Diagnosis Murder (1993–2001): Season 1, Episode 19 - Sister Michael Wants You - full transcript

Here they come. Here they come.

Oh, looking good, come
on, pedal, pedal, that's it.

That's it. Camera's rolling.

Aren't they cute?

Come on, Suzy, slide.
That's it, very good.

Hang on, there now.

Okay, watch the double-team!

Uh-huh. Nice pass.
Yes. Oh, good, good.

Next season, we're
playing the Lakers.

We do look like
penguins, don't we?

Oh, yes match point.



Okay, Greg, start on the apple.

Good. You smile now, Sisters.

We're nuns having fun!

That's it, very
sociable. Uh-huh.

Very good. Passing the apples.

That's nice.

Don't look at me.

Uh-huh.

Look real. Sparkle.

Who's under the egg.
Yeah. Oh, dropped his.

Okay. You getting the
chicken? I love that chicken.

See the chicken? Okay.

Cut.

All right. Thanks,
everybody. That was great.



Well, that's a wrap.

You know, this is a first
for me, Sister Michael,

shooting a recruitment
video for a convent.

Oh, Greg, I hope this works.

If my convent doesn't start
attracting new novices soon,

I'll have to close the
doors to St. Clair's.

You can't have that.

I'm proud of you, Greg.

You know, I was worried
about you when you left school.

Well, I didn't leave
school. You expelled me.

Well, the other students
couldn't concentrate.

But I prayed for you
and look at you now.

Yeah, from MTV to
"Sister Michael wants you."

I don't know how you
talked me into this.

Oh, he works in mysterious ways,

and sometimes so do I.

The base on balls puts
runners at first and second here

with one out, the
score's still tied at 4-4.

And it brings up the
switch-hitting Clark to the plate.

St. Clair's convent,
Sister Michael speaking.

Sister, this is Greg.

I have to see you.

At this hour?

Greg, what's wrong.

I can't talk here.

Uh, I'll meet you in the chapel.

Give us this day
our daily bread...

Sister Michael! Greg.

What's the matter?

Take this videotape and hide it.

Some people are
gonna want it very badly.

Some people... Stay
down! Stay down!

Yes, this is Sister Michael,

St. Clair's convent,
28 Marlborough Road.

We have an assault in progress.

The perp's armed
with a revolver.

Uh, nearest unit respond
and call for backup.

Greg.

God love you.

Sergeant Clark,

if the package
wasn't on Greg's body

then it's still in the
convent somewhere.

He either dropped it
or hid it somewhere.

We searched the convent,
Sister. No package.

Now, maybe the killer took it.

He didn't have time.

Now, now, Sister. This has
been traumatic experience for you.

You're not remembering clearly.

The perp was dressed
all in black, black sneakers.

Perp?

He had a revolver. From
the sound of it, it was a .38.

Sister, do you watch
a lot of cop shows?

Sergeant, have you ever heard
the name of Charlie Donovan?

Sure he's a legend. A great
cop who never missed a trick.

You knew him?

I'm his daughter, Maggie.

I cut my teeth on his shield.

No one is born a nun, Sergeant.

Sister? May I see you?

Excuse me.

Our Sisters are very upset.

I understand. It's a tragedy.

And so easily preventable.

You mean, it's my fault?

Sister, you mustn't feel guilty.

However, I do feel that a more
experienced Mother Superior

might not have
commissioned that video.

By "more experienced" I'm
sure you're referring to yourself.

I wouldn't presume, Sister.

The community elected
you, and I'm sure,

in time, we'll see God's
hand in that decision.

Hey, what are you doing?

Excuse me.

Hey, put the cuffs away. I
didn't do anything wrong.

What's this?

What is going on here?

Do you know this man?

Yes, this is our
gardener Vic Chandler.

We found this in a trash can
outside the garage where he lives.

Recently fired.

Sister, I didn't do nothing.

I know you didn't.

Vic Chandler
wouldn't hurt anybody.

I checked.

Your gardener is an ex-con
with a rap sheet, Sister.

Breaking and entering.
Strictly second story.

He never even carried
a weapon with him.

You know?

Of course I know.

Do you think I'd let a
fox into my henhouse?

Sister, you're a real humanitarian,
but he's going with us.

Sister...

Don't worry, Vic. I'll
take care of everything.

Look, I told you the perp
was wearing black sneakers.

He's got brown shoes on.

Good night, Sister.

Say one for me?

Maitland, I want you to stick with
the Hollander homicide eyewitness

while he goes
through the mug shots.

I got a feeling he'll
I.D. our shooter

if we can just get him to relax.

All right that's it. You all
know where you're going

and what to do
when you get there.

Be careful.

All right.

Sister Michael, hi.

Listen, I heard what
happened. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Here, sit down.

Can I get you anything?

No, thank you.

Sergeant Clark won't
tell me anything, Steve.

Okay. Has ballistics confirmed
that the gun they found

was the one that
killed Greg Wilson?

Yes. The .38 was
the murder weapon.

Vic's Chandler's going
to end up in prison

unless somebody
finds the real killer.

Well, Sister, Chandler
didn't have any alibi

and Clark's men did find
a gun on his doorstep.

It was pretty strong evidence

despite your faith in him.

What's faith got to do with it?

I mean, where is
his motive? Hmm?

And... and where's the
package Greg tried to give me?

Oh, Sergeant Clark doesn't believe
there was a package, does he?

Well, he feels that if a package
had been hidden in the convent

he would have found it.

I need a miracle, you know.

So.

Steve. How's your father?

Hey, Jack? What are you
doing this weekend? Yeah?

Oh, I don't know, I'm
just going to hang out.

Hmm. You know, I always wonder

what guys mean
when you say that.

Does that mean that
you're going to be alone

or hanging out with the
guys watching videos

because you can't find a date?

Or is there a girl?

Ah! There is a girl.

Hey, hey, hey do I probe into
your pitiful little personal life?

Yes, you do, all the time,
as a matter of fact. I do not.

Hey, hey, time out, okay?

You got a new girl?

Not in front of her,
Mark. Come on.

Well, I'm off to the mountains.

Hey, what, are you going
bird-watching, Norman?

That's great, Norman. What are
you going to do in the mountains?

I don't know. Every weekend
people tell me their plans.

Either they're going to the mountains,
or the desert, or the beaches.

I get tired of saying I'm
puttering around with my hobbies,

so I'm going to the mountains.

Have a wonderful
weekend. That's great.

Thank you, Mark. I hope.

Watch out for the poison oak.

You know what he's going to do?

He's going to hang out.
I'm out of here. Right.

Yeah, me too.
See you later, Mark.

See you.

Dr. Sloan, Dr. Sloan.

One of your favorite people

is waiting for
you in your office.

Really? Come on.

Maggie.

Sister Michael.

I haven't seen you since you
were elected Mother Superior.

Almost a year now.

Who would have thought that
ornery little tomboy would become

the youngest Mother
Superior in the Church.

Oh, you.

You look wonderful. So do you.

I heard that somebody
committed a murder in the convent.

Yeah. That is shocking.

I know, and they've
arrested my gardener.

And I know the man.
I know he didn't do it.

Why don't you leave it
to the police, Maggie?

Well, I'd feel a lot better
if Steve were on the case,

or my dad.

God, Charlie.

I miss him.

So do I.

Charlie always said you should
have been a cop just like your father.

Yeah, well, Steve
followed in Dad's footsteps.

I'm the black sheep.

Yes, but out of a family of cops
he said you were the best detective.

No, I was always kind
of an amateur sleuth.

Mark, I need your help.

Sister... Maggie.

The daughter of your
father's best friend.

You remember the time
they both walked into

Turman's Deli just as
it was being robbed?

Charlie saved my dad's bacon.

All right. What do
you want me to do?

Sisters? Sisters, I
have wonderful news.

This is Father McGuiness,

who comes to us from 30 years

of dedicated missionary service

and, uh, until
Father is reassigned,

which could be any minute now,

he's going to be
our chaplain. Hmm?

Father McGuiness.

Ladies. Sisters.

Will you bless us,
please, Father?

May the road rise
to... to meet you.

May the wind be
always at your back

and may you be a half an hour in
heaven before the devil knows you're dead.

Amen.

Amen.

I just lied to nuns.

What can you get
for lying to nuns?

We are not lying, Mark.

We are... We are
protecting my Sisters

by withholding information
that would only upset them.

Hmm.

The police searched the
convent for Greg's package, right?

Mmm-hmm, and came up empty.

That's the reason he was killed,
you know. It must be very important.

Yeah, and whoever killed
him may be back to get it.

Which means we have to be on
the lookout for suspicious visitors.

And then we'll nab them.

Father. Mother
Superior, excuse me.

You have a visitor.

Good day, Sister Michael.

I'm Sister Regina.

The diocese has sent me
to inquire after the welfare

of your Sisters following
their terrible ordeal.

Oh, that's very
kind of the diocese

and of you, too, Sister Regina.

Uh, this is Father McGuiness,
our temporary chaplain.

I'll be staying the weekend.

Is that really necessary?

Forgive me, Sister,
but the diocese insists

on my objective assessment.

Now, if you'll show
me to my room?

Sister Charity will escort you.

While I'm here, I'll conduct
an inventory of the convent

just to make myself useful.

Thank you, Sister.

Oh, boy, am I in trouble.

What was that?

In layman's terms?

The IRS has decided
to audit my returns

and they just sent
Mack the Knife to do it.

Boy, are you in trouble.

Sister, the Strega
family is here.

We'll be right there.

The Strega's.

Father, Sister,
I'm Joseph Strega

and these are my
brothers, Daniel and Vincent.

Very nice to meet
you. Please sit down.

Thank you, Sister.

This is Father
McGuiness, our chaplain.

He was a missionary in Borneo.

Ah-ha.

Nice to meet you, my sons.

So, how can we help you?

Our father is dying.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you, Sister.

He's very old, but
he had a good life.

We'd like you and the other
Sisters to say a novena for him,

you know, for a peaceful death.

Oh, it would be our privilege.

Thank you.

We were thinking
maybe a 30-day novena.

30 days? What's that?

I want 90 days minimum.

Okay, hotshot, you want to
do it right? A perpetual novena

starting right now.

Always. It's always better.
You gotta be better than me!

And I want it to be my idea.

It's always your idea!
Don't tell me that.

Oh, God rest Mother's
soul if she ever...

Hey, don't talk
about my mother...

Oh. Oh, oh, oh!

Stop that! Stop that! Thank you.

Father, are you all right?

I've got chills. I
forgot my malaria pills.

Please excuse me.
Continue, my sons.

The poor man.

Those years in the jungles
just... He's never been the same.

Have some sins to
confess, Mr. Strega?

I'd be happy to hear them.

I, uh, lit a candle
for my father.

Oh, God loves a devoted son.

Your father... Is
he John Strega?

That's right. You know him?

No, I don't know him.
But I read about him

in the newspapers, of course.

As a matter of fact, if
I remember correctly,

wasn't he called to
testify before the, uh,

crimes commission?

I can't remember.

Well, I...

It seems to me it had something
to do with cleaning something.

Clean... cleaning money.
Laundering money. That was it.

He, uh, took the Fifth.

34 times, am I right?

I didn't know they had
newspapers in Borneo.

Oh, yeah.

It's more civilized
than you'd think.

They don't swing from
the trees there, you know.

Maybe you should go back.

Weren't you and your
father and your brothers

implicated in the disappearance

of a Tony Morley?

He was considered to be the big
crime boss in the city at that time,

that is, until he vanished.

Your, uh, father took over?

You know a lot about
us, don't you, Father?

Don't you have anything to do?

Just, uh, stay in the chapel
and pray for an hour or two.

Joseph Strega.

What racket are you
running in church?

Lay off, Sloan.

I'm talking to a priest.

I'm Father McGuiness. Hello.

Hello, Father.

My brothers are waiting.

What are you doing in that?

Blessing everyone I meet.

What are you doing here?

Well, Sister Michael was so sure
that her gardener didn't kill Wilson

that I was just
trying to help out.

Oh.

And that's what
you're doing, isn't it?

She conned you
into helping her, too.

Conned is not an appropriate
word to use to apply to a nun, Steve.

Well, it sure fits
Maggie Donovan.

Well, if you must know...

Don't tell me. I
don't want to know.

That way I don't have
to tell Sergeant Clark.

Father?

Sister Michael has a visitor
she wants you to meet.

Oh, gotta go, son.

Tell Sister Michael that
I'll help any way I can,

Father.

Come in.

Oh, Father, there you are.

Father McGuiness,
this is Mr. Butler

from the extermination company.

Oh, yeah, Mr. Butler. Father.

Um, could you please just tell
Father what you told me, Mr. Butler?

We women are really at such a
loss when it comes to these things.

I'm here to inspect the convent.

Uh, but, you know, we did have
an inspection just one month ago.

Yeah, well, the guy
who did it just got fired.

Big drinking problem.

All the places he was supposed to
service are up to their knees in bugs.

How distressing.

You said it, Sister. Uh,
shall I start in the attic?

Uh, excuse me.

Sister, weren't you
just telling me about

that rustling noise you
heard in the basement?

Oh, yes. Ominous rustling.

Yes, from my years as a
missionary in the rain forest of Brazil,

I know that rustling to be rats.

Rats? Yes.

I think you better take a look
at the basement first, Mr. Butler.

Sister, would you accompany
Mr. Butler to the basement?

Oh, I'd be more than happy to.

Yes, well, you'll look
after me, won't you?

'Cause I'm just
so afraid of rats.

Who isn't?

Jack? Oh, am I glad you're home.

I can use your help.

I'm sorry about this light.

I guess the bulb just
burned out, you know.

Uh, this place looks okay to me.

Let's go see the kitchen.

Did you hear that? What?

That rustling.

You know, rats are awfully
vicious when they're cornered.

I... I got to call the office.

Oh! Look what I found.

Well, aren't you going to stick
it in a baggie, or something?

What's the matter?
Didn't bring any with you?

That's okay. Here. Just stick
it in your pocket, right there.

Okay.

You know, I think
we should investigate

every inch of this basement
together, don't you?

Father, They said you
were expecting them.

Yes, I was. Thank
you very much, Sister.

Thanks. You know, you told us
about this on the phone, Father.

I still don't believe it.

This young man doesn't believe
that he and his lovely fiancee

can use the convent
grounds for their nuptials.

Yes, they're so serene.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're
almost... they're almost spooky.

What a lovely idea.

Oh, Sister Michael. Hmm?

You remember Amanda
and Jack. Hi, Sister.

Yes, how are you doing? Okay.

Did you find what
you were looking for?

No, and neither did Mr. Butler.

Where is he? Well, right
now he's in the kitchen

calming his nerves
with some lemonade.

Ginger snaps. Oh, uh, Sister,

would you please give Mr. Butler
some ginger snaps in the kitchen?

Thank you.

Isn't it interesting that both
the Strega brothers and Butler

knew exactly where
they wanted to look?

Mmm-hmm. The
chapel and the attic.

And who but the killer would know
where Greg went in the convent

before he was shot?

Only the killer. That's right.

Here's what I want
you guys to do...

Mark's right. He's
not an exterminator.

Afternoon, Sister.
Afternoon, Father.

Maggie, I don't know how
long I can get away with this.

The Sisters are
going to catch on.

You're doing very well,
Mark. Really, you are.

And just think how
excited the nuns will be

when... when they find out
that we've caught Greg's killer

and... and Vic Chandler can
come home and everything.

Hey, Father. Come on.
You're coming with us. Yes.

No, Wait a minute, wait a
minute. No, he can't go anywhere!

Sister, Sister... He can't go...

I'm going to go with you, then.

Come inside, Father. Mr. Strega,
what is the meaning of this?

Don't get so hot
under that collar.

Just give Pa the last rites

and we'll take you
back to the convent.

Well, I... I'd rather not disturb
him, if he's, uh, sleeping.

We'll come back tomorrow. Now!

So, he can die in peace.

And we can start
running the business.

Vincent, watch your mouth.

This way, Father.

Uh, Father McGuiness would
be more than happy to help,

uh, if it really truly
is your father's time.

Yes, you must understand that
God takes each of us in his own time.

God called, but Pa's not going.

I'll tell you what to do.

How long has he been like that?

Since yesterday.

Pa's thought he was
dying for the last 20 years.

You know, one
ailment after the other,

but now it's finally happening.

You want to get
on with it, Father?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Uh, would you, uh, leave
us alone with your father?

Alone? For the last
rites? Since when?

The family's supposed
to stand around the bed

when you do your
thing and he passes on.

When cousin Louie
had the last rites

even his accountant was there.

Uh, excuse me, but, you
see, in the, uh, Andes,

where, uh, Father McGuiness
last ministered for several years

the last rites are always
conducted in private.

It seems that
the... the solitude

helps the loved one to
pass on more peacefully

and, um, quicker too.

We'll be outside.

Thank you.

How is he?

He's suffering from
slow asphyxiation.

His windpipe's
partially obstructed.

I want to give him a Heimlich.

Am I having a happy death?

You're not dying, Mr. Strega.
Your windpipe was blocked.

You're gonna be just fine.

I feel great. It's a miracle.

Well, Father McGuiness
has healing hands.

Thank you. Thank you.

You can come in now.

Hey, boys.

Boys, I've been blessed by God.

You can thank Father
McGuiness. He saved my life.

I am leaving everything I have

to the Church.

I think our work here
is done now, Sister.

Yes. Bless you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Bless you.

Sister Michael.
It's a rare privilege.

I'm Councilman Fletcher
from the 16th district.

Yes. I recognize
you from the news.

Uh, well, this, uh, is
Father McGuiness,

uh, one of our
finest missionaries

and he's temporarily assigned
here now as our chaplain.

It's a pleasure, Father. To what
do we owe this honor, Councilman?

Well, I am here to present to
Sister Michael and her fellow Sisters

an award for the work they
do with the youth gangs.

What a surprise.

Since we haven't worked with
the youth gangs for three years.

Not since the last of our little
flock got busted for possession.

Well, then this
award is well overdue.

Now, what we'd like
is a group photograph

of... of you and all the other
Sisters, uh, for the City Council News.

I took the liberty of having a
photographer set up in the sitting room.

Oh, well, um, the
Sisters are at prayer.

Uh, this is a cash
award, Sister.

$1,000.

Well, you know, we
do need a new heater.

I'll just go round
up the Sisters.

Lovely.

So...

Father, what do you think of
the recent changes in the Church?

Oh, I think they're
all for the good.

Except for those that aren't.

If you could just move in a
little closer together, please.

If you don't mind, I'm going to
have to do a little rearranging.

Um, could you just turn a
little bit to your... Beautiful.

And if you could just
move a little closer together.

Great. Thank you.

And, if you don't mind,
you two just switch seats.

Nice.

Okay, here we go. Beautiful.

Okay, now smile.

Okay, that's it.

Okay. One more time.

Big smile. Great.

Looking for something?

Oh, uh, my stomach is upset.

I thought the Sisters
might have something for it.

Oh, perhaps I can help you.

I'm sure we've got
something in here to fix you up.

Let's see what we got here.

Some of that.

There we are.

You know, I've always
been fascinated with politics.

When I was up in the Andes,

I kept in touch through a
ham radio operator here.

I remember him saying
that some colleague of yours

got involved in a scandal of some
kind. Bribery, I think it was bribery.

Poor soul, if he had just had
some kind of spiritual guidance.

Can't remember his name.

That was me, Father.

Oh, that was you.

That was a dirty smear campaign.

I was never actually charged.

I understand. Well,
I'm happy to hear that.

Very happy to hear that.

You know, as long as I'm
in here I think I'll whip up a...

Uh, you like pot roast?

I'd better get back to the...

Just a moment.
Just, uh, try this.

Old home remedy.

Feel better?

You know what? It does.

Good, yeah.

He's pullin' in.

We used up half a tank
of gas following this guy.

What's he doing?

Well, let's see, uh...

We're at a country club

so my guess is he's
going to play a little golf.

So where are the
funny-looking clothing?

He doesn't have
on the plaid pants,

there's no orange shirt.

Where's the tam with
the pompon on top of it?

Where is all that stuff?

Are you done? Now,
can we just go in there

and find out what he's up to

and forget about the fashion
report? Is that all right?

Okay. Thank you. Get out.

What are you doing? Shh.

You can't take
those. Come with me.

Take your shoes off. What?

Take your shoes off. My what?

Take your shoes off.

All right.

Here we go.

He's got to be out
here someplace.

Act like I'm giving you a
lesson and we'll look for Butler...

I don't know how
to play golf. What?

All right, well, come on, act
like I'm giving you a lesson.

All right, just...

Swing it like it's a pendulum,
okay? Nice and easy.

There you go.

What? Are you a member here?

I'm thinking about it.

Who are you?

I'm the starter.

You know, you're just the
man I wanted to see. Look...

Excuse me for one second.

Why don't you, uh,

go in the clubhouse and
see if our friend is there?

Oh. Maybe I'll find a
better teacher. Yeah.

Um, listen, what's your name?

Richard. Richard, listen,

uh, I'm supposed to be
playing golf with Mr. Butler,

but I'm running
a little bit late.

You think I can
catch up with him?

I don't know where you play

but at this club,
we don't catch up.

Oh, is that right?

Well, at my club we do.

And which club is that?

Imperial Hills.

You're a member
at Imperial Hills?

I'm the head pro there, pal.

Excuse me.

Butler, you in there?

Yeah.

Where?

By your locker.

Any luck?

Yeah, Mr. Smith. All bad.

You didn't find the tape?

Couldn't even look.

Some ditsy nun had me down
in the basement looking for rats.

Too bad.

All right, I want a
meeting with my partners.

Call them and tell
them 5:00 this afternoon,

West Side Auto Storage Lot.

Can you do that?

Sure, Mr. Smith.

Want me to pick
up your golf bag?

What do you think?

Help! Help!

Oh, for crying out loud!
Somebody, it's Amanda Bentley!

For crying out loud,

somebody let me out of here!

Amanda Bentley's
here in the locker.

Hello!

Oh, thank God.

Oh, you know,

you know, my boyfriend,
he told me to come into...

Oh, hi Jack. Are you kidding?

Can you do anything right?

Can you? Okay, wise guy,

wait till I tell you
what I found out. Fine.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry, I'm late.

We have a problem.

We have a serious problem.

We're in trouble. Butler
couldn't find the tape.

Neither did we. We're
gonna wind up in jail.

No, no, no. We'll find it.

I got an election in one month.

We have got to find this tape.

Just as I thought.

Mr. Smith, Mr. Strega,
and Councilman Fletcher.

Three gentlemen who definitely
never should be seen together.

And I'll bet you they
were meeting somewhere

when Greg Wilson
videotaped them. Mmm-hmm.

Sounds like you think

Greg Wilson was
blackmailing them.

That would be my first guess.

Yeah, but I don't see
what they're up to.

Okay, whoever you are, step out.

Father!

Put that down.

My apologies.

What are you doing here?

In my opinion?

I think I am
witnessing a conspiracy

to defraud the city

by cutting a few illegal
corners in your building projects.

We don't know what
you're talking about, Father.

You know, Councilman
Fletcher, last year

there was a rumor going
around that you were

bribing somebody down
at the zoning commission.

So, I would say
that you, Mr. Smith,

were taking secret partner
money from Mr. Strega

and you, Mr. Strega,
and your brothers

were paying off Councilman
Fletcher for some illegal variances.

How's that.

An interesting idea,
but where is your proof?

Each of you have been searching

for that videotape that Greg
Wilson hid in the convent.

We're going to find that tape

and when we do, we'll
have all the proof we need.

And we'll also know
who killed Greg Wilson.

You couldn't be
more wrong, Father.

So, why don't you and
your little choir take a hike?

Uh, before we go,
gentlemen, a little warning.

Stay away from St. Clair's.

You think our suspects
will be coming back?

Oh, yeah. But I wanted
to buy just a little bit of time

to give us a chance
to look for that tape.

Now, the police searched
the entire convent.

Every inch, and all they found

was a few embarrassing cobwebs.

Well, at least we know from
our friends who came to search

that that tape's got to
be in one of three places.

The chapel, the
kitchen, or the attic.

Well, then that's
where we'll look.

Look, let's get started. I've got to
get back to the hospital tomorrow.

Okay. I'll get the
Sisters to help.

Won't be the first
time they've searched

for something
I've lost. You know,

it's usually my reading
glasses and everything, but...

Maybe they can get rid
of those cobwebs, too.

What's all this?

Oh, spring cleaning.

You know, "idle hands
are the devil's playthings."

Indeed.

I'm about to
inventory the kitchen.

Tell your sisters I'm
not to be disturbed.

That is one tough cookie.

You know, Mark,
a nun with manners

always acknowledges a priest.

She has yet to greet you. She
never says, "Good morning, Father."

Well, I'm not a priest.

Well, she doesn't know that.

And that's not the point.

The point is, I think
our Sister Regina

is a very rude woman,
and I don't like her.

Well, it's not in the
chapel and not in the attic.

Well, as soon as
Sister Regina finishes

counting up cans of tuna we can
have the Sisters search the kitchen.

Hi, Steve.

Sister Michael,

I'm afraid I've got
some bad news.

I talked with Sergeant Clark,

but he's insisting
the case is closed.

He refuses to search
the convent again.

Well, bless you for trying,

but I've already got
the Sisters searching.

And not finding anything.

There you are, Sister.

I'll need several Sisters

to help me move
the refrigerator.

Oh, I'll help you
with that, Sister.

Oh, Sister Regina,

this is police
detective Steve Sloan.

How do you do?

What's the reason
for this visit?

We're investigating the
death of Greg Wilson.

Unfortunate man.

On second thought, Sister,

seeing as you have
more pressing business,

we'll deal with the
refrigerator later.

But thank you for offering.

In that case, I'll be going.
Uh, Sister, I'll be in touch.

See you, Dad.

"Dad?"

Informality.

"Dad" is as, uh,
good as "Father."

You two resemble each other.

Will you explain
this please, Sister?

Sister Michael was just
trying to uncover any clue...

Oh. Oh, Mark, never mind.

I got us into this.

Sister Regina,

this is my dear
friend, Dr. Mark Sloan,

who is the medical advisor

for the police department.

I asked him to come down here

and help us with the
investigation on Greg's murder.

Sister Michael's only intention
was not to worry the nuns.

I see.

You're excused, Sergeant Sloan.

But, uh... I said,
you're excused!

Well, as long as
you put it that way.

See you all later.

You brought a man
into this convent?

Yes, Sister.

A man impersonating a priest?

Yes, Sister.

Do you have any idea what the
diocese will do when they hear of this?

I will simply explain
to the diocese

as I have explained
to you, Sister.

Sister Regina, may I say
something? No, you may not!

You are to leave this instant.

The hanky-panky is over.

Sister, you're very mistaken.

Excuse me, are you accusing
me of breaking my vows?

Your "dear friend" Dr. Sloan

is to leave now.

All right, that's it. I want you

and your filthy mind out
of my convent right now.

We'll see about this.

Sister, I have good news.

Good evening, Father.

What's your news, Sister?

Well, I've been
helping Sister Regina

and I thought I'd
start with the inventory

of the vestry, and guess what?

When I was counting
the prayer books,

instead of the 60
that you ordered

I found 61.

It's like the loaves
and fishes, isn't it?

Anyone running
through the chapel

would have to come
right through this vestry.

Yeah, it's the only way out.

There it is.

Poor Greg knew just
how to hide that tape.

If only he hadn't gotten
involved with those people.

I know, Sister.

Look, we'd better go to
your office and call Steve.

Sister Regina.

I'll take that videotape.

Oh, no. You don't
understand. This is the tape

the police have
been looking for.

You don't understand, Sister.

I want the tape.

You're the killer.

You shot Greg Wilson.

Hand over the tape!

Now!

Give it up, Doctor.

I'm better at this than you are.

Mark.

Mark, are you okay?

I'm fine. How about you?

I'm fine, thanks.

You've got a great right cross.

Thank you.

Perhaps I shouldn't have, Mark,
but I just can't stand rudeness.

Listen, you go call Steve

and I'll make sure
she stays put. Okay.

Steve, you sure got here fast.

I had the convent staked out.

You know, I was
worried about you two.

Of course, I was looking for
someone coming into the convent.

I never expected an inside job.

Well, thank you for
being our guardian angel.

It was my pleasure, Sister.

Let's go, Sister.

You tell the D.A.
that Fletcher, Smith,

and the Strega brothers hired me

and I'm ready to roll
over for the right deal.

I'll tell them.

Sister, your gardener will
be home by dinner time.

Later, Dad. Thanks, Son.

I don't know whether
to say we forgive you

or to thank you.

I'd appreciate both,
Sister Margaret.

You were such a nice priest.

Not that you're
not a nice doctor.

Thank you.

Chapel, Sisters.

So...

How can I thank you?

Don't, don't. This weekend is
one for my memoirs, believe me.

Well, with his help we
pulled it off, didn't we?

You're right.

You know, the Lord may
work in mysterious ways

but his results are terrific.