Diagnosis Murder (1993–2001): Season 2, Episode 8 - full transcript


What's the matter?

Dr. Bentley, do you
know what day Friday is?


Secretary's Day, right?

Yes. Okay!

Hi, Amanda! Hi, Mark.

I am going on the rounds.


At least someone remembers.

Hey, Mark!

How do I look?

You look...

ready for a vacation.

I am so ready, it's ridiculous.

We add a little
sun, a little surf...

Yeah. If I'm lucky,

a little Sandy,
a little Sally...

(laughs) Hawaii.

Boy, I envy you. Mark!


Just the people I wanted to see.

Listen, I need your help.

A personal problem.

A tad sensitive.

Norman, I'm a tad late.

Aloha! You're contemporary,

rumored to have
a way with women.

Stay, Jack.

I might need your counseling.

Before I tell you, I need to
be assured you'll keep this

in the strictest of confidence.

Are we agreed?

Well, of course,
Norman. What is it? Yeah.

It's true. It's true.

It's love.

It's love that makes
the world go 'round.

Her name is Kathleen.

Hey! Congratulations, Norman!

That's terrific, Norman!

Thank you. You kinda get

that gut instinct right here

when it's the right
one, don't you?

Well, actually, it
was my mother's gut.

Kathleen is the first girl
she's ever approved of.


In your whole lifetime?

Well, more like
five or six lifetimes.

Minni Briggs is
one tough cookie.

What's the, what's the problem?

Here's where it gets
a little embarrassing.

Kathleen is overly concerned

about her biological
clock, you see.

That said, she doesn't
want to get too involved

with a man unless
she's certain he could...

you know, put a bun in the
oven, hit a homerun, as it were.


You, you want to be
tested, is that it, Norman?

It's just a formality, really.

Kathleen Mary
absolutely adores me.

Actually, men have less
sperm than 30 years ago.

electromagnetic radiation,

pollution, pesticides,

male infertility's
on the rise, big time.

Not to worry.

I always take great
pains to protect myself

from environmental hazards.

I'll call you later
for a referral.

Okay, Norman. Good luck.

That guy's unbelievable.

He's happy.

WOMAN (over P.A. system):
Resident on call to E.R.

Gunshot victim. Upper chest.

B.P. 90 over 40 and dropping.

JACK: Get me a syringe
of epinephrine right away.

And type his blood.

Get me six units, stat!

You got a name?

Charlie Hawkins.

How are you doing
there, Charlie?

Who shot you, pal?


(flatlining tone)

Give me the defib.


What'd he say, Mark?

He said, "Tell
Georgia, Jerry Mathers."

Jerry Mathers? The Beaver?

Yeah. Clear!

(heart monitor beeping)

(heart monitor flatlining)

(theme song playing)


The guy lost a lot of blood.

Nothing you could do.

It's weird though, Mark.


I can't get over the fact

that this guy's last
thoughts on earth

were about Leave it to Beaver.

I mean, I can understand, uh...

uh... Star Trek or Get Smart.

But Leave it to Beaver?

It just blows my mind.


Jack. Hi.

How's Charlie?

Are you his wife?

No, no, no, I'm
just his secretary.

(softly): There is a god.

Excuse me?

I-I said, um...

I'm afraid he's with God.

Charlie's dead?

Was he a friend of yours, son?


More like a business associate.

He's, uh...

was a private investigator.

And a damn good one, too.

Well, you must be Georgia.

I'm, I'm very sorry.

He was right.


how did you know that?

Charlie's last
words were for you.

Oh, what a sweet man!

What did he say? He said,

"Tell Georgia, Jerry Mathers."

Je-Jerry Mathers?

The Beav?

He might have been
trying to leave you a clue.


Well, I'm not a detective.

I'm a secretary, and
besides, I don't know...

I don't know what
that could mean.

Don't worry, Georgia.

I'll find out who did this.

I promise. Yeah,
don't you worry.

We won't let you down.

We? Least I can do to help.

Well, you're not a detective?

I mean, you're a doctor, right?

No, actually, I'm a
doctor and a detective.

Oh. I never heard of that.

STEVE: Neither have I.

Jack, don't you have some rounds

to go on or something?

Well, actually Steve, I
got a couple of days off.

I'm all yours.



I'd just made some coffee
and was bringing him a cup

when I found him.

He was lying right
here on the floor.

Poor Charlie.

Thank you.

Forensics is on the way.

Now that's strange.


Charlie's dictaphone.

Well, he always put
it in his outbox for me

so I could transcribe
his case notes

from the prior night.


What's the most recent
case Charlie was on?


that would be the
Harry Litvak case.

Come on!

Harry Litvak?

Hey, isn't that the
ice cream guy?


"Harry and Walter's
Famous Ice Cream."

Every time Harry'd come
over, he'd bring half a gallon.

I hate him.

I'll print up what
I've got so far.

Although I know there's nothing

on anyone named Jerry
Mathers related to this case.

It's driving me nuts!

I can't figure out what
Charlie was trying to tell me.

Well, maybe it was just
the babbling of a dying man.

Thank you, Doctor.

You're welcome,
Detective. (beeping)

Oh, here we go.

Well, according to this, someone
made an attempt on Harry's life.

I gather he hired Charlie

to find out who it was.

Well, I know Charlie was
hot on a suspect's trail.

But without his
dictaphone, that's all I know.

Well, maybe Harry
Litvak knows more.

Yeah, makes sense.

I mean, Charlie probably
kept him up to speed, right?

Great! Let's go.


Georgia, I don't think
it's such a good idea

that you go along. Why not?

Well, for one thing,

it might be dangerous
and for another,

the department frowns
on private citizens

getting involved in
homicide investigations.

Well, I can take care of myself.

Besides, I owe it to Charlie.


Come on, Steve.

She owes it to Charlie.

And you know what? I'll drive.

You only have a two seater.

Oh, damn it. That's right.

But... we'll see you there.

I'm sorry, there's
nothing I can do.

(pager beeping)

What's Mark doing paging me?

Must be an emergency, huh, Jack?

Hey, listen, can I borrow
your cellular for a second?

Oh, I'm sorry,
my battery's dead.

We'd better go on ahead.

But... See you!

Oh, man, I'm on vacation!

U-Uh, hey, Delores.

This is Jack. I'm
returning Mark's call.

What do you mean,
he's not there?

(laughing): Oh.

No, D, uh, you know what?

I, I got the wrong Sloan.

All right.

I'll talk to you later.


All right.


You know, Mark,
I just can't seem

to put my finger on this.

There's a very strange odor
coming from Charlie's body.

What kind of an odor?

Well, it smelled like cyanide!

Like the bitter almonds.

Yeah, I know it sounds weird,

but maybe you want to
take a look at the body

and take whiff.
Yes, I'd like to.



Are you all right?

I think so.

Who the hell was
that? I don't know.

Maybe it was Jerry Mathers.

Jerry Mathers?

You mean the Beav?


America's love affair
with our ice cream

is unending.

And we've had
another great month.

And as you know,
a part of every dollar

Harry and Walter's
earns goes to charity.

This month, Walter
and I have chosen

to donate to...

the Rainforest
Protection Committee.

That's right, Harry.

Preserving our natural resources

is important to all of us.

That's why Harry and I are proud

to help out in any way we can.


These two are almost
too good to be true.

Funny you should say that...

Mr. Litvak will
be right with you.

Thank you. Thank you.

The hell with the
Rainforest, Harry.

We're wasting our
money on a bunch of trees.

It's good PR, Walter.

Besides that's how Dad did it.

Yeah, all the more
reason not to do it.

Uh, excuse me...

Uh, Harry Litvak?

Who are you? Never
mind, you're fired.

And another thing,

I want to build up
our nonfat yogurt line,

Okay, Walter?

No way! We're going back

to butterfat to keep the flavor.

That's going against the
whole health-conscious trends

of the day, Walter!

No problem!

Just lower the
cream by one percent

and advertise it
as "Reduced Fat."

STEVE: Lieutenant Sloan.


You mind telling me who
the, uh, good Samaritans were

that were pretending to
be you guys in the lobby?

They're models hired by
our dearly departed father

to be us.

They're in our ads,
they're on the logo,

they're in public,
they're everywhere.

He named the company after you.

Why didn't he just use you?

Oh, well, Daddy Dearest

didn't think we were likable

and charming enough,
so he found Sly and Tyler

and plastered their mugs
all over the damn company.

HARRY: "The sons he
never had," he used to joke.

(laughing): Funny guy.

Don't I know you?

I hope so; I gained five pounds

because of you.

I'm Charlie Hawkins' secretary.

Charlie Hawkins.

Hmm, never heard of him.

(door opens) Uh,

excuse me, Mr. Litvak.

I'm going to go on my break now.

If you must.


Excuse me, I've got
to powder my nose.


And, uh, I need to
talk to Harry alone

for a minute, please.

No problem.



Excuse me.

I'm a very busy man.

Could you get to the point?

You own a .45 automatic?


Charlie Hawkins
was killed with one.


You can't possibly
think I did it.

I hired him to figure
out who tried to kill me.

And did he?

Well, he said he had
a pretty good idea.

You know, he didn't
give me any names,

although, uh, I think
I know who did it.

My brother Walter.


And I'm telling you, these
cops, they're all alike.

I mean, grab, grab, grab.

One more pinch
and I'll file suit.


You guys are so lucky working

for two gentlemen
like Harry and Walter.

(laughing): Oh, please.

I could tell you stories.

Oh, I wouldn't believe
a word... about them.


Well, how does this grab you?

When old man Litvak died

six months ago, Harry
and Walter each inherited

45% of the company,

and their stepmother Samantha...

She's 30-something

and the old man is 80-something.

Get it? Ugh, like, gross.

Yeah. So Samantha
inherited the other ten percent

of the company.

So, Harry's been wooing her

like a minute-and-a-half
after the funeral.

And they have been
doing the dirty deed

ever since.

Well, maybe they're in love.

(laughing): Oh, please.

With Harry's 45% plus
Samantha's ten percent,

that makes Harry
majority shareholder. Ah...

And if Walter ever found
out, he would kill Harry.



And I always thought ice cream
was such a bland business.


Well, at least we know now

that Walter had a
motive to kill Harry.

And if Charlie found
a way to prove it,

Walter had a
motive to kill him, too.

Yeah. The question is:
What proof did Charlie have?

And what does Jerry
Mathers have to do with it?

Maybe this key will help you.

Well, well, the doctor's in.

Actually, he, uh, he never left.

Well, I thought you
had an emergency.

Well, you know, it's funny.

That, that turned
out to be a hoax.

(gasping): You must
have been furious.


Probably some
pimply-faced little punk,

you know, just
trying to be cute.

Ugh, kids.

Yeah, well...
Where'd you get that?

Uh... well, you know,

I had a little bit of free time
on my hands and I, uh...

came back up and I, I
checked Charlie's office

and I found this taped
underneath his desk drawer.

I guess the police
probably overlooked it

in their initial search, so...

A safe deposit box key.

Well, Charlie never
told me about this.

STEVE: Well, maybe
he hid the evidence in it.

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

I just wish I knew which bank.

GEORGIA: What's the name
stamped on the back of the key?

Reliance Safe Company.

It figures; they
do most of them.

I'll call Ida

and she can tell us

which bank it goes to.

She's good.

Very good.

Yeah, I'll hold.

It's no big deal.

I used to do this for
Charlie all the time.

Well, shall we get started?

We'll let you know what we find.

W-Wait, whoa, Steve.

I found the key, remember?

Yes, but I have the badge,

which might help
us get into that box

since we don't have a little
thing called a court order.

Hey, you know, maybe Jack can
find out what Samantha knows.

Who's Samantha?

Harry and Walter's stepmother

and ten-percent
owner of the company.

Also our only lead

if this safe deposit box
turns out to be a dead end.

Well... excuse us

just for a moment, please? Sure.

Thank you very much.

Steve, could I speak
with you for a sec?

Hi, Ida? This is Georgia.

Look, Steve, you want
to talk about dead ends?

Let's talk about your
shot with Georgia, okay?

My interest in her is
purely professional.

Yeah, right.

All right, so I like
her. What's it to you?

I like her, too.

Well, may the best man win.


Briggs. Norman Briggs.

Oh, thank you.

Here you are.

It's, uh, down the
hall and to the right.

Do you need a magazine?

Do you have Newsweek?

Uh, whatever
turns you on, honey.

Oh, oh, no, no,
I'm fine, just fine.

I-I don't need a magazine,
not even Newsweek.


(stops laughing abruptly)

Amigo, I appreciate you
keeping this under your hat.

I know if this got out,

it would totally undermine
my authority at this hospital.

No, don't worry about it.

Nobody has any
idea we're in here.

Mark, I thought
I'd find you here.

I have the preliminary
autopsy report

on Charlie Hawkins.

Dr. Sloan, you are
absolutely correct

about these specimen cups.

I am going to go

and call the distributor

and get to the bottom of this.

This is inexcusable.

Dr. Bentley.

Mr. Briggs.

How did you know I was here?

Mark, the whole hospital
knows about Norman.

There's a pool
on the test results.

You want in?

No, I don't want in.

Will you kindly tell
everybody who knows

not to let Norman
know that they know?

Well, I will try.

Anyway, about Charlie
Hawkins' autopsy, now...

I think I figured out
what that odd smell was,

and if I'm right,

there's more to this murder
than what meets the eye.

Okay, have a look at it.


It's down the hall
and to the right.

Oh, I've changed my mind.


(doorbell plays "Pop
Goes The Weasel")

Man, talk about
commitment to a theme.



You Samantha Litvak?

Yes. I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm Dr. Jack Steel.

Where would you like it?

I beg your pardon?

Your bi-annual checkup

for the company
insurance policy.

Didn't anybody call you
and tell you about this?

Apparently not.

Oh, damn it.

That means I'm going
to have to reschedule.

Uh, not necessarily.

Exactly what does
this examination entail?

Well, I promise not
to poke you any place

you don't want to be poked.

Do you live here
all by yourself?

All by myself.

My late husband left it to me.

How do Harry and
Walter feel about that?

Those twerps.

If you ask me,

they should never have
inherited the company.

Obviously, you don't
think much of them.

(laughing): They're spoiled
children who don't know the first thing

about running that company.

Hmm, nice hands, Doctor.

Nice glands.

Why don't I slip into something

a little more... accessible?

Walter, you sly dog, you.

Well, well, well.

Don't get carried away.

He's cute, but not that cute.

What are you doing in here?

Trying to save your
pretty little behind.

I don't trust that
so-called doctor.

He's not your concern.

He is if he finds out about us.

(car door closes)

(car engine starts)

STEVE: If this doesn't work out,

I could be in a lot of trouble.

The Department frowns
on cops committing forgery.

Don't worry about it.

I can sign Charlie's
name better than he did.

Trick of the secretarial trade.

The signature doesn't match.

Matter of fact,
it's not even close.


Uh, I don't understand.

Well, just wait right there.

I'm sure the police will
be able to explain it to you.

We are the police.

(clears throat)

Show him your badge, Lieutenant.

We have reason to believe
that someone in the bank

is aiding and abetting a
notorious check forger,

Charlie Hawkins, in
his criminal activities.

Well, it wasn't me.


we know that now.

We'd just like to, uh,
see what's in the box,



Seems like you, uh,
picked up a few tricks

of the P.I. trade
along the way, too.



I don't get it. What
does this mean?

Looks like Charlie
was blackmailing

Harry and Walter.

No, I don't believe that.

I know Charlie.
He never would've

been able to do
something like that.

Well, maybe you
didn't know him as well

as you thought you did.

(pager beeping, horn honking)

It's my dad. JACK: Hey.

I was hoping I'd find you here.

Nice try, Jack. Turnabout's

fair play, huh? Excuse me?

Come off it. You
just paged me, right?

Trying to get even with
me for doing it to you.

Oh! Was that you
who did that, Steve?

(Jack and Georgia chuckle)

(pagers beeping)

My dad really is paging me.

Yeah, me, too. Oh,
listen, you guys go ahead.

I have something I
want to do anyway.

Here, take my car. I'll
meet you at Charlie's office.


MARK: I'm glad you went through

with the test, Norman.

Any idea when I'll be
getting the results back?

You should know tomorrow.

What's the emergency?

Yeah, we came
as fast as we could.

Oh, good. Uh,
Delores? Did you, uh...

Send for Amanda?

Way ahead of you, Chief.

She's on her way. You know what?

They ought to name a day
after me, don't you think?

STEVE: Hey, Norman.

How's every little thing?

What's that supposed to mean?

Uh, nothing Norman.
It's just a figure of speech.

You know, like, how're you
doing? You know, where you been?

What's your sign? (chuckles)

Mr. Briggs. Very smooth.

Gentlemen. I have
the autopsy report

on Charlie Hawkins.

And I can safely say
that we've narrowed down

the cause of death
to two possibilities.

What do you mean,
"two possibilities"?

The guy was shot. Yes.

But the bullet may
not be what killed him.

What are you talking
about? Charlie was

poisoned, Jack.
Wait a minute, he was

shot and poisoned?
We're not sure

which one actually killed
him. It could be a tie.

I'll tell you what.

Whoever poisoned Charlie
wasn't fooling around.

Why do you say that?

Well, the autopsy report
shows the murderer

used potassium cyanide.

It's about as lethal as it gets.

It doesn't take a
big dosage either.

Easy to mix in
drinks, hide in food.

You know, it seems to
me that you are now looking

for two suspects.

Yeah, there's no way Walter

would have shot
and poisoned Charlie.

JACK: Yeah, but that
doesn't let him off the hook.

Walter still could
have shot Charlie,

not knowing that somebody
else poisoned him.


And that somebody
else could be Harry.

It seems that Charlie was
blackmailing both brothers,

so that gives
them both a motive.

Well, wasn't it Harry
who first hired Charlie?

Yeah, maybe Harry
didn't expect Charlie

to find out he was having
an affair with Samantha.

You... no, you mean Walter
was an affair with Samantha.

No, I mean Harry.

Well, Samantha
was double dipping,

'cause I found out
that she was definitely

having an affair
with Walter, too.

Active girl.

STEVE: And we
still don't know how

Jerry Mathers
fits into all this.

You know, Amanda
and I caught somebody

going through
Charlie's belongings.

A scary-looking guy.

He actually knocked me over.

MARK: Probably
looking for evidence.

Which means the next
place he might try is...

Charlie's office. Georgia!

(door opens) Don't worry, Mark.

They'll be fine. (door closes)

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Doesn't it seem a little more

than coincidental that
both Harry and Walter,

totally independent
of one another,

would choose at almost
the exact same moment

to kill Charlie Hawkins?

Any ideas?

Follow the poison trail.

Murder weapon always
leads to the murderer.

What are we looking for?


(mouths words)


Oh, my God!

(muffled scream)

Make a noise and you're dead.



Smart broad.




(crashing, glass breaking)


You try that again,
you'll join your boss.

You got it?

Hmm? Yeah.

Now, where is it?

Where's what? Don't play

games with me!
Charlie's Dictaphone.

I want it. Now you've got
three seconds to give it up.



I swear I don't
know where it is!

(gun cocks, door
opens) Wrong answer.

(gunshot, Jack shouts)

Stay with her, Jack.
Are you kidding me?

Hey, what the hell...

Are you all right? Yeah.

I hate being called a broad.

Do you have any
idea who that was?

Apparently someone who thinks

I know a lot more than I do.

At least we know
we're on the right track.

Why do you say that?

Well, Charlie always said
a P.I. doesn't really know

he's onto something until
somebody tries to kill him.

Yeah, well, then we are
definitely onto something.

I just wish I knew what it was.

Well, I have a pretty good idea.

Look at this.

I called for backup.
He got away.

Are you all right? Yeah, yeah.

Look at this. This is a copy

of a bank's signature card

for Charlie's safe deposit box.

I wrangled it out of
the teller after you left.


Well, because Charlie
couldn't blackmail anybody.

I mean, you work for
a man long enough,

you know if he's honest or not.

It's not his signature.
He didn't rent the box.

Somebody just wanted to make it

look like he did.

Why would anybody
want to do that?

So that we'd think
Harry and Walter

were guilty of murder.

Don't you guys see?

This whole thing's been a setup.

From the key
under Charlie's desk,

and the safe deposit box,

and the blackmail money
that conveniently leads

to Harry and Walter. I
mean, we're being lead around

by the nose ring.

I hate to admit this to
you, but I think she's right.

Yeah, and if she's right,

Charlie's murder
was a setup, too.

Whoever killed him just did
it to frame Harry and Walter.

And I think I know who it is.

MAN: Load on this truck.

(keys jingle)

Hi. How are you? Uh, Mark

Halberson, uh...

gourmet food critic
with Channel Eight.

How are you today?

That's good. Listen,

I am impressed with
the fact that you use

fresh peaches in your, uh...

in your, uh, stuff...

Flavors... very
impressed indeed.

Well, sir, you're a
man of few words.

I-I like that in a man.

Yeah, I, uh... like to
stand and talk to you,

but I'm on quite a schedule...
Deadline, you know.

Television, insatiable.

Well, see you.

Dad. Hi. Mark?

What are you doing here?

A little bit of snooping.

You just couldn't
help yourself, huh?

It's a good thing I couldn't.

Look what I found. This.

You found a... pit? Not just

any pit, my dear. Peach pits.

And cracked open ones to boot.

Mm-hmm. Talking about cracked.

They don't throw away

the peach pits here.
They process them

and extract an
ingredient called cyanide.

Probably sell it to a
pesticide company.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Cyanide's made
out of peach pits?

That's the last time
I order a double

scoop of peach pizzazz.

Well, the point is,
whoever killed Charlie

could have gotten the
cyanide at this factory.

Which makes it even more

likely that Samantha's
the murderer.

Because she could have
found out about the cyanide

from her late husband.

Didn't you think Harry and
Walter were the murderers?

Now it looks like

Samantha framed
them both in order

to take over the company.
Yeah, when I was

at her house, I found out

that she had taken out
partnership insurance,

which guarantees her
100% of the company

if Harry or Walter die
or are incapacitated.

And life in prison

is about as incapacitated
as you can get.

Yeah, but you know,
it still doesn't explain

the guy who attacked
you in the office.

Well, maybe he's
working for Samantha.

I'm telling you,
all we have to do

is get her to sign
on the dotted line,

and we'll have our murderer.


We got speed.

DIRECTOR: Settle, people.

And... action!

You know what
I'm thinking, Harry?

Not enough chips, right, Walter?

Cut, cut, cut, cut!

It's no good.

SLY: What's the
matter now, Harry?

We barely got started.

HARRY: It doesn't
matter. You're terrible.

Both of you. Yeah?

Your father didn't think so.

Yeah? Well, our
father went to meet

the Good Humor man in the sky.

Harry, it's time

we started doing
our own commercials.



Get out! Out! Go!


I told you they were
going to give us the boot.

It's not fair.

They were born Harry and Walter.

We are Harry and Walter.

Relax, fellas.

SAMANTHA: I told you
you were irreplaceable.

TYLER: They don't even
look good in makeup.

I'll take care of things.

Excuse me, Mrs. Litvak? Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry to interrupt. I
just need your signature

on this. What is it?

It's an interoffice

memo about recycling.
Edna said to make sure

and have all the
officers sign it.

You know, give it extra weight.

Very well. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Did she sign it?

Dotted all the "i's" and crossed

all the "t's".

what do you think?

I think it's case closed.

Samantha Litvak?

Dr. Steel.

You're under arrest.

Under arrest? For what?

For the murder of
Charlie Hawkins.

What is going on here?

We're trying to make a
commercial, for God's sake!

SLY: Oh, shut up, Harry.


(gasping groan)

(glass breaking)

Wh-What happened? Did she faint?

I'm afraid it's more permanent
than that, she's dead.

Put in an air
passage. Start CPR.

Oh, what a dope.

Imagine me thinking I
could play with the big boys.

Finding clues,
catching murderers.

My old man was right.

"Go to secretarial school,
keep your mouth shut

"maybe you'll land a guy

who don't know
how dumb you are."

Georgia, I think you're
selling yourself a little short.

If it wasn't for you,
people might still think

that Charlie was a blackmailer.

You cleared the
man's name for him.

Well, I guess I did.

Not only that,

you were the one who figured out

that Walter and Harry
were being framed.

I mean, it doesn't matter
that it wasn't Samantha.

It's still nonetheless true.

You've got good instincts.

Take it from me, I'm a doctor.

Well, I've got a statement
from everybody in the room,

but it's not much to go on.

That guy who attacked
you in Charlie's office

is looking better and better

as our chief
suspect. Steve. Mark.

Find something?

I don't know.

Does this smell
kind of funny to you?

Bitter almonds.


Amanda noticed the same
scent around Charlie's body.


Well, that means
whoever killed Charlie

also killed Samantha.

And whoever that
is was in this room

just before her death because

the reaction time of cyanide
is less than five minutes.

HARRY: Use this
to our advantage.

Well, we've still got

Jerry Mathers out there, though.

Wait. Shh. HARRY:
Think about this.

This is perfect.

I-I-I... I'm telling you, you
cannot buy publicity like this.

Um, what-what was
Samantha's favorite flavor again?

(crying): Cherry... Matter.

HARRY: Cherry Matter. That's it.

So, in her honor, every Harry

and Walter's is gonna
sell Cherry Matter

at half price for the
rest of the month.

We're gonna triple our sales!



It's Cherry Matter! That's it!

That's the clue Charlie
was trying to give me

before he died!

He didn't say Jerry
Mathers, he said

Cherry Matter, the ice cream.

The same

ice cream Harry kept
bringing over to the office.

Cherry Matter!

That's where Charlie hid
the evidence. I'm sure of it!

Not so loud. We don't
want everyone to know that.

Why not?

(crickets chirping)

(distant horn beeping)



Georgia, why don't
you switch with Steve?

Hmm? No, I'm fine.

She's just fine.

The murderer will be
along any minute now.

I promise you that.

STEVE: All right, remember,

when the suspect
opens the freezer,

Georgia hits the
lights, and we nail him.

(elevator bell dings)

Show time, folks.

(elevator door closes)

STEVE: Now! Police!


Walter? Walter?!

Of course, Walter.
We suspected him

right from the top.

JACK: Yeah, but
we eliminated him

as a suspect right after that.

That begs the question. What
are you doing here, Walter?

Well, I... I knew
Harry hired Charlie

to dig up dirt on me.

He's been trying to squeeze me

out of the business
since Dad died.

I just wanted to get whatever
evidence he had before

Harry could get to it
and use it against me.

(elevator bell
dings) MARK: Lights!

GEORGIA: Down now.
Get down! Get down!


(elevator door closes)


Police! Freeze!

Harry?! Harry?!


JACK: Of course!


We suspected him

right after we suspected Walter.

Yeah, but we eliminated him

right after we
eliminated Walter.

Ah, details. MARK: Well-Well,

n-nevertheless, that
begs the question again.

What are you

doing here, Harry? (sighs)

Look, I paid good
money to Charlie

to find out who
tried to kill me,

and I didn't want anybody

like Walter here to
bury the evidence,

especially if the
evidence points to him.

I can't believe you think
I'd try to kill you, Harry.

You're my brother,
for God's sakes.

I love you.

GEORGIA: Oh, but I thought
you guys hated each other?

Ah... It's a fine line.

(elevator bell dings)


(elevator door closes)



Freeze! (Georgia gasps)

Oh, hey! That's him!
That's the guy. That's, uh,

Jerry Mathers!
WALTER: Jerry Mathers?

You mean, the Beav?

Of course. He attacked
Georgia, and he shot at us!

At the risk of repeating myself,
what are you doing here?

GEORGIA: And who are you?

My name's Archer, Miles. P.I.

I was hired by
Samantha to help her

play these two bozos
against each other.

Her plan was

to get one of them
so bent out of shape

that he'd try to knock
the other one off.

When that happened, I'd
be right there taking pictures.

Of course. Then Samantha
could play Harry off Walter

and take control of the company.

That doesn't explain

what you wanted with
Charlie's evidence, Archer.

Yeah, well, you see,

my client selfishly
died before I got paid,

so I figured whatever
the evidence was

had to be worth some
dough to someone.

Hey, I got bills to pay
like everyone else.

STEVE: I hate to say
this, but any of them

could be innocent,
and all of them

could be guilty.

(elevator bell dings)

I know. Lights.

(door closes)

(freezer tray squeaks)


Police! Freeze!

(sighs) The models?

Of course, the...

You know, I never
suspected them.

STEVE: Neither did I.


Looking for
Charlie's Dictaphone?


Charlie knew that
you two were the ones

who tried to kill Harry.


Why-why would
they want to kill me?

When you two
inherited the company,

they knew that you wanted
to be your own spokespersons.

That meant their
jobs were expendable.

JACK: Yeah. Unemployed
models don't exactly

live the luxurious
lifestyles they were enjoying

by acting as the
famous Harry and Walter.

So you decided to frame
them for Charlie's murder,

knowing that Samantha
would take over the company,

your jobs would be safe.

GEORGIA: But when you
saw us comparing signatures,

you realized we were
there to arrest Samantha,

and not Harry and Walter.

STEVE: That's why
you slipped the cyanide

into her glass of water,

hoping to put us back
on Harry and Walter's trail.

You know, in a way,
we kind of were back

on Harry and Walter's trail.


WALTER: Sly, Tyler,

you're fired.


All right, let's go.

You, too, Archer.

What did I do?

STEVE: Attempted murder

and breaking and
entering for starters.

Come on. Come on.



For what? You solved the case.

For the pep talk
you gave me earlier.

You made me feel like

I could be more than my
old man said I could be.

Georgia, you can be
anything you want to be.

All you have to do is
figure out what that is.

Well, I didn't realize

I knew as much about
being a P.I. as I do.

Maybe you should consider
taking that up as a profession.


I'm just a secretary.

Hey, is there a
secretary out there

who doesn't know more about
her boss's job than he does?


Miss Mitchell, is Dr. Sloan...?

Hi, Delores.

What-what are you doing?

Me?! Nothing. Why do you ask?

Because you've been stepping

on my shadow ever
since I left my office.

I have not, Mr. Briggs,
and if it seems as such,

we're simply heading
in the same direction.

Well, you can both
head someplace else,

because Dr. Sloan
is getting ready

to leave on Secretary's Day.

(Delores laughs)

Without having
gotten me diddly squat.

Am I bitter? Nah!

I rise above those
childish emotions.

(magic marker squeaking)
What are you doing?

This? Oh, nothing.

Just browsing through
the Help Wanted section,

looking to be wanted.

You know, I don't ask for much.



Hi, Mark. Hi, Norman!

How are you doing, guys?

Pretty good. Good.

Did you get the results
of the test back yet?

Yes. Oh.

Let's have a look here.


That's not bad.

Well within the normal range.

What did Kathleen say?

Kathleen said I
placed a close second.

Unbeknownst to be, she
was comparing my results

to another potential suitor...

Some young bull, no
doubt, with plenty of...

(whispers): plenty
of fiber in his diet.

Oh, Norman, that's terrible.

I'm sorry.

Are you gonna be all right?

I don't know, Mark,

but God help my
mother, Minnie Briggs.


I won the pool!

The baby pool. It's
to-totally unrelated!

Totally. Dr. Bentley.

(whispers): Dr. Bentley.

Dad, can I borrow your Jag?

Mark, I need to, uh... I
need you to cover for me.

Gentlemen, you both
look pretty good tonight.

Double-dating, are you?

Well, actually, only, uh...

only one of us is
going out tonight.

Whichever one, uh...
whichever one Georgia picks.

Well, you know,
it-it occurred to me

that no young lady should
be put under the stress

of having to chose
between two such attractive

gentlemen such as yourself,

so I've kind of assumed
the responsibility

of relieving the pressure
on everyone concerned.

(door opening) ♪ ♪

Hey! Hi, guys.

Listen, we'd better get going,

or we'll be late for
the concert. ♪ ♪


Yes, Delores. Ray Charles.

♪ ♪

One night only. I
have three tickets.

Happy Secretary's Day. Aw!

♪ ♪

Chief, I knew you
wouldn't forget.

I never doubted
you for one moment.

(both laugh)

MARK: Ladies, shall we?

♪ ♪
Yes, we shall.

Good night. Bye.

See you tomorrow.

♪ ♪
Yeah, aloha.


♪ ♪

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