Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 2, Episode 15 - Poor Drummond - full transcript
Arnold and Willis apply for welfare when they think Mr. Drummond's company may be going under.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
Hey, Daddy. When
we go to California,
you're not gonna have to spend
all your time on business, are you?
Oh, no, of course not. I
will have to have a meeting...
with the architects for my new
housing development out there,
but after that, I'll
be free as a bird.
Hey, Daddy, do you think that we'll
meet any movie stars in California?
I'd sure like to meet
my favorite one.
- Yeah? Who's that?
- Benji the pooch.
I read he's worth
over a million dollars,
but I don't see how a
dog could save that much.
Well, he probably
doesn't spend much... just
takes an occasional
poodle out to lunch.
[Phone Rings]
Hello? Oh, hello,
Tom. What's up?
What do you mean, the bank is
having second thoughts about my loan?
I've always got loans
from them on a handshake.
The bank's in
trouble? Well, so am I.
Listen, I had to pledge nearly every
cent I've got for the California project...
because my company
was overextended.
Look, Tom, I've got to
get that loan, or I'll be...
Tom, will you... Hold on a
second, will you, please?
Arnold? [Arnold] Yeah?
Will you hang this up when I
pick it up in the den, please?
Sure. Anything wrong? No. I just
don't want you to have to listen...
to a lot of business talk.
Uh, yeah. Mr. Bishop? Yeah.
Dad's gonna take it in the den.
No. This is Arnold, the son
who's not as tall but better looking.
That sure sounded like
bad news to me. To me too.
- I wonder what's happening
with Daddy.
- If you wanna know,
I could find out
real fast for you.
Arnold, it's not
polite to eavesdrop.
It may not be polite, but it's
a good way to find out things.
Well, you know, guys, if Daddy's
having some kind of money problem,
maybe we shouldn't be
taking this trip to California.
Hey, yeah. Maybe we
could take a cheaper trip.
Like, instead of flying to California,
we could take a train to Florida.
Or, you know, if it's really bad, we
could always take a bus to Atlantic City.
Or if the bottom drops out, we
could take a pushcart to Harlem.
Well, Tom, look. Let me
give you the bottom line.
If I don't get that
loan, the entire housing
project'll go down
the drain, and so will I.
Now, please put some pressure
on the bank, call me back.
Daddy, if you're having
some kind of money problem,
I mean, we don't have to
take that trip to California.
What are you talking about? I don't have
any problems. Things couldn't be better.
- California, here we come!
- You said it, Arnold!
We're gonna see everything and go
everywhere. We're gonna go to the beach...
and to the mountains and stuff ourselves,
and we're gonna have the greatest time!
And I don't care what it
costs! We're in a lot of trouble.
What do you mean, Arnold? We
are gonna have the time of our lives.
We're gonna have a ball! Oh, yeah?
The last time you were this cheerful...
was just before you told me I
had to have my appendix out.
Oh, Daddy, you know, why don't we
just forget about the trip to California?
I can always just go up
to the roof and get a tan.
Yeah. And me and Arnold
don't even have to go on the roof.
Listen, gang.
If that phone call I
got from my lawyer's
got you worried, I
straightened all that out.
- All I had to do
was juggle a little money.
- Careful when you juggle money.
Last time I did that, I
lost a quarter in the toilet.
No. It's not quite
the same, Arnold.
See, you have to check
your assets, credit your debits,
debit your credits, take a capital
gain to preserve your tax structure.
Run that by me again
when I'm 40 years old.
Okay, Arnold. You got a deal.
If you ask me, I think Dad's just
pretendin' he's got no worries...
so we don't worry about
what's worrying him.
Right. Or to put it another way,
he's up to his assets in trouble.
I've known Daddy a
lot longer than you guys.
He has a problem, he'll
fix it. He always does.
You really think so? Trust
me. We're all going to California.
- [Willis] All right.
- That's good enough for me.
I'm gonna get me some
sunglasses and a barbecue apron.
Oh, you gonna look
mighty sharp there, brother.
Hey. I'm gonna give
'em thrills in Beverly Hills.
Tom, I can't believe that the
bank wouldn't give me that loan.
I'm sorry, Phil, but with inflation
rising, the prime rate going up,
the oil crisis, loan
money's just dried up.
- What about other banks?
- Different buildings,
but same story.
Phil, we're talking
about $30 million.
- Maybe money'll loosen up
in a couple of months.
- In a couple of months,
I will be selling
pretzels in Central Park.
Look, I've already broken ground
on that housing project, Tom.
I got a payroll to meet. I got a cash
flow problem. I'll lose the whole thing.
Let's face it, Tom. If I don't get
that $30 million loan, I'll be bankrupt.
Well, I know it's
not much help, Phil,
but a lot of guys,
they bounce back.
Yeah. In 1929, a lot
of 'em just bounced.
Hey, Willis, there's some great
pictures of Hollywood in this book.
[Roaring]
- Hey, Arnold,
what are you doin'?
- I'm the M.G.M. lion.
[Roaring]
Man, I just can't wait to
get some stars' autographs.
I'm hopin' to shake
Miss Piggy's hoof.
Arnold, I don't want you goin' around
actin' like a tourist and embarrassin' me.
I won't embarrass you. I just
plan on gettin' some autographs,
even if I have to get
on my knees and beg.
Well, most people think
you're on your knees already.
Oh, yeah? I'd rather be
short of leg than short of brain.
[Exaggerated Snickering]
I like your style, brother. You
know... [Kimberly Crying, Faint]
Hey, what's that? What's what?
I think I hear somebody
crying. [Crying Continues]
- Do you think it's Kimberly?
- Well, if it isn't,
your goldfish is
a ventriloquist.
Hey, it is Kimberly.
Kimberly, are you all
right? [Kimberly] I'm fine.
You don't sound fine. Hey, come
on. Tell us what's botherin' you, Sis.
Yeah. Come on out, Kimberly.
There's no fun in bein' sad...
unless somebody knows
what you're sad about.
Yeah, you're right,
guys. I was crying.
You look terrible!
I didn't mean you look
terrible... just your red eyeballs.
Arnold, will you knock
it off? This is serious.
Come on. Sit down and tell
us what's bothering you, Sis.
Well, guys, I'm afraid you
were right. What about?
I just heard Daddy
say he's broke.
What you talkin'
about, Kimberly?
Daddy needs $30 million, and
the bank won't loan it to him.
- Thirty million?
- Maybe he can borrow it
from Benji the dog.
Guys, Daddy doesn't know I heard
him say it, so don't say anything, okay?
Isn't there a place he
could go to for help?
Like a credit union
for millionaires?
- Maybe he could find a job.
- I don't know what kind of work
Daddy's qualified for.
- All he's ever been
is a tycoon.
- Poor guy.
Hey, maybe we could
help him if we all got jobs.
Arnold, we're
talking $30 million.
What could kids like us
earn, Arnold? Just a pittance.
Well, a pittance here and a pittance
there could add up to a lot of pits.
Arnold, this has been our home.
We could never earn enough
to afford a place like this.
So we'll get a smaller place.
When Willis and me lived in Harlem,
we knew whole families
who slept in one room.
Sure. We'll all just have to
learn to roll over at the same time.
Gee, I never thought this
could happen to Daddy.
We really feel sorry
for you, Kimberly. Me?
What about you guys?
Well, we're lucky. We
been poor all our lives.
That's right. We had a lot
of practice at it. You haven't.
That's right. Gee,
what's it like being poor?
That depends on what
kind of poor you mean.
There's just plain
poor, medium poor...
and downright poor.
And there's "no hope, no
soap, end of the rope" poor.
- Must be awful, huh?
- I'll tell you
what poor is.
We once knew a girl named Phyllis
who got married at 15 just to get the rice.
You know how they tie empty tin cans
to the car when somebody gets married?
[Kimberly] Yeah. Well, Phyllis
made 'em tie cans that were full.
- That's pretty poor.
- And we also knew a guy who
used to live in the city dump.
- That's awful.
- Yeah, but when things
got better,
he moved to his own garbage can.
We're only kidding, Kimberly,
but bein' poor is rough.
Well, I'm definitely
gonna give up my ballet
lessons, my
horseback-riding lessons...
Oh, and I'm sure that we can't afford
to send me to private school anymore.
I know it's tough givin' up
things you like, Kimberly,
but back where we come from, ballet
lessons and all that kind of stuff...
is just something we
see in a movie or on TV.
Yeah. When you're poor, you
don't have things like that to give up.
Yeah. You think about your
mama and papa workin' hard...
so they could bring enough money
home to buy food, clothes and pay the rent.
Gee, I never really
looked at it that way.
Well, excuse me, guys. I'm
gonna go back to my room now.
Are you gonna cry again? No.
Hey, Kimberly, don't worry
about it. It's gonna be all right.
We're gonna take care of
you. 'Cause we love you.
Aw, thank you,
guys. I love you too.
[Sighs] Is it really
gonna be okay, Willis?
No way. It's gonna be
like the Great Depression.
Is that in the Grand Canyon?
No. The Great Depression was a time,
years ago, when the stock market crashed.
People were jumping
out of the buildings.
Weren't the elevators working?
No, because they went broke.
Listen, Arnold, we gotta think of a
way to get Dad some money real fast.
Hey, maybe we could
all go on Family Feud.
No, Arnold. That won't
be... Hey, I got an idea.
What are you gonna do?
Let my fingers do the walkin'...
through the yellow pages
to the word "money."
Ah. "24-Hour Loan
Company. Money in minutes.
Dial 555-L-O-A-N."
First make like you're my
secretary so I look important.
[Feminine, Childlike
Voice] Hello?
24-Hour Loan Company? This is
Mr. Willis T. Jackson's secretary, Arnelda.
My father's a very rich businessman
who happens to be broke.
[Deep Voice] Hello there. This is Willis
T. Jackson of the Park Avenue Jacksons.
I might be interested
in making a little loan.
How much? $30 million.
Hello? Hello?
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Dad.
Uh, listen, I hate
to disappoint you,
but something has come
up that I didn't expect,
and I'm gonna have
to stay in town a while.
So I'm afraid we're gonna have
to postpone our trip to California.
Oh, that's okay, Dad. We could take
the trip some other time, right, Arnelda?
I mean, Arnold. He's right.
You know, hey, what's the hurry?
- Did you two guys
hear what I said?
- Hey, California ain't...
goin' no place unless
there's an earthquake.
It'll be better for me to
fly there in a couple years,
when I'm old enough
to hit on the stewardess.
I really appreciate you
guys taking it this way.
I'm lucky to have such a
great family. Thanks, guys.
I'll go and tell Kimberly.
[Together] Okay. All right.
[Sighs] Poor Dad.
He's really hurting.
Oh, man, Willis.
We must be jinxed.
- What do you mean?
- Well, we were broke
when we left Harlem,
then we moved to Park Avenue and
were rich, and now we're broke again.
Seems like wherever we
go, we take "poor" with us.
I just had a terrible thought, Arnold.
It's even worse than being poor.
Worse than poor? I
don't wanna hear it.
Well, you'll have to,
'cause it might happen.
If Dad loses all his money,
they could break us up.
Break us up? But we're a family.
Yeah, but you and
me were adopted.
If Dad goes broke, maybe
they can take us away from him.
But I love Dad and Kimberly.
What are we gonna do, Willis?
I wish I knew, Arnold.
I wish I knew.
Hey, Willis, this was a great idea
you had for applyin' for welfare.
Yeah. We may can't
get the 30 million, but
we sure can try to
keep this family together.
Do you think our clothes look poor
enough? They might turn us down.
They'll just have to do. Just in case, we
can show 'em the hole in your underwear.
Arnold, it'll be okay.
Just try to look a little
hungry. Suck in your cheeks.
How's this?
You look like a
goldfish with an Afro.
- Is this better?
- More.
[Sighs] If I suck up anymore, I'm
gonna have a permanent pucker.
- Excuse me, sir.
- Yeah?
We're here to get our
father some welfare. Yeah.
We're a lot poorer and
hungrier than we look.
I'm sorry, boys, you're in the
wrong section. I'm the supervisor.
You'll have to go to the
clerks at the application desk.
- [Together] Thanks.
- Hey, wait a minute.
You're too young to apply for welfare. Why
can't your dad apply himself? Is he sick?
Oh, no. He's too proud.
Yeah. We gotta help
him before it's too late.
We don't want him jumping out the window
like they did in the Great Impression.
You see, we're used to
being poor, but our dad isn't.
And he's gonna
have a bad time of it,
especially if we have
to move back to Harlem.
Yeah. He's the
wrong color for that.
- What color is he?
- White.
And when he got the news he
was broke, he was even whiter.
We're all shook up about
it too. The housekeeper's
off today, and she
doesn't know it yet.
Oh. You have a housekeeper? I
suppose you have a chauffeur too.
That's right. And when he
hears the news that Dad's broke,
he'll probably refuse
to polish the limo.
- Just where do you boys live?
- In a penthouse
on Park Avenue.
You have a
housekeeper, a chauffeur,
you live in a penthouse,
and you want welfare?
You got it. We wanna
keep the family together.
Sit down, boys.
Tell me more about
your hardship case.
- Now, what's
your father's name?
- Philip Drummond.
- Mm-hmm. Is there
a Mrs. Drummond?
- Nope.
- There's no woman
in the house?
- Just Kimberly, our sister.
She's gonna be a
woman any day now.
Yeah. And she's
really gettin' there.
Just what is it that
you boys are after?
Oh, what we could use
is some food stamps.
And $30 million.
That seems reasonable. And you
say that you live on Park Avenue?
That's right. And if you got rent
stamps, we'll take a batch of those too.
This is a most unusual case. Uh,
if you'll just write down your address,
young man, I'll get back to you.
- Okay.
- That won't take too long,
will it?
You don't want us
to starve to death?
- Now, you don't look
like you're starving.
- Take another look.
That's very impressive.
There you go, sir.
Thank you very much.
And I hope to hear from you
real soon. All right. Take care.
Okay. Bye. Go
right out that door.
[Willis] Okay. Thank you.
Yeah. E.G. Stilson here.
I have to step out for a while to check
out a possible fraud on Park Avenue.
He'll probably want his welfare
check delivered to his yacht.
You know, I think some guy's getting rich
using young kids for a new welfare racket.
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What are you doing, honey?
I'm just looking at the view.
You know something, Daddy?
I'm tired of penthouse living.
What? What do we need such
a big, fancy place like this for?
Would it be romantic to
live in a cheap tenement?
Not particularly.
You know, don't you?
Know what? About
my financial troubles.
Well, I accidentally heard
you talking to your lawyer.
But don't worry, Daddy. The boys and
I don't care whether we're poor or not.
Neither do I,
because we all have something
much more important than money:
We got each other.
[Doorbell Chimes]
I'll get it, Daddy.
Hello, Kimberly. Hi, Mr. Bishop.
Daddy's out on the terrace.
Oh, thank you.
Hi, Phil. What a wonderful day.
Well, I'm glad to see my bankruptcy
hasn't dampened your spirits.
I've got great news.
You have your 30 million.
What you talkin' about, Tom?
Well, a few of your friends got together,
and they're gonna guarantee the loan.
You're kidding.
Well, I'll be damned.
Well, you've helped a lot of the guys
yourself, Phil, and they appreciate it.
This is fantastic!
Tom, I could kiss you.
I think a handshake will do.
I guess this is what
having friends is all about.
Congratulations,
Phil. Thank you.
Kimberly! Kimberly!
Oh, Daddy, I heard! You can
forget about the cheap tenement.
I'll force myself to
live in our penthouse.
And the California
trip is on! Oh, great.
Daddy, can I call the
Teeny-weeny Bikini Shop...
and reorder those
bikinis I canceled?
Yeah, but easy on
the teeny. Thanks, Dad.
I'll go in and call my office, get
the paperwork started on this.
♪ I love New York ♪
Hey, guys. Daddy's
out on the terrace.
Oh, no! Dad, don't jump!
It'll be okay! It's okay! We'll
go to work and help you!
Yeah. You don't have to be ashamed of
being bankrupt. Hey, hey. I'm not bankrupt.
I got the money I
need. Oh, that's terrific!
Man, that's great. Hey, listen. I
get hungry when I hear good news.
Arnold, you get hungry at good
news, bad news or no news.
I bet you Walter Cronkite
would love to have my stomach.
- I know I would.
- [Doorbell Chimes]
Mr. Drummond? Yes.
I'm E.G. Stilson, and I'm here
with regard to family welfare.
Well, I'm sure I gave at the office,
but come in. We'll see what we can do.
Have a seat. Yes, miss. I'll need
those bikinis as soon as possible.
Right. Four of the $50 ones.
Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.
You know what? As long as
we're going all the way to California,
why don't we just jump
over to Hawaii for a few days?
Oh, Daddy, thank you! It's
only money! The sky's the limit!
Now, how do I make out
this check, Mr. Stilson?
- I don't think you understand.
- I got to be going, Phil.
Oh. The bank will
credit your account...
with the 30 million
in the morning.
[Mr. Drummond] Oh, thanks, Tom.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Aw, forget it. I'll
be in touch. Okay.
Bye-bye, Kimberly.
Bye, Mr. Bishop.
Hey, Dad, now that
we're rich again...
Uh-oh.
Mr. Drummond, in the 20 years that
I've been with the welfare department,
I have never seen
anything like this.
Now, you're not just
filthy rich, you are filthy.
Well, I must say, you have an interesting
way of soliciting contributions.
- And I presume
this is your daughter?
- Yes, I am.
And what do you do? Go out
begging in a bikini and a tin cup?
You'd better have an explanation for those
remarks, or you're leaving horizontally.
Don't you threaten
me. Just how many
children do you have
working for you, Fagin?
What are you talking about?
I am talking about those two
innocent little black children...
that you sent to my office to beg for
welfare and plead your phony case.
Beg for welfare? Mm-hmm.
I think we can straighten
this out. Excuse me.
Arnold, Willis, come in here!
- [Arnold] We just left!
- Daddy,
I am sure they just went down there
because they were so worried about you.
Yes, dear. Willis, Arnold,
come out here right now!
Just what is going on here,
Drummond? Now, I want the truth.
You'll get the truth.
Start talking, boys.
Well, Dad, we thought
that if you went broke,
they could take us away
from you 'cause we're adopted,
so we went down
and applied for welfare.
You did that for
me and Kimberly?
For us too.
- We didn't wanna lose you.
- Hey, come here, you guys.
Listen. Nothing can ever
break up this little family.
What a wonderful
thing for you boys to do.
Well, if you ever do lose
your fortune, Mr. Drummond,
it would be a pleasure
to give you food stamps.
I thank you very dubiously.
Well, the important thing is that we're all
together, not whether we're rich or poor.
That's right, Arnold. Doesn't matter
whether we're rich or poor, right?
Speak for yourself.
The only "poor" I wanna be is
the poorest millionaire on the block.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
Hey, Daddy. When
we go to California,
you're not gonna have to spend
all your time on business, are you?
Oh, no, of course not. I
will have to have a meeting...
with the architects for my new
housing development out there,
but after that, I'll
be free as a bird.
Hey, Daddy, do you think that we'll
meet any movie stars in California?
I'd sure like to meet
my favorite one.
- Yeah? Who's that?
- Benji the pooch.
I read he's worth
over a million dollars,
but I don't see how a
dog could save that much.
Well, he probably
doesn't spend much... just
takes an occasional
poodle out to lunch.
[Phone Rings]
Hello? Oh, hello,
Tom. What's up?
What do you mean, the bank is
having second thoughts about my loan?
I've always got loans
from them on a handshake.
The bank's in
trouble? Well, so am I.
Listen, I had to pledge nearly every
cent I've got for the California project...
because my company
was overextended.
Look, Tom, I've got to
get that loan, or I'll be...
Tom, will you... Hold on a
second, will you, please?
Arnold? [Arnold] Yeah?
Will you hang this up when I
pick it up in the den, please?
Sure. Anything wrong? No. I just
don't want you to have to listen...
to a lot of business talk.
Uh, yeah. Mr. Bishop? Yeah.
Dad's gonna take it in the den.
No. This is Arnold, the son
who's not as tall but better looking.
That sure sounded like
bad news to me. To me too.
- I wonder what's happening
with Daddy.
- If you wanna know,
I could find out
real fast for you.
Arnold, it's not
polite to eavesdrop.
It may not be polite, but it's
a good way to find out things.
Well, you know, guys, if Daddy's
having some kind of money problem,
maybe we shouldn't be
taking this trip to California.
Hey, yeah. Maybe we
could take a cheaper trip.
Like, instead of flying to California,
we could take a train to Florida.
Or, you know, if it's really bad, we
could always take a bus to Atlantic City.
Or if the bottom drops out, we
could take a pushcart to Harlem.
Well, Tom, look. Let me
give you the bottom line.
If I don't get that
loan, the entire housing
project'll go down
the drain, and so will I.
Now, please put some pressure
on the bank, call me back.
Daddy, if you're having
some kind of money problem,
I mean, we don't have to
take that trip to California.
What are you talking about? I don't have
any problems. Things couldn't be better.
- California, here we come!
- You said it, Arnold!
We're gonna see everything and go
everywhere. We're gonna go to the beach...
and to the mountains and stuff ourselves,
and we're gonna have the greatest time!
And I don't care what it
costs! We're in a lot of trouble.
What do you mean, Arnold? We
are gonna have the time of our lives.
We're gonna have a ball! Oh, yeah?
The last time you were this cheerful...
was just before you told me I
had to have my appendix out.
Oh, Daddy, you know, why don't we
just forget about the trip to California?
I can always just go up
to the roof and get a tan.
Yeah. And me and Arnold
don't even have to go on the roof.
Listen, gang.
If that phone call I
got from my lawyer's
got you worried, I
straightened all that out.
- All I had to do
was juggle a little money.
- Careful when you juggle money.
Last time I did that, I
lost a quarter in the toilet.
No. It's not quite
the same, Arnold.
See, you have to check
your assets, credit your debits,
debit your credits, take a capital
gain to preserve your tax structure.
Run that by me again
when I'm 40 years old.
Okay, Arnold. You got a deal.
If you ask me, I think Dad's just
pretendin' he's got no worries...
so we don't worry about
what's worrying him.
Right. Or to put it another way,
he's up to his assets in trouble.
I've known Daddy a
lot longer than you guys.
He has a problem, he'll
fix it. He always does.
You really think so? Trust
me. We're all going to California.
- [Willis] All right.
- That's good enough for me.
I'm gonna get me some
sunglasses and a barbecue apron.
Oh, you gonna look
mighty sharp there, brother.
Hey. I'm gonna give
'em thrills in Beverly Hills.
Tom, I can't believe that the
bank wouldn't give me that loan.
I'm sorry, Phil, but with inflation
rising, the prime rate going up,
the oil crisis, loan
money's just dried up.
- What about other banks?
- Different buildings,
but same story.
Phil, we're talking
about $30 million.
- Maybe money'll loosen up
in a couple of months.
- In a couple of months,
I will be selling
pretzels in Central Park.
Look, I've already broken ground
on that housing project, Tom.
I got a payroll to meet. I got a cash
flow problem. I'll lose the whole thing.
Let's face it, Tom. If I don't get
that $30 million loan, I'll be bankrupt.
Well, I know it's
not much help, Phil,
but a lot of guys,
they bounce back.
Yeah. In 1929, a lot
of 'em just bounced.
Hey, Willis, there's some great
pictures of Hollywood in this book.
[Roaring]
- Hey, Arnold,
what are you doin'?
- I'm the M.G.M. lion.
[Roaring]
Man, I just can't wait to
get some stars' autographs.
I'm hopin' to shake
Miss Piggy's hoof.
Arnold, I don't want you goin' around
actin' like a tourist and embarrassin' me.
I won't embarrass you. I just
plan on gettin' some autographs,
even if I have to get
on my knees and beg.
Well, most people think
you're on your knees already.
Oh, yeah? I'd rather be
short of leg than short of brain.
[Exaggerated Snickering]
I like your style, brother. You
know... [Kimberly Crying, Faint]
Hey, what's that? What's what?
I think I hear somebody
crying. [Crying Continues]
- Do you think it's Kimberly?
- Well, if it isn't,
your goldfish is
a ventriloquist.
Hey, it is Kimberly.
Kimberly, are you all
right? [Kimberly] I'm fine.
You don't sound fine. Hey, come
on. Tell us what's botherin' you, Sis.
Yeah. Come on out, Kimberly.
There's no fun in bein' sad...
unless somebody knows
what you're sad about.
Yeah, you're right,
guys. I was crying.
You look terrible!
I didn't mean you look
terrible... just your red eyeballs.
Arnold, will you knock
it off? This is serious.
Come on. Sit down and tell
us what's bothering you, Sis.
Well, guys, I'm afraid you
were right. What about?
I just heard Daddy
say he's broke.
What you talkin'
about, Kimberly?
Daddy needs $30 million, and
the bank won't loan it to him.
- Thirty million?
- Maybe he can borrow it
from Benji the dog.
Guys, Daddy doesn't know I heard
him say it, so don't say anything, okay?
Isn't there a place he
could go to for help?
Like a credit union
for millionaires?
- Maybe he could find a job.
- I don't know what kind of work
Daddy's qualified for.
- All he's ever been
is a tycoon.
- Poor guy.
Hey, maybe we could
help him if we all got jobs.
Arnold, we're
talking $30 million.
What could kids like us
earn, Arnold? Just a pittance.
Well, a pittance here and a pittance
there could add up to a lot of pits.
Arnold, this has been our home.
We could never earn enough
to afford a place like this.
So we'll get a smaller place.
When Willis and me lived in Harlem,
we knew whole families
who slept in one room.
Sure. We'll all just have to
learn to roll over at the same time.
Gee, I never thought this
could happen to Daddy.
We really feel sorry
for you, Kimberly. Me?
What about you guys?
Well, we're lucky. We
been poor all our lives.
That's right. We had a lot
of practice at it. You haven't.
That's right. Gee,
what's it like being poor?
That depends on what
kind of poor you mean.
There's just plain
poor, medium poor...
and downright poor.
And there's "no hope, no
soap, end of the rope" poor.
- Must be awful, huh?
- I'll tell you
what poor is.
We once knew a girl named Phyllis
who got married at 15 just to get the rice.
You know how they tie empty tin cans
to the car when somebody gets married?
[Kimberly] Yeah. Well, Phyllis
made 'em tie cans that were full.
- That's pretty poor.
- And we also knew a guy who
used to live in the city dump.
- That's awful.
- Yeah, but when things
got better,
he moved to his own garbage can.
We're only kidding, Kimberly,
but bein' poor is rough.
Well, I'm definitely
gonna give up my ballet
lessons, my
horseback-riding lessons...
Oh, and I'm sure that we can't afford
to send me to private school anymore.
I know it's tough givin' up
things you like, Kimberly,
but back where we come from, ballet
lessons and all that kind of stuff...
is just something we
see in a movie or on TV.
Yeah. When you're poor, you
don't have things like that to give up.
Yeah. You think about your
mama and papa workin' hard...
so they could bring enough money
home to buy food, clothes and pay the rent.
Gee, I never really
looked at it that way.
Well, excuse me, guys. I'm
gonna go back to my room now.
Are you gonna cry again? No.
Hey, Kimberly, don't worry
about it. It's gonna be all right.
We're gonna take care of
you. 'Cause we love you.
Aw, thank you,
guys. I love you too.
[Sighs] Is it really
gonna be okay, Willis?
No way. It's gonna be
like the Great Depression.
Is that in the Grand Canyon?
No. The Great Depression was a time,
years ago, when the stock market crashed.
People were jumping
out of the buildings.
Weren't the elevators working?
No, because they went broke.
Listen, Arnold, we gotta think of a
way to get Dad some money real fast.
Hey, maybe we could
all go on Family Feud.
No, Arnold. That won't
be... Hey, I got an idea.
What are you gonna do?
Let my fingers do the walkin'...
through the yellow pages
to the word "money."
Ah. "24-Hour Loan
Company. Money in minutes.
Dial 555-L-O-A-N."
First make like you're my
secretary so I look important.
[Feminine, Childlike
Voice] Hello?
24-Hour Loan Company? This is
Mr. Willis T. Jackson's secretary, Arnelda.
My father's a very rich businessman
who happens to be broke.
[Deep Voice] Hello there. This is Willis
T. Jackson of the Park Avenue Jacksons.
I might be interested
in making a little loan.
How much? $30 million.
Hello? Hello?
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Dad.
Uh, listen, I hate
to disappoint you,
but something has come
up that I didn't expect,
and I'm gonna have
to stay in town a while.
So I'm afraid we're gonna have
to postpone our trip to California.
Oh, that's okay, Dad. We could take
the trip some other time, right, Arnelda?
I mean, Arnold. He's right.
You know, hey, what's the hurry?
- Did you two guys
hear what I said?
- Hey, California ain't...
goin' no place unless
there's an earthquake.
It'll be better for me to
fly there in a couple years,
when I'm old enough
to hit on the stewardess.
I really appreciate you
guys taking it this way.
I'm lucky to have such a
great family. Thanks, guys.
I'll go and tell Kimberly.
[Together] Okay. All right.
[Sighs] Poor Dad.
He's really hurting.
Oh, man, Willis.
We must be jinxed.
- What do you mean?
- Well, we were broke
when we left Harlem,
then we moved to Park Avenue and
were rich, and now we're broke again.
Seems like wherever we
go, we take "poor" with us.
I just had a terrible thought, Arnold.
It's even worse than being poor.
Worse than poor? I
don't wanna hear it.
Well, you'll have to,
'cause it might happen.
If Dad loses all his money,
they could break us up.
Break us up? But we're a family.
Yeah, but you and
me were adopted.
If Dad goes broke, maybe
they can take us away from him.
But I love Dad and Kimberly.
What are we gonna do, Willis?
I wish I knew, Arnold.
I wish I knew.
Hey, Willis, this was a great idea
you had for applyin' for welfare.
Yeah. We may can't
get the 30 million, but
we sure can try to
keep this family together.
Do you think our clothes look poor
enough? They might turn us down.
They'll just have to do. Just in case, we
can show 'em the hole in your underwear.
Arnold, it'll be okay.
Just try to look a little
hungry. Suck in your cheeks.
How's this?
You look like a
goldfish with an Afro.
- Is this better?
- More.
[Sighs] If I suck up anymore, I'm
gonna have a permanent pucker.
- Excuse me, sir.
- Yeah?
We're here to get our
father some welfare. Yeah.
We're a lot poorer and
hungrier than we look.
I'm sorry, boys, you're in the
wrong section. I'm the supervisor.
You'll have to go to the
clerks at the application desk.
- [Together] Thanks.
- Hey, wait a minute.
You're too young to apply for welfare. Why
can't your dad apply himself? Is he sick?
Oh, no. He's too proud.
Yeah. We gotta help
him before it's too late.
We don't want him jumping out the window
like they did in the Great Impression.
You see, we're used to
being poor, but our dad isn't.
And he's gonna
have a bad time of it,
especially if we have
to move back to Harlem.
Yeah. He's the
wrong color for that.
- What color is he?
- White.
And when he got the news he
was broke, he was even whiter.
We're all shook up about
it too. The housekeeper's
off today, and she
doesn't know it yet.
Oh. You have a housekeeper? I
suppose you have a chauffeur too.
That's right. And when he
hears the news that Dad's broke,
he'll probably refuse
to polish the limo.
- Just where do you boys live?
- In a penthouse
on Park Avenue.
You have a
housekeeper, a chauffeur,
you live in a penthouse,
and you want welfare?
You got it. We wanna
keep the family together.
Sit down, boys.
Tell me more about
your hardship case.
- Now, what's
your father's name?
- Philip Drummond.
- Mm-hmm. Is there
a Mrs. Drummond?
- Nope.
- There's no woman
in the house?
- Just Kimberly, our sister.
She's gonna be a
woman any day now.
Yeah. And she's
really gettin' there.
Just what is it that
you boys are after?
Oh, what we could use
is some food stamps.
And $30 million.
That seems reasonable. And you
say that you live on Park Avenue?
That's right. And if you got rent
stamps, we'll take a batch of those too.
This is a most unusual case. Uh,
if you'll just write down your address,
young man, I'll get back to you.
- Okay.
- That won't take too long,
will it?
You don't want us
to starve to death?
- Now, you don't look
like you're starving.
- Take another look.
That's very impressive.
There you go, sir.
Thank you very much.
And I hope to hear from you
real soon. All right. Take care.
Okay. Bye. Go
right out that door.
[Willis] Okay. Thank you.
Yeah. E.G. Stilson here.
I have to step out for a while to check
out a possible fraud on Park Avenue.
He'll probably want his welfare
check delivered to his yacht.
You know, I think some guy's getting rich
using young kids for a new welfare racket.
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What are you doing, honey?
I'm just looking at the view.
You know something, Daddy?
I'm tired of penthouse living.
What? What do we need such
a big, fancy place like this for?
Would it be romantic to
live in a cheap tenement?
Not particularly.
You know, don't you?
Know what? About
my financial troubles.
Well, I accidentally heard
you talking to your lawyer.
But don't worry, Daddy. The boys and
I don't care whether we're poor or not.
Neither do I,
because we all have something
much more important than money:
We got each other.
[Doorbell Chimes]
I'll get it, Daddy.
Hello, Kimberly. Hi, Mr. Bishop.
Daddy's out on the terrace.
Oh, thank you.
Hi, Phil. What a wonderful day.
Well, I'm glad to see my bankruptcy
hasn't dampened your spirits.
I've got great news.
You have your 30 million.
What you talkin' about, Tom?
Well, a few of your friends got together,
and they're gonna guarantee the loan.
You're kidding.
Well, I'll be damned.
Well, you've helped a lot of the guys
yourself, Phil, and they appreciate it.
This is fantastic!
Tom, I could kiss you.
I think a handshake will do.
I guess this is what
having friends is all about.
Congratulations,
Phil. Thank you.
Kimberly! Kimberly!
Oh, Daddy, I heard! You can
forget about the cheap tenement.
I'll force myself to
live in our penthouse.
And the California
trip is on! Oh, great.
Daddy, can I call the
Teeny-weeny Bikini Shop...
and reorder those
bikinis I canceled?
Yeah, but easy on
the teeny. Thanks, Dad.
I'll go in and call my office, get
the paperwork started on this.
♪ I love New York ♪
Hey, guys. Daddy's
out on the terrace.
Oh, no! Dad, don't jump!
It'll be okay! It's okay! We'll
go to work and help you!
Yeah. You don't have to be ashamed of
being bankrupt. Hey, hey. I'm not bankrupt.
I got the money I
need. Oh, that's terrific!
Man, that's great. Hey, listen. I
get hungry when I hear good news.
Arnold, you get hungry at good
news, bad news or no news.
I bet you Walter Cronkite
would love to have my stomach.
- I know I would.
- [Doorbell Chimes]
Mr. Drummond? Yes.
I'm E.G. Stilson, and I'm here
with regard to family welfare.
Well, I'm sure I gave at the office,
but come in. We'll see what we can do.
Have a seat. Yes, miss. I'll need
those bikinis as soon as possible.
Right. Four of the $50 ones.
Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.
You know what? As long as
we're going all the way to California,
why don't we just jump
over to Hawaii for a few days?
Oh, Daddy, thank you! It's
only money! The sky's the limit!
Now, how do I make out
this check, Mr. Stilson?
- I don't think you understand.
- I got to be going, Phil.
Oh. The bank will
credit your account...
with the 30 million
in the morning.
[Mr. Drummond] Oh, thanks, Tom.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Aw, forget it. I'll
be in touch. Okay.
Bye-bye, Kimberly.
Bye, Mr. Bishop.
Hey, Dad, now that
we're rich again...
Uh-oh.
Mr. Drummond, in the 20 years that
I've been with the welfare department,
I have never seen
anything like this.
Now, you're not just
filthy rich, you are filthy.
Well, I must say, you have an interesting
way of soliciting contributions.
- And I presume
this is your daughter?
- Yes, I am.
And what do you do? Go out
begging in a bikini and a tin cup?
You'd better have an explanation for those
remarks, or you're leaving horizontally.
Don't you threaten
me. Just how many
children do you have
working for you, Fagin?
What are you talking about?
I am talking about those two
innocent little black children...
that you sent to my office to beg for
welfare and plead your phony case.
Beg for welfare? Mm-hmm.
I think we can straighten
this out. Excuse me.
Arnold, Willis, come in here!
- [Arnold] We just left!
- Daddy,
I am sure they just went down there
because they were so worried about you.
Yes, dear. Willis, Arnold,
come out here right now!
Just what is going on here,
Drummond? Now, I want the truth.
You'll get the truth.
Start talking, boys.
Well, Dad, we thought
that if you went broke,
they could take us away
from you 'cause we're adopted,
so we went down
and applied for welfare.
You did that for
me and Kimberly?
For us too.
- We didn't wanna lose you.
- Hey, come here, you guys.
Listen. Nothing can ever
break up this little family.
What a wonderful
thing for you boys to do.
Well, if you ever do lose
your fortune, Mr. Drummond,
it would be a pleasure
to give you food stamps.
I thank you very dubiously.
Well, the important thing is that we're all
together, not whether we're rich or poor.
That's right, Arnold. Doesn't matter
whether we're rich or poor, right?
Speak for yourself.
The only "poor" I wanna be is
the poorest millionaire on the block.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪