Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 8, Episode 22 - Give Me the Blame - full transcript

Bree's trial finally comes to an end with a surprise confession; Tom takes steps to finalize his divorce.

Previously on...

Susan made a decision.

I'm gonna sell this house

and move back up there with you

- and help raise the baby. - What about Porter?

Well, there will always be a place for him

in his child's life.

Karen's health took a turn for the worse.

Looks like the cancer's spreading faster

than anyone thought.

Ben was summoned before the court.



You're on a witness list for Bree's trial?

Bree's friends cautioned her.

You have a crush on your lawyer.

You're on trial for murder, Bree.

You gotta keep a clear head.

And so does he.

Lynette ended her relationship with Tom's boss.

She dumped me. Apparently she's hung up on some other guy.

And this led...

You really suck at this gay friend thing.

I can't take you seriously in that dress.

To an unfortunate misunderstanding.

Karen McCluskey had never been sure

what her neighbors thought of her.



Did they see her as merely a babysitter...

An entertaining source for gossip...

Or just the mean old lady who lived down the street?

But for the first time in her life,

she found herself thinking about such things...

Because she knew that her life...

was coming to an end.

Roy, it's time to go!

What's going on, Karen?

I'm, uh, starting hospice care.

I thought you told the doctors that you wanted to...

- Croak at home? - Yeah, I did.

But the oncologist is convinced this is for the best.

What does he know?

Young quack thinks I can't take care of my wife.

He's worried about you, Roy.

You've got high blood pressure, angina.

I'm racing you to the grave as it is.

I don't want to push you in.

This was supposed to have been my time with you,

And those bastards are robbing me of it.

I know.

Hang on.

Karen...

Would you prefer to die at home?

Well, sure, but--

Then...

We'll take care of you.

Yeah. We can do it.

We'll take shifts. It won't be hard.

Whoa, Nelly.

No, this is sweet,

But you gals have troubles of your own.

Bree's got her trial.

Lynette's marriage is falling apart.

Gaby, those kids of yours are turning into serial killers

before our very eyes.

Okay, I'm not gonna argue with you because you're sick...

and totally correct.

But I'm with the girls on this. Let us take care of you.

I'm gonna require a lot of care, you know.

We know, and we're gonna be there for you.

Hey, boy nurses!

Bring the stuff back in the house! She's staying.

- Come on. Let's go help. - Okay.

I'm... actually speechless.

I don't know why you're all doing this.

Don't you?

Yes, Mrs. McCluskey had wondered

what her neighbors thought of her.

She was pleased to discover after all these years,

they thought of her as a friend.

-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

The town of fairview had been rocked by scandal.

A housewife had been accused of murder,

and her trial was growing more sensational each day.

It truly was all anyone was talking about...

which is exactly what another housewife

was worried about.

Gaby!

Ah, there you are.

Yep, just sitting here on the porch,

reading the ol'...

sports section.

You hate sports...

And reading.

But I love you, and you love sports,

So I've... started to really get into it.

Really?

What's your... favorite basketball team?

The... turtles.

What the hell is this?

It's nothing.

You said the trial was going well.

It was. It is! This is just a setback.

Damn it! How--Gaby, how many setbacks is it gonna take

before Bree goes to prison for something I did?!

Hey, Lee! Sports talk.

It's gettin' a little heated over here!

I can't do this anymore, gaby. I have got to step up.

Are you crazy? No!

How do you not feel guilty about this?

I do, every second of every day.

We just have to hold on a little longer.

Bree says Trip knows what he's doing,

so we've just gotta give him a chance.

Yeah, I-I don't know. I mean--

Turning yourself in now would just be foolish.

You'd be throwing your whole life away,

abandoning our family. And for what?

To prove a point about what an honorable guy you are?

Please, let's just see how this plays out.

Okay.

But if things get any worse, I'll have no choice.

Lee! No!

What?

Stop!

Don't tell me you've changed your mind.

Oh! No. I still wanna sell.

Thank god, 'cause I've already spent my commission.

On what?

Isn't it obvious?

I had some personal renovations done.

My ass! I had my ass lifted.

Um... of course.

How did I not notice?

That is one...

Perky fanny.

I'm sorry. I've never been good with ass compliments.

So why don't you want the sign up?

Well...

I haven't told the girls I'm moving yet.

Why not?

I don't know.

Maybe because I can't even believe I'm doing it myself.

It's always hard to move.

Yeah.

Putting my house on the market in the middle of Bree's trial?

I mean, I just feel like a bad person.

Okay, the fact that you're worried about your friend

shows that you're not a bad person.

By the way, if Bree gets convicted,

do you think she'll put her place on the market?

Lee!

And if Lynette gets divorced,

that house is gonna be way too big for her.

Wow! I...

It kinda smacked me back.

Hello?

She's gone.

Hey, Penny! What's going on? Where are ya?

Dad's. Did you hear me? Jane's gone.

Whoa. Whoa. She's "gone" Meaning...

She's not there right now?

Or--or she's gone gone?

Her stuff is moved out.

Even her toothbrush, mom!

They broke up!

Oh, my...

Hang on.

Your dad's on the other line!

Call me back!

Okay! Stay calm!

I am.

I was talking to me!

Hey, Tom. What's up?

Hey, are you gonna be around tonight?

Uh... I don't know. Maybe. Probably.

Yeah. Why?

Um, I need to talk to you about something,

and I'd--I'd like to do it face-to-face.

Oh, okay. What time?

How about 8:00?

8:00 is my favorite time.

What? Why?

I don't know. It just... always has been.

You know, eight is great.

- You Okay? - Uh, me? Oh, yeah. I'm just...

cleaning the oven and...

the fumes are getting to me,

and I'm drunk... a little.

So I'll see you tonight?

O-okay. Bye.

Okay. Bye!

Yeah!

Thank you.

Yeah, mm. Don't thank me just yet.

Bree...

I don't know exactly what Ben is gonna testify about,

but if it's as damning

as the prosecution seems to think it is--

You don't have to worry about Ben.

If his testimony is damaging in any way,

- I'm gonna have to put Gaby back on the stand. - No.

The dead guy was her stepfather.

She has some connection to this.

Absolutely not.

I'm the client. You're the lawyer.

You have to do what I say.

It's your call.

But I've gotta tell you, you're forcing me

to try this thing with one hand tied behind my back.

Well, luckily, you have more talent in that one hand

than most lawyers have in their whole body.

You can do this.

I know you can.

Mr. Faulkner, I am ordering you to answer.

Ms. Stone, repeat your question.

During your phone conversation with the defendant,

she thanked you for protecting her.

What was she referring to?

I'm sorry. I really don't remember the conversation.

Maybe this will refresh your memory.

- Your honor? - Go ahead.

I know, but even when suspicion moved on to you,

you still protected me, and that's very honorable.

Really, it was no big deal.

Maybe not to you.

You're not the one who put a body in the ground.

You have to understand, a day doesn't go by

when that does not weigh heavily on my conscience.

So...

What were you protecting her from?

Again, sir,

I'm ordering you to answer the prosecutor's questions.

All right. I've had enough. You're in contempt.

Bailiff, take Mr. Faulkner into custody.

Perhaps a night in jail will help him to see things differently.

Can I at least make a call?

One call. We're in recess.

So they're arresting him?

What happens now?

They'll bring him back tomorrow.

The D.A. will ask the same question again.

And what if he still doesn't answer?

Frankly, Bree, I'm more worried if he does.

Oh, my goodness, Renee. You startled me.

Is everything all right?

No, it's not.

I just got a phone call from Ben. He's in jail.

I know. I am deeply sorry for this whole mess.

Do you wanna come inside?

I'm really not in the mood for tea and biscuits.

Ben and I are getting married next week,

and "correctional facility" isn't exactly my dream venue.

I wish there was something I could do.

There is.

Ben is sitting in that jail cell right now,

and I don't even know why, and he won't tell me.

So you have to fix this.

Just release him from whatever promise he made you.

Believe me, I wish I could do that, but I can't.

Why not?

I just can't.

Bree...

Did you... kill that man?

Of course not. How could you even think that?

I'll apologize when someone starts telling me the truth.

Okay, let's get those lips a little more glossy.

All right, enough, enough. I'm meeting with Tom,

not prepping for a shift at a bordello.

Yeah, but you're finally getting back together.

You've gotta look perfect.

Oh! And we still have time for that Brazilian bikini wax.

If you mention that again, I will strike you.

What the hell?

It's Tom!

You said 8:00!

He said 8:00!

I need to be alone with him. You have to hide!

Hide?!

Yes!

What if you guys start doing it right here?

I can't listen to that! Well, maybe I could.

Hide! Hide! Put your fingers in your ears! Go on!

You're early.

Yeah. Sorry.

You--You going somewhere?

No. No, I was just...

No.

It's fine, Lynette. I understand. Y-You...

You got a life.

No. No, I really don't.

Come on in. You want a drink or something?

No, thanks. I'll just be a minute.

Come in.

Tom?

I'm filing the divorce papers tomorrow.

You're... what?

We just gotta get out of this gray area

that we've been stuck in.

It's... time

for both of us to move to the next phase.

I just wanted to tell you in person.

That's all I really have to say.

Aren't you going after him?

Why not?

Because now I know.

Jane wasn't the problem. It's me.

He doesn't want to be married to me.

I guess we can both agree...

orange is not my color.

Look...

I'm sorry I missed the cake tasting, sweetheart.

Uh... I mean, did you maybe bring one of them with you?

Mm, preferably with a file in it.

Really? You're making jokes?

Hang in there, darling.

The trial can't last forever.

They gotta let me out of here some time.

Or you could answer their questions and get out now.

Yeah.

That's not how I'm built.

Ben, you have no idea how long this could go on.

Am I gonna need to cancel our wedding?

No! They got no motive, no weapon.

And Bree's alibi is solid.

She was with all of you at that-- that progressive dinner party.

Wait. That was the night of the murder?

Yeah. Why?

Oh, my god.

Renee, what is it?

I remember something about that night.

I was looking out my window, and it was late.

And I saw Bree getting out of her car.

Enjoy your visit, Ms. Perry?

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

Emily Stone.

I'm the prosecutor in Bree Van De Kamp's case.

I don't have anything to say to you.

Oh, I think you do.

You have something to say about the night of the murder.

Back there, when you were talking to your fiance,

we heard every word.

You can't do that.

There's no expectation of privacy in jail.

So... let's talk.

I'm not gonna help you try to convict my friend.

That's a shame, because if you don't,

I call immigration,

and Mr. Faulkner's on a one-way flight back to Sydney.

Ready to talk now?

Mr. Faulkner,

how are you today?

Oh, good. Yeah, refreshed.

I asked you yesterday

if you were willing to discuss your telephone conversation with the defendant.

I remember.

Still won't answer.

Uh, can we just save everyone some time

and send me back to jail?

Bailiff, remove Mr. Faulkner.

We'll see you back here tomorrow.

Your honor, the prosecution calls Renee Perry to the stand.

Renee?

Renee, what are you doing?

Renee!

I was lying in bed when a noise from the street woke me up.

It was about... 3:00 a.m.

So I got up and I went to the window.

And what did you see?

I saw Bree.

Her clothes were kinda muddy, um...

leaves in her hair.

She was...

walking up her driveway.

Was she carrying anything?

Yes.

What was she carrying?

A shovel.

No further questions.

Renee, what did you just do?

I did what I had to do. I told the truth.

What you said in there could really hurt Bree.

Do you not understand what's at stake here?

Friends aren't supposed to turn on each other.

Oh, so I'm one of the "Friends" now?

What is that supposed to mean?

All year long, you've been keeping a secret from me.

Hey, just so we're clear,

I didn't want to testify against Bree.

The D.A. was gonna have Ben deported.

Oh, so, yeah, I picked the man I love over you.

And judging by the way you guys have treated me,

I made the right choice.

Trip. Trip!

That was bad?

Not out here.

I need the room.

- Uh, but the judge asked me to-- - Get out.

Okay.

Did you see their faces?

Whose faces?

The jurors.

I've been watching them.

After Renee's little story,

no one on that jury is buying what you're selling.

What about you?

I don't know, Bree.

You haven't told me the truth yet.

Twice I've been blindsided

because I don't know what the hell is going on.

You need to tell me what happened that night.

I made a promise to my friends.

You're gonna lose.

Do you understand that?

You are going to go to prison.

You're scaring me.

Good. You should be scared.

You're throwing your life away, and it--and it pisses me off,

cause this affects more than just you.

I don't understand.

Look, I-I-I'm saying that you were wrong before.

You're not just my client,

and I'm not just your lawyer.

I'm also somebody who... really...

Oh, to hell with it.

It was Carlos.

You have to promise me not to use this against him... or anyone else.

Tell me everything.

It was self-defense.

Alejandro broke into her house,

and then Gaby came home, and he started to attack her.

This gem just came on the market,

and as you can see, it's a warm, cozy, homey place.

And don't worry, they're taking the furniture.

I just love your kitchen.

Oh, thank you.

I can't tell you how many mornings I've sat here,

looking out on the lane, having a cup of--Gaby.

Gaby?

Gaby--who I haven't told I'm moving yet.

Okay, Mr. And Mrs. Newman, let me show you the upstairs.

Uh, we're not done looking down here.

Oh, but the upstairs is way better!

It's... that much closer to heaven.

Come on, go, go!

How's it going?

Great. It's my turn to take care of Mrs. McClusky,

so obviously, I've been drinking.

- Can you take me to the courthouse? - Sure.

Someone upstairs?

- Nope. - Look at this closet space!

Just some old friends from high school.

Are these low-flow toilets?

Who are very eco-friendly. So I should get back to them.

I'll pick you up at noon.

Great place you have here.

Um... Gaby, uh, these are my good friends

Fred and... Jean.

Hello.

What year did you graduate?

Mr. Weston, if the defense rests,

we can move on to closing arguments.

Actually, I have another witness.

A new witness at this point?

She's not new.

The defense recalls...

Gabrielle Solis.

You promised.

I also promised to keep you out of jail.

What is he doing?

I-I don't know.

You understand that you are still under oath?

Ms. Solis,

I'd like to show you a picture of the victim.

Do you recognize this man as Ramon Sanchez?

No.

Your honor, I want a recess.

Only your lawyer can ask for a recess, Ms. Van de Kamp.

Please sit down.

Do you know this man by another name?

His name is Alejandro Perez.

And how do you know Mr. Perez?

He was...

He was my stepfather.

Your honor,

I insist on another recess, please.

I'm... feeling a little...

Bree!

Order! Order!

We're in recess until tomorrow,

at which time we will see

if Ms. Van de Kamp is able to continue.

Bree?

Don't touch me.

Jeez! You scared the crap out of me!

They know it's Alejandro, and you don't tell me?

Shh!

She just fell asleep.

Okay, this has gone far enough.

First thing tomorrow, I am telling the D.A. The truth.

No, you're not! You're not doing anything.

You got a better idea?

Yes!

I'm gonna tell them it was me.

Are you out of your mind?!

No! Look, listen to me.

I am a victim of abuse. The jury's gonna side with me.

Who they're not gonna side with is you, a 2-time felon.

- Gaby, you're crazy. - No, I'm not.

Since the first moment we met, you've protected me.

And I've been happy to let you do it

because I've been this selfish, spoiled brat.

Well, I don't want to be that person anymore.

I'm tired of taking from you.

So, please, this time, just let me protect you.

You really think that a jury is gonna believe

that you dragged a dead body through the woods yourself?

Adrenaline. Fear.

You'd be surprised what people can do.

I don't think that story's gonna be enough, Gaby.

Well, I'll tell them exactly what happened that night.

He came over, he started attacking me,

and instead of saying you killed him with a candlestick,

I'll say it was me.

Honey, it's 2:00 in the morning. Are you okay?

I was just thinking how proud I am of you.

Really?

You were just saying... how much you wanna change,

But...

You already have.

You know, five years ago,

you never would have offered to sacrifice yourself for me.

Thank you.

But there is no way I'm letting you take the fall for this.

What?

But you just said you were proud of how much I've changed.

Exactly.

You've become this amazing role model for our daughters.

They need you now more than ever.

Wait. But they need you, too.

No, they need a father who accepts responsibility for his actions.

It has taken me a year, but I'm finally going to be that guy.

Now I am going down to the court first thing in the morning

and confess everything.

Carlos! Wait a minute!

I love you very much, Gabrielle,

but there is nothing that you can do to stop me.

Why would I put you on the stand?

I was at that progressive dinner party.

I can testify that Renee was so stinking drunk,

she couldn't tell her ass from her elbow.

Okay.

That could be helpful.

I think I can, uh...

fit you in next monday.

Look at me.

I'm wearing a wig and toting an oxygen tank.

Do I look like I'm gonna make it to monday?

Put me on the stand.

You'll be glad you did.

Gaby's running late.

What the hell? Why don't you take a seat?

Listen, if they take me into custody right away,

I won't get a chance to talk to the girls.

Let's not talk about that right now.

I don't want them seeing this on the news.

You need to tell them that I love them

And that you're in charge now.

Honey, I've always been in charge.

I don't know why you made me wear this thing.

No, it's, uh, it's freezing in the courtroom.

You'll thank me later.

So handsome.

I'm gonna miss this face.

I love you.

Ladies first.

G-gaby? A little rude.

You snooze, you lose.

Gaby, wait!

Hold on.

That's weird.

Remove your coat, please.

Okay.

Sir...

Sir, you wanna explain this?

I swear, I have no idea how that...

Bye, Carlos.

Gaby, get back here!

We need backup!

Gaby!

Love you!

And, Mrs. McCluskey, you are a resident of Wisteria Lane,

is that correct?

I've lived in that neighborhood for 35 years.

Wow. That's a long time.

Now Renee Perry has testified--

Let me tell you something about a neighborhood.

Okay.

It's not just a bunch of houses in the same place.

It's a community.

It's lives that are connected,

people who care about each other.

That's beautiful. Now, back in Mrs....

I know it sounds sappy, but damn it, it's true.

And these wonderful people I'd lived beside...

Well, they're my family.

Your honor, I'm--I'm not sure what we're getting from this.

Well, you will in a minute, honey.

When you're in a family, like me and the girls,

you protect each other.

That's just the way it has to be.

So when, uh, Gaby's stepfather came back...

after everything he'd done to her...

What do you mean?

It's no secret he abused her when she was a kid.

- Objection. - Overruled.

So that night,

when I saw him creeping around the house,

I followed him in, I picked up the candlestick,

and I killed that son of a bitch.

Order!

Order!

Order in this courtroom!

Quiet down, or I will clear the courtroom!

Stop the trial! I have something to say.

McCluskey just confessed.

Mine can wait.

Your honor, this is preposterous.

There is no way that frail woman

could have committed this crime.

Adrenaline. Fear.

You'd be surprised what people can do.

Counselors...

My chamber now.

What the hell was that?

Your honor, I had no idea.

She begged me to put her on the stand.

I thought she was gonna discredit Renee Perry.

Obviously, she needed to get this off her conscience.

Oh, you are such a liar!

This is a stunt, a last-ditch effort to save his client...

And I want him sanctioned.

Enough.

Mr. Weston, where do you plan on going with this?

Well, now that the issue of sexual abuse

has been introduced,

I'll need to bring Ms. Solis back on the stand.

Of course, she'll talk about

what a monster her stepfather was,

and as I recall, most of our jurors are parents.

After I've taken them through the sordid details

of what your victim did...

You can't possibly allow this.

Given the testimony of the last witness,

I have to.

Okay, Ms. Stone, what do you want to do?

Ms. Stone?

Your honor, at this time,

We move to dismiss all charges against Bree Van de Kamp.

Ms. Stone, is there anyone else

that you would like to file charges against at this time?

Given her advanced age and declining health,

the people have decided

not to press charges against Karen McClusckey.

All right, in that case,

Ms. Van de Kamp, Mrs. McCluskey,

you are both free to go.

Case dismissed.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

- Oh, god! Oh, god. - Oh, thank you.

Roy?

Why aren't you at Bree's big victory party?

Uh, thought I'd sit this one out.

Filed divorce papers today, so I'm not really, uh,

up to bumping into Lynette.

Anyway, I, uh...

I wanted to come over and see how Karen's doing.

Incredible thing she did today.

Yeah, I'm proud as hell.

But it took a lot out of her.

I brought her home, put her right in bed.

Still, she is one tough broad.

What you got there?

Karen's pot roast recipe.

Best one I ever tasted.

She swore I'd never get it out of her.

So how'd you convince her?

I...

Told her we have this gift.

We know these are our last days together.

So what's the point of holding back?

I didn't want anything to be left unsaid.

So...

We finally had that talk.

Yes, sir.

She told me...

She was the one

that lost our passports on the way to Mexico that time.

I told her the truth about my time in the service,

how I wasn't some tough guy but scared to death.

She thanked me for always being able to make her laugh.

And I...

I told her...

She was the love of my life.

Tom...

It's so important to say these things

when you can,

because when it's over, it's over.

I hear ya.

Do you?

Somebody make a toast.

Uh... oh, to Bree,

um, who put her life on the line to protect us,

and we will never forget what you did.

Aw. Hear, hear.

And... To Karen Mcclusky,

the bravest woman I have ever known.

And to you ladies,

who could've abandoned me during my hour of need--

Okay, okay. Less thanking, more drinking.

- Cheers. - Hey!

Hi!

Congratulations, Bree.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you weren't convicted.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Seriously, do you have any idea how

living across from a murderer can affect housing prices?

- Do you have a sec? - What's up?

Have you told the girls you're moving?

Um, not yet.

Well, I thought it'd be easier after the trial,

but now everybody's so happy.

I just haven't found the right time.

Well, you're gonna have to find one.

I got an offer on your house.

Oh, hey, you're out of ice.

Oh, do you have any at your house?

Ye--

I think I've got a bag.

I'll be right back.

What are you doing here?

You left so quickly, I-I didn't get a chance to m--

I'm sorry, this is

a private party for my neighbors and friends.

You're mad. I-I get that.

But... please let me explain.

There's nothing to explain.

You swore to me you wouldn't put Gaby on the stand,

And then you did. You lied to me.

To win this case... for you.

And--and--and also for me.

Bree, there was no way I was gonna let you go to jail.

Plus there's this thing between us and--

Oh, please.

You're just pretending there's something between us

so you could get information from me.

I-I wasn't trying to get...

Bree...

I probably shouldn't even be here.

I had to tell you...

I'm so sorry.

Renee,

You I can forgive.

And, Ben, you're my hero.

Come on in.

And you are not welcome in my home.

Can I talk to you?

They're kinda waiting for me at Bree's.

I'm in charge of the ice, so...

Lynette!

Lynette, please.

Look...

At the end, before I left,

our problems looked

this big...

So I went away.

But now...

I realized they-- they only seem that way

because we were so close up against them,

and--and--and they were blocking me from seeing

how much I love you,

which is...

I see that now,

and I need to tell you that...

Because you have to say these things

while you still can.

Tom, my...

Ice is melting,

and I'm not exactly sure what you're saying.

I'm saying...

That I know you've moved on,

and I hope that you'll be happy.

Because you, Lynette...

You will...

always be the love of my life.

That's all.

What do you mean I've moved on?

Greg told me that you broke up with him

because you're in love with someone else, so...

Yeah, I am.

You.

Me?

You.

You.

You.

You.

This is how it started.

The woman who had lived on the street for years

came outside...

and introduced herself

to the woman who was moving in next door.

Welcome to the neighborhood!

I'm Martha Huber.

Mary Alice Young.

So... you got a husband? Mine's dead.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Me too... in theory.

Oh. I have a husband and a son.

They're in the other van. They'll be here soon.

Ooh! I used to have a chair just like that.

Kept breaking, so I threw it away.

I hate cheap furniture.

Yes, well, uh,

I should go help the movers. Nice to meet you.

Wait! I hardly know anything about you.

You didn't even mention where you folks are from.

Up north.

"Up north"? That doesn't tell me anything. Where exactly?

Small town. You wouldn't know it.

Try me.

Why do you need to know that?

Why don't you wanna tell me?

Well, it's no big deal. It's just...

And just like that,

Martha Huber figured out I was hiding something.

Ohh, you're busy.

We'll just have a long chat once you've settled in. Okay?

And my new neighbor made it her mission to find out

what my secret was.

And this was the beginning...

of the end.

It was just after breakfast

when Susan Delfino told her friends

she'd soon be moving from wisteria lane.

They were shocked.

Their old friend was actually leaving--

So shocked it took them a moment

To notice another old friend had returned.

Oh, my god.

Hello, ladies.

Did you miss me?

So three months after we got to paris,

Robin and I broke up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, a long distance move can be

tough on a relationship.

That, and I decided I just wasn't into women anymore.

Although in paris, it's hard to tell the difference.

The women don't shave, and the men carry purses.

So... what team are you playing for now?

Ah, I'm out of the game.

I decided to channel my sexual frustration

into starting my own business--

a line of frozen french pastries.

Bree, you remember how my croissants

were always the best on the lane.

I remember you thinking that.

So, basically,

you sell microwavable french food to the French?

Yesp, as they got lazier and fatter,

I got thinner and richer.

Now my accountant has me buying chateaus

just to do something with all my money.

So other than wanting to rub your success in our faces,

what brings you back?

I have a little business proposition...

for Lynette.

Tighter.

If I go any tighter, you won't be able to breathe.

Jean, you're talking to a woman who gave herself

salmonella to lose 10 pounds before prom.

Beauty is suffering. Now tighter!

What are you doing here?

You can't see me before the wedding. It's bad luck.

Uh, so I, uh, picked up the programs from the printer.

Oh, my god.

Do I have to do everything?

This is ivory. I told you to get beige.

Are you color-blind?

You do know I'm black, right?

Honey, I-I can't help but notice, uh,

you seem a little...

Bitchy?

No, I was gonna say, uh, less angelic than usual.

I am busting my ass to plan

the happiest day of your life.

So let's ditch the sarcasm, shall we?

You know what? It is bad luck

for the groom to see the bride before the wedding,

and I just realized why.

Jean, I told you tighter.

I don't care if I can breathe.

At this point, neither do I.

What was going on out there?

Katherine came back for a visit.

And before you get too excited,

no, she's not a lesbian anymore.

Really? Damn.

Hey, while you were out dishing with your friends,

our gardener quit.

He wouldn't name names,

but apparently one of us is a little too hard to please.

Yeah, you should work on that.

So you gonna get a new one?

When?

I have a job, too, you know.

Carlos, you help the poor and the down-trodden.

A group with a very flexible schedule.

I'm working crazy hours.

House stuff is up to you now.

Mm! It's my boss.

Hello, Mr. Hoffman.

Really? Me?

Y-yes, I'm very interested.

Thank you.

I-I don't know what to say.

Okay, I'll see you then, sir.

What was that about?

I just got a huge promotion.

I'm the new head of V.I.P. Sales.

Seriously?

Babe, that's amazing.

What's... wrong?

I don't know.

It's so big. It's a whole department.

They're really trusting me.

What if I can't do it?

Gaby, don't you know how smart and talented you are?

You deserve this.

Yeah. You know what? You're right.

I just gotta learn how to be the boss.

I don't even know how to talk to employees.

Yeah, I think our gardener would agree.

Oh, please. That sad sack was a moron.

So how you been feeling?

I've been craving chocolate constantly.

But that's okay, right?

Within moderation, but I'm not worried.

You look great.

Thank you.

You know, Julie is getting her PhD,

so soon she'll be a doctor, too.

Maybe you two should have lunch sometime and talk shop.

Yeah, that would be nice.

Uh, I'm sorry. I have to take this. Uh, I'll be right back.

What the hell was that?

He was flirting with you.

He is my obstetrician.

Well, he knows you're fertile. Men like that.

Enough. I don't need you to fix me up.

I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to be lonely.

Well, good news.

In three weeks, I will have a permanent houseguest.

I'm talking about the other kind of lonely.

Even single mothers have needs.

Childbirth can't possibly be as painful as this conversation.

You don't know how hard it's gonna be.

Having a kid is exhausting.

You have no time to exercise or eat right.

The great news is, you don't have to let yourself go.

I'll be there, helping with the baby.

So you'll have time to go to the gym.

I'll let myself go. I don't mind.

Mom, I just felt the baby

tap out "Make her stop" in morse code.

It's hard to find a man when you're a single mom.

That's my point. I'm done.

As I remember, you found Mike.

Yes. Well...

I was very lucky.

You sure were.

There you go.

Oh, beautiful day, isn't it?

One of the nice things about dying is

every day seems beautiful.

You always wince when I say things like that.

I don't mean to.

Its just... hard for me.

For you? Hey, you wanna switch places with her?

Be nice, Roy.

By the way, Karen, I got that song you wanted

for your... funeral.

Oh, thank you, Bree.

Johnny Mathis.

My girlfriends and I taught each other to dance

listening to "Wonderful! Wonderful!"

Aw. Oh, I was only able to get it on a cd.

No, no.

It's gotta be on a 45

that I can play on a record player,

Just like I did when I was a kid.

By the way, I'll also need the record player.

You know, it's really hard to find those 45s.

But I'm gonna keep looking.

Hello?

Oh. Hello, Trip.

I already told you, I'm not interested.

Please, stop calling.

Is that your lawyer friend?

Well, you're half right.

I thought you liked him.

I did, more than I've

liked anybody in a very long time.

But then I realized that he just manipulates people

so that he can get what he wants.

Can't trust him.

All right, you two, I will check in on you later.

Roy, be a peach and look up a phone number for me.

Karen, what are you up to?

I don't know.

I thought it would be fun to screw with people's lives

one last time before I check out.

It sounds like you are doing pretty good.

I mean, your own company?

Yeah, I didn't want to brag in front of the girls,

but it's worth a few bucks.

That was you not bragging?

Well, just look at our last financial statement.

I love doing that!

Oh! Have a seat.

In fact, we are doing so well

that we are looking to expand worldwide,

and I would like you to head our U.S. Division

in New York.

Oh, my god.

That's a huge job.

Why me?

Because you're the smartest businesswoman I know.

And when I heard that you and Tom split,

I thought, there's nothing tying you to Fairview.

Well, here's the thing--

20 minutes until my job interview,

and I lose a button. Can you-- Katherine?

That's the thing.

What brings you back to the States?

Your wife, actually.

I came to offer her a job in New York.

But obviously, I'm not taking it.

We just got back together, and I couldn't be happier.

Sorry, Katherine.

I know how painful it is to lose Lynette,

and how sweet it is to get her back.

Here, leave the shirt with me, babe. I got it.

Thanks.

I'm in town for three days

if you wanna keep talking about this.

No. I feel pretty comfortable with my decision.

Okay, but the Lynette that I knew

was never happy with a life of... sewing buttons.

Hey, hey! Sorry I'm late.

I'm starving! What are we having?

I had a lovely steak.

Then an hour later, I had your lovely steak.

So I guess you're having... cereal.

Oh, come on. You know how it is.

First day of a new job-- it was crazy.

And what? You lost your phone?

I know, I know. I'm a terrible, awful person.

But maybe you can find a way to forgive me

after you see this.

I know. I saw it, and all I could think about

was how sexy it would look on that big, strong wrist of yours.

Well, I don't think I've ever seen anyth--

Oh, my god. Wait a minute.

What?

I know this move. I invented this move.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's what I used to do to you.

I'd buy you jewelry

to compensate for being a lousy husband.

And it worked beautifully, so shut up and enjoy it.

I can't believe you're trying to buy me off with a watch.

When you shake your wrist like that,

the diamonds really catch the light.

Oh, my god, you're even quoting me!

You don't want the watch? Fine.

But everyone has a price. You name it.

Sex? Massage? Three stooges marathon?

The price of my forgiveness

is you paying a little more attention to me,

being more present,

more respectful of my feelings and needs.

You want a new car.

I'm going to bed.

What? No, come back! You're sexy when you're angry.

Yep! That's mine, too!

Lynette Scavo?

Oh, my god!

How long as it been?

Oh! A long time.

How are you doing, Natalie?

I'm great.

The question is, how are you? I heard about you and Tom.

Oh. Yeah, we went through a rough patch,

but we're back together now, and things are better than ever.

What a relief. I just kept thinking, "Poor Lynette--

sacrificed her whole career for that man,

and then it didn't even work out?"

Oh, just to be clear, I didn't sacrifice my career for anyone.

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.

If anything, I'm jealous of you.

My company has branches in 15 cities around the world.

I live out of a suitcase. And you?

There must be days when you don't even leave the house.

Oh, the simple life.

I got a job offer yesterday.

Really?

Yeah, this big European food company is

taking its brand to the States, and they want me to run it.

Impressive. When do you start?

Well, it's in New York, so it's a lot to consider, and...

and that is the difference between me and you.

I'd grab an opportunity like that in a second,

but not you.

In your heart of hearts, you're a wife and a mommy.

Congrats.

See ya.

Katherine, it's Lynette.

Call me back. We have to talk.

Hey, gotta run. Huge day.

The e-mails have been coming in since 7:00.

Just so you know, our new gardener started today.

Great. Mind running defense for me?

I really don't have time to chitchat with the help.

It'll be my pleasure.

Oh. Hola. I'm Carmen.

What the hell is that?

That's our new gardener.

She's gonna take care of everything around here

that's been neglected.

Oh, you think that's funny?

Just making a point.

You crossed a line, Carlos.

You crossed a line!

Gaby, come on!

Gaby!

Watch the dirt. And watch the grass.

Focus, ladies!

This dress costs more than your houses put together!

Okay, you know what, Renee?

I know this is your day,

but it's only 10:00,

and you're already a huge pain in the ass.

Well, then I'm running late.

I should've been a huge pain in the ass by 9:00.

You in the stupid hat, open the door!

Where are you going all dolled up?

Renee's wedding. I just wanted to check on Karen before I left.

She's sleeping.

I don't think it'll be long now.

Oh, Roy. I am... so sorry.

Would you like me to stay?

No.

This is our time together.

We'll be fine.

Oh, good! You found Karen's record.

Not me. That lawyer guy.

Trip?

Karen told him she really wanted it.

The son of a gun must've gone to 20 different record stores.

Well, that's lovely.

You should've seen the smile on her face when he brought it in.

He's... a good guy.

Do you seriously need to stretch out on her?

What do you want me to do? Crease?

Hello, Ben.

Hey, hey, hey. Don't raise your voice to me.

Well, hair and makeup took forever,

and then we had to wait 20 minutes for Susan, and--

I was totally on time.

He does not need to know that.

Yeah, we're on our way now.

I promise we'll be there no later than...

Oh! We're going through a tunnel!

How late are we?

I should've been cutting the cake by now!

Okay, not a good day to hand her a knife.

Julie, are you okay?

- Oh, my god. - What? What's wrong?

I think my water just broke.

Aah! How could you do this to me?!

She's in labor!

Oh! Nine months!

You had nine months,

and this is the moment you pick?!

Renee, I am so sorry. Aah! Aah!

Hold on. Everything's gonna be fine.

How?! My dress is ruined!

Wait, I got an idea.

Hey, driver, we need you to swing by Cumberly's.

My store has an amazing bridal department.

Are you insane?! Take us to the hospital!

Oh, come on. She just started labor.

Keep your legs together, honey.

Look, we're just gonna run in and grab a dress.

And shoes.

You need shoes, too?

Thanks to Old Faithful here.

My daughter is having a baby,

and you wanna go on a shopping spree?!

Uh, could someone please just tell me where to go?

- Cumberly's! - Hospital!

Let's just go to Cumberly's.

- Julie! - Mom, my contractions just started.

We have time. Aah!

Ohh! Do you have to keep doing that?

Okay, size 6s are over there.

- Hey! - Oh, don't lie to me!

No.

No.

God, no.

Now that is beautiful.

My daughter's looking at this.

- When's her wedding? - Three months.

Mine's in five minutes.

Unzip me.

I'm, uh, Gabrielle Solis,

head of V.I.P. sales here at Cumberly's.

I'm Kent, minimum wage worker

stuck here on a Saturday.

Can I help you?

Uh, I need to borrow a bridal gown.

- Borrow? - Just for the afternoon.

We don't lend bridal dresses.

Well... I know it's not policy,

but can't you do a favor for a fellow worker?

Ma'am, I've never heard of you.

Do you have your employee I.D. Card?

No. I'm not one of those nerds

who carries her I.D. card on a...

handsome lanyard.

So you want me to give you a $6,000 wedding dress?

$5,000 with my employee discount.

Go away, ma'am.

Ow! Ohh! Oh, that was a big one!

Oh! They seem to be coming a lot faster.

Excuse me, would you mind going in

and finding out what's keeping them?

Things seem to be speeding up a bit back here.

Right away.

Mom, what are you doing?

You are not having my granddaughter

in the back of a limousine!

Keep breathing!

So we set?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Told you I was a big shot here.

Now walk with me.

Um, there's only one tiny hiccup.

Hey, where you going with that dress?!

And now we run.

Where-- where's the limo?

I don't know. It was right here.

And we're running again!

Do you... not have a car?

Does it look like we have a car, huh?

Does it?!

Okay, all right, again, late for your own wedding.

Maybe kill this guy later.

Don't say a word. You hear me?!

You have no idea what I had to go through to get here,

so if you even give me one syllable of grief,

I will kick your sorry ass all the way back to Australia!

I've never seen anyone look so beautiful.

Let's go inside and get started on our wedded bliss, eh?

No, no, Katherine, I am excited.

I just need to talk to Tom first.

Well, can you give me till the end of the day?

Okay, thanks. Bye.

Talk to me about what?

Oh, um, Katherine keeps pushing me about this job thing.

I thought you told her "No."

I did,

but once she started talking about compensation packages and...

You're negotiating a salary?

Lynette, we...

We just got back together. What-- what are you doing?

It could be the last time

an opportunity like this comes along for me.

If I don't take it, I'm-- I'm afraid that...

You won't be happy.

Yeah.

Lynette...

I would do anything,

I would go anywhere in the world

if I believed it would finally make you happy.

But for as long as I have known you,

you've always thought

you needed something else to make you complete.

And I'm starting to realize

nothing ever will.

Hello, Trip.

Ben invited me,

so if you wanna slug somebody, slug him.

No. I'm glad to see you.

I wanted ro, uh, thank you for what you did for Mrs. Mccluskey.

That was very kind.

She's an awesome lady,

and she once helped out a client of mine.

Well, that's all I wanted to say.

Enjoy the reception.

Really, you can't think of anything else to say to me?

Like what?

I don't know. Like, um...

How about, "Hey, Trip, maybe you are a good guy.

I should give you another chance"?

Is that why you found that old record?

To impress me?

Do you really think that?

Look...

I know I wanna be with you.

But if you don't think you can ever trust me again...

Well, I'm not gonna beg.

Why?

Why?

Yes. Why do you want to be with me?

You were my lawyer.

You know all the ugliest details of my life--

my lying, my drinking, my promiscuity.

I was actually relieved when you put Gaby on the witness stand

because it explained why you kissed me.

It was a manipulation. I got it.

But to keep saying you want me when you know how...

horribly flawed I am.

I don't trust you because it just doesn't make sense.

How about...

I explain it?

Did that clear it up for you?

Almost.

Look, Bree...

All those ugly details you're talking about, I...

They just prove that you're human.

I don't want to love an ideal.

I wanna-- I wanna love a real person.

So what happens now?

First, we're gonna walk out onto that dance floor

and show your friends how it's really done.

Hopefully by then, I'll get up the courage

to once again ask you to go out on a date with me.

Of course, even as I'm saying that,

I'm still not sure what you're gonna say.

Did that clear it up for you?

Hey, you wanna dance? They're playing a tango.

You're finally talking to me again.

I must be out of the doghouse.

No, I'm still pretty mad.

Why? It was a joke.

All those years ago, when...

I did what I did with John Rowland?

That is the most shameful thing in my life.

You can't make jokes about it. It's too painful.

Fair enough.

You know... It was the most shameful thing in my life, too.

I'm sorry.

No.

What's shameful is that I neglected you.

I had this beautiful wife,

But I focused on all the wrong things.

It was a tough time for both of us.

I guess that's the point I was making hiring Carmen.

Our roles are reversed now,

but we can't start drifting away from each other.

I never want to go back to that again.

We won't.

We've grown up since then.

Although, for two smart grownups,

we sure seem to fight a lot.

Why is it other couples seem to waltz through life?

That's easy.

You and me?

We're doing a tango.

Hey. I hear someone's having a baby.

Oh, yes, a little ahead of schedule. Sorry.

No, it's no problem. I was just playing hoops down the block.

Don't worry. I'm gonna wash up,

and then we'll get this show on the road. Okay?

- Okay. - All right.

Did you see his legs?

How can you not want to be married to those legs?

Oh, mom, please.

Right. I'm annoying. Sorry.

You know, in honor of this special day,

I promise to never again bug you about finding a husband.

Even the baby knows you're lying.

What about you?

Do you think you'll ever get married again?

Julie...

No, I'm serious.

You're still young and gorgeous.

Oh, I don't know.

There's a saying--

"You know you've hit middle age

when your memories become more important to you than your dreams."

And I have such wonderful memories--

of Mike,

and you kids growing up,

all of our friends on the Lane.

Oh, do I have one last torrid romance in me?

Maybe.

But I know if I am ever cold and lonely,

I can wrap myself up in all those memories,

and I will be content.

So, Renee and Ben,

never forget that it takes a lot of love

to make a house a home.

And when you're in the market for a new home,

consider Lee McDemott, 1-800

Give me that!

Okay. Matron of honor's turn.

Lynette scavo, give us a toast.

Renee and Ben,

Your wedding is one of the best days of your life

because it's the day you realize,

"I finally have the thing I need to be happy."

And then you forget.

So... then what happens is,

instead of waking up every morning

and shouting, "Somebody loves me!"

You start looking around and thinking,

"What do I want now?

What's the next thing I need to be happy?"

So...

You look and you look,

and you keep thinking you've found it, but nothing works.

And the reason that nothing works

is because...

That hole in your heart that you're trying to fill...

is already filled.

You just forgot.

Don't ever forget.

Always remember how much you wanted to be loved,

And how much you are loved.

And I think if you can do that-- and it isn't easy--

You will stop looking and realize

you already are happy.

To Renee and Ben,

And to remembering.

Cheers.

I love you.

I love you.

So... you meant that?

I'm happy.

Right here, right now.

I bet someone like that could be happy anywhere.

Even New York.

Again?

Sometimes we stand on the top of a hill

And we gaze at the earth and the sky

I turn to you, and you melt in my arms

There we are, darling, only you and I

What a moment to share

It's wonderful, wonderful

Oh, so wonderful, my love

The world is full of wondrous things, it's true

But they wouldn't have much meaning without you

Some quiet evening, I sit by your side

And we're lost in a world of our own

I feel the glow of your unspoken love

I'm aware of the treasure that I own

And I say to myself

It's wonderful, wonderful

Oh, so wonderful, my love

And I say to myself

It's wonderful, wonderful

Oh, so wonderful

My love

Susan Delfino moved from Wisteria Lane on a Thursday.

But before she left,

she went to spend a few more moments with her friends,

doing what they loved best.

I see your 25...

And I raise you 50.

I know you're bluffing.

How?

For the last ten years,

Every time you have a bad hand, you tap the side of your glass.

No, I don't.

Yeah, you do.

- You totally do. - Absolutely.

I have a tell, and you guys never told me?

All right, you each owe me $12,000.

I just realized this might be the last time

we'll play poker together.

Oh, don't say that.

Well, you're moving,

And Lynette's talking about taking that job in new york.

Oh, we'll still get together.

I guess. It's just...

What?

I just always had this fantasy,

the four of us staying here, growing old together.

You know, our grandkids coming to visit,

Me staying gorgeous

while the three of you age horribly.

You know she's actually dreamed about that.

Of course she has.

No, seriously,

I'm gonna miss this so much.

I'm gonna miss us.

It's funny.

Some people never get to know the folks next door.

They share a fence and nothing else.

And we've shared everything.

How did we get to be so lucky?

I am so crazy nuts about you guys.

Promise me this is not the last time

we're gonna play poker together.

Absolutely not.

We'll just have to make the time.

Of course we will.

It was a promise made in all sincerity,

But sadly, it was not meant to be.

Lynette and Tom Scavo left the lane four weeks later.

They moved to New York,

where Lynette learned the joy of being a CEO.

She and Tom soon bought

a penthouse overlooking Central Park...

Where, years later, she'd take her six grandchildren

and yell at them.

Gabrielle and Carlos Solis

left the neighborhood the following year.

This was after Carlos helped her develop

a personal shopping web site,

which led to Gabrielle getting her own show

on the home shopping network.

They soon bought a mansion in california,

where they argued happily ever after.

Two years later,

Bree and her new husband left fairview.

They moved to Louisville,

where Bree joined a club for conservative women.

Trip then encouraged her to enter into local politics.

The following November,

Bree was elected to the Kentucky State Legislature.

But Susan Delfino

was the first to move from Wisteria Lane.

And this is how it ended.

She introduced herself

to the woman who was moving in.

You must be Jennifer.

And you must be Susan.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry if I'm early.

I, uh, made better time than I thought I would.

We were just about to leave.

My house is your house.

I mean, legally, this is your house.

Hey, I hope that you'll be happy here.

Thanks. Steve's so excited to finally live in the suburbs.

I'm a little worried it's going to be boring.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.

Now this street is a lot of things.

Boring is not one of them.

Can we go now?

Yeah, we're going.

Hey, do you guys mind if I take one last spin around the block?

Go for it.

As Susan left her driveway,

She had a feeling she was being watched...

And she was.

The ghosts of people who had been a part of Wisteria Lane

were gazing upon her as she passed.

They watched her, as they watch everyone,

always hoping the living could learn

to put aside rage and sorrow,

bitterness and regret.

These ghosts watch,

wanting people to remember

that even the most desperate life...

is oh... so wonderful.

But only a lucky few realize

the gift they've been given.

Most people just go on day after day,

trying in vain...

to keep secrets...

that will never stay hidden.