Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 6, Episode 2 - Being Alive - full transcript

Previously on
Desperate Housewives.

It was a joyous occasion, until...

- Did I miss anything?
- I'm asking you nicely to leave.

And if you don't,
I will drag you out of this church myself.

I don't love these babies.

Lynette struggled with her pregnancy.

Stop saying that.

Gabby made a commitment.

I am now officially your guardian.

And Bree...

- I'm married.
- To a man who's blackmailing you.



...jumped in with both feet.

I think we could be happy here.
Right, Danny?

New neighbors...

Would you like to go to
a movie sometime?

...moved in.

- Danny! Please, let me explain!
- Go to hell!

- What has gotten into that kid?
- He's a teenager.

Go look for him.

And evil made an appearance
on Wisteria Lane.

The first time
Karen McCluskey saw Roy Bender,

she did something
she didn't expect to do.

She smiled.

The next time they met, Roy did
something he didn't expect to do.

He smiled back.



After a week of sly flirtations,

Karen and Roy did something
no one expected them to do.

And they did it twice.

With each passing day,

Karen began to feel something
she hadn't felt in years.

And she realized she needed to know
if Roy was feeling the same way.

Has it been an hour yet?

Fourteen minutes.

Come on, your doctor said
you need to walk an hour a day.

Little snot-nose.
I'd like to drop dead just to piss him off.

Don't even joke about that.

I like having you around. I like it a lot.

You remember to put the seat down.

You can drive at night.
A girl could get used to that.

How many minutes has it been now?

I'm trying to tell you how I feel, Roy.

I didn't expect this.

I always thought that you just get
one big love in this lifetime,

and that was my husband, Gilbert.
And after he died,

I figured the rest of my life
was about making meatloaf for one.

And then you come along and...

Well, hell, I love you, Roy.

Isn't there anything
you want to say to me?

You know how I feel.

A woman needs to hear the words.

All right, here we go.

What the hell?

Oh, my God! Are you all right?

We gotta call 911.

For a moment,
Mrs. McCluskey didn't move.

And whether it was her boyfriend's
discovery of Julie Mayer,

or her realization that
he wasn't going to say the words

she desperately needed to hear,

Karen McCluskey
suddenly felt the urge to...

It was a shame
what happened that day,

considering how nicely
the morning had begun.

One neighbor was out reading
the sports section,

delighted to see
that his team had won.

Yes!

A child was playing with her new doll,

thrilled to discover
just how durable it was.

And a woman was walking
with the man she adored,

determined to say she loved him
for the very first time.

Yes, up until the screaming started,

people thought it was going to be
a wonderful day.

Good. You're up.

Yeah. Good morning.

Morning.

Did you go to sleep with a breath mint
in your mouth?

This is our first morning waking up
as husband and wife again.

- I wanted it to be perfect.
- Well, it couldn't be more perfect.

Yes, it could.

Here's a breath mint for you.

Did we really get married last night?

Either that or we paid a lot of money
to watch our friends get drunk.

Come here, Mrs. Delfino.

Right. We have a honeymoon
to get started.

Hey, what you doing?

Uh... Nothing, sweetie.

Why don't you go play in your room
for 10 minutes?

- Ten?
- I want to play in here!

Okay. Of course you can.

In fact, I can't think of a better way
to start our new life together.

All of us here. Julie's home.

You know, the last couple of years,

when I used to think about
what I needed to be happy,

this was it.

This was the picture I had in my head.

Hey, Danny, it's Ana.

Did you get my message
about going to the mall later?

Okay, that's cool. How about tomorrow?

Yeah, me, too. The mall blows. Well,
give me a call if you want to hang.

Shot you down, huh?

I could get Danny Bolen
any time I want.

Okay. Well, let me know
if you need any help.

Not that I need your help,
but what do you got?

Here's the secret to landing a guy.
You have to ignore them.

You are the one
who ends a conversation.

You are the one
too busy to get together.

And?

And that's it. Trust me, it works.
How do you think I played this one?

You did not play me.

Like a fiddle. Do you know how many
runway shows he sat through

before I would even look at him? Six.

- It wasn't that many.
- Six.

And when he finally asked me out,
I said okay,

but then at the last minute,
I backed out saying I didn't feel well.

You weren't really sick?

God, no. I had a pedicure
and then went to Sardi's for drinks.

After that, he was my slave.

I rented a yacht that day!

Really? That's hilarious.
A week later, he gave me this.

I lost that deposit!

Eat your waffles! I'm teaching.

Look at you.

I know. Martha frigging Stewart, eh?

Hey, Ana.
Yeah, I'm not much of a mall guy.

Yeah. But I'll see you around, okay?

Yep. Morning.

Where were you last night?

Out.

Yeah, where out?

I drove around looking for you.

I couldn't sleep. I went a lot of places.
Happy now?

Hey! Don't be a wiseass.
We were worried about you.

Nick, go take your shower.

Go.

Twelve oranges for half a cup of juice.
That's worth it.

No, thanks.

Okay, so we're sticking with
the moody-teenager thing, huh?

Come on. What'd you do last night?

I already told Dad. I went out.

Danny, it's me.

What did I do when Peter Spadaro

pushed you off the swing set
in first grade, huh?

I threw a slushie in his mom's face.
Clearly I have your back. Talk to me.

I went out drinking.

There's nothing else to do here, Mom.

Look, I know this move
has been hard on you,

but try to make the best of it, okay?

Trust me.
It takes a lot more effort to be unhappy.

Okay.

- Thanks for being honest.
- Mmm-hmm.

And that's for the drinking.

Mom, was that you throwing up
in the bathroom this morning?

Yeah. I was just feeling
a little nauseous.

Mmm. Sick in the morning.

If you weren't so old,
I'd say you were pregnant.

Okay, guys. Here's the deal.

I had some bad seafood last night.

At the wedding? We had chicken.

I mean after that.
I went out to get gas and I had clams.

I don't even remember
where I ate them.

I just remember seeing
the sign that said "clams,"

and I thought, "I haven't had clams for
a while," so I went in and had clams.

But they were bad,
which is why I was throwing up.

Well, my point was,
next time, please flush.

And I'm done with my oatmeal.

What? We said
we weren't going to tell the kids

until after the first trimester.

That's next Friday.

Oh, you actually know the day?
Wow, you're really into this.

Well, someone has to be.

I'm not telling anybody until we're
absolutely sure everything's okay.

Really? Are you sure that's the
only reason you're not telling them?

I can't open my eyes all the way.
Who is it?

Did someone have too much wine
at the wedding?

I don't know. I was too drunk to notice.

I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm just looking for Bree.

- Oh, she's not here.
- Oh. Where'd she go?

I don't know. I just woke up
and she was already gone.

She's not in the test kitchen?

No. I just wanted to let her know
I'm taking the morning off.

Well, I'm sure she'll understand,
given all you've been through.

What do you mean?

Well, you know,
Mike and Susan getting married.

I'm not upset about that.

Really? Well, good. I'm glad.

I mean, it's not as if it's going to last.

Excuse me?

Oh.

Mike doesn't really love Susan.
He just feels sorry for her.

He'll be back.

My thoughts exactly.

That was amazing.

Yeah. Who knew
you were such a wild woman?

I'm not! I've never done this before.

Well, you are a fast learner.

No, I mean, sex for me has always
had to have an emotional, romantic,

or even spiritual dimension. I can see
now, you can take all of that away

and it's still
marvelous recreation.

- The best there is.
- Except, of course,

- when you actually tried to...
- I'm sorry.

- I mean, really!
- Well, some people like it.

You've done this a lot, haven't you?

You don't stay this good
by skipping practice.

God, you're a pig. Kiss me.

Hold that thought.

That's weird. It's Mike. Hello?

Hey, Karl.
Listen, there's no easy way to say this,

but something's happened to Julie.

I mean, she was just lying there.
What if we hadn't found her in time?

Thank God you did.

How could this happen?
Julie's, like, the nicest girl in the world.

I know. Who'd want to hurt her?

Okay, I got to go.

We'll call you from the hospital
as soon as we hear anything.

Tell Susan and Mike
we'll take good care of MJ.

This is insane.
How could someone strangle Julie?

I know, and on our property.
It could've been me.

I've never had
much upper-body strength.

I'd love to say he means well, but...

What are you looking at?

Well, this horrible thing happened,

we're all out here
trying to make sense of it...

Where are they?

They were out here for a minute.

You know, when you think about it,

how much do we even know
about these people?

Not much. They're from New York,
they have a son.

Danny, who I saw coming out
of a movie the other night with Julie.

- Seriously? Like a date?
- Sure looked that way.

You know, when women are attacked,

the police look at the husbands
or the boyfriends first.

Maybe it's time that we get to know
our new neighbors.

Okay, they're all looking at our place.

And I do not think
they're admiring our azaleas.

Why are they staring at us?

Oh, let's see,
we're the new people on the block,

Mrs. McCluskey saw you
fighting with Julie,

and this morning
she turns up almost dead.

What, are you kidding me?
I had nothing to do with that! I like Julie.

Then what were you fighting about?

Nothing. It's personal.

You're not getting how serious this is!

If that old lady talks to the cops,
we got problems.

Okay, okay.

Danny, just tell me where you went
when you were drinking last night.

I keep trying to remember.
I... I think I was at the park.

I drove by the park. You weren't there.

I drank a lot, okay? It's a little fuzzy.

That's great, Danny, you know?
That's really great.

All right, if anybody asks,
let's just say he was home with us.

No, because if anybody saw him out,
we're done.

Maybe the old lady won't talk to
the cops. Maybe I won't need an alibi.

Danny, people are already
looking over here.

Maybe that is because we are hiding
in our house like guilty people.

Now I am going to make
Susan and Mike a manicotti,

and then we're going to get out there
and start hugging people.

The cops are going
door-to-door asking questions.

Won't be long before they're here.

- What am I going to tell them?
- The truth.

That you saw that Bolen kid
fighting with Julie.

Well, it was just a couple of words.
They're kids. They argue.

- If I start pointing fingers...
- You're just telling them what you know.

What if I'm wrong? I can't have
another family on this street hating me.

- Who hates you?
- Well, the gay guys. I've said stuff.

Listen to me.

You know you got to do the right thing.

- Yeah.
- But you don't have to do it alone.

I'm going to be right here with you.

And there was something I wanted to
say before, and I didn't get the chance.

If you got hit by a bus,
I'd really miss you.

That's it?

Okay, you're showering alone tonight.

All right, I love you! There, I said it.

Do you mean it, or is that just
your beta blockers talking?

We'll find out in an hour.

So, you can't think of anyone
who would want to hurt your daughter?

No. I told you, she's a great kid.
Everybody loves her.

- Where's that doctor?
- He'll be here as soon as he can.

- Was she dating anyone?
- No.

- You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.

If she was dating somebody,
I would know.

He said he would be here.

Mrs. Delfino,
I know how difficult this is for you.

Really? Has your daughter
been attacked?

Hey, you know what? How about
we do this after she talks to the doctor?

Okay.

Susan! How is she?

We don't know yet.
And nobody's talking to us.

Do you need somebody
to take care of MJ?

Bob and Lee are watching him. Thanks.

- Mrs. Delfino?
- Dr. Hill, what is going on?

She's still unconscious.

I'd like to run some tests to make sure
there's no internal bleeding.

- What kind of tests?
- Blood work, some x-rays.

- Can we go with you?
- Of course.

- Can I talk to you?
- We really need to move here.

I don't think
you should give her an x-ray.

Lynette, just let him do his job.

Julie's pregnant.

What?

She might be. She's not sure.

What are you talking about?

She told me.

It's no problem. I can give her an MRI.

There's no radiation,
so it's safer for the baby.

Hey, guys. What's up?

Hey. We're just taking some food
over to Mike and Susan.

You know, we feel so awful
about what happened.

Nick, you talk to the guys.
I'm going to get this over there

- while it's still hot, okay?
- Okay.

So, Nick, after what happened to Julie,

we're thinking of starting up
a neighborhood watch.

- Are you interested?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Great. Danny must be
pretty shaken up.

He's... He's pretty close with Julie,
isn't he?

I think we're all pretty shaken up.

Weren't they dating, though?

No, no, just friends. She was
helping him with some tutoring.

- Really?
- Yeah.

'Cause some people saw them
at the movies together.

Like I said, just friends.

So, this neighborhood watch thing,
is there going to be a meeting?

Yeah, we'll let you know.

All right, is this... Is this really about
the neighborhood watch?

Because it seems like the only one
you're watching is my kid.

Honey, it's your mother!

We're done, right, guys?

Thanks, hon.

That didn't look like
it was going so good.

Yeah, they were asking about Danny,
just like you said they would.

Then it is time to get our son an alibi.

- Katherine.
- I saw you drive in.

Yeah, I just wanted to come home
and take a shower

before I head back to the hospital.

Look, I know things
have been awkward lately,

but I heard about Julie
and I wanted to do something.

Thank you.
I know Susan will appreciate it.

Well...

So, how is Julie?

Well, we don't know.
They're still doing tests.

Oh, God, I can't imagine
what you're going through.

You have to stay strong, Mike.

Katherine.

Wait, wait. What are you doing?

Just letting you know I'm here for you.

Anytime.

Come in.

Ana, there are two detectives here
who want to ask you some questions.

- What about?
- We're investigating

the Julie Mayer assault.

Where were you last night
at approximately 11:00?

I can answer that. She was in her room.

We have a very strict
10:00 p.m. curfew.

Actually, I was out.

What? I saw you go into your room.

Yeah, and then I climbed down
the trellis and I met a friend.

- Can I borrow your mace?
- Please, ma'am...

My tax dollars pay for it,
I should get to use it!

- Who is the friend you met?
- Danny Bolen.

Wait, Danny Bolen? As in the guy
who blew you off this morning?

Yes, he's a friend.
I want him to be more than a friend.

Mr. Bolen said that
you stopped by a liquor store.

No, no, no.

She's 16. She doesn't drink.

Yeah, we bought some beer.

How about a Taser?
You guys must carry a Taser.

Can anybody verify your whereabouts?

Well, Danny.

Okay, thanks for your time.

You know why kids are like this now?

Because you people
won't let us hit them anymore.

If I find this bastard before the cops do,

he won't need a trial, because
I'll kill him with my bare hands.

Look, I know you're mad.
I don't want to hear anger in this room.

We need to stay positive
for Julie's sake.

Do we even have a clue who did this?
A jealous boyfriend maybe?

Was she even seeing anyone?

No, not that I know of.

- Hi, is this a bad time?
- No, no. Come on in.

Oh, how is she?

Still unconscious.
We're waiting for the test results.

Karl.

Bree.

You know, I need to talk to Lynette.
I'll be back in 10 minutes.

She must never ever know
I slept with you.

Bree, my daughter was attacked.

I've got more to worry about
than Susan getting mad at us.

Of course. I'm sorry.

Look, I know we said
we'd get together this week,

but until this all gets sorted out,
I need a little time.

I completely understand.

I do want to see you again. Really.

- Just not now.
- Okay.

Dad?

So, what did they say?

The doctors still don't know.
But she's not pregnant.

I'm so sorry about that.
I just had to say something.

What made you think
that she might be?

She told me.

A few days ago, I was out in my yard.

I was upset. Julie saw me
and asked me what was wrong.

We started talking about stuff
and it just came out.

And you didn't just... Just immediately
pick up the phone and call me?

She asked me not to.

So, who's the guy?

- I don't know.
- She didn't say?

All she said was
she'd gotten involved with someone,

and that it was complicated.

Complicated?
And that's the word she used?

Yeah.

Because "complicated" means trouble.

So, you knew that she was in trouble
and you chose not to come to me?

Like I said, Julie asked me not to.

You are my friend, not hers.
After everything we've been through,

I cannot believe
you would betray me like that.

Whoa, that's not fair.

Lynette, my daughter is hooked up
to a machine.

And a guy
who was complicating her life,

a guy that I didn't even know about,
might have put her there.

So, I don't need to be fair.

Hey, Reggie,
thanks for coming so quickly.

No problem, Mrs. Solis.

How are those two little precious ones?

What?

My kids?
You threw me off with "precious."

They're the least of my problems.
We've taken in a teenager.

Ooh. Sorry to hear it.

Yeah, she's been using this
to sneak out at night.

That's why I want you to take it down.

She climbed down this trellis?

Yeah, that's what she said.

Okay. It's just that it's pretty beat up.

I wouldn't have thought it could hold
much more than those roses.

But then again, why would she lie?
I'll get my tools.

I'm telling you,
she opened her eyes,

for at least 10 or 15 seconds.
She called me "Dad."

- I believe you.
- What does it mean?

Well, in laymen's terms,
drifting in and out of consciousness

is better than fully comatose.

Our main concern's
the intracranial swelling.

In fact, if she wakes up,
we may choose to induce coma.

Well, why would you do that?

The swelling will heal faster
if she's unconscious.

But I'm confident she'll recover.

Thank God.
I should find Susan.

- Good Lord. They need me in the ER.
- Before you go, one quick question.

When Julie wakes up,
will she remember what she saw

or heard during the brief moment
she was awake?

I don't see why not.

But people in comas dream, don't they?

She could wake up thinking
she saw something odd,

when really it was just a bizarre dream.

- Not very likely.
- Her brain is swollen!

That has to cause hallucinations!

I once thought
Lauren Bacall was in my bedroom

and that was just a high fever!

Ma'am, there's been a bus crash.
I need to go.

I'm sorry.

Look, talk to your friend. You may be
surprised what she remembers.

- Liar!
- What?

There is no way
you crawled down that trellis,

because I just tried to,
and it collapsed on top of me!

- What's your answer to that?
- I don't know.

Pull back on the carbs
and try again in two weeks?

What... Ana, this is serious!

Why would you lie to the cops?
Did Danny ask you to cover up for him?

I'm not covering up anything.
Danny didn't do it.

Well, the police think he did.
You don't know this kid.

I know him better than the cops.

You're just mad because
I didn't take your advice.

What are you talking about?

You told me to play hard-to-get,
which is totally lame.

I figured out a way
to make him owe me.

Aiding and abetting? This is
your solution on how to land a guy?

- Who are you calling?
- The police.

- No!
- Julie Mayer is lying

in a hospital bed right now,
and Danny might have put her there.

You're telling the truth.

- Bree, you're back.
- I brought you your favorite biscotti.

- Oh, you are so sweet.
- And I hear Julie's doing better.

Much better. She's just sedated now.
Doctors are very optimistic.

Oh, my, that is good news.

You know, I wanted to tell you again
how much I enjoyed your wedding.

Especially the part where
you and Katherine made peace.

Well, I'm glad someone enjoyed that.

But you are friends again, right?

I mean, you said all those lovely things
to her in the church.

Yeah, but it wasn't enough
for Katherine.

You know, I don't know where
she gets off being the injured party.

She took Mike from me first.

But you and Mike
were divorced at the time.

And... And Katherine was very lonely.

Okay, rule number one
of the female code.

Never sleep with
your friend's ex-husband.

Well, perhaps she should have seen
that you still had feelings for Mike.

It would've been different if she'd slept
with, oh, let's say, for instance, Karl.

Karl? Oh, yeah,
like that would ever happen.

No, Katherine's a lady.

She's not one of those dumb skanks
that would fall for Karl's come-ons.

So, you agree it would be different?

Much different.

Worse.

Worse? Why worse?

Because Karl hurt me.
He cheated and lied.

I mean, any friend who would know
all that and sleep with him anyway,

I would never talk to her again.

I don't blame you
for defending Katherine,

but I just don't need a friend
like her in my life,

especially when I have a friend like you.

Orson, come in.

I'm getting everybody
to sign a get-well card.

- We're sending it over to Julie.
- That's nice.

I suppose I should sign it somewhere
inconspicuous, given recent events.

Oh, I suppose.

By the way,

this morning when I said that
Mike and Susan wouldn't last,

I know you thought I was crazy.

No, I didn't think that exactly.

Well, FYI,

I stopped by their house today with
a casserole. Mike was there alone.

Oh?

Let's just say he was grateful.
Very grateful.

Why wouldn't he be?

God, you have no ear for innuendo
at all. He made a pass at me!

With Julie in the hospital
and his marriage one day old?

Well, it may be the first day,

but he's clearly having
second thoughts.

Oh, and please don't tell Bree.
I'd hate for this to get back to Susan.

Hey.

Hey.

I hear Julie opened her eyes.
That's great.

Yes. Yes, it is.

I'm sorry you're mad at me.

No, I'm not mad.

I just can't understand
why she went to you instead of me.

That day that Julie found me crying,

the reason she opened up to me
was because I told her that,

and no one else can know about this,
I'm pregnant.

You are?

That's amazing!

Wait, why were you crying?

Oh.

Let's see. I'm in my 40s,
my husband is back in school,

I'm the sole breadwinner.

I don't know how I'm going to do
this whole baby thing again.

And also because...

What?

Because I can't quiet
that one voice in my mind

that keeps saying

maybe I shouldn't.

Oh, honey.

Yeah.

Lynette,

you can do whatever you think
it is you need to do.

Yeah, I know. Lucky me.

It's weird. Everybody talks
about a kid being a gift.

It's the only gift where you puke for
nine months before you receive it,

and then scream the day it arrives.

That's true.

But they are a gift, Lynette.

I know that because

I spent the last few hours thinking
that I was going to lose mine.

I realized that I would

trade everything I own,
I would give everything I ever will have,

for just one more day as Julie's mom.

Aw.

But I'm not telling you
what you should do.

Actually, you are.

And I'm glad you did.

I had some briefs to finish, but
I'd rather work here than at the office.

Hey, Bree. You're still here?

Well, she's kept me company all day.
Is she a saint or what?

Hey, Lee, thanks for calling me back.
I'm just checking on MJ.

This has been the longest day
of my life.

I thought I needed some time to myself.

I was wrong.

I need you.

I booked our room at the motel.
Here's the key.

If you could come by,
even for just an hour,

that would mean a lot to me.

Please.

I don't want to be alone tonight.

Neither do I.

- Hey, Gabby.
- Hey, you got a minute?

Well, I think I know why you're here.

And believe me,
I'm as ticked off as you are.

- Angie...
- No, no, no, no. Danny should've never

kept your niece out so late.
When I found out, I kicked him so hard,

he's still trying to get the shoe out
of his butt. It'll never happen again.

- It never happened at all.
- What?

Ana wasn't with Danny last night.
She never left the house.

What are you talking about?

She snuck out, Danny bought her beer.
They both fessed up.

Ana was lying.

- Well, why would she lie?
- Because your son told her to.

Well, maybe
she was changing her tune

because she didn't want
to get in trouble with you.

No, no. She's covering for Danny.

I don't know what you're implying,
but he's a good kid.

Your niece is the one who's been
hounding him day and night.

Hey, I'm just trying to be nice here!

I'm giving you a head's up
that Ana's taking her story back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Let's slow down here, okay?

Can I at least talk to the girl
before she goes pointing fingers?

Too late.
She's talking to the police right now.

Baby, I screwed up.

What happened?

I never should've told you
to ask that girl for an alibi.

- Did she talk to the cops?
- Yeah.

Which means
they should be here any second.

- But I didn't do anything. Are you...
- We don't have time for that.

You're a suspect.
They have the right to question you.

- Ma...
- Just listen to me.

Tell them you will not waive
your Miranda rights,

and we will have a lawyer down there
as soon as we can.

Remember.
How does a fish get caught?

He opens his mouth.

It had been a horrible day.

And people in the neighborhood
were doing their best to recover.

One mother was about to share
some good news with her family,

when her son saw a flashing light
in the window.

Another was busy grounding her niece

when she noticed the police car
pulling up across the street.

A woman was planning
a rendezvous with her lover

when she saw a young man
being taken out of his house.

Within moments, everyone had heard.

The son of one housewife
was suspected

of strangling the daughter of another.

Yes, it had been a horrible day.

And the thought occurred
to one old woman,

the days ahead could be worse.