Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 7, Episode 11 - Assassins - full transcript

Susan's life hangs in the balance after being trampled by the rioting mob on Wisteria Lane. The fate of Paul Young is revealed following the aftermath of the riot, but who shot him? Keith ...

Previously on Desperate Housewives...

Will you do me the honor
of moving in with me?

Proposals were made.

I think starting
an interior design business is...

It's genius.

Juanita learned the truth.

You're not my mommy.

She told me about this guy
that she had a fling with.

Susan revealed she knew a secret.

His name was Tom Scavo.

- That is none of your damn business.
- I am Lynette's friend,

and I'm not gonna stand by
and watch you screw up her marriage.

And when a neighborhood
protest got violent...

Get off the car!

Juanita was saved...

Susan was hurt...

And later, someone...

got revenge.

Something happened
in the suburbs last night.

A man was shot outside his home.

Detectives were
called to investigate.

And they soon learned
this man had enemies.

Detectives, I'm an expert marksman.
If I'd been aiming for Paul Young,

he'd be dead.

I have no idea who shot Paul.

All I know is I need a chiropractor
for all the cartwheels I've been doing.

If you find out who did it,
let me know.

I wanna send them flowers.


the police had many suspects
in the shooting of Paul Young.

But his wife...

had only one.

I was surprised you wanted to see me.

Our last visit ended less than...

Are you here to apologize?

You know exactly why I'm here.

No, I don't.

Obviously, you didn't do it yourself.
So who did you hire?

Beth, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Paul's been shot.


Is he dead?

Sorry. He's in the hospital.

- When did this happen?
- Stop it, mama.

Just stop it. I know
you had something to do with this.

Beth, you have to believe me.
I don't know anything about it.

You're a liar.

Look, I'm not going to pretend
I don't hate the man. I do.

But my goal all along has been
to prove that he murdered my sister.

Why would I have him killed
before I could do that?

Then who shot him?

I don't know.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

I have to go to the hospital.

Word on the yard is
that you can get me a clean cell phone.

For a price.

Get it.

Somebody's been a naughty boy.

I guess you changed your mind
about that...

proposal I made.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm thrilled.

I just wish you'd waited
till I gave you the signal.

Yes, Paul Young had enemies.

I can't talk right now.

More than he knew.

Par la Wisteria Team

It's something
we need to be reminded of

whenever our world
has been turned upside down.

Come the morning, life goes on.

We pull ourselves together
and go on shopping sprees...

Or reignite a love affair...

Or go back to work.

Yes, we must remember
life will get better...

Unless it doesn't.

You took out my kidney?

It had ruptured.

You were bleeding internally.
We had no choice.

But you can get by
on one kidney, right?

Usually. But in your case,
it's a little more complicated.

The other one is deformed.

Well, fine. I won't enter it
in any kidney beauty contests.

The point is,
it's only operating at about 5%.

If that number drops any lower,

you're at serious risk
of renal failure.

How do I not know this?

I've never had
any serious health problems.

That's because the other kidney
was doing such a great job

of taking up the slack.

You mean the one you took?

So what are you saying?

Do I need a transplant?


But we need to get you on dialysis.

That requires a minor surgical
procedure to install an AV shunt,

Slow down.

You said "If it goes any lower".

Maybe it won't. Maybe it'll go up.

Anything is possible.

But you need to come to terms

with the reality
of what's happened to you.

Your life has changed.

I have some information
here on dialysis.

I suggest you read it...


to Miss Charlotte's Doll Academy.

I'm Miss Charlotte.

How can I serve you today?

We are here to buy a doll.

I'm sorry.
We don't sell dolls here.


This place got creepy fast.

But I do let good little girls

adopt some of my friends.

Are you ready to be a mommy?

I don't care.

She's kidding.

She would love a doll,

and I wanna do
something special for her birthday.

So let's get this adoption going.

Very good.
I have someone in our royalty cabinet

I'd love for you to meet.

Look, I am sorry about everything
you've been through the past few days.

But I'm trying to show you
how much I love you.

Can't you meet me halfway?

This is Lady Catherine.

She's the toast of Buckingham Palace.

The trim on her cloak is real ermine.

Isn't she gorgeous?

I'll go prepare her papers.

Are you happy, sweetie?

Let me get my phone out so I can take
a picture of my two princesses.

Why are you looking at Grace?

I wasn't. I was...
I must have scrolled too far.

Why do you have that picture?

And what name
shall I put under "mother"?

Put whatever you want.
I hate this stupid place.

Juanita, wait!

I heard about your kidney.

And I just want you
to know I have two.

So let's talk deal.

Relax. I'm not telling Lynette.

You're not?

Thing about having something
like this happen to you...

You start to think about
what's important and what's not.

And I realized

it's not up to me to tell Lynette about
something that happened 20 years ago.

Thank God.

It's up to you.

You okay?

You've been standing out here for,
like, 20 minutes.

I saw Susan at the hospital.

How's she doing?

She's not gonna tell Lynette
about our 20-year-old mistake.

Thank God.

What a relief!

Why aren't you relieved?

There's one thing she said
I can't get out of my head.

If I never tell
Lynette what happened,

then my friendship
with her is not real.

Sure it's real.

All my life, people I thought
were my friends have left me.

People from college,

friends I had with Doug...
They're all gone.

And Lynette stayed.

I think I owe her the truth.

Sometimes being a friend
requires you to lie.

Come on. We've all seen

McCluskey in those jogging shorts
and yelled,

"Lookin' good!"
That's being a friend.

You can't tell Lynette.

She would be devastated.

I know.

I just have to live with
what that says about me.

Great. We got a plan.

Thought you might want
a cold root beer to cool you down.

I like the "cold" and "beer" part.

I know living with a woman
who doesn't drink... It must be torture.

How's the replanting coming?

That's taking a little while.

Yard got pretty messed up by the riot.
I'll work on the sprinklers later.

There's no rush.

Look who's drinking
out of the bottle.

See what you've done to me?

The next thing you know,
I'll be flossing only once a day.

You started unpacking my stuff?

Your books are on the shelf.
Sports trophies are in the den.

And on a sad note,
your beanbag chair accidentally ripped

when I stuck a knife in it
and stuffed it in the trash.

My lava lamp?

Accidentally broke when
I pushed it off the counter.

Man, my stuff is clumsy.

I may not love all your things,
but I love that you're here.

Everything that happened
over the last few days

made me realize how
important you are to me.

Steer manure's not
your favorite aphrodisiac?

Slightly worse than your aftershave,
accidentally poured down the drain.

Hold your breath.
I'm kissing you anyway.

There is a God.

- Can I help you?
- Someone to see you.

Judy kicked me out.

Can I stay here with you?

I never saw it coming.

One minute, Judy and I were
enjoying a nice Pinot Noir,

and the next, she was wheeling me
to the cab, and telling me it was over.

That's terrible.

Don't you worry.
You can stay here with us.

Are you sure?

I mean, I had no idea that Keith
had just moved in with you.

You're a new couple.
The last thing you need around here

is a third and... fourth wheel.

Nonsense. We insist. Stay as long
as you want. Isn't that right, Keith?

Yeah. Sure.

Any idea how long that might be?

I just want to know how long

we'll be enjoying his company.

I gather as soon as I can
find a new place to live

and a caregiver.
Would you mind backing up a bit?

Your cologne is making my eyes water.

Actually, it's steer manure.

To each his own.

Why don't you go shower?
And I'll get Orson settled.

Would you like some tea?

No. I'm fine.



Interesting choice.

Just... sort of happened.

But moving in together?

Aren't you taking this rebound
relationship a little too seriously?

It's not a rebound relationship.

What Keith and I have
is very... special.

And I know what you're thinking.
He is a bit young.

Not at all. I notice
he has all of his big boy teeth.

- But he and I have a lot in common.
- Really?

I'm just... curious.

Which Lil Wayne song
is your favorite?

"Fo Sheezy" or "Ask Them Hoes"?

Joke if you must, but I am
not the woman you once knew.

I have changed,
and Keith is responsible.

I'm wondering why would someone change
something that was already perfect?

God, I never thought we'd
have a kid in therapy.

Well, I did.
I just thought it'd be Celia.

I wish we weren't doing this.
The shrink always blames the mother.

- The husband blames the mother, too.
- How many times

- do I have to say I'm sorry?
- You know? It is not about us anymore.

Juanita's world's collapsing around her,
and the only thing that I care about

is healing the damage that's been done
to that poor little girl.

I took her doll shopping.

Juanita, if you'd like to go
through the magazines,

I'll talk to your mom and dad
for a minute.

Obviously, this is a very...

unusual situation.

Juanita understands now

that her birth parents
are Hector and Carmen.

But she feels nothing for them.

And because of that,
she doesn't understand

why you feel so much for Grace.

It's a different love.
It doesn't mean we love her any less.

What should we do?

Remove Grace from your life.

We told you.
She's already gone.

Juanita says there are photos of her.

Her artwork is on your refrigerator.

You're saying get rid of all that.

Once Juanita feels she is again

the most important thing in your life,
she will start to heal.

Obviously, I want to help my daughter.
But all the photos?

We'll do whatever it takes.


So we canvassed your neighborhood
to determine if anyone had any motive.

They all did.

But so far,
all of them have an alibi.

So... what's the next step?

We'd like to ask Mrs. Young
a few questions.

What kind of questions?

We'd like to know where exactly you were
when your husband was shot, and...

I'll stop you right there.

My wife is not a suspect
in this investigation.

She is the one person
in that whole corrupt,

backstabbing street that I can trust.

Is there anyone else
who might harbor a grudge against you

- or wish you harm in any way?
- Not that I can think of.

What about you, Mrs. Young?

No one I can think of.

Then, if you can think of anyone,
please let us know.

Did you catch the look
on the wife's face?


What are these photos of Grace
still doing here?

Right. Sorry.

You should have gotten rid of these
when we got back from the doctor's.

I've been busy.
Here, give them to me.

- What will you do with them?
- Hide them in the closet.

No. We have to throw these away.


Juanita could find them.
She and Celia play in your closet.

I'll put them in our safety deposit box.
The girls don't play at the bank.

Why are you not
taking this seriously?

Dr. Lunt never said we had to throw
Grace's photos in the trash.

She said we have to remove Grace
from our lives.

You understand what that means?

As far as we are concerned,
Grace no longer exists.

Now give me your phone, please.

- Why?
- To delete every photo of Grace.

- You can't be serious.
- Juanita is in pain!

Do you not get that?

She is no longer a happy little girl
because you did not protect her!

So what am I supposed to do?
Just pretend Grace doesn't exist?

And that is the last time
you'll mention her name in this house!

Please, no more meds.

I'm good for what ails ya.

I need to look at you.

No, I need to hug you.

How's my girl?

Hear you're about
a half-pound lighter.

They told you about the kidney?

But it's gonna be okay.

We're gonna get through this.
Dialysis is not as bad as it sounds.

I'm not doing dialysis.

It's like six hours a day,
four times a week.

There's not enough gossip rags
to fill up that kind of time.

Plus, I have a job
and a kid to raise.

- But the doctor said...
- Mike, you know what?

The doctors don't know everything.

Look at this.

There's herbal remedies
and alternative diets.

There's other ways to handle this
than being hooked up to a machine.

I feel great.

And I just want to handle this
my own way.

I'd feel a lot better
if you'd listen to the doctors.

And I'd feel a lot better
if I had your support.

God, I can't believe you're back.

So the overall approach is craftsman,
but with Japanese accents,

including the lighting....

The vases, the calligraphy.
The two styles...

Work perfectly together.

And for your hotel,
we think it would look...

Just gorgeous.

Well, I usually run everything
past my board...

But not this time.

I love it.

And I love the way
you two are so in sync.

We should be.
We've been best friends for 25 years.

Well, actually, 26.

You can tell.

So, let's see what you have in mind
for the lighting.

Keep talking.
I'm gonna go get the water pitcher,

'cause the waiter
won't refill my glass.

So... the lighting.

I have a company
that does these Japanese paper lanterns.

They're beautiful.

And you know we have other hotels.

So we may need
some more conversations.

Look what I found
next to the water pitcher.

- Oatmeal raisin.
- She's always been crazy about them.

Remember freshman year,
when you broke up with that boyfriend?

I kept her on a steady diet
of these and tequila

for two weeks.

The bar is one of my favorite areas.

Those lanterns with these...

Are you okay?

It's just...

Oatmeal raisin.

You've been such a good friend to me.


There was, like,
a hundred of 'em on a tray.

So, take the drawings home.

Live with them.
And we will check in next week.

Renee, are you...

Yeah, no, she's fine.
She's fine.

We'll call you next week.

And thank you so much.

We are so excited.

What the hell?

I have to tell you something.

20 years ago...

I did something awful.

God, who cares?

Ten minutes ago,
you did something amazing.

I slept with Tom.


It was that weekend
you went to visit your parents.

And it was just the one time,

and it meant nothing.

And I've been carrying this around
ever since I moved here.

And it's been eating me up.

That was after we were engaged.

Yeah, but you had... broken up...

for the week.

I'm so sorry.

I don't want to hear it.

In fact,
I can't even look at you right now.

I can't even...

be in the same room as you right now.

But you are my ride, so let's go.

- Do you hate me?
- Shut up.

- I just need to...
- Shut up.

I hate you...

A lot.

But I do foresee a day far in the future
when I might only hate you a little.

You know what the worst part is?
For the last 20 years,

you two have been walking around
knowing this, and...



I'm such an idiot.

You're not, you're not.
And I am so sorry...

My God, you really need
to stop saying that.

But I do need you to do me a favor.


Don't tell Tom we talked about this.


You slept with my husband.
Can we leave it at "'cause I said so"?

Hi. We haven't met yet.
I'm Tina's mother.

Juanita came to our house last week.

- Right. Thanks for coming.
- Of course.

I know, you want some cake.
Hold on, we'll get you some.

- Sorry. That's my youngest, Celia.
- She's adorable.

Do you have any other children?

I don't have any other children.

I am finally home.

And just so you know,
I had the worst day ever.

Did you?

I had to meet with one surly client
after another.

Our computers went down.
I spilled coffee on my shoe.

Sounds like you went through a lot.

But I'm much better now.

I forgot to ask...
How did the pitch go?

Good. We got the job.

That is fantastic!

You guys are just getting started,
and you're already kicking ass!

I am so proud of you!

Well, it was mostly Renee.

She did the lion's share of the work.

She's an amazing woman.

Everything okay?

Yes, of course. I...

I made some hot chocolate for the kids.
Would you like some?

That sounds great.

Might be a little cold.
Do you want me to heat it up?

No. It's okay.

- It's boiling!
- Is it?

I burned my tongue!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here we are.

You didn't.
Coq au vin?

I know it's your favorite,
considering the rough few days...

You are amazing.

Good, you're here.
We can eat.

What that?
I thought we were having sloppy joes.

Since we're having a guest,

I thought I'd serve
something more elegant.

You know what?

Tomorrow night,
you and I should make our bouillabaisse.

Of course.
Keith, you'll love it.

If it's French for "sloppy joes",
then have at it.

Bree, this looks wonderful.

If I may.

"Show me another pleasure like dinner

"which comes every day
and lasts an hour."


"Shut up and eat, varmints!"

Yosemite Sam.

This is quite a thrill.

I didn't know Stanley Kowalski
was joining us for dinner.

Is he a friend of you guys?


It's a character
in A Streetcar Named Desire.

He wore a lot of t-shirts and...

You probably haven't heard of that cause
Will Ferrell hasn't done a remake.

Why don't you go up
and put a shirt on?

After all, it is dinner,
and we do have company.

If it's all the same to everyone,
I'm comfortable.

Why don't I just go up
and grab you one?


Please. I'm sure our company
can endure one night of bare arms.

Quite right.

Though I don't know what the fuss is.
Seems like such a reasonable request.

Guess I just like dressing the way
I want to dress in my own home.

Why don't you take off your jacket,
see how much more comfortable it is?

If it's all the same to you,
I'd prefer not to.

Aren't you afraid
of getting food on it?

Not really.

I'm planning on eating with utensils,
not my hands.

Accidents happen.

I suppose I should be happy

it wasn't his own feces.

Orson, I'm so sorry.
Keith, what were you thinking?

Let's just put this behind us, yeah?

And enjoy the lovely meal
that you've prepared.

And please pass the peas.

Stop it this instant!
You're acting like children.

And I will not stand for it!
Do you hear me?!

I'm sorry to just
come over here without calling,

but I need to speak with you.

Come in.

How's Orson?

You know he's staying with me?

Figured as much.

I need a favor.

It's just too difficult for Orson

to live with me and my new boyfriend,

and I know you broke up with him...

Is there any way he could stay here
until he finds a new place?

I don't know
what he's been telling you,

but Orson left me.

What? Why?

Because he's still in love with you.

Beautiful, isn't she?

She's just perfect.

I'll take her.

I must say,
your daughter's a lucky little girl.

My daughter?

I assumed
you were buying her a present.

This is for me.

I'm really sorry about last night.

But there is something

about your ex...

I get it.
You had a relationship.

It's over. It's totally platonic,
and I'm cool with it.

Actually, I just spoke
with his ex-girlfriend.

Orson is still in love with me.

I knew it. I knew it.

Let's wheel his ass to the curb.

Keith, calm down.

Before we wheel his anywhere,
I need to talk to him.

I'm sure I can get him
to make other arrangements.

Now. I don't want that guy
in our home another night.

Fine. Just give me 15 minutes.

I spoke with Judy.

She told me
that you were the one who left...

Because you still have feelings
for me.

Is that true?
Is that why you're here?

Leaving you was the biggest mistake
I could have made.

I know that now.

Tell me you don't feel the same way.

Just tell me you feel nothing,
and I will go away.

I promise.

Do you know how easy it would be
for me...

to become that woman again?

To slide back
into the role of your wife?

Then do it.

We have a connection,
Bree, and you know it.

We used to.

I've made a new connection.

with that tattooed Neanderthal?

I will always have feelings for you,

but I've changed.

How have you changed?

I can't articulate it to you
because I don't understand it myself.

All I know

is that being with Keith
has made me a different person.

I don't believe it.

You will always have
a piece of my heart,

but you have to understand
that this is over.

I'm not giving up.

I'm not.

Did you tell him?
Does he need help packing his stuff?

Actually, he's gonna be staying with us
a little longer.

Just for a few more days

until he finds a place of his own.

He's very fragile right now.

I don't believe this.

I can't just throw him out.

Because you don't want to.

It's not your fault
you're still in love with him.

Wait! Please stop and talk to me!

Bree, there's nothing to talk about!

Why would you wanna be
with sloppy Joe

when you can be
with coq au vin in there?

Let's just cut our losses.

You listen to me.

That's who I was, not who I am now.

I have never worked harder in my life
to keep a relationship,

and if I have to sit in a pile
of steer manure to prove it to you,

then I'll do it!

Mike, just hang up.

I don't wanna deal
with any more doctors.

He's a top kidney specialist.
I really want you to talk to him.

I can't get any reception in here.
I'm gonna go downstairs.

MJ, take care of your mom.

Mom, this pudding's gross.

I wish they had ice cream.

I think they do
in the cafeteria downstairs.

When your dad comes back,
maybe he can take you.

How much longer
are you gonna be in the hospital?

I don't know. A little longer.

Is a kidney like a heart?
Do you need it to live?

So you could die?

You know what?

Why don't you and I

go down to the cafeteria right now

and get you some ice cream?

Mrs. Delfino, you're in no condition
to be getting out of bed.

- Just taking him for ice cream.
- Let me get you a wheelchair.

I don't need a wheelchair.

Look, I need to do this.
He's scared.

So how long till you're able
to play basketball with me?

Not too long.

Trust me, sweetie.

I can't wait to kick your butt
in a little game of one-on-one.

Are you okay?


So, what kind of ice cream
do you want, sweetie?

Can I have an ice cream sandwich?

You bet.

You know what's cool?

When I was at my friend
Jerry's birthday party,

we made our own ice cream
and put graham crackers in it.

That sounds great.

You know what else was cool?

On St. Patrick's Day at school,

they gave us green ice cream.

There were green M&M's in it.
Everyone else thought it was gross.

So you're having surgery
to put in a shunt.

It's for the dialysis.

How long will you need to have this?

Till they find me a donor.

That won't take very long, will it?

Three to five years.

It's weird.

I'm going through this whole thing
like it was a movie.

It was happening to someone else.

But now...

it's real.

So I need to ask you guys something.

Of course.
What is it?

If something happens to me...

I need to know if you'll be there
to help...

Mike with MJ.

Honey, you'll come through this
with flying colors.

Nothing's gonna happen to you.


We'll be there.

My hero.

Save it.
I had nothing to do with what happened.

Could you do me a favor next time?

A little down and to the right.

There's not gonna be a next time.
There wasn't a this time.

I thought you said
you'd think about it.

That's what you said,
and I told you "no".

I didn't do it.

Then who did?

Something happened
in the suburbs last week.

A man was shot outside his home.

Detectives were called
to investigate...

and they soon learned
this man had enemies...

Some he was not even aware of.

Sorry to disturb you again.

Not at all.
Any luck with the investigation?

- Is your wife here?
- She's in the cafeteria.

Do you mind?
It's a bit of a delicate matter.


Sir, when we questioned you
about any enemies you might have,

you didn't mention
your mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law?
What are you talking about?

We did a little checking
into your wife's background.

Why didn't you tell us her mother
framed you for her own murder?

I mean, come on.
We know she's in jail.

But Felicia Tillman has gone
to some extraordinary lengths

to cause you harm.

Are you sure there isn't a possibility
that she somehow was involved in this?

Not at all.

That's water under the bridge.

With love and prayer,

Felicia and I have resolved
the issues between us.

We'll let you know.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for not bringing this up
in front of my wife.

Her mother is something
that we never really discuss.