Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 18 - A Spark. To Pierce the Dark. - full transcript

Previously on Desperate Housewives.

A thief was confronted.

Maybe you'd feel comfortable
talking to a professional.

A psychiatrist?

Someone light me a cigar.

Carlos hired an old girlfriend,
and Gabby hired a spy.

I talked to Carlos. You're in.

Edie dug deeper into Dave's past.

Killed three years ago, car crash.

That was his wife. Give me that one.

Their daughter died in the same crash.



And Dave's master plan...

You really think I've made that much
of a difference in Mike's life?

If he ever lost you, it would destroy him.

...entered its final phase.

Hi. Is this the ranger station?

I didn't know whether to call you
or Fish and Game,

but I think I saw some guys up
at Emerson Woods hunting illegally,

and I got worried because I know
people like to go camping up there

and I sure wouldn't want
anyone to get hurt.

Oh, no, no need to thank me.

I'm just doing my part
as a concerned citizen. Bye now.

Dave Williams had been
planning the murder for years.

And like all the best plans,
it was a simple one.

First, he would guide Mike Delfino
and Katherine Mayfair



to a remote cabin.

The next morning,
he'd pretend to be asleep

as the two lovers left to go hiking.

Dave would then grab the gun
he'd carefully hidden

and start to follow his quarry.

He'd wait until the two had paused
for a moment to catch their breaths,

and then he'd pull the trigger...

...breaking the heart of the man
who had killed his wife.

When the rangers arrived,

they would mention the reports
of illegal hunters in the area.

And Dave would drive
Mike back home,

all the while enjoying his pain.

Yes, Dave Williams had come up
with a very simple plan.

But as he was about to discover...

Have you faxed this clipping
to Edie Williams yet?

I'm doing it right now.

...there is nothing simple
about murder.

Life is full of nasty shocks.

Unpleasant surprises
that jolt our systems.

And cause our hearts to skip a beat.

And these shocks always occur...

- Susan?
- Hey, Karl.

...when we least expect them.

Karl, what are you doing here?

- Well, I just enrolled Evan.
- Wow.

And I was worried that we'd be
out of each other's lives forever.

Lucky, lucky.

- What are you doing here?
- I am an art teacher.

Really? Do they know that?

And now I'm ignoring you
and moving on to Evan.

- Hello, Evan.
- Evan, this is Susan.

She's your sister Julie's mother.
We used to be married.

She was a lot younger then.

Evan, why don't you head
into the classroom?

I need to talk to your daddy and I may
need to use some grown-up words.

Okay, Suzie Q, what's wrong?

Get it off that chest
you wouldn't let me enhance.

Listen, it's bad enough that I've got one
ex-husband running around the halls.

I don't need the faculty and the parents
knowing that I have two.

So not a word about us
having been married.

No more wisecracks, no "Suzie Qs."
I am Miss Susan, art teacher.

Yes, Miss Susan.

Can I bang your erasers after class?

Karl, I'm serious. Don't mess with me.

I have a yardstick
and I'm not afraid to use it.

We're going to be making
a presentation

for the Morrison contract
sooner than we'd planned.

There are a lot of firms gunning
for this and...

Damn it! Lynette, don't...
Don't touch my figurines.

These are worth more
than the house you live in.

Big deal. So is this coffee mug.

All right. We should break for lunch.

No. Until this deal closes,
we work through lunch.

But as a consolation,
we'll also be working nights.

Nights? You really think
that's necessary?

This is a 10-million-dollar deal, Carlos.
How bad do you want it?

You heard the woman.
We're working nights.

I have a tiny scheduling conflict.

I coach my daughter's
basketball team on Friday nights.

- So if I could...
- Friday nights are now work nights.

If we're successful, those of you
on commission stand to do very well.

And those of you who aren't,
well, you get to keep your jobs,

which, in this economy,
is a bonus all by itself.

All right, let's run down to the deli,

grab a sandwich
and meet back here in five.

You. No touching. And yes, I'll know.

Isn't she fun?

Hey, Carlos, did I ever tell you
that Tom and I seriously considered

you and Gabby
for Penny's godparents?

You're not getting Friday nights off.

Look, I'm not happy
about the schedule either.

- I'm missing my kids, too.
- Then do something about it.

You're the president.
Put the brakes on Lucy.

Lynette, I hired her to crack the whip,
and that's what she's doing.

It's good for the company.

But she makes people crazy.

Can't you talk to her?
Get her to dial it down a bit?

I will think about it.

But don't be asking me
for favors like this.

When we're at the office,
I'm not your neighbor,

I'm not your friend.
I'm your boss. Got it?

By the way, you and Tom are
coming over for cocktails on Saturday?

Oh, yeah. I plan to get drunk
and bitch about my boss.

I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable.

Do you at least know why he steals?

If there were some sordid
childhood trauma we could blame it on,

it would really help me out
with the neighbors.

Oh, he knows.

Dr. Bernstein uncovered that
my very first session.

Really? And yet he keeps charging me.

So doctor, what's this revelation

that you've been keeping from me
for $200 an hour?

I steal to hurt you.

Why would you want to hurt me?

Each day for the past year,
you have inch by inch,

slice by slice, brought me closer
to being a eunuch.

Would you excuse us for a moment?

This just became
a private conversation.

If I stay, I might be able to help.

You want to help?

Why don't you go down
to the pharmacy in the lobby

and buy some Aspirin.
I'm going to need it.

I don't deserve this.

I have been nothing
but supportive of you

since you got out of jail.
I even gave you a job.

I wanted to be your partner.
You made me an employee.

So you decided to punish me
by resorting to petty theft?

- For God's sake, Orson. I'm your wife.
- Perhaps.

But I'm not your husband.

We may share a bed, but you save
your passion for your company.

- That's not true.
- Isn't it?

Every day for the past year,

I have been in the background,
an afterthought.

While you spend day and night
nurturing your business.

All the while thinking
I had your support.

I tried. I thought I wouldn't mind
being Mr. Bree Van De Kamp,

but it's killing me.

Every day, I get smaller and smaller.

And if something doesn't change,

Orson Hodge is just going
to disappear altogether.

Girls are out like a light.
Thanks for dinner.

Carlos, do you have
to go back to work?

- Gabby, I've got a meeting.
- Well, can't Lucy cover it?

You know those two extra zeros at the
end of my paycheck you like so much?

They're there because I'm President.
Hours are part of the gig.

- Hey, how about a quickie?
- Babe, I don't have time.

Right.
That's why I didn't suggest a longie.

Oh, come on.

I'll have your eyes rolling back
in your head in three minutes flat.

You want to do it there?
In front of the kids' sippy cups?

All gone. Now let's do this.
It'll be like old times.

- We never did it on the table.
- Yeah, we did.

Years ago. Don't you remember?

I don't think that was me.

Oh, right.
Well, we'll create new table memories.

If you're trying to turn me on,
you just failed miserably.

Carlos, do you realize since Bradley
died and you took over,

we haven't had sex once?

I miss you.
I want to spend time with you.

Now move the creamed corn
and do me!

- Okay, how about tomorrow night?
- Yeah, I heard that before.

And then tomorrow comes
and you're too tired.

Okay then, this weekend.
I'll be all yours.

We can defile any piece
of furniture you want.

Hey, Karen.
You don't have any fax paper, do you?

Fax paper! Turn down the Dean Martin!

Don't worry about it.
I'll go to the store tomorrow.

Do you need anything?

Eggs, milk, light bulbs...

Okay, let's make this easier.
Is there anything you don't need?

I'll tell you what, I'll call you
from the store in the morning, okay?

What a lovely rainbow, June.

Here's a gold star for you.

Oh, Drew, wow!

You know, elephants don't have wings.
But I like the way you're thinking.

Hey, Evan, what'd you draw?

Oh, that's a lot of red.

- It's blood.
- Okay.

So that man must be a doctor,

making the bloody man all better?

No, he's stabbing him in the guts
with a sword.

Evan, that's kind of a scary picture.

- Uh-uh. It's funny.
- No, honey, it's inappropriate.

Especially when the assignment was

to make a picture
that makes you happy.

This does make me happy.

Where's my gold star?

I just can't get used
to everyone working.

First Bree, then Susan, now Lynette.
Thank God for you.

I just had to get out
of that boring house.

So, what do you gals do
when you get together?

Mostly gossip.

You got any good gossip?

Ooh, I heard Ed Simmons got a Harley.

You know, I should get back.

Come on. Give me a break.

I'm still new at this.

Okay. We'll start with something
a little easier. Bitching.

I can handle that. Bitch away.

Well, I am so pissed at Carlos.
He is never home.

And when he is,
he's too tired to do anything.

And by anything, I mean sex.

- Are you uncomfortable?
- A little. Go on.

Well, we've never had
a drought like this.

It's been almost two weeks.

Two weeks?
And that's a drought for you?

Yeah. Lately,
Carlos just doesn't want to do it.

Wrong. Guys always want to do it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Even if you're tired and get home late?

Even if we're exhausted, and late,
and been shot in the leg, twice.

We still want to.

So you've just got to get past
the tired adult

to find the horny teenage boy inside.

Huh. That's good to know.
You're good at this girl talk thing.

Well, thanks.

So, does Lynette ever talk about me
and sex?

Yeah, I should get back.

You called me down here for this?
It's a kid playing with a soccer ball.

It's a head. And he's stabbing someone
with a sword.

Well, maybe it was in self-defense.

Mr. Mayer, generally when kids exhibit
this type of behavior, there's a problem.

Excuse me, I have to take this. Sorry.

Hello?

Thanks for ratting out my kid
on his first day.

It's not my fault.

I showed this
to the school psychologist,

she gave it to the principal.
My hands were tied.

So right away it's Evan's fault?

Did you ever consider that
he didn't understand the assignment?

I told the class to draw something
that made them happy.

All the other kids drew kittens
and rainbows.

Your son drew small intestines
on the end of a stick.

Let's cut to what this is really about.

You hate me and you don't want
my son in your class.

- That is not true!
- It is, too!

You're still punishing me
for what happened between us!

You're stuck in the past and blaming
me for your screwed-up life!

Okay, will someone call Guinness
because you just set the world record

for the biggest load of crap
in one sentence!

Oh, bite me!

How long was I gone?

Uh, this is nothing, Mr. Hobson.

We were just having
a difference of opinion.

Yeah, and my opinion
is your teacher doesn't understand

the difference between
emotional problems and creativity.

Shut up, Karl.

Excuse me, did you just tell him
to shut up?

You know, this is typical
"Susan" behavior.

And you wonder
why no man can stay with you.

Would this seem any less shocking

if I told you we were once married
for 12 years?

Yes,
am I speaking to Mr. Dinsmore?

This is Bree Van De Kamp.

Yes, it's nice to talk to you, too.

As I'm sure you're aware,

your company has made
several offers to purchase mine.

Yes, I know I said I wasn't interested.

But some things have happened
in my personal life

and I think I'm ready
to finally make a deal.

Really? Well, that's wonderful.

Why don't you come
to my office tomorrow and we'll talk.

Goodbye, Mr. Dinsmore.

- Here you go. The rest is yours.
- Thanks.

I don't know what it is. Every time I go
to the market, there's stuff I forget.

I know what it is. You're old.

- So where's Dave?
- Camping.

Camping? How fun.
Enjoying the great outdoors,

gutting a bunch of teenage kids
on prom weekend. Good for him.

Look, I know that you think
he's some creepy psycho,

but you should know
that he has had a very hard life.

And there are things about him
that you don't understand.

- Like what?
- Like he was married before.

And his wife died in an accident, along
with their 3-year-old daughter.

- Oh, Edie, are you sure?
- Yes.

So, if at times his behavior
seems a little strange,

try to remember the grief he's carrying.

You know, I lost a kid.
It does things to you.

No wonder he...

- Oh, God, I wish I'd known.
- Well, you do now.

So next time,
try to be a little more understanding.

Of course.

You know, I could use a drink.

Come to my house
and we'll crank up Dean Martin

and toss a few back. Come on.

Mom?

Oh, Andrew. I didn't hear you come in.

That Dinsmore guy
is waiting for you downstairs.

Thank you, dear.

I must say, Bree,
I was surprised to get your call.

You've always said
you'd never sell your company.

Well, Bree's decided
she wants more family time.

She's a very traditional woman,
you know.

It's one of the reasons
I fell in love with her.

Does that mean that you're going
to stop working altogether?

I know your fans have been hoping
for a second book.

My wife included.

That's sweet. But I've decided to focus
on other pursuits at the moment.

Yes, her sole ambition now
is to be Mrs. Orson Hodge.

And, at the risk of sounding selfish,

I'm glad I'll be the only one
she's cooking for.

Were you able to look
over the contracts I sent over?

- Oh, shoot, I left them upstairs.
- Oh, I'll get them.

I'll show you the offices
before we start the demolition.

- You're getting rid of your office?
- Yeah, we don't need it anymore.

And Bree knows
I've always wanted a game room.

So, it's your "sole ambition
to be Mrs. Orson Hodge"?

- Andrew...
- No, I... I have to ask.

Why are you letting Orson
sell your company?

It was my idea.

My work has been compromising
my marriage.

I didn't realize the toll it's been taking
on Orson.

Okay, so he's unhappy.

Buy him some golf clubs,
put him on lithium.

But don't give up everything
you've worked so hard for.

Andrew, do you know
why my book sold so well?

Because it was authentic.

I actually believe in
the old-fashioned values I wrote about.

I believe in men opening doors
for ladies

and children respecting their elders.

I also believe that sometimes
women need

to make sacrifices for their husbands.

I would be the worst kind of hypocrite

if I preached these values
and then didn't follow them myself.

Okay. I get it.

You love Orson, and you're willing
to sell your company to prove it.

What I'm wondering is,
is if he loves you,

why would he want you
to stop doing what makes you happy?

- Hey, you busy?
- What is it?

I brought you a little gift.

Oh. Cute.

I thought it would be a nice addition
to your collection. Uh-huh.

- I knew it was you.
- Pardon?

You're the one who complained
about me to Carlos.

I'm not sure what you're talking about.

Oh, geez. You knife me in the back
and now you're going to play stupid?

Carlos said some people
were having problems with me

and that I should watch my demeanor,

and I thought to myself,
"Who are 'some people?"'

And then it hit me.
It's the chummy neighbor.

Okay, yes. Carlos and I spoke briefly.
But I thought he blew me off.

So, that's your defense?

You thought your back-stabbing
was unsuccessful?

Well, I'll admit it's kind of flimsy,
but until I've got something better...

Okay. Next time
you have an issue with me,

you know where my office is.

Oh, and as far as Friday nights
are concerned?

Consider that a permanent work night.

Don't worry,

if you're as bad at coaching
as you are at office politics,

your daughter won't be missing much.

Found the contract.
Everything is in order.

All we need now is your signature.

Mr. Dinsmore, would you mind
if I speak to my husband for a moment?

Oh, yeah, please go ahead.
I'll... I'll be right outside.

What's wrong?

This is happening so fast.

Yes, a bit. But it was your idea.

Well, I have a new idea. I'd like to wait.

Wait?

- I... I need this for my recovery.
- Just give me one year.

That's not asking too much, is it?

You made me a promise.
You need to stick to it.

Orson, think about how
I built this company from nothing.

How it brings me joy and pride
and a sense of accomplishment.

Is that really something
you want me to give up?

Yes.

Mr. Dinsmore,
would you come back in, please?

So, are we ready?

Actually, no. I'm not selling.

Excuse me?

Tell your wife I will be doing
that second book after all.

Well, I'm... I'm sorry to hear that.

Bree, what about my problem?
I might start stealing again.

Steal what you must, my love.
But it won't be my company.

Look at him.
He's out like a light already.

That's what a long day
of fishing does to you.

Yeah, well, he's going to need
all of his energy

for our big hike tomorrow, right?

Actually, I don't think
I'm going to go with you guys.

My knee's been kind of bothering me.

Okay, well, then why don't we wait until
the next day and see how you feel?

No, no, no, it's fine.
I'm just going to hang out here.

Besides, it's such a romantic hike.
You guys should do it alone.

You always have such a good attitude.

- Do I?
- Uh-huh.

It seems like you take everything
in stride, you know?

Like you just naturally find
the silver lining.

Yeah, I wish it were natural.

I had to teach myself to be this way.

With some of the stuff
that's happened to me,

I never would have survived if I hadn't.

So what's your secret?

Well, I realized that I was waiting
for somebody to fix things.

But no one was going to.

It was all up to me.

I had to decide what was important,
and go after it.

I had to make myself happy.

Are you happy?

I'm getting there.

Why don't you get some sleep?
You've got a big day tomorrow.

Come on, Lucy,
why would you agree to this meeting?

Well, we're overextended as it is.

Fine. I'll see you at
the conference room at 7:00 a.m.

Hi, there.

Hey, babe. What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep. I was a little hot.

That's better.

You look a little warm yourself.

Okay, I know
where you're going with this.

If that were true, your pants would
be around your ankles right now.

Gabby, what are you doing?

I'm releasing the horny teen
inside of you! Now, come on.

- Two boobs, no waiting.
- Damn it, Gabby!

I thought we were going to wait
until the weekend. I'm tired.

Not my problem.

Actually, it is.

You know, if big Carlos is tired,

that pretty much rules out
little Carlos, too.

Now listen up, the pair of you.

I haven't been sitting around
in butt floss all night for my health.

You're putting out.

- That's more like it.
- Well, I'm awake now.

In fact, mind if we spice it up a bit?

I forgot these were in the nightstand.
This is going to be fun.

- There. How's that?
- Tight. Just the way I like it.

Me, too.

Mmm.

Goodnight.

Carlos! Where are you going?

To go grab a few hours sleep
before I have to get back to work.

Carlos, get back here! Carlos!

Could you at least scratch my nose?

Amy, that is very sweet.

Oh, I love the colors you used.

Oh, Danielle, that is just beautiful.

Oh.

Evan, that is very pretty.

Oh, you did the assignment
just like I asked. Good job!

That's not mine.

Annie asked me
to bring hers up for her.

This one's mine.

- Don't wake him up.
- I know.

Come on.

- What is that?
- Let's just go back this way.

I heard a gunshot.
It sounded like a hunting rifle.

Yeah, it almost hit Katherine.

- You guys are all right?
- Yeah. I think so.

Hey, this is a state park.

People aren't supposed
to be hunting here.

Well, I guess these guys
don't care about that.

- I just want to get out of here. Please?
- Yeah, of course.

We'll go back and pack,
then we'll leave.

Sorry, man.

Me, too.

Juanita! Celia! Get your coats on!
We're going to see Daddy!

Let me see it.

Okay, just so you know,
I should be bringing this

to the psychologist. But I didn't.

Because this kind of self-expression
usually gets a kid expelled.

Just let me see it.

- Oh, hell.
- Yeah, "Oh, hell."

You've got a problem here, Karl.

Your son's got
some serious anger issues,

and you need to figure out
what's going on.

I know what's going on.
This is his mom.

Marisa?

Well, why would he draw
a picture of her like this?

She left us. Six weeks ago.

Oh, Karl...

I woke up one day to find her
standing there with her bags packed.

She said she was overwhelmed.

That she loved Evan,
but she wasn't cut out to be a mother.

So, she just left?

So, here I am, alone, raising this boy.

And it's obvious
I'm not doing a very good job.

You must be loving this.

Why?

Because I did the exact
same thing to you.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I can understand
why you react the way you do

when you bump into me.
Why it bothers you.

I never really got it until just now.

I used to hope that one day
you would know what this felt like.

And now that you do,

I'm so sorry.

- Hey, Lynette! Great office.
- Hi.

I see you're busy,
don't let me disturb you.

I just wanted to drop off the girls
so I could talk to Carlos for a sec.

All right, girls,
have fun with Aunt Lynette.

You think you can buy me off
with presents?

Gabby, now is not a good time.

Well, I'd say let's talk about it tonight,

but who knows if you're even going
to come home.

Damn it, Gabby.

You're the one that pushed me
to take this job.

And ever since I did, all you've done is
complain about how hard I'm working!

You're right. And I'm sorry.
It's just, I'm scared.

We're turning into what we used to be.

I'm unhappy at home,
you're always working,

trying to buy me off with presents,
too tired to make me feel loved.

We've made
these mistakes before, Carlos.

For God sakes,
let's not make them again.

I made a commitment here, Gabby.
I don't think I can just bail.

I know you can't.

And that's the part
that really scares me.

We're bored.

Hey, I got you sodas, didn't I?
And I let you feed the paper shredder.

- Don't you have any toys?
- No. I've got a hole-puncher.

Sorry, that's the best I could do.
Come on.

What about those glass things?

- They're pretty. Can I hold one?
- Oh, sweetie. Those aren't to play with.

Not unless you want to see someone
go completely bonkers.

Actually, they do look like a lot of fun.
If only I had the power to stop you.

- What the hell are you doing?
- We're playing. What does it look like?

Are these your kids?

Because they were in my office
playing with my figurines!

Which are imported!

They're worth a lot of dinero! Are...

Do you even understand
what I'm saying?

- What's with the yelling?
- I don't know.

I'm just as worried as you are.

Look, let me boil it down for you.
Office, s?. Daycare, no!

Lucy, what's going on?

Apparently some people
don't understand

that this is a place of business and
they need to keep their kids at home.

Then I guess you should yell at me.
These are my kids.

Come here, sweetie.

I... I didn't know that. I...

I thought they were hers
because they...

Could you just go?

I'm sorry.

So what if they were?

- That's the way you talk to people?
- I said I'm sorry.

Look, I... I am trying so hard
to make this deal happen,

- I guess the stress is just getting to me.
- It's getting to all of us.

Maybe it's a sign we should change
the way we do things around here.

We're trying to play
with the big boys, Carlos.

Now is not the time to pull back.

Don't you want this company
to succeed?

I want to build a company
that treats its people well

and lets them go home at night
to see their families.

Look, I know I don't have
the greatest bedside manner.

But you hired me to take this company
to number one.

Now if you don't want to do that,
I'm probably not your girl.

I was just thinking the same thing.

Wow. What happened to you?

The old Carlos would do anything
to be the best.

I guess I'm not the old Carlos anymore.

Fine.

Don't forget your little animals.

Orson, please come upstairs.

I know what that couch does
to your back.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

I know you're disappointed right now.

But you have to know, I really do want
to find some way for you to be happy.

So do I.

Hey, don't you want your stuff?

Oh, can I get it tomorrow?
I just really want to get home.

Edie?

I always wondered why you were
so determined to live on Wisteria Lane.

You said you thought
we'd be happy here,

and I wanted to believe you.

But it turned out that you
just wanted to be close to Mike Delfino.

- Who gave you that?
- Nobody gave it to me.

I did research. You think I'm too stupid
to do research?

Edie, listen.
This doesn't mean anything.

It's all there.
The accident. Mike's acquittal.

And even a little mention
of how David Dash

couldn't make it to the funeral
because he had a nervous breakdown.

Honey, look.
Just give me a chance to explain.

Oh, so now you want to explain.

Okay, why don't you start
by explaining why you married me?

I married you because I love you.

No. You married me
because you needed a cover story.

So you could get close to the man
who killed your family.

- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah, it's insane.

But that's why you did it.

So what are you going to do now?
Are you going to hurt him?

I mean, that's the only
logical explanation.

And my only question is,

what the hell
have you been waiting for?

Honey, you're not feeling well.
Let's get you upstairs into bed.

Tell me the truth, you freak!

Did you move us here
to hurt Mike Delfino?

He destroyed everything I ever loved.

And he was never punished.

I need to make things right.

Why?
Why did you have to do this?

We could have been
so happy.

What are you doing?

I've got to tell him before you...
Before you do something stupid.

Edie, don't.

Give me that. Give...

No!

Get out of here!
You just get the hell out!

I'm calling the police! Do you hear me?

Yes,
life is full of nasty shocks.

And they always seem to occur
when we least expect them.

And once our system has been jolted,

the question becomes,
will we survive?