Diagnosis Murder (1993–2001): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Last Laugh: Part Two - full transcript

(heart monitor beeping)

(heart monitor flatlining)

(theme song playing)

♪ ♪

BONNIE: Why don't you sit down?

You look a little pale.

See, all I needed was a
challenging lead for you to follow.

The tourist you
met at the beach.

The perfect stranger you said

took your picture.

Next to impossible to prove.



Irresistible, isn't it?

See, I couldn't
make it too easy.

You really had to work hard.

You had to honestly believe

that you were
accomplishing the impossible.

You got the prosecution's
star witness to prove your alibi.

Mark, you are really

a tenacious detective
when you put your mind to it.

Dave McDonnell.

Obviously, you knew
him from somewhere.

He was a contestant
on Guess That Price

when I was the
show's spokesmodel.

He won a bedroom set

and I helped him break it in.



I'm not going to let
you get away with this.

Are you familiar with that
marvelous little feature

of our justice system
called "double jeopardy?"

You can't try a person
twice for the same crime.

That's right. You can't.

So now I am free to
enjoy Elliott's money.

I don't have to worry
about going to prison.

Mark, I have you to thank.

I wish there was something
ominous I could say.

The truth is, you've won.

Mark, you're such a
good loser. Thank you.

I just want to say this,

any time of the day or
night, feel free, come on by,

help me enjoy all of this.

Oh, hey, hey, thanks for
buying my plane ticket down here.

You saved me a few bucks.

Looks like the Special Crime
Task Force is really busy, huh?

I wouldn't know.
I've been reassigned.

I am on the, uh, "Excellence
in Policework Task Force" now.

Moving right up. Mm-hmm.

It is my job to go over every
arrest file in the precinct and,

uh, make sure the
paperwork is in order.

No, uh, expense
account, I guess, huh?

After the Bonnie Valin trial?

I'm lucky to have a
salary. (phone rings)

Steve, you remember
when you were...

oh, ah, ten years old, I guess.

You wanted so much to go

to summer camp, and I said
no, you shouldn't go, 'cause, uh...

other boys were older and, uh,
you wouldn't have a good time.

You ought to wait
a couple of years.

But you...

you, uh, insisted.

And, uh, sure enough, you
went for a couple of days

and you didn't like it and I
had to come and get you.

You remember that?

Dad. What's this all about?

Well, I'm trying to point out

that fathers and sons
can make mistakes.

What's your point?
Bonnie Valin is guilty.

What? She tricked me,
Steve. She tricked everybody.

She's a vicious
cold-blooded murderer, Steve.

You've got to stop her.

It's a little late for that now.

Oh, I know, about
double jeopardy and that,

but there must be a way.

Dad, I am not on
the case anymore.

It's Detective VanSinkle's.

And she's already arrested
someone else for the murder.

Who? Dr. Valin's son.

Roger? He's innocent. Why?

Well, he claims to have
been home on the morning

of the murder, only
he got a parking ticket

two blocks from
Dr. Valin's office at 11:15.

Having been a medical student,

he's familiar
with nitrous oxide.

Dr. Valin's nurse, Kimi,
overheard a violent argument

between father and son
the day before the murder.

And Roger Valin's
holistic clinic

was in financial straits,

and his father
wouldn't help him out.

Motive, means...

opportunity.

It may not be as
compelling as a photograph,

but I think a jury'll buy it.

Steve, I've made
a terrible mistake.

I've got to fix it.

Jack, when you look
at me, what do you see?

A spoiled little rich girl?

Sometimes.

You know, most of
my life I wondered how

I'd get along without money
to cushion my every fall,

sustain my setbacks.

I guess now is my
chance to find out.

Amanda, you're a doctor.

You graduated in the top
of your class in med school.

Yeah, only because I
knew if I didn't make it,

if I didn't become a doctor,

my life wasn't gonna change.

The mere fact that my
family's always had money

gave me the freedom to excel.

It's called luck.
Except now the money

that I have, I have earned it,

and it means something to me.

And it's been stolen from me.

And as much as
I hate to admit it...

money is a big
part of my identity

and without it, I feel insecure;

I feel insignificant;

I feel vulnerable. Hey, Amanda,

you're talkin' to me, all right?

You're being ridiculous.

You're so much more
than that, and you know it.

I am serious.

I am scared. I'm frightened.

I understand.

Look, I told you

I'd get your money
back, didn't I?

And I appreciate
the gesture, Jack.

It's not a gesture.

A friend of the family...

tracked down Wallace Sterling.

A friend of the family? You
don't mean one of these, do you?

No, a travel agent.

He checked the
international flights from LAX

and found Wallace Sterling's
ticket to the Caribbean.

And from there, he
could go anywhere.

Yeah, with my money.

We're never gonna find him.

We don't have to.

That's easy for
you to say, Jack.

You're not living in
the doctors' lounge.

Yeah, and you know, you've
done such a lovely job with that.

Amanda...

the guy's gonna come to us.

AMANDA: This is incredible.

Eh, it's okay.

If you go for
that kind of thing.

Okay, Jack? This is a Renoir.

Perhaps the most important

impressionist
painter of all time.

If the guy didn't paint
it on black velvet,

what do I care?

Hello, Jack. Hey,
Peter, how ya doin'?

This is Amanda. Peter.

Pleasure, pleasure.
How do you do?

I'm so sorry to
keep you waiting.

Oh, don't be. I could
stare at this art for hours.

You like it? Oh, yes.

This is one of the
most beautiful pieces

of art I have ever seen.

Great. Take it.

I've got plenty more
where that came from.

(laughs) Come with me.

AMANDA: This is the same Renoir.

I think the frame
works really well

on that one inside, don't you?

Wait a minute.

Are these all forgeries?

I prefer to call them...

"differently created originals."

Has a certain ring
to it, don't you think?

Peter's work hangs in some
of the world's finest museums.

But this is a perfect
rendition. It's so nice to meet

someone who really
appreciates fine art.

Not junk, like this.

JACK: Now, that's third

and last in the
series, right, Peter?

The original was stolen from
a museum in Boston last year

and hasn't been seen since.

It hardly seems
worth the effort.

Oh, well, to the collector

who owns the other two pieces.

You actually think that Sterling

will come out of
hiding for this?

JACK: You kidding me?

Ah, once we get the word out,

nothing will keep this guy away.

ROGER: It's thoughtful
of you to come visit me.

Well, you might not
think so after I say

what I came to tell you.

You're not here because
you feel responsible, are you?

Frankly, yeah.

Well, don't be.

I'll be out of here as soon as
the police realize I'm innocent.

Roger, why did you lie
about where you were

the morning your
father was murdered?

Well, after the fight
we had the day before,

I knew I'd be a suspect.

Did you go to his office?

Well, I walked around
for about an hour,

trying to build up the courage.

But I just couldn't bring
myself to beg him for money.

So I drove home.

This is all my fault.

Why, because you proved
Bonnie was innocent?

Well, no, see,
here is the thing.

No, Bonnie is a
very beautiful person,

and she made my
father very happy.

If one of the two of us
has to be in jail for a crime

we didn't commit,
I'd rather it was me.

Look, Roger, I'll get you out
of here as soon as possible.

I promise you that.

Don't worry about me.

Just promise me that
you'll find the monster

that took my father's
life, and make him pay.

And give Bonnie my love.

♪ ♪

Good afternoon.

I believe you have the
Presidential Suite reserved for me.

The name is Rinaldi.
Carmine Rinaldi.

There you go, sir.

Carmine Rinaldi?

Who's asking?

Charles Lane.

I represent a certain party

who's interested
in Cream of Celery.

I prefer clam chowder
myself, but to each his own.

My assistant...

Eunice Gluck.

Let me be very clear.

This certain party understands

you have a certain can of soup

available for purchase
at a certain price.

Certainly. But not to you.

Mr. Rinaldi does not
deal with middlemen.

That's unacceptable.

Well, then in your case,
we'll make an exception.

Right, Eunice?

Mr. Rinaldi took a very big risk

in acquiring the soup,

so tell your buyer to show

respect and deal face-to-face.

If this certain party wanted

to make the purchase
himself, he'd be here.

Instead, he sent me to negotiate

the price and
authenticate the piece.

If that is a problem for you,
then our business is concluded.

That's absolutely no problem.

Ah, she's a good kid, but, uh...

she gets a little
carried away looking out

for my best interests.
You understand?

I'm staying here at the hotel.

Whenever you're ready
to discuss terms, so am I.

I'll tell you what, Charlie.

Give me a couple of
hours to freshen up.

I just arrived and I'm
still on Zurich time.

Until later this afternoon,
then. Fine with me.

(sighs)

What the hell were
you doing in there?

Making sure the
fish took the bait,

as they say "in the game."

Besides, the way you
were handling things,

Sterling would never have shown.

What game?

What are we talking about?

Jack, you don't
need to patronize me.

I know what's going down, baby.

"The Swindler's Guidebook
by Sammy Backlin."

Mm-hmm.

(sighs) I knew it.

I knew it. I knew it.
I knew it. I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew it. I-I, I just, I know
I made a huge mistake

letting you get
involved in all this.

You should have stayed
back at the hospital.

Here. Jack, I really
appreciate your help,

but I'm either with
you all the way on this

or we forget
about it altogether.

I'm not letting you
take the risk alone.

He took my money, not yours.

Well, you want it
back, don't you?

Of course I want it back.

Then let me handle it.

You'll get Sterling
and your money.

I got it all worked
out, Amanda, all right?

What if Sterling's
middleman finds out

that our Cream of
Celery is a fraud?

You kiddin' me? He won't.

The artist himself
won't even be able

to tell the difference.

Now trust me?

Thank you.

Swindler's Guidebook.

Amanda, this is a
very delicate operation.

Know what I'm saying?

There isn't a move
anybody can make

that I haven't
already anticipated.

Except for this one.

(gasps)

You have no right to
sell Cream of Celery.

Only I can.

Your name wouldn't happen
to be Campbell, would it?

You're trying to cut in on
my action with a forgery.

I ought to kill you
both right now.

What?

After everything that
I've done for you?

Yeah, you stole the painting,
but that was the easy part.

Easy?

Yeah, easy.

Come on.

I had to get the word out.

I had to line up
potential buyers

and check their credentials.

And I didn't even have the
original painting to work with.

And that, my friend,
that was the tough part.

And all I really want
for my strenuous efforts

is a paltry 75%.

40.

65.

40.

No, you see, you
don't understand

how the negotiation
process works.

When I say 65, you're..
Supposed to... 40.

He's a tough negotiator.

(cork pops) (gasps)

Done.

(decocks gun)

I'll be watching you...

con man.

Talk about a second-story man.

See that?

Now we don't have to worry

about Sterling's guy
spotting our forgery.

I got it all under control.

Drink up. (whimpers)

(doorbell rings)

Yes?

Yes. Mrs. Valin?

Nathan Keyes,
Sheldrake Insurance.

Oh, I'm so pleased you're here.

Please come in.

I've been really been
looking forward to this visit.

Mark? Hi.

What are you doing here?

I asked Dr. Sloan to join us.

Oh, the place is lovely.

Thank you.

Did you use a professional
decorator, I'll bet, huh?

Yes, actually, I did.

Is there an upstairs
to it? Yes, yes.

Could we, uh, see all of it?

I'd love to show it
to you, but I, I really...

Oh, I see that you're
putting in a new patio, too.

Would you like to
have a seat up here?

Now about your late husband's

$2 million life
insurance policy...

Would you like to sit down?

No, thank you. All right.

If you will just sign here.

Sign there? Okay,
I'll be happy to.

When do I get my money?

No, you misunderstand,
Mrs. Valin.

This is a waiver relinquishing

all claims to that money.

What?

You must be crazy.

No, Dr. Sloan was kind enough

to fill us in on
your machinations,

Mrs. Valin.

Dave McDonnell,

the picture you
took for your alibi.

High surf, Bonnie, remember?

I'll tell you what I
remember, Mark.

I remember that I have
been through a court of law

and been found
completely innocent.

That was

a criminal case.

This is civil.

We're denying your
claim as fraudulent.

I'll sue.

And we'll put
Dr. Sloan on the stand.

Let a jury decide
if you're entitled

to your late husband's money.

I suggest

that you sign that
waiver, Mrs. Valin,

before things get messy.

Really love what you've done

with the place, Bonnie.

Elliott would have
approved, I'm sure.

Okay, what do you
expect to find here?

Wallace Sterling.

And somethin' to
eat. I'm starving.

Yeah, well, I don't think
you're gonna find him here.

Well, look what I
did find... beautiful.

Ooh, congratulations.

Where's Sterling?

Damned if I know.

But I betcha Charlie does.

And if my guess is right,

he talked to him right
after our little meeting.

Uh, hi, this is

Charles Lane in 6517.

I'd like to use the
express checkout, please.

Channel 3? (snaps fingers)

Thank you very much.

Ah, the wonders of
modern technology.

I can review my bill

without having to wait
in those boring lines.

Mm, well, I don't see what good

checking out of the
hotel's gonna to do.

What, you didn't read about that

in your little guidebook?

It's amazing what you
can find out about a guy

from his hotel bill.

Mm.

Let's see, our boy Charlie

likes room service, likes

adult movies. (wolf whistles)

Wanna watch one? (guffaws)

Best of all, he likes making
lots of calls to the Bahamas.

You know, I wonder
who could be there.

(phone ringing)

Hello.

(Texas accent): No time for
small talk! Tex Chastain here.

Let's deal.

Deal?

Soup, man, soup.

Charlie Lane's selling me
his Cream of Celery tomorrow.

Birthday gift His
Cream of Celery?

For my princess.

But I figure what good is celery
without asparagus and broccoli?

So I made a few phone calls.

You got 'em, I want
'em, you name your price.

How did you get my phone number?

A man worth close to a
hundred million dollars

can get anything he wants

as long as he's
willing to pay for it.

Well, those paintings

are not for sale, and
neither is his, I mean mine.

What I mean is...

I don't care

what you mean.

You got me over a barrel!

You name your
price, I'll pay it.

My princess has her
little heart set on soup,

and I try never to disappoint

my mama.

(dial tone)

That was a horrible
accent, wasn't it?

It was terrible.

But, you know what? He
bought it hook, line and sinker.

Come on, I gotta
make a phone call.

Charles Lane, please.

What do you mean
he checked out?!

Yeah, when's the next
flight to Los Angeles?

(doorbell rings)

Okay.

(chuckles): I'm on my way.

Mark, what now?

Good news, Bonnie. I doubt it.

I want you out of my house...

I just convinced Roger
to contest his father's will.

I think we can keep
it in probate What?

For five years at least.

Mark, I want you out
of here. Oh, David.

I'm going to get a
restraining order, Mark.

I hope you haven't
quit your day job.

What are you talking about?

Well, Bonnie's gonna be

a little short of cash,
and you're gonna need

all you can get your hands
on for a lawyer. Lawyer?

I want you out of here.
Oh, yeah, I'm petitioning

the District Attorney's office

to issue a warrant
for your arrest.

On what charges?

(mouthing) Remember
that false alibi

you helped Bonnie with?
You committed perjury.

Wha... wha... wait a
minute. Know something?

You're going to prison

and she's going free.

Is that ironic or what?

Don't listen to him. He
is just trying to scare you.

Don't let me interrupt
your time of mourning.

Would you get out of here!

I know how devastating
it is to lose a loved one.

Really? I'll just let
myself out. Thanks.

God, he's starting
to irritate me.

I mean, really. You know what?

It's time.

It's time to say bye-bye
to him permanently.

Hey! I-I'm a
perjurer, not a killer.

That's your department.

I thought we're
in this together.

JACK: Eve. Hey, Jack Stewart.

I heard you were back in town.

Listen, if you're
free this afternoon,

I'd like to explain about
that little misunderstanding

at the convention.

Just give me a
chance, all right?

That's great 'cause I have

a limousine waiting downstairs
and it's got our name on it.

We're gonna do
a little sightseeing.

What do you say?

Great.

All right, I'll meet
you down in the lobby.

Ah, hold on just a hot second.

I did not pay for a limousine

for you to romance an old flame.

Come on, Amanda.

What good is a limousine

if you can't impress
a girl with it, right?

And besides, whose,
uh, whose credit card

is that limousine on anyway?

Is it mine...?

Temporarily.

I have every intention
of paying you back

assuming your plan
works, which I'm not...

Assuming, that is.

It will. Hmm.

You just relax,
you little buckaroo

because that's
what I'm gonna do.

What a nice surprise.

I hope it wasn't
too much trouble.

It's the least I
could do to make up

for what happened
the other night.

From now on, I promise

nothing will get in the way of
us getting to know each other

again, okay?

FBI.

Special Agent Matthew Dickerson.

And Agent Mayer,
Organized Crime Task Force.

You're under arrest.

You know, forget about
getting reacquainted, Jack.

I think I know you too well.

No, wait a minute.
I can explain!

Good. We've got
a lot of questions.

(phone ringing)

Dr. Sloan's office.

Well, he's not here,

but as soon as
he comes in, I'll...

(softly): Delores, I got
a lot of thinking to do.

I don't want to be
disturbed, unless...

it's an emergency.
It's an emergency.

In Operating Room 7.

Yes, he's on his way.

All right, darling.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Emergency.

Huh.

(knocking)

Dave.

Dave?

Hey, Dave, Dave, don't
mess with that stuff.

That's dangerous!
Dave, come back here!

Oh, I'm in trouble.

(giggles)

I've gotta get out of here.

I got to get out of here.

(laughing)

(laughing)

I've got... (laughs) I
got about 15 minutes.

Help!

Okay.

Hike, hike, hike.

Come on, guys. You
should have handed it off.

Oh.

(phone ringing)

Dr. Sloan's office.

Hey, Delores.

I...

What do ya want?

(laughing): Help!

Who is this?

Delores, they're
trying to kill me.

(laughing)

Listen, I do not have
time for any jokes.

No, hey, it's Mark Sloan.

Yeah, and I'm Aretha Franklin.

It is?

Hey, Aretha...
(line disconnects)

She hung up on me!

(Native American chanting)

(playing percussion solo)

I'm stickin'...

(phone ringing)

Briggs.

Norman.

Listen...

(with serious voice):
Norman, it's Mark. I'm dying.

(laughing)

I'm glad you find it so amusing.

But, I for one, am fed
up with being the butt

of every joke in
this hospital, Mark.

Wait a minute, Norman.
He's trying to kill me.

I'm dying

down here, Norman...

I'm sure you are.

But next time, do it at
someone else's expense.

No, no. I'm trapped
in the, in the,

in that, uh, what do ya call it?

Norman!

(laughing): Oh, he hung up.

I am a busy man, Miss Mitchell.

And I don't have time for
Dr. Sloan's childish and asinine jokes.

I'm not busy, and Lord
knows I'm not a man,

but I don't have
time for them either.

He called you, too?

Laughing like a fool.

God help us.

Oh, my God!

He really is dying.

(coughs)

You really were dying.

Chief, forgive us
for doubting you.

Did you see that?

I broke down that door
with this ax. Animal.

I destroyed it!

JACK: I'll tell you
again if I have to.

I'm a doctor.

And what a brilliant
cover it is, too.

We know all about
the theft, the forgery,

your little fine art auction.

You're gonna make
a great prison doctor.

This is not what it looks like.

Oh. You say you're not peddling

the stolen Cream of Celery Soup

and double-crossing
the buyer with a fraud?

No, but that's close.

But not for the
reasons you guys think.

You're going down.

The question is, for how long.

Tell us the names of
the people involved...

And how you did the job.

Maybe you'll get
out in time to collect

your first Social
Security check.

(sobbing): Wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

This isn't fair.

Wallace Sterling...

He took all of my money
and he disappeared.

I was living in a
doctors' lounge,

and my good friend, Jack,

he told me that he
was gonna to get

my money back because
Sterling didn't have

the Cream of Celery to go
with the Cream of Asparagus,

or the Cream of
Broccoli... Calm down.

No need to get
hysterical, ma'am.

Well, Jack doesn't have
the stolen Cream of Celery,

but he had one made
so that I could get

all of my money back,

but now it doesn't matter
because I'm going to jail.

And it's not even our
fault. Try to control yourself.

It's all right. We understand.

Just stop crying.

Is that true?

Every word.

(knocking)

See who it is.

All right, that's-that's
Sterling's middleman.

Now, if you believe us

even for a minute,

you guys will get lost.

All right, we'll go in
the closet. We will?

If you try anything funny,
we come out shooting.

Swindler's Handbook, chapter
number seven; "When in Doubt, Cry."

When this is over, I want
to read that book. Uh-huh.

(knocking)

Where the hell have you been?

There's been a terrible screwup.

Somehow the idiots who
run this hotel checked me out.

Oh, no wonder I couldn't
get in touch with you.

I hope you haven't accepted
any bids while I was gone

because I'll double
any offer on the table,

but first, I'd like
to see the soup.

It's on its way.

(knocking)

If it's dry.

Listen, that's a, um,
that's a young lady

that I have an appointment with.

You know what I
mean? At a time like this?

Hey, look, I thought I would
be done with my business.

Thought I'd be celebrating.

When are you going to put a
cork in that raging libido of yours?

You know, this was not a good
time for us to be seen together.

Get rid of the bimbo.

How about a trip
to the bathroom?

The wallpaper's
lovely. It's flocked.

Hey, come on in.

Fresh off the easel.

Oh, that's a work of art.

You're a genius.

All right.

Peter, get behind the couch.
Come on. Just get behind the couch.

Watch the coat.

Here we go. Get down. Get down.

Nice of you to drop in.

Nice wallpaper, huh?

LANE: Could we
please get this over with?

All right, you got
it. Here's the deal.

One half million dollars in
cash, you get the painting.

Done.

(shoe squeaks) I'll have the money
here by 11:30 tomorrow morning.

Good.

But before you see my
green, I wanna see your celery.

You got it.

All right, now I've done
my job. Now you do yours.

I'll bring the
soup, but if you try

to rip me off,

I'll snap you like
a piece of celery.

That was very witty.

A simple "thank you"
would have been fine.

SYMES: I'm very confused.

JACK: That's... well,
come on, that's because

you're in the house
inhaling paint fumes all day,

you know what I mean?

You've got to get
outside in the backyard

once in a while and
smell some fresh air.

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

And they, they, uh, validate
parking at the front desk, okay?

I'll talk to you later.

(sobbing)

We'll be back later.

You bought yourself some slack.

Don't hang yourself with it.

I'm beginning to see a
side of you I never knew.

We're almost home.

Oh, no.

I just can't get
rid of you, can I?

I never expected to see
you around here again, Mark.

Or anywhere else.

David McDonnell
just tried to kill me.

Is that right?

Well, I'll have to talk to
him about that, won't I?

That's not very polite of him.

I wouldn't mind a
word with him myself.

Well, I'm sure that you
scared him off, Mark,

with all that talk
about going to prison.

Doesn't it bother you
that Roger, who loves you,

trusts you,

might go to prison for a
crime he didn't commit?

It really will weigh
heavily on my mind

as I sip my pina colada,
my gaze drifting off

over a perfect white sandy beach

to the emerald sea.

And I'll think

"better him than me."

What are you going
to do for money?

Money?

Mark, hadn't you noticed?

I have some hidden assets.

You dragged me away from my desk

to show me a jersey that
you pulled out of the trash?

It's not just any jersey.

That jersey meant so
much to David McDonnell

he kept it for ten years.

You know what that means?

Yeah. Bonnie Valin
paid him enough

for his part in the murder
so he could afford a new one.

She killed him.

Oh, sure, now you say that.

I found David's Vita-Sip
packs in her trash.

The lab tests show they
were full of rat poison.

So maybe she's got rats
that are into health food.

Look, Dad, I know
you are trying to help,

but all this is meaningless
unless you come up with

a body and a confession.

How about one of each?

Dad, I am not on
the case anymore.

Where's your initiative?

What better way to get back
in your captain's good graces

than to catch
Elliott Valin's killer?

I thought I did that once.

You meet me in Valin's
office in half an hour.

And bring a camera.

Dad, you realize where
they're going to put me

if the Police
Efficiency Task Force

falls behind in its paperwork?

Back on the street.

And I do not look good
in a meter maid's miniskirt.

Oh, don't be so hard on
yourself; you've got great legs.

JACK: All right, where
should I send the check?

Took me three years of planning

to break into that museum
and steal the picture.

You think I'm
gonna to hand it over

to some con man I met yesterday?

Hey, I thought we had
a special bond here.

I'm staying here with my soup

and my collateral.

You know, this does not
bode well for our relationship.

(knocking)

Why don't you go
in the bathroom.

There he is.

I've got the money.
Do you have the soup?

Right here.

Excuse me for one moment.

Hi. Could you page
Eve Lurie, please?

I believe she's at the pool.

Exquisite.

Yeah. If you like that, you
should see the SpaghettiOs

I have hanging in my kitchen.

Eve, it's me.

Oh, please. You didn't
fall for that stupid gag

my friends played on me?

No, of course not.

Can I see you?

Listen, I'm just tying
up a few loose ends

and I'll head straight
down to the pool

as soon as I'm done, okay?

Then I will tell you a
very interesting story.

All right. You got it.

I'll talk to you later.

(doorbell rings)

I'm coming.

(knocking)

Coming!

Oh, Mark, go away.

Mark, there's nothing
more you can do to me.

I admit I have been trying
to put the pressure on you,

trying to deny you the
one thing about Elliott

you did love: his money.

And you have. You've
succeeded grandly.

But I didn't realize I might be
responsible for another death.

Death?

Whose death?

Thank God you
failed. I don't know how

I would have lived
with myself if you hadn't.

I'm... you've-you've
lost me completely.

David McDonnell.

Not terribly bright.

Certainly under your spell,

willing to do anything for
you, including killing me.

What were you afraid of, Bonnie?

That he might try
for a lesser sentence

by testifying against you?

This is a little grainy,
but you can see that

it was taken
yesterday at 3:25 p.m.

Where'd you get this?

You thought you killed
David with the rat poison,

but he's alive, and
he's been on the run.

That is completely nuts.

He called the police to rat

(chuckles): against you.

They traced the call
to a convenience store

in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Got the picture off of
the security camera.

Right about now,
he'll be testifying,

telling them everything he knows

before you can
get to the airport.

(laughing)

That is such a
wonderful performance.

You are good, really.

But I know exactly
where Dave is,

and I know exactly
where I'm joining him

in the morning. Yes, you'll
be joining him... in prison,

for attempted murder. Mark...

my plane leaves at 6:00.

Would you come
by and pick me up,

just give me a
lift to the airport?

I mean, just for
old times' sakes?

Remarkable.

The way Wallengren
uses colors is stunning.

The fluidity, the vibrancy,
its subtle power is dazzling.

I'm getting hungry
just looking at it.

All right, let's get
down to business.

I got somebody
better-looking than you

waiting for me down by the pool.

(knocking)

You traitor!

What are you doing here?

A certain third
party, I presume.

You lying, backstabbing

worm!

Tex told me everything.

Who's Tex?

You thought you could buy
the painting with my money,

sell it to somebody else,
and keep the difference.

Charlie, I'm
impressed. I didn't think

you had it in you. I don't.

I will deal with you later.

Right Now, I just want to
admire my Cream of Celery.

Ah, it takes my breath away.

It's worth every penny.

Easy for you to say

when you're paying
with my money.

Amanda!

Ha.

Uh, I have been
meaning to call you.

I've been working on your

cash-flow problem,
and, uh, good news.

Your money is safe in the bank.

This money is mine.

Actually, it's mine.

That's right.

You see, this is what
we call a transaction.

You get the money
and he gets the painting.

I've decided to take it all.

The money and the painting.

You learn quick.

FBI. Freeze!

Where do you think
you're going, pal?

We're seven flights up.

Well, Jack! Do something!

Money! (people yelling)

Freeze, Stewart!

Freeze!

Not that!

(yelling)

Oh!

You rat!

Take my friend's money?!

Get him!

We got him now. That's him!

Come on, buddy. Let's go.

Take him inside. Yes, sir.

Well, you weren't kidding

when you said you were
heading straight down to the pool.

What a silly, childish stunt.

You ought to try to be
more responsible, Jack.

Poor Dave.

Oh.

Look, this is not
what it seems to be.

I-I can explain this.

Okay, this is not Dave.

I-I'm gonna go get some help.

Just a moment.

I checked with the contractor.

He was gonna pour the
cement tomorrow morning.

Then we would never
have found Dave.

But, Mark, you know
you had that picture.

You saw him. He was alive.

Bonnie, I used
Elliott's computer.

I morphed a picture of Dave

onto a picture of Steve I
took at the convenience mart.

You above of all people
should know better

than to trust a photograph.

Well, I do know
better than that.

I do know better.
Could we talk alone?

Couldn't we just get rid of him,

Bonnie... and could we talk?

Let's go. We could discuss it.

Mark, I know that
you're my friend

and I know deep down
you want to help me.

In your heart, Mark,
you know I'm not guilty.

Mark...!

Hey! What's going on?

Hi, Jack.

What is that?

This happens to
be Elliott Valin's

Surgeon of the Year award.

Yeah, what's it doing here?

Well, Bonnie gave it to me.

Said I earned it. Steve,
you still in the doghouse?

Well, I didn't make the
Special Crimes Task Force,

but at least I back in Homicide.

Did you get your teeth cleaned?

No, why?

You've been smiling
since you walked in here.

You know why?

I have unreal news.

Oh, I heard about that.

The Cream of Celery
soup is back in the museum,

and Sterling's in jail.

Amanda got her money back,

and the FBI cleared
you of any wrongdoing.

No, that's not it.

What could be better than that?

You ready?

Eve Lurie and Lloyd Fleming

ran off to Las Vegas

and got married.

After three dates.

Sounds irresponsible.

(laughing): I know.

Well, I finally moved
out of the doctors' lounge.

Oh, that's a shame.

It was getting kind
of homey in there.

Now I have a new condo,

and I'm having my car
delivered to me this afternoon.

And I owe it all

to you, Jack. Yes, you do.

Thank you.

I couldn't ask for a
more responsible friend.