Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 17 - Mrs. Garrett's Crisis - full transcript

Mrs. Garrett feels that her life goals have not been fulfilled and she wants to leave her job.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got



♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪

Look out, Willis. Here we come.

Who's we? Me and my stomach.

I'm so hungry I
could eat a horse.

Well, with Kimberly cooking breakfast,
that's what it's gonna taste like.

Here you go. I hope
you like bacon and eggs.

Eggs?

They look more
like fried Frisbees.



Hey, this bacon is still alive.

I just heard it go, "Oink."

Fine, the next time you guys
can cook your own breakfast.

We will. We will, if
we live past this one.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Mr. Drummond.

Where's Mrs. Garrett?

She's still in bed.

That's right, she was out celebrating
with some friends last night.

Maybe she came in late.

She must be getting
her beauty sleep.

My head.

My stomach.

Oh, my goodness.

Uh-oh.

Excuse me, kids,

I don't think Mrs.
Garrett's feeling very well.

Why don't you just have
a seat, Mrs. Garrett?

I'll start some coffee.

Thanks, Mr, Mr...

Drummond.

I would've gotten it eventually.

Tell me, are my eyes red?

Only the white part.

Looks like you had
quite an evening.

You heard of the
three-martini lunch?

I had the six-martini dinner.

Six? How did you get home?

I was hoping you
could tell me that.

That doesn't sound like you, Mrs. Garrett.
You're not a drinker. Why did you do that?

I guess I was depressed.

I was with two of my
nearest and dearest friends.

What'd they do, stick
you with the cheque?

No, but they sure stuck me.

You see, Rose and Louise and
I grew up together in Wisconsin.

Now Rose is the head buyer
of a big department store,

and Louise is manager
of a cosmetic company,

and all night long they
were talking about their jobs,

and it all was very exciting,

and all I could talk about

was what detergent made my
blues bluer and my whites whiter.

And for the first
time in my life,

I felt like all I am is
just a housekeeper.

What do you mean "all you
are is just a housekeeper"?

You're the best. Thanks.

Even if you are putting
tea in the coffeepot.

Huh? Oh, dear. I'm so out of it.

I don't even know
which pot to tea in.

Oh, dear.

I mean, I mean, you
know what I mean.

Look, I'll make the coffee.
You go sit with the kids.

I'll bring you
some orange juice.

Thanks, Mr. Drummond.

And, Mr. Drummond,

I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the
kids that I had too much to... last night.

Of course. I understand.

Good morning, children.

Good morning, Mrs. Garrett.
Good morning, Mrs. Garrett.

Boy, you look like
you really tied one on.

What do you mean "tied
one on"? You know...

Now, look, kids, Mrs. Garrett
isn't feeling very well this morning.

It's probably one of those flu
bugs. They're going around.

Forget it. They know.

Oh.

How do you feel, Mrs. Garrett?

I feel like my tongue is
wearing a green sweater.

Oh!

That's for me.

It's just the phone.

To you, it's just the phone,

but to my head it's 7.5
on the Richter scale.

Willis, is that for me about
my slumber party tonight?

No. Well, I think I better start

getting my things
together. Excuse me.

Certainly.

Slumber party?

With a bunch of screaming
girls in their pyjamas,

who's gonna get any sleep?

Arnold, you just don't
understand about girls.

I understand enough
to know that no girl

is gonna come between
me and my electric trains.

Arnold, girls may puzzle
you a little bit right now,

but one day, when
you're grown up,

you'll be completely confused.

Hey, Mr. Drummond, my survival
trip to the mountains is back on.

Terrific, Willis.

What survival trip?

My whole class is going
on a wilderness survival trip.

It's my first one.

But, Willis, you're a city boy.

You have to learn to
walk before you can run.

What do you know about
survival in the wilderness?

He knows plenty about survival.

He's been riding the
subways all his life.

He'll do fine, Mrs. Garrett.

It'll do him good to get out
in the mountains and rough it.

What if he gets lost or
hurt or runs out of food?

He'll do what the pioneers did.

He'll eat a snake.

Eat a snake?

Okay, he'll just
make a belt out of it.

If he's gonna starve, at
least his pants won't fall down.

Don't worry, Mrs. Garrett, Willis is
man enough to take care of himself.

Hey, Mr. Drummond,
can I go on the trip, too?

Since I'm planning on
being a man myself one day.

No way.

You're too young.

Definitely not.

Since the vote is so
close, I'd like a recount.

I gotta pack because they're
picking me up in an hour.

Mr. Drummond, you're not gonna let
Willis go on a survival trip in the rain?

Rain?

The weather bureau
predicted a beautiful weekend.

Yeah, but the weather
bureau doesn't have my elbow.

It's been sending out small
craft warnings all morning.

If I had an elbow like that,

David Brinkley would be saying,

"And now back to you, Arnold."

Well, I say you
shouldn't go, Willis.

And I say he should.
No, he shouldn't!

Yes, he should,
and I'll say it again.

Hold it, Mr. D. It's
Mrs. Garrett's turn.

Willis, finish your breakfast
and then go and pack.

May I see you in the
kitchen, Mrs. Garrett?

Yes, sir.

Now, Mrs. Garrett, I know you had a rough
night last night, and I'm sorry about that,

but I do not like to be
contradicted in front of the children.

Oh, I see. I was
wrong last night.

About what?

Well, when my friends were
talking about their important jobs,

I kept telling myself that I was
more than just a housekeeper,

that I was a
homemaker, but I'm not.

Look, Mrs. Garrett, I only meant don't
contradict me in front of the children.

Of course you're more than
a housekeeper. Don't be silly.

Now I'm a silly housekeeper.

No, no, no, not silly. I meant
you're being overly sensitive.

Now I'm a silly,
over-sensitive housekeeper.

One pocketknife. Check.

One compass. Check.

One portable television set.

Hold it, Willis.

What are you gonna
do? Plug it into a tree?

You're right, I'll leave it.

One sleeping bag. Check.

Willis, how do you sleep in this
thing without getting all wrinkled up?

You unroll it, get in and
zip it up to your neck.

But what if the zipper sticks,
and you have to go to the john?

I'll zip it up to my knees.

Hi, fellas. WILLIS: Hi.

Hey, Arnold, you wanna
do me a favor? Sure.

You wanna sit on this,
so I can get it locked?

Hey, what have you got in there?

Just some makeup and stuff I
need for the slumber party tonight.

You packed 100 pounds
of lipstick for one night?

Arnold, I still can't get it locked.
You just don't weigh enough.

Maybe I weigh more standing up.

No, no, no, I still
can't get it locked.

Hey, can I give you kids a hand?

Mrs. Garrett,

we need something a
little bit bigger than a hand.

Huh?

There, now, that did it.

That's bigger than a hand.

Hey, Willis, how about clearing that
stuff off so I can change the sheets?

Mrs. Garrett, couldn't
you do it later?

Oh.

Now you're giving
me orders, too.

No, I wasn't.

It's just that we're in a
hurry to get going. I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry, too, Willis.
I'm just not feeling well today.

I've had days like that, too,
and there's only one thing to do.

What's that?

Grab a glass of milk and hit
them cookies till the blues go away!

Well, thank you, but I don't
think it would do me any good.

Aw...

Come on, Mrs. Garrett, cheer up.

Hey, I know a way to
cheer Mrs. Garrett up.

Arnold, do your
imitation of a werewolf.

Willis, do you...

Mrs. Garrett,
what is the matter?

We're cheering her up.

I don't think it's working.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Drummond.

I understand. This
just isn't your day.

It isn't my century.

Well, you're just a little uptight
right now. That happens to all of us.

Hey, why don't you
take the day off?

Well, thanks, Mr. Drummond,

but I don't think that's
the answer to my problem.

Take a week off. Two weeks.

Look, take a vacation.

Vacation? Maybe
that's a good idea.

Of course.

A permanent one.

What do you mean?

Mr. Drummond, I've
just decided. I quit.

Mrs. Garrett, I can't believe
you're serious about quitting.

You can't quit, Mrs. Garrett.

You gonna walk right
out on us just like that?

Mrs. Garrett, is this because
we disagreed about Willis?

Oh, no, sir.

Aw... Please stay.

We'll keep our rooms
spotless. I promise.

Me, too.

Could you settle
for two out of three?

Kids, Mr. Drummond, I love you.

I'm not quitting you. I'm
quitting being just a housekeeper.

I have a world of experience to share,
but I have no authority here, no position.

But of course you
do, Mrs. Garrett.

No, you're all
so self-sufficient.

You really don't need me.

And I've reached a point in
my life where I need a change.

I know what you mean.

After one year of third grade, I
was ready to call it quits myself.

I've got to take charge of my life
and prove something to myself.

And I'd better leave right
away before I change my mind.

Don't go, Mrs. Garrett. Please
stay, Mrs. Garrett. Please.

Couldn't you at least
wait until tomorrow?

Yeah.

Kimberly and Willis will be back,
and we can all say goodbye properly.

Please wait, Mrs.
Garrett. Come on.

If you don't wait till tomorrow,

I'll hold my breath
until I turn blue.

Stop, Arnold. I'll
wait until tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

That's good. Thank you, Mrs.
Garrett. Thank you, Mrs. Garrett.

Boy, holding my breath is tough.
I wonder how my goldfish does it.

I wish I could talk you
out of going, Mrs. Garrett,

but obviously you're doing
something that you feel you have to.

So I wish you the
very best of luck.

Thanks, Mr. Drummond.

But I still think Willis
shouldn't go on that trip.

My elbow says it's gonna rain,

and there's a windstorm
coming up in my knees.

Oh...

Telephone!

I heard it.

Hello.

Yes, okay.

Thank you very much.

Willis! The bus is
here to pick you up.

He'll be right down.

Yeah, Willis is coming, Daddy.

Okay.

Here I come.

Here I come.

How are you gonna climb up a mountain
when you can't even walk down the stairs?

Are you kidding?

This backpack is
light as a feather.

If that's what
feathers are like,

I don't see how the
chickens can lug 'em around.

You need a little
help with that, Willis?

No, I'm okay.

Up you come.

Up. There, how's that? Okay?

Well, so long,
Mr. D. So long, Willis.

So long, Kimberly. So long, Arnold.
- Bye.

So long, Mrs. Garrett, and
you wait for me, you promise?

I promise, honey.
Willis, you be careful.

Don't eat any funny-looking
berries. Or anything funny-looking.

Especially if it moves.

Bye. Bye.

Well...

So long. Take your
last look at Willis,

the city boy, who's
never climbed a tree,

and get ready for the return
of Willis of the Wilderness,

better known as
Bigfoot of Harlem.

Check you all later.

Bye. Bye.

Easy. Easy does it.

Have fun, Willis! WILLIS: Okay.

Take care of yourself!

Listen, we'll help you, okay?

Yeah, so you won't
tip over in the elevator.

Okay.

Well, if I do say so
myself, it looks pretty good.

Yep. This is the way
I like to camp out,

in total luxury.

I'm with you.

This is a great idea
of yours, Mrs. Garrett.

Well, I figured Kimberly
wasn't using her tent.

I also know why they
call this a pup tent.

Why's that?

It smells like 10 puppies
once lived in here.

That's mildew. Old tents
always smell like that.

How come you know so much
about camping, Mrs. Garrett?

Well, I was born and raised
on a farm with three brothers.

Camping's my middle name.

I think we're all set here.

We're almost all set.

We don't have no campfire
to sit by and tell ghost stories.

No, but we could sit
around the electric toaster.

Yeah, the toaster,

but it's still not like
a real survival trip.

There's no animals to scare you.

I can take care of that.
Get back in the tent, Arnold,

and shut the door.

What kind of animal is that?

That's a cricket.

Oh. What's his problem?

He makes that noise by
rubbing his hind legs together.

Oh.

What's he rubbing together now?

Arnold, get inside.

Look. There's a
great big wild bear!

Help. Save me!

Another hangover, Mrs. Garrett?

That was just my honey bear.
You should see my grizzly.

I'm really grateful for your staying
with Arnold tonight, Mrs. Garrett.

Thank you. Mr. D,

what do you want to
go to the opera for?

With all those people
screaming and running around

in their long underwear?

No, no, no, Arnold.

They wear their long
underwear in the ballet.

Oh.

Drummond residence.

Mrs. Garrett, how
can you leave us?

You can see, we can't
make it without you.

Well, I...

Mr. Drummond, it's a new housekeeper
from that agency that you had called.

Would you mind calling
back tomorrow, please?

Thank you.

Couldn't wait till I was
out of the house, huh?

Well, I do have a
family to think of.

If you'll excuse me,

the bear is going to her room to
hibernate till she leaves tomorrow.

Is that what they mean
by bad timing, Mr. D?

The worst, Arnold, the worst.

I still don't understand
why Mrs. Garrett is leaving.

Well, you see, Arnold,
she's trying to find herself.

Why doesn't she
just look in the mirror?

No, it's a lot more
complicated than that, Arnold.

You see, it has to do with
what you've done with your life

and what you want
to do with your life,

but you can't always
do because that's life.

What you talkin' about, Mr. D?

Arnold, did you ever hear of a
man named Sigmund Freud?

No. Good. You
just keep it that way.

Okay, your move, Arnold.

Now king me.

But you said you didn't
know how to play checkers.

That was before we bet a nickel.

When there's heavy
money involved, I'm a killer.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, Arnold. Hi.

Kimberly, how was
the slumber party?

It was terrific. We
didn't sleep all night.

Did Willis have a good
time on his overnight?

I don't know yet. He ain't
back. He's two hours late.

Two hours and
forty-three minutes.

Not that that's
anything to worry about.

Okay, let's finish
our game of chess.

Checkers. Whatever.

I'm glad to see you're
home safe, Kimberly.

Thank you.

Mr. Drummond, there's a
terrible storm in the mountains.

Where'd you get that news,
from your elbow or your knee?

No, I got it from Mr. Grossman.

Who's that?

He's the principal of Willis'
school. I just called him. He's frantic.

He hasn't heard from the
boys. He thinks they may be lost.

We gotta do something.

I know, I know. I'm going to
call him back in 20 minutes.

All right, all right, now, look.

We're not going to be governed
by Mr. Grossman's panic.

We'll be governed by my panic.

I need to call the police.

Willis!

There he is! Willis,
where have you been?

Come on, give me a hug.

My goodness, we were
just talking about you!

Come on, sit down. Over here.

It's nice to see you.

Willis, we have been
worried sick about you.

How do you feel?

I'm numb all over.

Did you see any bears and
snakes and mountain lions?

All I saw was one turtle that
looked like it was heading for a motel.

We got lost, we never ate,

and there was a
mudslide. It rained.

But did you have a good time?

Gee, Willis, you look terrible.

Then I look better than I feel.

Poor baby.

He has a fever of 101.5.

How can you tell that
by just feeling his...

Oh, I know.

Your hand has been
listening to your elbow.

Don't you worry, Willis, I'll have
you feeling okay in a minute.

Mrs. Garrett,

me and Willis knew a
lady that was a lot like you.

Oh? Mmm-hmm.

She used to take us to
the park and to the movies,

just like you do. That's nice.

And she was just
a housekeeper, too.

Just a housekeeper?
Who was that, Arnold?

Our mama.

Yeah, you and our
mama are a lot alike.

Gee, Mrs. Garrett, what
will we ever do without you?

She's right, Mrs. Garrett.
We really need you.

You're a part of this family,

and a part that we
always want to hear from.

Well, then you're
gonna hear from me now.

Willis, upstairs and
out of those wet clothes.

Kimberly, help Willis.

Mr. Drummond, I want you to take
that luggage away from the stair,

and, Arnold, you can
answer the phone.

Drummond's residence.

Mr. Drummond, it's that
housekeeper that phoned last night.

Arnold, honey, you just tell
her the position has been filled.

Permanently.

The position has
just been filled.

Permanently.

Funny. I was looking for something
important to do with my life,

and I was doing it all the time.

Mr. Drummond, can we play camping
out in the middle of the living room again?

Oh, sure, Arnold,
I'll even join you.

Only this time,
I'll be the bear.

Oh.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪