Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 7, Episode 16 - Searching - full transcript

Susan vows to get the most out of life; Jealous of Bob and Lee's adopted daughter, Gabrielle pressures Juanita; Lynette tries to discourage Renee from adopting a baby; Paul kicks Beth out.

Previously on Desperate Housewives.

I don't feel well.

Susars health
took a turn for the worse.

Someone call 911!

You have given me so much, Keith.

One relationship
came to a bittersweet end...

I know who you are.

- Get out!
- Forgive me. Please.

Please. I love you.

No, you don't.

... and another ended in betrayal.

The suburbs are full of parents,

and each parent has their own style.

There's the disciplinarian,

the smotherer,

and the negotiator.

But the one thing
they all have in common

is they love to judge

the parents next door.

Take your sister inside, sweetie.

I need to have a little chat with Lee.


Hi! I see Jenny's practicing again.

Two hours a day, five days a week.

Wow, she is really into that violin.

Sometimes. Mostly I have
to force her to do it.

Ooh. Big mistake.

Really? Seems like you have
an unsolicited opinion.

Look, I know you're new
to this parenting thing,

so I'm gonna tell you how it works.

You can't force a kid to do stuff,

'cause then it just leads to a lot
of door-slamming and name-calling.

And then the kid gets angry, too.


Well, here's the way I think it works.

Jenny told us
she wants to play the violin.

So it's my job to make sure
she sticks with it.

By pushing her.

I'm not pushing her.



What? She wanted to learn Mandarin.

Look, I don't mean to devalue
the two and a half weeks

you've had as a father.

I'm simply telling you what works.

So, let me ask you,
what's Juanita pursuing on her own?


As you know,
the school talent show is coming up.

Jenny's playing the violin.
What's Juanita going to do?

Well, that's hard to say.

See, the beauty of my method is that
Juanita has explored so many things,

it's hard to know
which one to showcase.

Well, this should be interesting.

Two different parenting philosophies,

and a talent show to prove
which one of us is right.

In front of hundreds of people.

Yes. Will it be the overbearing,
hypercritical father,

or the loving mom
who still looks hot in these sweats?

Game on.


Hey, sweetie,
I heard the talent show's coming up.

What are you going to do?

It's going to be great. Watch.


Yes, each parent has their own style.

But deep down, they're all afraid
they're doing it wrong.

There are many things
that bring us pleasure.

Baking for our friends,

having a good laugh,

donating to charity.

But the things that bring us pleasure

may not be enough
to give our lives meaning

without someone to love.


Morning, dear.
Just back from the store.

What the hell?

I thought for dinner I could make
those lamb chops you love so much.

I got a great tip from the butcher.
I'm searing the meat first.

I kicked you out of this house.

Oh, dear. You're still angry with me.

But, you know, Paul,
every couple has their fights.

And I'll admit, ours was a doozy.

That wasrt a fight. That was the end!

You don't mean that. You're just upset.

But don't worry,

we will get past this.

Are you out of your mind?

You actually think
I would take you back?

Wait. I get it.

This is another ploy cooked up
by your sick mother.

My mother. Yes.

She's the one you're mad at.

It's all her fault.

She told me you were a monster
who killed Aunt Martha.

But then I fell in love with you,
and I realized,

you never could have done
such a thing.

It was all a lie.

Oh, Beth. That was no lie.

You don't mean...

My God.

Now we both feel betrayed.

Painful, isn't it?

Do you know what this is?

A closet?

No, it's a graveyard.

A graveyard filled
with all the stuff we bought

because you told us you wanted
to do something, and then quit.

Remember this? Remember how
you begged us to buy you a guitar?

The strings hurt my fingers.


What about this? Very expensive.
You've never touched it.

That's not true.

I use it to pretend
I'm playing guitar.

Juanita, you are full of ideas, but
you never see any of them through.

Well, guess what? You are doing one
of these things at that talent show.

But I'm already doing something.

Not that.

Fine. If you won't pick something, I will.



- No.
- Yes.

You enjoyed it!

You actually set your personal record
for sticking with something,

two months.

But it's hard.

Let me tell you something about life.
Anything that's won'th doing is hard.

That's what life is?

You're going back to that tap class,

and you're gonna practice
two hours a day, seven days a week

until you nail it.

No. I'll do something else at the show.

Like what?

I'll tell jokes.

A Jewish guy and a Mexican
walk into a bar...


Thank you, Bree. It always brightens
my day when you invite me to visit.

Well, Reverend Sykes,
I very much enjoy your company.

As I do yours.


So, have you killed someone?

Excuse me?

I've always found the treats
you prepare for my visits

are a reliable indicator
of your level of spiritual turmoil.

The more exquisite the baked goods,
the more anguished your soul.

This is a hazelnut chocolate chip
scone with currants.

So I ask again,
have you killed someone?


It's just...

Lately I feel like Job.

You know, Job from the Old Testament?

I'm familiar with the Book, thank you.

Why do you think you're Job?

I just feel that God has taken
everything away from me.

I lost my business.
My children never call me.

And my boyfriend Keith has left me.

Well, it's not exactly body boils
and dead camels,

but I understand what you're saying.

When I complained after I was not
accepted into Yale Divinity School,

my father had no sympathy.

Instead, he drove me
from our lovely home in Connecticut

to a dangerous section of the Bronx,

and forced me to hand out blankets
to the homeless.

I see. That's the reason
you've always been so sensitive

to the plight of the poor.


It's certainly the reason my father was
buried in a sport jacket he detested.

The point is, looking at
what has been taken from us

is a bad way to go through life.

Looking for what we can give
to others is far better.

Could you pass me the tape?

I'm so glad I asked you to help.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little faint.

What is that smell?

It's like sneakers mixed with cologne
mixed with

"I ran around the block four times
wearing a shirt made of cheese."

That's Porter and Preston.

Well, get the place cleaned.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna hold off
on that for a while.

- Why?
- Because


I kind of love this smell.

Okay, now you're becoming delirious.
We gotta get you out of here.

Hey, you don't have children,

so you don't get it.

But raising kids
is an amazing experience.

It is the most meaningful thing
I've ever done.

So anything that reminds me of them
is a good thing.


You must be pretty sad they're gone.


No, it's right.

They're moving on with their lives.
It's wonderful.

Well, then why are there tears
in your eyes?


That's the smell. (SNIFFLES)
You're right. Let's get out of here.

So, any idea what's going on with me?

As much as I enjoy passing out
at restaurants,

I'm starting to get a little concerned.

According to these tests,
your creatine levels are increasing.

That's not good.

Oh. Why is that happening?

I realize this isn't a satisfying answer,

but we don't know.

So, how serious is it?

I'll tell you what I tell all my patients.

We are going to do everything we can
to get you a kidney,

but in the meantime, live your life.

If there's things
you're thinking about doing,

do them now.


I think for our anniversary we should
have a picnic, in the woods.

Where we got married.

Sure. That's a great idea.

I think we should do it now.

But our anniversary's not till July.

Were we not at the same appointment
just now?

I thought the dialysis was supposed
to keep you healthy.

I guess it's just not working for me.

How bad is this?

SUSAN: Pretty bad.

Yesterday, the doctor's secretary
handed me this free parking pass

with this sad look.

It was like, "Yeah, you're doomed,
but your parking's free."

So was this pass good for a month?
A week?


I just wanna know
what we're facing here.

SUSAN: All I know is,

I need a new kidney,

and there's nothing I can do
till they find me one.

Well, have you thought about trying
to find a donor yourself?

So far, you've only asked family.

Yeah, widen the circle.
Ask friends and neighbors.

Well, there's not much point.

I mean, finding a match is like,
you know, one in a thousand.

So ask 1,000 people!

Yes! We can help.

We can canvass the neighborhood,
put up signs, go door to door.

Guys, it's a vital organ.

Susan, people care about you.

You might be surprised
what they're willing to do.

I appreciate the thought.

But I just can't ask anyone to
make that kind of sacrifice for me.

I can't.

I'm gonna get you more coffee.

Maybe she can't,

but I can.

Donate a kidney? Have we met?
I'm, like, 112.

But, Karen,
it's for our dear friend Susan.

I'm not having elective surgery.

I take enough risk
just climbing out of the tub.

I don't know. Arert there serious risks?

Actually, the mortality rate is quite low.

I meant the scarring.

I've spent a lot of time at the gym
working off my love handles,

and I will not give up a chance
to go shirtless.


- But I...
- No.

- She's really...
- No.

- Would you just...
- No.




I want a baby.

Here. I also have a 9-year-old.

One of my own. Preferably a boy.

And in brown.

Wait, you're serious?

Where did you get this incredibly
rash and not thought-out idea?

RENEE: From you.

You know, what you said yesterday,
about kids giving your life meaning.

I want that. I want meaning.

In the form of a baby?


I already made an appointment
with an adoption agency,

which was right next door
to my manicurist.

It was like it was meant to be.

Are you sure about this?

I mean, your social calendar
is very full.

A baby would change all that.

It requires a lot of sacrifice
and compromise.

(SCOFFS) Maybe the way you do it.

Excuse me?

You work your life around your kids.

I intend to work my child into my life.

No offense, but I think you make it
a lot harder than it has to be.

You know what?

You might be right.

But before you commit to being a mom,
why don't you give it a test drive?

What do you mean?

You could watch Paige some night.

Tom and I haven't been out in a while.

Really? You'd let me babysit?

(LAUGHS) Yeah!

Which one is Paige?

This one.


I accept.

Wow. My first step
toward being a mom.

You watch. I am gonna be a natural.


Oh. Uh, does she eat shellfish?


So, I got us caviar, shrimp pate,
smoked salmon.

If there's a part of a fish they can
overcharge for, we have it.

Can you put these in the back?

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

- Sweetie?
- Yeah?

I just want to thank you
for doing this today.

You're welcome.

And you can thank me again
when we go back in July

for our real anniversary.

And I'd really love
if for the next eight hours,

I'm not sick, no talk of kidneys.

Let's just have
a fun, normal day, okay?

You got it.

One fun, normal day in the woods
coming up.

MIKE: Nothing's gonna ruin this trip.


Hey, how was tap class?

It's too hard.
I don't wanna do it anymore.

Oh, sweetie.

You're doing it.
We're not a family of quitters.

Oh! You quit all the time.

Yesterday we played hide and seek,

Celia and I looked for you for an hour
before we saw your car was gone.

So I found a great hiding place at
the shoe store. That's not quitting.

All right, look,
let me ask you something.

Are you getting better?

I guess.

Well, there you go.

Now go upstairs and change.

Oh! And remember,
tomorrow's lessors two hours.

You're gonna make my feet fall off.

I can't wait for this to be over.

Why are you working her so hard?
It's a lousy school talent show.

You think Bob and Lee
are going easy on their kid?

No, they push her!

That girl's so good at the violin,
she's practically Asian.

So that's what this is about.
You're competing with Bob and Lee.

(SCOFFS) That's ridiculous.
This is about Juanita.

Building her self-esteem
and giving her a chance to shine.

And if a couple of same-sex parents

end up crying at home
in their silk kimonos,

so be it.

Oh, Mike, look at this place.

Isn't it as beautiful as you remember it?

Yeah. Lucky I didn't leave it
on the roof of the car.

(SIGHS) Will you forget
about the picnic basket?

Guess you're right.

What's important is we're together
and there's...

Damn it! They forgot the fries!

Okay, Mike.

Look at me.

Think back eight years,

when we stood in this spot

and we pledged our love to each other.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Oh! I know.

Let's renew our vows.


That's a great idea.

I, Mike Delfino, promise to love...


I, Mike Delfino, promise to...


It's just a bird. Forget it.

Promise to love and honor...


Okay, now he's just mocking me!

But... Mike.

Mike, stop!

Oh, my God.
I can't believe you hit that bird.

Yeah, I know.


I was aiming for that one.

As the gayest person at this brunch,

I feel it is my duty to say, "Fabulous!"

Yeah, Bree, what's the occasion?

Nothing. Just a little
get-together for friends.

- Smoked salmon tartare cornucopia?
- Mmm.

This feels weird.
She's up to something.

Oh, what are you talking about?
It's just a brunch.

Excuse me,

if I could borrow a moment of
your time for a brief presentation.

- Oh, God, you're right. It's an ambush.
- Mmm-hmm.

- It seems many of you have

some misguided ideas
about kidney donation,

so I have invited Craig Lynwood,

transplant coordinator
at Fairview Memorial,

to dispel some of those myths.

Mr. Lynwood, is it true
there's an age limit to donating?

No. Not necessarily.

And does the surgery
cause unsightly scarring?

It's laparoscopic.
The scarring is minimal.

Well, I don't know about the rest of
you, but I find that very reassuring.

So now that we have the facts, I am
sure you'll all wanna get tested.

Okay, fine. I'll go in next week.

BREE: No need.

Nurse Dearborn?

So, the line forms over here.

And we won't take no for an answer.

You're gonna get tested?

No. I think I can take Gabby.

I don't know how Paul found out,
Mama, but he did. And then...

Well, he threw me out.

He was just so cold.

What a sad story.

If only someone had warned you
what a bastard he is.

I know.

You were right all along.
I should've listened to you.

But I'm going to make it up to you.

Oh, Beth.

I can't allow you back in my life.

You have failed me
in every possible way.

No, I didn't.

Paul confessed.


Did you get it on tape?

Did he write it on a napkin?

Of course not.

Because you've never done
anything right in your life.

Give me another chance.

I'll do anything.

(SIGHS) I have no more use
for you. Goodbye.


I have nowhere to go.

What's going to happen to me, Mama?

You're gonna live
a lonely, depressing life

in some ratty apartment,

with plenty of time to think about
all the people you disappointed.

Most of all, me.

Guard! I'm done here.

Take her off the visitors list.

ANNOUNCER: The Oakridge School
Talent Show starts in five minutes.

So, checking out Fairview's answer
to ltzhak Perlman?

I don't know what that is, but
if it's German for "cat strangler,"

then, yes.

It's like that, is it?

So, whers your daughter
start stomping off to Buffalo?

She's on right before Jenny.

So, you might want to keep
your sunglasses handy

because Juanita
is going to be dazzling.

Honey, are you okay?
Were you being chased by a bee?

No, it's my routine.

That's the first time
I've nailed the finale.

That was you nailing it?

To the floor. Bam!

Performers, to the stage!


Where are my tap shoes?

I don't know.

I left them right here.

Honey, I guess you lost them,
and the show's about to start.

Dang it!

I can't believe this.

I was so excited. I worked so hard.

I'm sorry.

Do you want to stay
and watch your friends?

We can go after for ice cream.

Who cares?

I will see your shirt,

and I will raise you one bra.

Nicely played.


Do you hear something?

Probably just a peeping raccoon.

No. No, I think
there's someone out there.



What the hell?


Identify yourselves.

Are you Northern agitators?

Do we look like Northern agitators?

We're just celebrating our anniversary.

You guys playing paintball
or something?

No, madam, we are not playing!

I am Major General Jedediah Garrett
of the Confederate Army, and we...

Kevin, Kevin. Kevin! Hi. Hi.

We're part of
a Civil War reenactment group.

Yeah, I know, I know.
Get a real life, right?

Look, can't you just
have your pretend war over there?


You, sir, are interrupting
the Battle of Fredericksburg!

Actually, we have the entire park
until 6:00.

Kyle, show them the permit.

It's fine.

We believe you.

No, it's not fine.
This is really important to her.

So, just give us a couple of hours.

No, sir. Now, be gone!

Men, we must be ready
to attack the enemy

should they attempt
to retreat into Maryland.

What a douche.

A douche, you say?


SUSAN: Mike!

Let's just go.


Eyes closed, Kyle.
You're supposed to be dead.

I died with my eyes open. It happens.

Close them, Kyle!


And now, to close our show

is a violin solo
by Jenny Hunter-McDermott.




She lives next door to me.

We're getting those
double-paned windows.



Poor Lee.
He must be pretty embarrassed.

Does he look embarrassed?

She always stumbles over that part.
She really stumbled over it today.

But she powered through.
We couldn't be prouder.

Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Nobody move!

Okay, don't leave yet.

There's still one girl
who hasn't performed yet.

But I lost my tap shoes.

Oh, that's right.

Hey! Wait, is that them in
the back room behind the radiator?




Look, we had a great day.

Think of it this way,

now we have a funny story
to tell people.


Two funny stories.



Bree, it's Craig Lynwood.

I have some great news.
All your efforts have paid off.

You found a match?

We found two.

Oh, my God.

It's a miracle! Who are they?

Well, one of them is you.

Bree? Are you there?

I'm sorry. It's just...


I wasrt expecting this.

Who's the other one?

A woman named Beth Young.

Beth? I didn't even know
she got tested.

Apparently, she saw one of your flyers.

And she wants to do this?

Well, I don't know yet.

We're having a hard time
getting in touch with her.

So, should we continue to look
for this Beth Young,

or is the donor going to be you?

Fancy. I thought
we were just gonna grab a burger.

Renee was really talking this place up,

so I thought we could splurge.

Or we could stay home and eat money.

We better order.

Any second, my phone is going to ring,

and Renee's gonna beg me
to rush home and get Paige.

I don't know. She might surprise you.


Oh, great. One night out
and we have to listen to that.

Who brings a baby to a place like this?

Hey, let's give the parents that
dirty look that we always get.

- Like...
- Yeah.


Oh, my God!

It's Renee!

On a date!

With our baby!


And you thought she'd be good at this?

Oh, look at that.

What, what is she doing now?

Nothing, the filet mignon just went by.

It looks amazing.

So, should we just go over
and get Paige?

Not yet.

I want to watch.

Okay, look, look, there you go.

She's probably ordering milk for Paige.

Or she's giving our baby away!

Wow! She really is bad at this.


Excuse me.

Hi. I'll be right over to take your order.

Why did that woman
give you this baby?

She gave me $ 100 to see
if I could calm her down.

But I don't mind. I love children.
I'm actually expecting my third.

Really, that's beautiful.

Listen, how would you like
to make $200?

Are you ready to order?

Have you forgotten something?

Your drinks will be right out.

No. No, no. Not the drinks, the baby.

I gave you a baby? Where is it?

I had orders backing up,
so I gave it to a busboy.

What? What busboy?


He should be here somewhere.

I hope he didn't finish his shift
and go home.

You better find me that baby.

Or I'm gonna take that one, now!

Busboy, are you the one
that has a baby?

I'm looking for a baby!

Two feet tall, big head, drools.

I'm looking for a baby.

Did anyone pass you a baby?

Has anyone seen a baby?

Had enough?

In a minute.

That vein in her head is really going.

Do you know where there's a baby?

Because they gave it to me,
I don't know where the baby is!


And Paige. How did you get Paige?
What are you doing with Paige?

You took our baby on a date.

Well, Brian called.
It was his one night in town.

Well, then you say, "Sorry, Brian,
I can't make it tonight."

That's what being a mother is about,
making sacrifices.

Something you know
absolutely nothing about!

Ah! Come on, Tom.


Beth? It's Bree Van De Kamp.



I went to your house.
Paul told me you were here.

We aren't together anymore.

I'm so sorry.

It is what it is.

Thanks for checking on me.

Well, actually, the reason I came by...

Has the gentleman from
the transplant office reached you?


Am I a match?

- Yes!
- Wow!

So, what do I do now?

Is there someone I need to call?
Are there forms?

Well, that won't be necessary
because I'm a match, too.


I know. Two in the same neighborhood.
We're very blessed.

Anyway, I am going
to be Susars donor.

But I wanted to thank you for

getting tested.

When you moved onto the Lane,
I didn't give you a chance.

I saw you as a woman
who married a man I hated,

and I see now that
you're so much more than that.

I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it.

Well, I... I should go.

I wanna do it.

Beth, no!

Please, Bree. Let me help Susan.

It would really mean a lot to me.

Beth, what I'm about to say
may not make sense to you,

but I've been going through

a dark time.

Feeling alone and unconnected
and wondering if I have

a purpose.

So, for me to be able
to do this for my friend,

it may mean a lot to you,

but it means everything to me.

Thank you for understanding.

Sorry about last night.

I bought this for the baby.


Expensive, fragile, pointy.

If only it were flammable.

I'm not really cut out to be
a mother, am I?


And there's nothing wrong with that.
It's not for everyone.

What's sad is how many people
go ahead and have kids anyway.

Well, what do people do
to fill up the hole in their lives?

No matter what I do,
no matter who I'm with,

I feel alone.

You'll find something.

And when you do,
you'll be glad you have the room.

Lots and lots of room. (CHUCKLES)

Thanks. I'm so glad I stopped by.


We're about to eat.
Why don't you join us?



But keep the baby
on your side of the table.

What? I'd probably let her
play with my knife.


Ow! God! Son of a bitch!

- Let me look at it.
- No.

Are you okay?

Mike, are you okay?

No, I'm not okay!

We never should have come here!

Instead of waiting
for our real anniversary,

we wasted our time on this disaster!

Is that why you're yelling at me?
Because I...

Because I moved up our anniversary?

Because you're dying.

You're dying,

and there's not a damn thing
I can do about it.

Look, I'm sorry. But it feels like
you're getting ready to say goodbye.

Like you're bailing on me.


I am fighting!

I am scared,
I don't know what's going to happen,

but I am fighting my ass off.

I wanna see MJ graduate.

I wanna grow old with you.

I want all of that.

But in the meantime,

I'm going to enjoy
every moment of every day.



(CHUCKLES) Let's get out of here.


Hey, lean on me.

I'm a lot stronger than you think.

MARY ALICE: Our lives are brief.

That's why it's important
to search for meaning.

We find it in our daughter's smile,

in the warmth of our friends,

or the comfort of our faith.

Then there are those
who make their lives meaningful

by making a great sacrifice.

Hello, my name is Beth Young.
I'm here to donate a kidney.

I just found out
I'm a match for a friend of mine.

I'm sorry, ma'am,
you're in the wrong place.

You want the transplant office
on the fourth floor.

These are my forms.

I think you'll see
they're all completely filled out.

Again, ma'am,
you want the transplant office.

This is Emergency.

My friend's name is Susan Delfino.

It's funny, at first
we didn't get along very well.

Actually, we never got along.

But that kind of thing
seems so insignificant

when someone is in need.

That's great. Fourth floor.
Elevator's down the hall.

I really don't mean to trouble you,

but these forms have
to get to the right place.

I don't want to mess this up.

It's the most important thing
I've ever done.

Okay. I'll take care of it.

Thank you so much. You're very kind.



We need some help over here!