Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 7, Episode 19 - The Lies Ill-Concealed - full transcript

Previously on
Desperate Housewives...

Paul was shocked to find
Felicia was back on the lane.

Well, hello, Paul.

Tom's new job came with perks.

You know what you can do
on a private jet?

Anything.

A relationship was forced to end.

We are no longer friends.

Not you and me,
and not you and Gabby.

You can't speak for me.

I just did!



And Susan got her transplant,
thanks to Paul.

I'm sure as soon as I sign the papers
they'll be contacting you.

After Susan Delfino's
kidney transplant,

her doctor ordered her
to abstain from sex

for six weeks.

But what the doctor couldn't prevent
Susan from doing

was dreaming about it.

These dreams were filled
with torrid caresses,

with passionate kisses,

and with soft cries of ecstasy.

The only thing missing
from these dreams

was her husband.

Are you okay?

Uh...



Yeah. I just had a dream.

Yeah, I know.

You know? What do you know?

Was I saying something?
Was I talking?

More like moaning.

Oh, moaning? Oh, God!

Yeah, you mentioned him, too.

Don't be embarrassed.
So you had a sex dream.

It's not surprising,
given how long we've had to lay off.

Tell me. What were we doing?

Ah...

We...

Hey. Maybe we can recreate it
when we end our drought in two days,

17 hours and 35 minutes.

Well, uh, needless to say,
it was some pretty kinky stuff.

Like, do we do that thing,
that thing we talked about?

Mike, it was my dream, not yours.

Oh, God. I'm desperate.
Can you give me some details?

Uh...

Or I could show you

in two days, 17 hours and 34 minutes.

That'll work.

I can't wait.
We'll send MJ to Mrs. McCluskey's

and have the whole night together.

Yes, Susan was
having dreams about sex.

Just the two of us.

Uh-huh. Just me and you.

And they were becoming a nightmare.

The residents of Wisteria Lane
are nothing if not loyal.

They love their country.

They root for the home team.

They support their favorite brand.

But the fiercest loyalty
on Wisteria Lane

is the one between friends.

All right, I gotta run.
I'm meeting the girls for coffee.

Stop.

Which girls? Will Bree be there?

She better be. She's buying.

Then you're not going.

Wait, you were serious about
us never speaking to Bree again?

That woman sat at our table,
spent the holidays with us,

all the while knowing her son ran
over my mother. Yeah, I'm serious.

Fine. Then you stop talking to her.
But you're not gonna control me.

'Cause I have the secret weapon.

You'll withhold sex? Please.
You always fold before I do.

That's not true.

The last time you tried,
you got so turned on telling me

what you weren't gonna do to me,

you wound up doing it to me right then.

Damn it.

Well, you're still not gonna stop me
from seeing Bree.

Yes, I am.

Our relationship with that woman is
over, and I forbid you to see her again.

He forbid me. Who is he to forbid me?

I mean, what is this, nineteen...

Whenever it was that husbands
got to forbid their wives?

Gabby, he has every reason
to be upset.

I hate to say this, but I think we
should keep our distance for a while.

What? I'm not giving in to this.

I've already caused Carlos
so much pain.

I think it's the only thing we can do.

So, what are you saying?

No more poker, no more lunches,
no more shopping?

I'll miss it as much as you do.

Oh, really? Doesn't sound like it.
I think this is easy for you.

Easy? I wanna come over
there right now

so you can drag me to the mall
kicking and screaming, but we can't.

I have to go. I have scones in the oven.

I love your scones.

Stop. Goodbye, Gabby.

You're not hanging up.

But I have to.

Hey, Lynette,
you're not gonna believe this!

Shh!

I had to walk Paige around
the block eight times to get her down.

Nothing is so important that
you need to raise your voice.

Not even this?

The Weisman Leadership Conference?

Seriously? You're invited?

And so are you.

Oh, my God!

Warren Buffett goes to this conference,

and Bill Gates, and Oprah!

It's one of her Favorite Things.

Look at this. All the great speakers!

Plus they've got the spa, and...

And no kids, right? No kids?

No kids.

Yes! Yes!

You take her.

I gotta figure out what to wear.

Hey, you two! Thanks for watching him.

Hey. Can you watch him again
on Wednesday? Mike and I are...

Yeah, I know. Your big night, huh?

Mike told you?

Didn't have to.
I caught him staring at my cleavage.

So, post-transplant sex, huh?

If it's as good as my post-cancer
sex, you're in for a treat.

Fingers crossed.

Hey, have you looked at
your old house lately?

It's kind of a wreck.

It does look a little neglected.

You should go over and talk to Paul.
I'll watch MJ.

Oh. I can't do that.

I mean, he might be in the middle
of something.

Or he might be hanging
from the shower head.

Do me a favor and check,
'cause if he is dead in there,

I live downwind.

Susan?

Paul.

Paul!

Uh, hi, there.

I was just in the neighborhood,

and it looked like things
were piling up, and...

Would you mind
closing that robe, please?

Oh, sorry. And sorry about the mess.

I haven't been getting out
of the house much.

You look thin. Are you eating?

Yes. I'm fine.
I'm a little behind on my chores.

So, if there's nothing else...

Paul, are you sure you're okay?

Yes, Susan. Fit as a fiddle. Goodbye.

I've already spotted two ex-senators
and three covers of Forbes.

Everybody here is definitely A-list.

Oh! Bob! Lee!

Hey, hey, you fancy hot shots!

Hi!

-Hiya.
-Hi.

I'm glad you've done
this conference before,

'cause I'm definitely gonna need
somebody to show me the ropes.

Nothing to it. Just don't talk politics.

And don't push Warren Buffett
in the pool.

I didn't push him. He got between me
and the margarita bar.

Oh, let me introduce you
to Barry Weisman.

Prepare to endure the single most
bone-crushing handshake of your life.

Bye. Come on.

With this line
it's gonna be hard to get drunk.

Lesson one, the power of the words,

"The President's Council of Economic
Advisors want their martinis now."

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's a little trick I learned

when I was too cheap
to buy my own newspaper.

How fantastic is it that
Chris Cavanaugh is speaking?

I thought Flashpoint was the best
business book of the year.

I agree. I've heard him speak before.
He's even better in person.

We're in for a treat tomorrow.

-Meg Butler. President of AMTech.
-Oh! Um...

Lynette Scavo. My husband is
the CFO of Morris Technologies.

Oh! You're a Plus One.

What's that mean?

Unfortunately, it means
you won't be seeing Chris Cavanaugh.

The seminars are only for participants.

What am I gonna be doing?

I will tell you what,
Japanese flower arranging.

Did I weep at the simple beauty of my
design last year? Yes, yes, I did.

I don't wanna arrange flowers.
Why are they dividing us up like this?

Maybe it's because
some of us spent our lives

working our way up
the corporate ladder,

and others just married
someone who did.

Excuse me.

Oh, no, no, no. No, no.

Wow. That is ridiculous.
I really wanna see those seminars.

Hey, don't worry. You are going to
love what they have planned for us.

Attention! If I could have all
of my Plus Ones find a buddy,

we're going to get to know each other
with a scavenger hunt!

Come on!

Bree.

Gabby. What are you doing here?

I just came by to talk to Lynette.

She's out of town. She asked me to
water the plants and collect the mail.

Oh!

You look good.

You, too.

New coat?

You noticed.

I should go.

Can't you just stay and talk?

Maybe have a cup of coffee?

Gabby, we shouldn't.

It's just coffee, Bree.

But your husband...

He'd never look for us here.

Come on, it's been really hard for me
not seeing you.

It's been hard for me, too.
Especially with Lynette out of town.

I mean, there's Susan, of course,

but lately, whatever topic you bring up,

she manages to steer it right back
to kidneys!

Tell me about it.

Well, I guess I could put on a pot.

I like mine with cream.

I know how you like it.

Hello, Karen.

Felicia! Hi.

When did they let you out?

About a week ago.

I just stopped by
because I wanted you to have this.

It belonged to my sister,
and she was always so fond of you.

That's sweet.

It's my small way of saying thanks
for keeping my secret all those years.

Yeah, not much of a secret anymore.

Don't I know it.

But I've kept your secret.

I never told a soul about your role
that night, and I never will.

Uh...

It's not really a good time
to talk about that.

I understand.

But I hope you'll stop by
my place sometime.

We have so much catching up to do.

Sure. I'll do that.

Where are you staying?

Haven't you heard?
I'm moving in next door.

We're going to be neighbors.

Who was that?

Just an old friend.

Old friend?
You look like you've seen a ghost.

Make me a drink, will you, sweetie?

Toby! Here, kitty, kitty!

Toby, where are you? Here, kitty, kitty.

Toby. Felicia, help me out.

Ida Greenberg's
lost her stupid cat again.

What happened to you? Is that blood?

You never saw me. I have to go.

Your hand!
Let me call you an ambulance.

You loved my sister, right?

Martha? Yeah.

And you know
Paul Young murdered her.

There's no doubt in my mind.

Oh, my God. Did you kill Paul?

No!

He killed me.

What?

They'll find my blood in his house
and my fingers in the car,

and he'll spend the rest of his life
in prison,

if you say you never saw me.

Don't ask me to do this.

Please, Karen!
Paul got away with Martha's murder,

but he won't get away with mine.

Toby. Here, kitty, kitty.

Ikebana is all about bringing
together nature and humanity.

The three main branches, or shushi,

represent chi, earth, ten, heaven,

and jin, man.

Interesting.
Nothing to represent "woman."

How about this
insignificant clump of moss?

We could stuff it down at the bottom,
where it will only speak when spoken to.

Does my chi look a little droopy?

Did you hear me?

Yes. Yes, Lynette, I heard you.

I heard you during yoga,
during the fashion show,

all through salsa dancing.
"Life is unfair."

Ol?!

Well, I'm sorry,
but I came here to learn new things

and meet interesting people,

not to pretend that putting sticks
in a vase is art.

Are we still having a problem?

Yes, we still are.

Doesn't it piss you all off that
we are stuck in our gilded cage,

forbidden to go to interesting seminars

just because we're Plus Ones?

No! This is fun!
I really feel like I'm in Japan.

This is the United States of America
in the 21st century,

not some oppressive
patriarchal regime.

It may be small and red,

but this lanyard is no better
than a burqa!

Oh, dear.

We need to storm the gates and
demand to be let inside!

If you're not gonna use
the rest of your flowers, can...

Come on! Rise up!

If we do it together,
we will not be denied!

4:00, people!
I think you've all earned a cocktail.

No. No! No. Do not drink those!

Those are the cocktails of oppression,

made from equal parts tyranny,
and blind obedience,

and... Oh, screw it.

Mmm! This is the best pineapple
upside-down cake you have ever made.

You know why? It has an ingredient
my cakes have never had before.

Danger.

I know! Sneaking around
makes everything taste better.

When I was with John Rowland,
every sense was heightened.

It was like this...

Skip it. You wouldn't understand.

Oh, really? Wouldn't I?

What? You? No way.

Just because I don't trumpet
my indiscretions like you do,

doesn't mean I haven't had a little
walk on the wild side.

You cheated on Rex?

Of course not!
What do you take me for?

I cheated on Orson.

With who?

Karl Mayer.

Oh, my God! He was a slimeball,
but he was hot.

We'd meet at this cheap hotel,
and as guilty as it made me,

I still felt this tingle,
this frisson I'd never felt before.

And now this week with you, it's back.

Hmm!

I just wish Lynette
didn't have to come home tomorrow.

Actually, that motel story
gives me an idea.

Gabby, I'm flattered, but I really
don't think we should...

Not that. There's a great new spa
that just opened on Foster Lake.

We should go next weekend.

Do we dare?

I think we both know the answer to that.

I went by our house today.
It's looking a little run-down.

Yeah? You want me to talk to Paul?

He's supposed to be
keeping the place up.

Actually, I already did.

He seems kind of run-down, too.

What are you doing, talking to Paul?

I was picking up MJ.
And he came out of the house and...

I'm kind of worried about him.

Why? Who cares?

Mike, he gave me a kidney.

No, Beth gave you a kidney. Paul did
everything he could to block it.

Yeah, but we talked.
And after, he seemed so sad.

I don't give a damn.

I know you feel bad for the guy,
but I don't trust him.

Please, just do me a favor
and stay away from him.

Okay.

Now, can we talk about something
a little more fun?

Like our plan for sex night?

Okay, hold that thought.
I'm gonna take a shower.

May I come in?

Please.

Lynette, what are you doing here?
I thought you had a spa thing.

Oh, please.
I can get a face full of steam

standing over a pot of spaghetti
any night of the week.

I wanna see Chris Cavanaugh.

I know. And I asked, and they said no.

The keynote speech isn't for spouses.

They said they've got other
activities planned for you.

Activities that they planned for me?

Tom, I'm not a child.

I'm a grownup.
I'll decide what I want to do.

Come on, don't you know how much
I wanna see this guy?

Can't you pull some strings?

I don't have any strings.
When I've been five or six times,

then maybe I can ask for a favor.
But not now!

There you are! Someone's been
naughty. Let's go, Mrs. Scavo.

I think it's somebody's spa time.

This is why you keep us drunk, huh?
So we don't fight back?

This hits the spot.

I remembered you like your coffee
same way you like your men,

strong and Irish.

So, how did you get out of jail so soon?

Was it good behavior,
or bad behavior with the warden?

Oh, Karen. How I've missed
your frank and salty questions.

Actually, it was,
what they call humanitarian release.

You see,

my only daughter passed away
just recently.

I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had a daughter.

Such a sweet girl.

So young.

She was barely 30 when she died.

I wish I could have met her.

Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
Her name was Beth. Beth Young.

Can I freshen that?

So, we'll cut you back to 10

every other day on the Prednisone
and take it from there.

Any questions?

I do have one.

Shoot.

Is it common for patients to have
sex dreams about the husbands

of their dead donors?

I have to admit,
I did not see that coming.

Understand, awake, I have no
conscious desire for this man.

But in my dreams...

Susan, I'm not a psychologist.

But you went to med school.

You must have learned something
about dreams. A course, a book?

Okay. What did you talk about
before you went to sleep?

-I was talking about him.
-Oh.

I mean, he's not doing very well,
and I got in an argument

with my husband about
whether I should help him.

Well, maybe the dream is telling you
to follow that impulse.

The man's wife died.

You're alive because of it.

It's natural to be concerned about
him and wanna make sure he's okay.

Mike really doesn't want me
to talk to him.

It's your call, but my guess is
your dreams won't stop until you do.

When Paul went to jail,

his one goal was to make me pay
for putting him there.

So he wrote to Beth,
begging her to come see him.

He said he was innocent,
that he was a good man.

Paul is very charming
when he wants to be, and Beth,

she fell in love with him.
Just like he knew she would.

Didn't you try to warn her?

Of course.

She just said
I didn't know him like she did.

When he was released,
when he had defiled her,

the real Paul came out.
He said he'd never loved her,

that she was stupid and that
she didn't deserve to live.

So she killed herself.

Just like he knew she would.

Bastard.

I hope you'll keep this story
between us, at least for now.

Beth would hate for all her friends
to know what a fool she was.

Okay. But the one thing I don't get is,

why do you wanna live
on the same street as that monster?

So I can watch him!

It's too late for Beth and my sister,

but I won't let him destroy another
woman the way he destroyed them.

Well, you're not watching him alone

because I'll keep my eye
on that SOB too.

Now, if you need anything,
anything at all, you give me a call.

Oh, Karen.

I'm so lucky to have a friend like you.

It's wonderful what a four-handed
massage can do.

One more hand,
and it would've been perfect.

But this ain't that kind of spa.

Yeah. No. No. Tell him he has a choice.

He can sign those papers before
I shove them down his throat,

or after they come out the other end.

I guess someone didn't see
the "No Cell Phones" sign.

I guess that rule
only applies to Plus Ones.

I'll talk to you later. I wanna grab
a soak before the keynote speech.

Bye.

- Ms. Butler?
-Huh?

Oh, hi. Yes, I'm her. She's me.
Meg Butler. Meg.

We have a seat for you up front.

Oh! Uh...

Uh...

Great.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, to introduce our keynote
speaker, the President of AMTech,

Ms. Meg Butler.

Come on.

Come on.

Hi.

Those of you who know Meg
know I'm not Meg.

Nutmeg. That's funny.

Anyway,

Meg asked me
to introduce Chris Cavanaugh

because she knows
what a huge, huge fan I am.

Where are you,
you big-brained rascal?

Oh! There he is.
Almost as hot as his author photo.

Anyway, those of you
who haven't read Flashpoint,

do it immediately.
Put it in your Kindle, your iPad.

I don't know, buy the book.
It will make you smarter,

because what Chris Cavanaugh
has to say

about human nature, about creativity,

is absolutely...

There she is!

That's the bitch who stole
my lanyard. And my clothes!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Chris Cavanaugh.

Hi. I called you a bunch of times.
Your phone must be broken.

It is now. Please respect my privacy.

Paul, you have to let me talk to you.

Why?

Because you're a mess,
and someone has to do something.

And, okay, I'm having dreams about us.

Dreams? What kind of dreams?

Regular dreams.
Lots of daylight, lots of clothes.

Look, I'm your landlord,
I have a right to come in.

But I'd like you to invite me in.

Getting ready to cook something?

I see onions, potatoes.

This long, green and white thing
with scary little hairs on the bottom.

This is food, right?

It's called a leek. I was trying
to make potato leek soup.

I love potato leek soup.

Of course, that was before I knew
what a leek was. You want some help?

Come on. Soup I can do.

Making soup? Is that what we were
doing in your dream?

No, no, we weren't.

That reminds me,
I need to wash my hands.

Hey. How was the big conference?

Okay.

You meet any guys for me?

I'm not picky. You know what they say,

"Ugly plus money equals handsome!"

Well, apparently,
crazy plus wife equals laughing stock.

You two having a fight?

Yeah, kind of.

Well, you won't even know I'm here.

Tom, why don't we finish this later?

I'm sorry, do you not wanna be
embarrassed in front of your friend?

Well, she just embarrassed me
in front of the whole Fortune 500.

I don't know how many different ways
I can apologize.

At some point,
you're gonna have to let it go.

I kind of don't feel like
letting it go, Lynette.

It's not just the fact that
you humiliated me.

It's that after all those years
that I supported you,

took a back seat to your career,
you couldn't do the same for me.

What happened?

It was awful! All weekend,
I was treated like a Plus One,

a second-class citizen...

A wife! Lynette, in Tom's world,
that's what you are.

You're gonna have to get used to it.

What if I don't wanna get used to it?

Well, take it from someone who spent
eight years being Mrs. Third Baseman.

You can be a wife,
or you can be a first wife.

I'm home.

Hi, honey. How was your day?

I worked straight through lunch
and I'm starving. What's this?

It's a pineapple upside-down cake.

Wow.

Reminds me of the cake your old friend
Bree brought to dinner last month.

Huh, I don't remember that.

'Cause obviously,
Bree didn't make this one,

since I don't see her anymore
'cause I know how you feel about her.

So, where'd this come from?

I made it.

Really?

The woman who ordered in Chinese
food for Christmas dinner

made a pineapple upside-down cake?

Well, it's not that hard.

It's just some pineapples
and upside-down cake.

You know what? This looks so good,

I would love for you to make me
one just like it.

Right now?

Yeah. And I'm gonna sit here
and watch you.

Every step of the way.

Sure. No problem.

Uh...

First, I'm gonna get some flour

'cause you can't make a cake
without flour, right?

Oh, no! I got it all over me.

Maybe I should take my top off.

In fact,

why don't you and I
go up to the bedroom...

Make the cake.

Wow, you really are hungry.

Well, let me freshen up first.

He wants you to make
a pineapple upside-down cake?

The woman who ordered in Chinese
for Christmas?

Yes, we've already covered that.

Now what am I gonna do?

If I can't make this, he's gonna know
I've been seeing you!

Just stall him.
I'll make one and slip it to you.

No, he wants to watch me make it.

Okay, don't panic. We can do this.

How?

Okay, one pineapple upside-down cake

coming right up.

First, pre-heat your oven to 300.

First, I'm gonna pre-heat
my oven to 300.

Then, we're gonna start
with the caramel topping.

And then, we're gonna start
with the caramel topping.

For which I will need sugar.

Brown sugar.

And butter. How much butter?

Who are you talking to?

Oh...

My grandmother.
See, this was her recipe,

and talking to her makes me feel like
we're making it together.

How much butter, Grandma?

Quarter cup. Got it.

And?

It's very good.

It is? Hot damn.

You know, truthfully,
I was just kind of winging it.

And if you don't taste the wine,
it's 'cause I drank it.

When was the last time
you and I had a meal together?

It had to be before Mary Alice died.

That was a long time ago.

Maybe we should start
doing that again.

Susan,

why are you doing this?
Why do you care?

MJ! No running!

Leave him alone. It's nice to see
something moving fast in here.

Thanks.

And just to warn you, we might
be a little late picking him up.

Yeah? Looks like you're going to be
a little late getting started.

I remember a guy
that used to live on this street.

He taught my daughter to swim.
He made a killer barbecue tri-tip.

He had a laugh you could hear
three houses away. I liked that guy.

I'm not that man anymore.

I think you can be.

You know... I'll be right back.

What the hell are you doing?
I asked you not to come here.

I know. But Paul is suffering.

And everyone else
has turned their back on him.

You know why? 'Cause he's a bad guy.

Look, you might have fallen
for his act, but I haven't.

And I'm not gonna let you
put yourself in danger.

Get in the car. We're going.

I'm not going anywhere.

Mike, believe it or not, I am not an idiot.

I don't need to be rescued
from whatever trouble it is

you think I'm getting myself into.

You don't know this guy like I do.

I know the look in somebody's eyes
when they're hurting.

And I am not leaving until I know
that Paul is okay.

So you're going back in there?

Yeah.

Support me or not,
that's what I'm doing.

Oh!

I heard an oven timer go off.
Let's take a look.

No! No, not yet.

The secret's all in the cooling.

In fact, it'll probably cool faster
on the windowsill.

Hi, we're collecting for juvenile...

Out of my way! Hot cake!

Okay, but while we're waiting,
there's just one thing I have to say.

Hey, this is not about a cake.
This is about trust.

It is a sad day when a husband
forces a wife to bake for him

just to prove she's not a liar.

Do you have any idea how offensive
that is? Cake's ready.

Ah! There. One perfect pineapple
upside-down cake.

If only trust were so easy to make.

You look surprised.

I am.
After the way I talked to you,

I was kind of expecting the firing squad.

I thought about it,

but I decided to go
for the romantic dinner.

Figured less cleanup.

Honey, I understand
how you feel about Paul.

I know you're just trying to protect me.

And you're just being you.

The woman that makes me pull over to
the side of the road in a rainstorm

to pick up a sick raccoon.

In my defense, I did think it was a cat.

The point is, I can't stay mad at you

for being the kind,
compassionate woman you are.

Especially since it's been six weeks
since we've had sex.

That, too.

You sure you're okay
watching the girls all weekend?

Hey, you can't miss
your old modeling friend's funeral.

Yeah. We were really close.

Well, you get to see some old friends,
maybe even reconnect with a few.

Maybe.

Look, I know it's been hard for you
to not see Bree,

but it has meant a lot to me.

Nice coat. Is it new?

Yeah, I just bought it this week.

So then this long red hair must have
got on it pretty recently.

It's not what you think.

I took Juanita to a kid's birthday
party, and I hugged a clown.

You hugged a clown?

His monkey died.
He was very emotional.

So you're off to a funeral, huh?

What are you doing?

Don't open that.
I packed it very carefully!

I can see that. One, two, three bikinis.

Is your friend being buried at sea?

Stop it. I'm gonna be late.

Late for what?
A weekend getaway with Bree?

Damn it, Gabby,
I forbade you to see her.

Well, that was your first mistake.
What did you expect?

I expected you to choose me!

You know, ever since
we moved to this street

and you got so tight with those women,

I always feel like you put them first.

You know that's not true.

Prove it. Choose.

Who do you want in your life,
me or Bree?

Don't do this.

I am doing it, Gabby.

Choose.

Yes, the residents
of Wisteria Lane are nothing if not loyal.

But there are times when that loyalty
is put to the test.

By the desire to help a stricken friend,

by the need to protect
a long-buried secret,

by the movement of two lives
in opposite directions.

And sometimes,
just as one test of loyalty ends,

another begins.

Gabby, I thought we said
we'd meet at the spa.

Little change of plans. Carlos knows.

About us?

Yeah. Can I stay with you for a while?

Of course.

Thank you.

Girls, come on. Go on in.