Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 8, Episode 18 - Any Moment - full transcript

Previously on
"Desperate Housewives"

At Mike's funeral,
Susan and M.J. said good-bye.

Gaby gave her blessing.

You should quit your job.

If being a counselor
is gonna make you happy,

then that's what you should do.

Lynette spoke her mind
about Tom's girlfriend...

I actually don't think it's
gonna last that much longer.

And the police gathered
more evidence.

- Someone is accusing you
of killing Mr. Sanchez.
- That's just silly.

I wanna make sure we get enough
to put this bitch away for good.



Renee Perry had waited many
months for a proposal,

and for many months,
she had been disappointed.

There had been
cozy evening by the fire...

that didn't go
the way she had hoped.

A romantic moment
in Wisteria park...

that wasn't so romantic

after all.

And a beautiful picnic
by a lake...

that turned out to be

nothing more than a picnic.

So when disappointment
struck again...

Renee decided to speak up.

Dessert?

That's the big finale
to a 6-course meal?



Dessert?

Were you expecting, like,
a cheese course?

No!

I was expecting a ring.

You have red roses, champagne.

You are sending me
every signal in the world

that I'm about to get
a big proposal

and instead, I get a cookie.

Well, it's a chocolate souffle.

Whatever.
I am not a young woman.

I don't know how many more
fake outs my heart can take.

Okay, fine.
I-I was gonna propose tonight.

I just did such a horrible job
the first time,

I-I... I wanted this
to be exceptional.

They call it
"popping the question,"

not "dragging it out
to eternity,"

so come on! Pop!

Can I at least, uh, read you
the speech that I wrote?

Oh, lord. Just give me
the last paragraph.

Uh...

Okay.

"For all these reasons
and more,

it is with great honor,
that I ask you if you"...

uh, we're ignoring that.
Keep going.

"...I-if you would consider
making me

the happiest man in the"...

Go away!

It's the police.

We're looking
for a Mr. Ben Faulkner.

I'm Ben Faulkner.
How can I help you?

You own the condominium project under
construction at Chapman woods?

I used to. Bank owns it now.

You mind coming down
to the station with us?

I want to ask you about
a body we found on the site.

Is... he under arrest?

No, ma'am. We just want to ask
you boyfriend a few questions.

Wait!

Ah.

He's not my boyfriend.
He's my fiance.

Yes, Renee Perry had waited
a long time for a proposal...

Okay. Now you can take him.

and she wasn't about to let it
slip through her fingers.

Bree Van de Kamp
started every morning

by catching up
on the latest news,

but sometimes the news came
from an unexpected source.

Hey, Bree.
Look what happened to my hand.

Oh, my goodness!

Are you...

We're getting married.

Oh, how wonderful!

- Yeah, we're pretty happy.
- "Pretty happy"?

Oh, we're ecstatic.
Knickers to the wind.

Over the moon.

Congratulations.
When did this happen?

Last night.
Oh, and get this...

in the middle
of his big, romantic proposal,

the cops come by to ask
about some dead body

they found
at the construction site.

So tell me more.

Well, I definitely want a big
wedding. Bridesmaids, the works.

I was talking about the body.
What did the police say?

Uh, not much.
You know, I told them

that I didn't know anything
about it, and they believed me.

Good.

Although I have to say,

I'm surprised
you didn't tell me sooner.

- You know...
- Oh, we're sorry. Uh, it was late,

and I wanted
to tell my sister first.

Again, talking about the body.

Why would we tell you that?

And why are we talking
about this and not me?

Quite right. I-I just would hate
to see this tragic news

interfere with your happy day.

And I don't think it will,

but I really don't think
you should worry about it.

Uh, the police don't seem like
they're gonna pose a problem.

That was judge Kemp.

He just signed off
on that warrant.

For Bree Van de Kamp?

That was fast.

I might've called in
some favors.

The sooner I can prove
she's guilty,

the sooner I can watch
her pay for it.

We got another one.
Um, mitzi kinsky.

"Mike was a ray of sunshine
on our street.

He will be missed dearly."

Isn't that lovely?
Everybody's been so generous.

Yeah.
Ten jars of homemade jam.

I don't know
if she was being generous

or just cleaning out
her basement.

Well, either way, it's a gesture
of love and support.

Makes me feel better.

There is my baby boy.

Morning, bub.

Eggs on a raft,

just the way you like 'em.

These smell gross.

Okay, um, not a problem.

Is there something else
you'd like me to...

M.J.

It's okay, honey.

Um, what do you want?

Strawberry ice cream.

Uh, buddy, I don't think

that's the healthiest way
to start your day.

I don't care what you think.

Well...

Maybe just this once.

I'll get you a bowl.

Or, uh, no bowl is good.

I'm gonna eat this
in front of the TV.

Can you bring me
some Sprinkles?

Of course, honey.

Uh, mom.

What?
It's just ice cream, okay?

He lost his dad.

Okay.

Mom, where's my Sprinkles?

Coming!

Whoa.
What's... going on here?

I thought I'd kick
off your big resignation day

with a power breakfast.

Plus the expiration
on this sausage was yesterday.

I gotta say, now that the
day is finally here,

I'm starting to get
a little freaked out.

Don't you worry.

I've made a decision.

I'm getting a job.

What?
You don't have to do that.

No, I want to.
It's time I help out.

I owe it to you.

So I wrote up a resume,

I booked a meeting
at an employment agency,

and I even bought myself
a girlie briefcase.

But I thought we were
just gonna cut back,

live a smaller life?

Yeah, I thought about that.

Then I decided
I want a slightly bigger life,

so I figure if I work,

the girls can stay in private
school, we can keep both cars,

and maybe even take

one of those ski trips
we talked about canceling.

Gaby, I love
that you're trying to help,

but an entry-level salary is not
gonna cover the cost of skis,

let alone five nights
at the Ritz.

Well, maybe not now, but if I
work my way up the ladder,

in a few years, I'll be
pulling in the big bucks,

just like you do.

Or did.

What kind of ladder are
we talking about here?

What is it
that you're gonna do?

I don't know yet. That's where
the employment lady comes in.

She's gonna help me figure out

how to best utilize
my "skill set."

Yeah, I read that in one
of your business magazines.

I'm proud of you
stepping up like this.

I hope you find a job
that has health care,

'cause my benefits end today.

What?

No risky meat without benefits.

Yeah, Doug and I eloped,

so this time, I want
an over-the-top wedding...

horse-drawn carriages,
fireworks,

poodles dyed purple.

Uh, is this weird,

me going on
about how happy I am

while you're all sad
and single?

Actually, I'm hoping
I won't be single for long.

I've decided
to try to get Tom back.

So we're done talking about me?

Yeah. Kinda.

Great.

So what are you thinking?

I figure I'll just come clean,

tell him I screwed up,
and beg him to come back.

It's amazing you landed a man
in the first place.

Well, what do you think
I should do?

Oh. Throw yourself at him.

Next time he stops by, let
a boob fall out of your blouse

or maybe bend over
in those tight-ass jeans.

That's not gonna work.

You're right. Sorry.

What do I know
about getting a man?

Oh, wait.

A lot.

Come on. Help.

It's not gonna be easy
splitting them up.

They just moved in together
and they seem so happy.

Of course they're happy. They're
in that honeymoon phase.

They're still taking trips,

laughing at each other's jokes,

pretending they're interested
in museums.

We had a honeymoon phase, too.

Maybe I need to remind him
of that.

Well, remind him naked.

The only tricky part is
gonna be getting him alone.

Jane watches him like a hawk,

a tall, bitchy hawk.

Well, whatever you do,
do it soon.

I'm not gonna waste
a plus one at my wedding

unless I know it's serious.

Hey. Mom?

Andrew!

Oh!

It's wonderful to see you.
How are you?

I'm good. I'm good.
I'm really good.

Really? Because your sister
told me you lost your job.

I've been so worried.

Didn't you get
any of the messages I left?

I've just been really busy.
Uh, but everything's fine.

In fact, I met someone.

You did?
That's wonderful.

I know how hard
your breakup from Alex was.

I'm so happy
that you're moving on.

Yeah, well, you know,
it's only been a few months,

but, uh, it's pretty serious.

How serious?

Serious enough that we were
driving through town,

and I thought the two of you
should meet.

He's here?

Oh.

Uh, yeah, well, I...

I want you
to keep an open mind.

Who's this?

This is Mary Beth,

my fiancee.

I'm so glad
to finally meet you.

I've been telling this guy

I can't marry him
until I meet his mom.

So you're really engaged

to... each other?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, and remember, you're happy
I've moved on, right?

I just have so many questions.

I know what you must
be thinking. It's too soon.

No, that's not
what I'm thinking.

Mom.

I'm sorry. It's just that
you're very different

than all of the other... dates
Andrew's brought home.

Well, you know, people change.

So how did you two meet anyway?

Oh, it's a real cute story.

I was at the community center for
my overeaters anonymous meeting,

but I went into
the A.A. meeting by mistake.

And by "mistake," I mean I remembered
how drunks love their doughnuts.

So as I was reaching
for a buttermilk glazed,

there was Andrew.

You were
in overeaters anonymous?

Yeah, I actually lost
220 pounds

and then gained 160 pounds
of grade "A" beefcake!

Isn't she adorable?

Uh-huh.

Andrew, would you help me
in the kitchen?

I'd like to get some tea biscuits,
and they're on a very high shelf.

Ooh, tea biscuits.

46 calories.

Andrew, I do not understand.

What is going on here?

Look, I-I know it's not
who you were expecting,

but remember how you always said
that being gay was just a phase,

that I-I just needed
to meet the right girl?

Well, you were right.

Just be happy for me.

Come on.
Back to bed.

M.J.,
it is 2:00 in the morning.

You should be in bed.

You can't tell me what to do.

What did you just say to me?

Hey. Turn that back on!

Mnh-mnh.

Guys?

What's going on in here?

I am trying to get M.J.
back to bed.

I can't sleep.

Yeah, well, blowing up aliens
isn't gonna help.

Come on.

No, I wanna play my game.

Turn it back on now!

Shh. Shh. Don't get upset.

You can finish your game.

What?

Just for a little while,

then you have to go
back to bed, okay?

Mom, can I talk to you
for a second?

I think
you're making a mistake.

It's not that big a deal.

Yes, it is.

Look, I know what
he's going through is awful,

but this isn't helping.

He's totally
taking advantage of you.

He's not taking advantage.

He's traumatized,

and it's killing me to see
what he's going through,

so if I can
give him a little joy

by letting him
play video games,

that's what I'm gonna do.

So I'm looking to make
in the 6-figure range,

plus benefits, of course.

And I have two young girls,
so flexible hours would be good.

And we always take
this big vacation,

so I'll need two weeks off.
Maybe three.

You know what?
Just give me all of august.

So what do you got for me?

A reality check.

Excuse me?

Mrs. Solis, you're gonna have to
adjust your expectations.

Up?

No. Have you not been reading
the newspapers?

The job market right now
is brutal.

I have people with phds
that I can't find jobs for,

and frankly, your job experience
is very limited.

Modeling, modeling, modeling.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Print,

runway,

boat show.

Who's the job expert here?

Plus,
there's a 15-year gap here.

Yeah, to be a doting wife
and a loving mother of two.

You have experience
with children.

I have a job
at a day care center.

And deal
with other people's kids?

I don't even like my own.

Look, you didn't go to college,

you didn't even graduate
high school,

and your only references are

photographers
and aging rock stars.

In today's market,
you're basically unemployable.

And you actually get paid
for this?

So now what am
I supposed to do?

Well, you could start planning
that august vacation.

Gabrielle Solis was depressed,

and when she was depressed,

nothing lifted her spirits
like a good workout...

of her credit card.

May I help you?

Yeah, uh, I just wanna get
that little red scarf

I saw in the window.
Then I'll be on my way.

All right.

Although that...

black sheath
dress would go perfect with it.

Mm.

Look at
those over-the-knee boots!

Okay. Who am I kidding?

Get me a double cappuccino
and muscular stock boy.

Mama needs
a new pair of everything.

I said taupe.
This is clearly beige.

We don't have it in taupe.

Second floor, third mannequin
from the left. Look alive.

I'll try these in plum,

these in leopard,

these... oh, forget it.

No lady wants to see
anything under 4 inches.

You go with you.
You go with you.

You go away.

No one's been able
to make that romper work.

Should we help her?

Stay back.
She knows what she's doing.

Navy blazer, silver hoop
earrings, platform wedge.

And a red
patent leather clutch.

Genius! Genius.

Everything looks and smells
so amazing, Mrs. Van de Kamp.

Do you mind
if I take a picture?

Of the food?

That way I eat
just a little bit now,

and then later,
when I'm hungry,

I can look at the picture
and get full on the memory.

Don't you just
wanna eat her up?

Not before I take
a picture of her.

You know, Mary Beth, I just realized
I don't know a thing about you.

What do you do?

Well, actually, nothing.

My parents have been
pretty generous.

Oh, really? What, uh,
sort of work are they in?

None of your business, mom.

No, no. It's okay.

They invented
Mary Beth's frozen custard.

Mary Beth?
You're that Mary Beth?

Recognize me?
The kid on the carton?

It's in every
supermarket in the country.

It must be
a multibillion dollar...

Oh.

Would you help me
in the kitchen, Andrew?

Now.

Andrew, I knew you were
having financial troubles,

but I never thought
you'd stoop to this.

- What?
- She's an heiress.

You're obviously marrying her
for her money.

I'm marrying her
because I'm crazy about her.

We love the same movies.
She makes me laugh.

She gets me.
She's really an amazing girl.

I think I found your good side!

Smile, gnocchi.

She's disturbed.

Okay. All right.
She's a little eccentric,

but you know what?
I love her.

Andrew Van de Kamp,
you love Italian shoes.

You love
mid-century modern furniture.

And according to your
Internet history, you love...

army doctors giving elaborate
physicals to young recruits.

But you do not love girls.

Why can't you accept
that I've changed?

Because homosexuality
is not a choice.

You were born this way.

I'm the one who told you that.

And it took me a long time,

but I was finally able
to wrap my head around it.

Honey, you're here, you're
queer, and I'm used to it.

You know what, mom?
I'm not here anymore, all right?

Mary Beth, let's go.

Hey.

How was your dad's?

Fine.

Aw!

She was in a bit of a mood,

but I still love you
unconditionally.

Let me guess... did it
have something to do

with a certain Taylor Swift
concert this Thursday night?

I'm just saying,

all my friends' moms
are taking them.

And all your friends' moms are
gonna be deaf for two weeks,

like I was the last time
I went to a concert.

I'm not doing it.

It's not fair.

I am gonna go give Paige
a bath.

Thank you
for bringing her home.

I'm gonna go grab
your suitcase.

Mom!

Please!

It'd make you the bestest mom
in the whole wide world!

Nope.
The matter is closed.

This sucks.

Hey.

You know who else
likes Taylor Swift?

Me.

I mean, if your parents are okay
with it, I'll take you.

Oh, my God!

Oh!

You're the best! I'll check
with my mom and call you?

Can't wait.

Okay!

So?

Totally worked.

You'll have dad all to yourself
Thursday night.

You are the bestest girl
in the whole wide world.

Gaby!

Hi, babe.

What is that?

This?

It's a boot.

I bought a boot.

You bought... one boot?

Yep. 'Cause I'm frugal.

One day I'll buy the other one.

That's all you bought?

Because I got a call
from the bank.

Seems somebody was going crazy
with your credit card.

Huh. Maybe it was stolen.

Yeah.

By a size 0 with
incredibly expensive taste.

What is this shopping bag
doing under the bed?

I bought a gift for a woman

whose husband is in Iraq,
fighting for our freedom.

Gaby!
You're taking it all back.

I can't.

Not if I've worn it.

Can't take it back.
Can't take it back now.

See? It's all...

Stop. Stop. Stop.
Stop. Stop!

Our lives have changed.
We can't afford this anymore.

Not unless you got some big job
you haven't told me about.

What's wrong?

I met with that job lady.

But she basically said I'm not
qualified to do anything.

I didn't finish school.
I've never had a real job.

The only thing I've ever gotten
paid for is being pretty.

I just feel like my life

has been one bad decision
after another.

Uh... what about the girls?

What about marrying me?

That's the part
that hurts the most.

You guys are the only good thing
I've ever done,

and I feel like
I'm letting you down.

Gaby...

you are smart.

You'll figure something out,

something great.

But in the meantime,

all these clothes

have to go back.

I know.

Could you just give us
a moment alone?

Hello?

Yes, this is his mother.

He did what?

He threw a stapler at you?

Yes, right at my head.

Are you sure
it wasn't an accident?

He couldn't have been
aiming at your head.

What he said was...

and I wrote this down
because I wanted to be exact...

"Leave me alone,

or I'm going to throw
this stapler at your head."

I-I'm so sorry.

You do know that M.J.
just lost his father, right?

I do. My heart goes out
to both of you.

But there is no place
for violence in my classroom,

no matter what the circumstances
are at home.

"Circumstances"?

Um...

I mean, it's not like he
just lost his favorite toy

or a pet turtle.

He... lost his dad.

Yes, but if M.J. had thrown
that stapler a little harder,

my grandkids might have lost
their grandmother.

Well, I'm sure
that he is sorry.

He isn't. In fact,
he said... and I quote...

"Bull's-eye."

I'm considering having him
removed from my class.

Okay. Uh...

What M.J. did was wrong,

but... I'm finding it
hard to believe

that a person that spends
so much time with children

could be so oblivious
to a child's pain.

I have 20 other children
I need to protect.

And M.J. is
a very angry little boy.

Well, of course he's angry.

He's 9,

and one of the most important
and loving people

in his life has just been
ripped away from him,

and now he has
to live with the fact

that his father is
never coming back.

Inside voices, please.

Oh, to hell
with your "inside voices."

His father is dead.

My husband is dead!

Oh! My foot.

It's her.

Why is everyone looking at me?
Did I do something wrong?

No. No, in fact,
we have done nothing

but talk about your shopping
skills for the last 24 hours.

Really?

Yes. We even went back

and watched the security tape
to see it again.

Well, keep the tape.
It was my last show.

- What?
- Uh, circumstances have changed.

My shopping days are over.
So just do me a favor.

Wait till I'm gone
to restock the boots.

I can't cry again today.

Uh, wait. Wait.

Um, take care of these
for Mrs. Solis

and bring her
a glass of champagne.

- Champagne?
- Mm-hmm.

Did you not hear me?
I'm broke.

You have no reason
to suck up to me anymore.

Well, I do
if I want you to work here.

Huh?

You see, you're like a...
a shopping savant,

and every day,
women come in here

with all the money in the world
and no clue what to spend it on.

You could help them.

You mean like
a personal shopper job?

No, do not think of it
as a job.

For you, my dear,
it is a calling.

I don't know.

Employees get a 40% discount.

Hi. Welcome to Cumberly's.

My name's Gabrielle.
Can I help you?

I want to thank you
for accepting my apology

and coming over
before you left town.

I feel like I haven't had
the appropriate reaction

to this wedding.

No. No, no,
you've been wonderful.

Well,

to show you how excited I am

that my little boy is
getting married,

I've thrown you
a surprise engagement party.

Mom, what the hell is this?

Oh, I just invited
some of your old friends over

to congratulate you.

Hey, girl.
I haven't seen you in ages.

Those shoes are ferosh.

Who's this hag?

This is Andrew's fiancee
Mary Beth.

Hi, Mary Beth.
I'm Brian with an "I."

This is Bryan with a "y."

What is this about you getting
married? We need to dish.

Um, uh, sweetie, why don't...

why don't you go in the kitchen
and grab a drink?

I just love those boys.

They used to be here
all the time.

So what did you think
of Andrew's friends?

They seem sweet
and very well-groomed.

Well, yeah,
but don't they seem,

I don't know,
a little... disco-y?

Mrs. Van de Kamp,
I know Andrew's gay.

You do?

We've never actually made love,

and he has a picture of
Michael Phelps next to his bed.

Says it's patriotic, but...

I don't understand.
If you know about him...

you have to understand,

I grew up fat and lonely.

When I lost all the weight,

I thought men would look at me
differently, but they didn't.

I just kind of gave up.

Oh, Mary Beth.

But then I met Andrew.
He's sweet, fun,

and I just thought...

I could do a lot worse.

No. No. No.
Now you listen to me.

You deserve real romance
and passion in your life.

I know all about this.

I have been with plenty of men
for companionship

when it should've been
for love.

The right man for you is
out there somewhere.

You just can't settle.

It's not fair to you
or to Andrew.

I think we need to talk.

All right.

Coming!

Coming! Coming!

Okay.

Oh, no.

Hey.

Hey. I-I came as soon
as I got your message.

So power's out, huh?

I know.
This is so embarrassing.

I just got off the phone
with the electric company,

and it turns out
it's a faulty line,

so they're gonna fix it
first thing tomorrow morning.

So you don't need me
to look at anything or...

I'm sorry.
I feel terrible dragging you

all the way over here,

so you want something for
your trouble? A drink or...

Nah. No. No. I don't...
I don't want to be in your hair.

No, no. You're not.

Honestly, it's a little scary

being all alone in a dark house.

Hence the hundreds of candles.

Yeah, I did go
a little overboard, huh?

What are you cooking?

It smells amazing in here.

Yeah? I'm trying out
a new recipe for the kids.

Beef Bourguignonne.

But penny's with Jane

and Parker's having pizza
with the martindales.

I love Beef Bourguignonne.

Oh, that's right.
I totally forgot.

Y-you remember the first time
we tried it?

New York.
Our second anniversary.

Oh, that must be
where I got the idea.

I was just looking at pictures
from that trip.

Oh, yeah? You... you got out
the old photo album?

Yeah.

Oh, ho ho. Man!

Look at us.

Hey.

Why don't you stay for dinner?
I'll make you a plate.

Yeah, I don't know.

Come on.
Jane's at the concert.

What would you rather do...

eat a microwave dinner
all alone in your apartment

or...

Beef Bourguignonne?

Well...

I hate for it to go to waste.

Well, I hope you're happy.

Mary Beth is on her way
back to Wisconsin.

I'm sorry.

Why are you so concerned
about her life?

What about me?!
I'm your son.

I did this for you.
Can you look me in the eye

and tell me
you would've been happy

spending the rest of your life
with that woman?

That marriage really
could have helped me out,

and you have no idea
how much help I need.

Why? What is going on?

Where do I start? Um...

Well, I took a loss on the house
that you got me,

I, uh, I lost my job,

can't find a new one.

I have a ton
of credit card debt,

and Mary Beth was willing
to help me out with all of that.

Well, so would I. Why didn't
you come to me for help?

Do you know what it feels like
to have to keep running back

to your mother to fix
your problems?

My whole life,
you've been propping me up...

when I needed a job, when I was
dumped, when I was drinking.

I'm just... I'm so tired

of you seeing me as a failure.

Andrew, if you would
go through all of this

rather than come to me
for help,

then I am the one who's failed.

How about we just agree
that we both failed?

So what are you gonna do now?

I don't know. I had
a pretty good setup there...

a place to live,
somebody who needed me,

all the frozen custard
I could eat.

Well, I don't have any custard,

but I can offer you
a place to stay,

and... someone else
who needs you.

All right.

But just until I get
back on my feet again.

Now let's talk about
that party.

I could swear I saw Bryan
with a "y" checking you out.

Ah, well, actually,

I am more into
Geoffrey with a "g."

Now that's my gay son.

God, look at all the stuff
we're doing.

We used to be interesting.

I know. We... we hiked.
We went to the theater.

We... we took salsa lessons.

And then came the kids.

Ah, fun killers. Huh.

Mmm. This is amazing.

It's even better than
that restaurant in new York.

I don't know.
That place was pretty good.

How did we even find it?

- You don't remember?
- Mnh-mnh.

We got caught
in that torrential downpour.

We ducked in there to dry off.

Right.
And then the owner insisted

on making us a special meal

because we had
that newlywed look.

A lot of water
under that bridge, huh?

Yeah, but it was
a pretty strong bridge.

Look how young we were.

Yeah.

Back then I could actually see
without my reading glasses.

Here you go.
Best I can do for light.

Thank you.

Oh.

Ha ha ha.

I'm glad you kept these.

Good memories, huh?

Yeah.

You know,
sometimes you just get...

overwhelmed by work and...

kids and life, and it's just...

so easy to...

forget.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

I'm on fire.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
I'm on fire!

Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!

Ah!

Uh...

Oh.

Are you okay?

I think I burnt the skin.

Oh, jeez. Let me see.

Oh, it doesn't look so bad.

I thought the power was out.

They must have...
Fixed it.

You set this up.

You know,
in... in my defense, I...

What the hell is going on?

I just wanted
to see where we stood,

if there was still
anything between us,

if we could find our way back
to those people in the pictures.

By tricking me?

I'm... I'm sorry about
how I did it,

but you can't deny
what just happened.

You still feel something.

Jane just moved in with me,

and you do this now?

Hey, mom.

Hey. How was the concert?

Awesome.

How'd it go with dad?

Not so awesome.

Yeah, I kinda got that
from the sweatpants.

Mm. Come here, you.

Hi.

Mm. Hi.

So now what?

I... don't know.

- Well, I'll tell you what you can't do.
- Mm?

Give up.

Taylor Swift has this song...

Mm. Mm-hmm.

"You belong with me."
It's...

about how she won't
stop loving this guy

even though
he's with the wrong girl.

And when she sang it tonight,

all I could think about
was you and dad.

And this guy she loves...

does he eventually
come to his senses?

It wouldn't be
a very good video if he didn't.

And don't worry.

Dad will, too.

You think?

Mom, you're fighting for him.

What guy doesn't like that?

You know...

when you say something
really smart like that,

it makes me think
I did a really good job.

You think it's gonna blister?

It's a first-degree burn.

Tom, you'll be fine.

But as your physician,

let me recommend...
no more candlelit baths alone.

Yeah, I don't know
what I was thinking.

Well, the good news is I can
declare you healthy enough

for any and all
sexual activity.

Actually...

I need to get some work done.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, the nice thing about us
living together...

if you change your mind,
you know where to find me.

Okay.

That's the last of them.

Okay.

Actually, we're not done here.

I want to talk to you.

Is this about
what happened at school?

Yes.

You need to know that it is never
okay to throw a stapler at someone.

I know.

It's also never okay

to sweep a bunch of stuff
off someone's desk

because you don't like what
they're saying about your son.

Particularly if they've
just had bunion surgery.

You did that
to Mrs. Butters?

I'm not proud of it, but yeah.

I was really mad.

Just like you.

M.J., something horrible
happened to you,

and every time you started
to get angry about it,

I wanted to cover it up
with ice cream or video games,

but the truth is,
we shouldn't cover it up.

We should let it out.

Now we can't hurt people...

But we can...

hurt jam.

Ah.

Mom!

People sent us this
to help us feel better,

and it's going to,

just not in the way
they thought.

Come on, buddy.

You got a lot
to be angry about.

What happened... sucks.

Oh, sweetie.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you so much.

That's a cake I made
for a wedding a few years ago.

I know what you're gonna say.

- It's too extravagant.
- It's not big enough.

Oh. Well, I suppose
we could add another tier.

Make it two.

I really appreciate this, Bree.

Ben is such a guy.

He's not gonna be any help
planning this wedding.

Yes, especially since
he's dealing

with the nasty business
of the body.

Oh, that?
No, Ben's in the clear.

Really?

Yeah, the cops called
this morning.

Uh, they figured out
the guy they found

died eight months ago.

That was way before
Ben started construction.

Oh.

Yeah, the cops think the guy
was just some poor drifter.

Anyway, it's over.

Oh, good.

Well, now we can focus
all our energy

on giving you the best wedding
in the world.

Tomorrow we'll start
our planning.

Yes, in life,

when we see an opportunity,
we have to take it,

whether it's the hope

of winning back
the love of our life...

a shot at proving our worth...

or the chance to show a child
the right path.

But sometimes when we answer
the call...

Hello?

Hi. It's Bree.

we have no idea
what opportunity awaits us.

Renee just told me
the good news,

and I wanted to thank you
for keeping my secret.

Ah, no worries.
I told you I would.

I know, but even when suspicion
moved on to you,

you still protected me,
and that's very honorable.

Really, it was no big deal.

Maybe not to you.

You're not the one
who put a body in the ground.

You have to understand,
a day doesn't go by

when that does not weigh heavily
on my conscience.

Gotcha.