Diary of a Future President (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Foreign Relations - full transcript

[Elena]
Diary, even though my mom missed my dad...

Never thought that I'd be back here
dating someone new again.

...she and Sam had hit
a sort of milestone.

I'm saying I love you.

Well, I'm saying I love you too.

Bobby's friendship with Liam
was becoming pretty emotional.

At least for Bobby.

- Do you wanna talk about it?
- I'm good for now.

Well, if you ever wanna, I'm here.

And in this jungle of middle school,
two things were for sure.

I had Sasha...



The mall is having a poetry contest.

You should enter.

Maybe I will enter.

...and of course, my crush,
Joey Feldstein.

Your love has been fated since,
like, kindergarten. [squeals]

[students chattering]

Guys, the big middle school dance
is in just a couple days.

Who's everyone taking? Don't tell me.

But if you want to, tell me.

[Elena]
Joey Feldstein. An Adonis among us.

- I've loved him since forever.
- Shh.

Hey, which two make purple?

Red and blue.

Sasha, I love him.



Maybe one day, he'll ask me to a dance.

And our relationship has only
grown stronger over time.

Hey, who was the third president?

Thomas Jefferson.
Did you know he went to college at 16?

[sighs]

Sasha, Jessie, I still love him.

Maybe in two years
he'll ask me to the middle school dance.

Diary, two weeks ago,
I thought our time had finally come.

Hey, I have a question for you.

This was it.
He was gonna ask me to the dance.

Of course, Joey. Anything.

"A farmer has twelve bushels of wheat.

A neighboring farmer has ten bushels
but borrows 66% of his neighbor's wheat.

How many bushels does
the first farmer have now?"

Four bushels of wheat.

Cool, thanks.

There's still time.

[groans]

It feels like just yesterday
there were 274 days till the dance.

But yeah, totally. Still time.

[school bell rings]

Yo, you taking anyone to the dance?

Nah, it would be cool to take,
like, an eighth grade girl.

Dude, that's the dream.

Sorry, girl.

You wanna take my good eraser?
You can have it for the day.

Thank you. That helps.

[sighs]

♪ I'm here for it ♪

♪ Facing fears and chasing dreams ♪

♪ Just winging it ♪

♪ And I'm staying true to me ♪

♪ Hello world
I wonder who I'll be ♪

♪ No matter what I do ♪

♪ It's all about my journey ♪

♪ Lo puedo lograr ♪

[alarm buzzes]

[hums]

[line ringing]

- Camila, guess what?
- You're finally getting highlights?

No. Wait, what? No. Do I need highlights?

No, Cami, for the past three years,

every day my first waking thought
has been,

"I miss my dead husband."

And today,
I kept thinking how happy I am with Sam.

You're into your boyfriend.
That makes sense.

You guys are, like, hetero goals.

Aw, thank you.

[inhales]

And you know what?

I think I'm finally ready to give away
the last of Robert's stuff.

I've kept all the things with meaning.

His old journals, Elena has his books,
Bobby has his racket.

It's time to get rid
of that final box of junk.

Gab, that is amazing.
But if I'm being honest, finally.

[sighs]

Where does it all go?

Hopefully my backhand.

I need to fuel up
for the Jupiter Series Cup.

Bobby's going to Jupiter today

to represent Orange Bay Middle
in a tennis tournament.

Don't forget Camila's picking you up.

Yeah. Only two players were chosen to go,

- and it's me and Liam.
- [Sam] Mm.

Pretty big deal. We get to miss school.

Jupiter, cool. Hope you don't space out.

No, I can do better. Wait...

Elena, I resewed that button on your dress
for the dance this weekend.

Your serves are gonna be outta this world.

Hold on. No.

Well, Mami, you can take
all the buttons back off.

Doesn't even matter since
Joey Feldstein's never gonna ask me.

God, you're still into that guy?

[scoffs] It's been my destiny
since kindergarten.

I always imagined we'd go to
our first dance together and slow dance,

maybe fast dance and perhaps
even share a beverage.

[chuckles] Oh, this is too lame.

Or, you know, Mija,
you could ask Joey to the dance yourself.

Doesn't matter. Joey has a type.

And I'm not that type
unless I stop time for two years,

grow, and then start time again.

He likes eighth grade girls.

Hey, just saying, your mom said
she'd never date someone

who lived off the turnpike,
and here we are.

Either way, you're gonna have fun
at the dance, with or without a boy.

I hope Bobby brings his tennis rocket.

Hey, Bobby. I got there.

[sighs]

Here you go.

Elena...

remember when I entered
the mall poetry contest?

Of course.

It took you hours to find something
that rhymes with "escalator."

- See ya later.
- See ya later.

Well, I'm a finalist.

Oh, my goddess.

If you win, don't you get, like,
a billion dollars in Glades Gold?

Well, 50, but the check is really big.

So, today after school,
me and the other finalists

will read our poems
in front of the store managers.

And I got you VIP seating. [squeals]

Today? Amazing. I can't wait.

I'm pretty nervous, though.

I'm not good at talking
in front of people like you are.

Oh, I'll help you practice.

By the time you recite your poem
at the mall,

you'll be a regular Maya Angelou.

Or a Mall-a Angelou.

Oh, God, I'm becoming Sam.

Well, thanks, Elena.

[boy] Joey, nice one.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm just, kinda over
all this hype about the dance.

So, what's everyone's look
for the dance tomorrow?

I got this strappy dress
from Zoey & Till,

and I'm throwing a cardigan over it.

But when I get to the dance,
I'm taking the cardigan off.

There you go.

Of course, today would be the day
you bust your racket.

- Yeah.
- Come on. The tournament's starting.

Just grab one and let's go.

I think I can still use mine, right?

Dude, come on. Not the time.

What? Did you see those kids
from Eagle Trace?

Kinda crazy. They both have full beards.

- But we'll crush them in doubles.
- Oh, yeah.

Ooh, here.

- Yeah, works for me.
- All right.

Come on. It's about to start.

What? No, no, no.

Maybe it's stuck.

Why does this keep happening to us?

Come on! No service.

I did not train for months
to get locked in a stupid storage room

during the Jupiter Series Cup.

Do you know how many carbs I ate?

[distant cheering]

[sighs]

It sounds like everyone's
already on the court.

No one can hear us.

Sorry, man.

No, no. We're not giving up.
We're getting outta here.

Hello!

Hello!

Okay, everybody.

Today we're talking about
the evolution of humans,

or as I like to call us,
"destroyers of the earth."

Now, the concept of evolution
was brought to us by Charles Darwin.

Maybe you've heard of Darwinism?

He wrote a book called
On the Origin of Species.

And also, we happen
to share the same birthday.

Write it down.

Of course, Joey wanted to go
to the dance with an eighth grade girl.

They had everything.
The eighth grade tables.

Quotes under their yearbook photos.

They were the picture of maturity.

Evolution occurs because of
a process called natural selection.

All right, animals acquire certain
characteristics of their competition

in order to secure their place
in a deteriorating ecosystem.

Hmm. Acquire the characteristics
of my competition.

[Ms. Gregory] ...plastic water bottles
and just throw them in the trash.

Just... just threw them in the trash.

Or the recycle bin.

'Sup.

[pencil sharpener grinding]

Did you hear that?

That was the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.

Maybe Darwin was onto something.

When I acquired
the walk of my competition,

it yielded a "Sup" from Joey.

Diary, I had some evolving to do.

[bell rings]

So, you're just going to magically
become an eighth grade girl

before the end of the day,

and that's what makes Joey
ask you to the dance?

- Not magic. Science.
- Oh.

I'm adapting to my environment.
I will be a natural selection.

Okay, well, good luck.

Oh, do you wanna meet
in the bathroom during lunch

to help me with my poem?

Maybe the acoustics will help me
with my confidence.

Totally. I'll meet you there.

I just have to do
a little field research first.

Okay. Oh, hallway B.

Hey there, buddy.

Oh, thank you for your donation.

Oh, Miss, do you want this back?

Can't really do anything with it.

- Oh. Must've missed it. Thank you.
- Mm.

Hello!

Yeah, they're probably moving
on to round three by now.

Man, this is so stupid.

We're supposed to be
moving on to round three.

- Hey, look, man, I get it.
- Really?

Because while you're housing protein bars,
I'm the only one yelling.

Hey, I've only had four.

And if they haven't heard us by now,
they're not gonna hear us till it's over.

I don't know why you're so chill.

I mean, clearly you don't care
about the tournament.

What? I mean, come on. It's just a game.

[scoffs]

Hey, think I can knock that bottle over?

[scoffs] I don't know. Maybe.

No, come on. Yes or no?

I mean, if you hit it at an angle
you might have a shot.

Okay. Five points if I get it.

Yes! Okay, I'm gonna reset. Your turn.

[chuckles] Unless, you can't hit it.

[scoffs]

Okay.

- [bell rings]
- [chattering]

I love the mall and this is why

Without the mall, I would surely die

Elena, where are you?

In order for my evolution
to yield the results I had hoped for,

I had to observe the eighth grade girls
in the wild.

And, thanks to an agreement
with Flip and the Audubon Society,

I had the perfect tools to do it.

[mimicking bird call]

Cool it, Flip.
You'll scare off the eighth grade girls.

The subjects swing the lanyards
with high intensity.

This behavior appears to be a symptom
of severe boredom.

The subjects seem to have a uniform:

shoes to add height,
shirts revealing epidermis,

and a glittery sheen.

The exterior of the subject
is clearly not dictated by practicality.

I felt, like, so kiwi
about that pre-algebra quiz.

I'm sure you totally kiwi-ed it.

Aw, kiwi.

Give 'em back.
I just saw a yellow-billed cuckoo.

It was clear that I had much to learn
if I wanted to be kiwi,

or if I wanted to kiwi.

Still investigating the proper usage
of this word.

Has anyone seen my lanyard?

No, kiwi.

Maybe check the lost and found.

Ugh, everyone's gross stuff is in there.

The lost and found.

Thanks, Flip. By the way,
there's a bufflehead flying north.

This time of year?

Without the mall, I'd surely die

A slow and painful dea...

- Oh... hi.
- Hi.

Are you talking to yourself?

- No.
- Then what are you doing?

You'll probably think this is stupid,

but I'm a finalist
in the mall poetry contest.

That's not stupid. I love the mall.

Melissa and I go almost every day.

Or used to, before she, like,
became one of the Brits.

She's not even British or named Brittany.

I heard they let her in because
her middle name was almost Britta

before her mom decided on Joanne.

How is that a qualification?

But whatever. I don't care.

Oh, my God. Is that Strawnana?

Yeah. Didn't you used to eat
tubes of this in third grade?

It's basically a Popsicle. [laughs]

Here. You can borrow it
for your mall thing.

To wear.

Thanks, Jessie. Oh, I know... I mean...

No problem.

[cell phone rings]

[sighs]

Hey, Sam.

Where'd you go?
Joey got tamales for everyone.

You gotta get here before
it's just the vegan ones left.

I, um... I had a quick errand to run,
but I'm on my way back to the office now.

You know what?
I'm gonna save you a tamale.

I don't care what Craig says.
I'm taking four.

Gabi, you there?

Can I call you right back?

- Sure. Love you.
- Yeah, I love you too.

[panting] Uh... all the stuff
that I just gave you, I need it all back.

Sorry. It's already been dumped.

Well, the only way to get anything back
would be if you...

...did that.

Normally, I avoid the lost and found
like the plague

growing in it from Dino Stananopolis's
six-week-old gym sock.

But not today.

Today, I dove right in

and found a treasure trove
of evolutionary advantages.

Diary, the school day was over,
and my transformation was complete.

I had become a girl
who looks like she's in eighth grade.

And once Joey saw me,
he would definitely ask me to the dance.

Diary, it was time.

- Strawberry? Yeah? Thanks.
- Thanks.

[screams]

[groans]

- Are you okay?
- Totally kiwi.

That's not how you use that word.

Is that my lanyard?

[chuckles]

[female announcer] And now, our third
and final contestant, Sasha Castillo.

[applauding]

Um... hi.

Um... uh... I'm Sasha and...

and this is a poem entitled,
Mall, My Life.

I love the mall and this is why

[coughs]

Without the mall, I'd surely die

A slow and painful death for sure

Without the mall, my life's a blur

I feel so alive on the escalator

As I go up, I say,
"First floor, see you later"

[crowd laughs]

Thanks. I'm Elena.

I know. You tried to pour OJ
on Frank Galanari. I'm Stacy.

Eighth grader Stacy Marie Jones. I know.

[sighs]

So, why'd you take my lanyard?

Well... I like this guy.

Like, really like this guy.

And he really likes eighth grade girls,

so I thought that if I looked and acted
like an eighth grade girl,

he'd ask me to the dance.

It was rooted in science.

[chuckles] I get it.

- I was like you once.
- You were?

I wanted to dress just like
an eighth grade girl.

And then you became one.

No. I realized that the eighth grade boys
like the ninth grade girls,

so I started dressing up
like a ninth grade girl.

- We all do it.
- Oh.

Yeah, um, and if the body glitter
gives you a rash,

you just add more to cover it up.

[Elena] Diary, this seems
more like entropy than evolution.

If sixth graders
are trying to be eighth graders

who are trying to be ninth graders,
when would it end?

If everyone wants to become
a different species,

I might as well just be myself.

[sighs] Thanks for the ice.

I think I'm just gonna ask
Joey to the dance,

as a sixth grader.

Oh, God.

[exhales]

♪ Oh, say can you see ♪

♪ By the dawns early light ♪

Hey, that's game. Five points.

What, no. You didn't do the ninja roll.

That was only a round seven rule.
This was round eight.

Fine, fine. You won, dude.
Here's the trophy you came here to win.

It's the best I could do.

[chuckles]

Thanks, man.

Hey, look,
I know it's not the real thing, but...

No, no, I...

I thought today would suck,
but it was surprisingly pretty chill.

Right? Yeah,
Bottleball can pass the time for hours.

My brothers and I came up with it.
[chuckles]

Huh. I... I didn't know you had brothers.

Yeah. Uh, they're older and kinda...

a lot to handle,

so my parents sent me down here
to live with my grandma.

Oh. Man, I'm sorry that...

Yeah, um...

I actually didn't even want to come
to Miami when I first moved here.

What do you think about it now?

[chuckles] It's surprisingly chill.

That's good
'cause it's chill having you here.

[chuckles]

[sighs] There you are.
I've been looking all over for you.

Yeah, we... we got stuck in here
and missed the tournament.

Really? That's a bummer.

- Yeah.
- Eagle Trace won, by the way.

- Oh.
- Did you know those kids have full beards?

[laughs]

This was it. I was going in.

Just me, sixth grader Elena
putting it all on the line.

"Feast or famine,"
as Darwin would probably say.

Hi, Joey.
May I please buy one mechanical pencil?

Sure. You want a point five lead
or a point seven?

Point five. You know Mrs. Wexler.

Yeah. She's a real hard-ass about pencils.

Well, uniformity's practical.

Uh...

I also had a question.

[clears throat]

I was just wondering,
if you weren't taking anyone to the dance,

maybe we could go together.

Oh. Ryan's dad is driving a group of guys,
but I'll see you there?

Oh. Okay. Cool. See you there.

Well... bye, Joey.

He'll see me there. He'll see me there.

Did you want your point five?

[game show host on TV]
It's time for another round of Answerama.

So, you missed
the entire Jupiter tournament?

That is extra terr-errible.

[Gabi sighs]

[female contestant on TV]
...the nineteens?

- Okay, that was not great. I admit it.
- [chuckles]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Bobby.
I know you were excited.

Eh.

Today actually wasn't too bad.

- [chimes on TV]
- [host] Moving on to...

Which poet knows why the caged bird sings?

Maya Angelou.

- [bell dings on TV]
- [contestant] Maya Angelou.

Oh, my God. Sasha!

What was that about?

Who knows? It's something new every day.

Well, I am glad to be here
for all the things.

Yeah.

[phone rings]

[Sasha] Hey. What's up?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Tricked ya. Sasha's not here right now.

- Leave a message.
- [beeps]

Hey. Sash.

I am so sorry I forgot
to come to your poetry reading,

and that I forgot to help you
practice today.

[applause, cheering]

I just got so wrapped up
in trying to be something I'm not.

My plan didn't go exactly how I expected,
but I learned something new about myself.

I can't wait to tell you
all about everything.

We can talk about it
when you come over tomorrow

to get ready for the dance.

It's gonna be so kiwi.

- Or will we be kiwi-ing?
- [giggles]

Still trying to figure this word out.

Anyway, love you Sasha.