Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Election - full transcript
While a new housekeeper, Adelaide Brubaker, takes over from Mrs. Garrett, Mr. Drummond decides to run for city council after a friend's suggestion.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
[Clears Throat] Listen.
The last housekeeper that your
employment agent sent over here just left.
Well, when will the
next one be over here?
Oh, fine. Well, yeah.
I'll be expecting her.
Thank you. Bye.
Are they sending over
another housekeeper?
Hey, everybody. Guess whose
picture's in the afternoon paper.
Jimmy Carter, Ted
Kennedy and Ronald Reagan.
No. Me and Arnold. Why not?
Everybody else is running for president.
No.
Oh! Right. Hey! Look at you two.
There they are. Look at
that. Hey. Where's Arnold?
He stopped to pick up
a couple of extra copies.
[Mr. Drummond] Oh.
Arnold, what in the world are you
gonna do with all those papers?
I'm gonna decorate our
room in wall-to-wall us.
See? Here's our names
in black and white.
Yeah. And there's our
pictures in black and black.
Well, how did it happen?
The roving reporter...
stopped us on the way to school
this morning with some questions.
Arnold said the dumbest thing.
Why? All I said was I don't
answer questions about my love life.
Dad, read the questions
and our answers.
All right. Uh, "Question:
"How do you feel
about kids smoking?
"Answer: It's wrong.
If God had meant us to smoke, he'd
have given us a chimney instead of a nose."
Very good, Willis. Thank you.
Hey, look. Look
what Arnold said.
I said smoking is like eating
brussel sprouts. It's disgusting.
Hey, Daddy. Look what else
Arnold said about integration.
"Me and my brother got
the best integration there is.
"We've been adopted by
Mr. Drummond, who's not only white,
but a swell guy
with lots of loot."
Thank you, Arnold, for the nice things
you said about me and my money.
- [Doorbell Chimes]
- Excuse me.
Phil. Well, I'll be
darned! Jerry Fuller!
I haven't seen you for years.
Well, not since the last
election. Are you still in politics?
Sure am. I'm not qualified
for a real job. Come on in.
Hey. Why didn't you call me and
tell me that you were coming, and I...
Oh. I get it. If you
appear in person, I can't
say no to a campaign
contribution, right?
Are you suggesting that the
only reason I came up here...
was to hit you for a
political contribution?
Yes. You're right.
Meet my family, Jerry. This
is Willis and Arnold, my sons.
This is my daughter, Kimberly.
Say hello to Mr. Fuller, gang.
Hey, Mr.Fuller. How you
doing? How you doing?
Oh, well, all r...
Something like that.
Say, why do you two
guys look so familiar?
Oh! 'Cause we're famous.
Oh, yes. I saw this paper.
Yep. By tonight,
our picture will be
covering every sleeping
wino in Central Park.
Hey, you said some nice things
about your father. And you were right.
There isn't a more dedicated,
socially conscious man around.
Jerry, flattery will get you
nothing but a larger contribution.
Have a seat. Thank you.
Hey, listen. I hope that we see a
little more action after this election.
Here we live in one of the
nicest areas of New York,
and people still are
not safe here at night.
The only advantage
of living on Park Avenue
is that you meet a
better class of mugger.
I understand how
you feel, Phil, and...
we had a candidate for city
council who feels the same way.
But, uh, we've got a problem.
Poor fella's very ill and is
pulling out. [Mr. Drummond] Oh.
Won't be easy to find another
good man this late in the race.
Well, good luck with it. I'll mail
you a contribution tomorrow.
Thanks. And, uh, don't
forget to sign the check, huh?
Well, nice meeting you guys.
Good to see you again, Jerry.
Okay. Thank you. So
long now. Right. Bye.
Hey. Wait a minute.
Phil.
Why don't you run for city
councilman from this district?
Me? Yeah.
Yeah, Daddy. Why don't you run?
- You'll be a big shot.
- And I'll be the son
of a big shot.
Listen, kids.
Jerry isn't serious.
I certainly am.
You tell me someone
who's better qualified,
who's more active
in the community,
who's been more generous
with his time and his money,
who's a keen observer
of the political scene.
- Shall I go on?
- No.
I think you captured
me perfectly.
Oh. It must be quite an experience living
with that sense of humor day after day.
Yeah. But we get time
off for good behavior.
Come on, Phil. We
need a good man like you.
You could end up
as governor one day.
Wow. Our father, the governor.
Then the president. Oh, boy. We're
gonna get to live in the White House.
Yeah. And then the White
House won't be so white.
Oh, Jerry. I'm afraid
it just isn't possible.
Well, uh, please, at least,
uh, think about it. Hmm?
Hey, Dad. Why don't you run?
You know, you can get people to throw one
of those big fancy fund-raisers for you.
Yeah. And us kids can throw
Dad a big fund-raiser too.
Twenty-nine cents a
plate at McDonald's.
[Doorbell Chimes] I'll bet
that's Jerry. He never gives up.
Hey. The answer is no.
Well, they generally interview
me before they throw me out.
Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. You... You're
probably here about the
housekeeping position.
- Well, I'm not the Avon lady.
- Please come in.
Is this an apartment or
Grand Central Station?
It's an apartment. But the
next train leaves in 10 minutes.
You're cute for a tall
person. [Chuckles]
I'm Adelaide Brubaker.
I'm Phil Drummond.
That's my daughter, Kimberly. My
two sons, Willis and Arnold. [Willis] Hi.
Well, they finally made a
housekeeper for people my size.
May I take your coat?
What's the matter? Haven't
you got one of your own?
Oh, you got a funny
laugh, Miss Brubaker.
Yeah, you cackle.
Like a chicken
laying a square egg.
Let me give you a hand
with your coat, Mrs. Brubaker.
That's not your job.
One of you kids do it.
I'll take it.
I like your attitude,
Mrs. Brubaker.
Or do I call you miss or
Ms.? What do you prefer?
Well, I prefer missus, but I can't
get a mister to see it my way.
Well, all righty. I'm
all ready to be grilled.
I have a few questions. Me too.
Can you cook soul
food? You better believe it.
Good. You're hired.
Arnold! I'm sorry. Apparently
we all have a question.
Well, I presume that you would
like to know my previous experience.
- Right, Mr. Drummond?
- Please.
Well, I've only had three
employers in all my life.
I worked for the first man
for 10 years, until he died.
Then I worked for the second
man for 12 years, and he died.
And my last employer was
for seven years, and he died.
How's your health?
Fine, I think. But now
I'm beginning to worry.
Don't worry. They
were old to start with.
Now, about my background.
- When I was younger,
I was in vaudeville.
- What's vaudeville?
Well, it's a kind of show
business that's dead and buried.
You buried three employers
and vaudeville too?
Well, what did you do in
show business, Mrs. Brubaker?
I was a magician's assistant.
His big finale was
sawing me in half.
You mean you used to be taller?
That's right.
My other half is in a box
somewhere in Tuscaloosa.
Miss Brubaker, do you
mind if I ask you your age?
Well, it was nice
knowin' you folks.
Where are you going?
You're against old people.
No, he isn't. He's one of 'em.
You're discriminating against
me because you think I'm too old.
- No, that's ridiculous.
- Well, I'm blowing the whistle
on you, Drummond.
You'll hear from
the Gray Panthers.
You were in the circus too?
No, no, no. That's a group of senior
citizens that are fighting for our rights.
Well, if they're anything like
you, they're gonna get them.
Miss Brubaker, I assure you. I
do not believe in discrimination,
nor does any
member of my family.
Willis and I go to school in a
car driven by a white chauffeur.
And we don't even mind when he
makes us sit in the back of the limousine.
Well, there is just no respect
for old age in this country.
Well, Daddy will fix that when he's
elected. He's running for city council.
- Who said I'm running?
- You just wait till Dad gets
into office, Miss Brubaker.
Willis, I'm not running.
Come on, Daddy. You're the kind
of man who should run for office.
That's right. You have
intelligence, integrity and character.
You think so? Wait a minute.
You don't even know me.
Well, that's true. But I'm
trying to get a job here.
What would you do if
you were running, Dad?
Well, for one thing,
I'd try to do something
about the problems that
never seem to get cured.
Like low-cost housing for the elderly.
You know how strongly I feel about that.
You just got your first vote.
No. Listen. Listen. I'm not
running. Why not, Daddy?
This is your chance to really do
something about it. Yeah, Dad. Get with it.
Yeah. If you wanna
make it, you better shake it.
Your kids are right,
Mr. Drummond.
Run or get off the pot.
[Chattering] Hold it.
Hold it. Wait a minute.
Why are you pushing me?
What are you trying to do?
I am capable of making
my own decisions.
And I'll tell you something.
I just decided to run.
[Cheering] All right!
Hey, Dad. All right. Here's
your fist test, Mr. Politician.
- I'm 71 years old.
- You don't look
a day over 30.
You just got yourself
a new housekeeper.
All right! Hey.
We're glad you're with us,
Mrs. Brubaker. Call me Adelaide.
Mrs. Brubaker is my mother.
Wait till she hears I got the
job. It'll blow her hearing aid.
Your mother?
Now that's what I call
longevity. How old is she?
- Ninety-six.
- Ninety-six?
Man, I hope my
"gevity" gets that long.
Well, which way to the kitchen?
I might as well stir up
some lunch. Right this way.
Okay, Phil. Day after
tomorrow, you hit the pavement...
and meet the
people of your district.
Oh, man. Daddy,
this just isn't fair.
Guess what Adelaide
just laid on us.
She said we've gotta make our beds in
the morning. She's turning us into slaves.
It's a disgrace to the
memory of Chicken George.
Where are my dish dryers?
I'm up to my armpits in suds.
Come on, Dad. Don't make
us... You heard Adelaide. Go on.
Back to the kitchen.
Hut, two, three, four. Hut...
You could give her one of those funny
hats, and we can call her Napoléon.
I heard that, shorty.
Two, three, four.
Oh, she's something else. She's a cross
between Phyllis Diller and Attila the Hun.
You know something,
Phil? You ought to take
her along when you go
out to meet your public,
as well as your two boys.
Why would I wanna
take the two boys along?
Well, you're a wealthy
Park Avenue businessman.
You've adopted
two black orphans.
You've hired an
over-the-hill old lady.
You could wrap up the black vote
and the senior citizens with one shot.
Wait a minute.
When you came
over here yesterday,
you didn't just come here for a
campaign contribution, did you?
What's the difference?
No. You saw the boys'
picture in the paper.
And that's where you got the idea
to ask me to run. You don't want me.
You just think those two
boys can get some votes,
and now you want me to
throw the housekeeper in too.
You've got 'em. You might as well
use 'em. What's wrong with that?
What's wrong is that I
want to run on my platform,
not on their backs.
You don't understand.
This is politics.
- Smells like it.
- Well, like it or not,
you're in it now.
Oh, no. This may be your
kind of politics. It's not mine.
I'm sorry, Jerry. You
just lost your candidate.
Good night, Jerry.
Oh, you can't be serious.
Oh, but th-the election's
only three weeks away.
Wh-What am I gonna
do for a candidate?
Oh, that'll be easy.
See, you just find this
Jewish fella married
to an Italian lady,
and they adopt a couple of
Puerto Rican and Chinese kids.
And they just happen to have an elderly
black housekeeper with an Irish boyfriend.
Way to go, Mr. Drummond.
All right. Yeah.
Way to give it to him, Dad. I heard
that over-the-hill remark, sonny.
You know, Phil, you'll
never make it in politics.
You haven't got the guts.
Oh, yeah? My dad's got guts
hanging out all over the place.
Thank you, Arnold.
Jerry, I'll show you
whether I've got guts.
I'm gonna run without you.
With no organization?
Lots of luck, Phil.
The only way you could win is if you had
Mother Teresa for a campaign manager.
Well, we'll be your organization,
Daddy. Yeah, Dad. Right.
I'll hold the babies
up, and you kiss 'em.
And I'll get every senior citizen
in your district to the polls...
if I have to break up
every bingo game in town.
I don't care what
Jerry Fuller says.
I'm gonna give this thing my best
shot. I'm gonna fight a hard campaign.
I'm gonna go out, and I'm
gonna get up in front of the people.
I'm gonna tell them
what I think. [Cheering]
Right. You do that. Even if you end
up covered in tomatoes and rotten eggs.
[Arnold Sighs]
[Phone Rings]
I got it.
Kids for Drummond.
Puberty Division.
It's Dad's headquarters.
Yeah, I'm listening.
Need a helping tongue?
The latest poll just came in.
Dad's running fourth.
Which wouldn't be that bad, except
there's only four people in the race.
Thanks, but next time you got bad
news, try to get the wrong number.
Hi, everybody!
Hi, Dad. Hi, Daddy.
Who's gonna tell
Dad the bad news?
How about the shortest
housekeeper in the room?
Oh, boy, did I have a day.
I had to attend three
different luncheons.
I ate enchiladas,
chitlins and knishes.
I got heartburn in three
different languages.
Dad. Yeah.
Your headquarters just called with the
latest poll. Oh, yeah? What's the result?
I broke the ice.
One of you jump in.
Well, Daddy,
if it was a horse race,
you'd still be in the stable.
Oh. That bad, huh? Yeah.
Well, you did get a late
start, Mr. Drummond.
And you haven't had
much exposure to the public.
I've been trying
to take care of that.
I spoke to four managers
of four television stations.
I hope one of them will be
willing to give me some equal time.
Hey, Dad. You
got a lot of money.
Why don't you spend your
own loot to win the election?
Well, I am spending some.
But it's wrong to try
to buy an election.
The money should come from the
voters that believe in the candidate.
Well, Daddy, we believe in
you. And if it'll help you win,
why don't you use us
like Mr. Fuller said to?
No way!
I mean, it's one thing to
have my family by my side,
but it's quite another
thing to exploit them.
What does "exploit" mean?
It's using somebody
for your own purposes.
Oh, I get it.
Like when Willis uses me to buy half-price
movie tickets and walks in on his knees.
Yeah, something like that.
Look, gang. I am bushed. I'm
gonna try and have a little nap. Okay.
I don't want to be disturbed. Adelaide,
if anyone calls, please take a message.
You got it.
[Phone Rings]
Drummond residence.
Can I give him a message?
Oh, really? Far out!
Bye!
Mr. Drummond! Mr. Drummond!
Daddy's sleeping.
What is it, Adelaide?
Good news. It couldn't
have come at a better time.
That was the shortest
nap I never took.
What is it, Adelaide? Well,
they just called from Channel 12...
Yeah. and they're comin'
over here tomorrow...
to interview you live
on the 7:00 news.
Here? Terrific.
All right! Hey! That's great.
- And I will be ready for them.
- What are you gonna
say on TV, Dad?
Well, before I get to the serious stuff,
I think I'll start with a little humor.
People like that. Now, when I get
up to speak, I want you all to applaud.
[Arnold] All right!
Yeah. [Willis Whistles]
And then I will say, "As
the cow said to the farmer,
'Thank you for that warm hand.'"
Uh... Yeah?
Dad, you wanna win
the election, right?
Right. Then you better stop
telling those crummy jokes.
[Doorbell Chimes]
I'm comin'. I'm comin'.
Don't get your
bells in an uproar.
Good morning. I'm, uh, Roger
Murdock from Channel 12 news.
- What?
- Yes. That's right. We're here
to interview Mr. Drummond.
I don't mean to be rude, but we
don't have much time. I've got to get...
What do you think we put him
there on the end of the couch?
Works for me. Let's get the man out
here. Why have you come so early?
We're not early. We're late. Got
caught in some traffic downtown.
We are on the air in
just a very few moments.
Watch it now.
Mr. Drummond's supposed
to be on the 7:00 news.
Well, this is the
7:00 news. 7:00 a.m.
A.M.? Nobody said
anything to me about a.m.
No wonder your station
has such low ratings.
[Kimberly] What is it,
Adelaide? It's not even 7:00.
Oh, I'm tired. Hey. You
guys are 12 hours early.
I was in the middle
of a terrific dream.
I was in a jail
made out of pizza,
and I was just about to
eat my way to freedom.
Someone please get Mr. Drummond. We are
on the air now in just 45 seconds. Okay?
Well, he's not here right now.
He's out jogging. He's what?
Rog, you wanna pull
the plug on this thing?
[All] No, no, no!
I think I hear him
joggin' up the street now.
Why not interview Mr. Drummond's
kids until he gets here?
- Put them on TV.
- What you talkin' about,
Adelaide?
I just may have to do that because
they are leading in to us right now.
[All Chattering]
- Okay, kids. Come on. Sit down
here on the end of the couch.
- No, no, no, no.
Arnold, for Dad. All right.
Settle down now. Settle down.
Okay. Get closer
together. Rog, you're on.
Good morning, New York.
This is Roger Murdock,
reporting live from the
home of Mr. Philip Drummond,
independent candidate
for city council.
Mr. Drummond will be with
us in just a few moments.
Meanwhile, I'm here with
Mr. Drummond's, uh, very unusual family.
Would you kids like to
just introduce yourselves?
Hi. My name's Kimberly.
My name is Willis.
My name is Arnold. And, uh, if
any kids are up watching this early,
we're not a cartoon.
Um... And, uh, your name, ma'am?
Adelaide Brubaker.
The housekeeper.
I'm 71 years old, but that didn't
keep Mr. Drummond from hiring me...
because Mr. Drummond is a man
who cares about the senior citizens.
If you think the foregoing
was a political announcement,
you bet your panty hose it was.
Well, when you...
And then I'd like to say
a word about my dad too.
You know, my dad is
really a super person.
I'm not just saying that
'cause I'm his daughter.
I'm saying that 'cause I
have known him all my life.
Yeah, you know,
what man do you think would adopt two
black kids like me and my brother, Arnold?
You know, my dad may not be here
right now, but if he was, he'd be white.
Um, I, uh... I get the impression
from looking around here that, uh,
Mr. Drummond must
be a fairly wealthy man.
- Is that true?
- Well, don't hold it against
him because he's got money.
What's wrong with
money? I love money.
I'd like to have a
blanket made out of it.
Mr. Drummond worked very
hard for every cent he's got.
No, he didn't. He inherited it.
Only some of it, Arnold. He got most
of it because he worked very hard.
And you know, he's really rather
smart. Yep. He is smart all right.
You know, if our dad can run
a big corporation like he does,
he oughta know how to run
a crummy city like New York.
We're trying to get Daddy
elected, not run out of town on a rail.
Oh. Oh. [Chuckles] Hi.
Oh. I didn't mean
all of it was crummy.
Just the crummy part.
Oh, hi, gang. Boy,
I had to run about...
What the hell's goin' on?
Dad, you just said "hell" on TV.
So did I.
They goofed at the
station, Mr. Drummond.
They didn't tell me
they meant 7:00 a.m.
- Oh, no.
- Mr. Drummond, we are
just about out of time.
Excuse me, ma'am. Would
you like to make a statement?
Yes. I don't need much time. I
just wanna say that if I'm elected...
Thank you. Sorry.
Uh, we are out of time.
This is Roger Murdock,
reporting live from Park Avenue.
Sorry. They were gonna cut us off.
Yelling at my ear. You know how that is.
That's a wrap. You wanna get
everything and get out of here?
I've got another
assignment. Excuse me.
Thanks for your
cooperation, everybody,
and good luck on the
election. Thank you.
Ciao. Ciao.
Well, there goes my TV coverage.
What a fiasco.
The election's only a
few days away. I blew it.
No, you didn't, Dad. You didn't
blow it. You couldn't have blown it.
No. You'll get a lot of votes.
Here I am, a politician. I
didn't even open my mouth.
That's what'll
get you the votes.
[Murdock On TV] And with
42% of the districts reporting in,
concession speeches are
already being heard on every side.
One contest that's still
very much up in the air...
is the race for city
councilman in the 43rd District.
And, uh, those final results
are coming in right now.
Boy, I... I hope I didn't make a fool
of myself and embarrass all of you.
No, you didn't, Dad. No way.
Shh. Listen. Let's
see what he has.
And as the polls predicted, the
winner is the incumbent, Leland Tracey.
[All] Aw.
I demand a recount!
But what the polls
did not predict...
was the surprise showing of
maverick candidate Philip Drummond.
Obviously an important,
refreshing new voice...
has entered the political scene,
and I'm sure will
be heard from again.
Philip Drummond, I
think, is definitely a winner.
Hey! How about that?
I didn't make a fool of myself after
all. Well, you still should have won.
Yeah. You would have, but
the other guy got more votes.
Yeah, that didn't help.
I'll tell you one thing.
I guess I found out
something out there:
that there are a lot of people feel like I
do about wanting to make things better.
Now maybe I've got a little clout, and I
can get a few things done in this town.
You think you'll ever run again,
Dad? Who knows? Maybe.
Well, you've got three
sure votes right here.
Oh, Arnold, we're not
old enough to vote yet.
Sure we are, if you
add up all our ages.
We're old enough to vote, have
a beer and see a dirty movie.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪
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to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter that you
got not a lot, so what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs and you'll
have yours and I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll
be fine 'cause it takes ♪
♪ Diff'rent strokes to move
the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪♪
[Clears Throat] Listen.
The last housekeeper that your
employment agent sent over here just left.
Well, when will the
next one be over here?
Oh, fine. Well, yeah.
I'll be expecting her.
Thank you. Bye.
Are they sending over
another housekeeper?
Hey, everybody. Guess whose
picture's in the afternoon paper.
Jimmy Carter, Ted
Kennedy and Ronald Reagan.
No. Me and Arnold. Why not?
Everybody else is running for president.
No.
Oh! Right. Hey! Look at you two.
There they are. Look at
that. Hey. Where's Arnold?
He stopped to pick up
a couple of extra copies.
[Mr. Drummond] Oh.
Arnold, what in the world are you
gonna do with all those papers?
I'm gonna decorate our
room in wall-to-wall us.
See? Here's our names
in black and white.
Yeah. And there's our
pictures in black and black.
Well, how did it happen?
The roving reporter...
stopped us on the way to school
this morning with some questions.
Arnold said the dumbest thing.
Why? All I said was I don't
answer questions about my love life.
Dad, read the questions
and our answers.
All right. Uh, "Question:
"How do you feel
about kids smoking?
"Answer: It's wrong.
If God had meant us to smoke, he'd
have given us a chimney instead of a nose."
Very good, Willis. Thank you.
Hey, look. Look
what Arnold said.
I said smoking is like eating
brussel sprouts. It's disgusting.
Hey, Daddy. Look what else
Arnold said about integration.
"Me and my brother got
the best integration there is.
"We've been adopted by
Mr. Drummond, who's not only white,
but a swell guy
with lots of loot."
Thank you, Arnold, for the nice things
you said about me and my money.
- [Doorbell Chimes]
- Excuse me.
Phil. Well, I'll be
darned! Jerry Fuller!
I haven't seen you for years.
Well, not since the last
election. Are you still in politics?
Sure am. I'm not qualified
for a real job. Come on in.
Hey. Why didn't you call me and
tell me that you were coming, and I...
Oh. I get it. If you
appear in person, I can't
say no to a campaign
contribution, right?
Are you suggesting that the
only reason I came up here...
was to hit you for a
political contribution?
Yes. You're right.
Meet my family, Jerry. This
is Willis and Arnold, my sons.
This is my daughter, Kimberly.
Say hello to Mr. Fuller, gang.
Hey, Mr.Fuller. How you
doing? How you doing?
Oh, well, all r...
Something like that.
Say, why do you two
guys look so familiar?
Oh! 'Cause we're famous.
Oh, yes. I saw this paper.
Yep. By tonight,
our picture will be
covering every sleeping
wino in Central Park.
Hey, you said some nice things
about your father. And you were right.
There isn't a more dedicated,
socially conscious man around.
Jerry, flattery will get you
nothing but a larger contribution.
Have a seat. Thank you.
Hey, listen. I hope that we see a
little more action after this election.
Here we live in one of the
nicest areas of New York,
and people still are
not safe here at night.
The only advantage
of living on Park Avenue
is that you meet a
better class of mugger.
I understand how
you feel, Phil, and...
we had a candidate for city
council who feels the same way.
But, uh, we've got a problem.
Poor fella's very ill and is
pulling out. [Mr. Drummond] Oh.
Won't be easy to find another
good man this late in the race.
Well, good luck with it. I'll mail
you a contribution tomorrow.
Thanks. And, uh, don't
forget to sign the check, huh?
Well, nice meeting you guys.
Good to see you again, Jerry.
Okay. Thank you. So
long now. Right. Bye.
Hey. Wait a minute.
Phil.
Why don't you run for city
councilman from this district?
Me? Yeah.
Yeah, Daddy. Why don't you run?
- You'll be a big shot.
- And I'll be the son
of a big shot.
Listen, kids.
Jerry isn't serious.
I certainly am.
You tell me someone
who's better qualified,
who's more active
in the community,
who's been more generous
with his time and his money,
who's a keen observer
of the political scene.
- Shall I go on?
- No.
I think you captured
me perfectly.
Oh. It must be quite an experience living
with that sense of humor day after day.
Yeah. But we get time
off for good behavior.
Come on, Phil. We
need a good man like you.
You could end up
as governor one day.
Wow. Our father, the governor.
Then the president. Oh, boy. We're
gonna get to live in the White House.
Yeah. And then the White
House won't be so white.
Oh, Jerry. I'm afraid
it just isn't possible.
Well, uh, please, at least,
uh, think about it. Hmm?
Hey, Dad. Why don't you run?
You know, you can get people to throw one
of those big fancy fund-raisers for you.
Yeah. And us kids can throw
Dad a big fund-raiser too.
Twenty-nine cents a
plate at McDonald's.
[Doorbell Chimes] I'll bet
that's Jerry. He never gives up.
Hey. The answer is no.
Well, they generally interview
me before they throw me out.
Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. You... You're
probably here about the
housekeeping position.
- Well, I'm not the Avon lady.
- Please come in.
Is this an apartment or
Grand Central Station?
It's an apartment. But the
next train leaves in 10 minutes.
You're cute for a tall
person. [Chuckles]
I'm Adelaide Brubaker.
I'm Phil Drummond.
That's my daughter, Kimberly. My
two sons, Willis and Arnold. [Willis] Hi.
Well, they finally made a
housekeeper for people my size.
May I take your coat?
What's the matter? Haven't
you got one of your own?
Oh, you got a funny
laugh, Miss Brubaker.
Yeah, you cackle.
Like a chicken
laying a square egg.
Let me give you a hand
with your coat, Mrs. Brubaker.
That's not your job.
One of you kids do it.
I'll take it.
I like your attitude,
Mrs. Brubaker.
Or do I call you miss or
Ms.? What do you prefer?
Well, I prefer missus, but I can't
get a mister to see it my way.
Well, all righty. I'm
all ready to be grilled.
I have a few questions. Me too.
Can you cook soul
food? You better believe it.
Good. You're hired.
Arnold! I'm sorry. Apparently
we all have a question.
Well, I presume that you would
like to know my previous experience.
- Right, Mr. Drummond?
- Please.
Well, I've only had three
employers in all my life.
I worked for the first man
for 10 years, until he died.
Then I worked for the second
man for 12 years, and he died.
And my last employer was
for seven years, and he died.
How's your health?
Fine, I think. But now
I'm beginning to worry.
Don't worry. They
were old to start with.
Now, about my background.
- When I was younger,
I was in vaudeville.
- What's vaudeville?
Well, it's a kind of show
business that's dead and buried.
You buried three employers
and vaudeville too?
Well, what did you do in
show business, Mrs. Brubaker?
I was a magician's assistant.
His big finale was
sawing me in half.
You mean you used to be taller?
That's right.
My other half is in a box
somewhere in Tuscaloosa.
Miss Brubaker, do you
mind if I ask you your age?
Well, it was nice
knowin' you folks.
Where are you going?
You're against old people.
No, he isn't. He's one of 'em.
You're discriminating against
me because you think I'm too old.
- No, that's ridiculous.
- Well, I'm blowing the whistle
on you, Drummond.
You'll hear from
the Gray Panthers.
You were in the circus too?
No, no, no. That's a group of senior
citizens that are fighting for our rights.
Well, if they're anything like
you, they're gonna get them.
Miss Brubaker, I assure you. I
do not believe in discrimination,
nor does any
member of my family.
Willis and I go to school in a
car driven by a white chauffeur.
And we don't even mind when he
makes us sit in the back of the limousine.
Well, there is just no respect
for old age in this country.
Well, Daddy will fix that when he's
elected. He's running for city council.
- Who said I'm running?
- You just wait till Dad gets
into office, Miss Brubaker.
Willis, I'm not running.
Come on, Daddy. You're the kind
of man who should run for office.
That's right. You have
intelligence, integrity and character.
You think so? Wait a minute.
You don't even know me.
Well, that's true. But I'm
trying to get a job here.
What would you do if
you were running, Dad?
Well, for one thing,
I'd try to do something
about the problems that
never seem to get cured.
Like low-cost housing for the elderly.
You know how strongly I feel about that.
You just got your first vote.
No. Listen. Listen. I'm not
running. Why not, Daddy?
This is your chance to really do
something about it. Yeah, Dad. Get with it.
Yeah. If you wanna
make it, you better shake it.
Your kids are right,
Mr. Drummond.
Run or get off the pot.
[Chattering] Hold it.
Hold it. Wait a minute.
Why are you pushing me?
What are you trying to do?
I am capable of making
my own decisions.
And I'll tell you something.
I just decided to run.
[Cheering] All right!
Hey, Dad. All right. Here's
your fist test, Mr. Politician.
- I'm 71 years old.
- You don't look
a day over 30.
You just got yourself
a new housekeeper.
All right! Hey.
We're glad you're with us,
Mrs. Brubaker. Call me Adelaide.
Mrs. Brubaker is my mother.
Wait till she hears I got the
job. It'll blow her hearing aid.
Your mother?
Now that's what I call
longevity. How old is she?
- Ninety-six.
- Ninety-six?
Man, I hope my
"gevity" gets that long.
Well, which way to the kitchen?
I might as well stir up
some lunch. Right this way.
Okay, Phil. Day after
tomorrow, you hit the pavement...
and meet the
people of your district.
Oh, man. Daddy,
this just isn't fair.
Guess what Adelaide
just laid on us.
She said we've gotta make our beds in
the morning. She's turning us into slaves.
It's a disgrace to the
memory of Chicken George.
Where are my dish dryers?
I'm up to my armpits in suds.
Come on, Dad. Don't make
us... You heard Adelaide. Go on.
Back to the kitchen.
Hut, two, three, four. Hut...
You could give her one of those funny
hats, and we can call her Napoléon.
I heard that, shorty.
Two, three, four.
Oh, she's something else. She's a cross
between Phyllis Diller and Attila the Hun.
You know something,
Phil? You ought to take
her along when you go
out to meet your public,
as well as your two boys.
Why would I wanna
take the two boys along?
Well, you're a wealthy
Park Avenue businessman.
You've adopted
two black orphans.
You've hired an
over-the-hill old lady.
You could wrap up the black vote
and the senior citizens with one shot.
Wait a minute.
When you came
over here yesterday,
you didn't just come here for a
campaign contribution, did you?
What's the difference?
No. You saw the boys'
picture in the paper.
And that's where you got the idea
to ask me to run. You don't want me.
You just think those two
boys can get some votes,
and now you want me to
throw the housekeeper in too.
You've got 'em. You might as well
use 'em. What's wrong with that?
What's wrong is that I
want to run on my platform,
not on their backs.
You don't understand.
This is politics.
- Smells like it.
- Well, like it or not,
you're in it now.
Oh, no. This may be your
kind of politics. It's not mine.
I'm sorry, Jerry. You
just lost your candidate.
Good night, Jerry.
Oh, you can't be serious.
Oh, but th-the election's
only three weeks away.
Wh-What am I gonna
do for a candidate?
Oh, that'll be easy.
See, you just find this
Jewish fella married
to an Italian lady,
and they adopt a couple of
Puerto Rican and Chinese kids.
And they just happen to have an elderly
black housekeeper with an Irish boyfriend.
Way to go, Mr. Drummond.
All right. Yeah.
Way to give it to him, Dad. I heard
that over-the-hill remark, sonny.
You know, Phil, you'll
never make it in politics.
You haven't got the guts.
Oh, yeah? My dad's got guts
hanging out all over the place.
Thank you, Arnold.
Jerry, I'll show you
whether I've got guts.
I'm gonna run without you.
With no organization?
Lots of luck, Phil.
The only way you could win is if you had
Mother Teresa for a campaign manager.
Well, we'll be your organization,
Daddy. Yeah, Dad. Right.
I'll hold the babies
up, and you kiss 'em.
And I'll get every senior citizen
in your district to the polls...
if I have to break up
every bingo game in town.
I don't care what
Jerry Fuller says.
I'm gonna give this thing my best
shot. I'm gonna fight a hard campaign.
I'm gonna go out, and I'm
gonna get up in front of the people.
I'm gonna tell them
what I think. [Cheering]
Right. You do that. Even if you end
up covered in tomatoes and rotten eggs.
[Arnold Sighs]
[Phone Rings]
I got it.
Kids for Drummond.
Puberty Division.
It's Dad's headquarters.
Yeah, I'm listening.
Need a helping tongue?
The latest poll just came in.
Dad's running fourth.
Which wouldn't be that bad, except
there's only four people in the race.
Thanks, but next time you got bad
news, try to get the wrong number.
Hi, everybody!
Hi, Dad. Hi, Daddy.
Who's gonna tell
Dad the bad news?
How about the shortest
housekeeper in the room?
Oh, boy, did I have a day.
I had to attend three
different luncheons.
I ate enchiladas,
chitlins and knishes.
I got heartburn in three
different languages.
Dad. Yeah.
Your headquarters just called with the
latest poll. Oh, yeah? What's the result?
I broke the ice.
One of you jump in.
Well, Daddy,
if it was a horse race,
you'd still be in the stable.
Oh. That bad, huh? Yeah.
Well, you did get a late
start, Mr. Drummond.
And you haven't had
much exposure to the public.
I've been trying
to take care of that.
I spoke to four managers
of four television stations.
I hope one of them will be
willing to give me some equal time.
Hey, Dad. You
got a lot of money.
Why don't you spend your
own loot to win the election?
Well, I am spending some.
But it's wrong to try
to buy an election.
The money should come from the
voters that believe in the candidate.
Well, Daddy, we believe in
you. And if it'll help you win,
why don't you use us
like Mr. Fuller said to?
No way!
I mean, it's one thing to
have my family by my side,
but it's quite another
thing to exploit them.
What does "exploit" mean?
It's using somebody
for your own purposes.
Oh, I get it.
Like when Willis uses me to buy half-price
movie tickets and walks in on his knees.
Yeah, something like that.
Look, gang. I am bushed. I'm
gonna try and have a little nap. Okay.
I don't want to be disturbed. Adelaide,
if anyone calls, please take a message.
You got it.
[Phone Rings]
Drummond residence.
Can I give him a message?
Oh, really? Far out!
Bye!
Mr. Drummond! Mr. Drummond!
Daddy's sleeping.
What is it, Adelaide?
Good news. It couldn't
have come at a better time.
That was the shortest
nap I never took.
What is it, Adelaide? Well,
they just called from Channel 12...
Yeah. and they're comin'
over here tomorrow...
to interview you live
on the 7:00 news.
Here? Terrific.
All right! Hey! That's great.
- And I will be ready for them.
- What are you gonna
say on TV, Dad?
Well, before I get to the serious stuff,
I think I'll start with a little humor.
People like that. Now, when I get
up to speak, I want you all to applaud.
[Arnold] All right!
Yeah. [Willis Whistles]
And then I will say, "As
the cow said to the farmer,
'Thank you for that warm hand.'"
Uh... Yeah?
Dad, you wanna win
the election, right?
Right. Then you better stop
telling those crummy jokes.
[Doorbell Chimes]
I'm comin'. I'm comin'.
Don't get your
bells in an uproar.
Good morning. I'm, uh, Roger
Murdock from Channel 12 news.
- What?
- Yes. That's right. We're here
to interview Mr. Drummond.
I don't mean to be rude, but we
don't have much time. I've got to get...
What do you think we put him
there on the end of the couch?
Works for me. Let's get the man out
here. Why have you come so early?
We're not early. We're late. Got
caught in some traffic downtown.
We are on the air in
just a very few moments.
Watch it now.
Mr. Drummond's supposed
to be on the 7:00 news.
Well, this is the
7:00 news. 7:00 a.m.
A.M.? Nobody said
anything to me about a.m.
No wonder your station
has such low ratings.
[Kimberly] What is it,
Adelaide? It's not even 7:00.
Oh, I'm tired. Hey. You
guys are 12 hours early.
I was in the middle
of a terrific dream.
I was in a jail
made out of pizza,
and I was just about to
eat my way to freedom.
Someone please get Mr. Drummond. We are
on the air now in just 45 seconds. Okay?
Well, he's not here right now.
He's out jogging. He's what?
Rog, you wanna pull
the plug on this thing?
[All] No, no, no!
I think I hear him
joggin' up the street now.
Why not interview Mr. Drummond's
kids until he gets here?
- Put them on TV.
- What you talkin' about,
Adelaide?
I just may have to do that because
they are leading in to us right now.
[All Chattering]
- Okay, kids. Come on. Sit down
here on the end of the couch.
- No, no, no, no.
Arnold, for Dad. All right.
Settle down now. Settle down.
Okay. Get closer
together. Rog, you're on.
Good morning, New York.
This is Roger Murdock,
reporting live from the
home of Mr. Philip Drummond,
independent candidate
for city council.
Mr. Drummond will be with
us in just a few moments.
Meanwhile, I'm here with
Mr. Drummond's, uh, very unusual family.
Would you kids like to
just introduce yourselves?
Hi. My name's Kimberly.
My name is Willis.
My name is Arnold. And, uh, if
any kids are up watching this early,
we're not a cartoon.
Um... And, uh, your name, ma'am?
Adelaide Brubaker.
The housekeeper.
I'm 71 years old, but that didn't
keep Mr. Drummond from hiring me...
because Mr. Drummond is a man
who cares about the senior citizens.
If you think the foregoing
was a political announcement,
you bet your panty hose it was.
Well, when you...
And then I'd like to say
a word about my dad too.
You know, my dad is
really a super person.
I'm not just saying that
'cause I'm his daughter.
I'm saying that 'cause I
have known him all my life.
Yeah, you know,
what man do you think would adopt two
black kids like me and my brother, Arnold?
You know, my dad may not be here
right now, but if he was, he'd be white.
Um, I, uh... I get the impression
from looking around here that, uh,
Mr. Drummond must
be a fairly wealthy man.
- Is that true?
- Well, don't hold it against
him because he's got money.
What's wrong with
money? I love money.
I'd like to have a
blanket made out of it.
Mr. Drummond worked very
hard for every cent he's got.
No, he didn't. He inherited it.
Only some of it, Arnold. He got most
of it because he worked very hard.
And you know, he's really rather
smart. Yep. He is smart all right.
You know, if our dad can run
a big corporation like he does,
he oughta know how to run
a crummy city like New York.
We're trying to get Daddy
elected, not run out of town on a rail.
Oh. Oh. [Chuckles] Hi.
Oh. I didn't mean
all of it was crummy.
Just the crummy part.
Oh, hi, gang. Boy,
I had to run about...
What the hell's goin' on?
Dad, you just said "hell" on TV.
So did I.
They goofed at the
station, Mr. Drummond.
They didn't tell me
they meant 7:00 a.m.
- Oh, no.
- Mr. Drummond, we are
just about out of time.
Excuse me, ma'am. Would
you like to make a statement?
Yes. I don't need much time. I
just wanna say that if I'm elected...
Thank you. Sorry.
Uh, we are out of time.
This is Roger Murdock,
reporting live from Park Avenue.
Sorry. They were gonna cut us off.
Yelling at my ear. You know how that is.
That's a wrap. You wanna get
everything and get out of here?
I've got another
assignment. Excuse me.
Thanks for your
cooperation, everybody,
and good luck on the
election. Thank you.
Ciao. Ciao.
Well, there goes my TV coverage.
What a fiasco.
The election's only a
few days away. I blew it.
No, you didn't, Dad. You didn't
blow it. You couldn't have blown it.
No. You'll get a lot of votes.
Here I am, a politician. I
didn't even open my mouth.
That's what'll
get you the votes.
[Murdock On TV] And with
42% of the districts reporting in,
concession speeches are
already being heard on every side.
One contest that's still
very much up in the air...
is the race for city
councilman in the 43rd District.
And, uh, those final results
are coming in right now.
Boy, I... I hope I didn't make a fool
of myself and embarrass all of you.
No, you didn't, Dad. No way.
Shh. Listen. Let's
see what he has.
And as the polls predicted, the
winner is the incumbent, Leland Tracey.
[All] Aw.
I demand a recount!
But what the polls
did not predict...
was the surprise showing of
maverick candidate Philip Drummond.
Obviously an important,
refreshing new voice...
has entered the political scene,
and I'm sure will
be heard from again.
Philip Drummond, I
think, is definitely a winner.
Hey! How about that?
I didn't make a fool of myself after
all. Well, you still should have won.
Yeah. You would have, but
the other guy got more votes.
Yeah, that didn't help.
I'll tell you one thing.
I guess I found out
something out there:
that there are a lot of people feel like I
do about wanting to make things better.
Now maybe I've got a little clout, and I
can get a few things done in this town.
You think you'll ever run again,
Dad? Who knows? Maybe.
Well, you've got three
sure votes right here.
Oh, Arnold, we're not
old enough to vote yet.
Sure we are, if you
add up all our ages.
We're old enough to vote, have
a beer and see a dirty movie.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born He's
a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two They
got nothin' but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes to
move the world Yes, it does ♪
♪ It takes diff'rent strokes
to move the world ♪
♪ Mmm ♪♪
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