Diagnosis Murder (1993–2001): Season 1, Episode 3 - Murder at the Telethon - full transcript

Since the hospital board decided that the ER is to shut down unless $100,000 is raised, Norman decides to mount a telethon guaranteeing the full sum, soon leaves a while for a seminar and meanwhile puts Mark in charge, who is relieved Jack kind of enjoys being the stage manager. Main star Buddy Blake, a faded TV comedy legend, comes with his son Michael Blake, who gave up medical studies (with Mark) to be his assistant and is final true with the ingrate's abuse, even in public. While Mark is presenting the show, Buddy stumbles on scene with a fatal knife his back; to the Sloans' horror Michael is arrested as prime suspect, bloody hands and last person seen in dad's dressing room. While Steve nearly dies as MC with stage-freight during the sleepless 24 hours show, Mark and Jack are determined to find the real killer, plausibly Buddy's wife Marcy, who would have divorced him earlier but couldn't part with his money yet, so Jack tails her to a hotel, without neglecting three colleagues on the telethon, all with mortal grudges...

ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to The Buddy Blake Show!

And here he is now,
the star of our show,

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Mr. Buddy Blake!

How do, how do?

(LAUGHING) How deedy-deedy-do?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

It's me, Buddy B.

Welcome to The Buddy
Blake Variety Hour.

Do you believe it's 1973?

Hey, we've been on
the air for seven years!

(IMITATING CLOWN'S
HORN HONKING) Count 'em.



(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Thank you.

Aw, thank you so much.

Your applause
gets me right here.

Or is it here?
Maybe it's heartburn.

Hey, I had leftovers for lunch
and they kept staring at me...

(LAUGHING)

Uh, you don't think
that's funny? Listen to me.

I'm here to tell you
that that is funny.

(GUN FIRES) Do you know how much
my jokes, how much one of my jokes...

(GUN FIRES)
Wait, I did it for you!

Only for you! Only for you!

What... You never
did this to Berle.

(MOANING)



(GUN FIRES)

(GROANS)

No! You don't
understand! Michael!

Michael! Michael! Yeah, I know
that... I'm here, Dad, I'm here.

Michael, they killed
me. I'm here, just relax.

They killed me, I'm blind. No.

No, you just had
the dream again.

(WHIMPERING)

MICHAEL: Just relax.

Here, here.

Here take these. Okay.

Take deep breaths. Take
deep breaths. Okay. Okay!

What now?

Just a bad dream.

Swell.

What the hell kind of
doctor did you get me?

All these pills.
All these pills!

And they can't stop
a simple nightmare?

They're just sleeping pills.

"Oh, they're gonna help you,
Dad, they're gonna help ya."

Help me? Look at me.

Some doctor... Thanks
for nothing, Michael.

Here. Get away from me.

You give me the creeps.

(SIGHS)

My throat is very dry.

Get me some juice.

What's the matter, Dad? You
afraid the dreams might come true?

(WOMAN CHATTERING
ON P.A. SYSTEM)

Compadre, I have
some very exciting news.

Your presentation
to the board Mmm.

About keeping the
emergency room open

was tremendously effective.

They're gonna fund
it for another year?

No, you and I are going to
raise the money. You and I.

How are we going
to do that, Norman?

We're having a telethon.

(LAUGHS) I've already
started the ball rolling.

I've booked KCDM

for two weeks from
Sunday at no cost.

I know this is a
big project, amigo,

but if we put on a full-court
press, you could pull it off.

I can pull it off?

I'm booked on this Caribbean
cruise seminar on cost accounting,

but I'll be back in time
for the telethon itself.

Congratulations, compadre.

I'll send you a
postcard, Mark. Thanks.

(WOMAN CHATTERING
ON P.A. SYSTEM)

MARK: Jack, I can't thank you
enough for stage-managing this affair.

Oh, come on, no sweat.

I had to do this once in
high school. It was kind of fun.

I got Phil covering for
me at the hospital, so...

Oh! That does not belong there!

Okay, and you're gonna
coordinate the talent, right, Delores?

Well, if you can call them that.

Where did you get
these people from?

"Carlo, the Cavorting Camel."

(CHUCKLING) Well, we got to
be grateful for what we can get.

Need I remind you
guys, if we don't raise

at least $100,000
during that 24 hours,

we close the emergency
room doors. Yeah.

I'm on the case. WOMAN:
Yeah, that's it. Right over there.

I... I... I got to ask
you something.

Why did you get this guy
Buddy Blake to host this thing?

I mean, who remembers him?

Jack, the man's a TV legend.

He was number one on
television from the late '60s

through to the early '70s.

You know, they used to
call him Mr. Boob Tube.

But in those days it was
a compliment. Who cares?

Hey, guys, the band
goes to the left, all right?

Dad, look, I'm sorry I'm late.

Well, it's all
right. I need you.

You know, what's really
got me excited is we've got

almost all the
old crew together.

We've got his old
sidekick, Hank Mallory,

we've got the two writers,
Monty and Sarah Emerson.

All coming together.
Oh, that is great.

You know, I can't
believe it, Buddy Blake

BUDDY: Where is
everybody? Is right here!

This is the welcoming
committee? A guy with a hammer.

Hank, Monty, Sarah.
Where are they?

I don't know, Dad. I thought
they'd be here by now.

Oh, you thought? I thought I
smelled something burning.

Why don't we hire somebody
to do your thinking for you

and then we'll know
it'll be done properly.

Uh, Mr. Blake? That's me.

I'm Dr. Mark Sloan
from Community General.

I cannot tell you what an
honor it is to finally meet you.

Well, try, try. Excuse me?

Hey, Doctor, you know
what you're gonna do?

Call me Buddy.

All right. Buddy, I'd like
you to meet my son Steve.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

MICHAEL: Dr. Sloan.

It's good to see you again.
Michael, how are you?

Do you know that I was this
man's teacher in med school?

Very, very promising student,

who shouldn't have
dropped out, by the way.

I've heard this before.

And you must be Mrs. Blake.

Oh, please, call me Marcy.

BUDDY: What are you
waiting for, Idiot Boy?

Take this stuff to
the dressing room.

Marcy, may I call you Marcy?

Could you get me
something to eat

that isn't gonna
make me throw up?

Go, go, go.

Well, folks, let's get this
show on the road, shall we?

Right this way, Mr. Blake. Good.

I'm gonna go help Delores, Dad.

Oh, good. Thanks. All right.

JACK: Mr. Blake. Yes.

Jack Stewart. I'm
a huge fan of yours.

Well! I'm the stage manager.

(LAUGHING)

What about "Crazy House"?

Good. That's good.

How about "Take
it from the Slap"?

Funny, too, but we have to
think about something to go...

Hank! Hank Mallory,
you old bag of bones!

God's been good to
you. You're still breathing.

Oh, Buddy.

No, no, no, no,
you're supposed to say

how happy you are to see me.

This is the best second banana

in the whole business.
Look at this guy.

BUDDY: You give this
guy a kick in the butt,

he takes it better than anybody.

The best!

Whoa! Look what
the cat dragged in!

My two favorite writers.

Author! Author!

Never wrote a joke
I didn't have to fix.

Correct me if I'm wrong. Are
you still both, uh, happily divorced?

I guess that does it
for "hello," eh, Buddy?

Yeah, we're still
divorced, Buddy.

(LAUGHING) Hey, bingo!

And in case you're interested, Monty
and I haven't seen each other in years.

To tell you the truth,
I'm not that interested.

Okay, the reunion is over.

Children, everybody,
in my dressing room.

I need Washington jokes,

Bill and Hillary jokes,

I want them put into
the Robin Hood sketch.

And no puns, or
you're dead meat.

Doc, get my lunch,
will you, please?

No oil, no salt, no taste.

My job, grin and bear
it. Your job, go fetch it.

All right, Doc. Go. Fetch.

The fetching doctor.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I'm back, Mark.

Oh, hello, Norman,
how was your cruise?

Buddy Blake is the
best you could do?

There are a lot of people

who remember and
love Buddy Blake.

It'll work fine.

Fine. I'm calling Jerry Lewis.

♪ (BAND PLAYING)

HANK: And now, here is your host

for the First Annual Community
General Emergency Room Telethon,

(DRUM ROLL) Mr. Boob
Tube, Buddy Blake!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Hey, hey, hey.

How do, how do?

How deedy-deedy-do?

It's me, Buddy B.

(LAUGHING)

I can not tell you
how wonderful it is

for me to be here in Vegas.

(GIGGLING) Wait.

Wrong jacket.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, I know, I know
you're thinking,

"What a warm and funny
guy this Buddy Blake is."

And if you're not,
why aren't you?

Hey, you know, when my
good friend, Dr. Mark Sloan,

called me and asked
me to do this telethon

I had one question
for the good doctor.

When do you want me?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
And here I am.

Thank you.

Okay.

Before we get
the stuffing going...

(LAUGHING) The stuffing going!

I've got it going now.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Before we get things started

I want every one of you wonderful
people out there in television land

to call up and make
a generous pledge,

because this time
tomorrow night,

we have got to raise $100,000.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
And we're gonna do it.

And remember, I
know where you live.

Okay, it gives me great
pleasure to bring you

the antics of Carlo,
the Cavorting Camel.

Let's hear it!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING) All right!

BUDDY: Yes.

Oh, what a...

Hey, be careful with that nose.

Beautiful.

(FEIGNING SPITTING)

What a smell of straw!

Enjoy.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Dad, Dad. Can I talk to you
for a second? You moron.

We're gonna chip in
and get you a brain.

How dare you book
me in this sideshow?

Shh, Dad, please... Don't
shush me! Don't shush me!

I'll turn you into a doormat
and I'll wipe my feet off on you.

You think you're a man?
You're a useless parasite.

Look, I am through
being your whipping boy.

Oh, really? What are you
gonna become, a doctor?

You're a mean,
self-centered, old has-been

and you're lucky to be here.

Don't you walk away from me!

I just did.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

No one's answering the phones.

They're not ringing.

Exactly.

Where's Jerry Lewis?

I left a message.

It'll pick up, Norman.

How's it going?

Well, unless his son kills him,

Buddy and his Robin
Hood sketch is up next.

No, he's up now.

BUDDY: Clear! Some of us
are working. Please, please.

Finally.

We're working, we're
working! Clear, clear.

Where the hell is
that idiot son of mine?

He's needed for brain surgery in

my dressing room immediately.
I can't find my hairpiece.

I can't work like this!

Somebody has to stall.

You! I'll get ready, you stall.

Get out of my way!

No. Oh, no, sir.

No. Hey, guys, wait.

No... (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

What? Hi.

Hello there, I'm Dr. Mark Sloan.

MAN: (WHISPERING)
Other camera, Doc!

Oh.

MAN: (WHISPERING) Talk.

I'd like to talk to you

(STAMMERING) about, uh, the
importance of our emergency room service.

You know, uh, emergency room
service is a... a medical service

that's available to, really,

uh, very few people
at this moment

because so many of
our... our emergency rooms

around the city
have, uh, have closed

and it's very important
that we keep this one open.

(MARK CONTINUES TALKING)

(SIGHS)

Dad?

(PANTING)

Oh. Very funny.

What's the matter?
What's the mat...

MARK: And I can assure you if
you... if you have never seen this sketch

you are all in for a real treat.

(CLEARS THROAT) It's what I
would call a classic TV sketch.

Some of you are probably...

A lot of you are probably
too young to have ever seen it.

So get out your... Oh,
here comes Buddy.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
I mean, uh, Robin hood.

(AUDIENCE CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Call an ambulance!

I'm sorry.

Buddy's aorta was punctured.

No. We didn't
think he'd make it.

We did everything we could.

I know this is
hard... I got to...

Mrs. Blake, my deepest sympathy.

Where's the phone?

It's, uh, down the hall.

(WOMAN CHATTERING
ON P.A. SYSTEM)

Buddy was such a wonderful guy.

A real humanitarian.

He was an original talent.

They'll never be another
one like him, never.

Excuse me. Dad?

Could I speak to you
for a minute, please?

Excuse me a moment.

Where is Michael Blake?

He's down the hall. Why?

(SIGHS)

I'm here to arrest him

for the murder of his father.

Michael?

No. I know Michael,
he didn't kill his dad.

Dad, I've got my doubts,
too, but look at the evidence.

I saw him fight with his father.

He was alone in the
dressing room with him,

Buddy Blake ends up
with a knife in his back

and Michael's got
blood on his hands.

D.A. says that's all we need.

Give me a moment
with him, will you?

Go ahead.

Buddy wasn't always
so terrible, you know?

Well, difficult, sure,
and bad-tempered.

But in the old days, you know,

when his... his show was on,

there were times...

Oh, I wish I hadn't
said those things to him.

I called him a has-been.

Oh, I know that hurt him.

Guess I... Guess I loved
him in spite of himself, huh?

Michael, I hate to
have to tell you this.

The police think that
you killed your father.

Oh, they don't
really believe that.

I'm afraid they do.

You don't believe it, do you?

No.

What am I gonna do, Mark?

Well, I don't know,
maybe I can help.

Do you know anyone who
might want to kill Buddy?

Yeah, sure, any one of those
four down in the waiting room

pretending to grieve.

They all hated Dad.

Do you know exactly why?

Yeah, it's all that dirt I
didn't print in my book.

It takes time, Michael.

Mr. Blake, I'm afraid I'm going
to have to place you under arrest

for the murder of your father.

Read him his rights.

OFFICER: You have
the right to remain silent.

Anything you say...

MARK: Michael
didn't kill his father.

Dad, I can't believe it either,

but right now all the
evidence points to him.

I had no choice
but to arrest him.

I think one of those four
people killed Buddy Blake.

That's gonna be
very hard to prove.

You know, the trouble
is, with Buddy gone

they're all gonna leave town.

I can't stop them.

Look, I'll see you back
at the studio. All right.

As you know, Buddy
Blake was just rushed

to Community General's
emergency room.

Our thoughts and prayers
are for his full recovery.

This tragedy just
points out the importance

of our emergency room services.

What if we were closed today?

Buddy Blake may
not have survived.

And so we could...

Are you sure about this?

Unfortunately,

even the valiant efforts of
our emergency room crew

could not...

Buddy Blake did not survive.

He passed away a
few moments ago.

As shocking as this is,

and what could be more
shocking than the untimely demise

of a truly great man,

let us remember that
Buddy Blake's last wish

was to raise as much
money as possible

for the hospital he loved,
Community General.

So we will continue on with
our telethon for just one reason.

Buddy Blake would
want it that way.

Yes, and um... Now... Thank you.

And now, how
about a nice welcome

for a wonderful pair
of ballroom dancers,

Marvin and Maxine.

Let's hear it, come on.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Marvin and Maxine.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

I know how upset
you all must be,

but I also know you
all came down here

out of your great
love for Buddy.

So, uh, I'm asking you to
see this telethon through

in Buddy's memory.

I can't get a plane out
till tomorrow anyway.

SARAH: Monty and I
used to do an act together.

Do you remember it, honey?

Sure, sure. We could do that.

I was rehearsing some
bits Buddy would have loved.

I'll stay.

Thank you.

Thank you all.

♪ (IRISH JIG PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I need to tell you something.

I think Steve is right.

How are you gonna prove that one
of those four people killed Buddy?

I don't know yet.

How's it going out there?

Oh, ever since Buddy got
killed, we shot up to $27,000,

but after that, we just died.

I'm telling you, somebody's
got to front this thing.

Where's Briggs?

He's lying in the back with
an ice pack on his head. Huh?

He's fine. He's nervous.

Dad, Elvis has left the building

and Delores can't
find him anywhere.

Oh, great.

Steve, my boy.

What do you want?

Do you remember mentioning
that you'd do anything to help out?

Yeah.

Take this list of acts out there
and read them as they come on.

No, Dad. Dad, I can't do
that. That's all you have to do.

Look, Steve, It's for the emergency
room. I'm not a performer, Dad.

I don't even like to get up in front of
people. Just till we get another host.

It's all right, go on.
Please, don't do this to me.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Say something!

(CLEARS THROAT)

How do you like the so show far?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

May I help?

Uh, yeah, you can give me
a hand with this. It's stuck.

Let's see.

(GRUNTS)

Well, it sure is. Yeah.

Do you think
Michael killed Buddy?

Looks that way, doesn't it?

Obviously, you don't.

Uh, no. No, I don't.

But I think someone
close to him did.

Like his widow?

His rich widow?

If all I wanted was the money,

I would have divorced
the slob 20 years ago

while I could
still wear a bikini.

Oh, but then, if you
just divorced him,

you'd only get half the money.

Now with Michael out of the way,

you get the whole estate.

I do now.

Just toss this and the
rest of the stuff here.

Where were you
when Buddy was killed?

None of your business.
That's where I was.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

That was the, uh,
Three Little Piggies,

doing My Achy Bacon Heart.

Uh, our next act will
be appearing nightly

at the Gallery Bar and Grill.

Please welcome
Waldo the Juggler.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

♪ (CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING)

He was supposed to introduce
the Tumbling Tasmanians.

Oh.

Marcy Blake is starting to
look like a prime suspect.

Keep an eye on her.

D, hold down the fort. Yeah?

I wanna talk to you.

They're sitting on
their hands out there.

I mean, can't those comedy
writers give me a few jokes?

I'm dying out there.

Steve, would you like
something cold to drink, maybe...

Yeah, make it a diet
soda, lots of ice, please.

Makeup. WOMAN: Yes, sir.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

I just spoke to you.

You must have broken all the speed
records between San Francisco and Denver.

No, no, Herb, I don't
think that's a good idea.

Somebody might see us together.

Me, too.

I know.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Okay, well, meet me in the
lobby of the Crown Regent Hotel.

Okay, bye.

Yeah, give me a florist.

How you doing?

Listen, um, I need to send some
flowers to Buddy Blake's room, all right?

♪ (ELVIS THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(IMITATING ELVIS)
Thank you, Elvis.

Uh, let's go to our
tote board, shall we?

Well, I see we're a little
short of our $100,000 goal,

so please, keep
those calls coming in.

Uh, our next act is a
very talented dancer

who is here with her

snakes.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Sahar.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

♪ (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I got one minute before I'm
back on. Where's the bathroom?

It's down that hall.

You better go back. Why?

One of the snakes got away.

I hate snakes.

Oh, my goodness.

Thank you.

(DOOR CLOSING)

To us.

Finally.

Did you bring the
rest of the papers?

HERB: Yeah, the
sooner we get this thing

out of the way, the better.

You may use my pen.

Thank you.

(DOOR OPENING)

(WOMAN LAUGHING)

So I said, "Who's
got time for that?"

(LAUGHING)

Oh, I like it.

Very nice.

Yes.

Yes, it's very nice.

(GIGGLES)

Hotel security! You're busted.

I... I was just sitting here
minding my own business,

and... and this woman
came into my room. Hey!

Happens all the time, sir. You
just relax, everything's under control.

What about my money?

Evidence. You be quiet.

And you...

You keep your nose clean
from now on, you hear me?

I will.

I will.

Come on. Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!
What's the story here?

And don't tell me
you're hotel security!

Don't worry about who I am.

Now, you wanna make this
$200 the easy way or what?

Yeah, I'm listening.

All right, come with me.

What are we gonna do?

But really... I kid around,
but I really love doctors.

And I love that they
have this knowledge,

and all this education,

and if I am ever in
any kind of trouble,

I want a doctor near.

So I moved next
to a golf course.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Don't laugh!

The other day I keel over
and I asked for a doctor,

two of 'em came over.

One of them says,
"I think you fainted."

I say, "I'd like a
second opinion."

The other doc says,

"I think your
backswing's too short."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Hank is great.

Yeah. He always was.

Now, folks, I've heard a rumor

that Community
General's own Dr. Sloan

has been known to cut loose
with some fancy footwork.

Yes, he can, he can. Maybe
with a little encouragement...

What do you say, Doc?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Go on.

HANK: Ladies and gentlemen,

from Community General Hospital's
emergency room, Dr. Mark Sloan!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)

Surprise!

(CHUCKLING)

♪ (TAP MUSIC PLAYING)

Surprised you
came to this telethon

after the way
Buddy's treated you.

Buddy treated everyone
exactly the same.

Rotten.

You had an extra
reason to kill him.

When your wife fell ill and
you asked Buddy for money

to send her to Florida,
he turned you down.

How'd you know that?

Michael told me.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

He didn't even
come to the funeral.

Good thing. I'd have killed him.

Maybe you didn't have an
opportunity until this telethon.

I didn't kill him, Doc.

Then maybe you wouldn't
mind telling me where you were

when Buddy was murdered.

Across the street,
getting quietly smashed.

Ask the bartender.

I will.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Yeah, this is the Blake suite.

No, no, no, she can't come to the
phone now. She's in the shower.

She's in the shower.

All right, get him
out of the room.

Uh, yes, hello. I'm sorry
to keep you waiting, sir.

This is Mrs. Steiner,

the assistant hotel manager,

and I'm afraid there's been a
mix-up in Mrs. Blake's account.

We need verification of
her credit card number.

I'm her associate.
Can't this wait?

Oh, no, sir.

I'm afraid not.

Unless this matter is
cleared up immediately,

another party will be
checking into the room.

I'll be right there.

He'll be right down.

Good girl.

Hey!

Oh.

There you go.

Oh! Watch where you're going.

Hey, I'm sorry, pal.

(WATER RUNNING)

Hey, who are you?

Housekeeping. Forgot your mints.

Hey, come back here! Hey...

ANNOUNCER: $69,405!

Now there's only
seven hours to go,

so let's keep those
pledges coming!

I have this terrible feeling

we'll never raise the $100,000.

17 hours...

Has anybody ever
talked for 17 hours?

Hey, Mr. Wainwright will never
take me seriously again, never.

Tell Monty and Sarah I can't learn
their jokes. My eyes won't focus.

17 hours into this telethon

and we've only raised two-thirds
of the money. Two-thirds.

You know, maybe just
a little two-minute nap.

Oh, no, no. No,
Sloan, Jr. No, no.

Stay up. Stay up. Let's do this.

Sloan, you have to help me out.

I guaranteed the board
we'll raise the money.

I guaranteed the board,
Sloan. I guaranteed them.

Norman, calm
down. It isn't over yet.

How are you, son?

Oh, great, just like I'm
swimming through Jell-O.

Here, finish.

Where are Monty and Sarah?

They're in their dressing room,

rehearsing their
old act. All right.

Okay, let's go. Let's go, Steve.
Let's go back to the stage.

It's right this way. Let's bring
this home. Yeah. Where am I?

Right here. Onstage, right this
way. No, this way. Come on, this way.

♪ (PLAYING PIANO)

When I first met Sarah,

I asked if I could see her home.

So she gave me a picture.

When we first got
married, it was great.

Then, as we were walking
back down the aisle...

I said to Sarah, "What would
you like for a wedding gift?"

And she said,
"Separate honeymoons."

I always say, "Love
is mind over matter."

That's right. She doesn't
mind and I don't matter.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, hiya, Doc Sloan.

Hey, don't stop.
I love the routine.

So did the troops
at Valley Forge.

We're not that old,
darling. It was Gettysburg.

Is there something
we can do for you?

I... I wanted to ask you
a couple of questions.

MONTY: Oh, do we win a prize?

No, but maybe we find
out who killed Buddy.

Michael killed Buddy.

Poor kid.

You know, I don't think
so, really. Not Michael.

But somebody who hated him did.

And you two both had good
reason to hate Buddy Blake.

Mr. Warmth? Mr. Personality?

I mean the Buddy Blake
who ruined your marriage.

Let's take a break, Monty.

(SIGHS)

You're right, I did have
an affair with Buddy,

years ago when we
were working with him.

It didn't last long.

None of Buddy's
affairs ever did.

It was the biggest mistake
I ever made in my life.

Well, Sarah, from what I hear,
you took that affair pretty seriously.

And when Buddy
broke it off so abruptly,

you were very upset.

I thought he loved me
'cause he called me honey.

Turned out he couldn't
remember my name.

(CHUCKLES)

Monty, is it true at that time
you threatened to kill him?

MONTY: Sure,
but I didn't have to.

He was dying every
Wednesday night

in front of 30 million
people on television.

But you took the
breakup of your marriage

pretty hard, didn't you?

I mean, wouldn't you?

But after six weeks
in a rubber room...

No, no, I got over it, Doc.

And here we are
again, for the first time.

That's great. I'm
happy for both of you.

Oh, one last thing.

When... when Buddy was
murdered, where were the both of you?

Is this a trick question?

No, no, really.

I just wondered where you were.

Together.

As in, in the same
room at the same time.

Oh.

Well, I mean, you had
finished writing Buddy's material,

and nobody saw you backstage

so I was just wondering
what you were doing.

BOTH: ♪ Makin' whoopee! ♪

Oh.

Sorry.

Congratulations
to the both of you.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)

JACK: Mark.

Jack, where have you been?

Listen. I think I know
who killed Buddy Blake.

I got the proof right here.

Well, one more hour to go.

One more hour.

(DRUM ROLL)

Uh...

Let's go check the
tote board, shall we?

(DRUM ROLL)

Oh, look at that.

Isn't that nice?

Well, folks, let's put it
over the top, shall we?

For... for the emergency room.

(SIGHS)

I love the emergency room.

They have beds there.

Nice, soft,

warm beds with

blankets,

pillows...

(LOUD DRUM ROLL)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, our next guest is

Carlotta, who is
gonna yodel for us.

♪ (YODELING)

MARK: Well, what do you know?

After all Buddy's insults,

he gave Marcy power of attorney.

Mmm-hmm.

She didn't waste any
time transferring his money

into her bank accounts, either.

Or changing the ownership
on the rest of their holdings.

Now, look at these.

The changes are dated last week.

Add that to Mr. Loverboy,
and you get...

Survival.

Now, I don't know who
you two think you are,

but I've got a good
mind to call a cop.

Well, you know then
you'd have to explain

how all of Buddy's bank accounts
very suddenly became yours,

and as lately as last week.

Maybe I can explain,
if you'll allow me.

I'm Herb Morton, Buddy's
business manager.

Yeah, that's not
all you manage, pal.

It's true.

Marcy and I love one another,

which is why I couldn't
stand by and watch

what Buddy was doing to her.

JACK: So, what, you killed him?

Hardly.

Look, everybody knows
Buddy was a horrible person.

But what you probably
don't know is that he was...

He was also a two-timing
philanderer and gambler.

HERB: It's true.

Every month I'd see large
sums of money paid out

to one young woman or another,

or to cover his
markers in Las Vegas.

I was... That is, we, were
merely protecting what was left.

All I'm hearing is a
stronger motive for murder.

Unless you can tell
us where you were

around the time
Buddy was killed.

(SIGHS)

I was backstage on
the phone with Herb.

HERB: Actually, we
were on a conference call

with an associate at my office.

We were talking about the
information in those faxes.

The call was timed and dated,

if you'd care to check.

Any other questions, Doc?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Unless you want to make a
contribution to the telethon.

If you'll excuse us.

Guess not.

I'm sorry, Mark. I...

I thought we had the killer.

That's okay. So did I.

So what does that mean?

Marcy's got an alibi,

Hank was across
the street at the bar

having a drink, which I checked,

and Sarah and
Monty were together.

Who does it leave?

Leaves you-know-who.

Michael.

You know, not
necessarily, though,

because Monty and Sarah
only have each other as alibis.

Joe, can you play the
tape from just a few minutes

before Buddy comes out there?

Look, I'm... I'm not quite sure
what we're looking for here.

Okay, hold it right there.

Now, there's Monty sitting
at the celebrity phone bank.

JACK: Yeah. MARK:
Clock says 12:15.

Okay, go ahead.

All right, stop.

Now, look, Monty's gone

and the clock reads 12:18.

Can you fast forward now
to when he comes back?

JACK: All right, now Monty's
back at the phone bank

and the clock says...

12:30.

So where'd he go
for the 12 minutes?

I don't know.

Wait a minute, didn't...
didn't you tell me

that, uh, that Sarah said
Monty was with her backstage?

Maybe.

Joe, could we see this from a
different angle right from the top?

(PUNCHING KEYS)

Okay, freeze it right there.

Can you enlarge that any?

Yeah, see?

Now, there's
Sarah and the clock.

So what does that say?

12, 12:18.

Okay, okay, keep going, Joe.

(SIGHS)

12:30. Sarah's still there,

no sign of Monty.

JACK: So she lied about
Monty being with her.

But come on, Mark, it doesn't mean
that... that Monty murdered Buddy.

Joe, can I see that
angle of Monty again?

Can you enlarge
that any? I can't...

MARK: Yeah.

All right. Now, on
the same screen,

can you show me this
picture of Monty from before?

There.

Oh, this is very interesting.

Now I think we have something.

♪ (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

JACK: Steve.

Steve, hey!

You all right?

All right, good. Listen, your
dad needs to see you right away.

He's in the editing room.
What? Now he wants me to edit?

No, man, he just wants to
see you. Mr. B'll take over.

No, i-i-impossible.
I don't think so, no.

Ah, just open your
mouth, Norman.

Something'll come out.

I don't enjoy public speaking.

I'm good at it, I
just don't enjoy it.

Norman, just relax, all
right? Just be yourself.

No, I don't... Come
on, walk with me.

What ever happened
to Jerry Lewis?

He's in France. I
don't want to do this.

Please, Norman, trust
me, you're gonna be fine.

(SIGHING)

What's going on?

Ah, plasma with cream and sugar.

This is only gonna
take a minute.

I thought you'd like to be here

when I exposed
Buddy Blake's killer.

Well, uh, this
better be good, Doc.

I... I've been up for about
36 hours, and I'm beat.

It's not gonna take long. I just
have a tape I want you to see here.

Oh, and, Sarah,
I want to tell you,

I know that you lied about
being backstage with Monty.

You never left the
set. We have it on tape.

So? This is ridiculous.
Come on, Sarah.

MARK: No, wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

That's not what I
want to show you.

You know, in
reviewing these tapes,

there's one thing that
caught my attention,

and that was your hair, Monty.

And that's how I know you're
the one that killed Buddy Blake.

What is this, a joke?
What's the punch line?

Take a look here.
We edited some tapes.

Now, if you look closely,

at the beginning
of the telethon,

Monty's hair is rather short.

Now, after Buddy was killed,

you'll notice Monty's
hair hangs over his ears.

Now, I had to ask
myself the question,

how much hair can a person grow

in 30 minutes?

All right, you got me. How much?

The answer is, it
wasn't your hair.

When you and Buddy
struggled in the dressing room

and you stabbed him,

your toupee must
have fallen off.

And in your rush
to get out of there,

you grabbed Buddy's by mistake,

which is longer than yours.

That's crazy. My...
my toupee fits perfectly.

Well, of course it does,
because you had a spare toupee.

Because as soon as you could,
you took off Buddy's toupee

and put on your own.

This one.

You can't prove any of this.

When Buddy staggered onstage,

I thought he was
coming toward me,

but, actually, he
was going toward you

clutching this
hairpiece, your toupee.

This is the hairpiece that
Buddy was carrying onstage,

your toupee.

And it has the same code number

assigned by the wigmaker
to identify a specific client.

In this case, you.

Monty, I'm so sorry.

MARK: You were afraid
he did it, weren't you?

That's why you lied for him.

He was such a
mean, cruel, creep.

I hated him for what
he took from me.

My career, my... my dignity.

Most of all, because of you.

He never had me, Monty.

He had a simple, naive girl

who came to her senses too
late and has regretted it ever since.

It sure looked like you.

Let's go, Monty.

What?

I'm placing you under arrest.

I'm being arrested by an emcee?

What is this, Hollywood?

Steve is a detective with
the police force, Monty.

Come on.

Monty,

this time I'm
gonna stick around.

NORMAN: And after college,

I got a job working for
a textile manufacturer.

"Cotton does your body
good. Just don't ask the sheep."

(LAUGHS)

Um...

Well, I... I don't know
where everybody is,

but we have ten minutes to go

and we haven't
reached our goal yet.

So then I... I...

Dr. Sloan, Steve,
somebody, help me.

♪ (PIANO PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

♪ Forget your troubles
and just get happy ♪

♪ You'd better chase
all your cares away ♪

♪ Sing, hallelujah ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ Get ready for that happy day ♪

♪ The sun is shining,
come on, get happy ♪

♪ The Lord is waiting
to take your hand ♪

♪ Shout, hallelujah,
come on, get happy ♪

♪ We're going to
the Promised Land ♪

♪ We're heading
across the river ♪

♪ Wash your sins
away in the tide ♪

♪ And it's oh, so peaceful ♪

♪ On the other side ♪

♪ We're heading ♪

Steve.

♪ Wash away the tide ♪

I don't have school today.

Thank you, son.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

We did it. We did it, Sloan.

You had a phone
call from Jerry Lewis.

Take a message.

♪ Forget your troubles,
come on, get happy ♪

♪ You'd better chase
all those cares away ♪

♪ Shout, hallelujah,
come on, get happy ♪

♪ Get ready ♪

♪ You get ready ♪

♪ Get ready ♪

♪ Oh, get ready ♪

♪ Get ready for that happy day ♪

♪ We're gonna have ♪

♪ A happy day ♪

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