Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 2, Episode 23 - Teacher's Pet - full transcript
Arnold's classmates accuse him of being a teacher's pet when their teacher, Miss Osbourne, goes out with Mr. Drummond.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
[Chattering]
Well, this looks like
a very nice room.
Do you see your teacher? No.
She's probably sick and
isn't coming. Let's go home.
Hold it. Stop that, Arnold.
Look, this is just parents'
night. It's not death row.
Same thing, only on death row,
they put you out of your misery.
If you're worried about what your
teacher's going to say, you needn't.
I'm sure she'll have nice
things to say about you.
Oh, yeah? The last time the old battle-ax
even smiled, she dislocated her jaw.
Well, I'll try not
to make her smile.
Which is your
desk? Oh, over here.
In front of my pals,
Robbie and Dudley.
They are really
terrific guys. Yeah.
You know, things really haven't
changed since I was a kid.
How can you
remember that far back?
It was a very important time of my
life. I just arrived on the Mayflower.
I wonder if I can still fit
into one of these things.
This desk must be smaller.
Or else the part of me
that sits must be bigger.
Holy smoke!
What's this supposed to be,
the Wicked Witch of the West?
No, that's my teacher.
Well, I'm sure it is not a
very flattering drawing of her.
Yes, it is.
You know, it reminds me of a teacher
I had when I was in grade school,
except she had teeth like this.
She could eat a sandwich
through a venetian blind.
Uh, Dad... Wait a second.
She also had a big mole
right on the end of her nose.
Right there.
Uh, Dad, wouldn't you
like to meet my teacher?
Sure. Where is she? Right here.
Oh, uh, speak of the devil.
I'm Nancy Osborne, Arnold's
teacher. [Clears Throat]
And I'm Philip Drummond,
Arnold's embarrassed, uh, father.
Please, don't get up.
Don't worry. I can't.
Don't call the fire
department just yet.
[Grunts]
Um, Arnold, you never told me
your father was such an artist.
Oh, sure. I just left
my beret in the car.
I'll file this for you, Dad.
Kids have such a distorted
view of their teachers.
You mean you don't think
I look like an old battle-ax?
Oh, absolutely not. I'd say you're
a very attractive, young... battle-ax.
I assume you wanna
know about Arnold's work.
Who? Oh, Arnold.
Yeah, I'm very anxious to know.
Well, he's one
of my best pupils.
I'm glad to hear that.
And speaking of pupils,
I'm trying to figure out
what color your eyes are.
Mr. Drummond, a lot of
parents are waiting to talk to me.
I don't blame 'em.
Oh, they're brown.
Anyway, you can
be proud of Arnold.
He pays attention,
and he works hard.
Oh, and he's very curious.
So am I.
Is it Miss, Ms. or Mrs.?
Mr. Drummond, I don't see
how that relates to Arnold.
It doesn't. It relates to me,
but I'm related to Arnold.
Well, it isn't Mrs. Ah.
But I am involved... Uh-oh.
In my work. Oh.
And I think we'd
better get back to it.
Now, about Arnold... Who?
Oh, him again.
No, really, I am interested
to know how he's doing.
Well, because of his size,
Arnold sometimes places...
too much importance
on peer acceptance.
Oh, but he's a delightful child.
Let me show you
something he did.
Did you tell your father
that me and Robbie...
drew that picture
of the old battle-ax?
Of course not,
Dudley. I'm no snitch.
You'd better not be, or
you're not our friend anymore.
Hey, come on. I
said I didn't tell.
And I wouldn't even tell if they made
me eat the cafeteria food for a year.
[Nancy] Arnold drew this.
It shows a lot of imagination.
Yes, a lot.
What is it?
According to Arnold, it's an
astronaut who's afraid to fly,
so he's taking a
train to the moon.
That's what I call imagination.
Well, I have a lot of parents
waiting to visit with me,
but it was a pleasure
meeting you, Mr. Drummond.
Philip. Philip.
There are some things I'd like to
discuss with you, Miss Osborne.
- Uh, Nancy.
- Nancy.
Uh, such as?
Well, the thing I'm
most concerned about is,
do you have any plans
for dinner Saturday night?
I know an excellent
French restaurant.
Mr. Drummond, I'm
sorry, but... Italian?
Really, I...
Mr. Drummond! Chinese?
Kosher? I'm yours!
I'll, um, write down my phone
number for you. Thank you.
What do you want with
her phone number, Dad?
I'm taking Miss Osborne
to dinner on Saturday night.
Miss Osborne?
What for?
Arnold, whether you believe it or
not, teachers are human beings.
- They go out on dates too.
- I didn't think they went out
with other human beings.
Well, I guess they meet all kinds.
At any rate, she's going out with me.
Well, I guess at your age, you
have to get a date wherever you can.
Uh-huh.
That's it, Arnold.
Kimberly's been in the
bathroom for an hour now.
Yeah. We're gonna have to start
using the john in the gas station.
Yeah, yeah, I heard you
guys. I like taking long baths.
You know, you're gonna become
the world's first white prune.
Hey, kids, your dad
just left for his date.
He told me to remind you all to
do your homework. We're doing it.
He really digs on your teacher,
Arnold. That's their third date this week.
Yeah. She must
be really somethin'.
You know, yesterday he came home with
a brand-new cologne called Macho Musk.
Hey, maybe it's serious.
I think it'd be kind of fun to have
a schoolteacher in the family.
Kimberly, all those baths
must've softened your brain.
Arnold, why are you so
down on your teacher?
Willis, how would you feel if Dad
came into your school cafeteria...
and had lunch with your teacher?
- Dad did that?
- Right in front
of all the guys.
I was so embarrassed, I
put mustard in my custard.
If Dad was dating my teacher,
I'd be the happiest guy in school.
I wish he was
dating your teacher.
I don't think he'd
like Mr. Hernandez.
Don't you see, Arnold?
You'll get all the fringe benefits.
Like what? Like your teacher'll
probably ask you to be room monitor.
You'll pass out papers.
You'll get all the privileges.
- Really?
- Every kid in the class
is gonna envy you.
- You're gonna be Mr. Big.
- I'll take "big" any way
I can get it.
Hi, everybody.
Hi. Hi, honey.
Arnold, why are you
holding your eye?
So it doesn't fall out.
What happened?
Uh, I got it playing
football with the guys.
I'd better get you
something for that eye.
How about some raw steak?
Oh, he'll eat it.
Wow, Arnold. You're so popular now, the
guys let you play football with them, huh?
Well, I didn't
exactly play football.
I was the football.
What do you mean?
Well, when Dad came by to pick
up Miss Osborne in the limousine,
all the guys started
calling me teacher's pet,
and they tried to placekick
me for a field goal.
- Oh, man!
- They all got it
in for me, huh?
Well, Arnold, I'm sorry about what
happened, but there's a way to fix things.
Now, what you gotta do now is prove
to them that you're one of the guys.
How? Punch myself
in the other eye?
I mean, you've gotta go from
teacher's pet to teacher's pest.
Run that by me again.
You know, bug the teacher...
Whisper when her back is turned,
make funny noises,
throw spitballs.
That'll prove you're
not her pet. It will?
- That's the way to go.
- Well, I'll try it,
'cause it's real important
that my friends like me.
If you're not one of the
guys in school, you're nothin'.
Yeah, I know where
you're coming from.
[Sighs] Yeah, without my friends, I'd have
nobody to talk to, nobody to play with.
I'd come away from school
with nothin' but an education.
Yeah.
[Kids Whispering]
- Arnold?
- Uh, yes, Miss Osborne.
Arnold, may I see you for a
minute before class starts, please?
Yes, Miss Osborne.
Teacher's pet.
Arnold, I have a
faculty meeting after
class, so will you
please tell your father...
that I'll be over for dinner
at your house a little late?
- I'll take a taxi.
- Are you sure you wanna
come to dinner?
- Don't you want me to?
- Oh, sure. Sure.
But I gotta warn you, we
have such a terrible cook,
we pray after our meals.
Well, I'll take my chances.
Besides, I'm looking forward to
meeting your brother and sister.
Oh, okay.
Taking love messages to
your father from the teacher?
Yeah. She's gonna teach
his father the three R's...
Reading, writing and romancing.
Listen, Dudley,
it's nothing like that.
She just asked me to clean
the erasers, and I told her...
to stick 'em on the windshield
and drive 'em through the car wash.
[Bell Dinging] All right,
class. Let's settle down.
Now, get out your math
homework, and we'll go
over some of the
problems on the blackboard.
I guess teacher's pet will
get out of doing homework.
Oh, yeah, Dudley? I'll
show you if I'm teacher's pet.
[Kids Laughing]
Is there something funny?
Watch this one, Dudley. It'll
scare the panty hose off of her.
Now, then, I'd like a volunteer
to come up here, and...
What's this?
Who put this here?
Is it a present?
- [Shouts]
- [Kids Laughing]
All right. Who did this?
I'm only going to ask once more.
Who did this?
All right. All right.
Since no one person did it,
I am going to hold
all of you responsible.
You know, I was going to
give you this test next Friday.
But since you're all
obviously so smart...
and know all your lessons...
and have so much
time to fool around,
you'll take the test tomorrow.
What you talkin'
about, Miss Osborne?
You heard me.
Tomorrow the class
will have the test.
Thanks a lot, Arnold.
- Arnold?
- Yes, Miss Osborne.
Arnold, you'll be monitor.
I'll... I'll be right back.
And see that no one
fools around, Arnold.
I'll watch 'em, Miss Osborne.
"Yes, Miss Osborne." "I'll
watch 'em, Miss Osborne."
[Both Making Kissing Sounds]
You really fixed us, Arnold.
Listen, I was just tryin' to show
you guys that I'm not teacher's pet.
We'll all get a test, and you
probably won't even have to take it.
Sure I will. I'm one of you
guys. Can't you see that?
No, you're not. We're never
gonna talk to you again.
On account of you,
we're gonna flunk that test.
Yeah, we're dead. The only way we
could pass is if we knew the questions.
Right. Hey, that's a great idea!
You wanna be friends, you'll
get us those questions, Arnold.
Dudley, what'd you do,
eat your brain for lunch?
- How am I gonna do that?
- That's your problem.
You got us into this,
now you get us out of it.
See?
[Sighs] Yeah, I see.
Hey, wait a minute!
She put the test in
her briefcase, right?
And she's coming over my house
for dinner straight from school in a taxi.
So she'll have the briefcase with her,
and I'll get the test out of the briefcase.
- How are you gonna do that?
- That's the only thing
I haven't figured out yet.
Well, you did a very
nice job on the table, girls.
Girls? You make me
feel like a kid of 60 again.
Daddy, which is more romantic
for a dinner, one candle or two?
With three kids at the table, we
might as well have a floodlight.
Ah, romance.
I remember this dude
that really lit my candle.
He was 25, I was 21,
and then the war came.
Was he shipped out, Adelaide?
No, I was.
I wound up cookin'
for President Lincoln.
Isn't Willis here yet? No.
[Sighs] Man, I gotta talk
to him. It's real important.
- Arnold, is there something
I can help you with?
- Oh, no, it's not important.
But you just said
it was important.
I did? I must've given you
the wrong misimpression.
[Doorbell Chimes] I'll
get that. It must be Nancy.
Mr. Drummond? Hmm?
I'll clear the children out after dinner
so you and the teacher can work on...
your social studies,
if you catch my drift.
Nancy! Hello, Phil.
Let me take your
coat. Oh, thank you.
I came straight from my faculty
meeting, and I'm... I'm afraid I'm a mess.
If you're a mess, I'll take
a dozen. Oh, thank you.
I wanna introduce you to my daughter.
This is Kimberly. Miss Osborne.
Hi. Nice to meet
you. Hello, Kimberly.
And this is our housekeeper,
Adelaide Brubaker. How do you do?
Hello. I'll go check on dinner.
The chicken sulks
if I don't baste it.
You'll meet Willis
later. He's not home yet.
Hello, Arnold. Hi, Miss Osborne.
May I take that for
you? No, no. It's all right.
I'll take it. I'll take
it. She's my teacher.
No, Arnold. I'll take it.
Okay, you kids wanna
wash up for dinner? Okay.
Come on, Arnold. All right.
[Chuckling] Oh, you have
a lovely daughter, Phil.
I do, don't I?
She's very bright too.
Oh, I have a little
something for you.
It's to commemorate the
anniversary of our first date.
It was exactly two
and a half weeks ago.
Oh, what a nice thought.
What a lovely
surprise. Thank you.
A tie. [Laughs]
Our dinner at
Vincentio's. Right.
Remember, you ruined your other
tie when you dipped it in the linguine?
I'm sorry, Nancy. I don't
have anything to give you.
Oh, typical man...
Forgets anniversaries.
I'll make it up
to you. Let's eat.
You give a woman silver on the
25th anniversary, gold at the 50th,
but what do you give for a
two-and-a-half week anniversary?
I think... diamonds.
Something tells
me we're not alone.
Arnold, what are you
doing under there?
Oh. [Grunts] Ah.
Hi! Um... Uh...
I just wanted to borrow
the stapler on your desk.
I'm making a paper
boat for my goldfish...
so he can rest when
he's tired of swimming.
Well, why didn't
you just ask for it?
Oh, I didn't wanna bother
you on your anniversary.
And, say, why don't you show
her the view from the terrace?
- It's very romantic.
- Oh, that's a lovely idea,
Arnold.
Yeah. You can see the moon shining
on the garbage in the East River.
That's always a big turn-on.
Shall we?
What are you doin',
Arnold? [Shouts]
Uh, Willis, where'd
you come from?
Originally, 138th Street.
Come on, Willis.
I gotta talk to you.
About what? Hey!
Okay, Arnold. What's going on?
Well, just remember, you weren't here
when I needed to talk to you about it.
Talk to me about what?
Whether I should do it or not do it.
- Do what or not?
- It doesn't matter now,
'cause even if I didn't
want to do it, I had to do it.
And I didn't know
what to do, so I did it.
'Cause if I didn't
do it, I'd be done for.
Arnold, give me a
fast replay on that.
Willis, I borrowed
something from my teacher.
What? Tomorrow's test.
- Say what?
- I got the whole class
in trouble.
Miss Osborne is springing
this test on us tomorrow.
Arnold, you gotta be
crazy to steal a test.
Well, it's the only way I can
get the guys to like me again.
And it's all your fault. You
told me to cutup in class.
Arnold, I told you to
be a pest, not a thief.
You never done nothin'
dishonest in your life.
Yeah. Unless you count walking
under the turnstile in the subway,
and I can't help that.
Arnold, I'm sorry
that I got you into this.
And I... I understand
why you stole it.
But if Dad found out,
you'd really bring him down.
- Yeah, I didn't think of that.
- Hey, well, listen.
Put this test back
in Miss Osborne's
breifcase before she
finds out it's missing.
- Well, that won't be
any good, Willis.
- Why not?
'Cause I've already seen some
of the questions on the test.
Oh, no.
I guess the only honest thing
to do is to tell her what I did...
and take my medicine like a man.
Little brother, you
have a lot of guts.
Yeah, and I hope they're not all over the
living room when Dad gets through with me.
The view from your
terrace is breathtaking, Phil.
On a clear day, you can see the
Statue of Liberty getting mugged.
You're cute.
Arnold taught me
everything I know.
Uh, Willis, maybe I better
not bother them now.
Now is the perfect time, Arnold.
He's got something to do with
his mouth besides yelling at you.
Well, I can tell him
later, like in 20 years.
No, Arnold, now.
Just go. Go ahead.
Uh, excuse us. Are we
interrupting anything?
W-Why, no.
Funny, I thought they were.
Willis, this is Miss
Osborne. Willis.
Hello, Willis. Hello.
Okay, what is it, you guys?
Well, Miss Osborne, that test
you're giving us tomorrow...
What about it?
Well... Well, what?
I just stole it out
of your briefcase.
What?
Here.
Arnold, I can't believe this
of you. Why did you do that?
Well, since you've been
going out with Miss Osborne,
all the kids have been
calling Arnold teacher's pet.
So he figured if he stole the test,
he can prove to them that he wasn't.
Arnold, I am very
disappointed in you.
So am I.
I let you down.
Oh, Phil, wait. Some
of this might be my fault.
I didn't realize it, but I guess I have
been favoring Arnold since you and I met.
Arnold, I'll just have
to stop favoring you.
Or stop going out
with your father.
Stop favoring the kid.
Now, Arnold, I understand...
that it's important to you to
have your classmates like you,
but you should never let
anybody pressure you...
into doing something
that is dishonest.
- You gonna punish me for this?
- Yes.
Boy, I hate those short answers.
Are you gonna punish
me too, Miss Osborne?
Yes. I'm going to make up
a special test... just for you.
That's another question
I'm sorry I asked.
Dad, Miss Osborne,
I'm to blame too.
I was the one who told
Arnold to cutup in class.
So you're the one making
all the commotion in class.
Willis, stop trying to help me.
Dinner is served, Mr. Drummond.
[Mr. Drummond] Thank you.
Adelaide's made
some real goodies...
French onion soup, Caesar
salad, a casserole, roast chicken...
[French Accent] and a
chocolate soufflé for dessert.
[Kiss] That sounds marvelous.
- I hope it will be.
- Hey, Dad,
I just thought of a
good punishment for me.
- I'll go to bed
without my dinner.
- Arnold, are you serious?
Sure. I'll have
it for breakfast.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
[Chattering]
Well, this looks like
a very nice room.
Do you see your teacher? No.
She's probably sick and
isn't coming. Let's go home.
Hold it. Stop that, Arnold.
Look, this is just parents'
night. It's not death row.
Same thing, only on death row,
they put you out of your misery.
If you're worried about what your
teacher's going to say, you needn't.
I'm sure she'll have nice
things to say about you.
Oh, yeah? The last time the old battle-ax
even smiled, she dislocated her jaw.
Well, I'll try not
to make her smile.
Which is your
desk? Oh, over here.
In front of my pals,
Robbie and Dudley.
They are really
terrific guys. Yeah.
You know, things really haven't
changed since I was a kid.
How can you
remember that far back?
It was a very important time of my
life. I just arrived on the Mayflower.
I wonder if I can still fit
into one of these things.
This desk must be smaller.
Or else the part of me
that sits must be bigger.
Holy smoke!
What's this supposed to be,
the Wicked Witch of the West?
No, that's my teacher.
Well, I'm sure it is not a
very flattering drawing of her.
Yes, it is.
You know, it reminds me of a teacher
I had when I was in grade school,
except she had teeth like this.
She could eat a sandwich
through a venetian blind.
Uh, Dad... Wait a second.
She also had a big mole
right on the end of her nose.
Right there.
Uh, Dad, wouldn't you
like to meet my teacher?
Sure. Where is she? Right here.
Oh, uh, speak of the devil.
I'm Nancy Osborne, Arnold's
teacher. [Clears Throat]
And I'm Philip Drummond,
Arnold's embarrassed, uh, father.
Please, don't get up.
Don't worry. I can't.
Don't call the fire
department just yet.
[Grunts]
Um, Arnold, you never told me
your father was such an artist.
Oh, sure. I just left
my beret in the car.
I'll file this for you, Dad.
Kids have such a distorted
view of their teachers.
You mean you don't think
I look like an old battle-ax?
Oh, absolutely not. I'd say you're
a very attractive, young... battle-ax.
I assume you wanna
know about Arnold's work.
Who? Oh, Arnold.
Yeah, I'm very anxious to know.
Well, he's one
of my best pupils.
I'm glad to hear that.
And speaking of pupils,
I'm trying to figure out
what color your eyes are.
Mr. Drummond, a lot of
parents are waiting to talk to me.
I don't blame 'em.
Oh, they're brown.
Anyway, you can
be proud of Arnold.
He pays attention,
and he works hard.
Oh, and he's very curious.
So am I.
Is it Miss, Ms. or Mrs.?
Mr. Drummond, I don't see
how that relates to Arnold.
It doesn't. It relates to me,
but I'm related to Arnold.
Well, it isn't Mrs. Ah.
But I am involved... Uh-oh.
In my work. Oh.
And I think we'd
better get back to it.
Now, about Arnold... Who?
Oh, him again.
No, really, I am interested
to know how he's doing.
Well, because of his size,
Arnold sometimes places...
too much importance
on peer acceptance.
Oh, but he's a delightful child.
Let me show you
something he did.
Did you tell your father
that me and Robbie...
drew that picture
of the old battle-ax?
Of course not,
Dudley. I'm no snitch.
You'd better not be, or
you're not our friend anymore.
Hey, come on. I
said I didn't tell.
And I wouldn't even tell if they made
me eat the cafeteria food for a year.
[Nancy] Arnold drew this.
It shows a lot of imagination.
Yes, a lot.
What is it?
According to Arnold, it's an
astronaut who's afraid to fly,
so he's taking a
train to the moon.
That's what I call imagination.
Well, I have a lot of parents
waiting to visit with me,
but it was a pleasure
meeting you, Mr. Drummond.
Philip. Philip.
There are some things I'd like to
discuss with you, Miss Osborne.
- Uh, Nancy.
- Nancy.
Uh, such as?
Well, the thing I'm
most concerned about is,
do you have any plans
for dinner Saturday night?
I know an excellent
French restaurant.
Mr. Drummond, I'm
sorry, but... Italian?
Really, I...
Mr. Drummond! Chinese?
Kosher? I'm yours!
I'll, um, write down my phone
number for you. Thank you.
What do you want with
her phone number, Dad?
I'm taking Miss Osborne
to dinner on Saturday night.
Miss Osborne?
What for?
Arnold, whether you believe it or
not, teachers are human beings.
- They go out on dates too.
- I didn't think they went out
with other human beings.
Well, I guess they meet all kinds.
At any rate, she's going out with me.
Well, I guess at your age, you
have to get a date wherever you can.
Uh-huh.
That's it, Arnold.
Kimberly's been in the
bathroom for an hour now.
Yeah. We're gonna have to start
using the john in the gas station.
Yeah, yeah, I heard you
guys. I like taking long baths.
You know, you're gonna become
the world's first white prune.
Hey, kids, your dad
just left for his date.
He told me to remind you all to
do your homework. We're doing it.
He really digs on your teacher,
Arnold. That's their third date this week.
Yeah. She must
be really somethin'.
You know, yesterday he came home with
a brand-new cologne called Macho Musk.
Hey, maybe it's serious.
I think it'd be kind of fun to have
a schoolteacher in the family.
Kimberly, all those baths
must've softened your brain.
Arnold, why are you so
down on your teacher?
Willis, how would you feel if Dad
came into your school cafeteria...
and had lunch with your teacher?
- Dad did that?
- Right in front
of all the guys.
I was so embarrassed, I
put mustard in my custard.
If Dad was dating my teacher,
I'd be the happiest guy in school.
I wish he was
dating your teacher.
I don't think he'd
like Mr. Hernandez.
Don't you see, Arnold?
You'll get all the fringe benefits.
Like what? Like your teacher'll
probably ask you to be room monitor.
You'll pass out papers.
You'll get all the privileges.
- Really?
- Every kid in the class
is gonna envy you.
- You're gonna be Mr. Big.
- I'll take "big" any way
I can get it.
Hi, everybody.
Hi. Hi, honey.
Arnold, why are you
holding your eye?
So it doesn't fall out.
What happened?
Uh, I got it playing
football with the guys.
I'd better get you
something for that eye.
How about some raw steak?
Oh, he'll eat it.
Wow, Arnold. You're so popular now, the
guys let you play football with them, huh?
Well, I didn't
exactly play football.
I was the football.
What do you mean?
Well, when Dad came by to pick
up Miss Osborne in the limousine,
all the guys started
calling me teacher's pet,
and they tried to placekick
me for a field goal.
- Oh, man!
- They all got it
in for me, huh?
Well, Arnold, I'm sorry about what
happened, but there's a way to fix things.
Now, what you gotta do now is prove
to them that you're one of the guys.
How? Punch myself
in the other eye?
I mean, you've gotta go from
teacher's pet to teacher's pest.
Run that by me again.
You know, bug the teacher...
Whisper when her back is turned,
make funny noises,
throw spitballs.
That'll prove you're
not her pet. It will?
- That's the way to go.
- Well, I'll try it,
'cause it's real important
that my friends like me.
If you're not one of the
guys in school, you're nothin'.
Yeah, I know where
you're coming from.
[Sighs] Yeah, without my friends, I'd have
nobody to talk to, nobody to play with.
I'd come away from school
with nothin' but an education.
Yeah.
[Kids Whispering]
- Arnold?
- Uh, yes, Miss Osborne.
Arnold, may I see you for a
minute before class starts, please?
Yes, Miss Osborne.
Teacher's pet.
Arnold, I have a
faculty meeting after
class, so will you
please tell your father...
that I'll be over for dinner
at your house a little late?
- I'll take a taxi.
- Are you sure you wanna
come to dinner?
- Don't you want me to?
- Oh, sure. Sure.
But I gotta warn you, we
have such a terrible cook,
we pray after our meals.
Well, I'll take my chances.
Besides, I'm looking forward to
meeting your brother and sister.
Oh, okay.
Taking love messages to
your father from the teacher?
Yeah. She's gonna teach
his father the three R's...
Reading, writing and romancing.
Listen, Dudley,
it's nothing like that.
She just asked me to clean
the erasers, and I told her...
to stick 'em on the windshield
and drive 'em through the car wash.
[Bell Dinging] All right,
class. Let's settle down.
Now, get out your math
homework, and we'll go
over some of the
problems on the blackboard.
I guess teacher's pet will
get out of doing homework.
Oh, yeah, Dudley? I'll
show you if I'm teacher's pet.
[Kids Laughing]
Is there something funny?
Watch this one, Dudley. It'll
scare the panty hose off of her.
Now, then, I'd like a volunteer
to come up here, and...
What's this?
Who put this here?
Is it a present?
- [Shouts]
- [Kids Laughing]
All right. Who did this?
I'm only going to ask once more.
Who did this?
All right. All right.
Since no one person did it,
I am going to hold
all of you responsible.
You know, I was going to
give you this test next Friday.
But since you're all
obviously so smart...
and know all your lessons...
and have so much
time to fool around,
you'll take the test tomorrow.
What you talkin'
about, Miss Osborne?
You heard me.
Tomorrow the class
will have the test.
Thanks a lot, Arnold.
- Arnold?
- Yes, Miss Osborne.
Arnold, you'll be monitor.
I'll... I'll be right back.
And see that no one
fools around, Arnold.
I'll watch 'em, Miss Osborne.
"Yes, Miss Osborne." "I'll
watch 'em, Miss Osborne."
[Both Making Kissing Sounds]
You really fixed us, Arnold.
Listen, I was just tryin' to show
you guys that I'm not teacher's pet.
We'll all get a test, and you
probably won't even have to take it.
Sure I will. I'm one of you
guys. Can't you see that?
No, you're not. We're never
gonna talk to you again.
On account of you,
we're gonna flunk that test.
Yeah, we're dead. The only way we
could pass is if we knew the questions.
Right. Hey, that's a great idea!
You wanna be friends, you'll
get us those questions, Arnold.
Dudley, what'd you do,
eat your brain for lunch?
- How am I gonna do that?
- That's your problem.
You got us into this,
now you get us out of it.
See?
[Sighs] Yeah, I see.
Hey, wait a minute!
She put the test in
her briefcase, right?
And she's coming over my house
for dinner straight from school in a taxi.
So she'll have the briefcase with her,
and I'll get the test out of the briefcase.
- How are you gonna do that?
- That's the only thing
I haven't figured out yet.
Well, you did a very
nice job on the table, girls.
Girls? You make me
feel like a kid of 60 again.
Daddy, which is more romantic
for a dinner, one candle or two?
With three kids at the table, we
might as well have a floodlight.
Ah, romance.
I remember this dude
that really lit my candle.
He was 25, I was 21,
and then the war came.
Was he shipped out, Adelaide?
No, I was.
I wound up cookin'
for President Lincoln.
Isn't Willis here yet? No.
[Sighs] Man, I gotta talk
to him. It's real important.
- Arnold, is there something
I can help you with?
- Oh, no, it's not important.
But you just said
it was important.
I did? I must've given you
the wrong misimpression.
[Doorbell Chimes] I'll
get that. It must be Nancy.
Mr. Drummond? Hmm?
I'll clear the children out after dinner
so you and the teacher can work on...
your social studies,
if you catch my drift.
Nancy! Hello, Phil.
Let me take your
coat. Oh, thank you.
I came straight from my faculty
meeting, and I'm... I'm afraid I'm a mess.
If you're a mess, I'll take
a dozen. Oh, thank you.
I wanna introduce you to my daughter.
This is Kimberly. Miss Osborne.
Hi. Nice to meet
you. Hello, Kimberly.
And this is our housekeeper,
Adelaide Brubaker. How do you do?
Hello. I'll go check on dinner.
The chicken sulks
if I don't baste it.
You'll meet Willis
later. He's not home yet.
Hello, Arnold. Hi, Miss Osborne.
May I take that for
you? No, no. It's all right.
I'll take it. I'll take
it. She's my teacher.
No, Arnold. I'll take it.
Okay, you kids wanna
wash up for dinner? Okay.
Come on, Arnold. All right.
[Chuckling] Oh, you have
a lovely daughter, Phil.
I do, don't I?
She's very bright too.
Oh, I have a little
something for you.
It's to commemorate the
anniversary of our first date.
It was exactly two
and a half weeks ago.
Oh, what a nice thought.
What a lovely
surprise. Thank you.
A tie. [Laughs]
Our dinner at
Vincentio's. Right.
Remember, you ruined your other
tie when you dipped it in the linguine?
I'm sorry, Nancy. I don't
have anything to give you.
Oh, typical man...
Forgets anniversaries.
I'll make it up
to you. Let's eat.
You give a woman silver on the
25th anniversary, gold at the 50th,
but what do you give for a
two-and-a-half week anniversary?
I think... diamonds.
Something tells
me we're not alone.
Arnold, what are you
doing under there?
Oh. [Grunts] Ah.
Hi! Um... Uh...
I just wanted to borrow
the stapler on your desk.
I'm making a paper
boat for my goldfish...
so he can rest when
he's tired of swimming.
Well, why didn't
you just ask for it?
Oh, I didn't wanna bother
you on your anniversary.
And, say, why don't you show
her the view from the terrace?
- It's very romantic.
- Oh, that's a lovely idea,
Arnold.
Yeah. You can see the moon shining
on the garbage in the East River.
That's always a big turn-on.
Shall we?
What are you doin',
Arnold? [Shouts]
Uh, Willis, where'd
you come from?
Originally, 138th Street.
Come on, Willis.
I gotta talk to you.
About what? Hey!
Okay, Arnold. What's going on?
Well, just remember, you weren't here
when I needed to talk to you about it.
Talk to me about what?
Whether I should do it or not do it.
- Do what or not?
- It doesn't matter now,
'cause even if I didn't
want to do it, I had to do it.
And I didn't know
what to do, so I did it.
'Cause if I didn't
do it, I'd be done for.
Arnold, give me a
fast replay on that.
Willis, I borrowed
something from my teacher.
What? Tomorrow's test.
- Say what?
- I got the whole class
in trouble.
Miss Osborne is springing
this test on us tomorrow.
Arnold, you gotta be
crazy to steal a test.
Well, it's the only way I can
get the guys to like me again.
And it's all your fault. You
told me to cutup in class.
Arnold, I told you to
be a pest, not a thief.
You never done nothin'
dishonest in your life.
Yeah. Unless you count walking
under the turnstile in the subway,
and I can't help that.
Arnold, I'm sorry
that I got you into this.
And I... I understand
why you stole it.
But if Dad found out,
you'd really bring him down.
- Yeah, I didn't think of that.
- Hey, well, listen.
Put this test back
in Miss Osborne's
breifcase before she
finds out it's missing.
- Well, that won't be
any good, Willis.
- Why not?
'Cause I've already seen some
of the questions on the test.
Oh, no.
I guess the only honest thing
to do is to tell her what I did...
and take my medicine like a man.
Little brother, you
have a lot of guts.
Yeah, and I hope they're not all over the
living room when Dad gets through with me.
The view from your
terrace is breathtaking, Phil.
On a clear day, you can see the
Statue of Liberty getting mugged.
You're cute.
Arnold taught me
everything I know.
Uh, Willis, maybe I better
not bother them now.
Now is the perfect time, Arnold.
He's got something to do with
his mouth besides yelling at you.
Well, I can tell him
later, like in 20 years.
No, Arnold, now.
Just go. Go ahead.
Uh, excuse us. Are we
interrupting anything?
W-Why, no.
Funny, I thought they were.
Willis, this is Miss
Osborne. Willis.
Hello, Willis. Hello.
Okay, what is it, you guys?
Well, Miss Osborne, that test
you're giving us tomorrow...
What about it?
Well... Well, what?
I just stole it out
of your briefcase.
What?
Here.
Arnold, I can't believe this
of you. Why did you do that?
Well, since you've been
going out with Miss Osborne,
all the kids have been
calling Arnold teacher's pet.
So he figured if he stole the test,
he can prove to them that he wasn't.
Arnold, I am very
disappointed in you.
So am I.
I let you down.
Oh, Phil, wait. Some
of this might be my fault.
I didn't realize it, but I guess I have
been favoring Arnold since you and I met.
Arnold, I'll just have
to stop favoring you.
Or stop going out
with your father.
Stop favoring the kid.
Now, Arnold, I understand...
that it's important to you to
have your classmates like you,
but you should never let
anybody pressure you...
into doing something
that is dishonest.
- You gonna punish me for this?
- Yes.
Boy, I hate those short answers.
Are you gonna punish
me too, Miss Osborne?
Yes. I'm going to make up
a special test... just for you.
That's another question
I'm sorry I asked.
Dad, Miss Osborne,
I'm to blame too.
I was the one who told
Arnold to cutup in class.
So you're the one making
all the commotion in class.
Willis, stop trying to help me.
Dinner is served, Mr. Drummond.
[Mr. Drummond] Thank you.
Adelaide's made
some real goodies...
French onion soup, Caesar
salad, a casserole, roast chicken...
[French Accent] and a
chocolate soufflé for dessert.
[Kiss] That sounds marvelous.
- I hope it will be.
- Hey, Dad,
I just thought of a
good punishment for me.
- I'll go to bed
without my dinner.
- Arnold, are you serious?
Sure. I'll have
it for breakfast.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪