them?
No. That's the bearded lady.
Yeah, she's standing behind Papa, so it's
hard to tell that she's wearing a dress.
- You just got confused.
- I'll bet the bearded lady
gets even more confused.
- About what?
- Whether to use the men's room
or the ladies' room.
I don't see a picture of Cousin
Jethro in here anywhere.
Hmm. You know,
I'm beginning to think there's
something strange about him.
Yeah. I'm thinking
the same thing.
What kind of a guy
would gift wrap a rock?
More important...
You know, who would just
show up like that out of nowhere,
give us presents and
then split in a hurry?
Nobody I know except for
Santa Claus and the Lone Ranger.
Well, maybe I'm wrong
about Cousin Jethro.
I just got a weird
feeling about him.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
He's got that same shifty
look our teacher gets...
just before she
hits us with a test.
Now, you're sure you got all the
legal papers that we need, Tom?
Are we gonna have that judge
that you mentioned before?
Phil, this isn't the first adoption
case my law firm has handled.
Relax. You weren't this nervous
the day Kimberly was born.
The day Kimberly was born,
I didn't have to wait for a judge
to tell me who her father was.
[Willis] Hey. Mr. Bishop.
How ya doin', Mr. Bishop?
Hello, boys, Kimberly.
We're all ready, Daddy.
Oh, man, I can't wait. I was so
excited last night, I kept waking up.
I was so excited last night, I
kept going to the bathroom.
Boy, getting adopted
sure wears you out.
Are we all set, gang?
Do I look okay for
court, Mr. Bishop?
You look just
fine, Mrs. Garrett.
That's a lovely
dress. Thank you.
I only wear this dress
for special occasions...
that represent great
joy and happiness.
- When did you wear it last?
- When I got divorced.
All right, let's go,
gang! [Doorbell Chimes]
Oh, I got it, Mr. Drummond.
♪♪ [Humming]
Oh, Cousin Jethro.
Oh, Mr. Simpson,
nice to see you again.
Well, hasta la vista, everybody.
- That means good-bye.
- Well, I won't be staying long.
Are you gonna
come to court with us?
Maybe that trip to court
won't be necessary.
What do you mean?
Drummond, this is my
attorney, Mr. Payton.
Your attorney? How
do you do, Mr. Payton?
Mr. Drummond. You'll be
interested in this document.
- What is it?
- I think it speaks
for itself, Mr. Drummond.
It's a letter written by your
father, boys. Our father?
Yeah. It says, if anything ever
happens to him or to your mother,
he wants your cousin, Jethro
Simpson, to be your legal guardian.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
[Snoring]
[Snoring Continues] Willis.
Hey, Willis. [Snorts]
Stop snoring so hard. You're gonna
suck your pillow right up into your nose.
Come on, Willis. Wake up.
You're sleepin' through one of
the most important days of our lives.
Man. [Ringing] [Screams]
Hey! What are you doin'?
Just tryin' to get your attention.
You do that again, I'm
gonna be the only child.
Listen, Willis. We've
got to get ready.
That social worker will be here any
minute to tell Mr. D. if he can adopt us.
What do you think I
set the alarm clock for?
Another five minutes,
it would've gone off.
[Sighs] You wanna
go back to sleep? Nah.
Might as well get dressed
for that social worker.
Yeah. We won't make too much
of an impression in our pajamas.
Speaking of making
an impression, [Groans]
when she gets here, don't do
anything stupid like you did last time.
- What did I do?
- You invited her
to dance with you.
She's a social worker. I
was just trying to be social.
[Grunts]
Kimberly! Are you in
the bathroom again?
She's always in there.
That's where they
deliver her mail.
Morning, guys.
You look like an
antenna for a C.B. radio.
I want my hair to look
nice for the social worker.
I'm so excited. Today, we'll find
out if you get to be my real brothers.
After we're adopted, does
it mean you're gonna...
come in here every morning in
your pajamas and break our necks?
- I might.
- Willis, we got a problem.
She just became our sister,
and we gotta sue her for whiplash.
Now, what could've
happened to that social worker?
Don't worry, Mrs. Garrett.
She'll be here soon.
Mr. Drummond, you're finally...
going to legally adopt
Willis and Arnold.
How can you be so calm?
It's easy. I'm too
numb to be nervous.
Well, I'm in worse
shape than you.
I was trying to cook
and do the laundry,
and I ironed an avocado.
Daddy, that social worker
should've been here by now.
I wonder what's holding her up.
If she came
through Central Park,
I wonder who's holding her up.
Mr. D., I'm so happy you're
gonna become our legitimate father.
Yeah. Up until now,
you've been illegitimate.
I'll feel even better when
that social worker gets here.
- I sure hope
nothin' went wrong.
- Well, what could go wrong?
Mr. Drummond is a responsible,
solid citizen and a wonderful father.
They have to
give their approval.
Yeah, but he's got all the
qualifications except one.
- What's that?
- You ain't black.
You're not even close.
I certainly hope the court
won't hold that against me.
- Hey, guys. Why don't you
show Daddy the declaration?
- What declaration is that?
I figured that now
that Willis and Arnold
are becoming official
members of the family,
they should get a
few extra privileges.
So we came up with the Willis
and Arnold Jackson Bill of Rights.
Bill of rights? All right,
Thomas Jefferson, let's hear it.
"Article number 1.
We want the right to our own
refrigerator loaded with food."
Guess who thought of that one.
I can't imagine.
Could it be that
same little person...
whose hobby is collecting
sandwiches instead of stamps?
When they make stamps
that taste like salami
and cheese, I'll
start collecting them.
"Article number 2.
"Willis and Arnold have the right to an
eight percent cost-of-living increase...
and a pension plan."
Cost-of-living increase? Pension
plan? Where'd you get that idea?
Well, we figured, since
we both ride bicycles,
we're entitled to everything
the Teamsters get.
Okay, Simpson. This load
of junk comes to 65 bucks.
No problem, I'll pay for it on
the "two word" plan. What's that?
Charge it.
I got two words
for you... Stick it.
Simpson, I'm gonna give
you just two days to pay me.
Fine. I'll take the Fourth
of July and Mother's Day.
Two days from now, or I'm
gonna take all of this junk back.
Ah. What an irritable man. Hmm.
Look at that big
hole in that mattress.
Man must've had a
sandpaper behind.
If there's anything alive
in there, just shake hands.
Hey.
Well. Now, what
have we got here?
"Dear Morton, hope things
are going well for you in L.A.
"Keep in touch and remember you've
always got a friend in Lucy Mae and me.
Take care. Your old
friend, Henry Jackson."
Wow. What a thrilling letter.
It's right up there with the one I got
for contributions to the Ku Klux Klan.
Whoa. What is... Hey,
some bank books here.
Yeah.
$32,000!
$24,000!
$41,000!
Seventy-eight dollars?
Well, what else we got here?
Oh-ho.
"Last Will and Testament
of Morton Ridley.
"I, Morton Ridley, leave my
entire fortune to Henry Jackson...
"of 259 East 135th
Street, New York City.
"In the event of
Henry Jackson's death,
"my fortune will be left
to his widow, Lucy Mae,
"or, in the event of her death,
to their two sons,
Willis and Arnold."
Wow. There's a lotta
money involved here.
This calls for a call.
And so, as far as the
welfare board of the
state of New York is
concerned, Mr. Drummond,
we will recommend that
the court grant the adoption.
[Cheering] That's wonderful.
Hey! That's great.
Now you two are gonna be my
brothers for the rest of your life.
Come on, guys. Lay one on me.
Well, I hate mushy kisses,
but go ahead... mush me.
Gang, we're all set. All
we have to do is go to court.
What do we have
to go to court for?
The judge still has to
sign the adoption papers.
Now that's the
kind of judge I like.
He gives you a life
sentence on Park Avenue.
In a maximum-security penthouse.
You know, you are
a perfect example...
of how an ethnically mixed
adoption can work, Mr. Drummond.
Sometimes they get turned down.
I know they do, but, thanks to you, I'm
sure we're not gonna have any trouble.
Oh, my stars. I'd
better get going.
I've got a wife
beater after lunch.
Thank you very much. We
appreciate everything you've done.
That's quite all right.
It was my pleasure.
And, Mr. Drummond, don't forget
your court date... Friday, 10:00.
Yeah. What a day. Not only do we get
adopted, we get to miss a day of school.
Hey, Arnold.
Are you deep in thought or
countin' the flies on the ceiling?
Willis, do you remember how
scared we were when Mama died?
Yeah. And all we
had was each other.
I didn't know what was
gonna happen to us.
I still felt that way when we
first moved in here. You did too.
Not as much as you did.
I guess I'm more
the penthouse type.
Then what are you
looking so sad for?
Oh, I guess 'cause I'm
thinkin' about Mama and Papa.
We're gonna be
somebody else's sons.
Yeah, but that's the
way Mama wanted it.
I'll bet you, right now,
Mama and Papa...
are up in heaven
lookin' down on us,
just as happy as they can be.
You think so? I'm positive.
You know, I think you're right.
I think I hear some
laughin' up there.
You feel better now? Yeah.
Say, Willis, after
we're adopted,
does it mean we become
Willis and Arnold Drummond?
Well, I've been
thinking about that.
I think we ought to keep the
name Willis and Arnold Jackson.
Well, we could be Willis and
Arnold Jackson-Drummond.
You know, like
Farrah Fawcett-Majors.
For Mama and Papa's sake, we
ought to keep the name Jackson.
But won't that hurt
Mr. D.'s feelings?
Nah. I'm sure he'd understand.
Yeah. And that way. I won't have
to carve new initials on my turtle.
You know, now that
Mr. Drummond's gonna be our father,
maybe we shouldn't
call him Mr. D.
How about just calling him Phil?
We can't do that. And we can't call him
Papa, because only our real papa is Papa.
And we can't call him Mama
for a whole lot of other reasons.
You know, why don't
we just call him... Dad?
Dad?
Now, Dad, about my allowance...
"Dad" works just fine.
I'm glad we're gonna call
him Dad, 'cause he's terrific.
Yeah. And who else would
take in two strange kids...
and feed' em and clothe 'em
and give 'em a place to sleep?
Nobody I know except the cops.
Hey. You guys still up?
Hey, Mr. Drummond, we
have something to tell you.
Just come on in here and
take a load off your feet.
Just sit on right
down. Oh, okay.
There you go. Now,
what's up, fellas?
Well, me and
Arnold's been havin'...
a little discussion around
here about our future.
Oh? What about your future?
Well, we think we
should definitely have one.
I'll handle this, Arnold.
You see, we came to a decision.
That is, if it's okay with you.
Well, what's
that, Willis? Well...
When the adoption
becomes final Friday,
if you don't mind,
well, we'd like to call you Dad.
Dad?
You wanna call me Dad?
If it's all right with
you. If it's all right?
If it's all right?
You've made a dream come
true. I've always wanted a boy.
Now I got two of 'em.
And if it's all
right with you, too,
we'd like to keep the name
Jackson for Mama and Papa's sake.
Oh, of course,
Willis. I insist on that.
Holy smoke. "Dad."
[Crying] You guys don't know
how much happiness you bring me.
Hey, Scooter. Yeah, what'd you
find out about that guy Henry Jackson?
Is he still livin' at the
same address I gave you?
Oh, he died, huh?
What about his wife? Is she
lookin' for a new husband?
Oh, she died too.
What about the two boys?
You puttin' me on.
Are they really stayin'
on Park Avenue...
with some rich white
cat named Drummond?
Oh. Well, thanks,
Scooter. I got to go now.
I owe you money?
How can I talk about
money when I'm in mournin'?
Ah. Two little orphan boys...
who don't know they
comin' into all that money.
And they sure need
somebody of their own kind...
to take care of them
and that money.
And I votes for me.
Good. Then we're all set?
Oh, thanks, Tom. I'll see
you here tomorrow morning,
and we'll all go down
to court together.
Right. No, I don't have
time to listen to a joke. Bye.
Why don't you want to
hear a joke, Mr. Drummond?
He's my lawyer. He
charges me by the hour.
- How much does he charge you?
- $100 an hour.
What you talkin' about, Mr. D.?
That's what some lawyers make.
A hundred dollars an hour?
Man! I'm gonna be a lawyer
and stay open all night.
[Doorbell Chimes]
I got it, Mr. Drummond.
Who is it?
[Simpson] Is this the
Drummond residence? Yes.
Well, I'm here to see
Willis and Arnold Jackson.
- Oh? Someone to see the boys.
- Better let him in.
Ah.
You must be Mr. Drummond's
young daughter.
No. I'm Mrs. Garrett,
Mr. Drummond's young housekeeper.
Oh. Well, how about that?
I thought you were a teenage
cheerleader waving your pom-pom.
Come on in. This
is Mr. Drummond.
You say you came
to see the boys?
That's right, Mr. Drummond.
My name is Jethro J.
Simpson, and I'm their cousin.
Cousin? Well, how do you do?
Wow! The only time we ever
saw a cousin dressed that fancy...
was right after they died.
Boys, you never told
me you had a cousin.
The reason why we never told
you is because we didn't know.
Well, this is wonderful.
This calls for a celebration.
How about some champagne?
Okay, but don't be surprised
if yours looks like milk.
Well, it sure is good
to see you boys.
Uh, Arnold and Willis. Right?
No. I'm Willis, and he's Arnold.
It's easy to tell us apart.
One of us is tall and handsome,
and the other one is Willis.
You know, Arnold,
you look just like...
Just like... My mama.
Right.
And, Willis, you look
just like your... Papa.
Right. I'd recognize you
boys anywhere. [Laughing]
We'd recognize you, too,
if we knew who you were.
Well, I've been in South
America for 15 years, boys.
I am your Cousin
Jethro from Brazil.
How about that, Arnold? We found
another relative, just like in Roots.
Yeah. Welcome
home, Kunta Jethro!
Won't you want to sit
down, Mr. Simpson?
Oh. Muchas gracias. De nada.
Oh, You speak Spanish? Un poco.
Oh. Well, I, uh, usually let
my interpreter handle my poco.
My card, Mr. Drummond.
Oh, thank you.
Yes. "Simpson
Limited, South America.
Copper, chinchilla,
coffee and auto parts."
That's quite a variety.
I don't suppose you boys
have ever been to the jungle.
No, but we've been on
the New York subway.
That's close enough.
Boys, I brought
you some presents.
Oh, man!
Nothing I like better than finding
an old cousin with new presents.
This one's for you, Willis.
It's a stuffed crocodile tail.
I captured it myself.
Scratched the hell outta me.
Hey, thanks, Cousin Jethro.
And this is for you, Arnold.
I found that in
the Amazon River.
Gee, thanks! Oh, boy!
This is it? A rock?
Well, it might not
look like much,
but it meant a lot to that
sand crab I took it away from.
I'll bet it didn't put
up much of a fight.
Tell me. How do you happen to
be related to the boys, Mr. Simpson?
On their daddy's
side. I just got back,
and I heard about my dear Cousin
Henry and his wife, Lucy Mae, passing,
so I rushed right over here.
Oh, Cousin Jethro, I'm sorry. I don't
remember Mama or Papa ever mentioning you.
Yeah. They never talked
about a lot of people,
but they never talked
about you the most.
Well, that's all right.
I was always considered
the white sheep of the family.
You sure came at the right time,
Mr. Simpson. Didn't he, boys?
Yeah. Tomorrow,
Mr. Drummond's gonna adopt us.
What you talkin' about, Arnold?
Cousin Jethro is
definitely part of the family.
You mean, adopt them legally,
like in, "I now pronounce
you father and son"?
That's right, Mr. Simpson.
Oh, boy. This
comes as a surprise.
It-It's a nice
surprise, of course.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, it certainly has been
nice meeting all of you.
I think I better be
going now. So soon?
Can't you stay for dinner?
Maybe we can whip
up a crocodile pizza.
Well, no, I'm on a diet.
Cousin Jethro, will we
be seeing you again?
Well, it's up in the
air at the moment.
Comme ci, comme
ça, Arnold. He's Willis.
That's all right. The adoption
will straighten all that out.
I want to thank you for
dropping by to see the boys.
It's really nice to know they
have a relative. It sure is.
Bye, Cousin Jethro.
Nice meeting you.
It's been my pleasure, boys.
And as we say in the jungle,
"May you never find a
tiger in your pajamas."
Oh, Kimberly.
This is my daughter.
This is Mr. Simpson,
Arnold and Willis's cousin.
- Oh, really? Hi.
- Well, Buenos días, señorita.
Buenos días, señor.
¿Cómo está usted?
Oh, I couldn't have
said that better myself.
I guess I'll be goin' now. Drop
by anytime, Cousin Jethro.
I will return. Sayonara.
[Overlapping Good-byes]
Nice meetin' you.
So, this is where he lives, huh?
Yep, but, you know,
it sure is funny...
how Mama and Papa never
mentioned Cousin Jethro.
Maybe not. I don't mention
Donna Summer a lot,
but she can park her
records in my stereo anytime.
I got an idea. Maybe there's a picture
of Cousin Jethro in our old family album.
Hey, good thinking, Willis.
With your brains and my height,
we could make half a detective.
Let's see here. Let's see
what we got in this thing.
Now then. Hey.
You sure were a... a
funny-looking baby, Willis.
[Laughing]
That's not me. That's you.
Oh. Well, I should've known
by those chubby cheeks.
And I don't mean
the ones on my face.
Don't make any
difference anyway.
You look the same
from both ends.
Ah! Here's three of
my favorite pictures:
Papa fishin', Mama dancin'
and you getting sick in the car.
Arnold, I wasn't
getting sick in the car.
Oh, sure. You were just sticking
your head out the window...
because we
couldn't afford a dog.
Hmm. Hey.
Here's a picture of Mama
and Papa at the circus.
Hey. Doesn't that look like Cousin
Jethro standing behind them?
No. That's the bearded lady.
Yeah, she's standing behind Papa, so it's
hard to tell that she's wearing a dress.
- You just got confused.
- I'll bet the bearded lady
gets even more confused.
- About what?
- Whether to use the men's room
or the ladies' room.
I don't see a picture of Cousin
Jethro in here anywhere.
Hmm. You know,
I'm beginning to think there's
something strange about him.
Yeah. I'm thinking
the same thing.
What kind of a guy
would gift wrap a rock?
More important...
You know, who would just
show up like that out of nowhere,
give us presents and
then split in a hurry?
Nobody I know except for
Santa Claus and the Lone Ranger.
Well, maybe I'm wrong
about Cousin Jethro.
I just got a weird
feeling about him.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
He's got that same shifty
look our teacher gets...
just before she
hits us with a test.
Now, you're sure you got all the
legal papers that we need, Tom?
Are we gonna have that judge
that you mentioned before?
Phil, this isn't the first adoption
case my law firm has handled.
Relax. You weren't this nervous
the day Kimberly was born.
The day Kimberly was born,
I didn't have to wait for a judge
to tell me who her father was.
[Willis] Hey. Mr. Bishop.
How ya doin', Mr. Bishop?
Hello, boys, Kimberly.
We're all ready, Daddy.
Oh, man, I can't wait. I was so
excited last night, I kept waking up.
I was so excited last night, I
kept going to the bathroom.
Boy, getting adopted
sure wears you out.
Are we all set, gang?
Do I look okay for
court, Mr. Bishop?
You look just
fine, Mrs. Garrett.
That's a lovely
dress. Thank you.
I only wear this dress
for special occasions...
that represent great
joy and happiness.
- When did you wear it last?
- When I got divorced.
All right, let's go,
gang! [Doorbell Chimes]
Oh, I got it, Mr. Drummond.
♪♪ [Humming]
Oh, Cousin Jethro.
Oh, Mr. Simpson,
nice to see you again.
Well, hasta la vista, everybody.
- That means good-bye.
- Well, I won't be staying long.
Are you gonna
come to court with us?
Maybe that trip to court
won't be necessary.
What do you mean?
Drummond, this is my
attorney, Mr. Payton.
Your attorney? How
do you do, Mr. Payton?
Mr. Drummond. You'll be
interested in this document.
- What is it?
- I think it speaks
for itself, Mr. Drummond.
It's a letter written by your
father, boys. Our father?
Yeah. It says, if anything ever
happens to him or to your mother,
he wants your cousin, Jethro
Simpson, to be your legal guardian.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪