Diagnosis Murder (1993–2001): Season 2, Episode 5 - My Four Husbands - full transcript

(heart monitor beeping)

(heart monitor flatlining)

(theme song playing)

♪ ♪

(beeping)

♪ ♪

Yeah, this is Dr. Stewart.

What's the emergency?

MARK: Ice cream?

That was the
emergency, ice cream?

Yeah, at 2:00 in
the morning, Mark.



2:00 a.m.

And then when I told her
the cafeteria was closed,

you know what she says to me?

She says, "Even
doctors need to exercise."

What'd she mean by that?

A trip to the Dairy
Queen would do me good.

Do you believe this?

And then after we battled it out

over the ice cream,
she has the nerve

to demand that her hairdresser

be brought in this morning.

Who is this prima donna?

She's the star of some,
uh, some TV show

called Zebra, Queen
of The Tree People...



Who knows?

Eh, I don't watch
much television.

Her name is Pamela Dorn.

I remember that, though.

Pammie Dorn?

Pammie?

Pamela, please, open the door.

I've got a meeting with the
network in a half an hour.

I told you, Tom, it's over.

I am not gonna spend one
more year of my life swinging

from some stupid vine.

Oh, come on, Pam.
I want to spray you.

Any Mace handy?

Look, just let me
see the new costume.

Excuse me. Where's Miss Dorn?

Locked in the bathroom.

Probably holding out for
whipped cream and nuts.

You wear that next season,

and I guarantee you the
cover of every major magazine.

I have been on the cover
of every major magazine.

Now I want to act.

With a body like that, why?

Take a hike, Dick.

You don't need any spray.

Ciao, bella.

Good luck.

I told you, I want
you to tell the network

absolutely, positively

no!

Zayra, Queen of the Amazon

is hangin' up the old loincloth.

We're talking
millions here, Pam.

Cooperate.

I did, and now I'm rich,

and now I'm gonna make a movie.

So, did you find
me a director yet?

I'm workin' on it, sweetheart.

Right. Yeah.

So what do you want?

WOMAN (over P.A.): Dr. Perlman
to radiology. Dr. Perlman to radiology.

Uncle Mark?

Oh, my God! Oh!

You remembered!

Oh, who could forget the...

the "Disappearing Ace,"
the "Crawling Queen,"

the "Jack-in-the-Box"?

MARK: That's right.

I used to do card tricks
for Pammie when she was

five years old. Her mom
was a patient of mine,

and we became very good friends.

Oh, I had such a crush on you.

Well, you know, when
you're five years old,

a "Disappearing Ace" can be

pretty seductive
stuff. Yeah, right,

a lot like ice cream, I'll bet.

Oh, you've, uh, met
Dr. Stewart, I think?

Yes. Yes, thank you again

for your help
last night, Doctor.

And I deeply apologize

if there was any
misunderstanding.

Oh no, I think we understand
each other pretty well.

Talk to you later, Mark.

Well, I hope
nothing, uh, serious

has brought you in here.

Uh...

What do we have here?

Facelift?

Aren't you just a little
bit young for a facelift?

Oh, Uncle Mark.

You know, movies
aren't like television.

My face is gonna be
on a 50-foot screen.

Every little wrinkle,
every little blemish,

will be magnified.

It's my first big movie.

I just want to... look perfect.

Your mother must be so proud
of you following in her footsteps.

Yeah, well, it's very
difficult for anyone

to follow in Deborah
Dorn's footsteps.

Hmm...

How is she?

Perfect, as always.

Actually, she's moved to France,

a modest little villa
there in the wine country.

Look, I'm going
to come back later.

You catch me up on her,

all right? Okay.

Nothing I like better than
talking about my mother.

That makes two of us.

(loud crash)

Ow!

Oh...

Hey, you okay?

Yeah, I was trying
to open the window.

(chuckles): Well, the
windows don't open.

Oh, maybe that was the problem.

Can you get up?

Yeah. Okay.

I'll have somebody come by

and clean it up
for you, all right?

Uh, thanks. Let me see.

Why isn't my doctor
as good-looking as you?

Well, I could say the
same about my patients.

I don't believe that.

I saw Pamela Dorn, the TV
star, in the hall this morning.

She's not my patient.

Think that maybe I could get
an autograph for my nephew?

Zayra, Queen of the
Amazon is his absolute favorite

TV show.

Oh, I guess so. But
you might want to hurry.

She goes into surgery tomorrow.

Ooh, surgery? Mm-hmm.

What kind of surgery?

Well, let me put
it to you this way:

it's not life-threatening.

You'll be okay.

(knocking)

Are visiting hours over yet?

Not till 8:00.

Carl's my assistant.

I edit books.

What a coincidence.

I read them.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay.

WOMAN (over P.A.) Resident on
call to ER. Resident on call to ER.

Listen to this.

PAMELA: Ooh, surgery? Mm-hmm.

What kind of surgery?

JACK: Well, let me
put it to you this way:

It's not life-threatening.

Ooh. "Exhaustion," ha!

Little Miss Pamela Dorn's

getting nipped or
tucked or enlarged.

This story could
get you on the air.

Huh, it's about time.

What if they take out
your appendix tomorrow?

Then I'll never
get appendicitis.

Okay.

"Get well soon.
Gals in Admissions."

Have them delivered to 204.

Okay.

See ya. Okay.

Tom, I don't care
what you think.

This is an important film.

"Why?"

Because I'm in it,
and so is all my money.

So just find me a
leading man, all right?

Right.

(sighs) (knocking)

Thank you.

"Get well soon.

Best wishes, the
gals in Admissions."

Isn't that sweet?

Your fan club keeps growing.

(chuckles)

WOMAN (over P.A.): Ortho tech to
Pediatrics. Ortho tech to Pediatrics.

So, when's the nip and tuck?

Tomorrow morning.

I'm gonna be here for two days,

so I'm gonna have plenty
of time to read your rewrite.

Uh... well, it's
it's not really...

uh... ready yet.

It needs some finishing touches.

Joey...

Yeah?

You know you always twist
that button when you're lying.

Well, you know,

I-I don't even really
know how this happened,

b-but somebody gave the
script to Julia Roberts' manager.

Well, that's too bad for Julia.

I mean, this is my part.

Well, it doesn't look that way.

You know, you wrote that
script while we were married,

so I own half of it, pumpkin.

JOEY: But I own the half

with casting approval.

When I found you, you were
bussing tables at Morton's.

I mean, I gave you your
first writing job on my series.

I have subsidized you.

And I really

appreciate everything
that you've done for me,

but that is a... a
damn good screenplay.

I'm not going
to let you ruin it!

You and your loincloth.

Come on!

You're a joke in Hollywood.

Joey, Joey, look, that's
why I desperately need

to make this movie, so
people will stop laughing at me

and someone'll
take me seriously.

Sweetheart,

there's not enough celluloid
in the world to accomplish that.

You try this and you
are going to be dead!

And I'll never work
in this town again!

(sighs)

So, you see, that-that's
your problem, Pamela.

You're just one big cliché.

I'm sorry.

(dialing)

Tom? Hi.

Pamela.

Yeah, Joey just told me he's
replacing me with Julia Roberts.

I want you to move the
start date up two weeks.

I know he has casting approval.

Just...

just leave him to me, okay?

She's been quiet for a while,

but wait till you hear
what I got on tape.

(knocking)

Uh, tell Mr. Hirshhorn
we love the manuscript

and we'll contact
his agent next week.

An editor's work

is never done.

Oh, shoot..

I got it.

I'm such a klutz.

Oh, it's all right.

You're allowed.
You're a patient.

How you doin'?

I'm okay. Good.

Is there a policy against
doctors asking patients out?

You know, I think there is.

Is there a policy against
patients asking doctors out?

I'll look that one up.

Who's the distinguished doctor

I saw outside
Pamela Dorn's room?

Oh, that would be Mark Sloan.

Although, I don't, uh,

really think of him as
being distinguished.

"Pleasantly eccentric" is more

on the money for him.

Is he her physician?

No, uh, Seymour
Clark is her physician.

Mark's just an
old family friend.

PAMELA: Yes, I'd like the
number for Western Cab.

What's that?

Oh, I was listening
to a book on tape.

Oh, hey, I'll let
you get back to it.

Well, don't forget to
look up that dating policy.

I'll get right on it.

PAMELA: Western Cab? I
need to go to 110 Oak Road.

(knocking)

Damn, geez.

Joe, you in there?

(crash)

What the hell...?
I'm a reporter.

For God's sake, call 911.

Call 911!

(garbled radio transmission)

After Pamela told
me what happened,

I called Joe, and
he hung up on me.

So I decided to drive over here
and talk some sense into him.

The poor guy was
dead when I got here.

STEVE: That's
when you called 911?

TOM: No, it was like
that when I got here.

I didn't think I
should touch it.

That's when I called 911.

Who are you?

OFFICER: Edna Chow.

She manages the building.

Said there was a girl

with a video camera here.

Five-seven, curly red
hair, black leather jacket,

blue jeans, black sneakers.

How would you like
a job on the force?

Couldn't afford the pay cut.

(chuckles)

Any, uh... sign of
the murder weapon?

None. Apparently he was
beaten with a blunt object.

ME said there were two wounds...

Almost holes... At
the base of his neck.

Mrs. Chow, uh...
did you see anyone

entering Mr. Boland's apartment

before Mr. Larsen here arrived?

You bet I did.

Murder?

That's ridiculous.

Well, that's what I told him.

Whether or not you think
it's ridiculous, Miss Dorn,

you are a suspect in the
murder of Joseph Boland.

Who's Joseph Boland?

Her ex-husband.

We have two eyewitnesses

who can place her at
the scene of the crime.

That's impossible.

Afraid not, sweetheart.

I wasn't gonna say
anything, but, uh...

the building
manager saw you, too.

Oh.

Well, can an ex-husband
testify against an ex-wife?

He's an ex-husband, too?

Yeah, for two seasons.

That's how I got this ulcer.

Does this earring
belong to you, Miss Dorn?

Hey, it looks like part
of the set I gave you

for our one-month anniversary.

What? Another ex-husband?

Married for six episodes.

Do you mind if I
check your jewelry box?

Not at all. I have
nothing to hide.

How many ex-husbands
do you have?

Perfect match.

PAMELA: I'm not
saying another word

until I speak to my attorney.

Right here, babe.

Harry Gelson. Number three.

But just for one hiatus.

You have four ex-husbands?

Well, I started early.

It seems that
Mr. Gelson received a call

from the deceased
moments before the attack.

Mr. Boland told Mr. Gelson
that you threatened to kill him.

He was dead when I got there.

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take you downtown

for questioning, Miss Dorn.

Doesn't anybody believe me?

You believe me, don't you?

I mean, you've known me

since I was a little girl.

I mean, you don't
think I killed Joe?

Do you?

Take the Fifth.

Lieutenant, could I speak to you
privately outside for a moment?

Excuse us, will ya?
Certainly, Doctor.

"Lieutenant"?

Why the sudden formality?

Everybody in that room
is related by marriage.

I wanted to keep it
on a professional level.

What exactly is it that we're
keeping on a professional level?

I've known Pammie since
she was three years old.

I watched her grow up.

Now, her life may
be a little crazy,

but underneath she is still

the same sweet little
girl she always was,

and she's certainly
not capable of murder.

Dad, look, I know your
instincts are usually pretty good,

but I've got to take her
downtown for questioning.

Oh, God.

Hey, why not question her here?

In the hospital?

Yeah, you wouldn't have
to deal with the media,

with the cameras and the
microphones in your face.

You know they're gonna make
a three-ring circus out of this.

Are you saying, Dr. Sloan,
that it would be, uh, detrimental

to Miss Dorn's health

if she were to leave
the hospital at this time?

That's great, Steve.

You should have been a doctor.

You stopped Steve
from taking her away?

Well, it will give us a chance
to prove she's innocent.

Innocent?

Mark, two witnesses saw her
leaving the scene of the crime.

Her earring was
found next to the body.

And she lied about being there.

Things look pretty
bad right now, I know.

Pretty bad?

It seems to me Steve
has an airtight case.

Yeah, but as long as we
all think she's innocent...

I'm not sure that
we all believe that.

As long as the majority
of us think she's innocent...

Uh, I'm not so sure we
have a majority here, Mark.

As long as the Chief
of Internal Medicine

of this hospital
thinks she's innocent,

I think we ought to
go to the crime scene

and see if there's anything

that points in the direction
away from Pamela Dorn.

No. Are you done with this?

Mark, please.

Look, you can ask me anything,

but please, don't ask
me to help that woman.

Jack, I'm not gonna ask you
do anything you don't want to do.

Thank you.

You know, I knew
a street kid once,

always in trouble,

never going to amount
to a hill of beans,

unless someone

gave him a second chance,

unless someone could
see the heart of gold

behind that
street-smart bravado,

unless someone could see

beyond the foolish
mistakes he made

when he was a boy,
unless someone...

All right, Mark, we'll help.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it.

Thank you both.
Come on. Let's go.

I wasn't finished, you know.

All right, we'll help.

If I hadn't have said yes,

we'd still be listening to sob
stories about your misspent youth.

I could take it if he could.

Well, I couldn't.

Now, if you don't
really want to be here,

I am perfectly capable of
handling the situation myself.

(doorbell ringing)

You think so,
huh? Oh, I know so.

Ooh, you know, that
sounds like a bet, Amanda.

You want to bet me? Fine...

You want to bet me? You want to
bet me? Losers buy lunch all week,

away from the
hospital cafeteria.

MRS. CHOW: What do you want?

Hello, Mrs. Chow.

I'm Dr. Amanda Bentley

from Community General Hospital.

I already made a donation.

Ah, yes.

Lovely roses.

(chuckles)

You know, I hear
that Tony's makes a...

makes a delicious lasagna,

although Martino's
fettuccine has a...

It's not over till
the fat lady sings.

Now let's see you work
your magic, big shot.

Yeah, I got your magic.

(clears throat)

Excuse me?

Now what do you want?

I'm sorry to bother you.
We're Channel 8 News.

We'd like to ask you a couple of
questions about Joe Boland's death.

Oh sure! Come in.

Great. Thank you.

Tony's.

Hi, how ya doing? Good.

AMANDA: Mrs. Chow,

the condo manager... she could
see everything from her window.

So who are the suspects?

There aren't any.

Joe Boland had no living
relatives and no friends.

That's impossible.

He was a writer.

He didn't own a car.

He didn't even own
an answering machine,

and the only mail he
received: rejection slips.

And he only had four
cards in his Rolodex.

There was, um...

Pamela Dorn and
her three ex-husbands,

Tom Larsen, Harry
Gelson, and Dick Douglass.

And don't forget about
the pizza delivery place.

Well, yeah, I'm sure they
are a suspect in all this.

Well, they could be, you know.

MARK: Did Mrs. Chow see anything

even remotely suspicious
on the night of the murder?

AMANDA: Just Tom,
Pamela, and, uh...

the lady with the video camera.

A video camera?

This week, Pamela Dorn checked
into Community General Hospital

for exhaustion.

She look familiar to
you? It couldn't be.

Exhaustion? Let's get real.

According to Dr. Jack
Stewart, Pamela... Hey!

AMANDA: You look good.

Is under the care of
Dr. Seymour Clark,

the famous Beverly
Hills plastic surgeon.

But this time, Miss Dorn
has more to worry about

than just a few laugh lines.

She's the #1 suspect in
the murder investigation

of her fourth husband,
Joseph Boland.

But why isn't she in jail?

According to Dr. Stewart,

there is an elaborate cover-up

masterminded by
Community General's

Chief of Internal Medicine,

the eccentric Dr. Mark
Sloan. "Eccentric"?

Cover-up?

This exclusive video

shows Miss Dorn
sneaking out of the hospital.

She arrives at the
scene of the crime.

Moments later,

she flees into the night.

We'll keep you posted

as the seamy story unfolds.

You talked to a reporter?

Yeah, like I knew
she was a reporter.

Well, find out before you
go running off at the mouth

like a leaky faucet. Hey,
Norman, don't start in, all right?

And what's this
about a cover-up?

MARK: There wasn't any cover-up.

Then I can issue a press release

denying these
malicious accusations

that we're harboring a murderer?

Well, I-I did suggest
to Steve, that, uh,

in my professional opinion,

it would be detrimental
to Miss Dorn's health

to let her leave the hospital.

For God's sake, Mark,
she's here for a facelift!

Pamela did not
kill her ex-husband.

Can you prove that?

No. Yes. No.

Two to one. I lose.

MAN: And that's a cut.

Take five minutes, everybody.

(one person clapping)

That was one hell
of a performance.

Thanks.

I get better with practice.

Oh, no, I don't mean here.
I mean back at the hospital.

You almost had me convinced

that you were a
nice person... almost.

Everything I said was true.

Really?

Yeah.

How's your career
in publishing going?

(sighs)

I've got a master's degree
in broadcast journalism.

I've been an associate
producer for eight years.

Some of my more
impressive duties

have been making the coffee
and buying the doughnuts.

This story was my chance
to do what I was trained to do.

It worked, and I deserve it.

There's one minor problem,
though. What's that?

You lied to me.

And I didn't deserve that.

Quite a headline.

"Hidden Video Places
Pamela Dorn at Murder Scene."

Well, I always did want
to make the front page.

"Eccentric Chief of Internal
Medicine Masterminds Cover-up."

Oh, you'll make a bundle
on the movie rights.

Pammie...

you asked me to
believe in you, and I did.

Now I'd like a real
explanation of that night.

All right.

All right, yes.

I sneaked out of the hospital
and went to Joe's place.

I was going to try to seduce
him into giving me my part back.

Oh, Mark, that movie
meant everything to me.

Unfortunately, that's a
pretty solid motive for murder.

No, but, he was
dead when I got there.

Whatever you think,

I mean, there is no
way I could hurt Joe.

Joe...

Joe was different
than my other exes.

How?

Well, Harry manages my money.

Tom produces my
show. Dick does my hair.

But Joe was...

Joe was an artist.

Shy and sensitive
and... oh, very appealing.

But you divorced him?

No, actually, he divorced me.

That makes two solid
motives for murder.

Oh, well, I've got one
that's even better than that.

I'm smart enough to know
that when I finish this series,

I'm going to be doing
voices for cartoon shows.

I mean, that movie
was my ticket out.

Now, I'm just going
to go down in history

at Deborah Dorn's daughter,

just some happy little
footnote to her bio.

Well, honey, you shouldn't
compare yourself to your mother.

Why not? Everyone else does.

Deborah Dorn...

One perfect movie after
another, one perfect marriage,

happily ever after until
the day my dad died.

And then there's me.

A very talented young lady
with her whole life before her.

Mark, I make my living
swinging from a vine.

I change husbands
like you change shoes.

I mean, I just don't
seem to get it, do I?

Well, you and your mother
have one thing in common.

What's that?

You're not quitters.

Look, don't worry.

JACK: Mark, everything

points to Pamela Dorn.

Everything. I know.

That's why we're just
going to have to work harder.

You know, there used
to be this street kid

who really wasn't going
to amount to anything

until this kind and wise
doctor took him under his wing.

And do you know the
most important lesson

that he taught this young boy?

Do you know what it was?

I don't think I'm
going to like this. No.

It was "ask the hard questions."

So I ask you now, my
wise and kind friend.

If one of Pamela's ex-husbands
wanted her out of the way,

why'd he kill Joe Boland?

Why didn't he just kill Pamela?

Mark, no matter how well

you think you know this woman,

maybe it's time
that you face facts

that Pamela Dorn
is guilty of murder.

BRIGGS: You want us to help?

Mark, this is ludicrous.
It's bad enough

when you go running
off solving murders,

but I am the administrator
of this hospital.

Norman, the only way we
can prove that the hospital

is not protecting a killer
is to find the real one.

Now, according to Mrs. Chow,

Joe Boland didn't know
anybody except for Pamela

and her three ex-husbands,

which narrows down our
list of suspects pretty good.

One of 'em framed her.

Why?

Norman, very good.

You're starting to ask
the right questions.

The question is,
why does our killer

want Pamela alive,
but convicted of murder?

I-I don't think this is
such a very good idea.

No. No.

(whispering): I don't
remember seeing "lock-picking"

on your résumé.

I lose my keys a lot.

You take the desk.

I'll take the file cabinet.

(whispers fiercely): I
should be at the hospital

behind my own desk,

crunching numbers,
balancing budgets.

The more you talk,

the longer this
is going to take.

Will you go on?!

Good idea.

Psst, look at this.

What is it?

An insurance policy for
Pamela Dorn's movie.

Oh!

(gasps) (door creaks)

Someone's coming!

It's not heights that bother me.

It's widths.

(cooing)

(whispers): What?

What is that on your shoe?

Are you sure you
relocked the outer door?

Listen, once is an accident.

Twice is stupid.

Do you have a handkerchief? No!

Now, get busy on that desk.

We'll probably get caught.

Shot by some
trigger-happy security guard.

Why aren't I at the hospital?

Because you don't work nights.

Well, I'm going to start.

(gasps)

Take a look at this letter.

Husband #2 also has a motive.

Good work!

(vacuum humming)

It's the cleaning crew.

It doesn't open.

(vacuum hums)

What on earth did
you have for lunch?

It's none of your business.

Why?

'Cause it's melting my earrings.

(sprays)

DELORES: He's got a
whole filing cabinet on Pamela.

And a desk full of
statements on her finances.

This is crucial.
This is outstanding.

This could take a while.

Yes. Yes.

(giggling)

This one doesn't open either.

And this is locked, too.

What are we going
to do? We're doomed.

No. Yes.

What are we going to do?

What are we going to...?

(bang)

(giggling)

Are you sure we
won't get caught?

I just finished my rounds.

We can stay here all night.

(giggling)

Morning, son.

How's business?

Booming.

We all have come here
today to lighten your load.

This may come as
a shock to you, Dad,

but we actually
have professionals

who do this for a living.

What are they called again?

Ah, yes. Police.

Well, do the police know

that there are three solid
suspects in Joe Boland's murder?

Mm-hmm.

Pamela Dorn, ah...

Pamela Dorn and

Pamela Dorn.

Delores, why don't you start?

Okay.

Tom Larsen, husband #1,

knows Pamela
Dorn's no movie star.

So, he takes out an
insurance policy on the picture.

He gets five million
dollars if it doesn't go.

(snaps): I rest my case.

Nice presentation, Delores.

Thank you.

There's just one little problem.

Tom lives in the Palisades.

He was in his car
on his way to Joe's

when the murder happened.

He was the one that arrived
while Pamela was leaving.

True Story has it on tape.

So, uh, if we're
all done here...

Oh, we're just getting started.

Norman?

Pamela Dorn promised
husband #2 that she'll finance

a line of beauty products
bearing his name.

When she decided to
finance her own movie,

she reneged on that promise,

leaving Dick Douglass just
another Hollywood hairdresser...

Motive for murder
in any person's book.

Persuasive argument, Norman.

Not bad for a beginner, Steve.

Just one little glitch.

Yes?

At the time of the murder,

Dick Douglass was at a
beauty expo at the Crown Regent

demonstrating a color
weave in front of 800 people.

So, if we're all done here...

We have one more suspect.

You go first, D. No, you go.

Just go first!

Why don't you take turns?

Okay.

In order for Pamela
to finance her movie,

she wanted a complete
accounting of her entire estate

down to the last nickel.

But, Harry Gelson,

husband #3, kept a
second set of books.

We're guessing he's
embezzled nearly $700,000

by abusing his
power of attorney.

Any audit will
expose that, Steve.

So Harry has a motive.

Ah, but Harry is the one
that got the call from Joe

saying that Pamela threatened

to kill him. Mm-hmm.
Can he prove it?

The phone company
confirms the call was made,

and that Joe
subsequently called 911.

12 dinner guests were
there when Harry called Joe,

which brings us back to
Pamela Dorn, Pamela Dorn

and Pamela Dorn.

I knew this wasn't
such a good idea.

Come on. I'll buy you
lunch. Minor setback.

I know that the answer lies

with one of those
three ex-husbands.

Excuse me.

What do you got?

Could be the murder weapon.

We found traces of blood.

"World's Greatest Husband?"

Yeah. These two
spikes could account

for the holes in
the victim's neck.

What are you talking about?

Anybody could have
a trophy like that.

You can get them
at the gift shop.

Read the inscription
on the bottom.

"To my darling Joe. Love,

Pamela”"

You're making that up.

Yeah, well...

I'll buy you lunch, okay?

Miss Mitchell.

As you remember
from yesterday's report,

Miss Dorn was seen
fleeing the scene

of the murder of Joe Boland,
her fourth and last husband.

True Story has now learned
that the police have found

her fingerprints on
the murder weapon.

Apparently, Miss Dorn
bludgeoned her ex-husband to death

with a statue inscribed,
"World's Greatest Husband."

Could this happen
anywhere but Hollywood?

Back to you, Dave.

What good is a tape of
Maria's broadcast doing us?

It's hopeless. Absurd!

I risked my reputation for this?

Wait a minute. Let's
not be defeatists here.

Why not? We've earned it.

MARK: We have three
suspects with valid motives.

AMANDA: All of which have
airtight alibis, I might add.

But one of them's got a
hole in there somewhere.

JACK: Mark, come
on. Aren't you watching?

Look...

it's right there
in living color.

Her fourth and last husband.

True Story...
There. Case closed.

Has now learned that the police
have found fingerprints. Wait a minute.

Pull it back and run
that through slow motion.

Now wait.

There it is right
there. See that?

What? MARK: That's it.

Delores, I want you to find
out how the killer got past

that human watchdog, Mrs. Chow.

And, Norman, I want
you to poke a few holes

in an alibi.

Sorry, Mark, but I'm
hanging up my gumshoes.

Yeah. It's not as much fun
as I'd thought it was gonna be.

I've got to go.

We have a hospital to run.

Let's do it. Move it.

Come on, you guys.

Now I have no one.

What? You have me,
and then what's-her-name.

Amanda.

Amanda.

MARK: I thought you two

were convinced that
Pamela was guilty?

We are. We are.

We just want to convince
you, once and for all

that Pamela Dorn is the killer.

Welcome back to the team.

What's this?

You think this is oil?

I don't know. Smell it.

Oh!

Give me your hanky.

It is oil.

Only Joe didn't own a car.

Well, how do you
explain the tire tracks?

Oh, this must be
the killer's entrance.

What you two doing in here?

This is a security building.

I told you, I already
made a donation.

Yes, and we thought
that we'd stop by

and thank you for
your generosity.

When you clowns from
Channel 8 going to interview me?

Oh, they're on their way.

You keep watching.

You might want to change
before they get here.

Bye.

Dad, I have to take her in.

Give us a little while longer.

I'm sure we can come
up with something.

Dad, I got a call
from my captain

because he got a call from
the division commander,

who got a call from
the commissioner,

who got a call from the mayor.

Well, look, I am not at all sure

her physical condition warrants
taking her out of the hospital.

She's getting a facelift.

Shh.

How did you know that?

I saw it on True Story.

And they wouldn't
say it if it wasn't true.

So, when can she
be ready to travel?

Well, I, you know, paperwork
could take a little while.

How long?

Well, you know,
these big city hospitals,

with the lost records and
computer foul-ups, that kind of thing.

I'll be back in two
hours with my handcuffs.

All right.

He used to be such a nice kid.

I heard that!

You know, I keep thinking,

what would my mom
do in this situation?

And then I realize my mom
would never be in this situation.

My mom would not
swing from a vine.

Mom would not have
four failed marriages.

You know, I was with your mother

during your
father's final illness.

Yeah, well, she was
even perfect at that.

She tended Dad and made
a film at the same time,

even got an Academy
Award nomination for it,

while I just fell apart.

She was terrified.

Of what?

Uh, of not being able to
function without your father,

not being able to
raise you alone.

I was the one who
suggested she do that movie,

just to get her mind
on something else,

so she didn't fall apart.

She never showed it.

She was afraid that
if she broke down,

there would be no one
left for you to hold on to.

Well, I just wished we
could have cried together.

Maybe you can now.

JACK: You Lily Montez?

I sent in that car payment.

You know, if you,
uh... tone down the...

the makeup and lighten the
hair, I think you'll be perfect.

You got a gig for me?

Maybe.

Your agency said that you
worked with Dick Douglass here

at the beauty expo
the other night.

Forget it.

Remember those
car payments, honey.

I'd rather take the bus
than work for that pig again.

Really? Why?

He was demonstrating

a color weave.

Well, right before we were
supposed to go on, he has a fit.

He doesn't like the
way the color looks.

So we had to do
the whole thing over.

So you never went onstage?

Oh, we went on,

but Dick locked himself in
the bathroom for half an hour.

They had to rearrange
the entire running order

with the True Story crew
twiddling their thumbs.

They never got
around to taping me.

I'd say that's a tough break.

Thank you very much.

Well, what about the gig?

Oh, uh, as soon as I
get more information,

I will definitely
call you, okay?

Thanks.

Oh, one more thing. Yeah?

Where's the men's room?

The ratings went up again.

How would you like something

that'll put your ratings
through the roof?

Well, well, well. If
it isn't Deep Throat.

Hey, my young friend, let me give you a
piece of advice. Let's take a walk, okay?

This is a surprise.

Why the second chance?

Um...

I need you.

I like the way that sounds.

Can you get me the tape
from the beauty expo?

And also I need the raw footage

that you shot the
night of the murder.

What do I get?

You get the story of a lifetime.

Everyone find a seat.

Oh, you look terrific.

Oh, thanks.

Stunning.

Gorgeous.

This looks like the
stateroom scene

from A Night at the Opera.

Well, I hope everybody
is in a movie mood

because I have a
story here that's going

to make a great murder
mystery, uh, staring Pamela Dorn.

As a matter of fact,
everyone in this room

is a character in the plot.

Remember, you don't
have to say a word.

Harry, for once, just
shut up and listen.

MARK: Let me set the scene
before the murder occurred.

A beautiful actress
finds a script

that's gonna launch
her movie career.

But in order to finance
the script, she has to, uh...

pull the plug on a
few little promises,

like financing her ex-husband's
line of beauty supplies.

Hey, if you're
accusing me, forget it.

I was in front of 800
people that night.

Hang on, pal. There's more.

This hairdresser...
He blows a gasket

at the beauty expo,
and he locks himself

in the bathroom for
about a half hour.

But instead of an
aspirin, he takes a powder.

And he ends up at Joe's place.

Then using the actress's keys,

which he lifted from her purse,

he gets inside,

and he plants the
actress's earring.

And wearing driving gloves

so he wouldn't
leave any fingerprints,

he kills Joe

with the trophy that
the actress gave him.

You can't prove any of this.

Sit down, honey.
You're rockin' the boat.

AMANDA: We found
oil in Joe's garage

except Joe doesn't own a car.

STEVE: And tire
tracks that the lab

has matched to your Lamborghini.

AMANDA: We also have footage

from True Story which
proves that you were nowhere

near that stage
until after 11:00.

MARK: But the plot
doesn't end there.

We have another character
who was not in the original plot.

We do? Mm-hmm.

A young lady with a camera

followed you to the crime scene.

She saw me find
Joe's body. So what?

Well, she saw more than that.

Look at this.

Joe, you in there?

Call 911.

Call 91...

Now, see, the phone is
supposed to be off the hook

because Joe called Harry

and then passed out

right after he called 911.

But the phone is

not off the hook.

Now, how can the phone

be on the hook when you arrive?

And then off the hook 20 minutes
later when the police arrived?

You told me you
didn't touch the phone

because you didn't
want to disturb anything.

I don't remember what I said.

MARK: Oh, I think you
remember everything you said...

In detail... because the three
of you planned this together.

Now Tom, Dick paged you

to let you know Joe was dead,

and you followed Pamela
to the scene of the crime.

Then you called
Harry to let him know

that everything was
going according to plan.

That was, uh, the call that
your dinner guests overheard.

And then Tom deliberately

took the phone off
the hook to make it look

as if Joe had died

while calling for help.

See, you guys would
have gotten away with it

if it wasn't for this tape.

BRIGGS: All
three of them did it?

That's right.

Why didn't they just murder
Pamela... uh, Miss Dorn.

Well, you see, they all knew

that my will leaves
everything to charity.

They wouldn't
have gotten a dime.

Oh, I just love a happy ending.

And by the way,
thanks for your help.

Oh, I should thank you.

That exclusive
got me a contract.

Congratulations.

You have a chance to check
on that dating policy yet?

As a matter of fact, I did.

It seems that patients can
ask out any doctor they want

as long as he isn't
their attending physician.

In that case, consider
yourself asked.

What made you decide
to go back to the series?

Well, you know, millions
of people love Zayra.

I mean I know it's not Hamlet,

but, hell, how many
actresses get an opportunity

to save innocent victims
from rampaging rhinos,

charging elephants, crazed
poachers, every single week?

That's right.

But what about
your movie career?

Well, I'm never
gonna give up on that,

but right now I think
I should concentrate

on trying not to be my
mother, trying to be me. Good.

Is that with or
without a facelift?

Well, I do want her
to recognize me.

I suddenly have this
overwhelming urge

to visit the wine
country in France.

What do you think?

Oh, Pammie, I think
she would love that.

You know, Zayra,
Queen of the Amazon

is not used to having
other people save her.

Well, listen, even the good
guys need some help sometime.

Yeah, right.

Thanks, Uncle Mark.