Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 21 - Willis' Birthday - full transcript

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got



♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪

Willis, ain't you dressed
for breakfast yet?

What's the matter with you?

I ain't hungry.

You all right?

You're moving like you're
wearing bionic underwear.

It's not that, Arnold.

My birthday's next week
and I'm gonna be 14.



Don't worry about it. You
still got part of your life left.

It's not that, Arnold.

It's just that no one seems
to know it's my birthday.

I knew it. I even got
a present for you.

You did? But it's a surprise.

No, Arnold, tell me,
come on. What is it?

Well, I can't tell you,
but I can give you a hint.

If one of your socks
jumps out of the drawer,

don't step on it
'cause it's a frog.

I don't want a frog
for my birthday.

Well, that'll save me
a lot of trouble then.

Frogs are hard to gift wrap.

But I guess it ain't
presents that matter.

When mama was alive
and we were living in Harlem,

everyone knew it
was my birthday.

And every year we'd
have a surprise party.

Yeah, you were getting
pretty good at acting surprised.

I guess I really
shouldn't expect Mr. D

to know it's my birthday.

We've only been
living here a little while.

Then why don't you tell him?

No, I'm not gonna say a word.

Then just walk around naked.

Naked?

Sure, he'll see you in your
birthday suit and get the idea.

Arnold, that's dumb.

Not if it works.

Just forget it's my birthday.

I don't wanna be embarrassed.

Okay. But a big pile of presents

sure helps to unembarrass a guy.

Anybody want anything else?

No, thank you. No, thank you.

That French toast was
just terrific, Mrs. Garrett.

That's French for thank you
from the bottom of my griddle.

Speaking of French toast, guess
whose birthday it is next Saturday?

Arnold.

My goldfish Abraham.

Your goldfish's birthday?

Mmm-hmm. I think I'll
throw him a surprise party.

How do you surprise a goldfish?

I don't know.

Bring him a can of
tuna with a candle on it.

What a coincidence.

Abraham's birthday,
next Saturday.

It's also Willis' birthday.

Say what?

Come on now, Willis, don't tell
us you forgot your own birthday.

It completely slipped my mind.

I was thinking of
something else.

I don't know how it could
have slipped my mind.

Willis, don't overdo it.

Mr. D, I'm sure glad you
remembered my birthday.

That really makes me feel good.

I would never forget
your birthday, Willis.

Or Arnold's or Kimberly's
or Mrs. Garrett's.

Thanks, Mr. Drummond, but I
don't celebrate my birthday any more.

Why not? You're a young woman.

Yes, and I intend to stay one.

Willis, if there's
something you want

especially for your
birthday, please tell me.

I want to get you
just what you want.

Well...

Thanks, Mr. D, but you've
given me and Arnold so much

and you've been so good
to us, I don't want anything.

Don't want anything?

Willis, I think you've been
brushing your hair too hard.

Come on, Willis, you have
to have a birthday present.

Sure, there must be
something you'd like.

Well, if I ask for
it, I'll feel greedy.

No, Willis,

greedy is when you ask for
something just for yourself.

So ask for something that
you can split with your brother.

There is something I'd kind
of like to have. Mmm-hmm.

I'd like to have
a birthday party.

You got it, Willis.

And I'd like to
have it in Harlem.

Harlem?

What's the matter with Harlem?

Nothing if it was in a
better neighborhood.

It's Willis' party and he
should have it where he likes.

That's right. If he
wants it in Harlem,

he should have it in Harlem.

Well, just because
he was born there,

doesn't mean he has to
return to the scene of the crime.

Knock it off, Arnold.

Now look, Willis,

if you want to have your
birthday party in Harlem,

you just tell me where
you want to have it,

invite all the friends you
want, and the party's on me.

Thanks, Mr. D.

You're one terrific guy.

That's true.

I better get going and start
working on that guest list.

I better get started
working on the food list.

Man, it's gonna be nice

celebrating my party with
Charles, Vernon, and Tiny.

If you're inviting Tiny, you
better double the food order

or get a muzzle for his mouth.

Arnold, Tiny don't
eat that much.

Oh, yeah?

I'll bet when he was born
the doctor didn't slap him.

He just gave him a ham
sandwich and said, "Go, man, go."

I gotta call Vernon and ask him

if I can have the
party at his place.

Vernon's place?

I'd rather have a
party at the dentist's.

What's the matter with Vernon?

Nothing. It's his sister, Francine,
that drives me up the wall.

She's pushy.

What do you mean?

She buys you one
crummy ice-cream cone

and then she acts
like she owns you.

Arnold, you're just embarrassed

because Francine's
got a crush on you.

I don't mind a crush. It's the
way she calls me "Arnie-poo."

You'll like girls once
you get used to them.

Oh, yeah?

That's what they
said about cauliflower.

Hello?

Hey, Vernon, it's Willis.

Hey, Willis. What's up, brother?

Mr. D's giving me a
birthday party next Saturday.

And I wonder if I could
celebrate it at your place?

My place? What's the matter
with that super bowl you live in?

I thought it'd be kind of nice

to celebrate my party in
Harlem with all my friends again.

You know how it is, blood.

Yeah, just like old times.

Man, it'd be great
having your party here.

Hold on a second, Willis.

Say, Willis,

Francine wants to
know if Arnie-poo's

coming to your birthday party.

Hey, Arnold, Francine wants to
know if you're coming to my party.

Uh-uh. Not me.

No way, no chance,
absolutely not, forget it.

Yep, he's coming, Vernon.

And Arnie-poo says he
can't wait to see Francine.

Yeah, he's coming, Francine,
and he said he can't wait to see you.

Well, then is the party all cool
then, Vernon, about Saturday night?

Yeah, but I have
to ask my folks.

I'm sure it's okay if you don't
mind grownups at your party.

That's okay, 'cause my
parents are gonna be there, too.

I'll check you later about
the time Saturday night.

And Arnie-poo sends
a kiss to Francine.

Willis, stand up so Arnie-poo
can knock you down.

Mr. D, my party's all set, next
Saturday night at Vernon's place.

That's just fine, Willis.

I like Vernon. He's a
very nice young man.

He sure doesn't know
how to pick a sister.

What's wrong with his sister?

She's stuck on Arnold.

She likes him because
he's small, cute, and cuddly.

Maybe she'll leave me
alone if I buy her a hamster.

Mr. D, what time shall
I make the party for?

I gotta call and tell Vernon.

I can drop you off
anytime you want.

Drop us off?

You mean, you ain't
coming to the party?

Willis, I thought you said the reason
you wanted to have the party in Harlem is

so you could have
it with your friends.

But you're my friend, so is
Mrs. Garrett and Kimberly.

And I'm his friend, too, when
he doesn't treat me like a brother.

I'm sorry, Willis, I
misunderstood you.

I just couldn't enjoy my
party without you being there.

Me neither.

I'd eat a lot and dance a lot,

but my heart just
wouldn't be in it.

Then you'll come to
the party, right, Mr. D?

Well, Willis, it's okay for
you to go up to Harlem

and celebrate your
birthday with your friends,

but I don't think we
would really fit in.

Now I get it.

It's all right for my
friends to come here,

but you're too Park Avenue
to go slumming in Harlem.

I told my friends
you were different.

I guess I was wrong.

Now, Willis.

He didn't mean it, Mr. D.

I guess 'cause he's gonna be 14,

his mouth is going
through a change of life.

Hey, Willis.

Daddy, what's the
matter with Willis?

He's on the verge of
tears, Mr. Drummond.

Well, it's because I told him
we can't go to his birthday party.

I didn't even know
we were invited.

I thought he wanted
it just for his friends.

Well, if he wants us
there, why can't we go?

Well, when I was a kid, I used
to go up to Harlem all the time

and listen to the
great musicians.

But today things are different.

I'm just not sure how safe
it would be up there at night.

Mr. Drummond. Yes, Arnold?

You don't have to worry
about going to Harlem.

Why not?

Because Willis says there ain't
gonna be no birthday party at all.

Willis, Kimberly told me why Mr. D
doesn't want to go to your birthday party.

I already know why.

'Cause he thinks my
friends eat with their feet.

I thought just Tiny did that.

Anyway, the real reason is

because he's afraid to take
the family to Harlem at night.

Afraid?

He ought to know not
everybody who lives there

carries a razor in their socks.

Well, yeah, but
most people think

that the traffic
lights at Harlem say,

"Walk, don't walk,
and run for your life."

Arnold, why are you
always putting down Harlem?

You're from there.

Yeah, and the
"frommer" the better.

Listen, little brother,

don't you remember all the
good times we used to have there?

Like sitting on the stoop,
rapping with the guys,

buying sodas from
the candy store,

playing stickball in the street.

You know, yeah,
you're right, Willis.

And you and me were
born and raised in Harlem.

And every time you put it down,

you're not only putting us down,

but Mama and Papa.

Did I really sound that bad?

Hey, I'm sorry.

You mind if I come in, guys?

Of course not. No.

Willis, I owe you
an explanation.

No, Mr. D.

I already know why you
don't wanna go to Harlem.

You're afraid of a
black neighborhood.

No, that's not right, Willis.

Black has nothing to do with it.

That's not what it's about.

Now there are plenty
of white neighborhoods

that I wouldn't
go into after dark.

Like where?

Well, some parts of
Greenwich Village, for example.

A friend of mine parked
his car down there one night.

He came back in 10 minutes

and there was nothing
left but a windshield wiper.

He asked a witness to tell him
what happened and she mugged him.

I got mugged once when I
refused to buy girl scout cookies.

Listen, Willis, there are
plenty of other places

I hesitate to go to at night.

It's dangerous to
ride the subway,

you can't walk in
Central Park at night.

And burglars have broken into
apartments right here in this building.

What you talking about, Mr. D?

I'm just saying that there are lots
of poor, desperate people out there

who unfortunately are
driven to break the law.

And I'm very concerned
about the safety of my family.

The only reason I'm letting you two
guys go is it's your old neighborhood

and your friends are out there.

But, Mr. D, it's not like you're going
to be walking around the streets.

You're gonna be with my
friends at Vernon's place.

A real nice part of
Harlem. Right, Arnold?

Yeah, right. The plumbing
works and everything.

Well, maybe I have overreacted.

I didn't realize it would
mean this much to you.

Okay, okay,

on second thought, we'll
all go to your party, Willis.

Thank you, Mr. D.

You'll see, everything's
gonna be real cool at the party.

Yeah, but if a gang
tries to crash the party,

don't worry, there's
only one thing to do.

Smile and hand them your money.

Thanks a lot, Arnold.

You really know how to
make a guy feel at ease.

Thanks a lot, bye.

Well, how's everything coming in
the cab department, Mrs. Garrett?

No, the doorman can't find one

that'll take us to
Harlem at night.

I'm not surprised.

Well, in case of
trouble, stick with me.

I'll protect you. I got this.

What is that?

You press it, and
it scares people off.

It's called mug-away.

How can a little thing
like that scare anybody...

That is a very
frightening noise.

One night I accidentally cleared
Radio City Music Hall with it.

What was that noise we heard?

What noise? I resent
that. I was singing.

You sounded better
before, Mrs. Garrett.

Oh, Kimberly, you look
just lovely. Thank you.

And you two guys look terrific.

Yep, we're two cool
dudes in bad threads

and a foxy lady in mean rags.

We better get going, Mr. D.

Well, Willis, we're waiting for
the doorman to get us a cab.

They're very busy tonight.

You mean they're too
chicken to go to Harlem.

They don't call them the
yellow cabs for nothing.

Hey, Daddy, why don't
we just take the limousine?

Yeah! The limo!

No, no, no. I don't think
that's a very good idea, kids.

Driving up in a big limousine,

we wouldn't want Willis' friends
to think we were showing off.

But that's the whole point.

Why don't you join the girls?

Hi, Willis.

Hi, Mrs. Brooks.

Hi, Arnold. Hi.

Here's the birthday boy.

Hi, guys. ALL:
Happy birthday, Willis.

Mrs. Brooks, I want
you to meet my family.

Mrs. Garrett,
Mr. Drummond, and Kimberly.

Everybody, this is Mrs.
Brooks, Vernon's mom.

Very nice to meet you.

How do you do? It's
very nice to meet you.

Come on in. Thank you.

Thank you.

Hello, Arnie-poo.

Aren't you gonna
shake hands with me?

I never shake hands with girls.

Why not?

Because I want to save
something for after I get married.

I think you grew
since I saw you last.

Yeah, I grew a
whole inch taller.

And those adorable cheeks
grew two inches wider.

I've heard some very nice things
about all of you from Vernon.

Please, make yourselves at home.
- Thank you.

It's very nice of you
to open your home

so Willis can
celebrate his birthday.

Thank you, Mrs. Brooks.

It's my pleasure.

You've made Willis so happy.

Well, we love Willis.

Now, excuse me a
moment. I'll be right back.

Certainly. Sure.

I told you Mr. D, everything is
gonna be real cool at this party.

There's nothing to worry about.

You're right, Willis.

Now I feel a little
foolish about it.

Don't nobody move.

Everybody, hit the deck.

Hey! It worked!

Charles, you fool.
What's wrong with you?

Sorry, Mrs. Garrett.

Shame on you.

Charles! You really gotta stop

with all those silly
practical jokes.

I'm terribly sorry about this.

That's all right, Mrs. Brooks.

A heart attack every once in a
while keeps a man on his toes.

Shame on you.

I was just trying
to have some fun.

Are you all right, Mrs. Garrett?

I think I just sacro-ed
one of my iliacs.

Hey, listen, why don't
we get the party going?

Hey, Vernon, put some music on.

Let's get down. Yeah.

Come on, Willis, you
promised me the first dance.

All right. Come on.

That's my birthday boy.

Yeah.

Arnie-poo, will
you dance with me?

No.

Oh, come on.

Francine, do you
know the Latin Hustle?

Uh-huh.

Good.

Go to South America
and start without me.

Please dance with me.

No.

Please, dance with me.

No.

Please, handsome.

Well, if you're gonna
put it that way...

Care to join in, Mr. Drummond?

I'd be very pleased to
share this waltz with you.

This is not exactly a waltz.

It will be by the time
I'm through with it.

Hey, Mrs. Garrett.

Tiny.

What's happening?

How about you and me working
up a little Saturday Night Fever?

All right. Hang on
to your thermometer!

Excuse me. Sorry about that.

Hold it out.

Now, look, look, look, we
don't want any trouble here.

Okay, Mr. Drummond...
I'll handle this, Willis.

All right, now look,
here's my wallet.

Go ahead, take it.

Thank you very much.

Luther, give that back!

Willis, he said to take it.

Luther, how many
times have I asked you

not to come through
the fire escape.

Mr. Drummond, Mrs. Garrett,

this is Luther Harris,
our upstairs neighbor.

Your neighbor. Oh, no.

Oh, I feel so foolish.
I'm so sorry, Luther.

But when you came
in through that window,

you looked so...

Mean, ugly, vicious.

Yes. But in a lovable way.

Well, when I heard that music
coming up through my floor,

I thought I'd jump down
and grab me a disco queen

before they got away.

Luther, this is my birthday
party. You're welcome to join us.

And this is my family.

Very nice to meet you, Luther.

You wanna give
me my wallet back?

That's all right, Officer.

Everything's under control here.
There's no need for you to be here.

Oh, yes, there is.

Now that's what I call
supporting your local police.

Well, how's the
party going, gang?

Very nice.

Terrific.

Mr. Drummond, that's my pa.

It is?

Oh, no, this isn't
my day. Sorry.

He always kisses my
mama, 'cause kissing's fun.

Get the idea, Arnold?

Yeah, and I'll kiss your mom
any time she wants me to.

It's very nice to
meet you, Mr. Brooks.

You know my boys.

This is my daughter,
Kimberly. Kimberly.

And this our
housekeeper, Mrs. Garrett.

How do you do, Mrs. Garrett?

How do you do, sir?

What was that you
were saying before?

About everything
being under control now.

What wasn't under control?

Nothing actually. It was
a little misunderstanding.

It was my fault.

There was a little confusion
when I set my gadget off.

This thing.

Oh, yeah, mug-away.

Honey, is that the
thing you got for me?

No, that's mug-away.
I got you mug-off.

Mrs. Brooks, you mean
you carry one, too?

Of course.

Doesn't everybody?

Hey, listen, this is supposed
to be my birthday party,

not an anti-mugging convention.

Come on, put some
music on, Vernon.

Yeah, let's get down.

Let's get with it,
brothers and sisters.

Come on, Arnold.
Honey, this is our dance.

No, it isn't!

Well, Mrs. Garrett,
what do you say?

Shall we get it going?

Luther, I think I
can get it going,

but I don't know how
long I can keep it running.

Arnie-poo, let's go in the
kitchen and play house.

We can pretend like
we just got married.

I got a better idea.

Let's pretend like
we just got divorced.

I don't blame you for being
frightened, Mr. Drummond.

The first time I saw Luther
come in through the window,

I grabbed a hammer.

I jumped to a pretty wild
conclusion. I was wrong.

We have the same concerns
about crime as you do.

We want Harlem to
be a safe place to live.

That's why we're doing
something about it.

What are you doing?

The folks around
here have formed

a neighborhood watch programme.

In other words,
they get involved.

What we all ought to do.

You already did. You
came here tonight.

What do you say, Arnold?

No, I already
danced with you once.

Then I'm not asking you
any more, I'm telling you.

This is my house
and I wanna dance.

Now, come on.

What are you gonna
do with a bossy woman?

Come on, Arnold, get it on.

Get up, Arnold.

Good, Arnold.